Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 8 - It's Not Your Fault

Episode Date: July 13, 2021

-- Sas & Rone catch up after their week out of office with some stories from Chicago, a horror story from the gym, and a discussion about their favorite cops & billionairesYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is July 12th. We are back in the office. I like when you do a little more zing.

Ready to roll, ready to roll. That's good. But I like a little more zing on the what's up, everybody. Like a little... What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Day podcast. Today is July 12th. We are back in the office.

This is Lil Sass. I'm here with my co-host, Roan. Yes, sir. And we got Owen in the booth. Owen's in the booth. Dog days of summer. Yeah, Owen's cooking up some audio levels for us. Yes, sir.

Shout out, Owen. Shout out to the squad, man. Shout out to everybody that's putting Boy Dad on their back. Shout out to everyone who got us here. Couldn't do without you guys. Yeah, thank you guys so much for 20k. Thank you. Oh, yeah, 20k. 20k. Thank you for 20k.

A healthy 20k, too. We don't have any of that bullshit 100k followers, three likes on the tweet type of interaction. And engaged 20k. And we need people to stay engaged. I noticed you're growing a mustache. I am growing a mustache. That shit looks fucking good.

You know who Tom Selleck is? No. You look like Tom Selleck. I do think I could give myself a little bit of a Tom Selleck vibe. Who's your mustache goals? I don't really have any. I don't know if i'm actually going to grow it out or if i'm going to shave it i mean i i i was in chicago all week and

i didn't bring a razor so my facial hair was fully grown out but apparently it takes a month to really fully grow out your mustache i was doing some research on it do you think everybody's the same for that do you think there's like uniform research on that uh it sounds right like a like a to hit your peak mustache growth it says it takes a month but what about like a fucking greek guy what about a fucking hairy ass well his might just be way longer you don't think it'll be what about thicker though i feel like if you have thick facial hair there's some people who could grow mustache in fucking three days some some guys would like a dense grow one but he probably wouldn't hit his like his full potential

would be in a month. Maybe. His full mustache potential. I don't think... Well, I'm just saying, I think there's some people who have it and some people who don't have it. And I think I'm a guy who just doesn't have it. I could go a month

and there's just... Nothing's going to fucking happen. It will be... I can't relate. I'm a weekend. With your thick shit. I'm a weekend and it's looking good. When dudes get like uh

when dudes are so hairy they like it looks green on their face at like six o'clock it just looks like they're rusting over a little bit they just have that fucking uh that thick ass i can't grow hair anywhere on my cheeks though which is a problem i know but i can grow under my under my chin and on my chin and you you like to tell yourself that it's coming, but it might never come. No, it's coming. It might never come. I think after a month you'll be able to see it. And if not, I'll die it.

I'm saying the rest of your facial hair, cheek hair. It might never come for you. Cheek hair is never coming. Yeah, that's fucked. Yeah, that's bullshit. I'll just grow. I'll be a goatee guy. There's plenty of goatee guys in the world.

I don't even know if you can hit the chin. I don't even know if you'll be able to populate the chin with any hair. I have a bunch of, like, this is one I shaved yesterday. A soul patch? I have plenty of chin hair. It's thick right down there. What do you think about the urban myth around soul patches? I think they're tight as fuck.

That they're for tickling balls during blowjobs. Is that what it says? That's the urban myth. Oh, wow. That's what they say that's the properties probably probably one of those goof-ass cicero fucking play-doh one of those motherfuckers what were you doing out in uh in chicago speaking of cicero i was just visiting my friends from college yeah yeah it was a good time you whoop it up out there yeah yeah i whipped it Yeah, I whipped it up. Did you go to a baseball game? Yeah, I went to a Cubs game.

That's fucking sick. That was awesome. Did you sing Take Me Out to the Ball Game? Yeah, we did. Seventh inning stretch? Oh, yeah. Peanuts, Cracker Jacks? So when I was there, some kid sent me a picture of me from like two rows behind.

He was like, bro, I'm sitting behind you. That's always reassuring. I know. And I was literally made to eat on a hot dog and it was like the ugliest picture i've ever seen i was like dude like i'd rather you just come up to me and say hi than tent then take a picture of me from behind me yeah that's uh that's reassuring that he's just he's like the guardian angel he's just looking out and then i look back and he's just staring right at me i looked at his profile picture and then i looked back and

he's eyeing me but uh that's really weird of him but right behind there in the pantheon of weird things is that you're just at the baseball game checking the private dms just being like oh what if uh i'm always checking my dms always checking it was on twitter i don't get a lot i don't get like a bunch of dms on twitter but what about just getting lost in the fucking ballgame? What about watching fucking Rizzo out there? Rizzo's awesome, by the way. I'm a big Rizzo guy these days. Oh, really?

There was a pinch hitter. I think he's number 17. Oh, yeah. Number 17. Big 1-7. Everyone went nuts. That guy's got big lumber. Oh, he strokes.

People went crazy when he got up to bat. And then he just hits a two-run. I guess it wasn't a home run. What do they call that, a two run. I guess it wasn't a home run. What do they call that? Home run. No, but it wasn't a home run. Oh, a two run. A double.

Double. Double. Double. Two. Okay. Okay. He hit a double. I feel like this is stuff you should have learned at like 10, 10 years old.

He hit a double. He hit a double. And then the guy right after him. And then I'm like, they're literally pitching. And I'm like, I'm like, damn, damn i need i need to see a home run here like i need i need to see a home run while i'm at this game because it's like the bottom it was like the game's almost over i'm like i need to see a home run right and right after i said that that guy hit a home run like you said it out loud well i said it out loud and what that hit was a home run

shut up yeah do you think that he you think he heard you? Probably, yeah. Probably the sound carry. I think it was 10 to 2. It was a wipeout. It was a total... Dude, hearing you talk about sports is fucking... I can't believe how many of the terms you know. How did you know the term wipeout? How do you know wipeout?

Have you watched baseball before? All right. We're moving on. Past the baseball. It was a good time, though. I mean... Baseball is fucking boring. how do you know wipeout have you watched baseball before all right we're moving on past the past the baseball it was a good time though i mean the baseball baseball is fucking boring like do you ever get texted me because he was like the cubs are gonna win this game and i replied and i was like i'm at the game and he texted me he's like let me know if you need anything at wrigley he's like i can get you anything what and i was like can you get me some box tickets and he was

like yeah i could have really yeah He's fucking plugged in like that. All right, big man. What do you, uh, I mean, a, you have to take them up on that. Being in a box at a baseball game.

Well, I would have taken him up on it. He was like, he was like, if you let me know in advance, yeah, I could have done that. You should have just asked for a fucking hot dog then.

Just like, okay, like just get me a free beer and a, that would have been way too much of a, like someone's key. You got to go talk to someone and they got to go talk. I'd rather just, I mean,

dude, actually that's a lie. I would not have ever paid for it. Shit. There was so I spent over a hundred dollars at the game. It's fucking expensive. It's a racket. Oh, one beer was $11 and a hot, the hot dog was 15 bucks.

And your seats were just a normal ass hot dog. Your seats were so far away from the game. You snapped a picture. Yeah, but I feel like baseball, baseball is kind of like, well, I feel like baseball is one of the few sports that being far away, like doesn't matter. It all. I think it almost adds to it if you're far away. Baseball, no one's going to watch the game. No.

I don't think anybody's going. Except like Frank or Tank. But being far away didn't take away from the experience in the slightest. Because it's not like you're watching the balls and strikes super intently or anything. I've gone to hockey games, and if you're really far away at a hockey game it kind of sucks how many times have you been taken out to the ball game have you gone out to the ball game a lot of times no i i used to go when i was younger with my parents to red sox games but i hated it because i just didn't like so you didn't care if you ever got back to the ball game at that point no but this was just like it was seemed like a fun idea

and i went and which like what did you like root, root, root for the home team? Was it the fucking, the Cubs that you were rooting for? Or did you just not care? It was just like nice being out there with the guys. Yeah, I was rooting for the Cubs. Oh, so if they didn't win, it'd be a shame. It would have been a shame. How did the, what did you pick up about the pitching system?

Like, I didn't, i wasn't really keeping tabs how many strikes is it till you're out three oh one two three strikes you're out yeah at the old ball game see bro we're on the same they had some guy sing that song like say it was some like special guest and it was just like imagine being put in that position because there's 82 games like there's not that many fucking special guests that you're even really going to want to hear. I don't even know who he was, but everyone went crazy when he showed up. And, like, when they pointed the camera at him and then he sang the whole thing just at his seat. He was just, like, standing there with a microphone singing it.

Oh, I thought they did it in the booth or something like that. He was just at his seat. No, he was just at his seat holding a microphone. Oh, it was just a random guy? Yeah. Just a random fan? No, no. Or guy just a random no no it was a famous he was a famous tom arnold or some shit like that i don't know i think he might have been like a cubs like a cubs old cubs player mickey morandini or some shit like that i don't know that would be

embarrassing as fuck though yeah yeah you can't sing in front of people you would never sing in front of people no never you wouldn't sing happy birthday at a fucking chili's that's true i i don't even like doing that i get i got i get like anxious when I'm there because I'm like, I don't want them to put the fucking, like I know Dana Beers really likes the big screen on him. I don't want that at all. You thought you were going to be on the big screen? No, no, no. Not in like a Dana way.

Like I mean like just if they randomly put it on me. Oh, okay. Because I don't want to have that whole awkward reaction and then you're just standing there for 10 seconds later waiting for them to change the crowd's just going crazy that would be so fucking awkward everyone's just going nuts yes little sasquatch they're like he knows big cat big cat could have got him a box yeah if he had let him know earlier big cat would have had him in a box right there such a big man move though oh let me know earlier, Big Cat would have had him in a box right there. Such a big man move, though. Oh, let me know if you need anything at regular.

Anything. I can get you literally anything. You want to run the bases? You want to run the bases between innings? I can totally get you in. I can get you out there to rake the infield afterwards. You want to get into one of the dugouts? You want to have a fake fight with the mascot?

I can totally work that out for you if that's something you want. You want to race against one of the dugouts? You want to have a fake fight with the mascot? I can totally work that out for you if that's something you want. You want to race against The Flash in center field? Have you ever seen that? They do that at Brave Games. They have random fans that will race against The Flash in center field. And this guy fucking dusts everybody. What if it was just Usain Bolt under that costume? It fucking might as well be.

