Son of a Boy Dad - Stolen Valor | Son of a Boy Dad #218

Episode Date: July 23, 2024

Stolen Valor | Son of a Boy Dad #218 -- Ad: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to https://RocketMoney.com/BOY. -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. And even if you even if it is the symbol for peace, no one is no one is spray painting that on the hood of their car. Being like I care about this peace symbol so much. I just viciously wanted as much peace as possible possible I bought a Tesla and then decided to paint a swastika on it to spread love Dumbass just put a swastika in the guns of the soldiers like flowers Should we start? Yeah Keep that fucking good ass swastika ran

Alrighty welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today it is July 22nd. Monday 1 30 p.m. We're here live from HQ 3. It's about 80. It's a pleasant day in New York. About 80s. I wore a sweatshirt and I made that choice. I woke up this morning, was feeling fat and I said,

I'm wearing a sweatshirt today. And I said, I know it's gonna be cold as hell in the office. And now I'm here and I'm glad I wore a sweatshirt. So. I've been feeling fat too, I can empathize with that. I'm trying to not eat for a day. Yeah, me too. I just ate an entire rack of ribs.

I don't even know where you would have. I ate a side of street corn, I ate a side of Brussels sprouts, I ate... I don't even know where I would find that. A bowl, a rice bowl with sirloin tips. That was a whole meal. I'll know, I know where you can get it. You get it from the Mexican ladies

who just have the cooler of mystery lunch. Yeah. By like construction sites. Those ladies are killing it. I want their mystery lunch. What a great, and I see guys flocking to them. Yeah. It's probably good. It's probably good food.

It's probably excellent food. Yeah, home cooked meal. Home cooked meal, $5, $4? It's probably like $9, but it's probably so hearty Because it's these five foot three two hundred pound Mexican dudes who just like are gonna need to sustain from 12 o'clock till their shift And yeah 9 p.m. That or subway Those guys are single-hand like they're keeping subway in business. No one else goes to subway aside for like construction workers I saw a clip or like stats that subwayway was bigger than McDonald's as far as

popularity. I heard that there are more Subway franchises around the world than there are McDonald's. I did know that. But when was the last time you guys went to Subway? It's been years. Ever since mad cow disease broke out. I've stopped. Dude, I've been- That was a long time ago. I was like 99, dude.

When Jared was still fat and fucking jolly. I was such a big fan of the- That was when they just signed Jared? Meatball and cheese sub at Subway and then the mad cow disease ripped through America, terrorized us. And I said never again. And that was it. Yeah.

I stopped going to Subway before they introduced the $5 foot long. Really? And I feel cheated because that deal would've saved me a lot of money. Yeah, that was a pretty good deal. I used to go to Subway. Would've given me a lot more money to pay for my

mad cow disease treatments. Exactly. Yeah. How is that mad cow disease? Dude, it is one, as far as Dude, it is one as far as like it is one of the worst, like livestock born illnesses. It's like hoof and mouth. Avian flu.

Avian flu. Uh, mad cow. I think mad cow is probably the worst. Swine, swine flu. Swine flu is pretty bad. I had that. You had the swine? I'm pretty sure. Yeah. Damn dude. I'm like nine, 70% sure. I had it. Usually you know. Yeah. You can tell.

I remember being really young and having a crazy flu, but I think it might've just been pneumonia. And that was right off that month where you just had an entire pig to your face. Yeah. But I remember everyone was getting swine flu then. That was when it was huge. That was back when your parents were throwing you little pig trotters to gnaw on. Exactly, yeah. And you'd eat the membrane between the hoof. You were cleaning that. Ah, that's sass. That's hairy. He's just, can't get enough. Yeah, every part of it. You didn't waste a fucking vessel of that entire-

Nibbling on his dried horse feet. It's kind of one of those things that I was I was really young and I I'm trying to remember if I actually had it or if I was Telling people I had it as a joke and now it's kind of blurred together And I don't remember if I had it or not There's a lot of people who don't eat pork and it's not even for a religious reason black black people But it's like they consider it an unclean animal. Yeah. And I don't understand that about the pig because supposedly the pigs are like super smart. They're

like a dog. But also if they're so smart, why are they eating their own shit? Do they eat it or do they just perfume themselves with it? I thought that, I think that they eat or maybe they're non- A lot of animals eat their own shit. Yeah. Our puppy used to. themselves with it. I thought that, I think that they eat, or maybe they're non, they don't have any discretion. A lot of animals eat their own shit. Yeah, our puppy used to. Yeah, my dog's both, like, you'll catch them every now and then, mowing a shit,

and you can go over and be like, what the fuck are you doing? Ours grew out of that. That's, I'm surprised yours are still doing it. You were giving them positive reinforcement whenever they would eat their own shit. You're saving us on food, Rover. There's definitely some vitamins left in that.

Give it another pass. Yeah. The Dominican baseball players would piss on their own hands. Some of them, did they drink their own piss or were they just pissing on their own hands to make them tougher? Well, I don't know that story. But peeing on your own hands, I don't know how that would translate to toughness.

Maybe they helped with the calluses. Have you ever pissed on your own hands, I don't know how that would translate to toughness. Maybe they helped with the calluses? Have you ever pissed on your own hands? Like in the shower? Like taking your finger and like crossed the stream? I definitely have. It's fun to do that with a hose. Like that sensation is an enjoyable sensation. Or with the drawing. I think I did it once just to see

Morse code. Yeah karate chopped just in case you were ever in a pinch Yeah, to get a message to somebody and all you had was your p-stream. Yeah, exactly What was it like watch my stream? It was such a good street artist they could create street art using was such a good street artist that they could create street art using like chops and P of you know a caricature of like Biden or something. Probably yeah. That's where NBA halftime shows are headed. Yeah. That's almost just gonna come out with their P and like red mango. Chop it up until like there's a Dame Lillard on a fucking massive canvas. There's definitely like a fucking eight-year-old on TikTok right now doing that. Yeah, caption, wait till the end. Yeah.

You'll never guess where this goes. And it's like, oh my god. And he like perfectly recreates the photo of Trump with the fist. The Taj Mahal. Black lives. The Black Panthers. Yeah. Oh my god.

Oh, the Trump fist. Yeah. My fault. A lot of baseball players have been doing that. Have you seen that? Baseball players will hit a double and they'll hit the Trump fist. Yeah, my fault a lot of baseball players have been doing that Have you seen that baseball players will hit a double and they'll hit the Trump fist Pissing people off. I watched the Red Sox last night and I turned it off because I could tell it was going in a bad direction. Hmm, and then they lost so dude You know, it's going in a bad direction America

People are about to start claiming racism so hard. You know what's not going in a bad direction is the Phillies. Oh yeah. Way to bring it back. Yeah. Always got to bring it back. We were on baseball and I thought it was thin and then Ron opened the aperture to the state of our country and you said not today. No way Jose. The Phillies are incredible. We can just bring it back to another baseball game.

You think they're finally going to win this year? I mean it's too early to say but I have a future on them obviously. But I've been saying we should go down to a game. My schedule just freed up. I'd like that. Yeah, yeah. Shane Gillis asked me to come down and hang out with him in Philadelphia. Oh that's nice.

And I figured we all could. Yeah. Since you guys are pals as well. Maybe being you, Francis. Yeah, he did say, you know, adults only. So I don't know if Sass is welcome. I'm pretty slammed right now anyway. We could go to the Phillies game and Sass could kind of just

sit at the apartment. That's good. You could play EA sports. Yeah, you could go play backyard baseball. Do your EA sports game. Stream your fucking NCAA backyard baseball. My game is, I've got the finals tonight. It's not called the finals in college football. I got the NCAA championship.

We won the SEC championship. You're a pussy and let me tell you why why because you said that you were going to pick between Temple and Penn State. No, I didn't I never said anything about Temple. I would never be Temple It's it's in text messages is you could pull up the text messages. I would never have been Temple. I said BC Temple's not in a good neighborhood. Yeah,'s why that's why Moop is playing as Temple. Hmm. Which it's gonna take him to like 2040 to win a championship. Well basically well you said that it was you said that you wouldn't be Penn State because they were too good of a program. Yeah. It was basically playing on easy mode so instead you're playing as Florida Gators.

Yeah that's bullshit. The Florida Gators are ranked way lower than Penn State. That's bullshit. No, I mean, yeah, it's a little easy. I'm moving though. I'm accepting a job at Ole Miss. Do you guys remember when the temple in your head, you thought, if I get one person who pushes their finger in too hard, I'll die? Yeah, I do remember that.

