Son of a Boy Dad - The Marbled Nut Vase | Son of a Boy Dad #228

Episode Date: August 27, 2024

The Marbled Nut Vase | Son of a Boy Dad #228 -- Ad: Download the Gametime app today and use code BOYDAD to easily score great deals with the new Gametime Picks! -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. All right. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy, Dad podcast. Today it is late August. We are here live from HQ3. Short season is over. It's cold today. It sucks. I loved it. You didn't like it?

I love it. Why? So nice. What do you like about it? Agreeing. It's the best. That's a fat boy thing to say. Absolutely. Now I can throw on some coats, some boots. like about it. Look at us. Agreeing. It's the best. That's a fat boy thing to say.

Absolutely. Now I can throw on some coats, some boots. I don't know why he likes it. If I was him, I'd be like, tank top season's over, this fucking blows. I'm not a tank guy. Stringer season's over. I just like, I like getting dressy. I like getting, you know, a little more layered.

I like the layers. Layers is nice. You got it, you can't layer in the summer. You look great in the summer though. Neither of you are fat boys. This is such a fat boy take to have, a Midwestern fat boy take. Oh, I love when it's cold out.

I'm a redhead. I don't like hot summer sun, sweating all the time, feeling like, you know, just gross. End of the day, you want to shower. Because, but then what does that have to do with being a redhead? You're just, are you just saying your skin gets different colored? Yeah, I get sunburned. I also sweat a lot. You know, when you're wearing a shirt and you wear a backpack to work and then the lower back of your back is soaked because of its...

The small of your back. Lack of ventilation. And the small. The small of your back. Lack of ventilation. And the small. The small. Yes. I have a soaked small. Yeah. My small gets absolutely soaked.

Do you have a soaked small? No. You cosplay as a fat boy though, Sass. You wish you were a fat boy. No I am. I don't wish I was. I wish I was fucking ripped. You're not a fat boy though, Sass. You wish you were a fat boy. No I am. I don't wish I was. I wish I was fucking ripped. You're not a fat boy. I got a big old tummy? No you don't.

Yeah I do. I bet real fat boys get pissed off at us whenever we fucking claim fat. Dude, I saw a dude reply to Frank's tweet when he posted the photo in the XL shirt. Yeah, Frank is in XLs now. It's pretty crazy, but someone replied and they were like, I'm 7X. And they were like, I'm 7X, 620. Swear to God.

No way. And I was like, damn. But he said he's, no, he's four, he might be 480 now, he was 620. So good for that guy. But 620 is fucking huge. So he lost a person and he's still four people. Yeah.

620 is big. That's insane. You ever hear that bit? Good for that dude. Who's that great comedian. He's so fucking good. He's kind of alt. He does one-liners.

He draws the pictures. Demetri Martin. Demetri Martin. You ever see his Letterman set? No. Where he talks about, he's like, I don't think the sizing of shirts is right. We have- Oh, I have seen this.

Small, medium, large, XL, XXL, XL, XXL. He's like, it should just be small, medium, large, whoa, holy smokes, American. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I've seen that. Something like that. It's so good. They should be making more bespoke stuff for the 600 pound life crowd because they all wind up dressing like construction foreman.

Like they just have one big like bright yellow smock on. You got to just go to the Carhartt store. Yeah. Just get fitted up for the rest of your life. Doug's was, Doug's was rocking Carhartt. Yeah. You, you, when you're of your life. Dugs was rocking Cardhart. Yeah, you, when you're that big, it's just all Carhartt. It has to be. I think that, I don't know why fucking nice ass brands don't make limited runs. I guess it's not always the richest people that are 700 pounds. Carhartt's expensive. More like Carbhart. Yeah. Carhartt's not that expensive. Carbheart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's not that expensive. Carbheart. It isn't? Like their sweatshirts are

pretty pricey. Especially when you're making, I mean I'm sure a 7X is expensive. I think anything 7X is probably expensive. The works in progress stuff is expensive. Probably double the price of a normal shirt. But some of that, like the regular, like if you just get an outlet like working gear type of shit, you could just get some. It's uh, I don't think, I'm not just being out of touch here, I don't think, I don't think Cardhart's that expensive. I've been to the stores and like it's, you know, made in China, mass produced, seems to be pretty much like.

You have to check because they're putting fentanyl in Cardhart now. Oh, they do? Oh yeah. You have to be very careful. They put it in the pockets. You just told me that Abercrombie's putting microplastics in the clothes too.

That's true too. So now I'm starting to wonder about the ingredients. I swear to God. List, forum that you're on. The clothes are fucked. But I heard that the US just struck a deal with China that they're gonna stop doing fentanyl. That they had a deal, Trump made a deal in 2018

for them to stop doing fentanyl for like a nice, a little trade package. And then Nancy Pelosi went to Hong Kong and then in Hong Kong, she was like, we should free Hong Kong. And then they were like, we're gonna start making fentanyl again. China was like, fuck you guys,

we're sending the fentanyl back over. And then they just renegotiated. And basically, we have to stop putting sanctions on some group that's committing genocides against the Uyghurs, so we can stop the fentanyl. Is that the way to pronounce that? The Uyghurs. I've only ever seen that word. I've never heard it. Really? I've never seen it or heard it. It's so crazy that we're like bargaining with like Hong Kong's freedom versus our fentanyl and then the genocides of the

Uyghurs versus our fentanyl. Well, I used to be a Uyghur. I'm glad I Because I definitely went through a period where I was wearing NYC and I thought it was a Nietzsche Or like, you know Sean John. Oh, you're saying are you saying Uyghur? Yo, whoa, bro What I thought I thought you were talking about like some some race that I wasn't aware of I am group of people I am and then he was making a joke based off of that I said and then you said the naughty word in the English language. What are weegers? They're like a they're like a mother that's a group in China. Got it. That has been That has been marginalized and really I mean kills I think that they built like the World Cup stadiums

They would like take their passports and literally enslaved these people and I think that there's nasty genocides going on. What do they look like? They typically wear flat brim hats backwards, and they cover the tips of the tops of their ears. Like, the hat goes over that. That just sums up all Asian people, though. Are these people, are the Uyghurs Asian? Yeah, they're Chinese Muslims. They're Chinese Muslim.