There's not a lot of fucking career advancement options for a sprinter. Do you think the fastest person alive is Usain Bolt under that costume? It fucking might as well be. Like, there's not a lot of fucking career advancement options for a sprinter. Do you think the fastest person alive is Usain Bolt? Or do you think there's just some random dude out there? Nah, it's definitely Usain. Who could just toast Usain Bolt. For some sports, I think that there could be just like a random person out there. But I think that for the sprinter, I think it has to be Usain. Maybe for like distance though, there might just be some fucking random ass dude who's

just like incredible at distance running. Probably me. I'm really good at distance running. You don't have the frame for distance running. You're about three inches too tall to distance run. Your fucking knees couldn't handle it. Your hips would fucking collapse under the fucking concrete. I can run forever.

Yeah, but fucking not fast. No, not fast. You're probably just plodding. You probably have heavy ass feet. Your feet probably fucking smack into the ground like a fucking not fast. No, not fast. You're probably just plodding. You probably have heavy ass feet. Your feet probably fucking smack into the ground. I also legitimately think that I could be the strongest person on the planet. That I believe. I literally think I could be.

That I think you have the capacity to be that. You have the frame for it. Basically, you have the frame for it. I think if I just was stronger, that would help, obviously. But I think weight class, probably not. What's making you say that? You're saying, wait, you're saying if you were stronger, you could be the strongest person alive? Because I feel like my muscles are pretty small.

Because I agree with that. I feel like my muscles are pretty small, but I feel like I can put up some significant amounts of weight. Well, you're not a glamour guy. You're about fucking numbers. Yeah, I am. Across the board. You're not a fucking glamour guy at all. I am a glamour guy, but it's just not working out well. So you're just going to become a numbers guy. Yeah, I am. Across the board. You're not a fucking glamour guy at all. I am a glamour guy, but it's just not working out well.

So you're just going to become a numbers guy. Yeah. You just fucking go with whichever path fucking Jay Cutler and the Weightlifting Society picks for you. I actually decided I'm going to start bulking again. You should. Yeah. In the summertime, though? Yeah.

I know you're not fucking taking your shirt off at the beach. I took my shirt off at the lake this week. Did you? Lake Mish? Big lake week. Shut up. Were you on Lake Mish? Yeah. It's just lake mich lake week shut up were you on lake mich yeah it's just so weird because like i grew up on the beach so like we were at the lake and there's just zero

waves and also they were like there was like lifeguards in the water the whole time and they're like oh can't go past your waist get back in so if you wanted to go like under you kind of just had to like like splash your way into like above your arms or like back float the whole time and there was like a and it was like they wouldn't let you go outside of this zone so it was like everyone there's like it's a really big lake obviously massively the beach there was like the beach there was like there was a lot of room great but they had everyone in this compacted area so it was like a fucking public pool type feeling that you go a little too far also you're rubbing up against some greasy italian dude there were definitely greasy italians in there slicked up sunblock italians you fucking rub off them and go flying no friction when you

fucking go against them you just zoom past them the only thing slowing you down is the matted ass fucking hair underneath the fucking white sunscreen. If you drown in a lake, you are a bitch. Yeah. You can't be drowning if there's no waves. I think if you drown in general, you're a bitch. I mean, I think that there's... Learn how to fucking swim. But there's like fucking

undertow. You could get fucking toasted by some undertow if there's waves. That's a little less bitch made. People get dragged out. I've almost gotten dragged out. And it's hard to get back. Oh, yeah. You gotta fight for your life. And you wind up feeling like a bitch. Oh, if you get dragged out, you are

a bitch, definitely. Especially if you live. It would be more honorable if you drowned. Because then everyone's like, whoa, that must have been like really intense. I mean, if it ever happens, if it gets close for me, I'm just gonna fucking drown. Because I couldn't face walking back back up there fucking coughing up fucking guppies just fucking uh water popping out of your lungs and you're just looking super soft just drown yeah i'm a pretty bad swimmer too my mom even when i was in high school my mom would be like be careful out

there like you're pretty you're pretty bad at swimming you don't have the body for it she would like tell my friends watch out for harry he's a poor swimmer i was in like high school she had you on the buddy system in the pool literally no deep end today harry don't let him dive can you even die i also was doing i was thinking about this when i was out when i was on the lake i was uh i kept on pretending to drown and i was like that's like hilarious the funniest thing that you can do while you're swimming in like a public place wait uh like it's just like flip over on your stomach and you're just like laying there yeah oh that is the funniest all your friends are yelling at you oh my god get him someone get him spooking like

your aunt or something like that it was hilarious i wanted to get a picture of me doing it because i thought i was crying. I thought it was the funniest thing ever. You lay still for a little bit too long. Yeah. Stop. Actually, stop. Seriously, get up.

The lifeguard comes over. The lifeguards were assholes. I feel like most lifeguards are kind of assholes, though. Yeah. Trying to save my life and all that bullshit. They want saves. I know need they need people to drown it's like the anti-smoking industry they gotta they gotta they gotta hit a certain quota they need smokers in the anti-smoker like truth.com needs people to keep on smoking so they can stay alive as a website webs are uh

fucking lifeguards need people to be drowning so they can feel good about their job yeah if i heard at the end of the month if there's not enough drowns they like start drowning people on purpose they're like cops trying to get their like ticket quota they'll just start running you up for a fucking they'll start saving you when you're not even drowning they'll just start giving you mouth to mouth just fucking they start sneakily putting like rocks in your pockets they start like feeding people peanut butter and jelly is fucking less than 30 minutes before they go swimming that'll real drown is that like a real thing like oh yeah yeah isn't it like two hours though or is it 30 minutes two hours to be safe but 30 minutes and

you will drown 30 have you ever tried it no it's like it's like a crazy it's like 70 of people who eat within 30 minutes cramp and drown and it's not a fucking joke i was eating i was eating and i was eating in the water just had some chips in my hands they're all wet dude i saw a fucking uh instagram of this fucking vegas pool party where they like make a floating uh it's like a six foot tray of tacos that you're supposed to eat in the pool it looked like the fucking grossest shit of all time eating stuff in the water is so gross it's so fucking gross like it's all falling apart in your hands yeah they were like hard shell tacos i can't like swim if i look at other people too much because i'm like this is disgusting

especially oh i almost just gagged at least if you're in like the at least if you look at other people too much because i'm like this is disgusting especially oh i almost just gagged at least if you're in like the at least if you're at the beach it's like salt water it's so gross like you're looking at someone and they just have like a bunch of water in their mouth they just spit it right back into the water they're blowing their nose in the water everyone's peeing just literally like you go in the water to pee yeah i'm gonna run it and it's like it's the lake is fresh water so it's like that shit's not going anywhere there's no way it's stagnant there's no way you're just there's nothing kick in the water you're swimming in someone else's piss i mean there's a little kid down the thing just cut himself on a razor clam

have you seen uh they like visualize it for you and it's an olympic size swimming pool and it's how many gallons of piss are in it and it's like 18 oh i mean at least those have chlorine in them though oh that's so gross the lake another thing about the lake is probably the worst place to swim right what do you mean for what purpose because like there's the salt water in beaches. Most pools have chlorine or salt. Lakes? Yeah, lakes just hold the piss. Lakes is just fresh.

It's fresh piss. Natural water. It's just pure piss. Nothing's filtering out of that. Fresh, unfiltered piss. It's fucking disgusting. I mean, it probably has some antioxidants and some fucking cleansing powers, but in general, it's fucking gross. It felt good to swim in. It's cool. It felt really refreshing in general it's fucking it felt good to swim in it's cool really refreshing fucking calm i didn't pee in fucking pools like or i've never peed in a

pool in my life and people are always like yeah you fucking have dude shut the fuck up like you pee no i don't fucking i would still pee in a pool to this day and people and i started i never used to pee in the ocean either my grandparents used to i used to pee in a pool to this day. And people, and I started, I never used to pee in the ocean either. My grandparents used to, I used to pee in my grandparents' pool all the time. And then they were like, we, my grandpa did some tests and there was a bunch of piss in the pool or something. And then they told me that they got the stuff that like you pee in it, the blue, the water turns like dark blue around you if you pee. It turns, it's like. It turns like red or some shit. It turns different colors so that like everyone in the pool knows you're pee.

It's like when a bank robber opens up some Mark bills and like fucking ink squirts all over them. So I and then I just went in the pool and I just did a little squirt of piss. Just a tiny little squirt just to test the waters. Nothing happened. And then I just unleash. Should we go ahead? I was shitting and pissing. Have you ever been in the pool with someone shits?

No, it sounds so fucking gross. I think I was at a public pool one time and there was just a dookie at the bottom and then they had to evacuate everybody. Yeah, you'd fucking hope so. I don't know why people think they can just fucking empty their bowels and their fucking bladders in pools. It was actually, it was at Water Country, I think. That's a water park, obviously.

Yeah, I think it's like the biggest water park in like New England. Shut up. I was there. Shut up. I was there. Shut up. I was there. It's not a big deal. Fucking how tall is the slide? The fast one. Really tall. I don't do the ones that just go straight down because there's like you're spooked. Yeah. Also, it's like

at least I'm like a roller coaster that goes straight down. It's like locked in. What if you like lean forward like you're doing that shit? You just die. I don't know. I mean, I'm the kind of person who like would act like I'm very uncoordinated i would fly off the side of it accidentally lean forward or some shit and what do you mean like from laying down yeah that would not fucking kill you it's not gonna go you're not gonna go it's not like you're gonna start tumbling down it and fucking somersaulting down it those things are really really tall there's one that was it's like a free fall. Those things are really, really tall. There's one that was, it's like a mile up.

My buddy Mike, the producer Mike from Neighborhood Eats, he would always like run down and go down on his belly and they would fucking scream at him and like kick him out of the fucking wall. We're not talking about the same type. Yes, we are. The fucking ones where you just fucking, it's like a straight drop. There's no way he would go down on his belly. He's a fucking psycho you literally like they make you stand on a platform and then the platform just drops yeah and you're free falling how would he go on his belly was he doing a handstand on the thing no

he just i mean or maybe so maybe it's not one that drops out from under you it's just like a slide slide it's a slide but he would go down on his belly i think that that's a crazy move i wouldn't even do that but i mean water parks to me are a million times better than theme parks i would much rather be sitting in water and park but no i'm saying like fucking six flags or you never been on a roller coaster yeah yeah yeah six flags sucks sucks all that shit i've never been though so i don't actually know if it sucks. You're just throwing fucking smut on... I don't like roller coasters.