It was like the Achilles heel of the skull. Yeah, pressure point. The soft spot, yeah. And sometimes, I used to think that, like the temple. That was, people said that though. They said if you got hit in the temple, you could die. You could die. And for a long time, I would walk around

and sort of just massaging my temples, pretending like I was de-stressing when in reality I was protecting myself. You're playing defense. But then I switched to fearing that someone would use the flat of their palm to drive my nose bone into my brain and kill me with a blow. And then I would sort of walk around scratching my nose a lot to protect against that. It's almost impossible to protect the whole face because then the soft spot on the back

of the skull. You do realize that what you need are a combination of the Rip Hamilton broken nose mask with some of the wrestling ear Things that you could wear almost off your ears with the helmet that guys play rugby in That's not a bad idea more like the wrestling helmet would cover most of those I feel like what it was the wrestling helmet Not the nose. No, that's just the ear pieces. I think it covers the temples. I'm pretty sure it's just ear pieces. I think it's just muffs.

My good man. I don't know. I could be wrong. None of us boys ever wrestled. Too much pain. Too much pain. And why? Too much contact.

Exactly. I'm not a violence guy. No, me neither. And I'm not trying to sign up for someone to try to hurt me. That sucks. Well, I think the goal is that you sign up to hurt someone else. But I don't think you're really hurting anyone either. I don't think, I can't imagine wrestling is that painful.

What? I think it's more just getting someone into like a certain position. No, it's so painful. If we wrestled right now, which we won't, I would never do that to you. Yeah. But if we did for 30 seconds,

both of us would wake up tomorrow to you. Yeah. But if we did for 30 seconds, both of us would wake up tomorrow feeling awful. Yeah. Like if we were going full out. But also we don't wrestle. For 30 seconds, what the? You think wrestlers are so, like I remember in high school. Like it's not like you're getting punched.

But some of the dudes on the wrestling team, they would like show moves. You get thrown. Where like you drive your chin into someone's sternum and it fucking hurt so bad Yeah, that would hurt the person that you're doing it when they when they first lay their hands on each I guess if you're good enough is what I'm saying is you probably don't feel much pain when they first lay hands on each other They they clap their arms around each other's heads. Yeah, that's just like a it's like a hug. No

It's like a cuddle cafe exactly, but it's it's and hug. No. It's like an aggressive hug. It's like when you haven't seen your boy in a while. It's like a cuddle cafe. Yeah, exactly. But it's a big pause, just vice gripping hit. Yeah. Wrestling, NCAA wrestling is basically just seeing your boys in the airport. Exactly. It's basically like just having a bunch of secret handshakes.

When you all converge from different parts of the country for a bachelor party. I watched the boxing this weekend. That looks painful. That was one of the worst events I've ever watched though. I couldn't even bring myself to watch the whole event. It was so dumb. Who fought? Yeah, Jake Paul fought Mike, what's his name, Perry.

Mike Perry. Mike Perry. Some Mike MMA dude. Which I don't understand. I know everyone's, I know it's been said a thousand times, but it's like, I don't understand. I know everyone's I know it's been said a thousand times But it's like I don't understand why it's so Cool, like everyone's like Jake Paul's undefeated. It's like well, yeah, cuz he hasn't fought a single boxer No, he fought one guy and lost and he lost. Yeah. Yeah. So then why is he fight? Why how come every time Jake Paul fights? It's like

He's fighting a Hall of Fame running back from Alabama Like it's never he's all he's always just fighting like Fame running back from Alabama. Like it's never, he's always just fighting like dudes who have athletic pasts. It's basically dancing with the stars for people who have no money. It's the Masked Singer. Yeah. They're just like, will this person behind door one

be able to knock out the dude who's trained for seven years and is on fucking so many steroids that he won't fight anywhere except for where there's no testing or. I mean, Jay Paul must have had 30 pounds on Mike Perry. I think it was because they had the Tyson fight locked in. Yeah. And he was gonna be like, see, I'm fighting a boxer.

Oh, did he lose the Tyson fight? No, the Tyson fight didn't happen. It got canceled? Yeah. Why? Because Tyson, he was so fucked up that he had to resign from the presidency. Someone said that Mike Tyson,

they saw, a friend of mine actually saw him at an airport. They were flying back on the same flight and it was shortly before the Jake Paul fight was supposed to happen, I think. And he said that Mike Tyson got on the plane with like... A cane? A cane. Yeah.

And that he was walking in such a way that he was like, dude, there is no chance that he gets in a ring with this guy. Like, I get it, I get it. Like, I get like the Paul brothers are like, they're like showmen. Like they're clearly everything they're doing is for views and for money, they don't actually care.

But like, wouldn't you feel bad fighting a 60 year old Mike Tyson and like killing him? Not when he's gonna get paid $15 million. I guess, but it's like, so the sport that you're pursuing, it's like if you were really good at hockey and then you were like, I'm gonna challenge Wayne Gretzky to a one-on-one now. But it's not hockey.

And then you were like, look what I've done. I've disgraced the greatest of all time. I am not the greatest. It's more like being good at football and then going into the XFL instead of the NFL. You're part of a sideshow and you accept that it's not the honored integrity-driven sport that people revere.

But if you could make fucking $15 million playing in the XFL. Yeah, absolutely. It's almost like, what did they have, like the AFL or whatever, when Steve Young and Herschel Walker and Reggie White were in a different league? It's like going to play basketball in Israel or something.

They'll pay you way more. Crazy. Yeah, that's fucking crazy. Was I not supposed to say that? No, I don't care. No, I love it. I love it, I fucking love that shit, man. For a second my brain glitched

and I just thought you were making like an anti-Semitic joke Oh, and then I remembered what why you were making the joke Yeah, I saw Yemen is bombing Israel though is that's exciting. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah Iran yeah Family style they said Iran maybe was a a, had like a hand in the. Family style is hilarious. Everyone's getting a piece. Oh that was pretty good. Everybody's got their hands in.

Dude, you know what I did last night, speaking of war, last night for like, last night for like two hours. You know who's been going to war? The fucking Phillies, bro. Yeah. Last night for like two hours, I just watched, I watched Stolen Valor YouTube videos, and then I watched videos of guys

impersonating police officers, and then they get pulled over by real cops. It might be like one of the more entertaining things. It's amazing. I've never watched. The Stolen Valor ones make me really uncomfortable. Oh, it's so uncomfortable. Why?

Because it's just some guy that is talking about his time in a war, and then all of a sudden, seven Navy SEALs at the bar are like, who'd you say your Sergeant Major was? What's your MOS? Yeah. Oh, you don't know your MOS. See, I don't know how that's possible.

Everyone knows their MOS. And then they start kicking him in the shins. And you're like, oh my God. Dude, they're so funny. There was one I saw that a guy was wearing full military fatigues on Black Friday. Yeah, I know the one you're talking about. Just to get the Black Friday sales at the mall.

The fat dude. Yeah. And he gets on a call. Yeah. And he's pretending that he's talking to his commanding officer. He's like, Sergeant Major, Sergeant Major? You need me at war right now? No, I'm at Macy's.

What fragrance did you say you wanted? And there's a guy following him being like, who the fuck are you talking to? He's like, you and your Sergeant Major go Black Friday shopping together. And he's like, sometimes. Also, I was trying to think like, what do you think the actual discount is on top for a military and Black Friday? He's saving an extra 10, 15%? It's probably pretty solid.

If you're one of those people that balls out on Black Friday. Yeah, I guess so. I don't know. The best military discount I've ever seen is the ski pass for all the mountains out west. Really? Yeah, the Epic Pass every year, which gives you, you know, Vail and Beaver Creek. I'm familiar with the Epic Pass.

Breakerage and Park City and Seven Days at Telluride, Afton Alps, Arapaho Basin, I think Snow Basin, and then also a number of mountains in Japan, which obviously we're gonna use. That's it? That's pretty cool. And then a few in Europe in Japan, which obviously we're never going to use. That's it? That's pretty cool. And then a few in Europe. Oh, nice.

Yeah. And what is the discount? Well, for me, it was like $980 for the year. Oh, that's not that bad at all. If you ski four days, you're in the black. Yeah, I was going to say, it's like a day pass is like 200 bucks at those places. I think that for a military person, it's like $120.

Damn. There's probably untold military benefits that you get though, when the guys who work at Walmart that just fucking wish they were in the military will just like slide you a flat screen TV, be like, don't tell anyone I fucking did this. That's true, and I would be one of those people at Walmart doing that because I fucking did this. That's true. And I would be one of those people at Walmart doing that

because I love the military. But then again, I'd never be working at Walmart because it's just not how I was raised. You don't know how things are gonna go. Rome, I moved to Israel. This podcast crumbles completely. Is that where we are? And then we're going straight to Walmart.

We're gonna be greeters. We're going back to the Pat Bev podcast. We are live from a bomb shelter. They're bombing the fuck out of there. There's videos. Tyler slept over last night because his house is gone. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, that video of the dude in Macy's though, the funniest part is when he, because the guy that's filming is like, oh, my son is like obsessed with the military. Like they set them up and he like goes and he like shakes the kid's hand.