Yeah. That's crazy. I didn't know that existed. I think China's mostly Buddhist and Christian Yeah, I think that these are the brothers and sisters over there. That's crazy It's damn good It's it's damn good Because then we can learn about foreign policy but make it fun. You know, it's a fun way to learn about what's going on in the world. China historically has done a great job of using humans to accomplish amazing feats of architecture.

They say that the great wall is like the foundations are littered with the bodies of those who built it. Really? Apparently. And I don't know, that might have been the Mongols. No, it was meant to keep the Mongols out. That makes sense. Yeah. It's crazy that China just doesn't care about fentanyl because they just don't have a drug problem. Can you tell me what fentanyl is? What is it?

Fentanyl is in the medical world a legal drug that people use as like a pain medication. Yeah, it's like if you get like surgery, they'll give you fentanyl a lot. Not a lot of it, but it's a very common thing. But I'm confused because, right, I remember reading stories about how a cop would open a bag of cocaine in the street or it would expel, and even just breathing the dust of fentanyl would send them into cardiac arrest. So it's like a drug, say like opium or something, but it's popular in as a street drug and then the Chinese will sell the chemical compounds used to make fentanyl and so there's no

regulation on those compounds and nobody's using fentanyl really over there so they're just like putting it in shipping containers sending it to Mexico Mexico smuggling it into the United States. So it's like dirty batches of it it's not like. So it's like dirty batches of it. It's not like pharmaceutically pressed. It's like unregulated and... So not all fentanyl is bad. There's some fentanyl... Some of it's probably great. Some of it's probably fucking incredible. Well I remember watching in Euphoria, Ru takes it and says like I never had had a drug until I had fentanyl. It was like the best thing I ever tried. They say it's like It's like a thousand times. I don't know what the actual number is, but it's like a hundred times stronger than like morphine

Well sounds incredible, and I've never had morphine But more morphine is like a thousand times stronger than like Percocet. Yeah. I have no clue. Percocet is child's play. I don't know what the actual number is. Well, I've never done painkillers, Ron. I know that's more your area.

That's more your expertise. Not recently, bro. You're not dipping into your oxys anymore? Why? Not recently bro, you're not dipping into your oxys anymore. Why four years ago? I went to Mexico I got a 20 pack of legal of legal painkillers there and I took me like three and a half years to do all them Mm-hmm. That's how I know I'm not addicted to drugs He said that when he was when he was in like a bad mood He'd go over and he would just grab a little bit

I'm sorry. I could have used some this morning, dude. I was steaming mad this morning. Why? I'm not a materialistic person to be honest. It's 50 to 100 times more potent than morphine. Really? I wanted to get that right. Damn. So people weren't fucking he doesn't know anything about Fetino. That's a pretty big range though. It is. Our anesthesiologist audience. This is only 75 times stronger. This is bullshit. Yeah. This must be a bad batch.

It's only 49% stronger than morphine. No, 49 times. 49 times. This should be 4,900% stronger. Right. Jesus Christ. That's a high ass percentage. That's crazy.

What were you saying this morning? I'm not a materialistic person really. Christ, that's the highest percentage. That's crazy. What were you saying this morning? I'm not a materialistic person really. I like the only things I really like to spend money on are like experiences or food or whatever like that. But when I was in Japan, we went to this fucking remote village between the time I was in Tokyo and Kyoto called Kaga Onsen.

This tiny little village perched on the edge of Japan that all life has slowed down to a puttering pace. Old ladies kind of shuffling along the road. It used to be a booming town, lots of hotels, and then it's grinded down to about seven hotels. Tourism's not that popular anymore. We got to the hotel, the traditional Roy Khan and Kaga on Sen and they took exactly That was me taking a perfect dump at Kaga on Sen

It took us to the fucking hotel and this guy was like our town has fucking grinded to a halt economically and one of the only things that we have going in our town is this guy who's a woodworker and he's like a fourth generation woodworker. His great-grandfather would fucking find these trees, grind wood down and can I take you here? Basically, can I please take you to this woodworker's house? And he was like, and you don't tip in Japan anywhere, but he's like, it would be really nice if you tip this guy after he showed you around his shop so he showed us this shop it was fucking beautiful he's just grinding on wood making tons of bowls he had thousands of bowls they said don't even

put anything on social media he wants to keep it very private and very personal so afterwards I tipped him and he's like this is amazing you gave me ten thousand yen which is about $60 I'd like to invite you into my home inside of his home. He had a Small like room that was basically a shop and he had his best woodwork that he ever did and one of them Was a vase that was made from the nut of a persimmon tree There's one out of every thousand, every 3,000 persimmon trees has this marbling,

this beautiful marbling. And I was like, you know what? I'm gonna fucking support this guy in this tiny ass village and I'm gonna buy this vase. It was a thousand dollars for this woodcrafted vase that it was, I was like like I am supporting the economy all by my fucking self yeah fast forward to this morning I wake up but with my wife screaming at my dog as it just chews this fucking rare-ass vase that I got on

the fucking remote Japanese countryside from the fourth generation woodworker at the one in three thousand nut of persimmon tree and he these this dog is just chewing the fucking vase to shit dude I was a fucking fury oh no it's I I don't I normally don't give a fuck about this kind of stuff but I I literally had to I had to vent to you boys I had to get it off my chest because it's fucking you shove your dog's face and shit or something I took a shit and then Covered it in the cover the vase in your shit. It's a your play with the vase. Yeah here No, you want to play with the vase so bad here. No, no, enjoy yourself

Don't play with the vase so bad. Here, no, no, enjoy yourself. No, no, no, don't stop playing with the vase now. This guy's covered in my shit. This beautiful vase. I don't, I can't even get back there. I can't, I'll never go back to this. Did you get his WhatsApp? There's no, WhatsApp. There's no.

You didn't get his WhatsApp? They couldn't even get me another one of these fucking vases. Yeah, you're gonna have to wait a thousand years. Literally, there was three vases. There was three vases of these nut of persimmon trees, one in 3,000. It was so fucking inferior. Oh, it's one in 3,000.

