Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 76 - Karaoke Sas

Episode Date: August 30, 2022

Sas recaps the company party and taking a crew to karaoke. Rone is commenting on Drake's Instagram. We are trying to figure out a theme song for the show. Sas refuses to accept Rone's favorite movies. We like Leo DiCaprio one way and one way only. Half of the show has broken their jaw at one point in their life. Lot of laughs in this episode, enjoy.You can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Wait, wait, wait. This one's for Africa. I'm trying to give us a theme song. Or how about... I was loved. Oh my God.

I was thinking our theme song could be more something a little more aggressive. Like Bob Dylan? No, some Fitty, perhaps. Oh, shit. Straight murder. I don't believe you, murder. Yeah, murder yeah something like fuck around and leave you yeah murder murder your life's on the line what's up guys welcome back to son of a boy dad podcast yeah yeah yeah some shit like that something something spicy some shit like that how does spicy. Some shit like that.

How does Gilly and Wallow get away with fucking... A lot of people do. Good. How did Gilly and Wallow get away with putting a different song at the beginning? I don't know. I mean, Big Cat and them, they do that. What is their big one? What's their song?

Electric Avenue? Yeah. But that's always the same one. Gilly and Wallow have a new one. Maybe it's to promote an artist. Or it's cool because they dance. Yeah, they do dance. Okay.

Now, Nathen, what were you about to say? What off-color comment were you about to make? I was about to say something very racist. And now we can leave it up to the... You can kind of madden your own racism in there. Leave it up to the viewer to decide. Insert something racist. This is kind of a you play along type of podcast.

Choose your own adventure. And you can sprinkle in the racism on the top. Hell yeah. It's like a bake at home type of kit. Just baking your own racism. They're coming for you, Saz. I know. I'm a little hung. I baking your own racism. They're coming for you, Saz. I know. I'm a little hung.

I'm very hungover. Yeah, you sound like it. The boys had a freaking night last night. Hungover. I mean, just... It was just guys out of control. Are you serious? That's what it was.

When I texted you, you were fucking... You said that you were lost in a ball pit full of cocaine. And I didn't know what it meant. I didn't know what it meant. didn't know what it meant did the ball pit have cocaine on the balls or were you in a pit of cocaine pit of cocaine that shit sounds fucking dope dude yeah yeah what was it was the company party recording this on friday we had a good ass time bro i had fun yeah i had to miss it bro what was

it like fill me in on this every single one of them you're too cool no i had a good ass time, bro. I had fun. Yeah, I had to miss it, bro. What was it like? Fill me in on the details. You miss every single one of them. You're too cool. No, I had a dentist appointment. That's probably the least cool thing. You're always too cool for the company party. I had a dentist appointment. I've been here for two years. You've never been to one. Explain yourself. I have a hard time with those things, man.

I get too fucking wild, dude. No, you're better than us. I found myself floating face down in a tub with an empty bottle of Percocet the only people that don't go are Roan

Big Cat and Dave and they go to like they go to a different place and they just like they go to a small bar we go to Peter Luger

and we split the tomahawk yeah and fucking talk and we don't have to tell them how to cook it and they have live security footage of the party and you guys just point at us

and laugh we squid games you guys just point at us and laugh. We squid games you. We just have like human servants like bending over as we make bets on who's going to fuck each other. You guys clarify the pen deal. You're like, to be clear, we're rich. None of them are. You guys aren't rich. But we are.

But I got six to one odds that Clemmer fucks tonight. Let the games begin. No, yeah, it was fun. We had a good time. I want to come to one of the company parties. They sound fucking dope as shit. Yeah, you could come. You're allowed.

I always see the pictures. You're typically invited. I feel like a kid. I feel like Tiny Tim outside. It's like the ghost of Christmas future. And I'm fogging up the glass watching you guys have the time of your fucking lives on some rooftop somewhere. Oh, dude, the rooftop is beautiful. Finger sandwiches. Finger sandwiches. I got finger burgers.

Those are the best sliders I've ever had. Best goddamn slider I've ever had. Tyler wouldn't know. I sent Tyler on a mission 10 minutes. Typically a slider, they're super, the meat is bad because it's just like a ball and it's like dry. Yes, yes. This was a juicy, this was a juicy

thank you thank you they become they have a meatballish quality maybe that there's some kind of shortening used in the meat which is i don't like i want the pure usda grass-fed no preservative no hormone meat and that's what the sliders that sounds like that's what they were hell of a slider damn dude just a hell of a Damn, my mouth is salivating right now. Yeah. What was the address of the place? Mr. Purple. I might go get a fucking plate of sliders.

Wait, was that the place that denied you or some shit like that? Yeah, and look at me now, bro. Did you go in and flash the bouncers from the inside? Your same ID? Remember this one? No, but it was a good time. We did the company party. I had a spot, so I had to leave. Remember this one? No, but it was a good time. We did the company party.

I had a spot, so I had to leave. Came back. Look at you, dude. And then I, where did we go? We went to some other bar. It seems like people went to a couple bars. And then I routed, I riled up a good crew to do some karaoke. Oh, I saw that.

What were you guys singing? No. Left instantly. No. After I told him to come. And it was like a five minute walk and Gaz Ubered. Yeah? Yeah.

Because he's rich like that. He doesn't fucking walk those soft ass feet. He's like, all right, we should be ordering Ubers. I was like, dude, it's literally like across the street. And he's like, I'm not fucking walking. Give me a chariot. I need a Surrey to take me there. And he left instantly.

Who was that? Uh, karaoke. I saw a video of like Keegs and O'Malley making out there, some shit like that. I don't know. I left pretty quickly. I sang my song and I dipped. As soon as,

uh, uh, Tom Mullins sang. Again? I sang the song that he sang in LA. That kind of takes the steam out of it a little bit. What was the song that he sang in LA. That kind of takes the steam out of it a little bit. What was the song that he sang in LA? It was like, Many Men.

No, no, no. But he killed. But doesn't it kind of like when you hear someone do the same karaoke song more than once, doesn't it kind of feel like, all right, are you a great karaoke performer? Or are you a great that one song performer? Yeah, he's kind of a one-trick pony. He takes a little bit of the luster off of it. I went new.

Have you ever seen The Rain? It was fun. Can I hear a little bit? Someone told me long ago There's a calm before the storm I know. It can't stop our wonder. Come on now.

It fades on. No. There's a storm before the storm. I know. Yeah. I got killed. Your boys had a little Tremble in it

My good brother Yeah That's the soul Yeah wow It's really bubbling up Breaking out What did you have Some fucking

Some fried chicken brother Some soul food What type of fucking I had some tacos Some Macaroni and cheese Some collard greens perhaps No

But Okay Yeah who else was there? I don't know. It was a little bit of a weak crew. I did my best. Oh, no. Call them out, though.

I did my best, but it was a weak crew. Fuck. Gaz must have seen it. You and Gaz were on the same page. Me and Gaz were on the same page. Gaz was making me do shots, too. He said he was going to fire me if I didn't do them. Pinching you by the back of your neck, being like,

Dude, listen, all the times I report you to Dave, I don't mean it. I'm just trying to make you stronger. I'm just looking out for you, brother. He's going to see you like a little brother. You got all this potential welling up. You could be Jordan. Yeah. No, yeah, it was fun, though.

How was your night? How was your dentist appointment? Dude, it was so fucking good. Any cavities? Of course not. What type of time do you think I'm on, dude? I got to go to the dentist. Yeah, you do? I got to do a lot of shit. Lost all my do you think I'm on, dude? I gotta go to the dentist. Yeah, you do?

I gotta do a lot of shit. Lost all my cards, so I'm now cash only. I haven't been to the dentist or the doctor in probably three years. Do you have my card? Yeah. Here you go, brother. Here's some cash. No, I'm good. I don't need this.

I have cash, bro. Are you sure this would i mean this is this is probably this is probably worth more than the u.s dollar at this point isn't it in the u.s dollar just fall underneath a dollar no no it's the other way around this shit fell underneath a dollar no i think the u.s dollar did fell on it fell to 99 cents that's how much a dollar is worth. I don't know, dude. I think I'm right. I don't think you are. It was like at a dollar,

it was like $1.43 a couple years ago, a euro to a dollar, and then the euro fell beneath the dollar. And now they're about the same. Interesting. I don't know. How much is a 10 worth? 10. Oh, interesting.

The conversion is fucking... But I don't know what to do with a 10 worth? 10. Oh, interesting. The conversion is fucking... But I don't know what to do with all this fake-ass money, dude. I'm trying to get rid of this shit. But I know your card's rich. How'd you lose all your cards? I don't know how I lost my other card, because I can remember closing out at the bar, and then the karaoke bar was cash only.