And he's like, yeah, I'm actually attack force one. I do pretty much just missions. Like that was like his leading thing was that he does missions. And the dude's like 400 pounds. He's a fat white dude wearing like baggy military uniform. Why? So I don't understand why you feel uncomfortable

watching it though. I don't feel uncomfortable. I was howling laughing. Just because- They are a little uncomfortable though. They're caught in a lie and they're, they don't know how to get out of it. And it's such a bad lie.

And they're talking to real military people. It's not even the worst lie. It's a pretty bad one. I think that, I mean, the worst guys that get caught at supermarkets are the pedos, the people who are messaging someone online. When it's compared to that. Does that happen?

Oh my God. People go to the market to do that? That's like a whole genre of video that's like so stupid. It's so popular right now too. Wait, I'm confused. Are they meeting the people, the young people at the market? They think they are and then they're actually meeting a fucking bearded dude in baggy shorts

and like a fucking Chicago Bulls fitted hat that's gonna like punch him in the face. It's like cool. Well no, it's usually like black teenagers and like you show up expecting to see like a 13 year old girl and you show up expecting to see like a 13 year old girl and you show up and there's like ten dudes in shy stees They're the new Chris Hansen Yeah, and then they just beat the fuck out of the guy. Do they really? Yeah

Center of like Walmart and he won't say he won't say anything because he you know, no they they're yelling They're like he's a pedophile. And then they're chasing him around Walmart. Damn, dude. There's a dude, there's like thousands of these videos. I'm kind of on the side where like, I get it. Like it's like, yeah, obviously the pedophiles in the ROM, but I also think it's really weird

to like set up some online account and be pretending to be a child and like luring in pedophiles. We should start luring in those dudes. Yeah. So what did you say? Yeah. You said that you were a 13-year-old boy and you wanted to. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That shit is like, I can't imagine like in your free time being like, you know what? Man, I'm bored as hell. What should we do? I guess we could like try and create an online profile of a child and trying to get old men to fuck us. Try to seduce some old guys.

Yeah. Some old guys who've never... but so my point was that in comparison like stealing a little like trying to get 10% off of a fucking Black Friday deal on a Furby not that bad compared comparatively. Yeah right. And also I kind of think it's on Goodwill. They sell full uniforms. Yeah. You can go to the military supply store and buy the entire uniform. Can you really? You can buy a uniform that was like a game worn jersey? Yes. Oh, with proper insignias and... There's probably some level of insignias on it and you don't know, so you have to kind

of cobble it together. Well, that's usually how these guys get caught is they say that your you know number of your badge or thing is on the wrong side or it's supposed to be a couple inches to the right. And their boots it seems like it's they always get caught from the boots. Because they're not tarnished enough? They're not tarnished enough? I don't know what it is there's something with the boots where they're always like what's with the boots? You're wearing LL beans dude. Yeah because they're always just rocking like yeah like Timberlands.

Not, but you can buy military-type boots too. But these guys aren't- I guess they're not trying to ball out on the boots. The boots must be pricey. Well, if they're saving that much on Black Friday, they probably aren't buying the top of the line boots. They need a bunch. Well, you probably don't get a military discount

at the military store. Dude, we should do- It's just as is. We should go out, here's what we should do. We should go out in full military store. Dude, we should do, we should go out, here's what we should do. We should go out in full military dress. We should spend everything we can to get the outfits as legit as possible and see how many discounts we can get before we get caught.

So, steal valor? Yeah, but it's intentional and we're being honest about it upfront, so nobody should get mad. And so we'll give the money back at the end or we'll just take the discount? Well, that remains to be seen. I don't care about taking a discount from a corporation. Yeah, we can frame it that we are trying to raise awareness for how easy it is to steal valor. Yes. And that we want people to be on the lookout for people like us

masquerading as a former military. What do you know, which branch of the military would you feel the most comfortable right now with everything that you know impersonating? Marines? I think Marines for me, except for for look at me. Look at me. Probably Navy. Navy for me too I think. Navy would be the easiest. We're midshipmen you and me. Yeah. But then dude I saw a guy impersonating the Navy. There was somewhere they got like, they were getting like a dude that was like 90. And I was like just let him fucking dress up dude. Just let him play pretend. They went after a 90 year old guy? Yeah. And he was wearing a Navy uniform.

Huh. I think. It's gotta feel pretty bad. I was thinking about like getting home after you got caught stealing valor must just be like a pretty dark moment in your life. It's probably freeing a little bit. Like getting home and taking off the uniform and you're like, fuck, why did I do this? I bet they use the same uniform and just go to a different town. Yeah. And they're like, oh, I'm going probably freeing a little bit. Like getting home and taking off the uniform and you're like, fuck, why did I do this? I bet they use the same uniform

and just go to a different town the next day. Yeah, probably. There's no way that these serial liars have like a conscious creep up on them. I think the cop ones are crazier than the military ones. That feels more risky to me. It's, they pull people over. That seems so risky.

Yeah. Cause that's like, That seems so risky. Yeah. Because that's like, let's put it this way. If you're dressed in an Air Force uniform or a Navy uniform and you're out in the streets and then a mugging happens nearby, people aren't running over to you necessarily and being like, fix it. Yeah. Whereas if you're in a cop outfit, someone could very well come up to you and be like, I just got fingered against my will, help.

And you'd be like, I hate to let you know, but this isn't. No, you have to start the investigation. Let me smell your fingers. Yeah, I'm gonna let you in on a little secret. This isn't really who I am. I sell flowers. I saw one where it was a it was a cop it was a fake cop pulled someone over and then a real cop

Pulled over and was like interrogating the fake cop and all the comments were like imagine being the person that got pulled over What the fuck is happening right now And you're just like, what the fuck is happening right now? Dude, it's Eric Andre humor. Did you see the video of him getting chased through the store or the bank or whatever, by a cop? No. Who is like, who's like yelling like, I'm gonna get you a stop, stop, stop.

And he catches up to them and he like turns him around and then they start making out in the bank Oh, yeah. Yeah, I have seen the cop making out one. Yeah, I think he does that He's I think maybe I've just seen the video a lot, but I think he like makes out with cops like a decent It's pretty good. It's a good bit. His fake cop stuff is really funny Yeah Then he goes and he buys he'll buy a bunch of donuts and then he'll have like a 40 with him and he'll just be standing outside of a gas station. It's pretty funny. I just rewatched his

Alex Jones one. What was that? Where Alex Jones is doing a rally. Oh yeah, of course. He's at the RNC. Yeah. And he's like, I want you to fuck my wife. And at that point, the crowd is like, kind of like with him. Yeah. And then he says, why does my pee pee come out yellow? And then they turn on him. But there's a moment there where there he's like, Oh, let the daily show guy come

up, let the daily guys come up. Everyone's like, boo. And then they're like, what are you, what's wrong? Why don't, why are the Democrats? He was like, I don't like the Democrats. I just want you to fuck my wife. Yeah. And everyone's like, oh, we like this guy. Yeah. I think that when we eventually do our, our stolen valor cosplay, we need to get like a consultant.

Yeah, we need help. John's John Taffer style. Like we need somebody like one of the pros to come in and be like, this is how you need your shit. Like we need chaps to come in and be like, this is how you need your shit. Like we need chaps to come in and be like, this is where you want your fucking patches to be. This is where you did your basic training. This is where you did your basic training. These are the fucking, this was your commanding officer. Someone to train us so we could be the perfect valor stealers.

Well, I think the big one is that you don't, like the one that they always get them with is that they don't have their, they don't have a military ID. So we'd have to come up with fake IDs as well, but I've also seen the videos where the guys Will be like this ain't fucking you're stealing valor like this isn't and they'll like take their military ID and the guys actually are See that would be you got to be really sure that the person is stealing valor before you go up to them and you're like Stolen valor there's just there's one I've seen like a dozen times

where like someone's at a bar and the guy like takes the military ID. Yeah. And like, I think he like maybe rips it up or like throws it in the trash can or some shit. And the guy's like, I'm in the military. What the fuck are you talking about? Yeah, that's pretty brutal.

He's like, no, we got military people in this bar all the time. Probably just turned out that it was like a black dude and he's racist or some shit like that. Yeah. Oh man. But I was telling Sass that since it's the first presidential election cycle where I'm

old enough to run for president, I it's it's my time. Well, I was saying that you guys should run together. Now that Biden has taken himself out of the race. I think that I need to get in the fucking race. Yeah, and try to just get 1 million votes. And I need you guys to help me to craft a platform. That's the number that you have to get. No, I just want to feel like a million will legitimize. That's

a pretty good number. I feel like I sell some books or some shit down the line, I feel like a million would legitimize me. That's a pretty good number. I feel like I sell some books or some shit down the line. I feel like if you get a million votes, you're set for life. Look what it did for Kanye West. No one even knew about that guy. How much did Kanye get? I think he got a million. I thought he got like 50 million.

