Son of a Boy Dad - Sorry | Son of a Boy Dad #187

Episode Date: April 3, 2024

Sorry | Son of a Boy Dad #187 -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Ad: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/BOY. -- Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, ready? all right ready all righty welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is tuesday april 2nd and we are live from hq3 We apologize for the delay. But do we really? No. Not at all. I do.

You apologize? Yes. I care about our fans. I feel bad. You have an open disdain for our fans. You gotta have some fucking balls. No, you have an open hatred for everybody that likes you. No, it is crazy how many people notice. I always assume no one listens. And then we don't put it

out and people dm and they're like where the fuck is the episode prez where's the episode yeah like to tag dave snitch tagging dave is crazy like dave's gonna care he definitely would care that is something he would care about you guys don't know dave like i know dave you don't know dave dave wouldn't recognize you out of a police lineup. Dave wouldn't recognize you out of a police lineup. Dave wouldn't recognize you out of a police lineup. They're friends. That was incredible shit. I know.

I'm also, I apologize for the shorts. I'm absolutely soaked. I know. We should get like a blanket for you or something. No one wants to look at those fucking legs. What are you talking about, bro? I'm fucking. Are you nervous for short season?

No. I am. I had to wear short sleeves today in the TSA line, and I was not happy about it. They made me take off my sweatshirt, and I was like, oh, I gotta lose a lot of weight. You should have just said there's nothing on underneath it. I'm just sucking in. I'm honestly more

concerned about my ankles being out with these short-ass socks. Why did you shave your ankles? I mean, in the wintertime when I wear fucking high socks. I wear high socks. Look at my ankles. Hairy as frit. Ew, dude.

Matted down. Gross. Ew, bro. That's fucking disgusting. I know. You freak. Francis, I've missed you, brother. Happy birthday.

Haven't seen you guys. Yeah, I miss you. What'd you do for your beat? I don't know. How's it going? What Francis, I've missed you, brother. Happy birthday. I haven't seen you guys. Yeah, I miss you. What'd you do for your beat? What'd you do for the beat? Man, not much. Not much. Golf? Yeah, we were out in Florida.

Four play. Couple strokes? Yeah, we played some golf every day. How was it? Great courses? Yes. It was amazing. Who of that crew is most likely to die of a stroke

uh probably trent i guess stroke that's a good question i don't know yeah i think it's either tren or or rigs rigs for stroke because stroke is from intensity sometimes. I guess Riggs having a stroke for sure. It would be Riggs. Trent is heart disease. We've seen those desserts that he's... I was in a cart with Riggs, and we take a long time to play because they have to set up a camera guy behind every golfer before every shot. And this is a very highly trafficked golf destination place that costs a lot of money for people to play. Stream song?

Stream song. Beautiful. Yeah, amazing. Central Florida. It's a place you go on a bachelor party, boys trip, but you've been planning it for six months to a year. Right. And we were teeing off and they were meant to hold a number of tee times behind us because they knew we would be slow so that the next group playing wouldn't get on our ass. But I don't think they did that.

And I was really, really self-conscious of how slowly we were playing and the fact that the group behind us had caught up and was waiting on every hole. Why didn't you, did you guys let them play through or no? If we had let them play through the next group, the course caught us. Yeah, it's a very vicious cycle. There was nothing we could do. Of playing through. And then Riggs was not playing very well. And I was complaining about how slowly we were playing. We were in a cart together.

And I felt like I was poking the bear a little bit. He was getting furious at you? Did he lose it? Well, he's putting his clubs in his bag behind the cart, and he's talking to himself. And he's like, I'm going to never hit the ball. Of course, I would play the worst golf in my fucking life. I can't even hit it off the fucking map right now. It's supposed to be healthy to talk to yourself,

they say. He's like, of course I would play the worst round of my entire fucking life. Fucking French is here. A good Harvard man with me. We got two drones in the air and I can't fucking hit it

on the map. And I just hear him like grumbling. Muttering. And I'm like, hey. Hey, don't think this is.

You got it, buddy. Not quite the birthday I had hoped for. A couple transfusions couple transfusions yeah well then that's what i did i said let's have a beer and that it settled everyone down we all started playing a little better so uh it ended up being fun no they were great though i love going with those guys i have such a good time i bet beer really helps with the with golf without a doubt yeah i never even considered that really well once you're sober for as long as I've been, you kind of just... Yeah, two weeks and you fucking forget about beer completely.

I'm at a point where I would say that the places in life where I feel the absence of beer most are golf course even ahead of bar. Really? Yeah. You need a nice beer? Not need, but you really enjoy a nice beer it's just completely i i'm a i'm a pretty i don't know manic golfer i have a lot of voices in my head and telling me pre-shot routine and going through mechanics and what i'm doing wrong and i i the only way for me to quiet those barking dogs is have a cocktail or a beer do you believe the people who

say that like uh like 30 of the population doesn't have an inner monologue and if so wouldn't those be the best golfers in the world yes i don't i just don't think those people recognize what they what they're talking about what are they doing yeah what are those people so when they're not talking to someone and there's just nothing i just just don't believe that. It's just nothing? I just don't think they recognize what it is. I don't know the last time it was quiet. No, while I'm talking right now, I'm still having thoughts about what I'm doing after this. Yeah, you're thinking.

Like these people are just claiming that they don't think. Shut the fuck up. Yes, you do. Boy, that would be a nice... That's called a lobotomy. That would be a nice thing to have. That's what happened to Kennedy's sister. Yeah.

Still waters up there. Can you imagine? I don't even think it's still waters. I think that it's a drought. There's no water. It's just fucking empty up there. So they claim. I just don't believe that.

So like what? Like when you're a child and they've never... I don't know where was going with that go ahead no i forget what i was gonna say to be honest and i never wanted to suck their teacher's dick what did you stop yourself from saying there no i didn't stop myself from saying i was gonna say something about like well like when before you can speak but then i was like i don't know if i had in their monologue when i was six months old so i mean i think that everybody has, every being has thoughts. Yeah. There's that great scene from Seinfeld when Elaine and the guy, the car salesman, the tall guy is really funny.

He does a bunch of cameo episodes. They're on the plane together and they've just made up after fighting in their relationship. Oh, is he the face painter he he gets his face painted for the new jersey devils game that guy yeah he's hilarious and they make up and she starts reading or something on the plane and he just sits there oh yeah staring ahead and he's just looking at the headrest in front of him and she's like are you gonna are you gonna do anything he's like no i'm good yeah and he's just looking at the headrest in front of him. And she's like, are you going to do anything? He's like, no, I'm good.

Yeah. And he's just sitting there. And there's no thoughts in his head. And he's just looking ahead. And she can't handle it. I've got a couple of friends like that, though. I've got a couple of friends who like they wake up happy every day. Well, that's different.

Like they wake up every day and they're like, another day. Just like smiling. That's how I know you're depressed. because you associate thinking with depressive thought no more just racing thoughts yeah racing thoughts but but they you can be happy and still have an inner monologue who are by the way what's their secret what have they said who are these people peters yeah i knew it peters is pretty happy. He wakes up every day. It's just, well, time to exist again. Now, hold on.

Is it that or is it I am grateful to be alive again today and boy, what an opportunity this is to seize the day. It's just someone you've just never seen, like sad. They're just always neutral. It's like, oh yeah, we could do that. Hey, we're going to go to Italy tomorrow. Dude, I feel like if I were that way, I would be the president of the United States. Maybe.

I mean, that's pretty much, Joe Biden definitely does not have an inner monologue. I'm saying, to never rub anyone the wrong way is makes you beloved yeah it's true well you don't intend to rub anyone the wrong way all of your wrong rubbings come from the desire to do good and be fun and whimsical yeah but at some point you have to just say it is my fault if you rub enough people the wrong way yeah yeah but you don't have ill intent i don't think you you go through being like fuck that guy but you don't have enough time in the world to clarify to all those you've wronged that your heart was in the right place that's true to still run for president that's peter peter for prez or perhaps peter's ellis ticket could you be vice

ellis peters but I'll be vice yeah your name will go first Peters Ellis doesn't sound right yeah oh god no do you know what I was looking at the other day the order of adjectives do you know about that of course

think about if you're describing a house a tall fancy house yeah A tall, fancy house. Yeah, the tall, fancy blue house. All of those are different adjectives. Tall, fancy blue. Right. You wouldn't say the blue, tall, fancy house. Interesting.