Damn. Maybe I left it at the pizza place I went to. I did get pizza multiple times oh i did get pizza oh this was bad this was a fat guy move that i that i pulled we were right near my old apartment uh my like where i when i first moved to new york this place and there's this place called ray's pizza super good shout out rays yeah so i was like i gotta stop it i gotta stop it rays nothing shady i gotta stop it rays this whole spot telling everybody and i walked in and i was Yeah. So I was like, I got to stop at Ray. I got to stop at Ray's. Nothing shady about that. I got to stop at Ray's. This whole spot, telling everybody.

And I walked in and I was like the regular. I was like, throw me the usual. Talk to Ray for a bit. How's the comedy career? Yeah, yeah. Is it Greek or what? I don't know. Probably.

I don't know. I don't profile. But I, yeah, I got two slices big old slices ubered from there to my apartment got another slice at the pizza place next to my my apartment and then i'm pretty sure i ate more pizza when i came up to our apartment yeah you had a pie i think i might have put down a whole pizza last night in the span of like 30 And then I'm pretty sure I ate more pizza when I came up to our apartment. Yeah. You had a pie on deck. So I think I might have put down a whole pizza last night in the span of like 30 minutes.

Damn, dude. That's, but at least you're running. I am. No, I am. Fuck you. I am running, bro. This is my first day not running. I know.

That's what I'm saying. I ran every day this week, except for today. My philosophy on all of it is eat whatever you want and drink whatever you want, but you earn it by exercising intermittently. Do you ever exercise when you're hungover? Sometimes it gets it out of you, and sometimes it makes it way worse. Yeah. I don't think I could run today.

I think that would be a massive mistake. Sometimes you could sweat it out, sometimes that it turns into covid like if you if you feel hung over and you try to exercise it can just like open up all your pores to accepting covid it weakens the body to a state where you're just a sieve for covid to get in some of my best workouts i've ever had though have been when i'm hung over are you serious maybe that's the fucking key it is you should sell a workout program where people just get shit faced the night before and then get swole. That would be awesome because I think it's like the regret. Like the guilt. Yeah.

Is making you push harder because you're like, I'm such a piece of shit. Badass. Yeah. I need to fucking lose 10 pounds right now. The only way to get jacked is to have a rock style cheat meal every single day of the week so you hate yourself so much. Dude, the rock's cheat meals below. It's what you had yesterday

and this morning. No, dude, he has like pancakes. One meal a week he has just pancakes. No, I thought he has a cheat day where it's like he'll have eight pizzas. No, I think it's cheat meal. I follow him on Instagram dude, I know he's he's got i don't so you're probably have a leg up on me on this yeah all right let's jump into these advertisements

tommy let's get into it first time ever doing advertisements for you that's not true so uh what you have to do is you want to make it fucking real natural and smooth like to uh the so the advertiser's happy yeah of course like i'm generally using the products yeah but you are which ones uh i use game time all the time perfect let's talk about that let's talk about that one yeah that's perfect yes dude look at that game time what'd you get janky tickets yeah i get yankee tickets all the time on game time i'm uh for father's day i'm going to be getting my dad i mean i, I know Father's Day is past. You're going to be?

Are you planning Father's Day? It's the previous Father's Day. We're just finding a date that works for us, and I'm using game time to get us Yankee tickets. Honestly, I would often do that to my dad and be like, we're going to a Phillies game. I'm not taking no for – and it would just never happen. I did it last year.

I'll do it this year, and game time will make it all happen. That's what I mean. I didn't have game time at the time so i never could get these sweet ass last minute tickets i just neglected my father and it has it has torpedoed our relationship yeah i i kind of get that vibe from you that you come from a broken fatherless home fatherless home yeah really yeah if only you had used game time GameTime. Yeah, I'm always acting out, being slutty as fuck. You a hoe. Yeah, I seek the attention of males because I couldn't get it from the most important male in my life.

But GameTime has been one of the best ticketing apps that makes it way easier to score last minute deals on tickets to sports, concerts, concerts and shows and they guarantee the lowest price it says here to say something bad about the yankees no it doesn't i mean they're playing poorly right now they're definitely playing poorly right now that'll do uh download the game time app and go to the account tab to create a login redeem code boy dad for 20 off your first purchase terms apply of course terms do apply you're not just going to get through this without any terms, but you can download Game Time and last-minute tickets, lowest price guaranteed. Sounds like a hell of a deal.

Yeah, you got to be excited about this, Tommy. Yeah, I'm going to do it for, it might be a Pirates game or something, but I'm very excited. And the seats are great, honestly. It's not like you're going to be sitting upper deck unless you want to sit there, but they give you some pretty solid solid seats great deals best prices around what uh let's do a mini interview of you just one question for this ad um tommy smokes say you make it to heaven who are the first four people you hope to see no family members included

wow that's tough uh ceo of game time number one okay about how we built his business okay okay this is outside of the ad so yeah oh we're not sucking up to her yeah well i still love it anyway okay um i mean so are these people well i don't want to i need a fast answer i need a fast answer okay sorry uh jason bateman jeff probes larry david jason bat Actually, Jeff Probst will be of no use to me at that point because I'll already be dead. I can't get on Survivor. Maybe Margot Robbie. Okay.

Yeah, we could hook up. You would just fuck right in front of Bateman and... Right in front of God. Yeah. You think God would look down on that or would you have to get Heaven married to her first or something like that? I think it's Heaven. goes really yeah all sins are allowed in heaven

that's what you get for making it through life yeah you make it through life with no sins and then you get to go to heaven and do all the sins i don't know if that's true but i i mean i who am i to argue with yeah who are you to argue with it? Yeah, I love it. All right, well, stick around for later on in the episode for another Tommy question. So how was your night? I saw you were sucking off Drake on Instagram. Yeah, I was. When does the fucking dick sucking stop, bro? Is he going to come on the pod?

Yeah, probably. You guys were shooting DMs after that? Drizzy. No, just let it speak for itself. Yeah. You like that one, Drizzy? That's a shout out's a shout out how long did it take you to craft that up juan damian nebraska that's a jersey jerry that's jersey jerry's alter ego i like to imagine you just in a room like with like a chalkboard like no pacing around that must be sick like just knowing you can comment on drake's posts i mean i could comment

but uh it's all right juan damian nebraska is just the autumn it's just like a hilarious name yeah i think jersey jerry's funny as fuck yeah it is automatic yeah but i think jersey jerry's like hilarious i think that he's uh whenever i see people like hating on jersey jerry i'm like why i i don't it's like you it's like a unique sense of humor too. I think he's funny. Who else could come up with Juan Damien Nebraska? Only one dude, my boy Gavin.

My boy Gavin's the one who came up with penis Raphael, which is, that's a good one. I think about it to this day, dude. That's a good one. A name, someone named penis Raphael.

Yeah. I, so the same level. He replied, too. Were you top comment on that post? No, I think Jody Highroller was. Shit. What did he say?

Or she? I don't know who that is. What's his name? Riff Raff. Oh, hell yeah. What did he say? I don't know. You can't be getting beaten out by Riff Raff in 2022.

I definitely can be. Riff Raff hasn't dropped a hit in a while. He dropped a Sunday Conversations that was a hit. That's bigger than a hit record these days. He's been riding Caleb's coattails for so long. If you have a good Sunday Conversation, that is better than having a good song. If you have a good podcast interview, that's better than having a good song. If you have a good podcast interview, that's better than having a good song. Yeah.

I don't think you're wrong. I mean. Like Lil Durk, his million dollars worth of game interview was incredible. His album was fine, but the interview was better than his whole fucking album. Durk hasn't dropped tea in a minute. What, dude? And I'm calling out Durk. No.

Where's the camera? Where am I looking? I'm calling you out. Where's my camera? Where's my tape? I'm calling out Durk no where's the camera where am i looking i'm calling where's my camera where's my calling out dirk no bro you're not about to go to nutty block and call out dirk dude he's killed he's he's the one that kills people right no no no allegedly no i think he always gets away with it and And Wallo was in there being like, you need to stop fucking killing people. You, start making t-shirts.

Like, you, fucking book the tour. Yeah. He broke it down and they all were hanging on every word. He went in there and shed tears. Wallo shed tears to Dirk. Did he actually? He went in and cried. He was like-

Wallo cried? Yeah, and they loved it, dude. They were hanging on his every word. Why did he cry? Because he was like, you guys are going, like, you need to go down the right path. Like, you need to go down the righteous path. Yeah, he was, dude. They were hanging on his every word. Why did he cry? Because he was like, you guys are going, like, you need to go down the right path. Like, you need to go down the righteous path. Yeah, he was, dude. And he came in and shed tears, dude.

