Son of a Boy Dad - The Lonest Wolf | Son of a Boy Dad #226

Episode Date: August 20, 2024

The Lonest Wolf | Son of a Boy Dad #226 -- Ad: Download the Gametime app today and use code BOYDAD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. All righty. Welcome back to the son of a a Boy Dad podcast. Today it is... The 19th. The 19th of the 20th. 19th. Today is the August 19th, and we are here live from... The Midtown Manhattan. From the Midtown Manhattan HQ3.

Do you guys say Upper West Side or the Upper West Side? Ooh, it depends on the conversation I'm having. You code switch? Yeah. To whom? I don't know. Sometimes I'll be like, oh, I'm going to, I got to go to Upper West. Or if you're like talking about where someone lives, I go, oh, they live in the Upper West.

What about East Village or the East Village? Nah, it's always East Village. Really? Francis, where do you sit on this? That's a tough question, actually. I'm kind of confused. I don't know. I can't hear it in my own head. I saw a sassy gay on TikTok saying,

you don't say Upper West Side. You say the Upper West Side. It's like saying Bronx instead of the Bronx. And then he put this huge dick into his mouth. Yeah. I can't believe they did. I would have flagged that Yeah, no, it gets gay rights. I guess Was over I guess that

You know, I would abbreviate it maybe and say I'm upper. Where are you upper East? But if I otherwise I would say the full the upper East side the Upper West side Yeah, someone tagged this sassy gay and flame these boys. Flame it. Flamer. Flamer. I hardly know her. Can't say that's a bad word.

Flamer? Except for her. Everyone used to say that. That was what we... I had never, no one my age ever said that. The first time I ever heard that was when Joey, the video guy for Neighborhood Eats. Yeah.

He was talking, he was referring to two dudes and he's like, these two fucking flamers were hitting on me. And I never heard, I was dying laughing. I thought he made that up. There was somehow a scene from that movie Philadelphia where Denzel Washington represents Tom Hanks in a case about AIDS. Yeah, I've never seen that now. It's a classic. I love Denzel though. And I love Tom Hanks in a case about AIDS. Yes, yes, of course. I've never seen that now.

It's a classic. It's a great movie. I loved Dan Zellow, and I love Tom Hanks. Tom Hanks won the Oscar for Best Actor in consecutive years. Damn. Do you know the other film for which he won? When did it come out? I don't know.

90? Early 90s or something like that. Maybe the late 80s even. Probably early 90s. It's obvious. It should be obvious. Saving Private Ryan. No, he didn't look for that. Gump. Gump. Gump.

Fuck. Yeah. Really? You think about how progressive the Academy was that year that in back to back years, they gave the Oscar to a gay man and then a man who was- Severely. Special needs. Severely special needs. Yeah, they were really making a statement. Meek Mill had a mixtape called All Flamers. Oh yeah, I'm sure. But it was about good music.

No, it was about having sweet music. Oh, Fire Flames, All Flames, okay. Well, you know he's gay. Meek Mill said that. Well, that's what we were told. Yeah, don't say that. Don't you dare fucking say that about me. Yeah, you be careful about that now.

Keep that, keep that in his name. What was the line that he had? He was like, I hope they forgive me for what I did with Diddy. It was AI though. Wasn't real. Yeah, he wouldn't do that. There was a scene though in that movie that popped up on my Instagram of Denzel Washington's in a bar. And because he's representing Tom Hanks and everyone knows he's gay,

the whole bar is absconding him for his defense. And they say he has to defend himself. And he says, look, I don't like tutti frutti's any more than the next guy. That's not really Denzel, but that's the closest I can do. I'm just not a bad Denzel. I don't like tutti frutti's any more than the next guy. But the law is the law. Did you forget about the law? It's a pretty good denzel but he's a little more toothy yeah any more than the next guy yeah that's almost like sean connery anymore than the next guy you should don't got nothing on me

i don't even know what that is. That's Sean Connery. Sean Connery in Training Day in James Bond. How interesting. I thought we were still on Denzel. The bartender then steps in and he goes, well, at least we got one thing in common, Denzel. And Denzel says, what? And he goes, I don't like tutti frutti's either. And so tutti frutti was the slur for gays.

Term before Flamer. But Little Richard had a song called Tootie Fruity, but it was like before people knew Little Richard was gay. It was just like having a gay old time. You know, I was like, Tootie Fruity. Tootie Fruity's not bad. I can't imagine the gay community didn't like that. Tootie Fruity's an ice cream flavor.

That's how I know it. Or when you get pancakes at IHOP, it's the Rudy Tutti Fresh and Fruity. Yes. Oh my goodness, what a mouthful. I usually just say, let me get a stack of Flamers. Do you want butter or jizz on those? Dude, I don't think that the idea at this point in my life

of ordering a stack of pancakes or French toast at breakfast, I might as well just shoot myself with a fucking syringe of anesthetic. Francis, you play the healthy guy. I was with you this weekend. Wait, wait. I could see you ordering three stacks of pancakes at breakfast. I had a bad weekend. I really fell apart this weekend. We went to the movies. Francis got a family-sized bag And I'm like, I eat gummies more than most people on the planet.

This is so bad. Francis got a family size bag of watermelon Sour Patch kids. Dude, before the movie started, he was holding the pack open with having the sugar drain into his mouth. There are diabetic children in Africa whose sugar balance levels are falling away. I've never seen someone do that.

I've never seen someone like the bag eat the bottom of the bag of the sugar. It wasn't before the movie was over. It was probably halfway through. That's a Frank the Tank move. I told Mooc to take them because I didn't want them anymore. Mooc didn't have anything.

Mooc wouldn't take them from me, which would have saved me. Not the kind of crew that you want to go to the movies with. I got a large popcorn. Why? I was the only one that had any of it. I thought we were all sharing the popcorn. We didn't take them from me. Not the kind of crew that you want to go to the movies with. I got a large popcorn. Why? I was the only one that had any of it. I thought we were going to all share the popcorn.

We are afraid of you. Let's establish that. Mook and I are both afraid of you. It's like being with your mom when she's going through menopause. You are a fucking mom who is dealing with severe hot flashes around the clock. It's not true at all.

Is this true? No, Mook's not afraid of me. When we ordered, when we got our snacks and stuff for the movie, I got a bag, a huge bag of Sour Patch Watermelons and a bottle of water. They both got, and Mook got nothing in a water. Yeah, and we're walking from there. I got a popcorn, a large Diet Coke, and Airhead Extremes. And we're walking from the concessions to the movie,

excited to go to our movie. And Sass is going, man, remind me never to go to a movie with you two again. I did not say that. What did you say? I said something. It was very close. I said something.

I was just making fun of that you guys got waters. Yeah, but you were like, these are the two worst movie companions I've ever had. And then I said to you, you might be the worst person I've ever hung out with. I'd never seen, like I'd never experienced it before where like every single thing that comes out of your mouth is just unhappiness. Just the water bottle, water bottle.

Just unhappiness. Water bottle at the movies is crazy and no popcorn is crazy. But if I don't, I knew that I have a problem with sugar, I'm probably going to crush the entire gigantic bag of Sour Patch Watermelons. Why do I need to layer soda on top of that? Because it's so good.

But they don't go well together for me. That's too much. Yeah, candy and soda don't go well together, but popcorn and soda go well together. If I had done a pop in my corn, or if I'd known that you would be willing to share, the odds of you actually sharing your popcorn, I didn't even consider that that would-

I barely even like popcorn. I got a large popcorn, assuming that they were gonna eat most of it. You didn't tell us that. I had like two handfuls of popcorn, and then we just had to throw away the full large. Do you know why I assumed you probably weren't sharing your popcorn?

Because you're crazy? Because we were at the casino the night before, and I was saying, let's bet the same bets at the roulette table. Sass, what are you betting? And you'd be like, I don't know. And then at the final second, when they were like, last call, place your bets, you'd be like, odd.

So that I didn't have time to bet on top of you. That's how you play roulette. If I put money on red first, you would just put it on black. That's not true. We did bet the same multiple times. And you wouldn't even talk to me because you were mad that I was trying to be supportive, a team player.

I was on the hottest streak maybe ever in roulette and he comes over and he's trying to hop on. But isn't it fun to bet with other people? I would do. Especially with roulette. He hates it. He hates betting with me. I did bet with him.

No you didn't. But it was like I'm playing the inside and the outside. So it's like, what am I supposed to do? Okay, I'm gonna do, I have to tell you every single bet I'm gonna like, I'm playing the inside and the outside. So it's like, what am I supposed to do? OK, I'm going to do, I have to tell you every single bet I'm going to do. I'm going to do black, and then I'm going to do 7, 13, 33. Oh, wow.

You know, it's so hard as you're placing. You're talking about he had one chip in his hand. He couldn't handle all the bets I was doing. I won. I beat the casino this weekend. You were up? Yeah, I beat the house. He doesn't like winning together.

That's not true at all. Is that true? When I bet on sports, I bet on the same thing with everyone I'm with. With who? We weren't betting on sports. With Gardini? Yeah, if I'm with Gardini, I'll bet on the same thing.

Mook and I both wanted to play blackjack. And we said, Sass, come play blackjack with us. Send each other our bets every week. And I take all the bets that he has. We were saying, hey, come sit at the blackjack table. It's so funny. He goes, I'm not doing that. I'm not doing that.

I know. I said I'm playing roulette. You're making all of this up. And then I tried to put, what are you talking about? No, I'm not. You said come play roulette. And I said, you're come play blackjack. And I said, well, I'm playing roulette.

No, you were like, I'm not doing that. There's no way I'm doing that. That's what you said. I don't think that's what you said. As we were walking to the casino. And Mook and I were like, come on, it's so fun. It's so fun to win as a team playing blackjack. And you're like, no, I'm going to play roulette.

And we were like, OK. So we stood next to you and tried to play roulette with you. And it was as if we were giving you fucking COVID. Dude, I mean, we're playing big hands. I'm not going to be. See, that's an admission to everything I'm saying. I can't be turning around going, guys, let's all do black now. You got to make your own decisions at some point

in your life Francis were you licking the chips before you put them down was that it i wasn't doing anything wrong i was just trying to be noticed how he's not notice how he's not uh he's not talking about the results at the end of the night well i won 100 bucks he won 100 mooc lost 100 i won 650 no you didn't you won 350 and you walked out with 350 What the fuck are you talking about? That's what you told us. No, I didn't. I said I won $650 multiple times. I thought you said you walked out with $650.

No, no. I put $100 in and I walked out with $750. Well, it's too bad you didn't give any of that to Moog. No wonder he was buying a single water. You guys taking the bus to fucking the show and you know. Bro. You wouldn't even let him bet with you and he was just taking the bus. I never said that they couldn't bet with me. The table was packed and I'm not going to be like, guys squeeze in here so we can all bet the same hand.

