Son of a Boy Dad - Thanksgiving Cigars | Son of a Boy Dad #254

Episode Date: November 28, 2024

Thanksgiving Cigars | Son of a Boy Dad #254 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. Yeah. Can I get those matches? Oh, yeah, I'll just take that. It's a great catch. Yeah, we'll keep that in. Alrighty, welcome back to the Sun. I guess I gotta clap too. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is Thanksgiving. Not for us, Alrighty, welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast today. It is Thanksgiving

Not for us, but for you guys it will be Thanksgiving obviously we're not recording this on Thanksgiving I'm thankful for the teller at my local bank Yeah miles cigar episode Never asked too many questions Put the money in the fucking bag. We're pumped to be here to honor this American holiday that we all love so much. I like exclusively American holidays. I do like that. Like Boxing Day. Fourth like exclusively American holidays. I do like that. Like Boxing Day.

Fourth of July. Christmas. Christmas for me. I like an exclusively American holiday too. My two favorite holidays. I've said it before, Thanksgiving and Fourth of July. In Columbus Day, of course. I like Veterans Day. If you're even allowed to say that anymore this fucking country Come on now tass is back. Oh

Yeah What else am I thankful for just wash turbo 9-elevens That fucking sound when you downshift you you hear the V12 going fucking crazy. Amazing. Can you guys drive a stick? No. Sas, can you drive a stick? God no.

What do you think? I know he's a stick. I don't mean that as a- What do you think, brother? Of course I can drive a stick. No, I can't. You know how I learned to drive a stick was on a John Deere tractor.

Really? 100% true. Field trip? No, we had one. We had a John Deere that we used to plow the driveway. Sounds about American to me. And then I would, on weekends we would get, we would get brush fire permits

from the local fire department because we had all these downed trees and stuff and I would have to drag huge piles, create fire piles using the tractor, and put them in this sort of like, we had this little attachment on the back that you could put a lot of sticks onto. And if that was too much,

I would link a chain to the back of the tractor and drag huge, really heavy ones through the woods. Interesting. To the pile, and then I'd light them, them right burn the brush brush fire Are you going back to Maine for Thanksgiving? Are you going to Florida? We're not going to Florida. We don't have a house there anymore It washed away. I didn't know if you're gonna stop by the rubble pair of respects

So, where are you going upstate? Yeah Yeah, Upstate. Got to. Got to get Upstate for thanks. Upstate is probably the most, it's like a very Americana. Thanks. Appreciating Thanksgiving to thanks is good. It's such an Americana way to celebrate thanks. T-Gives. T-Gives. That sounds like a old-time white rapper. Tee gives. Tee gives. That sounds like a old nine white rapper. Tee gives.

That's how you greet people on Thanksgiving, you. Givings. Givings. Givings. Givings. Givings, my bro. Givings. Givings.

Thankful. Dabbing people. Just saying, thankful. Thankful, my bro. Givings. Sass, what's your family's tradition on Thanksgiving? Uh, play football. How many people are there?

We, it decreases every single year. You actually play a game of like two hand touch or whatever? Yeah. And, uh, we've been doing it for, since I was very young, since my cousins lived in Illinois, we used to go to Illinois for Thanksgiving. And that would be like one of the two times of the year I would see my cousins. And they lived right near their school. So we would play on like the turf or

the grass field and It was it was very fun and then they moved to Massachusetts to where I'm from and Then everyone got older and now it's like there's really no dudes It's like me and my dad and my uncle and my younger boy cousin And then it's all girls. So like they don't want to play anymore. But girls don't? No. Why not? Cause he lowered the boom too many times. Why would they want him?

They've developed. Because there's like, they don't, they're like, I don't want to go like get sweaty and play football for no reason. Two hand touch gets weird post puberty. Well, we actually, my, so my younger cousin, the boy plays flag football, so they have flags. So last year we did flags actually

I don't even know if we played last place those flags in very compromising areas in a way but uh it kind of just got like Yahweh Yahweh, they're easily accessible so you don't have to get too close to the body They're draped right over your ass and vagina And and penis. We try not to say that word on this podcast. You know how many times I've gone to grab a flag, playing flag football and instead got a handful of cock?

You're gonna tell me that they're not in the wrong spot? If you pull someone's cock off, they're down. That, yeah, if you touch cock, it's a down. It's actually a turnover on downs. It's a fumble. It's a full-on fumble. But uh, and yeah, now my older cousin is not gonna be there this year because she got married, so she's going to her husband's family for and also my other cousins. So yeah, now we're not playing football. Are people pissed that she's going to her husband's?

No, I don't think so. Sounds like they're dropping like flies. Yeah, well then my other cousins are going out, I think they're going out of the country for Thanksgiving. Wow, they must be rich. So it's really just me and my family and then one of my cousins and her parents. Such a flex to go out of the country for gives. Forgives.

You ever have an attraction to a cousin when you're younger? Nope. I don't believe you. Don a cousin when you're younger? Nope. I don't believe you. I don't care if you believe me or not. And if you're saying no, then it's just because your cousins are bunk. Bro, what a strange thing to bring up on our Thanksgiving episode. Why? You go upstate and fuck your cousins.

I'm not planning on doing that when I go home. I would if they weren't all married too. Are you kidding me? Maybe a little tryst. I'm telling you dude, cousins like. You know what really sucks? We'll change the topic here. The ball on Thanksgiving this year is dog shit.

It's a Giants Cowboys. Dog shit game. With both of their backup quarterbacks. Yeah, it's a toilet bowl. Tommy DeVito against whoever the fuck. Against whoever the fucking dude that's on the Cowboys is. Cooper Rush. Yeah, Cooper Rush. And then what's the other games? It's like Lions... Bears maybe? They probably thought the Bears were going to be all right. That's right. Dude, I'm so sick of them making the schedule around these false

ideas of who's going to be good. Yeah, why don't they know what the records are going to be at the end of the season? But anyone could have told you that the Lions were going to be significantly better than the Bears. I thought everybody thought that this was going to be the big coming out party for Caleb Williams. I guess, I don't know. And everyone, well, I mean, I don't like the idea that Caleb Williams is like a bust. He's no Drake May, but he's not, he's going to be good. You think? Yeah. No Bo Nicks. He's no Bo Nicks. He's no Drake May, but he's gonna be good. You think? Yeah.

He's no Bo Nicks. He's no Drake May, no Jayden Daniels. She was Bo Jackson. And then what's the third game? I don't know. Third game has to save us. I don't think it does. I think it might get worse.

I think it's Packers against... Packers vikings would be a great game. Another team. A great game. What we gotta do is fucking, we gotta do prop bets on the tight end scoring. I like that. Prop bets on the tight end scoring for fucking Thanksgiving.

Bears, Lions at 12, oh okay, Night Game's actually not a bad game. Bears, Lions at 12.30 Eastern Standard, of course. Appetizer. Look, I'll tell you, I mean, if I'm getting to watch Jameer Gibbs running touchdowns at 1230 on Thanksgiving, that's fine with me.

Ball is ball. Question of Ash, what the fuck is wrong with me? Giants Cowboys is genuinely a bad game. Eat your dinner, enjoy your family time for Giants Cowboys. Maybe pull out the quip lash for Giants Cowboys. Quip lash, nice. Yeah, pull out a little apples to apples. You guys ever play that one?

Hungry monkeys. Francis has the game. Quiplash is awesome. Yeah, pull a little quiplash when the Giants and Cowboys are on. Maybe throw in like a fucking CD lamb anytime if you're feeling crazy. But that's even crazy because he has like four touchdowns this year. Yeah, that's why. Yeah, and the odds are probably,

he's still probably like minus 200. Go with the tight end. Go with the tight end. Who is it, Ferguson? No, he's on the Texans now, I think. No, Dolphins Schultz is on the Texans. Oh, you're right, you're right. It was Ferguson and they had another white.