This week I also went to one of our friend's houses who lives in like Mundelein. Of course, Mundelein. It's like the burbs of Chicago. I've never fucking heard of Mundelein. It's like the burbs of Illinois. It's like fucking heard of Mundelein. It's like the burbs of Illinois.

It's like an hour away from Chicago. North or west towards Rockford. I think it's north. And we went to a fair and there was like rides. And I did one of those ones where it's just like, those rides suck. All it is is you're just like viciously spinning. The best thing that could happen is you die. No, Mundelein.

Mundelein. And I'm just spinning.'s like it's like this thing and it's going around but while it's going around your personal thing is also spinning it was like a gravitron mixed with a zipper ride kind of yeah and i'm like this is horrible and it just it was fun for the first 10 seconds then i'm like all right let's shut this thing down and then it just doesn't end people just want to get sick and then we went to a we went through a fun house and the first thing that you walk through is uh it's like these punching bags and we're going through and they're literally like slimy we just slipped right through them it was like these

little kids are just the italian guy at the beach yeah you're just slipping past these and i couldn't stop thinking about it the rest of the day. It was literally like, they were sweating. What were they slimed from? Sweat. Yeah. It was hot out. It was really hot out. But they would punch people and then they would just get their sweat on them?

Yeah. That's fucking gross. Yeah. Carnivals are fucking gross. Yeah. I'm not a big anything guy. I know. You fucking hate shit. Did you see the video this weekend of that fucking carnival ride

that was like it was like one of those viking boat type of things that went back and forth and it started to like tip over and people had to run up next to it and fucking balance it out or like 40 people would have died at the carnival yeah that's fucked yeah i mean also those things probably have zero to or like little to no like checks or anything. They're probably just like, all right, we got the Gravitron. Let's just get these people in it now. Oh, yeah. They're not giving it like test runs or anything.

And I mean, there's no way I've never been to a carnival and been like, yes, these prices are fair. Oh, yeah. It's always like fucking fifteen dollars more than a hot dog at the Cubs game to fucking ride a carnival ride. It's some bullshit. Take me to the carnival for a fucking funnel cake. Let me fucking squirt a little squirt gun at a fucking, at a target to make a boat go faster or throw a little ping pong ball into a milk jug.

That's all I want to do. I want to win a teddy bear. Keep my feet on the ground. I don't even want to go on the Ferris wheel. Ferris wheels even give me the willies. Yeah. I don't like Ferris wheels, but I would, I would do a Ferris wheel like there's some that i just savage

bro like i would never do with the zipper you're a fucking savage i would never do the zipper i would never do the gravitron ever i i would do the gravitron before i did the zipper though why you like to be you rather be nauseous in that way than feel like you're gonna die yeah the zipper is just a fucking torture chamber yeah fuck that thing like that thing shouldn't i remember when i was little i was at a in marshfield next to my hometown there was like it's called the marshfield fair and there's a zipper and i remember sitting under it watching people do it and someone threw up while they were on it and then their puke just came splattering down it literally felt like someone it sounded like someone just took a

gallon of water and just dropped it from like Empire State Building. It was just a splash. And do you think that they cleaned that? Do you think someone for like eight bucks an hour cleaned it? Or you think the next person just got on there? That stayed there throughout the year. It's probably still there. Oh, my God. That's so fucking gross.

It's hard to not associate carnivals with puke. Yeah, that's like their goal. Yeah. They're like going to- They're just eating the- Oh, my God. And then we went to- And then there was live music at the carnival. Polka? I feel like that's pol their goal yeah they're like eating the work oh my god and then we went to and then there was like live music at the carnival polka i feel like that's polka country and right above

literally felt like we just walked into some like white nationalist like parade they were singing it was like the day after the fourth of july and they're singing this weird ass a proud to be an american song and there's all these like hick like. You think that's a white nationalist song? The one that goes, and I'm proud to be an American. Yeah, yeah. I know I'm free. You know that song. And I won't forget the man who died and gave that life to me. And I proudly stand up.

No, it was so bad. And they're like waving. You think that's how, you think all country music is white nationalist that's not country music yes it is that's like textbook country music that's not country you know it's not that's like hey god bless the usa oh it was so cringy i had to step out are you serious yeah that's like a textbook i think it was also because the guy singing it was so weird like just one of those guys who's like i don't know he he reminded me of like a textbook country. I think it was also because the guy singing it was so weird. Like, just one of those guys who's like, I don't know. He reminded me of like a church, like preacher type like guy who carries around a guitar.

Yeah. Preacher Tom. The friendliest guy ever who definitely has some like vicious skeletons in his closet. Yeah. He ran over a family while he was drunk driving when he was 17 i'm gonna be a preacher now god's with me god's on my side yeah and then he had to dedicate his entire life to the united states and the church he had to learn the guitar viciously just like fucking fingers bleeding on the guitar just to fucking suppress the memory of the fucking little child whose face splattered on the fucking front of his ford ranger yeah he definitely lit somebody up

some fucking corn-fed man a fucking yeah yeah that was weird and then we left right after that and then there was like people taking pictures with the cops and shit the whole thing was weird you get out of the city bro you realize that uh not everybody thinks the same thing yeah you stay in the city for too long and it's like oh everybody thinks this thing or especially if you're on twitter it was like you stay on twitter you stay on pictures with cops like they were like celebrities i was gonna ask for a picture with them hey you guys mind big fan big fan love what you guys are doing bro fucking uh i mean i honestly think it's just a couple bad apples

it's not the whole tree you just whisper that you whisper that to a cop hey man i know it's not you brother you guys get a bad rep fuck what they say about you. I saw that video of you guys playing hoops, shooting hoops with the people. I saw you give those kids some Shaq Walmart shoes, some $15 Shaq shoes. You guys aren't all bad, man. Salute to you guys. Imagine calling 911 being like, first time caller, long time listener.

Oh, my buddy had to call 911 this week, too. Oh, no. Yeah, we were getting shot at. Shut the fuck up. What? I swear to God. I don't believe you. There's nothing you can say to make me believe you.

I'm not even going to tell the story because it's boring. One of my friends crossed the street. Yeah, so they were fucking shooting at us. We crossed the street and they fucking unloaded a fucking clip of the semi one of my friends crossed yeah so they were fucking shooting at us we crossed the street and they fucking unloaded a fucking one of my friends across the street in front of a car and then the car instantly does a u-turn and like accelerates trying to pick her up like it was like don't fall asleep bro okay just fucking get to the point bro and then and then we're standing there and i'm like what the hell's going on and then they they turn around again and they zip by us and they turn around again.

And then we were like, okay, they're like actually trying to come get us. So then we went into his apartment and as soon as we get in the apartment, then we called the cops and they were like, yeah, we just got multiple other calls about gunshots. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. And it wasn't the 5th of July or the 4th of July. Shut the fuck up. It was like multiple days after. You're literally the person

who's like where those gunshots are fireworks my friends were reacting a little bit more than i was i was a little bit more like i was like where are they shooting at us i it no one was shooting at anybody it was the fourth of july and there were fucking fireworks no it really wasn't it was uh it was not the fourth of july it was it was around 4th of July. It was around the 4th of July. It was around the 4th of July, but what are the odds? They were clearly chasing us. Very good. They were very good.

They were yelling shit out of the car. They were chasing you? No, they weren't. They were yelling shit out of the car. They weren't chasing you. Oh, I promise you they were chasing us. What do you mean? Like, they did multiple U-turns to come back to us.

Where were you? Right outside my friend's apartment. In what neighborhood of Chicago? I don't know. Lincoln Park? Nah, around there. There's no way someone was just fucking looping back, looping back, looping back and trying to kill you in Lincoln Park.

No, there was. It happened. And if there was, how would that be a boring story? Because I feel like I've told the story like 10 times in the last couple days. Dude, but like my friends were a little more into it than i was to keep in mind listeners keep that in mind they were i wouldn't i know like no offense to my friend who did call the cops i would never have called the cops i think i was thinking in that scenario i was thinking that scenario like break into my house what would yeah what would it take for me to call the cops and i was like maybe if i witnessed someone get like shot in the head or something

but like i even if i saw someone but not even if i saw someone like with a gun not even if i saw someone get shot in the head i think i would just be like all right it's not my problem i would just go check on the guy and i would just be like you're good and i would just kind of like book it away i don't want to deal with that oh no going to court and then we're like a witness i don't even want to tell pointing a finger kind of embarrassing because nothing happened you have to tell it we were straight up like the are you a karen dude they had us like i can't even you have to say they had you do it give them a give a statement

you gave a statement no no no it's way worse so like you drew a picture so we're like hearing the gunshots which now that i think about it we're most likely fireworks yeah and they've got the cop has us like laying down in someone's bedroom like hiding like get away from the windows get in the bathtub yeah and i like, and I'm sitting there. I'm just like on my phone. I'm like, this is so weird. I was like, this is definitely not what we think it is. The cops were like, get in bed with each other.

Yeah. Wait, wait. There's gunshots. Kiss each other. Real quick. Kiss each other. Kiss slowly. Take pictures of it and put it on the internet so we know where you're at.

And then the cop hung up. She was like, all right, I'm going to let you guys go. Are you kissing each other? All right. Call back. Oh, man. He just had you go to the back, like a back bedroom. Yeah.

I mean, if there were gunshots, you know, that's probably the thing to do. Lay down on the floor in the bedroom. Yeah. I mean, it didn't sound like fireworks, though. Like, it didn't sound like, you know, when you hear when to do lay down on the floor in the bedroom yeah i i mean it didn't sound like fireworks though like it didn't sound like you know when you hear when there's a firework you hear the pop and then you kind of hear like the rain down like the the other ones dying out you know what i mean it's like there's like a one shot there's like one explosion then you hear like the other one like a second later but it's like a it's like, maybe you were getting bombed.

And then you hear the fireworks rain down, like they sprinkle down. I think there's bombs. I think there's a drone strike, officer. Okay, but the only thing that was convincing was, what are the odds that we're getting chased down by this car? Which we were. We were getting chased down by this car. What do you mean, chased down?

