Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad: Ep. 9 - Manic Monday

Episode Date: July 20, 2021

-- Sas & Rone discuss the state of the rap game, the evolution of comedy, their trip to the Yankees/Red Sox game, & much moreYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Go ahead. What's up, guys? Welcome back to another episode of Son of a Boy Dad. Just another Manic Monday. It's just another Manic Monday. What's up, everybody? It's just another Manic Monday. It's just another Manic Monday.

What's up, everybody? It's just another Manic Monday here in the Barstool HQ with Son of a Boy Dad podcast. This is your host, Lil Sasquatch, with my co-host, Owen. Oh. Oh, fuck. All right, let's just restart. No, no, that was good. That was good.

But what were you saying, Owen, about? I was about to say Owen, but I realized restart. No, no, that was good. That was good. But what were you saying oh about? I was about to say oh-ing, but I realized that my co-host is actually Roan. Oh, shit. That would have been an all-time blooper reel moment for us. We need to put together a blooper reel and a best of episode where it's just like all of our fucking sickest jokes just lined up out of context. All of our just crazy funny jokes that we do. Our fucking good ass.

All of our bits. Premises. All of our crazy funny jokes that we do. All of our bits. All of our sticks. I love to come up with a good premise and just spitball off of it. That's my shit. Fucking just talking. I just love the schticks. I love it, dude. I was working on some schticks last night.

Yeah, do the German accent you were working on. Oh, no, no, no. That is not even close. That needs a lot of work. You're doing the angry German bratwurst. I was doing if Jimmy Fallon was an angry German man. Working on a lot of impressions.

Quest love! It's a work in progress. That was my impression of your impression of him yelling at Questlove. Questlove, yeah. Shout out Questlove. Shout out the whole Roots crew. impression of him yelling at uh quest love quest love yeah and all of them shout out quest love shout out shout out the whole roots crew uh love those guys tarik uh frankie knuckles one time me and my friends were talking about rap and my buddy who like thinks that he's like better than everyone

else told us that his favorite rap group was he said he said his favorite rapper was the roots and we were like we've never heard you play a song from the roots ever it was like he just found them like that day and he was like yeah the roots are my favorite rap group ever guarantee you he has not even listened to a the roots song in in years i love the idea that the roots are his favorite rapper yeah it's a guy it's a guy that's the rapper and uh he is a really good rapper like your friend's not wrong about it but it is a great and he's like the roots and we were like what the fuck is the roots and he's not wrong but like in his eighth grade mind couldn't even like he raps about like boski

yacht and like probably one root song they were like they like performed on some show he was watching like a tonight like a tonight show type thing i push my seat in her bush for life that's their only like uh song that ever like got radio play i feel like and that's like a rock song i don't know any of their music i only know of them i used to be signed to uh like the roots like raw life really yeah when i was in philly i would like record in their room with them. I actually wrote, I submitted stuff for their last album. Did they use it? No.

And I hate myself that I just said actually. Actually is my least favorite word by far. Why? Actually, I actually did this. I don't think it's a bad word.

Actually? I think maybe literally could be worse. Literally. Literally get shit on in the way worse literally literally get shit on um in the way that actually should get shit on actually like when you say actually it's like proving that you know something that other people don't know like everybody's joking but you have this fucking nugget of fucking perfect truth and uh i i hate the word actually literally is bad as well yeah it's

terrible i say it all the time and i'm really just a self-loathing actually user i'll say actually and i'll just hate myself for fucking weeks true true true true true that that's facts that's facts so let's jump into these topics yeah i guess we'll just dive right in so uh presidency i guess we could just hop into politics biden is in the news once again yeah so biden fucked up again pretty hard he was sniffing children's hair again he brought olivia rodrigo in oh my god that shit was so cringy just so he could smell the fuck out of her he He was just smelling her head to toe. Usually they have guard dogs sniff people, like bomb sniffing dogs, when they come into the White House. He just got on all fours and started sniffing Olivia Rodrigo.

He was like, what shampoo do you use? He was convinced it was pantene. What fragrance is this? I was asking the dude that yesterday. I was like, bro, is that the Tom Ford Cologne? He's like, no, bro, it's Dior. And he was wearing it at the Yankees. Oh, really?

At the bar outside the Yankees game. Just smelling strangers. Because you were at that bar for a while. Yeah, you guys honeypotted me. What did you do there? I thought you were fucking with me. And that there was no Yankees game. You were at that bar for, what, an hour before we got there?

Yes, and you're like, we're all going to meet there. So you meet there at 6. I got there at 6. Well, what happened? Why were we so late? Oh, we had to wait for KB. KB took the train too far, and then we waited, and then I think the train to there was way longer

than we thought it was going to be, I think. We couldn't get the D. Yeah, and then we tried to get an Uber. took uber to like 15 minutes to get there and then they canceled when they got there for oh and i don't know if you know what you just said but bro you just said you couldn't get the d pause big pause pause rooneyrooski on that When your voice says some sus shit Pause Hold up Pause We need to get a sound board

To pause I want to get like a Like an explosion type noise And then just pause Right after that and maybe some of those horns Would you would you control the board? Yeah I would be on it I would be running the board because I'm not trying to control

the board but I also those horns are like actually to me I feel like people have just overused that. Oh yeah I remember when those things first like took off in the radio it would just be like in the middle of just normal songs and just be like pow pow pow pow but then people who had like improv comedy,

there's a Lila. Delilah's next up. What's it like in New York city? Damn son. It is fucking freezing in here. I know bro. How are you? It's like a cold winter's day.

Bitches love some freezing shit. I think it's because I haven't eaten anything today. Oh, you're malnourished. I'm fucking hungry. Do you ever get jittery when you don't eat enough? Yeah, all the time. Your hand starts to shake? My hands get like very veiny.

That's what I used to... White and pasty. That's the perfect time to jerk off when your hand starts naturally shaking itself. Because it's like brushing your teeth with a vibrating toothbrush. You get like an extra... You just do all the work. Exactly. Michael J. Fox, when he jerks off, bro, he definitely

fucking... I think he got Parkinson's. What does he have, Parkinson's? Parkinson's disorder? He could get an explosive orgasm anytime. That would be a bad one to have. I think that would be worse than like... What do you think would be worse? Parkinson's is like a vertigo. I'm just thinking of something that would be like... I'm just thinking of something that's like

kind of like debilitating, but like not in like... Parkinson's would be worse than vertigo. What about people who have like really bad vertigo? Coley had vertigo and he just like, he got over it. He like smoked enough weed that he didn't have vertigo anymore. Some people have really bad vertigo. And it just makes them like

sick. But I think Parkinson's you deal with every second of every day of your life. Yeah, I's true i watched a movie um where the guy where this old dude at a bar had parkinson's and he had to like he would back to the future no he was like an alcoholic and he would like order a shot and he like wouldn't be able to take the shot because his hand was shaking so much so he would like tie his tie around and like put it around his neck and use it as like a pulley system to like get the shot into his mouth bro guys like that need a product yeah we need to make an infomercial it was a very smart thing tired of your parkinson's ruining your alcoholism

try the shot master 3000 we need one is there like any there's no cure to parkinson's is there just love man is there any like temporary relief like if you drink a lot do you get like yeah get rid of the shakes you just drink and have a bunch of like burgers put yourself in a food coma yeah that's like joey joey who we work with when he has a he has a bad stutter and when he drinks it's all of a sudden he's just the best talker alive joey molinaro has a stutter? No, Joey Langone. Oh, NYU Langone. Yeah.

Yeah, he does. Have you ever seen him when he drinks? His stutter's like gay patch sexuality. No, he's got a bad stutter. He just turns it on when he benefits it. Joey Langone just doesn't like talking doesn't joey langone has a bad stutter and then when he drinks no but like he has a stutter and i don't but i think that he

just turns it on whenever he feels like you know that speaking of politics you know joe biden has a stutter yeah i know but he like sleepy joe but he what's that to do with his stutter he's so tired dementia yeah well that's obviously but he uh like there were stories coming out about his stutter and then like he like turned up his stutter yeah i mean lean into it why wouldn't you exactly that's what i'm saying i thought i had a stutter for a bit but then i was just like i'm just rushing through my sentences i'm just nervous yeah when did you think you had a stutter when you like as an adult when you worked at barstool no no i think i was probably in, like, eighth grade.

I think it was probably one day. I was like, I think I have a stutter. You had hypochondria? Yeah. You, like, ate some bad meat? Yeah. You thought you caught a stutter? I would, like, missay things.