Now, there is a rule for how you order your adjectives, but it's the one weird thing that nobody has ever learned because we don't need to yeah somehow we all get it right what are what's the rule i don't know can you look that up tyler there's a rule uh weirdly enough i've never heard sass use an adjective he doesn't describe things i don't agree with that see did you hear that he would say like I strongly disagree or something like that I don't agree with that

he just has like a flat intonation of no adjectives maybe it's because I'm confident enough to not have to use adjectives no adjectives in that sentence it is a confidence thing yeah that's an adjective I guess debunked you want to just tell us can you just tell us Confident, I guess. Yeah, that's an adjective. I guess.

Debunked. You want to just tell us? Can you just tell us? I don't know. You can just tell us from over there. Quantity. Quality. Quality.

Size. Size. Age, shape, color. Age, shape, color. Then proper adjective. Quantity. Nationality. Origin. Quality. Okay, color. Then proper adjective. Quantity. Nationality. Origin. Quality.

Okay, so let's say this. The three beautiful seven inch. Yeah, yes. Yeah, yeah. Age. Was it age? Yeah. The three beautiful seven inch black.

No, age. Age. And then shape. Black is not an age. The three. Of-inch black. No, age. Age. Black is not an age. Of age. The three beautiful seven-inch 38-year-old. Shape. Straight. Color.

Black. Proper adjective, nationality. American. Nigerian. Penises. And then purpose or qualifier. i don't know that i can get it oh that's just too many but i think that was beautiful we're held aloft by the hungry young woman starlet i'm picturing her with them like her arms like this holding them aloft like a

fucking bushel of like she's collecting tennis balls or like she is a fucking bushel of, like she's collecting tennis balls. Or like she has a fucking, an array of penises. I didn't realize that there was, when did you learn that? When you were teaching Dana? Well, no, I was looking at grammar rules and I remembered hearing about that once, but no one ever taught it.

And it's just like our ear puts them in the right order. It's not something dumb people get wrong. So Dana knows how to do what you're saying. Everyone gets it. Is Dana a sneaky autist? I was asking him about that. The basketball teams or the players? Yeah, that was crazy.

That's crazy. That's so impressive. 456 players. Named every single active player in the NBA. And he said the names of the hard to say ones correctly. I think he had done the quiz a few times and he does watch highlights of every single game, every single day. Some of the guys don't even have highlights. Remember when Marty said all of the Monopoly squares?

That's not... By heart. That's like 40 squares or something. Still pretty impressive. 40 to 456 is an order of magnitude. I mean, but do you know? I mean, it's just they both just know weird shit. If you went out, you would not assume that Marty could just list off every Monopoly square. That is something I would assume. Really?

Probably. I could get close every square yeah i've been big on have you guys seen this guy on instagram this gavin uh gavin wheeland who is he no he's not the idiot from boston is he no he's this kid that does these like uh he does these videos where he like says like a rap he like he does a bar in the beginning and then he just says something about his day and then he goes alexa play blah blah blah yeah do you see do you know this kid he's so funny this one not even an otter box can protect it this red dot smoke my phone blowing up not even an otter

box can protect it this red dot took weight off accutane ozempic guys uh just got finished at church i'm gonna go get some bubble tea and then i'm thinking ranked okay google play galore by oakley that's just every single video it's just a different it's just a different ball he's joking right yeah tyler you've seen that it's so i've watched every single one of them they're hilarious that is uh beautiful send me that guy i will collect that you would love them i gotta get a new guy in my life i know i feel like i've been going through some phases of different guys and he's the one that i'm on right now he's a guy i've been big on that uh that dude that makes the videos where he does the pizza

shop you know what i'm talking about you got new guys he's got the towel and he's pretending to do the dough what's his name oh yeah yeah that guy. Yeah, that guy's hilarious. Oh, that guy's been around. Yeah, I know. But I always kind of just would swipe and ignore him. And then I started watching him this weekend and I was howling laughing. Oh, he's funny. The baseball ones are hilarious too. Funny guy.

Yeah, good. Yeah, very funny guy. Did you guys bring any guys this week or no? I didn't know. I feel like I'm kind of just the only one listing off guys right now. We're collecting guys. And that was even a thing you could have shared with us beforehand. Be like, hey, we're going to talk about these these guys i've just been traveling a lot and i've

been like really big on my guys yeah it's impossible to share shit when you're traveling that's true i'm not a big sharing guy i know i wish you were especially because i like when my guys stay low-key and that you haven't that first off that the second guy you mentioned has like 700 000 followers he's got well over a million, you're trying to actually act like you're going to gatekeep his ass? Well, I gave you guys Gavin first, and then you gave me nothing back. Give me something. I mean, I'm tired. I'm already tired of that guy who's like,

Rise and grind is the fucking mindset. Oh, really? I think he follows all of us, so. I'm tired of him. I hope he knows that. That's one of Mook's buddies. Some of them are really good. I like some of them, so. I'm tired of him. I hope he knows that. That's one of Mook's buddies. Some of them are really good. I like some of them.

Yeah. The one where he goes, the way that guys say thank you to each other. Preach. Preach. Oh, no. Are you talking about Sam Rayburn? No, I fuck with that guy. I'm talking about the Boston.

That dude's hilarious. The guy from Philly. Yeah, he's hilarious. I'm talking about the finance guy from Boston. Oh, I don't know who that. Oh, the guy with the fucking face yes the guy with the face i'm tired of that guy oh yeah i don't i've never got into that i don't get it so obsessed with him i don't really get any of this yeah what's his name davis clark davis clark that guy is of the face of an entire industry. Yes. He is so, I don't know.

He's like if a sweater vest came to life. He has B-rabbited the hardest of anyone ever. He said, I am what you say I am, and I'm going to live it and harness it and grow from it. But now he's doing collabs. I even saw like Mook posting a collab with Tony P. Who's that? Bruh.

You gotta get up to date. I'm begging you. You don't know Tony P in DC? I'm up to date, bro. These aren't fucking These are not noteworthy guys. These are not noteworthy guys. I used to shit on Mook for talking about Tony P and now I know every Tony P thing. What I wear is

a 25 year old bachelor in D.C. on a Friday night. Yeah. You know that fucking China is doing this on purpose to us. I don't know. I'm only on Instagram. Well it's all trickling over. You think it's not the same

exact videos with the watermark removed and re-uploaded? Could be. It's China doing this to us. They want us to be fucking weak. So they're giving us guys. They're feeding us the fucking worst guys possible. No, these are good guys. These are not good guys.

The Gavin? That guy's hilarious. The Gavin is not a good guy. Oh, he's a great. He's great. He's one of my top guys. Because he said a rap lyric? Dude, you know who did that?

Fucking Jay Billis 30 years ago. Those aren't rap. He comes up with those himself. Even worse. How is that even worse? I'm hating today. You wish you had bars like that. Fuck out of here, bro.

You wish you barred up like that. Dude, I've been barring up. I'm barring up. You've been lacking on your bars. That's the farthest thing from the truth. People have been asking, when are you going to get back in the ring? I've been in the ring, dude. the ring I've been in the ring dude really? I've been in the ring

when was your last battle? it was over a year ago so? what do I need to do in every year to keep you fucking fools happy? yeah Francis what's up bro how was your birthday dude? when was the time you were on stage Francis? I grow tired of this fucking I was asleep before you guys came in

I passed out on this couch waiting for you guys really and uh tyler and diego were both right here and i started dreaming and it was weird oh yeah you don't want to do that you can't dream in front of your boys you do not want to i was dreaming that i was swimming from one island to another and it was open water and i could see a shark in the water and then somehow it was such a light sleep that I was worried I would wake up screaming in front of them. That would have been nuts.

If we got that on tape, would you let us put it out? Absolutely. I have no dignity. Did he say anything? Did he talk at all? No. Did he get hard? Not in these firm, these are raw denim pants. Yeah, what the hell?

These are my anti-boner pants. Are those Japanese? Nope, they're made in America. You have to put them in the freezer? I will never wash these, ever. They should make schoolboys wear that. It'd be the safest way for schoolboys to walk around. That's exactly right.

It's dangerous for schoolboys getting... How bricked up schoolboys get. I know. I could have definitely used those in school. Not have to worry about, like, looking at the clock being like, shit, this class ends in 30 seconds and I am fully hard right now. I'm going to have to stand up and walk through the hallway with a full erection. I'm going to have to self-harm to get this boner to go away.

I'm going to have to start cutting my wrist just so this boner goes away and i start pinching my upper thighs digging your nails into yourself did you ever read the power of one no i think so oh well there was a passage in it about them being in uh boarding school and how they were all going through puberty and getting boners so bad that for the morning showers they would walk to the shower with their towels hanging off of their penises. God damn. Like a coat wrap. This was a young adult book that I read and I never forgot that detail. That's a pretty standout detail though.

