Son of a Boy Dad - Swedish Whoopie Cushion | Son of a Boy Dad #209

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Swedish Whoopie Cushion | Son of a Boy Dad #209 -- Ad: Get 20% off + free shipping with the code SON at https://manscaped.com. -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All righty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is June 17th, and we are here live. You boys doing anything fun this weekend? Sure did. What?

I played golf with Gerby. Steve Gerben. Wait, from Tires? Yeah. Shut up. Yeah, we had a good time. No way. He said they were talking season two and talking season three through six. We were. No, you weren't. Well, we mentioned season three.

Through six? No, I added in the through six. No, I added in the through six. No, we didn't get too far ahead of ourselves. Dude, when I shot this battle rap movie and as they were shooting it, these battle rappers were so overzealously excited that they're like, they're thinking about making it a trilogy. It's like, dude, let's let the first one come out first before we get to trilogy, much less sequel.

Yeah. You don't really get a trilogy unless you have Denzel Washington or Harrison Ford. John Wick has to be involved in some shit. They're not just giving out trilogies. Or The Land Before Time. Yeah. They had like fucking 11 of those motherfuckers. But where'd you go out to golf? Did you golf in Manhattan? Played Bayonne out in jersey and uh we had a great day beautiful day boy what weather

this weekend was second to none yes incredible weather but here's second to none here's the challenging part of playing golf in new york especially i think is that when you come back with your golf bag from the city, I was walking through lower Manhattan, and I had a golf bag over my shoulder, my golf hat, my Peter Millar polo shirt tucked into my Peter Millar shorts. 60-40 blend. Yeah, and ankle socks.

And I look like I'm looking for my ball among skyscrapers. And you got people, you got tourists, but you also have homeless people who are saying, hey, could you spare some change for a cup of soup? And first of all, you're like, dude, it's 82 degrees. It's not soup weather. Why are you eating soup? Maybe a gazpacho. Yes, a gazpacho.

Or like a partially frozen uncrustable something really cool you down something cool something cold uh and they someone asked me for a dollar and i was like i you know i said i'm sorry i don't and i didn't have any money because i had spent all my cash on caddy fees and and the high noons on the course so they're marked up they're like 15 yeah and you gotta tip the cart girl yeah you know to not have a single dollar wearing that outfit for a homeless person they know you're lying well i wasn't though but i it was because i had i had gotten rid of all my 50s that i had brought i was like you should have seen me if only you'd caught me five hours ago because i had 50s it is hilarious that you're like i only have too

much money to give you yeah the only amount of money i have to give you is way too much that i would never give you yeah it's so mean think of how much gazpacho you could buy with a 50 that's literal fucking painting tub it of gazpacho, dude. It freezes over on the top. That's the worst, though, walking back with all that shit. When I go fishing, I have to walk down the street holding my net and my rod and my waders. I look like a fucking serial killer with some sort of weird twist. A net is crazy.

It's not great. A net is almost like a foregone era of fishing like you i i don't fish enough to know i guess you just need to put it in the net once you've reeled it in or something like that but it's just easier to land it with a net yeah yeah but it just seems like nets are like how jesus's men fished yeah how the disciples were fishing like i have like a little wooden net it's actually so that the trout don't uh stay out of the water for a long time they're little bitch-ass fish so they die easily i saw a fucking there's there are dudes that fish in the east river oh yeah in the morning

they get big ones too yeah and they're japanese bro all asian and they're fucking always on a fucking like they have a bucket that they put on a bike and you know that they're either hopefully feed their family and not just like the sushi restaurant but they might they really might be they're catching bass right striped bass yeah i actually was looking at something no i was actually looking at something apparently a lot of striped bass in like all of the east coast come from the Hudson. That's right. Those are the river bass. It's one of the biggest river bass feeder systems in the continental United States.

River bass are known to be a real thing. They are. There's no such thing as a river bass. Well, you have to specify which body of water from whence they come. I actually caught two smallmouth bass last- Lake bass? Two weeks ago while fishing in a river. What? Yeah. you got bass jumping

from rivers to lakes and back and forth yeah you got river bass it was very uh strange i was very confused pretty soon we're gonna have a mutant hybrid yeah of a river and a lake bass yeah a rake bass which is also how the asians a rakeake bass i uh damn good that's damn good shit i don't know if you can make those jokes anymore but i just watched lost in translation and that whole movie is based in japan and all bill murray does is make like yeah isn't that didn't we we had our jokes big chrissy and uh gardinia wasn't big chrissy talking about that what lost in translation how how like racist it is. Oh, was he saying that?

I think that was the movie that he was referring to. You know how Scar Jo, at the end, he whispers something in her ear? Yeah, yeah. I think someone slowed it down and read his lips or something and figured out what it was. But I can't remember exactly what it was. But I did look it up once and it was very romantic. I thought his lips were obscured. Somehow they figure it out.

Dude, how about her lips in that movie? Am I right, my boys? That is fucking pre-lip implants. I've never seen the movie. I'd like to sit next to her on a Malaysian Airlines flight. There's her flotation device. We're not going down. We'll be fine.

It is insane. It was like pre-lip injections. And she's sitting on pillows just look at a still image you treat yourself i'm not gonna do that but you should do it now it sounds great no it's great juicy lips incredible lips shit uh she's got that raspy voice i'm joking i'm joking sophia coppola that's a good movie it's right directed by a woman so it's like she's objectified by a woman yeah it's not us that's objectifying her right we're just at the museum looking at the art depends on who wrote the character because everyone there's always that thing where it's

like all the women characters are written by men and that's why they're so appealing to men right well they opened the whole movie with just a shot of scar joe's butt yeah it's a long image she was apparently quite self-conscious about it and then something like again i may be making this up but i'm going to say with conviction i think the day that they were supposed to shoot it uh she came in to do it and she was nervous about it and i think uh all the camera people were in their underwear really to make her feel better that's way we weirder. That would make me feel way more uncomfortable. Well, you've got dick holes. And they're like hard.

