Son of a Boy Dad - War Dogs - Son of a Boy Dad: Episode #116

Episode Date: May 23, 2023

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Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. All righty. How's it going, everybody? Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is Monday, May 22nd. It was the 25th.

We are here in New York City. The Big Apple. You just had a text message to our group saying, can I get let in? I'm at the Glassdoor. Yeah, no one was there to let me in. Yeah, no fucking work ethic around this place. I know. Everyone just checks the fuck out.

Everyone's watching The Dozen live. Yeah, it's sad. What were you out there getting? What were you in the big world getting? I was trying to get my medication. And and they said we don't have your medication so now i'm gonna have to go back i thought we gave that shit up a long time ago bro no still on it antidepressants yeah yes really yes damn bro That bums me out so bad, bro. Why? Okay. They do literally nothing. Really?

Yeah. But it just is a safety blanket to have them? Yeah. Well, no. You take them every day. So maybe they are doing something. You just don't know. Yeah.

But I haven't taken them in like a week. And my legs hurt. And I think it's because of that. Really? Yeah. You get like withdrawals from them in your legs it just i get like you get like achy and like flu symptoms and your so muscles weak muscles is it like a point on your leg that hurts or just your whole leg my legs are just achy you need to get back on the anti-d's i know i guarantee i'll take them and it'll go away instantly. Yeah. What's got you so down, brother? Nothing.

I'm not down at all. My legs just hurt. And I said, oh, shit, I haven't taken this stuff in a couple of weeks or like a week. Can you take those recreationally? No, I would do nothing. Really? Takes like three weeks for them to even kick in. That's how fucking all drugs should be.

Yeah. That's smart. People can't just abuse it. That's how painkillers should be. You should be like, you still you still want to hurt in three weeks. Yeah. Come back and talk. Yeah, exactly. It's a good idea.

Nate was hitting me up for painkillers, dude. He was desperate. I don't know how he didn't get painkillers. Yeah, I don't know either. Maybe it's just like small breaks. Maybe it's just like if you don't put pressure on it, it doesn't hurt. Our coworkers foot exploded when he put it down on the you don't put pressure on it doesn't hurt our co-workers foot exploded yeah when he put it down on the ground when he walked on it that gives me the same fear

that sinkholes give me that like just at any time it could be waiting underneath you to fuck you up yeah dude when we were in iceland we were when we were fishing we were like walking around in the lake or in the in the river the you would randomly you would just take a step and your whole leg would go in and you'd be like sinking you'd have to use like all of your strength quicksand yeah it was crazy really it was it was insane what the fuck yeah like you both your legs would be stuck and then you'd come out you'd be soaked in mud they said that used to happen in ireland all the time in the bogs dudes would just try and run through the bogs they'd just get caught in the bogs and fucking die in the bogs. It's just like one random step and all of a sudden you're just sinking down.

And you're just dead. Yeah, it sucks. You're just fossilized in fucking bog. Yeah. Just completely crystallized. Bogs aren't even deep though. I think that bogs are deceptively deep, dude. No.

Why would this tour guide in Ireland lie to me to me maybe they go up to like they probably go up to like your waist but if you get caught at your waist and you can't walk anymore and you're in the middle of a fucking bog yeah in county fucking well then the problem is that you're getting lower because you're going because you're just sinking yeah yeah it's weird it's a weird feeling it's not fun did you ever uh fear fear of life while you were out in iceland no but there was one time it's not even that i swear about falling because if you fall with waders on then they like fill up with water and then you just like sink. Your boys would

have saved you, bro. Your skinny, strong boys would have fucking saved your life. We were all spread out. Really? They might not have had time. You would have had to holler for them? Yeah. Help! That's like what my buddy said. He was like, dude, don't fall because if you fall, then your waders will fill up. You have like a belt, but even that like that'll it'll break through that i love advice like don't drop this

yeah don't fall it's like no shit dude i'm not gonna fucking plan on dropping this it was fun as hell though walking through the water like that yeah and you're just dry trudging and you go up to like here that is fucking sick and you're just kind of just drifting through the water like you're like like swimming but you're not it's kind of a superpower yeah it's cool it's fun they said that uh when we went on this fucking jet ski thing that you could wear like a wet or a dry suit yeah it didn't work at all it just soaked you there's like rain jackets a lot of them just don't work that's a fraud like you work for like 15 minutes and then all of a sudden you're just soaked it's an absolute fraud industry tarps i was underneath the tarp recently tyler saw it dude the fucking tarp just the water just went through the tarp yeah just fucking blasted me in

the face yeah it's terrible yeah i got i got fucking bukkake by the way yeah it's embarrassing i used to play golf in high school we would wear we would play like nine holes in the rain and you would be wearing rain pants, a rain jacket and like rain gloves. And by the end of it, you were whole. You were just completely soaking wet. It is bullshit. I think the only rain jackets that work are the ones from like the old sailor movies that are just yellow.