Was he a write-in choice? I think he was a write-in. That was pretty stupid. I thought he was a 50. Yeah, that wouldn't make sense at all. Look at like 70 or 80 million people voted. He would be in the race if he got 50 million. 50 million would mean he had split the other two candidates.

Yeah. Whatever. 300 something 350 million people that live in the United States. You can only assume that half of them vote. Not even half. He only got 60,000 votes? What? So how did he get so famous off of it? Oh.

Birthday party. Must have been a ripper. Yeah, must have been a blast. I think that there's upside to it though. How crazy is it that he's out of the fucking race? Buds? Yeah. Is it crazy? I think it's pretty crazy.

I think it's I think he's probably dying. Like more than more than it's that's noticeable. My friends have been tracking the betting odds on him making it to the end of his term. I don't think he's going to, which is January. And initially it was like 60 percent that he makes it to the end. Then it went down. Alive? Then it would, or resigns the post or dies.

And then it went down to 50 and then they closed the bets. Really? Which means to me that people know that Biden is something, this use COVID right now. Right. Yeah. I mean, dude, I think the fact that he dropped out of the race and is not speaking, there's no like, like he's going to speak. They say he's going to speak later this week. Like dropping out of the race and not speaking for multiple days is insane. Did you see the AI thing of him doing the address?

Yeah. Fuck you. Say it again. Y'all are a bunch of... But it's funny that just last week, everybody, every Democratic politician, lawmaker, Senator, Congressperson, whatever, they were all like, we're riding with Biden. No, I think a lot of people after the debate were saying that he should drop out. But at the same time, there was a lot of people more publicly who were like, no, he's good, he's fine.

Someone would be like, is Biden fit to be president? And they'd be like, are you fit to be president? It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? What is that, I'm not running for president. What an insane way to try and turn the question. I mean, I think the fact that it was a week ago, or like 10 days ago he spoke and he said that, he was like, people are asking me

if I'm gonna stay in the race. And he's like, I'm not going anywhere. Let this be loud and clear. I'm gonna be, I'm running again. And now, and then like saying that, and then one week later dropping out of the race completely is pretty crazy. That is how things go though. You can't be like, I don't know. Yeah, I guess it wouldn't make sense to be like, I'm thinking about it. They're being fed live

polling data. They're being asked like when, you know, it basically, I think there was probably some sort of intervention where Nancy Pelosi and, heads of the Democratic Party came together and sat down with him and they were like, we need you to drop out. Yeah. Well, because Pelosi was calling for him to drop out before most people were at Warren's, wasn't she? Yeah. I think they all knew that he just didn't stand a chance.

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$740 a year when using all of the apps features That's so sweet stop wasting money on things that you don't use cancel your unwanted subscriptions by going to rocket money comm slash boy That's rocket money comm slash boy rocket money comm slash boy get it right today. I was I was playing at money.com slash boy. Get it right today. I was, I was playing, uh, NCAA when, when the news broke and I put on CNN in the background and there was like dudes like straight up crying and CNN. Yeah, I saw that clip. What after he dropped out, after he dropped out there, they would like every, like 30 seconds there would be a new person that would be joining to speak just like on zoom and like one dude joined and he was like straight like voice cracking, eyes watery.

Sad for Biden? Just being like, this man has sacrificed everything for this country. Look, I'm going to be honest with you. I feel bad for the guy. Well, yeah, he's dying. He's going to die. Imagine being that, like when my grandfather was that age, I would watch him slather butter on toast.

Yeah. In such a way that it looked like it was cream cheese. And we as a family would say, hey, Gramps, you know. It's a lot of butter. We want you to be around. Yeah. Maybe go easier on the butter. And he would say, I've lived long enough.

And we would back off. We would. And I think that that is the normal sort of level of respect and peace that people who are 81 have earned. Meanwhile, Biden's in Rehoboth Beach eating sticks of butter, being like, put me out of my fucking misery. Yeah, and, you know, people are being like,

look at this brain dead moron. Fuck him. But that's also like the agreement that- We never said that to my grandfather. We never said, fuck you, gramps. You're ruining our country with all your butter that you're eating. One time, here's another quick story. My grandfather, we have a house, hold on a second, just bear with me here. We have a house up in...

We need your ears on this one. We need your ears and eyes. Scrooting his teeth how angry you are. No, I'm not angry at all. You're fucking furious over there. My grandfather, we have a house up on Lake Huron. It's a camp. I've had my You know his generation when he was a kid. That's a rich thing that people do calling their their house a camp We didn't have electricity, but uh, that's what uh, isn't that what Bernie Sanders did? He's like I have a house in DC I have a house up in Vermont and I keep a small summer camp I have a house in DC, I have a house up in Vermont, and I keep a small summer camp.

Like many other people. Yeah. Like you said, house. This is actually a camp. I mean, we had like these peat moss toilets. They were effectively outhouses, and gas lamps. And it was lovely. It was really nice, but it wasn't fancy.

Anyway, we would go up there on one of the great lakes. I think it's like Huron, maybe it's Lake Ontario. And we would go up there on one of the Great Lakes. I think it's like Huron, maybe it's Lake Ontario. And we would go up there and one time there was this drawbridge to a different island that they had built and it had two shot put balls as the weights that would pull the bridge up and lower it down. Yeah, yeah, with the tide.

And my, no. Okay. They didn't float. They were just meant to, you could wind a cinch and somehow it would, or a winch or whatever, and it would somehow, because of the weight of the balls, it would lower and raise the...

Understood. Yeah, like with the moon bringing in the gravitational pull. I'm going to let you know right now that gravity had nothing to do with it. He was in a boat and he had extra shot puts and he was coming down the sort of little stream canal area and he lobbed one ball up onto the shore and it hit, bounced, and then dropped into 18 feet of water.

Yeah. And then he took the other one and lobbed it up, hit, roll, both go down. And then my cousin Jackson and I put on masks and had to dive for the shot put balls. And they were, my sister and my other cousin Finneas sat on the drawbridge with a basket attached to a string such that when we put the shot put balls, if we could find them into the basket, they would haul them up. Yeah.

And I did it. Nice. So that's that story. Why did your grandpa do that? Well, that's just the type of guy he was, you know? Sounded like he was trying to kill you. No, no, no, no, no. We weren't, days after we had to go diving

for the shot put balls. Yeah, why didn't you just get new shot put balls? We didn't, look, this was a, this was a, this was not a fancy camp. A lean time. This was the type of camp where like, you know, you couldn't just, this was before Amazon. Yeah, shot put balls weren't just popping up out of nowhere by the time.

You had to go to Dick's Sporting Goods, and there, I mean, there's no Dick's Sporting Goods by a good summer camp. No. This was in Canada. Yeah. So you had to drive the shotput balls from a place like Detroit. Yeah.

And they're using a metric system, so you don't even know what the weight is. You don't know what the weight is. Exactly. If it correlates. And I mean, I'm sure the local shotput store's miles away from camp. You have to walk up to the shot put store and then going back uphill on the second way with the fucking shot put, you probably die.

It's easier to dive to the bottom of Loch Ness. This is exactly why I offered this story. I had a feeling you two would absolutely have a feast. Did you guys just have shot put balls on hand? Look at the rifts that are springing forth from that shot put story. Family style. Did you ever throw a shot put?

No, I never did. I grabbed it from the bottom of the thing and I put it into the basket. But it was so deep that I had to clear my ears at least three times on the way down. Yeah, I was going to say. I mean, that's 18 feet is pretty crazy. Yeah, I was probably like nine, 10 years old.

Yeah. But ever since then, I've become obsessed with holding my breath underwater. Yeah. And now when I go to parties where there's a pool, like a pool party, I will sort of tap someone on the shoulder quietly who's in the middle of the conversation.

Yeah. And I say, I'm going to do four lengths. Yeah. And they're like, what? And then I just get under the water and go. Yeah. And by the time I come back, I'm going to do four lengths. And they're like, what? And then I just get onto the water and go. And by the time I come back, I'm excited to show that I've done it, but they are no longer paying attention. That's what got you kicked out of the Leonardo DiCaprio party, right?

Well, I wasn't allowed in the pool, but I did know that if I had gone in, I would have done at least four. Just holding your breath for what you think is the equivalent of four lengths next to the pool turning blue. This is what it would be probably. I'd be halfway through. Someone grab him. He's drowning. Leo saved a drunk guy at that party. Did you read about that? No. He helped the drunk guy. He placed him up against a pole and said, hold on to that.

Meanwhile, he put Justin Timberlake in his car and said, fucking go drive as far as you can. Wait, what happened there? Justin Timberlake got arrested for DU said, fucking go drive as far as you can. Wait, what happened there? Justin Timberlake got arrested for DUI. Oh yeah, I was thinking of Justin Bieber. That was so funny. This is gonna, what do you say, something about the tour? Yeah. He was like, this is gonna destroy the tour.