When did you bring it back from Japan, or did you ship it? I brought it back from Japan. It's like this big, beautiful marbling on this vase. How did the dog get ahold of it? Took it off the cat jumped up on the counter took it off. Damn. Hmm the kitchen counter It was like it was moved yesterday moved from a kitchen counter to a small smaller table Just trying to I was literally I said it yesterday I was like I'll I'll literally lose my shit if that dog ever fucking chews up and like a prophecy foretold

This dog fucking how old is your dog? I don't think I've ever heard of a dog chewing a vase my shit if that dog ever fucking chews up and like a prophecy foretold this dog. How old is your dog? Cause I don't think I've ever heard of a dog chewing a vase. It's a wooden vase of as, but it's like, I mean, it's almost shaped like, uh, like you'd take a fucking dog toy. Yeah. Uh, 11 months old though. That sucks, dude.

Yeah. That's it. Put me in a nasty mood. So thank you for indulging my long ass fucking story but I had it was like in in pulp fiction when he like illustrates how much his It's like this is this it's so remote in Japan store didn't even have a name It was honestly is so dildo shaped,

they would probably feel fucking great in my ass. Oh yeah, sure, it'd feel amazing. Do you guys, if you had, if your place were on fire, would you know right now the things you would grab? I've had that thought before. Now, no, because I have more things. Like when I was younger, it would be like, yeah, PlayStation. Like small shit, like my laptop, because I didn't have a lot of stuff.

But now I have a lot of stuff, so it would be very difficult. Yeah, I mean, you can't grab everything, obviously. PlayStation easily. My fishing stuff, probably. I don't have anything of like importance. You can replace all of that. That's going be covered by insurance speaking of you've renters insurance I Don't know probably not

If so, we could do a fucking nice insurance game. I blow up the house I said they're really nice. It's got to be irreplaceable stuff like that the vase the vase the vase would honestly have been my number one More than the dog. Get the hell away from me. I got the dog literally for a Black Friday sale. It was 50% off. The dog was less expensive than the vase. You can always get another dog too. The vase. Maybe if it was a Japanese dog, right? Yeah But then the Japanese dog would have been fucking cute and probably like tilted his head said something in fucking Japanese What was that show there was a kids show What was that show? It was a kids show. Most extreme elimination challenge?

No, where the dog eats alphabet soup and then it can speak fluent English. That's hilarious. I don't think I know that one. I was too old to know what it was. My younger sister watched it, but it would be funny if he ate Japanese alphabet soup. Yeah, but it was like 5000 characters. Yeah. That's just like stomach is full from eating so much Japanese.

How does that even work on a keyboard? I really still don't understand how the Japanese type or the Chinese, especially the Chinese or... Probably a lot of like option shift combos. And control alt c, control alt D. I guess my wedding pictures or whatever. Like. Yeah, that's a good one. But aren't, don't you have those digitally?

The dog fucking recently ate the hard drive. No, it didn't. The thumb drive. My mom, luckily there was another thumb drive at my mom's and she fucking like sent that up with a, and like had a backup made Always terrorizing Like are you guys look fabulous?

Don't know what I would say if I'm trying to think if I have anything like a real something that's some things that are really important to me in my apartment No, play PlayStation fishing rods. I guess my wife's Bottega bag. Yeah. Ooh, Bottega Veneta? Yeah. Maybe my suit.

Probably bring my suit. But that would probably be covered in renter's insurance too. Yeah. Well, I wonder how many bags would be covered. You just get a lump sum. You give an estimate of all the things that you've lost and like you have a certain blanket amount of coverage.

I would keep my suit because then if I ended up, since I don't have rentals insurance and I had to live out on the streets, I could be one of those cool old homeless people with a three-piece suit on. Right, like in the pursuit of happiness. Yes, exactly. Sleep in a bathroom, wear my suit.

Sleep on the train bathroom just in between stops, rocking back and forth. Stealing rides to New Jersey, stealing rides back. I'd probably grab my Gabe Davis signed photo. I have to say this. I say this with all love. I think that of anyone I know in the world, you would have the easiest time transitioning to being homeless.

I don't know about that. Well, it's just not. I think I would have a very hard time transitioning to being homeless. I don't know if we'd know. I mean, we wouldn't, we might not know. You would definitely know. What would be the signs?

Yeah. What were you gonna say? I mean, wow, Sass is wearing the same thing today that he wore yesterday. This is not what I wore yesterday. I wonder if he's had the chance to go home. I didn't wear this yesterday and this sweatshirt's brand new.

Dumbass. You were wearing, he bought these sneakers and he hated them. And he was, he kept asking me like, these are, do these make me look stupid? Like, and I was shocked by that question. I was like, dude, your sweatshirt is covered in stains. I've never heard you be self-conscious

about something that you were wearing. These are the cleanest things on your body. My sweatshirt was not covered in stains. The one you were wearing. These are the cleanest things on your body. The one you were wearing in Cleveland all weekend had white milky stains all over it. I thought you said this was the one I was wearing in Cleveland. I didn't say that. I said that you did. You were insinuating it. You looked at the sweat. I saw you look at the sweatshirt and go you wear this. I get a little confused between your Patriots. Is that the one you bought in Cleveland? Did you buy that?

No. The vintage guy? Nope. I bought this months ago. I just never wear it. I was in my closet this morning. What were the milky stains? There was no milky stains. There were milky stains. This dude's out of his fucking mind. That's not true.

He looked at my outfit and he goes, you have zero flower prints on anything you're wearing. I mean, let's get serious here. Where's the paisley? You brought. No linen. No change of clothes for four days in Cleveland. I literally bring, when I go on the road, I bring every single pair of clothes that I own.

I did not see you wear. I just always land on the same thing. You wore the same thing every day. Now the first day I wore different pants than the second day I wore the same pants. The second day I wore, the second two days I wore the same pants. The second day I wore the second two days I wore the same pants. There you go. And the same sweatshirt. Same Patriot sweatshirt every day. I did wear the same Patriot sweatshirt. I'm not knocking you for this.

You are. It's minimalistic. I'm just saying. No, you're not knocking me. I'm definitely feeling knocked. The fact that you would be worried that your shoes, the cleanest, most brand new thing on your body was going to somehow. But the shoes being clean doesn't mean anything.