Yeah. You've got dick holes in your underwear, so you don't have a pair that would have been suitable for set. That sounds awful. I also heard that she had like really bad diarrhea that day or something like that.

Yeah, she had shit all over her ass. They were like cycling through like the underwear. So all the camera guys shit themselves to make her feel better. In solidarity, they all they all fuck yeah they all took laxatives and had explosive diarrhea they all just had they had a sunday buffet that they were just fucking going to town on she was probably like mediocre nervous she was probably like oh man i don't want to fucking do this i don't want to have to show my ass on camera and then she arrived and everyone was ass naked she's like oh this is way worse i would have rather she's scarlett johansson they're the

they're like gross camera people yeah yeah what a great career she's had booze you have like a way better body than me i'm not calling all camera people gross dudes no booze's body is incredible yeah he's got a good one actually that's a tenant of barstool that everybody who works behind scenes is way better looking than the people oh yeah big time yeah for the most part dude there's a guy that i follow now on instagram that i found and i he's my favorite instagram i've ever followed he's a uh a guy in wales who's like a workout bodybuilder and all he does is tell you what he ate yesterday and he goes all right boys all right i had a cheeky

skier bowl oh yeah and uh what the fuck's a skier bowl after that we had a red apple and he's like and you know we were going hard on the assault bike i'm not doing the accent right but sounds pretty good well that's scottish i think but no one knows the difference over here do those videos of like the british dudes explaining their food it's it's crazy what they eat he eats so much yeah but it's also just like slop he's they'll get like a bucket of gravy he does eat eggs beans and a little bit of sourdough toast his is pretty intentional but he's doing like there's like 50 miles on an assault bike have you ever been on an assault bike it was the closest i think the worst i think it's the closest i've ever been to death it's the

single worst exercise machine in the game it is in what is it you're so hard you're scared for your life so fucking hard it's the bike with the massive fan and you go like that and you're supposed to do like increments of sprinting on yeah oh yeah you do i think there's probably multiple ways to do it but that's what i did 20 seconds on 10 seconds why is it called an assault bike i don't know i thought it was called the cow bike. It's probably got different names. Yeah. Assault is just a crazy thing for a stationary bike. That was the thing that I did when we recorded that episode with Caleb like years ago. And he made me drink that four loco.

And then I was like, I was used to that was when I was going to the gym all the time. And I was like, I'm still going to go to the gym because I just had like half of a four loco. And I was like, I'll be fine. And then I went to the bench and I was like, I'm actually kind of buzzed. I'm going to do some cardio, really get this away. And I did the assault bike. And then I had to go into the locker room and lay down. And then I just got all my shit and left immediately. You laid down on the bench?

Yeah. No, you didn't. Dude, I was going to throw up. Like the old man ass bench? It was blank. So there wasn't a ton of old people. A lot of young bucks. A lot of young bucks. A lot of young bucks trying to change their lives.

Yeah. Just the young hottie bench. Yeah. That was probably the last time I did the assault bike. It seems terrible. But that guy's, I mean, how many eggs did you say he was eating? He eats eight or ten or some shit. I mean, imagine his fucking shits on that day on Boston Translation.

It's got to be terrible. Imagine his fucking nasty shits when he had that pink underwear on they did the close-up of his ass yeah i'm kind of at a point where i only want to eat eggs if i make the eggs like eggs from like delis repulse me now why i don't know they're they're pros you don't think so i don't know i only like i don't like the aki's eggs i don't. You don't think so? I don't know. I only like... You don't like the Aki's eggs? I don't know. I don't like any scrambled or mixed eggs. I need it to be sunny side up.

It's happening to like... Just like straight egg. A swath of my boys that they're all one by one getting repulsed by eggs. Yeah. I think it just happens at a point in life for some weak men. Yeah. Hard times make weak men. Weak men hate eggs. I think men yeah hard times make weak men weak men hate

eggs as the ad i think it's hard times make strong men well i'm i'm literally making this up as i go so how dare you correct me on the fucking adage that i've just crafted out of thin air you don't help me don't help me move this weekend really yeah? Yeah. That's nice. Yeah, that's actually... I never even got the text. I actually thought about texting you as a joke and being like, hey, with Ron in the chat, knowing he was going to come and be like, so Ron's going to come over and help me move. Like, Sass, you want to help out? I would definitely come. What would you have said?

No, you wouldn't have. Well, I wasn't here, but if I was here, I would have for sure. You would have? Yeah, absolutely. No way. Yeah yeah i absolutely would have done that zero point i want a hundred percent chance that you would have helped me move now i love doing shit like that no you don't yes i do first off i volunteered francis didn't ask so before you're like that's a fucked up move for Francis to ask, I just said I'd like to help. It is to this day. I mean, I'm trying to think short of you donating an internal organ to me, helping someone move and volunteering to do so, I think is the single kindest act of service that one can do for another person.

It was easy and it was an absolute pleasure. We did it in about 45 minutes. We were fucking bang, bang. We were like a NASCAR pit crew. We wanted to play Tetris afterwards. And just as we were doing it, the skies opened up, and a torrential downpour came. And luckily, my new building has an overhang,

and he was able to bring his car in there, and we had stuff that full, full, full. You would think that the people of New York have never experienced precipitation before. There was like panic in the streets. People were fucking terrified. Running like rats from higher ground. Yeah, it was very rat-ish. But a lot of tourists, though.

Sure. A lot of tourists. Tourists panicking. They didn't have fucking rain on the forecast for their vacation. They wanted an idyllic vacation. Oh, no, no. They got moving day. It was nasty.