Yellow ones. Yeah. They have to be yellow. I think the rain is afraid of yellow. Those things are plastic it's like tupperware yeah you are fully tupperware it in yeah you melt in a microwave in one of those jackets you'd be fucked damn bro what else you've been up to where were you at this weekend uh cleveland and detroit okay yeah not much happening actually yeah cleveland's probably my favorite city in ohio cleveland and detroit okay yeah not much happening actually yeah cleveland's probably my favorite city in ohio cleveland was great cleveland rocks club was awesome great hospitals

up there yeah really good strong like world-class hospitals if i'm dying take me to cleveland i contemplated like hurting myself so i wouldn't have to go to detroit and then just getting shipped over to cleveland hospitals yeah Because it's such a good stay. Yeah. It's better than anything in Detroit. It's such a nice stretch. Like the fucking Cleveland hospitals are plush. Yeah.

It's more expensive to stay there than the fucking hotels downtown. Yeah. It's impossible to get a spot in the hospital. Yeah. Why were you so anti-Detroit though? It's just not a good city. I mean, it's like the crowds, the crowds were awesome. The shows went very well. It was a very fun very fun time but so what's wrong with the city everything outside of that

room what about wrong with that city how do we fix everything outside of an of the active comedy show was bad i think that there's good parts of detroit i think that there's i don't think there is that street was good the fucking I think we were in the nicest part of Detroit that you guys went to? yeah what uh

who else was there was Mook there? yeah Mook and then this kid Aiden McCluskey where'd you guys eat what kind of restaurants did you guys find?

we didn't you didn't eat the whole time you were in Detroit? no we went point A to point B every single time just fasted ate at the club? I would eat I would get room service.

Damn, bro, you probably didn't explore the city at all. You should have gone to the shelter. Everyone was like, dude, don't, don't go anywhere. I'm serious. Like before I went, I was talking to people in New York and they were like, don't, they were like, don't even. Shelter in place. Yeah, they were like, don't even walk to the club.

It's not safe right now. Yeah, they're like, the club's a 10 minute walk. Don't walk. They're like, you have to Uber. What the fuck? Who the fuck were you talking to? Apparently another comedian got held up walking to the club. He got surrounded.

What square ass comedians were you talking to? That comedian's actually a big comedian. Who? I'm not going to say. And they got held up on the way to the club? Yeah, held up. They were flashing cash? Yeah. They must have been a big comedian. Was it Kevin Hart? Yeah. It was Kevin. And they got held up on the way to the club. Yeah, held up. They were flashing cash. Yeah.

They must have been a big comedian. Was it Kevin Hart? Yeah. It was Kevin Hart. He got held up. Physically. Yeah. Yeah, by his ankles.

Like Simba. Yeah. Got held up on Pride Rock. I don't think it's that bad. You can walk. When we were there, I took like a two mile walk to the heart of the city. Yeah. No one gives you a hard time.

Yeah, I'm sure. It's not crazier than where you like Hell's Kitchen. No, but the thing is, we were talking about this. The thing, the difference between that and a city like Detroit is that when you're walking through, like I'll walk home from the stand at two in the morning and no fear the entire time because

you're walking on these streets where there's like 600 cars passing every minute. Right. So it's like if someone pulled a gun on me, I would hope that someone would stop and save you. Would like call the police someone pulled a gun on me, I would hope that someone would. Stop and save you? Would like call the police or something. Detroit, there's just no one on the street. You're scared of the free world.

Yeah, pretty much. Yeah. You're scared of 313. Yeah. I've seen 8 Mile, dude. I don't want to get fucking jumped. If it was safe enough for Eminem to grow up there, it's fucking safe enough. Dude, he gets jumped like eight times in that movie.

It's clearly not safe enough. He makes a billion off of it. Yeah. He makes a billion. I don to a great rapper i don't need that i already am at the show i don't need to be getting jumped to get to the show imagine how good your fucking stand-up could be if you just got this shippied out of you sometimes and you had those life experiences to draw on i don't think it would make me good at stand-up it would probably make me be like yeah i'm done with this it would turn you into the joker yeah i would probably like leave cities and just go move to the suburbs do you be scared in the suburbs i got scared in my apartment last night why for the first time because you were all alone because i was all alone and i was looking down my hallway and i was like oh i got a creepy

ass hallway in your own apartment super creepy hallway you're scared of like super skinny and tall and i was like dude there's just going to be a dude there and then I triple locked my door my door has three locks it's got the knob lock the bolt lock and then the chain and I triple locked it you must have had Sunday Scaries something fierce

I don't know what it was I was watching a lot of Vietnam movies but I wasn't really worried about that I wasn't really worried about that I don't know why I just got like freaked out just checking your hallway for like uh traps that you drop into yeah did the vietnam movies tell you about those traps oh well i already knew about that yeah they had some crazy there was everything was booby trapped yeah you like fall in and it's just like a strip of spikes that just hails you beyond is vietnam the one where they were they would use the uh they would use the, it must have been,

they would use bamboo, they would sharpen bamboo, and they would stick it all together with mud, and then they would fill the bamboo with elephant poop, I think, because it was poisonous once it got into your bloodstream. So this big ball of just bamboo and shit would swing down

from a tree and you'd just die. You've got to hand it to the Viet Cong, bro. That's creative as hell. Well, they fucked up. You're not at any point have to hand it to the Viet Cong. No, biological warfare. Because they don't care. They also don't care about their people. So it was like, there was no way

they were going to lose that war. No, there wasn't. They weren't scared to die. Way more people died. I think more Vietnamese people died than Americans, but Americans were like, this is fucked. 50,000 dudes are dead. And Vietnam was like, yeah, we're still fucking pumping dudes through too. Like, we don't give a shit. They were like making people have more babies.