If I had to wear some fucking like Jordan 1s, I wouldn't be like, well, at least they're clean. I didn't know you had the ability to be self-conscious about what you were wearing. I can't pull those off. You could. I can't wear fucking fishing pants in Jordan 1s. Right.

That wouldn't look good. Right, you'd have to overhaul everything. Yes. So for the Jordan 1s. And these shoes are... Those are indoor soccer shoes. Exactly. If there's a small game of indoor that breaks out, you'll be ready to go. I like those shoes. They're actually, I think, I believe this is suede, making it very good skate shoes. Suede does not tear. Suede has a harder time tearing on the, on the board, on the grip of the board.

You can wear those to skate. Yeah, definitely. You can skate, you can play indoor soccer. These are kind of just the perfect all around shoe. Yeah, but black shoes make me look short as hell. Dude. I lose eight inches when I put on black shoes. Yeah, me too.

My shoe, my feet feel smaller than they've ever felt in these shoes And I have small feet But like what these are like, they're like this thin These are like ballerina shoes, dude. They're like the Chinese foot wrap shoes for like I'm not gonna do anything about it I'm just gonna wear them forever until the literally the flap falls off. Yeah, unfortunately, they're so well made that it will never happen. Yeah, I Wanted the white ones, but you know, what can you do every day when I bike in I bike past? When you're going up Christie, there's like a uber eats driver soccer game that's going on I know that one. You know what I'm talking about

I always want to fucking stop and just just gaze at them because you know they're nice as fuck. They are, yeah. From like Puebla, Mexico. They were all like so close to going pro. Yeah, it's like either make the national team or Uber Eats. Bike for Uber Eats. Yeah, yeah.

It's not fair, it's not right. Dude, I city biked yesterday for the first time in a really long time. Was it amazing? It was great, I had never ridden one of the electric, like the silver ones. Game changer. Game changer. But dude, it's crazy.

It keeps putting it in perspective how fast the Uber Eats guys go. Oh, because they fly by you. I felt like I was going fucking 40 miles per hour and these dudes are going so much. They're flying. Well, they get hurt when they yeah They get really really fucked up. But I mean dude even those those city bikes I mean if you yeah crashed on one of those things immediate ron had a crash. I did Really?

But it was like somebody was like coming across me and I was in the bike it was right on Christy Street the same exact spot where that soccer game goes on and Somebody just came across me and I was in the bike lane. It was right on Christie Street, the same exact spot where that soccer game goes on. And somebody just came across me, just like- Did you guys collide? Completely their fault. Howie Day, bro, we collided. Did you throw hands? No, but I was for a brief second. I was mad at my dog this morning longer than I was mad at that person. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Just like, you just got to look out for it. You got to just keep your eyes out, man. You're going to freaking get someone hurt out here. I bruising all up my fucking thighs and legs because I went like I went over my handlebars. Really? How bad is that? That's crazy. Yeah. That's what I was worried about yesterday because I went from I was up on 58th Street and then I biked all the way back down to my apartment took me like 25 minutes and the whole time I was like I'm just gonna get smacked by a fucking 18 wheeler and just Explode but cars go I ran into another bike cars go seven miles an hour on average in New York

That's so fucking slow. Yeah, the bikes fly the bikes fly hitting another bike But he literally was like walking across in the intersection going across me, but like it was too late for me to stop Completely his fault Are you weren't gazing at the soccer game? No, there's no soccer game. It was on it was in the evening I was coming to meet up with Francis. Yeah, we hang It's coming to act to the stand to meet up with Francis. Oh very nice. I've been there Probably a month and a half ago Would you say very interesting sounds right? Yeah, we went out to what was the dinner place? We went out a tie place. Yeah

Soothe her soother soother sass unbelievable time. Yeah, I'm a big tie guy. You ever been to Clong Clong on st. Mark's great ties bought Sass, unbelievable Thai. Yeah, I'm a big Thai guy. You ever been to Klang? Klang on St. Mark's? Great Thai spot. I used to go there when I lived there, but they have a lot of rats outside. It sounds racist, honestly. Yeah, a little bit.

Dude, it is dead rat season. Unbelievable Thai food. Did you see the fresh new rat that's on the curve going up the bridge? Yeah, I took like three pictures of it yesterday. Yeah, because it was intact. It was fully fresh. By today, it's been exploded. It's exploded and now it's just going to be a gradual wearing down and becoming part of

the sidewalk. It's still part of the firmament, like the fucking Great Wall of China. The outer crust, yeah. Yeah, it's nasty. I have that dead bird group chat. Oh, there was a dead bird? There's a pigeon dead? Yes, there's a fresh dead pigeon too. Oh, the bridge.

But I didn't get a picture of it. But I've been trying to send dead rats to the dead bird group chat and they're about to kick me out of the chat. Who is the dead bird group chat? I just have like a dead bird group chat. One of the dudes, I don't even know who he is. Dead bird guy number two. Oh, it's on like Twitter? No, it's a text chat. Oh, okay. That's just his contact information?

Yeah. And they almost kicked me out for sending too many rats. You know what I learned today? What? There's a group chat of like 200 women who try to arrange and sort of facilitate private air travel from Aspen to New York City and back. What?

Hey, we've got two seats open. Does anyone want them? Like on a PJ? PJs. What the fuck? Are they whores? Yeah. People swoop in and grab them.

Not sluts, I'm talking about whores for cash. They pass them around. I think they're slots, yeah. Isn't that crazy? It's called the slut PJ chat. Slutty PJ. Here's, that sounds like a name of like early 2010s, It's called the slut PJ chat slutty PJ That sounds like a like a name of like early 2010s like

Sandwich shop. Yeah slutty PJ slutty PJ Sletty PB and J. Yeah And it's just got like jelly and peanut butter oozing out of total, you gotta eat it with a fork and a knife. Soaked. Boots. Sluddy eggs. Run, don't walk. It's a slutty PJs in Dumbo. I hate when restaurants do that. Have some slutty eggs.

Want the slutty waffle? What? It's actually, like that has to be a real thing. I think slutty eggs has to be a real wrestling name. It's fucking terrible. Slut is a hilarious word, I'm bringing that back. Slut? Yeah.

But not shaming. I say it in my act now. I'm bringing it back though. Is it shame? I've been saying it for a while. In shame? Long before you brought it back. Are you saying it to shame people?