I think it's Ferguson still. Maybe. All right, then throw it on Ferguson. Throw it on Ferguson. And then we got Dolphins Packers, which a couple weeks ago, I would have said, this is a bad game. Going into it, I think it's actually a pretty good game.

In Green Bay? OK, I'm going John O'Smith and Tyler Kraft to both score. I'm doing six different tight end parlor. Do you guys admire or think it's really stupid for Tua not to wear the crown on the helmet, the cap? I don't think it's really stupid for Tua not to wear the crown on the helmet, the cap. I don't think it's... I think he probably is at a point where he's like, it's not going to do anything for me. He said, I'm dead.

You think his brain is just oatmeal anyway? He said, I'm dead, man. I mean, the way that he's been getting hit, it hasn't really been helmet to helmet hits. It's been like he's getting swung back. So he's going to get a concussion from that regardless, unless he has like 12 inches of padding. I think it's at that, for me, it would be whatever I can do, no matter how silly I look to avoid having this continue to happen is in my best interest.

Your boy, Sass, just engaged in a fallacy. He said he's been getting hit in a certain way, as if that's how he's going to get hit going forward. The last hit doesn't predicate the next hit. Every role roulette is different. I caught my boy in a fallacy over here on Thanksgiving. Hey, you do make a good point there. You got one zero. One zero. I'll take it. That's fine, but yeah, six different tight ends, we're gonna bet on all of them to score. Not all put together. I think just a single, any time touchdown score

on six tight ends. But when you're putting down like an individual bet, like for one person to score, and the odds are like plus 110, how much money are you putting on that? 100 bucks. 150? Jesus.

Yeah, mine's 10. Yeah, but it's like- That's why I do parlays, because I'm like, I'll put down 10 and I'll make 10,000. Never happens, but- The dream. The dream. The dream is alive. You might be the richest person I know. Yeah, because you conserve wealth. You don't spend any money. Like Adam Smith. And I know how much you make. The father of modern economy. That's me. I admire it. I spend every single dollar I make.

I mean, I spent a shit ton of money on that Joe Rogan kettlebell. So there goes fucking food for the next week. Gonna be eating fucking uncrustables before RFK takes them away. You're gonna be. You heard he's taking away the crusties? That can't be.

Yeah. He's gonna take away... That's his first day in office. That's what he's planning on doing. Time for me to install an industrial-sized cryogenic freezer and keep him in there. I wanna be at Uncrustable Household so bad, but I know that it's my one-way ticket to morbid obesity.

Brother, I am an Uncrustable Household. If you have access to like a 40- pack of Uncrustables every day. No, but you can just get them. Yeah, getting them one by one or even in like a reasonable pack size, that's healthy. If you just had a bottomless pit, a Halloween candy bowl of Uncrustables that you could just dive into at any time, you're gonna fucking die. I agree.

You don't wanna keep too many in the house because then they get soggy. Well, I don't mind them being soggy. Then keep them frozen. They start to sog. I don't like them frozen. No, you gotta wait, before you decide it's time to eat them, you put them in the refrigerator.

I like them a little frozen. Yeah, but it's like an impulse. Little bite to the peanut butter. Little bite isn't bad. Dude, I will sit on Uncrustables to warm it up faster. I've done it. I'll incubate an Uncrustable

like it's a fucking Robin's egg. I've gone Uncrustable straight on ballsack. You tuck it around and get some physical activity and heat it up. Heat up the undercarriage and start doing fucking burpees with an Uncrustable tuck behind your nutsack. Uncrustables are the best. RFK can't ban Uncrustables. He's going to, bro.

They're so good. Like when I go fishing, I get- We went, when we went fishing with Sydney, they brought, that was all I ate. Oh yeah, yeah, they had Uncrustables. Yeah. When I go fishing, I bring Uncrustables with me. I ate them like they were chips. They're so good. They're soft candy. Yeah.

But it's just peanut butter and jelly. Which is soft candy. But it's like, so what? He's gonna,. But it's just peanut butter and jelly. Which is soft candy. But it's like, so what? He's going to ban peanut butter and jelly, too? Probably. Or you have to get the raw ingredients, like methamphetamine, and make it yourself. Yeah.

You're going to have to go into Dwayne Reed and press a button so someone can get you the peanut butter. Purple three. Can I see? Yeah. There's no food I can think of that has less of an impact on whether or not I feel full than Uncrustables. It doesn't change my hunger.

You said less of an impact? Yeah, like it doesn't change my hunger more or less at all. I kind of agree with that. I'll take two when I'm leaving the Chicago office for the Uber ride to the airport. I'll feel like I got a meal. You do? That's definitely the move. I don't feel like I'm leaving the Chicago office for the uber ride to the airport. I'll feel like I got a meal you do That's definitely the move. I don't feel like I'm putting any calories somehow My body just churns through them and I think it's like the perfect healthy snack. Mine's late night mine's like if I'm

Like if I'm like hungry, it's around like 11 But I'm like, I don't really want to get a meal right now. You know, like I don't, I don't need a fucking pad tie right now. Uncrustable pad ties are, if you get pad tie and something else and you're finishing that, that is a fucking one way ticket fast pass to obesity. You're not touching the line. Did you finish the whole thing? Yeah, and something did you get dumplings? No at 11 Did you eat it late like 730? Oh, okay. I had dinner

So just pad thai I could see that being reasonable, but it was that 32 bucks So just pad thai I could see that being reasonable, but it was that 32 bucks 36 probably so fucking crazy. They love they're really cranking up the inflation No one's talking about the inflation on pad thai right now. It's insane might be the most expensive meal There is I'm about to switch to pad see you so I get more bang for buck on my noodle dude I think I think shrimp scampi is cheaper than pad thai You could get a fucking you could make steaks for five. Oh yeah. If you're making, dry aged, dry aged steaks for five.

You could dry aged steaks on your ball sack. That's a good spot to give that funk. But you have to go into the sauna. What do you guys think about smoking food? Not, not cigars, obviously. I really thought you were talking about cigars. I fucking love it. Are you, are you guys, have you guys really thought you were talking about cigars. I fucking love it.

Are you guys, have you guys ever smoked meat? No. I have. I have. It's hard. Big Pauls for both of you. I find it very hard. I will say-

Meat smokers. Yeah, bone smokers. I've- Mark, give me the sock. There are certain things that are not that hard and then there are certain things that are really hard. Ribs are not hard. Brisket's really hard. Ribs are not hard.

Brisket's really hard. Well me and Ralph, we went through the whole tutorial before down in Kansas City. I also don't have the- Before the owner of Q39 died. Yep. RIP. I had the green egg, that was hard. It's so finicky. And I got rid of it.

I sold it. For how much? 500 bucks. And how much did you pay for it? A lot more. Like, I don't know, maybe 1,800 or something. Oh my god. But I used it for like seven years.

I was beat to hell. That's not a bad. I thought it was like seven weeks. No, I was thrilled to get anything for it, because I was not going to be able to bring it to my new apartment, because I had no outdoor space. Guys who smoke meat act like they love their family, because they're like, oh, I'm providing, but they actually hate their families.

