Son of a Boy Dad - Too Alaskan 2 Pipeline | Son of a Boy Dad #144 (Live)

Episode Date: October 25, 2023

Too Alaskan 2 Pipeline | Son of a Boy Dad #144 (Live) - Cheers to Lil Sasquatch's virginityYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Feeling funny. We'll see. I'm feeling funny. I'm going to bring my absolute worst. All right, you're live, you're live.

All righty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. All right, you're live, you're live. All righty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today, it is Wednesday, October, I believe it's the 25th. 25th, my half birthday, brother. It's Roan's half birthday. We are all celebrating. We are here live in Barstool HQ3.

That's right. Mix them up sometimes. There's too many HQs these days. Hey, let's clap it up. Let's clap it up, guys. I don't know what we're clapping for, but we're here. Let's get right down to it. The Phillies will not be in the World Series this season.

Oh, fuck off, dude. Fuck you. But on the bright side, the Eagles are good again. Okay. I like that. And Sass is the hottest gambler in the United States of America. And the Patriots are also going to probably be in the Super Bowl. Sass won thousands and thousands of dollars with nickel and dime, $5 bets.

How much did you actually win? Give us the dollar amount. $1,500. On how many bets? I don't know, $10? That's not that impressive. I thought you were doing way better than that. Well, I had that one bet that was $50 paid out $750. That's good. That's exciting.

Whatever. Not a big deal. I'm not sweating it. You sent those screenshots to everybody you know. I literally sent it to everyone I know. I was walking through my neighborhood. They were stapled to a telephone pole. You know my wife, right? I do, yes. You didn't send it to her, so you didn't literally send it to everyone.

I did send it to her. She probably just has my number saved to something else. Pizza Hut. Cleaning lady. She got my number saved as something else. Pizza Hut. Cleaning lady. She got my number saved as Pizza Hut, doesn't she? I have a funny story about this. One time, a comedian I know was cheating on his girlfriend all the time and he would

save the girl that he was cheating on his girlfriend with as my name. Then she found it and confronted him about why he was sending dick pics to me. Damn. And then she found it and confronted him about why he was sending dick pics to me. Damn. And then he had to come clean and be like, I'm going to be honest, it's not.

I would be like, I'm fucking Francis. That must have been an awkward convo. She probably thought he was gay. I know. She probably thought he was gay. What's worse? If you're, probably that's probably best case scenario. If it's gay, no, if you're gay, it's worse? If you're... That's probably the best case scenario. If it's gay? No, if you're gay, it's just like,

oh, there's nothing I could do. It's like Jada Pinkett Smith with Tupac. Yeah, exactly. If your best buddy told you that he had done this and that his girlfriend found out and was going to contact you to corroborate that it was you, would you back your buddy

and be like, yeah, he does send me those sometimes, but just for me to check on them and be like, yeah, that's a good one, send that off. No, I would definitely not do that. You wouldn't? Nah, maybe I would. I probably would. Bo? Yeah, but if it was Bo, I would. Bo. Yeah, it's a nice hammer. It's a good

fucking cock right there. He sends them to me to kind of just like as a buffer. It's just like the fact check his dick pics. I'd probably touch it up in Photoshop for him. Does this all read right? Make it a little vainier? Make it a little shorter, honestly. Add a little saturation to this.

Then you'd have to tell Bo's girlfriend that you were doing it for her. No, that's not right. Red? Red dicks. Mine's not. My dick is red dicks. No, that's not right. Yeah, it is. Red? Red dicks. No, no. Mine's not. My dick is red as hell.

What are you, a monkey? No, it really is true. All white dudes have red dicks. No, they don't. It's more red than it is white. No, it's not. What? It is.

No, it's skin colored. Yeah, it's red. Look at your hands are even a little red. No, that's just like a normal skin color that's not a red dude that's a that's an olive yeah i would call that more of like a have you ever looked at your dick after you jerk off dude it's neon red oh no how hard you going bro it's like a stoplight using the skin no no yeah abusing it you going cream or no cream cream what does that mean?

You creaming it up? Lotion? Yeah, I use lotion all the time. Then why is there so much abrasion? Well, there isn't these days, but when I was a young one, there was always, it was just red as hell. Really? Yeah. Like pulsating, like glowing red? This hurts.

See, a lot of dudes when they beat off, they go to kind of like the base of the the nook of the hand i'm all i'm all fingertips i don't want to hear about that from you you're talking about how your dick is perverted it's my dick it's my you just talked about like massacring i don't even i'm talking about how i'm like fucking you jerking off is not something i ever want to think about dude you're just You just talked about massacring me. I don't even know. And I'm talking about how I'm fucking... You jerking off is not something I ever want to think about. Dude, you're just telling me how you as a young boy were violent.

I was violent. We can't fucking share. I thought we were sharing. Yeah, but mine was being... I'd rather know that you were violent towards your dick than you were gentle towards it. Oh, so you want him to jerk off the way you want him to jerk off. Yes, exactly. Yeah, because you already

had it pictured in your mind. You're like, I see him being fucking savage to that bitch. What were you seeing for him? Violent. Be honest, and then I'll give you what I thought, Ron. I wasn't on it. To be honest, I wasn't really picturing it in my head. You obviously had because, how I

said it, it didn't match up with your preconceived notion, which means that you had preconceived a notion. Yeah, it's true. He makes good points. Yeah, you did. What was yours? I thought it was going to be kind of cool and rhythmic because he's got this, you know, let's call it urban culture flair. I am white.

I am a fucking bum. I do live in a trailer with my mom. But almost like a, I don't know, a cool dance. He's doing a dance with it. You know, like the way there's style, there's swag. There's like, you know, if I watched him do it, I'd be like, God,

I wish I could do it. I go cross, kind of like a cross hand like a karaoke when you're running. You know what I mean? Like, I'm climbing a rope in gym class. Kind of is my, like I'm a brown bear running from a black bear. Did you guys ever get to the top of the rope?

I know you definitely did. We didn't, we didn't have that. You didn't have that. No. Was that a Massachusetts? Absolutely. We had it.

We had to know Tyler. You definitely were one of those kids. I was like hanging from the top of the rope. You're like, I guess I'll come down soon. I'd go up the rope. I'd go up the rope. I'd go up the rope and then I'd shimmy across the metal pole.

You guys were doing pull-ups on the rope. I never got more than a foot off the ground. Still to this day, I would never come close to that. Really? Yeah. Maybe it's like a knee strength type of thing. No, it's all upper body. Is it? You're not gripping with the thighs at all it's all upper body. Is it? There's no... You're not gripping with the thighs at all?

You're just like... Why do they have us doing that? You do in the CrossFit games. They know how to do that. You got to use your legs in the... You got to wrap it around your foot and then help yourself step up. What are they training you for? It's like board a boat?

Yeah, it didn't really make sense. It's also pretty dangerous. Well, they put the mat down. Yeah, but if you're falling, I mean, how far does that go up? 20 feet? Here's a question I was thinking, and this is something off what you just said. I was actually thinking about this morning. Because I saw a video of a guy on Twitter who beat the shit out of the teacher he found out was having an affair with his daughter. Okay, honorable.

He went to the school and beat the shit out of this teacher. That's not an affair. Is that an affair? I mean... A statutory affair. Yeah. A little fling. Yeah. Whatever, dude. We kissed like once.

Not a big deal. It's an affair. I kind of like her. Imagine if I met you. I think I have a crush. Boyfriend? I kind of like her. Imagine being her high school boyfriend and having to explain. Why'd you have that affair on me with Mr. Packer? Yeah. I lost my girl to an older man. A dirty affair.

A girlfriend had an affair. With the art teacher. With the guy they kidnapped. But the question is, the question is, what type of teacher of what subject would you be the least ashamed of your daughter

for having the affair? I don't know. Something like science? Yeah. Definitely not. If it's a gym teacher or something like that, it's like you have to kill them both. Gym teacher or history teacher would destroy me. History? Why history?

Because it was always the football coach or math. He's going to town. He's fucking laying that down. Clap and cheek. Young hot guy. It might be a true sexual perversion on her part if she likes an old man.

You have to allow that. If she just likes the old chemistry teacher or some shit like that, it's like, okay. She's sapiosexual. She likes his brain. If your daughter's 18, do you still give the teacher the beatdown? I don't know.

I would. A guy like me? Fucking killing that guy. Yeah, strangling him. Yeah. You can do pull-ups. You can. Have you ever had a gym teacher? Yeah. They're like the fattest fucking

alcoholics. They're all alcoholics. Not me, bro. Well, yeah, I guess at Harvard they probably had different types of gym teachers. Yes, we had gym teachers at Harvard. Actually, my gym teacher in fifth grade went to Harvard. Yeah? Yeah. What happened?

From there. He was a damn good gym teacher. Some people have different goals, dude. You got to respect that. Did he fuck a high schooler and then get demoted into gym teaching? He fell in love in the small town. He wanted to stay around. Imagine going in to beat the shit, the dad going in

to beat the shit out of him, kind of running back off last week. It is the funniest thing of all time. And he loses the fight. It's the funniest thing. Oh, that's tough. Pulling up to the school. Where's he parking? You think he cares about... You park right out front. You think you're parking handy? Yeah. You don't circle around looking

for parking if you're looking to and then you have a ticket. Yeah. And you have a ticket. Oh no. Your car got towed. Yeah. So you got to walk home. Imagine that

from the wife's perspective. You see him just stumbling down the street covered in blood. Cray. He beat the shit out of me. Your boyfriend's a real piece of shit. You know that, right?

Talking to your daughter. Your fucking loser-ass boyfriend. Who the fuck does he think he is? Except it's probably like... She would take the boyfriend's side for sure. 100%. I think that's like every single girl's dream,

right? To have their boyfriend be able to beat the fuck out of their dad. That's why girls get boyfriends. It's like a challenger. It's like new ownership. Have you seen The Purge? The scene where the girl's boyfriend shows up and tries to kill the dad.