Damn. That's passionate. It really was. He's all about saving the homies. I would kill to be able to cry in front of a bunch of men like that and have them take it dead serious. None of them were even uncomfortable. Crying in front of some men and no one gets uncomfortable. Yeah, that's bold by Wallow. I'd like to have him on this podcast and see if we can get him to cry. Yeah, them were even uncomfortable. Crying in front of some men and no one gets uncomfortable. Yeah, that's bold by Wallow.

I'd like to have him on this podcast and see if we can get him to cry. Yeah, I don't know. I don't think he would, dude. I don't think he'd cry for us. No, you don't think he would at all? I don't think he cares. Yeah. I think I'm one of those TikTok sons where people are working out underneath the part where he's crying and motivating everybody.

Really? Oh, no. Really? He's a legend, dude. I i gotta watch this i didn't know that what dark is he's from chicago right yes he's like chief keef's crew he's kind of his own i don't know i think him and chief keef used to used to bull together for a bit they probably bulled together yeah you're actually probably right i'm pretty sure they were bullying for a little bit yeah i think you're right this is is, but yeah, I love his hip hop music that he makes, dude. I'm more a fan of his murder.

I've always been a big fan I like how he spins the block. Yeah. I like how he slides and then slides again if any bodies are left twitching. That's kind of what I like. But why would,

I don't know. You lost your train of thought. Does this suck? No, this is dope. It is. I'm having the time of my fucking life. Does it suck? No.

Why are you self-conscious? Do you even remember what you said for the last 20 minutes? Yeah, we were talking about Dirk and how I'd like to boo with him sometime. That's good. Yeah. But I feel like you're on goldfish mode right now. A little bit. Yeah, you're lightweight a goldfish right now.

Well, I haven't drank in a week, and then I just fucking threw it all away in one night. What were you having, G&Ts? I mean, that was a weak amount of damage in one night. I know. It's tough, dude. It's tough when you just launch on a Thursday night. And it was a bad—my set, bad. How bad?

Rough. At the stand? Yeah, but the crowd fucking sucked sucked it's never the comedian's fault yeah okay but no this time this time the crowd actually did suck and i i had fun like i was making fun of them for sucking and they were laughing yeah i was like you guys fucking blow no one's from georgia in here how am i supposed to do my fucking act no i dude i did like one joke i was literally just talking to them because i was like, I went in and I was like, what's up, guys?

And like nothing. Like, like there was no reaction even when I went up on like it was like they were like, all right, start clapping for your next comic. And it was like. And it was a sold out show. Damn, what was their fucking problem? I don't know. I was like, did someone pay you guys to be here?

I was like, what the fuck is going on and then they were all just like some people are just like they're like like there's there was two dudes in the back like screaming laughing just like and i was like dude are you guys like on drugs i was like this is this can't be that funny but you can't look a gift horse in the mouth though if they're screaming oh i was like, this is, this can't be that funny. But you can't look a gift horse in the mouth though. If they're screaming, I was like, thank you guys. Fuck yeah. Fuck yeah. No, I was like, thank you. And so I knew my jokes were doing, they were good jokes, but everyone else, I mean, there

was like laughs, like I didn't bomb, but it was just like, it was so tight. It's so weird, dude. I just like a random room. They can all like, it's just like the energy in the room. They can all get on the same page. Like, okay, this is, we're not going to, we're going to make this show be bad. It is crazy how energy is transferable like that or like who the fuck is in charge of the crowd like is there can you put someone in the middle of it stands up in the

beginning and it's like we're not laughing hey tighten up yeah yeah i mean it was like a nine o'clock on a thursday i guess usually those are good shows though fuck dude the person that hosted the show though wasn't there so maybe why. Well, if you promote a show and they're supposed to be there and then they don't come, it's like, I would be pissed. Was it Joe List? No. Who was it? Don't worry about it, bro. Say who it was, dude. Why would it be Joe List?

Why would Joe List be hosting shows at the stand that I'm on? I'm not in your little world, dude. I'm not in your little comedy world. I try to relate to you like a father sitting down asking about the video games, dude. I'm not in your little world. I'm not in your little comedy world. I try to relate to you like a father sitting down asking about the video games. Dude, I don't fucking know. You tell me, bro. Was it not Joe List? No, it was not Joe List.

I told Erica we should hire Maddie Smith yesterday. What'd she say? I said, I think Maddie Smith should work at Barstool. And she said, then why doesn't she? Put her in the SAS coaching tree? tree also does she know who she is uh no no yeah but i said i was like it was like she's hilarious and she should work they should just we should just uh like sign their podcast yeah their podcast is hilarious

women a good 15th chair on the yak too a sub sub get her in the booth she'd be great she gets hired she's like so what am i doing and you're like you're gonna move these dials on this board yeah yeah yeah that'd be hilarious yeah we're gonna get you into a production role we were talking about that yesterday about how there's so many well i guess i probably shouldn't say that say it say it say it say there's a lot of people at the company who are like, they are fine. Like they do good at production, but like they have no experience when they get hired to do production.

Yeah. And it's like wild that someone like could literally just, we were saying, like you're making jokes. Like someone could be like, oh, I love part of my take. I'm going to edit that show. Like, it's like, it's wild that we do that. But I mean, it works. It is crazy and production has like

such a broad uh definition yeah that like uh being one type of producer doesn't mean you're another type of producer but it's like quigs is like the most like by far the best editor at the company but it's like i can't imagine like i'd imagine i I don't think he is. Don't worry. I mean, he is, undeniably. It's just cool, bro. Don't. But I'd imagine other, I don't know. No one gives a fuck about what I'm saying right now.

No, no, I do. I do. I'm on insecure mode right now. I know. You might have to burn this episode. Shut the fuck up. We're going to have to just record virtually on Monday. Just drop your tension.

Stop having so much tension, dude. You want a back massage? No. You want to sing fucking some Tiesto again or whatever we were singing? What were we singing? Eh-ho, eh-ho, eh-ho, eh-ho, eh-ho, eh-ho. Oh, fuck. My mom's calling me.

That's your answer, bro. It would be hilarious for the fucking podcast. Just finish what your thought was about Quigs editing. Bro. I'm about to fucking arrest you. I'm about to thought was about Quigs editing. Bro. I'm about to fucking arrest you. I'm about to put you on citizen's arrest. I'm about to have some cops come in and beat the fuck out of you, dude. My mom's on my ass.

What about what? Social security shit. Taxes. What's your number? A bunch of bullshit, dude. Hop off my fucking ass, mom, for once. Leave me be, be mommy i'm trying to pod i'm trying to bull with my friends i'm trying to bull with chief keith and little jerk yeah yeah dude that's bullshit when mom mom's just fucking don't understand tax shit fucking

insurance making sure your apartment doesn't burn down you have renter's insurance uh no you're fucked all right should we do a draft? What should we draft? Let's draft beers. Yeah, hell yeah. Hell yes. Yeah, I was throwing some guineas down. Is that a slur?

Guinea is a slur? For Italian people, so you can say it. Italian and Irish are the two people... I was throwing down some guineas last night. Yeah. Like, what, a staircase? Is guinea a slur? Yes.

It's an actual slur? No, but it's for Italian people. It's like, WAP, guinea, Dago, those are all, like, acceptable slurs for Italian people because Italian people aren't... There's no intense talk about Italians. And they're not marginalized people. They're, like're like historically culturally significant they're just

yeah they're affluent like Rome like oh you poor Roman bastard yeah it's a massive empire yeah you fucking guinea spent centuries

alright you've been throwing some guineas down I was so I was so when I was referring to you when I said it was Guinnesses. Yeah. Good draft. Hell yeah.

No, I want to, Owen should have the first pick. I feel like I'm doing a set right now and it's bombing. It's not though, it's actually way funnier. This is the funniest that you are to me. When you're all being all serious, I'm like this. I'm like your tight ass crowd at the stand. But when you start saying stupid ass shit like this, that, that shit is, I'm like your tight ass crowd at the stand. But when you start saying stupid ass shit like this, that's when you really have me wrapped around your finger.

Let's talk about movies, dude. People want me to start a movie podcast. Really? You believe that shit? Whose people? You? A couple of guineas. I was talking to some guineas last night at the bar.

They were like, you ever seen Goodfellas? You got to start a mobster movie podcast. You and Nadeau. Nadeau's back's back dude what if you and nade do were just like i know the best scene in donnie bransco is when they get out of fucking alcatraz i'm pumped for nade dude to be back yeah it's gonna be fun for you to do to do yeah it's gonna be present though dude the way he has his fucking whack pack around him at all times, dude. He rolls with a crew. You just need a whack pack, dude. That's the only way to get good content is to have a whack pack.

