Son of a Boy Dad - Son of a Boy Dad's 200th Episode Special

Episode Date: May 16, 2024

Son of a Boy Dad's 200th Episode Special -- Ad: Get 20% off your order at https://CUTSCLOTHING.com with promo code BOYDAD. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I'm angry. I'm angry in the head right now. Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. What's that low energy shit? Come on, bro. Now you got me all fussed up. Now I'm angry. I'm angry in the head right now. Just launch us in, then use the anger, bro. Use it. What is up, everybody?

Welcome back to Son of a Boy. No, that wasn't it. Give it a little more, like a lot more zing, actually. You don't have a catchphrase? It is. It's what is up, everybody? That's his catchphrase. You have to do the what is up?

Yeah. That's how he, that's his thing. What is up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. What is up up everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. What is up everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today is Monday, October 18th. It is 2.09pm. A little early.

A little early. Early record today. We have a special guest today. Dave Portnoy. What's up guys? How's it going? What's going on? Not too much. Great to have you in here. What are you guys chatting about? I don't even remember.

We're just starstruck by you being in here. We're just so excited. Don't be. Bro, I threw up before you walked in. He was that nervous. Matt McCusker. Thank you, guys. McCusker?

You say McCusker? It's McCusker. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've been saying McCusker. Everyone does. Really? Oh, yeah. We're here with Nick Coletti. Hello. Hello. What's up, dude? It's McCusker. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been saying McCuster. Everyone does. Really? Oh yeah. We're here with Nick Coletti. Hello. Hello. What's up, dude? What's up? Good to have

you. This is a lot less. This is a lot, a lot more laid back than a part of my take. What's up everybody. Welcome back to son of a boy this, brother. It's June 13th, and it's 3.50 in the afternoon. We're here with Rome. We have a special guest today. Pat, stay. How are you? Thanks for having me. Maddie Smith.

Yes, thank you guys both for having me. Of course. Lil Sasquatch. Do you have a name? Harry. Oh, should we call him Harry or Lil Sasquatch? That's doxing, I think. No, it's not doxing. Oh, shit. Okay. No, no, no. It isn't. It isn't. Do you have a name? Harry. Oh, should we call him Harry or Lil Sasquatch? That's doxing, I think. No, it's not doxing.

Oh, shit. Okay. No, no, no. It isn't. It isn't. Can I call you Harry? Yeah. Okay. It feels a little bit more normal. Can I be your Sally?

He does need a Sally. He always needs a Sally. Should we get going? Yeah, let's get going. Let's get going. What's up, everybody? Welcome back to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. Today, it is Monday. It is July 18th. We're joined by Francis Ellis. Our specialist guest that we've ever had on this program.

And I'm honestly downright giddy that you're here. I'm like excited, like almost like I'm doing something wrong. I tell you what, man, I'm feeling nervous. Yeah, are you? I'm like, any minute they're going to walk in and just escort me out of here. When you came in here, the security guard pulled his gun on you. He sure did. And he was like, get the fuck out of here. She got so mad.

Yeah. And then he'll be like. All right, shall we? We good to go? Bongs away, the boys will play with cigars like a young winston churchill first thing in the morning yeah not ideal i thought that churchill downs joke was pretty good i didn't even hear it in the roast oh wow i think he was like uh nicky looks like something you'd ride at churchill downs or

something i don't know who said maybe maybe nicky made the joke but no tony hinchcliffe said that about jeff ross yeah yeah yeah and he's's like Churchill Downs, which is what we call Gronk when he's smoking a cigar. No, no. They said Jeff Ross, which is even funnier because he's like fat and bald. Oh. He's like a fat, bald white guy. I thought it... Man, I got it way wrong.

Cheers, old boys. Well, well, well. To 200. Yeah. I said to Owen right before the episode uh here's to 200 more and owen was like let's just say 300 at most i don't think we're getting there it is crazy we're a podcast just like when does the there's no c there's no finale it usually goes up in flames that's right someone quits yeah

like when part of my take ends it's not gonna be like and that's a wrap no we've reached we've reached our goal yeah we've made 14 million billion dollars what do you think they've made lifetime a lot the pod that podcast has generated come on you think it's like the biggest sports podcast in the world you say that like i don't know that but i mean have you heard this have you seen this it's the biggest sports podcast in the world he loves he always hammers that i know that and we respect them for that we'll call her daddy is the biggest i don't know lifestyle podcast in the world right and then she made 60 million dollars in three years yeah but that would that would to me mean that her podcast made a lot more than that yeah exactly so then if pardon my take because we don't know any of that are we on have we started we've

begun yeah we've begun. This is just that slice of life good shit. People just pick up in the middle of the conversation. It's nice. It's also known as the Matt and Shane secret podcast method. People get really mad when we don't do the intro. They hit me up and they're like, why did the episode just start abruptly? So why don't you give it to us?

This is the prelude. This is like the scroll at the beginning of Star Wars that we're doing right now. I think it's, yes, that and it's also to prove that we aren't like what Mike and the Mad Dog were in their prime. Fighting? Where they hated each other so much that when the mics

were not on, they would not speak to each other. But then they would come in and do the show and they would sit there in silence until someone said, it's time, begin. And then they would start and they would not speak to each other but then they would come in and do the show and they would sit there in silence until someone said it's time begin and then they would start and they would do it professionally and those were arguably people say the best episodes of the the heyday of that show and then the show would end and they would get up and walk out not say goodbye to each other damn think of that that should be us that's actually something to strive for we'll get to that point. Frosty.

You think part of my take is ever like that? Probably, yeah. When do you think that show will end? I think it'll end when PFT takes his flight simulator, like his obsession with that, and is like, I could fly a hang glider. Yeah. I wish I had one of those flight simulators.

You could easily afford one. You're rich as fuck. I'm not, and flight simulators. You could easily afford one. You're rich as fuck. I'm not. And they're expensive. You 100% are. And I also don't have a PC. Yeah, that's actually the thing that's in the way. But you are rich as fuck.

No. You got me mixed up with someone else. No, no, no. Everybody knows now. Everybody knows that you don't become a killer and not get paid for your assassinations. You think that fucking Jason Bourne doesn't get fucking paid handily? Dude, you make 20% more than I do, and everybody knows that I have a lot of money. First of all, that's just not true.

That is true. I made good money in the beginning of this year, but I'm not going to make any money the rest of the year. What the fuck does that mean? Because I got dog shit road dates coming up. No, don't say that. Buy tickets to see my man's ass or else he's not going to make good money the second half of the year.

Hopefully this don't tell will really boost my career or it'll really put my career in the grave. No, it won't do that. You need to start driving Uber. Yeah, it's funny how that could go both ways. I think it's going to blow you the fuck up. It could either make me be like the next Ralph Barbosa, or it could be like sticking to the upstairs room at the stand forever.

The stand's Reddit account made a post on r slash stand up, and they were like- Oh, yeah, they always are in there. Yeah, but they were like oh yeah they always are in there yeah they but they were like we may we make we bet on penny stocks uh and like currently we have big bets in on little sasquatch and like a couple other names wasn't that like years ago that they posted that i don't know i just searched both your guys names on our stand up last week actually i only found really nice things about both of you i would

i would never want to do something they never post they never talk about me they talk about francis all the time masochistic thing everywhere that you see francis on reddit it's all just like francis is so fucking perfect what are you talking about i don't want to hear this because i don't want to start going to look for it and then find it to be an actual trash heap that would be a you move yeah oh no like dude you type your name into reddit you're gonna love yourself i get furious and i go in there and it's gonna be like he this dude needs to die quickly they love you on reddit or every reddit no r slash stand up does in r slash stand up the matt and shane reddit the shane gillis read it the matt mccusker read it the sean gardini read it good lord well you know what i could use a w so what maybe what we'll do

is when tires comes out maybe i'll take a little peek i don't think i should take a peek i'm not gonna take a peek but you are in a sweet spot like once you get way bigger, once your special comes out and everything, and tires comes out, then you will get an avalanche of unwarranted hate. So it'll come. So actually now might be a good time before you blow up too much. I'm an indie darling. Yes, you're an indie darling. It's hard to imagine calling myself that. You are.

Indie darling. Especially, yeah. I saw that. I sent you that post the other day of people who are like, who talks about their richness in a self-effacing way. And people were like, French Delce is exactly what you're looking for. Oh, yeah.

That's so sweet. They were like, I got just the guy for you. Glaze Fest. Ellis. Nikki Glazer. Malcolm Glazer. We got to try to get her on the pod now. Can we try to do that?

Roan, you could do it. What would make you think that me or Roan would be better at getting Nikki Glaser on the podcast than you? Neither of you have had a failed romantic date with her. But I've also never, I don't think either of us have ever even met her. No, I don't think you would. I think he can. He commands respect. I met her. i don't think you would i think he can i've come in respect i met her she she uh she also did that battle rap show and she was very nice bingo look at that that's called an inn folks she was very

she will not remember having done that though i wonder how much they paid everybody to do that shit she's one of those people who just gets slotted into stuff she she's done that fuck boy island thing. Oh, yeah. I forgot about that. I bet you've had fucking Prince money. Oh, yeah. I think shows like that, it's guaranteed.

Just quietly. There's a humongous group of people out there who watch it as a guilty pleasure. Yeah. You know who I heard is raking in fucking sweet, sweet cash? Palizzi. Oh, yeah. Benedict Palizzi. what is he up to fuck boy i was on fuck boy i saw that what else though just say he's on some other show now that dude is fucking printing money yeah he's handsome he's a fuck no i'm not even saying that i'm just saying the man

is rich i'm not fucking making any judgments about his uh his bodice he and uh joey have done pretty well it would seem how do you even have a body like that at his age how old is he ripped dude he's like he has like a supermodel body watch i'm gonna do that no he will do that i'm gonna do it i genuinely don't think wait till you see what happens to me in the next six months. I'm going to fucking go crazy. He must be on steroids. Because you said this. He's got to be on steroids.

He's got to be on steroids. But he's not a supermodel. Supermodel body is like a slim body. That's what I'm going for. Like Jesus on the cross. I want to look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. Yes, that is the ideal man. I want to bring that back.

Because we got away from that. And that was good for a while. You know, he's like borderline bodybuilder body. And he's goddamn rich. Is he rich? Makes me sick to my stomach. I saw his taxes. How much is rent in Indianapolis, though?