So funny. Because he just fails. Just beating up a dad and being like, she's mine now. That's hilarious. I can't imagine having a girlfriend and having beef with her dad. The Purge had four spin-offs, I think. And then a TV show.

Oh, they had a TV show. I didn't know that. Did you think that the original was so good as to warrant that many successive... I think it's just the theory of it just gets people going so fucking much. What do we got?

Good to go? Audio okay? Audio's good? Okay, cool. Just like stay holding it. Don't play with that wire. Oh, damn. audio's good? okay cool oh damn all that talk about beating off made me want to play with it made me want to beat it up

I was looking at you you were fiddling with it big time I saw you unplug it at one point you trying to sabotage this fucking show trying to watch me beat this thing up put a lot of work into this. Francis came in with the sweet tooth of all sweet tooths today.

Francis always has a sweet tooth. Somehow he just doesn't gain weight. Because I work out. Yeah, that's true. I'd never see you working out though. I've never seen you work out once. I'm surprised I haven't run into you in our gym in our building. I go every day. Do you really? And nothing happens. He never goes. He doesn't go. Why?

How are you in authority of this? Me and Ron used to work out, and we'd go on the road, and we'd go to the hotel, and I'd never see him at the gym. What the fuck are you talking about? Never once saw him. We used to go on the road? What other life did we live? Back when we were road dogs. In the 70s, me and Sash were on the road together.

Dude, I'm in the gym every day. we're on the road together. Dude, I'm in the gym every day. I'm like the fucking basic white girl who will do a workout every day and just nothing happens to my body. That's good. That's fine. As long as it doesn't get worse.

It means you're keeping it at bay. That is true. You don't really have a big reason to improve. Yeah, I just want functional strength. I just want to be able to function. I just want to be able to function. I just want to be able to move around in the world. The furrowed brows are having, what happened to your thumb?

Pick at it. My way of self-mutilation. What? Here, I'm plugging and plug it back in. How about now? Why don't I share it get real close all good

all good all good I'm gonna share with Harry all right we're real tight now yeah we're back I'm going to share with Harry. All right. We're real tight now. Yeah, we're back. Sorry about the chips, everybody. I didn't think that would cause the entire show to screech to a halt.

All good, all good. All good. We, we got to at least have this conversation on, on Mike. What happened here? Anyways, um, taking a quick, a quick pause,

getting a different wire. And I wouldn't have thought, uh, putting the mic on my lap would have done that. Alrighty. Can I have my vape back? Am I on it? Yeah, you're sitting on it.

Sassy needs a little vape hit to get him right real quick. Sassy needs a little bit of fresh nicotine in the old system to restart the old battery. So what was going on last night with you, Ron saw you celebrating i saw you knee kicking leg kicking what do you mean bro they we fucking lost i know but when did when did you realize it was over it just fucking was dude i don't know when they fucking lost i believed in until the last second i believe until the fucking because it went out way It went to the bottom of the ninth? Yeah, they played the whole baseball game. Yeah, they did and they lost.

They played all nine innings. What were your bets? What were your units looking like? How many units did you throw on it? I was going to win $35,000 if they fucking won, dude. $35,000? Yes. How much did you put on it?

$1,000 in June. In the beginning of the season? In June, when their odds were the lowest. What was your payout? You did this last year and you totally fucked up. There was no payout. Really? Yeah. It wasn't offered. I didn't see anything

offered. It was preposterous. I tried to look at it even during the game. I don't know. It was just fucking brutal. It was just bad times. It just brutal. Dude, it was just bad times. It does suck. I was rooting for them. No one's going to watch

the fucking Rangers versus the Diamondbacks. It's going to be the lowest viewed World Series of all time. What are you? Are you a Sox fan? Yeah? No win for the Sox this year? No, they weren't great. The Patriots? You're not a Patriots fan, though? No, no. You're a Jets fan.

No. Are you crowd working out of this? Are you crowd working the way out of this? Are you, what are you a fan of? Bruins? The Giants? The Giants? What do you do for a living? How'd you two meet? Yeah, I'm good.

You got the pizza? I think I saw you do crowd work about the clams you did great last night hosting I don't know how people do that what? just get them open right away you had to go up quickly

you cracked them open easily. Yeah, they were, they were up for it. They were a good crowd. Yeah. But every time I go up, I try and make a little joke and then they're just like,

I think, um, it's, it's, it's, it's about talking to people that want to be talked to and not talking to people that don't want to be talked to. And it's pretty easy to tell. And people don't decipher that. I hate to and not talking to people that don't want to be talked to and it's pretty easy to tell and people don't decipher that i hate when someone's talking to

me and i don't want to be talked to and specifically in that in that setting yeah if a comedian's trying to crowd work me and i just want to like fade into like i'm not trying to be very public about it that shit is fucking brutal that shit is so uncomfortable for me. And I'm not giving him shit. I'm not going to make his show any better. Right. Sometimes they like that, though. Yeah, I don't. Some men just want to see the world burn.

I know. I don't like it. I feel like people should be much more judicious about who they talk to and leave my ass alone and leave whoever's fucking loud and fucking annoying. Let them be the center of attention if they want that. Copy that, brother. Oh, man. I'm talking shop with you guys.

Things got weird in here, huh? I feel bad. I didn't mean to do the thing with the chips. I guess that was very unprofessional. It was the other episode you spent the second half with it on your lap, talking into the lap and then complained about the audio. I never complained about the audio.

Did I? Yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't know that I am. I'm not aware that I'm doing these things. One of the best Gillian Wallow episodes was when they wrestled with each other. Should we have a brawl? I don't know that I am not aware that I'm doing these things. One of the best Gillian Wallow episodes was when they wrestled with each other. Should we have a brawl? I don't know.

I feel like that kind of thing, like kind of kickstarts things in the right direction. If, if it's just like, if there was a real brawl in here, I think I would be, I would die and everyone else would walk out with like a couple of scrapes and I'd get caught in the mix and just die. I think you under sell your script.

No, I've shadow box with my boys and it never goes well for me. I think you undersell your strength. No. I've shadowboxed with my boys and it never goes well for me. I always end up bleeding and they all walk away laughing. Wait, what do you mean you're shadowboxing? We've boxed. We've done one-hand boxing. Like slapboxing? No, one glove. Slapboxing?

No, slapboxing is slapping. Right? Oh, yes, yes, yes. We've done boxing with one hand. And you both have one glove yeah and i always lose and then i'm getting like roundabout fucking it's not good i think that you're tough bro i don't oh man i know i think that you i think you could fucking whip some ass if it really came down to it. Yeah. That'd be nice. What?

I like to think I could. Who'd you box against? My boys. This was a while ago. I was probably in eighth grade. Oh, so that was a while ago. Yeah,

it was. Yeah. It's been a while. I really love the glory days. I definitely peaked when I was 13. I did not peak when I was 13. I was a rough 13. I, I'll confess.

I was, I was fat when I was 13. Yeah. I saw some pictures of myself on like eighth grade field trips and I was 13. I was a rough 13. I'll confess. I was fat when I was 13. I saw some pictures of myself on eighth grade field trips. I'm fooling myself, dude. I was fat as fuck. Yeah. I had a rough hairdo too. I think people still get mad about my hair. I'm sure those people have already commented and be like, Sass's hair is crazy, which I get, but it was a lot worse at one point. You think you were fatter thanatter than me yeah i'm fatter than you now yeah but do you think then at that point in your life you were fatter than i was when i was 13 or 14 i think i could have been i also had braces until a weirdly old age but i had braces too and i was fat too dude i would have gotten along if you want to have a gross off dude i mean i think everyone's gross when they're 13 because boys they grow wide no because some of the other some of the other

boys some of the other boys yeah they're yes exactly where they are now a bunch of the other guys working cubes no they had their doctors their ab doctors ab doctors they're fucking surgeons dude they're fucking guys had great abs and i just wasn't one of them. Dude, I was gross, and I was fat. Yeah, that does suck ass. It was. Were you fat ever? No. Never? That's fucking awesome. It's so crazy. You never had that, like, just grabbing it? Just like,

why me? It's me. Me is the candy. See, you're a big sweet-tooth guy. I'm a big sweet-tooth guy. I've always been big on the candy. Yeah, I like the candy, but... I've been bigger. I've always been big on the candy. Yeah, I like the candy. I've been heavy on the candy lately. I've just been exercising my whole life. Yeah, that's true.

Even as a little kid, I couldn't stop running around. Did your parents make you exercise? No. My parents did. They allowed me to. Really? They enabled me. Oh, you need shin guards? Okay, we'll get you some shin guards.

How do you stave off your kids getting fat? That's tougher than I would think. I think it's tougher than we think it is. Can you just make your kids do push-ups or run laps and shit like that? No, you can't. But you can fill the pantry with healthier snacks. True. So that when they come home from school starving at 3.30 or 4,

instead of eating Rice Krispie treats they're eating a big thing of grapes wasn't that always the best getting home and you just dive into some fucking fruit by the foot you know I was always so hungry when I got home would you just stand at the pantry I would just stand at the pantry I would take a box

of cereal and I would take the salad bowl the communal salad bowl that we would serve salad in for dinner and I would fill the salad bowl, the communal salad bowl that we would serve salad in for dinner. And I would fill the salad bowl with cereal and then I would take milk, pour that in. And then I would eat the whole thing, probably about half a box of cereal. And then I would go nap for like an hour and a half. That's a good grubbing right there. Yeah, that is.

I used to just... Dude, I think the lowest feeling I've ever felt in my life is getting home from school and there's just nothing. And that's when you're just fighting back tears. Yeah. You're like, you got to be fucking kidding me. Well, I just... Nothing. You just put on some Meek Mill and fucking...