Like what activity can I spend eight hours on today under the guise of being a provider? Dude, man, we went to, so me and Rome, we did this, we did a neighborhood eats in Kansas City. I remember. Kansas City, and we did We did a neighborhood eats in Kansas City. I remember. In Kansas City and we did, we, one of them, there was one that we went to where the guy gave us, like they all gave us a tour, but there was one where we went into like the smoker cause it's like, it's a full fucking room. And the dude that was like showing it to us was like the most like anxious person I've

ever met. And he was like, he was like, dude, I'll wake up at three in the morning and like not even know what's going on all of a sudden I'm like driving to the restaurant to make sure that like the ribs aren't being overcooked Yeah, or the brisket's not getting and I would run that we had and it was the cheapest plate that we had was so fucking good Kansas City dude, we've got you in America. We did everywhere. It's not even close. I haven't even I dude I've eaten barbecue once since then because nothing compares. I had it when we went to Texas and that was fine, but it wasn't even close to as good as Kansas City. Nothing is like Joe's and

Slaps. Yeah. Q32. Oh yeah. Q39. Portbelly Q39. RIP to the fucking owner if you know you know. The Z-Man sandwich at Joe's is one of the single best things I've ever had. We didn't really have a great experience with Joe's. Oh really? We'd eaten at 12 barbecue places. You can't do it. It was our last place to eat on Joe's. I couldn't eat. I was there for three nights of shows and I did two barbecue spots the

first day and then the next day I could not eat anymore. But then by Saturday I had gotten the appetite back and I went Joe's. Dude, we went, the first day we did two places and then the second day I think we did four or six. But anyways, the last place we went to was Joe's and we told the guy, we were like, cause they know we're coming to film and they like all wanna bring out as much food

as they possibly can to show it off on the video. And the sandwiches are a thing. So they brought us 15 sandwiches. We said, we were like, dude, don't go too crazy. We've been eating barbecue the entire day. You should have started there, man. That place is unbelievable. They brought out like five full plates of,

not like a plate, like trays of food and like four pitch plates of like like not not like a plate like Trays of food and like four pitchers of beer and we were like this is That's you feel bad. Yeah, cuz you can't eat it all. Did you have the Z man sandwich? It's yes. I think it's brisket on With an onion ring their sauce some melted cheese on like a hamburger bun or maybe a hoagie or I don't know. It's one of the most amazing things. I'm a big proponent that Thanksgiving is wasted on the turkey. Oh, 100% agreed. You're almost never going to get a good turkey.

No. I think more of America is outsourcing their turkey these days, probably this Thanksgiving more than ever. Agreed. You're not making your own turkey. They pick it up. You just pick up the turkey. And even that, a turkey technician, somebody who works turkey all year round,

and this is their Super Bowl. Somehow it's drier. And it still sucks. Yeah. It's like the best of the best is making this, and it's still not a great meat. The sides are fine. I like the sides, like different flavors of gray mush

that I'm putting in my body. We're old fashioned. I gotta say, my mom makes a huge effort on Thanksgiving, and she's got real attention to detail and cooks the turkey over whatever, seven or eight hours. So she hates you guys? Well, it does get contentious. I'm joking. I'm joking.

I can't watch football. I'll tell you that much. What? I got to dice up a mountain of Brussels sprouts, which takes a long time. Brother, it sounds like you're not trying to watch ball. I always try to watch ball. I can't watch ball. I only watch ball so that I can comment on the podcast when you guys start talking about it. It's not true. What about the women folk in your family?

They're not cutting the brussies? If you guys are old fashioned, then be old fashioned. Yeah, exactly. That's true. That's true. Well, I don't have this like weird women's football team the way that SAS does, cousins and ladies that strap on their fucking helmets and flag footballs and lingerie and get dirty. The reason I was asking you guys about

the reason I was asking you guys about smoking food is that one of my friends Tristan, a comedian, works at the stand. New friend just dropped? Wait what? Don't try to slide that bias. What the fuck, dude? Tristan. Hold on a second. My buddy Tristan. Tristan is insane. That's way too many syllables. No, that's not how it's pronounced.

It's pronounced bow. You're saying that wrong. You're talking about Matt, right? My buddy Tristan, who works, he's a comedian at the stand. He told me that he's thinking about getting a smoker because he said that he grew up in Arizona. And he said that every year for Thanksgiving, his dad smokes and then fries a turkey.

And he says it's like the best thing he's ever had. I'll be looking like Jason Pierre Paul if I tried to fry a turkey. Oh yeah. There's no doubt in my mind that I'm losing limbs. I mean, that's one of the best parts about Thanksgiving, watching the videos online and people frying turkeys. And it just exploded.

They have like a coat hanger and they're trying to dip it into fossil fuel. They just saw the top off of a propane tank and they're trying to fucking slowly dip a turkey in. It's got to be the worst. Dude, what do you do? A flak of water gets into worst. What do you do? A flak of water gets into that.

What do you do after that? Once that happens and like, all right, fires out, now what? What's for dinner? Because now we have no turkey. It's BF Chang's. You got to go to a Chinese place. You're going to... It's fine. It's fine.

He was trying to get it to last the whole time. No, I wasn't. I've never been able to do that. I just wanted the satisfaction of Ashing it into them. That was a fat one? Yeah. That was a big one.

I had a good one going. It's all good. Cruella DeVille style. It's the same color as the rug. Watch your foot. You're gonna step on it. The big, the nugget of it is right there. Ooh.

Looks like a wasp's nest. Claw it. It won't be able to. It's going to fall apart the second you touch it. Francis has soft hands. Yep. He got it whole. Oh, ye of little faith. Oh, ye of little faith.

Oh, ye. How I'm pissed about that. Friends of Tristan, gather around. You know Tristan. No, I don't know that I know Tristan. I think you do. No, you know I sold. What's his, yeah, Tristan, Andy sold?

I sold Speed. I sold Speed. That's a funny one. That's a good one. What's his last name? Thompson? Bowling. I don't know that I know.

I do, I have to be honest, I have not been on stage in a month.'m gonna show this guy's pretty new right he's what is he a month in nope what has been at the stand for probably close to two years now huh now that's not true probably a year Tristan I heard a theory that any man that habitually cheats on on his like a habitual cheater, you said Tristan Thompson, this is what made me think of it. Oh yeah. Any habitual cheater is gay.

Really? And this is coming from a gay guy. Ah. You saw it on TikTok? There's a little 15 second video, he's gay. And then everybody underneath it was like listing off these serial cheaters and I couldn't see it for almost all of them.

Who were they listing? Tom Sandoval. Okay. Could be gay. Could be gay. Jacks, I guess they're only Vanderpump Rules characters and Tristan Thompson. Jacks from Vanderpump Rules,

Tom from Vanderpump Rules, Tristan Thompson. Who else did they have on there? I wonder if I saved it. I couldn't have saved it. Dude, Joey Camasta once told me, once a cheater, always a cheater. He firmly believes that. Well, if he says it.

I don't think that's true. The gay cheating in the gay communities is a horse of a different color too. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

That's a... They're doing all kinds of shit over there. It's a very blurred line. Yeah, that's what I mean. So, cheating to them. Is it? Or is that just something that, like, straight people think? No. Oh, what? I know you have gay friends. I think straight people all assume that, like, gay dudes are just, like, fucking everyone and everything. They are. They are.

All right, ask your gay friends, bro. I don't really have too many. Really? Wow, I really thought you would have had. Yeah. Remember you were talking to that gay bro at the stand and you were like, oh, this guy's really funny. He should go on out and about.

Yeah, do you remember that very clearly? Hello. Instead of being on out and about. Yeah, do you remember that very clearly? Hello. Instead of being like, come in. Is that Lavavent Lisa probably? No, I already gave them the heads up that we were going to be smoking Stoegies. It was Dave. Is it Ebony?

Ebony. Are we in trouble? We asked Dave. We got a written report from Dave. We don't smoke weed anymore. Yeah, this is why that shit stinks. Okay, you guys have fun? That's right. And sweatshirt and stuff. Thanks, Stephanie. You look cool today. I actually love the Fear of God Essentials fit. Right, you're kind of rich.