Yeah. They were like, this is like, we'll go forever. Just fucking like factories. Yeah. Like Rosie the Riveter. Yeah. Instead of trying to manufacture gun parts, she just trying to fuck. Yeah.

It was nuts. What's giving you the history itch? Nothing. Just like watching war movies. Yeah, but are you watching documentaries or like deer hunting and shit? I'm dabbling everywhere. Deer Hunter's a sick Vietnam movie. Yeah. Maybe the best

one. Tragic. Long, too. Three hours. What are other good-ass movies? Platoon. Yeah, that's a good one. one tragic long to three hours what are other good ass movies platoon yeah that's a good one full metal on the 4th of July full metal jacket you seen born on the 4th of July I don't think so I

just watched that this weekend yeah that's a crazy one it's sick Tom Cruise it's probably Tom Cruise's best performance because it's not like a cheesy he's not like a cheesy like movie star

and a bartender yeah he's like a he's like a vet it's not like a cheesy he's not like a cheesy like movie star. Is that a bartender? Yeah. He's like a vet. It's not really about the war as much as it is post-war. And him like coming home after getting paralyzed. Does he like play shell-shocked afterwards and like fucking show someone? Yeah, he's

getting in a lot of fights because he's drinking heavy. Fuck yeah. And like they don't he comes home and he's like a super like like patriotic and stuff like joined the war didn't get didn't get drafted just joined up and then he gets back and he's paralyzed and everyone's like yo fuck you dude like they don't give a shit about him spitting on yeah they're like fuck you he's getting like flipped off going down the street that was so uh that's it had to be a jarring experience yeah what a gnarly part like social justice people are crazy now but that type of social justice is like

that's hardcore like everyone he knows died and he comes back and they're just like you're a piece of shit and he's like yeah he's like what what are you guys talking about yeah having left thinking you're a hero and coming back and people are mad at you and you just didn't catch any wind of it. And it's all the hippie bastards. But then he becomes super anti-war too. Yeah. It's a true story. It's about this, I forgot his name.

It's like Ron something. Rob maybe. I don't know. But he's like a, he's still alive. And I looked up what the dude does today and he was just like, he plays the, he plays the piano in gardens. He's definitely high as hell. Yeah.

He's a peaceful guy now. He's like, he like wrote, he like was a huge part of the anti-war movement. Putting flowers and bayonets and shit like that. Yeah. Tom Cruise is a little bit

too cute to play like a grizzled Vietnam. I can show you what he looks like in the movie. Definitely is not too cute. I think he's a little bit too cute. He kind of

reminds me of Ted a little bit. Like the teddy bear? Yeah, from the movies. Who do you think wins in a fight? Tom Cruise in this movie or Ted from Ted? He does not look too cute at all. I think Ted would whip this dude's ass.

No, this guy's crazy. He's nuts in it. It's crazy. I think Ted. It's a really depressing movie. Yeah. Most Vietnam War movies are, though. I know.

They're not upbeat like the World War One movies. No, not like the modern movies are like they make them seem like it's like the coolest thing in the world. They have like cool ass haircut. Yeah. They're like dying cool. Yeah. And they all have like cool gear.

What was the movie that had? That's the only reason you join up is to rock the gear. Yeah. To be carrying a rucksack. Yeah. Yeah. Night vision. Oh, shit. I got To be carrying a rucksack. Yeah. Yeah. Night vision. Oh, shit.

I get these night vision goggles. Check out this knife. In these movies, they're like, here's like a gun that you have to pour gunpowder into. Here's a hat that's also like your bowl. Yeah. You have to eat soup out of your hat. That's also going to save your life. Yeah.

And they're just wearing like jeans. Don't get shot at while you're eating soup. You can only have one. Yeah. Yeah. They are wearing like jeans. Don't get shot at while you're eating soup. You can only have one. Yeah. Yeah. They are wearing like stupid ass clothes, cutoffs and shit. Probably experimenting with their sexuality out there. Experimenting with heroin.

Definitely. They're all doing heroin. Which sounds awesome. Yeah. I wonder if, yeah, they were all like skinny out there. Like it was a different. They're like not eating. They're doing all doing heroin.

I mean, everyone's doing heroin. The bugs must have been terrible. Oh, yeah. And that's before. And it's raining all the time. There's no spray on bug spray. No, no, no. They didn't have like a mist, like an SPF 30 combo mist or something.

I don't know what people did before that mist. I don't know. Mist sunscreen and that. Mist. I don't know. Mist sunscreen and mist bug spray are like two of the most important. Probably just died. Don't mosquitoes kill like the most, they're like the most dangerous creature on earth. Yeah. Carrying diseases and shit like that. Yeah. That must have been brutal.