He firmly believes that if we had bet with him at the roulette table, he would not have won that much. That's not true at all. And he enjoys his profit more because we were not part of it. That there's a finite amount of winning that can be done. Yeah, he feels vindicated because we lost and he won. So this is literally slander. It's not. I'll have a lawyer be in touch with you.

FaceTime MOOC. None of this is true. See what MOOC says. You're making it out like I'm sitting there, and I'm like, get away from me. It was literally, I sat down at the table, you came over, and you said, let's bet together. And I said, OK. over and you said, you said, let's bet together. And I said, okay.

And then you said, you actually, what actually happened was you put a- Do you think what you're saying right now is true? I'm positive it's true. Because this is not true. Dude, you put something on, you put something on the outside, you put red, and then I placed the inside and I put something on black and you said, you're going to bet against me. And then I moved my thing to black to bet with you. Did it work?

Did it win? Did it work? No, we both lost. No, I think I've changed. I moved my chips multiple times to bet with you. Because you're in my ear going, you're going to bet against me. I can't believe you're just, this is like, that's not true. That literally happened. Where's Moog?

And then we went to the casino the next day, and we all put the same exact hand down and we all lost. We got fucked. We went the next day and we had like a 10 minute wait at the Uber and we were like, let's go do one spin and we all put it on black and then we got zeros. Damn. Yeah.

So nobody won. Get Mooc on the line. Getting Mooc on the line. Hey pal. What up? You're on Son of a boy dad. Sweet. Okay, so we're trying to remember how it went

at the roulette table because my recollection was that Sass did not want us betting the same bets that he was betting. And he seems to think that he would move his chips to actually bet on the same bets that we were betting. Could you give a neutral- Mooc never played roulette. Hold on, just let him speak. My, oh, sorry. Hold on, I'm that we were betting. Could you give a neutral sort of- Mook never played roulette. Hold on, just let him speak.

My, oh, shit, sorry. Hold on, I'm looking for a room. My neutral take is you two were just being, doing your whole little like big brother, little sister type deal. You're the little sister in that, by the way. I know. Francis really wanted to bet with Sass,

and Sass was kind of just like lone wolfing it I was like you can play roulette. We don't have to be holding hands while we're playing. How was he low-molting it? I don't know if he directly faded your bets or There was definitely some diabolical stuff I don't go to casinos often. I'm going to win. And I'm not going to sit there holding hands with Francis being like, all right, should we do black 33?

I don't know. That seems crazy. I didn't say that. I was like, what are you going to bet? And you'd be like, you wouldn't tell me. My last hand, he comes over. He goes, what are you going to bet? I've already got the whole table covered.

I've already bet. The dice is actively spinning already. And it seemed to be that he thought if I were to bet on top of him that that would mean he would lose. As a neutral party, I can't confirm or deny. Yes, exactly. Because that's not true.

Why would I think that? You took what he just said as a fucking confirmation of your side? Yes. Okay, one more question, Mook, one more question. You guys are so cute. The last question is this, you and I were lobbying him to join us

at the Blackjack table for some team family vibes. And I said, I don't wanna play Blackjack. Yes. And didn't he say, I'm not doing that? Oh, for sure, yeah, yeah, he was out. He was out on the team game. I didn't wanna play Blackjack, I wanted to play roulette. He didn't say. Yeah. I didn't want to play blackjack. I wanted to play roulette. He didn't say like, oh guys, I'd love to, but I'd prefer to play roulette.

He went, I'm not, I'm not doing that. I mean, if we're going to be, if we're going to be smearing my good name, why don't we tell the story about how you got a dude kicked out of the table on his bachelor party. I fucking love that story. I'm happy. Thank you, Moog. Thanks Moog. A guy with all of his friends. All right. Francis mortified him and had him removed from the table. I just wrote a fucking thousand word blog on this. I'm not trying to hide that shit.

Trying to make me out to be the bad guy here. You are the bad guy as far as our friendship goes. Not at all. I'm doing everything I can to be your friend. Dude, I went into the roulette table. I went into the casino and said, I'm gonna play roulette. I feel like Will Smith.

Like why won't he love me? Yeah. In fucking Fresh Prince of Bel Air. What is your stance on this, Ron? If you go to a casino, I feel like Will Smith like why won't he love me? Yeah in fucking What is your what is your stance on this ron if you go to a casino Do you have to play with everyone or can you play what you want? That's not the question your money oversimplifying I think it's way more fun if everybody at the table wins together like those are the moments of being in a casino where it's like you see someone else's table and everybody erupts because Everybody just won whether it be craps or fucking blackjack or not blackjack craps or roulette. Those are like the moments where it's just like those are the things you remember forever when everybody wins together. Yeah. Yeah. I had a dude sit down next to me and

he said, what are you betting on? And I said 19 to 36. And then he put it on 19 to 36 and we both won. We fist bumped. I'm glad you made friends. Yeah. I'm just saying like it's proper casino etiquette. I'm glad that you- It's maybe like a- Bonded with all the strangers at the Jack casino. Just a subtle, what are you gonna put it on?

Not like, we gotta do this together. Oh, my enthusiasm was what precluded me from- Kind of. Why don't you just embrace being a lone wolf? Cause I'm not a lone wolf. Yeah, you are. You're the lonest wolf. No, I'm not. There's never been a wolf more alone. embrace being a lone wolf? Because I'm not a lone wolf. Yeah, you are. You're the lonest wolf. No, I'm not.

There's never been a wolf more alone. No. The lone wolves? You think you guys are the lone wolves when you're all together? He is. Me and MOOC are part of a pack. You're wolf pack.

You got to stray from the pack if you want to co-op 650. I don't know how you deny the lone wolf allegation and then say that, which validates it in the next breath. Bruh. All right, I'llates it in the next breath. All right, I'll tell the story about this guy. This makes me insanely jealous. I wish I was shown by little sass. You shouldn't be jealous. The casino was terrible. You just said you won six extra what you put in. I did. That was sick. But aside from that, I mean-

The casino was so bad that the next day, sass, we went in while we were waiting for our Uber to go to the movie. We couldn't stay away. And he won a hundred bucks on roulette and had it printed out as a ticket. And he put it in his pocket because we had to go to the movie. And then that night, it was our last night in Cleveland and he was like, I was like, are you going to go back to the casino to get your hundred bucks? And he couldn't even be bothered to go back to the casino. Dude, I wasn't going there by myself to that fucking, you just left in a hotel.

The sketchiest place I've ever been. It was so bad, dude. That area of Cleveland is not great. Dude. The homeless people there are, they're in incredible shape. Really? They jog with you. If you pick up, they're going to match your pace.

Really? Hello, can I get some money for bus fare? Sorry, I don't have it. Oh, well, there's an ATM right here. Oh, I don't have my ATM card. Do you have Zelle, Chase Quickpay, Venmo? Chase Quickpay? They got Chase Quickpay in Cleveland? They got everything, bro. These guys are digitized. You can actually gift Bitcoin up to $30,000. They've got QR codes tattooed on their forearms. What the fuck?

It was super sketchy. Why don't they just, I feel like everybody just steals bus fare. I saw that there's like $600 million in stolen bus fare in New York this past year. Not in Cleveland. No, you have to pay. Because the bus drivers are probably strapped.

Yeah, they're probably beaten ass. Yeah. Damn, so what happened with the guy at the, you got a guy kicked out of his own bachelor party at the CD Casino? I may have ruined his bachelor party. And again, I just wrote a blog about this. Here's what was happening.

Sass and I, excuse me, not Sass, how could I have, he wasn't there. I was directly next to them. No, we were across from the aisle from you. No, I was, you were legitimately direct,, we were across from the aisle from you. No, I was legitimately direct. Your back was against my back. No, that was a different night. That table wasn't the one that this happened at.

That was probably the Thursday night. No, Thursday night we went for like 15 minutes. Either way, so here's what happened. So Mook and I sat down at a table and there was a guy in the first position, a guy in the second position, empty seat, a guy in the fourth position, empty seat. And so Mook and I said,

do you guys mind if we join you mid-shoe? And they said, no problem. We sit down. I'm on the final spot, the anchor. So, I'm dealt my cards last. Right. And the guy to my right was just not playing by basic strategy at all. Flagrantly disobeying basic strategy. And it was a $25 minimum hand table, so it wasn't the lowest minimum table.

I think they had 15 and maybe they even had 10. So you're basically high rollers. In Cleveland, that's a lot of bus fares. It's like 25 and then they have like a thousand dollar max. So you were high rollers. We were not in the high roller area, but we were in, we were in, we were not at the minimums. Right, right, right, got it.

And the guy to my right, I mean, he's, you know, he's staying on 15 when the dealer is showing 10. He's not splitting when he should, he's not doubling when he should. I don't care about that. The fact that he was not hitting on like 13, 14, 15 when the dealer is showing like nine, eight, 10, ace, started to piss me off because I was to his left.

So then I would get the card, he would stay like a coward and he'd be like, I'm not feeling it. I just know there's a 10 under there. I know it. And then I would get the next card and it would be like a six, which would have given him fucking 21 or 20. And then I'd have to hit again and I would bust

because I was playing by basic strategy and then the dealer would flip over cards and make a hand of 21 and the whole table would lose. And this happened like three times, three or four times, to the point where I was, the dealer starts shaking his head and being like, huh, should have hit, couldn't help himself. And then I'm like, well, I start kind of gently being like, because he's hemming and hawing. He's like, I don't know if I should hit. I'm like,

well, the book says you should probably hit. And he's like, I'm going to stay. I'm like, okay. So after this happened four times, whole table loses again, we're losing all of our money, MOOC's losing his money. I said, I said, would you mind if we switch seats? Me and the guy. Yeah. So that would put him in the anchor and then I would. It wouldn't affect it. My cards wouldn't be affected by him.

He's still gonna fuck up for the dealer and like probably not have the cards be the way they should for the table, but at least I'm not affected. And he was like, okay, fine. In a huff, grabs his chips, we switched seats. And he's like, I was like, I just want to be closer to my friend. I want to play next to my buddy. And he goes, that's not why you're switching with me. I was like, no, it's not.

You're right. It's because you're not playing according to the way you're typically supposed to play. And he goes, all right, you know what? I'm not even going to play here. I'm going to go to some other table. And the second he left typically supposed to play. And he goes, all right, you know what? I'm not even gonna play here. I'm gonna go to some other table. And the second he left, we started winning. Yeah? It was like we had,

you ever see that movie Master and Commander? Crow? It's great. Russell Crow? Russell Crow. No, I haven't. They run into a series of bad luck, wind stops, they get disease on board,

all these things, and they blame it. It's all one guy's fault? On the first mate, or one of the mates. And he starts to get superstitious and thinks it's his fault. So he takes a cannonball into his hands and jumps overboard and sinks to the bottom of Davy Jones' locker.