And we didn't even like... It doesn't really rain out in LA. As a Frank Ocean said. Just sun and fucking no clouds.'s great out there women weed and weather bro that's kind of my new spot i'm just out here to do the pod and then i'm coming right back yeah did you link with tyler and them did you link with pat bevin them out there no i didn't know they were out there no one hit me up you didn't hit them up you were in their neck of the woods why would they hit you up what since i thought they lived in milwaukee no

wait did you hear that like uh trump said that like milwaukee is like the worst place on earth and so all these like that's gonna be like a hot spot for him and yeah right you think and i think it's like a i think that's where the rnc is this year or something and it's also debated whether he even said it but now all these anti-trump people are like i actually fucking love milwaukee yeah no one likes milwaukee milwaukee sucks well some sure some people the antetokounmpo family i'm sure loves it it's made them rich beyond their wildest dreams but i i think that for the most part people aren't wild about milwaukee but it's just hilarious for people to be like you're fucking talking shit on milwaukee it's actually fucking paradise yeah yeah it ain't paradise no it's not what uh it's the same thing when he called those

other what he say he's called some country a shithole oh yeah what country was it and then it was a bunch of people who have never been there and are never going to go there being like it's actually a beautiful place imaging yeah and there's just like watermarks yeah yeah just finding stock images of sunsets doesn't look like a shithole to me the sunsets here yeah dude i got bad news the sun sets everywhere there's nowhere that doesn't have sunsets but la was dope though uh yeah it was good i was there for a long time i'm very very tired right now it looks like you had absolutely zero sun out there which is kind of impressive yeah i got a little sun where show me i don't think i got i tried to stay out of the sun for the most part after fucking west

virginia i was like really cautious about getting sunburned because i'm not trying to get a bad sunburn again virginia or virginia my bad you're fucking idiot yeah i'm not trying to get a nasty sunburn again but it was um i went out on tuesday and then i just got back last night what yeah the fuck were you doing out there for so long cracking jokes yeah i did a bunch of different shows it was really fun it must have been a blessing for those la comics to see a fucking to get a bite of the apple yeah to see a real assassin yeah they said since Rogan took everyone to Austin, they haven't seen an assassin in a while. Exactly. They were like rubbing their eyes like,

bling, bling. What the fuck is that? No, it was sick. I did the comedy store. I did my show on Wednesday in the belly room. And then I did Tuesday, I did Sam Tripoli's show. Oh, nice. Comedy Chaos.

I heard that they had to put an auxiliary screen outside because there was so gathering people were just like crowding onto sunset boulevard that's the street it's on right yeah it's in west hollywood i know that yeah they had to do crowd control it was like a sneaker drop they actually did over they actually did oversell the show it's like when drewski drives around yeah people were like ripping open your fucking car and trying to pull you out i was trying to run link game with drewski but i couldn't get in touch yeah well you're your two moms probably were like yeah keeping each other actually keeping you guys at bay damn that's fucking sick the comedy store on tuesday was like the most nervous i've ever been for a show because my manager just got me booked on it

and then who else was on the show well he was like he was like uh you're doing the 8 p.m at the store in the main room and i was like i don't even know if i'm allowed to do the main room but that's the original room you can't yeah you can't do the original and i so i thought that was the room i was there's three rooms at the store there's the belly room the main room and the original room and the main room, and the original room. And the main room is huge, but they do produce shows there. Yeah. So people can perform there. In order to perform in the original room, you have to be passed.

And it's like really – it seems like it's harder to get passed there than it is any other club. I just don't know. I don't know. But it's cool. If you get passed, they write your name up on the marquee. So I was nervous about that and also the lineup was like it was like on the thing it was like whitney cummings uh fucking i forget who else was on the lineup because none of those people actually show up that's the thing is they put

all these people in the lineup and then like half of them aren't there but it was like the lineup was like it was like me i went first and sam tripoli was like i don't i don't host he's like i just bring you out and then so then i'm even more nervous because i'm like i'm it's you're like behind the curtain because it's one of those ones where you go out from back it's all past the mic out there right well it this wasn't this was he was emceeing but he was like i'm not gonna really do any time up front i'm just gonna bring you out so i'm like i'm about to go out into a room of 400 people cold in a city where they're all expecting to see like fucking whitney cummings and andrew santino and they're gonna be like who the fuck is

this kid and then he ends up hosting he ends up doing like 10 minutes and he killed and then i went out and it was great it was on but it was like so But it was like so sick. It was like 400 people in that room on a Tuesday. It's like unheard of. You killed? Yeah, I had a great set. And then the lineup was insane. It was like me, which is whatever. But then David Spade went up after me.

And then Sebastian Maniscalco went up. And then Tim Dillon. And I was like, I'm so happy I went first. Because I was like, I shouldn't be on this line what yeah david he was texting me he was he didn't want to do it i was gonna cancel and i said no fuck you yeah you have to do this you have to man up and fucking at some point jump into the deep end and recognize that you've got jokes and you're a good comic and he did it and he had the time of his life.

It was really sick. But did you chop it up with Spade? No, I said hi to him when I, cause he got, he went on right after me. So he just opened the curtain for me. Ladies and gentlemen, David Spade. I didn't bring him up. I was, I thought I was going to have to. And that was what I was nervous about.