Did your town ever get sprayed? Our town used to get sprayed every fall. No. And they'd just come over in like planes and just crop gas yeah they would be like close your windows tonight because we're spraying the town or you'll die yeah because it was for what is it what is it triple e is that what it's called the really bad one that's what it was yeah the fuck is triple e maybe it's just a massachusetts thing for a while yeah we got sprayed we got sprayed all the time yeah what

is it couldn't leave your dogs outside for a day yeah what it's like we Massachusetts thing. It was in Mass for a while, but we got sprayed. We got sprayed all the time, yeah. What is it? You couldn't leave your dogs outside for a day or so. Yeah. What? It's like a... We had some come in our backyard and just spray all the trees for the backyard. Oh, we had like... I think it was like they just flew over.

How serious was it? We had flybys. I don't know. It was like we couldn't go to certain parks. No one ever got it. Yeah, neither... Oh, I was horrified of it. It was COVID, yeah.

I was horrified of it. But it was like parks were closed at night for like a week. Yeah. If the dogs had stayed outside, would they have definitely croaked? No, it's probably just so they don't get like sick from the, from the spray. But dude, the fucking. Your dog's orange. Oh my God.

What kind of dog is that? I was, dude, they were, I remember my mom being like, I remember that and like carbon monoxide were like two ones that I just feared a lot because everyone was like, yeah, carbon monoxide, you just go to sleep and you never wake up. And then. Similar to quicksand. Yeah. Similar to quicksand.

Yeah, exactly. Same type of thing. It's just like an unknown fear that just like could creep up on you. It might be underneath you at any time. Yeah. And then triple E was like, you're like, yeah, you get bit and then you just die. Yeah. Like tomorrow.

Yeah. And when you're young, you're just walking around with like 70 active mosquito bites and you're like well there's a good chance that one of these is triple e i've heard of zika like that too yeah i think zika just has might be the exact same thing to be honest i think well zika is like uh it scares the bitches because uh like if you get it affects your pregnancy yeah i think triple e does too that's what there's a good chance that those are the exact same thing. It might be.

People like don't go on women like don't go on vacations if they're trying to get pregnant because they're worried Zika's going to give their baby a fucking Stewie Griffin head. Yeah. That's the football baby.

There's more just giving birth to the football baby is just that's daunting. Triple E raise it would be cute well i can't pronounce any of those words uh what are the symptoms created in a chinese lab what the fuck yeah a sudden onset of fever chills and muscle or joint aches i might have that right now the product of gain of function research it was like that and swine flu had like back to back runs of just mass hysteria.

Oh, swine flu never scared me. Not us, but it was like true the same way. Yeah. Ebola too. Bird flu. MRSA. Coney 2012. Yeah.

Coney. Yeah. Coney was a big deal. Coney was good. I remember watching that documentary on YouTube and being like, we're done. We all have to go fucking fight in the war now I'm gonna have to join Coney's army what's your birthday?

there's like a thing that would tell you if you were drafted in the Vietnam war or not holy fuck I was not my number wasn't picked what's your birthday? April 25th April 25th it was just everybody that had that same birthday? I think yeah that would make me believe in horoscopes

no you were not called. Scorpio. We're called to action. Scorpio. We need some fierce Scorpios. Yeah, Taurus is just incompatible with war. It just doesn't work out. See, I don't know if this is right, because no numbers get called.

What's your birthday? What is 10 of October? No, 201, not called. The fuck, bro? Tyler. November 12th. Birthday parties in Vietnam must have been sick. No, none of these are called not one of our

numbers was called the platoon all has the same birthday yeah yeah yeah it's fucking sick i'm gonna look up what numbers that's so for one day it's so fun it's our birthday month so we're not fighting taking some time off well i mean it makes sense because you're pretty much you have a one in 350 chance of getting called or 360 what do you mean it's just only one day gets called no but you only have one birthday yeah but uh i don't think that's how it works that is how it works there was 366 numbers but that don't think that's how it works. That is how it works. There was 366 numbers. But that doesn't... And it was all based on your birthday.

You're saying one in 365. So that doesn't mean that that's your chance of getting called. That's exactly your chance of getting called? No. No, but... Oh, oh, oh, oh, I see. Yeah, yeah, because they have all these different names. So if it's like 30% of people get called, that means you have a 30 have a 30 chance i don't fucking know it says the lowest numbers were called first the rest

was entirely at random what birthdays were search what birthdays were called for vietnam vietnam draft lottery data this is fucking okay here we go. I didn't expect this to be the NOM episode today, but hell yes. It was a lot of like January, February, March. Yeah, it was all early months. Yikes. Not, dude, there was not that many days called. They're like checking your ID at the fucking VA office or whatever. People dodging, pretending they had a different birthday. What's your birthday?

I don't know. I never have one. What day of i never have one i was like you're like a dog you just had to guess what birthdays were drafted damn dude i cannot believe they were just drafting people up just making people fight i guess they're doing that in the ukraine right now i guess they're just grabbing people up and being like hey hey, we're going to need you to fight. And if you don't fight, we'll kill you. Yeah, they're doing that in Ukraine. I thought they had a bunch of volunteers in Ukraine. But then I think that there were like the whole village had to fight. What the hell are we doing?