I would say things wrong all the time. I would stumble over my words. Jesus Christ, bro. Probably had to go to therapy for that. I know I did. I had to work through it with a professional. But you're doing the work, and that's all that's important. It is.

Just doing the work. As long as you can try and doing the work and that's all that's important. It is. Just doing the work. As long as you can try and make yourself happier, that's all that matters. Yeah. Honestly, just do the work and just take care of yourself and each other. Exactly. I have to say that at the end of Jerry Springer, who was at the Yankees game last night. Really? He was on the jumbo truck.

I didn't see him. You never watched Jerry Springer? No. But the Yankees game was, we should talk about, we should just hop into the Yankees game. I didn't see him. You never watched Jerry Springer? No. But the Yankees game was... We should just hop into the Yankees game. Just an absolute wipeout. Just an absolute wipeout. You are learning your baseball terminology quite fast.

Yeah. Top of the count. Strike three. No. I don't think top... Is top of the count one? I don't think it's top of the inning. No. Top of the count, right? Or full count? Top of the count one? I don't think it's like top of the inning. No, top of the count, right?

Or full count? Top of the order. Full count. Top of the order, top of the inning, full count. Is full count three and two? Yeah, three, two. I know that shit. Yeah, you do.

It's also his own defensive basketball, but we'll get into basketball. You're becoming a sports head by working here. Just the other, the big sports guys are taking you under their wing and they're really showing you the ropes. Any sports experience I've had have been strictly personal. I've had nothing to do with anyone here. What do you mean personal? I've gone to two sports games in the last

two weeks and both of them were on my own. You went with us to the Yankees game last night. Well, it was more like I was like you guys were just there. Mentally I was in my own world. I in the game you kept on you kept on asking questions like uh like a wife who's never seen sports before so what who are we rooting for i was rooting for the socks the socks got absolutely pummeled they got terribly pummeled bro they were were fucking... It was just an absolute wipeout. Yeah, they were fucking down.

What was it, 9-1? Bad. Yeah, the highlight was seeing Noah Beck at the stadium. Yeah. But that was the only sweet part of it. He was a good guy. Yeah, they had him running the bases in the beginning of the game. Yeah.

Ladies and gentlemen, please remove your caps and rise for Noah Beck. And then he got out on the field and he did a little dick swing and then sprinted around swung his dick for us and then did a he actually hit his dick is so big. Yeah, he punted the first pitch with his fully hard penis.

Noah Beck had it inside the park home run with his penis. Yeah, he just laid down a penis and he ran the bases faster than anyone's ever seen. Yeah, he just laid down a penis butt and he ran the bases faster than anyone's ever seen. Yeah, just fucking popped up sweating. He fucking he almost broke his puka shell necklace but he did not break his puka shell

necklace. Thank God. And then he went to catch steak. He did go to catch steak. The perfect New York night. That's what people are going to look back at our era, our age of New York and that's what it's going to be. Like it used to be like Frank Sinatra going to look back at our era our age of new york and that's what it's going to be like it used to be like frank sinatra going to like a fucking famous as like mccormick and schmicks or something like that or uh smith and walensky or something like that it's gonna be no back

going to catch steak have you ever been to catch bro of course bro go down there see axelrod see the hockey players they put us in there there's is there a catch stake in like there's a catch take in new york right yeah where is it because i want to go there right after this ends it's like uh 20th and 8th or something we were across from catch stake when we saw that fan at an atm oh yeah by donnie spot they have an attractive they have a hot person room there. Do they really? Yeah. That's awesome.

Classist. Yeah. Or lookist. Lookist. It's just lookism. Yeah. Imagine you going to catch steak with your buddies and they're like,

whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Like the bouncer stops you. He's like, nah. You got to go to the ugly section. You're good. You're good. You're good.'re good you're good nah and they bring over a couple other people like like when you have like a fake id

they bring over a couple other people to look at you with like a light they're like yeah what's that acne on the cheeks can we get that yeah can we get that taken away we're gonna need you to go home put on some makeup or you just can't come back everything here is wrong they put you at the kids table yeah it's definitely a table of other misfits other ugly ass misfits just like they just got rudolph playing or no what is the the island of misfits what movie is that from the island of misfit toys yeah fuck why am i such a misfit it is some claymation or something yeah i think it might be rudolph is it rudolph i think it might be rudolph because rudolph is a misfit and it's these ugly ass people with like coke

bottle glasses and like acne and like ugly asses ugly asses people are wearing glasses ugly ass people with glasses, bro. You'd never catch me dead in glasses. I think glasses are one of the biggest indicators if someone is a fucking ugly person. Seriously, you never see a hot ass person in glasses. Just kidding. I think glasses are very in these days. They are.

I think they have been in for a while now, actually. When was it a time where people were like, oh, if if you have glasses you're a nerd and you're ugly the 50s through the i think through like when did nerd culture who recaptured nerd culture toby mcguire and spider-man no like john lennon was wearing glasses but his shits were circles yeah but they were cool yeah exactly they were circles so like when people saw him wearing glasses like if i was a little kid with glasses i would have been like fuck yeah buddy holly maybe buddy holly was wearing some thick ass glasses i think toby mcguire and spider-man though because like people put on glasses and be like actually i might be spider-man guys would pretend that they actually could be like shredded and ripped and then people

started appropriating nerd culture people start acting like nerds when they're not nerds at all. Like Nick. Exactly like Nick. Like Nick is not a... Nick has his tattoos. Nick's tatted up. Ladies love him. Ladies love him. There's nothing nerdy about it. He pipes constantly.

The nerdiest people are the people who fucking like sports. Yeah, exactly. Like if you know every player on a sports... Like Dave and Big Cat, those fucking geeks. Yes, dude. Fucking absolute nerds, dude. Fucking guys who just... like know every player on a sports like dave and big cat those fucking geeks yes dude fucking absolute nerds dude fucking guys who just if it wasn't for barstool dave wouldn't have anything no no barstool gave dave everything he has dude dave should be saying thank you barstool at every fucking chance that he gets i know and here you just he just he just forgets about us bro it's

like he doesn't even know who the fuck we are. When was the last time he even came into work? Seriously. Doesn't even fucking come in. Dude has been on slack mode recently. Dude, if it was Milton, Dave would be getting lit up. Dave would never survive Millen, bro. No, no chance. He couldn't have, dude.

He's not built for it. He's just worried about his italian penis pants his tight ass pants and his fucking sweet ass tight ass pants we should all start wearing uh what are the jeans that are like really really jankos jankos we should all start everyone in the office should start wearing jankos for when dave comes in next yeah we'll just bully the fuck out of him yo what's up with those tight ass pants, bro? We're all rocking loose ass pants. He's going to run out of the office crying.

Yeah. He just sees everything. Oh, that would be such a funny fucking video. We're all standing in the lobby talking casually and then Dave comes in with his skinny jeans on. We all turn around in Jankos. Well, well, well well what do we got here leave your jankos at home boss man forget your jankos at the dry cleaners

i did not i did not forget my jankos at home that uh in my high school there was a urban legend about a teacher woman teacher getting peanut butter ate off her pussy by one of the students. Fuck yeah. And they said that the day after everyone found out, she came into her Spanish class and everybody had a jar of peanut butter on their desk. Oh, Jesus. She just sprinted out crying. I don't know if it's a true story or if it's just like one of those stories that gets passed around that sounds like it's definitely not a true story that someone in that class had to be like yeah maybe we shouldn't do this yeah we're just gonna bully the teacher yeah

like where do people get off just bullying but also she kind of deserves it if she's fucking the students getting bullied yeah you can't be fucking the students down here like you can't victim shame bro you. You love who you love. I don't think that's victim shaming. She's the victim there. She's a victim of bullying. The kid who ate the pussy is the victim. He probably didn't even know what he was doing.

He probably just was like, oh, I like peanut butter. She trained him like a dog. Like a dog toy or a dog. There was a rumor in our school. I don't know if it was true or not. I don't even remember who it was about, but that someone put peanut butter on their pussy and had their dog lick it off. Shut up. Yeah.

It was big on when Yik Yak was a thing. What was Yik Yak again? Oh, Rowan's old ass. He doesn't even know. Fuck. Yik Yak was like an anonymous... I'm dating myself here. It was like an anonymous Twitter based on location.

Damn, I don't know why I didn't get that. Yeah, so basically it was just used for cyberbullying because you could just say anything. It was like a Reddit feed basically because you could upvote and downvote shit. What would you, who would you, like give me an example of some of the bullying that you would do.

I would usually just talk about myself. I'd be like, yo, that Harry kid is like funny as fuck. And then I would get downvoted. Did you just get obliterated in the votes? Were you the funniest kid in your high school? Not even close. Who else? I don't think I talked in high school like once.