You might remember him from SNL in the 90s. Yeah. But it was real. It was super sick. It was, it was super sick it was it was funny though because i was thinking about i was like i feel like we never have anyone like super huge like that in new york but then i was like i think it's just you're just more used to seeing the big people in new york and when you see the people in it's just a different flavor of really big people but it was pretty cool john kennedy was out there oh is he living there now? No, he was just with Tim. Oh. So that was

cool to see him and I hung out with Josh Potter a lot. Yeah, I didn't realize that until... What's the deal with airline food? For all my friends who were alive in the 60s. Yeah. So that was sick and then I did

The Belly Room on Wednesday and that was sick and then i did uh the belly room on wednesday and that was cool and uh did you have any bad sets no and no truly like i didn't have a like they were the crowds there are very easy he is him the allegations are mounting well there's a slaughter house mounds of fucking evidence against you. Yeah. He might be he. Yeah. So that was cool. And then I did a bunch of podcasts on Thursday. And then I did Brea Improv on Friday, which was fun.

Surprisingly fun. Yeah, because you don't think that Brea Improv is going to be... Well, I didn't sell any tickets. And then they comped like 300 tickets. It's a 600-person room. So tough walking into that building when you see one row filled and then you see 500 rows not filled so how many people were there it was probably like 250 that's good so it ended up being really fun but i was like pissed about having to

do that and then uh and then i did the don't tell on saturday which was fun too how did that go i know you were super nervous about that went really well um i was actually i was really like the whole week i was just nervous the entire week like every day i would just spend it i would at night i would just be tossing and turning about something else but you also internalize all of your feelings yeah you just probably were taking the nastiest most acidic shit oh yeah it was a lot there's no doubt in my mind that you just that you literally not even like internalize your emotions like you clam up yeah turn it into fucking acid rain shit out of your ass yeah did you have one solid shit no yeah no definitely not no i know this guy like the back of my hand well he tells us yeah yeah i truly didn't saturday the day of the don't

tell was just diarrhea all day oh fuck the entire day tell us more and uh but that was super good that went really well i was very happy with how that went and i was like the whole time i was like in my head and i was like well if this doesn't go well they say that you can just scrap it and come back and do it again but then like an hour before i was like fuck i really don't want to have to come out here and do this again and go through the anxiety of the anticipation so then i was like i have to do well and then it ended up going really well it worked it went exactly how i wanted to damn that was sick there's two types of comics so that'll come out in eight months well there's four types of comics there's new york comics there's la comics there's la comics masquerading as new york comics and there's new york comics masquerading as la comics bro yeah

and i really think deep down you might be an la comic masquerading as a new york that's his home base i agree you're cutting your teeth here in the fucking Apple, but you go over there to fucking Women Weed and Weather. Look at his sleep schedule. He keeps himself on West Coast time. It is true. Why readjust back here? Out there, he's up at 8am, bushy tail, bright eye.

Out there, it's like I'm asleep. I go to sleep at 11.30, midnight. He turns off the video games at a normal hour. Yeah, yeah. Eats meals at the right time. He's an L.A. comic masquerading as a New York comic. Yeah. What if Sass, when he goes out to L.A.,

just immediately becomes like a holistic, you know, crystal rubbing, hiking guy who's... Just waving sage around the stage before he goes on. Cult of wellness. It was super sick, like doing the comedy store and stuff but again i could never live there it's like a dude it's in it's impossible to get around everywhere what no i ubered everywhere and it's like everything is like like i went to do the friday beers podcast and that was 40 minutes from my hotel well they're all the way out in venice yeah and then i had to go to burbank to do josh otter's podcast and that was 40 minutes from my hotel well they're all the way out in venice yeah and

then i had to go to burbank to do josh otter's podcast and that was an hour and 20 minutes yeah well it's a long drive to be in one city no i'm not mocking you that is too far you're mocking me i'm doing the monkey meme yeah it's far as shit oh no he's doing a meme dumbass don't you know that meme take his fucking empathy i haven't heard of that one oh that one hasn't made its way out to oh i i love it it's a new york meme you're away for a week you miss a lot of memes yeah you know what else you missed a lot of us hanging out dude francis it's great to hear that you fucking killed like that Francis has also been

unfortunately fucking slaughtered I was throat fucking the audience on Saturday it was actually insane I went to see one of his shows at the stand and like people were fucking dying like insane and then

we went to dinner and he had to like run away and go back to do another set he He said he was getting like applause breaks. Yeah. People were just standing up in the middle of his set to clap at how hard they were laughing. Yeah. They'd never felt these endorphins rushing through their brain. Yeah. That's right.

And they were like, man, we thought Sass was going to be here this weekend. We are so glad it was you. Instead. You say he's bi-coastal? You got to add the plane to your bio. Yeah. This podcast is bi-coastal you gotta add the plane to your bio yeah this podcast is bi-coastal as hell we went out we went out to dinner and late dinner it's a 10 p.m res and then afterwards came out with my firefighter and my cop buddy nice yeah and you know what we all got along like we were just birds of a feather yeah so anyone out there who thinks that i can't hang

with people you know with the blue collar blue collar. With the blue collar. The boys in blue collars. Let me tell you, I got plenty of shirts with blue collars. Yeah. Yeah. They're barber. Yeah. Yeah.

They're dress shirts. They're pedigree. They're non-Iron Brooks brothers. You know, Pima cotton, Egyptian cotton. But it's damn good. And I just, I intentionally didn't tell people about the nasty things that you said during the summer of 2020 i'm joking what was it no you did i listened there's a lot of anti-police sentiment during that time oh i'm joking about you having thought that i finally listened to that dave smith uh chris cuomo thing do you listen the whole thing i listened to like an hour and a

half of it it's i mean i listened to all it kind of started getting a little repetitive but it was it was good it's nice to hear grown men argue yeah it was funny what it was it wasn't even funny i was like very into it yeah i was like yeah fucking right yeah you did cnn does lie he made a lot of good points dave smith yeah dave smith eats people a lot he's just so knowledgeable and it's also it is kind of a hack that he's a comic who's like comfortable being on stage and he knows how to get the crowd on his side yes so it's like anytime chris cuomo would say anything he'd be like like when he was like back when we all got the vaccine and they and then dave smith is like never made its way into my body and the crowd's like it's so funny but he like his like depth of knowledge on uh

like world affairs yeah and uh i had to pause it and look up words multiple times what words were you looking up um fuck i forget what the word was it was one with a t he kept on dropping a pterodactyl no sounded like that though for sure classic t word yeah it was good though it's great it's very interesting you got to treat yourself to it i listened to that didn't i want that was that was tuesday night that's what you're doing at night dude i got there because you do the show and you're like man i'm fucking exhausted then you go home it's 8 p.m like i got or I guess that night I got home at like 9.30. And I was like, what do I do now for the next three hours? Stop throwing a podcast. Where'd you stay?