It was like American dudes going over. Dudes who played airsoft a lot growing up. Airsoft fatties going over. Yeah. And they were like, let's get in some action. And then Russia just came over just blowing them to shreds. This isn't what I thought it would be. Yeah.

They just are dropping like pallets of hot cheetahs. Yeah. Oh, fuck it. Nerd ropes. It's crazy. These boys are good as long as you get them a bunch of Tw nerd ropes. It's crazy. These boys are good as long as you get them a bunch of Twizzlers. Yeah.

I was playing Call of Duty last night and I was going with more of a Hacksaw Ridge method. Hacksaw Ridge is hands only. It's dope. Straight medic. Is Hacksaw Ridge the movie where they're like climbing up ladders? Yeah, that's world war ii i think though and uh it's a religious ass movie yeah a little bit beginning

of that movie sucks yeah but it gets gnarly it's crazy yeah good airplane movie yeah um isn't that a movie where someone's like head gets blown off and they keep climbing or some shit like that maybe one of the wonders of the human body that like if your head gets all the way blown off your body will stay in action still in action for like a little bit i mean there's certain shit when it's like your body yeah like it like titans like what was in shawshank redemption where is it if you if you puncture someone directly through the ear their jaw like collapses at like maximum like the maximum strength that can possibly do it i think that's why boxers wear mouth guards and shit because they'll bite their tongue off the thing

it'll fucking hit in the side of the head it's nuts and then you shit everywhere and you die that was another thing that I learned that was like a big one it was like if you die you're just gonna you shit everywhere oh yeah it's probably not entirely true no it's true it's probably like if you have to shit

if you were about to shit and you die if you shit right before you die your body doesn't like i just if you killed me right now there's no way i'd be like coming up with more shit like it's just spawning in there okay there's no shit to be shot that's what your soul turns into yeah yeah it's just one big shit Your soul just crystallizes into one slimy ass turn. Ew, gross. Slides out of you. Nasty. About five minutes after.

Isn't that someone's job at like the morgue? Wipe their ass wiper? Definitely. Yeah. It's like nurses. Nurses are just wiping ass. All the time.

Big ass too. Because it's always a dude who can't wipe his ass physically. Or a lady. Yeah. Or a lady with a cool... Ladies don't shit in fucking hospitals they do yeah that's where they save it for yeah bedpans oh gross just lighting up a bedpan yeah terrible they really don't tell you that in nursing school now what do nurses think that they're about to get into it's got to be the i think they probably watched

Grey's Anatomy and they were like, I'm going to be saving lives. I'm going to fuck a doctor. I'm going to fuck a super hot doctor. A hot brain surgeon. I'll be out in three years with some light salt and pepper doctor with blue eyes. And then in reality, it's just like obese dudes who are like, I need you to wipe the fucking...

There's just shit all over my ass leaving to nursing school is like the dude who went to vietnam i'm gonna go be a hero yeah and then he comes back and fucking some ladies yelling at him for not wiping her ass right they gotta use the jaws of life to open his cheeks the guy's spinning yeah and they're all fucking drugged up so they're just saying the craziest shit yeah stupid fucking bitch it dude that's what it's like wipe my ass better yeah it is a lot of that a lot of people get senile yeah like fight a nurse my grandpa my grandpa had back surgery he was like that for a while we had to go see him and he'd be like normal. And then out of nowhere, he would just be like. Goddamn nurses.

I get in piss that they were dude nurses. And then I guarantee that like your grandpa's like kids are like these fucking nurse. We got to go somewhere else. We got to go to a different facility. These fucking nurses are bad. He was very loopy. It was not it was no one was like, yeah, you're right. The nurses.

I think we were all kind of like, yeah, this is this is insane he's gonna get fucking kicked out of here what that must happen people must get kicked out uh yeah maybe dude if you ever there's like a whole reddit page designated to like pete nurses who like dudes will like confess a bunch of shit to them right before they die yes i have seen that. And it's dark. And they're like, yeah, I killed fucking 70 people back in 1954. I really didn't feel bad about that. You're the only person I've ever told.

They just go for the line goes flat. Well, I don't have to worry about it anymore. You sit with that information. Could you tell them? Could you tell them all that I'm sorry sorry you break the news yeah you can be the one to break that news i'm gonna all my crimes are racially motivated it's the joe palm method yeah it's fucking nuts it's hot census fear

that's the funniest joe pop they made it seem like it happens like all the time definitely people it's literally like a thing like holding some shit till you're dead people are pussies for that though you got to just go to the grave with it oh yeah what trying to unburden yourself also if i was about to die that'd be the last thing i'd be thinking about i wouldn't be like i mean i guess i've also never murdered anybody so maybe maybe that is something that sticks to your mind for a while yeah but i think i would be like yeah well describe got away with it describe the payment yeah describe one night in paris to me one okay throw on the kk ray jay tank one last time

oh man what times yeah it sucks that to even have to go to a nursing home that's a shitty uh Oh, man. What times? Yeah. It sucks that to even have to go to a nursing home. That's a shitty progression of life. But then you get out. Like some people get out. My grandpa got out. He escaped. He broke through multiple times.