And they were like, what tour? And he goes, the world tour. Man, I'm tired of singing. Justin Timberlake was so fucking cool for so long and then the flip switched and everybody turned against him. I didn't turn against him. I'm still JT for life. The same shit happens to everybody. Joe Biden used to be so cool.

Joe Biden was cool as hell. Just four years ago. And then Anthony Bourdain was so cool. Now the whole internet is against Anthony Bourdain. Have they turned on him? Oh my God. They're turning on Seth Rogen hard too. Jack Black.

Yeah. Well, they're not turning on Jack Black. They're turning on Jack Black's. No, they're turning on Jack Black because he turned on his guy. Because Jack Black's a lib. Because he's a disloyal lib. Because he's lib coded.

Well, no, Jack Black's not a lib, the other guy is. The other guy was a fag. The other guy said he'd be on this show next time. And then Jack Black canceled the tour. The long tour. He's a capital sexual. He's just obsessed with that fucking sweet cash. But you know what, Jack Black, stand for something or fall for everything.

Exactly. The fuck is what I- That's what I tell my team. The fuck I say to my team on my fully loaded tour when I sit them down after fucking Are you guys going on fully loaded next year Francis Francis? Well, I could see French school. Yeah loaded. I Think that that is we kind of have a style of comedy that would do well in like serenams Really like really funny in front of like 80,000 people really funny like I'm gonna say it right now. I just gave you a joke. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now.

I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now.

I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now.

I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna say it right now. I'm gonna not fun for him. I want pig Latin jokes. It's crazy. You have a mental disease. I'm gonna say it right now. I just gave you a genuine compliment and then you somehow twisted it into me being.

Gotta guard, gotta guard against it. Gotta guard against it. I'm hiding my temples. Not letting it in. The soft spots. Quick plug, Sas and I will be at Cleveland Hilarities, August 15th to the 17th. You can get tickets for that at littlesasquatchwebsite.com.

We hope to see you there. And I took the picture that you guys are using as promo. Really? That's right, the one I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I did use that. Yeah, which I feel like is basically the same as being on the card and doing 30 minutes with you guys. I love use that. Yeah, which I mean, I feel like is basically the same as being on the card and doing like 30 minutes with you guys. I love that picture.

It makes me think that Sass and I are British boys. Yeah. Running out from our elite boarding school, our preparatory school. Yeah. And we're sneaking a Siggy. Yes. Before we sleep back in.

A cheeky Sig. Yes. Right before we head back in through some stained glass window. I do love a cheeky cig. Dude, I went, I totally forgot about this. I went fishing in Central Park this weekend. It was so brutal.

No shit. That is the gayest thing that's ever been done in the podcast. Yeah, I felt really stupid the entire time. Why? Because there was like a T-Pain concert in the background? Like, Link 182's playing two feet from you? I went all the way up to the top, like Harlem. So it's like-

Catfish? There's like no, yeah, there's like no tourists up there. It's pretty quiet. And I went with one of my friends and we brought- Which friend? My friend Jack. And- The fuck?

And it was pretty- Who's Jack? Who's friend Jack? He's from, he's my friend Jack and The fuck and it was pretty who's Jack who's friend Jack? He's from he's my friend from home. He lives in New York Well, and you know, I've known him since I was in preschool Why haven't you talked about him? We don't hang out that much Is is have you bumped him up because your other friends are no longer as available No, I've been fishing with him. This is my second time going fishing with him. He's the one I went fishing with him when I fell in the water in the winter and I almost drowned. I don't think I know that story either.

Well, it was a good story. You should listen to it. What's his deal? He lives here in New York? Yeah. But he's from Massachusetts. Yes. And you guys hang out aside from fishing. Yeah occasionally

I'm I just texted him and said what are you doing this weekend? Pretty standard interaction with another human. What does he is he friends with Bo and Peters? Yeah, he knows them Do all of you hang out? How come he's not part of that group because he has other friends Yeah, you did meet him. Yeah. Yeah. You met him. Yeah, I think I met him some time ago, though. Yeah. He lived here for like probably two years now. Well, what did you what was he doing when you met him? When we were at a bar, we went to a bar. You guys went to a bar. Yes.

He's like, I think he's hot. Jack, yeah, he's a good looking guy. Pretty hot, right? Yeah. We met him. He was like, he was fucking a bitch, I'm pretty sure. Are you kidding me? I'm pretty sure I remember he was like fucking a bitch at the time. We went fishing and... Does he do that a lot?

Like is he, or is he in a relationship guy or is he like a pretty single guy? I don't know. At the time he was fucking a bitch for sure. I don't, I feel like we shouldn't be saying all this. What? We're not like, like, I don't think he wants to be. You brought him up, bro. No, I barely brought him up. I said I went fishing with one of my friends

and then you guys were like, well, hold the phone. And then you were like, it's the friend who was the fucking that bitch. You have friends? It was fucking a bitch. You have friends that we don't know? We're learning a lot more. You know, it goes from just some guy

that you like to fish with to this Casanova Playboy socialite drinking powerhouse of fun. And obviously I want to meet this guy. Here's a tour de force. We watch football sometimes together. Yes. I go to my house. But doesn't Jack do?

Like, that's where we're at now. We watch ball. He fishes and he also is acutely aware that there are plenty of fish because he is going to town. Fuck. We went fishing. Does he do is going to town. Fuck. We went fishing. Does he do stand up?

No. Does he come? Has he ever seen you? Yeah. Yeah, you've met him multiple times. Yeah, at the Dallas Isis show too. Yeah, no. At the stand though, he comes?

He's come to the stand a few times. Can you tell him I'll be there tomorrow and Wednesday and are you gonna be there either for those nights? Probably. Just send him through. Have him come, we should hang. We should hang. Well, he has a real job.

So he's probably not coming to the stand on Tuesday. Broadly kind of what he's into. Finance. Oh my God, like trading or banking? I don't know, I genuinely have no idea. Does he work long hours? Yes. Then it's probably more on the banking side

Yeah, I don't know, but he's a powerhouse. Does he work for a big firm? I don't know. How long has he done that? I don't know like since he moved to New York. You're asking for it. You're asking so many questions That's probably post college. So he's your age, right a little bit. I thought he's like a year older. Nope These are the tough years for youngerers when he's young like that. Because he'll just get all the bitch work. They'll be there till 3 AM. Yeah. But he had built for it though.

Oh, so no, yeah. So he interned. That's when he made the intern a couple years ago. He was in New York before you. But he was not here before me. And then he got an offer after that. I think. For full time.

Did he get an offer from the same firm that he interned at? I don't remember. I think he did though. But we went fishing in Central Park and it was, it's pretty, there's, well, I didn't catch anything. I didn't even see any fish and they don't have like, it was just like me and a bunch of like door dash dudes. And Jack. And Jack. Trying to like make a fucking order hole. Yeah. Just like eating fish.

Yeah. I got to replace this fucking tilapia. But casting with a fly rod in Central Park is kind of like a scene. Yeah. My back cast is going like 40 feet behind me, swiping through people's faces. As they're proposing. Yeah. They're like having a picnic.

Was Jack pretty preoccupied with his phone? Like I feel like he was probably getting work stuff. I don't think so. No, he was able to be present? Yeah. Was it Saturday or Sunday? Saturday. I guess.

He's a stunning guy. You would be shocked at how fucking present he is. I'm pretty fixated on him right now. He is very present. That's one of the main things that sticks out He had a winning smile good hair and he's very present Am I lying about it? Yeah, it's all not like super not too tall, but like probably six to Like a perfect height six to six three will you give me his number after my height But he carries it a little bit more

Chest out than you do mm-hmm yeah well I have gamer posture and I mean dude literally all I did this weekend was game and fish and do stand-up I did five shows on Saturday a lot that's how you get better though bro I was at the stand from 715 to 130 in the morning they just had you multiple times on a single show. Just coming back up on the same show. I remember him from 45 minutes earlier. This guy's best friend is Jack. Apparently that's a real person that we haven't heard about before. Oh yeah. It was pretty fun. Pepper Jack. Jack of all trades. Kind of think you know a guy's friends and then all of a sudden he drops Jack on you,

and Jack's this. Wait till you meet Jill, brother. Six foot 10 banker. Yeah, like, he's the guy that fought Jake Paul this weekend. Ron, who do you think I should coach next? Penn State. I don't think we're going to get any offers from Penn State. Why?

Well, I mean, I think Ole Miss is a very lateral move. Penn State's got a pretty solid program right now. They're not looking for new coaches. I think that you need to start a fresh dynasty. I did. But I don't... They got fired from BC. You need to start from the bottom.

Well, I'm bringing this team to glory. We have our last playoff game and then the finals, hopefully. But Florida is a destination job. You go to Florida and then you go to the NFL. I'm trying to get out of Florida. I know, but you're going to have to go backwards. I want to bring a team from the ground up, and I need a change of location.