Granola bars? Are you fucking kidding me? I went over to the snack closet just now and there were six gigantic Costco boxes in there, but they were still sealed. They were just waiting for someone to unwrap them. I went in there and I

had my time. What was in there? Okay. I'm sorry? What'd you get some industrial sized candies I got some haribo bears

I got some you came down with a feast well I wanted to make sure that anyone who wanted some could have some yeah there was some fucking full on chocolate bars in there these look like they're going to be great creamy peanut butter and chocolate bars ah ah ah like they're going to be great. Ah, ah, ah. Creamy peanut butter and chocolate bars.

Ah, ah, ah, Francis. Those are going to be fun. No, no, no. I don't think so. I can't believe there's fucking scientists who come up with snacks. Well, that's what Jolly Ranchers are. Jolly Ranchers,

they should make a movie like that similar to Oppenheimer. Or, yeah, Blackberry. One of the greatest scientific inventions of all time. This is my vegetable course. 20 grams, 20 grams, 20 calories.

That's a good ratio. Pure protein, chocolate, peanut butter. Damn bro. You guys watching anything spooky? Ooh. I,

Oh yeah. Oh my God. Don't, uh, it's called talk to me. I just watched that. I just watched it this weekend what do you think of it because i thought the ending was fucking terrifying i didn't think it was that

scary i was talking to joe at the stand and he said it was the scariest movie you've seen in a while i said i don't even think it was close i thought the beginning was phenomenal yeah the first scene the first like half of the movie was great i thought the whole thing was pretty good man i i don't know i I thought the scene... I guess... Spoiler alert. What's this movie on? You should watch it. Did you watch it with your wife?

I watched it while my wife went to bed halfway through because it was too scary for her. My buddy and I finished it. You like scary movies to watch with your wife. Well, she won't allow us to. She gets too spooked. Yes, my wife gets too spooked. I do. To watch with your wife. Well, she won't allow us to. She gets too spooked. Yes, my wife gets too spooked. I haven't seen scary movies in fucking years.

I have to fight my battles. We can get together and do it, though. You want to? We could. We could sneak out together. Yeah, you just have a little sleepover. Make a little fort or some shit like that. Get spooked.

Yeah, spook yourself. You know he's above you? Yeah. You told me he was below you. When I first moved in, I thought he was on a different floor than he was I thought I was one apart he was trying to downplay you

he said you were on ground level I said he had to go down a flight all the way down no I would never disparage Francis he has a significantly better view than I do not this again. It is cool that you guys live in the same building.

We could fit two of my apartments in his apartment. In Seinfeld, that's not true either. In Seinfeld, did they live in the same building? No. Kramer and Seinfeld did. Who was that other guy that they lived with? The neighbor that they hated. Newman?

Did Newman live in the building? Newman was their neighbor. No, I thought he was the mailman. No, Newman lived a floor hated. Newman? Newman. Did Newman live in the building? Newman was their neighbor. No, I thought he was the mailman. No, Newman lived a floor below. See what I was doing? Newman. Hello, Newman. And what about friends? Did they all live in the same building? I think so.

Joey and Chandler were roommates across the hall from Monica and Rachel. And then didn't Phoebe live downstairs? Phoebe lived in a different building and Ross lived across the way. But at one point Chandler and Monica moved in together, at which point I think Rachel and Joey tried to cohabitate. Boy, did that get messy.

Did you, you, so you obviously watched all of it, loved it, thought it was funny. Do you thought you thought friends funny? I watched friends when I was young. I watched it when I was probably in middle school or high school, early high school. And I thought it was good. I loved it when I was young. I don't really get was probably in middle school or early high school and I thought it was good. I loved it when I was young. I don't really get the whole... I mean, people say the same thing about Seinfeld. They say it's like the worst sitcom of all time. Seinfeld's fucking

hilarious. Who says Seinfeld is the worst sitcom of all time? Some people hate Seinfeld. I think it's quite the opposite. I think that they say it's the best. Well, it is probably the best. It's up there, but a lot of people hate it. It's like a common trend right now. It's like, it's like hating Taylor Swift. Because there's so many people that like it. Yeah. There's a nice little counterculture against it.

Just never really moved the needle for me. Seinfeld? No, no. Friends. Oh yeah. I mean, I get it. It's not like for everybody. It's for more feminine guys like me and Francis. No, no dude have you heard about how I jerk off yeah true the way that you jerk off I'm surprised you didn't get into like cheers yeah I jerk off like norm yeah um Frazier is back and Frazier was originally a character on cheers you know yeah and then he got his spin-off series with Frazier which originally a character on Cheers, you know? Yeah. And then he got his spinoff series with Frazier,

which is arguably the most successful spinoff ever. And one time I was out in Hawaii and I was sitting down eating sashimi and I looked up and I thought, boy, that guy looks a lot like Frazier. Kelsey Grammer. And he saw me looking at him. And I still remember he gave me a look as if to say, go ahead.

You know who I am. Oh, that's nice. And I said, are you Mr. Kelsey Grammer? And he goes, I am. And he stood up, shake my hand. And immediately I said, you played middle school football with my dad. He goes, get the fuck out of here. He said that.

Really? Yeah. Swore. He cussed. He did. That's interesting. I know. Risky. And then I said, hey, my dad's Corky Ellis and you guys played at Rumson Country Day.

And he goes, Corky Ellis? Of course. Really? And I don't know if he was actually remembering or not. But he may have? And I don't know if he was actually remembering or not, but he may have been. You don't fucking forget Corky Ellis from Rumson Country Day. You probably don't. You really don't.

I also think it's a lot easier to remember people from your childhood than it is people you meet now. We talked a little longer, and then he gave me his phone number. And then the next summer, he was starring in La Cage Au Folle on Broadway, The Birdcage, which was the hit play, the hit musical of that summer with Douglas Hodge. And I texted him and I said, Kelsey, period. It's Francis.

We met over sashimi last summer in Oahu. Could we, I saw that you're in the play. Any chance I could get some tickets would love to come see you. And he goes've set two aside um is this night work and i said yep and we went and then after the show we went out for drinks with him and the entire cast oh that's awesome and we had a great time we had a great time but i had a very bad you guys must have really hit it off in hawaii for him to give you your phone number well he had played football with my dad yeah which gave me a better in it It sort of made him trust me. I feel like if someone came up to me and they were like, I played football

with your dad, I probably wouldn't be like, let me give you my phone number. We're going to have to talk. We're going to have to continue this off and on there. He knew based on my dad that we would I would not be someone who would abuse. I always did think that about your dad. Yeah. That's not an abuser. No.

And then I had a cold and I was sitting across the table from them and they were in the middle of their run on Broadway and they heard that I had a cold and they kind of distanced themselves because they didn't want to get my cold. They didn't want to lose their voices. Yeah.

And I felt bad because I think after I might have gotten some of the members of the cast sick. And then they had to cancel. I remember they had to cancel the run. That's right. Yeah, it was like a historic run. Oh, and everybody lost their job at the theater. Yeah, a lot of people.

A lot of union guys. Yeah. Good union guys. No matter what happened that night, it wasn't as bad as 9-11. That is true. Holy shit. That's a good way to think about things. Israel's real...

I guess we don't have to get into Israel, but... What were you going to say? They just keep on tweeting that it's like 15 9-11s. They're trying to get America on their side. People are very passionate about 9-11. Keep going. That's what they did with COVID. They were like, it's been 200 9-11s. I don't think 9-11 is a good

scale to use things on. 200 9-11s? Boy, that... It was more than 200. It like, it's been 200 9-11s. I don't think 9-11 is a good scale to use things on. 200 9-11s? Boy, that... It was more than 200. It was probably like 1,000 9-11s. 2,000 9-11s? There were, what, 2,000 people that perished? 9-11, yes. Louis had the bit where he was like, yeah,

9-11 wasn't that bad. It was only one 9-11. Yeah. God, we got to get that son of a bitch on this podcast. That's 400,000 people, isn't it? It's 2,000 times 2,000 400,000? Isn't it 4 million? What the fuck are you

guys talking about? I think it's 400,000. I think it's 400K. I'm only big 4 million. It's 4 million. You're wrong. It's 6 euros. I didn't even go to college. Excuse me. It's four million. You're wrong. It's six years. I didn't even go to college. Excuse me. It's six years with a four euros,

which would be, you're right. I think he was talking about the sandwich. You're right. It is four million. Excuse me. So that are 4 million people dead right now. I think it's like two something,

2 million. I died in the last week over in the middle East. Are you for real no from covid okay covid did you say covid yeah oh yeah that's what originally your comparison was because you thought he was talking about israel i did we said that they used 9-11 as like a stat for how many people have died in israel palestine and then I was saying that they did that with COVID too. I missed the switch to COVID. Oh yeah.

They said there was like 2000 COVIDs or 2009 11s. Wow. That's a lot. It's a lot of 9-11s. Yeah. That's to the point where I'm like, this is an issue. That's what it took.

Like around 1099. I'm like, all right guys, this has been a lot of 9-11s. I'll take the jab. I'm not wearing a mask today. Not enough 9-11s yet. Not enough 9-11s have happened.

Yeah. Goodness me. That is naughty. You boys are naughty the way you're talking. That's him. He drives the cart. I just push the horse. Have you guys been keeping up with Justin Timberlake and

Britney Spears? Let's cover that. He got her pregnant and then she got enough smorschmen because he wasn't ready to be a father, which honestly, I don't think JT is ever ready to be a father. Isn't he a father right now? He certainly is. He's a father now.

No, JT's a fatherly guy. I don't like how JT's name's been dragged through the mud through all this. JT was like a hero of mine for quite some time. I'm ready to spread some rumors about Brittany to discredit her. You don't really have to spread any rumors. She's kind of fucking off the rails.