I probably won't ever forget that. Yeah, it was a well-written image. Any little bits of sex in the children books that they would see so naked, I'd be like, I'm going to have to jerk off real quick. I would start blushing. I mean, I remember even as a boy, there was this scene in some children's book I was reading in the backseat of our minivan on the way to soccer practice. And there was a boy that they tied to a tree and they pulled his pants down and then threw a wasp nest at his legs. And you felt secondhand embarrassment?

I felt turned on or something. I don't know exactly what it was, but him being in his underwear, I don't know. Maybe it was the sort of masochism of it. Even at that age, I thought, wow, sexual power is a underused force what a crazy sentence that be thinking as a young boy you're right that is and i blame that author i mean these authors are perverts i had to fend that feeling off my whole life. Yeah. Yes, missionary is my favorite position.

Not the wasp nest. What would you like next? To which position shall we transition? I want to put a whole wasp nest up my asshole. Yeah, you went on a field trip to like a beekeeper's. Insects, no. I don't think that they belong in the bedroom. Your first girlfriend. Stinging

wasps, hardly. You go to the insectarium and are like strangely hard the entire day dude i remember we were reading uh we read fucking tom sawyer as uh as like a class and we'd like popcorn around it in the class which was a dirty trick by our fourth grade teacher when we were reading tom sawyer in fourth grade fourth at the latest i think i read that book in like ninth grade well dude there's n words in the book oh yeah and you're popcorning it around and uh i i read what the author said dude oh yeah there was like kids in my class that were fucking dancing around it and i was almost like in my class that were fucking dancing around it.

And I was almost like, no, you're supposed to say. Like you're supposed to read what the author said. Like this is like intended. This is art. But that's such a dirty trick by the teacher being like, which one he's going to say. Yeah, that is crazy. I still don't get that. And I don't think I ever will get it.

Why the teachers say it. You could easily just skip over it. What? The N word. Or they could be be like they could have a discourse on it beforehand and be like we're going to say this or we're not going to say this this is something you could say in its stead they just fucking left us hanging out there's black kids in my class yeah have them say it right Right. Arion, you say this one. Yeah. Uh-oh, popcorn's jumping. Looks like it landed on Arion again. Who's next?

Marcus. This is the sixth time I've read today. Make Jackie read. Why do I have to read every single time tom sawyer was a good book yeah because all the n words now it's a fascinating story we watched the romeo and juliet the original one zeff zaffarelli or something like that yeah in english class in seventh grade maybe eighth grade and there's a scene of nudity in it yeah i remember that and the girl you see her boobies and um we all we all didn't know it was coming we looked around at each other like whoa and our teacher went oh grow

up and then years later the actress who was featured in that movie and was underage sued i think the network or whatever the studio for featuring her nude breasts as an underage actress she was 15 16 or whatever and it's as if i would have said you need to grow up she should have grown up yeah she was underage you at least are of the same age as her at the time it's appropriate for you to have a reaction perfectly fine the fact that the teacher is dangling this in front of you i should fucking boner i should have told the teacher grow down grow down in age we didn't get to watch it our teacher stood in front of the tv when that happened what yeah i remember best part I remember it so vividly.

Damn, dude, that stinks. I remember our English teacher jumping up, running up from her seat and standing in front of the TV. Oof, I don't know. Romeo and Juliet, I was probably middle school, maybe early high school. Yeah, we were in eighth grade. Yeah, it was probably eighth or ninth grade for me.

And this was the difference between public and private school. I went to private school in eighth grade. Private school, they'll show you porn. And then i went to public school for high school and we did romeo and juliet in private school in eighth grade and then we did it again sophomore year of high school no at public school no fucking way and i remember being like you guys are just getting to this shit? What the fuck are these idiots doing? This is where our tax dollars are going? Fine, I'll fucking

Romeo and Juliet this shit up. I'll just use the essay I wrote three years ago. Did they ever make you watch the Leonardo DiCaprio one? Where they're like in convertibles? That one sucked so much. I actually think that's a better movie in hindsight than well it explains it kind of better than you're remembering it i don't know

i remember i remember hey boz lerman we didn't get it but it's got that weird he did um the wear sunscreen speech what that was boz lerman where sunscreen in that movie no just he he did the it was like a on us it was on like now three or some shit i don't know that you don't know the where sunscreen speech not familiar what dude they like played it on the fucking like q102 like the pop radio station it's a great he says you think you're tougher than the sun i would play like this in front of the fucking people behind us two drones out today dude in ninth in ninth grade at our latin class we watched fucking caligula which is the most raunchy movie that's ever been made.

And it did a beautiful job. Is it X-rated? It's basically X-rated. I mean, it tells you everything that happened with, like, the Caesars from, like... They show full penetration? Full penetration. Really? FB?

Full penetration. Young Helen Mirren's in it. Helen Mirren. P and V. And Helen Mirren is dangling tit in it. Wow. How old were you when you watched this

I was in 9th grade so I was damn 13 14 13 14 no 14 15 damn we're gonna have

to go check that out you're wrong brother no I'm not 13 in 7th grade no yes dude you're not 13 in 7th grade you don't wanna fucking

tangle with me on this you're 13 in 9th grade and then you turn 14. And then you turn 15 sophomore year, 16, 17. I don't trust you, Harry. No, you turn 18 your senior year. Everybody does. What the fuck are you talking about?

He's right about that. You're right. You said you're 14 in 7th grade. That's not right. No, he said 13. I said 13 in 7th grade. I think it's 13 in 8th grade, though, isn't it? Yeah. You turn 13 to 13 in 7th grade. I think it's 13 in 8th grade, though, isn't it? Yeah.

You turned 13 to 14 in 8th grade. I'm going to fucking strangle you. You said you were 14 in 6th grade? Now you're gaslighting. Okay. 14 in 8th grade. Yeah, 14 in 8th grade. You turn 14 in 8th grade.

You turn 15 in 9th grade. You turn 16 in 10th grade. You turn 17 in 8th grade, you turn 15 in 9th grade, you turn 16 in 10th grade, you turn 17 in 11th grade, and you turn 18 in 12th grade. Am I fucking crazy here? Yeah, a little bit. I think 14 was probably my peak boner strength. Oh, absolutely. I think that was the time... Which is a sign from God and biology that you should have been procreating.

I know. That is right. Yeah. Like 14, I could have definitely hung the towel over my penis. It was pointing true north. It would have gone up. Yeah. It would have been a lookout sign on the Underground Railroad.

Yes. Something to seek in the dark of night. Now, if I tried to hang the towel on my penis, it would just slip right off. Yeah, I mean. It would wind up behind you. Yeah. And go through between your legs. Oh, goodness gracious.

Yeah, I don't know. I mean, a lot of dudes out here are on boner pills. That's big right now. It's not me, though. Not me. Never needed it. Even though you're saying that your erection

is incredibly soft. Well, it's not incredibly soft. It's just softer than it was when I was 14. When I was 14, I was dangerously horny. Dangerous. Dangerous.

To society. You're a menace. That's not good. When I was 14, I'd be in math class just bricked up the whole time. I would be talking to you. I'd be pulling a class just bricked up the whole time i would be talking

to you i'd be pulling a rigs talking to myself i'm gonna jerk i'm gonna jerk off right when i get home of course you'll be learning pemdouse i've had three weeks as soon as i walk through the doors i'm jerking off a fucking handicap bathroom the single-use bathroom is like 48 steps away i don't know if i can even tuck it in up to my belt before getting there people are gonna notice my third i tried to jerk off in school once when i was like in eighth grade i was like i'm gonna go to the bathroom and jerk off and then i stood up and my boner went away and then i just went and pissed and came back we just disappeared that was god yeah that was god saving me from a suspension from a lifetime on a registry do you get suspended what are you

suspended for that if you got caught whacking off no dude and also how are they going to catch you jerking off in a stall like burst in like they're raiding the house for a while like a SWAT team dude in public school they're like i don't know if it might just be might be more of a modern thing they're very like cautious and like strict about how long you're in the bathroom for probably because they'll send out they'll send out the search units if you're in the bathroom for more than five minutes if you're that horny you could be you'd be touching bust it'd be that fucking it'll be like hitting that scunion true would it though or would you get a little nervous and then

you got to like start playing the hits trying to load porn on your phone. Were you vaping in high school? Oh, yeah. That was a rush. We were playing Snake in high school. What's Snake? Like the game? Yeah, Nokia two-dimensional snake. Oh, yeah. We used to play that all the time.

And you had porn on your phone? Yeah. And you're playing Snake? Well, I wasn't watching porn in school but i'm saying if the phone had the capability to have porn on it i don't know why you're looking at me i was i we would we would play i would play snake or i'll play tetris too i would wait till i got to the public library after school to watch the porn oh i would never i would never watch porn in the public library i mean that's it was like

the home screen in the public library I mean it was like the home screen in the public library the public library felt like church like a holy place I feel like I could find all the books in the public library that had some type of nudity like a fucking anatomy book

or like a fashion book or some shit like that that had nudity that they weren't supposed to have I don't know if I ever actually looked at a book at the library. Well, there's nudity in there, brother. I would always just go to the library to do homework or to have my tutor session. Or to get preyed upon by your tutor.