The Standard? No, Leigh Park. Unfortunately, they didn't have a Citizen M out there. Somehow, Caitlin Walker's in charge of my booking for that trip. You get uncomfortable because your hotel room's too big? The hotel that we stayed at was super big but in return the tvs and the wi-fi didn't work the entire time we were there that's not right so that sucked and i tried to play video games the entire time because i got a playstation 5 last week on monday and they have this thing called remote play where you can

download playstation network on your laptop or your phone, whatever. And then you can play PlayStation on my laptop with my controller. Oh, you just bring the controller and you can play on your phone? And you can play on whatever device that you sync it up with. You brought your shit to LA? All I did was I just brought my controller. Yeah, dude, I played video games like the whole week. But then the Wi-Fi sucked the wi-fi sucks what would it

be like i mean never mind i had to play on a hot spot i could see him doing that in wyoming when he goes oh absolutely you just don't want to make where you are any different from where you know but it's like if you have fucking eight hours to kill every day yeah you're gonna what are you gonna do you're gonna be glamping yeah you're gonna bring the uh local wi-fi out to fucking bozeman yeah i'm gonna hook up to the handheld satellites that they have at the top of mount everest yeah starlink we need a medevac i am locked into wyoming mode now though because now it's just i it's i'm leaving next week for wyoming i have like three spots before then it's all fishing mode now yeah I don't know if you're you're ready honestly you should have fished a little bit out in LA I know you're probably not

prepared I'm prepared I'm more prepared than anyone's ever been I don't think you are because when was the last time you fished I think I guess two weeks ago in Virginia no I went out I went out the couple days before we did the war mode episodes and i caught three fish i caught one rainbow trout and two smallmouth bass a red one a rainbow a red trout no rainbow a blue are you talking i think you're talking about swedish fish the candy they're very silver slash pink one fish two fish red fish blue fish the really stringy swedish fish does swedish fish have red six in them i would think so yeah i would say so and doesn't it if you eat too many swedish fish doesn't that do nasty things to your shit yeah oh absolutely

dude no like worse than you could imagine like you if you eat Swedish fish, you have the worst farts of all time. Like explosive. And that's coming from you. Like whoopee cushion farts. Because bad farts are part of your diet. No, I don't actually have that bad of farts. When I eat Swedish fish, oh my God. We used to go to New Hampshire and go skiing and I would get Swedish fish every time we

would go and my family would be like, stop eating those. They were like, your farts are unbelievable you're just going twice as fast down the mountain because you have rocket propulsion coming oh yeah it's giving you a little boost a little mario kart boost it's gross when was the last time you even had a swedish fish last night i'm not i'm not a fan of them i literally had swedish fish last night i don't think it's funny his head was turned this way no he was laughing no but he asked me and i started answering and you went last night yeah i know and then i looked over at booze and he was howling that's all i needed howling yeah that's

all i needed to keep going like the silent how all i need is one person laughing yeah that's so fast rome was doing a no-look question. Yeah. Hee hee! Yeah. I was Magic Johnson-ing my question. His ass caught it in the paint and everyone's heads turned. What the fuck? We didn't even see him cutting back doors to answer that question.

Well, because I got to Le Park, beautiful hotel in West Hollywood. And I'm actually thinking about getting a spot out there. But I got out there and I walked into the hotel room fresh off of the flight, Delta 1. And did you know that Delta 360 is inventational? Yes, I know everything. You didn't say inventational? Invitational. It's invite only, yeah.

Yeah, because you told me that it was like a myth. Like people didn't even know it existed. That's a joke. Yeah, and I looked it up and you get like a box in the mail. And they're like, how does it feel to be better than everyone else? I told you that as a joke. I said that on stage. I was like, some say it doesn't even exist.

Oh, then you guys were just running back bits on me in person because you definitely told me that in person. Well, I think I told it to you and then realized that was funny. Yeah. And then I tried it on stage and it wasn't. That's how most of his comics. Yeah, that's funny for like six people. didn't say it ever again nobody knew nobody knew what it was although i did go into a sky lounge excited because when they're when you're diamond which i am they they say thank you for being a diamond member and the person in front of me was 360 yeah they suck you all and and if he they were like thank you for being a delta 360 and i was

like oh my god yeah it's crazy what like i've never been just in the presence front cocked harder i didn't even know that i didn't even know i'd never met anyone who was i watched a video last night of them unboxing it they send you like weird like like condescending messages towards people that aren't 360 they're like how does it feel to be so much better than everyone else like weird shit like i heard that it's like yeah i swear to god butterflies that like open up and each one of them has a fortune cookie tied to its tail that has a condescending message on it yeah you can like pluck them out of the air yeah i don't think it actually gets you that much. Oh, that's what people say.

They say. When they don't have it. They were like, no, they were like. That's what I would say. I tell myself that to make myself feel better. No, like in the letter, they're like, you get access to the LAX Terminal 5 Delta 1 Lounge. And it's like, okay, so you get access to one lounge. If you have a connecting flight at an airport, they will take you off the plane and put you in a Porsche on the tarmac and drive you to your next flight.