She's literally dancing with knives with ass naked. Those low waist shorts. Tiny undies. But she said that there was one time when they met uh genuine and they just like uh he just turns up the black scent so much and he met genuine it was like oh for sure that is that's classic jt though that's so fun that's not surprised i just watched a video this morning of JT dancing. 19 years ago. It's JT. And he would beatbox for like six years.

He would beatbox. He would go. He would dance. Don't be so quick to walk away. He would like dance on stage while he was beatboxing. Do you think that. Man, I'm tired of singing. And he was my hero.

Yeah, I love JT. Here we go. Future Sex Love Sounds. Yeah, let me listen to him dancing. Hit it. They call me the lake. And then that the song is like, da da da da da da da. You think he did that and he was like,

I'm going to shock the world with this? What's crazy is he did. At the time, there was white girls were losing their shit. Yeah, I would have lost my shit over that. That's what's going on with Harry Styles right now. And people were too lost in the moment to see it. Harry Styles is just doing some crazy shit.

And people are like, what the fuck is happening? But he's just the glorified member of a boy band who's been the one that made it the most because he's the most eccentric. And we'll look back in 10 years and be like, what the fuck was he doing? T? No no H H. I don't mean to slander Harry's in front of you, but this dude is, no, I don't think so.

I actually don't mind Harry Styles. I know it's like a popular thing to hate him, but it's a popular thing to hate all those really famous people. The Taylor Swift thing. I am getting annoyed by. Are you? Yeah. Why?

Well, the Kelsey and Taylor Swift thing. It's like, dude, we get it. Well, it's just going to... These people are riding for her so hard that they have nowhere to go. The handshake with Brittany Mahomes was a little much. Yeah. That seemed

like that was almost pre-recorded. That they had planned the handshake? Yeah. Are you telling me that wasn't fully spontaneous? No, no. I had the same take on the rundown just now, and Gia put me in my place. What'd she say? Well, Gia's an ultra-swifty.

Ultra-swifty? What's that like? She's radicalized. What's faster than Swift? Ultra-swift? I think ultra-swift is a legitimate thing, isn't it? Ultra-swift is the... The speed?

The broom. Sounds like an incredibly powerful cleaning agent. The... But she is like... If she were in a war-torn country where there was a despot trying to take over, I think she'd be a quick one to radicalize. I think you could radicalize her.

Taylor? No, Gia. About what she's shown. How much she believes in Taylor. She's all in on whatever propaganda and she's going to speak the party line. I'll be honest with you. I would too, but more for

self-preservation. I have no problem with despots or tyrants. No. As long as we line up behind them. As long as we're on their good side. Have you ever seen The Last King of Scotland?

Yes. That's a haunting movie. It's not about Scotland. It's about Africa. Yeah. Well, that's a given. Idi Amin. Idi Amin.

Forrest Whitaker. His best role. I went in thinking it was going to be like a Martin McDonough movie about Scotland or something. Like a cheeky movie where they tried to have a town buy a church or some fucking cute shit or something. I didn't know it was going to be about fucking genocide. Yeah.

It's bad. But the doctor, he's his confidant. The Scottish, white Scottish doctor who's played by the guy from Professor X and the old X-Men movies you see those? Yeah Professor X. James McAvoy and he, Idi Amin

takes power and everyone thinks oh this is the new, this is gonna rid the country of corruption and prove things and sure enough within he becomes suspicious and then starts killing all of his dissidents

and then he finds out that James McAvoy is having an affair with one of his many wives I think and he strings him up with hooks to his skin the skin of his back and hauls him up into the air he's's got to hurt. He's hanging by his own skin.

Well, that was slightly different. That was a crucifixion. Yeah. Same, same, same idea. Nailed to the cross.

Yeah. There was no nailing here. This is a little bit more kinky. Yeah. It's a little more freaky. You ever see like a, an elephant get carried aloft by a helicopter in a net. Have you seen a Dumbo drop?

Have you ever watched a Dumbo drop before? Yeah. It looks more like that in this scene. So nails instead of... Hooks instead of nails. I keep getting lost on the nail thing. There was a performance artist recently who did this who hung by his skin.

I think it's like a kink that people have. It happens in the Halloween movies. Is it now? In the new one. The Halloween kills. He gets hung up by a knife oh have you seen a lot of those yeah have you seen sisu now there's a scene in sisu where they're hanging him and he leave him and he's hanging and he senses that there's a nail nailed into the beam behind him and he drives his leg into the nail and then just to stop himself from hanging that's pretty good reflexes and reaction time well he's holding himself up by the nail that's driven into his muscle same as uh kevin m McAllister in Home Alone.

Is that right? He did that same exact thing to Marv. Marv? To fucking Marv. Anyway, the Idiomene, or you were just describing the plot of that story. I was kind of seeing how many movies we could link together. We got pretty far. We went a long

way. Yeah, that was impressive. That was super fucking good. Hanging always freaked me out as a kid. Me too. Big time. I watched the gallows when I was a child. Miguel. Heavens. It's a nasty hook. Is that a hook or a nail?

What am I looking at right now? People used to do that shit on America's Got Talent. They'd hang by their back hooks. And then they'd take out hooks and they'd be hanging by just one. It was a lot of pain. You'd see the fucking tent of their skin hanging up. I don't... They would also always eat swords.

Yeah. I was never into that. Where are they going? Yeah, that doesn't make any sense. It's going to be a bad shit the next day. But imagine what they do with that sloppy top he's like though. Yeah, true. You can put down a whole sword. You can crawl down their throat. See, that's too deep.

It's way too deep. I don't want to go that deep. No, I don't want to be in the stomach. You ever been deep-throated? Lord knows I could be. Have you ever been deep-throated? Yeah. You have?

Yeah, big time. You ever do that thing where they mash their gums against your stomach? No. That's the best. You're missing out. I'm trying to picture it. Gum mashing against the stomach. They don't just go all the way down.

They stay down and then go... That's my favorite. I don't touch it. I don't touch their head, by the way. I'm not that guy. I don't touch it, but I don't touch their head by the way. I'm not that guy. He's not like, Oh yeah. Yeah.

That can't even feel good. I don't really get why people do that. It's like a big porn move. You're like grabbing the head and like guys just must be losing themselves in the moment. Yeah. True. I don't,

I don't touch. And we were talking about donkey punches last night. Oh, on stage. We had column about donkey punches last night. Oh! On stage. We had to call them. You were? Yeah. And that's where you punch a woman in the head and what happens? She grips up. Yeah, her

b-hole tightens or something? Something like that. Or her b-hole tightens or something. I was saying that would have to be a funny conversation to have with your kids as to why your mom has Antonio Brown levels of CTE. Oh, god damn! That's what to terry shiva dude that's how she wound up in a vegetable state why is mom retarded now i don't know vegetables i don't know but she does poop out the thinnest strips of poop you've ever seen like ribbons yeah it's angel hair pasta coming out of her

every night you really close the sphincter on that she won too many donkey punches she wouldn't have it any other way though she loved it this is exactly how she wanted to be she's happy now she's happy trust me

now that she can't think I love this tell the kids the fucked up part is that someone had to have done that and be like She's happy. Trust me. Now that she can't think. I love this. Tell the kids. The fucked up part is that someone had to have done that and be like, fuck, that was good. I need a name for that. The first person. The first donkey punch could not have been consensual. I doubt many of them are.

You think it became more accepted after that? It's got to be the least consensual sex move of all time. I think I can think of another that's worse. What? Plain old? Yeah, plain old. I could see Alex Cooper being like

tell the guys to have them go to a boxing class, hone the jab, and have them fucking hit you right in a specific spot. Get into rumble. Fucking have them nail you.

You can see that or her doing a diagram of the brain, the lobes. You want it hit right here between the occipital and the frontal cortex. The hypothalamus is really where it's going to have the best pleasure for both of you. Any left of that and you're going to lose your sense of smell for good. One inch to the left, you'd be dead.

You're going to get spots at the corner of your peripheral vision. But that's the joy of it, though, is the danger. I never even had heard of it until last night. Donkey punching? I guess that's not your generation. No. What were you kids talking about missionary mostly what about like do you didn't have rusty trombone no we had like uh what is it

alaskan pipeline what's that is that when you freeze the shit in a condom and then use it as a dildo oh my god yeah that was actually how i lost my virginity that was how i was introduced to sex. Which way? Were you shitting the condom? I had to shit in a condom, keep it in the freezer. You want to keep it in for 48 to 72 at least. 48 is pretty much the best you can get away with.

Because it'll get too hard? Because it gets too soft. It's not. You want it to be hard as a rock. Like an ice sculpture. And it's also you're training your body you want to have a smooth diet so you're eating a lot of fiber for weeks in preparation i like how it's named after like a hot button issue of the day like a political thing yeah what was the one what's the one hanging chad what's the one with the what's the that goes through the native american reservation the pipeline the smallpox blanket

no no there's a pipeline that they're talking about the trail of tears sounds like these all sound like sex thing yeah well the indian sunburn no no no the pipeline that they're talking about building through native american land but it's always being protested someone's been listening to The Daily. I'm sure there's people who know this. Someone's been listening to the Wall Street Journal podcast. Sounds like the Penn Casino's toilet is flowing water.

Can I not say that? I didn't. What do you mean? Aren't casinos typically built on Native American land? Oh, yeah. I guess a lot of them are. You're in your own day. I'm fine. I don't think that'll be a big deal. Draft Kings was built on... The deafening silence after I made the joke sure

scared me a little bit though. I thought that you were talking about a time that you guys had gone to a paying casino and there was a septic problem or something. That's exactly what I was talking about. Of course, of course. Thanks for saving me there. I guess I could have just used any other casino there. That's what I was thinking. I was kind of thinking it would be a good callback though to the good old days.