You're gonna buy me one? That stuff is expensive. It is expensive. It is expensive. That stuff is nice. But especially with the shoes too. The Asics. Okay, you know my sneakers and all?

Yeah, you're killing it What is this what'd you give us a air purifier Who's who's the main come who's complaining Who's complaining? There's no worth protecting. I don't think the air purifiers There's no way protecting I don't think the air purifiers There's no way that's the right size That's fine as long as we try You know who I saw at the cigar shop then and and and I

Saw fucking I saw a fucking Smokey in there. Smokey? Sparky? Sparky in there. I said Smokey. I saw Spark in there. He chills in there. Yeah, he does. He was just trying to get me to smoke a blunt with him.

He told me he needed a blunt. He was like, get me a blunt. I know, he was trying to smoke my blunt. I was like, no. Yeah, that's not right. Yeah, I'm like, at least get me something blunt with you. He was like, you guys have snacks with Fizz. I'm like, you cheat, bitch.

You gotta smoke a blunt with him. This is absolute. Yeah, that's not right. Yeah, I'm like, at least give me some like lunch. He's like, you guys have snacks with Fizz, I'm like, you cheat bitch. You gotta smoke a lot, this is a Zobler. He told the guy at the cigar shop, the Dominican brother rolls the cigars, he's like, take care of him next time he's in here. Now you see what he wants. And the guy like rolled his eyes.

He was like, bro, I'm not taking care of him because Sparky the janitor said so. You know how Sparky is. I know how Sparky is. He loves being on the Yak. He wants to be a fucking star. Yeah. And he likes to show the Yak too. Yeah, I know. But I'm saying he likes to be on the Yak too though.

No, yeah. He's holding every fucking stand on Francis. Francis, you're fucking up. You're fucking up the Adder ready. What are you doing? I just put the shit into you and you're fucking it up. I'm sorry. Come on, Francis.

You became like amigos again. I got you, Ebony. I love it. I love it. I love it. I love it I won't fuck it up Ebony what was the first thing that you ate after or you were pregnant that you weren't allowed to eat or drink or smoke crab legs? Yeah, and I smoked, I drank, I took a shot of Hennessy. Right there? Yeah.

Crab legs? It's so sweet. It's so sweet. I'm so good. I got pictures of you guys, you know, just tagged it in. Tag it in. Yeah, I took, I had some Hennessy,

then I had, I was ready to take like some Washington slang, right? You wanna whack of this? This is like moonshine. I don't think you wanna. I don't think you wanna. The moonshine? You don't mean to put my lips on there. It's like moonshine. I don't think you want it. I don't think you want it. The moonshine? You want me to put my lips on there. It's the moonshine. It's nice.

And I swarrow. And you're married. So it's like, nah. Yeah. That's fair enough. Fair enough. I won't keep on pushing it. What do you think of Frances's pants? They look like the gym. You see, I understand like, you go out there and you're going to the gym. Don't let yourself go.

I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like I have to tell him this. I feel like, don't let yourself go. I'm going to have to tell him this. I'm going to let yourself go.

Your shirt going to fit. Oh, I had more shirts on. You have to take your shirt off. We're going to fit. Look, we're amigos again. So every day when you're having a good day, I'm going to tell you. I appreciate that.

We having a fucked up day like today? Yeah, not good. The air purifier's already working. That's why we got the cigars. Okay, so when we doing good, make sure you got Ebony to bring it up here to me. She's the greatest. All right.

We got you. I need a raise. Ebony needs a raise. Pay Ebony. We'll pass it on. Yeah. Legend. Hashtag, you're the only fan. You might not see my ass, but you might.

Thank you, Ebony. Love you guys. You're the best, love you back. Thank you, appreciate it. That's why I'm so weak. Deal. You're the best. Love you back. Appreciate it. Deal. Who just said what's happening in there? Was it Tara? Anyway, what were we saying? I think it's because last time, I think every other time

we've done this, it's been on like a day where no one was in the office. Then the, no, one time we got in trouble. This is, they don't like that we do this, but that's okay. I love- It's not like they're getting this, they just smell the smoke. I love that Roan gets so fucking angry about who's telling on us. Oh yeah, I get angry too. It's such like, like we, we all work in a fake. It's such like we all work in a fake job.

We all know we all work in a fake job. Our problem is that our studio is on the third floor of people who do not work a fake job. Still, it's an insane thing to be like, they're doing a thing that I don't like. That's a fair point. It's so fucking, it's ridiculous. Like, you know where you work.

Like, oh, guys go home and complain or something. Sell ads to a cigar company. I was literally just going to say that. How come they haven't sold us fucking cigars? Yeah. We'll get you your 10% commission from Macanudo. I listen to the regs every single time it comes out. They have a cigar sponsor. Why don't we have a cigar sponsor? They don't even smoke cigars on their podcast. Who are the regs soda and Joe list Bobby Kelly and Luis Gomez yeah we smoke cigars on our podcast we don't have a scar sponsor what are we talking about the regs shout out the regs yeah good show fuck were we just talking about? Outside of Ebony's ass

I'm sorry to hear that she doesn't think that I'm doing very well Yeah, you should have dropped the price tag of the pants on her. Well, they're not these aren't that expensive They're not that cheap. How much were they? 300 no no no 100 160 maybe 120 120 bucks, man, maybe you aren't doing so good yeah well I'll never wear them again no there's some of your most inventive pants I do like these Francis what what football team do you like the Giants ah all right that's

why I don't talk ball that's why you don't like balls just utterly irrelevant well are you ready for Tommy DeVito to come back? Sure. Yeah, I love his parents. Danny and Esther? Maybe I'll get you a nice, some giant sweatpants, like my Patriots ones. He would literally never wear that. Team-coded memorabilia, there's no,

even if he went to the game, he wouldn't wear that. That's crazy. I can't wear anything that is in Patriots memorabilia, there's no, even on, even if he went to the game, he wouldn't wear that. That's crazy. I can't wear anything that is in Patriots memorabilia on game day. Really? Dude, game day, I got the, I got a Patriots shirt under my jersey with my Patriots cardigan over it. Just in case you catch fire.

There's just no way it's that chilly in your apartment. Remember when I turned on the heater without telling you and you were like, it's been so hot in my apartment for two weeks. Yeah. I missed doing the pod in his apartment. My apartment has been roasting. Dude, the radiators are crazy.

I saw a funny tweet the other day that was like, someone was saying that explaining a radiator to someone who doesn't live in New York City is like, your apartment is freezing then all of a sudden you're on a tropical island five minutes later. Yeah. They just pump 400 degree air into your apartment for like one minute every day. Imagine the times before that for the apartments that didn't have fireplaces. How cold the city was. I'd honestly, I'd wish I'm, I don't even know,

I don't think my fireplace works. Cause I have a fireplace, but I looked, I like looked through the, into the flue, into the thing, and there was like a t-shirt inside of it. And I just was like, I'm just gonna let that be. It's good for your brain to sleep cold. I know that.

Yeah. That's probably why like the Iron. Yeah. That's probably why, like, the Iron Age happened. That's probably why the Industrial Revolution happened, because nobody had fucking hot brains while they were sleeping. Now the fucking earphones won't even work. Have you ever seen, have you guys have over-ear headphones from Apple? Yeah, I do.

No. They never work. It always, it takes like five minutes to pair them up every single time I have a hard time. It's so frustrating if Steve Jobs was alive for this. He would be executing people Oh, yeah, if Steve Jobs found out what's happening. He would literally be going down the line Shooting texts in the back of their head that reminds me of Elon Musk. I Don't know if you guys know I'm reading the book about Elon. Oh, I hadn't heard. He walks down the line, the assembly line of his factory and points at things and he's

like, what's going on there? Yeah, because he doesn't even know what's going on. And they're like, Shane, you're under Pablo Engage. He doesn't. He knows more than you'd think. Dude, Elon is such a fraud. He's an engineer. No.