Really? Yeah. I was such a shy boy. Did people find your twitter and it's actually hilarious now everyone was like what the fuck are you doing dude i remember so clearly sitting at lunch and people coming up to me like dude what the fuck is wrong with your twitter really yeah they would cyber bully you and i'll be like i don't know i don't know i don't know older kids no kids my. I don't know what's wrong with it.

No, kids my age. More popular kids than you? Kids in the grades above, too. They'd be like, God, I fucking hate that kid. And look at me now, bro. Looking on the pirate ship. Pussies.

Guess what? There's no room for you boys on the pirate ship. Oh, you want to get on? Yeah, good luck. You want to get in a producer role? Oh, you love sports and you got some great ideas of what you would do at barstool you want to help out davey day trainer dave couldn't even hack it at barstool but what makes you think you could hack it what makes you

think you could make it on the pirate ship fucking bro we'd make you walk the plank of the pirate ship if you ever came around here fucking no it really wasn't it really wasn't that bad though who was the funniest kid in your high school me so it was you who's the most i always knew i always knew it was me deep down like the thing is like the funniest kid in school is usually not the funniest kid in school it's usually some kid who like whose parents are poor yeah and he has substance abuse problems his dad puts out cigarettes on him and he's hilarious yeah and he's forced to be loud in class to get attention yeah it's the only it's his only outlet there was this kid would come into my class senior year and just like bully the fuck out of our

teacher who was this really skinny like shy guy and it was a comedy it was a comedy writing class but it was like an english like it was just one of the options for an English class. And we would read these books and watch these things that were so shockingly unfunny. And we were like, we're all 18 years old. Why can't we watch actual comedy? What kind of shit was it? And he was just like, it's just in the curriculum, guys. I don't know what you want me to say.

And then he'd be like, bro, throw in some fucking Dave Chappelle. Obviously, he gets a list of books that we have to read and then we read them but who the fuck is making up that list it's probably like random house publishing is getting paid it was like a one quarter it was like a it was like a one semester class like it was it was a joke it's definitely some payola bullshit though if i'm ever fucking down bad i'm just gonna write a textbook and then update it every year with like version like 17 version 18 because textbooks go for the most money ever textbooks are so expensive making up a fucking curriculum for people to read like they you should be able to watch dave chapelle in a comedy writing class

like you shouldn't have to be like who's on first or they just like shouldn't offer a comedy class if they're not gonna teach actual comedy or yeah like you don't need the fundamentals of old like it should be what you find to be funny yeah i. I mean, it should just be anything funny. Like we it was like we would read these books that were just like shockingly bad. It should be funny shit like peanut butter on a pussy. Peanut butter on a pussy would be funny as fuck. And if you've got peanut butter on your pussy, you might want to use man skin. Let's segue into our first ad.

What do you think, Roan? I think that it's a perfect time. Now, Sass, I've personally had a problem with my pussy where I'm always getting peanut butter on it. And most razors... I know exactly what you mean, Roan. Most razors can't shave peanut butter off my pussy. But there's one razor that I found recently that can do that. And that's why support from Son of a Boy Dad is brought to you by Manscaped.

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4.0 you heard that right the 4.0 join over 2 billion men worldwide who trust manscaped don't you dare take the piss out of manscape you better show them their fucking requisite request when i was in the shower trying to fucking shave peanut butter off of my ball sack but i i almost bled to death i was using the using the Phillips two blade months before Manscaped and they literally cut my balls in half. Both of my nuts were at the bottom of the drain covered in pubes and I had to take them and put them in a jar and I ran over to Owen and I was like, oh, we got to go to the hospital right now. I heard that was like, no worries, brother.

And also, let's get you a Manscaped. I was like, no worries, brother. And also, let's get you a manscaped. When you do that, you're supposed to dunk your balls in milk and rush to the hospital because the milk has all the nutrients that your balls are losing so quickly. That happened to my sister. She tried to fucking dangle from a fucking rope in the hallway of my house. She tried to bite onto it because I like... She tried to kill herself?

She was seven years old. What is the context there, she was i was like we were hanging from a rope in our house by her mouth i was we were fucking seven and eight years old and uh her tooth got ripped out she was a fucking idiot child she's very bright now but uh she was dumb but they had to like put the tooth in milk until it like got shoved back in her mouth because like you lose the nutrients of the bone of the bone or some shit like that. Yeah. And it's the same way with Manscaped.

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That is a fire ad promo code. At Manscaped.com. S is son. That is a fire at promo code. At manscaped.com. S-O-N. How do we get son, dude? Of all the promo codes, how do we get- I'm surprised that's not taken yet. Because that's like a three letter- We're priority.

We're priority. That's 20% off. Yeah, they probably took that from a different famous son. Yeah, probably. Jesus. Fucking Barron Trump. Like Jesus's crazy ass. Jesus's fucking buck wild ass.

Always fucking turning everything into wine and getting sloshed. Fucking the fucking body of Christ and shit. What do you think Jesus was doing before we, you know how Jesus, like we didn't hear shit about him from when he was 14 till 33? Yeah. 14 to 33 oh he was probably just smacking ass and smoking blunts just kidding bro he was definitely just kidding sorry god way too fucking i'm so sorry god please forgive bro love the pot like that's where we're gonna get in our mentions love the pod bro but like the jesus jesus shit out of it how is that i'll get people like my

instagram username is little sasquatch 666 because 66 was taken and i get dms all the time like dude i wanted to follow you but what the fuck is up with the 666 and your username what kind of little nausex shit are you on you fucking love kind of satanist fuck shit are you on bro that i love the t-shirt video but this is not cool that sprinter shikari richardson who got kicked out of the olympics for smoking weed she was like that those were her tweets about little nas x when he dropped the shoes really like this guy's not it really fuck this guy how are you smoking the devil's lettuce yeah if i was her i would just lean into the weed thing completely like let's open up a weed store i think she is but she's not she is or i think she's leaning into it i think

that she was like i don't know posing with fucking jesus and miro at fucking with snoop dogs posing with yeah all the all the true with willie nelson and snoop dog and seth rogan who are some other weed smoking legends this is a new segment that we wanted to bring up. Our Mount Rushmore weed smokers. This is a weed podcast. This is the Mount Rushmore plus one. It's our own segment that we do. Mount Rushmore, Mount Five, Mount Rushmore.

Stephen Che told us. Let's talk weed. Introducing our newest segment, Let's Talk Weed. Snoop Dogg smoked a fatty blunt on Instagram Live this weekend. What's a good memory you have about smoking a fatty blunt? Tweet at us with the hashtag SonsOfWeedDads. Show us a picture of the fattest blunt you've ever purled up. Show us the most absolutely perfect blunt you've ever rolled in your life.

420 is right around the corner. It's already time to start prepping. Use code Kush. Tired of that haze you get after smoking too many fat blunts. Introducing our newest merch line, we should drop a weed stream like Seth Rogen. I mean, all the good parts

of weed, scratch all the bad parts. Are you sick of having psychotic meltdowns when you smoke a fat joint? Introducing Son of Boy Dad Weed. Are you tired of getting on the plane after a fat blunt and having a psychotic episode that makes you try to break into the cockpit

they're forced to make an emergency landing on a random track field on a random high school's track field while they're in the middle of practice. Just because you thought it'd be too long to not smoke a blunt for two hours between here and Chicago. Introducing Delta 8. Oh, man. Does that Delta 8 shit really work? People are always asking me. The answer is yes.

Delta 8, they just like sell on on 7-Eleven now? All of it. They found the craziest loopholes and they sell them everywhere. They sell them on Nick Jr. There's fucking advertising. We need it for kids. We need it for children.

I do think merch will be out by the time this episode drops. Yes, sir. Cop some merch. Yassir. Show you support. Yassir. And also send us your merch mock-up designs.

We will be stealing those. Send us some merch. No credit. That is a promise. That's our promise to you. If you send something to us, you have entered an unspoken agreement that we may have that. Glennie Balls took us through

his entire legal regimen that he goes on. If you ignore it, it goes away. That's the Balls Beachwear slogan. But we got some good merch coming out. Really good shit.

Cop some of that. Yes. Send us a picture of it with merch coming out. Really good shit. Cop some of that. Yes. Send us a picture of it with your cock out. All proceeds go to keeping the lights on in this place. All proceeds go right into Dave Portnoy's pocket. All proceeds are going straight to Macy's. We are donating

all the money to Macy's. I'm sick of seeing Macy's out of business. Nordstrom gets all the credit. Neiman Marcus is getting all the money to Macy's. Mr. Macy. I'm sick of seeing Macy's out of business. All this, that Nordstrom gets all the credit. Neiman Marcus is getting all the fucking credit and we're going to fucking put Macy's on our back and take them to the fucking top.

