Son of a Boy Dad - Wade Bong | Son of a Boy Dad #199

Episode Date: May 14, 2024

Wade Bong | Son of a Boy Dad #199 -- Ad: Son of a Boy Dad is sponsored by BetterHelp. Visit https://BetterHelp.com/SON today to get 10% off your first month. -- Ad: Download the Gametime app or go to https://gametime.co, enter your email, and redeem code BOYDAD for $20 off your first purchase (terms apply). -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. All right, ready? You might have to hold that shit like a fucking singer. I can't do it. You want me to switch? No, it's too small. I know, but I'm smaller than you.

It's okay, I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it. All right. All right, ready? He's a case of a comedian. He holds mics for a living. He knows what the fuck he's doing.

All right, ready? Mic control. Chest pains. All right, welcome back to the son of a... Why? I don't know. Welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast i think it's because i drank a red bull on an empty stomach i uh we are here today

why you have not eaten yet today i had like half of a protein bar was nasty uh we are here live from hq3 i only eat whole foods bro I only eat fucking steak Eggs A fucking head of lettuce He makes fun of me all the time for eating these rabbit grain balls And yet he'll text me on a daily basis Telling me he has diarrhea again Oh I had a nasty diarrhea Stomach pains

He's drinking Red Bull And eating half a protein bar And it's 3 o'clock in the afternoon. I was doing RU Garbage and I was on my way there and as soon as I left my apartment, I could just feel the diarrhea. You love science. Science? You love science. You hate

nature. Oh, yeah. Everything I eat is a science experiment. It was made in a lab by someone in a white coat just tinkering to be like can we add two more grams of protein to this you know who's not gonna love that about you rogan yeah why rogan definitely you go on rogan and he says what do you like to eat and you're like i don't like nature i want science he's a big whole food he's the most

science he's not nature oriented eater i eats whole foods. He's the most science. He's the most nature-oriented eater. I eat whole foods for pretty much every meal except for breakfast. Breakfast is just protein bar and Red Bull. But he does have his AG1 and he has a stack. He has a fat stack. You've got a stack. You have to have a massive stack. I've actually been slacking on my stack.

Slack stacking? I took L-theanine once and i was like man this is game changer so clear and my head is so clear and i've taken it like twice since then and just felt nothing what's it supposed to do i don't know make it clear i guess yeah everything is just supposed to clear your head i got pre-check bro but uh francis how was uh california california was great we can officially have a real conversation about it now um because our last week's episode was before before um but i was gonna say that tires is uh a really wonderful show and i it's very different from what i expected and it's incredibly heartfelt yeah yes heartfelt so it's incredibly heartfelt. Yeah?

Yes. Heartfelt. So it's like, what was that show on ABC that made everyone cry? This Is Us? Is it like a This Is Us type of show? No. I'm picturing This Is Us. It's more like, it's a little bit more like The Office with... I don't remember crying during The Office.

But there's emotional... Really? The Office is super sad. Yeah, heartstring stuff in The Office. What the fuck? Did you never watch the full Office? Are you talking about the last episode when he leaves? Or when you're rooting for Jim and Pam's relationship?

That's like not even halfway through the series, brother. Yeah, it is. There's only two seasons after he leaves. I think he leaves in season four and there's... No, it's like season seven. Really? Yeah. What the fuck is wrong with you?

Check yourself before you wreck yourself. You check yourself. I know. You need to. Oh, yeah. Inner monologue coming out. But yeah, I watched the trailer and it did seem warm. Yeah, it's like The Office with more Shane Gillis humor.

Is it like the music design? Oh, yeah. I feel like it plays a lot into that. They did a cool job with that. It's upbeat it's down to earth it's um it's certainly not trying to be shocking i like i don't think it's i don't know it's not it's not vengeful or making any sort of political commentary it's just a great wonderful upbeat show that hopefully i believe is going to make a lot of people feel good.

That's what happens when you make a cast of only white people. I haven't seen, I've only seen two episodes. I haven't seen the season arc or anything like that. But you start rooting for the characters very quickly. That's so awesome. But did you see that tweet when someone was like, this is what happens when a show is only made of of like only white people no someone actually said that yeah someone tweeted that out about the show yes that's funny what happens it becomes the biggest show on netflix the one we have been waiting for finally i mean is there only white people in the show

i don't know again i've always seen greek yeah exactly also doesn in the show? I don't know. Again, I've only seen... No, Stavros is Greek. Yeah, exactly. Also, doesn't it... But also... I don't know. I've only seen two episodes. What were you about to say?

Doesn't it take place in... I was going to say, doesn't it take place in... A white town? In Pennsylvania. It would be very census inaccurate to cast black people on that show. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, they're not shoehorning uh sorry it's realistic

it's just it was just a bizarre uh bitchy tweet for somebody to like try and pick something apart of clearly uh what's going to be a funny and heartfelt show and it's not like anybody that creates the show is under like suspicion of not liking black people yeah i think i think casting let's say is this a real thing that people are talking about it was a i swear to god i saw a tweet i saw a tweet about this casting a venezuelan immigrant in this show would be like how matt damon was cast in that movie about the great wall of china yeah or like tom cruise in the last samurai yeah exactly this doesn't make sense yeah he. He can't be a samurai. Yeah.

It's like in Call of Duty World War II when there's like women soldiers. You can make your character a girl. Yeah. And you're like, oh. There's like DEI, or what's the, there's like a AI thing where they, if they ask you to like show pictures of like Nazis

and black dudes will show up. Yeah, yeah. They were talking about that on Rogan. Yeah. Yeah. Apparently if you type in AI, like nazis and black dudes will show up yeah yeah they were talking about that on rogan yeah yeah apparently if you type in ai it comes up with like it'll show a bunch of nazis and they'll be like girls and black guys it's like well that's not but what was uh how is it your the experience for you being in a show like that i feel like that has to be fucking awesome yeah i mean it was um truly the best moment of my career yeah like i don't know how else to put it

i was it scary going up on stage yeah how big was the how big was that theater how big was the day um i don't know where the ceilings how was the ceiling height it was a big grandiose movie theater yeah that felt like a more of a concert hall but it was a movie theater and um filled the middle section they had roped off for you know i guess vips i'm sitting in front of tommy pope behind me and matt mccusker and then to my left was bre Clancy, Kevin Clancy, and Fights. They brought Brendan out. And we had all gone to get drinks before. And I was saying that it's, I don't know what the deal is here,

but I'm at a point now in my life at this age for some reason where I just find out randomly that everybody that i'm going to get drinks with doesn't drink anymore oh yeah like you get to the bar and someone's like can i just have a sparkling water you're like oh maybe maybe just the one manhattan they had a deal at this irish pub we went to it was happy hour and the deal was that you order one drink and you get two of them and i was like okay well i want a manhattan and they brought me two manhattan i'm like i'm like can you can you make can you wait on the second one so that it's cold when i finish my first they're like no it has to be at the same time. So I just had two giant chalices of whiskey

that are like coming to room temperature. Yeah. Yeah, the ice is melting. And I'm sipping them. I'm trying to sip them at the same time. So one's not warm by the time I finish. Anyway. So are they not drinking?