Dude is a fraud. Take that back. I think he's... It's so easy to be like... I think he's the... That's what people say when they haven't read the book. You got to read the book. If. I think he's, I think he's. It's so easy to be like. I think he's the, everyone, that's what people say when they haven't read the book. You gotta read the book. If you read the book, you'd change your 10.

Like he's not building Teslas. Dude, he's more, he's more, he's more involved in the design and the engineering than you would think. Not by him. I promise you. He's no Zuck. He's no Zuck. He does code.

Like he's code, he knows how to code. But Zuck, like Zuck. He coded no Zuck. He does code. Like he knows how to code. But Zuck like... He coded the end of a video game when he was 13. By the way, he is obsessed with video games. Obsessed. Plays until five in the morning. Bro, I know. No, you don't. Top 20 Diablo player in the world.

Everyone knows this. He's amazing. What do you think, you're the first person to listen to Joe Rogan's podcast? Did you see Jon Stewart's commentary on Joe Rogan? I did not. It's pretty cool. What do you say?

Some like, I think some, I think it was this like liberal girl that asked Jon Stewart on a podcast or something. She said, do you think the left needs their own Joe Rogan? And he was like, what are you talking about? I hate when people say this. Like he goes, what is Joe Rogan? You know, how can you even nail him down into any one thing? Yeah.

And really defended him and kind of made them all feel... I didn't really understand... John Stewart is the left's Joe Rogan or was the left's Joe Rogan for a long time. There is no left Joe... There can't be because Joe Rogan is so big. There's not going to just be because all of a sudden there's just going to be a leftist who's bigger than Joe, the same size as Joe Rogan. I would think Bill Maher is closer to the left's Joe Rogan in a way. He smokes weed. He's like take, seems like he's taken a cue out of his book.

Yeah, but like how many people listen to Bill Maher's podcasts? I don't know. Like a hundred thousand. His show, his TV show is way bigger, but I think that we're talking about like a 2010 when Bill Maher was the left's Joe Rogan. I don't think now he has the same. But in, like Joe Rogan talked about, he said, I was the left's Joe Rogan. I don't think now he has the same. Joe Rogan talked about it. He said, I was leftist.

Yeah, again, I'm not that guy that's saying that. Yeah, I know, but I didn't really understand when people were saying, like, after Kamala lost and they were like, left needs Joe Rogan, like Joe Rogan, blah, blah, blah. Joe Rogan told Kamala to come on the show and she didn't go on the show. I almost slipped and started speaking Spanish to the new cleaning lady.

I came like super close to almost doing it. Why are you, why do you keep saying that you don't want to speak Spanish to her? Because she needs to learn. No, she has, she's Dominican, first of all. She has a pretty good handle on it It's not it's more that once if I open that up Every time I see her we're gonna need to have a full conversation in Spanish, which could be good for you

It was good for me the last like what happened to the old kit cleaning lady Nate fired her really yes Why I don't know I? don't know and I don't know. And now he's trying to distance himself from the firing. What do you mean? Nate fired her. What does that mean? Nate fired the old cleaning lady. How did he do that? Works for the building, not for barstool. Yes, she does. She doesn't work for the building. You're thinking of a sparky. Sparky works for the building. The cleaning lady worked for Barstool. Really?

And Nate fired her. And now he's distancing himself from the firing, saying it was him and five other people on the tribunal that made the fucking decision. Why did they want- Are you talking about Franzia? Yes. I loved her. She's gone.

Because of Nate? He fired her. What? Before the holidays? I mean, it was a couple, it was was a couple it was like applying for her green card Test yeah, well she ain't leaving She gone. She ain't leaving But Franzia, I mean me and Vibs were talked to Franzia that probably the most if anybody I talked to her a lot You talked to her a lot to you're probably on the huh? Didn't Caleb and her have a little thing

You talked to her a lot too. Caleb. Probably on the, huh? Didn't Caleb and her have a little thing? Caleb. Had a thing with the cleaning lady? Yeah. When? I think she, didn't she try to fuck him?

Don't ever say that about Francie, bro. She's like a married woman. I'm like 99% sure that's true. We're getting into dangerous territory. It could not have been Franzi. You don't know who Franzi is? Yeah, the lady with like the blondish hair. No, she had dark hair for a long time.

She changed it. She'd dark. The one that tried to fuck Caleb. She mounted him and he refused. There is no, this woman was literally God fearing. We would like exchange Bible verses. I would go up to her and be like, poder servir porque yo se amor. Someone must have been playing one. Someone must have been trying

to dupe me when they told me that. You got duped, bro. I'm not trying to call you gullible. Wow. That's sad to hear. I liked her a lot. Nate fired her. And so now there's this new lady who is very nice. But I just got, I got got into deep with Franzia and I'd be looking up like Spanish words for like, you know, what what restaurant are you going to this weekend? Okay, restauranto is to going to get a taco bell. Right? You guys want to know a good cigar trick? Talk to me. If your cigar starts tasting like it's like tasting burnt and you're not really getting

the smoky flavor that you were getting when you first lit it, blow into the cigar. Oh, that's not a bad idea. And then let it sit for like 30 seconds before you puff again. Mm-hmm. I learned that at a cigar shop in Buffalo, Wyoming. Yeah, I don't think I'm gonna do that, bro. All right. Got it. I'm just kidding.

I blow through all the time. You know me. I don't have anything to tell you guys. It's fine. I'm just here. Well then you didn't have to tell us that for sure. Well I just thought about what I've been up to lately and I don't have much. And that's okay. I mean it's fine. You never even told us what you cooked last night. I did do. I got one. Do I bring the PlayStation back home? Yeah I got one. Oh do I bring the PlayStation?

Back home. Yeah, you got it. I think you would suffer without it. I mean I'm going home Monday probably coming home Saturday It's coming back to New York Saturday. Yeah, I mean five days. No PlayStation. You take the train home. I Don't know train is so nice. The train is awful. You get some Bukowski, have a fucking, Have a cigar. Have a nice cigar. Sit in the smoking car. Dude, the train is the same price as a flight

and a flight is 30 minutes. You're not, that's the wrong way to do that math though. Because you have to account for the fact that you have taken Uber out to the airport. You have to get there an hour early you fly you then deep board And then you get in an uber and go to your house I mean you have to take an uber to the train station though take an uber to the train line out probably bike With with the rolly suitcase behind you I've done. I bike with my dog. I've biked with my duffel bag

I do that a lot of times it loud. When you roll a rolling suitcase behind a bicycle, the wheels are screaming down the street. They almost catch fire. Because they've never experienced speed like that. They've never gone that fast. It looks like you've stolen someone's luggage is what it looks like. I didn't do that. I strapped my red duffel bag, into the front part of the basket of the bike. You must have a soft duffel then.

Yeah, it is a soft duffel. You've seen his red duffel? It's drooping over the sides of the basket. Bananed over the sides. Yeah, I know that duffel. Every time I would stop, it would start flying forward. It was very, it was not an easy ride The dude you know who Matt James is he was on the bachelor tall handsome black man

She's about six five sculpted body beautiful body He said that he he he like put out a tick-tock that he Again Francis he put out a tick-tock saying that he biked to the airport Which one? He city biked to JFK. I'm quite literally playing with fire here. Do they have docks at JFK? No.

Yeah, they do. They do? Out there in Queens, yeah. I don't think- JFK is not in Queens. Yes, it is. JFK is in fucking like Pennsylvania. No, dude.