We're trying to put Macy's back on the fucking block, bro. And we are. We're going to flood the block with Macy's. That ass, I've been into Macy's three times in the last month and it's always a better experience than the last time. I don't know. Were you buying your tux at Macy's. Deadass. I've been in a Macy's three times in the last month, and it's always a better experience than the last time. I don't know.

Were you buying your tux at Macy's? Oh, you got a... Bruh. Tell me you're not rocking a Macy's tux at your wedding. Dude, it's all I could afford. I got a hundred... I'm kidding. Actually, don't they just sell normal tuxes at Macy's?

I got a $129 maroon tux at Macy's. You're going maroon? Yeah. Are you really? No. I was going to say. You're going to have to end this episode? I need a new co-host.

You were definitely that kid in school. Prom, white tux. Bleached white. I think I wore a fedora. Oh, Jesus. A fedora to prom. You wore like a turtleneck a black turtleneck with a white tux i dressed up like the rock i had a bunch of change dick in a box yeah i was full dick in a box mode i used to think that when you were when you got

married you were allowed to make your groomsmen wear whatever you wanted. You could make them wear orange paisley and they would just have to wear it no matter what. You would just dominate the friends. But I don't think you want to do that to people. I don't think you want just... You're not just going to clown your boys and make them wear a goofy suit like it's dumb and dumber.

You want the pictures to look good, Tess. Yeah, but I'm always on clown mode, so I would do that. You are on some freak shit. I'm always on creepy shit. You're the type of dude to yell penis in the food court. Of course, bro. That's your vibe.

That shit's ritual. Can't fucking leave the food court without yelling penis at least once. Penis! Bro, chill. Who said that? Chill, bro. Yo, who said penis dave's in today fuck i dare you to go into dave's office and just yell penis in his face we're gonna turn this into a prank show yeah we definitely should you know get dave in here and tell

him this is a fox news interview oh shit he'll come crawling in yeah he will fuck and he just loves Tucker. If we told him fucking Tucker. Tucker's on. We got Tucker Carlson on the line, Dave. We'd come in and talk to Tucker real quick. Fuck. We would get him so good.

With his dumb ass. With his dumb ass. I was listening to another podcast with Malcolm Gladwell. Yeah. He's talking about these self-driving cars. And he was saying that there's. Oh, I've been waiting to hop in on this. Yes, dude. This is... AI is just taking it way too far.

Yes, bro. Joe Rogan says we are way past the line of going back, past the point of going back. Exactly. We're about to have singularity. We're almost at singularity. Actually, did you see that video on Boston Dynamics of those robots dancing? Shocking. That was a CGI. Was it really? Yeah, definitely. It was. I thought it was CGI too but then all the. Shocking. That was a CGI.

Was it really? Yeah, definitely. It was. I thought it was CGI too but then all the mentions were like it's not CGI. But they're dumb. It was so obviously CGI.

Yeah. Okay, that makes me feel better. Doesn't that make you feel a little bit better? I watched that and I was like this is blatantly CGI. But the only reason

I thought it might not be was because there was that dude standing in the background watching. Yeah, I think that's just part of the CGI. That's nuts. Yeah, that didn't look real at all yeah that's some bullshit yeah i hope it is i hope we're not i hope no one debunks this i hope we don't get if we get no we're debunking

right now yeah but we could get reverse debunked a double debunk a debunk bed yeah fuck no they're gonna debunk us fuck we'll get canceled after our debunking? Yeah. That would be fucking devastating. But anyway, Malcolm Gladwell is talking about these self-driving cars. And he said there's this new one that it runs off of human ejaculate. And the car itself will actually suck you and use your nut as fuel for the car. That sounds productive.

Yeah. But it said the car is so sensitive that if a bird flies in front of it, it'll stop. But it uses human ejaculate. All right. All right. Yeah, I'm good. So what was your topic that you were supposed to bring? I actually heard of this other car

that you have to put peanut butter on your pussy and then the car licks the peanut butter off your pussy and that's how it runs. But it just makes you so ticklish, and you just start working your feet because you're so ticklish, it turns into a Flintstone car, and you're just running yourself around. It's stimulating your pussy so aggressively.

Yeah. It's just an overstimulation. Yeah, I mean, I don't really fuck with the whole self-driving car thing. The only thing I think I would maybe use it with is parallel parking. Nah. I don't really fuck with like the I'm sitting in the backseat and no one's in the frontseat type shit. Why? That's terrifying.

Because you want to be in control at all times. Yeah, I'm a really good driver. I could literally be like a NASCAR driver if I wanted to. I don't think you could. I do. Yeah, I think I could. No, I am a good driver driver i'm a very careful driver though so i probably couldn't be a nascar driver you could be like um someone's personal driver yeah

you could be a famous person who's like personal driver or whatever you think you would you you could be a big cat personal driver yeah of course mr cat mr cat is there anything i can get you wear it wear it a tuxedo every day yeah that would be so funny i'm gonna get that role i'm gonna get that going didn't uber start because famous people just wanted uh or rich people just wanted limousines at the drop of a hat really i'm pretty sure that that's why i started the uber i saw some shit saying that like the uber guy was like i want i want he's like they were like what do you think the future is for uber he was like i want someone to be able to sing be sitting in their living room and have a piano delivered to their apartment in 30 minutes and he was like dude right now and someone quote tweeted it and

it was true they were like right now it costs like 60 to go two blocks in new york on a uber yeah it takes like 30 minutes like that's never gonna happen yeah no one's it and imagine the impulse buy baby grand pianos yeah people are just gonna have like a stack of steinways in their fucking like who's sitting in their apartment be like we needed it we need i need a grand piano in this room in 30 minutes fuck i forgot the grand piano it's the recital and i forgot the piano how would they even fucking bring it? You definitely have a grand piano. I feel like you have a grand piano in your apartment.

Yeah, definitely. Do you really? It's a baby grand. But I mean, a baby grand looks like a grand piano. That's awesome. I don't think that you'd be able to differentiate between a regular piano and a baby grand. Well, I played piano for eight years.

So do you know what a baby grand is? Yeah. Different than a grand? Got an idea. What's the difference then? Smaller? No. It's actually like par in golf the lower

score is better a baby piano get the fuck out of here with your baby grand piano ass i don't want to hear it from you walk in and flip flip my baby grand fuck out of here with this baby grand piano i just snored adderall off of it of course that's the only that's literally the only purpose for having a piano i would get with this baby grand piano. I just snored Adderall off of it. Of course. That's literally the only purpose for having a piano. I would get a fucking baby grand delivered just like something to bang fat gator tails of thick blue Adderall. Just sucking down Adderall. Yeah, the inside of my nose looks like Papa Smurf. Just two straws sticking out of your nose.

Just a blueberry nose. Just a ton ton sugary ass just the just the one part just the one hand the right hand part though is that the fur lease or no dude your pitch is perfect. If I had a piano in here, I could do it. There's a kid. Tim Dillon didn't come in.

Celebrity Booker didn't. Kelly just said. She just let us know. Thank you. Thanks, Kelly. Thanks, Kelly. All right. And tell Selena that we'll have her on next week. She's like, Tim Dillon's not coming in.

He's not coming in. She loves to be in charge. She loves to be in fake charge in the office. I know you were supposed to record with Tim Dillon yesterday, but he's not going to make it. I actually run this place. People don't know, but I'm actually in charge. That was a big fuck you to us.

Oh, big time but do you hear she went on erica's podcast she went on token ceo and was like i'm the one that actually runs barstool did she really say that yes no way i swear to god dude people don't know people don't know that kelly yeah i'm happy i wasn't in that room you know me know me. You know what I would have done in there. Ask my mom. Call up my mom right now and ask her what happened. You were definitely a big call my mom guy. Dude, call my mom right now.

Yeah, one time my friends were bullying me though and I pretended to call my mom. About the bullying? Yeah. I was like, can you pick me up? And they were like, dude, I'm so fucking sorry. Had you eaten your teacher's pussy? pussy yeah that's what it was about and they started bullying or your teacher ate your pussy and they were they were bullying you about it my teacher ate my ass she ate nutella out of my asshole and everyone in the school found out and

then they all wore jankos to school that day i don't know how i going back on that last thing i don't know how you i don't know how you segued from jankos to to the teacher eating pussy thing those heads i was like i thought you were gonna say i literally thought you were gonna say when my teacher like this girl or this the teachers got her pussy ate by a student and then everyone wore Jankos the next day? That was the only way to make fun of her. They had to bust her ass by fucking wearing some white ass jeans.