The moment he's dead, the fortunes of the ship turn around. Really? So you tell me. Well, you're skipping out on the part when he left and then you went. Well, I haven't told it yet. I haven't skipped it. I just haven't arrived there. And they were all like, yeah, it's our best friend.

No, they didn't say that. They didn't say best friend. It's his bachelor party. It's the groom. They did admit it was his bachelor party. They were there for his bachelor party. No way. So I was the asshole.

I was the asshole, but we all won money. We all, everybody that remained at that table after he left started winning money. Sadly, I am on that guy's side. I get it. I'll be the bad guy. Sadly, I think that- Over at the roulette table, we never would have done that. I think you're within your rights to play chaotically, because there's no hard, it's

not a hard rule I agree it's like a societal like I mean it definitely I would have been frustrated if I were you if I were trying to play by the book that's why I almost felt like my suggestion of us switching seats felt like a middle ground it's still passive aggressive and douchey for me but I thought I'm not telling him to leave the table I'm not telling him to leave the table. I'm not telling him to start playing the right way. Just saying like, look, I don't want to keep getting your fucked up cards that you're supposed to be getting yourself.

And all of us get fucked as a result. I've been the other way where I'm trying to just play probably the same way that this dude's playing and the dealer's like, well, should do this I'm like oh thanks daddy thanks for telling me exactly what to do daddy should you want to hold my hand while I make my bets they do know the dealers know and this is a crazy thing about blackjack they'll tell you what you're supposed to actually mathematically do you have a fucking lifeline like Like you have the hint option. And I inherently distrust that even though there is mathematics and the book involved

I'm like, well, I know who you work for. I know you're working for the fucking casino. Exactly. Oh, and you're a very good gambler. What do you think about my thing there? Do you play blackjack at all? Not too much, but I mean, I would agree. If I was that kid and that was my bachelor party, I would have killed myself. Not kill Francis? I would say there's probably a chance that he did.

If I were that kid and I were having my bachelor party at Jack Casino in Cleveland, I would kill myself. You have to you have to check the police blotter to see if any bodies floated up on Lake Erie or whatever. Yeah, I'm sure they did. What's the response to your blog? I bet that people who are very serious gamblers are in lockstep with you.

People who are like, this is how you're supposed to play. This is how everybody at the table can win. I texted Dave about it. I'm trying to find any reason I can to text Dave right now. Did he respond? He did. I looked over at your phone this weekend and you and Dave were sending each other like paragraphs. I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, we're tight. Because he talked about you on the unnamed show. Did he? Yeah. Yeah. He also, that was a little misleading. He said that I texted him right after I told him

I was getting divorced to be like, by the way, are you gonna be in Montauk this summer? Let's hang out. I texted that, I think I texted that like weeks later when I was heading out to Montauk and I knew I was going and I wanted to see if there was a chance he was gonna be there, because I thought, you know, maybe we could have some grilled corn together.

Yeah, grilled corn sounds like Croutocasian corn maybe. Some watermelon maybe. Some watermelon, some corn. Put some grilled corn together. Yeah, grilled corn sounds like Crud occasion corn maybe. Some watermelon maybe. Some corn. Put some ticene on there. Put some... And he, I said, are you going to be in Montauk at all this summer? And he goes, not much probably. And that was that. He was there while I was there.

I texted him, are you doing anything tonight? No. He wasn't doing anything. Did you guys do anything? No, he didn't. He didn't. He said he wasn't doing anything. Yeah, but that's usually like the invitation to be like, no, I'm not doing anything. What are you doing?

Do you want to? I told him all of my plans. Really? Yeah. But, uh. That bastard. Absolute bastard. But what paragraphs are you texting each other?

I'd send him the explanation of that story. I said, I have a gambling question for you. This is what's happening. Who's in the right? Who's in the wrong? And he was like, some people will do it. I don't think it matters. He doesn't care if someone's not playing. By the book?

By the book, but at the same time, Dave is gonna be playing in the fucking highest stakes rooms where everyone would be playing by the book. He plays in the tunnel of chaos. Yeah, that's true. Or if you had a $200,000 hand and you weren't playing by the book, that would be pretty frustrating.

I think the general response to my blog is like, it all depends on the table stakes. Like if you're playing at a 50 to $100 minimum table, like people should be playing according to basic strategy. But if you're at the lower tables, and I don't know what that cutoff is, I would have thought $25 in Cleveland would have been the high roller echelon.

It's the threshold. People at the $25 tables were wearing like tuxes. Yeah. It's crazy. Yeah. It was like Casino Royale. Yeah, yeah. They just had like a Rolex on the table.

A Diet Coke for you? Yeah. Putting their Timex watch into the table. They're like, throw it all in. I'll put the keys of my Honda Civic in there too. It was pretty crazy. Then after that guy left, a lot of the other members of the bachelor party gathered behind us and were-

Medicine league? No, no. Mistakes. They were watching because two of their buddies were still playing and we were all winning now and they were rooting us on. And the guy who was the most vocal of that group agreed with me. were still playing and we were all winning now and they were like rooting us on and the guy who was the most vocal of that group agreed with me and was like, yeah, you got, you got

to know when to hit. You got to know blah, blah, blah. Did you explain it to all the guys? Why, why you were? Yeah. They were like, don't worry about him. He's a little grouchy or something. I'm sure. I'm sure he's pissed. I feel bad. He went and got a $15 hooker. Yeah. I do feel bad.

But you know, none of that compares to the breakdown of our friendship. Don't try and spin this back my way. I wasn't kicking people off the table. You were kicking me off the table. I never kicked you off the table. You could have easily sat down and played. We got to do choose your own adventure of if Sass had gotten the big popcorn and you all had shared the popcorn.

Cause I think there's a world where Sass would also get mad being like, they ate all my popcorn. That's not true at all. He wanted us to eat. That's my move is I buy, I just thought I was doing a nice thing. I was like, I'm going to buy the big popcorn. He wanted us to eat his popcorn

so that he could be mad at us for eating his popcorn. That's what he is. That's what he does. You guys have mental problems? Who's you guys? What? Who's you guys? You too. I have mental problems?

Yeah. What are you talking about? You're the one that just suggested that entire idea. This is how he's been all weekend. He's in a mood. He's in a mood. I'm not in a mood at all. Are you unhappy? You just got to let him be. I'm in a great mood.

You got to let him be, right? This is how he's going to be for at all. Are you unhappy? You gotta let him be. I'm in a great mood. This is how he's gonna be for a while. Are you unhappy? No, not at all. Got home last night. My space is all clean. That's my big thing these days, taking care of my landscape. Make your bed every morning.

Yeah. Stays off mental D. Exactly. I am, I am. You guys keeping your landscape sharp? I got a wife for that. Must be nice. I remember that. I remember those days. As I am with you on one thing that, and I don't know if you're intentionally doing this,

but I saw a tweet that you said that like this website Twitter is for people who have like Mental challenges or whatever. Yeah, but I appreciated you not using the r slur and the I'm I think I'm basically out on the r slur and the f slur really because everybody people are saying to it's becoming It's becoming corny. It's such like a light crutch where you people will say like the r slur and the f slur and people be like a light crutch where people will say like the r slur and the f slur and people be like what the fuck yeah how did he have the balls to say that yeah it's also like i've seen like 20 viral tweets of people being like retard is so back and then everyone's like totally yes or like so many comedy specials where people are just like sprinkling in the F slur and people are like, what? It's a spitting in the face of the establishment.

So I'm back to my puritanical ways. Pretty much Shane should be the only one that's allowed to say it and everyone else should go back to the traditional ways. Even him, you know? No, bro. You're saying the Billy Ghost, the one that can say it? Yeah. The Goats the only one that can fucking rip still?

Pretty much, yeah. Does he even use it that often? I don't know. I think that's just when people started saying it again. That he was the pioneer? Yeah. He put his flag in the slur? In terms of stand up, it felt like that.

You think? Yeah. I saw, I think Joe Rogan said it in his. Probably, but that's Joe Rogan. Yeah. Game changer? Yeah, game changer pioneer. Yeah.

Tony, did Tony say it? Sure. Up and soft limits. What do you think? Down in Austin. You think people are overusing it as like a light shock value moment where it's like- Yeah, probably, but I also think that, you that, like anything, there's a way to write a good joke that uses the word and there's a way to write a lame low-hanging fruit joke that uses the word.

Yeah, that's probably true. And just because it's like coming back in vogue or something doesn't mean that there won't still be good jokes that use it. True, true, true. I'm not trying to police people's usage of it, but I'm just done giving people a fucking pat on the back for just their bravery of using it. Wow, how brave. Yeah.

Wasn't that tweet crazy? You see that tweet that I put? You said you saw the tweet. Yeah, yeah. I can't, dude, social media is so bad. It's like, I go on it for like 30 minutes and then I'm like, I hate my life and myself and this app. See?

Like it makes me miserable. But I just go on and just get furious for 30 minutes. What with the tweet? Is just someone learning how to use chopsticks? It's like the, it's just everything is so fucking dumb, dude. It's like the video of this Asian girl explaining how to do chopsticks and then some fucking loser dude at home like

following like stitching himself into the video being like Like that's it and it has like a hundred thousand likes it's like dude you're fucking 40 years old You don't know how to use chopsticks Well, dude, I'll be honest like I had to crash course myself on how to use chopsticks before I went to Japan But that's just trash. You could have used them before that you want to know how to use the proper way I want to be able I wanted to be real nice with it I want to be never post that video of you smiling into like a ring light being like look what I did Like that's fucking insane I agree I think that it is clownish. But it was, I mean, they were helpful tutorial videos.

Yeah. And then all the comments are like, man, I've learned more from this app than I have ever did at school. Yeah. Maybe listen at school for three seconds. Yeah. Yeah. School sucks, but I do find learning to be fun as an older gentleman.

And I don't think like school isn't teaching basic human function. Like they're not teaching, oh, this is what a fork does. That's kind of supposed to be taught at home or like just something that you learn by yourself. But that's why forks are inherently superior. Yeah, they definitely are. Because they are intuitive. Forks are intuitive. Except for ramen.