See, that's a little much, though. Would you even like that? I would be like, guys. Get the fuck out of here. You would love that. You don't like walking through the airport at all. I'd rather walk than have to get off the plane and be like, your Porsche is outside. Let's put it this way.

Everyone's like, who the fuck is this guy? If we were 360 for that flight that we had to sprint for, they will hold the plane for us as if we're the president of the united you think i know so i have message i have a guy who told me gave me the whole breakdown they also give you these 360 bag tags so that your bags come out first every single time you don't have to wait at all and they might even just bring them out and hand them to you. Be delicate with them. That's incredible. Wait, I didn't know they handpicked you. Yeah.

So what are the criteria? I think you have to get 5 million miles. I promise you I know more than you about this. I watched a video. You're going to have to step aside. Francis, what are the... I watched a video last night. You watched a video last night? You did?

Yeah? Francis, what are the criteria francis um yeah no you have to uh you basically have to qualify for diamond almost twice in a year based on flights alone so before this miles alone it would have been either like you had to do double the segments or double the mqms and now it's all mqds and then you'd have to have and you have to have an insanely high high uh delta reserve card spend on the mx and then like even then nobody really knows exactly what it is dude i might be in the fucking running i am you typically they send away from from diamond right now. What's Diamond? Oh, so you're Platinum? For all...

No, I'm Diamond. What are you? What the hell was that? Diamond is hell. With almost twice... Look how close I am on Diamond for next year. Damn, Roan spent way more money

than you have. It's so close. That's probably... How much do you have pending? Yes, I'm not just making it up and showing you how much you spent. I'm $ 536 of mqds to diamond right now and it's only june dude it's so nice to be back with the boys talking miles people are going to be furious you brought it up this time i know i did usually it's me they're not going to be furious this is like people's like binky this

is people's like comfort noise too so they can go to bed better i was talking delta miles i got i got you guys what do you guys think about spending miles because i spent all of my miles to get delta one i just spent a bunch of miles for uh a vacation i basically cashed in everything people say i looked it up on reddit and everyone was like they're devaluing them every day spend all of them oh i don't know about that so i spent all of mine i don't think i mean if you get something worthwhile upgrading to delta one vacation you feel good about that. So I spent all of mine. I don't think, I mean, if you get something worthwhile upgrading to Delta One Vacation, you feel good about that. I think that's a win. I don't have a problem with that. Yeah.

But they don't expire. So let's pivot. I have a thought. The Titanic. Gay. Was there Delta One on the Titanic? I'm confused. Where are we pivoting to i was thinking of that guy cal from the movie zane from the movie i haven't seen the movie

oh talk to me talk to me well he's he's he's meant to be the villain of the film i guess him and the iceberg are the two he's probably the the supporting villain to the ice he's kind of the human representation of the villain with his icy blue eyes and his like stoic nature so handsome and there's so much more beneath the surface with his character but he gets cast as the villain and everyone hates him because he's doing whatever i i don't think he's that bad of a guy explain what he does in the movie to sass and our listeners who have you know the the fucking boat is going down okay how and why is it going down billy zane blew a hole in the side of it it was massive domestic terrorism

no but it's going down and all the you know boat crew people are saying women and children first into the lifeboats and then he grabs oh it's going down like sinking i thought you meant it was like going downtown was it was that worth it was that one worth it was do you think that was enough yeah i do to be worth derailing i liked it i'm just gonna start throwing like like b minus quips in whenever minus in la that's an a plus in la that would have crushed no it's going down and he grabs a kid and he's like this is my son or something and it's not no and he uses the kid to get onto a lifeboat i think that's brilliant 100 you know and he gets on the lifeboat and he gets off look it's survival of the fittest out here yeah you know you got to do what you can to make it the alternative is dying yeah yeah it's

like oh yeah you should just die i have no problem with that move and then the other question i had is do captains still go down with the ship today i think they do but how big of a ship does it need to be you know if you're in a fishing boat and you're the captain and you get a hole you're not like save yourself you like put like uh taps on serious xm yeah yeah what what like or if you're you know if you're piloting or commandeering or whatever a yacht for someone you're not going down with the yacht when when i don't know why wired in today's day and age why is anyone going down with the yacht when when i don't know why wired in today's day and age why is anyone going down that's what i'm wondering that seems insane put a life jacket do people do that anymore or when did that go when did that go away because in the movie the the captain of the titanic goes down with the ship it was like a respectable thing to do and i don't even know if that i don't know

if it's true to the actual story but um when did that sense of the captain and the boat are sort of one they share this bond i bet it's if there's people who are dying on board the captain will also die with them oh and i think that if everybody's off the ship then he could be like okay i can also get off but he has he should be like the last one off instead of like the cat like everybody's dying down in steerage he gets off and it's just like yeah well i guess it didn't go my way this time that's a good point i'll live to be on another boat yeah but i do think in the macro sense in the 21st century we've kind of done away with the idea that men should die it's just like the manly thing to do to just like die like i should be women and

children women and children should be done yeah men are going to take the the human race forward 2 000 years of women and children getting to live it's time for the men to live right men on the boats first women and children stand back let that trend continue we're gonna we're gonna have a gender imbalance right and that's how china got to the where they're at yeah yes but china has more men than women yeah by by by get this i think the difference is i think it's 10 million more men than women it's a lot which okay in a country of whatever two billion two billion people doesn't sound like a lot but imagine if you went into a bar and there were 10 million dudes and not a single woman yeah you'd be like this is the worst sausage fest yeah that's 10 million men for whom there is no mate no partner yeah probably a

lot of throuples out there the women in uh a lot. No, I think they kill you if you're gay there. The women in China... Are you allowed to be gay in China? Yes, I think so. I think the females are like... They're like the Mormons of the US. They just fuck everybody. They can just take 10 partners.