He was in and out. Like a prison lockdown? Yeah. He was in and out for a while and now he's out. Probably for good. I would have to guess. Like. Dude, my grandpa had like the old

people are just nuts my grandpa had a stroke and him and his wife both were like well we'll go in the morning so they just slept it off like name and then like drove to the hospital in the morning yeah sleeping off a stroke i think strokes i mean yeah i don't think it obviously wasn't like a bad stroke yeah yeah i well the the it's the more you read the more it seems like lots of people get strokes and like at a certain age you like have some type of cancer oh yeah definitely like if you get to 75 like there's something and there's something in there that's floating around that's cancerous yeah just like ah yeah i try not to think about that if it floats the skin too real you just like pop it yeah it's like sticking like a dog yeah old dogs yeah lumps everywhere like pop it. It's like stick a knife into it. Like a dog. Yeah. Old dogs.

Yeah. It's got lumps everywhere. And it's fine. It's like just part of it. It is. Yeah. I don't know how you get lump stress. What gives people lumps?

I don't know. Eating shitty vaping? Probably. Yeah. I'm going to be lumped up. You're lovely lady lumps. I'm going to be so lumped. Check it out.

You're going to go full Fergie the way you've been fucking hitting the pen. Damn, bro. Shout out to Fergie. Shout out to Fergie. Shout out to the fucking vets out there. Shout out to all the black eyed peas and the vets. Shout out to Apple D. We got a lot of vets listening to this podcast.

Dude, we got our demographic breakdown. It's like 90% veterans that listen to this show. It is. demographic breakdown it's like 90 percent veterans that listen to this show it is it is a lot of vets and a lot of uh like this you just have one episode where it's just firecrackers going off the whole time and and like basketball sneakers warning for vets and dogs we're playing the fucking lakers game live with fireworks going off my favorite podcast betrayed you guys in a breath the hell's going on 21 gun salute for the vets there's a full tiktok accounts that are like uh iraqi war fights oh yeah it's just it's just online fully the whole iraqi war is on is the iraqi war i know the ukraine war is like they're

they're live streaming it over there that shit is on a channel on fucking rumble it's on espn plus or on kick what is the new one kick kick yeah. Everybody's on kick, right? This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. It's so easy to get caught up in what everyone else needs from you and never take a moment to think about what you need for yourself or from yourself or for yourself. It could go either way. But when we spend all of our time giving, it can leave us feeling stretched thin and burnt out. I've been giving a lot recently. Of course you have. Well, I think that it's time that you take care of yourself.

Take care of yourself. I almost enlisted last night. That's the ultimate form of giving. Giving your body to the country. Yeah, I was going to enlist coming out of college. I thought about it. Should I go to the fucking army? I can just enlist you.

It's just like an application that you just fill out. And and then they call you 10 minutes later and they're like where are you coming to pick you up where are you we're doing a run we're doing a run to what where where is the army now sudan it's everywhere we're gonna go to sudan real quick that's what you think dude the armies there's probably they got a probably got a spot in this building they know but they got on the fucking there's an active war front in sudan right now oh really we're blowing up i gotta catch up on that you gotta catch up on your better hands i'm so behind i gotta catch up on my better help because i'm sick of giving and it's time for me to take because i'm feeling stretched thin and burnt out like a slice of pizza therapy can give you the tools to find

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Use code troops. No, no. Use code son. Big man. Fuck with troops. No, no. Use code son. Big man. Fuck with troops. Use code son. Did we finish the ad? I think we got to say more of the ad stuff.

What are you talking about? We just talked about Vietnam for half the ad. I don't know if that really counts. It's online therapy. People know what BetterHelp is, and they know they should be taking care of themselves. It's online therapy. It's designed to be convenient, flexible,Help is and they know they should be taking care of themselves. It's online therapy. It's designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited for your schedule.

Everyone knows this. Visit BetterHelp.com slash sun today to get 10% off your first month. That's BetterHelp.com slash sun. Thank you. Dudes are getting like, it's always like those brands. It's like dudes will just randomly get like a 700 million dollar deal from this brand yeah from this new streaming service like that chat the whole war is on mastodon yeah you know what mastodon is i don't mastodon is the liberal version of truth social oh shit yeah i gotta get on maths mastodon i'm on both bro i think you're you're a dual you're a dual. You're a double agent.

I'm a fucking. That's not OK. In the Venn diagram of fucking being on Mastodon. Dude, they will fuck you up if they find out. Which side? Both. Mastodon is where you can watch the Ukraine shit. You can see where your money's gone.

You see what you paid for. Jesus Christ. That's terrible. You're a double agent. No, it's sick. It's sick to just hear because they both have perfect echo chambers. You're like, why does Twitter suck now?