Who's not drinking? Fights wasn't drinking. Kevin, I don't know had like a beer maybe a half of yeah you ordered two bud lights and probably drank half of one by the way this is not an indictment of them they're doing the right thing i know sass is doing this i just am i about to to become sober is that where everyone's headed yeah that's just like their their performance is indicative of what's about to happen to you it's like when all your friends start getting

married you're like damn am i about to be married yes that's what it feels like you start looking around and everyone has cut back their drinking it's crazy because i just stopped drinking too no i'm just kidding i'm just kidding i couldn't i couldn't possibly put you through that if you i i'm i'm one person like you away from being like, I guess I have to do this now. No, definitely don't. If you did it, I wouldn't have a choice. You'd be alone? I'd be like, at this point, there are too many people that I respect who have made the decision to stop drinking or to cut back so significantly that i

am the black sheep it would look like you were still like banging like heroin when everybody was like like stop their partying days in my in my uh contrast my contrast to what everyone around me i am drinking my i'm i have a problem no well i think kfc never really drank that much and i think fights stopped drinking because of like health problems so i don't think that has anything to do yeah i don't think it was like he was like he didn't think he had a drinking problem his doctor did i see so i didn't know i mean i didn't know these things and i feel bad i don't know that but when you show i don't know the exact reason by the way i didn't pitch that we go to a bar i don't think supposedly maybe maybe i did i probably didn't you probably don't

even remember they were like we're gonna go to a bar we're gonna go watch the next game that's what it was they were like we're gonna go watch the next game at a bar i was like great that sounds perfect and we go to the bar and i think i was the first person to order and that's when i ordered two manhattans without realizing and then it goes around the table and it was as if i had like provided a cautionary tale for the rest of the people ordering oh dude that's the worst feeling on earth yeah that used to happen to me with my friends from home where like we would go somewhere for like lunch and i'd be like yeah i'll get a i'll just get whatever light beer you guys have and then they'd be like i'll just do a water yeah, are you out of your fucking mind?

Unsweetened iced tea. Squeeze the lemon and make sure that no seeds enter the drink. If you have one of those little nets that you often find at seafood restaurants, I bet I could... It's a luxury to be able

to quit drinking. I truly believe that. It's a fucking massive luxury. Your life luxury to be able to quit drinking. I truly believe that. It's a fucking massive luxury. Your life has to be going so good where you can be like, I'm just going to worry about my health. Anybody that's, or a lot of the people that are drinking, they probably have kids

that are driving them up a fucking wall. They need to get a drink or a job that's kicking their ass and they fucking need to get out with their friends on a fucking Friday night. It's a massive luxury to be like, I'm gonna go health conscious right now yeah i think the only the only way in which drinking has made my life better is the road that's the only way it's benefited me every other way it's made my life worse i was about to have to be on uh i just got a flight

canceled to la i was gonna have to drink like both ways. Yeah. Just because being fucking like seven hours on the plane. Yeah. I was going to go there and come back today. Yeah. I was going to do it all in one day. You were going to take the red eye home?

Yeah. I had a 1155 PM flight that was going to land at 820 in the morning. But I was going to have to just drink myself to sleep on the flight home. Yeah. Yeah. I was probably going to drink in the morning. Red wine on an airplane at fucking 7 in the morning. So gross.

My teeth just stained stumbling off a plane at 11.55. The dude next to me on the plane going to Sacramento, he ordered, he had three, he ordered a triple Jack and Coke. I mean, what's the point of the Coke at that point? I know. He was like like he got a can of coke and then he got three nips of of jack wow yeah what starting the day off it was like 9 a.m there is something i don't know if it's sad but when you see someone drinking at the airport at 7 30 at the bar like belly up at a bar it's uh you have to just hope that they're just have terrible travel

anxiety really i don't ever think anything bad about that because i don't think a lot of people fly that much and it's probably like a special occasion people make it's it's like ordering a soda at a movie theater i don't drink soda but if i go to a movie theater and i'm in the mood i'll have a soda really i think people make exceptions when they're flying. I can't imagine not drinking soda. Soda is the one thing that now I'm like, since I stopped drinking, it's DCs constantly. Owen knows exactly what I'm talking about. Just slamming the silver bullets all day. That's the new silver bullet is a DC.

Oh, yeah. Big time. And it's better. It's better than alcohol by a lot. Once you really get the addiction to Diet Coke, nothing hits as hard as that first Diet Coke of the day. Wow. And did you hear that this is the time of year when you can get Coca-Colas with real sugar? Because you can get basically Mexican Cokes

at your normal grocery store because it's some Jewish holiday or so. Or what is it? What was it, just Passover? Is it during Passover? Or there's some kind of Jewish holiday where there's Cokes with the yellow top and they

have full sugar. They're like full-bodied sugar, no corn syrup, because the Jewish folk can't have corn products maybe? Oh, that's interesting. I'll have to check that out. I don't know what holiday it is, but I do know that they have too many. They can't stop celebrating. I don't know.

For such a beleaguered people, they love to celebrate. I don't know who they think they are, but guess what, Jews? Life is not that good. They're having a fucking blast at all times. They love their holidays. They can't get enough of it. Yes, but what it is is that they have holidays that are Saturdays. They're sad holidays.

Yeah. They have days of atonement and like remembrance and i don't i don't think i celebrated any of that i all my holidays are are jesus came back from the dead jesus candy and fucking snow globes the easter bunny rose again yeah they're singing in a whole different land yeah they do sound dark though joe from The Stand was telling me that he had to go to Miami for Passover because that's where his family is. And he said that they have to put out seats and plates for the hostages in Gaza. Oh, my God.

Yeah. And then they read stuff off, and they're like, this is Rebecca. She likes Taylor Swift. And he said it's super dark. What? For all the hostages for I think a good amount of them yeah he said that's what a lot of people are doing I have no idea interesting yeah that's a that's got to be I mean how many seats you even have in your house if there's more than six hostages they can't come to my house yeah you gotta get like just

don't have seating that's fucked yeah seating? That's fucked. Yeah. Damn, yeah. Passover sounds sad as fuck. Yeah. Are they wiping blood over the door too and shit? I have no idea. What holiday was that? Ooh.

30? A lot of seats. 132? 132. A lot of bios. So they probably don't do every single one. They probably pick a couple of their favorites. They probably go down the line like

trading cards i'm not trying to be nasty right now i'm just speaking the truth you're giving me a look like i shouldn't be saying no i'm just thinking i remember at christmas we didn't know if my brother-in-law was going to get home from he was on on tour in uh kuwait and so we kept the seat open for him and we actually kept a portion we thought it was like he was literally flying home that day all the way from kuwaiti at like five flights yeah and uh he we we like kept a portion of food for him and i wanted it and i was like i don't think he's gonna make it come on at this point we're gonna have to reheat it anyway he would want to have it. I'm sure he's eaten at the fucking airport. And they were like, save it. It's symbolic.

And I'm like, it's going bad. He would want me to eat it. And that is a person who is not a hostage. Yeah, exactly. He's a freeman. And willingly coming. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't think they put out food for the hostages. Thank goodness. Yeah. That's a relief relief that would be a measure too far i thought they were there had to be more than the hostages than that because i see fucking you drive through new york and there's billboards all over the place like free the hostages really i haven't seen any of those like hamas is driving through hamas is paying for billboards no that's it's the other way. They're like, like Hamas would be like, oh, fuck, I should probably let them go. Oh, I see. They saw a billboard. You see Jerry Seinfeld while we're on the topic.

What did he say? He booed at a Duke? No, he was doing the commencement address at Duke graduation and a bunch of people stood up in protest because he has been mildly outspoken about his support of israel i think he's been pretty supportive though hasn't he i did the research he hasn't gone fully political or anything he's just like reposted a couple of videos one from the mlb where a bunch of the jewish players in the mlb came out and spoke about you know and it's all like i hope there's a peaceful resolution like you know human life is precious it's not like fuck gaza or whatever deal with gaza yeah his wife His wife funded a counter-protest at Cal Berkeley, and that got some notoriety.