Dude, JFK is so far away Pennsylvania. No dude. I didn't even believe in Connecticut. It's so far away. It's in Queens. They're both in Queens. LaGuardia and JFK are both in Queens. Respectfully. How long would it take to bike to JFK from here? I'm gonna go with, how long do you guys think?

First of all, whenever you Google map it, it's wrong. Because they're not accounting for the fact that you have an e-bike. The electric bike, but it's not that wrong. Well, they're also not accounting for the fact that we bike like assholes. It's 40%. Yeah, it's not, but it's not as far off as you'd like. Like when I did, I biked from my apartment to central park and said, it's going to take 45 minutes. We should do this. And I was like, there's no way it's going to take 45 minutes. This is a great thing. It took 45 minutes, like on the dot. No, seeing how long it would take to bike from here to JFK. It'd be fun.

How long do you think it would take? I would think it would take me 35 minutes. What? OK, so you don't know where JFK is, I think. Sure do. 35 minutes from here? You think less or more? Way more.

I think an hour 35. I think by miles alone, it's not that hour 35 I think it's I think by miles alone it's not that far I think it's like what four miles 13 miles how many 13 okay I was way off and it's literally not even giving me a bike route 14 miles there's no option to bike 35 minutes does seem a little little little too quick. Dude, it's an hour and 10 minute drive. Because of traffic. Because of traffic and because it's far away. I think I could do it, dude.

But think about the drag of your rolly suitcase slowing you down. Yeah, my ski bag. The drag of your golf bag. Let's check Google Maps. You're like a body. See if they give us a clear answer. JFK, 13 miles.

Bike. Despicable. Terminal one. We can't go. It says right now it would take an hour and 40 minutes. To bike there? Yeah. So I mean, yeah.

So then maybe we could do it in like a little bit more than an hour. I think I could do it in an hour. I don't. We got to race out. Especially with the amount of times that you'd have to stop to be like, oh shit Am I going the right way? I would learn the route before Directions on your headphones. Yeah, but the directions on your headphones get a little more complicated where they're like merge onto the highway here You're on a bike and you're like shit. Wait, is this where I'm supposed to be going?

I also don't feel comfortable biking with headphones on in because then I don't hear the car that's about to hit me. Just one headphone throw one headphone on there. Not biking with the headphones in is crazy well also because you have those over here. You have just the standard earbuds. No I have those. The wired earbuds? No the wireless. You know you you still have a single a single wire There's no wires in this man's life. That's true. Francis told me his new year's resolution is to get down to zero wires What what wires are holding you back When I do cable cross

stuff at the gym Someone in my building was selling a Bowflex. I get all these emails from my building that are people selling things, and I can't believe that people would think anyone would wanna buy them. Bowflex is like 1994 technology. People selling extra baby formula, because their kid grew up.

Remember when there was a baby formula? I think baby formula, there was a shortage. There was a shortage. When we were on most dangerous game show. Yeah. Smitty, Adam Smith, not the father of modern economics, barstool Smitty, was about to like, he was, that was his reason for like having to win. Yeah, to buy baby formula. Yeah. I have reached out to him and he is not responding. He got to be going through a roll prayers or thoughts, whatever to Smitty. Hopefully he's doing better. Smitty's the bro.

I fucking love that guy. By the way, what happened? He just had been taking a little time I think. Spent a tough time. Wow. I get it. Which I think you get to do. I've been saving all my mental health breakdowns.

I'm gonna take a nice holiday at some point. No one's gonna to buy it. You're too steady. You got to do what Sass and I do and start talking about your prescriptions on the podcast. No, you guys are planting seeds for having a potential bipolar episode or something because you're like, oh, I have all these pills.

Japan, three weeks. He's going to go Egypt to Japan without flying. Did you guys follow that Instagram account, Egypt to Japan without flying. Did you guys follow that Instagram account? Egypt to Japan without flying? No. It's so fucking good. And he just today, this morning, he flew to Japan finally. 286 days from Egypt to Japan without flying.

But it sounds like he flew to Japan. Yeah, he got to the edge where, I mean, it's a chasm. It's a fucking body of water, so he had to fly over it. What are you saying? Are you saying he walked? He, no, he would hitch rides, he would walk, he would just beg, borrow, steal, and deal. But then he flew.

Once he got to the end. Why didn't he like take a boat? That's a good point. If the whole thing was Egypt to Japan without flying. Well he finally, maybe he made it to Japan. It sounds like he flew to Japan. It just for some reason it took him a long time to get to the airport. Fraud alert then.

Egypt to Japan. I almost have a million miles with Delta right now. Jets owner proposed benching QB Aaron Rodgers. Wow. September 30th meeting. Oh wait that was a month ago? All right. Oh so he made it to Japan. False flag. He made it to Japan. He made it to Japan without flying. Yes. Okay. Here's the dude's route. Look at that route. Incredible route. Not the most efficient. He did a little backtracking.

I see a boat. A lot of backtracking. He just wanted to see it all, though. He like hit every Middle Eastern country multiple times. Afghanistan. Francis, take a look at this. He's quick in Afghanistan. In and out. Bro, they're going to start selling in and out on Delta flights. Did you see that? Shake Shack? Oh Shake Shack. I thought it was in and out. Selling it? Or having cheeseburgers?

For people? I can't eat those. I don't know why those Shake Shack cheeseburgers fuck up my stomach. Insane. Wait I want to see him get to Japan. I mean, it's 286 days. Every leg is a day. Oh yeah, he's not making a lot of progress. You guys ever wonder what's next? After Japan? Probably like, that's why I was thinking Africa, the tip of Africa to the bottom of Africa. Hawaii maybe.

But I think that going through the bottom right of Africa, like I talked to a dude when I was in Ethiopia about going from Ethiopia to South Africa. But they say like the bottom right of Africa, like it's so dangerous and like every territory you go through is so tribal that there's some change. You're talking about like Democratic Republic of Congo and- Probably.

Like, they didn't even finish... Those ones in the south, in the southeast part? Yeah. The southeast of Africa, especially along the coast. And I went to Mozambique. I went to Mozambique. Mozambique's down there. Mozambique?

I don't think Mozambique's doing well now. Mozambique is a gun from Apex Legends. I don't think the part of Mozambique I don't think Mozambique's doing well now. I think it is a gun from apex legends Part of Mozambique that you were in is the part that he's talking about the drive down yeah, I think I think I mean I was only on the mainland of Mozambique for a second but I can tell you I flew down I flew there from South Africa and when I landed the fucking customs people had no idea how to process anyone's passports and visas because it's visa on arrival and

like their printer was broken so we sat in this one room in the airport ten yards from the plane we'd gotten off and could not enter the country in an open air, indoor, outdoor hanger of an airport for four hours until they got their printer working. That would destroy me. We would just take a dog by pin and pin, son. There's nothing worse than a delay when you're like, you're there.

Like you're about to cross the finish line. This is Mozambique bro. It's not Pittsburgh. Yeah. You know, we knew we were like, we all kind of accepted. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. The reality of the situation. You ever like go to check into a hotel

and they're like, our system's down. We got to go all paper. Yeah, I did. And you're like, what? We were in Philly recently, and this happened. And this woman came down, and she was screaming at the manager. And she kept saying, so what are you going to do for me?

Which to me is almost like verbatim the subtext of entitlement. Sounds like she wanted a sexual favor. What are you going gonna do for me? Do you remember that? While we were checking in, and she called the dude away from the, like in the middle of checking us in,

like the key was sitting right there. Yeah, that's crazy. He coulda handed it to us, and he was hitting a what are you gonna do for me? And this guy was like a tall, probably like six, five, handsome black dude. I remember. He works for FedEx.