They were yelling shit out the window, and they kept on going back and forth to get us us where are they gonna rob you of your fucking unique low outfit yeah probably and then and then as soon as we go in the apartment because we're like okay they're actually chasing us so we go in the apartment because we were standing outside of his apartment we were like let's see like what they're like what are these people actually doing like are they actually coming for us or was like what and then as soon as we closed the door all of a sudden we just heard hearing shit popping off outside so they were shooting at as soon as you went away they started shooting as soon as the door closed but why wouldn't they what if they wanted to kill you

why would they because i don't think they wanted to kill us i think it was more they were just trying to fuck with us they wanted to spook you it probably could have just been like firecrackers honestly yeah probably they threw some firecrackers but it was like clearly they were looking for something to get into because like my friend crossed the street in front of them and all of a sudden they're like slamming a u-turn like who gets that mad over someone fucking crossing the street that they have to like i have to go back and fucking kill this person you do not you do not walk in front of my and they were in a fucking big ass minivan dude what if it was like what if it was like uh a bunch of kids from like depaul who were like

was that little dude he doesn't miss like pull up next to him they're like no no we can't do this we can't do this drive away drive away and they're like no we gotta go back dude we gotta go back that was a little like running red lights and shit like they were it wasn't like a normal like like they were going 100 miles per hour running red lights like going around other cars in the other lane what uh what time of day was it it's like 11 o'clock at night what if you have a hit out on you if you have a fucking i'm out of the city now so thank god bro if you have a bounty on your head god i'm back in new york seriously where you're the fucking king i know i, I got shooters in New York. It was probably like fucking Tekashi when he went to fucking, when he tried to kill Chief Keef.

When he went to Chicago and like went on a fucking random block at three in the morning. Just bullets zipping by his head. Were you on Lil Durk's block? Where were you in Chicago? You were probably on, you were probably on fucking Durko's block, bro. You were probably on fucking, that's gotta be what it was. You were probably palling around with Durk. Was that was that kid in your just in your dms again the kid from the cubs game cubs game no it's just over your shoulder again you really just looked over your

shoulder he wasn't here also thank you for macy's response oh yeah shout out to macy's uh go to macy's.com until august 1st 10% off Use code Oh no I think it's It was actually Use code sonofaboydad For 10% extra 10% You have to pay 10% more 10% on

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of that. Put in the promo code. You will spend more money and we'll see none of it, but you'll be able to help a small business like Macy's. Also, shout out to Barstool Miami for sponsoring the podcast. Shout out Dave and them. Dave Portnoy. Fucking love those guys. Do you want to do the announcement about us going down to Miami right now?

Should we do it? That we're going to be doing three shows from Liv? And then we're going to do a little, I don't know if it's sanctioned yet, but a little thing at 11. We're going to do 4 a.m. to 8 a.m. at 11. We're just going to be yakking. We're just going to be fucking chopping it up with whoever comes through. The high rollers, the strippers, the fucking coke, the meth.

We're going to be doing a lot of coke. Backroom shit. We're actually releasing coke as part of our merch. Yeah, people have been coming out with strains of weed. We're going to be coming out with a strain of coke that's going to be packaged up. And it's laced with fentanyl. Oh, yeah. You're going to fucking love it. It's fucking killer shit. Dude, don'taced with fentanyl. Oh yeah, you're gonna fucking love it.

It's fucking killer shit. Dude, don't joke about fentanyl. It's not fucking funny. I'll cut that. Fucking cut that, dude. Cut it with fentanyl, bro. Cut that with something fucking spicy. Dude, not Lil Sass joking about fentanyl.

Oh man, shout out to him. Another cis white male. Cracking jokes about theanyl. Oh, man. Shout out to them. Another cis white male. Cracking jokes about the big F. Where are they even making fentanyl? Whose idea was it to have fentanyl? I saw someone that someone was like, Who came up with fentanyl? I know.

Well, shame on them. They use fentanyl as like a painkiller, like in hospitals. But I think you take it through an IV, so it's a lot more controlled. My dad had got fentanyl when he was getting surgery. Shut up. Yeah, they just gave him a little bag of it.

Just to snort? Yeah, they would just take a couple sniffs of this. At your leisure. Yeah. Paste it out as much, just a couple grains of powder as you go. I think it's like one tiny little grain can kill you. That's what I've heard. But I also like, who did I hear?

I heard like the Palmer Squares rap about it like 2010. The fucking first time I heard about someone talking about fentanyl. They kind of put it on. They put fentanyl on the map.

They put me onto it. Need to fucking try this shit. The fucking Perky's aren't enough for me anymore. I fucking need to try something. I saw someone like, not in like a, I'm not trying to be like

in a mean way. I saw someone say that they were like a year clean from fentanyl. And I was like, how do you get addicted to fentanyl? Like how, like how do you, like anytime I've heard of someone doing fentanyl, they just die. Yeah.

And I've never, I didn't know you could just like do fentanyl. Dude, there was a fucking, at Rough and Rowdy, there was a cop who fought a skateboarder and this guy named Ryan Young. He actually, I did a video with him and he fucking tased me in the video and he got fired from his cop job for tasing really yeah but uh he was fucking a couple like maybe a year after that he got another job and he was fucking chasing somebody uh like a drug someone involved with fentanyl yeah he touched fentanyl with his hand and he fucking wound up in the fucking intensive care for like and and then

three nurses came in contact somehow with the fentanyl that he touched and they they all wound up in intensive care like the fact that you could just like yeah breathe the most trace amount like it's fucking pixie dust like it's fucking asian orange or like someone it's just like fucking floating i don't even know how you crew like so it has to be one of the most deadly like poisonous things like on the planet right but people can get mildly addicted to it that's what i just that's why i don't understand how someone could get mild or your dad was just fucking chomping on it like fucking necco wait oh my dad wasn't at like they they gave it to him through an iv while he was in surgery your dad just had a fucking sleeve of them like it was

alka-seltzer and he was just fucking popping fentanyls into his mouth i guess if it's a can if they can control it, like make it a controlled substance, obviously it's like there's ways, they obviously have ways that they can give it to you so you don't die. So you want the government in our lives and pretty much you want the government

to be able to tell us what we can and can't do with our own bodies. That's what you're saying pretty much is that you're a government shill and that you enjoy big pharma being fucking shoving whatever they want down your throat. Dude, my boxers are just fucking, just eating away at my ball sack right now. Bro, you need to get rid of those old ass boxers.

How old do you think your oldest pair of undies is? We need to get rid of those old ass boxers and head on over to Macy's. Tired of your crusty, cummed up boxers? Is this a great setup for an ad read? Want to spend more and more on money? Yeah, you want to spend more or less? Use code SONOFABOYDAD at Macy's.com. And you're going to get the best deals.

You're going to get the worst deals you can possibly imagine. Top dollar for average shit. I aspire to pay more than other people fucking pay for some regular shit. You want your friends to know you're really pulling in a lot of cash? Use code SONOFABOYDAD. Overpay. Yeah. I mean, that's what uh like bottle

service at a club is it's like do you want to pay fucking 10 times what that bottle's worth on the open market i've never been to a club before shut up i don't really have much interest in going to one either yeah they uh they suck yeah and obviously unless like drake was there or some shit nah even uh well i guess you would probably you've probably been to the club with drake i was at a club dm drake right now i'm like yo come on the pod nah he's not really about it see i'm like i'm dming all of my i'm gonna even i'm see i'm i'm dming all of my resources like hey come on the pod right why you ask roan for one fucking why is why is caucasian james not been? Because it's like, it seems like he was at the Cubs game too. It's like you're out to the Cubs game.

He wasn't at the Cubs game. And also, he DM'd me and he was like, you're in Chicago? And I was like, yeah. And he was like, when are you here until? And I was like, I'm leaving tomorrow. And he was like, oh. He was like, oh, all right. And it's like.

That is a classic. You're in town, back and forth text. Realistically. When are you here to? If anyone ever texted me and was like, hey, you're in town. I and forth texts realistically when are you here to anyone ever texted me and was like hey you're in town i'm like yeah but we're probably not going to see each other realistically definitely that's why the when are you here till question is an essential question because uh it just knows you you can make excuses up till that day you can just be free the day

after that was an odd thing that you just did there do not put me on blast bro this is a fucking audio medium bro just pouring water into literally no i why don that you just did there. Do not put me on blast, bro. This is a fucking audio medium, bro. Just pouring water into literally no... Why don't you just... Like, there's... Like, I get, like, the water down, nice coffee type thing, but that was... There was, like, quarter of a sip left in that thing.

Yeah. And what, bro? Now it's the hue of piss. You hear about the Addison Rae shit? Have you seen this? Have you heard about this? You see the Addison Rae thing? Bro, you this? Have you heard about this? You see the Addison Rae thing? Bro, you fucking, you remind me of Jay Leno right there, bro.

That was some fucking Conan O'Brien segue type of shit. You're like Jimmy Kimmel. You're like Wanda Sykes hosting Jimmy Kimmel. I was like, I don't want to talk about your fucking iced coffee anymore. I tried to do it on the low, low, low, but you had to put me on blast. Yeah, the Addison Rae shit was the funniest shit on the internet this week. I know. It was pretty crazy.

She stole my dad's job. My dad actually lost his job this week because of Addison Rae. He was the UFC reporter. He was supposed to be. Addison Rae put out a tweet. My dad went to broadcast journalism school for like 45 years and addison ray only went for three months and my dad uh got a call from dana white and he was like we want you to broadcast at the uh mcgregor fight your dad oh they were

gonna say that your dad could be yeah they wanted him and we were like my we were at dinner and my dad was like i fucking did did it. Like we're. We're rich. Shut up. We finally did it. Wait. Did you. He announced it at a nice.

A nice dinner. Like a steak dinner. No. He got the call while we were at dinner. It was like the 6th of July. It was like July 6th. And he's going. We're all going nuts.