You're going to go backwards. Because he's just killing my team. What? You're going to go backwards if you get another job than Florida. Well, currently I have an offer from Alabama to be offensive coordinator, which is kind of not. I want to be head coach and then

Are you at Florida OC head coach? Oh, I mean and then I got an offer from Ole Miss as head coach and Stanford as head coach Stanford bring Stanford back to glory Stanford's really bad. There'll be a lot of work. That's why I mean I'll be a lot of I think that's why it's worth doing the work Yeah, that's why when coach Doug's were started fucking Toledo and then he would work his way up to You know like Colorado or some shit like that. Colorado is the one seed right now. Yeah, you don't happen to know Jack's zodiac sign

He's a Pisces that's what I figured he is a classic Pisces. I think I might be a Gators fan now, though. I think that might be my college team. Yeah, that's one of my least favorite content that Barstool employees make. When they're like, follow along. They're like, pick my team. Yeah, that shit sucks so much. I don't have a college team.

Help me pick one. And then they're like, LSU, we have the hottest chicks. And they're like, I'm listening. Okay. LSU just went up two points in my book. 30% of the employees. Livvy Dunn's going back for a fifth year. Paul Skeens is crushing it.

Imagine running into Paul Skeens back in campus. It's like dude bro to walk a mile in his shoes. Who the fuck is Nicky Smokes gonna vote for or root for this year? Who is fucking Vasoli gonna root for? I think Vasoli's doing it right now. Vasoli is doing it and Dana did it too. Francis do you have a college team? That rack of ribs is not sitting good. No. You need to blast ass? I don't know. I'm okay. Do you have a college team, Francis?

Um, you know... Cause I've always just been Penn State cause of Roan. Right. I don't really have a college team. Weirdly. Not a huge college football guy. It's hard to follow and follow the NFL as close as us. I don't. I would definitively say that I do not have a college team.

Yeah. In anything. Even like I'm trying to think basketball, football, those are the only two sports that matter in college, right? Hockey's pretty good. No. Yeah. No.

Basketball and football are the only two sports that matter, period. Except for baseball, it's a Philly's win. Basketball's awful. What? Basketball blows. College basketball? Yeah. The March Madness is probably, you could argue,

one of the best, if not the best, sports tournaments, playoffs in all sports. And plus the women. What about the queens? What about Caitlin Clark, bro? True. I am a Clark head. I think Clark, I think I'm, I think I like women's basketball more than men's college basketball pause.

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. What a fucking, uh, you truly are a warrior on the front line or you're just signaling your virtue. Yeah. I'm just a fucking, you truly are a warrior on the front line or you're just signaling your virtue. Yeah, I'm just not a big basketball. I like watching the last quarter of basketball. Like I liked watching the Celtics win it all, of course.

Yeah, so you're a basketball fan. I liked watching the playoff basketball. That period where it was NHL playoffs and basketball playoffs was pretty incredible. Yeah, yeah that was. But football's the best by far. I saw Ron this weekend and I was leaving for the weekend and he was leaving I think at the same time.

And then when I arrived home for the weekend, he was arriving home at the same time. Really? We're on the same cycle, we're synced up. It's pretty funny. Ron, you went deep sea fishing this weekend. It turned out not to be deep sea. Yeah, I was going to say, it didn't look like deep sea.

It wasn't deep sea. It looked more like surface. The wife was, she was not interested in going out deep sea. The guy was like, we'll go deep sea. She was like, yeah. It's kind of scary. I don't really like being on a boat

when you can't see anything. You can't see land is like horrifying to me and even like we weren't even that far out And she was like getting like sick. Oh, she had seasick. I was like I was these dudes Don't fish tuna like they go three hours out and like go to like the fucking Continental shelf and like fish tuna. They said the tuna are super smart. They do fish tuna. They do Okay, so they're like that was on the table if we wanted to go all the way out But she was tuna fishing is pretty insane. I've never done it, but I've I know people that have and it's pretty cool I was asking them like what is the smartest fish like did these fish have a fucking idea that there's like bait being dangled in front of them or they trying to nip it the bait and get around it or they they're like tuna are the smartest fish like that they fish personally, they fish, the

tuna will be running around trying to like escape them like they'll know the tuna are there but the tuna will be intentionally avoiding them. Yeah. They were calling me the fucking mackerel fucking King though. Were you guys just doing the mackerel rig where you just yank it up and snag mackerel? No, no, we were just uh, I mean just dropping dropping weight hitting the bottom and fucking we I mean we caught probably like like 50 fish each like we were catching a ton of fish what and not all keepers you caught you caught Mackerel you guys were fishing for mackerel. No, we were just catching I was catching them as bait

I was kept they kept them for as bait to go tuna fishing. Did you catch stripers? No, but we call it black bass. That's pretty sick. Black bass are cool. They're small though, right? These ones weren't that big. Black bass, I think in general, are pretty small.

Yeah. But dude, we were fishing off the end the end of Long Island and there was like some like satellite. I was like, what is that? Oh, is that the thing that stranger things? Yeah, space is what stranger things are based on is this place called Camp Hope. And the dude was like, look up the stories about this place. There are crazy stories, conspiracy theories, everything. So I got back and I started looking it up and Allegedly in the 70s they were running these like Nazi style tests that they would do and

Allegedly like snatching up kids from the neighborhood running tests on these little boys Fucking killing some of them and even worse for some other ones. But then they said that that might have been a cover-up because there was supposedly during the Cold War nuclear silos at that exact site. But my thinking was like, how crazy is what they were doing if the cover-up was we're abducting little boys? Yeah, true. Like how fucked is what they were doing if the cover-up was we're abducting little boys Yeah, like how fucked is what they were doing out there

They're probably cloning little boys But if they're just like if the cops came up to them with like the flashlight was like what's going on here? Yeah, like oh nothing to see here. We're just fucking these little kids. Yeah It was insane how fucking how deep where is this it's all of one island. It's like the very end of Long Island Damn, and then I'm like right next to the lighthouse Yeah, that's pretty crazy not doing anything just uh objecting these little kids you guys went out their cop comes up And is like these aren't even real cops And the kids are like what thought you know we knew all

Yeah, you guys go on a charter And the kids are like, what the? You know, we knew all along. Stolen valor. Yeah. Did you guys go on a charter? It was like, we paid a dude to use his boat. It wasn't like that. Did he go with you? Yeah. So yeah, it was like a guided trip.

Yeah, but it wasn't like a big, it was like a tiny boat. Charter. It was just a dude and his son. It's a charter. Is that a charter? Mm-hmm. Charter sounds so nice. There was even a place to sit down on this boat.

No, I went on a charter when I was really young with my Mark Fisher, was it? It might have been. Was it Mark Fisher? I don't know. I don't know how I'm going to find this. I've been fishing with. Yeah, I don't think it was him. I couldn't have been. I went on a charter when I've been fishing with, yeah, I don't think it was him. It couldn't have been. It couldn't have been. I went on a charter when I was really young in Cape Cod

with my dad and my grandfather and my uncle, and we caught like hundreds. Because those guys just they just fish the same spot. They know exactly where the fish are going to be. Yeah, we went to a bunch of different spots, but he was. I mean, we were we were catching tons of fucking. Yeah, that's pretty sick. Why did you guys have sunburn? What happened sick. Why'd you get so sunburned? What happened to your legs? They are pretty sunburned.

I was getting cooked out there. Just your ankles? It was just like I was sitting on the beach, but I was sitting up with my legs out. I see. So my legs were just eating it all. Do you put sunscreen on? I tried to get a base, and then I put sunscreen on.

So I was like two hours, no sunscreen. I'm not a base guy. I Abandoned the base idea this is gonna be like my only time this summer to get sun like any chance of getting sun like that So I was like, let me this is gonna be my one base that I get why did you abandon the base? I just can't take I can't take the burn after Virginia I've now I wear sunscreen like every day. And when I go fishing, I wear like layers and I wear a gator on my face to protect my face. Yeah. And I put sunscreen on my face. I wanted to have the gear. I want to go like long sleeves or something like that. You've

got to go long sleeves. Yeah, you should have. With a flap on the back of the. But I mean, I was going out for fucking afternoon. I'm a fucking chubie. I'm not like a fucking fisherman. Yeah, but like I... Like when we went out with those guys, me and Francis both had bucket hats on and they were clowning us. Why? Because they were like...

Because like, I don't know, but like I'm gonna get a sunburn and then those guys don't get burnt because they just go out on the water every single day. Yeah. So what were they clowning? What were they wearing? They were just wearing like shorts and a t-shirt and baseball hats. I mean, I fell on the water.

I deserved to be clowned. I was a joke. Absolute joke. Dude, it's hard to stand out there. It's hard to stand on a boat. That bitch was pitching, especially when both of your hands are fucking on a rock. Right.