I mean, didn't Nicky Smokes tweet about ramen, being like, I love ramen, but I just hate going back and forth with my fork and my spoon. I thought it was kind of a spoon only. I thought ramen you ate with chopsticks, and then you drink. Yeah, chopsticks and slurp. Makes sense. That's kind of an authentic way to do it. Every time I've ever gone to a real ramen place,

I have to get that big-ass spoon. Mm-hmm. Yeah, that's nice. It is tough to get the noodles in with that. Yeah, you gotta use the choppies. And slurp down the choppies. I'm a fucking ramen fiend these days. Suck the ramen out of the... Yeah, ramen's great.

It's so fucking good. That's like a top five food for me. Really? Yeah, I love ramen. That's your five I Will cheeseburger number one lobster number two tacos number three Steak for Ramen Wow graphic him. That's pretty that's pretty accurate. I think for myself. It's always been cheeseburger lobster piece Who didn't say pizza and say pizza? I meant to say taco That's pretty accurate, I think, for myself. It's always been cheeseburger, lobster, pizza, taco.

Ooh, you didn't say pizza. I didn't say pizza. I meant to say taco. Tikka masala up there, but I don't eat it enough for it to be one of my tops. I ate it last night. Really? You ate Indian last night? And then I reheated it this morning

and ate it for breakfast, which was a mistake. I had Indian food for breakfast. So good, though. It is good, but- We didn't go to that place. So good though. It is good. We didn't go to that place. That's whole-ass bachelor life. I know we should have. Having it at night where the amount of salt and cream just ruins, you can't drink enough

water at night. No. To sleep through the night. That's a guaranteed 3 a.m. wake up. Yeah, it is. Just being a good, good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can't breathe. Touching your tongue. Your finger gets stuck to your tongue because it's so dry. We were having

that conversation about like foods that you know how unhealthy they are based on how thirsty you are directly after eating them. And I had Pad Thai last night and within seconds I was just dying to drink anything. Right. Anything. But eating it, eating it, reheating it in the morning is like a- I've never had Indian food last more than 30 minutes, let alone make it the night. Oh, I order a ton because I like to have options. It's one of the best leftover foods too.

It really is. It's stews in its own flavors So I've got some more left and I'll probably hit that again tonight. How much did you get? Oh man, a lot. Did you get two? I got an order of chicken tikka masala. I got the sag paneer, which is the sort of wilted spinach with the cream and the chunks of cheese. Then I got the lamb egg rolls, which is unbelievable. I got the lamb biryani, and they give you a huge portion of that. That's so much food.

That's so much food. Yeah. It's literally a family. That's like $200 of Indian food. I got a side of the mango chutney, which I love. I love that mango chut. What do you just have a spoonful of one of everything? I just create a plate and sort of I like to blend the edges.

Were you watching like a nice movie or something? Yeah, I started watching Mad Max Furiosa again. Wow. But then I was really tired by 8.30 because I drank a bottle of white wine. Jesus Christ. A Gewurztraminer? Gewurztraminer? Gewurztraminer goes the best with Indian food.

You would have bet at 8.30. I had a Chablis, a whole Chablis. Having a whole bottle of wine by 8.30 on a Sunday is crazy. Look, nobody said I was doing well right now. Are you guys under the impression that I'm presenting myself as like some model citizen? I assume. Every episode I come out and I'm like, I did ecstasy. I just drank a whole bottle of wine.

I'm eating Indian food, three meals in a row. Yeah, you walked out to the kitchen and all the Indian food and the wine was still out and you were like, breakfast is served. People- People hate me. It started right where you left off. You woke up from your chair.

Oh, look. It's so warm. It's by stewing in its own spices. Yeah. Don't mind if I do. Twinkle to sphynx. Couple drops of white wine left. Another samosa.

Yay. We have wine first thing in the morning. You know, I keep my apartment incredibly clean. And somehow, that level of tidiness makes me think that it's OK for me to let the rest of my life go. And yeah, that's where we're at right now. Just finding the bottom of the rabbit hole.

That's fine. It goes so much deeper. Yeah, there's always levels to the rock bottom. But I think that that's- We got you there. That's like a nice form of self-pampering. That's some shit that I would do living alone. I mean, I didn't drink the wine from the bottle. I drank it out of a Zalto Art wine glass, which they're like $130.

You cannot put them in the dishwasher. One time when we lived in Hell's Kitchen. Oh, and do you remember when we lived in Hell's Kitchen and we went to see, we went to see Tim Dillon at Caroline's and Diggs was gonna come, and then we were like, we don't actually have the ticket, and then we came home and he was just like surrounded by bottles of wine, watching standup on the TV.

I was preparing myself to laugh tonight and I'm gonna fucking laugh. And he was drinking them straight out of the bottle, and we were like, oh, this is so bad Wait more than one out of the bottle? Yeah, it was like three bottles deep Yeah, his teeth were black And he was watching stand-up on TV It was so sad. I felt so bad. Who?

Dukes. Oh, god. Oh, man. Because we were going to a show and we were like, we thought we had an extra ticket and then we didn't have an extra ticket. And then we came back and he was watching stand up on TV. It was probably like when you're going to have a big dinner

and you starve yourself all day. Oh, yeah. He was probably like, I didn't laugh all day in preparation Avoided jokes all day because of this I'm gonna get my fucking laughs Multiple bottles of wine is insane. Yeah, just around you. I've never had even a full glass of wine That's not true. Yes, it is a full glass. Yeah, I never liked one glass of wine. That's not true. Yes it is. A full glass? Yeah, I never liked wine. Yeah. I think I tried and then I was like let me just get a Miller Lite or something. Mm-hmm. Wine's great. Yeah it's probably I think it's like an

acquired taste though. Probably. What happened? There were some funny things that happened with us this weekend though. How are the shows? The shows were good. Yeah. The late show on Saturday was rough but aside from that they were a little a little undone at that point because there was a Browns preseason game and everyone in Cleveland just sets their clock around the Browns. Right. I went into the bathroom after my set and there was a dude in there and he was like, I started drinking way too early.

And I just stumbled out of the bathroom. Did he know you were in there? I went in and then I didn't do well on the late show on Saturday. At least I don't think I did. You did better than you thought. You were right. It was a little bit like Madison, where you couldn't hear.

I don't think you could hear the laughter of the people that were under the overhang. Yeah. And so a lot of that was swallowed. And I was sitting to watch your sets, and you were doing really well. All I know is that I left the, I off stage and Francis went on after me and I was like that was fucking rough and then I went and I sat in the green room and I like

bitched to myself and mook and one of the waitresses for like 10 minutes and then and Then I went to the bathroom and there was a dude in the bathroom and he didn't say anything and I was like Oh, man, I must have really done bad. This dude's not even gonna say like what's up? Yeah, and then he said then I realized that he was so drunk He just didn't see me and then he turned and he was like no fucking way Yeah, and then he just and then he just went and washed his hands and then he said to himself He said I started drinking way too early One of my favorite scenes from any comedy movie ever

is the hangover when Zach Galifianakis, they wake up in the ruined hotel room. Yeah. And Zach Galifianakis goes to pee. I think he's only wearing a t-shirt. And so he's dressed like Winnie the Pooh and he's peeing and the tiger is in the bathroom. Oh yeah yeah yeah. And he pees and he sort of turns gently and looks at the tiger

and I think he like pees all over the floor and then and his eyes are so bleary. Yeah yeah. And then he turns back and keeps peeing at and the toilet and then does a double take and like runs out of the room. But the way that he acts peeing super fucked up is so authentic to that horrible morning pee after you're just like completely bleary eyed, delirious, don't know what's going on. You're like still drunk. It is a great feeling. Yeah.

But what happened to Galifianakis? He probably just counting millions? I don't know. Has he crushed any movies recently? He really had a nice moment. He did a dramatic turn. I mean, he was great in Bird, what's it called?

Birdman was excellent. He was very good in that. He's done some stuff on Broadway, I mean, he was great in Bird, what's it called? Birdman was excellent. He was very good in that. He's done some stuff on Broadway, I think, and he had that great web series between two ferns. That was classic. That was great. But I think just that era of- Saturday Conversations, I call it.

Yeah. Nice. That was a banger. That show? That era of great comedies dried up. People lost their flavor for it. I blame Gen Z. I've started blaming them for everything. No, Jackie and Pat have said that they're the funniest generation. They are?

Gen Z is. Really? Yeah. That's crazy. News to me. Wow, you're Gen Z, bro. I wouldn't give it to millennials. That's the other thing. He's so down on himself. And I spent the whole weekend trying to lift him up. And then they do this thing. Both he and Moog do this thing where they start making fun

of me by complimenting me. No, that's you. That's you not being able to accept a compliment. You're saying it in the most sarcastic tone. What's an example? Because Francis is really good, and I'll say, like, I don't know, I'll say something, and I'll be like, you're the best, or something like that.

And it's like I'm joking, but I'm serious. I am serious. I'm like, you are very good. And then he just gets like, he can't accept that. Because you're saying a nice thing sarcastically. And it's almost like you're double negativing the compliment. So I don't know how to take it.

And I let the two of you just riff and be like, ah, this killer over here, this fucking guy, one of the best, 200, you'll be on Rogan. And they go on and I'm like, what's happening right now? I don't get it. I don't know what I'm supposed to do with that. And then I'm like, are you guys fucking with me? And they're like, no, actually we think we think you're pretty good We do actually think very highly of you. Yeah, we're saying something not seriously, but also seriously deep down There's a shred of truth in our ribbing. Yeah, that's pretty much what it is. Yeah. What movie did you guys see alien?

Where is it scary? No, no, it at all. It was like a bee, flappy. Was it exciting? Yeah. Tepid, mediocre. It was fine. Did you get excited? I enjoyed it. Did you have to cover your eyes at all with your buttery ass popcorn figures? No.

Mook was like, I mean, dude, get it together. He's a fragile boy. Yeah. He's run off the water? Like the least scary pop-outs I've met. Things that you could see coming from a mile away and you look over at Mook and he'd be like GAAAWW FUCK! And then he'd be sitting there and he'd be like

PFFT! And you'd be like dude that really got you that bad? Like no one, it wasn't even like No one left the theater being like man. I'm gonna have a hard time sleeping tonight Yeah Mook was like full body jump scare. I could tell how shaken he was by the fact that after the movie we went into the bathroom to pee

and I was in the urinal next to him, at the urinal next to him. And the gulf between how close I was standing to the urinal and how he was fucking the urinal. His penis was flush to the back wall of the urinal. He was inside of it. back wall of the urinal. He was inside of it. Yeah. He was embracing the urinal. That's how scared he was? Yeah. He was just, he was very nervous. Yeah.

I wonder why. Did he get bombed this weekend? Did you guys do any drinking? No, not really. Did you? No. I probably had a little too much before, must've been before the early show on Friday or in between shows. Cause we did go out to Cordelia, which was a great restaurant. I thought that was really solid. Yeah, it was nice.