He's like. Everyone put on. Everyone put on something nice. We're going to catch steak. We're all going out and getting $100 steaks. And then like. 10 minutes later. We're literally like in the car. On our way to catch steak. And they get a out and getting $100 steaks. And then like 10 minutes later, we're literally like in the car on our way to catch steak and they get a call and they're like,

yo, we got someone with like a little bit of bigger of an ass than you and it's Addison. Dad lost his job. Oh no. Out of work for a month. Dude, because he didn't have a fucking fatty dumpy like her, dude. He was like, she has way more TikTok followers. Fuck, dude dude the funniest part

of that whole thing was the replies to the tweets i went to jersey i went to journalism school for two years interned unpaid for another 1.5 years after that never got hired and had to switch careers thanks for this info it's like you also don't have 100 million followers on tiktok you got to set the table and tell people what addison ray did you got to just say explain it i think everyone will probably know by now i mean she posted the tweet and she said i studied broadcast journalism college for three whole months to prepare for this moment and it's like a picture of her with a microphone but it's like people and people got fucking furious dude people are so dumb first off it's like the same shit when like charlie d'amelio got like a

she was like a model for like the louis vuitton line everyone was like there's people who actually care about fashion who could have gotten this job it's like yeah but they're not the most famous person on the internet that's how modeling works you just have to get addison ray because they know people are going to watch it and watch addison ray it's like i don't know how people can be that stupid i guess her caption people were mad about the caption. How though? I guess because she's like throwing in her face that she didn't go to college. No, I think the caption makes it better that she's like self-aware. I thought the caption was funny.

The fact that she even went to three months is fucking. Yeah. She just has to present something on camera. She's obviously like elite at presenting shit on camera. She's a massive following for just presenting information. Even if she's not elite at presenting anything on camera, it's still Addison Rae. Everyone knows Addison Rae. It's like a household name.

Also, broadcast journalism is the easiest job in the world. It's the single easiest job that there is. Standing in front of a fucking microphone and talking, no shit that other people wanted to do that. It's the easiest and fucking most lucrative for the least amount of work like you just have to ask the most base questions and the fact that somebody is a celebrity they'll be into it it is the the stupidest people of course somebody else it's just like how the world works too this person says this is disrespectful to to all the people who go to college and work their asses off for jobs like this and sometimes don't even get them because addison has clout and she gets them over qualified sports journalists it's like because she had once again because she has

100 million followers dude like they're not gonna hire some random kid from fucking suny brockport yeah yeah hey this kid went to fucking umass to study sports journalism for four years but or we could get the girl with 100 million followers who will literally make us millions of dollars by just showing up dude uh on an unrelated note um like i get why people are mad but at the same time it's like you can't like as someone made a good point they were like they were either gonna have her or another celebrity like it's not like but it's not like it was between her and some random kid that studied broadcast journalism. But completely unrelated, the fact that Joel Embiid, he only played basketball for three years before fucking making it to the NBA. He just picked up basketball. I've been playing basketball for 20 years.

How the fuck is he in the NBA and I'm not in the NBA? And I've been playing for fucking 20 years. I've been playing basketball basically my whole life. And he picks it up and he just gets to go to the NBA and I'm not in the NBA and I've been playing for fucking 20 years. I've been playing basketball basically my whole life and he picks it up and he just gets to go to the NBA because he's fucking seven foot three hundred pounds in the athletic. If you want the job and you didn't get the job, get hotter and get more followers. Why does Mark Zuckerberg have to be the CEO of Facebook when people have MBAs out here? be the ceo of facebook when people have mbas out here people go to business school for fucking years and years and people learn how to strive for upper management and fucking zuckerberg just gets to fucking be in charge of facebook the richest person in the world does that even fucking make sense zuckerberg's kind of falling behind in the game though wait you didn't oh

because he's not going to outer space no he's just like not as rich as the other guys are now it's like el and Bill Gates. Or no, Elon and Jeff Bezos. They're way above Zuckerberg and Bill Gates. But Zuckerberg was... Did you see him riding that surfboard and the fucking... Yeah, the American flag. The American flag.

He was definitely... He's an interesting guy. In a proudly stand up. Next to you. And like Barstool, our company, posted some shit and they were like, Zuckerberg really showing off his Americanism this week.

And it was like, and all the people were going crazy. Classic stoolies. Fucking love this guy. They were fucking whooping it up for the only ethical billionaire out there. Who's your favorite billionaire dude we should do a fucking billionaire draft dude i like jack ma i like the dude the fucking

jack ma i think isn't he the al jazeera guy can you look this up i'm pretty sure he's the al jazeera guy who uh he was like in china he like went missing for like oh yeah the fucking government just like snatched him up and they're like this guy's fucking there's definitely like billionaires aren't there billionaires in like asia though that are just like worth so much money and the saudi shit the fucking saudi uh saudi like oil money and shit like that are you talking or are you talking sort of i mean i know like i listen to something about tiktok like when tiktok first became big and apparently there's just these random billionaires in in asia who owns is it chinese owned tiktok so i believe so there's just these random like chinese billionaires who

just like funneled like 80 billion dollars into tiktok like right when it launched so like that's why it exploded so so rapidly they needed to get that that good american fucking data that they're harvesting from us they needed to fucking see what my Amazon search history was. I don't give a fuck about any of that stuff. Exactly, bro. Take my information. Take your information. Look at me through the camera. Watch. I don't give a fuck. Because honestly, well, do you

think they're looking at the forward-facing camera? I'd be more comfortable knowing that someone, some random dude in Asia was jerking off to me through my camera. You think he's jerking off to you? Jerking off? Hopefully. But he probably just sees the ugly-ass face you're making on your double chin while you're jerking off to me through my camera. You think he's jerking off to you? Jerking off? Hopefully. But he probably just sees the ugly ass face you're making on your double chin while you're jerking off. Like he's looking at the forward facing

camera watching your face. Or do you think he's looking at your dick jerking off and he's simultaneously jerking off to your dick jerking off? I don't know. I don't really know how much of that stuff is believable. I mean, I think it is. Have you ever seen the Snowden movie? Let's get into let's get into some conspiracies with gordon levitt yeah the one with joseph gordon levitt

a big joseph gordon levitt fan by the way why because the third rock from the sun no i just like all i like him in all the movies that he's in oh it's a movie where he has cancer 50 50 that's a really good movie it's one of my favorite movies same i didn't see it break it down for me with him and seth rogan i'm not about to watch a movie about a dude having cancer so uh you can you can no you should watch it it's really good no i don't so i'm gonna go ahead and go ahead and not break it down for you also it's not a very sad movie did you watch it's kind of like he has cancer but in like a funny way he's like Mr. Clean am I right

but uh yeah I'm not there's sad points but it's a good movie it's like a fun movie no I'm not trying to ever watch a movie and feel sad or scared

not my bag okay bro you're just trying to fucking you're trying to just cry you can't fucking access the sadness of humanity

I don't like particularly like watching sad movies but I always would be down to watch a horror movie. Why? You just want to feel spooked?

You want to get the willies? Yeah, because it's fun. I don't get that. I don't either. I did go through a phase where I would watch a bunch of horror movies, and then I stopped because I was like, I don't like feeling scared. Yeah, these films, it's like you want to feel the range of emotions.

I only want to feel the good ones. Yeah, but also watching a scary movie with your friends is fun because you're all scared you're like grabbing each other's thighs you're just yeah oh i'm scared you just give like your buddy a hand job yeah you're like oh my god i'm so scared you're just all of a sudden his dick's in my mouth just on the phone with the cops and they're like suck suck your boy's dick. Yeah. During the horror movie. Just suck each other off. You hear gunshots, suck off your boys. It'll calm you guys down. You scared from the Wes Craven movie?

You scared from the Rob Zombie movie? Suck off your boys. But there are some good horror movies like, I don't know. Like The Conquering. Quiet Place? I never saw Quiet Place, but I heard the second one was really good. Krasinski, bro. Fucking, uh.

What a second act, bro. Who is the, isn't the Boston Bomber? Krasinski something? Krasinski bro fucking uh what a second act bro who is the isn't the boston bomber krasinski something cousins not the boston bomber the unibomber sorry yeah ted krasinski i got my bombers mixed up who are your top five favorite bombers krasinski i like when ted's krasinski played jim in the office and he just fucking uh sent a bomb to someone and looked at the camera no that's ted krasinski john krasinski ted krasinski john krasinski but i'm trying to and he just fucking sent a bomb to someone and looked at the camera. Oh, Ted Kaczynski. John Kaczynski, Ted Kaczynski. John Kaczynski as well.

But I'm trying to think of fucking Ted Kaczynski playing Jim and just fucking sending anthrax and then just giving a fucking dry ass look. Giving some bomb dick to Pam. That would be so fucking funny. Living in a cabin and fucking messing with Dwight. She just sends an airstrike into the Middle East and then does the gym face. Can you do it for us?

No, Rowan, you do it. You'd be better. I don't know which one my camera is. See, I can't see. It's like, uh-oh, just bomb the Middle East. Yeah, just sent the random package bomb to a soccer mom. Did you ever watch the Unabomber documentary? The one with Dwight?

The behind-the-scenes one with Dwight? The British Unabomber documentary? The British one is so much better. No, I don't think I watched the British. I mean, I don't think I watched the Unabomber one. Yeah, it's boring. Ted Kaczynski. That's all I had to say.

But I think him, Syed, Adnan Syed, Timothy McVeigh, who did the Oklahoma City bombing. Fucking me, my first time doing stand-up comedy, and my second time doing stand-up comedy and my second time doing stand-up comedy soon to be your next time too i will also bomb them also bomb men and me and ron are going to the stand tonight we're doing a show no the cellar bro no we're doing the stand i talked to gnome over at the cellar they said they passed me through they said that uh bro they told me you know they don't know you no you're not no at the stand they don't know no because i'm a cellar guy no i talked to them at the cellar they're like nah he's not really our style dude i used to actually go like what's he gonna do come spit some rhymes

for us i got fucking louis ck in the green room right now rap for for us, brother. I went to, one of my friends used to kind of work at the cellar and he like, he told me one of Louis C.K.'s fucking first shows back. And so we were in like the back little room and it was like 130 people in there.