Dude, I was in the Dominican Republic this weekend. Yeah, I know. I'm going on Monday. To where? To the DR. Really? Yeah. Are you just saying this as a thing? No, he was there. He wouldn't tell me where he was going and kept telling me he was going to upstate New York.

This is how I know Ro makes a lot of money because the Eagles lost and then he was like, I guess I'll just go to the Dominican Republic. Last minute vacation. Where'd you go in the DR? I flew into Santiago. He was in the middle of nowhere. His wife posted an Instagram story.

I clicked on the geo tag and it was literally just in the middle of the ocean. You did the same thing. Yeah. Middle of nowhere. What resort did you stay at? Um, who,

who knows who even knows? Sorry. Not much of a resort as it was just, they just rented the islands. No, I honestly, I didn't post about it because I'm too, it's got,

it's like too hot. Like everybody's anytime, not, not that place. I'm saying anytime I go on vacation, everybody's too hot. Like everybody's anytime. Not that place. I'm saying anytime I go on vacation, everybody's like, oh, look at you. And by everybody, I mean him. He's like the number one. He's the number one. He thinks I won't find out.

I find out. I just said it out loud. Yeah, I knew before. What do you mean? I'm going with Fort Play on Monday. To the Dominican Republic? Yeah, we're going to the Casa de Campo. Why was I not invited? Where is that? Where are you flying into? I'm going with foreplay on Monday. We're going to the Casa de Campo. Why was I not invited? Where is that?

Where are you flying into? I don't know. What are the airports in Dominican? Tell them I'll get a haircut and I'll wear some proper golf clothes if I can count. I think they said you're not hitting your woods well enough to play. I'm better than three-fourths of that

show. You're better than... Here'sths of that show you're better than here's who's going just so you know from them it's Frankie, Riggs, Trent, Lurch, and Dan Dan I'm better than Dan no you're not better than Dan

easily Dan's a scratch supposedly I watched his video. He's really good. I wasn't scratch. Are you better than Dan? No. You are. No, I'm not. I'm kidding. I've never seen anything that Dan did. Dan's amazing. I did hear he was a scratch golfer though.

Frankie's gotten really good. Frankie's good. He's a stick butt. He's an absolute stick butt. Riggs can play a bit now and then Lurch I think is really good. Oh, but a stick. He's an absolute stick, bud. Riggs can play a bit now and then Lurch, I think, is really good. Oh, but a stick. Trent's honestly better than me, too. So you're the worst. I would be the worst, yeah.

Yeah, but that's okay. They're not bringing us for our ability. They're not bringing us. No. They're bringing you. Yep. They're bringing you because you can hang with that crew. I like hanging with that crew. Yeah, I can. Why not? Because he'll just be like, did you hear that the room in

Austin has at least 300 people? He'll be like, Joe DeRosa was at Skank Fest. And they'll be like, listen, bro, we're here to talk about golf. That is exactly what it was like. So hard. Last time I went, when I went and golfed and I did the foreplay video, we went and got food in the

tea house. What is it called? The tea house? What is it called? The green house? See, this is why, bro. The clubhouse. And I just talked about

Shane's new special the entire time. Yeah. I was like, guys, it's going to blow your minds. It's so fucking good. They're like, yeah, Tony Hitchcock's

writing style is actually super unorthodox. So Ric Flair went on Kill Tony and they kicked him off mid show it was fucking insane we do not give a fuck

at all we don't know who any of that shit is we're in literal paradise right now playing like the most luxurious it's like yeah

they never invite me to come anyways I got two spots at the stand I better get back to the city you had the same conversation

I used to never get booked twice in one night and it feels like every night I'm booked twice a night it's crazy at the stand. I better get back to the city. You had the same conversation. You should never get booked twice in one night. It feels like every night I'm booked twice a night. It's crazy. I mean, sure. It's probably two upstairs and one downstairs. But I'm pretty much their first villain guy if someone drops out. Yeah. You had the same conversation no matter who you're around. Yeah. 100%. I was in Denver

and I was at a bar. Just 10 minutes into it, I'm talking to two strangers and I'm like, yeah, the seats in the rooms, it's like it really is about the height of the ceiling and it's just like House of Comedy and Bloomington,

the ceilings are way too high. So I did not have a good set, obviously. Dude, we said we watched one Bill Burr special 10 years ago. If you know this about yourself, then why do you not change it? Because I enjoy talking about it. Yeah, I do too. Yeah.

But you should add other things. I do add other things. But it's like I get drunk and then I'm just fucking... You revert. Yeah. Autopilot. Yeah. The only things I enjoy talking about are what the people with me like talking about.

Yeah. I don't like talking about things because I like talking about them. If someone's interested in politics, I'll talk about politics with them. If someone's interested in comedy, I'll talk about comedy with them. But I'm not going to make someone who's interested in comedy listen to politics talk. You know what I mean?

You must have some things that you would, if you could spin a wheel of conversation, you would like to talk, would hope there it would land on a certain thing i don't know i feel like that's a good a good mark of being well-rounded it's just like yeah like well what are you into like and seeing if i have something about that i think that's more of a mark of just how good of a citizen of the world you are but you got to be

interested in everything it'll just be such a better conversation if you get to talk to somebody about some shit that they like or that they're interested in. I think you put that ahead of even not so much being well-rounded and diverse in your interests, but rather you want to put...

You're so good at putting people at ease. You've talked about this even in some of your comedy, and I don't want to give anything away, but if you're around good at putting people at ease. And you say, I mean, you've talked about this even in some of your comedy and I don't want to give anything away, but like if you're around a certain audience, you'll probably tailor your worldviews a little bit to be like, yeah, I also like or hate that group of people.

Yeah. And people shun that like code switching has become this thing. Yeah. Justin Timberlake's getting dragged by Britney Spears for a little co-switching. Why is JT being like, oh, genuine, what's up, dog? Why is that any worse than when my dad goes to Paris and speaks English

in broken English, thinking the French people will understand it better? Louder. We go train station now? You have baguette? Yeah, I don't think you omitting verbs actually makes it more easy for the taxi driver to get us to our destination.

Yeah, they understand English probably. Speaking slower and enunciating is helpful, but you know. Coach, watching for Genuine has probably just made Genuine feel great. Yeah. Is Genuine good? What do you mean? At rapping?

Genuine sang that song P. Is genuine good? Uh, what do you mean at rapping? Uh, genuine saying that song pony jump on it, do it. Right. Yeah. Pony. That's a good one. That's a good one.

That was a classic, but I mean, I just don't blame, uh, Justin Timberlake for wanting to be black. It's way cooler. I had to learn that when i would meet black people that i had to just be white because no matter what i did they were going to make fun of me for being white so you wanted to

lean into being white i uh yeah i'll be the i'll be the punching bag the court jester yeah that's fun it's hard that's a healthy use of white privilege that and and flying with the weed being the one that flies with the weed yeah that's the best use of white privilege i mean now it's not a big deal but when it was dicier being like i'll fly with the weed yeah they're not looking at my back give it to me yeah yeah i can take a pinch yeah like in the town yeah when the guy goes in take one i can take a pitch it really is like that we could take a pinch we talk out talk our way out of it we wouldn't there wouldn't even be a pinch there'd be no pinching there'd be no squeeze i my wife asked me recently the last time that i got pulled over for speeding and it was high school.

Damn. Because you don't speed? Uh, no, I do. Uh, but I think that I'm vigilant as I'm speeding. Do you use ways? I do, but I don't, I don't, that doesn't, I don't think that's helped me avoid. Well, it helps me. Really? Oh, for sure. I will, I don't know. I. I will, I don't know.

I guess I just, I don't know. I knock on wood. I think I'm somewhat savvy about my speeding. How so? What are some of the tricks of the trade? You know, if a road has a lot of sort of pull-off areas that are shrouded by trees, then I will know one of these is probably going to have a cop in it.

And I won't speed as much there. Well, dude, cops are so dumb. They can't, they don't know that you're speeding. If you're in the right lane, they can't detect speeding unless you're in the left lane. It sounds like an old wives tip. That's how dumb cops are. Every single one of them.

What, where is, where is this coming from? Cops are so dumb. And then you could just really finish the sentence however you want. But you can't, but you can't detect speeding. If you're in the left lane, when you're no, when you're in the right lane,

it's like anytime I'm in the right lane, I feel like I'm never. Oh no. Yeah. In trouble of getting pulled over in the right lane. Right. Exactly. But if you're in the left lane,

whizzing past people, even if you're going fast as fuck in the right lane, you don't have to worry. You'd be going 90 in the right lane yeah you don't have to worry you'll be going 90 in the right lane you're not going to get stopped because cops are so dumb yeah we're on the same page i had a good cop tricking story i was on a boat one time as a youth and i we got pulled over because they can just board the boat that's just happened they're like pirates yeah coast guard they can just pull up and just get on the boat. Are you talking Coast Guard or are you talking about water cops?

Coast Guard. Okay. Yeah. And they were like, how many life jackets do you guys have? It was like a whole gang of fellas. There needs to be one for every person. We had one life jacket. Me, being the smart man that I am, pulled the life jacket out.

One, put it back in. Two, all the way to none. Are you serious? Yeah. that's how dumb they were that's really dumb yeah he was standing at an angle where he couldn't see it and i just pulled out the same life jacket nine times that's like a magic trick where they keep pulling scarves out of their fucking hand or something it was very smart of me that's like in my cousin vinny when they wrap the one1 bills around a $20 bills around a $1 bill.

I'm going to say it's $200 or something like that. That's like the oldest trick in the book. I know. Damn near. Yeah. Do you think that there is a chance that the cops are just like, I bet there's a more than 50% chance that the cops are like, I know it. On the water of the suburbs of Massachusetts. That's like the most action they're going to get all year.