No, no. He is saying it in shame. Or celebration. I'm mocking the people that do shame them. Oh, yes. I'm going the opposite side. I'm mocking the people that defend the sluts. Yeah. Okay that's new. I don't mind that. Some girls say it as like, oh you slut. Oh my god. I know. You gotta stop. You gotta stop doing this. I promise it's a dark path to go down. You'll do it for 45 minutes straight. Yeah. You can't do it.

It takes you out of the conversation completely. Okay. All right. All right. I'll be done. I'm sorry. I put him in flow state honestly. You get into this too?

Yes. Every single episode. I'll be like writing my name, full stories going on and I'm just writing my name in the couch. It's really tasty to touch. I know. Guys, I was a little bit of a slut yesterday. Yeah, what'd you do?

You guys know how I'm spiraling into a full blown crisis? Yes. Supposedly. Well, it's taking on different forms. That's awesome. We went through our drug phase. That's to see. We've been in the drinking phase.

Yeah, that's true. So, what's the problem? Sugar phase. Well, that that's all that's just your life. That was Cleveland. You're a beer a big sugar Yeah, I'm calming down on that. I Realized that that was a problem. So I'm trying to just cut back to to regular levels, but we did a We did a little bit of a slutty retail spending phase yesterday We did a little bit of a slutty retail spending phase yesterday. It was a problem. Where did you shop? Madison Avenue. Jesus Christ.

What's that? Upper East Side. The Upper East Side. You went all the way to Upper East Side to shop? I went to the Upper East Side. Did you go after work? Yeah. I was in the area. I'm surprised we didn't- What were you doing up there? I had a meeting at my business manager's office just talking cash flow and whatnot and then he told me he said, he said you don't spend any money when you're home. He said and I said well I'm about to go to Orvis and he said buy yourself something nice. Didn't buy myself anything nice. Why the

fuck is your business manager saying that? Because I got cash flow like no one bro. Yeah, no, you're always stacking bread. I've known that you're always faking broke though I do I truly don't know how much money I have He has all of it in this like secret bank account and he's just like it's okay. You're doing okay What he pretty much this is where you're gonna find out five years from now that he's been Dane Cook brothering you. This is very Dane Cook brother. Oh fuck I hope not. What did you buy on the... I almost don't think I can say because it's so bad. He bought a nice jacket. Bought a jacket. A coat. A coat. And I bought some shoes. The loafers? I bought some loafers. From Manolo...

That's correct. Manolo Blanc? How did you know that? Did I tell you that? I just guessed. Let's just say he was in the area. There's no way you guessed. I must have said it. Let's just say I was looking at the customer registry at Manolo Blanc. And I saw a familiar name come across. Rome was actually in the Upper East with me.

We were at the meeting. We were doing a joint son of a Boydad bank account. Blanc. I saw a familiar name come across. Rome was actually in the Upper East with me. We were at the meeting. We were doing a joint Son of a Boy Dad bank account. Blimey. Well, it's as if I heard the advice from your business manager and thought, that should apply to me. I asked him about you.

He said, tell Francis, no more spending. It's all gone. I agree. After that movie theater trip last week. I am not doing so hot financially. That's not true. This episode of Son of a Boy Dad is brought to you by Game Time.

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It would help me a lot if I didn't do the things that I'm doing. Why not, though? It makes you happy. No, it doesn't. It makes me stressed. I spend, and it's almost like a compulsion where it's similar, I think, to the way that some people procrastinate. They have a lot of work to do.

They're stressed about the work, so they put it off. I'm stressed about the fact that I have mounting credit card bills and a huge rise in cost of living. And so instead of actually being disciplined, I go out and spend more. So you need something that's going to give you a temporary uptick in comfort and happiness. I guess. I don't know what it would be. I'm sure this isn't unusual. It's not because gambling goes up during recessions or like luxury purchases going up, go up. Well, there's a overall financial downturn in the country.

Because people want to have that spike of luxury when things are going bad. I think it's just very human of you. I don't know what it is. I, it's, it's not great. I don't love that I do this. Well, let's see the jacket. I'll be the judge of that.

I shipped it to New Jersey. So we could avoid the sales tax tax fraud. Are you serious? Yep. Correct. No way. So is that nice of a jacket that there's a substantial sales tax that you're trying to avoid?

Yeah. That's awesome. And did you get those loafers that you showed me the loafer just today? I got the loafers. Really? I thought that you were going to get them for free or something. No, no, no. You were calling to see if they had them?

I thought you were setting up like an ad deal. These places don't do that kind of stuff unless you're fucking Kim Kardashian or something. He was on the phone with Manolo Blanc yesterday. Were you talking to Blanc himself? Blanc. Mr. Blanc. Blanc, yeah.

Manolo Blanc. Put Blanc on the phone. Manolo, Manny. Good to hear from you. Manolo, the guy from Scarface. Is that his name? Manolo. Manolo.

Yeah, so I did that and, you know, I get into a weird thing where I bonded with the salesman. They're... Death of a salesman they are nice very nice just the thought do you know what his major belief was that that has been kind of a reverberating thought for a lot of fathers I think no his belief was that I'm worth more dead than alive because he had a life insurance policy. That's just scary. That's why I don't have life insurance. Facts. It's very much the same concept that Jimmy Stewart had in It's a Wonderful Life.

I'll give you the moon and the stars. Wait, what the fuck is Jimmy Stewart's voice? Yeah. Mary. Mr. Potter Bar yeah, that's a good He has such a recognizable voice, but I can't recognize it right now fuck is wrong bill won't you come out tonight? So what uh Wait, we just jumped around a bunch because you said something then sass took you off track and then you followed the thread to your credit I'm gonna start doing that more. That is my sort of new way forward,

is to just not push back against Sass, but to let him divert and follow the new track. But what were you, what the fuck are you saying? Cause I wanted to- Don't remember, don't care. It's his world, we're living in it. He's the conductor. Yeah, he is.

Choo-choo. You are the captain now. Well then I'll take it back to the slut group chat. I was saying about the salesman. Oh, the salesman, yes. You had a kinship. I've noticed that the more expensive a store is, the more, sort of, cards and chess moves the salespeople have to keep you in the game. I wonder why that is.