And he like walked in. Wasn't he like really bad? Wasn't he saying a bunch of offensive ass shit? No, he was fucking hilarious. Yeah, but like I heard that his first show back was like he said some. I think he was probably trying out shit and the the shit he was trying it out on the

the room that i was in and it fucking worked but people stormed out people walked out furious women who were just like shaking their head fucking disgusted at him he was at the cellar a couple weeks ago too yeah i think he's he's he's matriculating back his special i'm pretty sure did like really fucking well the one that he released privately did he i think he made like millions of dollars from it it doesn't surprise me he's a funny guy i didn't watch it i have it on my laptop somewhere but apparently it was really fucking funny but they just said that uh the guy that owns the seller just said that uh they're not gonna let bill cosby back in there that's probably a good idea he He served his time, brother.

What are you talking about, man? Let the goat get up on stage and fucking goof around a little bit. Was Cosby an actual comedian? Was he a stand-up? Definitely. I didn't know that. He was a massive stand-up. I think he's been a bad guy since I was born, since I was alive. I think it was like,

since I've been alive, I think it was always like, Cosby's a rapist. Yeah, I mean, I think he was doing it I think it was like, since I've, since I think I've, since I've been alive, I think it was always like, Oh, Cosby's like a rapist. Yeah. I mean, I think he was doing it in the fucking like eighties, but, uh, I think people didn't know.

Cause he had kids say the darndest things. They were like, let's let this rapist around. I saw an old Norm MacDonald interview where he's on the view and they're like, what do you think about Bill Cosby? Cause apparently they were like, he was like, you're like, I heard that they were like, I heard that Bill Cosby doesn't like they were like, he was like, you're like,

I heard that they were like, I heard that Bill Cosby doesn't like you. Like, and he's one of your like heroes. And he was like, yes, yes. Bill Cosby is a great man.

He's like, and then I think he's being sarcastic though. He's like, who was the president at the time? I think it was Bush or. That's probably a safe bet. Yeah. I think it was Bush.

And he was like, no allegations against Cosby. I'm like Bush. And then they were like, probably Clinton. Yeah. It been clinton yeah he says that clinton i wish we could just pull up the clip he says that clinton murdered someone and it's so fucking funny they're like yeah he's like yeah they're like what do you he's like i think that we need to get the murder out of the white house and they're like what are you talking about they're like clinton he murdered someone he's like well i guess it was more manslaughter and they're all like huge clinton people it's so fucking funny norm mcdonald is so funny dude but i think that bill cosby used to go on fucking talk shows and like talk about like

i think that it was so socially or not not socially acceptable but like he was he would like joke about like putting things in women's drinks yeah i don't think he has any remorse whatsoever have you seen the video of him getting taken out of the fucking jail just trying to like he just tried to like goof over it yeah he's getting no no not getting taken out he's getting brought to jail and he just goes hey hey hey yeah as he's in handcuffs being brought into prison i wonder if there's anybody that that worked on that was like disgusted by him and then he like all right maybe it's not okay maybe it's not the worst guy remember the good times separate the artist from the artist from the art i've legitimately never seen anything that

bill cosby's done you never even seen uh unless i have did cosby fuck with kids or it was just i don't think so i think i think it was a lack of because he would put well i don't think it's a lack of scent i think he was just straight up drugging people yeah yeah lack of consent. I don't think so. I think it was a lack of consent. He would put things... Well, I don't think it was a lack of consent. I think he was just straight up drugging people. Yeah. Yeah. Lack of consent. He would put drugs in a woman's... Well, that's a little bit more than a lack of consent. I think it's exactly a lack of consent. He would knock the lady out. Well, it's more of a lack of them being awake. Yeah. Or like

even alive. I think of them as just... Yeah. I mean... No, bro. Say what you were going to say. Not that bad. Speak your truth, bro. Fucking hear him out, bro. Say what you're going to say. Not that bad. Speak your truth, bro. Fucking hear him out. It's crazy how many people are literally like that. So weird.

Yeah. Like what? Bill Cosby? They're like, oh, they're like, he's innocent. Oh. Sometimes you can't tell if it's like a troll or not, though. People are like the same way about Michael Jackson in like a way bigger way. Yeah, MJ's a fucking weirdo.

You think other pedophiles were jealous of Michael Jackson? Like how easy he had it? Because he died before anyone knew he was a pedophile. No, but he was getting it served up on a platter, too. Wasn't David Bowie a pedophile, too? Don't say that, bro. Don't say that about Bowie. Come on, bro.

The fucking Hell's Kitchen King, bro. He was fucking doing it up in HK way before you were, bro. And it seems like you're just trying to throw a smut on Bowie's name to fucking take him down a peg. I mean, they all are. They all are? They're all pedophiles. Hollywood,

bro, it's a bunch of fucking pedos. Yeah, it is. Or fucking... First fucking MJ, next thing Epstein. People fucking love. People do love to fucking talk about that. The fucking rap community loves to be like fucking Diddy bro. Like if you get in Diddy's inner circle, like he's going to fuck you.

Like if you get close to Diddy, he's going to fuck you. I thought it was like Birdman. Birdman. Have you ever seen the videos of Birdman kissing Lil Wayne? Yeah, they kissed. They kissed for a while. Yeah. And Wayne would rap about it. That was like their thing. Damn right. I kiss my daddy. Have you ever seen the videos of Birdman kissing Lil Wayne? Yeah, they kissed for a while. And Wayne would rap about it.

That was like their thing. Damn right. I kissed my daddy. They would like dab each other up. They'd like dab each other up and then they would just give each other a little kiss on the lips. Huh. We gotta set it up. It's kind of fire. We gotta set it up so we can pull shit up.

Yeah. We'll figure that out. A clip show? Be a clip show? No, but that's not like, it's not a clip show. I mean, that's like, but that's like, that would be something funny to watch right now i would like to see that kissing man and low and kissing because it's literally lil wayne's just sitting on a couch like smoking and there's like a bunch of people in the room and then bird man walks in he's like dapping everyone up and

goes below in depth something just kisses him on the lips i mean lil wayne was groomed he was groomed by bird man like can we call him spade spade he was he he was like at 13 years old he was like taken in by birdman oh i didn't know that and they like made him smoke and get fucked up and like fuck bitches and shit like that low but it's low it's like it's like cool grooming it's like it's like fun it's like a fun group they did to dmx too he just made him kiss on the lips i just know that's really fucking weird. What? Kiss my fucking mouth. Are you saying that DMX got groomed too? No, DMX hung out with a bunch of people who made him smoke crack when he was nine.

That's tough. Yeah. Dude, that's one thing about me. I'll never make a nine-year-old smoke crack. I'll never make a nine-year-old smoke anything. I would. And that's my vow. I would make a nine-year-old smoke some things, but not crack.

That's too far. Really? Yeah, I'd make him smoke cigs. Just a cig? Yeah. I would make a nine-year-old smoke some things but not crack. That's too far. Really? Yeah, I'd make him smoke cigs. Just a cig? Yeah. Smoke up. Life's short. It'll make you look colder and cooler. Yeah. You wanna get some pussy? Yeah. Smoke up, kid. Just a pack of Marlboro Reds for Christmas.

Just hang out out front of a Macy's and try and pick up the big spenders. Isn't that from the breakfast club when he's like, you know what? My dad got me for my 13th birthday. He gave me a pack of cigarettes. Smoke up. Life's short. So it's like a super emotional scene.

Oh, he's like, it's like the I saw. I heard some theory the other day that like that whole movie is supposed to be like there's a theory that it's a marijuana they're in a marijuana haze no no that it's like one of the guys like a hallucination oh I heard that too bullshit

that's 100% bullshit people try to make shit up after the fact and just fucking I hate that shit I don't like I don't like... Have you ever seen Inception? Yes. The end of Inception rattles me. What the fuck does that have to do with The Breakfast Club?

No, I don't like ambiguous endings. I don't think The Breakfast Club had an ambiguous ending. I don't think there was a twist at the end of The Breakfast Club that's like, what the fuck just happened? No, there isn't.

But you know what I mean. I don't like movies where there's an option to create a bunch of theories about it. But I guess there really isn't but like i mean you know what i mean like i don't like movies where there's an option to create a bunch of theories about it but i guess there is really isn't that for breakfast club i guess it's more just like it's such a famous movie that people just yeah someone just trying to fucking add some shit onto the end of it i did like inception but i didn't like tenant i thought tenant tried to be inception i didn't see tenant but i i thought the end of inception where the thing is spinning the dreidel's spinning and then everyone's like is he in is he

in reality or is he in his own altered reality bro you just need to rip a bunch of's spinning and then everyone's like is he in is he in reality or is he in his own altered reality bro you just need to rip a bunch of cigs and then go see it and fucking just get it wasn't off enough cigs when i was watching that just get off like 10 cigs and fucking watch inception and you'll you'll be fucking buzzing joseph levitt gordon's in that is it joseph we shouldn't smoke cigs on the pot yeah we should and just puke a bunch we should smoke cigars like joe rogan just a fat tobacco i don't watch joe rogan by the way you just know that he smokes We should smoke cigs on the pod. Yeah, we should and just puke a bunch. We should smoke cigars like Joe Rogan. Just a fat tobacco. I don't watch Joe Rogan, by the way.

You just know that he smokes cigars? I'm having like a running joke because I always say I don't watch Joe Rogan and then I reference a Joe Rogan episode every single fucking... You want a cigar, brother? He's always trying to push cigars on people. That was on the Tim Dillon episode the other day. Try to offer him a cigar? Yeah. He's always trying to fucking...

He's always trying to offer someone a cigar. You do that with impulsive too. Oh, fucking impulsive, dude. cigar. You do that with impulsive too. Oh, fucking impulsive, dude. What, bro? Fucking impulsive. No, bro, that's the brody. That's the fucking dog. Bro, come on, bro.

Our podcast gets really big. I want to start our own label and then we're going to buy impulsive and shut it down forever. No way. You're just doing it to fucking put them out of business? Yeah yeah that's the only reason we're getting into the podcast game there's so many other whack podcasts out of there that we have to fucking take down that's why i got the rap game too no one's doing it like us bro they're all fucking whack bro i hate these whack podcasters that have no fucking style no fucking substance bro we're coming for all you bitch asses. Straight up. Starting with our fucking...

Straight up. Stop. There was an untapped market in the podcast space for two white guys. So we decided to step in. Straight up, bro. Impulsive is ahead of us by three spots. Fuck that.

On what? On PodTrack? That's not acceptable. On what metric? On Apple. Yeah, you did fucking come in on Sunday. That's fucking bullshit. I didn't? No, we were, when you came in

and we were all, you came into the hotel room and we were all fucking eating our little breakfast that we ordered, our little continental breakfast. You picked up the tray of breakfast and fucking smashed it against the wall.