We should get Jankos for the next episode. I'll get them. Good luck eating pussy in these Jankos. Fuck, good luck even finding the folds of my pussy in these Jankos. Good luck breaking through this. PFT would always wear Jankos. I think PFT's got a grip these jankos. Good luck breaking through this. PFT would always wear jankos. I think PFT's got a grip on jankos. I know.

I saw a picture of him in jankos the other day. He's like the lone janko wearer. Even though people's tried to bring the shits back. I don't even know how you get that much denim. I wish I could sew, though. You ever wish you could make your own clothes? I used to be able to sew. When I was in fifth grade, I took a sewing class.

When I went to private school for one year. Were you about to go Amish? Yeah, I don fifth grade, I took a sewing class when I went to private school for one year. Were you about to go Amish? Yeah, I don't know. I took a sewing class and I sewed a pillow. Two pillows actually. They were very good. My mom still uses one of them. When I was in the fifth grade, I thought that I was gay. Because I took a sewing class. And I loved it. And I loved that shit.

I used to stay after school and eat the teacher's pussy. I can't change. I used to stay after school and I would teacher's pussy. I can't change. I used to stay after school and I would eat peanut butter off the teacher's pussy. And I was like, I don't even like this shit, bro. And then I realized I had a peanut butter allergy. And then I was like, let's just stick to sewing next time

because I don't really like eating peanut butter off your pussy. Here's your Grammy, Mr. Sasquatch. I can't believe his ass won a fucking Grammy was it was for that song wasn't it or was that his second song when he was like i want a grammy i could literally write a song about anything and they'll fucking eat it up no that was definitely before because that was before i remember i found that song because of thrift shop because then i went and looked at his whole oh so they were both on the album that won a grammy over good kid mad city and and all those other incredible... Oh, really?

I didn't know that they won over Good Kid, Mad City. They won Rap Album of the Year over Watch the Throne, Good Kid, Mad City, two other incredible albums. I would have gotten up on stage. Seriously, I would have grabbed the mic. As a true hip-hop head... I would have said The Roots should have won this album. I'm going to let you finish, but The Roots had the best album of all time.

Dude, did you see... Dude, The Roots haven't released an album in like 30 years. All right. Did you see Hannibal Buress on T-Pain's podcast or whatever, where he was like rapping in like an old school rap cadence? And he was like, hip hop. It started out in the-hop it started out in the dark it started out in the park i haven't seen that my favorite one of my favorite eric andre things though is when uh is when uh they're playing walk a flock of flame and and hannibal's

rapping the whole thing and they're bleeping out all the words except for the n word for some reason oh my god and it's so funny those six was waka flaka on that episode is that what it is did he go on the aragon andre show probably a waka i would have put it fucking past him i definitely would have put it past him no that's flaka that's classic flaka shout out to flaka though i can't believe that kelly martin just walked by and did that so strange it's it's in your head well we're in the middle of recording kelly martin's our celebrity booking agent agent she's an agent of chaos though tim dylan's not coming in guys oh no oh fuck oh well we're just finding out about this as well she's he's not he's not coming in yesterday. He's not going to be able to make it yesterday.

Sorry. I got bad news for you boys. Speaking of bad news. Yeah, let's bang one of these out. Uh-oh. You thought there was going to be an ad-free show? No chance. Fuck no.

Speaking of chaos me undies believes that comfort is more about what's touching your skin it's feeling about wait i'll just take this one you take i'm gonna go off the cuff right now because um there comes a point in everybody's life where uh you just have to do a purge of your underpants you just got old ass fucking busted uh waistline no elastic left maybe there's sports on your underwear you can't have sports on your underwear no no riley learned about that the hard way brianna chicken fry talked about it on her fucking uh on her tiktok she said that guys aren't allowed to have fun underwear with fucking designs of puppy dogs and dalmatians and shit like that so that's why you have some sweet ass underwear like me undies adult underwear that's going to cup your penis and ball sack and we

might have to just redo this why because uh like most of me undies underwear has designs on it i know they gave me a cool ones they sent me a onesie today and it literally has baby yoda all over it well that could be for you that could be for your young ass and i'm gonna get the one that's all black no we leave all this in we're gonna leave every we're gonna leave every bit of this in because they have Because they have the fun shit. If you want that, fucking Chicken Fry was talking about it on TikTok. She wants a guy that's young. She wants a guy that has Baby Yoda all over his onesie. And I'm actually pumped to wear the onesie.

I ordered it special. They asked me what I wanted and I said I want the onesie. I can't believe that you got a onesie. Does it go over your shoulders? It's a full body onesie. Okay, well, I like the classic colors. You like the ridiculous prints. Yeah.

And that's what me. Because I'm like the goofy, sillier one. And you're like the earth. Yeah, I'm 100% God. Like you have demons. I am fucking dark, bro. Like I'll crack. Well, you could.

You never could wear like like flashy underwear. Because like if you were battle battle if you were in a battle rap and like you like lifted up your shirt or something and saw them and saw that peeking through they'd flame your ass but me on the other hand you're joking but i definitely would uh like play defense with my outfits at rap battles and like not wear stuff intentionally not wear stuff that uh that would get made fun of that you could uh you could make fun of because dude one time in a rap battle this guy had a shirt that said Analog on it. Yeah.

And the guy was like, yeah, I know you're an anal OG. That's awesome. It's fucking genius. Let's get him on the pod. The guy who said anal OG. We might be able to find the anal OG guy and get him on the podcast. But until then, you can be a true anal OG with a MeUndies membership. That means you never

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like you're sitting on a heaven cloud. Yeah. Is that too crazy to say? I don't think that's too crazy to say. Is it crazy to say it should feel like you're sitting on a heaven cloud. Is that too crazy to say? I don't think that's too crazy to say. Is it crazy to say it should feel like you're sitting on a heaven cloud? No, it should feel like young cherub angels are cupping your nutsack and just holding them ever so slightly so

the strings of your nut aren't really they're not fully taut. They're a little slack. There's like a little bit of give underneath here. It should feel like just a little jiggle on the balls. Yeah, a little j a little just someone's crit like an angel is cradling your nuts yeah just and maybe they're even licking peanut butter off of your dick yeah but in a but in a not really yeah consensual not sexual consensual not and not statutory way at all there's nothing statutory no grown-up angels grown-up angels not baby angels but it's a grown consensual

hot ass angels with fucking beautiful they're cradling the nuts golden on your ass cheeks blonde hair that's what blue eyes feel like and they're just fucking licking licking the back of your sack oh yeah the taint and they're not they're not forgetting about the taint. No, no. Why the fuck would they? They're the fucking, the best undies on the fucking market. And that's my fucking promise to you. And that's my promise as well. 15% off code or meundies.com slash son. Son.

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You know that's MeUndies. I have a flat penis and that's completely chained by MeUndies. It frames it like fucking McDonald's food in a commercial. You're going to be walking around with that Dave Pornoy dick when you get MeUndies. How do you think Dave does it? How do you think he gets that bulge? That's why he doesn't have to work as hard anymore because MeUndies does all the work for

him, giving him a beautiful, perfect bulge. Seriously, buy some MeUndies. Send us pictures of your bulges. You know what to fucking do, but make sure that the MeUndies is visible in the picture. Let's bring up our guest. I got to take a piss real quick.

Dude, no, no, no, no, no, no. I really have to go. Do not piss. Just piss in your sweatpants and wring it out. What would you do if we were straining in a car right now? What would you do? Well, I don't know, but I don't feel as much pressure because we'll just piece those together i really gotta go all right go go even though you went right before the show started

20 yeah well then i drank a whole water bottle hip-hop it started out in the park one of the first times i met my girlfriend's dad i put on the dirt because it's about uh motley crew i figured that like an old dude would like it. And the opening scene is a girl squirting in front of a whole party. He left. He just left the room? He left the house. Oh, Jesus. It was like, we've got a lot of stuff to think about.

He went to his club to gamble. What? Yeah. He was so horny. I got to go jerk off. I got to go to my car What? Yeah. He was so horny. I got to go jerk off. I got to go to my car and jerk off. He was like,

damn it, Owen. Why are you making me horny? What are you doing coming into my house and making me horny? Never go into another man's house and make him horny, son.

Don't you know nothing about being a man? If you haven't jerked off driving, you haven't lived. I have not jerked off driving. You're just driving, fucking, just edging. I have a buddy who does it most times. He drives. Yeah.