That's what I mean. They don't have the cartel coming in on fucking pirate ships. That's why they're just like, man, fuck these kids. Book these kids. I think that's what they were trying to do. That's what they wanted to do. They would get off on that. And you were just quick thinking? Yeah. I was back when I was having run-ins with the law constantly.

Do you refer to officers as officer? Yeah. Ossifer? I like doing that. I like addressing uniformed people by their official titles. I just oink at them. Here I go.

Swill, piggy. Get out of here, pig. Get out of here, colonizer. One time I was walking you fucking fascist you bastard fascist bastard

you must feel real proud your mom know what you do you fucking fascist bastard no nothing better to do with your fucking time after you get pulled over going 80 in a 45 yeah what happened with this saints guy what happened what was that about

he was going 35 over. He's like, I play for the Saints. And the dude's quote was like, I don't care. And? Which is so funny. That's good. Yeah, I mean, it would be one thing if he paid for a good team like the Patriots or the fucking Eagles or the Giants. Giants are not good. He plays for the Saints. You see that video of the

Saints quarterback? What is his name? Carr? His last name? Derek Carr. Screaming at the fucking wide receiver. No. Where are you? That's who he was screaming at, Olave. And then later, Olave went reckless driving. In fucking stand mode. I'm doing 80 on the freeway. He didn't go as fast as he could running, but he went

as fast as he could driving, for sure. Where the fuck were you? He got picked up on another dude on the Ravens, was mic'd up. And he got picked up by that guy's mic. But then the whole rest of the team... He must have been fucking screaming. But it wasn't supposed to go...

The ball wasn't supposed to go to him. And the whole rest of the team was like, yeah, that wasn't designed for him to get the ball. There was no chance that he was even going to be part of that play. But he was supposed to cover someone. You're a receiver. He's not covering anyone. They said he was supposed to clear out so there was more room

in the flat if you really want to break down the X's and O's of the football. That's what I'm trying to do. Taysom Hill gets out and goes so fast in the flat that you really need to get his go route going so you have enough space where the cornerback is drawn off the line of scrimmage enough so he has a little bit of wiggle room to run the

ball after the catch. A little yak. Yards after catch. Dude, I love watching videos of teammates fighting. Francis was just watching hockey fights at his desk. He was just boasting up in front. I like watching videos of coaches

screaming at the refs. And I like watching videos of people on the same team fighting when the quarterback loses their shit. One time Brady would walk back to the bench and the offensive coordinator would be like, he was open, by the way. And then Brady's like, you don't think I fucking know that?

It's so funny. What do you search for that? What do you search to find that? Teammates fighting. In fighting. Coaches fighting with teammates. In fighting. Yeah. Teammates fighting. Coaches fighting with teammates. On YouTube?

Yeah. Yeah, there's compilations. There's whole channels dedicated to it. Oh, yeah. I got to watch that. They're the best. Because that's good, healthy communication. Yeah.

I love watching. I love when Diggs goes over to the sidelines and just yells at Josh Allen, Be smarter! And Josh Allen's like, I know. I'm sorry. It's a crazy level of accountability to just yell at teammates that

athletes have. They're just being like, I need you fucking over here. You're fucking up. You got to rough up the teammates sometimes. I know. I always wonder when I watch Hard Knocks about the hierarchy of power on a sports team. Because by the time you get to professional sports it's no longer as you know age doesn't be it's not as much of a signifier

it's definitely it's you know what i mean like in college you've got 18 to 21 year olds who are being coached by, you know, 50, 40, 55, 60 year old men. Yeah. And it's still a like respect my older and better person.

But by the time you're in the pros, you've got, you've got, you know, offensive coordinators and special teams coaches who are either the same age or maybe roughly the same age or a little bit older. Sean McVay was like 32.

Yeah. Mike McDaniels. All these people who... Then it's like there's a... There's not an inherent authority. It's not that way anymore. And so how do you keep someone in line? Is it simply money?

Everyone knows you'll get paid more if you fucking play along and you abide? It's probably money and respect. They're all big respect guys. Are those NFL coaches not making those guys who talk back go run laps? Are they? Have you ever had a boss

that's younger than you? I don't think so. Would you respect them? It would depend on their body of work. I thought you were going to say their body type. I did too, to be honest. That's a given.

Honestly, I think that probably is true for you as well, though. If a dude was shredded and he was younger than you and he was your boss, you'd be like, well, he's disciplined. I have to respect him. If you had some sloppy slob as your your boss you'd be like well he's disciplined yeah i have to respect him if you had like some sloppy slob as your boss you'd be like i'm not fucking listening to that fucking be a lot harder but also their body of work one time i had a i signed up at equinox and they give you that first personal training session for free to try to get you to do it

and the guy who came out to give me my free session was morbidly obese. And I was like, what? Is this for real? That guy's a trainer? He's going to train me? You know? That is crazy. I need somebody who fucking walks the walk.

Or just walks. He came out on a scooter. He's like, alright. He had out on a scooter. He had a shirt on that said, Fitness is Life. It was tucked in. It's not your life, brother. Accentuating his gut. Be yourself. But it is crazy that there is

no threshold of what it takes to be a personal trainer. There's always personal trainers in our buildings, Jim, that are training the old ladies. But these dudes are 58 years old and pretty chubby themselves. They're just in better shape than the

octogenarians that they're training. Dude, you know what I saw? I was flying home on Monday or I was flying back to New York and I was cracking up at the, you know, in LaGuardia how they have the walking escalators. Hmm.

You're talking about an escalator. Yeah. But no, the ones that you just walk on, like it's like the walking sidewalk. That's not an escalator. That's a moving sidewalk. A moving sidewalk.

You know what I'm talking about though? Are you talking about an escalator? No. Okay. A moving sidewalk. You know what I mean? Yeah. And that has the stairs.

No, there's no stairs on it. It's not an escalator. Yeah. It's flat. That's a moving sidewalk. Yeah. Moving sidewalk. Yeah. You know how they have those in La's not an escalator. Yeah, it's flat. That's a moving sidewalk. Yeah, a moving sidewalk.

You know how they have those in LaGuardia? I've seen them at JFK. I was cracking up the people that don't walk on them. People that just stand still. I hate those people. Dude, those things go like 0.25 miles per hour. That's like a different

level of lazy. Yeah, to be like, I need a rest. Dude, you walk, that's like a 10 minute ride down one of those things of just sitting there. And it turns into the craziest traffic jam. Oh yeah. And whoever is the person who's doing it always has their carry on luggage in a plastic bag that says, thank you up and down. Every single time. Dude, the person that invented those, i'm sure in a million years i never thought someone was going to stand still on one of those things right it was going to accelerate everybody it's going to like whip you through the airport and get you there faster not make crazy log like an hour it's like an hour trip if you do that yeah from gate like 88 to the fucking exit it's

literally an hour if you're standing still on those things. And standing double wide. Oh, yeah. They're never on the side. Yeah, you're never pulling off to the side or making yourself thin. They think everybody is there to just ride it. I have the same reaction to those people when I pass them as when you're a kid and you walk

by a smoker and you cough a bunch to let them know. My mom was notorious. Yeah. My bad. Your cigarette smoke was getting in my face. What do you do to the people who are not walking?

I go, I'm walking by. I go, hey, I'm walking by you. Instead of on your left? Yeah. Walking like a normal person would. Howdy. Walking here. on your left yeah walking like a normal person would howdy walking here or just like walking loud as fuck yeah sighing i give him a little pat on the back i'm like let's go i'm i am i'm becoming more vocal in public yesterday on the train a woman was uh like we got to the train station and everybody was standing in front of the door waiting to disembark from the train and it's one of those doors where you have to go up and press the black square so the thing slides

open and everybody was just standing there and the whole other side was fucking off of the train everybody's waiting and i like just like yelled out to lady like you have to go push the button yourself and we'd still be standing there if i hadn't said something. It feels gratifying. It's like I'm in charge of the train. You know everyone else wants to speak up too. They didn't have the balls. I think there should be a yearly test about whether or not people deserve to continue

living. It can be pretty basic. There's so many Purge movies. It doesn't have to be a high bar. Obviously, you're going to have invalids. What would be the people that you don't think would deserve to stay I think it's able-bodied people

and able-minded people who are so oblivious because they are just the world hasn't checked them yet. They're not trying. Most of them are in the white house right now you know what I mean

but that's for another fucking time and place I decided that's how I'm going to start laughing by the way because it's Halloween season I think that's a better laugh like Dracula it could just be a subtle like a real belly laugh

so you would type it out like a ha haha, like M-U-A-H? I want to go to a stand-up show and just sit in the crowd. M-U-A-H. M-U-A-H. Or like a group of people. Yeah. Like a group of people. Yeah, just get a group of people.

Like that. M-U-A-H. M-U-A-H. And if you have, it's not funny, just be like M-U-A-H. Just like a little chuckle. The big closers. You're like, what the fuck was that? Detroit, how we feeling tonight?

Yeah. I mean, it is all an act. It is. How you laugh. Yeah. They say laughing is all an act. It is. How you laugh. Yeah. They say laughing is involuntary. I think it's performative. I think it's a little performative too.

So I very rarely when I laugh at my house, it's a lot different than I laugh in public. When I laugh at my house, it's more of like I'm like wheezing almost. Oh, like exhale. I'd be like... like wheezing almost. Oh, like exhale.

I'd be like... Yeah, just the exhale. Yeah. And I usually like pull out my phone and then text my buddies and I'm like, you guys got to see this. It's a video.

