Son of a Boy Dad - Strip Comedy | Son of a Boy Dad #284

Episode Date: March 18, 2025

Strip Comedy | Son of a Boy Dad #284 -- #Ad: Go to https://TempoMeals.com/BOYDAD for 60% off your first box! -- #Ad: Download the Gametime app today and use code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase -- #Ad: Connect with a provider at RO.co/SON to find out if prescription Ro Sparks are right for you and get $15 off your first order -- #Ad: GAMBLING PROBLEM? CALL 1-800-GAMBLER, [phone] or visit gamblinghelplinema.org (MA). Call 877-8-HOPENY/text HOPENY (467369) (NY). Please Gamble Responsibly. 888-789-7777/visit ccpg.org (CT), or visit www.mdgamblinghelp.org (MD). 21+ and present in most states. (18+ DC/KY/NH/WY). Void in ONT/OR/NH. Eligibility restrictions apply. On behalf of Boot Hill Casino & Resort (KS). 1 per new customer. $5+ first-time bet req. Max. $200 issued as non-withdrawable Bonus Bets that expire in 7 days (168 hours). Stake removed from payout. Terms: dkng.co/dk-offer-terms. Ends 3/30/25 at 11:59 PM ET. -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. I won't talk about my flight experiences too much because last episode I sabotaged the episode. Well, let's not make any promises here, but I do have a funny story about gambling problem call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York called 877-8HOPENY or text HOPENY467369. In Connecticut, help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-77777 or visit ccpg.org. Please play responsibly.

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All right, shall we? We shall. Still, still on the ground So What? Just one vibrating smack of the jewel, your neck veins, the bolt tubes It's a fresh pod bro What is up everybody? Suck that thing like you're a single mom

I'm 50 pages into my book of how to stop vaping, so you guys are getting ready. You won't be hearing that crackle for too long. Yes, that classic addiction quitting technique reading. It actually is. It's actually like one of the most famous ways to... The easy way. Alan Carr, are you not familiar? I'm sorry?

The easy way. No, I've always done things in moderation, so I don't have the need to read. On the title it says, it works something, and then it says, from Nikki Glaser on the JoJo experience. Well that's great. If she endorsed it, I'm for it. Yeah. I'll read it just to know. I'm feeling you'd appreciate it once I said that Nikki liked it.

Mm-hmm. Anywho. The one that got away. Yeah. The Great White Buffalo. Hahaha. Anyways, uh, welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast We are here live from HQ 3 it is a per service. Oh happy st. Patty's day

Happy st. Patty's day to everybody happy st. Patrick's day Francis You're not in the parade. I'm not Patrick's day. Francis? You're not in the parade? I'm not Irish. You're not splitting the G. I'm not Irish. Oh, you hate Irish people.

I'm English. Yeah. I like Northern Ireland. You orchestrated the genocide against the Irish people, which was labeled a potato famine, which is really just a genocide by the British. Look, you know, some people need to diversify their agriculture a little

bit. Yeah. But betting your entire food stock on one. We like French fries and that's it. It seems a little one dimensional. Realistically thinking right now with like everything going on with like Israel, Palestine, like, like people are. What do you mean? Like anti-Semitism is growing at a rapid rate within the country. What do you think would happen if you went to the parade right now and you just had a bag of potatoes and you started throwing them at the dudes plan bagpipes? Like, do you think that would like make the news as like a hate crime? Oh, that's a good question. No, I don't.

I think I think I'd get beat up. You think you get beat up or you think people would be like, that's fucking hilarious? No, I think, I think, yeah, I think, I think it would be one of I'd get beat up. You think you get beat up or you think people would be like, that's fucking hilarious. No, I think, I think, yeah, I think, I think it would be one of those things that the Irish people there would just immediately come after me and snuff out that problem. Yeah.

It's not Irish people at the St. Patty's Day Parade in New York. It's like 22 year olds is the demographic. I think it's like young drunks. It's not like, it's not even like people from Belfast or some shit. Is it? They make the jump over from Hoboken.

Yeah. I feel like that was yesterday. I feel like today would be like the diehards. The real Irish. Irish people don't celebrate St. Patrick's Day. That's the whole problem. It's more of a black people holiday. Understood, understood.

From my understanding of it. Is that so? I think so. Francis, I like that jacket. You do? Yeah. Was that a pivot? Thank you.

It is a nice jacket. Is that a Japanese denim? Can I let you in on a little secret? Is that a Japanese denim? Two. Oh, and St. Patty's Day, no less. A jacket denim. Jewish American pants. I'm not even gonna tell you the secret. What is it?

It's too shameful. No, you have to tell us now. How much did it cost? I actually was given this as a hand me down from a woman for whom it was too big. This is a women's, For her boyfriend. Extra small.

Really? Not even making that up. Oh, cause it's like a baggy cut. Super baggy. And it was preposterously big for her. That's crazy. So she gave it to me and I'm wearing it. Well, it looks good.

I guess I do notice now the buttons are on the left. What, is that historically a female thing? Yeah. Look off. That's a telltale sign. I'm going to have that redone. Yeah, you're going to have to. You're going to have to unbutton and rebutton that.

We're going to have to rip those off and just let it be one of those true Japanese tunics. Yeah, a chore coat. Yeah, one of those things that you wear to the spa. Ass naked underneath to the traditional onsen. Maybe I'll belt it. So I didn't know that there was anything that's too baggy for women. I see women with their sleeves dragging on the ground next to their steps.

I know. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. Like stuff that's like, okay, some stuff is cool, baggy, and then some stuff looks like it's Kyle Kuzma's wardrobe. It's like they just finished skydiving. They're dragging the parachute around Yeah, oh shit. Well, that's shocking Women's extra small brand can we get a brand a Mary mmm nice of course Why'd you take off the jacket cuz I'm ashamed and you're drawing too much attention to it

I was giving giving you a genuine compliment and now you removed the jacket. You look like Kendrick Lamar at the Super Bowl. If it makes you feel any better, I don't like the shirt, so put the jacket back on. I'm hot now because I'm embarrassed. I am flush. I am.

Just get down to the other shirt then. Show off that white tee. This is a nice white tee. That's what you want to see. You guys want me down white tee? You want to white tee it up? I want to see the white tee. I went white tee last tea. That's how you want to see. You guys want me down white tea? You want to white tea it up? I want to see the white tea. I went white tea last episode.

I can't white tea it up. True, you did. What was that? What's the brand? This white tea is Sunspell. Everyone know it. By the way, I get a lot of DMs for about my t-shirts. And I hate to do this because it's free ads.

But all my t-shirts are from one company. It's called Sunspell. And they do a couple sales a year. So just wait for them. Because they're like $100 normally. But your t-shirts are from one company. It's called Sunspell. And they do like a couple sales a year, so just wait for them. Cause they're like a hundred bucks normally. But you get a percentage. Your t-shirts look great for someone with beefy arms. I don't really have beefy arms.

They're pretty beefy. My noodle arms in that t-shirt would look preposterous, dude. I don't think I got walked in on. I don't know. I don't know. That fucking covering up. I'm sorry, it's cold in here. Oh, sorry. I didn't know I had sorry. I'm sorry. I didn't know I had company. Um but yeah, the beefy arms definitely make

it look like you're like James Dean. Mm hmm. Oh, rolling them up with a pack of cigarettes in one arm. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. That's cool. Have you ever tried to do that? No, because I don't smoke. Really? I tried to do that when I was a kid for sure yeah

In your shirt sleeve yeah, like I guess like I tried it like in my room like you're gonna like you're gonna wade through the waters of Vietnam yeah, I Saw the outsiders with your sick with your rifle over your head Yeah, right here, or maybe it was scan Maybe it was I watched stand by me, and I thought it looked sick Yeah, that is cool cuz they all do it and stand by me All right, isn't that about children? Yeah, and they're rolling up their sleep. They have cigs. Yeah, they all smoke cigs. You know the train tracks They walk the train tracks to see the dead better than a cig after supper. I watched it. You don't remember that I watched the movie once and I think it was like too sad. It made me feel bad

It does make you feel like sad because it's kind of like a childhood movie. I don't like that. Does someone doesn't someone Spoiler alert skip ahead of guy. Yeah, that's someone dies, right? No There's a dead body that they want to go see but not like the kids die I Get stand by me and stand and deliver mixed up Stand and deliver is the Morgan Freeman inner city school movie. Oh. Where he turns a school around.

Interesting. I love a turn a school around. Get those locks off those doors. Yeah. I always get that confused with Sister Act Two. Where Whoopi Goldberg saves the school through the power of song. I always get that mixed up with stand-up comedy.

Segue? Sister Act 2? Is it Out of the Habit? Was that the subtitle of that? Yeah, it was. That was a classic movie. What was your stand-up comedy joke there? I think he just wanted to start talking about his weekend.

I think it was, I was just kind of, I knew it was a bad joke, so I figured I'd say it, maybe get a couple people to laugh. I thought it was just a pivot. so I figured I'd say it. Maybe get a couple people to laugh. I thought it was just a pivot. I thought that was like a segue. Now, I was just trying to think of something with stand in it. That was the type of joke that should make you take off your jacket.

Why would I take my jacket off? I don't know. Whenever we're shamed in this pod, we have to take off. It seems like that's just a you thing. We're gonna call it like strip shame. I keep on thinking you're wearing a fucking. If you say a joke that doesn't land you have to remove layer

The joke doesn't land will strip will you just all end up in fucking box just like holding our dicks and balls Are you about to say and then and then if you say something really funny and everyone laughs Yeah of the audience, but you guys get to pick what goes back on. The joke, the joke, the person that told the joke doesn't get to pick. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you don't get to pick. So it could be like socks. Could be your hat. Yeah. So you gotta have like a couple killer jokes. To dress back up. To get fully clothed. I see. This is a good idea of something that we'll never do. We'll never do it. We won'll do it. You know where we will do it? We'll do it on ron.com. Yeah, that's good. ron.com will do it. It's just ass naked comedy. Yeah. People like that. People like good ass naked comedy. A Ukrainian broadcast. What countries were they doing like ass naked news? Do you remember remember that I think it was Latin American countries right oh I thought it was Eastern European Brazil I didn't even weather

man I didn't know that was a thing there's like ass naked news is it like was it like a try and make people listen to the news more I think I guess I don't know I guess it would make sense I don't know there's some titties on the screen but why not just have why not just watch porno if you want to see so why don't you like do like you're gonna trick yourself because I'll tell you what run in porn they never actually give you the weather. They're actually better Doppler. No, no, no, no, no. I didn't deserve that. I did not deserve the coat going back on. You fucking laughed out loud. He laughed.