They pay you to live there. It's nothing. I wonder. Do you ever ever when you go to places do you ever pull up zillow and just check your region sale prices for homes and sort them from most expensive to least and find that let's say the most expensive house in a 50 milemile radius is like $1.7 million, which is not nothing, but like in New York, that buys you a one-bedroom apartment with like a galley kitchen and rats in the fucking- It buys you a one-bedroom apartment in like Yonkers?

Yeah, in the Bronx. Tell you what, I'm getting tired of New York. One of the things that pisses me off, that's a big Woodruff move on your part. Yeah. Don't you take that back. Did Woodruff leave New York? How dare you?

She's threatening. I thought she was in Florida. She's teetering. She's threatening. Fuck, what was I about? Oh, dude, the place where they have the craziest houses is Texas. Anytime you sort houses in texas it's like they have built a fucking mcmansion yeah for and it costs like four hundred thousand dollars and it blows my mind that they want to stop illegal immigration

yeah yeah how else how do you think they're fucking building these houses? Everything's bigger in Texas. Shane told me, and even just saying those words just now gives me the ick. You're talking about Shane O'Connor, though. Shane O'Connor. No, when people just invoke Shane Gillis stories to say that they know him, but I was just with him, obviously. Will Compton's baby reveal Instagram had me crying laughing i liked it it was very funny the one where they where they cut the cake and it was another girl yeah and he had that look yeah i'm so happy i'm almost on the verge of tears no i think it was like i wanted a boy

oh no i think he's a big girl dad guy that's his whole thing Did we look at the same post? With the cups? Yeah. Pink cake? Should we call him? Call him. Now. Give him a ring. We want to know if he was happy.

Yes. I bet you he was being sincere. I also took that final slide of his photos to be him being very, almost on the verge of tears of joy. Oh, I thought it was the opposite. This was not a resigned chipper in. That's why I replied it was the opposite. That's why I replied, ha ha ha. Look. It's ringing.

Just get in your eye. He's not going to answer. He's the first two ring guy. Your call has been classic classic guy gets two daughters and fucking won't answer a call say you're talking with Shane had a bruise on his arm and someone was like

where'd you get that bruise and he goes dunking on the basketball hoop in my pool and he goes every single day I start my day by going out and shooting on my pool hoop i just shoot for an hour and a half in the pool while lamar sits on the side of the pool and smokes that sounds fucking amazing yeah and you can do that in texas right now that's like a without

having to make 10 million dollars a year that's like a delco huberman routine yeah it's like in a regular huberman he's like get up do a cold plunge do mobility exercises ground take a walk outside have your vitamins and then in delco you just get in a pool i guess that part of living in aust definitely sounds appealing. Living in a house. Yeah. And having a yard. Yes. That would be awesome. I love that idea. But I don't know.

I like New York still. I do too. Francis, it makes me sick to my stomach, fam, that you're fucking- You're thinking about moving out there? That you're about to leave? No. You're going to move to Austin? He gets one taste. He has passed at the mothership.

I know. He's passed at the mothership. He's on fucking tires. Big shot big shot if you move down there you'll be on fucking rogues in a week i know you're honestly leaving money on the table not moving down there no i mean no literally probably not wrong no literally a ton of money on the table you could be a theater act by fucking september might need to up my statin dose though start eating a ton of red meat yeah your statin's gonna have to be crazy when you when you become a theater act can i open for you you're gonna be a theater act before i am are you gonna stand i will not open for you because we just butt heads too much that's not even close to true you have a special that you record you're recording and you have

what's it called tires the fuck is uh what's this thing that you're about to do that's going to potentially launch your career don't you know it don't tell what is that didn't do a single thing for me didn't move it's literally just like a 10 minute set. It's like those old Comedy Central tapes. Holy shit. Where does it go out on? Don't tell YouTube. Mine won't come out for six months from now. So you're burning with cereal?

Be quicker than that. Yeah, well, if you kill, they'll want it out. When you had the best battle rap, they'd put it out the next day. Oh, yeah. That was a fucking blessing. Wow. I never had to wait. Really? Oh, yeah. That was a fucking blessing. Wow. I never had to wait. Really? Yeah.

That's pretty cool. That's awesome. Everybody else would have to wait like two months. But I guess you don't want to say which bits you're getting rid of. Well, that's the problem is I don't even know what my set is going to be. That makes me sad. I was trying to text Francis about it. I think we go U-Haul.

I gave you good advice. I don't need you to Francis about it. I think we go U-Haul. I gave you good advice. I don't need you to spoil my set. I think we go U-Haul. Well, don't say all my jokes. And then we do Dick's Sporting Goods. No. No, that's not what I'm doing. You've brought these jokes up before on this pod.

Well, honestly, it's like when the US and Russia were both trying to build spaceships that could get us to the moon faster, that's you with the Dick's Sporting Goods joke and Amy Schumer with the Dick's Sporting Goods joke. It's like, who can get this shit out faster? And I feel like you need to get this shit out now. No, I'm not going to put the Dick's Sporting Goods joke in it. That one was already decided not to go. That's probably the right one.

Do you know that Amy Schumer lives in our neighborhood? What? Do you know that Kendrick Schumer lives in our neighborhood? What? Do you know that Kendrick Lamar lives in our neighborhood? K-Dot? In the same building that Matt Damon and Ed Sheeran live in? Isn't that Brooklyn Heights? Can you guys hear him throwing his wife down the stairs? I mean, it's on the water.

It's up there, though, up on the hill, right? No, it's the one along the water. It's like that building that's along the water. Like, if you walk along the piers, like, it's the one along the wall it's like that building that's along the water like uh if you walk along the piers like next to the one hotel oh 90 furman is that it giving it away yeah that building the one that's the one that's got the one drive by as part of it uh yeah it's like those buildings that go along yeah yeah you. You should DM Drake and say, hey, guess who I live right next to? Maybe to get some insider info. Do you want me to do a drive-by and shoot him in his apartment? You should DM him right now and say, I just found out that I live right near Kendrick Lamar.

Why does Kendrick Lamar live in Brooklyn? Why does he live over here? Because he's a Brooklyn dude. Because he's a wife beater. He's obviously a Brooklyn guy. Because he abandoned his wife. He's from Compton. I figured he'd be an LA guy. I think he's currently in LA.

He probably has places both places. But Drake said that in one of the songs. He's like, why are you in that fucking... I think he's at Manhattan apartment. It's really a Brooklyn apartment. See, Drake's getting false intel. This is why you gotta be keeping up. Did you see that Will Compton said that you and I were two of the people that they wanted to fuck with the least or piss off the least at Barstool?

I did see that. That's very funny. You're definitely ahead of me. And I also don't think we are. I mean, to me, it's clearly Dave and Kirk. Yeah, it's got to be Kirk. And then who else? Who would be number three?

I think that... And like Big Cat. Yeah, someone who has power. People who can fundamentally be like, cut this guy off. We are not allowing any of his clips out anymore. We are not getting behind him as a company wait until his contract is done and then he's gone yeah i think you folks can get you fired dave and big cat yeah it's dave big cat and kirk yeah yeah those are the people we and we have like

art forms like we can like paint and dance about somebody like we you'll write and i'll rap about somebody yeah and they'll rip up a contract. Yeah, we'll make art about you. Oh, funny blog, Francis. Hope you like the last month of healthcare that you have. You should get your procedures in now. Yeah. Yeah, that shit's hilarious. That is very funny.

But, I mean, it is a lost art form to be able to write something scathing about someone. Yeah. I mean, we'll scathe someone. Oh, yeah, I will. And Saskin, write a fucking tighthing about someone. Yeah. I mean, we'll scathe someone. Oh, yeah. I will. And Sask can write a fucking tight ten about someone. I don't really get in fights with people. People like to come at me,

but I just don't reply. Which is, that's art of war. That's Prez. Prez loves coming at me. Dave Prez? Yeah. Like how? Eldente?

Prez Eldente. Like how? El Dente? Prez El Dente. I never heard that. El Dente. Very good. Dente. One of the big fucking Chicago guys used to call Dave Dente. He's like, Dente, you can't come out here. Oh, no.

Fuck. What? He's ash on the couch. I did see you really holding that ash out. It doesn't matter. Trying to prove something. It truly doesn't matter. Yeah, it does.

It's going to matter when that... You got to just pick it up. When that cleaning fee comes out of your check. If you take it across the entire couch, it's going to leave a nice-ass skid mark. See, you got... That's the kind of thing you could beat into this couch. This is the kind of couch... It really is.

This is the kind of couch that would benefit from having, uh yeah if you just smack it just rub it around done gone handled smack it like a freaking juicy old pork loin that's mine right yeah that's you i hate pork loin i wouldn't mind a beer Yeah that's how you feel Well I like having a beer with a cigar Get one No we don't have any beers Oh and you don't have to get a beer I don't need it that badly

Now Francis needs his beer I guess Golly 11am Let's get Francis a beer It certainly isn't 11am I know it's like 1 You don't like a pork loin i hate pork loin is it just loins in general loins are disgusting i mean the the thought of a

of a loin is pretty nasty so gross the penis area yeah the midsection never once had every time my mom used to make a loin i'd be like just make chicken like this is like it's like chick it tastes like chicken but it's gross it's more gross i prefer a groin if i'm gonna have anything yeah don't give me a loin give me a groin you know what i was thinking about i realize i eat a lot of red meat right now and i think it's because i never ate red meat growing up right because you're because my did your dad have heart issues because my dad had he had to have a uh double bypass that's so crazy yeah and so then we had to so now you crush red meat you're yeah that's dumb

it is dumb but your dad passed on being by twice no so my once my dad had heart surgery we had to have we had to eat salmon every single night for like over a year got old quick yeah the first couple nights you were like damn this is awesome people get bothered by that i genuinely believe that i could eat the same meal every single night a salmon every dude i'm not even kidding it was every single night salmon rice and green vegetables for dinner every single night and have no problem. You need to start just ordering food from the farmer's dog because that's what they have. Once you dissociate food from taste. Perfect.