We're like, we're fucking three spots behind fucking impulsive. Not acceptable. This is not acceptable. There's just fucking orange juice on the fucking flat screen. See, I'm like a big numbers guy. I'm addicted to the charts. Ooh, we're bumped.

We're not even in top 30. Ooh. Ooh, don't do us like that. And impulsive is still 28. Shut up, bro. It's only because we have a high episode. How do we fucking boost these numbies bro we need to fucking hack the numbies we're doing well man we're doing good oh keep fucking telling yourself

alex cooper falls to number nine on apple or yikes spotify you see she was kicked out of a she doesn't have that barstool talk nightclub this week yeah she apparently she was in she was in lincoln park when i was there like copycat much i called her i was like alex yo what the fuck you're in town i was like alex you didn't tell me you were in lincoln park you know this is kind of my stomping grounds right you could have hit me up and she was like bro i have 60 fucking million dollars in my bank account i don't need you she said that yeah bro i told you it will go to her fucking head i know because i texted her too i was like anytime you're in lincoln park fucking charts bro we're catching up on you yeah i mean she's not ready for that conversation and she was like i literally

just got kicked out of a montauk bar and i told her like next time you're a montauk anything you need hit me up and i'll fucking that like i could have got you i could have got you hooked up at that bar and i could have fucking given her table service or fucking gotten her i saw a snapchat story from some girl from chicago who i knew last year and and it was like a video of alex cooper like up on stage at a bar shut up yeah daddy gang and i was like that's gonna be us one day bro i, bro. I don't want to rat out any of our coworkers. Sons of boydots. But I'm pretty sure that like half of Barstool was up on the stage at like DJs in Belmar this past weekend. So cringy.

I'm pretty sure Owen was up on stage fucking whipping napkins around. I didn't go up on any of them. Owen said that he was at a bar and some guy turned to him and he was like, he's not gonna lie but these bars still guys are fucking losers yeah and i shut the fuck up i was like yeah i know i definitely would have yeah fuck fuck these fucking dudes these fucking losers yeah i don't get that at all i when i go out i want to be i don't like don't but i when i go out i want to be home yeah yeah i don't like going to crowded bars like i like to go to a bar where i get to sit in a booth divey bar yeah and talk to my friends i'm gonna piss myself i'm i'm gonna come right back what's up guys welcome back to some of a boy dad

again rome just had to take a little tinkle tinkle i've been crushing caffeine into my body rome looked at me and he goes i have to go ootsie ootsie so what dude roney needs ootsie ootsie i just needed a ootsie ootsie really quick dude ronnie needs ootsie ootsie i just needed a ootsie ootsie really quick bro don't fucking get on my case about it bro stop i think i just went poopsies in my ootsie i had to i've been taking poops out my oots i take creatine when i work out it's like in my pre-workout and it makes me piss like it's like almost to the point where like i might have to i might just stop taking it because like i literally can't sit down for more than 10 minutes to have him go pee.

Your penis is just open at all times? For some reason, my room is dark. No. It's clear. No. For some reason, my room is just a pit of depression

and like once I'm in bed, it's hard to get myself out of that thing. And you just don't want to get up to piss? Your mattress is still on the floor. No,

I have a bed frame. Bro, I got a bed frame. That's not a fucking lie, bro. Who are you trying to convince that you have a bed frame. Bro, I got a bed frame. That's not a fucking lie, bro. Who are you trying to convince that you have a bed frame? Bro, I have a fucking bed frame. I don't believe you have a bed frame, and I don't believe that your piss is in the same color as Dr. Pepper. It's very dark.

Your shit is definitely... No, my piss is completely clear. No. Maybe in the morning. I mean, maybe when I piss in the morning, it won't be completely clear. But when I'm pissing at night, it is water. You can drink that shit. And we'll start mixing it in a flush every once in a while.

Have you not been flushing? Sometimes when I'm about to get in the shower, I don't flush. Because you want to save water? You don't want to get a scalded back? No, because I just forget, bro. I just fucking forget to flush. Why don't you just piss in the shower, bro? Why don't you just piss on your leg? Dude, that is so fucking gross.

Bro, you're the one who pisses in the fucking lake. You're nasty, bro. You fucking piss in your grandpa's pool. I know you got all sorts of funguses growing off of your feet. Dude, your fucking, your grandfather. I know you got toe cheese, bro. Don't even fib. Your pop pop used to fucking open his eyes underwater after you pissed.

And he would get fucking stung eyes your grandpa will come up with full pink eye conjunctivitis from your fucking over radioactive piss i had to start washing my hands i used to get pink eye all the time as in last year i got pink eye last year bad yikes and it just didn't go away for so long and i got to a point where i was like it's not going to go away ever. You had to start washing your hands. I was like, damn, something's got to change here, bro. This isn't right. And it's not going to be me.

This shit's got to stop. Someone's going to change and I won't be the fucking one. Goddamn, bro. My triceps are just aching today. Dude, you can barely lift your shit over your head. I know. I had a brutal workout yesterday. Work in a stretch routine, bro.

I maxed out yesterday. Shut up. 175. Nice. I had some kids spot me. Turned out he was a fan. No way. That's a perfect place for a fan to have their nuts over your head spotting you.

I know. Get that different angle. You just see right up there, fucking short ass, short leg. He touched the bar, though, which I didn't like. I was like, bro, get your hands off of that thing get off i got up i was like what the fuck was that bro unfollow me now on all platforms i don't want you on my i don't want you looking at my content anymore how'd you pick who you were gonna ask to spot you uh the gym was pretty empty and i went to the first you i said hey can i get a spot? Really? Yeah. I'm not very shy about the spots. I'll be

honest. When someone asks you to spot them, it feels pretty good. Yeah. Also, like you trust that I'm strong enough to do this. You don't have to be strong to spot someone. I know. Sometimes all you need is just like literally like a finger. Yeah. Just like take a... But like I was getting it up

like it was a clean rep. And then all of a sudden at the end he's like take a but like i was i was getting it up like it was a clean rep and then all of a sudden at the end he's like i'm like bro let me finish i was like bro get those hands out of there before i fucking chop them off i just want my spotter to just go lightweight light work yeah light work i love when they do that push push push push yeah good good good i need mine to be like one more one more i'm like i'm going for three And then after I finish the third, they're like, one more, one more. I only said three though. Why don't people fuck? I like when they slap me in the face.

I also love when a dude comes up to me at the gym and tells me I'm doing the exercise wrong. Oh, I've never had that. I've had guys come up to me and be like, yo, dude, great form. I used to have this old lady come up to me at my old gym at school and she would be like like they had like the dip bar you know how you know how they have the dip thing you can attach onto like the the barbell like i don't know how to explain it a dip bar they have the dip thing

and it's sometimes it's an attachment that you can put onto like a squat rack uh and i'm carrying it she's like you need any help carrying that and i she like worked at the gym and she was like 90 years old and she wasn't she was like very passive aggressive towards me and i was like no i'm good and she's like oh sometimes i need help carrying it and i'm like i'm fucking first of all i'm fucking jacked so i'm not you second i'm a man i'm a man second of all i'm a man and then one third of all i'm 17 and one time i was doing the chest press thing and i guess i was had my headphones and i guess they were hitting the things the plates were hitting the

other thing kind of loud and she was like you're doing too much weight and i was like what and she was like yeah you're doing so she fucking stunned you yeah so she dragged her nuts don't tell me how i'm doing too much weight and then i and then i put more weight on i'm even louder have uh has ron heard the story of when you drop the bar in your jugular twice now have i told you that you're doing too much weight bro hey this time i was doing too much weight no shit about this story when i dropped the bar on myself i don't think so have we not talked about it on the podcast no oh okay um so one time i was at the gym and i i used to only do this was last year or yeah this was last year i used to only do dumbbell bench right because it

gives you more balance range of motion it's not like and also you can overcompensate i just didn't want to i didn't want to uh drop the weight on me and not have a spot so then one day i was like i'm gonna do bench today because i was like i could bench the 60 pound dumbbells i was like i can probably do 135 on bench press so you're about to jump up 15 lbs yeah so that's a tall order so i did it so i i started off with like 25 pounds on each side got a couple reps in then i did 35 got a couple reps in and then i was like all right i'm gonna go for 135 and i did it and i did not get it up and i was by myself at the gym very very crowded gym it was like the college gym so there's a lot of people there everyone there was like a supermodel or like a legitimate bodybuilder what

college did you go to to paul but it was like everyone there was literally everyone at the gym was fucking jacked or like a sports illustrated swimsuit model at the paul everyone at the gym was fucking jacked or like a sports illustrated swimsuit model at the paul yeah at the gym i think you went to a different school and you don't realize and the paul's i think you went to us the paul is like 20 000 students and they're all there's there's that many supermodels there i mean the gym was like i don't know how to describe it and then the people just look hotter at the gym, bro. The dude next to me, literally like a bodybuilder, roided out of his mind. His traps are like the size of fucking boulders. Yeah.

And I'm like, and he's doing shrugs with 315 pounds, three plates on each side. What? Yeah. So he actually was a bodybuilder. And he had a mouth guard in. What the fuck? He's like, it's great for airflow. It's great for airflow.

It helps my breathing and and i'm doing so i the bar's stuck on top of me and i'm like trying to roll it down towards your penis yeah but i mean like think about the worst case scenario it gets or best case scenario gets down to your penis and just crushes your p you have to roll it over your penis and knees yeah so i get it down i'm like i'm rolling it and i'm like trying to lift it up again i'm trying to go for it but i can't get it up and then he like turns and he looks at me and he like spits his mouth guard out drops his weight on the ground goes over grabs the weight off of me and literally slams it down on the ground he goes ask for a spot next time bro and the whole fucking gym turns it looks at me and i'm

like yeah i'm sorry oh my god and then that's the most embarrassing thing i've ever heard yeah and then i and then i go over to the dumbbells after this fucking scene just breaks out and i'm like fuck this i'm just gonna just crying oh my god i'm just gonna go my cheeks are on fire because i'm so embarrassed my cheeks are so red i go over to the dumbbells and i'm like all right i'm gonna go uh just do my regular chest workout no bench press today and i take a 45 pound dumbbell so i'm like i'm gonna knock it down a notch i'm not gonna do my usual weight and i take the 45s so you knocked it down from 135 to 45 45 pound dumbbells on each side so but but to 90 yeah so and i i do two reps get to the top i drop one of the dumbbells and it just smashes against my chest why did you drop and i'm like oh and then this guy

comes up to me he's like yo bro like don't be afraid to ask for a spot right afterwards right this is directly afterwards and i just packed my shit up and i went home yeah you have to do that yeah you have to change gyms i didn't go back to the gym for like two weeks yeah definitely like you came back with a new haircut yeah it's probably why you dress mortifying came up with a whole new style oh my god like failing reps isn't bad it's like it obviously happens to everyone but like not like that ask for a fucking spot bro ask for a spot next time, bro. And also, I didn't even I left out this part, but this part haunts me daily. Right after I filled the bench press, I put on thirty five pounds on each side and I was like, I'm just going to do this.