I laughed. I laughed, but I don't know if I, you know, I wouldn't have rewarded a piece of clothing for that one. You wanted me to put the coat back on. Well now I don't give a fuck about the coat. Great. I did in the beginning. Right before episode started. I lost my spot in the fucking queue I ran downstairs to get my phone because I realized I forgot it because I was in the queue for the ENT And I got down the ENT had called everybody was telling me and I fucking had been waiting in the queue for 45 minutes I'm the phone yeah, or I was like I waited for so long. They're like hey we'll give you a call back at a certain number and

They gave me a call back and I fucking missed it. So you're doing you want to talk about that? Yeah, I'm getting my face peeled off. It's gonna be tough. What is it that you're doing exactly? I guess there's like tubes inside your nose that they're I don't know winnowing down That they're like when you just put your fingers in your nose, is it just like, there's a wall there? Yes. You have to scratch your brain? I think there's nothing there.

No, it's like, they tried to put a camera up and it just ran into a fucking brick wall. Oh, you have a blockage. Yes. Oh, a coke blockage. Oh God, yeah, what if they were just like going through and there was just dusty old coke boogers? Just rocks? Like pennies from 1997. That's how cracks made

Fucking pebbles start falling out of your nose. It's gourmet crack This is 30 year dry age crack I once hung out with a French kid who took a condom and he I Think he'd stuck it down his nose and then pulled it out of his mouth and went like that. Ew.

And then for his next trick, he started blowing up the condom and then pulled it over his head and went, and he blew up a giant bubble condom around his head. That's weirdly French as **** French acrobat culture is getting out of control. It is. Yeah. I mean with that. Yeah. They're always doing **** like that. The acrobats. You've never seen a French guy who doesn't have one of those big rainbow things you can just pull out of his mouth. Or a flower that's using water in your face when you try and smell it.

The guy man on the wire, he was like a French acrobat who walked between the- Tightrope. Tightrope between the horse, the twin towers. Then there's a guy who's like crushing it on Instagram right now. He's always like throwing fucking little knives up and they land on carrots that he pulls out of his pee hole and stuff like that. Have you guys seen that French acrobat? He's fucking sick.

Goofy ass French acrobat and then now you're condom boy. Yeah. French acrobats coming through. Condom one is definitely a good party trick. Well, that kid always he was impressive. He was on the national rink hockey team. Like roller.

You play hockey on roller on roller skates, not even blades. See, I never understand that because you can't really stop. You got the brake on the toe. Yeah, but it's not like in hockey, there's a lot of hard stop run the other way. You know what, listen, I thought rink hockey was gonna not be that cool. I went and saw them play, it was cool.

Was, do a lot of people take big falls? It's physical. I'd imagine it's just a ton I'd imagine I mean they're checking They're wearing knee pads or elbow pads. They got stuff going on They might even I think they had helmets on too I can't remember if they had helmets or not like cuz if you get hit in hockey you could Hypothetically, you can stay on your feet like it's a lot easier to catch your balance Then I'm imagining if you had wheels on your feet. I don't know if I agree with that

I'd would what what why. Why is it any different? I mean, why would it be? Because skates can drift side to side. Wheels can't. I see what you mean. You're talking friction. You could slide on skates to the side. That's how you stop.

I mean, this is probably a physics experiment that we could figure out. Yeah. Should I call my dad? I had a science question for you. Let me see if I can remember it because I knew science runs in your family. I usually just, I would call my dad for stuff like if you shoot a gun out of a... How long until that comes down?

Because that's where in whenever like in Iraq or wherever they have a holiday, they just fire 8k 47s into the air. Yeah. Yeah. And somewhere. I think they just do that. Seven villages over 14 camel stuff. Yeah. The lambs are just fucking. I think they do that when they just feel any sort of excitement. Or anger. Yeah. Yeah. Like all the Celtics one. It's a boy. Yeah. Oh shit. The rice is getting here today taco Tuesday Cuz you know in those countries they are someone always shows up with just a fucking truckload of rice you talking about the UN Yeah, yes, the aid drops. Yeah

Yeah, they want to shoot it out of the truck. Yeah, it's just The aid drops? Yeah, and they just... Yeah. Yeah. They wind up shooting down the rest of the aid. They're fucking it out of the truck. Yeah. It's just getting parachuted in. Holy shit, that's Jasmine. Gah, gah, gah, gah, gah, gah. The basmati just made it. Yeah.

Do you guys have a favorite rice? I actually do like Jasmine rice a lot. The long cut white one? Yeah. Yeah, it's pretty good. Yeah. But isn't there like a little bit of spice in there, or an herb? Saffron maybe?

Well, saffron's the most, they say, the most expensive spice in the world. Really? Yeah. My god. These smacks of someone who went to Morocco recently. Yeah. It's hard to, I think, extract, cultivate.

I don't know. It yields very little. They use it in iPhones, I'm pretty sure. Interesting. Yeah. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that it's mined in the south central regions of Africa and used to make iPhones and also to spice up basmati rice. It's the reason China wanted Tibet.

Mm. It's the reason that Ukraine is fighting over the Crimea. Which I guess is because of the Black Sea? I didn't know that. A cab driver just told me that Ukraine and Russia care about Crimea because of the Black Sea. Is that accurate? What is it?

Rich with sources? I think it's a good port. It's like a warm water port or something, a warmer water port. Was that because they always pee in their pools? It's probably because they're pissing, because the Ukrainians and Russians are just swirling piss together, like a suicide soda. You ever make a suicide, like two different types of soda?

Oh yeah, of course. Soda machine? Of course. That's called a suicide? I've never heard anyone call it that, but I appreciate it. Damn. No, I was like four when I was doing that,

so we didn't really know the word suicide meant. I did it this weekend. Really? Yeah, I just did it at a Buffalo Wild Wings yesterday. It's never good. If you have Diet Coke like 90% of the way and a splash of root beer or Dr. Pepper. Yeah, that's good, but I thought you meant like you go.

That's you having the restraint of an adult. As a child, I thought, let's combine all the colors of Yeah, and then tell everyone it's good when it's actually not awful It's terrible. You're like, I'm gonna do cherry coke powerade Orange juice. Yeah sprite milk. Yeah Milk in there from the coffee station at Penn State. There was a milk vending machine. Yeah Oh, dude, we had a milk vending machine. It's a pall. Like a soft serve or whatever.

A fountain serve. Chocolate milk. My buddy Ben, dude, my buddy Ben, when we were in middle school, every day, he would get a Powerade from the vending machine and then a pack of Sour Patch Kids. And he would dump all the Sour Patch Kids into the Powerade and convince us it was delicious.

And he would do this every day. Yeah. So he's dead now. Yeah, he has no teeth in his rotten corpse because his bones have decayed. Yeah. That's such an aggressive amount of sugar to marinate your teeth in.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, that is so fucking nasty. Oh my God. Wait, so really quick, so back to your nose. So you're gonna get this procedure done. Do you have a date? Wednesday. Oh shit God. Wait, so really quick, so back to your nose. So you're going to get this procedure done. Do you have a date? Wednesday. Oh shit.

It's this week. Okay. So they're going to go in, are they going to build like a stints to open your nostrils up or what splints? I don't know what they call them. Stints does sound right. Probably. I don't know. I think they're just like shaving down some shit

inside my nose. Shout out to Dr. Raitata. Raitata. My guy's Dr. Ratata. Ratata. My guy's name was Peak Wu. Okay. Peak Wu. Like a roller coaster. It's two thirds of the Asian iteration

of the childhood game, Peak Abu. Who was that dude that used to make the videos on Vine, the Ratata guy? Ratata. Yeah, I remember him, then he turned out he was a gay porn star. It was like, he woundata guy. Ratata. Yeah, I remember him. And then he turned out to be a porn star. It was like, he wound up having a recognizable name. And that's why when people are like, the Marilyn Foodie boys

are going to be big like two years from now. I'm like, no, Ratata. The Ratata guy was great. You'd be like, yeah. Brian Silver. Yeah. Ratata. And he'd make those videos.

He'd be like, pull up at your girl house. Coming up pussy. Skirt off. Cluck, cluck. Ta, ta, ta. Ra, ta, ta. I never saw these. You never saw them?

No, but I didn't consume Vine the way that your generation did. Yeah. He was pretty big. You would have been that big. No. This was a guy. He wasn't big cuz he was funny He was big cuz he was like a creature it was also like it was like hock to ish to yeah

Like he just had like he's in jail. Yeah, go surprise me worse He was just like he would film himself in the mirror. He had pretty good obliques Yeah, pretty good like V cut but just like a skinny White passing but I guess if his name is Silva, probably Hispanic bro, who just went talking to the mirror, filmed himself talking to the mirror. Well, so you're going to go do your nose. You're going to be, so you were wondering about how the recovery is, right? Have they talked to you about that? Am I going to be able to come in the next day? He's been very, I haven't been able to get a clean answer

out of Dr. Raitata. I just don't know, I doubt it. If I, that I'll be able to come in the next day? Well, you said you had it, and you said your brother-in-law had it, but. Yeah, but mine was, mine was not, mine was the, like imagine if you just got renovated your face. Why did you need that?

Because I had been beaten up. By the main guy? Yeah. That's what, and you're saying that you would like to see this main guy again and have a laugh with him about this? He reconstructed your face. I'd be pissed off.