Perfect. i once you get to a point where you really treat food as fuel uh you don't care about the taste anymore and then you can have a nice time when you go out to dinner and you have a treat oh i'll have the lasagna what a treat i'm a bad boy i don't think i treat feud as as fuel depending on the time of the day but there's definitely times like like lunch and breakfast it's literally like like eating is like a is like a nuisance to me but it's like i know i have to do it because then i'll be starving i once watched a video of this guy i don't know what his deal was he was a big avid skier outdoorsman and he hated eating just never had an appetite yeah he was too busy on the pow he had to he had to take edibles marijuana in order to get an appetite to eat it sounds like he was on adderall or cocaine i wonder or had something like wrong inside of his body yeah i was trying to think about i was trying to think about like

jerry jersey jerry does does these streams and everyone gets excited about them. They're great. What could I do a hunger strike for? That would be funny. Palestine. I was thinking I should go to one of those college campus protests and perform stand-up through a bullhorn.

It's not a bad idea. And just see how it goes. But I would Trojan horse it in. First, I'd be like, free Gaza down with Israel. Yeah. And then I'd be like, speaking of Israel,

what's with circumcision? I would say don't do that. Just see if I can do it gradually enough that the crowd would be like, first they'd be like, wait, are these jokes? What happened to the chanting? We liked him a minute ago with all that conviction he had. I think they'd like it. I don't.

That'd be funny. That's some Eric Andre shit. Yeah, it is. You ever see the clip of him going to the, I think it's the Republican National Convention? It's so fucking funny it's so funny and it's also the bravest thing i've ever seen he goes on stage right he does who's alex jones yeah yeah and he goes i want you to fuck my wife but also that wasn't even that like how does alex jones not know who eric andre is this was kind of in his period of not being that big of a deal what alex jones definitely doesn't know who

eric andre is now and they had that interaction you don't think so you don't think that these dudes you think that like marjorie taylor green knows who like the like all you know you think marjorie taylor green knows who andrew callahan is no but eric andre is way bigger than a pretty good comp you just came up with i'm impressed with that comp that's the exact comp that's a spot on great comp eric andre is huge so at the time he wasn't andrew callahan is really big as well but it's also they they live in this alternative space eric andre is not on the fucking tonight show or whatever and these people are so self-obsessed that i mean these people are so self-obsessed that they are not listening to or consuming

anything that's not either in their bubble or about them politicians agree disagree cigars make a man of you just was waiting for that yap fest to come to an end oh man good this silence is way better it does i'm just enjoying my cigar it does feel a little bit with the cigar smoke as though we are in sort of a snowy wooded glade. Yes. Where the air is thicker and the sound is more solemn. It does feel a little solemn in here. It feels a little solemn.

I was just thinking that. I'm hearing you guys from a distance for the first time. There's something solemn about this right now. All right. I'll ask a solemn question. all right i'll ask a solemn question at what age if you knew right now uh the the age at which you would die what's an age where you'd be happy with that number one where you'd be like that's kind of okay and then one where you'd be like god that that would suck that's too that's not enough time 110 i need 110 golly i was gonna say 65

you'd be happy with 65 i wouldn't be if someone was like hey you're gonna die when you're 65 i would be like oh okay it's a long so i got a lot of time would that change the way that you live today absolutely not you wouldn't change if you found out right now that you're going to die at 65, it wouldn't change the way that you're going to live? No, that's like a, I got 40 more years. You literally hit the lottery too with lifestyle. You don't have to do anything.

You have the easiest lifestyle of any human being alive. Yeah, I would definitely stop going to the gym. Wait, 65? What if you had the means to extend your life by improving? But they were like, if you live the way you live right now, you'll live until 65. But if you start cleaning your shit up and eating better and whatever, you can get to 70.

Would it be worth it to you? Probably around 60, yeah, I'd start hitting the gym. No, no, you'd have to start today. For five more years, would you start? Would you go to the gym for 40 years to extend your life by five years? No. I definitely would.

I would say. That's a no-brainer for me. If it was 10 years, yeah, I would. 10? If it was 10 extra years i would 10 if it was 10 extra years then yeah i would start going to the gym you just said you're happy well i already am going to the gym what you just said you're happy going out at 65 yeah but if someone was like hey what about 75 i'd be like okay that works too yeah but that means you now have to work out

for i mean what was the answer well i guess i could have just said yeah 300 i want to live till i'm 300 i thought 65 was like a realistic that's but that's happy for you actuary tables put it at like 79 i think is the average age of death for men and maybe that's women and then men are like 77 or something and that's now i mean i wouldn't be like and that's average yeah if someone was like hey you're gonna live for 40 more years be like, okay, that takes care of a lot of worries. What worries? That I'm going to die before I'm 65. You're worried about that? I think everyone's worried about death.

Okay. Where do you, based on your own projection of your life, at what age do you estimate, where do you think you're going to die? At what age? Hopefully around 70, 80. Well well that's a big range give me one a number a specific number 77 fair enough when do you think i think like eight i think like 86 87 for me for you yeah only because i do take care of myself yeah i mean i do like eat well and exercise and yeah it's true obviously there's not there's nothing to be helped but like and besides you're kind of a booze bag though and that'll do it too that'll take a couple years off do you think

i am yeah i don't disagree no you're not i've been hitting it hard rightfully so while you're young live it up while you're young drinking a lot you'll have plenty of disagree. No, you're not. I've been hitting it hard. Rightfully so. While you're young. Live it up while you're young. I'm drinking a lot. You'll have plenty of time to drink when you're 87. You know why I drink? Why? So that when I meet people who drink, they like me more.

True. But when I meet people who don't drink, I don't need to drink. Yeah. I can live in both worlds, brother. I can live. Like Hannah Montana. I'm like Rone with black and white people. Yeah. I can jump in both worlds, brother. Like Hannah Montana. I'm like Rhone with black and white people. Yeah.

I can jump between. You can code switch. Yes, exactly. That's hilarious. Yeah. You know they have a ton of booze at nursing homes? Oh, I'm sure. They literally bring around a cart like you're at the airport.

Is that right? Yeah. oh i'm sure they literally bring around a cart like you're at the airport is that right yeah like my my grandma i'm like as on her 97th birthday they were like bringing around uh they had like a cart and it's like do you want a wine or you want a beer and she was like when i mix both i get a little loopy which means she had been mixing both in her 96th year plus whatever fucking drugs they were putting her ass on, she must have been in outer space. There's so much resistance to assisted living facilities,

and yet I don't see them as being all that bad. Really? Because you're almost guaranteed to have a Haitian nanny that's going to beat the fuck out of you. Yeah, they're pretty bad. My grandpa was in one. Not if you pay enough uh my grandfather my grandfather was in one of my whole family paid for it and it was a pretty good one it was in cape cod and his roommate used his uh razor i remember that was

like a huge thing and he had some sort of like he had a roommate yeah he had a roommate hell no and he and his roommate used his uh razor to shave and that guy had like herpes or something what and my grandfather was like furious and he had to throw it away yeah but okay i mean these are these are foibles what do you mean that's aextending moment. I'm talking about sexual assault by a Haitian. Yeah, you're talking... He had to throw away his chick. At 97, how old was your grandfather? He was in his 80s.

Okay, let's say 85 years old when you find out that your roommate has used your razor to shave and getting pissed off about that, that's your day. Maybe that's your week. That gives you something to be that old thinking about you probably don't want to be dealing with shit like that i think that's

something to extend your life yeah the anger will light a fire under it'll give you a reason to live hate you're gonna spend time thinking about how to approach him to tell him about it you're gonna tell on him probably bitch to every family member you're gonna tell all the other old people who will listen or can listen that you're never gonna believe what fucking george did i guess that is true hide your razors around this guy fucking the herpy monster werewolf mcgee over here he's shaving his fucking herpacetic dick with your fucking facial razor i think my grandpa said he had aids but i don't think that is definitely you should throw that out what kind of fucking uh student living center are they living

in where their roommates at 85 it was a nursing home that's not how my grandma was nursing home she lived in multiple nursing homes and none of them were like that she lived in three different nursing homes and not one of them that were their roommates well my grandpa lived in three different nursing homes and not one of them were their roommates. Well, my grandpa lived in like probably 20 different nursing homes. I feel like some of them did. I remember a couple of them didn't have roommates and that one specifically I remember did. That one was also, that was like 10 years ago. One of the crazy things about the nursing home phenomenon is like you save up money your whole life and then you start putting, you use that money to try and get into the best nursing home possible. Like you use that retirement fund or Social Security money to try and get in the biggest nursing home possible.

And then your relatives, your poor relatives, start hoping that you don't spend too much money on the nursing home because it starts to cut into their inheritance oh yeah and then they and they want you to die sooner because every another month of the nursing home it's not just nursing home it's yeah it's like the expenses of that person's living what they're spending on i guess you're right i would ball the fuck out if i was that old i'd be like put me in the nicest nursing home on earth yeah i think i would probably want to say i'd say i'm leaving no money for any of you yeah or i would say like here's your pile this is my pile yeah i'm gonna expect that i will spend this you're probably noticing that my pile is significantly larger than yours as it should be yeah exactly people who fucking rely on like

oh you're gonna give me some of what you have just because yeah that's that's what an agent does yeah that's literally what the people you have working for you do you know he has an agent and a manager as well what why why did you say that because every time you guys talk about agents and managers you act like i'm getting like fucked over when you have the exact same situation. Why do you take that so personally? I don't think he said that that way. Oh, he's exactly what he said. Well, you're not old enough.

And my dad was texting me the other day being like that's it roans on to i was listening to the podcast roans on to something we need to look out for you too many hands i know how to stand up to too many too many hands in the fucking cookie jar i i he trusts that i'm reading the fine print i'm you're not a fine print guy in fact you're not even a you're not even looking oh i'm looking no you're not you're just putting the car on cruise mode. Dude, I'm the guy that's going through the audience with a fucking disguise on and a clicker. And you're counting? And I'm counting. I'm counting.

I send mook out to count every show. Do you really? No. I remember I used to be like that, though. There used to be a lady in our church who would go up and count how many people were in there every single fucking day sister andrea she would go up to the top and fucking count the amount of people that were in church it must have fucking broke her heart when the rapes came out and everybody stopped coming when the rape scandals came out do people stop

going big time yeah it would be just going to another church no they stopped going to church When the rape scandals came out, did people stop going? Big time. Yeah? Especially the younger people. Especially to another church? No, they stopped going to church. Oh, just in general? I think it was like a distrust in the Catholic church. Like, it wasn't just like, I don't think our church had the rapes going on. Yeah, we stopped going. My family stopped going when we watched Spotlight.