And you didn't think the food was really good there? Yeah, it was great. Yeah. Steaks? No, just a bunch of like appetizers. You had like appetizers, small plates. You had the prawns, which were pretty darn good. Yeah.

Giant prawns. Just some beautiful prongs. He said prongs. He said prongs. Love me some prongs. But they had really good cocktails. They had funky kind of cocktails that the bartenders had invented themselves, one which had mustard in it,

and it all worked somehow. That's always impressive. It was good. Yeah, they did a really nice job. Shout out Cordelia. Highly recommend. That sounds fantastic. They It was good, yeah. They did a really nice job. Shout out Cordelia, highly recommend. That sounds fantastic. They do excellent work over there. By the name, that sounds like a good restaurant name.

Well, we benefited in that it was directly across the street from the comedy club, so we just sort of went there two nights in a row. Were the people from the club that were in there having a pre-show dinner? Yeah, we did see some people that were coming to the show. Yeah. Excellent. People were great to us. Fabulous. I thought we were very well dinner. Yeah, we did see some people that were coming to the show. Yeah. Excellent.

People were great to us. Fabulous. I thought we were very well treated. Yeah, Cleveland's a great town. Yeah, it is. I don't know about that, but people are great. Yeah. Just wanted to know, it's a great town.

Yeah. You know what's interesting about Cleveland? The people there don't seem to think that there's anything wrong with the town. It's weird. Where you go to like Baltimore and people are like, what are you doing here? Yeah, they got like, you gotta like,

you gotta really walk the line of taking it too far. Cause like, if you go to some cities, like if you go to like Baltimore, if you go to like Bloomington, Minnesota, and you're like, this place fucking sucks. They're like howling clapping. Yeah, Cleveland You'd be like what's going on here and they'd be like Fuck you talking about. Yeah

Brownies this year. Yeah, they'd be like shocked by your I bet you and I made this point on stage I genuinely think that the Clevelanders opinion of their town bears a perfect opinion of their town bears a perfect correlation to the record of the Browns that year. Yeah, probably. Or the previous year. If they believe in the football team, the murder rate could be through the roof and they'd be like, I got to raise my kids here.

I love this place. Yeah. I think they're eternally optimistic about the Browns. I went one year when they were like two and 14 the year before and it was the summertime. They're like, this is our fucking year. Yeah. Yeah. Really? Because statistically it's never been your year. Yeah, they always believe hope brings a turn. They got very high hopes for this season. I mean their defense is unbelievable. And they went to the playoffs with Flacco last year. Yeah, but a lot of people are they're down on they don't like Deshaun Watson. Do they not? No.

Because I mean he they the management put them in a tough position by signing a dude who everybody hates. Why does everyone hate him? Because of the masturbation or the massage. I forgot about that. That was last year, right? Two years ago. That was a few years ago.

And then he was out for a year and then he signed that big ass, like 230 million with them or something. Jesus. Fresh off of, he would bring his own towels to massages that were super tiny. So his dick would pop out. And they said he was just like nutting.

He was just coming while he was getting massaged. Like they were, multiple masseuses reported that he had just come during the massage. Ibergrafted that, though. He's still the goat. Yeah, but he was, that was designed for him to come. Oh, he was doing it just at every massage place. Like, sports masseuses.

Or he'd go to one at the mall. He was finishing himself, which is not... Hands-free, though. He was doing it on Bluetooth. What? He's hands-free, hijacking. It's like, he can't control that. No, but. What? Well, if he's hands-free, he jacking. It's like, he can't control that. No, but I think that he was like,

I think that he knew that he was predisposed to eject hands-free. Yeah. And so he would put- He can actually do that? He can like edge himself? He would put himself in situations where he would like, he would nut from his mind.

That's an episode of Workaholics where they do that. The amount of physical violence that needs to happen to my penis in order for me to ejaculate, the idea- It's like a speed bag down there for you. It's just like, I can't even fathom of ejaculating without any physical contact. That shows the mind, the power of the mind. I think I can get there.

I think I can get there. Right now? Untouched? That shows the mind, the power of the mind. I think I can get there. Right now? Untouched? If you're even not in a, in like a massage situation and you could just nut. Yeah. Golly. Massage, dude?

I've never gotten a massage because I'm worried about what would happen. Because you might be Deshaun Jackson? Yeah. Or Deshaun Watson, deep down? It's Deshaun Watson, right? Deshaun Watson. I said that and I was like, is that right? There is another, there's Deshawn Jackson? Yeah. D'Shawn Watson, Deep Down? It's D'Shawn Watson, right? D'Shawn Watson. I said that and I was like, is that right? There is another D'Shawn Jackson.

Yes. Similar names. I get them because my back is fucked to Kingdom Come. Yeah. But the thought of hands-free E-Jacking is truly a... But the fact that he was bringing his own... E-Jacking with the Bluetooth works perfectly Sounds like like on star. Yeah like e

Sports yeah, it's really good. It's good bit. Just uh, yeah just doing it. Hey Siri make me come. Yeah It's truly but they have to root for him luckily they have Jam James Winston who's like the most likeable guy in the- He's on the brown zone? He's their backup quarterback and he's giving incredible speeches before every game. Oh I saw that. It's great. He's like and then he's just making it up as he goes. Yeah.

He's just riffing. Yeah I don't know. I think all Dachon needs to do is just win a Super Bowl and then he's going to clear his name. Yeah I think he just- He brings that to the Super Bowl. They're never going to stop talking about they're all going to do it. Yeah, they're all going to be going to the shop massage parlors like how they wave like rally towels. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Just tiny little comes. I don't

wave them. They don't wave them. They just turn them. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're using them as fans. Rock hard tube socks that they're just handing out before games. Yeah. What do they call their, oh, the dog pound. Is that what they call it? That's their cheering section, I think.

Fan section or whatever. Oh, that makes sense. The dog pound, just chewing on these crusty socks. Great town, though, Cleveland. They have like an industrial district where there's night clubs and shit like that. Did you guys hit that up? No. It's like old factories or whatever.

That was like the cool part. We did get invited. I'm sure there were much nicer parts of town. I don't know, dude. When we went to the movies, I was like, this will probably be in a nice area. That was way out there. That was by a lot. I went to a beautiful movie theater.

It was like, it felt like you were in a time machine in Cleveland It was like all these like brick streets or whatever you were probably on the waterfront there Maybe closer to there. I don't know tree Mont was supposed to be nice I mean our uber driver on the way back from the movie told us a story about Her having an uber for Brittany and then like three black teenagers got in the car and we're like gonna kill her And she was like what? Brittany who? Griner? You don't remember that?

No. How do you not remember that? Well, I just thought I don't remember much of that. The Uber from going back from the movies where we got in she was she gave us the fucking five minute speech. Oh, yeah, I do remember that. And she was like already She asked for our names all of our names. Connor, Harry, Francis, welcome to my car.

This is a 2020 RAV4. She gave a whole rundown. The whole rundown. The law says you need to put your seatbelts on. The law says you need to put your seatbelts on. Bags will go in the back of the car, not the front of the car. Was she a retired flight attendant? I don't know. She said that she does that for every single drive,

even if it's five minutes long. What an asshole. It was pretty annoying. It was really annoying. It was super annoying. But you sent a video of, you sent a video Oh yeah.

Of Sass talking to the Uber driver. That wasn't the Uber driver. That was a private car service that the club gets. Jesus Christ. Cleveland sounds incredible. That lady's awesome. I love her. Francis was not participating in that conversation at all. You took the reins, man. I didn't want to get in the way. There was chemistry. Were you offering anything in the conversation

or were you just whatever she said that had something you were like, yeah. Dude, that was the second we got in the car. Yeah. That video was taped. We hadn't even left the, we're leaving the airport in that video. It's hard to get in the car and then immediately just be going back and forth Well, I lose it up. She wanted to give you some I loosened up. She drove me back yesterday Really? Yeah, we had a great conversation about comedy same woman. Yeah, she always drives for the club. Yeah, she drove me back to My flight I was in the car at 630 a.mm. Well you had to get back to your Indian food. I sure did. You had a date with Mad Max Furioso.

Yeah. Damn. And a bottle of Chablis. A fat bottle of Chablis. I was surprised that I got in. I thought I wasn't gonna be able to get back. Because of the storms. So I flew out later and it was like right when I landed

it started pouring. You woke up early like that just to get back? Yeah, I like to get home as soon as possible. It just makes to have a Sunday at home felt way better than getting home at like 4 o'clock, 5 o'clock, because then you feel like you have no weekend at all. I feel that. All right, guys, let's take a second and talk about game time.

Game time. Look at this, Broadway Comedy Club stand-up comedy general admission and you can get all-in tickets for 44 freaking bucks. Unbelievable deals right here on Game Time. I mean I got it right on my phone. I'm using Game Time to go see Sebastian in September. You are? I am yeah. I was just listening to a little bit of Sebastian this morning. Maniscalco ten packs of Schlitz dude. I'm looking at I'm looking at the US Open tennis tournament. I want some of those honey deuces That's what I'm looking at well. They have a new feature on game time. Have you guys seen this have you heard about this?

I have game time picks You know how much we love game time, okay? But with their brand new game time picks feature They're making it even easier to get to a game game time picks filters out the fluff to show you only Incredible deals on great seats so you don't have to waste time searching through thousands of tickets I mean, I thought that game time was easy But now that they're introducing game time picks you literally have your pick of the litter I was looking at tickets for the the jankies game coming up. Jankies? The jankies. The lost jankies? They're calling me

daddy janky the amount of jankies tickets I've been getting off freaking game time. Who they play in the Phillies? Let me see the ones I was just looking at they got Rockies at Yankees and Guardians at Yankees coming up both Must see games, but I saw the game time picks deals for great seats And I mean they're basically well, they're great. They're great prices Let's just say that without getting too deep into the specifics You just pull up your chosen event turn on the GT pick setting at the top of the screen browse to the best local game time picks deals near you on your game time app home page and well you can

go see the Jenkies today or some comedy or Sebastian Menescalco so download the game time app today use code boy dad and easily score great deals with the new game time picks what time is it game time that's right any, that's right. Any video games on the road? No, none. Got a good session yesterday though and then I watched Game Night with Jason Bateman. That's a great movie. And then I watched some Arrested Development so I had to keep the Bateman trant rolling. Classic. Yeah. You love Bateman's smarmy ass? Dude, I think Bateman is what Ryan Reynolds and Glenn Powell want to be, and they'll never be Bateman.

I thought Glenn Powell was your favorite... Oh no, Glenn Powell. I was thinking of Glenn Harreton. I think Bateman might be the most original actor. His delivery is so his own, his way of speaking, and the fact that it works across Arrested Development and Ozark, perfect seamlessly. Because you think, well, he kind of speaks the same way in both. He's the smart, hapless, unfortunate adult in the room.