Yeah. I'd go with it. Well, I don't even necessarily blame him. It was that when they reset my nose, I don't think they did it correctly. And they just, the whole left nostril closed off. Dr. Raitata is supposed to be the best in the world. But I don't know about Dr. Wu.

Peek Wu. Peek Wu. Peek Wu didn't do my nose. He scraped out the polyps from my vocal cords during the same procedure. They did under one anesthesia. They did the vocal cords, which by the way, I need to do again.

Why? Because I get hoarse from like one day of talking in and outside. That's very white girl of you. It's ridiculous. I wonder what that is. Polyps have grown again on my vocal cords. I know this is exactly what used to happen.

Interesting. And I'm hoarse all the time, and it drives me insane. What the hell? What are polyps indicative of? They're just little scabs. They're little blisters that grow on your vocal cords and make you hoarse from overuse. Too much sun?

But I actually think I'm getting them a little bit from drinking a lot, because I always get hoarse after I drink, even if I'm not talking that loudly You got to reach SAS's book. I drank so much this weekend. Sounds like it might be time for you Just try the easy way by own car He's got a whole he's got he they list his books on the back and it's like I'm reading how to stop vaping and then There's obviously like how to stop smoking and like how to stop drinking Couldn't these all have just been one book pretty much pretty much. Yeah, what the fuck babe?

But then there's randomly one time like the tank engine kicks his heroin There's randomly ones that are like how to stop smoking for women Like that that'll do like there's like that's it and you're like, well, how is that different from how to stop smoking for men? But I guess you had to read both. Or a fixation. The penis. Yeah. That's just them being like, you know, Harry Potter, the movie adaptations, they decided to split the seventh book into two movies for a clear money grab. We can do the same. Yeah, yeah.

I guess it's like Dr. Pepper for men. Remember that? Yeah. Did they make that? Oh, yeah. It was a huge deal. Really? Oh, yeah. Remember that? Yeah. Did they make that? Yeah, it was a huge deal. Really? Oh yeah, I remember the commercials. It would be like a fucking Yeti and he'd be like, Dr. Pepper, only for men. And then people were like, why is this a thing?

I auditioned to be the spokesperson for Dr. Pepper. That would have been an amazing gig. The flow of Dr. Pepper. Damn. You would have still been. I auditioned for that role. I didn't even get a callback. Justin Guarini. It's the sweet one. It is that guy. I think that's the guy. Justin Guarini was, he came in second in the first American Idol to Kelly Clarkson. Damn. That would have been such a good gig. And he got cast as that guy? I'm pretty sure that he's the guy who's like, it's the sweet one.

It's just a Prince knockoff, right? That's what they're doing? I guess. They do a lot of college football commercials. Where they're like, No! The transfer portal! You ever see those? I kind of tune out commercials. You've never seen those commercials?

I just don't pay that much attention during commercials. They're on constantly. I start games an hour and a half late so I can skip them. Yeah, by the end you sync up by the last drive. I can't believe you guys haven't seen these commercials where they're like, dad, is our team going to make the playoffs this year? He's like, we're a contender for sure.

And then they're like, oh no, the transfer portal. And then it'll be like Caleb Williams getting sucked into the transfer portal. And then all that's left behind is a Dr. Pepper. And they're like, well, at least they left the Dr. Pepper behind. It's the sweet one. And the commercial ends.

Damn. Your life would have, you wouldn't be here today with us if you had gotten that gig. I don't know. I don't know what... I think people assume it's so much more than it is. It's definitely a lot, but I don't know how much it is. I knew it was crazy when I saw Travis Scott dapping up Jake from State Farm at a basketball game.

Yeah, I mean, Jake from State Farm. Jake from State Farm rolls up to basketball games like Stephen A Smith. Yeah, he's just like smooth walking on the side. I was like, is he on Playboy Cardi's album? What's up? The fuck is Jake from State Farm? He's like a cultural like, and they like respect the hell out of him.

Like he must be like the man to party with or something. Yeah, he's probably, yeah, he probably just always has like a bag on him or something yeah fat bag yeah Jake the bag man and his khakis from State Farm he's got like a dime bag that has the State Farm logo on it the pills are pressed stamped into it it's crazy because do you remember the original Jake from State Farm was like a fat white guy? Yeah, I wear a k. Yeah, what are you wearing? Kaki's? He's like a Midwestern fat white guy It's like season one of the Fresh Prince when Aunt Viv was like a dark-skinned black lady and then by season two

It's like a light-skinned black lady. Yeah, this is Jake from State Farm erasure Yeah, like the kids are not gonna remember that was a fat Midwestern guy no are there black guys named Jake no I'm trying to think of one I'm only thinking of like mobile quarterbacks like Jake Locker and Jake Plummer Jake from State Farm I think is easily my least favorite like commercial person by a mile. Well, that's because you like Melissa Vine Thrub. Who's that? I'm pretty sure that she's the AT&T girl The one that was getting like they had to like shut down commercials They had to like pull commercials off the air because she was getting like sexually harassed. Yeah

Cuz I guess she has like big tits or something. That's exactly right Milana Vine Thrupp I was close on that. It's amazing. Her bra size is actually the same as their cellular network That would have been one to put that would have put it back on for yeah, I would have put a jacket on for sure They saw what a flow from progressive was doing. And they're like, Oh, no, we're gonna fucking section. But now progressive is on to like their fifth iteration. They went to like the white guy. Yeah, they're in trouble. I know. I

think yeah, they can't afford flow. They're scrambling. They squeeze her ass. Yeah, they're trying to get a franchise tag on her. But yeah, they're to get a franchise tag on her, but... Yeah, they're trying to get the T Higgins contract. Which is, T Higgins contract was crazy. You wanted to give it to them for the Patriots. I know you did. I just don't even know how the Bengals can afford that. They're just gonna have the worst defense in the league

for the rest of four years. Yeah, sucks. Sucks, Dick. So you think I'm fucked for the surgery? No, I don't think I don't think it's gonna be that bad I'd be surprised if you could come to work the next day though. Well. What am I gonna be doing? You need to lie down hopefully got some of those Mexican oxys still no they they prescribe me some they prescribe you oxy No, it was like Thailand Thailand all coated with codeine or something That a thing

Some shit like that Getting creative in the lab now. Yeah, it's like a tootsie roll How many licks does it take to get to the Tylenol? One Suck on this codeine lozenge There's gonna be a great surprise in the middle of Tylenol. They prescribed me a double cup. They prescribed me a cup of mud.

Yeah, so I'm nervous about that. But I'm also, it's like they're like, we'll call you the day before with your surgery time. Like it's like a surprise buddy's vacation or something like that. They're gonna let me know right beforehand where and when to show up. Yeah, you're flying standby. Yeah, why am I flying standby for this? That's surprising,

because aren't they gonna put you under? Yeah. They'll put you fully under, right? Yeah. So you'll need a day to not eat and drink, right? I guess. I'd love to know how much they got to use to put you under.

It's not enough, guys. They're like, that's all we have on hand. He's still wide awake. Start going right into his veins. Start jabbing him. Sir, have you been experimenting with Mexican Oxycontin for years? Start counting down from 10. Got a little cocktail coming for me.

Buddy, I'm at negative 400. Yeah, been counting for months. My grandfather used to- What's the lowest you ever made it on that count? Like eight. I think I get to seven or six, yeah. It's unbelievable how well it works. You're like, yeah, I get why Michael Jackson died.

To sleep that well is worth dying for. That's how, like if I could see. Michael Jackson must have been counting one individual sheep and then he's out. Well, I would imagine they just keep, they had to, he probably built up a tolerance. Yeah. Yeah.

My grandfather had to get a bunch of surgeries throughout his life and one of them he was getting back surgery and he woke up in the middle of it. That's one of my biggest fears. And he was just awake the whole time. They made a movie about that. Really? Yeah, they made a movie where the entire premise is that the guy is Awake during surgery. There's a name for it There's a term for that medical

Phenomenon at least back surgery like you're on your stomach Like you probably like you at least at least it's not you're waking up and all of a sudden you can just see the inside of your body. Hold on. Jesus Christ. Like imagine if you were getting like your appendix removed or some shit and you woke up. I've uh... It's just right there, your appendix is just in front of you. I've heard of surgeries, brain surgeries where they have to keep you awake because they're like so close on a wire that it could fuck with your motor functions. Your memory, yeah. And so they're like, they'll like keep you like talking.

People- And then like if you slip into Spanish, they're like, uh oh, we crossed the wire. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. One, two. People slip into fluent Mandarin. Tres, cuatro. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. What? Two.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Five, six. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Dude, people like play like if they're like a musician, people play like if you're like if you say you're like a professional piano player or a violin, they'll play the violin while they're having the surgery. Yeah. So they don't forget. I've told the story a hundred times when I listen to old-

Then you start playing a Spanish song. Yeah. There's an old NPR episode of a talking about a dude Hurry, I guess an NPR interview talking about a dude who he got brain surgery And then when he got out of the surgery, he was just a full-on pedophile And like he was a completely normal guy like had a family never had any issues at all And then he came out of surgery and they found like eight terabytes of child porn on his laptop and he got he didn't he wasn't guilty Like he got he got like he got off on it. This is all sounds very far-fetched

Oh, I swear dude I I could call Bo right now and ask cuz we he's made me listen to the episode like nine times If I'm a lawyer, I'm hearing this story and licking my chops It's a real story you should show you should look at I'm saying like it's a great defense for every other pedophile ever. So I know he got his wires crossed. He just accidentally is a pedophile. What he didn't even know that he had downloaded the porn? No, I think he knew but they were like it was a fuck up on the like. Oh, he sued for medical malpractice. Something like that. Yeah. They made him a pedophile because he like clearly wasn't. I swear to God. You can make someone a pedophile. He clearly was him a pedophile. Because he like clearly wasn't... I swear to God.

You can make someone a pedophile. He clearly was not a pedophile before. My guess would be that the doctor uncovered that he was a pedophile. No, no. It was literal wires that they cut. He was like a totally normal guy before. Okay, so hold on a second. He has the surgery. It was a brain surgery?