But I would say that he, by and large, has known or has decided to keep his political views on it private because his comedy is so... It's about peanuts. It doesn't get into that, you know? Yeah. it's about peanuts it doesn't get into that you know yeah and yet it was still enough to cause like a hundred or more students at duke to get up out of their seats when they announced him and walk out and then they had a there's got to be some of those kids that were walking out would probably be like i really want to hear that's what i said not only that but i was like man my graduation was the culmination of four years of hard work and uh also i felt very like i need to get that fucking diploma and so they don't realize that

i should never have gotten it no take back yeah like i don't as soon as i have it in my hand it's been signed by the president of the university. And they can't, you know, ding me for that plagiarized paragraph from that paper I wrote two years ago. Whatever. And my godparents were there. My parents were there. My sister. Like, family had traveled. The idea of, like, spitting on everyone's face or just not letting myself have that moment.

Do you know who the commencement speech is going to be from before yes ours was uh the ours was um amy poehler oh damn jesus christ yeah really she was famous then yeah amy poehler i'm thinking amy schumer no amy poehler had was like well into parks and res yes yes. She was famous for a while. And she'd been on SNL too. She crushed on SNL. But the kids who were at Duke, they probably don't know Jerry Seinfeld from Seinfeld.

They're probably like the fucking guy from the Pop-Tart movies about to lecture us about Palestine. Get the fuck out of here. Both of Seinfeld's daughters went to Duke. Oh, really? So he does have a connection there. I think he got an honorary degree or something. You think they don't know Jerry Seinfeld's daughters went to Duke. Oh, really? So he does have a connection there. I think he got an honorary degree or something. You think they don't know Jerry Seinfeld?

Not like that. Dude, Seinfeld is so popular. Well, I think that there's enough of us. I bet the hundred people that walked out aren't like in season two of Seinfeld when like the shrinkage episode. Yeah, that's probably true. They probably know Jerry Seinfeld for being Jewish

and they probably know Michael Richards seinfeld for being jewish and they probably know be my Michael Richards for the laugh factory yeah this guy is a fucking supporter of for his killer set at the laugh factory jews and Michael Richards the sick irony of it is that if Michael Richards had been giving that commencement address I bet you fewer people would have walked out yeah probably well they probably wouldn't have known i don't think that's as widely popular did you see the kids at ohio state start booing the guy when he was like now hear me out on bitcoin now they like boot they like visit or like audibly booed him like the whole there was like a stadium full of people being like shut the fuck up yeah well nobody wants to hear about bitcoin i thought bitcoin was doing well right now it is it's killing it's like 60 000 isn't it yeah but i just don't think that i think they just

didn't want to hear it yeah jack max got to be rolling in it right now no he was the one who was like this is the best indication that we need yeah that bitcoin is going to do incredible because isn't he all bitcoin i don't know he said like a couple years ago he was like i'm trying to get yeah he's like I'm trying to get all become 100% Bitcoin. You just can't buy like a sandwich? Yeah.

That would suck. Because they don't take Bitcoin? I mean, Tom Brady was getting flamed. I'm surprised that no protesters came at Julian Edelman at the Tom Brady roast.

Yeah. He wears his Judaism on his neck. he's like the jew of football he is right didn't they like make him that yeah like deshaun jackson said something like he was like lightly jewish and then they were like and julianne edelman's jewish and now he has to like wear the he's like educate people edelelman is a traditionally Jewish name. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it was unknown

when he entered the league. He wasn't outed by Deshaun Jackson. Over there, that guy. Lining up in the slot. Covering up his star of David. But I truly don't give a fuck what any celebrity has to say about any of David. But I truly don't give a fuck what any celebrity has to say about any of that. I don't put an onus on them to be like,

you have to fucking speak up, Julian Edelman. No. This like CTE riddled slot receiver. Who is actually my brother. I fucking love that dude. Julian Edelman has one of the greatest catches in the history of the NFL. That's true. Julian Edelman has one of the greatest catches in the history of the NFL that's true

Julian Edelman came to the Super Bowl house in Minnesota we hung out for a little bit he just couldn't have been a nicer guy

yeah he's the man seems like a good guy he's a hunk too hunky hot ass dude spare some details from that story tell you guys off air

you know what I mean oh yeah let's just say I sucked him off dry from that story. Yeah. Tell you guys off air. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. Let's just say I sucked him off dry. He's the man. Oh, yeah. Gotta love Edelman. Big Vanny.

Big Vanny. He seems like the most normal one out of those, out of like Gronk, Brady, and out of that little trio. Gronk seems, Gronk's pretty normal. Is he though?

I mean, he was, well, I have a fucking sick story about Gronk seems, Gronk's pretty normal. Is he though? I mean, he was, well, I have a fucking sick story about Gronk too, but I could tell you what was off there. Save that one for later.

Save that one for the Patreon. But he was, he was like, when he, he did that rap battle show. Oh yeah. And was one of the, and they had like

a teleprompter and he like, couldn't like, rap the words, but then they put it all up on a teleprompter and he like couldn't like wrap the words, but then they put it all up on a teleprompter and he like couldn't read the words either. It was like a double edged sword.

I thought Tony Hinchcliffe's joke about him was the funniest. It just made me laugh the hardest. The chocolate milk. He goes, I'm so glad Gronk, you could take a break from writing letters to Santa. His simple jokes that weren't offensive were the funniest ones he's like i knew you're here because we're out of chocolate milk backstage yeah that's so funny and just like uh

just very straightforward who'd you who did we talk about that roast on here we talked about it with the lemon party episode oh yeah who would you rank as the best uh as like the best couple i mean i thought it was for my personal taste it was tony and then nikki but everyone said it was nikki i thought it was tony nikki and schultz yeah schultz was very good i i thought tony though for me but but it was what i mean most interestingly to me was like this for Tony and for Nikki is going to somehow jump their careers forward when they've been doing extremely well for a long time. But everyone, people were reacting to Nikki like, where did she come from? Yeah, a lot of people don't know that she's been doing those roasts forever yeah and if anything i mean i'm a fan of her and i am glad that she finally had this like deb ball moment yeah um do you know i went on a date with

her once no it did you tell me oh well you told the story on uh i've told the story before yeah not on this podcast though tell it because i i'm i'm vaguely familiar but i don't remember any of the details you went on a date with nikki glazer i did yeah did you roast you no i mean you said go easy on me yeah i know you're gonna probably use a lot of this in your act yeah i know you probably got some stuff lined up but yeah i got a joke you might want to more money you what did it why did it not go well just because i two killers bro i failed and she was just so out of my league like i was just i just failed i failed the date don't say that it's an unstoppable force in an unstoppable force yeah that's all that that is no she was so ahead of me and you know in what you're going on a date

yeah but that's not what a date is about no i know but i don't think i i in truth i i think that we went on a lunch date and i thought it would be a time for me to get advice from her on my career and i think she was not particularly interested in doing that but that by the end of that lunch date i was like oh maybe there's i don't know mutual interest here and so then i had us we hung out again a couple nights later and um we smoked a bunch of weed and i we smoked a bong and i couldn't handle my weed as well as she could. And I just sort of like fell to pieces. Oh, no.

What? The fact that you're covering your eyes because you can't bear to breathe. You know what? Why did you smoke a bong? Because I had a bong. Why did you have a bong as a grown man you're gonna judge me you had a fucking red bull and a power bar for breakfast bongs are for high school kids who just started smoking your apartment for people that live in like trailer parks is a trailer park no my apartment is beautiful no you can't tell me dude in my life anything i've done is less

mature yeah no wonder the date didn't go well she came back to your place and you had a bong mounted on your coffee table no this is what happened i want to take a resin i'm all out of weed we can scrape it for some resin though we were talking about smoking weed and i was like well i actually have this bong. And she was like, oh, my God, I haven't smoked a bong in forever. That'd be so fun. Let's do it. Oh, I haven't smoked a bong in 20 years. Yes, but she liked the idea.