Or to get preyed upon. I would always get tutored, though. Did you guys ever have a tutor? I was a tutor. You were a tutor, but were you ever tutored as a young child? I was, and it would drive me nuts. Oh, it would drive me absolutely insane. I didn't start getting tutored until college i had a hard time with uh science a32 the expanding universe that was a tricky one for me as well that was really hard for me and so i had to get a senior to come tutor me

and she was a asian lady no what she was like a physics major. Did you guys bang? No. And she would look at her phone during our sessions. And it just drove me crazy. Yeah, that would piss me off. But that was 2011, 2012. I mean, it was probably her first phone. She probably had just gotten a phone.

She was like, this is all out there. Yeah, she's probably like, this guy Mark just put out this blog website. I don't know. What am I? This is my sophomore year, so it would have been 2009. And she would look at her phone, and I knew the school paid for the tutors in college. Yeah. And so she's making probably, you know, 20 bucks an hour.

And you were just like, fucking pay attention to me. I was like, I'm really struggling with this material. And you're not as attentive as I need you to be. And she's texting with fucking Matt Damon. He set up dates later to watch fucking... How's that script coming? When Harry met Sally on her dorm futon for the 50th time. Yeah, that's just infuriating.

Except for I definitely never had a fucking tutor at Penn State. Hell no. They didn't give a fuck. I got a B minus. It's fine. It's good enough. Oh, yeah. You mustered up the strength.

That was the hardest core class that I had. Did she ask if you could hear the music? What? Oppenheimer? You said you were taking a class about expanding universe? Sounds like some Oppenheimer shit? Yeah. Francis, can you hear the music?

I can. I don't think Oppenheimer was. Yeah. Francis, can you hear the music? I can. I don't think Oppenheimer was ever getting tutored by anyone. Oppenheimer, have you seen Oppenheimer? Yeah. The entire beginning of it is him going to classes. Yeah, I'm saying getting tutored, though. Like, he probably had... Well, he didn't need to get tutored because he could hear the music.

That's what I mean. He could hear the music. If you can't hear the music, you had to get a tutor. I'm talking about guys who hear the music. You're deaf, bro. I can... You can't hear the music. I've never had a tutor. You were just talking about how you had to get a tutor i'm talking about guys who hear the music you're deaf bro i can you can't hear the music i've never had a tutor you were just talking about how you had to get tutored the entire time i got tutored when i was in like sixth grade you don't even know what

fucking music looks like you see a piano you see a fucking black box of black and white keys i would love to have a teacher ask me if i could hear the music that would probably that was probably such a cool moment for oppenheimer then he then he went, I can hear the music. Yeah. I can. That's how you got past the stand. Yeah. Can you hear the music?

Patrick asked me if I could hear the music. And I said, I don't know. I might be able to. I want to come to Philly this weekend. I want to come to one of your shows. Come out. Yeah, people love going to see Francis from the company. What?

Will Compton went and saw you. Mincy went and saw you. Will Compton did not come and see me. It's probably because you didn't reach out. Oh, we were having a large text exchange. You and he were? And then he was like, bro, I'm so tired. Man, we had dinner the first night and then... Oh, you guys made a whole weekend out of it.

Yeah, we hung out at least two of the three nights that I was there. Damn. And then. Oh, you guys made a whole weekend out of it. Yeah, we hung out at least two of the three nights that I was there. Damn. But that's because Will and I are kind of adults in the room. Kindred spirits, yeah. And you're not an adult in the room. You guys can share a drink. You can talk about a workout that you're doing.

Right. An erudite idea about your career advancement. Maybe how you like your steak cooked. Yeah, talk 401ks. Stuff like that, adult stuff. Yes. Tax breaks. Family planning. Family planning. The music. Sort of just, yeah. If you

can hear it or not. No, you're just talking about like the top knot on a fucking fly wrench or some stupid shit. Compton cannot hear the music, I'll tell you that. That guy cannot hear the music. You're salty that he didn't come to your show. It's okay. I am. I was very annoyed when I saw that he was going to France.

I mean, dude, I probably have the text messages still. Hey, man, where are you at? Show's starting in five. Not gonna make it, little bro. Apologies. Super tired. Apologies. Kreischer's flying us out to LA tonight.

I told Will straight up. I texted him and I said, listen, dude, I really need some money right now. Is there any world where I could pretend that I am coincidentally in Vegas the next time you're there? And you could just bring me along to that weird atm fucking blackjack table that dana white has better yet let's just cut out the middleman see if dana can just drop me off 20k cash yeah yeah like do i need to even go i really don't get it and i don't understand how it's they're like just pick the number pick your number dude i think it's a lot they show the way you're trafficking and there's still losers they They're trafficking humans for sure.

And the losers are losing big time. I think is the truth. I think that everyone is staked by Dana White. And he's the only one that loses. Why does Dana White care? So he doesn't care that he's just giving away millions of dollars every night? To the influencers? No, if you lose the money and you leave the table

you pay for it no one puts in money though but you would owe the casino but i thought it was like covers the mark he covers your marker the way that i've the way that i've been described not if you lose if you keep betting until you win though that's what i've heard yes but if you lost 20 bets in a row right and that happened to will he down $300,000, and so then he doubled that, and then he got back to zero. That's what I've heard, is that you walk in, and they're like,

how much money do you want to make today? And you go, I want to make $200,000. Yeah, of course. That's the theory. But the problem is that if you say you want to win that much, then your bottom marker

needs to be that much bigger. i'm saying dana is yeah uncle dana is not gonna let anyone get that low uncle dana if you said i want to win 20 grand and you bet 20 grand on the first hand and you lose right now you're down 20 and you bet 40 on the next one and you lose that you get to to $500,000 very quickly. Fast, yeah. Oh, it compounds. And especially if you start splitting hands and losing both of those.

But how many hands are you going to lose in a row though? No matter how many hands Uncle Dana's got you. I think you're underestimating Uncle Dana's power. That guy hears the music. And he can lose. He'll lose the money. But Uncle Dana... I don't know That guy hears the music. And he can lose. He'll lose the money. But Uncle Dana... I don't know that he loses the money.

I think Taylor's lost 400 grand there before. Yeah, but he's also won millions of dollars if you aggregate it all. I think that being an influencer and having a big Instagram following and having the cameras around is the best advertisement a casino could ever get.

Yes. What's the casino? Red Rocks. Red Rocks? Red Rocks. With Uncle D's magic table? Let's think of this. If we flew to Vegas.

We could make a children's book. If we flew to Vegas and just were there and then Will Compton said, Oh, you guys are in town? Come over. And we said, Oh, you guys are in town? Come over. And we said, oh, hey, Dana, nice to meet you. We'd like to make $20,000.

And then we did, and we flew home. We'd be very pleased. I would, yeah, extremely pleased. That'd be much better than a stand-up weekend. Yeah, that would be awesome. I think we should do that. But what if you, so say I'm kind. Yeah, that would be awesome. I think we should do that. But what if you, so say I'm kind of like,

I have higher expectations, so maybe, what if I walked in? Everyone's like, you just pick your number. Why do you have higher expectations? I said, hey, I want to make $70 million.

Yeah, because you can't do that. Does Uncle D get that? Like, he'll give me that? Not for you, because you don't have, Because I don't have the clout like that. You don't hear the music. I don't hear the music.

You walk into a casino and it's just deaf. It's just like fucking the absence of sound. I want an Ocean's 14 Uncle Dan's Casino. Wait, do you guys know that this fucking... Someone, Ocean 11, the MGM Grand or MGM... Yeah, Bruno Mars. No, no. Someone just did this in October.

Really? Kids, I'm not making this up. I just listened to a show on it fucking the teenage hackers hacked into the system uh at the mgm grant i think i remember this and they demanded 30 million dollars and mgm was basically like we could either pay 30 million dollars or we could rebuild our entire infrastructure from the fucking ground up and they were like fuck these kids they're not getting a fucking red cent and they spent a hundred million dollars to completely rebuild their infrastructure so they like a 70 million dollar difference and it was teenage american hackers like west coast teenage american hackers they got into the back

end of mgm and they were like dicking around like sending like renaming files like eggplant emojis and just becoming like being menaces behind the scenes and they're just like this constituent of west coast american canadian uh hackers well but does that ever work has a hacker ever hacked into something i mean like i want 100 million dollars and they're like fine we'll give it to you i think that's why you got to be in person i think that's why oceans 11 was in person don't they just take it without asking but i think the money in casinos is there right what do you mean the cash yeah there is cash there they said once they once they they uh got in the back end they had to completely shut down the system. And they had all the MGM casinos in disarray for a weekend.