It's not like the guy at Manolo Blahnik can only afford to wear Manolo Blahnik. No, probably commission. But when you walk in there, huh? Probably commission. But you get the sense that these people are like richer than you almost. You go into a nice ass store,

you go into the Bottega store, and you get the sense that the saleswoman is like looking down on you. Yeah. Yeah, and you don't wanna disappoint them. Right. Or prove to them that you belong in there. I mean, I walked in in a t-shirt

wearing my Comedy Connection backpack, and immediately I was like, I'm gonna show them that you belong in there. I mean, I walked in in a t-shirt wearing my Comedy Connection backpack and immediately I was like, I'm gonna show them that I belong by buying a bunch of stuff. Right. That'll show them. That'll show them. Serves them right for doubting me.

It's so crazy. It's such a- With my soaked small. Well, they're in sales. Then they're in sales. They're in retail sales. Don't judge a book by how soaked it's small is. Everyone, Che thought that the waiters at Les Bernardins

make a million dollars a year. That's so funny. They probably make like 25 an hour. Yeah, but it's probably like a desirable place to work. But it is crazy how much Or just the perception of somebody who works somewhere That's upscale and how much they have to present themselves that they're like on this same Class footing as their clientele when it's like that's not fair like you probably are spending so fucking much money on Like you probably are spending so fucking much money on Bottega if you're in the Bottega store with what? Like you're probably not even getting a 25% discount.

No. Who? The salesperson. I wonder about that. They probably don't get a big discount. What do you think the odds are of, how would it work to become friends with a salesperson at one of these luxury stores such that they could purchase goods for you with their employee discount and then ferret them off to you. I don't know. I feel like they must be self-conscious because they're used so much. I know. So I'd have to offer something of equal value in return. And that would be an experience. Comedy.

A boat ride. Comedy would be good too. Ooh. But I just don't know if that's happening that way. Do you think they'd sniff me out? Hey, I enjoyed the half hour we spent talking about that coat I purchased. They also at this point already know that I'm a sucker,

that I'll pay full price because I did. You have to find them out. You have to case them. You have to kind of follow them around and find them outside of their work. And then you have to really slow play it. Like in the Telltale Heart when he like took an hour to open up the door. You have to really just take your time with it.

Telltale Heart's good. I was going to say the cask of Amont was gonna say The Cask of Amontillado. Ah, The Cask of Amontillado says. Did you read that one? I don't believe I did. You might remember it. Yeah. It was all those wonderful short stories

of Edgar Allen Poe that we read in like middle school and high school. Poe was fucking spittin'. If you read Poe in October. Alan wasn't bad either. Huh? Said Alan wasn't bad either. Edgar was pretty good too. Manolo. Did you read Cask of Amontillado? It's the one where he goes into the catacombs beneath

Paris, I believe. And he's convincing this guy that there's a priceless cask of wine, of Amontillado down there. And they go deeper and deeper and deeper. And he's somehow the guy's drunk, I think. And he eventually gets him ahead of him. And then he seals off the return with bricks because he's a Mason. And he builds a wall and seals him in and kills him because he's eventually, he hated the guy for some reason. Yeah, no, I haven't read that.

It's great. I don't remember. We read like one at your Alan Poe book. Probably the fall of the guy for some reason. Yeah, no, I haven't read that. It's great I don't I don't I don't remember we read like one at your Allen Poe book probably the fall of the house of usher I don't know what it was the crow the crow Was that one? Oh the rave the rave and Jesus once upon a midnight Drury while I pondered we can weary over many acquaint and curious volume of forgotten lore while I Not at nearly napping suddenly there came a tapping as if someone gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door. Yeah, no, I don't know.

I don't think I read that. Tissum visitor. Both the Raven and Nevermore? Both the Raven and Nevermore, yeah. Nah, it does not ring a bell. Nah, distinctly I remember. I can tell, yeah, I can tell you remembered. It was in the bleak December.

That's such a great poem. You'd love it. We gotta go to Baltimore. I just heard it. In the fuckin', in October. We should do. Go where? Baltimore. Why? to Baltimore in the fucking, in October. We should do. Go where? Baltimore. Why?

I'm gonna be in Baltimore in October. That's where Poe's from, bro. Yeah, I think I'm gonna be there in October. Poe had a house there. Did he? Yeah, that's why the Ravens are named the Ravens. Is that why they're called the Ravens? I think you're right about that.

They have three mascots named Edgar, Alan, and Poe. Oh, very nice. Wow. Catch some ball, learn a little bit of history. Edgar, Alan, Poee and Stobby Baby. Two literary goats of all time. Did you see that there's a new airline that you can pick your seat to not sit next to a man?

It's like four women, so they don't sit next to dudes on the airplane. Bumble airlines. Bumble? Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. No, I haven't seen that. That's weird though. It's so weird.

Like are dudes getting that, are dudes that creepy on airplanes? I sat next to an attractive lady on the plane going back from Cleveland and I didn't even look at her direction the entire flight. I went like this. I faced the window the whole time. Yeah, please let me know if I'm making you uncomfortable Like my lady. Yeah

McQueen and then I woke up I fell asleep and I woke up her boyfriend was checking on her being like How's this fucking guy treating? Just fully asleep gargling yeah listening to the rise and fall of the Third Reich on full volume. Is this incel treating you bad? Woke up with a morning boner listening to Gerbils. That's fucking nasty. Oh my god.

Yeah, I don't know what it is about. I mean, dude, I've sat in first class and there are some like douches that sit up there who like would absolutely try and like fuck like I've seen dudes clearly try and fuck the flight attendants. That's so weird. Yeah. It's always it's even weird to me to be like, so where you headed? Yeah, they'll stand and know where I'm headed. Yeah, we're all going to the same place.

They'll stand up and they'll go stand over where the flight attendant sit and like chat it up with them. Where she's just playing Candy Crush, drinking a Coke Zero. Let her live. It's super uncomfortable. It's so weird. I actually took a video of a dude on the plane the other day.

Doing what? Talking, he was really pissing me off and I wanted to send it to my friends. Let's see the video. I'm not gonna play it. Why? Because. Is there incriminating information? No, I think you I wanted to send it to my friends. Let's see the video. I'm not going to play it. Why? Cause, uh, is there incriminating information? No, I think you probably just not supposed to do that. No, that is bad.