It was a brain surgery. Okay, and then he, next thing you know, he has tons of child pornography. Yes. Did he download the child pornography in a waking, conscious moment? I don't know, it was after the surgery. You said that you'd listened to the interview eight times, so I'm assuming you know it front to back.

It had to have been a, That's a lot of time. I've probably listened to it twice. Okay, so I'm assuming you know it front to back. It had to have been a... That's a lot of time. I've probably listened to it twice. Okay, so I want more details. Let me text Bo right now and ask him which one it was. We can give him a call. Can we call? Call him.

I don't think I can call him because he's in Spain. Well, just give him a FaceTime, audio FaceTime. All right. Or hit him on WhatsApp. Yeah. Yeah, let me just WhatsApp him real quick. You should be good on WhatsApp. I can voice call him.

It's just, it's crazy that there's the premise that everybody is like one wire cross away from being a pedophile. I think we all want to believe that, but to me this is Harry being a pedophile sympathizer. Yeah. No, no, no, no, no. He's a mad... Yo. You're live to tape on son of a boy dad. Do you remember what the, do you remember when we listened to that NPR interview

about the dude who was like normal and then he got brain surgery and he turned into a pedophile? Oh yeah, it's Radiolab. That's what it was, it was Radiolab? Yeah, it's, I forget the name of the episode, but yeah, it's Radiolab. Can I ask some clarifying questions? Yeah, Francis has some clarifying questions Hey, how are you pal?

I know you too, man. I just wanted to know so Did he he went into the surgery and then had the surgery was a brain a brain surgery. And then he woke up a pedophile. That's the way Harry's presenting this. Yeah, pretty much. And so then he downloaded a ton of child pornography. But then Harry is saying that he got off in the court case because it wasn't his fault. Yeah, I forget exactly what happened.

But I don't think he went to prison for it because they could look at the surgery that happened and the behavior that followed. And I think they depends on that. Okay. So asking for a friend. So you're saying that there's a surgery that can make you be a pedophile. Does that mean there's a surgery that can make you not be a pedophile? You would think, yeah.

Or do you think that right after surgery, maybe you just start acting on pedophilia and just be like, Oh no, it's the surgery. See, that's what I think happened. Cause I have surgery on Wednesday. Okay. Well yeah, if you could send it, uh, the radio, you're saying it's radio lab, radio lab, pedophilia medical surgery, right? That'll get us there. Yeah. Okay. Oh, that'd be good. Yeah. Because I don't tend to, I don't really like Googling anything related to that stuff. Yeah. Yeah. That's probably smart. How's Spain, brother? It's great. It's really good.

I only have until Friday and then I go back home and it's been great. Very cool. Well, we appreciate you. I look forward to seeing you again soon and good luck. Thanks for chiming in. Yeah, of course. Well, thanks for having me. And enjoy the rest of the chat. You got it. That's Beau, everyone. Bye. That's Beau. Enjoy the rest of the chat is nice. Wow, that's what Beau sounds like?

I never even heard him before. You know, Beau is, Really? You'd be so surprised by Beau. Beau is so much, he's so great. He's everything it seems like. He's just charming. He's handsome, he's tall, he's dashing.

He's not tall. He tries, he's not tall? No, I'm taller than him. For real? Yeah, absolutely. Man, you just had that presence that made me think he was like. I'm the second tallest in our friend group. After Peters?

Yeah. Peters is tallest. Peters is like 6'4". 6'3". I thought, I mean, Bo presented to me as the biggest man in the room. Bo's probably six foot, I'm 6'1". But with good posture.

Oh, I'm 5'10". Yeah. But technically I'm 6'1". You walk at 5'10", you measure at 6'1". I very rarely reach my limit of height. Yeah, and I never use my full potential. I really don't unlock my... and I don't even know... It's in the shoulders, the knees, the lower back.

It's everywhere. Yeah, I'm doing it wrong completely. I could probably just stretch my abs into a couple more inches. I mean, I'd probably measure big at the combine, but on the field I'm not as fucking imposing. Francis' measure's true. Oh yeah, 100% true to size. I'm not proposing. Francis measures true. Oh, yeah. 100% true to size.

All right, guys. Let's take a second and talk about our good friends over at Game Time. Game Time. What time is it? Game Time. Game Time. The best part of college basketball is here,

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That's tempo meals.com slash boy dad for 60% off your first box. But enough about our first box. Tempo meals.com slash boy dad rules and restrictions may apply. Oh boy. Okay. All right. Trigger warning. I'm going to tell a quick flight story.

Okay. Good. Cause I got a good one after. All right. I'm gonna tell a quick flight story. Okay, good, because I got a good one after. All right, I'm sorry everybody. But I was on a flight yesterday from the Dominican Republic back to America and so much happened, but I'll do it quickly. I won't do 45 minutes. Yeah, I apologize.

I want to apologize again for destroying the episode on Thursday. Yeah. I lashed out. No, people hated it. What do you mean you lashed out? I was angry about my flight situation and then I used up all the podcast time selfishly

Well, I mean this is a safe space for you to talk. Yeah, but I'm pretty aware. It's just a chat I'm pretty aware of when it's getting out of hand and it got out of hand here to Harry's credit after the episode He was like he I did notice that right before this episode, you were like trying to unload some flight stuff so you could kind of be fresh and free. Yeah. So you're coming back from the Dominican. All right.

So I'm flying back from the Dominican Republic. I'm on United, so I don't have status, but I pay up for an emergency exit seat and I choose the window seat. And I thought that would be a good idea. But for whatever reason on this particular window seat, in this emergency exit seat, the window and the door, the emergency door came out from the wall. So I had less room than even a normal coach seat. The one behind me had more room, at least to the right. So I'm now already hemmed in from the right. And then who sits next to me in the middle seat?

Beef. The biggest, the biggest black guy. I mean, this guy, awesome dude. I'll tell you why. The only reason I bring up the fact that he's black is because it matters. You'll see. But he's wearing a full sweat suit, which just made,

he was strong. He was a big, strong guy. Where were you flying to? From the Dominican Republic back to New York, three and a half hours. On a bad flight? But I'm hungover, hot. Was he Dominican? No. He was New York, three and a half hours. On a bad flight. But I'm like hungover, hot. Was he Dominican?

No. He was New Yorkese. He was wearing sunglasses the whole flight, if you know what I mean. Respect. Yeah. Yeah. He was cool. David Ortiz.

He also had his wallet was attached to a chain that was a chain you could tow a boat out of the water with. It was the thickest, the links on the chain were fucking that big. They were fucking huge. And all of this just, it was just big. He was a big guy. And, but he was nice to me. And I say that because 10 to 20 minutes into the flight, by the way, people have been mocking me for the fact that I have one of these

sticky suction stickers on the back of my phone. I have that because I like to watch movies on my phone on flights. And I was at the hold it. So I got that in order to- That's nice. Just be able to stick it on the back of the screen. That's why I have that, not to take selfie videos or something super lame like that. So I'm trying to stick this to the back of the thing

and the guy taps me on the shoulder and shows me that on this particular United airplane, they have one of these little trays. Oh, yeah, I've seen those. These trays that you can fold down, which is an amazing application. Right, probably cost ten cents to add on, but Delta for whatever reason. For whatever fucking reason. Until all their planes crash and then they'll refresh their new fucking fleet. Yeah, we kind of need to... So we bonded over that, that was nice. We didn't say anything, but he just showed me that

and I was like, oh, that's awesome. Señor. But. Yeah. So can actually put it on. As he falls asleep, he starts getting bigger and bigger and bigger. Yeah, he's expanding.

He's man spreading, his legs are coming out, and I respected him. I liked him. Yeah. And I didn't want to wake him up. Yeah. And my theory is that unless you create that flush contact with your seatmate at the beginning, you miss the boat.

Right? If we had immediately at the beginning just touched knees and kept it there, we would have been fine. We probably would have both preferred it. But as it were, I felt him and I kept receding over to the right and he kept getting bigger and bitter to the point that in his arms, he was sitting like this, his shoulders every I mean

10 so both arm how much you think dominated 280 oh but he was like 510 what I was hoping for threes I was hoping for fours really but he no he wasn't I wouldn't say he was fat he was just like big how tall I was thinking five ten likeouting. 5'10", like running back. Oh, I saw a 280. Outside linebacker type thing. Yeah, Igbo Samuel. Yeah. I mean 280 is bigger. 280 is 60 pounds bigger than the D-D.

James, who's the James? Cook? No, the Pittsburgh Steel defensive player. Harrison. James Harrison. That kind of a body. Oh, God. Interesting. And Harrison, that kind of a body. Oh, God. Interesting. And he is getting bigger and bigger.

Arm rests are both dominated. He's leaking over. And I am just going farther and farther in. And I can't go right because of the door. So for three hours, I sat leaning this way, hunching my neck. I could feel my spine getting angry with me. Yeah.

That's brutal. Just deeply uncomfortable, just misery. Was this for barstool? Was this for like football players? I went on my divorce-chiller party. Got it, got it. I had a divorce-chiller. That's fun.

Which looked incredible. I would highly recommend anyone who's gone through divorce to have, once you get happy again, you should have a divorce chiller party. And I think women should have a divorce chillerette. And I initially thought of calling it divorce-iller. You got to go divorce chiller. Why? It just is more fun. It's chunkier. The chair's nice.

Yeah. So what'd you do?? You just had all the lads? I went with three of my buddies on a golf trip to the Dominican Republic. Can I ask what their marital status is? All of them are happily married. Interesting. And so they're just down to clown with you? Yeah. In a way I would almost say that they want me to keep getting married and divorced frequently so we can do this on a more regular basis. I need a buddy to get divorced. Yeah. It sounds and looks super fun. getting married and divorced frequently so we can do this on a more regular basis. I need a buddy to get divorced.