Otherwise, it's a buffet of bits. You got to be able to rely on your whack pack to always be funny as fuck around you so you can be the straight man. And you got to be the biggest part about a whack pack is you got to be the hottest one out of them. Oh, yeah. You got to surround yourself with some serious. Stacking the deck with uggos. Yeah. He's got mumptoes galore.

Some serious, like people that look like they might have like a birth defect. Melted candles. Yeah. Like hunchbacks of Notre Dame left and right at all times. That's the kind of crew I want to surround myself with. Yeah. Just fucking all different sizes, skinny, fat, but no one proportionately correct. Oh, no.

Absolutely not. You need a lumped out motherfucker. But it works, and you look funnier, and they need to be dumb, too. You need dumb people around you. And that's where he's failed, because everyone's smart as fuck at this company. A lot of smart people here. Fucking geniuses. Am I going to get canceled for saying the G slur?

Are you really bugging about that? Because you probably will. It's just as bad as Mick or Kraut. I don't know what either of those mean. Mick's for Irish people, Kraut's for German people. Well, we're allowed to say slurs against the German people

because they killed all of my family. About 78% of your family. Yeah. The other side is probably German. Dude, we're still out here. There's 8 million Irish people in Ireland and 66 or like 70 million Irish people throughout the rest of the world. There's like barely any in Ireland. They're everywhere.

But Jewish people, there's like 7 million in Israel and like 8 million in the rest of the world. There's fucking- That's camp. I mean, so you're telling me there's only like 10 million or like 15 million Jews? Isn't that crazy? Don't you feel like you know 15 million Jews? That can't be true. We got a high success rate. That's what I mean.

You guys are everywhere. There's only 15 million Jews out of 7 billion people. That's true. What does it break down to? 14.8 million Jews. What? That's crazy. What does it break down to? 14.8 million. That's crazy.

That's insane. Yeah, that's crazy. Isn't that much? How many Catholics are there? And you guys make noise, boy. What is there, a billion, two billion Catholics? Probably like 500 million Catholics will be my guess. I'd say it's about a billion. The Muslims put up numbers. Catholics?

Yeah. Don't you? God damn. Yeah, but that's... How many of those people actually take pride in what they do? How many people take pride in the Bible? Search that one. How many people can recite verses?

Yeah. Because all the Jewish people know the Torah. I know the Torah front to back. Yeah. You're born with that shit, too. From Baruch Atai. I don't know. First book I Jewish people know the Torah. I know the Torah front to back. Yeah. You're born with that shit too. From Baruch Atai. I don't know. First book I ever read was the Torah.

Yeah. And then I read the Bible to see what was wrong with it. And to see why so many have fallen into the trap of the Catholic Church. This fucking rag. Yeah. This tabloid with fucking all these sensationalized ass stories about hot ass Jesus. I feel like you've definitely read all those books. The Bible and the Torah? Yeah. I could see you reading all.

What is the other one? The Quran. The Quran. Have you read all of them? I could see you definitely read all of them. Of course, dude. Siddhartha, fucking the 50 laws of power, 48 laws of power. Art of War. I've read them all, bro. Have you actually read them? Fuck no, dude. The Bible's like impossible

to read. this shit is not this shit is not wavy there's parts of it that are cool though revelations yeah when it's just like fucking and demons and shit like that yeah the demon shit's crazy but the early bible is just like this dude lived for 700 years has a has a took or some shit like that long ass fucking hebrew sounding names they had no concept of what a year was. They'd be like, this dude was 900 years old. He's probably just like 50. They didn't even know what a fucking year was.

No, dude, people were stupid. They didn't know. And they were tiny, dude. They were small. Tiny little idiots. Dave would have loved them. Yeah, dude. Dave would have killed.

Dave would have killed back then. Yeah, a bunch of dudes from Corsica. He would have just surrounded himself with some old ass dumb biblical motherfuckers. Some dudes from Jerusalem. He would have gotten so much pussy. He would have been fucking Mary Magdalene. Yeah.

Just a sex tape. Let's just say the Virgin Mary. It wouldn't be a virgin. She would have been a married virgin. Okay. Married to the fucking game, dude. Come on. Biblical shit shit is that's too easy the best humor bro because everybody gets it dude everybody does yeah i got some i got some uh

racy jokes about the about the church that i'm doing these days oh no say less you have to come see me live if you want to hear those what What has the church been up to, dude? Are they back on their bullshit? They actually are. Actually, I think I saw something about, I think it was in Canada, like 10,000 priests just went down for molesting boys. Honestly, it's on the boys at this point. It is.

It's pretty well publicized. Fellas, get your shit together. Seriously. You cannot keep on getting caught by these priests. You would think that hundreds and thousands of years of priests molesting little boys, the boys would fight back. There's more of us than there are of them. It's like on Halloween when they're like, don't eat the apple because there could be a razor in it.

Like, dude, if you're still eating apples on Halloween, dude, that's on you, sir. Just cut it out, dude. Stop fucking getting in the white vans that people are driving around, dude. Stop taking fucking candy from strangers, dude. This is an epidemic of the unvaccinated at this point, dude. Hell yeah. These people need to get their shit together, bro. I threw, sometimes when I'm bored, I throw some needles and like, and razors and apples.

And I just leave them out on the street. Yes, anarchy, bro. Yeah. It's like some fucking Tyler Durden shit. Hell yeah, Tyler Durden. You need to read Fight Club. I've seen the movie. No, you need to read it, bro. What is It's like some fucking Tyler Durden shit. Hell yeah. You need to read Fight Club. I've seen the movie. No, you need to read it, bro.

What is it? 8,000 pages? No, not at all. It's very readable, too. Why would I read it if I already know what happens? Because the fucking prose is so deep. Because there's fucking levels to that shit. Probably never even read Harry Potter.

No, I didn't. Dude, I didn't start reading until this year. You know this. No, bro, that's wack as fuck. Any book I've ever talked about are the only books I've read. I know your mommy and daddy read to you at least. There's none hidden in my mind that I've read. I guarantee your mommy and daddy at least read to you at some point

in your life. The fucking Good Night Moon or some shit. No. Dude, this shit reminds me of Good Night Moon. Play audiobooks for me. This shit reminds me of the Polar Express. Tommy, do me a favor real quick. Check my ass.

Are these bird dogs? Looks good. Yeah, no, it is bird dogs. So I'm wearing bird dogs, and we got a bird dogs ad today. Perfect. Serendipity. How fucking crazy is that?

Singularity. Sing... Kinda. Yeah. In some ways. Whatever that is. a bird dogs ad today perfect serendipity how fucking crazy is that singularity sing kind of yeah in some ways whatever that is yeah probably similar to serendipity uh if you don't have bird dog shorts you're missing out it's the most comfortable shorts of all time and the way that they're designed the amount of pockets their lightweightedness they'll carry you into the fall i'd really love to get some bird dogs. I don't think you can. I don't make any money and I have no podcast, so I'm not allowed to get them for free, but I would love to. I'm going to just go out and buy

them on my own because they do look very comfortable. The pants, I mean, international travel pants. You wear those things on an airplane and you won't get swamp ass you need comfortable uh pants for flying it's the number one necessity bird dogs has the comfortable as pants they have incredibly comfortable pants great joggers great for golf you know we just hired a new golf guy you and him hit the link i do not fuck with him really yeah he's gonna be spending way too much time with Frankie and Trent, and I'm worried that they're going to end up liking him more than they like me. Oh, yeah, that's bad news. You need to get in their ear with some negativity about this new golf guy.

I'm going to dig up some dirt on him. Yeah, I heard that he's got a unibrow. I mean, I guess that they'll be able to fact-check themselves in person. Well, you need to get out ahead of it and tell them now that he's got a unibrow. They've probably met him a number of times. I need something more dark from his past. All right, I didn't know. I thought that was pretty damning.

But you can go to birddogs.com and enter promo code SUN, and they'll throw in a free Bird Dogs white rope hat. Huh, you don't say. It's birddogs.com, promo code SUN, and boom, a free bird dogs white rope hat and your pair of bird dogs. The most comfortable shorts with built-in liners. Feel the comfort of built-in liners today. Tommy, if you were going to go on a survival mission, not on the show Survivor, but a survival mission. And you could bring four items with you. What would your four items be?