She wanted to bong it up. She said bongs away. Yeah. I'm like a daily weed smoker. I smoke a bong, or I was a daily weed smoker. I smoked a bong once before the act act and it took me to outer space. I could not speak. And I smoked like a ton.

Is that, was that your experience? Was it the same shit or you were giggling or drooling? My mouth was so dry and my eyes were bloodshot and I was just a fucking disaster. And then I had a piano a piano no you played piano high we were goofing around no we were like singing taylor swift she loves taylor swift oh no oh man yes i told you that i told you that i failed yeah yeah i told you that i didn't know it was the i didn't know you sang for her we were like no i think i played while she sang a song and then i you know goofed around whatever

i don't know but it sounds like it was kind of going good then she's singing a song well it was very clear to me it was very clear i think afterwards i sent her like that was fun like love to see you again and she was was like, hey, you know, I just want to make sure we're... I was definitely getting more of a friend vibe. Oh my god, I got friend zone so hard. I was kind of getting more of an accompaniment vibe. It was like friend zone, subtext,

I don't ever want to see you again. Period. We will cross paths professionally, but probably not much. Like maybe in hallways because i'm way way ahead of you it'll be one of those things we'll be like what the fuck is he doing and i'll acknowledge you but we won't mention this night because you're not good at what you do and i am that's crazy that's so the phone to playing to playing piano to being like let's do a duet no it wasn't that you want this to be

something that it isn't no i think i know exactly it made sense in the time and let me tell you if you had uh a bong and you had a fucking sick ass theater comic come over to your place i bet you you wouldn't have handled it any better than i did i would probably not introduce the bong the bong feels like something you want to like that would probably not introduce the bong the bong feels like something you want to like that's something you hide the bong when anyone comes to your house the main attraction of the date that was that was the date was this back when like weed was like hard to get so you had to be like guess what i got back at my place a bong you probably had to call a drug dealer yeah i don't remember i don't even remember how it came about i bet we i bet i bet you still have the text messages but i'm not gonna

okay might as well hey cat's out of the bag this is i mean it would be funny to read the friend zone why let me it's the it's the best time to read all of it because her name is as hot as it's ever been this would be good for a clip true and you're like a netflix star now too so you're a netflix she's a netflix star too two netflix stars clash yeah get this on the fucking post you guys should do a roast you guys should do like a one-on-one roast like joe list and his wife did roast yeah roast beef yeah roast each other did you guys share a kiss no no no kiss shared a bong though which is borderline more intimate than sharing a

kiss did you have to like lift the thing for her and be like clear it clear it put some ice cubes in yeah yeah yeah this one's actually this is uh this is a tag bong thick ass glass it's great you could drop this thing from the empire State Building. It wouldn't even crack. Let's try it. Let's go hit a bum with it. Watch, you'll knock it out. Great filter process, as you're going to see when you're mid-hit. It's going to make sure you get none of those toxins.

It's going to be just clean THC. Incredible chamber. Do you see how this chamber, this external chamber is going to completely clear everything out for you. When you put the ice in, so what you don't realize is that it's actually the the smoke is probably hitting up to around 450 degrees but that ice that's going to bring it down to a mellow 300 it's really nice it'll be a much cleaner high but you have to clean it with isopropyl alcohol twice a week otherwise the resin's going to build up i'm sorry to pull up the messages i don't have those are dms i don't have her i don't have

her number anymore i don't know i definitely did she changed that shit for probably yeah yeah but that's not how he would still have the old text messages they'd just be showing up green i know i got a new phone and i don't have those and my guess is that i deleted them for my own self-preservation yeah so that i wouldn't look back on my own humiliation that's hilarious that there was no kiss even exchanged yeah no i i mean i completely i de-attracted her how did well there had to have been some type of moment that you shared positively if you got to the point of the lunch date we had her on barstool breakfast really yeah she came on barstool breakfast and you were like hey i'd love to keep this conversation going from breakfast yeah we

just sort of kept up i thought we we had a nice time there but then i you know i admired her i mean she was like a big time seller comic and just i was i don't know young comic and uh afterwards i like messaged her and was just like thanks for coming on that was really great having you and like she sent something back that was nice and then i was like you know if you ever want to i'd love to like hear your thoughts about so she was interested i don't i don't know she has to have been there's no way she's getting lunch. I can't put that in her mind. I think probably initially, maybe, but not much. And then I made it very clear she should not. What did you guys get for lunch?

Reuben's tuna salad? Salads. Surprised it wasn't. You didn't just order pizza. Pecorino Blanco. Fuck you. I got a pizza in the freezer we can heat up. I got some Elio's.

In between bong hits. Tostitos, pizza rolls. I would offer you to hit my rig, but I actually just ran out of butane. I like how it's become Rizlord sass. Being like, dude, that's not what you're supposed to do. Yeah, all of a sudden we got a dating coach over here. Debonair sass. Mystery. Listen, man, not what you're supposed to do. Yeah. All of a sudden we got a dating coach over here. Debonair sass.

Mystery. Listen, man, next time what you want to do is this. You want to, you want to just the idea of you having a bong is so funny. Don't offer you. You hit the bong, but don't let her have any. And then just pretend like you don't even know she's there. My bong actually broke. So, but we can do gravity bong pulls from my sink.

Until my parents come home. We need to leave the windows open. I saw it at two liter and a half. Yeah. Dude, we used to do, we would get like one of the big milk bottle jugs or something like that. I never understood if this was a gravity bong or a reverse gravity bong but the way we did it was we would fill it up with water and then in the top tinfoil poke little holes fill that with weed cut a hole in the bottom cover it and then light and remove and let the water pull the smoke down yeah it's filling it with smoke and that was what we smoked are you sure that's a gravity bong

reverse gravity bong i think it's a gravity bong i don't know but the kids who were able to do that should have been like full-on engineers oh yeah if you can understand how to manipulate gravity to like yeah uh it's like that's how like the steam engine was made like that's the same process like i don't know it's it's so impressive i don't think i ever actually smoked a bong i smoked ice well i smoked i smoked pipe tobacco out of a bong once and then i dry heaved for like 40 minutes i did that and threw up in the grass yeah i'm not even kidding i did it in the woods i did it in france really yeah damn and i threw up in the grass it was one of the worst ideas i've ever had because all my friends were smoking a bong we had this bag of pipe tobacco and i was like well i

want to try the bomb but i don't want to smoke weed out of it so i smoked tobacco out of it and it was we were in the woods off of like a highway in our town and we had to walk out i remember walking out of the woods I remember my friend Nate he greened out from that because he took a hit of the tobacco and the weed and he greened out and we're walking down this busy

ass street in our hometown like our parents are driving by and he just takes a dive into the fucking bushes and my one friend bailed and I had to go back and get him and he was like he's just laying down like off of the busiest he fell or he just like he passed out by the way nikki composes and makes her own music i saw that she released a song yeah so she that is how that

all came i think she was like let's play the piano yeah let's move to that yeah instead of talking to each other yeah no i get it i don't think i was like you like piano want to see me play i don't i don't think i would have done that especially in the state that i was in yeah it sounds romantic there was a purpose for it. Just. You want me to hear me play the piano? You like John Mayer? I can play some Taylor Swift. I can play some John Legend.