Yeah. Who gives a fuck? Dude, this guy could not just talking the entire flight and talking to a dude that was three rows ahead of him, like leaning into the aisle seat being like, so where are you working now? Like for the whole flight. And at one point his wife turned to him, she goes, no one wants to hear you talking.

She said that? Yeah, and he was like, come on. This dude wasn't, I mean, it was crazy. That's bad. Running into a stranger on a plane, and it was like interesting? They didn't know each other. What?

They didn't know each other. So why do you say where you're working now? They like met while boarding the flight. This dude was trying to talk to anybody who would listen to him talk. That is one of the worst flavors of human beings. It was so obnoxious. But isn't it funny to think, you know, air travel,

I would think that in the early days, back when you could smoke on commercial airlines. And they would shave a beer in ham. Nobody slept on any of those flights. Airplanes were like being at a bar. You'd also have to wear like a three-piece suit. You'd wear a suit and everybody was talking to everybody. And the flight attendants would fuck you back then.

Absolutely. I think the flight attendants will fuck you now. But I think you just got to be like real high status. You got to be 360 at least if you're going to fuck the flight attendants. One time a flight attendant wrote on a Delta napkin her number and gave it to me. Really? But she was not attractive. So it's not bragging. And then when you took the napkin and you went... I blew my nose with it.

Handed it back to her. Handed it back and said, would you throw that out please? Yeah. I mean, honestly, that's the same type of situation that you're trying to get into at the Manolo Blahnik store. Correct. Like, she could have, this could have been a gateway drug to free flights for you for posterity.

She's probably got just a basket of 360 tags in her fucking Do you think that? Backpack. Do you think that's true? You can get perks from a flight attendant 100,000 percent my friend's mom is a flight attendant. He just those moms of what then he just flew to Kenya for free You get a buddy pass and they'll they'll let you fly in Delta. Don't you need to be? Direct family member no no no

No, that's not true. You can be anyone they can make its buddy passes. I gotta go fish out that But they also but also it's not a guarantee that you're gonna get on those flights you're on standby But it's like there's still enough where you can get free flights at any time Anywhere if you are on the true buddy pass. Yeah, like especially domestically Crazy. I yeah, it only lastsically. It's crazy. I, yeah. It only lasts until you're like 24. Yes, exactly. The family one. And then you- But I think that there's just- You get bumped down. Yeah. You get just a normal, I think everyone just gets a one other person. Because like if it's the family one, if it's for your kids, what

about your like husband or wife? Husband, wife is always going to be the top status. Right. And so if someone doesn't have a husband or wife, I think they can gift that status to whomever they please. Oh, really? I think so. I think that you don't only get that status. It's not like marital rights.

That would be, you can't just say you have to be married because some people have domestic partners and- Common law marriage. Yes, exactly. Might not be on paper. You can't just say you have to be married because some people have domestic partners. Common law marriage might not be on paper. We neglect to mention the common law marriage, long time lovers. Oh, so I can't give this buddy pass to my long time lover? I can't give it to my part time lover? This is the only love I have in my life.

Yeah, what if you're a fucking Mormon? What if you're a Mormon? Do you have 17 passes? You must. You're just handing them out? You must. Do Mormons not believe in planes? Or is that a...

What's the one that they don't use any electricity? Amish. Amish. Yeah, the Mennonites. Mennonites. Yeah, they don't. I think Mennonites are branched off. They have to take the fucking Wright Brothers plane?

They have to pedal. Yeah. They work it. They just need to hang glide. Were the Jews on on Saturday on the Sabbath. Mm. They can't even do buttons, can they? They definitely do planes. I'll tell you that. Every flight I'm on, there's at least fifteen Jews. But you never fly on Saturdays. You don't fly on Saturdays, yeah. True. You would never. That must

be why they're so packed on Sunday. Yeah. Every single Jewish person's trying to get out of their location. One time I took a flight from Vancouver. It was a red eye from Vancouver back to New York. It was, I would say, a full half of the plane was Hasidic, Orthodox Hasidic Jews. Did they have their hats in the cases? Correct, so all the overhead space is gone. And I was sitting in a, and forgive me if, I have a hard time knowing the difference between Orthodox and Hasidic, I know that's different. We know what you're talking about though.

Yeah. But. You can just say the big hat Jews. The curly fry Jews. You can say that, and I will agree that that is the group to whom I am referring. But I was sitting in the seat that had no, it was, you know, there was like an alley

between me and the next row and nothing in front. Emergency exit, big plane. I'm on the left. In the middle is where the flight attendants are cheffing up whatever, the microwave food. And so this was a place that people would kind of gather to wait for the bathroom or stretch

their legs. And I'm sitting there and I'm trying to sleep because it's a red eye. And I had a gathering of, you know, four or five young Jewish boys at all times playing patty cake. Oh, they're, they're a, they're a rowdy bunch. Mischievous. Stepping on my feet.

I mean, they weren't going to sleep. They don't, I don't think they do sleep. I think they're on like 800 milligrams of caffeine at all times. Yeah. Uh, so yeah, they were, they were, it just, that was my memory of that flight. And you know what? I love, I loved them. They are a rowdy group of guys.

They had great energy and spunk and pizzazz. Have you ever seen the videos of Curious Yoil? No. It's like a town in Pennsylvania. Yeah. used to watch those on the Yak, right? Yeah, and they like harass people. It's the most mischievous gaggle of Jewish boys. Really? So mischievous that it borders on criminality. You know when like people say like boys will be boys. They're talking about Hasidic Jews. Boils will be boys. Yeah, talking about Hasidic Jew boys. Boils will be boys. That's what they're referring to.