Where am I? What setting? Is it winter? Is it summer? Is it a jungle? Is it a forest? It's a fall in a jungle that's close to an ocean. I'd probably just die. I mean, can I bring a phone? No, phone no no phone well you could bring a phone but you don't have cellular service can i bring a cell phone tower no no cell phone tower you have to

survive i i honestly don't think i would just accept death at that point why i thought you wanted to go on survivor yeah not for to survive to manipulate to lie to cheat really yeah no the survival aspect of it is unfortunate well i didn't say how long you'd be surviving it might be four hours i guess i'd bring can i bring flint to start a fire or even a lighter or even a lighter yeah matches or a blowtorch i guess if i could use a blowtorch. There you go. Now you're thinking. Some type of canned food or a really big can with a lot of tuna in it. A water canteen and a poster of Jason Bateman. Okay, nice. Where would you hang the poster, though, and how would you hang the poster?

On a tree. With what? I'd figure something out. You'd burn it into the tree? Yeah, or I'd lick it in like an envelope. I don't think that that's how the poster would work. Yeah. But those were good answers.

Now, back to Son of a Boy Dad with Little Sasquatch. I know you read The Polar Express. No, I watched the movie though. That movie fucking sucks dick. Did it? What an awful movie. The animation in that movie is horrifying. Christmas movies suck, like, pretty much

in general. No, I love Christmas movies. You like Christmas. No, I like Christmas movies. You just like things that remind you of Christmas. Yeah. But you don't like the actual Christmas movies. Yes, I do. Well, this is your test. If you want a movie podcast, have some kind of backup to this opinion. Why do you like Christmas movies?

There was that Seth Rogen one the night before. The movie's good. Christmas movie. Can't be, bro. I've never seen it. How could it be good? It's funny. Christmas with the Cranks. You're listening to the worst Christmas movies. Christmas with the Cranks is a good movie. The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Tim Burton. You like that dark shit? Yeah, that movie's good. Personally, I don't like that dark shit, dude. I like to feel Christmas. Tim Burton. You like that dark shit? Yeah, that movie's good. Personally, I don't like that dark shit, dude. I like to feel good. Christmas Story. Nah, that's mid, bro. I think you just have a bad taste in movies. Really?

We never hear anything about what you like. What's your favorite movie? Good Will Hunting. No, it's not. Why not? Can't take you seriously anymore. Or Apocalypto. Apocalypto?

Yeah, dude. It's fucking sick. You gotta see it, dude. What is it, like a post-apocalypse movie? No, it's like pre-Spanish explorers coming to America. It's like a native tribe. Damn, bro. We would not have been friends in high school.

Bro, I fucking... You fucking nerd. When I first started Chief and Weed, bro, I fucking watched this movie and it blew my fucking mind. Is it actually good? Your favorite movie? It's fucking incredible.

So, Good Will Hunting and that. Yeah. Those are the only two movies that you've ever enjoyed? No, there's tons of movies that I enjoy. What else? Call Me By Your Name, Moonlight. Bro, tell me what movies you like.

I just gave it to you. Like, I haven't seen those movies. I liked... I thought that of the ones that came out in the last couple years that... Dude, you can't... What was the Matt Damon fucking night movie?

You're just incapable of answering the question. I'm just forgetting the name of the one I'm trying to think of. The Matt Damon movie where he's a knight. I have no idea. I like Matt Damon. It sounds like it sucks. I talked about it on here. A Knight's Tale, Green Knight, Blue Streak.

What was it called? You don't have a single movie. All you have is Good Will Hunting and Apocalypto. What do you mean all I called? You don't have a single movie. All you have is Good Will Hunting and Apocalypto. What do you mean all I have? You haven't named a single movie aside for those. What do you want me to say? Except for the gay movies. And what's wrong with them?

Nothing's wrong with them. The Birdcage? The Birdcage sucks ass. Have you seen the Birdcage? No. That's a fucking sweet movie. What the fuck else? Philadelphia?

Dog. Have you else? Philadelphia? Dog. Have you ever seen Philadelphia? Have you watched them like a hotel one day? No, dude. Have you ever watched a good movie? These are all good movies just because you haven't seen them. That was my point earlier. Dude, you just think they're bad because you haven't seen them. I just want to know what your top five favorite movies are. And I know you know,

but you just won't tell me. It's changed my entire life. Philadelphia? That's one of your favorite movies? Yes, know you know but you just won't tell me it's changed my entire life philadelphia that's one of your favorite movies yes dude it's good no it's tom it's tom hanks and then zell what's bad about that i've never seen it exactly it's about aids dude fuck you dallas byers club i'm listening fucking i'm listening classics dude exclusively classics my first i don't want to know about about your deep film cinephile knowledge. No, these are all just gay movies. They've all been gay.

Yeah. I want to know about what movies you actually love. I like the movie. The first movie I loved was The Blues Brothers. And I liked it when I was four years old. Have you ever seen The Blues Brothers? No. Then I liked a lot of Adam Sandler and Jim Carrey movies. And then i liked a lot of adam sandler and jim carrey movies and

then i liked a lot of will ferrell movies so just comedies yeah those are just cheesy comedies yeah i liked a lot of cheesy comedies uh hot rod was okay but like you're talking like did you die was there like a did you did something happen when you just stopped watching movies i've watched movies all the time why are you talking about i liked i liked a lot of like what what is your favorite movie but i just don't fucking like thinking of movies as like this is my favorite movie everyone has a favorite movie well i said goodwill hunting and you didn't accept the fucking answer i don't know what the fuck to tell you you're fucking interrogating me like it's the first 48 right now and i'm a kid that fucking shot somebody you're like i just want to know what movies you like who else was in the car what were their fucking names like uh that was that one movie

where ben affleck he's a he was in it he's a mermaid what's that one yeah i like that that one's good like you don't have any movies that get you fucking fired up apocalypto dude that's it jaguar paul paws running through the fucking forest trying to fucking... So you got one. I just told you. You got one movie. I got like 70. Dude, because all you do is watch movies, bro.

The Last Duel. That's what I was trying to think of. Oh, okay. That was a good ass movie. And I just did a bad job of thinking of it. Alright. So... We'll make the graphic for this. Roan's three favorite movies. good-ass movie. And I just did a bad job of thinking of it. Alright, so we'll make the graphic for this. Roan's three favorite movies. Apocalypto, The Last Duel, and

Moonlight. I watched the Norseman the other day. I thought it was alright. This is going to backfire on me and people are going to be like, wow, Roan has impeccable taste. All the cinephiles. The Shape of Water. I've never seen that. I've heard it's very good, though.

What's some movies that have really made me fucking think? Dude, don't look up. That movie fucking sucked, dude. Moonfall. What a letdown that movie was. The trailer looked so good.

Yeah. Yeah, it really was a good commentary on where we're at as bangers coming out and it just sucks yeah i don't like leo in that type of character dude i don't want him to be like a scientist who's like a nerd or whatever dude i need my leo being hot as fucking fucking yeah and doing drugs yeah that's my leo that's my leo i need him to be like off his ass on drugs and like banging the hottest human being that I've ever seen. And if that's a dude, that's fine.

Yeah. But I just want to see it. Bro, I need Margot Robbie's tits and Leo's cock. Those two makes for a perfect flick. We're basically fucking Ebert and Roper, dude. We're basically film critics right now. I know. This is becoming a movie podcast. All we need is some fucking cock and Roper, dude. We're basically film critics right now. I know. This is becoming a movie podcast.

All we need is some fucking cock and titties, dude. I'm a simple guy. You get Margot Robbie's fucking cans on the screen mixed with a little bit of Leo cock. Did you see that girl on Twitter who was getting fucking killed? She was like, here's why I'm a good TV critic. First, I'm an objectively good writer. Like I'm very,

like my opinions are beyond reproach and I'm like an excellent writer. And she was like a 24 year old girl who had like film opinions in like the New York times or some shit like that. And it turns out her dad was just an editor for the New York times. She was like making a fucking dissertation on what it was to be like a good writer. Dude, I just can't believe that people talk about themselves like that and as i like grow older and find my perspective in life i feel like those are the people that are the enemy people that just like

talk about themselves being like i'm fucking good at this and here's exactly why it's like that shit fucking bothers me to no end yeah she's the. It's better to be sneaky talented than be actually talented. You just aren't supposed to pretend you're a fucking idiot throughout life. Rome was called sneaky talented at the company meeting yesterday. Yeah, and Sass won. Or no, you were called sneaky the most talented person. Or one of the most. Sneaky one of the most. It was just sneaky talented.

And then Sass won an award For best content creator Of the quarter Yeah I won best They had him in a montage It actually wasn't In the montage I know that was Nick was

Nick won Yeah Nick won Deserved Deservingly so Who else won I heard KB and Nick Are like Not doing well now

We should have Fucking KB come on the pod They're pissed Kind of air his grievances A little bit Like KB and Nick Aren't talking anymore And it sucks Because they're trapped In Alaska together That actually looks so sick We should have fucking KB come on the pod. They're pissed. Kind of air his grievances a little bit. Like KB and Nick aren't talking anymore?