She's like. Where's just ordinary people? She has like a limousine waiting for her outside of your apartment. Did I tell you that I've been DMing with Chrissy Teigen? No. Chrissy Teigen used to follow me on twitter have been yeah currently about what she reposted my traffic video stopping the traffic and then she i met and then i messaged her and was like because that started a war in my comments there's people that are setting up times to meet to fight each other in the comments off that post. They're hitting you with the Temecula? What's that?

You ever see the two dudes like arguing on like NBA Twitter and they're like, let's meet in the halfway point. Meet me at fucking Temecula. And they drove to Temecula, California. And I think I got a fist fight. Did they actually do it? I think they did. Nothing would be funnier than pushing someone to do that and then just not showing up. Oh, yeah. I'm on my way right now. I'm flying in.

And they're like, where are you, pussy? And you're like, I'm home, you idiot. Why would you go there? It's so far away. I don't care about this at all. I send this to like a hundred people a day you actually went think of the gas uh chrissy tegan i've been messaging with she reposted it and what did

you say were you like thank you for the repost i love your work well she kind of like backed away from online because she was getting she's getting crushed crushed she comes in and out she's got 42 and a half million followers i definitely was flaming her a little bit back in my prime you're the man bro i know she followed me for a while and then she unfollowed me because i made a nasty tweet about her why did you do that to one of your followers she's your sister and then i also made a nasty tweet when she unfollowed me and i said that she unfollowed me when I turned 18. Because she was getting, because people were saying that she was on the Epstein flight logs. And then that went viral too.

Oh boy. Yeah. She said, I showed it to my friends and they were like, this is you. You are this. And I hate myself for it. I can't help it. I've gotten in accidents sacrificing for this. And I wrote a laughing face to that one yeah with big celebs you got to be

using a lot of emojis and she said it does not affect me at all they make a new lane yet i cannot stop lol damn you guys were really exchanging messages yeah bro i'm telling you look at she i mean i almost had to block her yeah it was that deep went on went on for a long time and i almost said i'm actually coming out to la this weekend if you want to get in a car together and stop traffic but i blew up with john mayer doing something very similar so i learned my lesson that when it comes to corresponding with celebrities via dm less is more yeah let them come to you yeah let them come i'm actually going to be out in LA soon if you want to rip bong at my hotel. By the way, do you have a bong you could bring?

I can't travel with my bong. Can we come to your house? I figure John has a piano there. That's typically what follows. You have a guitar case and there's just a bong in it. Someone hit me with your move on, it was like two lanes merging. And I was in the left lane and they were in the right lane. And like you just come to a point where both lanes merge.

Wasn't the shoulder at all. And someone straddled both lanes so I couldn't pass. Wow. But they had like a US.s army like sticker on or something like that i figured that they were a veteran or some shit like that but it was uh i was like fair play i mean but it's two two actual lanes two actual lanes see that does sound wrong though right but it's merging yeah but and i'm assuming the right lane had a long line yes and you were right in the left lane for a long line yes and you were riding the left lane

for a while until you had to merge but the left lane you're supposed to go all the way to the front and then merge when everything merges in wait hold on a minute was there a sign that said this is like an exit right lane exit only no so both of those lanes were getting off the highway no but it was it was both of them off the highway it's like when you get to westchester pennsylvania two lanes go all the way up and they go down into one road and you're supposed to like wait wait wait the exit becomes it's not an exit oh it's two lanes merging into one i was in this situation this weekend and i was in the right lane and there were people going in the left lane and i was not happy about it I think it's it's challenging what you're it's challenging to know what you're describing because you might be talking about the zipper merge based on two lanes

that are meant to do that it was not a left lane coming into a lane it was two lanes going straight forward and that sounds totally fine to me and that that guy was being over the top like i don't agree with that when i do this it's i'm it's a it's a emergency lane that i'm it was yeah it was there were emergency lanes on either side of us okay yeah so when you do this because i've i've done this trip now a lot going into the holland tunnel and where it happens that's where it happens very frequently and you don't like there's no part of you that's like, this is insane. I've had some bad moments. Because I've done it.

I've tried to do it. And then pussied out every single time. As soon as they lay the horn down, I'm back in my lane. Yeah, I've had some bad moments. It's just one of those things where, like, it's by far my most viral thing that I've ever. It's like what I'm known for. It's like your draft video. So it's hard for me not to want to chase

the dragon a little bit yeah yeah at least because you're getting something out of it like sass for you to do it you would just have to you'd be truly being a hero yeah but it pisses me off so much that i'm like i want i don't want to let these people go through it's so infuriating that's what made me do it the first time it's infuriating yeah because you're like why do you think you're better than me bro the fact that i'm better than you go so crazy in the comments and they are like you're wrong is baffling to me it's got to be a minority that are mad though you mean a black person no but it has to be like it's got to be a large amount of people who are like, yeah, that's the right thing to do.

Dude, this is the most polarizing thing I've ever created by far. Until they hear about that bong rip. Yeah. Some people are going to be on my side. Yes. We're going to be like, she went from fucking lunch to dinner. It's very natural to play the bong or to play piano after a bong rip yeah yeah you should have fucking uh according to sass ghosted one into her mouth or what's it

called when you like shotgun yeah yeah yeah damn we didn't blow shotgun shit no i don't know how i was just coughing and like ah spitting was it at your old apartment in the city into the sink yeah just drooling oh man i think i got some resin in that one pulling resin off your tongue black spots yeah in hindsight it was wasn't your old apartment in the city yeah the one in chelsea yeah that apartment that apartment is beautiful there's a nice spot so it wasn't like it was like in uh well i was gonna make a reference that neither of you would understand in gta5 if you get the nicest apartment it comes with a bong and you can smoke the bong and it's like but it's like a cool like nice setup

with a bong it's not like going into like a drug dealer's apartment where they have a bong. I played GTA V, but I don't remember that. You played GTA V? Yeah. Surprising. Why? Because you're not a gamer. Well, when I tried to get back into gaming,

it was like I got that and Madden and FIFA. Madden is a game for people who don't have a brain. That's why I tried it. I played Madden. I downloaded Madden 24 out of boredom last week. Dude, that game, I won the first game 44 to 0. I was like, who's playing this game? You're probably playing rookie against a four-year-old kid.

I played the Patriots, and I played against the Panthers. Yeah. And we smoked the Panthers. Bryce Young is terrible. And then Madden 24. No, but what difficulty level? I think I was playing normal. And then I played, but then I will say I played against the Bills

and we got our asses whooped. He's talking about him and the other computer-controlled players. And then I played NHL. I've been playing a lot of NHL 24, and I'm pretty good at that. I can beat the computer easily. And then I was like, I think I'm pretty good at that I can beat the computer easily and then I was like I think I'm ready for online I played online I went up I went down 6-0 in the first period and then rage quit the game shut off the PlayStation you did yeah this dude was destroying me you rage quit

I rage quit you need to take a hit of the bong bro I know have you guys been watching the hockey I haven't been watching the hockey no I have been yeah it's been awesome it's been very might even be like the best playoff hockey season i've ever seen it's been the most fun i've had been what i've been having watching sports you got really good teams to watch in it it's not like small mark it's not many small market teams it may become that but you've still got the rangers and the bruins and like a bunch of rivalry series dude the the bruins are terrible um the bruins panthers though like watching the bruins panthers and then going and then after that watching the canucks oilers it's like oh the bruins and the panthers and neither of those teams have even a chance of winning the stanley cup like the canucks oil are, it's like they're playing a different game.

Those teams are, Canucks Oilers and Hurricanes Rangers, even though the Hurricanes are getting swept, they're still so good. They won the last game. Oh, they did? Yeah. I thought it was 3-0.