No matter who's in the car. That's psychopath behavior. You haven't tried it. Don't knock it, bro. Don't knock it till you try it. Not to try. No, not yet. Don't knock it.

We're leaving that part in about you getting your... And we'll just pick it up right here. Yeah, we'll just pick it up. Yeah, maybe. Sassy had to pee. No, we're going to leave that in. Sassy had to ootsie ootsie. And also ootsie ootsie.

See, that's the start of your Jimmy Fallon's German impression yeah sassy had to ootsie a gruner lady

oh fuck what's a what's a German word who's a famous German don't say can't say Hitler bro What's a German word? Who's a famous German? Don't say Hitler, bro. We're not going to go there.

He's Austrian. Charles Bukowski. Oh, shit. Your idol. No, not my idol, bro. It's crazy that all the Germans just got bitched up by Hitler. He just came from another country. I know.

Imagine fucking just a Canadian coming into the United States like telling everybody like what their new ideas should be and they all just got in line it's a dictatorship yeah but you got dictated by a guy who's not even from there yeah i guess that's weird bro let me put this in fucking terms you can understand bro fucking someone from new ham New Hampshire comes into the fucking South Shore tries to take over. Bro, if that game was in Boston last night, it would have been a completely different story. We would have jumped some of those Yankees fans. Fenway is way smaller, though, than Yankee Stadium.

Really? Yeah, Fenway is fucking petite, bro. No way. Fenway is such a petite little bitch. Little slut. Fenway's the green monster. Such a little slut. Have you ever been to a game at Fenway?

No, never. You'll have to take me sometime. Oh, it's magical. Oh, it is magic. You ever just walk in somewhere and you kind of just feel like you're home? That's Fenway for you? That's like when I go to Fenway. Yeah, I like to kneel down as soon

as I get into the stadium, just kiss the ground. Yeah, I like to get there a little early, just rub my hands on the grass, touch the bricks, just fucking walk around, heckle, tell the right fielder to put up his right hand if he's an ass guy or his right hand if he's an ass guy

or his left hand if he's a boobs guy. Classic baseball shit like that. Classic. We're actually a wee podcast and a baseball podcast. And a lifting podcast. And a yawning podcast. And a yawning podcast. Where you fucking yawn with the best of them, bro.

Just because you yawn doesn't mean you're sleepy. It means that you have undealt with psychological damage. It means that you haven't eaten today. I heard that dogs yawn because they're just being empathetic. Is it empathy? Or is it they're stressed? Or maybe they're stressed. Really?

Humans yawn because of empathy. Dogs yawn because of stress. Yeah, bro, that's why I'm yawning because I feel so fucking bad for you well if I had any empathy I'd yawn back at you I'd answer your yawn with another yawn there's nothing to be empathetic about I'm yawning because I'm in the room with you two you got this sad boy look

you got this down badass fucking sad boy season brother it's the summer time it's not sad boy season alright bro it would be nice if there was a little more sunlight in this building fucking sad boy season. Brother, it's the summertime. It's not sad boy season. All right, bro? It would be nice if there was a little more sunlight in this building. I think that would make me a lot happier. Dude, let's take the corporate card. Let's decorate one of the rooms.

You think? This is the worst decorated office in all of America. I know. It's like fucking Soviet block design. It's so gray. It's like a country that builds its gray. It's like a country that builds its own... It is like a project.

It looks like how projects are built. No thought of aesthetic is put into it. Walking in through the... Walking in, it's not bad. Do you think it's bad? It's not bad walking in. There's at least a defined atrium area. but then you bang a right

and then things hit things go south quick anywhere that there could be design there is no intelligent design nobody's doing anything that's fucking different or dope or anything it's just a big pile of trash on everyone's desk including yours i nasty. And you don't even really get sent shit. You get sent, like, fucking brands, though. I get sent a lot of stuff. What's the sweetest shit you've ever been sent? Probably this, uh, probably, uh, well, if besides MeUndies and Manscaped, probably that mortgage that you got shit.

No, not right now. Too soon, bro, way too soon. Yeah, not right now. Too soon, bro. Way too soon. Yeah, you're not ready for fucking to be a homeowner. Y'all aren't ready for another ad. We can't jump into that for the people. No, absolutely not. We got to hit this next premise.

So did you ever think about... So yeah, let's talk about the Tim Dillon thing. So Tim Dillon was supposed to come on the podcast. Yeah, we should. did you ever think about so yeah let's talk about the Tim Dillon thing so Tim Dillon was supposed to come on the podcast yeah we should because you went to his comedy show did you say what's up to him at the show or he just saw you like did you go backstage or anything

no no no he said what's up to me so you haven't really talked to him but he was just like little sasses in the building yeah then he was supposed to come in here but he was supposed to do our podcast. And a couple other podcasts. And a couple other ones. But he couldn't. We're not going to say their names.

We don't want to give any other podcasts. We're not trying to platform anyone else. Except for Malcolm Gladwell. There is a car that will suck you. But yeah, you're supposed to. Something came up. Couldn't. Well, it sucks too because we didn't even know

he wasn't going to come in until about 20 minutes ago when Kelly Martin just told us. Just kidding. He told us on Friday. Just kidding. We just had to shit on Kelly a little bit more. I mean, I think some podcasts actually do just shit on her a ton. I saw that clip from the Kirk Manahan show

where he's just like screaming about Kelly Martin. Really? Why? I don't know. He said, don't ever bring Kelly Martin. Oh, Jesus Christ. About what? I think someone asked permission if like a guest could come on and or like they like ran it by Kelly. And he's like, don't run it by Kelly.

If a guest can come on. I hope she feels bad. I hope she feels bad about it. Nah, bad. I hope she feels bad about it. Nah, bro. I hope she feels better about it. I hope she's tight, bro. I hope she's good. Stop caping, bro. She's not going to fuck you, bro.

We want to get some big guests. Yeah. We want Kanye. I'm going to email Kelly today and say, can we want Kanye West on our podcast? Actually, nothing pisses her off more than when people ask for a guest that she deems a little

bit out of their range. Really? Which goes back to her running bar stool. I don't think you're ready for Kanye. Why don't we start you off with Cy High the Prince? Go strikes for Kanye. We'll see how you do. We'll see how you do with Pusher Prince. Ghost rights for Kanye. We'll see how you do. We'll see how you do with Pusher T.

I think we could maybe get you guys like Tommy Smokes. Tommy Smokes does a podcast about the Yankees. Would that be nice? You guys talk about baseball a lot, right? You know what baseball is, right? Say it back to me.

Baseball. It's where they're at the top of the count. Don't you know anything about baseball? To say the least, Kanye doesn't want you guys. It's not that I can't get Kanye. It's that he doesn't want to do your podcast.

He said no. He said that he saw your fashion. No. He doesn't like how you dress. Did you see that quote that like Kanye said that he used to dress Kim Kardashian all the time? Oh yeah, I did see that. But then these outfits that Kim Kardashian

has been wearing since they broke up. Factor fiction. Kanye was behind Kim's style the entire time. You think? Definitely, bro. She used to probably go out. And he would be like, Definitely, bro.

What? Yeezy? Mr. West? Come on, bro. Didn't Ye fuck Jeffree Star? Oh, no. Was I not supposed to say that? No, they said that on BFFs. I know, I said that's public info.

Yeah, they confirmed that on BFFs. That's public info? Yeah, they confirmed it on BFFs that Kanye and Kim groomed Jeffree Star and they... Isn't Jeffree Star like 40? He's older, but they groomed him because he's young as a woman. He's... No idea where this is going.

Excuse my co-host, alright't i don't know anything about mr star or anyone asking we know nothing about the stars the star family but we are going to manifest some sick guests yeah we're working on manifesting them right now we'll start with we'll start small with barstool people we'll see see if we can get KB and Nick on. We'll see if we can get Big Cat. Well, yeah. Depending on when this comes out, bro. Shit. This is coming out tomorrow.

Yeah, this is going to come out tomorrow. Is it? Yeah, because we're doing the ad reach for this week. Oh, fuck. And you talked about the weekend and such. Did we talk about the weekend? We went to the Tim Dillon show. It was really fun.