Oh, we were all there. We were all there together. I was there. I cannot... I think Entitlement... I wasn't checking in with you guys, but I saw the guy. I think Entitlement is the ugliest shade of human behavior. You know what I realized about humans? I hate it more than anything. Similar to Entitlement, people think that there's like a class probably like

boomers Think that if they have good manners that they're nice people Yeah, that if you say please and thank you that that's like being nice Like you could be a bitch to a waitress if you say please and thank you Yeah, like you have to actually be nice like no one manners don't, manners are like just like lipstick on a pig. Like it's really like window dressing. Like there's nothing to having good manners. You actually have to be nice.

Listen how pathetic this is. I have my car parked in a garage in my building and I get this residence rate. So it's actually pretty cheap. And I looked up the reviews on Google of that garage and it has a 2.1 rating. Dude, any of those places, if you can find one with over a three, it must be the nicest parking garage on earth. This one's particularly bad.

Yeah. And they, people say that, dude, I've been down there where I've seen them take a car from a guy and then that guy leaves and they drive it through the garage at a hundred miles an hour. They're having fun. They're amusing themselves. And people have written all these reviews

that their cars get dinged up, scratched, all this. When I first brought my car to this garage, my car pretty beat up. Not, not like post, but it's got a lot of things and dense just from having it in New York city, parking it on the street for years, whatever. I accept it. I bought it used. I bought it cheap.

I don't care. And the amount of scratches and dents that have been added since I brought it to the garage, just from it being in the garage, where you think your car is safe, is so insane. That's crazy. And they have this policy that whenever you bring the car back every single time,

they do a full inspection and they take photos of all the dents and things. So every time I drop the car off, some guy takes the car key and then he, with his phone, goes around and photographs the dents. And I recently saw all these new dents and he's doing this as I get out of the car. And I go, dude, don't even waste your time. I was like, look, there's 10 new dents and scratches from this garage.

And he goes, oh man, that's bad. And I was like, yeah, but look, it is what it is. All right, I know you guys did it. I don't care. Do your best, but I accept that you guys are gonna play fucking crash car derby with my car down here. The Tesla's in boys.

Just as long as it's drivable and bring it up to me as quickly as you can. I get it. I don't expect this not to get beaten to shit. I gave them consent to beat the shit out of my car. What you gotta do is you gotta request all of those photos and then put them in a flip book and it'll look like one of those videos of like a 12 year old takes a picture of himself for 30 years and it's just slowly getting destroyed.

Slowly like getting like beat up and older. My car is the giving tree. And then I was buying groceries on Sunday the same day. I told you that part. Did I tell you? Yeah, I got stolen. I was in the parking lot of the grocery store, the Whole Foods, it was in Guanas. It's the only grocery, it's the only Whole Foods in, as far as I know, New York that has its own parking lot, which is nice because it feels like going to the Whole Foods in the suburbs. Unless you're in Guanas. Because you don because it feels like going to the Whole Foods in the suburbs. Yeah. Plus you're in Gowanus.

Because you don't have to... You can drive your car, you go in, you get your groceries, and you come back out and you put them in your trunk and you drive home. So I'm driving in looking for a parking spot and some guy who was driving an Escalade pulls up perpendicular to my car and he goes, pulls up perpendicular to my car and he goes, he goes, hey man, I saw the dents in your car. I work for Tesla of like Red Hook because they have a Tesla center there. And he goes, I'm on my off day.

I can buff and suction out those dents. It'll take me 15 minutes, I'll do it for 300 bucks, what do you say? And I had the same answer to him that I had to the parking agents in the garage. I was like, look man, I actually enjoy the fact that my car is beat to shit because it doesn't make me upset when more dents and scratches happen.

And if I pay you to fix these, then the next time that it gets beat up, I will be upset. Go ahead. Go ahead. He goes, all right, well, I need the work and I know you need this. How about 200? What's it going to take? And I was like, do you just drive around this parking lot on your off day and fix people's cars. And he goes, yeah, cause he opened the trunk

to show me all the tools that he had with him. And he was like, what's the issue? Do you not trust me? And I go, no, dude, I trust you completely. I just don't want my car to be fixed so that when I ruin it, it's fucked again. Yeah. And he- Why doesn't he drive a Tesla?

That's a good question. I don't think he actually worked for Tesla. I don't think he worked for Tesla. At all. I think that was bullshit. But dude, I go, do you work this parking lot specifically? And he goes, I do it all over, but this on Sundays is by far my best place to do this.

I think he does like 12 or 15 cars a day. He's just like a final evolution of a homeless guy. I thought it was a pretty sick hustle actually. He's the Charizard of the homeless man. If he can actually do it though. I trust him completely. He knew what he was talking about. He had all these crazy tools.

I just didn't do it because I didn't, I mean, he was like, if you take this to Tesla, it'll cost $2,000 to do the very same job that I'm telling you about. Yeah. My dad grew up in the city, in Manhattan, and he grew up on 106 in Columbus. He went to high school at LaSalle High School on like fucking second and third or whatever, and then went to Manhattan College. And after he got out of Manhattan College, he drove around in like a 65 Javelin,

I'm pretty sure it was the car. And he would have this, literally the same exact problem. I've heard him tell this story of it being dented to shit. And so what he would get his mechanic to do was leave one dent when it was all said and done. So when you get the dent, it's not your first dent. Like there's still one in there. So you get it shaped up,

but there's still just a single dent left. And so you don't feel as bad. It's like a little bit of emotional insurance. So maybe you tell the guy when you go back to the parking lot, leave one. I know. I just don't care. It's a city car. I accept that it's going to get beat to hell and it doesn't bother

me at all when there's a new scratch on the car. That said, my parking garage, they are driving this thing like it's a fucking Mario Kart. Sounds like Dean Moriarty and on the road Sounds like Cameron whatever the fucking I'm talking about no. I've never read that Jack Kerouac yeah, I've never read it Dean Moriarty rides He works in Manhattan at a parking garage, and he's flying the cars around well. What's the kid's name from? Ferris Bueller cam Cameron yeah, it's. Boyd's the guy in Succession. Oh no, they take his car when he parks it

and they drive around like fucking crazy. What do you guys think of Hemingway? I tried to get into Hemingway recently. It was a little too, I tried to read Old Man in the Sea. It was a little too childish for me. It was clearly like I knew where it was going. But it's like the sailor hasn't caught a fish in 80 days and then the boy is not allowed to fish with that man anymore. And then the boy tells the sailor,

I know you're going to catch a fish. And he goes, I know I catch, I will catch a fish. So it was trash. It will just, I just need to be patient. Like it seemed like drunken ramblings of a madman, like a, like a lesson, a parable. No, no? Hemingway is amazing. I worship Hemingway. The prose is lyrical. I can't allow it, I'm sorry. Trash.

To me, to me. And this isn't some like macho man thing. I adore reading it. Yeah, I just couldn't get into it. And I'm not talking necessarily about Old Man and the Sea. You should read Islands in the Stream. Yeah. It was the last book.

It was published after he died posthumously. And the first book of Islands in the Stream is all about fishing. And it's- But are they all like that? Do they all read that way? You know what I'm talking about? Does that make sense? No, they're all different. I mean, I just reread For Whom the Boat Bell Tolls, and it's war.

It's guerrilla warfare. And they're like, it's love and it's simple to read. It's not hard to read. It's funny that he was talking about fishing when he was fucking cooped up in a Paris cafe half his life. I know. But he did do a lot of fishing. He did do a lot of fishing. Um...

I went to the Hemingway bar in Paris. Yeah, what is that? In the hotel, right? Which hotel? The Ritz. The Ritz? Yes. I've always wanted to go there. I've never been. It was a bit of a line,

but I heard there's the best martini of all time I said I'll take a I'll do a martini there dirty martini That I was like you had guys have blue cheese stuffed olives and the guy laughed at me. He's a That's American gastronomy. I was like bro Fuck off. Yeah, where's Hemingway from? Yeah, exactly. Seriously, we're at Hemingway bar.