Yeah, yeah. That sounds like, it sounds and looks super fun from the pictures. Yes, it was awesome. It was really, really fun. I made t-shirts with a logo that I had sourced from a logo design competition, which I've done in the past on one of those

like 99 designs websites, whatever it is, and you put up a cash prize for whichever designer, you get prompts about what you want and then they create designs. However, I selected my winner, gave them a little bit of feedback and then 99 designs reached out and said, it appears that the designer, winning designer that you chose used AI, which is against the rules of our website. Do you want us to disqualify this person? But by that point, I had grown very fond of the design and it was too late.

So I said, no, that's okay. However, I was annoyed because if I'd known that they were just gonna use AI, I would have just done it myself. I mean, there are levels to, I think not all AI is created the same. I think there's levels to people's ability with AI. Yeah, 100%. Yeah.

I should have known. I mean, this guy submitted like 48 designs. Yeah. He was cranking them and I'm like, there's no way he's doing that. It probably wasn't even up, it was probably just a robot. Well, they're-

Just pumping out designs. They're all from Indonesia, Pakistan, and fucking... I know this because I kept explaining. They had a very hard time with divorce chiller. Yeah. And they were like, what is? Yeah. And I was like, well, my marriage ended.

And then they made a shirt that was like, Francis's happy marriage golf party. I'm like, no, no, it's not that. It's quite the opposite of that. So unhappy marriage golf party. No, no, not that easy. Happy unmarried golf party. I could not figure out the concept.

And I was like, just take the words I'm sending you and put that on a fucking t shirt. And so anyway, we finally, I got that I had to get that I got the design and then I went and bought t shirts at I'm not going to say where, but like a nice athleisure wear store and then brought them

to a t shirt printing place around here. You got aloe t-shirts and had them... I'm gonna say I got Viori t-shirts. The best. Because we love Viori here on the podcast. And... I do love Viori.

Is it Viori or Viori? It's V-U-O-R-I. See, I've been saying it wrong. But I, yeah, I went and got those and then I had them printed and then I had some, on the back I did the big logo and then on the front I did the, I didn't, what is it called when you, embroidery of the different teams that we were going to break ourselves into for our matches of golf. Yeah, so you went all out.

I went all out. I brought a really nice bottle of wine in my golf bag again, kind of held my breath, hoping it wouldn't break. It made it. Everything was great. Just had an awesome time. What kind of wine? It was a 2012 Dominus Magnum.

Can we ask what the shirts ended up saying? Franz Divorce Chiller. Then it said the name of where we went, and then Dominican Republic. But the logo, I mean, I can show you a picture. I could, we'll print it. We'll show it. Do you anticipate these brothers wearing these shirts again?

Actually, I do, yeah. Everyone was really, it raised the whoop level. I'm sure. For like, you know, 2X whenever I, I also got everyone a box of TaylorMade golf balls, TaylorMade gloves, because TaylorMade is awesome and sends those to me through foreplay. And so everyone got all kinds. I just had like a care package for everyone

when we got there. What a way to kick off a trip. It was awesome. If you're going to do a divorce chiller, you should have like a grab bag of gift stuff. It doesn't have to be. I mean, I feel like any gathering of the fellows, you should do that. Yeah. But it depends on who's in charge.

For Montana this summer, I think I'm we got to make I got to make custom shirts. You should. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. It'd be cool. Is there some sort of like fly fishing gear that everyone likes or wants or would wear? Yeah, probably. I could probably find something. I mean, you got to make the custom shirts and then let us lift the design to sell the shirts because I guarantee that Sass's Montana fishing bash would go crazy as a design.

That would be cool. I think hats, like a hat like this. I think the fellas would have to wear that. Hats are awesome. That's a great call. A rope hat, like a fishing hat. Viori too, make it Viori. Yeah.

Viori. That would be, I thought about doing hats. I didn't have time to get that together. And I also thought about, there were some other great designs that were a little smaller. And initially, I wanted to put those on the golf balls, but ran out of time for that, too. Did you have any Mama Juana?

No. Mama Juana is the local drink. I saw that. I thought you were talking about marijuana. No, no, Mama Juana. I saw that. I didn you were talking about marijuana. No, no, Mama Juana. I saw that. I didn't have any of that. It's so fucking delicious.

Is it? What is it? It's a bit sugary. It's like maybe like a rich rum tea type deal. They're big on rum down there. Or shit like that, but it's so fucking nice. I was never a rum guy. Rum never came before me.

Me neither, and that's why the Mama Juana fucking knocked my socks off, because I'm not a rum man I like rum in a blended frozen drink. Yeah as like inside of it and then you throw a little rum float on top I like the rum diaries as like a fourth hunter s Thompson book to get into it's a good one It's a fun one after fear and loathing. No fear. No fear and loathing. That's for sure campaign trail Hell's Angels and then Hell's Angels I couldn't get through

Why I guess you just cuz I realized like one long article Yeah, he was embedded with them right yeah It's not like like it's not even close to like fear and loathing. I don't know there's like some pretty gnarly tales of like Violence and like rape and shit like that yeah is it is it worth reading I thought it was good interesting no take my word for it though I'm more of a parenting book guy yeah I'm more into just learning how to quit things that I enjoy what was your I How to quit video games. The easy way.

There probably is an easy way for video games. I'm never quitting video games. Fucking love video games. It's the only wholesome thing that you have going. What's your plane story? Oh, mine's not really much of a plane story. Oh wait, I have to finish it. I'm so sorry.

Oh, you didn't finish? No, so I get off the plane and I'm so uncomfortable that I'm desperate to get off the plane. And I, without realizing it, I go through, all the way through passport control, global entry, shout out, most unbelievable fucking hack in the world. Yeah, I gotta get that. Breeze, it's a breeze.

And the wait, they post the wait times for the regular passport, 20 minutes. Damn. So I go right through. It was almost like, yo, you should check me a little more carefully. Yeah. I get through, I go out, and then I realize I left my wallet on the plane.

Oh! No! I left my wallet, and it's doubly important. I've done that. Because I had driven my car to the airport, and my car key for my Tesla was in my wallet. Oh. So now I'm foreseeing the fact that I'm going to have to take an Uber home, come into work today, and

then go back out to Newark Airport with my extra car key. Nah, no, no, no. To then get my car, pay for an extra day of overdue parking. Wait, you still don't have your wallet? I want to tell this quickly so I feel bad almost like continuing this story. But then what happened was I was like, oh, fuck, this is bad. Yeah. And so I first run through my backpack

because I only had my backpack because I had shipped my golf clubs thanks to ShipStix, another sponsor for Play, one of the best companies I've ever seen in my entire fucking life. Oh man, just a walk in billboard. Yeah. Yeah.

And they, so I only had my backpack, but it was just filled with dirty, wet bathing suits, like shitty, sweaty clothing. So I'm ripping all my clothes out and I pull out all this stuff, whatever I had in there, and I pull out my little white noise machine. It's just sitting on the ground behind me. And I don't find the wallet in any of the pockets, of course.

And so I just start stuffing all the clothes back in. I get almost everything back in and then the guy who had been sitting next to me, now I'm through passport control, I'm at baggage claim. Comes up behind me and he goes, hey man, your speaker, your speaker's there. It was behind me. You're like, no, it's not a fucking speaker.

For whatever reason, I don't know why I said this. I go, oh no, it's a white noise machine. And he goes, what's that? And I go, it makes noise to help you sleep. And he goes, does it play music? And I was like, no. And then he walked off and went, y'all people. That's what he said, y'all people. That's what he said, y'all people.

Oh man. Was he laughing? Kind of, he was like shaking his head, you know, he's like, y'all people. Damn. And I was like, people who have a hard time sleeping. Unless there's ambient noise playing. So I went to a desk, told a woman, hey, I left my wallet on the plane. And dude, this woman went to town for me.

She absolutely, her name was Raquel. She was fucking dialed. She immediately got on her phone. She's using her cell phone and called like where the gate had been. and they learned that the plane had already moved out of that gate and was crossing to a different terminal. And she was like, where is it going? And they were like, it's going to terminal C because we landed at terminal B. And she was like, what gate?

She called two other people she knew in terminal C, finally reached this guy Nelson. It was like Nelson, this plane arriving at this gate, you've left his thing in this seat, 20F, and go find it. Nelson goes on the plane, she's still on the phone with him, he finds it, I'm like, oh my God, thank God. Yeah. And then she's like, okay, now you need to walk to terminal C, and you need to wait outside of exit C1, which is an egress point.

It's like a checkpoint. So how'd you get back into the terminal? I couldn't go through. So I had to wait outside of an exit, as if I was greeting my Mormon son home from a mission. Yeah. And, uh. Is that my boy Nelson?

Yeah. And I had, we had no cell phone numbers, no ability. I didn't know what Nelson looked like. You were in 97. What's that? You were in 1997. Yes, yes. And he was like, he had told her like 20 minutes.

So I'm like looking at my clock, 20 minutes goes by and like, oh fuck. He's supposed to be here by now. He's probably down a different level. Like, and I run down there. You're calling your credit card company. I'm supposed to be here by now. He's probably down a different level. And I run down there. You're calling your credit card company. Do I have to cancel this thing? Every guy, every single guy that came out

wheeling an old person, I go, Nelson? And he's like, what? And I'm like, do you know Nelson? They're like, no. And I'm like, do you even work for the airport? Who hires you guys? You're all wearing uniforms. 10,000 people working there? I asked so many people if they were Nelson. Have you seen this boy? Just a sketch of Nelson? Yeah. And by the way, Raquel had told me, you'll find Nelson, he's famous.

That's what she said. So I kept being like, do you know Nelson? And they were like, no. I'm like, so much, clearly I'm more famous than Nelson. Yeah. And then finally I see a guy coming out, looking up at me and he's got my driver license out and he's cross checking the phone, the thing. And I was like, Nelson, Nelson? He's like, Ellis? And I shook his hand and I tried to give him $50.

And he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Cause that's the type of guy Nelson is. Of course, yeah. I was like, I'm going to go to the airport and I shook his hand and I tried to give him fifty dollars and he goes, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, airport, 50, you need $50. Yeah, 50 is a lot of money. 50 is nice. 50 was nice, but he wouldn't take any of it.