And I like it didn't register to me again. I was like, I'm not going to ask for a spot for some reason. I was like, I'm not going to ask for a spot. And the guy's like, do you need a spot? Are you good? And I'm like, yeah. And I do three reps. And on the third the third rep it was coming it was going back down and I'm like I literally just took every single thing I had in my body to get that up I was like

this is not happening again oh man if it happened again I think they would have like kicked me out of the gym they would have just been like you're too little of a boy yeah and I was and I and I and I didn't realize either that like when you fail you're not supposed to have the click when you're benching by yourself you're not supposed to have clips on because then you can like kind of like push it to the side and have the weight slide off but you had clips on so it wasn't going anywhere so well that shit was stuck but in the third one it was like like i put everything i actually screamed out loud oh dude i put everything i had and then that's when i went over to the dumbbells and that's when that's right after that is when i dropped the dumbbell on myself but how are you even supposed to get from like the free weights to the like how do you get

to the big boy weights anyway like you you need to i feel like you need to have that terrible awkward experience yeah to be on that now i now i'm the next now i do i now bench is like my favorite exercise oh well bro as a fucking weightlifter, bench press. Like I said, I hit 175 yesterday. It's your calling card. Your bench press is your calling card. As a power lifter, bench press is always going to be your calling card. I used to not do barbells at all, and now I love, I only really do

what's it called? But I mean, you just got to worry about your stabilizer muscles. I mean, it's going to even you out, obviously, but you just have to make sure your stabilizers are right. You know that, though. Yeah. I mean, i still do dumbbells like i'll do bench and then i'll do like incline dumbbell but i really like doing incline bench press oh yeah it's really fun it's one of my favorite workouts it's fun yeah you're just fucking laughing yeah i'm like dude i went to a fucking uh See how low I can get?

Just a little short-ass little boy. It does make you look younger. People don't know that I'm like two feet taller than you. Shut the fuck up. Rowan makes me sit down low so it doesn't make him look so fucking short. I make you stand in the back in the videos so it doesn't fuck up my perspective. Oh yeah, the Kansas City video came out. Kind of came out well.

Kind of came out fucking fire. People are like, Sass, you know barbecue literally every clip of me is just being gone that's really fucking good and everyone's like dude sass was actually a really good ad to this yeah that's really that was so pleasant in this video and i'm just like that's really good those videos are the best because like uh you don't have to it's like it's funny that like barstool paid like a thousand over a thousand dollars for me to like fly out there and put me in like a nice ass hotel just for me to every 30 seconds ago this was really fucking good you know i did like i did like less than glennie does like the sunday conversations videos

but that was also i mean we just the little sketch did well we just designed it's got like 500 000 likes on tiktok does it yeah where i posted it literally yesterday and it got 500 000 likes in one day likes likes not even views it's got 2.5 million views what the fuck it's got 2.6 and 502 000 shut up bro did you do you give me the directed by credit in it i did not because your buddy directed that no he shot it i directed it i don't think you directed i think i actually directed that no you came up you ad'd it that was my idea you wrote it i directed i wrote the joke in one second i was like this is fucking gold oh yeah but i was the casting agency actually no i i i it worked out well i i feel like people

would have thought those people like were like actors or some shit but like they were literally just strangers that we asked to be in the video which was cool i don't think anyone thought that they were just like actors we hired in kansas city for that actually i don't think anyone even thought about it we fucked up the original clip though because in the in the other one you can hear me say now laugh no we left that in on purpose why you should have cut it out it would have been way better it makes it way funnier that it's all right all right now laugh it would have been so much better if you couldn't hear that part to me that's way funnier but um i mean you want if you want to come on season two where are you guys

going do you have any idea are you guys going to europe wherever i mean i think that's a season three thing i think we got to do another season in the United States. We got to knock out like fucking crab cakes or some shit or like fucking the... Ew, bro. Pat missed me on that episode. What, bro? What?

You've never had a crab cake. I've had crab cakes before, bro. I'm from the fucking islands. From the beach. I'm from Nantucket. I grew've had crab cakes before bro i'm from the fucking i'm from the fucking islands from the beach i'm from nantucket i grew up on crab cakes bro my mom used to pack me crab cakes for lunch and you're just all crab caked out yeah you'd have a crab cake peanut butter and jelly sandwich would you ever do pizza i feel like that's the boss man's territory yeah actually i fucking when i when i started doing food he fucking he called me into the office and fucking grabbed my collar and ripped me across the desk

and was like don't fucking think about doing pizza did he say that oh my god he almost fucking he like dragged me across your shit did he hit you he didn't fucking he didn't punch me but he hit you he slapped me but it wasn't like it's not your fault no i was not your fault i was asking for it i was definitely wrong it's not your fault no i was the way that i came into the office it was on me i must have it's probably just the way that ron it's not your fault it's fine all right should we end it there yeah all right thanks for listening guys we'll be back next week also special guest next We'll be back next week. Also, special guest next week on next week's episode.

Or no, no, no. Special guest sometime. Sometime soon. Maybe not next week's episode. Yeah. Special guest sometime soon. Live show. Also, we have a live show in the works, which we'll give more details on later.

Thanks for listening. Yeah. What are we going to wait? What are we going to do for the live show? What is that going to be like? We're just going to sit there and crack jokes just like this? Probably. Yeah.

I'd like to fucking on the stage of a bar. We're just going to what kind of chairs are you even going to sit for the live show? What is that going to be like? We're just going to sit there and crack jokes just like this? Probably, yeah. At like the fucking, on the stage of a bar, we're just going to, what kind of chairs are we even going to sit in? I'm sure we'll, I'm sure the chairs, we'll figure out. Because I'm not standing up. We should lay in hammocks. That's the least of my worries is the chairs. I don't want to fucking. What way with the hammocks face?

Rowan's really nervous. What kind of chairs are we going to sit in? Yeah, because you're going to. Any chairs that they have at the place? Yeah, just like anything. Oh, you... No, but the chairs. We're not thinking about the chairs.

You think that it's a frivolous concern and you're going to go up there, you're going to get the wrong chair and someone's going to see up your fucking pant leg and see your shriveled penis. Bro, I'll wear pants. You know, I'll wear that new onesie that I just ordered from MeUndies. Did Francis like purposely use a bar stool in his stand-up special barstool sports brother no i doubt it a lot of can a lot of comedians have bars yeah no it's an homage to portnoy when they do it if a comedian has a bar stool on the stage it's a little tip

of the cat to the boss man i feel like they all just use that exact model but yeah everyone was like oh like that's really cool. Yeah, that's like a very traditional stand up comedy thing is a barstool. There's like my favorite my favorite tavern back home. I'd walk in and they had a bunch of a bunch of barstools like right in front of the bar as I walked in. I was like, you guys knew I was coming. Barstool guy. I didn't realize.

Viva guys. Viva. Thanks for setting it up like this. You didn't need setting it up like this You didn't need to do this You really didn't need to do this And they acted confused But they knew what the fuck was up Yeah They saw what the fucking deal was

But yeah A live show Why don't we do it Why do we have to do it at a bar though Why don't we do it at like a fucking It's not the bar that we were talking about There's like a private room Where they have like concerts and shit

Shut up Yeah So are people gonna be sitting down Or standing Hopefully sitting down I don't wanna do a standing comedy Oh you care if people be sitting down or standing? Hopefully sitting down. I don't want to do a standing comedy. Oh, you care if people are sitting down or standing now, huh? Well, I care if

the audience is sitting down. Why? No one's going to be standing there just like... No one wants to go to a comedy show and just stand. I want the audience standing all on Molly. Yeah. You think she was funny on Molly? We're going to get heckled. I don't know. Yeah, definitely. We're going to hire some hecklers to only heckle you.

Yeah, but I'm going to hire a camera crew so I can have like Roan owns heckler. Yeah. Hey, what do you what do you do for a living? Yeah. This guy's a construction. Why don't you go build me a fucking bridge and get up? Get over it. Yeah.

People go crazy for that. That would be fucking. That would be awesome. He will be. What does this crazy for that. That would be fucking awesome. What does this guy do? You guys sleeping together? Not yet? Why don't you insure these nuts? Holy shit. How did he come up with that?

We should have a mic set up and people can like line up to walk up to it like when someone controversial talks at a college and everyone can come up to the front to it like when someone controversial talks at a college and everyone like can come up to the front. Oh yeah, Steven Crowder. Changed my mind. So like you said that you said that the cops made you kiss each other when you called 911

and those people were trying to shoot you. Someone will fucking really put our feet to the fire and call us out for our bullshit. Why 911 didn't happen? Hey Harry, you said school shooters should get more pussy? Yeah. Why school shooters shouldn't get more pussy? Changed my mind. Some school shooters should get more pussy yeah dude school shooters shouldn't get more pussy change my mind some school shooters are gonna come in and fucking try and defend themselves probably that's like 90 of our fan base the fucking people out in colorado everyone's coming

in with trench coats on it's like a school shooter convention our live show we're gonna come out coming out son of a boy dad trench coach coming soon that saved my fucking life so i'll know and now it saved me so i could kill all these people yeah i'll be out by the time i'm 18 that's the dream you got to do it like 13 but come it'll be good but come yeah for sure yeah tickets are not available and we also don't know where it's gonna be oh but we need it'll be out we'll figure it out soon though probably by next episode we'll have more details on it for sure for sure for sure all right thanks guys peace