Yeah, that's you. Isn't that exactly what Glenn Powell and Ryan Reynolds try to do? No, I wouldn't say Ryan Reynolds is like that. They try to be like the smart, like know it all, like always has a line. No, he's more of like a dad. Yeah, I guess. Ryan Reynolds is like a sexy guy.

But he also does like Chirp Mobile commercials. Ryan Reynolds, he does like podcast commercials for like a cheap cell phone or some shit like that. Sprint, or excuse me, it's It's not even Sprint, it's like something on the wall. No, it's the one he bought. Oh, did he buy it?

Yeah, he owns that company, that wireless carrier. I think they sold it for... He's a billionaire. He's the woe. He's insanely wealthy. He's done so well. You hate where it revels? He sucks.

What? He used to be so likable. I don't think he's funny at all. Do you ever watch Van Wilder? Yeah, and I think he sucks in it. I mean, I think that when Van Wilder came out, it was fucking awesome. I just watched that movie recently.

I thought it was not great. And I don't think he's funny. I don't think he has a funny bone in his body. These are the types of takes. Sass has just been shoveling. But I have seen a lot of- No, it's actually the exact take that I shuffled. I don't have multiple of them.

Just that one. He's in a mood. Don't even try. He's in a mood right now. He's going through a phase. it's actually the exact take that I shuffled. It's not, I don't have multiple of them. It's just, he's in a mood. You gotta, don't even try. He's in a mood right now. He's going through a phase. I've seen, that's been a popular take online though, that Ron Reynolds is not funny and that he stole his whole bit from some fucking 90s actor or some shit like that. I think Glenn Powell's the same way.

Glenn Powell, I think, I don't know who decided that he was gonna start becoming like a funny guy. He doesn't have it. I don't think he's, yeah, I don't think he's that funny either, but he's just, he's a hot guy. But like Channing Tatum's a hot guy. He can act comedically. Like he's a funny comedy actor. You're gonna have to fight Dana Beers

because Glenn Palace is like Brody right now. Oh yeah, I saw that. I mean, they'll fit well together. What? Just two douches. What? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Douches what? Clip that I Want this on fucking Viva La Stool tomorrow so you can feel the wrath of Dana Beers Promise Dana Beers is such a nice guy that he'll just like laugh and he won't know I love you. Yeah, right I do wait till the camera and it was one of the first people that I ever met at Barstool

He's the man. What do you mean ever met the first? He was the first person that reached out to me when I got hired a Barstool. Yeah. Yeah We had to get sneakers for sex We were walking to not my first choice by the way Well, it's a dark soul do we were walking to this sneaker store that was in a mall. And the mall, I mean, we were one of like five people. It's not a mall.

It's like an independent mall. They don't have a single store that would ever be in a mall. Not a single store. Yes, not a single, like no Macy's, no fucking Target, no Foot Locker, no Lids. So where did you buy the shoes? Like shoes, Americanas, and shit like that? At like a Foot Locker, no Lids. So where did you buy the shoes? Like shoes, America, and shit like that? At like a Foot Locker knockoff.

That's all they had, they had like 10 of them. Feet Locker. Yeah, they had four stores that were all exactly the same. So you think those are knockoff shoes? Oh, they could be for sure. They could easily be fake. He didn't want the black ones, he wanted the white ones. And I go over and I go,

can I just get these and a nine? And the lady looks go over and I go, uh, what, could I get a, can I just get these in a nine? And the lady looks at them and she is, we only have them in the size. Really? I find that very hard to believe. What did she say that the smallest, the smallest they had was 10 and a half. You don't even have a 10, you don't have a 10, just 10 and a half. Made him feel like his feet were tiny. Yeah. So you're swimming in those? No, these are a nine. They had the black and nine supposedly

because I kept on asking. I asked for every single shoe and they just kept on looking at the one that they had displayed and going, no, this is the smallest we have. You're skipping the funniest part of this whole story was that on the walk over there, broad daylight, it's 5 o'clock. We just got to Cleveland.

We're walking through the mall, along the main streets to Cleveland. We're walking through, you know, through the, to the mall night along the main streets of Cleveland. And we come up across upon a car that's parked and hanging out of the car on the sidewalk side, using the door handle of the open car door as a leverage point is a woman squatting with her pants around her ankles, peeing, as Sass likes to say, with a pressure as if to power wash the sidewalk. It was so strong.

It was cleaning Cleveland. I heard it before I saw it. I swear to God, I heard it while we were turning the corner. It sounded like water was coming our way. Yeah. And her child was in the back seat and ashamed and saying, Mom, no. And she goes, you hush up now. Your mama's not wearing a diaper.

I ain't like you. Yeah. Is that what she said? She said she couldn't wait. She said, mama couldn't wait. I ain't got a diaper on like you. Yeah. Good point.

And just carried on through. I I mean we walked three feet by her Yeah, you want to turn oh you say we make eye contact Spray she was looking at everybody she didn't give a fuck. Yeah, she's like yeah, I'm pissing. Yeah, no way. Yeah Insane first I thought it was like a homeless person. No she was not she was homed She was honed. She wasn't unhoused. Damn. She was housed. That's a that's unfortunate but kind of cool. Kind of cool. Yeah. Kind of badass. The Sean Watson was probably around the corner. Yeah. Yeah. Hans Fried nutting to that. He's

probably couldn't get enough of that. What an absolute demon. Cleveland. A beautiful city. Great city. A perfect city. Fun town. I went to a sea aisle. I went down the the Cleveland a beautiful city great city a perfect city fun town I Went to sea aisle. I went down to the Jersey shore. I saw you were on the coast this weekend I was on the coast a little salt in your beard stayed stay with my buddy Mike one Train classic stated love that fuck yeah Legendary fuck yeah

Spud came down. Yeah? Spud came down too. Love that fuck. Yeah, two great fucks. Classic fuck. Was he covered in soot? From fighting fires? Yeah.

He fights. Were his eyebrows singed? He fights fires, he's also an iron worker, and he bartends. He just works three jobs. And just cakes three like full-time jobs. And just makes good money at all of good money at all of us make a ton of money. Yeah, he's like a billionaire He's a blue-collar billionaire, he that's crazy just works his way to the phone. What is iron? He works iron an iron worker Like a union worker. Oh

Okay, he thought he was a blacksmith. Yeah At first yeah, I mean it's similar. It's like literal hard fucking labor Oh, okay. He thought he was a blacksmith. Yeah, at first, yeah. I mean, it's similar. It's like literal hard fucking labor. Yeah. Like badass, like actual union labor. But being on the beach, I saw multiple old fat men wearing Caitlin Clark jerseys.

Oh yeah, of course. She's like changing. Yeah. And I'm trying to think of what they, is it a white pride? Is it a white pride? It's a little bit there's a little bit of white pride you think so, yeah But that's kind of the way it is anytime. There's like a good white basketball player. Yeah, if they're American I think the smartest thing she could do for herself is to come out in support of Trump

You think imagine how embraced she would be. It would be by the right. It would be there would be riots. Like they would be like you'd have to like but they'd be like boarding up the CVS is on Times Square. You just hear air raid alarms. Yeah, I think if she came out as a Trump supporter, it would be the same impact on the world as if like Trump came out gay. I think it would be the same impact on the world as if like Trump came out gay. I think it would be like worldwide news. Breaking like Wolf Blitzer. Yeah. Yeah. Like we'd get like alerts on our phone.

I don't think it's I don't think it's crazy to assume that she might be. No, I don't think it is either. She's from Iowa. Yeah. But I just think it would be like so like people because the people that are obsessed with her. I think you're right. I think it is a little bit of a white pride thing. And I think that everybody likes her. People like her, like people, cause the people that are obsessed with her, I think you're right. I think it is a little bit of a white pride thing. And I think they would double down. But then everybody likes her.

People like her, you know? Yeah. Oh, you're saying people would be excited. Yeah. Not women would be upset. I think people would be upset, but I think people that already like her would be like. Yeah, right, agree.

They wouldn't know how to contain, they'd be hands-free jacking all over the place. They wouldn't know how to contain themselves'd be hands-free jacking over the place. They wouldn't know how to contain themselves Yeah, it could be but it's uh But it's because of that that they like want to find a counterpoint and so there's like I'll see Angel Reese hate accounts that have like more followers than the Caitlin Clark positive Yeah, but that doesn't even make sense to me because angel Reese and Caitlin Clark are like friends. Oh, yeah No, they're frenemies. No, do they played against each they played together in the uh, what was it?

The WNBA versus Durst is the USA team, right? And they smoked the USA team and then they were like dappin up they were setting each other up lay up dunk close to dunk They can't dunk. Angel Reese can dunk. Yeah. I think so. I saw a clip of her on one of these hate accounts doing like, it's like just not even dribbling the ball. Just like running down the court with it in her arm, like Barry Sanders, stiff arming people. She refused to dribble the ball. She was running like how like rugby players like run and they're like bounce it to themselves and like run and then bounce it to

themselves. Yeah I used to be a big Angel Reese hater during the college days but now that she's in the WNBA I kind of like I fuck with the vision. Yeah like I deleted my hate account. You sold it. I retired it yeah. Angel queefs. I sold it to Dove Clyman or whatever his name is. Jevilry. Yeah. Dove Kleinman took it over. There's a lot of money to be made in just like engagement farming hate now on that hell app.

Yeah. X. It's really just a negative place. Guys, it's a billion degrees in here. What's going on? Dude, it's the Indian. After I ate Indian food last night as well. Yeah, I was going to say I'm not hot at all.

Where'd you order from? Curry Heights. Okay, that one's pretty good. Really good. I like it. Teepees really good Are the places in Brooklyn real or are they like ghost kitchens like the place and the places in Manhattan? I don't know the answer to that. It's now I've started I've started when I'm gonna order from a place I'll look it up on maps and then you're like, oh this place doesn't exist Yeah, like this is not a real place at all up on maps and then you're like, oh, this place doesn't exist. Oh, there's a hundred other restaurants. Yeah. You're like, this is not a real place at all. Yeah.

It's just a made up restaurant. And delis do the same thing too. Delis will serve 50 different types of food. And it's just like sitting under a hot plate out all day exposed to the air. But I went to Curry Heights and I got some- Oh, you went? No, I ordered from them and I got a Vindaloo, a nice fucking piping hot Vindaloo.

Oh, really spicy. 30 minutes later, I just felt my body temperature skyrocketing. Yeah. I was just like sweating, sitting still alone at night in my home. That's the diarrhea. Yeah.