Really? Yeah. I watched Spotlight, and then I was like like i'm not going to church this christmas i thought i was like that was like my palestine protest i was like not for me i was like i'm well i'm i'm 15 i'm old enough to make my own decisions now what do they say it's also funny that it took rape for you to i was just looking for a reason to not go to church 15 and you couldn't find one until then? You didn't have the autonomy until then?

We would go to church like once a year, and I would go with my grandparents. So I was like, and then the one year I didn't go. And you told your grandparents, I can't handle this anymore. I never told my grandparents. It's nice of you to have given them that grace. Well, my mom wouldn't let me.

I don't think grandparents saw a spotlight. I think that's the problem. Oh, no, they weren't allowed to. They they weren't allowed they didn't show it at the nursing home like what's this movie on hbo tonight no no it's bingo time george get your ass downstairs we don't want you it was probably the churches that were fucking running the nursing homes they didn't want them to see that because that all that fucking cash old people give like 10 of their salary to the church yeah they're basically they come with a checkbook it's not like everyone else it's like you give a dollar

yeah maybe if you have a five you throw five in but then old people they bring out the whole checkbook yeah they tithe and they're like how much money do we have in our savings all right here's 50 of that yeah one time uh i went to the last time I went to church, church, I guess, was with a girl that I was seeing when I was in my 20s. Yeah, we smoked bong and then we went to church together. We had the body of Christ. I'm going to take you out to eat. We'll get some nice wine, wafers. No, I went with the girl and she was into it i mean she was big time yeah and it was it was that hillsong church do you remember that of course justin

beaver's church it was sort of the pop culture music hybrid church kevin durant was a major disciple of it justin bieber guys will wear ripped skinny jeans and have the sides of their head shaved. And arm sleeve tattoos. Be jacked up. And wear tattered flannels. Way cooler than Scientology. They wear those jeans that have the ribs in the front of them. Yes, exactly those ones. Take a spill on a motorcycle, you're fine.

But most people are riding to the parking lot is packed with motorcycles. They wear this skin tight short sleeve shirt that the sleeves go down to here but then the actual shirt goes to like right above your knees and it like loops down yeah it's like a frog only purchased them in los angeles yes it's like the dave chappelle shirts yeah or the dame cook yeah yeah um yeah so that church i'm glad we have the full image yeah i'm picturing it now yeah uh and it i'd never i hadn't been i mean i hadn't even seen what christianity was about in a long time

obviously this is a very pop culture take on church yeah uh but it's all it's music forward and like first of all it's all 20 to 27 yearyear-olds, 28-year-olds in the Sony Theater, the PlayStation Theater, whatever the fuck. Yeah, the Sony Theater. Yeah, in near Times Square. And I went with this girl. It's a good room. And I'm looking in there and I'm pretending to sing along. They got the words up on the screen.

The music's nice. Yeah. They'll remix a pop culture song. No, they'll put a Sia song and like fucking put god words behind lift up your voices to god flowing water washing over me do they play gloria that's the best one which one that might be more of two classic catholic church that's classic catholic you're talking about gloria gloria that's that's like 80s Catholic gospel. That's a fun one. That one we had fun with.

That's like Peter, Paul, and Mary Catholic. This church is hilarious. Just being in church when you're fucking 10 years old. Working off a sweat. All right, kids, so continue. You know, I'm at a point where i don't need my stories to end no i really i actually i'm fine with that i think that i've learned that whatever you're gonna do no this is actually a funny story i want to hear the end of this and that's that's fine i've made

my peace with it no i i truly don't think it's gonna leave a whole bunch of half open cans i don't think that that was a story that's just riffing that was just good riffing that's all that was but and then once the riff comes to an end that's when you segue back into your story i don't have the will to re-interrupt you enough times to but it's not it's just that's how you wrote fuck my story this is riffing one-on-one we got to give you a riffing class it's you start you tell the story and then we chime in with we punch it up a little bit say we again like now you're missing he doesn't do it oh he doesn't he does it all the time and we punch up we punch it up make it a little better for you and then you come back in and you really hammer it home you bring it you bring it back

well you put a bow on this story so the story ends okay it just better be good that's the problem is you've riffed it all the way to the fucking rafters and now the exp no matter what i say i can't i can't riff on top of your riff brother you gotta you gotta have faith in yourself that you can you can match the pace you you inserted an intermission into my story. The intermission that I inserted was four seconds long, and now it's going on like five minutes. That's the problem. I think people think my stories are long on this show

simply because I can't end them on my own timeline. No, but that's the whole point of the show. So now you got to go back and you got to hammer it home. I'm trying to i'm trying to motivate you i don't even i don't even like church that's where it ended we were having a great story the story is uh that we were doing this thing and i was starting to think boy this is great and then of course they pass a fucking bucket or whatever yeah yeah and i am i'm waiting to i don't know what i'm supposed to put in there.

And me and this girl only been on like two dates. Yeah. And nothing particularly fornicationist had happened yet. And so I'm thinking like, well, you know. If I give $200, will she fuck me? Or if I give too little, is that going to not, is that going to mean that i won't you know get all the way home and i uh i think i think i put like i don't know 10 bucks in the bucket maybe

maybe i put a 20 but then i thought you know i'll wait until she gets one of these rapturous moments where she's singing and swaying and closing her eyes. And I really thought hard about taking the 20 out and putting it in and waiting until she closed her eyes and withdrawing a tenner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taking change is hilarious. Taking change. You can make change. Isn't that okay?

Can you not make change out of the church collection bucket? I think it is okay, but I think it definitely looks a little off. People get so weird about that, making change out of tip jars. I think it is okay but i think it definitely looks a little off people get so weird about that making change out of tip jars i think it's fine you're still getting a significant tip yeah you just had the wrong expectation because i came forth with a big uh the problem is if someone sees you halfway through because they only see you taking if they don't see your you have to be very ostentatious with the give. You can reach deep into these buckets, and if you have any sleight of hand, you can drop your 20 and ball up the 10.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. O's the mentalist probably can fucking steal the entire church bucket. Exactly. It gets to the last person, and it's full. And then they bring it out back, and it's empty. And they're like, where the fuck? And he's like, the Jets are going to win the Super Bowl.

O's! And they look over, and he's levitating. Where'd all the money go? Why don't you check the freezer? Check your dishwasher. There'll be broken glass and all the money. They should make an Ocean's 13 or Ocean's 14.

Where they rob the church. Where they rob the Vatican. How much money do you think they have on site? I'm pretty sure they did that, and I think it was called The Da Vinci Code. I don't know if entirely that was loosely what that was.

The Da Vinci Code? I've heard it's great. I've heard the book's good as well. You ain't reading a fucking book. Fuck no. Fuck that shit. I gave up even trying to crack crack book i used to just bring one on every fucking plane ride or whatever and just i wouldn't read it but i would have it there as like a parachute i don't even fucking waste my luggage space on a book

anymore i keep starting books and not finishing them like i started sharps and then I just watched the show. The show was pretty good. It was great. Haunting. The ending is wild. Oh my god. Did you watch through the credits? Oh yeah. Jot to the floor. Yes.

Unbelievable. Did you ever see that shit? What is it? It's a girl show. No. It's a little bit of a girl show. Amy Adams. Amy Adams.

Goes back to her hometown to investigate some disappearances it's sort of mayor of east town meets like uh i don't know it's every single show like that is just trying to be mayor of east town and none of them well that one came out before mayor of east town did really debunked fuck mayor of easttown is so fucking good yeah that's awesome we're due for another one of those yeah we haven't seen nothing like that has come out and there was a spate there where they had mayor of easttown the one with nicole kidman the undoing i think it was called yeah that one's really good which was really good and we were just living in this period of having these amazing thriller limited series that

major stars are attaching themselves to it started off with uh what was that matthew mcconaughey one true detective yeah yeah true detective started that one's great season one i don't fucking love cop shows i will watch first 48 because that's that real shit but i'm not trying to see someone act out as cops that's really all i watch is cop shows or comedies you watch blue bloods no not like that i don't watch like like procedural god damn it soap opera again throwing up on myself this time it's all over my front i gave my mother-in-law a uh is it still smoldering mother-in-law a uh is it still smoldering no i gave my mother-in-law an nypd mug for uh mother's day yeah she almost cried she was so fucking happy about it hilarious she appreciated it so much she's like now the blue bloods is off there this like

it's like what are you just gonna watch your mug that's that's hilarious the only connection to the force i told her she should like drive around with it if she ever gets it gets like a ticket oh yeah like no i have this mug i have this mug i got at cvs mypd merch has to be the biggest the biggest police force sold merch in the country right do they get a cut of that because it's usually like west african dudes selling it on like seventh half yeah next to a fuck you you fucking fuck shirt those guys are really hoping for another 9-11 i was thinking about this there are certain industries

just like that one that owe their entire success to terrorist groups yeah you know what the other one is travel-sized toiletries oh yeah absolutely think about that well but before the underwear bomber before the guy that like brought bombs on the plane in liquid form we could travel with full blown water bottles and shampoo i'm talking eight ounces ten ounces yeah however many ounces you want you could bring a gallon of water i remember bringing a gallon of shampoo on just a weekend trip that's a big it's a lot of shampoo would you go to costco to get that i'll go to costco and i get the fucking gallon size did you get attacked by a skunk before that trip a roundup size container of shampoo and i would just get through no problem carry it separate from your i'll give the tsa

agents a pump as i was going through they put their hands out i give them a pump of shampoo to take home a little something to take home for themselves it was a great time but but think about it like then all these companies had to start making the 3.5 or what is it 3.8 ounces or less uh and you could sneak a four on but do you actually buy those though before traveling yes i have to oh i just use whatever they have at the hotel i mean i have face wash and you know once you get to a certain age you want that's true better i guess i just use also i'm not trying to die at 65 trying to die at 65 you said you're getting into college you said what's an age you would be happy with that someone told me right now you're gonna live until you're 65 it's better than being like you're gonna live until you're fucking 28 all right well fine let's put it this way the other part of it is when i'm 80