Yeah. That would be amazing if the Chinese women could just have like fucking 10 mates just because there are that many. Oh, not a text from Erica Nardini. I mean, heirs. Interesting. I won't read it aloud no what'd she say she's trying to poach you yeah she wants me to go to the cooking company yeah let's look up how many people in china are male percentage of china that is male let's guess i'm gonna go with 63 no it's less No, it's less than that. It's like 50... 51.03.

Yeah, 51.03. But if you... 1% of 2 billion. You got it. Well, it's 200 million, I think. Yeah. But what is it in America? It's just 50-50 on the dot.

So if that's true, then I was way off. Because if you figure 51 are female and 49 are male that's a difference of two percent which actually 400 million different which i think it could be crazy how little people live in america i don't know and 51.1 percent are of americans are women wow we got bitches yeah it's great how many people are in america like 300 million point 330 40 million it's 40 million or maybe 360 difference not for not 200 i remember back when it was 200 no 331.89 and it was 200 million before biden became president yeah exactly before biden just had the fucking...

And then he let in 160 million immigrants. Immigrants, yeah. And most of them are ISIS. Yeah. 51%. Yeah, almost everyone is ISIS. All right, guys, let's talk about Manscaped. Ladies and gentlemen,

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Terms do apply. It doesn't say that. Terms do not apply. Oh, no, it does say that. Terms apply. Terms are back on. Everyone's coming over. you guys excited for the world to get very political again i'm a little excited i'm excited for the debates excited for people that have really strong opinions again yeah they haven't but we just haven't been face fucked with them for so long yeah i'm excited i need the new 10 minutes you got to work on your fucking uh your biden impression yeah

that did seem like the little baby from dinosaurs um it is i wonder who uh trump's gonna run with i thought it was eric rogers no i don't think so i think he was gonna go with he was gonna go with uh kennedy rfk you gotta feel bad for jets fans right now why that guy's just rogue aaron rogers is just he's everywhere oh he didn't show up he's everywhere aside for training camp yeah he didn't show up at minicamp yeah that's tough times for them but i do think he can i think he'll dial it back in i don't think so i think they're gonna ass. It's the same thing with Bears fans. At least Bears fans, it's new. I guess it's new for the Jets fans too, but

no one thinks they're going to win the Super Bowl more than Bears and Jets fans and neither of them will win the Super Bowl. There's a good chance that neither of them will even make the playoffs. They might have a new quarterback within two years. I read something troubling yesterday.

Apparently, they're saying that there's a chance that Drake May is going to start for the Patriots. Why is that troubling? Because he should sit for at least a year. He's a child. Genuinely, he should sit. They should have a percent start. I've never really heard your perspective on anyone younger than you, and it is interesting. Well, he's young.

He's really young. you're ageist all these years i spent like uh trying so hard to not be ageist and listening to your complaints as the other people that you work with are ageist and they're like oh sass is too young to do this or do that or get paid this much or fucking understand this because he's young just to hear you turn around and fucking be nasty to a young boy. I'm not nasty to Drake May. I just think that it would make more sense for him to sit a year, learn from Jacob Brissett. Jacob Brissett. And then go in next year, start next year.

Because Jacob Brissett's only on a one-year contract. Yeah, but what if he plays so fucking good? What if he leads them to a 16-0 record? Then you have to run back Brissett. Yeah, that would be incredible. For incredible for 17 and 0 yeah because they've added another game in the nfl yeah i don't know if you heard this uh you guys feel like the name epstein should kind of just be retired it's tough yeah because like uh after jerry sandusky did all of his shit if you saw somebody else with the name sandusky you you're like, you're also guilty. Yeah.

But is there a lot of people named Sandusky? I bet there's more people named. There's a lot of Epsteins. There's like building managers, lawyers. They're everywhere. There's billboards of Epstein. And every time I see their name, they're not getting over the epstein name he has sullied their name we need to put that name out to pasture take a new name yeah you know what i mean

rid your shackles of your slave name i agree with what name is there any other names that are retired other than hitler adolf is the big one is there any others though um what about dolph lundgren though stalin is stalin retired or there's still babies named stalin a rapper named stalin would be would go hard as fuck what about osama or osama is definitely still a popular name big time it's gotta be well they only have like six names out there so they can't really retire they have six names a person. He had fucking three on him. Racism. Gotta love it.

How popular is the name Osama? I think it's like the third most popular name in the world. No, you're thinking of Muhammad. Right next to Adolf. You're thinking of Obama. Fauci. Fauci, they have to fucking retire. Nobody can be named Fauci anymore. The name Osama continues to be acknowledged. I they have to fucking retire nobody can be named fauci anymore

the name osama continues to be acknowledged i'm gonna name my kid dave smith oh so it's the popular the popularity has considerably declined for osama that sucks on via ancestry.com makes sense though that sucks why does it suck you just hate to see a name just go out of retirement like that because of one bad apple but there'll be like uh hipster parents in like like probably 30 years oh yeah there's definitely like 10 kids in brooklyn right now with the name osama bin laden that's just their first name like osama bin laden smith just some like dude who read like the fucking the 9-11 letter on tiktok and he was like i'm naming my kid osama bin laden this guy was fucking right

this guy knew exactly what he was talking about dave smith bin laden dave smith is fucking tuned in but i I don't know what other like uh because even through the the course of time like negativity almost gets like ironed out like you don't really think of somebody that much older than Hitler as like a brutally terrible guy like Genghis Khan probably terrible but a lot of the shit that we hear about Genghis Khan like you'll listen to a biography and he's not even looked at in that negative of a light. No. No.