And it sucks because they're trapped in Alaska together. That actually looks so sick. I know. I'm so jealous. They're always doing some fun-ass shit, dude. It's bullshit, bro. You never get to do what you want. They're always having fucking fun.

Bro, I'm not saying I don't get to do what I want. I'm saying it, dude. I'm just saying Alaska looks cool. Yes, dude. Sue me. It, Alaska looks cool. Yes, dude. It looks incredible. Was Donnie just like face-to-face with a moose? Like, mooses fucking kill people. Yeah, they are strong. Mooses paralyze the fuck out of people.

Your dumbass would probably get paralyzed by a moose today. I saw a moose out in the woods in Wyoming. I know, dude. I just walked right by it. It should have killed you. It should have. It was two, actually. If there was any justice in this world, I'd be weeping right now to a different co-host about a sweet memory

of you. But no, you have to fucking live a long, healthy life. Hopefully, man. Hopefully. That's all I can wish for. What'd you think about the company meeting? I thought it was fine. It was slow.

There's a lot of fucking people, dude. Yeah, bro. I remember when this place was just me. You. Dave. Yeah, it was just you and Dave. Kevin. Keith.

John. I remember, dude. The guys you put to work. Yeah. Fucking 12 blogs a day. Tall guy. Wait, who was Tall Guy? Wasn't there an intern?

Tall Guy? Oh, yeah. Tall Maurice. Yeah. Tall Maurice. He's like nine feet tall. He used to run Philly. Oh, there was also six. There was 6'10", and there was Tall Maurice.

No. Are you thinking, or the guy in Milton? Oh, Tall Guy? Was there a Tall Guy? No, not Colby. There was a guy. Oh, tall guy? Was there a tall guy? No, not Coley. There's a guy. Wasn't there?

There was a tall guy. Colby? I'm pretty sure the guys, they called him tall guy. There's tall Maurice and there's 6'10", dude. No. Like, look it up. I'll look it up. Get John in here.

Let's ask Keith. Let's get straight from the fucking... Yeah, where's John? We need to get... There was a tall guy. Yeah, tall guy. There was? Yeah, bro. You gotta catch up on your barstool history.

I know, dude. Do I gotta sit you down and teach you a fucking lesson? Dude, he was like nine feet tall. Tall guy? Yeah, tall guy. Damn, dude. I don't know. I guess I just didn't know about him.

Dude, I forgot you didn't work at Milton. Yeah, it was tall guy. I read every article. There guess I just didn't know about them. I forgot you didn't work at Milton. Yeah, I was a tall guy. I read every article. There was fucking Crocs kid. Who else did we have? This place is just a fucking jungle. Now you walk around, you don't know anyone. Who was the other guy?

Weird haircut Seth. I see fucking Glennie walking around now and no matter what picture, if you pulled any still shot from last night, Glennie just has six women around him at all times. It's crazy. Yeah. Like he has the OnlyFans girls, but then the women in here act like, the women that work here act like they're part of Glennie. Well, because they want to know what it's all about.

They want to know because Glennie, like what, attracting attractiveness is attractive to them. I'm pretty sure. Like the fact that he always has some OnlyFans angels around him means that he's an attractive guy. Yeah. Glenny's Angels. Yeah. That's what they're called. They're going to start a house.

Yeah. It's dope as fuck. He should just have his own OnlyFans account where they just come in, dump out a tit. And he fucks them. Open ass. Yeah. Like 22. Imagine if we made a studio for that so he coulds them. Open ass. Yeah, like 22. Imagine if we made a studio for that

so he could fuck them. We're like begging for a studio and they're like, actually, we need to have a sex swing so Glennie can get dicked down in his hose. California king bed. Heart-shaped water bed that spins and has mirrors on the ceiling.

Do you see the Ruby Rose clip? No. I do. I remember when a guy like me like... Fat. I do not have him over the white guys that's hilarious glennie's white but he fucks like he's black passionately white guys have no passion but no glie? No, Glennie's got passion. He's all about the chase.

Oh, yeah, he is. That's the thing about Glennie. Glennie is, he's a soulful lover. Yeah, yeah. He just, every thrust has like a little extra, a little extra English behind it. Glennie's only crime is he loves too much. Yeah. He loves deeply and spunks heavily.

All right, should we do an ad? Yeah, let's do an ad right here. Tommy, this part of the show is brought to you by Sazerac. Tell me about it. Sazerac, well, it's great for a lot of times in your life. If you're at a festival, if you're at a tailgate, if you're relaxing after midterms, SoCo is the ready-for-anything whiskey. It's packed with flavor and makes a mean Soko Sour. Now, I bet you're wondering, how do you make a Soko Sour?

I was wondering that. Give it an out loud wonder so I can kind of... How do you make a Soko Sour? Well, let me tell you. They're easy to make, Tommy. One-third Soko plus two-thirds sour mix, and you're done. That sounds so easy. SoCo is so tasteful.

It's just the right mix of sass and class. It's my kind of whiskey. Times change, and so does what we drink. Make a more tasteful choice and choose SoCo. Click the link in the description to see more cool stuff from SoCo. If you want to see some more cool stuff from SoCo. I would love to. And I'd say I spend 95% of my time

either at a tailgate, a festival, or resting after a midterm. Yeah. So it seems perfect. No, it is a drink tailored for Tommy. Yep. And SoCo Black has the right balance of sweetness wrapped in a smoke flavor

for those who really like their whiskey to be bold. Is that a new chain, Tommy? No, I've worn this forever. Yeah? Well, not forever. Since I graduated high school. Is it time for a new chain? I need a shorter one. I know. What are you going to do with it? Wear them simultaneously or wear them alternatingly?

I would just move the pendant, whatever it's called, onto a shorter chain. I like that. Yeah. And then I guess I'd keep because I'm a hoarder. Okay. Here's my question.

Question number three. If you had to go back in time to Jesus's time, what type of job would you try to get? What do you think your job would be if you were to travel back in time to Jesus' time? Like, am I around Jesus or are you just saying around that time? Around that time. He might come through the town, but you probably don't have... You have one chance to make a really good pitch

to Jesus. Pitch to Jesus? I mean, if that's the job you want. You could also just be a fisherman. Maybe a disciple? Did they have jobs? No, I think they came from different backgrounds. I think be a disciple. If you, I mean, you. Did they have jobs? No, I think they came from different backgrounds. I think some of them were tax collectors. Others were fishermen.

Not be a fisherman. That's for sure. I'd be really bad at being a fisherman. Maybe I would be a, what does he like to do? He likes to turn water into wine. Yeah, Jesus is always doing that. So if I worked somewhere that had a lot of water, maybe a plumber. Yeah.

They're around water, right? Yeah, but what does that have to do with it? Plumbing. I'd be the first plumber. I'd be the first plumber in Nazareth. Anytime Jesus had a big old stinky shit that clogged his toilet, I'd put my hands in there and get it. You're a miracle worker.

I'd get it right out of the toilet. I'd become my hands in there and get it. You're a miracle worker. I'd get it right out of the toilet. I'd become the new Jesus. Yeah. Yeah. Jesus probably had his own dude that he really respects. It's probably the local Nazarene plumber. Right. Tommy.

Tommy with your plumber crack. My hands on Jesus's shit. Fuck yeah. All right. Back to the show. And we're back. Fuck yeah. We're back Back to the show. And we're back. Fuck yeah. We're back.

Make some noise. Yeah. We're tapping into next level stuff here. Or at least attempting to. Yeah. And we're not going to be restrained by the liberal media. No, no. Or the.

Things are about to get a little racist yeah we're about to that's what we should change the name of the podcast too things just got extremely racist now it's gonna get extreme um but uh are you are you old enough to like fleetwood mac yet i love fleetwood mac really don't play okay you're old enough nice nice i was Mac yet? I love Fleetwood Mac. Really? Don't play. Okay, you're old enough. Nice. I was about to gatekeep you for a quick second, but you're old enough.

So you like Fleetwood Mac. I got my Fleetwood Mac. I could get high every day. What does Frank Ocean say? I don't know. Does he say that? Yeah. I got my Fleetwood Mac.

I could get high every day. So you know Frank Ocean? Yeah. You know references to Fleetwood Mac. No, I know Fleetwood Mac. Okay, well, I like Fleetwood Mac, dude. Meet me at that level, bro. Meet me there.