Guys, the pit bosses were walking around with literal belts of cash just to pay people out. And all of the transactions were being done on paper for an entire weekend. Like the whole chain. Like everywhere. MGM owns half of the casinos in all of Vegas. Sounds like the next plot to a Ben Mesrich novel. Or not novel. I guess he writes these.

Non-fiction? Non-fiction books that seem to have the same plot every single time. I'll watch a movie. Even if it's the kids from fucking Stranger Things. I'd rather see them doing that shit than fighting a fucking worm. I'm not interested in seeing them fight a fucking worm. I'm over it. No. I think I could steal money from a casino pretty easily well they're gamers everybody's like kids are getting so fucking dumb right now because they'll see some anecdotal video of like a woman at a college being stupid it's like no kids are pretty fucking smart

and they're using their online capabilities to launch themselves into bad, bad things. It's impressive. That's crazy. What were they expecting that was going to happen, though? They get the 30. I mean, 30 or paying $100 million. The fact that MGM was just like, we'll pay $100 million out of spite. Fuck these kids.

That's crazy. They should have just given it, because when you give them the't they just get they just get it insured the the casino yeah i don't know maybe they get it like all back we don't know insurance that well yeah we don't know all i know is in oceans 11 yeah they steal 80 they steal 100 million dollars then they get it back and then the guy goes and gets the money back again so he makes 100 million dollars off of but i don't think it worked in the real life because they didn't have the 4'6 Asian guy who could backflip out of a dessert cart. He could have Diego do it. He could squeeze Diego into a cart.

His ass isn't fitting in a dessert cart, dude. He's too lanky. He's got too much. Spider. Spider could definitely fit in one of those. But I don't know if he has the coordination to be jumping out and doing backflips from sitting down. But he could rob a casino. If we're starting a casino robbing crew, I want Spider in my 11. Out of the people at Barstool.

Absolutely. He's definitely one of my 11. Hey, guys. Let's take a second and talk about game time game time game time oh yeah the game time i mean look how easy it is to open up the game time app i just g-a-m-e is the only one in there and then boom i'm on the game time app drake and lil wayne playing at the prudential center the prue unbelievable stuff yeah nikki minajj, Olivia Rodrigo at Madison Square Garden. Kaitlyn Clark.

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Bad Bunny. I mean, Zach Bryan. Zach Bryan. Zach Bryan has his dates in December out already too. Did you see that video of him getting clocked with cakes? Yeah, that's the kind of stuff that goes on in his shows. Heavens to Betsy. I can't believe it, but I mean, if you want to be one of the

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You know that Rocket Money is a personal finance app that will find and cancel subscriptions for you that are bogging down your bills? It's one of those things that I think about and it just makes me mad. Yeah. It makes me mad knowing that I'm leaking money out of the ears for unnecessary subscriptions that I don't use. Sometimes you'll use two different email accounts and you'll wind up having redundant subscriptions for the exact same app. Yeah. For the exact same service, the same type of videos. You could have Apple TV here, Apple TV there, Netflix here, and Netflix there. Luckily,

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Quigs, I need my 11. On the back end for sure. Quigs could definitely rob like a fucking casino. Or steal some Bitcoins. Steal some Bitcoin. Crack a wallet. I'm in the 11, dude. I could fool someone not

mine what not mine i couldn't i couldn't even play like fucking casey affleck absolutely not why casey affleck was one of the main hackers he wasn't a hacker he was like he walked around the casino floor with balloons yeah he's a lookout guy yeah you got that it sounds like a couple of guys who haven't seen 12 and 13 you You're thinking of Manchester by the Sea. I watched all of these movies like a week ago. You're thinking of Gone Baby Gone. And he wasn't a hacker. He was a plumber and a handyman.

And his family perished in a fire. And he tried to blow his brains out in a police station, but the gun malfunctioned. Yes, he couldn't turn the safety off. My 11 would be me, Spider. You? Of course. What role are you taking? Don Cheadle?

Someone's got to be able to hear the music. Oh, you're Tess. You're fucking blowing it. You would be Tess. You would be fucking Julia Roberts playing Julia Roberts. You would be more of like a Matt. Like Duke Sass.

Do you realize Sass looks like little Sass? You would be more of a Matt Damon character. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I could see that but i don't want to be matt damon so i'm in the 11th no like me and francis would be we would be clooney and brad pitt and you'd be damon being like i can do it guys i can prove myself no you'd be fucking and we'd be like yeah brad pitt just because you'd be eating the whole time no everybody would have a fucking idea and you'd just be shoving shot cocktail shrimp you gotllet. You got me mistaken. Didn't Matt Damon have very powerful parents in that movie?

Yeah, that's the only reason he was even in the crew. I think I'm probably Matt Damon. Yeah, Francis is Matt Damon. Francis, come on. Don't put yourself down like that. Francis is Matt Damon. Me and you are Clooney and Pitt. Clooney and Pitt, natural chemistry.

I'm Clooney or Pitt. That's fine. I definitely see myself as more of a Clooney. Clooney is definitely a little more of like the brains of the operation. You are much older than I am. Clooney is a little bit more of the brains and a little bit more of like the responsible. Like he really knows what he's doing. Do you worry ever, Sass, that if you keep aging at this rate that you don't have much time left?

No, not at all. I'm going to live until I'm fucking 200. But I want to say my 11. Okay. Me, Francis, obviously. I'm going to live until I'm fucking 200. But I want to say my 11. Okay. Me, Francis, obviously. Will Taylor, obviously. Who are they? Oh, they're...

Will and Taylor are going to get us in. Are Casey Affleck and Scott Cahn. Scott Cahn. Yes. Yes, those are... That's Will and Taylor. Will and Taylor are going to get us in to Uncle D's casino. What about Andy Garcia?

I couldn't be like the sweaty guy. We got to have some guys on the inside. Yes, we do. Yes. We do. Will and Taylor are gonna be our inside guys. Like kind of like

how you know like Brad Pitt's kind of playing the games a little bit. Okay. Remember when they're playing, what are they playing?

Letter craps. Which one are you talking about? When they're winning all the money. I think it's, oh, is it 11 or is it 13? 13 when they malfunction the whole casino and all the dice start rolling it's the i think it's oh is it 11 or is it 13 13

when they malfunction the whole casino and all the dice start rolling over the right thing yeah and they're winning all the money oh and bernie mack is the table boss yeah so i'm bernie mack i feel no well no he's don cheeto no zaz don cheeto and bernie mack yes that bullshit now you only have 10. I don't think I'm even... No. So I'm trying to think of strategically so it would be...

What kind of be the old ass guy? Me, Francis, Will, Taylor, Zah. I don't know why I didn't think of Zah as being the guy that's going to fit in the cart.

Spider. Obviously it's going to be Zah. Because Zah is 170 pounds. So I need six more. What's in this cart? I can't even roll it. Yeah. There's wheels on it mincy's gonna fit into the equation somehow he could be the i mean just because i mean that guy knows his way around

a casino yeah he does but what about mincy might be like once we set off the system and the stuff starts malfunctioning we'll have him play the actual games he's just playing games that guy that we sort of give bed bugs and and measles and rashes to. No, that's Riggs. We're giving Riggs the bedbugs and the measles. Uh-huh. The, because I could see Mincy,

you know how in 13 where they, where the lady wins the slots and then they have the thing and they're like heart rates, heart rates raise, temperature normal. They're like, seems natural to me.

I think Mincy, even if we told him, we like you're gonna win 100 million dollars he'd still be blown away when it actually happens so i think he'd be the guy that like he would kind of make it all seem natural and normal what about uh the dude uh the sweaty guy who's like going behind he like writes all the directions on his palm no No, this guy's neurotic and kind of a fuck-up. Who's the old guy? Who's the old guy who's impersonating his people? Carl Reiner. Yeah, that would be large. That's large.

I have large. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's large. And then what about Elliot Gold? Who's Elliot Gold play? He's the other kind of older guy. That's the dad from Friends. Yeah.

Ross's dad. Oh, he's the rich guy that funds the entire thing that's not carl reiner let me see show me what he looks like this guy with the curly hair yeah doesn't he fund doesn't he fund the whole operation does he i think so yeah maybe maybe he funds it and then the only that's press yeah he's the whole guy yeah and so who's the neurotic guy who writes the shit on his hand i don't know i'm trying to remember what that guy looks like show me eddie johnson this guy oh nick maybe i don't know so you're doing whatever you can that i can't be any member of the fucking 11? It just doesn't seem realistic, bro. This is so whack.