It's because they're at Mastodon and True Social. Well, Twitter fucking sucks. Dude, Twitter is like the worst app on the internet now by a lot. And there are people who are like, dude, it's so good what Elon Musk is doing over there. I think I've said on this podcast that if you care about Elon Musk musk owning twitter you're a loser because nothing

will change it is a terrible app now yeah it's i just block accounts constantly you can watch like all of spy kids too or get baseball tweets and that's or just like it's like dude it's literally live it's lively or like yeah there's a body on the train it's dude it's a terrible app or it'll be like a post with like a basic answer and the caption will be like why is my brain not braining oh and I'm like

I and then I just instantly close out and I go into a different app I'm like this is so fucking you go back on to Mastodon yeah that's where everybody's at I want I wish I could like like blend them like a deck of cards that i was shuffling i just want them like it's terrible too so i can watch them both at the same time watch both polar extreme i might get on both of those you really should because that's where it's all happening that's where the takes are that's where like the fucking that like the ideas everybody's like charged up

still and excited about shit instead of like jaded people being like, man, I think I'm getting off Twitter. It's I really wonder. I wonder what like the if it's declined a lot because it's just not it's not like I don't see any tweets from anyone I follow. If you look at one person's profile once, your entire timeline is their tweets for the next week. I see Orioles tweets. Yeah, I see so many tweets about the Orioles. Dude, when Dave. I see Orioles tweets exclusively. I see so many tweets about the Orioles. I can't believe it. When Dave

tweeted the thing about me saying I was on his hate list, I looked at the tweet a bunch. I kept on looking at it, and now my entire timeline is just Dave's tweets. My entire, like, every single tweet. And it's like tweets from like six months ago. Yeah. Oh, they totally fucked it up. It's ruined. Or it's like end woken six months ago. Yeah. Oh, they totally fucked it up.

It's ruined. Or it's like end wokeness. Yeah. It's like, leave me alone. Yeah. Oh, it sucks. And it's all these like viral videos from so long ago. Yeah.

If you want to text, if you want to scratch the itch of text tweets. Yeah. Mastodon and True Social, my brother. Or just Reddit. Reddit is so much better. There's some stuff on Reddit. Reddit has a a nice home for you dude reddit is the best app by a mile and instagram is still not bad

if you stay off of the reels instagram's good reels are pretty bad reels are bad yeah i just haven't been using social media you're fucking enlightened well i haven't been too busy focusing on the goddamn war way too much to think about about nam are we gonna bring our boys i know seriously is it still going on who is prez who's prez the videos you're watching nixon

maybe no truman who i don't know i forget who it is because I just remember they're all chanting four more years. I don't know. Let me look it up. As a budding history buff, you got to know this. First thing you got to do is memorize all the presidents. I'm getting into documentaries now, so I don't really know all the details. I guess Coolidge? No, bro. That's World War I. It was Nixon.

Oh, wait. Who was president? I think I looked up the completely wrong question. It must have been Nixon. It was a span of Truman, Eisenhower, Kennedy, Johnson, and Nixon. It says Kennedy in the movie that I watched. It was Kennedy. Damn, bro. They just didn't give a fuck.

They were just electing people. Young people. If you don't like America, get the hell out. Kennedy's got it. That was their big slogan. And he's just like hammered. And he's like, get the hell out. Kennedy's got a big slogan and he's just like hammer and he's like, get the hell out. Who was Tom Cruise? Oh, really? Yeah.

And then out of nowhere, he takes a turn and he's like, yeah, the war sucks. Maybe he should get the hell out then. No. Then he said, they said to get the hell out. I'm not going anywhere. I love America, but the government is corrupt fuck well at least that changed yeah at least the government's on the up and up now yeah at least they were better you can trust those guys they finally drained the swamp totally i trust

fucking politicians you see a tag cruise hoop against jimmy camo bro that's a trustworthy dude no that'll be making its way on Twitter in fucking eight months. Didn't know who Cruz had moves like that. It's from like seven years ago. It's just making its way on Twitter. Yeah, exactly. It's just finally arriving on Twitter. What a shit app.

At least they have their new fucking stupid ass CEO now. They're getting a lady, right? Yeah. People could not have been happy about that. No, actually super dope they got a ceo ceo yeah maybe she'll fucking get the gore off of the timeline i'm all set on gore for now yeah i don't need to see people invented the internet and now it's ruined yeah like i know where to get the gore if i want to see the gore and that twitter was not the place for that. It's disgusting.

Dude, I saw things that were more horrific than anything I've ever seen in my entire life. And it was one of those things that I just like laid in bed and thought about it for the next six hours staring at the ceiling. Oh, yeah. I saw one yesterday of a guy underneath a train, just like a leg sticking up from out from a train. So I had no there was no warning. It just it was it was that part of the video when the video started it wasn't like it it worked its way up where i could i saw yeah it's dude's terrible there's no like warning or anything like at least twitter at least on what's it reddit it's like nsfw not safe for work yes give me a fucking not safe for work exactly there was a shooting and i looked up the state to see what happened and it was just like full-on videos of the shooting and it's uh there'll be a correction at the bottom of the

tweet it'll be like five people get shot in like chicago and then underneath it'll be like actually seven people yeah yeah it's like instead of having a disclaimer before they'll have like a correction afterwards that just like helps with nothing. Yeah. Oh, dude, it was terrible. I remember I was in Iceland when I saw it and I had to tell my friends the next day. Scrolling the timeline. They were like, I don't want to hear anything about it.