I'm trying. Meet me there. I'm trying to think of what that one song is that I know by them. And the landslide brings me down. Yes, dude. Oh, the landslide brings me down. Yes, dude. Oh, the landslide brings me down. I was actually going to do that at karaoke

when we were in LA, but I was like, yeah, this might not be the vibe. It is the vibe, though. Everybody loves that song because it reminds them of fucking unrequited love and early heartbreak, bro. It fucking has a subcutaneous fucking message to it. How does it start?

Mirror in the sky. No, that ain't it. What is love? What is love? Oh, it is. That is how it starts. Let the child in my heart rise above. Yes, dude. That type of shit, dude.

Yeah, fluid max great. You know how they got good? They all fucked each other. They did? And they had this fucking outpouring of emotion. And me, you, Owen, and Tyler. We need to take this pod to the next level, dude. Did they actually fuck each other?

Yes, dude. They were all just swapping back and forth and writing songs about it. Isn't that how most bands break up, though? And they stay together. You always hear about like, oh, yeah, their bass left. Their bassist left. Their bass player. Yeah, their bassist left their bass player yeah their baseball player left their baseball player leaves the yeah their bass player left fucking

because he was fucking the lead singer and she got pregnant she wanted to keep it he didn't some shit like that like that but these always something like that's how donnie and marie broke up dude they were fucking each other and then they broke up. But the- Fucking quickest way to end a friendship. Seriously. That's why I keep my fucking little separation of church and state. Oh, yeah. The pen and the sword have to be-

Fellas, keep it in your pants. Separate but equal. Dude, here's a little fucking allegory. I have this cast on, right? I took it in the shower the first two days but even though there was a plastic bag on top of it it still got wet is it wet right now no it's not because today i kept my arm out of the shower only way to keep your arm from getting wet just keep it out of the shower i don't think you did it right huh i don't think you did it right what do you mean the first

time how if there's a black if there's a bat, did you put a trash bag over it? Yes, it was a trash bag. And you tied it? Yes, very tight. I did a double knot. And the second time I put it above my fucking elbow and it still got wet. First off, the trash bag was more porous than I thought. And second of all, there were some little, even as tight as you tie a trash bag, there were some little- Drips.

Little drips. See, I don't really get it because I remember when I had my cast, had my cast i wait remember showering we've known each other for how long i didn't know you had a cast hey i broke my arm bro i've told this story before you learned something new every day about this guy what no you didn't tell me this they were like they thought i was a real trooper in the hospital you got fucking stories yeah they were like dude you're a fucking you're a fucking good guy. What happened? You fell out of a tree like Dear Evan Hansen? Dude, I've told this story, but I broke my arm on the first day of fifth grade.

Oh, yeah, because you didn't want to go. I had a new school. Damn. And I was laying on the pavement squirming around with a group of people around me. And I didn't cry. Have that shit together. were you a nurse came and she walked me to the nurse's office and my dad came picked me up and you just didn't cry this

whole time no when i was with my dad i was just chilling because i just had my arm on a pillow yeah i was like yeah i think it's probably broken or no i think the nurse looked at it and was like yeah that is 100 i think my arm was like bent damn like that boy bent you were bent as fuck yeah but uh that's kind of dope were you conscious in the moment of being like i'm not gonna cry oh yeah and then they had to re-break my arm to to make you cry yeah yeah we're not done with this until this kid cries two nurses were just squeezing the fuck out of my arm to re-break it and they like injected me with this like numbing thing but it had to go

into the bone. What? So I'm awake and I can see the x-ray because it's like a live x-ray and I see the needle like getting closer and closer until it hits the bone and it was like and I didn't cry bro kept that shit

together what fucking nurse's job is to break a child's arm hey well if it's if it's fucked up you got to break it and put it back in the right position so that when you put the cast on it heals properly what type of nurse are you i break little kids arms yeah yeah they were like you're so brave it's like shut the fuck up. Fuck. Fucking broke your shit. I went to a shoulder specialist one time and they're like, all right, what way does your shoulder pop out? And I was like trying to explain. It's like when I go up like this or reach back, like it can be like that. And they're like, all right, hang on a second.

And the doctor and his like this renowned shoulder specialist and his assistant just start like fucking jamming my shit trying to pop it out they're like this might hurt a little bit and they just tried from every angle to pop it out jesus christ and they're like all right don't resist and i was like no dude i'm gonna resist pop my shoulder out any like painkillers not they just did it on the spot and i just never went back to the dude my shoulder has suffered from it from today but it's like dude you can't just come and fuck me up like that yeah yeah that's crazy medicine's just them fucking people up you know the weird part about uh have you ever broken a bone yeah i broke my face you broke your face my top of my jaw yeah damn tyler broke his face too bad way worse than

you my boy tyler gonna go ahead and guarantee it was worse than yours. Really? Have you ever seen the pictures? I don't think so. Dude, like, he broke the fuck out of his face. Really? Yeah. Like, bad. Damn, dude, I would hate to get in a pissing contest about breaking faces. Yeah. I'm going to let you have this one.

I'll let him have this one. Oh, dude, you're going to want to let him have it? I am letting him have it. Yeah. But it's not as good as... I just want to know... I want you to know beforehand, the story is not going to be as good as Tyler's. I know, dude. I am letting him have it. Yeah. But it's not as good. I just want to know. I want you to know beforehand. The story is not going to be.

I know, dude. I know what it is. I moved into a new apartment that had a long ass hallway. It was a 3000 square foot apartment. And we had a fucking already a worse story, bro. Stop spreading your capitalist bullshit on us. It was a warehouse. Yeah.

So I moved into this big ass house. This pad. That's only important because the hallway was no i know i know okay continue and uh there's uh and we i was in a rolly chair not unlike this one and people were pushing me down the hallway and then pushing me the other way down the hallway and i was going too fast and i realized i was about to go down the only set of stairways so i bailed at the last second and put my feet on the ground but my face cracked into a banister and just caved in my cheek and like broke the top of my jaw over here and uh tried to sleep it off but the next morning it was like if you touched it my face just wasn't wasn't really there holy shit you tried to sleep it off yeah i tried that because i wasn't going

to go to the hospital in the fucking middle of the night When I was all banged up We were obviously drinking We just moved into this house Oh I see Oh dude it's bad Damn dude You look like a Serbian Basketball player Yeah you do

This is you? You look like Nikolaj Djokic Kind of like a hot kid what happened you you like face planted on track right yeah yeah yeah swing that one swing that bitch around so you're gonna want to fucking hear this because his face is fucked up yeah you gotta have softball on his cheek going into this day i was told like i was transferring schools so i was like already bummed out like last day of like school with my friends basically last day of track practice we're doing like a warm-up lap my best friend jumps on my

back because everyone like was like happy track presenting because we all hate a track yeah hopped on my back and like a warm-up lap pushed pushed off, and then, like, I fell on the ground. Everybody fell on top of me. So I cracked it in half, like, clean right here. Yeah. And then the five spots here. Ooh! So I had all these, like, screws. This side and this side?

Yeah, like, right next to my ear was just a clean cut. And then five spots shattered, and, like, right under my chin. Damn. So I had my mouth wide shut for, like, a month and a half. Could only eat, like, like, gogers. In short for breakfast? Like, melted ice cream, melted ice cream protein shakes had to like brush my teeth by using this like mouthwash that like would kill because it was like super yeah what would you do when someone ordered pancakes uh nothing i was looking for i just sipped the scissor

uh miss that little kanye but yeah that was a, that was a pretty easy layup, bro. I'm surprised you didn't get that. It was a deep cut. But yeah, dude, and then I had screws in my face for six, seven months, and I couldn't do anything. So I just had to sit on a couch, did nothing. I couldn't talk. I had to write everything on a whiteboard.

And if I wanted something, I had a bell that I just felt like that's dude that sounds like a fucking civil war injury yeah having a bell that's fucking terrible did you haven't do any of that no i didn't have a bell but point being going to like your story morphe rocks i get why people get addicted to that i was on that for like yeah the whole hospital trip. Painkillers are the fucking best. Oh, yeah. Big time. I was hoping to get some just for this cast on my own. Just walking in.