I mean, you want to get away with it. I don't need you fucking it up. Who's Tess, then? Shit, I don't know. You don't need a Tess? You need a Tess. Men only? No.

Casey. Casey Smith. Casey Smith is Tess. Casey Smith could be Tess. Yeah. Yeah, I could see that. This has to be one of the social clips faces and everything that go with it. This is going to take us to the next level. This is going to blow the fuck up for sure.

But the fact that you're keeping me out of this, that makes me Andy Garcia. And I'm going to get my fucking money back from you pussies. Yeah. Or I'm the guy in oceans 12 who's the art the art uh thief that guy was maybe the best character the night fox yeah yeah i guess on the night fox yeah you're right i guess did you like that one yeah i hated that one what i didn't i thought 12 was a joke i like that it was set in europe i liked it was i like that it was in europe i just didn't like the like competition to see who can like

rob the egg faster. I thought it was stupid. That's sweet. I thought it was silly. The silliest part is the Julia Roberts thing but I remember staying after

a film class in college to argue with a professor that Ocean's Eleven was a good movie. They said it wasn't a good movie. He was like it's not good and here's why.

I think Jeff D. Lowe says it's one of his best movies he's ever seen. I fucking love it. It was so enjoyable to watch. He's like, well, it took too fast

for them to learn how to put everything together. Oh, he's talking about plot holes? They're pros. I was like, dude, I fucking enjoyed it.

They're pros. I enjoyed it. What the fuck are you talking about? That's because D'Lo doesn't hear the music. I'm not talking about D'Lo. I'm talking about my professor. Oh,

your professor, Sandusky. Yeah. Uncle Jerry fucking I stayed afterwards And he was like Let's wrestle about it Let's wrestle some submission about it

Rowan you're going to Iceland Nah I'm going next week I was wrong about the weeks Yeah next week Yeah so not this I thought I was going this week But I'm actually going next week Are you pumped?

Extremely So not to be that guy, we may have pivoted our Wyoming trip for this summer. We might be going back to Iceland. Really? Yeah. Whoa. Well, how? You always got to do what I'm doing, huh? Well, I've already been. Copycat.

I went eight years ago. I know. But Roan never even considered the idea until I went. What are you talking about i didn't even remember you went that's why you're not bro that's not why you're that's why you're not in the 11 you only you literally want to be in the 11 you gotta be able to think for yourself i'm in the 250 and that's all that matters your only feedback from that trip was that you ate fish out of a can it was like the worst sell ever i didn't eat fish out of a can that's you're like

i would go to rest stops and they i would buy cans of fish and the water smelled like poopy the water doesn't smell like poopy that's literally all you had to say about one of the most beautiful nations on earth that's like he doesn't use adjectives like well how is iceland like iceland was iceland nothing to say about it well we were thinking about it and we uh yeah i think we just went at the wrong time and so why don't i check it out for you and let you know what's good check it out for me let me know how it is how she's holding up because they just had a volcano explode recently right didn't a volcano just erupt they're erupting all the time and when they erupt they shut down all the flights from europe to america because all the ash clouds drift south or into the flight path and uh the planes can't fly through them damn

it just shut down it was or just erupted two weeks ago it's erupted like three or four times this year so me and francis couple of iceland guys pretty much born and raised uh you're talking to the night fox right now do you have any recommendations on what to do uh yeah i don't need to know the canned fish place from you. I ever ate canned fish in Iceland. I'm sure you were fucking... We had very nice dinners. I had brown trout in Iceland.

You had canned fish. And it was covered in this thing that looked like mustard and ketchup, but it wasn't mustard and ketchup. It was some other weird sauce. Vegemite? Could have been. The thing about Iceland that you got to be careful of... Everyone's related.

If you turn on the hot water in your sink, if you don't turn on the cold water to balance it out and you just turn on the hot to get it hot it gets so hot that you'll melt your skin off really because it's all geothermal yeah the whole place sits on geothermal hot springs. So it's drawing that volcanic hot water right out from the earth. Oh my God. And it does smell sulfuric. It does. It smells like shit. Yeah.

So when you're in the hot springs, are you going to go to the hot springs? You're definitely, he's definitely more of a Blue Lagoon guy, right? Total tourist trap. He doesn't do that. Total tourist trap. You should see the hotels I'm staying at. You're getting out of the, you're getting, no, I know. You think I'm a tourist trap? I can't do that. Total tourist trap. You should see the hotels I'm staying at. You're getting out of the... No, I know. You think I'm...

I can already see it in my head. You're getting off the plane. You're going straight to the lagoon. You're going to spend $40 on a beer to sit and sludge. I mean, that does sound nice. Guys like me, we tend to stray away from the path. Guys like me. Guys like me and Francis, we tend to stray away from the chosen path.

Take a little... Took the path less... What is it? What is that fucking poem? The road less traveled. The road less traveled. We tend to Took the path less... What is it? What is that fucking poem? The road less traveled. We tend to take the road less traveled. And be one traveler long I stood and looked down one as far as I could

to where it bent in the undergrowth. And then took the other as just as fair, having perhaps the better claim. For being worn and wanted wear, though, they were both worn about the same. And both that morning equally lay. Who wrote the poem? Leaves no steps, head fraud and black.

Oh, how I kept the other for another day, but knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back. So what cities are you going to? I shall be telling this with a sigh. Somewhere ages and ages hence. You're obviously hitting Reykjavik, and what else? Two roads diverge in a wood, and I,

I took the one less traveled by. And that has made all the difference. And that's made all the difference. So what, where are you? I'm not going to cities. You think I'm going to cities? I'm getting out of the city as soon as I land. Keflavik. I'm not going to Keflavik.

I'm not going to Reykjavik. This guy thinks he knows Iceland. Would you tell us where you're going to go so we can give you some critiques, help you tweak the trip, make it a little better? Hotel Vik, I think, is one of the hotels. I'm very familiar. Oh, yeah? Yes. How are are you familiar i did two nights there you did yeah what's it like beautiful no oh sorry ugly i don't know what do you want me to say exactly because you don't know you've never been i dude i did we did two nights in hotel veek yeah you did that was

after you'd spent a couple nights in tents and you said, I can't do this anymore? Yes. Well, we only spent one night in a tent and we said, this is a dumb idea. And then you subsidized the hotels for your pals. I said, fellas? I said, boys? Hotel Vique, two nights, all inclusive. Why not?

Cost me a pretty penny. Yeah. Look at it, dude. It's so beautiful. Wow. Yeah, I remember staying there Rowan I know you're not a golfer that's right in Vic I told you I said are you going to Vic

and you said no it's Vic oh brother I didn't see why he would have misunderstood Vic like a vapor rub also Vic is a city so you're going to cities are you talking about Vic or Vic

every way that you think Also, Vik is a city, so you're going to cities. Are you talking about Vik or Veek? Because there's an accent on the I. Every way that you think words in Icelandic are pronounced, it's not. It's always, they mix it up. They just come up with it on the spot. I spoke with several Icelandic guides. Yeah, travel agents. You're thinking of Michael Vik. Oh, no, no, no, no.

The dog trainer. Our last night we spent in Vik at that hotel. You didn't. I swear. I know you didn't go to this hotel. I promise you we did. Let's see a picture of it. I'll show you a picture of me drinking at Hotel Vic.

The Crown Vic Hotel. Crown Vic. It's a very nice hotel. You know what's been driving me nuts in hotels lately? You're pissed that I stayed there. No, you're just a bad liar. No, you're pissed that I stayed there. Because he thinks thinks it's out of he doesn't think it's in my price range if i found out that i was vacationing at a hotel you'd stayed at i would immediately

change i would be pissed too he's probably gonna change it tonight i will you don't i'm trying to find the photos of when we were there what's pissed me off at hotels lately is that a lot of the time that the shower door... There's me in Hotel Vic. That ain't Vic. Yes, it is. I swear to God. Or I'd show Francis like he would be like... That's the Vic, though. That's not the

V. Look at how many beers I was drinking. Three? Five. Those aren't all yours. Yes, they are are they didn't clear any of the glasses no that's not i don't do that in hotel service how do you figure out where now you're saying veek wow all right there's a difference he stayed at the vic you're staying at the veek how do you go to the location on on your photos isn't there a way to do that you can like see it'll just tell you iceland francis i wonder what's been bothering you about hotels of late.

I'm going to take a grace period right now and just see if Hairball has some stuff he wants to fill in. Is that where the Vic hotel is? No. In Vic? What are you talking about no? Look it, we had this delicious dessert in Vic. I eat horse in Iceland.

Right near the black sand beaches. And let me tell you, the farmer was not happy. Oh man, that was funny. You could keep them alive though. That's the good thing about horse. You just lop off a little bit. Is that right?