And, uh. Fuck that. That's when you gotta go, you just gotta like be like, well, I'm just gonna leave it on the ground. I'll stuff it in your shirt buttons, Nelson. Stuff it in his pants pocket like he's a stripper. Bro, you never go full Nelson. So I got my wallet back, got in my car and drove home.

And dude, the difference in my week as a result of their work, of the generosity of Raquel and Nelson versus knowing that I don't have my wallet today. At some point, I'm going to have to go on fucking New Jersey transit after work today to get out to Newark again to presumably you know I've lost I've lost my wallet replace all cancel replace all my credit cards replace my driver license and you know buy new teachers make a fucking unnecessary trip to the airport yeah that would suck and pay an additional day of parking for my car. Yeah. All those things. It was, I don't know what amount I wouldn't have tipped them for having solved that.

Yeah. And but there's a guy still made fun of your white noise machine. Yeah, that was pretty funny. I've never had it to that extent. I thought you meant you just left it and then you had to wait. Do you guys have a general sense of how long it took me

to tell that whole story from start to finish Probably like 10 minutes 10 15. Okay, start in the act as long as I'm under sass I thought you're saying you're under 45. Yeah, that's that's it As long as your story is not 45 minutes with zero laughs the entire time the entire time. With just us kind of listening like... You would be stark naked by the end of that fucking story if we'd been playing by the right rules. I mean, that was the problem with that story was it was just, there was nothing, there

was no, it was literally us just like logistically being like, okay, well there's a 730 out of JFK. And I was like, well, that one's too, like, there was no funny part of the story at all. Yeah, we're just playing travel agent. Yeah. It wasn't really a story. It was more just like a- It was literally just me sitting there being like,

well, I can't take that flight. So I guess I'm gonna have to stick to this one. Yeah. Which is why you're- And then us finally realizing you were just being classist the whole time. Yeah, I guess. A little bit.

Business classist. I don't spend my money on anything really except for flights. You don't have to, and marijuana, you don't have to qualify that. I don't know my money on anything really except for flights. You don't have to do in marijuana. You don't have to Qualify that I don't know where this narratives come from either the fact that the last time I was at your apartment I just tiptoe around the bags I'm afraid to have the smell stuck to my clothes and people think I'm a fucking drug trafficker

The truth of the matter the dogs will probably stop you at the airport Is the truth of the matter? The dogs will probably stop you at the airport. Exactly, I don't know. Anyways, so I was in Vancouver this week, or sorry, New Westminster, never touched Vancouver. Son of a Boy Dad is brought to you by DraftKings. Very nice. When it comes to college basketball and Marchmania, one thing is for sure, nothing's for sure. Buzzer beaters, upsets, Cinderella's advancing, top seeds going home early, it's all gonna happen.

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Was really looking forward to the drive. Cause it's beautiful. As Rowan told me, I was downstairs after you said that, I was talking to Fights and I was like, I think I'm just gonna drive. Apparently it's like one of the most beautiful drives like in America. Dude, it was literally,

it felt like I was just driving through Massachusetts. I didn't see a mountain. I didn't see I didn't see the ocean. Well, you probably for what it's worth, there probably is a scenic route. And you didn't take I was thinking that when I was about halfway through, I was like, I bet there was a better route. You'd have to take you to do some research to figure out the scenic route. Yeah, no, there was nothing.

It was you need your girlfriend sitting in the passenger seat with a giant paper map. Yeah. If we take a left up here, we'll see the ocean for 0.5 seconds. You take one wrong turn, and it costs you an hour and 50 minutes. No, it was literally 10 miles on one street and then 150 miles on the next one. And then I was at the condo.

Not great. I went through border patrol. I went through customs. Yeah, yeah. It's just a window, right? It's just like a toll booth. Yeah, I knew that by the way. I didn't think you'd get someone,

someone I think on Twitter or something was like, Francis, I didn't think you had to get out of the car. No, they were like opening, they'd like open the trunks of some people's cars, shit like that. I'm surprised they didn't open yours, given the smell coming out of your car. So quick question, when you go to, I don't want to get into legal trouble here, but when you go to Canada to perform, do you need a work permit? Yeah. In theory.

Because you've told me you do, but then everyone else I've talked to said you don't Well, they just say don't even they don't bring it up So you say I got stopped at the border before and like detained really cuz you didn't have a work permit Actually that was going into England, but they've they've like asked questions at at the border in Canada Okay so Usually in like Toronto when I go like I've never been the only person ever been in Canada until this weekend was Toronto and

Toronto I go through customs at the airport and usually I just say I'm visiting I'm visiting I'm just here for the weekend. I'm visiting. Yeah, it's fine So I get up to the customs and I and I could tell I picked there was like eight lanes I could tell I picked the wrong lane. Mmm, like I knew it was a I could tell I picked the wrong line. Mm-hmm. Like I knew it was a Exactly that it was a fat white it was a fat white lady and Gunt is yeah over that thick belt and she was she was interrogating they think they're like it's on yeah, and By the way, you never speak better English than when you're talking to a fucking border patrol agent.

Dude, I was getting like... The conversation didn't go bad. Let's just say it went to a place that I didn't think it was going to go to. And I started getting like, when I get like panic attacks, it starts with like my hands start getting like, like, like, you start reading for your gun, I start getting pins and needles in my hands and I start like losing my breath. halfway through that conversation, I was like starting to freak out. Because I was like, I'm I'm

losing the plot of my story. And I feel like I've lied too much. And I like this was on. Oh, it all had to do with the work permit thing. So in my head, I'm like, I could probably just be like, Oh, I'm a comedian, I'm doing shows in Vancouver. And there's a chance that I'd either be like, you don't have a work, do you have a work permit? No. Like I didn't know what was gonna happen.

So I just went with what Rona's always told me to do and to say, you're just going to visit. Or you say, act like you're going to the show that you're in. Like, oh, I'm just up here for a show. I'm going to a rap show. Yeah, but then that wouldn't explain why would I be there for four nights or three nights fishing? So I go I got a

Make it a weekend of it. So you really have to explain like I'm going to a comedy show like for the week There was a lot of there was a lot of weird things so it starts out like what do you do? What are you doing in Canada? Oh, I'm Visiting some friends in Vancouver where you got where you from? I'm from Massachusetts. I live in New York now. Why are you driving through Seattle? Oh, it's cheaper flights. So I figured I just like land in Seattle and drive up. Who do you know in Canada? Immediately? I'm like, what?

What a curveball. Oh, what a curve ball. You stumped me with that one. You start breaking down hives. John, Dave. I'm not expecting that at all. So I was like, just friends, Drake. And she's like, well, how do you know? Like, like, why do you have friends in Canada?

And I was like, we grew up together. And she was like, well, what are they doing in Canada? And I was like, one of them's a fly fishing guide in Vancouver. Nice. So now I'm just completely lying. I'm completely lying. And I'm like, we're gonna go fishing for a couple days

like around. I could see you doing just that too. A couple days. Yeah. Then she goes, you bring any gifts for your friends? And I was like, what? Should I have? like, I don't know, liquor, tobacco, fire, some golf balls. Yeah. She goes firearms.

And I was like, no, I don't have any of those things. I literally almost took my jewel out and was like, I do have this. If this is a problem, it was like she was grilling me. Yeah. And then I didn't know where she was just like, you're good to go. But for those like when she started asking me. And then out of nowhere, she was just like, you're good to go. But for those, like, when she started asking the in-depth questions, I was freaking out. And then I was pulling out and I was like, I think I might've went a little too in-depth there.

And then I called Bo and I was like, if anyone asks you a fly fishing guide in Vancouver. Mm-hmm. Check that boy's story. When I say- Put it this way, they know I have a friend and they know he doesn't live in Canada. Check that guy's references. Since you're the only one that could be, you expect a call.

But yeah, so anyways, I ended up getting there. The shows were fine. It was, some of them were weird, but the people seemed to enjoy it. The club was weird, so it was kind of hard to tell. But the condo was nice. I spent most of my time in the condo. I never went to Vancouver. Can I say something to him real quick? Sure. Of course. The the fact that you did what when you got to the

the person who was in charge of entering a place, you like lied to make it easier for yourself. Yeah. When I did that at the Super Bowl you acted like I had committed a venial sin no a more moral sin rather like you acted like this is the worst person I know no no no no no no the team and I was like yeah I'm on the team no no but meanwhile you're lying through your teeth I'll give you lying through your teeth. I'll give you an alternate fiction I'll give you a comparison the reality like oh, it's a place a fly fishing guide up there. Oh government I'll give you I was talking to a 17 year old

Oh didn't give a fuck about her job and you acted like I was gonna lose this all gives you a comparison I'll give you a comparison here with this would- Meanwhile, you committed like an international incident. The equivalent? I'll give you the equivalent to what would have happened if this was wrong. This would have been, it would have been like if I pulled up and it was this like clueless lady who like maybe it was her first day working in the job. I don't know if you need to insult the casino woman. No, I'm saying in this hypothetical it would have been, you know, someone who's a little slower, maybe they don't really know what they're doing. The implication there is that the woman who works at the casino is retarded.

She was a little slow. Dude, she thought that I was on the Eagles. She thought that I was in the Super Bowl. She was just like a young woman. I weigh 170 pounds. She's 17 years old. Well, the fucking border agent in Canada thought you had three childhood friends, all of whom moved to Canada. I didn't say three. I said I had a buddy. But anyways, it would have been the equivalent if I got to the thing. And they were like, they were like, do you, we're not going to let you in. And I was like, well, I'm Justin Trudeau.

And they were like, and she was like, fuck, are you really really and then as she's saying that I'm backing out And I'm going back into the United States And then she's sitting there going. I just didn't let Justin Trudeau into the into Canada That's the equivalent to what wrong with it what wrong did no I think it's more like You know I play for the Toronto Maple Leafs or the Vancouver Canucks or whatever And as she's sitting there going shit He plays for the canal and then I but then you just see me just bet just one hand on the back seat Just pulling out going back into Seattle. You really missed your chance miss. Yeah, I'm honking as I'm leaving

What did what did he say to her that you didn't like? You took issue with him. I was like, no, we're good. Yeah. It was, she was like, she was like, wait, are you guys on the team? And then we're turning around and everyone's going, don't worry about it. Yeah. I said, don't worry about it. Letting her off the hook.