You know what I mean? Did you take a Dramamine before you went out? I don't really get seasick and I honestly think it's childish when people get seasick and cars especially yeah You're a little bit a whole sketch about that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, but men getting carsick It's actually about a guy in the military who comes home, and then they drive to go get like pizza, and he throws up Like you were in Iraq, but you throw up when you're in a Volvo. Yeah, it's so insane. Yeah, I'd like to see that.

It's pretty funny. Is that online somewhere? Yeah. Like your YouTube page or something? It was an out of order sketch. Oh, OK. Yeah, it was one of my favorite ones that we've done. People were like when grown men are like, I need to be in the front seat. Yeah. Oh, dude, I grown men are like, I need to be in the front seat. Yeah. Oh, dude, my entire childhood, I remember.

I'm that guy. My grandparents. Really? Yeah, I get it. I'm like, look, we as a car have an option. Either you let me sit in the front or I will throw up in the car. So crazy to me.

That's how my 10-month-old dog acts. It's the way I am. Dogs throwing up in the car is so brutal. It's like infuriating, but you like feel bad. But like you look, like they're in the car for 30 seconds and you look back and your dog is like shaking in the backseat, projectile vomiting. And you're like, what happened?

How is it that some people- Been in the car for 30 seconds. What is it evolutionarily that makes some people have to fucking throw up from being in the car? Well, a guy like Francis probably can't get his head out of his phone. No, that's not true. I know better than to be on my phone.

He's playing Balloons Tower Defense 5. I won't, I won't. I'm car sick. I'm gonna... I played my game too long, too hard. I played Temple Run for too long and now I feel sick. I don't look at my phone. I can't. I can't because I know that'll just exacerbate it.

Getting car sick is one of the worst feelings on Earth. I think that's right up there with getting sick from nicotine. Getting sick from nicotine is like the most foul sickness. It is nasty. You ever gotten sick from like smoking a cigar or like dip like cigarettes cigarettes I never I fucking went outside with like early on in my probably my first year working at barstool I went outside with fucking tech guy Andrew. Oh, yeah, I'm Arbor. Oh red Yeah, you know of a workday and fucking, he like one drag sucked it all down

and I took like two puffs of it and I had to like go and lay on a beanbag chair and hold my tummy. Like it was so foul. It took me out for hours on end. Tech guy Andrew smoked cigarettes like the fucking Tom and Jerry video. The guy just vroom, vroom. Licked them all at once.

Like one of those Peruvian flutes. Yeah, he pan flutes his cigarettes down. It was nasty work. I was like, yeah, I'll have a cigarette. And I think like the only cigarettes I smoked were like when I was fucked up at that time. Yeah. There was a lot of rude awakenings.

Like even though my first day I was like a trial at Barstool. I was doing like a three day trial and I got fucked up like the second night with like my Friends out in Brooklyn and I going into the work the next day I could not believe how hungover I was and how much it affected my brain Yeah, then like three months into work actually working at Barstool. I like Shake Shack for lunch one day Oh, and I like it took me out. Yeah fucking hours. Yeah, like I was Shitting my brains out Solithargic like there I just learned so much about

Well, I thought I knew about what a normal job was but like it just there's so much many little things you could do Throughout the day that will fuck your life up. Shake Shack's on my do not eat list Period period I can't eat it. It's so good though. Dude, every time I eat Shake Shack, it's like the worst stomach ache I've ever had. What diarrhea, like you can't believe. What's your guys favorite summer dinner meal? Lobster roll. Good question. I had lobster roll yesterday.

Corn on the cob. Like a pan seared halibut with maybe some dill and then a side of summer corn salad with cherry tomatoes and red onions and lemon and olive oil. And then maybe like a sauteed broccolini or, ooh, no, a steamed asparagus that's crunchy, that's not too over the top. That would be a really nice meal. Sounds pretty good. That does sound very nice. I did some, I just did burgers. a steamed asparagus that's crunchy, that's not too over-cooked. Really? That would be a really nice meal.

Sounds pretty good. That does sound very nice. I did some... A little halibut. I just did burgers, corn in the cob, and potato salad last night. It was just so fucking summer. And you had a lobster roll? I had a lobster roll for lunch.

If you do a burger and you take the bun off and you put it on a bed of lettuce and then you can cut it up and it becomes this healthy burger. Yes. That sounds awful. It's really nice. That's why you look how you put it on a bed of lettuce, and then you can cut it up and it becomes this like healthy burger. Yes. Yeah, that sounds awful. It's really nice. That's why you look how you do it. Throw a little bird seed on top of it. I'm trying to not eat for a day.

Talk dirty to me about the bird seed. Throw a little bird seed in there. Throw some grains on that burger. You know what would make this burger better? Grain. Some feed. It's a texture thing. I like a little crunch, some quinoa I'm a crunch guy I like some crunch I don't mind a little bit of crunch

Crunchwrap Supreme did you have a oh my god I love it I was hunting for a fucking Taco Bell today. Crunchwrap Supreme is good for some reason Taco Bell doesn't fuck up my stomach at all like it's just slam Taco Bell. You're like the Dominican dudes who pissed on their hands. Yeah, you're callous. I'm hardened. You're you've you've been forged in the fires of fucking Taco Bell. Dude, I had a burger. I had a smash burger on Saturday before going to the stand. Smash burger, the the place or no.

A I ordered one a smash burger. That's what but isn't that that's what Shake Shack makes yes Did you eat with I? know I had Jack your vibe keen well. He's a healthy guy. Oh, yeah, I Diarrhea to act the stand to the point that I was like they might not book me here again after this It was the other way they punish you with five shows. Yeah. Did Jack come to the stand? No.

Oh. He was sworn out from fishing. Oh yeah, I guess. Took the train back from Harlem. He did? No, we both did. Oh. Sketchy train.

The A train? The two, but from Harlem. Where does he live? Couldn't tell you. Downtown. Somewhere on the west side. He's Murray Hill. No he's not.

I do know where, but I'm not giving you any more information. But you opened this. No, you opened it. You started asking a million questions about him. I followed the track. You just, you doxed him. You said, Jack's a good Irish boy. You put me on the scent and I can't.

I said I went fishing with my friend and now it's turned into where does he live? What's his name? Donahue or Doherty? Neither of those. But it's something like that, right? No. Is Irish. No. You're not named Jack unless you're Irish.

He's not Irish. So he's Italian? Oh, German, German, German, German. I'm gonna meet him. You guys are gonna get along like gangbusters. We sure will. I know, I know we will. You'll never meet him.

I will make him meet me. You'll never meet him ever. I'm gonna meet him and there's nothing you can do about it. He's gonna hunt him like the most dangerous game. There's so many ways to find Jack D. Jack D. Jack Donkishen. Yeah, a good German D. You nailed it.

I don't know how you guessed it. Did you have a pro or what did you have a club? You have a golf thing this weekend or some shit? Oh, yeah, I lost a member guest. Member guest. We didn't really connect. Dude, you texted us that I said, what are you guys doing?

And you said member guests. And I looked it up like, I thought it was like a professional tournament that you were watching. No. I was like, oh, I didn't know the member guest was this weekend. Weep.

Like the US Open? Yeah. I played, the last match was nine holes. Every match was nine holes. And we played against two guys that I'm good friends with. My buddy Dustin. I know Dustin. Good people.

Dustin Diamond played Screech and Saved by the Bell? Yeah. Do you want to know more about Dustin? Not at all. Couldn't care less. He likes his steak bloody rare. Yeah. That's one thing about Dustin.

I'll give you stuff about Dustin. He eats capers raw and out of a bowl. One thing about Dustin is that guy's gonna get a rare steak. Oh my God. And if they say we don't do rare, he'll go back and he'll cook it himself. Well, barely. Yeah.

He'll look at it real hard. That's how he likes his steak done. He said just concentrate on it for a second and fucking send it out. Dustin does. Maybe a light hairdryer, just warming it up. Dustin's Asian, so he does like a little wagyu. Sashimi. Did I meet Dustin? Kobe beef. Huh?

Did I meet Dustin? I think you did. Um, I don't think you have. What's his real name? It's got to be Tiger. He's a spectacular golfer. But we were playing against him and his partner, his guest, and it was me and my guest. And Dustin and I play sometimes where we do a shot a hole. If you win the hole, the other team has to take a shot.

But invariably... Mid-turning? Of course. Member guest. We were drinking. Feels irresponsible. That's what you do for the member guest. You get schlombosiled. If you tie a hole, it carries.

So on the next hole, you have to take two shots if you lose. And taking two shots on a hole, because we were drinking Nips. So it's like a full one and a half ounce tequila cold. And I think that in nine holes I think I had because a lot of the time they would lose but I'd say I'll do it with you anyway and I think I had seven shots in nine holes and we played we played it in two hours so it's seven shots in nine holes plus I had a couple of like you know course beers

high noon's a couple high noon's couple pink Whitney's on the rocks it was one of those things where like, I didn't feel that drunk when we walked off the course, but an hour later, I was so drunk. Yeah. Cause it all caught up to me. That drive home must be brutal. Tesla, take me home.