No, it's 3-1 now. And game two went to double overtime. Game three went to overtime. So it's all, the puck can bounce any way. Yeah. I don't know if you're like, you don't seem like much of a hockey fan, but. Well, I played for eight years.

Yeah, that doesn't really, I mean, that doesn't really. I know puck more than you can possibly imagine. I'm more military than you do and you don't. That's definitely not true. That's the complete opposite. No, it's the same. That would be like, no. It's like you live in a simulation and you can get translated to knowing real knowledge you played hockey squibs i was actually enjoying watching so much that i

was looking up men's leagues what do you call it peewees squibs no i was in donuts little i was in it it is i was in mites and then you graduate to fur balls no you play i played you become a full-blown tumbleweed i played cross ice which is that's when there's three games happening at once and you just use the sides yeah the other way yeah see i played pond hockey like a fucking man i played pond hockey too and then i played and then i played mites and then i played squirts and then i played and then i played bantams and then weight classes this is like your age group and then i quit in bantams yeah because i hadn't hit puberty yet and my parents watched me get checked

and go head first into the boards and they were like yeah you're not playing hockey anymore yeah they told my coach in the like outside of the locker room before they told me that i was quitting yeah they were like he's done he's not playing anymore it doesn't surprise me because i was c team bantams and c team bantams is all the all the only kids on that team are kids that play football who want something to do in the off season so it's like and they don't know how to skate so it's you versus a bunch of line first the best brothers yeah yeah so it's like me i'm probably like 5'4 at the time, weighed like 100 pounds,

and I'm going up against kids who are like 6'3", 300 pounds. Yeah. Who are just looking to hurt people. And they're on a weightlifting program. Yeah, exactly. But yeah, hockey's awesome. Playoff hockey's really, really fun to watch.

Bruins are terrible. I mean, just awful, though. They're not awful. Dude, their defense is... The only reason that they're even in this series is because they have Swayman, who's amazing. Honestly, the only hockey I watched this year is whenever Mr. Ice would give out a pick.

I rode hard with Mr. Ice. Yeah? He did really well for a while, right? Yeah. And then he kind of... I think I won almost every bet I put in with Mr. Ice. Wow. I would only just pick it at the right time.

Then Mrs. Ice from Mother's Day came out. Unbelievable shit. I can't believe you watch hockey like that, Francis. When the Rangers are in it, I like the Rangers. The Rangers are great. Yeah. I was looking at tickets for the Rangers games. It's pretty high.

It's insane. It's not as bad as Knicks, though. Really? Knicks games are nuts, dude. I was just looking out of curiosity, being like, oh, it'd be fun to go. Dude, the nosebleed tickets are $700 a piece. This portion of the podcast is brought to you by GameTime.

Well, if we have them as an ad. We do. If you want the cheapest prices on all your tickets, go to GameTime. Yeah, I can't imagine what the ticket prices are when you're not using GameTime, because I looking on game time right oh yeah if it's not on game time they are beating you over the head two tickets like good seats would be close to ten thousand dollars yeah bro there's courts i mean it's courtside knicks playoffs is 45 grand

a ticket that's insane dude that's what i saw so when you see like sam morrell and all these guys like they're giving those they're getting them for free given those yeah which is crazy what's the barrier event you're like right there if the date with nikki glazier had gone well you would be up front for sure once tires come out you could probably squeeze some tickets they told me no bongs at madison school once preseason once once once tires comes out you could probably get courtside tickets to preseason games for free no i couldn't preseason i don't think so well they're also those guys are like those guys are in like inherent new york yeah it's true guys but you're a rangers fan you've always been a rangers fan the you know what's weird about sass

is sarcasm is that like i'm not being sarcastic at all i was being sarcastic about the preseason thing yeah but you're a rangers fan but it hits him with the same i don't understand what's so crazy about saying that like he's making fun of me for something that he is definitely admiring of yeah i know he likes the fact that i'm in tires i'm not making fun of you i know that he likes that i think you just can't but he's mocking me for it i'm mocking you saying that it would be funny that you could get tickets to a pre-season knicks game courtside why would that not be cool i would still go to that i don't give a fuck and i'll do anything you know it's funny my sister's boyfriend he's like a diehard bruins fan and she was she sent me his twitter this weekend and he's like uh he's like uh like an nba level like twitter reply guy like just he had he comes

up with one line and then he replies to every single bruins tweet with it so this weekend it was uh bruins are playing this game like it's a pre-season game and it's just she sent me and it was just scrolling his twitter and it's like 700 tweets just going pre-season game they gave up they're playing like it's a pre-season game i was dying laughing what is the psychology of that to just get as many people to see that opinion as possible yeah it's probably you're probably watching the game and you're like that this is a good tweet and then you just send it out a thousand times it was so you probably got the same amount of impressions as you get for like oh yeah current tweet big time um but yeah game time uh best ticketing app by far easy ticketing

app easy to interface you can go to concerts you can go to Broadway plays. You can go to comedy shows. If your special wasn't sold out, there might even be tickets there on GameTime for you. It's so easy. You can use code... You can definitely get $20 off with code BOYDAD.

You download GameTime. $20 off your first purchase. Terms do apply, but GameTime... GameTime, $20 off your first purchase. Terms do apply. Terms do apply, but GameTime. GameTime.co. Get your butt in the game today. Do it. I have to take a piss, which is something

that I haven't done on this podcast in a long time. That's fine. Get out of here. I really have to go. We'll keep it going when you come back. We'll keep it going.

I know. I haven't done it in a while. Alrighty, let's talk about Better Help. Better Help. This show is sponsored by Better Help. We all carry around different stressors, big and small. When we keep them bottled up, it can start to affect us negatively.

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What? Nothing. I thought you were going to say something. How was Sacramento? Oh yeah, it was a long piss. It was piss that never stopped. What color was it? Crystal clear.

Really? Yeah. What was that all about uh drinking a lot of water you haven't drank a lot of water so i did sacramento this weekend i already told you guys about this but i i thought it was funny the uh so friday thursday show is fine it's good it's not a lot of people are there not a lot of people were there the whole weekend but it was still fun um friday early show like the host goes up comes back and he's like uh so there's some guys up front that are kind of like chatty he's like but uh they should be fine and i was like okay that's fine and then the second guy comes up the feature goes up and he comes back says the same thing and i was like ah whatever they'll hopefully they'll calm down and uh so then i go up and it's like they're not chatty but they're like clear it's first of all the show starts at 7 p.m on friday it's early and uh

the whole front row is like they're they're taking they have like 20 shot glasses on their table oh man they're so fucking drunk and it's these two dudes who are brothers and and there's a guy next to them with a girl and they're apparently what happened was they were just feeding him shots the whole show like fucking with him so they got him like destroyed and then he kind of starts talking but not like an annoying way like he would just like clearly he was just fucking destroyed so he'd be like he would try and do the thing where like you'd stop to joke and he would try and ask a question but like about something completely unrelated like he'd be like i have so i have a question about barstool and i'd be like oh yeah and i try to make it funny like well

there's no way we're doing that right now like that's we're in the middle of the show and then like the security guy would come up to him and tell him to stop and then he would come back and then the funniest part so this is so like i'm like 48 minutes into my set and he that that's when he says the i have a question about barstool and then the security guy comes up and the security guy's just dressed in normal clothes not like he doesn't have like a staff shirt no one really had like a staff shirt or anything on and uh i think the dude thought that the security guy was just a random guy he's like this so the security guy's right on his shoulder telling him he has to stop talking and he puts his thumb here his face is like here and his thumbs here he's like this fucking guy keeps on telling me to stop talking