No. You just wouldn't do the same thing that I would do in situations that I'm in. And then if you're in those situations on your own and You just maybe a little bit of accountability and just saying hey, I would do that if I were you I think different instead of trying to make it into a Indictment of my character different situation. No, I think that I think that to Rone's point, you know trying to argue with your way into a casino Is so is so much less than trying to commit, I guess, national identity fraud. It's probably espionage, honestly. That's a homeland security issue. Especially between us and a country with whom we have more frosty relations today than ever before.

You're only driving a wedge further. And you're talking about you're only driving a wedge further. And you're talking about probably violating some sort of like inland fishing laws. You're invoking like the parks. You're lying to a government agent, which is- I didn't have any rods on me though. So I would have been using all my buddy's gear. All my guides gear.

Yeah, which again, but you weren't going to fish. She assumed I was going on a guided trip. Yeah. We're just gonna do a little fishing out there, yeah. You know that, by the way, you weren't going to do that. I was going on a guided trip. Yeah. We're just going to do a little fishing out there. Yeah. You know that, by the way, you know that saying to in Canada, my friend is a fly fishing guide is the equivalent in America to saying my friend plays for the Eagles. Oh, what's his name? Yeah. Oh, I probably know him.

Oh, do you really? I figured you might be a fly. They fly fishing guides in Canada are hallowed. Fly fishing guide was a pretty good poll. Revered figures. It's a pretty good poll, right? It is the poll you would have polled. Yeah, true. There's not a whole lot of other things you would have said.

It was pretty, I was pretty pumped with my choice. Yeah. There. Fist pumped. But anyway, so I get into Vancouver. Vancouver was fine. I love that you set that up by saying, can I get into I get into Vancouver Vancouver was fine. I don't like saying can I say something? I Don't really have to talk to my my boy man-to-man

I don't really have much to say about the actual trip like it was I was so exhausted after the first day Like I like on Friday. I just laid around the entire day and then Saturday poured the entire day So I really didn't do much. You know what I did do was I cooked every meal for myself Really like went grocery shopping because I got there and I felt so shitty and I was like I cannot eat takeout all week Yeah, so I had like steak chicken veggies. I like that. How'd you prep the chicken? Just salt and pepper Chicken thigh and just oh my god pants here., oh, a thigh. Pan sear? Yeah. Cut it up.

With butter? Pan sear. Oh, you did it bone out, no bone. No bone, no bone. Oil? Little oil. Did you cut it first and then pan sear it? Cut it first then sear it.

So you kind of had it in strips? Yeah. Skin on or no? Yeah, no. Do you guys want to do another cooking competition? I would do. No, I would do it, yeah. What could you cook? What's something that you could crush nothing?

Or what's something that you've never done? To it level the playing field me yeah scrambled eggs. Oh scrambled eggs is actually really nice What if we just did what if we just did like a like a traditional you know? breakfast It's not about eggs bacon Whatever you want really sausage you do bacon, whatever you want, really. Sausage, you can do whatever you want. Omelette.

Yeah, you could do an omelette. You could do a bacon egg and cheese. You know that in like fancy French restaurants, the test that they always have is cook an omelette. That's like the mark of true. Chefsmanship. Makes sense. Do you make a good omelet?

No, but I think I can make a decent breakfast. I think breakfast is a good call. I also wanna do, given that we, I wanna draw from things you and I have argued about, which is to say that one of our big arguments was the Black Jack versus craps night that we had in Cleveland. Black Jack versus roulette. Excuse me in Cleveland. Blackjack versus roulette.

Excuse me, yes. Blackjack versus roulette. And I think one way to do that would be for us to each play our separate games over the course of whatever, an hour, two hours, start with the same amount of money and see who ends up with more. You know who I should call to set this up?

Uncle Dana. Uncle D? Uncle Dana, I feel like if we get out to Red Rocks. Yeah. Oh, Dana White. Yeah, Uncle Dana. Oh, oh, oh, yeah, yeah, of course. You were thinking Dana B?

Yeah, of course. That'd be cool. That's nephew Dana. Uncle Dana would be, I feel like he could really set it up for us. Because I feel like the problem that I immediately go, producer brain, thinking of how to make it, can you film it at a casino? No Right? Well, you know, we could do it

We could do it on the DraftKings online thing. Yeah, if we went to Jersey, we could do it just online Which would be a nice way to do it set up some monitors. Yeah, we'd have to get monitors How do we make it look good? I think it would be pretty easy We've had so many people do the online. Yeah, like you know, Hank did, Marty and Dana used to do it all the time. Yeah, but I want this to look sexy though. I think we'll be able to figure it out. I think we can get it looking good. I'm talking about waitresses in Playboy bunny outfits with a tray of cigars or something that come up to you

and bring you cigarettes to roll in your sleeves. Or maybe a blind dealer or something so you know he's not cheating mm-hmm. I like it. I like it The dealers are blind Always good It's always good to have blind dealers. It's like making your drug Package I'm definitely down to do that. I think that's fine. I think that's a fun idea I think that's a fun one. We should do the breakfast Do we confirm with Nick and KB that they're gonna do steak? We should do the breakfast on the same day they do steak.

They're doing steak as well? Yeah, they're gonna do steak, a steak off. Hell yeah. Huh? Wow. Next week? So can you guys do breakfast next week? We'll just film it that same day.

You guys watch them do steak. They watch you do breakfast. Yeah, I can do that. Why not? Put a bunch of money on the line. Yeah, why not, why not? Boy story too. Ooh.

This just sounds real nice. They're coming here? Yeah. Excellent. This just sounds real nice. They're coming here? Yeah. Excellent. Um, so pretty much what happened, so Vancouver was fine. Uh, the condo was sick. I wish you just went out and saw Vancouver. I wish I did too. It was really like- You had a car. Yeah, the car, so that's, the car will come into play in this story You're still telling this story. Well, I haven't really I haven't even gotten to this story He has 45 minutes to play with that was just all exposition. Well, I

think we had fun, but uh So anyways, I want to give a shout out to I got shouted out that was fun now that I couldn't remember what we talked about. We talked about the passport. It was fun Yeah, there was that the whatever that store was that I posted on my story the guy that worked there was super nice The guy I went to get snacks What store was it Tim Hortons? It's called like inns or something like that in I forget I don't know, but it was a good market. They had good snacks. It was very funny I went in and it was just this dude and he was like no one ever comes in here

And he was like he's like you like candy and he was like, no one ever comes in here. And he was like, you like candy? And I was like, yeah, I love it. And he was like, this? Pakistan, Germany. Like he's like getting all of, he had like all those cool like foreign snacks. Yeah, Japan, that's the big one.

There's a lot of always when you go to, by the way, have you noticed that there's all around New York, there's just Japanese stores popping up? I have. With that sell Japanese goods? I think there's just Japanese stores popping up? I have. With that sell Japanese goods? I think it's Japanese, it might be Korean as well. I haven't noticed that, but I'll keep my eyes peeled.

I've noticed a lot of Japanese clothing stores. Well, I wanted to see those, but... There's one on Broadway in like 29th or something that sells... It's just all the kind of like, oh, stuff. All that stuff. Yeah, that's the most racist thing I might've ever heard. You know what I mean though. You know what I mean though. The cat was the-

Yes, cats, gigantic lollipops. One of those stores that sell all those- Bubbles, that shit. lollipops, bubbles, weird stuff, all pink and animatronic and you know. Yeah. Well, anyways, so the weekend ends. Even the Japanese people are laughing like. Check out that guy's shop if you're in the area of New Westminster. Good guy, good snacks.

Did you get any foreign shit? Oh, yeah. I got the Pakistani. I got like a chocolate bar that had like Oreos in the it was fucking delicious. I got like these wheat. He was like you like Pringles and I was like, dude, I love Pringles. We I was in there for 20 minutes. Did you get the do have you had the Dubai chocolate yet either of you? Now want the green shit inside? Oh, no, but that you can order that on Uber Eats now. They have them in some nut shops or some shit.

They are pretty fun. Yeah, it's one of the most popular things on DoorDash, which to me is the best food delivery system. They made $10 billion in profits. It's because you're not familiar with GoPuff, brother. No, I like DoorDash. I like DoorDash the most. Anyways, so finish up the show Saturday night

Did you have did they have wonderful pistachios at the snacks? I I didn't get any pistachios at the snack shop I got chocolate. I got gummies. What kind of gummies from where I think they were just Canadian They were Jolly Rancher gummies, but they were two flavors in one like it would be like you'd get one in you'd be like watermelon and blue raspberries How soft were the gummies? Was it a wild pull? Some of the best I've ever had. I like salt. The equivalent of being a child and pouring sodas. Exactly.

Yes. That would kill you. Oh, it was so good. I went to bed a happy boy that night. Wow. It was delicious. I'm so happy to hear that. And yeah, condo was pretty sick. It was cool. But so I finished the show Saturday night

and my flight's at 840 the next day. Not bad, right? I ended up, I was gonna have to, whatever actually, I'm not even gonna get into that. It's boring. 840 in the morning, my flight, Canadian air. That's not great for you. It might as well be 3 a.m.

So you stayed up all night for it, right? No, no, 840 is not bad because I'm only like 20 minutes away from the airport. Yeah, but it's international. You gotta get there two hours before. Yeah, so I wake up at 6, around probably 640. I had to pack because I played video games the night before. I couldn't resist. Didn't play long though, didn't play late. Probably played until 1, was asleep by 1.30, woke up at 6. Not the greatest sleep, but I was expecting to be getting some sleep on the plane regardless, so not too worried I probably leave the apartment around 640 and

The building that I'm staying in it's like a full-on just a massive apartment complex like like I was on the 29th floor Hmm And you need like you know when you go to a hotel and you you have to scan your key to get up to your floor It was like that you so I had your key to get up to your floor? It was like that. So I had a key fob that the manager of the club gave me. And then in the email it said, leave the key fob on the kitchen counter when you leave.