Yeah. Yeah. Tesla, this one's on you. I woke up to my garage attendant being like, Senor, Senor! What? You want to clean off the blood? You want the charge? You want the charge?

You want to take the human hair out of the grill? No, that's deer! Go ahead and grill it. Damn, that's a blast. It was really fun. We had a great time. Awesome weekend. I had to do a roast for the opening ceremonies.

They asked me to do a set. Oh yeah, you told me about that. So I wrote a bunch of jokes about people that were playing in the tournament. You got a bag for that. I did okay. Okay. Really?

Surgeon salary? They waived half our entry fee. That was the pay? Yeah. How much is the entry fee? I'm not gonna say. Surgeon salary. It was good.

It was good money. Let's just say it was what Jack makes at the firm. It was also hard. Did you kill? Yeah, I did well, but like people are, it's outside. People aren't aware that this is happening I had to gather everyone around to get them close enough to have any concentration of laughter and

Then I just started ripping people apart Dustin's here He's gay Murphy's here. You still cheating on your wife you bastard. I was sick. Fuck. You sick fuck Murphy. I went down a deep rabbit hole of tick tock videos of dudes on golf courses filmed from the perspective of the car girl and like just the car girls, like basically just getting harassed. Oh, yeah.

It was fucking nasty. Should have seen Francis off of nine shots. Get over here, bitch! You met my friend Dustin? Dustin's thirsty! It wasn't even that kind of shit. It was like much more lewd and like, it made me uncomfortable.

And it's hard to make me uncomfortable through the phone screen. Yeah, that's tough. Dude's are like, I'll take two beers and some vagina. Yeah. She loves us. Take a little extra, here's 20 bucks. Why don't you go buy yourself some panties? Swap them in, swap them out. It's so nasty what dudes are doing at what golf men are doing.

That's why I don't play the sport. No, me neither. That's why I just, I'm a fisherman through and through. I get out on the water. The dude too I was out on the water with, it was like a father son who like run the business. Yeah. They were even sure to tell me they're like, yeah, we just have a trailer park on some

land up here that we rent. We don't even own the land that we're on. Basically being like, we're not affluent. But they were such stoic fishermen. Like they didn't fucking barely talked at all. Just like, it gave me a whole new appreciation for just the silence. Really? The silence on the water. You think fishermen are talkative guys? Guy, when you go out with a guy, they just yap your year off.

Really? Yeah. It was their conversation guys. Talking to guys guy when you go out with a guy they just yap your ear off really yeah It was a conversation guys I was like I was starting to be like my conversational self And then I was like let me dial it back a little bit. Yes, let the fucking with the waves talk That's what I like listen to the I like sit in silence. Oh, yeah, and just go Snagged again fucking fucking hate this shit. Oh, I wasn't getting snagged. No bird's nests for me, brother.

Yeah, that's nice. That's the best part about fishing in the ocean. No snags, no trees. No casts. No trees. No trees to claim your flies. No. That was fucking, oh my God.

It was a jet. They were like, are you guys keeping any? Do you guys want to keep any of these? And we're like, no, like we don't have anywhere to like put them. I would have loved for you to, because they'll clean it for you and put it in the, they'll make it into the Flays and then you can put it in a frozen cooler or whatever and bring it back to me and I would have cooked it. They said that, well, I just didn't even have like a cooler to bring out there. I was just basically catching release the entire time.

But they were like, sometimes we, like the morning crew that they took out. They were like, they just had them kill all the fish. And then at the end, they're like, oh, you guys want these? Like, we don't want these. So they just committed a genocide of fish and were just like killing them for the sport of killing them. The fuck, dude. That's insane. That's really bad.

Yeah. But I bet knowing those fishermen as well as I do. Fuck dude. That's insane. That's really bad. Yeah, they're just. But I bet knowing those fishermen as I do, they did probably make use of the meat. I hope so, but the guys were like, yeah, we don't want these. Like we don't need this. Fuck man, that seems really against the code. Well, yeah, I mean, I'm sure the people didn't know

or they just were ahead of bloodlust. But uh, we should do a catch and cook. We should go, we should go to, you guys should come with me to New Jersey this weekend, catch some fish and cook. I would. It's the Olympics opening ceremonies though. When? Saturday? So I'm going Saturday. Already rented the car. Bro, you could just ask to borrow the car bro. No, I can't. I don't want to go to Brooklyn and then have to come back. I would drop it off. But I'm not gonna make you drop off the car, bro. No, I can't. I don't want to go to Brooklyn and then have to come back. I would drop it off. But I'm not going to make you drop all the cars at 7 AM.

I would put the car in an Uber. Put the car in the backseat of an Uber. I'm buying a car. I've been thinking about buying a car. We'll just go get an OnlyFans podcast. They'll buy you a car. Yeah, true. I saw that.

Did you see that, Francis? No. An OnlyFans girl bought Glenny a car. Is that for real? Yeah. Like one of those cute little cars that you have on. Porsche 911. What are they called? No, you're not for real.

Porsche 911, matte black, tinted windows. No, I don't buy it. Turbo. Raised. No, it was like one of the ones. It needs to be raised for him. Lowered. Can't be bottom for him. Yeah. Lowered. Can't be bottoming out on bottles. Speed bumps.

Yeah. It was the ones that you see on Nantucket, like those like cute little ones that... Like a smart car? No, it's like, they're like a throwback to a foregone era. It's like a car that like an indie band would like drive around and be like, we saved up all of our money to get this.

They put it in front of a boutique hotel. My dad owns 30 percent of Google. My dad owns 30 percent of Google, but we saved up all of our money to buy this van. And he was like, you know, a car I really want talking to this only fans girl who said she's like cleared like 20 million dollars last year. He's like, you know, a car I really want Talking to this OnlyFans girl who said she's cleared $20 million last year. He's like, you know what car I really want? And they're like, why didn't you get one? He's like, I can't afford it.

But you can, for sure. And yeah, he's saved every cent that he's ever made. The only thing he ever bought was an inflatable hot tub to put on his back deck at his mom's house that he almost drowned in. But he basically, he was like plain coy. True story. Drowning his soul.

Plain coy in that hot tub. Yeah, he was. He turned into a coy pond. But it was, he was just like being like, like sly. Like, no, I couldn't like afford it. Like, we should get you one. He's like, no, I can't accept that. And then like immediately they're like, no, it's already bought.

Like you have to down payment made or whatever. And they just bought him a $28,000 fucking vehicle taxes on that are gonna be a nightmare Where's he gonna drive it? I know right well. I guess he doesn't live in the city What if he drove it into work? Yeah, that would be sick It's like a puttering fucking Flintstone mobile if he doesn't live in the city. He could easily drive that thing around oh easily Dude, I when I when I rented that car last week to drive back to New York. I um, I Couldn't return it that night cuz it was 2 a.m. So I had to find parking. There's a ton of parking around me Yeah, cuz everyone's out on your street and rados did the fucking Hamptons true. You think anyone from the weekend? It's easy

It also like the core met on your Sunday is the number one one easiest really yeah, they don't have any there's nothing Those are Monday technically Right, but as long as you're out by 8 a.m.. On Monday morning. Yeah, I had to move it But you can park anywhere Sunday is the easiest day to park. It's pretty that part socks That's why I couldn't do it like I like well you need to get a good garage Yeah, you have to wake up early as shit to move it You'd need to put it in a garage. Yeah, which is gonna be nine hundred dollars. Yeah, yeah But you can't afford so I guess I will not be getting a car

Go ahead scratch that idea. Hmm, but the amount of money that I spend on rental cars is Exorbitant. Yeah, it's a lot. A lot of money. Just get a beater. What's a beater? Like a shitty car, a Hoopty. Yeah, Hoopty? A Jolopty. I could get a Hoopty.

Yeah. Raised, of course. Of course. So I can take it off road. With big tires, monster truck tires. Just getting a Toyota Corolla raised. That's the opposite of what our Hispanic brothers do. Yeah.

They lower their soup them up. They like them low. Yeah. They like their cars like skimming the gravel. How do they go over speed bumps? They don't. You go over one, two tires. You go to the side.

You go over sideways. Two of them go off to the side and then the other two go up. You got to download, there's another GPS app like Waze but for lowered cars. So it helps you avoid all speed bumps. Avoid speed bumps and potholes. Avoid speed bumps and potholes, yeah.

It's a fact. You just drive on tennis courts all day. Skating rinks. You just drive on basketball courts. Attend the podcast. Pussy. And what? I could go all day, bro.

I know I'm a pussy, but we gotta record later on this week. We're not bank, we've completely stopped banking any episodes. No, we're not West Banking anymore. It's all right, I gotta go back to my apartment and beat Clemson. I didn't know you're calling your dick Clemson these days. Classic. All right, that's the podcast. We'll see you guys on Thursday.

Goodbye.