Isn't it weird when you catch yourself laughing out loud alone? Yeah. And you're like, oh, that must have been really funny. Yeah, the hardest I've ever

laughed by myself was in Always Sunny, the episode Mac and really funny. Yeah, the hardest I've ever laughed by myself was in Always Sunny, the episode Mac and Charlie Die, the first time I ever saw it. That was the hardest I've ever laughed by myself. I was in tears laughing. It's like rolling around in bed

laughing. It's so joyous to laugh alone. It's really good. It's really good. That was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. I'm trying to think about something. I was the funniest thing I'd ever seen. Trying to think about something. I think, I think the funniest thing I've ever seen or recently, let's say was in, um,

I think you should leave season one where they do the parody of the walk, the line audition scene. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where they're in the music studio and he sucks. And he, the guy, they've changed the song and he starts playing the song that the

executives like and then he comes in and starts improvising about skeletons and bones being their money it is so funny that they had that in season one because it's kind of like a you had to have seen Walk the Line

yeah but I mean it would work without having seen it, but and also that came out way after. What? Walk the Line came out way before. Yeah, I know, but I'm just saying it's pretty ballsy to have that in season one of a sketch show, like a deeply cut.

So that's not how you would have done it. In later seasons you would have earned it more later seasons you would have earned it more or established your tone more and then people would say a classic they do lots of parodies of Walk the Line I don't think that's

there's ever been a time well good on you for admitting it I'm glad we got you to back off a point I don't think I've ever done that with you I just genuinely don't care that've ever done that with you. I've never done that. I just genuinely don't care that much about the Walk the Line controversy.

Well, Walk Hard, I mean, to advocate for Walk Hard was Dewey Cox. That was a parody of Walk the Line. Is Walk the Line that famous of a movie? It's pretty good. It won a handful of Oscars. It is a good movie. Yeah. I think Reese won Best Actress

and I don't think Joaquin won Best Actor, but he may have done. I love the scene where he's on the tractor in the front yard. I can't remember. The whole family's there. It's when he's really going downhill. Doesn't he drive it into the lake? He drives it onto a rock and he's like, I can fix it.

They're like, alright, dude, we're going to get the fuck out of here. That's when he's on the pills. They're like, you're nuts, alright, dude, we're going to get the fuck out of here. Oh, that's when he's on the pills. Yeah, I remember that. Hey, quick thing. I've started throwing in a few Britishisms. I've noticed and I haven't been saying anything. I've started. I can't help it.

I wasn't going to say anything, but now I might do. There you go. Because that's what you've been hitting us with for, and it's been about three to four weeks of them you don't like it no I don't mind it but I just didn't want to call you out but as long as I don't do it in an accent I think it's okay because have you ever noticed

how Donnie does he'll say with yeah well that's an impediment no I don't know I don't think so I don't think he's doing that to be cool I think he's doing that to be cool I think he's doing it just like he's that's how he heard it from

the British I don't know if I agree with that because he doesn't do it with any other words so when Joey Langone does it he's joking though right Joey Langone I had a

I don't know what accent we had a hilarious story about Joey Langone? I don't know what accent. We had a hilarious story about Joey Langone when we were in Long Island. And we did Long Beach. Remember the bartender? He was like, Joey Langone grew up here. We used to be drinking buddies. And it would be like, the two bartenders and Joey

Langone would go out and get fucked up all the time. And they'd meet at the bar and get hammered. You know how when Joey drinks two beers, he loses his stutter completely? Yes. They said that they never knew he had a stutter. And then one day they hung out during the day and they were like, what the fuck is this?

Two beers and the stutter will go away or he'll just be in a high pressure situation and it'll go away. It's like, wait, how does it get better in high pressure? You're an anomaly. I saw a porn parody of the King's speech where he

could speak without a stutter as long as he was getting a blowjob. That was how she cured him. He would speak well while he was fucking. No way. It was a good one. I watched it without even beating off.

Just in wonderment. For the story. That is a pretty good joke to have in a porn. Yeah, it was good. I ran into a dude yesterday. This is funny. I ran into a dude yesterday at a man column show, downtown social.

I think he was a bartender. He was standing behind the bar. Is this a story about stand-up? No. I'd never seen him there before.'s standing behind the bar. Is this a story about standup? No. Oh. And he's like, I'd never seen him there before. He comes up to me and he's like,

Hey man, what's up? Uh, he's like weird questions. Like, you know, Brandon Walker. Right.

And I was like, yeah. And he's like, so I used to do some work for Brandon for his like daily show that he used to do a daily football show. And he's like, I would do like notes and stuff for him. And he's like, I don't really work for him anymore. He's like, now I'm mostly his tit guy.

And I was like, what do you mean by that? And he's like, I send him pictures of titties every single day. And he's like, and then he gets furious if I don't send them all like this. He's like, if I miss a couple days, he DMs me. He's like, where are my tits? And this is 100% real because...

Brandon sent us the screenshot send some tits and he sends like the date and it's friday the 12th and i heard brandon walker talk about this dude like three years ago he would be like y'all don't have a titty guy yeah and he said he's been doing it for years and he's like i haven't been able to do it the last week because i've been slammed and i was like yeah you must have been really fucking busy to not be able to send one picture of titties. Sounds like he's slacking. Well, you're kind of patronizing him and disparaging this guy's work.

How hard is this? No, because he sent the picture and they were good titties. Those were titties that you got to search for. But it's also crazy that Brandon Walker can't just source his own titties. Oh, yeah. Really weird. Brandon could just Google titties. Or just go on to... Jefferson is his name. Well, let me see here some of own titties. Oh, yeah. Really weird. Brandon could just Google titties. Jefferson is his name.

Well, let me see here some of these titties. Oh, gosh. Yeah, Saturday. So it includes the face. Yes, there is the face. I don't know if I'd want that. You just want regular titties? I just want them as super close up.

To the point that they're like just pixels? No, no, not that close. Maybe he gives you like a different pixel every day for like a year. And then I could print it out and make a puzzle. That'd be fun. See, that's what I need. I need the guy that's going to do that for me. And I'll save up all the titties.

Save them. Save the titties. No, you don't fucking need that. But you also, I mean, seeing a face that contextualizes it a little bit more. And then seeing the pubic mound kind of confirms that you're not seeing, you know what you're seeing. What's the pubic mound?

You don't want those titties to be attached to a dick. Brother. Don't you think that that would, wouldn't that You've never seen a good rack on a dude? Oh, I thought you good rack on a dude. Oh, I thought you meant wrapped around a cock. No, no.

I'm saying you want to see the entire, you want to confirm that those are a woman's tits. You don't want to see an Adam's apple. No. Unless you do. Well, you just want to know what you're getting. Yeah.

You want to know what you're getting. Give it to me straight. Am I getting girl titties or boy titties? If you didn't know, would it really bother you? If I didn't know? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Ignorance is bliss. Well, also the titties that the guy or transgenders have are like decent titties. They're the same titties that people would get it like a boob job. Right? Yeah. Right.

So now, how do you know that? Cause I've seen it where porn you watch big into trans porn lately are you serious no you've never like accidentally been like oh what the fuck and then it's just a dude you like it's the dick probably not enough to say

you were watching the king speech porno I know you've seen titties with the dick attached to them before. You're watching some weird porn. I'm trying to think. Like I saw I don't think I've ever watched one of those

scenes. No, I've never watched one of the scenes either. I've just seen pictures like, you know, like when a football player will, you'll look at their likes and it's always trans porn. Is that so? Yeah. Like a football player will, you'll look at their likes and it's always trans porn. Is that so? Yeah. Like a corner. Yeah. Deshaun Watson. Yeah. A lot of cornerbacks are really into trans porn.

That's really progressive of them. Yeah. It's dope. And then randomly, everyone will start tweeting and they'll be like, bro, your likes are not private. No. And then the dude will not tweet for three months. Yeah. And then the dude will not tweet for three months. Yeah. And then he'll come back one day and he'll be like,

they think we weren't the best. With one of their generic football player tweets. They doubted us. Dot, dot, dot. 700,000 likes. If you think Travis Kelsey isn't watching trans porn, you've lost your goddamn mind. Is that right?

Yeah. No, that's a mind. Is that right? Yeah. No, that's a fact. It's a fact. One of Roan's buddies fucked him in the ass. You mentioned that. Yeah, but I don't know about the trans porn, but I think it's kind of a natural. Yeah, it's assumed. It's like a natural.

Honestly, he probably has Taylor watching it. Oh, 100%. He's probably like, look at this. Yeah. The more titties. There's more titties. I probably like, look at this. Yeah. There's more titties. I feel like we got to this same place the last time we did this. There's only so much to talk about. So anyway, I was in Dominican Republic this past weekend.

Francis is going there next week. Monday, before a play. Most of whom, Hairball thinks he could be. Yeah, well, if you're just more pleasant to be around, I feel like... Anyway, we're doing... I'm pleasant to be around.

I'm the fucking king of the hang. Good hang last night, huh? Here we go. Hell of a hang. Here we fucking go. I'm looking forward to the hang tonight. I'm going to be honest with you. I was a little pissed off.

Because I said I was leaving and I didn't leave. No, I was a little pissed off because I didn't think you were embracing of the young comics enough. Well, I was talking little pissed off because I didn't think you were embracing of the young comics enough. Well, I was talking to Lev and Joe. Exactly. Those are my demons. You stayed sort of siloed

among your tenured people. Once you get a level, he's not going back down to the... A lot of the young bucks were coming in and looking for a little affirmation.. I was among them. Those are my boys. I don't think so. They are.

You didn't give them time of day. I was going to leave and then I didn't leave. Do you think you would have had a different conversation with them or with the heavy hitters? You would have been like, the bonfire has gone downhill. I was talking to these two guys who we were talking about talking to me

because they were both telling me to watch it. And I was like, hey guys, I watched the movie. And then I popped a squad and we chatted about movies. Nothing wrong with that. Okay. I know everyone wants a slice. There's only so much that can go around. I can't be two places at once.