he's like he's like i'm just trying to ask a question about barcel why is he acting like no one wants to act no one wants to hear the question and i was like yeah i don't think anyone really does want to hear the question though and then so then it kind of calms down and then i'm like going into like my ending stuff like my last like five minutes of material and i'm like there's a so he's front and center and then there's like a group to the left that i'm talking to because i'm doing a joke where like she like this girl like referenced something from the joke and i didn't ever have heard this so i was like asking her about it and uh and then like in the middle of that you just hear the loudest like like smash into a table and then like a thud like it sounded like someone dropped like a bag of cinder blocks onto the ground and then i look over and this dude is

out cold in like the center of the center of the room but not like cold not yet do not like not like someone who like stumbled and like fell this is like like his head is to the side and his eyes are closed and he's just like like hands flat like laying down on the ground and so then it's like turns into commotion and it's like i i didn't speak for like 30 seconds after that happened because i was like i don't know what's going on and uh and there's people like standing up and then he left and then his girlfriend like stayed for like 15 minutes until the show ended oh boy and then they pulled they came and pulled her out and then he left but it was it was dude for a 7 p.m i'll play the sound but for a 7 p.m show it was like that's something

you expect from the late show not the early show but i'll play this sound it was so funny because you sent us the sound and uh at first i was shocked but then when i started listening back to it it gets so funny because you're like in the middle of a joke and everybody and then it happens and everyone's like oh oh like well the funniest part a joke and everybody, and then it happens. And everyone's like, oh, oh. Well, the funniest part, too, is that I really wasn't having a great set. It was not a great crowd. And it was the only show the whole weekend where I was kind of starting to get a little sweaty on stage. You know, you're fixing the T-shirt.

You're like, I've done everything I've got good, and they're not going to like the rest of this. But that saved the set completely oh good yeah nice so he was a plant it's like when some people plant people to do crowd work you plant people to pass out and fucking yeah i need you to take a dive in the seventh yeah it really is when i finished and i did a bunch of i was doing a bunch of 9-11 stuff and i was like if no one wants to hear this stuff someone else take a dive because that's the only way we're getting out of this. Where did I send this to?

Send it to you guys. Oh, here it is. All right, listen to this. I want to skip my part. I don't want to hear myself talking. You edit it out. Do you guys know? Here it is. You guys know?

Yeah. You just apply all that shit. I don't know what you know. you guys know you yeah they were they were trying to make a joke about him falling i think that was the two dudes up front. Wait, don't even laugh. Play it again. Because everybody's like, oh, oh. All right. Do you guys know? Yeah. I don't know.

They always come like that is that what he said i think someone was referring to the chairs i don't know why i don't know what that joke was but just everyone being like oh oh oh oh it was so i've never had that happen before you ever had that happen someone like fully Oh, oh. It was so, I've never had that happen before. Have you ever had that happen? Someone like fully going down? Yeah, and I have a video of it, but I'll show it to you after. I guess I did have that in Atlanta where there was a girl in the front row who kept on, she got cut off at the bar.

And then she was walking back to her seat and she tripped in a full handle of svedka vodka flew out of her purse oh and then she went outside and was throwing up and she tried to order an uber back to florida wow you really kept up with her sounds like you were like you sure you don't want to no that's what the staff after the show where were she we were in atlanta georgia oh my god and they were saying she tried to get an Uber back to Florida. Why does she have a bottle of Svetka? Was she like ordering waters and just spiking them? I guess.

Yeah, probably. What a psycho move. But yeah, that guy DM'd me yesterday and he was like, bro, I'm so sorry. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. That's nice of him. I always feel bad for those guys, but it is hilarious. Yeah. For that to happen. How did they wake him him up do they give him like a he was like a narcan shot fully out like he they pulled him up and then i like all i remember is

seeing him laying flat on the ground and then i remember seeing a bunch of people trying to pick him up and then him just like swaying completely to the right and And then he was gone. You need two big boys. Like when the center gets hurt on a basketball team, you need like two power forwards to carry him. And then they tried, he tried to come back in. And apparently he was very cooperative. They said that he was very. By the way, the way they carry NBA players off courts

is so weird. You know, they kind of like hold a leg soccer they get a stretcher yeah yeah there's is there no more dignified way to carry they carry an nba player off of a court yeah like they like hop up i guess in football they have like a cart that they they get on yeah maybe it's because it's such a small court yeah or like none of the injuries are so bad that it's like or maybe they worry that it would be like that it would fuck up the court i mean i would almost say a piggyback is more dignified than the way that they do it where they you know carry their leg and then he's got his arm each two guys carry a leg yeah it's like it's like

a world war ii type of type of injury yeah like you're hobbling someone off like they got hurt it on a battlefield or some shit like that i don't remember oh what were you gonna say no no what were you saying that i was there when yannis got hurt and they like had they like sent his brother out and that was like the most action he saw all season he just like slid underneath his arm and damn they just need the next biggest dude to come carry him off. But like a six 11 dude. Yeah. If you're like six,

six, you can't even, that's probably why they don't bring out a stretch. They don't make big enough. They don't make stretchers to fit seven. They need a diving board. Yeah. Take a door,

a door off a cathedral. Yeah. And get a bunch of fans to take that around. I was, I just remember this too. After that show. So after that show, we did the late show and the late show was great it was like it was like very relaxed mellow crowd normal crowd and uh and there was a girl that came up to me after and she like wanted a photo and i was like

oh yeah and then but then i noticed she was like lingering around the manager and I was like, does she work here? And then the, she was like, she said bye. And then she went out the like employee entrance with the manager. And I was like, oh, that was weird. I was like, maybe she worked here. And then, but then he told me after he said that the first show was so rowdy. He said that there was a bunch of people outside waiting when the late show was coming in and he said that two dudes were trying to hit on her and then she like walked away and then they got in a fight and one of them punched the other one and he smacked his head off of the front of her car what and so she said that she wasn't helen of troy what the fuck no idea dude and then and then she said and then apparently like the manager was like walking out with her to make sure that she got home safe he hit on her too was it reese witherspoon

in that movie with chris pine and uh tom hardy i think i've never i have no idea what that movie is it's a good movie but i can't remember what it's called isn't that crazy for a 7 p.m show oh i thought you were gonna say that all three of them were in that movie oh that's crazy that It's a good movie, but I can't remember what it's called. Isn't that crazy? For a 7 p.m. show on Friday. Oh, I thought you were going to say that all three of them were in that movie. Yeah. That's crazy. That is a good sketch. Yeah.

This means war. Yeah. Not many people saw that. I've heard of it. I've never seen it, though. Definitely worth seeing. There's a scene in that movie where they're fighting on a train. Yeah.

It's really cool. I love a good train fight. I love the James Bond train fight. That's a classic one. Or did you guys see the new uh the new mission impossible has a great train fight oh yeah no i didn't see maybe that's what i'm thinking of are they on top of the trains no that's i mean they do that yeah they did that in a lot of movies it was like cliffs like you used to think that you're just going to get in a fight on top of a train sometime if you live long enough oh yeah like you have to jump off of a train like i always thought there would be at least a situation where i'm stuck on the tracks

of a bridge that only is narrow enough to fit the train i still think i often judge how how much older i'm getting by what i'll do is when a train is pulling out of a station i say okay how fast can i currently run at my highest speed? Would I be able to match the speed of the accelerating train and jump on such that I could grab hold and it wouldn't hurt my arms? Like the old west? Yes, yes, exactly. And then the other thing that I'll do is if I'm on top of the train, I will see if I think I could run fast enough in the other direction that I could jump off and basically cancel out the speed of the train and roll down into the bushes that's another the like if you

could figure that out you might as well know how to make a gravity bong and become like a physicist or some shit like that yes the problem level calculation the problem with trains the way i do it by the way is i just go like this really quick and i And I try to see if I can keep an actual focus point on like a tree that's going by. And I say, how quickly did I turn my head? Like you're a figure skater who's like spotting. Right. Do you know what I'm saying?