They'd have to fucking buy it, right? There's a common misconception that pills aren't fun. They're the best. People don't get addicted to shit that sucks. No, no. They don't.mmy let's do a deep breath i've never seen a nose so thirsty for air is that just saying it's a big nose i mean it just it held a lot in there thank you you know that's one of the biggest things that we forget to do throughout

life. Just breathe, just be in our body. And sometimes you need a reminder to access that calm in your life. And what better way to get calm than with calm? The number one mental wellness app that you can find on your phone that will give you the tools that improve the way that you feel do you meditate are you meditative but i'm gonna start i think i've told you i'm becoming a new man this fall yeah you said you're getting 10 better every day yeah i think i meant one percent or whatever it is oh dude leaps and bounds i wake up a little bit earlier i'm gonna start going to the gym i'm not getting ripped i'm just trying i'm just trying to lose some fat lose my tits yeah i'm going to start going to coffee shops yeah obviously makes a person better yep yeah go to bed a little earlier

maybe read yeah and use calm yeah exactly be a little bit more in touch with yourself because then you can kind of bust up that fucking anxiety that stress that you might feel throughout your day no shame in feeling it but dealing with it is the true gift that you might feel throughout your day. No shame in feeling it, but dealing with it is the true gift that you can give yourself. This will reduce stress and anxiety through guided meditation. Calm can help improve focus with curated music tracks

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Calming-ass voice, dude. They also have white noise on there. Going to sleep, a lot of times if I'm not at not at home i'm sleeping somewhere else i can't sleep i throw on the calm white noises white noise machines and just drift away into my sleep into my slumber that's beautiful well now you can get an even better deal on calm 40 off of a calm premium 40 off brother just fucking jam the fucking tranquility down my fucking throat dude calm.com slash dad calm.com slash dad and you get a special offer of 40 off a calm premium prescription subscription and new content is added on there every single week over 100 million people around the world use calm to take care of their mind. That's a lot of fucking people.

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off. Unlimited access to Calm's entire library. That's calm.com slash dad 40% off unlimited access to com's entire library that's com.com slash dad beautifully said beautifully offered by com they're truly looking out for us they are they know they came into my life the moment i needed the most here's my last question if you had in front of you every morsel of the best food ever cooked that you can ever imagine an infinite table of massive amounts of all the best foods to you whatever you think they are your favorite foods whether they be chick-fil-a cinnabon your grandma stroganoff fucking leafy green salads or fucking fatty ass desserts every food's available to you on a table you have 10 bites from the table

no i'm not all what are your 10 bites that you're taking from the table? Can I do multiple bites of the same thing? You can. So you could do six bites of escargot, if that's what floats your boat. I'm doing one bite of the best pizza. Which is? I don't know. I thought it was there for me. Well, I didn't know if you had one in mind.

I'd like to. I mean, in my head, these are things I've never had before. Okay, cool. It's the perfect. Say less. The best pizza. Two bites of the best steak. Two bites.

May come back for pizza also. Spaghetti and meatballs. The best Italian grandmother. Why'd your voice tremble? Spaghetti and meatballs. Spaghetti and meatballs. I just, I started thinking about it. The reference. Okay. And I could fit a spaghetti, and meatballs. I just started thinking about it.

And I could fit a spaghetti a bunch of spaghetti and a meatball in one bite. So that's four. Fried chicken. Some really good fried chicken. That's five. I'll go back for another bite of pizza. That's six. I don't have too much because of my lactation issues.

Then I might be lactose. Cheese curd. No, no, no. I did love the cheese curds, but Italian beef. I loved the Italian beefs. As one of your top 10 bites? Yeah. Seven.

All right. That's seven. Maybe a really good chocolate cake, but i'd save that for the last now i don't know because i don't like chocolate cake that much but i would have that eighth i just want to make that my last bite that's eight so you need eight nine ten so what's eight eight is the chocolate cake bite okay nine are you gonna go back to uh are you going i'm going back for another piece of steak because i imagined it was really good steak. Yeah, it was.

And then 10th, lobster. I don't want to end with the taste of seafood in my mouth. So I'll go lobster, then steak. So lobster steak. Lobster nine, steak ten. Lobster steak. Cake lobster steak. Yeah. what are you talking about dude oh that's a hard question what would yours and i'd be still fucking hungry by the end of that

about like pork belly or like cheeseburgers or what about cinnabon you know what i mean i'm not a big dessert guy i felt like i just needed one dessert in there um pork belly i guess i mean yeah i feel like in retrospect, I missed maybe a good piece of sushi. You had three bites of steak. I did. I mean, it's really good steak. Yeah.

It's really good pork belly, though. All right, Tommy. Well, thank you so much for your time doing these ads with us. You've been immeasurably helpful to the growth of this episode. Thank you. Fuck, dude. Yeah yeah but i remember so were you in like a lot of pain for a while after it broke

no they had me on painkillers damn i didn't get painkillers they were just like take some advil because you were a child yeah and dude i remember the so they gave me the shot and like once that kicked in, it was like, it felt like I didn't even have a broken arm anymore. So they were like, they were like, but don't go crazy with it. Cause it's going to feel like you're fine. They're like, don't just be like, well, like you're going to have to keep it elevated, keep it in the sling and everything.

And I was like, of course I didn't listen. And I'm like fucking walking around. Like I'm the man with my new cast on. And you still wear that fucking today. Yeah. So I'm walking around and then i got home and i'm like screaming in pain because the kid has the because the the shot wore off damn and it was so painful damn but i think i fucked it up permanently though um no i've always

thought that my left arm my left uh arm was like smaller than my right arm. Wait, wait, which arm did I break? Damn, dude. I don't remember. That's probably how dominant arms work. I don't know. There's one of my arms I'm convinced that like my wrists are smaller. You could probably even measure them.

Yeah. And I think it's because of how I broke it. Damn, bro. You ever seen someone get a compound or what is a compound? No, compound is multiple breaks. What is the one where it comes out of the skin compound yeah i think compound is yeah big but it comes out oh yeah oh dude i like to watch uh skate skate injuries and shit like that yeah when people get their like legs broken and stuff and their feet broken so i have seen that shit it's fucking gross

tyler i know i know you've got that as well tyler's just broken every part of his body have you broken other parts of your body both his ankles jesus that's crazy and then everything's in your face yeah dude that shit's bad. Just popping shit out. Yeah, that's not good. I'm trying to be done with breaking stuff. Oh, me too. You got to, you hit a certain age where it's like, no.

No, that's just not cool. I think like 15 is like when you're like. But then people turn 70 and it's like start breaking stuff again. That's when it gets depressing. I know. Old yeller. Yeah. Put them down.

Dude, people definitely do get depressed when this shit happens to them too dude you gotta stay spry old people's bones are so brittle yeah they're like they could like bang their elbow

and they'd be like god fuck it I just broke it and their muscles and joints are tight like they don't have like the same it just turns to dust

yeah this shit fucking crumples you gotta you gotta start stretching or you're gonna die dude I've been stretching, bro You know I've been working out I know you've been running, but you had to stretch onto that?

I guarantee you in like a week or so We won't record again until next Monday Yeah, what are you doing that you're not gonna be here? Why are you recording on Friday? I'm going home Just for like two days Okay, gotta link up with my dukes Some of that fucking lasagna i know how it is now i'm

going home to uh see my sister who's home right now and my cousins before my cousin's going abroad for like six months we got to take this show abroad dude we got to quit fucking around we do we're like we're playing you need to get some you need to get booked in Australia Ireland and England right now I know some places wherever they speak English

and they'll get your fucking you know a lot of people do Australia your little anti-church jokes and shit like that wherever there's Catholics that speak English you need to be

100% 100% wherever the Pope's fucking reach has touched let's get down to Australia dude it'll be funny big time BT we'll fucking sit first class 100%. Wherever the Pope's fucking reach has touched. Let's get down to Australia, dude. It'll be funny.

Big time. BT. We'll fucking sit first class. Also, you got to stop wearing that cowboy shirt, dude. We take this shit super serious in Philly. If you can get me a sweatshirt that fits the exact same that says Eagles, I'll wear it proudly. Yeah, you have extra collar. Just a ton of collar in that sweatshirt.

I know, right? I like it. Yeah, it does look fucking sweet it looks dope doesn't it it does fly as hell fuck dude they said it couldn't be done

somehow sass is fucking attacking you're an absolute fucking beast dude alright should we wrap it up let's end this episode hey thanks everyone for fucking listening

hopefully that didn't suck ass I'm gonna be in Phoenix, Arizona. Rowan has a new podcast coming out. I have a new podcast coming out. So check out both of those things. Check out the new podcast with Patrick Beverly about the NBA. Check that out.

And if you really like that, then head on over to my website and you can see me live. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think they will like. No, yeah, yeah. I think people like... No, I'm excited for it. Bro, I was gassing it up yesterday. Oh, yeah. Online, yeah. That was dope as fuck, dude.

Yeah. Everyone's like, dude, you got to fucking link up with AD and LeBron. I know. Yeah, people want to see me and LeBron in the same room. Just make it happen, dude. Yeah. I think that's realistic. I know.

All right. We'll see you guys next week.