It was really fucking funny. What was his best joke the gist just like you know i don't want to be ripped other comedians jokes the premise but that being said no it was really really funny i like going to comedy shows a lot big cats just really walking back and forth past us and he just wants to come in yeah he's peac, if you need a little air time, just let us know. He's doing the bend and snap. I know. He just keeps on dropping shit and showing his juicy ass. Big Cat doesn't like when people from the Yak

hang out without him. He's very protective over us. I mean, you tried to hang out without me with Big Cat. You tried to hang out with the rest of the Yak without me. And I was literally the backup option. And then you kept me on ice at fucking Joe's bar outside Yankee Stadium for

an hour and 45 minutes. Give the bar some respect. Dude, that stadium is a bitch to get to. I liked it. I thought it was nice getting there. I didn't. Oh, we took an Uber back from there. It there like 30 minutes

to get home bro that bar that we went to stands is a firefighter bar really a firefighter really dude there were dudes from new york who were like trying to like be like yo how do you say like water and i was like water just fucking with them they're like oh my god i can't believe you talk like that it's like, listen to your accent. I actually heard someone asking you about water, yeah. And they're the same dude who's a firefighter. It's like, bro, you have an accent too. Like, everybody says words a little bit.

New York accent isn't great. No. It's one of the least appealing ones, in my opinion. Yeah, it's not sexy. Like a Philadelphia accent. I also think a New York accent is by choice. I think it's fake. A lot of people don't have it.

Same with Boston. Boston is not real. Boston is legitimately heard like two people in my entire life with an actual Boston accent. And the people with Boston accents love when you notice their accent and be like, oh, God, I never even knew I had it. I just talk like this. This is just how it is. Like Mark Wahlberg. Dorchester. Yeah, Wahlberg. Dorchester.

Yeah, I'm from Dorchester. But he can just like turn it off for a movie whenever he wants. Like he could just... That's always something that's really impressive when actors can like

change their... Like when British actors just go full normal American accent the entire movie. Or any British singer. Yeah. Well, apparently when you sing...

Like Estelle will be talking like this. A doll. All I know is a doll. No, but apparently when you sing... Never mind, I'll find someone like you. Just like perfect American diction from this sloppy ass...

When you sing, your accent goes away at this point. She sounded like Michael Caine before she started singing. And then she just turns it off. Never mind, I'll find. Never mind, I'll find. I will not do.

Is that British? Sounds like, I don't even know what you're doing right now. Like a Cockney British accent. Bro, you got to work on your, you got to work on your impressions. You're nowhere near me.

Do, go back to the German guy. German Jimmy Fallon, bro. He told you it needs work. But do, he just, he just went to the, he just pissed his pants. He just shit all over

his boy shorts. It needs work, bro. I don't know what you want to say. You're Jimmy Fallon at an Octoberfest in Munich. He just shit his leader hose.

You're Jimmy Fallon announcing the Yankees game, but you're also German. Dude, I noticed that you didn't stand up for the seventh inning stretch. Another massive disrespect at Yankee Stadium yesterday. I did. And the only time you, the only reason you stood up for the national anthem is because Noah Beck

was fucking sprinting around the bases. And then you wanted to get it. Because Noah Beck was singing it. You wanted to crane your neck so you could see Noah back. That rhymed, bro. Okay, that's a bar. Oh, and write that down. Write that shit down. Yo, that's a

bar, bro. Because you wanted to crane your neck so you could see Noah back. Oh, fuck, bro. Yo, battle rap's going to shit, bro. my next segment let's talk about how fucking let's move on to our next segment battle rap's going down the tubes bro it's fucking losing its essence people are always saying that shit about fucking battle rap bro it's fucking bullshit well it's because eight mile eight mile fucking ruined the game yeah because because guys could just be white and a fucking bum yeah i am white i am a fucking bum i do live in a trailer with my mom that's why

i'm hilarious in class oh i didn't even tell about this is i feel like no no let's not go back we have to i feel like we're just hopping around too much. So fucking what? What are you talking about? We're doing our segments. Hop back. I'm hopping back. There was a kid in my there was a kid in my in my the comedy class who used to like bully the teacher aggressively.

Yes. And then he would just like bring weed into his back and it put it like just put clumps of weed in his backpack and then just like walk around the classroom with his bag reeking of weed. So everyone was like, oh, my God god why does it smell so much like weed and then he would be like is it me is it me bro and then kids would be like it was like there was like seven kids in the class and he'd be like having he'd be like going up to kids like holding his backpack like having them smell like while the teacher just blatantly saw what was happening. Yo, smell this. Smell this shit.

What are you going to do about it, bitch? He would just straight up bitch the teacher out like that? Like bully the teacher. God damn. Like I could see like being a class clown against like a tough teacher but outwardly bullying a teacher who's like nervous. And this teacher would not fight back about it at all. Yeah, that's the worst when you notice

a teacher's like nervous. He'd be like, alright guys. Alright. Put the loud pack down jerry yeah can we maybe not smoke the weed in class i know it's stinking like lincoln jerry but you're gonna have to put down the loud pack maybe we'll go easy on the loud today class no backwoods in class we're learning comedy one thing that doesn't go with comedy kids is weed do you think like in the future they'll have comedy classes and oh they'll be like uh lele paul like this is like like one of the eras will be like the vine era and they'll be like lele pons and like logan paul there probably will it'll be like a college someone someone's writing that

textbook like right now anthropology of vine yeah someone's writing a comedy textbook and they're like one of the chapters is just vine and it's like like, here's how Lele Pons is able to put masterpiece sketches into a six second clip. Notice that he has a beginning, middle and end of a premise all within six seconds, making cohesive but micro art. People will definitely fucking overanalyze that stuff but the problem is where are you gonna watch it bro what do you mean vine's dead bro yeah it's all on youtube where are you gonna watch it but it's not formatted for youtube i guess yeah i mean i guess it's gonna be hard for people to watch like vine if you don't like i don't know like i don't really watch like i don't watch vine compilations i know you do you're always watching logan paul compilations yeah i am so what bro i fucking think he's funny do you ever meet logan paul yeah he came in here and did the act oh yeah i forgot about that didn't he like say some mean ass shit he uh oh i watched

it it was on stool scenes he like comes in and then in, and then he's, like... He, like, goes in, and then as soon as he leaves, he's like... It's like, what the fuck was that shit? He said something, doesn't he? I don't know. I didn't watch the stool scene, so this is actually news to me, because I thought that we had a really nice rapport back and forth. Yeah, I know. He said something about it.

He, uh, kept on making KB lean forward, and then he would throw Cheerios into KB's ass crack, like, through the top of his pants. Really? And he, like, filled his asshole with Cheerios. That's awesome. He made like a whole bowl of Cheerios out of KB's asshole. Yeah. It's fucking some classic like...

Was he huge? I imagine being like seven feet tall. No, he was wearing a checkered shirt. So no, he wasn't that big. I imagine him coming in and it's like everyone just turns their necks. Yeah. Robbie Fox started crying. He was so excited.

Robbie Fox had to leave. Really? No, but that happened when John Cena came. Robbie Fox had to leave the office because he liked John Cena so much. He just couldn't deal with John Cena being here. Was he calling on Robbie's podcast? Was he here for Robbie? No, I think he was here for something.

I think he was doing part of my take. And Robbie was just like, dude, I came out. he was doing part of my take and Robbie was just like, dude, I like... Yo, bleep out part of my take when you edit this. We don't need free promo for them. Say that it was Malcolm Gladwell's podcast on Push to Media.

Bro, Malcolm Gladwell was acting like that cars are... Self-driving cars... We're going back to cars? That suck you, they're going to be... They'll be like bitch-made. They'll be scared.

Dude, I bought a $90 three-pack of Malcolm Gladwell books on a Sunday a few months ago. You thought you were about to learn it all. It's a smart idea. Put in 10,000 hours yourself. Did you read any of them? Did you crack into any of them, David and Goliath? I have not.

You got to get you on that, bro. We'll get you reading those. Yeah, Pushkin Media, bro. Check out Pushkin Media. They got all the best shit. But they made it seem like you'd be able to just... You'd be able to run in the street and like a car would just stop. Just straight up.

Bro, who do you work for? who the fuck are you working for i'm a psyop i'm russian intelligence you have equity in their company uh yeah i'm like a purposeful misinformation i found a girl on uh on like tiktok who everybody is saying is like a russian psyop that she's just like flooding tiktok with like being like white people you need to fight back oh jesus christ and she like made her account private because everyone's like like aren't aren't you russian aren't you so weird you like look and act and present russian and like because they start she's she's getting paid to stir the pot bro yeah it's between the between the nations it's fucking sweet bro it's fucking sweet bro it's fucking genius fucking out we got to start we have to start hiring psyop people to make tiktoks

that just will plant information about us plant propaganda about us yeah well we should just do it ourselves that's that's what that bulge video was i know that was propaganda i just i just paid a russian reasons i want son of the boy dad son of the boy dad his dick is big as the kremlin big dick big dick like howitzer big dick like ak-47 podcaster got a big dick massive podcast looking for podcast with big dick deep voice Russian woman are you

fellow American women looking for a podcaster with big dicks listen tune in to Son of a Boy every Tuesday we need people to check in on that seven yawns. I know I'm yawning today. I'm sorry.