uh i don't want to look like a fucking you're going to golf glove you will absolutely everyone these cigar episodes i promise you you would rat you're gonna rather look like you're 80 when you're 80 rather than looking like you're fucking like 45 i'm not gonna look all lipo and botoxed up but i'm i'm gonna do my best to make my skin and fucking i don't want my neck to look like a it's going to vagina that will be eaten to hell it will you got to get on those polymers who's that guy that's doing like the anti-aging thing and he's like he's like taking blood yeah you're gonna look like you want to look like that that fucking freak he is an absolute freak that guy is a a freak that's the only word to describe him but there are whole industries that are built off of tragedy another one's i mean hand sanitizers the hand sanitizers people they were buying yachts based off covid right

oh yeah that was a big one or like tequila companies were turning into like hand sanitizer like hand washing and so it would smell like tequila it would smell exactly like tequila you got pulled over yeah it's like teens were drinking it yeah you really could probably distill it yeah it's crazy that they just sent stuff like alcohol like a hand sanitizer that smells like tequila i had a lip balm that smelled like uh there was like a whiskey flavored lip balm and then you go to some hotels they have a rum flavor rum scented body wash imagine getting pulled over you smell like a fucking long island iced tea why would you ever want a rum scented body wash it's in every it's in almost every hotel that i go to yeah it's like a rum and cilantro you smell like a fucking taco bowl that's insane we must be staying at different hotels the hotels that i stay at the

soap is nailed to the side of the wall no you're nailed to the side of the wall. These are like Malin and Gates. That's good stuff, though. But they're cilantro. He's not saying he doesn't have Malin and Gates. Goits. Well, it's got to be Gates because of Matt Gates

from the congressman. Yeah, yeah. You think he knows about fucking Eric Andre? Probably. No chance. No.

No fucking chance. I met Matt. I met... I know I do this a lot. I met Marjorie Taylor Greene once. She was staying in the same hotel in Nashville. Did she do that? Yeah, she's like a massive CrossFit person. Come on, for real?

Yes, before she even got elected, she was putting up CrossFit videos in her garage. Jesus Christ, dude. You were getting into CrossFit? I had one year where I did it, and I got obsessed, and I got huge and then my elbow exploded oh no absolutely exploded to the point where i couldn't sleep for two weeks i was like maybe this will go away play through the pain nope yeah big surgery you had surgery

oh huge complete an elbow reconstruction damn because they're they're like that's what they they're like they they don't want you to have good form like the pull-ups that you do like this oh all that yeah and people are like yeah i just banged out 75 pull-ups no that i mean the pull-ups weren't even the problem for me it was the it was all the like olympic lifting yeah a lot of clean overhead snap i don't know how to do a snatch snatch if you're a if you're a normal person there's no reason for you to be doing the overhead snatches yeah doing a snatch you ever go to a normal gym where someone's doing that shit and you're like dude and they're jumping and smashing their feet into the ground and then

it sounds like someone's stomping around yeah i need to find a video of uh mjt of her doing the pull-ups because she has one where she does fucking insane pull-ups but those those crossover people legitimately will say they're like i just did 100 pull-ups and you're like no you didn't yeah they don't specify that it's kipping or butterfly butterfly pull-ups are the ones. That's what you're talking about. Let's restart that. All righty, guys. Let's talk about cuts.

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One billion? Absolutely. It feels so good. What is the material of this? Angel's hair? You have to assume because of how buttery soft it is. Roan gave me a couple shirts. He had some extras from Cuts t-shirts. And I've been wearing them in such a way that I don't know that I need to work out anymore.

Oh, yeah. They're so flattering. They get you cut. They highlight the shoulders, and they really are baggy towards the gut. They fall right off your body like beautiful angel hair pasta. Yeah, it really is.

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Yeah. DHS. right now dead hang strict yeah dhs when i was really in shape uh well now right now i worked at barstool i'm just gonna say i was training pull-ups and doing like weighted pull-ups yeah stuff all the time and i did like 24 that's how i hurt my arm oh actually these look pretty good a little knee swing but that's okay i know those are pretty good that's what i used to train pull-ups when i but when i was going into college and that's how i exploded the tendon in my arm because i i was doing the david goggins thing where you put a pull-up you put a pull-up bar on your bedroom door and you have to do as many pull-ups as you can every time you go in and out of your room and i did it for like two weeks and i got it i could bang out like 20 pull-ups i was also very light i was not a big person and then one day i did

until failure something just popped in my arm haven't done a pull-up since then it's crazy david goggins that people don't point out the fact that he used what he used to be 300 pounds yeah so his body is probably so much more used to carrying extra weight he was three was he he was obese yeah oh yeah he was a fat load i thought he was like a navy seal or something yeah they used to let fat loads in the navy seal he was literally a navy was he ever actually a navy seal navy sea lion yeah was he ever actually a Navy SEAL? Navy Sea Lion. Was he ever actually a Navy SEAL or was he just... Stole valor. Or was he just doing the training?

I don't know. But I will tell you that the fact checking that we often engage in on this show brings everything to a screeching halt. You're right. You're the primary offender. He was. No, I just offended. I looked up that Marjorie Taylor green video. Yeah, but you did it quickly and you were able to multitask. I'm already done. You're right. You're the primary offender. He was. No, I just offended. I looked up that Marjorie Taylor green video. Yeah, but you did it quickly

and you were able to multitask. I'm already done. You're still talking about it and I already finished. Let me look this up and let's not all, nobody talk while I do this. I've never said that.

It's just when I stop talking, you guys get lost. You're like, what do we do now? Where do we go from here? No. I was talking earlier and you told me to stop talking.

Be like, don't talk on the podcast. Are you done talking? Well, in Francis's whole little rant that he just did, I already determined that he was a Navy SEAL. He was. So shout out Goggins for protecting this country. Anyway, you met Marjorie Taylor Greene? Yeah.

Well, I guess I walked right by. Maybe I said hi. I don't know. I walked by her. She was in the lobby of this hotel in nashville i was down there for a wedding and i saw her and she looked at me in a way where as i was walking by it was like yeah fucking try me say something to me really i know you don't like me did you i didn't no i still respect elected officials enough or people of their privacy not to bother them.

Yeah. But I remember feeling as I walked by her like, boy, that is a person who is living on the edge. They are like ready to fucking go to war at any second. That's the kind of people you want in office. I just think it's a tough life it definitely was that tightly all the time but you have to be a psycho to go up to somebody in public and be like fuck you what you did to the fucking election in fucking arizona like just like screaming at somebody in public i wish i was one of those people why sounds awesome no

it does not just phone out cause then you're at the same level of like in their face twitchiness as the fucking elected official I hate you

and then you just have to sit there just looking at the camera oh I'm so sorry what do you what do they have they must have a a

response ready for that cause that must happen all the time she was i'm telling you she had maybe one security guard who was like not that close yeah she's also on testosterone replacement therapy too she's definitely twitchy she's just on trt ready to fucking i mean how do you think she can rip pull-ups like that unless she's on trend? That's true. She's got to be on a little dose. I used to do a joke about... Do you remember

Brittany Griner when she was being held captive in Russia? In Russia? She's wrote a book about it, by the way. I'm sure she didn't write a single page of it. Yeah, of course. I don't think there's a keyboard with the keys spaced out adequately for her size 5,000 hands to actually get to the keys.

Yeah. But no, the joke I did was like, I used to say, why didn't she escape? Yeah. yeah you know whip out that 45 pound kettlebell clitoris of hers and bash in the brains of every guard from sochi to saint petersburg before hopping on one of those alaskan king crab fisherman boats do a quick season of deadliest catch where she's just pulling the traps out with her bare arms not even using the winch yeah why did she not just plug her ponytail into a whale and fucking ride off like avatar woman's like the six foot 14 you know why what russian prison did you there was a picture of her in one of the cells and her head came above there was like a divider of the bars and

then ceiling in a space and she was looking over being like no help it's like bitch climb out help everyone else around you can leave when you you're you're hancock in that prison yeah she could have one flew over the cuckoo's nest out of there yeah don't they like rip the the water fountain yeah she could have like ripped the water fountain. Yeah, she could have ripped the water fountain. Just throw it through the window and then stride out. Let's get out of here. Like the BFG. Let's fucking go. All of you, get out of here.

I'm tired of this place. Did you see that video? I just beat Zelda. There are no more levels. Did you see that video of the Caitlin Clark's team on the private jet? Yeah. Yeah, and someone quote tweeted and they were like, everyone say thank you,aitlin that is hilarious and they're all like holding up like a perrier

like yeah bitch i thought it was pretty cool i don't know why everyone was flaming them for it i mean it'd be awesome to be on a big private jet a massive private jet with all your homies yeah but you know that the like on a nba private jet they're probably paying like boo ray for like twenty thousand dollars a hand oh yeah these girls aren't they definitely don't have enough money to gamble anything they're probably playing go fish for 50 cents caitlin clark definitely has the money caitlin clark's rolling in it she's rich as hell dude the scariest russian dudes back to the caitlin clark shit are not like the big ass russian dudes though it's the scariest russian dudes are like the uh like small guys it's like 160 pounds five foot ten like pretty skinny guys that are like contortionists

that can like put their like elbow behind their asshole and just like carry around machetes like the guys that could get out of like a subway grate if they were fucking trapped in there and just like and just have like an evil look on their face just walk around with their shirt off and fucking lick blood off of a machete that's like a class of dudes in russia yeah you wouldn't know oh i know russia you don't know shit about russia you know what fucking tucker carlson told you that's all you know about russia fucking eight hour interview it was so fucking boring i tried to watch it putin's short yeah putin's really short he's pretty sure he's scary if he

wasn't on if he wasn't all jacked up he'd be that exact class of russian dude that i'm talking about if he was i think he is the class of russian dude that you're talking about he's just more jacked than these guys he's been eating good there's been a lot of borscht i've been this man's diet there's a theory that he is the richest man on the planet. You know that, right? It could be. You think? What?

Do you think he is? I don't see why not. I don't see why not. Russia is a country that has wealth. Yeah. And he owns as much of it as he wants. Think of the oligarchs. They are all, the Russian oligarchs are a handful of the richest

people on the planet or they were before he started before they started falling off fucking hotel balconies because they were like why'd you take my money there's a book by the way another book uh they make a tv show out of it it's about r Russia. Putin's killing program. Putin of East Town? I think it's called There Will Be Blood. See, that's good riffing. You should aspire to that. I broke the Zippo. Quick. No. And very surgical. Fucking idiot.