Enjoy yourself, and then they regenerate it. You have horse forever. Wow. Do you know that was stone crab in Florida? The guys who fish for stone crab every time, they pull them out of the water, and then they break an arm off, and then they put them back because they grow the arm back? Yes. That's crazy. That's so impressive of the crab to do that. and then they break an arm off and then they put them back because they grow the arm back? Yes, that's crazy.

That's so impressive of the crab to do that. But it has to be a tortured existence. Tough life. Yeah. Tough life to just constantly be growing your arms out. Right. Ron. What?

That's my receipt for Hotel Vic. Wow, you found it. Oh, man, that's got to be crushing. Smoking gun. Smoking gun. I was joking, dude. I to be crushing. Smoking gun. Smoking gun. I was joking, dude. I didn't actually think I stayed there. I know. I knew you were joking.

Reschedule that reservation. I am actually going to. You're going to need to. I just texted my wife. You're going to either need the presidential suite or you're going to need a new hotel. It was really expensive. And we all stayed in the same room because it was so expensive. No, I have to change. That's hilarious. I was really expensive. And we all stayed in the same room because it was so expensive. No, I have to change.

That's hilarious. I was totally kidding. I know you were. I was totally fucking with you. I could tell that you were fucking with me and lying. I can't believe that I actually stayed at that hotel. I'm trying to think of who in my life, if I found out that they'd stayed at a hotel, it would discourage me more.

It's Harry. And I think you might be number one. It would have to be me. But also, it has to be me but also you it has to be me if just because if you think about how that trip went and it was like that was our last option that was the hotel that i went to and we checked in and i tried to do a bit about it for a while and we checked in and i was like how's it going and the lady was like oh you know and i was like really and she's like it's been raining for the last three months. You are to hotels when you would be seeing a girl in the early stages when you were younger

and you'd find out that some dude you knew had dated her, had sex with her, and you'd be like, I cannot continue seeing this person. You're a Lumberg fuckter. Lumberg? Not Lumberg. Because if that's true, then her judgment is so poor that I cannot be. That's so nasty. What did your wife say?

She said we're changing. I said the guy from my podcast stayed there. She was like, oh, Francis, nice. That's fine. That'll work. And I said, no, no, no. Sadly, no. The other guy.

The couch cretin. Two nights in the Vic. No, it's only one night there, luckily. It is a nice town. I feel bad. I feel terrible. I feel like I just ruined the entire trip. I feel like I just destroyed the trip. That is tough. Honestly, this is so

bad. I want to see how much money it costs or how much units, however they fucking charge. I'm trying to think. There's never dollar signs. I actually might be more at peace finding out that you had fucked my wife than stayed in a hotel that I was about to stay in. The only good thing about it is that it's at least unconsensual with the hotel. He forced himself on the hotel. It actually wasn't even that expensive.

It was 300 bucks for a triple room one night. Really? What's a triple room? I don't know know i guess that's what we had though we all stayed in one room wow it was also it was one of those it had one of those showers i remember this very vividly it had one of those showers that it doesn't have like uh like a curtain or anything it's just like a place where they have the shower you know what the irony of this is that was exactly what I was about to say

I've been bothered by at hotels lately. How they don't, how it's just like a little... Showers that don't have any divider. No. And the water spills out. Everywhere. It's spilling out to the carpet outside.

Reschedule, brother. I beg of you. You think I should? I might just not go. I might just not go to Iceland. Because it was bad enough. Because you can't stay at the Blue Lagoon. Why? The Blue Lagoon's beautiful.

No, but that's next to where the volcano's going off. Oh, right. So the water's spilling out. I can't talk about this anymore. He made the point and now I'm sick of the fact that I... He hoteled it. He fucking lumber fucked her.

He hoteled my observation. I won. I think I just won. I won the episode for sure. If there's a winner for the episode, it's me. You brushed you guys. You throat fucked the episode. I throat fucked both of you guys.

I'm still having a hard time comprehending what just happened. You say you're having the same observation as him. It dilutes your observation. It makes me feel stupid. I got a fucking sad thought of this, too. I'm having a hard time comprehending that the hotel that you booked was the hotel that I booked. I don't think Iceland has super nice hotels. Yes, and there's a finite amount of them.

There's like four. Well, the really expensive stuff is those little cottages that they have. amount of them there's like four well the really expensive stuff is those little cottages that they have yeah they also have like a heli ski lodge that you can book just for your own private group and i get targeted instagram ads for that oh and those i dude i looked at that that's expensive oh my i got an ad for that too on and they have a private chef don't talk about it this is mine that's the one where they stop it those are the hotels where they wake you walking me right they wake you up in the middle of the night never heard of it that's not information that's true of what i was thinking of this is a completely separate

thing a night that's one of the other one we're saying is where they wake you up yeah if it's they wake you up if the northern lights are happening. Yeah, but I doubt it's 10 racks a night for fear that you've stayed in it. I haven't stayed there. I can't believe that that's the hotel. Dude, imagine if you walked into that hotel and you saw me posted up there with 10 gulls. You should be staying at a hotel where they don't even serve gull. Gull isn't even an option there. You were eating gull?

No, that's the drink. That's the light beer there is gull.ll isn't even an option there you were eating gull no that's the drink that's the light beer there's gull oh yes okay and we were just slamming gulls playing dutch playing cards did you um did you go to reykjavik at all yeah i thought you said you stayed away from the cities oh no i remember i said what city i said what cities are you saying no we stayed in a city every night except for the first night we didn't. We would stay out of the cities during the day, and then we would go to the close city and stay there. You said something about cities. He was disparaging people.

He was like, you probably are going to all the cities because you don't know how to travel. He did say that. That was your implied. It's just weird that you're following my trip word for word like this. Yeah, I'm going gonna go bring your two closest friends and then complain about eating fucking canned fish in a tent we never ate canned fish i don't know where you're getting this idea what i will say is that vick and i actually have to leave in a second how long have we been going an hour and four no no no you can't leave bro i'm

supposed to be you're gonna lose the episode we We're cooking with one of those little butane gas things that you put in your tent to heat up a can of fish. We did have those. But Vic is actually supposed to be extremely beautiful. But when we went, it was completely foggy and raining the whole time. So we never actually got to see any of it. Oh, so I'll have an experience that you didn't. Yes. That does sound sublime.

You know where I went? The Faroe Islands. I'm familiar. Have you heard? Yes. Thoughts? Plans ongoing? I don? The Faroe Islands. I'm familiar. Have you heard? Yes. Thoughts? Plans ongoing? Beautiful.

I don't know anything about it. Please regale me. Or have Sass tell me about it. I wouldn't get the salmon while you're out there. They're having a little bit of a salmon crisis in Iceland right now. Oh, really? They're farming salmon, and the salmon are dying, and they all look mangled. They call them zombie fish.

But the Faroe Islands salmon are some of the best farm-raised salmon in the world they fetch a pretty price check again organic well you are conflating faroe islands and iceland you're talking to someone right now who's planning an iceland trip what does that mean i don't know i don't know what the faroe islands are yes you do you do. No, I was lying. They're near Iceland. Especially, I was also lying about the Hotel Vic thing. I never stayed at Hotel Vic. I photoshopped it.

No, you didn't. I don't believe that you can pull that off. He can pull that off, that level of... And that's why I'm one of the only 11. You guys edit your videos on TikTok. Neither of you guys have any idea about editing anything. What? You don't even make videos to edit. You have Owen editing videos for you.

What are you fucking talking about? What was the last video you edited? I edit videos all the time. What videos do you ever edit? Saying that he would be able to pull off the photoshopping heist instead of me. You just lost your spot on the 11. You're out of the 11 too. I don't even think that's what I said.

You said that's something that he would be able to pull off. I would be able to. No, I'm not saying you couldn't Photoshop. I'm saying to go this deep in the episode with carrying the lie is what he can pull off and you can't. Which is a Clooney move. That is Clooney. That's 100% Clooney. That's what he did with the Jake

Gyllenhaal story. I might not be Clooney anymore. No, you're kind of like... I just got demoted. You're Damon's parents. Their production assistant on set brings us fucking tea. Oh, man. Tea boy. Well, enjoy the gulls while you're there because they are great.

You wouldn't know about that either. Actually, the only thing that I could take solace in that you enjoyed Iceland is that when you were a better man, when you were out there boozing it up, when you're a real booze pony. Yeah. If I go again, I'll probably booze, though. Really? In Iceland.

Wow. Got it. They drink hard. They drink hard. I know. It's going to be awesome. Compton's coming out with me. It's going to be fucking sick.