Did you go? I didn't, I didn't, I haven't diarrhea in quite some time. Me neither. Very nice. I cut beer almost completely out of my, and like red peppers would make me, would send some- Like bell peppers?

Bell peppers would send health to my body. That's really strange. Cherries did it for me. Really? Yeah, cherries and grapes. Part of the problem was that I would get high and I would eat like two full bags of cherries. I'd put them in a strainer, pasta strainer,

wash them and then eat the whole thing. And my stomach just said, this is too much natural sugar. Well, it's probably also a ridiculous amount of fiber. I don't know. There's a ton of fiber in fruit. But if he had a lot of fiber, wouldn't it solidify his poop rather than... I think it just would make you have to shit real bad.

Yeah, it would be... If you had too much fiber. I've heard that about cherries. It would look bad in the toilet. I mean, it was... What's your top five fruits, Francis? Good question. Number one is mango.

Number two is cherry. I love good, crisp, crunchy cherries. Really? Cherries are good. Cherries are really good. When they're good, they're amazing. Mango, cherry. I'm going to go raspberries in season. Raspberries are my number one. Raspberries are unbelievable. It's in your time.

Four is blueberries. Thank you. I wish I could have you around all the time. Well, Francis didn't butt in while you were listing tacos, steak, and fucking lobster. That's true. But you know, you like to, yeah, I like to. Riff. Tag it on, you know.

Yeah. I love that. I love that. I love True. That's true. But you like to... Yeah, I like to... Riff. Tag it on. Yeah. Yeah. I love the fun of it. I'm going to go blueberries. I think blueberries are just so versatile. They're so good alone,

but they're also such a good addition to yogurt and cereal and all that. The antioxidant properties. And then I got to go with an Old Faithful, even though this is probably not going to be a popular pick. I think banana just deserves to be on the list. Love banana. Because it serves as such a staple. It takes the edge off your hunger in a way that other fruits don't.

It's nature's power bar. It has good benefits for anti-cramping with the potassium, all that stuff. The packaging too is great. Oh, beautiful packaging. Self-contained. It's fully contained. Yeah. Self-contained.

I like bananas. I think blueberries are the healthiest, right? Of all those I think so because the antioxidants Mmm. Yeah, good for dogs, too But a nice got pink lady apple or no a honey crisp apple in the fall sliced with some lovely Peanut butter. That doesn't count doesn't count Does not count when you're putting fucking peanut butter and chocolate on the fruit really yeah, you can't be like what's your favorite fruit? Oh, it's chocolate strawberries fine

What do you guys think about to me? I think that pineapple is kind of is like the F slur to me where it's just like flames are going Well, you can't eat it without someone be like, Oh, you're expecting to get blown later. Yeah. Yeah. Expecting some woman to small swallow your jizz and you're being nice to her. I'm actually like partially allergic to pineapple. Anytime that they're in a, like a buffet setting and there's pineapple, honeydew cantaloupe and the pineapple just gets mowed down. Oh yeah.

Well, cause honeydew and cantaloupe fucking suck. They are mowed down. Oh, yeah, honey doing cantaloupe fucking so you're so bad Yeah, they're so bad honey. Do is the worst. Yeah, no one's ever been like I gotta get some honey Do yeah, I'm gonna go to the store. I'm gonna pick up some honey. Do you guys need anything? It's just like the filler fruit for a fruit bowl. Yeah cheese Yeah Massive cuts of honey doing cantaloupe and then like one grape and one blueberry. Although the one time that honeydew is really good is when you, at the US Open tennis tournament,

when you do the balls of it, you put them on the stick and you have the honey deuce. That's the signature drink of the US Open. And it's actually quite delicious. And the melon itself is really what makes the drink. I'm going to hit you guys with an underrated fruit. This might blow your fucking minds. Kiwi? No, dates.

Dates are good. Dried dates are fucking incredible. I'm gonna have some dates in Morocco. That's an old man thing. I'm gonna eat dates in Morocco. Like my dad slams dates all day. Really? Yeah.

Have you ever had a dried date? Yeah. They taste like candy. They're terrible. I agree, I think they're good. I like dates. Nothing pisses me off more than when people say a fruit and they go, tastes like candy. Yeah? You ever have candy? Dry dates really do.

They even have the same texture. They have like this pulling texture of like a... Oh! What? So gross. It looks like they look like cockroaches. That's why I like them. They're nice. I think they they look like cockroaches. That's why I like them. Oh They're nice. I think they actually are pretty healthy, too They are super healthy and they're good for your your dumps your dumps. Oh, those things will make you spray shit. Hmm I like I like dates Yeah, I'm gonna have those in Morocco. I can't bring them everywhere in Morocco. Like when you check into a hotel, they give you

Some dates on a little plate. When I was younger, my mom used to make me eat dates when I was constipated, and I would be sitting there forcefully eating them, being like, this is so bad. Just muscling down dates. Nasty. You could say your top five fruits now, if you want. Finally. Um.

Um. Um. Um. Um. Kiwis? I'll just go blueberry, raspberry, strawberry, peach, plum. Wow.

Plum? I actually might put plum ahead of peach. Plums suck way worse than dates. Plums are so good. Plums can be pretty good. Plums are great for fucking launching. Plums are great for fucking launching. Plums are great for fucking launching.

I think the variability on plums and peaches though is so high that you have to be so careful when selecting the ones you want from the grocery store. If there's a plum or a peach in a fruit basket or any sort of thing, there's a good chance it's not good. Dude, I used to go to my grandma's house in the summer and she'd have a big old bowl of fresh plums, still got the water on them because she just washed them. Delicious.

You got to eat them over the summer. Plums is like an old lady, a tooseless old lady food. I'll have some plums. Plums are great and that's an underrated fruit. A bowl of plums. That's you. No. Yeah, no, that's exactly you. It kind of is.

That's pretty much exactly what I just described. Yeah, I cannot with plums. I love a plum. I might have to go get a plum at Whole Foods after this. One individual plum. It's probably past the season right now. It's $7. Out of season. I'd say it's out of season you're past it. Damn, I'm excited for your Morocco trip. Yeah, I'm pumped. For you. When are you leaving? Wednesday? Well, I'm going to Amsterdam on Wednesday night. I'm going to arrive Thursday morning. I'm a little nervous. What is that?

You wouldn't get it, me and Ron's thing. We used to do that a lot before you joined the podcast. We're actually thinking about getting a sign that just says it. And it wraps around. Yeah, it wraps around, but just around us, it stops before it gets to you. That's fine. You can have that. You're gonna be having such, I mean, I'm sure Amsterdam has good food, but like

the spiced, the nuts that they have over there or like the... Have you been to Morocco? No. But I just know that Moroccan cuisine is fucking, it's just like little finger foods, like tiny bowls of, what are they? Like fucking chickpeas? Like cooked chickpeas like little the little tiny dishes that have the little appetizers yes that's pre appetizer you shouldn't cross like a rug a meze yeah a platter yeah what are you gonna do over there smoke about it haveah? Yeah, you're gonna hit the hookah lounge? I'm gonna go to the Medina and do some bartering.

Oh, they're gonna take advantage of your white ass. No, I speak French and they speak French. So I'm gonna do it in that language and hopefully that brings us a little closer to a fair price. I hope you're wearing a long ass frock. I have some outfits planned. Yeah, what are you thinking? I'm gonna wear a lot of high-waisted, cream-colored pants without a belt, and perhaps a t-shirt tucked in.

That sounds nice. But I'm talking about the entire Arab garb. I would do that. That would be great. Is that big in Amsterdam? It's not cultural appropriation. No, in Morocco. It's not cultural appropriation

if that country attacked you in a terrorist way before. Did Morocco attack the United States? No, just Arabs. Arabs have attacked us. Saudi Arabs. Yes. But the Moroccans, the Moroccans have their whole own culture over there. They do. Berbers and they were colonized by the French. It's cool, they have a pretty progressive king. The rumor was that, I don't remember who told me this, but that some high ranking member of the royal family

is known to be gay, and therefore the country is incredibly welcoming and cool about gay people. It's probably a trap. But that once this person, and it may be the current king, once this person is no longer in power, the next person in line is very conservative and the whole country is going to be reverted to. So the next person in line is just closeted gay. Yeah. They're just deep down gay.

So you got to go enjoy it while you can. Go experiment over there. Well, I told Sass this though. The only time I've been to Morocco was like 11 years ago. I went with my sister and we traveled around the country and every single place we stayed assumed that we were a couple. What's that? I said, I didn't know you had a sister until just now.

Really? Yes. They assumed you guys were a couple. I don't want to tell the rest of this because I had a momentum and he just lied. Because I've told him this exact story over the weekend. Maybe he just was ignoring you. There's no chance you didn't know I had a sister.

I genuinely don't think I did. I told you this in the green room. And you're like, you should try that on stage, which I then did. Sure that wasn't a mook? I don't remember this story. Both of you. All right, continue the story.

And did it work on stage? Jog my memory. We've now fucked it. Oh, you did do it on, I remember you doing it on stage. I don't think you told me that story. I remember you coming back and being like, I did the Morocco thing. And I was like, what was the Morocco thing?

Tell the story, because I genuinely, I don't think you told me this story. Traveled around the country with my sister. Everyone assumed that we were a couple with the same last name. And so they would set us up in a really nice, like they would upgrade us to like a honeymoon suite and they would put flower petals on the bed. Like the two swan towels kissing each other. And it's conservative, you know, Moroccan country and I didn't want to offend their

sensibility so I fucked her. You never told me that story. It's a great joke. It must have been mook. It would have been a great joke. It was a good joke and I'm glad you did that on stage because I never heard that. It's a great joke. Oh man, that's amazing.

You're definitely going to be... See what I'm dealing with? See what I'm dealing with? I never heard that story and all of a sudden I'm the bad guy. You're setting up a joke. Oh, I didn't know you'm dealing with. I never heard that story and all that I'm a joke. Oh, you know, I didn't know you had a sister. I didn't fucking cares. I can be lying I know you got a sister

And I never had heard that you were watch the Norm MacDonald show. I've seen episodes He is the episode with David Spade. I don't think I saw that. That's my favorite one. It's unbelievable I've probably seen clips of it. Spade tells an incredible joke about guys that are dating like the gray area, sugar baby women, and you don't know if they are until like a couple months in when they ask you to fix their radiator. It's really funny.

I don't have it right, but it's very funny. And Norm steps on the joke. It flips out of them That's what you do a lot in common I need if I know you're if I know you're on your way to something funny I would never I didn't know you were on your way because I never heard the joke before I had no idea You're on your way to something funny Do you think that if I am telling a story about how the last time I went to Morocco my sister and I were

Traveling around the country that is the moment for you to be like, I didn't know you had a sister. Yes. I think that's actually the exact moment. What does that add? That is the exact moment because I didn't know that. I never heard that you had a sister. Did we need to know that you didn't know that?