I don't know how I broke it, but it's broken. What's the name of the book? There Will Be Blood. It's good. It's a very good book. Wait, the Upton Sinclair? Isn't that... No, you're thinking of the, the Upton Sinclair? Isn't that... Actually, I got matches. No, you're thinking of The Jungle? Upton Sinclair? What is the... There Will Be Blood,

I thought was based on a... Yeah, that movie... Is it based on oil? Is that not by Upton Sinclair? There Will Be Blood is based about... That's so weird. I was talking about that movie this morning with Bo and Matt.

You guys talk in the morning? Should we call Bo? We talk every day. People are like amazed by that. We break bread. You guys have good phone convos? Should we get Bo on the horn here? No, he's in class right now.

Whenever I try to have a good phone convo with you, you're like, what is this about? I'll call him and he'll not pick up and then immediately text and say what. Because you call me at like weird hours i like talking to you like weird he doesn't consider us like friends it's like we're like his work wife well no call me you guys you guys are what we like to call 6 p.m friends that's when the cutoff time is i'll call you before or after before you can't talk before no i can only talk before yeah no you i answer when both of you guys

call but you called me weirdly you called me at like midnight i don't call you any more than you call me you call me too i call like our conversations are like i'm on a minute plan like i have to get it under like a fucking like i have to get it under one minute anytime you guys call me i'm playing video games and that's a great time to riff i gotta tell my friends i gotta go oh fuck roan's calling me when i have when i have phone conversations with my friends like i can easily have like an hour phone conversation about nothing just a good fat fucking riff session sound like we should really put them on the podcast yeah because it's just a natural free-flowing riff. I talked to my friends this morning for an hour.

I know. Well, that's what I'm saying. That's how I know that you're not, you don't consider me and Francis actual friends. Well, I wasn't going to talk to you guys for an hour when I'm coming here to talk to you for an hour. You just can't have a nice fat riff with us. The main goal of me coming here

was to talk to you guys for an hour. So why would we talk for an hour before then? I'm not talking about this morning. I'm talking about other mornings. Like if I called you tomorrow morning after we don't have any more podcasts to do i mean honestly you just got another one you literally have a bad cigar brown i've noticed you barely smoked your cigar would you do that if pat bev was here pat bev was here you'd be fucking you know what i saw that i didn't like today i clicked on our no but i love i love where that I didn't like today? I clicked on our YouTube.

No, but I love where the tone... The tone has changed. I clicked on our YouTube. The cigars have changed the tone of the pod. I clicked on our YouTube, and I clicked on the episode from today to read the comments. And the ad that we got before our episode started

was a Roan and Pat Bev ad for New Amsterdam Vodka. Ooh, it's a little incestuous so i'm gonna have to talk to someone and get that removed from our account forever last thing we need is promote is our that would be like if we had a pot if our if we were reading ads for fucking the yak on this show i do watch clips from the pat bev podcast with roan where on esp on ESPN? Just social media. I mean, I follow their account. And... I blocked their account? I saw that Pat Bev said

he played well enough in the playoffs to see that he thinks he'll get a new deal. So the question I would have is, how true is that? And what do you think the scope of that might be? How much money is he going to get? Or if he's ever going to play again. I heard that they're working on an Untold Netflix doc about Pat Bev.

Untold. I mean, the second to last game of the season, he started the game without Damian Lillard. He had 13 points. Was that before or after the game where he threw the ball at the fan? Before. Tried to kill them? Before.

13 points, 12 assists? Yeah. Those are good. In the playoffs, that's really solid. And they won the game without Damian Lillard and Giannis. So from those metrics, he definitely earned it. I mean, he's definitely going to get another contract. With the Bucs?

With, it could be the Bucs. I don't know. You never really know with this guy. You talking about what? like eight mil a year not that much i mean more no no this this year you made three million a year or 3.2 million the veteran minimum so you think five that'd be nice but i really have no i have no clue what they're going to 3.2 i have no clue what keeping on them i'm on that vet minimum they're gonna no clue what they're going to... 3.2. I have no clue what... They're keeping him on that vet minimum. I heard they're trying to readjust the veteran minimum

just for him. To make it lower? Yeah. And honestly, it's still just a fraction of what you make from stand-up. I wish. Imagine making $3 million in a year. Yeah, it's a fraction.

It's six over two. It's six halves of what you make. That's a math joke right there, brother. I know. It's just three times as much. Which still means you make a lot of money. I do not make even close to that much money. Okay, then actually, should I do it realistically?

It's actually oh boy 12 halves of what you make ron doesn't know how much money i make but i could tell he thinks it's a lot more than it is ron likes to bust my balls about how much money i make because we all know that he's actually making six six seconds i love this i love this this thing that you two do what do you well shame each other and i get to sit on the sidelines well it's really uh you act like you don't make that much money because you have six managers that are taking 40 of every fucking check that you make he's right and he's and so you're paying uncle sam you're paying fucking your six managers and then when it comes trickles down to you but the money that you generate the corporation that is little sass your gross is actually yes yeah it is actually

tremendous has managers the way that i have excess like netflix subscriptions like i have rocket cash to get ready i have one manager to delete people that you're fucking that are feeding from the teat i have a manager and an agent yeah and an accountant you got the accountant the business manager you got the business manager you got the businessman so you're at 10 10 10 no no no he does not take 10 your parents said they do it for free and you're just such an angsty teenager my parents did it i would be in prison saving me money i would be in prison right now no that you definitely my business manager texted me the other day and he goes we have a lot of work to do because my taxes are because he knows you're a cash cow if he makes himself seem more valuable to you then you're

gonna have to pay him if he was like oh this won't be that hard you'd be like well why am i paying this guy 10 of every dollar i own earn it's not 10 what is it i don't know to be honest you don't know i haven't signed anything yet so right now he's just doing my taxes oh god the problem with when we do the cigar episodes is that i start chugging these things i mean you start i'm right with you. No, you're not. I'm going to be way ahead of you. What do you mean you're going to be?

I'm at the same length as you. You think that and you're just totally off. If we were to do... Francis, I'm addicted to nicotine. If we did a stick measuring contest right now, I have half the stick. You guys could literally go stick to stick right now. Roan, on the other hand, I mean... Roan is a man of patience.

I'm slow playing, man. Do you think this is a race? I like to call it... You feel like this is a race to finish the cigar first? Because I think it's a race to have the cigar the longest. I like to sit and enjoy my cigars. I'm not a rusher. I'm rushing because I know there's another one.

You're rushing me, right? Then I want to get it. He's a dumb one. I think there's another one. Yeah, right. Yeah, you got another one right here. And I want to get it. He's a dumb one. I think there's another one. Yeah, right. Yeah, you got another one right here. I watched, by the way, after you guys talked about that, I watched Kevin and Fights talk about the premiere.

And it's so funny to hear from their perspective versus mine. They brought up something that I forgot about, which was that the moderator of the Q&A at the premiere cut me off. While you're telling the story. In the middle of the story. I was like premiere cut me off. Well, you're telling the story. In the middle of the story. I was like, did Sass put you up to this? Because... Rent free.

And I had started it. They had been talking about what they were doing in the pool before I got up on the stage. And so then I came up on stage and started saying about this breath holding contest thing we were doing that Shane and I were doing. And Kyla interrupted and was like, were you a water polo player? And I was like, no, I get why you would think that or something. And then people laughed and then it like went in that direction and then the guy just said all right well that's all of our time because he was getting the light but did he say i don't he said i don't know where this is going no he didn't say that

oh okay he didn't say that that is just a funny exaggeration got it That didn't happen. But I was, I did feel like, holy, I felt like, holy shit. I just got absolutely dummied by this guy. Was this guy someone you know? Or was this just like a Netflix hire? He's one of the EPs from Rough House, which is Danny McBride's production company. Oh. But he was really cool. Did Danny McBride help produce that show?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Does that mean he opened up the checkbook? I think so. production company oh but he was really cool did danny mcbride help produce that show yeah i think so yeah does that mean he opened up the checkbook i think so is that what a producer does i'm pretty sure yeah because they always like will ferrell produced succession but it's like you know will ferrell wasn't actually on set of succession like i hate tom let's do this a little bit differently yeah i could i guess i could see will ferrell being on set for a show like that But like Drake produced Euphoria Right? Yes, right Drake wasn't on

At the high school campus He could have been Have you watched that show? I haven't We've talked about this It's as good as it gets I've seen the scenes of Sidney Sweeney Of course

They mean more when you watch them in the proper way I doubt it It's as good as it gets. I've seen the scenes of Sidney Sweeney. Of course. They mean more when you watch them in the proper way. I doubt it. You need the context of the show. You need the context. Yeah. You see your first boyfriend, the black dude. I started watching. And you see her with a Lordy.

Yeah. I started watching that movie with Anne Hathaway. Where she starts hooking up with the younger pop star. That movie comes up as a trailer every time I turn my TV on and it pisses me off so much. It is sexy. That is a sexy movie. She gets fingered by him and it is – Ew, gross.

I'm like, damn, dude. I got to get my digit game up. Really? You're a roadie. He goes I'm like, damn, dude. I got to get my digit game up. Really? Yeah. You're a roadie. He goes to town like that? There's a full-blown little harpsichord session there. Gross.

What is he doing? She's got her back to him. Is it graphic? They show clit? Do they show fingers on clit? No. He's got his hand down her situation. And she moans. she moans it out

yeah to completion i liked her in the princess diaries no finger and seeds in that one no fingering in that you guys remember the name of the fictional country that she lives in obviously not do you of course what is it genovia genovia the princess of genovia i don't know why they couldn't just use a real country i don't know i remember i'm gonna watch that movie all the time because my little sisters would watch it same and i hated it same except for i didn't have any little sisters does she have a british accent in that movie uh i don't think so she used to live in our building yes she lived in one of those apartments that you have to turn the key for. Yes.

That was probably right after she got that Genovia money. Yeah, true. Genovia sounds like... Well, there is like eight pre-dentic alternatives. Or like a home security system. Ask your doctor about Genovia today. Yeah, I was never a huge Anne Hathaway person. She's grown on me.