Start eating food. You just have to eat some food. I'm so hungry, dude. Are you on an intermittent fast? Are you waiting to work? No, we just,

I didn't wake up till late this morning. Too many brewskis yesterday? I had ketchup on my sleep and then, and now I'm just on slump. I didn't get to eat because we did the yak

and now we're doing this. Well, you had a, quite a few beers last night. I hate when I'm just on slump mode because I didn't get to eat because we did the yak and now we're doing this. Boy, you had quite a few beers last night, bro. I hate when I'm working so goddamn hard I don't even have time to eat. Dude, I don't have a fucking second edge wise to be able to fucking even eat any food. Dude, this weekend I was talking to one of my buddies from home and he was like, yo, I never see you in the clubs. And I looked him dead in the eyes and I said, I never see you in the clubs. And I looked him dead in the eyes and I said, I never see you in the bank. Straight in the eyes. With his broke ass.

I never see your broke ass in the bank. Got a fucking Louis belt, but no fucking Roth IRA. Me and my boys were always hanging out in the bank. Just counting checks. Yeah, writing checks. And if we're not counting, we're depos cash in cash creating new account building credit building personal credit personal finance that's the kind of shit that i'm into with my wanna be rich you go to the bank yes you go where the money is you find the money at the bank. Yes, bro. Fucking talk that rich shit, bro.

Find the money. Be the money. That's, bro. Oh, you don't see me at the club? I sleep at the bank. That's a fact, bro. I party at the bank. My party is the bank.

I'm just in the vault with bars of gold. You go to the bar. I'm hanging out at the gold bars. I'm at the gold bar. Mining. i'm mining crypto gold money dude and if and if you out there are a grinder like sasses you have your own business you're making your own money maybe it's time you get ship station in your life maybe it's time you lean on the good folks over at ShipStation.

ShipStation, some of the best partnership that we've ever encountered because they're going to make it easier for you to ship stuff out. When I was a fledgling young star, no younger than Lil Sass, I had a t-shirt business and boy was I trying to get these t-shirts off. But the worst part of it for me was having to ship every single t-shirt individually. It made it tedious. It made all this work for me that I was not trying to do. I wanted to focus on designing, counting checks, being in the bank, posting up with my boys, and fucking making a ton of money. But I couldn't make all that money because I had to do all the shipping work myself. Well, all the folks over at ShipStation are going to take that hassle away from you because they're the number one choice of online sellers. You can

import orders from any sales channel, ship with any carrier using ShipStation's deeply discounted rates and automate just about any shipping test. That's why over 100,000 online sellers choose ShipStation. Sass, talk to the people about Shopify and how to get down with ShipStation. Look, no matter how much you, no matter how, no matter how you sell. Bro, you're so good. Shopify, Etsy, your own website. ShipStation funnels all your orders into one simple interface that you can manage from anywhere, even your freaking cell phone. Yes, sir. Who would have thought?

That's crazy. Get access to amazing discounts with major carriers, including UPS, FedEx, and USPS. Easily compare carriers and choose the best solution every time. Look. Oh, now you're about to get personal. Look, I'm about to get personal. Okay. Look, I'm about to, this is going to hit home.

This is going to hit home. This is going to hit home. This is going to hit home. This is going to hit home. You can ship more in less time for a lot less money yes a lot less money all i'm asking you to do is just use my code son son to get a 60-day free trial that's two months free of no hassle stress-free shipping try out the free trial use the code son all you got to do is go to shipstation.com and click on the microphone at the top of the page and type in sun that's s-o-n that's shipstation.com enter offer code sun make ship happen yes make ship it's what gary v would do gary v would tell you that you're not a fucking human being if you

don't use ship station unless you're usingStation. Unless you have a side hustle. A side hustle to your side hustle. A grind to supplement your side hustle to your side hustle, which supplements your actual job. And you shouldn't be sleeping during any of that. You make a candle. You fucking send it over to ShipStation. They'll send it out to the fucking people. And then you'll be golden.

Then you'll be rolling in the fucking cash. the fucking people and then you'll be golden then you'll be rolling in the fucking cash gary v said gary a direct gary v quote was the amount of time that it takes you to lay in bed and picture your entire family was slaughtered by a wild bear that amount of time ship station just shipped 10 000 orders that's fucking crazy yeah i was watching the fucking g V's personal TikTok. I think 7 million followers. I know. But he was saying that for five minutes a day, you should lie in your bed, use ship station, and imagine a bear eating your grandmother's pussy alive. With peanut butter. Alive with peanut butter.

Alive until your grandma died. And that's just. That's just a little extra for you to motivate yourself. That's a little Monday motivation. That's just a little get you through the week. Just another manic Monday. It's just another manic Monday. Bro, the one thing that you could still be doing

if you were in college is being in an acapella group i know i should have been scooby dooby doo bop zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom zoom you guys don't know oh you guys haven't seen pitch perfect bro did you ever have where they could like come to your dorm on valentine's day no i didn't they didn't offer that they didn't offer that package while we had that service that's so fucking fire it was tough the guys in uh the guys in acapella groups in college did the most sex oh probably yeah they did the most slang they seduced ladies with their voice yeah or guys they would uh just stand in a circle and sing and and everyone would be like dripping through

their panties they would be so fucking wet that's how pentatonix started pentatonix is so sick you were definitely in a in an acapella group no my fucking uh my roommate tried out for one though and uh and then you started spitting instead yeah i was I was like, I am white. I am a fucking bum. You were like, damn, I don't think this acapella shit is for me. I am white. I am a fucking bum. You were in acapella and then you watched 8 Mile for the first time. No, I got cut from acapella and I was sitting behind the stage at the theater fucking crying to myself.

And this guy in a beanie and fucking factory clothes came up to me. Was it Slim? And he was like, yo, kid. And he tossed me a microphone and I just fucking grabbed it came up to me. Was it Slim? And he was like, yo kid. And he tossed me a microphone and I just fucking grabbed it out of the air. And he was like, you could try spinning. There's always room over at the shelter. Damn. You could always come down to the shelter.

And then when you walked away, did the bunny ears? Yo rabbit! The bunny ears just, yeah, the bunny ears popped up in a shadow. It was like the end of the departed people were always like whoa is that an easter egg did he actually become the rabbit at that point is he actually the bee rabbit you ever noticed that at the end of departed that there was a rat on the railing nah that's crazy though and he was the rat i've got this gnawing rat When Jack Nicholson does that That scene is so fucking crazy

It's fucking sick I've got this rat See bro Our impression game is on 10 I'm about to do an impression of Sean White On uh Doing a key bump of weed I'll line you up for the Sean White

Or no line me up for the Sean White, or no, line me up for the Sean White Mountain Dew. I was drinking the Mountain Dews, baby. Line me up for that, okay? Yo, I'll start it off. Okay, cool. You line me up with the drinks. Aren't you 19?

Yeah, drinks. Yeah, I mean, it was great. We were it was, we were dancing. It was, I had VIP service. I got all the drinks and food I wanted. I mean, it was crazy. Drinks? Aren't you 19?

I'm talking about the Mountain Dews, baby. Hee hee. Bro. Shimona. Bro, in Hollywood, come see us. Come see us. Like, what the fuck are you talking about you know i'm talking about the mountain dews baby that would be awesome if you just did some crazy

accent you just hit a box he broke into a boston accent i'm sean white it's not your fault dude so many people were after that clip came out they're trying to be like bro your boy hasn't seen goodwill hunting never seen goodwill hunting i think they just wanted to jump on the fact like they knew the movie reference hunting that everybody else hadn't seen goodwill hunting but they had seen we're also a goodwill hunting podcast we are goodwill hunting weightlifting sean white baseball baseball and weed and weed those are the five every episode we're going to touch on one of those five

they're like that is a five boroughs and that is a promise that is a promise our promise from us to you I got to go get stretched all right sounds good all right we'll wrap it up there

thank you for listening if you're watching this on YouTube please give it a thumbs up it helps a lot yeah thanks for listening we'll be back next week and YouTube, please give it a thumbs up. It helps a lot. Yeah, thanks for listening. We'll be back next week. And we'll be back next week.

And we'll be back next week. Why don't you sign us off? Just do a sign off. Alright. I'm talking about the Mountain Dews, baby.