Is Taylor going? Huh? I know he had something going on in Mexico that weekend. Compton, Taylor, Will, Caleb, all the dogs are going out there. Damn. Yeah, it's going to be great. That's sick. That's going to be so sick.

Yeah. Is Gillis Thalys going, too? Of course. Of course That's sick. That's going to be so sick. Yeah. Is Gil Estelis going too? Of course. Of course. Got to. He's playing Kef. There's a comedy club in Reykjavik. Really?

Did you get up and do... Oh, didn't... Bill Burr. Yeah, but so did... The guy that everybody loves the most. Louis? No. Damon Wayans? No. Shane lived with him in quarantine for a Louis? No. Damon Wayans?

No. Shane lived with him in quarantine for a couple weeks. Oh, Doug? Doug. Stanhope? No. Yes. Stanhope.

He played Reykjavik? He did a special in Iceland. Really? Believe so. Oh, I didn't know that. I think he was in trouble or something, and he went there. There was something about it on his Wikipedia page. I don't want to tell tales out of school.

It's a good place to go if you want to do naughty stuff. A lot of the Bitcoin servers are up there. There's no police in Iceland. I saw one police car the entire time I was there. The weird thing is alcohol. Getting alcohol is very tricky. You got to go to these like government liquor stores. And actually the one in Vic is in a police station.

Sounds like entrapment. But you can also call this number and you go to the bars at night and you tell them what you want. And you'll go to the bars. The bars will be open until four or five in the morning. And then at five in the morning, the bar is closed and everything becomes this block party out in the street and they'll drive and find you and give you the bottle that they purchased during the correct hours that's incredible they charge you a huge markup for it that's gonna be the kind of experience i'm having yeah spelunking what is the liquor store called out there it's one of the v

vick no it's like vund like Wunder or something like that. You're thinking of an Austrian type of language. Liquor store. And they're very hard to come by, and they have weird hours. So, Francis, tell me about the- Oh, they're called Viblen. Tell me about the showers. The seal doesn't go all the way flush doesn't create a seal

are you talking about the ones where it goes halfway it's like a glass partition that i don't like either but when there's when there is a door i find that there's a little bit of a crack and i don't like that because a little bit of water will spill out. Spray. Mist. That's shoddy craftsmanship. I don't like it. That just comes down to the craftsmanship. I don't think they were even trying to make it flush. Really? I think it was a design choice.

Really? I don't like it. Oh my god. Do they have unions out in Iceland? I don't think so. They are very racist out there. Just a don't think so they are very racist out there just a heads up are they yeah you said in that one small town where you were eating fish out of a can they were fucking really racist that was jarring to see what do you mean we pulled up we were going to this one city i forget what it was called our plan was to stay there for the night and we got there and we took like a wrong

turn and we ended up like in this like weird like you know they got like weird like warehouses all the way all over there and we end up by one and there was uh the n-word was just spray painted oh in massive letters they're probably just quoting twain no and then there was like a i probably shouldn't even say it but it was like all this like great like crazy racist shit like like drawings and stuff and then we just peeled out of there on one warehouse down a dark alley pulled a vic well no it is they there's no black people in iceland yeah my experience in scandinavian countries is that it's almost as if the lack of diversity, at least from what I saw, makes them less racist. Because they don't

develop antipathy. Right. There's no immigration. There's no negative example for them to point to. Yeah. Exactly. I went to, I did a rap battle in Sweden and they fucking loved hip hop culture.

Yeah. Sweden's a little bigger though. It was in Malmo. Malmo. Very familiar. It's a prominent city featured in the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo series. Really? Beautiful city.

It's a great collection of books. Did you ever read those? I did not. I watched the movie. Stig Larsson? Stieg? Those books are unbelievable. Wow.

What other places are you staying at, aside for Vic? I don't know. I just texted my wife to change that. Are you really going to change it? Yes. All because I stayed there? Yes.

All because me and my friends all shared one hotel room there? It was probably like a fucking Harlem Shake video. No, it's a really nice hotel. It was the nicest hotel we stayed at the entire time we were there by far. I'm saying with you and your fuck around friends being in there. The bar is great. There'll probably be a stain on us.

They'll probably be like, we had some Americans that stayed here before. No, no. We were very respectful. Went to bed at like 10. So we had to wake up at like 5 a.m. the next day. They drive back to Reykjavik. Yeah. Too bad.

Well, I'll find out some more about my information. Usually I wouldn't say the hotel, but that would be my luck for someone to be like, son of a boy dad. Yeah, true. I played a round of midnight golf there, which was pretty cool. Oh, that's awesome. Got off the 18th green at like 11.50 p.m. Wow.

Still light up. Had a beer at midnight in the clubhouse. It was really cool. Teed off at like 9 p.m. See, that's what I was going to say earlier when you were talking about golf. I don't love drinking in the sunlight. No, but that's what a golf cart's for. That's true.

If you're walking a course in the hot sun, drinking's not that fun. Right. But having a cart means you've got the roof and you can kind of... Drive drunk. Sit down. But legally. It's like an enclosed drunk driving course. I do have eye masks if you want to borrow them.

I thought that was a nice gesture so you don't have to order them online I never even used them to help you sleep at night because it's light out it's not light right now I was there first week of May it's not light all night it was light until like midnight

no how would you know you went to bed at 10? first week of May. It's not light all night. It was light until like midnight. No. Yeah. How would you know? You went to bed at 10? We went to bed at 10 one night. I think I was there in July and it was truly light all night. Well, that's when I'm going is July. The sun went below the horizon

for 30 minutes, but it was still sunset-y. Yeah. I'm going to probably go to Wyoming this July. Really? I'll tell you some cool spots yeah definitely let me know yeah i don't see the reason why you need to cancel your entire vacation just because

i went there i'm not canceling my vacation it's making me feel pretty bad about myself actually you asked for it you asked i didn't think i didn't think that's how you guys thought about me i just had to pierce the absolute glee that you had when you found out that it was vic that it was the same hotel yeah i Vic. That it was the same hotel? Yeah. I can't believe it was the same hotel. That is crazy. I can't either. What a good gag.

I was even kidding when I showed you guys the photo of me drinking the gulls. I knew that can't have been there. But that was there. Yeah. That was there. It's at that hotel. Just slamming gulls. The joy that you're getting out of this is making me simultaneously a little bit happy

and a little bit steaming mad. Yeah? Yeah. I hate to see you happy. Well, I'm happy. And I hope the listeners are happy with the episode. Let's go a couple more minutes. I gotta go.

I gotta get on this call. No, no. Fuck that meeting. I literally pushed it back three times already. Three times? Yeah. And I'm actually, I'm already late again. I said five minutes and now it's been six minutes.

Francis is in Philly this weekend. I'm in Philly. Fourth of the fifth to sixth. Helium. six minutes. Francis is in Philly this weekend. I'm in Philly. Fourth of the sixth, Helium. Helium, come out. Tickets to FrancisSells.com. Come out. It's going to be a blast. Philly Helium is the best. And then the following weekend, I'm in Detroit at the Comedy Castle.

And then on Sunday night, I'm at the Columbus Funny Bone. Oh, I've heard great things about that, too. And then two weeks after that, I'm in Baltimore at the Port. And that is the end of this tour until a special announcement coming. A special announcement. A special announcement. Special announcement. Me and Francis are going to be in Kansas City at some point this year. That's right.

Next fall. And Rochester. You announced your fucking dates until. End of the year. Yeah, until December. I saw it on your grid. Yeah, I don't know why we did that because I'm going to have way more dates mixed in. Yeah.

I have all my summer dates but uh i'm gonna be in providence rhode island this weekend plenty of tickets left francis is gonna be in philly yeah so philly not that many i think i think i'm gonna come through i want to come i don't know what what day or night there's not a lot of tickets left from philly so you're probably gonna have to pivot make new plans luckily providence rhode island's only a chip in a pot away from philly we will find a way to get you in. Come on out to Providence, Rhode Island. We're going to put a video screen out front in Philly so you can watch on the sidewalk.

Just gather it around. Like a tailgate type thing. I like that idea. Like if you can't get tickets to Taylor Swift, we'll just stand outside the arena. It's going to be like a silent rave. We're going to hand out headphones and everyone can just laugh together in silence on the street. And we'll just be happy that we're not in Kansas City. Laugh loud enough for hairball.

Well, I'm going to be in Providence, Rhode Island at the Comedy Connection. Very good club. One of the best. Actually, world famous. One of the best. Really one of the best. Killbox, absolute slaughterhouse. I'm very excited for that.

Oh, and then I got Ann Arbor coming up. One night, one show. And then I got New Brunswick, New Jersey. I think the weekend of April 20th, I'm doing one night, two shows. So come on out for all those. We'll see you guys Thursday. Goodbye.