Why? Watch that fingering scene and tell me you're not a huge Anne Hathaway. The Devil Wears Prada, that's a good movie. So good. I'm always trying to get my wife to watch it. She never will. That movie? Devil Wears Prada.

I'm like, it's a chick flick. That's a classic. I mean, I try to... What a weird dynamic that is i try to put her on your chick like it's your wife to watch the devil wears prada and she's like i'm not watching this gay shit yeah she won't watch it on the game i think the game is on tonight rangers hurricanes game six shut up no babe vanderpump rules is on you promised me we could watch something light tonight.

I've had a tough day. I'll watch it myself then. Rowan comes on and she's got the fucking Bruins Panthers game on and you She's like cracking a beer. That's the first Ash I've actually landed in the fucking thing. Hell yes.

Good on you, bro. Fuente. I saw Joey Camasta on a billboard on the way to fucking driving down to Philly this past weekend. I got so... It was Joey and Snooki.

They're like going to be in Atlantic City at a hotel or some casino or something like that. And I got so excited. And my wife didn't get as excited as i did and i

like started a fight i was like why are you not fucking jazzed about joey camasso that's my co-worker on a billboard dude the billboards going through new jersey are in i mean how many people are really getting injured how many people really need these lawyers the injury lawyers are crazy they must be printing fucking money it's every single billboard is a different injury lawyer. I need to get into injury law. Seems like they make a fucking brick. Oh, yeah. That was another really good joke.

I think it was Schultz. Edelman, Gronkowski, and Brady is a law firm. Oh, yeah. I saw that. That was funny. Except it didn't really land because he said he doesn't throw to black people, but Randy Moss was on the panel. Deus sorry the days that's my bad they're gonna fucking revoke your killer status i thought it still landed i mean there's there is that is

the joke is that the patriots always had star white receivers but they also had the best wide receiver of all time. Devontae Smith? Very funny. Devontae Smith is trash. What? Why did you just get the fucking trash? Because the Eagles are dumb. What? They're bad.

What are you talking about? That's because you have Nick Sirianni running the ship. Here, can you hand me that lighter again? If you have to light your cigar one more time, I'm going to gonna take it away from you because you're not i'm putting it in the ashtray no you're not hitting it hard enough and by the way tell me now now you're ahead of me you are ahead of me you do um dude this little gap like this this part of the nfl where like the in-between from the draft to preseason is so brutal right like they jared mayo said they were like what about they were talking about drake may and they're like yeah he's got a lot of work that he needs to do and then like all

these radio hosts are like man if you're a patriots fan right now you gotta be furious they're saying their head coach pretty much came out and said their quarterback is bad at football and he was like no they said that he has a lot of work to do when he's 21 years old it's like obviously no one thought he was going to be the starting quarterback this year but you said before the drafts you do not want the patriots to get drake may i said i said i said i wanted to say panics jr yeah because i think panics jr would be ready to play this year jayden daniels or panics jix Jr. You were like, I do not want Drake May. But I'm happy with Drake May. Sleuths. I'm happy with Drake May.

Book him. Gumshoes. Book his ass because you clearly said it. We'll get the tapes back to back. The same guy that caught me saying that

I thought that the... I'm sorry, Ron. No, that's fine. He's not... You've got to ash it. You're just smoking ash is all you're doing. I love this. Or, I mean, I love any part of the NFL season,

but I'm watching, like, training camp footage. Yeah. Like, mandatory mini camp footage i'm listening to podcasts about like which what what do teams have to prove this upcoming year you know i'm really excited for is my boy jayvon baker yeah he's a dog no he's not that guy's gonna be one of the best in the league jayvon baker yeah where'd he go ucf yeah that dude ain't a dog. That guy is a dog. Dude, he's the one that put out the statement.

He said, 10 players better than the NFL. You got to be out of your fucking mind. That is a crazy, bold thing to say. I think that was because he was the 10th receiver drafted. I don't think he meant actually in the NFL. I might get the All-22 tape and start just breaking down tape. I might subscribe so I can like just be like yeah i turned on some of the packers uh like last game before you see that shit about the packers stadium

that they're gonna let people smoke down the stadium yeah they're gonna let you smoke cigarettes cigars and delta eight yeah isn't that crazy like we should go to a game out there that's gonna be awesome dude i think wisconsin might be the state to me that is rising the most in stock what what about it i just think it's a state that's like really got a lot of potential yes uh and and every time i go there i'm like man this place is kind of cool they got some stuff here they have good culture they got a good sense of like state pride i would definitely go to a Packers game. I would go to a Packers game. Oh, that'd be fun. A Packers game.

We get an Airbnb in one of those houses that are right by the stadium. Yeah. Then we record from the Airbnb, smash an episode. Then we go into the stadium. We do some fentanyl. Light up some fentanyl. Light up some Delta 8. Yeah.

Get our tickets with game time. Get our tickets with game time. Damn, that sounds like a good idea. That sounds like a good idea. That sounds like a good-ass time. I'm a big fan of Wisconsin. I think the...

You know, they got that sort of down-home farmer thing. Fat. Yes, but beefy. Beefy. Husk. I was looking up

states with the worst alcohol problems. They're number one. I love that. And it's like a lot... I think the percentage was was like 12 of the state is alcoholics yeah they have they have a little for all of us they have unbelievable golf courses unbelievable great beaches flat land great beaches in the summertime yep really nice farmland good access to a lake one that you can swim in a ton of lakes it's one's one of the most boats per capita.

Is that right? Yeah, I'm pretty sure that. They got a lot of lakes. Good university scene. Great view scene. Yep. Good steakhouse scene. Beer is phenomenal. Nuglaris. Cheese. Cow. What is the cow thing? Spotted cow. Spotted cow. I like Wisconsin. Big fan.

Big fan. Good people there. Good people. Good people. Good people. They do have a little bit of a white supremacist problem, though. They do. Where? In Wisconsin. What do you mean? Right around that northern Illinois,

Wisconsin area. Where are you getting this intel? From the world. Oh, shit. I didn't realize you were getting this shit from the world oh shit i didn't realize you're getting the shit from the world when my family lived in wisconsin for three months there was like some incident with the kkk there that there are illinois nazis was a big uh and illinois i know it's bad because i remember nick when they were doing uh rediscovering, and were you there when that happened? Yeah.

They did Rediscovering America, and Nick was wearing all black, and they went to a bar, and these guys cornered him and pulled a knife on him and asked if he was Antifa. Come on. Yeah. Nick is somehow like a magnet for fucking... Oh, yeah. It's hilarious. I mean, it's not.

It sucks for him, but it is funny. It's funny for us. Yeah. Well, was that in Illinois? That was in Illinois. Yeah. Yeah, it's not. It sucks for him, but it's funny. Funny for us. Yeah. Well, was that in Illinois? That was in Illinois. Yeah. Yeah, I got my idea. Yeah, that was Northern Illinois, I believe.

Was it? I thought it was like Missouri or some shit. No, it was definitely, because it was, I'm like 99% sure that was Illinois. Should we text him? What's the state that you would say has the most pride is it texas it's probably texas right strongest sense of like this is the state my identity in a way is almost more tied to the state that i'm from than being an american texas is definitely up there yeah florida's up there now florida's up there anywhere in like the deep south like brand like just going off of like brandon is obsessed with mississippi hawaii

is up there yeah people from hawaii are their own yeah well because they feel like they shouldn't have gotten colonized by the united states there's like almost a legitimate secessionist sentiment from hawaiians i'm extremely proud to be from Maine. I love that I'm from Maine. That's something that is a big part of my identity. I mean, Brandon and Mincy, their whole identity is being from Mississippi. Is Mincy even from Mississippi? I thought Mincy was from New Orleans

or from Louisiana. Oh, but he went to Ole Miss. I don't know. Did he go to Ole Miss? He went to Ole Miss. I think he just maybe did he I think so or does he just like it I don't know

that always confuses the shit out of me he's a frat star those guys are such big fans of college teams that they didn't even go to I think Megan

making money went to Mississippi State and Brandon didn't even go there I don't think Brandon didn't go to Mississippi State yeah he definitely didn't

I don't know did he go to college or he went to community college he went to some yeah he went to someplace yeah and he worked at an airport in mississippi which is so funny once he got off the worm farm yeah his family had a worm farm and then he worked at the airport now he's now he's like living in a like a million dollar house on a lake yeah and his dad smoked meth yeah remember he tells stories about his about waking up and his dad's on the roof like putting new shingles on the on the roof a guy like that i always wonder that like once he became this star at barstool if there was anyone in his life who was like i always knew no i always

knew you were destined for greatness did anyone see that coming it must have because there was a brandon walker smokers lounge in uh starkville but it's not actually named after brandon walker yes it is i thought it was i thought that was a joke no it is it is those boys i think those boys believed in brandon from the jump it's so funny brandon's hilarious there's like uh i'm the other way people are like man i really kind of thought you would you would have made it right now yeah everyone's like what happened you were on such a good track yeah you had everything going for you we thought you were going to go to the mll yeah with paul rabel how much does paul rabel make you think he's got a lot of money yes i think he's done very well at being the one person who

makes money in lacrosse right he's dana white and all his fighters are just like uh or his lacrosse boys are like the fighters they're making twenty thousand dollars a year don't get me wrong we played him once we scrimmaged the u.s national team and uh he was so much better at the sport than anyone I'd ever seen that I felt like a boy. Yeah. I felt like a boy truly playing a man. Yeah. Just any time he wanted to do anything he wanted.

And we were a decent Division I team in shape right before the season. How good are all those dudes that went to like the nfl and shit like that are they awesome lacrosse players are they just pretty good athletes like could they do whatever they want like uh hogan or like that dude that went to the nba they must have been and and that's the other thing there's another dude that just transferred from playing college lacrosse and he's going to stanford to play basketball and i'm like i don't think i would have thought basketball more than maybe any other sport was the one that you couldn't just return to after five years of not working on your jumper

there's a guy who's like on the golden state warriors or something yes yeah but if you think about it and basketball also probably is the most common sport that's a hobby as well it is so skill oriented yeah it's so you can't just like be in good shape and be an athlete and step on a basketball court and and still be nba level or stanford level basketball that's crazy i don't know i feel like everyone that was a good athlete growing up in my town, like all of the good athletes played their sport and then they all played basketball too. Yeah,

but they're okay. Fine. Right. Fine. Yeah, I guess that's not what the response I was expecting, but you can end the conversation on that one. No,

no, fine. Have it your way. Have it your way. Have it your way. It's your world, Steph. Your truth is the truth. We're just going to. I just thought that was a simple like response.