Yes. We've been doing the podcast for a while. You know that I have sisters, plural. Which is why I wouldn't feel the need if you brought them up to be like, I knew you had sisters. If I had nowhere it was like, so I was with my brother a couple weeks ago, wouldn't you be like, wait, you have a brother? I'd probably wait until the story was done, knowing myself.

No, you wouldn't. Yeah, absolutely I would. Rome would have said something. Rome would have gone, you don't have a brother. Yeah, but you wouldn't be on your way to something. He's the best timing and waiter and conversation shareer of at the whole fucking company. That's cause he's, when you're in the middle of talking, he's like writing rhymes in his head.

He's not even paying attention to what you're saying. Is that true? I haven't rhymed in quite some time. He's going, look at your shoes. They're growing roots. Bob's gay, but you're a faggot. You're going to have such a nice time up there sitting on a roof. I thought about going to the coast.

Takazoot. Are you going to be you're just going to are you meeting up with anybody over there? Solo man. Wow. Are you going to go to Amsterdam? No. Why not? Because it wasn't in the cards.

But you said it was. It wasn't. I told you I'm going fly fishing. No, I didn't. Oh, yeah, you're coming to Central PA with me. No, I'm going fly fishing in New York and the Hudson remember I told you the story and you're like you can't go fly fishing in the Hudson River. I was like no, it's the Hudson Valley. Yes, I do remember that conversation. Right. Why am I not going with you? Do you want to come? Yes. Come. When are you going? Right. Why am I not going with you? Do you want to come? Yes. Come. When are you going? Thursday. I want you guys to hang out for a weekend just so that you and I can like have a support group together. Yeah. Of the battered husbands. Battered husbands of Sass. When me and Moot go on the road together, we leave and we're going, all right, great weekend, man.

See you next time. There's never complaints. Moot could join the battered husbands, probably. Sure could. He knows not to complain. Yeah. No, he couldn't. You don't think? I'm nothing but great to Moot. You've silenced him. You've brainwashed him. You let him get a water. You let him lose his $100 that he made.

He's thumbing it back to Chicago. No, he flew back. I think all of it hurts more because I love you. Ew. The fuck? I didn't like that at all. I know. That's why I said it. I hated that.

I like you so much. Ugh. I could be sick right now. I try very hard to get you to see that you are loved. Give your Barstool employees your top five that you love the most. Okay. Josh DM, Wallow, Gilly, Arian Foster, Arian Foster. I don't think he's still working here but Brandon. Black Brandon. And then honorable mention Zah. Zah, actually I would put Zah ahead of Brandon.

Really? Yeah. Intern David. And then there's someone else oh Dion Sanders What about Willie cologne it willy cologne I'd put up there, but he kind of left right when I started Okay, so you never really got a good never cross paths cologne You ever got a nice whiff. Yeah, damn. That's a great fucking list Not to love my black brothers. Yeah, is that what I didn't even realize that. Oh shit. I was just going off of who I respect the most. I try to lift him up. Yeah, you do. But he wants to stay planted on the ground. That's why you love Angel Reese so much. Yeah, that's true. And that's why you hate Caitlin Clark. No, I love Caitlin Clark. No, you don't. I'm a huge Clark head. No, you don't.

My gamer tag, my clan tag on Call of Duty is Clark. My clan tag on Call of Duty is Clark. And it's been that way since she lost in the finals. And I'll never change it. You got to put a future rain on her then. Ride with Dave. Yeah, that's insane. I'm definitely not doing that.

What are you going to win? Ten million dollars if that hits? Yeah. I don't even are they even going to make the playoffs? Yeah Yeah, 15. They're like 13 and 15 aren't they they're gonna make the playoffs We all have to hope that he hits that because it'll be right before bonus season True, cuz I don't think bonus season comes out of his pocket. Does it now? It does that now that he owns the company for one dollar true. Happy anniversary to the boss man, by the way What do you mean of buying the company for a dollar oh that's

today it was this past week you're obviously not on social media anymore now classic got a jet boil new pickup was that jet boil camp it's like a camp New pickup. What's that? Jet boil? Camp. It's like a camp thing that boils water for coffee. Oh yeah. And for? Butane? Yeah. And for like MREs.

Are you gonna actually go to Central Pennsylvania and eat some MREs? Yeah. I've ordered them online. I'll tell you which ones I got. Can you buy the same ones that they have in the military? You can buy those, but you don't buy... I heard they're good. There just has to be a ton of salt in them. Yeah. The ones that I got are like pretty, there's apparently there's like a couple that are really good. And then there's

some that are like awful. I got the beef stroganoff, which is supposed to be really good. And then I got the chili Mac, which is supposed to be really good. And then I got the chili Mac, which is supposed to be really good. And then I got the chicken, which I don't know about this one, the chicken teriyaki with rice, which I haven't heard any reviews on that. But it should be pretty good. I know that that beef Mac is incredible. The beef Mac is, but the chili Mac.

It has to be, or chili Mac. The chili Mac and the beef stroganoff is supposed to be like, those are supposed to be the two best. I'll have to have some of that. Bring me in a chili Mac? I will. Okay, double. Yeah, I the bring me in a chili mac. I will. Yeah, I'll bring it in.

No bringing it. How about next episode? Yeah, next episode. We'll do it tomorrow. I don't know if my Jap oil is going to be here in time though. Gets there tomorrow. Did you guys watch Generation Kill on HBO? I started it.

That's the Vietnam one. No, it's Iraq. I don't think I did. I also read the book. I started that. The book was pretty good too. The show was supposed to be great. MOOC actually loves that show. The show was great too. It just kind of presents the Iraq war in a way where you're like, man, this war, as most wars do, sucks. But this one was like, pointless. They just, yeah, seems like a, I don't know. I don't wanna get, I don't have a strong opinion, but like at least according to the show, they were bored a lot,

and then they were doing extremely dangerous things for no, like it was just orders. Have you ever watched the documentary? I think it's, you're watching the documentary called The Turning Point, right? Yeah, that one's on the holdover right now. I think this one's called, it might be called The Tipping Point.

And it's the post-911 documentary, and they're following around all these dudes in like Iraq and Iran, and they're like, they all of them are like, this is so fucked. They're like, I don't know why I'm here. They're like, we thought we were gonna be like killing terrorists and we're just walking around a desert doing nothing.

That's so fucked. Yeah. I had a buddy that was in, he was a Marine and he was over there and like they just did nothing, saw no action the entire time. And he's like a little bit mouthy. He's from Northeast Philly and his, whenever he like mouthed off to his officer,

his officer would just be like, dig a 10 foot hole in the sand right there. Yeah. Sucks so bad. And he would just be digging the hole, cursing off, It's crazy. Cursing out as a commanding officer. That must have been so brutal.

Yeah. Just being in the desert, being lippy, and just fucking having to dig a 10-foot hole. Yeah. That sucks bullshit. 10 feet is deep. 10 feet is insane. Just digging a hole. How do you even get out of that?

Out of punishment. Yeah, I guess you gotta, I don't know, stay in there. Yeah. Ten feet is insane. Just digging a hole. How do you even get out of that? Out of punishment. Yeah, I guess you got to, I don't know, stay in there. Yeah. That sucks so bad. It's called The Turning Point, by the way. Huh? This one's called The Turning Point as well.

It must be like a series. They do a few of them, yeah. Netflix is about to do a new season of that great sports doc series that they do. Untold. Yeah. That'll be sick. There's some cool ones in there that I'm excited about. What are they?

They do such a good job with those. I'll look them up. I don't love sports docs. I love them. Really? Yeah. I went through a phase a couple weeks ago where I was just watching binging just 30 for 30 documentaries.

They just don't hit the same for me anymore They've got one about Steve McNair's death the air McNair Which is gonna be really interesting The one about the 2023 signs stealing scheme in Michigan. Mmm as told by Connor Stallions The life and times of US soccer icon, Hope Solo. That'll be interesting. That'll be interesting.

See her wail on her husband. And then blast some pictures up online for the fappening. She scheduled those for the fappening. I think that's it, that's all I can see right now. I've heard. I forgot about that, that. That's all I can see right now I've heard I forgot about that that she was like all she went she had her nudes leaked or something Yeah, or something something like that. I do remember that she that she beat up her husband though Was it her husband or her boyfriend something like that? Cuz I remember there was also a u.s. Soccer team player who beat up her girlfriend or like they beat each other up

She beat up her husband. She beat up her husband. Okay, was this Brianna scurry that I'm thinking of the old goalkeeper? No idea Someone I think that's kind of how gay relationships are though Are you getting an argument and you just beat the shit out of each other right can yeah, it's gay Pat That's what gay pad used to tell us right is that every time he broke up with someone they would just fist fight and then be like, I don't see you around When we're fucking a fight and you break up, yeah, you go your separate ways it's cathartic probably Yeah, you probably leave with like no bad blood unless you take the L Yeah, unless you get the shit kicked out of you then you're just steaming to your next relationship Yeah, that's something you pick like a tiny guy. That's. That's when you pick a, like a tiny guy.

That's why people wonder. Yeah, that's when you move to Twinks. Twinks, yeah. Yeah. They just get into Twinks because they know they could win the breakup fight. The breakup brawl. That'd be a sick, rough and rowdy.

Yeah. Breakup brawls. That actually is a great idea. That would go crazy. We should pitch it to Dave. I'm sure West Virginia would love it. And Morocco, until their next leader comes into play.

Bingo. And it's all gays and lesbians, but then the final fight is a dude and a girl. That would be the biggest rough and rowdy of all time. Yeah. Like one of the Abel brothers and his ex. But she has brass knuckles. Yes, that would make it fair. Or cement gloves. Yeah. Plaster in her boxing gloves. That's exactly what it would be.

All right. All right. Perfect. That was a perfect time to tuck that in. Ended on a good riff. I'll be in Austin September 14th. No, excuse me, September 19th or something like that. Yeah, September 19th, 20th, something like that. Tickets at PunchUp.live. PunchUp.live slash Francis Ellis. My Don't Tell set comes out next Wednesday.

Watch that on Don't Tell Comedy. They're YouTube. And I'll post it on my Instagram and stuff, so... Nice. All right, anything around? YouTube mm-hmm and I'll post it on my Instagram and stuff so nice All right anything wrong pop-punk pop-punk pop-punk DC Philly sell it please please come to these it'd be such a shame I would be so Embarrassed if the Philly show does not have a lot of people at it, please come just to save me the embarrassment It will be fun

special guests etc We'll see you guys next time was over still, still underground