Those dudes will like, they'll see like a dude in like a golf cart and they'll go over and they'll just tip over the golf cart, rip the dude out of it, start driving it around. It's like all golf, it's all golf cart related videos. They're so funny. It's some of the funniest videos ever. Well, that's kind of fun. But also it's like, it has It's it's some of the funniest videos ever. Well, that's kind of fun But also it's like it has it. It's like a Edgar Allen Poe poem It has a ear of eeriness or a just a touch of eeriness Taste of eeriness maybe sort of like that movie

Don't worry darling Did you ever see that? No, I didn't. Harry Styles. It was pretty good. I actually thought that was a good movie. Don't Worry Darling. You know a movie in retrospect I thought sucked or I knew it sucked at the time and then as the years go on I just realized

more and more how much it sucked and I can't even believe it was ever critically acclaimed. What? La La Land. Really? I love that movie. What? I never saw it. I've watched it probably 10 times. But I've seen the clip, I've seen the clip

of the camera moving, fucking 8,000 times. That movie sucked. Where she's dancing and he's playing the piano. Oh, that's fun. So bad. Really? I liked it. I liked the music.

I hated the music. I hated the music, I hated the plot, I hated the setting, I hated the music. I hated the music. I hated the plot. I hated the Setting I hated the idea that like Hollywood was like just sniffing its own dick Loving that movie. It's like oh, it's about us. That's really who we are Like we're just in La La Land out here I it makes my skin crawl if we're talking about good movies that we didn't enjoy Dunkirk for me, you know, I like it couldn't get into it. It might be worth way too slow. It might be worth a second watch

Tarantino says it's the most well shot movie he's ever seen. Yeah, I could see that but I don't care about that Harry Styles, I don't care about cool shots seems like you're avoiding all Harry Styles movies Yeah, I think that was part of it. I can't get it. I can't take Harry Styles seriously as an actor, but they also had Barry Yeah, and I don't like him either nobody speaks for the first 15 minutes that movie or something crazy Really? There is not a word spoken. It's us. I could have written that movie long shot in boats missiles landing on beach. All right, I guess we, yeah, let's just do that one

for like 30 minutes, I guess. That'll kill half the movie. That's such a great story though, that the fishing boats came to get them off the beach and rescued the British army to carry on the British empire in their fight. Is that World War I? Two.

Two? Yeah. Interesting. Big? Yeah. Interesting. Big time too. It is one of the most pivotal wrong decisions of the war from Hitler. Because they had them, they could have just driven them into the sea. Hitler was just getting his dick sucked by Ava Braun snorting meth.

Have you gotten to that part of the rise and fall of the Third Reich? I have not now. Dunkirk's going on and he just has a fucking full length mirror full of meth and he's just getting his balls gargled by Ava Braun while he fucking rails meth. No, I haven't gotten to that. Fjall, there's problems on the beach. We've got them surrounded.

No, no, wait, wait, don't go. Can't you see I'm busy. Yeah, he doesn't finish the job. They don't finish. Yeah. And they had him. Well, he finished. Yeah, I know. I know the story is good. I just didn't like the movie. The movie just didn't do it for me. And I love war movies.

You got to watch that Guy Ritchie movie about the Brit. That's another one that sucks off of the British. Gentlemanly Warfare. Yeah. Ministry. That was an interesting one. about the Brit, that's another one that sucks off the British. A gentlemanly warfare? Yeah. Ministry? That was an interesting one that tells an interesting story about how the British subverted the Nazi. I kind of have a hard time getting into British movies

as a whole. Why don't you swallow that yawn, brother? Your dumb ass accents, that was me reacting to Dunkirk. Yawning Falling asleep. Why'd you suck that yawn back into your gullet? Well, because I watched Interstellar, and then I was like, what's some other Christopher Nolan movies? And then I threw on Dunkirk, and I was like,

not even close to Interstellar or Oppenheimer. Nolan does not miss often, though, bro. See, now you're making Francis yawn. Yeah, I knew that was gonna happen. I knew that was what was gonna happen. It's always my fault. Because he's an empath He caught your yawn. What is the worst Christopher Nolan movie for me? It's tenant tenants sucked I couldn't I couldn't handle impossible to follow

Never was like well, you got to watch it again. I'm like, that's not how movies should work. Although I think I just said That's what they say about, did you see that video about Dave going to pizza restaurants? And they're like, this is why it's problematic that Dave rates pizza restaurants after just going in once and not announcing himself. And they did this long story about how the guy

who started the food critic business was like a New York Times writer, and he would go to restaurants three times to make before he wrote a review to make sure that he like didn't have a bad fair shake. But I completely disagree with that premise. Like if you're trying a restaurant for the first time and it sucks, you're not going to be like, well, let me give it two more shots.

Like if it sucks, it sucks, you're not going to be like, well, let me give it two more shots. Like if it sucks, it sucks. Like they should be giving you, putting their best foot forward every time. And the best restaurants are good every time you go. A hundred percent. Yeah. And so I just completely rejected that premise that, that that's why his pizza reviews are bad.

Just because this one food critic wanted to give some fucking asshole in the 1940s a chance to make his baked Alaska three times. Yeah. Every pizza place I've been to that's good is always good. Exactly. I've never been to a pizza place where like one day you go and it just sucks. Exactly.

They're wrong. I got my spots. They just wanted to hate on it. Look what you're doing to Francis. We were making him yawn. It's going to be an epidemic now. I haven't yawned in the last five minutes. True.

There's a clock underneath this video or the people who are listening to their podcast. I yawned once and Francis has yawned like eight times. But he catches them. You know that he catches them. That's like some sort of disease. No, if he was a psychopath. I told you, I loved you in the last episode and that is why I am getting the yawns from you. That's creepy. You don't like it. You don't like it. You don't like being told that.

You can't accept love. You can't accept that you are loved either. No. All right. Well, we got to wrap this up. Okay. Because we have a guest coming in. Cool.

Son of a... Where are we at? Okay. All right. Well, My Don't tell set comes out tomorrow So please listen to that or watch it and be nice Because if it doesn't go well, I will kill myself Thank you

Please buy tickets to pop punk in Philly I need I need this to go well and I need you guys to start actually buying tickets I you guys have been acting like you're buying tickets, but you are not. I will also kill myself. I'll join SAS in the sweet release. Don't join me, bro. Across the river sticks. Did you see what I wrote there? I didn't. No. It says, I love you.

I can't see anything. I literally don't see a single word or letter. This is why it's so hard for me when you don't accept my love. I'll be in Austin September 19th weekend I believe at the Creek in the Cave tickets at punchup.live slash Francis Ellis. Alrighty, we'll see you guys next episode. Goodbye. Love!