We're going to see the conversation we're having. I don't think that was like a halting stop. Bring the conversation to a screeching stop. No, no, fine, fine. By saying that I knew a lot of athletic kids who were good at stop. No, no, fine, fine. By saying that I knew a lot of athletic kids who were good at basketball. No, great, great. I'm glad you brought that up.

Whatever, I guess we'll just end the episode there. 200. Oh, man. What else? What else? We have to record tomorrow, right? Mm-hmm. Where are we at on time?

This is sweet 200, though. So we should go for 200 minutes at least. Jesus Christ. Oh, champagne. You guys can have champagne. That blends well with a nice, sort of noxious cigar. I can bring you guys down.

yeah noxious and bring you guys down i was looking back at my my photos on my camera roll and i was uh i was i was finding a bunch of a bunch of photos where my drinking was starting to really get get intense and and i found a photo of me when I sold out Laugh Boston. I sold out five shows and they give you like a gift basket in your hotel room. And it was like 3 a.m. and I was in the hotel lobby with Mook and Derek Drescher. And I was drinking champagne out of the bottle because the bar stopped serving alcohol. And I remembered that they gave me a bottle of champagne. So I went up to my room

and grabbed the bottle of champagne and just drank a full bottle of champagne. No fucking way. You didn't even share it with the mook man? I think I gave mooks some too. Every time I've ever done Laugh Boston, that hotel always has an insurance convention going on at the same time and those people are getting so

drunk. Do you like that? I like when that happens. It's fun, yeah. I love when I show up to a hotel and there's something going on. It's busy. Because it makes me feel like you're not in the middle of fucking nowhere. Well then you just know that somebody is cheating on someone. Oh, absolutely. Oh, those people. You ever been in the hotel

in the elevator when you're going up with two of them? I thought about getting into insurance just for the fuck. Oh, yeah. It's a lot of fucking. Just for the sexual intercourse. Yeah. There's no necessity for conferences.

A conference, you don't need to have a fucking conference, a yearly work conference. You also could just Zoom now. I feel like Zoom. Well, how are you going to cheat over Zoom? Hey, Stephanie, mind if we hop out into a breakout room for a second? Meet me in the side pocket over here.

Let's hop into a breakout room so we can masturbate in front of each other. I'm good. Masturbating over a phone to each other is hilarious. Or via laptop. It's very nasty. People are doing that shit. I'm surprised more people did.

There must have been more people who like accidentally masturbated on Zoom over COVID and just didn't get fired. Oh, so many. Their co-workers probably just thought it was weird. Then there was that one guy who famously got caught. Yeah, the reporter of Washington Post or something like that. He was mid-crank. Maybe he was Wall Street Journal. But he was a respected voice in journalism.

And respected boys do not jerk off. Not during meetings, at least. If you're a very well-respected boy, you do not fucking pound your dick. He came back he's okay he's back i have a zoom meeting today and i've never once considered the idea of masturbating in the middle of the meeting well he thought it was over dumbass did he you think i've thought about masturbating in the middle of like

i don't know terrorist events and it's like that louis bit that was the first that was probably the first stand-up bit that i ever heard it's probably the first time you left probably between the towers stand up yeah you can judge a person how by you can judge how bad of a person someone is based on how long they waited to jerk off after 9 11 and he's like for me it was in between the first and the second tower falling oh man killer you know who i was listening to this weekend i was listening to uh bill burr no bill um bill hicks kyle canane oh yeah he's really funny killer absolute have you ever heard his bit about doing the interview for hustlers magazine and how his parents like read all of his interviews and they're like what is this interview you did for hustlers and he's like oh it was just uh there was no pictures it was

just an interview and they're like well we've been driving around all day looking for it and then he tells a story about the about imagining his parents bursting into liquor stores, being like, you guys got any hustlers? And the guy's like, now we got Penthouse. We got all these other ones. And then he's imagining the clerk listing off all the magazines that they have. And then his dad getting impatient and being like, no, man, we're looking for hustlers. That's the one that our kid is in. getting impatient and being like no man we're looking for hustlers that's the one that our kid is in man what are some other good bits that's a good bit what are some other good bits other

comedians have done it's a funny bit bro you don't have to be a fucking asshole about it you would never do that to pat bev what you'd be slobbing on his knob if you told that story you're going wow pat you are the greatest aren't you What? He'd be slobbing on his knob if he told that story. You'd be going, wow, Pat, you are the greatest, aren't you? You do deserve eight million, don't you? Wow, Pat, you did try to fist fight that lady reporter. You still are the greatest, huh? You deserve more money for that. I think I might be done.

Yeah, I think that's probably about it. There's a little tobacco in there. Does anyone have a roach clip? Don't disparage the good. What did Pat Bev say about that whole interaction where he tried to kill the fan and then he tried to

beat up a woman right after? Go subscribe to the pod, bro. I unsubscribed from the pod. I was subscribed and then I unsubscribed and that happened. You were never subscribed.

Dude, I was thinking it would be fun to get a fucking TV in here where we could smash FIFA. Yeah? Why? You don't think that would be fun to get a fucking TV in here where we could smash FIFA. Yeah? Why? You don't think that'd be fun to play video games with your boys? Actually, you gotta go rush home to play video game with your real friend.

I also don't play those games. Play real games? Get Madden going in here? Madden sucks so much, dude. I'd play NHL. NHL is the only sports game that I like. We'll start off with NHL, and then that'll be our gateway drug to the rest of them fifa i've never really fifa i've never really liked because the field is too big the fuck is wrong with you too big nhl is so good

too big because you like can't fathom that it's that big it's too big for your small mind pretty much yeah it's just too much open space what What the fuck is that? NBA is fun. NBA is a fun game, but it's hard. I like that cigar so much that I might cancel on my mom tonight. And what?

Get another cigar? Just keep going. See where the night goes, man. What are you and your mom going to do? Catch up. She's in town for a conference. Really?

No. Does your dad know he's coming are they gonna put a pineapple outside of their hotel room damn bro damn your parents are swingers bro conferences are absolute fucks absolute swing fest i don't think we have we've gone too long for me to have another cigar Your parents are swingers, bro. Conferences are absolute fuck fest. Absolute swing fest. I don't think we have, we've gone too long for me to have another cigar. No, crack another one. I'm not having another. Come on, crack another one.

We're not going to keep going. You want to win over the viewers? They'll fucking love that shit. Francis is goaded. Two sticks. Holy shit. Double stick. Why don't you have some of Rome's?

He's pretty much got a full one left. Two sticks like a fucking Twix. That would be legendary. He just smokes cigars to light them. That's the best part. It's easily the best part. Like a puppy. ASMR that shit sounds like you're sucking someone up.

Sounds like you're at an insurance conference. It sounds like the Pat Bev show. literal puppies. Sounds like you're at an insurance conference. It sounds like the Pat Bev show. We're fucking 100 minutes in and you finally made a good joke. I've been getting so into hockey, dude. I was watching the Patrick Kane highlights

the other night. He might be the GOAT. GOAT American, some say. What's Sidney Crosby Canadian they're all everyone who's been good that doesn't have a Russian name is Canadian

Alex Ovechkin he's Russian yep yeah he's good can't believe you said the Panthers have no chance though

they don't I might just put a future on them right now I'd be it's just losing you just may as well light the money on fire the Panthers

the Hurricanes you think the Pan on fire the Panthers the Hurricanes you think the Panthers are gonna you think the Hurricanes are gonna beat the Rangers who are you talking about when you say the Panthers who are you talking about

the Florida Panthers oh the Florida Panthers fuck I'm thinking Carolina Panthers I thought you were talking about Rangers Canes oh no

I was saying that I was saying that the Bruins are are most likely gonna lose this series yeah and then there's and then but i said i don't think there's even a chance that the panthers i don't think either of those teams have even a the slightest chance of winning the stanley cup i think if you watch any other series going on right now you're like oh that's they're playing a different game like dallas looks pretty good too dallas looks good uh the i mean avalanche looks i guess well not anymore because that guy yeah that guy yeah yeah i can't believe that guy

fucking stage three yeah and then the canucks oilers are both unbelievable and the rangers hurricanes it's gonna be i think it's gonna be either the rangers hurricanes or the canucks or the oilers they're gonna win win. Boy, that buzz you get from a cigar, I like that. Have some champagne, too. That's a different buzz to put right on top of it. Man, oh man. Take a slurp of it. Have a slurp.

Why not? I will. Alright. Well, we can end it. We don't have to. We've been going for a while. I have a meeting in 45 minutes. I do have things. Yeah.

You have a meeting at 420? 320? Trade charity? 330? 55 minutes? 45? 55? Whole pound hay.

I need to go. Who gives a goddamn? How do you need to go? Because a god damn because I have a thing I have to shoot with Dana at 2.30 which is 5 minutes ago oh okay oh shit

alright well thank you guys for listening we will be back on Monday episode 200 thank you for subscribing please if you're listening to this and haven't subscribed

it'd be so nice if you could subscribe from this podcast and unsubscribe to another podcast so you keep subscribing to this. Preferably the Pat Bev Show.

Keep our lights on so Lil Sass can be nasty about my other work that I have to do to keep the lights on for me and my family. I don't hear you trashing Francis' show with Dana. No. Not at all. That happens 40 feet away. I'm not flying to L.A. to shoot teaching Dana stuff. Oh, man. Cancel the flight from L.A. just so I could be with my brothers.

Just so they could tear me down. Love you, boys. 200. See you guys for the fucking next 200, huh? All right. Nice. see you guys for the fucking next 200 alright that was great Still underground So I looked older Till you Came around

I was only falling one way I was only fooling one way Days were drifting Fool, fool was I So, so then you listen Now I come alive. I was only falling one way. I was only falling one way.

I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Vanished to your eyes Did you realize No one can take me alive I was only falling one way See it just a distant light Feeling fast, won't ever run See you next time. And I'll go And I'll go And I'll go

And I'll go And I'll go And I'll go I'm falling Vanished to your eyes Did you realize No one could take me alive