Because otherwise it's just a blur if you kind of keep your focus straight ahead. But if you get one tree and you go like that, and then I say, well, how fast did I turn my head? Because that's how fast I would have to run to not hurt myself jumping off of the train yeah i don't think you could do it to be fully honest well you don't know how fast that train's moving based on how quick i knew move my head right there that's just an estimate that wasn't what i will say accurate what i will say is you really can't you really can't jump onto trains these days because also you don't know how fast i am i know you're not fast as fast as a train that's for sure what when it's starting

train yes or going through a more populated area where lots of kids tend to be on the tracks because they're listening to music all right the acela yeah obviously not the cell but there's a reason i never buy the acela ticket is that if someone found that like an enemy i saw them coming through and i had to get off the train i'd want to be on the regional but also you don't really get like the trains these days like the back in the old days when that was a common way of transportation was jumping onto the side of a train while it was moving was they had like the big empty crates now like the trains they just like the are you talking about cargo trains or ones that carry like animals and

circuses yeah there's still cargo trains yeah i know but you don't really like you you wouldn't be at a train station where a cargo train is flying through you never know it depends on what part of the country what kind of depot you're at true also for my money if i'm on a train that's carrying a lot of zoo animals to the next sort of circus stop i think it'd be very hard for me not to want to spend time with the animals like i don't know if i want to get off that train well aren't all the animals in like they're just in boxes well i have a crowbar they sprinkle some hay in there and they go sit in this box for 14 hours they definitely give them high level tranquilizers to put them out that's how horses fly yeah i wonder what movie was the first one

where they were that someone was fighting on top of a train and then they had like one of those lights and someone like dubs out of the way at the last second gets hit in the face with the light because now that's every train fight on top of uh like every every movie that has a train yeah if you really think about it it is like the first like the first movies ever were trains it was like mickey mouse wasn't it like mickey mouse on the train no it was a steam steamboat willie yeah yeah yeah yeah it was a steamboat but then there was another well what was the was it was it charlie chaplin wasn't it wasn't was he the one that was doing the stunts where he was on the train yeah yeah yeah yeah and then there was another was it Charlie Chaplin was he the one that was doing the stunts

where he was on the train maybe a lot of movies have been trains and stunts well trains probably came about at a similar time as movies well I don't know about that you think

you're gonna say that that his fact is not true when you just offered us the most nebulous, vague assertion? Well, because I was thinking about James Bond, and then I realized that train movies are pretty old. He was generous in saying it was Steamboat Willie when you thought it was Mickey Mouse. Yeah, I just meant it was a cartoon. And then you threw out Charlie Chaplin,

and then he had something that he posited, and you were like, no way that's the case. case i don't think i think trains have been around for a while so steam locomotive was 1804 and movies were 1895 so i was oh my god that is so close are you out of your fucking mind nine years it's almost a century years 90 years, I didn't hear the dates. He was a century off. Dumbass. Trains were... 1805 was the first steam engine in 1895. Yeah, but those first steam engines were not the ones that people were on top of

going high speeds and hitting their heads off of signal connectors. Well, you wouldn't know because movies didn't exist then. Well, my point should have been... I don't need movies to tell me everything. I don't learn shit from movies. He's a book man. You don't know if people were fucking jumping on and off trains in 1805. I will find out.

All right. Yeah, I don't think it's like documented the first person to subway surf. I bet you we could find that out. And it wouldn't even be historically accurate. Because the first person to do it probably didn't get caught. The first. historically accurate because the first person to do it probably didn't get caught the first it's just it's just crazy how much you assume to be true and then you i was completely right the confidence of somebody who's not willing to like hear another idea so you think it has to be right that was the only thing this entire episode that i've disagreed with and i was totally right he was off by a century i don't even know

what we're talking he was off by a century i'm enjoying it even though you guys don't know what you're talking about i know exactly what i'm talking you said you said that trains came out the same time that movies did well my point should have been when movies came out the only mode of transportation where you could make something an action sequence was trains yeah yeah that's right that was the point that i was trying to make that i didn't land on correctly yeah you watching a lot of fucking bike action movies yeah oh no he's switching gears ah the postman's gone bad bikes were fucking big back then not in film let's see compared to a steam engine that's crazy horses dude horses horses were making action movies horses and you ride a horse up alongside of a train you jump off the train onto the horse cool very that's cool

when was the first car built probably the early 1900s and i looked it up. What was the answer? You were wrong again. Like 1800s? You would have been better off saying that movies came out around

the same time that Cars did. I'll give you the win because I could tell how much you're relishing in a small victory. It's not a small victory. It would have been

a small victory if I said, I don't know about that and you said, oh yeah, they came out a century earlier. was him he was the one that poked the bear and decided to act like i was far off to awaken the i i misheard the math i thought it was 1895 and 1904 which is nine years but it was 1805 and 1904

it's all right when some you lose some let's chalk this episode up as a loss i'm not gonna sleep tonight based on the conversation that you and i have had let's name this episode francis loses again next week we'll have nikki glazier on that would be a good episode that'd be good we should send you out to la to do a little solo episode with her. She would go there now? I'd assume so. Did she ever talk about it publicly? I don't think so. Interesting.

I don't know. Maybe. I've talked to her about it. You don't think so? You would know if she talked about it publicly. I don't honor myself by assuming that that meant anything to her. I don't honor myself by assuming that that meant anything to her. My guess would be that she had not deemed that worthy of bringing up on any kind of a podcast or anything.

What if she brought you up in the roast of Brady? Just a total jab? You're not even in the building? Like, let's, yeah. I mean, I'd be pumped. I'd be like, man, I really was in the Netflix festival. Yeah. What were you going to say? I was going to ask if you guys saw the picture of the comedian's brunch oh yeah legends at that ted

sarandos's house is that where it was where they were all at the pool i mean it was it was the 500 i'll be honest i don't really understand why people were hating on that like people were like hack hack festival there was some pretty big like good comedians in that photo chapelle's in the photo what are you talking about yeah chapelle john stewart people just want something to hate on that friend was in it that friend was in it hannah burner ralph barbosa ralph barbosa ralph barbosa is so funny but then apatow i just rewatched his don't tell last night nice so i'm trying to figure out whose jokes i can steal from i don't tell apatow ross stavi of course burnham heart

oh burnham's in that yeah he's in it wow the. The Heartbreaker? Heartbreak kid. Kroll. Dave. Fucking Hinch. Mulaney. Hinchcliffe. Mulaney. All right, let's end it. Let's end it. We'll record again soon.

Let me see if I have anything to plug. I'm going to be in LA in June. For what? I'm doing the Belly Room at the Comedy Store. No! Okay, that's a first. It's probably sold out. It's like 30 people.

It's a cathedral. It's a cathedral. It's 30 seats. Classic. So that should be nice and intimate. And then I'm doing Brea Improv that same week. And that's pretty much all. And i think i got something i got some other stuff coming up i'm gonna be in austin in july just chopping it up with the fellas and uh

nice i'll be there for that and then more to come hopefully that's gonna be a million degrees in austin yeah yeah it's already 93 yeah it'll be like parboil out there it's gonna suck but the Vulcan alright son of a boy dad

son of a boy dad thank you for listening son of a boy dad appreciate you guys goodbye Love was over Still, still underground