What are, like, who are some old, terrible dudes? I guess no one's naming their kid Pontius Pilate anymore. But he just got a bad rap. Judas Iscariot. Yeah, Judas is a bad one. Judas is a bad one. Judas is fucked. H.H. Holmes.

Who is he? Serial killer. But he was, was he pre-fler chicago that is that did you read that book yeah it's great you read that book yeah i had to good for you that's a good book yeah it was good for you wow good for you in devil in the white city yeah he killed a lot of people he killed a lot of people but and that was probably before hitler that was early 1900s late 1800s right yeah I think you're right. Turn of the century, yeah. That was during the Chicago Fair. Chicago World's Fair.

That's a good book. Bro, did you guys know that we bombed Tokyo in early 1945? And they killed more people in carpet bombings of Tokyo, like dropping napalm on Tokyo than they did in Hiroshima and Nagasaki, not combined, but like a hundred thousand people died in Tokyo and like maybe like 80,000 or something. That's crazy.

I did not know that. You think that the, you think that the atom bomb killed more people than it did. We're looking shit up today, bro. How many people died in Nagasaki? Guesses. You're doing a up today, bro. How many people died in Nagasaki? Guesses? You're doing a lot of research on Japan these days.

Because he wants to go to Japan. Yeah, I want to badly. How many people died in Nagasaki? 19,000 this year. That's not what I'm looking... Okay. That's actually not that bad of a number. It killed between...

That was their yearly death? 19,000? They had Blue Zone? No, I was wrong. They killed between 129 and 226,000 people. That's a fucking wide swath. Hiroshima. That was like 500,000?

That's the combination. That's the combination between the two of them 129 to 226 100 000 in tokyo that's a fucking lot to just for for us to kind of forget about it they say it was a controlled demolition though a lot of those buildings we actually need to have war mode yeah tell us what really happened yeah right billion spud told me carpet bombs don't go off like that oh my god i say so much stupid shit on here but i got i got a flame badly for saying that uh caviar was uh oh that was a whale's egg dude one of my friends from home my friend brendan from home texted me and he was like i know he's like i've never done

this before but he was like that i listened to that segment and it infuriated me he was like and i was like yeah i was thinking about that too because he was like whales eggs would be the size of like a basketball well whales are mammals too yeah and they also don't lay eggs yeah they don't lay eggs yeah i'm a fucking idiot but uh you know what i mean as i the the more i grow that yeah the more i'm like kind of come to grips with just being an idiot yeah you're a dunce i'm a fucking dunce and it's nice to like you gotta bring that word back sit in that just being a dunce yeah calling people with dunce we should guys uh have you guys ever been whale watching no i haven't i would love to i went and it sucked dick it does seem a little uh did you

go on one of those big boats yes and it was boring you gotta go you gotta go on one of the private pontoon ones i need a private where they put you in a full orange sort of jumpsuit you feel like you're a member of the coast guard i feel like yeah you're like nasa almost and you can really race around and there's only 10 people in the boat it's a little more expensive i'm tired i'm tired of doing shit in groups oh yeah i do not want to have somebody else's sightseeing sensibilities foisted upon me dude i'm trying to fucking enjoy my shit on my own yeah dude one of the best part life is too short for not paying more to cut lines and make the experience better and i think that one of the best parts about being suicidal is that you never know when you're gonna die and so you can always justify

paying more to experience well that goes to sass's point about spending your delta miles exactly bro you should be spending imagine dying with fucking 500 000 delta miles just because i don't i would literally kill myself yeah i would let them defibrillate me back into existence and then spend the miles and then do you think you can put your miles in your will like transfer them over delta does not honor wills no they don't accounts on death yeah so they can like recollect all the miles those nasty fucking delta workers when you die delta comes to your house and takes your reserve card while your wife chops it up your family's weeping they're just fucking really sorry could we just see his wallet real yeah but if you're a 360 member they will shovel one thing of dirt on top of your coffin yeah as

part of the honoring that is respect they bury you in a delta one seat they're the first person there once you die uh if you're not 360 like in willy wonka and the chocolate factory when like the they find a ticket and the guy's like always right behind them that's exactly what's going on over on delta um should we switch over to the patreon yeah let's switch to the Patreon. Alright. Come see Sass in... Austin, Texas at the Vulcan in July. Tickets for that are available now. Holy fuck. Also, potentially, me and Francis will be doing

Hilarities together, I believe. Oh yeah, we got Hilarities in August. Well, I don't know if I haven't confirmed yet. Alright, well, if you don't, then I'm not going. Where's Hilarities? Cleveland. We're not going. Fuck that. No, we'll probably end up going're probably gonna go we're probably gonna go i can't say hilarity's francis your tour is over but come see him at the stand yeah i've got stuff coming up in the fall

keep an eye out lots of fun cities and perhaps august we might be doing hilarity's in cleveland together yeah we're gonna be in grand rapids michigan in december yeah that you see shit just popping up on my calendar that I'm like, I don't think I agreed to do any of this. We're going to be in Kansas City in October. In November, I think. No, I think it's October. And we're also going to be in Rochester, New York. Yeah, we're hitting all the hot spots. Yeah, damn.

That's fucking a dream. Kansas City's going to be fun. That's basically the same as Dana Beer's Bachelor Party series. You're just going to the coolest places in America? What the fuck? That's not fair. All right. We'll see you guys on Thursday. ¶¶

¶¶ So I looked older till you came around. I was only falling one way. I was only falling one way. Days were drifting Who was I? So, so then you listen Now I come alive I was only falling one way now I was only falling away Vanished to your eyes

Did you realize No one can take me alive I was only falling one way. See just a distant. Bye. And I'm falling And I'm falling And I'm falling And I'm falling And I'm falling

Man is to your eye Did you realize No one could take me alive