So not really thinking too much, I put the key fob on the kitchen counter and I go down, I get, I got all my shit, I go to the elevator and I can't get to the garage. Won't let me press the garage. I don't have the key fob Oh, no, and I'm like, okay Well, I guess I'll just go down to the first floor and then just take the stairs to the garage Seems like that would be like I'm already in the building. So I'm figuring I can get to the garage. I Can't I cannot get to the garage and now I don't have the key fob and now I'm outside of the building

Oh, no, and I can't get in the building and I can't get the key fob. It's 640 in the morning I flight boards at 750 You have said drop off a rental car and I have to and I have a rental car and I need to get into the garage to get the rental car. I'm thinking in my head I might I might just abandon the rental car. Yeah. Just be like- Like the Louie bit. Yeah, like the Louie bit.

It's here, you guys gotta go get it. And there's the garage where it's like they got the gate that opens automatically when a car leaves. And then there's the front entrance to the building. So you have to camp out outside the gate. So I'm sprinting in between both, waiting for someone to come and let me in. A car comes out, but I'm over by the front entrance of the building. I hear the car.

I start booking, hauling ass to get to the garage. I get to the garage, last second I throw my leg underneath the thing, just keeps closing. I thought it was gonna like bounce You know like a car like a garage door Center didn't bounce back up. So now I'm spam calling the manager and you didn't think about rolling under it It was dude. It was it was on my toe And just stayed there it just stayed like it was not going back up like there was no push to go Do you think given that level exactly given that level? stayed, like it was not going back up. Like there was no push to go back up. I think given that level, exactly, given that level of-

No, like it would have broke. That sometimes things break. I'm not breaking the fucking- You're willing to abandon your rental car but not break a garage door? Well, I wasn't gonna sit there at 6.40 in the morning and like lift and like fucking pull the door up. And have like sparks are shooting from the fucking ceiling.

It's the male equivalent of mothers lifting cars off their children. Superhuman strength. So now I'm like fuck. I go back over to the front entrance and I see a lady walking out and I'm like fuck yes, finally. And she starts walking out and I'm ready to walk in and she cracks the door open and she goes, you got a key? This is not someone who works at the building. This is just someone who lives there.

You got a key? And I'm like, no, no, I left my key up in my room and I gotta get up to- I don't know where this is going. This is why you need to dress better. I gotta get up to my room and she's like, that's not my problem. Like, you need, I'm not allowed to let you in

unless you have a key. And I'm like, I was doing shows at the House of Comedy all weekend. I was staying in 2905 the whole week. I was like, I just need to get to my car to get to the airport. My best childhood friend is a fly fishing guy. My friend.

You've established yourself to the Canadians as a liar at this point. Dude, she's standing there and I'm literally like, I'm going to miss my flight if you don't let me in. And she goes, that's not my problem. And she cracks maybe a one foot gap in the door, slides out, turns around and closes the door. And then I audibly go, I go, you gotta be fucking kidding me.

Oh my God. And what did she say to that? She didn't say anything. She just kept walking. And then, and then I'm sitting there and I'm literally like, I'm like on the verge of tears at this point. Yeah, and just quick interlude.

That woman, not only does she let me in, we probably go upstairs and have sex. No, dude, this was- She is letting me in a hundred times out of a hundred. This was a no nonsense, not an N square, B square, but she was a no nonsense white lady. And which is worse. She was not letting anyone in. She's at the border patrol lady. Former border patrol lady. Yeah not letting anyone she's at the border

patrol yes border patrol lady yeah I used to work at the board and then she lost the weight yeah exactly now she's yeah but uh in the door and then I call this dude bounced basically she you ran into a bouncer so at this point it's 715 at this point I'm going to miss my flight. And it's been 25 minutes. It's been 25 minutes of me pacing around, like yelling, like I'm on the, I can feel the tears in the back of my throat because I know if I don't make this flight,

I'm not gonna get home until midnight. And currently I'm prepared to get home at 4 30, which I'm like fired up about. So that means video games all night. Getting home at midnight, getting home at midnight means no video games whatsoever Wake up in the why would that even mean no video games? Because I knew I had to do this the bracket busters in the morning at 11 at 11 So if I play video games out if I start playing video games at midnight, I'm not going to bed until 5 a.m

so I'm calling this dude who like I don't know if he was the manager of the club. The club was not really the typical experience. Like there I don't know who was I don't think there was anyone in charge. Did you think about telling the lady that you wouldn't have gotten to play video games?

I should have told her that you should have let her know that like, I'm not gonna be able to play video games tonight. And I had a whole plan I was gonna watch you know, I was I should have told her that you should have let her know that like And I had a whole plan I was gonna watch you know I was gonna watch the qualifier rounds of major two for the CDL on the plane I would have fucked me up green wall shadowed optic. We finally shot out our maps. I Called the dude. He's like he clearly he just woke up. I've already called him multiple times and he's like Harry, how's it going? What can I do for you?

Early as shit. And he's like, and I'm like, hey, I'm like locked out of the building. I gotta get to the car, can't get to the car. And he's like, got it. He's like, you in a rush or no? And I was like, I'm gonna miss my flight if you don't leave like right now.

And then he sprung into action. He got there in like three minutes and he never even got out of the car. He just opened the thing and waved and I ran and I ended up making my flight. I got there I think two minutes before boarding closed. He was your Nelson. He was my Nelson.

You both got Nelson this week. That's great. That's so nice. Oh man, dude, the relief when I got on that plane. Yeah, that's a good feeling. How was that? Because that wasn't, like I've missed flights. That was not one that I could miss.

And I was leaving early. Like I was- I mean, dude, you really, yeah. I mean, cause my experience is fine with you. When we went to Wisconsin, we were very close to missing that flight. The door was closed. The one when we went to the wrong gate?

Yes. Well, yeah, that was just a fuck up. On your account? On my account. But why would you not say that the fob thing is a fuck up? Because I assumed that I would be able to get to the parking garage. Like, you know, when you're in a hotel

and you scan your key to go up, going down, you can hit every floor if you want. Oh, the parking garage was below the ground? No, the parking garage was one floor above floor one, but I assumed since I already scanned the fob to get to floor 29, like I assumed coming from 29 you'd be able to get to the parking. So what are people supposed to do who... I guess you have to just always have the fob. But what if you have to leave the fob to leave the They are assuming they don't have rental cars. Yeah, that's what they think. Oh Fuck well, I mean you should have let this guy have it a little bit

Then I would have found a way to convince that lady to let me in yeah I promise you you won't have guarantee I promise you you wouldn't have I Don't maybe I came off a little too like frantic But like she cracked the door and I was like I was like opening the door to go in like I was like opening The door for her to leave so I could go in and she like stopped the door and was like, where's your key? Yeah, well, you should have wrestled her. It is hard to not think well never mind. No, that's not true. Never mind It was a tough situation, but we broke through, we got through, and the flight,

oh, can't say greater things about Air Canada. Just couldn't. And you got, you had first class. First class. Multiple courses. All the flight attendants are super models for some reason. Like you've never, like I've never seen anything like it. Yeah.

What did you? Like I was texting you guys, I was afraid to sleep because I didn't want them to see me horizontal Like the flight attendants would come over and they'd be like can I get you anything and I'd be like what Fuck is going on. Why are you so attractive? You know You don't want to be seen like laying down by... I don't want to be sitting there like when they're coming to give me my meal and I'm fucking...

Looking up at the ceiling like you're in a casket. Hello? Am I dead? It was a great... I didn't make any money this weekend but the flight was 100% worth it. Good for you. What did you watch? I got home so refreshed. What did you watch on the flight?

I watched a couple episodes of Veep on the TV. 2012. And I slept for almost the whole flight. That's great. Just beautiful travel day and can't wait to just go right back on Thursday. To Seattle? Yeah. Can you fly Air Canada? What if you fly? I might fly to Vancouver and take the opposite drive. Take the scenic route. Yeah. Tell the lady,

oh no, I stayed a little longer. Fishing was good. Fishing was good. They were biting. She won't let you leave? I'm definitely bringing my fishing stuff to Seattle because the whole drive up, there was, I was seeing a lot of rivers that looked like promising. Fjords even. Yeah. Really nice fjords out there. Love that. Well, well done Hairball.

So Hairball will be in Seattle next weekend. I will be in Baltimore this weekend at the port. Hope you guys can come out to that. Five fun shows, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And then it's on to Providence. Tickets are getting kind of low for that FYI. And then I've got fucking Dallas coming up and Chicago, although I don't think that's listed yet. Lots of fun stuff happening this spring. Sweet. Kansas City as well. Punchup.live slash Francis Ellis. Which Kansas City, which side?

I think it's the Missouri side. Great BBQ on that side. Really is good. No, Slaps was on the Kansas side. Then it's that side, because it's near Slaps. You know I'm a Joe's guy. I'm a Joe's guy too. Though the Z-Man sandwich, did you have

that? Yeah we've had we've talked about this on the podcast like nine times. You've had the Z-Man sandwich? Yes I have. You know what it is? I do because I've had it. It's brisket, onion rings, cheese, a little barbecue sauce. Petrol. That was the one that we went to and it was we'd already been to like eight other barbecue places that day and we told them to not bring us out a lot and they brought out pretty much what I assumed was a year's worth of food. You should have started there. They brought us the entire elk. And like nine pitchers of beer.

Alright. Alright. Good soad. We'll see you guys on Thursday. Goodbye. I'm going to be a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a

little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a little bit of a Still underground So I looked older Till you came around I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Days were drifting

For was I So, so then you listen Now I come alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Finished through your eyes Did you realize

No one could take me alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way See it just a distant light, feel fast, don't ever run Call it just a memory, take my hand and you can see I'm going home I'm going home I'm going home

I'm going home I'm going home Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, No one could take me alive