Well, that whole generation of writers, the last generation, Edith, no, it wasn't Edith Wharton, it was Fitzgerald and all of them, they were all American. And that is the generation that made the writers, the expats in Paris famous. Yes. They were all American. the writers that the expats in Paris famous. Yes. They were all American. And then I was trying to look up facts about the hotel right there. I was like, who stayed in this room?

And there was like a story about Hemingway like getting into an argument with his third wife at the hotel and he fucking froze a picture of him and his third wife in the toilet during the fight. And then he started shooting at it. Oh my God. In the toilet. At the fucking Ritz in fucking Paris.

Just the absolute psycho. He was nuts. He was definitely nuts. Great poet though. Yeah, he's. Sounds like someone I know. Me. I would tell you to read, try Islands in the Stream.

Just the first, there's three books in it. It was meant to be published separately, but they put them all together. You gotta try Riders on the Storm too. What's that? Riders on the Storm. Exactly. I've heard of that.

It's a song. Oh. Riders on the Storm. Watchin' child porn. That's what you do in a storm. That's it. Cause you're like, Oh, I don't know if I'll have another crack at this. This might be my only opportunity. Yeah. It might be my last chance.

You guys ever think about what you would do right before the plane went down? Kill myself. That's a good question. I would smash fucking, I'd max out my DK account. I'd probably go try to fly the plane. Bro, if it's going down, they're not taking guest pilots. I know, but I'll just hijack the plane and then not save us, obviously, but. At least get the experience of flight.

Experience of flying a fucking airliner. That's like my favorite Sebastian bit, the one where he's talking about planes crashing and he's saying like that you're going down and like the oxygen masks drop and he goes like everyone everyone's breathing in he does the voice he's like and then he goes me i'm hanging myself it's like what does a plane feel like hitting the ground going 8,000 miles per hour? I don't need to know that.

Yeah. I've always wondered about that. They say everyone died. Well, how many people drowned versus how many people were just impaled by 4,000 pieces of shrapnel? Yeah. It's got to be. How instant is it? It's probably pretty fucking quick.

I mean, if it crashes into the ocean, is it exploding? Yes. Really? Yes. Really? Yeah. I think it's exploding no matter what. No. Sully managed to not have it explode.

Well, that was more of a... Well, we can't put Sully in. Sully's not our example. Sully is the goat of plane crash artists. He also controlled it down into the Hudson. I don't think he lost in Lou's steering. He lost just the engines. The Hudson.

He was able to pull up. As far as water landings go, it's the beginner's track. Yeah, yeah. Basically a simulator. Did you ever hear that the American? Some people say it's easier to crash, to land a plane in the Hudson than on the actual runway. Especially at LaGuardia. That's what I've heard. Tiny little LaGuardia. Did you ever hear that the American highway system was built at a time of

unshoarness about whether there was going to be war on American soil so So all highways are built wide enough and straight enough so there's a chance that a plane can land on them. Oh, that's cool. Isn't that cool? I read that in the Elon Musk book. I did hear that. That's a great book. Musk talked about that, waxed poetic about it. The Musketeer.

Duma. Oh, you never told us, you said after, during the last episode that you were going to go home and check to see if you were more efficient while you listened to a book on tape playing Tetris. You said you were going to report back on that in the next episode, which is now. So what were your findings? Unfortunately, I have not been able to go home in between episodes.

Too many mice. What's the issue? What? The wires. What? Why weren't you able to goler. Too many mice? What's the issue? What? The wires. What? Why weren't you able to go home? Too many mice, the wires, what is it? Too many mice. The wires.

You guys wanna go shoot pool after this? I got seven hours to kill until I do stand-up comedy. Oof. What time is your spot? First one's nine. Where? The stand. Francis is back, I've heard some of his new jokes.

They're fucking amazing. I'm back and I am excited. There's a very small chance that I'm back. I'm going to say that right now. There's a very, very small chance that after months of sadness and melancholy and lack of forward mobility that all of a sudden I might be back. When I did Battle Rap, I would hear that it's a well-known secret almost that Adderall is a PED of the highest order for Battle Rap.

It helps you access everything so much faster, you don't forget anything, you're just locked in rhymes, like come together like fucking a mathematic problem. I'm pretty sure that Well Buterin is the same thing for stand-up comics. I'm feeling it, dude. It's a full on stack of P.E.D.s. I'm seeing the ball, I'm seeing every stitch on the ball.

Right. It's like coming in in full slow motion. I feel fucking ready to take the world and stuff it down into my back pocket. Oh, I love it. Tomorrow you're just like, I'm gonna fucking kill myself. Yeah, I will. I will. That is the... I wouldn't love that, but it would be...

...the yo-yo condition up and... Yes. The yin and the yang. The yo-yo condition up and... Yes. The yin and the yang. The yo and the yo. You done, Sas? Yeah. Tapping out? Tapping out.

I actually have to pee really bad. Well, let's wrap it. Should we wrap it? Why not? I was having fun, but yeah, yeah, we could wrap it. Happy Thanksgiving, everybody. We hope that this bonus episode, not really a bonus episode, but one that we kind of- We could have skipped it, we could have phoned it in.

We could have phoned it in, we didn't. We hope that you enjoyed some of this and that you had a wonderful time with your families. Maybe you're driving to, maybe you're driving from. Thank you for choosing us. Maybe you're fleeing. Maybe you're fleeing. Maybe you have a duffel bag, a burlap sack over your head

and your captors are listening to Son of a Boy Dad as you get transferred over state lines, human traffic as an underage person. And that your games of coed two-hand touch resulted in all the groping you could have imagined. All the incestuous groping your cousins would allow. Sass's family listens to Son of a Boy Dad instead of watching the middle game of ball. So what you're saying is going to be heard by everybody. That's our Thanksgiving tradition.

Well, this will be the last year that that game is coed. I can heartily say that. It's going to be 101 you versus your dad next year. You did not go from a cigar to ripping the jewel. You don't really get the same nicotine from the cigar. Someone told me by the way that anxiety is a very clear byproduct of smoking jewel. Yeah. It's not worth it though.

It's not worth quitting. It's what everyone says. Yeah. It's not what it is for me. Okay. Well, you wouldn't know. I would know. You've never not smoked the jewel.

Yes, I have. I've quit for years at a time What times yeah, yes when? When I first moved here or I quit for a year In college, why'd you go back Cuz I got drunk And then I quit again when I lived here for a year hmm and both times I had anxiety still okay All right, you've got your control. Yes your control group Just have it. Just try the probiotics. I am I will my wife was about to buy you like a fucking very expensive jar of probiotics

I have a guy have a good jar of probiotics. Like, this is like $44. Yeah, that's how much they are. Really? They're expensive. Yeah, well, I was like, he won't fucking touch it. Oh yeah, I got it in my fridge right now. Yeah, and you probably don't touch it. I do, take it every day.

Not every day, trying to. Fair enough. It's hard to remember when they're in the fucking refrigerator. Mm-hmm. Well, I'm not going to, I'm telling her not to get it for you unless you want it. No, I'll be okay. All right.

All right. We'll see you guys next week. Goodbye. Close was over, still, still underground. I looked older till you came around I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Days were drifting For was I So, so then you listen

Now I come alive I was only falling my way I was only falling my way I was only falling my way I was only falling one way Fetish drew your eye Did you realize No one can take me alive

I was only falling one way See it just a distant light Be it fast or ever right Call it just a memory Take my hand as you kiss me I'm falling I'm falling I'm falling

I'm falling Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, Finish to your end. Did you realize? No one could take me alive.