I told you my piece. And I saw you were giving them your fucking wisdom. So I was like, I'm not going to go in there and drop more wisdom. You could have. You could have given a little love on top of the wisdom. I have was like, I'm not going to go in there and drop more wisdom. You could have. You could have given a little love on top of the wisdom. I have nothing on any of those guys. They're all very funny comedians. That's not what it's about.

It's just about... Well, you call them the young guns. They're all older than me. They're 24. No, they're like 28. John is 24. Yeah. And so what were you being like, hey, you guys got this? No. You were sitting down

just having a motivational speech with them? I was just showing them that I wasn't better than them and I don't think that I'm better than them. I wasn't saying I was better than them. I think the fact that you sat apart dictated that. Conveyed that. I didn't sit apart. I was sitting with them before you even got there. You sat shrouded in the shadow. Then you

got there and I got up because I was like, I got to go back to my show. Wait until Sass is at like a table at like a big comedy club or something like that. And it's like someone tries to sit at the table once Sass is established and he's like, you think you can fucking sit with us?

He's going to be that guy. Yeah, you're going to be gay. No way. The table for the open micers is over there. No, that's what you do. No, it's not. Francis only talks to people who are past at the cellar.

You're now doing the same bit that we were just doing to you just to get away from it. I know. You just said, oh, I'll flip it on you guys. Yeah, I know.

Yeah. Every time Francis goes to the stand now, he's just like, dude, the fucking cellar last night. It's like you can feel Patrice in there talking to you. You know what the fucked up

part is? You can feel Patrice whispering in your ear when you're on stage. The fucked up part is, if I even so much as mention anything about the cellar, Hairball comes over the top and provides way more information about it than I've ever heard in my life.

Yeah, I'm a fan. I'm a fan of comedy. You know more about like the bureaucracy and the spaces of comedy in New York than I have learned in 12 years of being here. Study up. I'm watching film.

I don't even know how you learned it. You're like Johnny Manziel. I don't know how you learned it. Zero hours of film. Two seasons. I'll be like... This is his iPad. 12 seasons, zero hours of film. I'll be like...

I'm like three seasons, fucking 25 hours of film. I'll be like, yo, I had my audition at the Cellar and I was worried about going over. And he's like, yeah, you don't want to do that in front of Esty. Back in 1978, Joe Manzello Who? Yeah, exactly. He went 48 seconds over.

I bet he regrets it now. You've got all these crazy Wikipedia paragraphs of very esoteric info. It's because when I'm around all these people who all they do is just go to comedy clubs, they're always just saying they're projecting that information on you. I mean, you saw it.

You got passed to the cellar and everyone's like, you better not have worn leather shoes. Yeah, exactly. Because they hate leather shoes. Don't wear coats. Yeah, yeah. On stage, yeah. There's weird rules that definitely just don't exist. It was definitely like someone bombed one time and then they were like,

it was the goddamn shoes. Wasn't it? That's why I'm not getting booked anymore. Don't wear shoes. Yeah. No matter what. Don't wear fucking shoes. Ron,

you were trying to tell us something about the Dominican Republic. Yeah. So I was at the Dominican. No, he wasn't. Do you said that you said that as a joke I thought didn't we already talk about the Dominican Republic I don't think he was because he mentioned that he was on a train and he pressed

the black button oh yeah that is coming home from the Hudson Valley yeah that was coming home from the Hudson Valley that train ride that I was on no you don't think he was in the Dominican you just told me he wasn't that was the first time I started to believe maybe he wasn't. No, he was.

I feel like we crossed wires here for a second. I'm choosing to not care right now. I'm choosing to not care. I think we crossed wires. I'm opting out of whatever the fuck is happening so that you can't

fuck me. When I said no, he wasn't, did you think I meant that you can't fuck me. When I said no, he wasn't. Did you think I meant that he wasn't at the Dominican? I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know. I don't get it. There's been a wide cross. I apologize. I don't care.

I'm going to fall back. Anyway, the driver on the way to the airport in the Dominican is like, he's like, you can tell which guys are Haitian. And he's like, which? I was like, which guys? He's like, those guys over there. And it was all the black guys. Yeah. And then he was like, I don't think

they should be in our country. Holy shit. And here's why. And he just fucking went into it. And I was like, damn. You guys have fucking anti-black racism here? Yeah. I didn't even know you guys had that. that's nuts you just gotta be like yeah

but he was like they enslaved us for 22 years and I was like when was this and he was like 1822 I was like damn bro you're holding a grudge from a 22 years and you still just think that they shouldn't be there

they're like the poorest bros in your country and you still just think that they shouldn't be there like they're like the poor the poorest bros like in your country and you're just like i don't even think that they should be here being poor it was just uh it was fucking uh it was shocking dude yeah dr and haiti are connected on a mainland right yeah on an on one island yes there's there okay and have they had wars they had the war they were enslaved for the 22 years and then the dominicans decided to fight they they said it was 10 dominicans to every one haitian but that's what this guy was saying he was giving me just a sweet sweet propaganda but i was buying in dude it was fucking uh it was just fascinating it was fascinating to

hear it's fascinating to hear like racism amongst two different groups that like you think that they'd be like buddies oh yeah but like the small differences of countries like that i mean it's like i guess like a northern ireland type of thing or it's just like damn they're right next to each other you think that culturally they're exactly the same but they actually fucking hate each other yeah yeah yeah i mean dude when an uber driver drops some racism on you like that, it's a very uncomfortable situation. They love to. Yeah, I had a dude, I had a white dude

this was probably two years ago, and he was saying something about how he was in Harlem and he was like, three black kids throw a brick through my windshield for no reason. And I was like, I'm going to go ahead and assume there was definitely a reason. The fact that you're going around talking about this, I'm assuming you did something pretty horrible

and then they threw a brick through your windshields. I don't think they were just dropping bricks through your windshields for no reason. That doesn't happen for no reason. But that's why dudes become drivers and stuff like that because it's like a safe space to get their opinions off. We talked about it with Colin. The Irish

cab drivers are like the biggest spouts of misinformation and racism and shit like that. It's a good safe space to be racist. My great-grandfather was a driver. He had been

a security guard driver for a lot of years. He one time got assigned to drive this young musician on a tour through the south and the musician was incredible he used to and this is just the plot of the green mile oh no it's green book green book the green i think it's green book yeah you're right that's not my grandfather that's a damn good movie you didn't expect us to know that movie did you no i thought i thought it was my grandfather my great-grandfather but it was green book because sometimes the lineage gets

a little bit confused have you ever seen the green book of course it's a great movie but vego mortensen yeah yeah and when you see the previews of that movie you think that it should be fucking ass yeah it's a great thing it should be like a hallmark, taster's choice feel-good movie. How could this possibly be good? And I don't even... It won Best Picture. Yeah, it was. But then everyone was mad because it was a white savior story. It is a white savior story?

Yeah, that's why it's not about my grandfather. Yeah, true. He didn't save anybody. What the fuck's wrong with being a white savior? You're a white savior. Yeah. King of the dot. Yeah.

Battle rap. Yeah. No, I'm a, that's a different type of movie. Uh, like the white battle rapper movie. Yeah.

It's funny. This dude, frack, another battle rapper always makes videos, making fun of it. I met frack. Did you? Yeah.

The stand. Did you? Yeah. When? No, like three weeks ago. No chance. This is a real swear to God. What he look like uh i forget but i'm positive i met him i actually i meant to

tell you about that yeah i met him you forget what he looks like yeah he was at the stand like three weeks ago was he doing stand-up no he was like i was in the city for the night so i thought i thought it would pop by damn did he say what's to you, or you said what's up to him? He said what's up to me. I heard that Frack loves the Alaskan Pipeline. Frack was the name of the first boy that you Alaskan Pipeline'd. I don't understand.

You froze your shit and fucked someone else, and that's how you lost your virginity? That's not you losing your virginity. That's them losing their virginity. That's not the same thing. That's not your virginity that's not you losing your virginity that's them losing their virginity like it's not that's not the same thing it is no it's not that's not your virginity unless you put the fucking your own shit in your back in your own ass i was going back and forth you're putting it in them and then putting it it'll be like one point if you're putting your shit back in your

own ass that's not a fucking virginity loss that's a colostomy or whatever that's a high colonic it's like a shit transplant transplant which is a thing like that will help your microbiome health yeah that's a thing that's not losing your virginity that's like that's like what gwyneth paltrow's but i think they go down your mouth while you're asleep transplant yeah i think i think they i don't know that they go up maybe they do well they went back up your butthole and they don't know that they go up. Maybe they do. Well, they go back up your butthole. And they don't use yours. They went down your mouth. They don't use yours. They use someone else's

who has healthy ends up. Yes. Who has perfect museum level shit. Apparently, it's one of the most efficacious things you could possibly do for your gut health. Oh, this is really good. It's really good. We should look into that. I've thought about it. You know how all those big comedians get like IVs when they're on the road

we should start getting that go get Alaskan Pipeline instead dude my gut biome is feeling great today we didn't even drink last night I've got some 1978 Rodney Dangerfield I'm not hungover at all just having an Olympic athlete

shit in your ass to get your fucking microbiome fixed some clean Marion Jones yeah just athlete shit in your ass to get your fucking microbiome fixed. Some clean Marion Jones. Yeah. Yeah. Just got shit in the ass and then get the ice bath. Feel good as new to that. Can't wait for the shows.

I got some nice rushing shit. Completely hormone free. That was a, uh, offended the musical callback shit, shit in my ass. Remember that song we did? I forgot about that we

did that one it was a good time yeah speaking of shit i'm gonna shit my pants sooner or later yeah so should we wrap this up let's jump all right thank you guys for listening we'll see you guys on monday are you you're not going to be here next week no i'm in the dominican republic we'll zoom you in all right thank you guys for listening see you next week