It was at night. They're like, I don't want to hear anything about it. And I was like, I have to tell someone because this is destroying my mind. You're no better than the fucking old people unburdening themselves on the deathbed. I was unburdening myself fully. I was i had they were pissed i was like i had like i it was it was dude it was the most graphic thing i've ever seen in my entire life the next person you're about to tell about shocking is the is going to be at the nursing home yeah you're it's going to be like uh 68 years from now and you're going to build i will

i probably will because i've never even I've never even described what I saw and I never will I don't want to put you guys through that and of course the accounts that posted they're like meme accounts and they're like one like equals one prayer I used to be able to I used to go to world star and like watch some of that shit on purpose

when I had a little dude this was something that you have never even seen and you will never see the fact now that it gets sprung on you makes you appreciate how uh tiktok's not showing you that shit no no dude I might get back on tiktok honestly the Chinese are protecting me yeah dude it is bad it is so fucked up the Chinese are protecting my my childish little brain yeah with like uh I'd rather see fucking videos of dudes like chopping up soap than see than see gore and i'm not like a gore is not something that i'm like ah i can't watch i can't look at blood this was like i almost threw up yeah it's like people's heads exploding yeah

literally people's heads exploding like someone like pogo trip yeah stick under train tracks like you know what's about to happen it's then under it, it's people just being like arguing about politics. It's like, dude, what the fuck is going on? Elon. He's fucking us. TikTok is way safer until you get into the live videos.

Yeah, you just scroll past those though. There's never been a good live video on any of those apps. Then it's like someone backlit with a fucking dress on and you you can see their like dick hanging between their legs what the fuck it's like the btk killer live on fucking tiktok yeah it's just like what the fuck is in this but everything else is dope it's just like the shit i actually want yeah sports and like stuff i care about i'm just back on like youtube youtube's the best it'll always be the best you said eight things are the best reddit and youtube is the all you

and instagram well and truth social and truth and mastodon and mastodon i think those are the five i think you might be one of three active users on mastodon because i've never even heard that word because you're not in the in the lip circles it's it's like the blue hair purple hair green hair it's like what is your hair color and you can pick from a drop down brown doesn't exist blonde doesn't exist that's so funny roy g biv like what's your hair color how do you identify that's hilarious it's fucking sick it's just ideas it's just other people's ideas and it's just the complete other side it really lets you having both of them lets you like balance out perfectly yeah i gotta get on that it kind of just floods your brain with these

or just not or i just won't i just will stop it's a giggle fest though yeah i've just been focusing too much recently on the war the real issues did i tell you that i got blacked out and uh ordered a book of like trump's letters no the letters that people wrote to trump oh actually maybe you did it's like a coffee table book yeah yeah it finally got there my wife's like what that's so funny that's hilarious it's not on our coffee table yeah i'm not surprised her shit's like how to make like a peaceful home yeah just letters of trump i was like him just like flexing his early letters from alec baldwin be like see this guy used to like me trump's back in the fucking mix so he is so is is RFK I don't know who that is

it's like Robert Kennedy's son oh and I think he's trying he might be trying to run for president but I think he has like a fucking gravelly ass fucking like

yeah but you need that doom voice we need that I think people are saying they're not going to vote for him because he sounds like the Terminator yeah

you see Trump's video about the Ukraine war what did he say they were like who do you want to win the Ukraine war and he was like I don't want anyone to win the war like the terminator that yeah you see trump's video about the ukraine war what are you saying they were like who do you want to win the ukraine war and he was like i don't want anyone to win the war i want the war to end and they were they wanted him to say russia so bad and they kept on asking him about russia and he's like no but i don't want anyone to win see i want it to stop i want people to stop dying that's a good answer it was a good answer it's a great answer it was a great answer and they were

and they just kept on being like but if you had to pick one winner if you had to pick one person to win who would you want it to be damn and he just kept on being like i don't want anyone to win did you see that he was like that's why he's getting my vote in 2024 very great kid little sass watch come on up little sass like the nelk boys on the podcast as like a weekly guest a little pimp a good rapper little pimp oh man that's fucking sick did you see he had like a town hall on cnn no and then the lady who did the town hall, she was born in 1992. Now she's like an anchor

on CNN because of that, off the strength of it. But then they like before she even got hired, they dug up her old tweets and she was dropping F-ies. Oh no. Hard F-ies. What is this, Roan's account?

No, no, no. But it does show that like you can say all that shit and you can still get a fucking anchor position at CNN

like you can follow Don Lemon and Anderson Cooper like she was flying off I thought Don's gone but I'm saying she could follow

his like he had the job last and now like the next person to get it the next iteration is a woman who is saying like. Slurs. She was like saying like, my roommate's like a lesbian, like I don't even want to be near her. Like ick. That's crazy.

I didn't know girls thought that way about lesbians. Yeah. She's probably going to try and fuck me. Yeah. She's going to try and eat my pussy. Homophobic girls are hilarious. Yeah. And yeah she's gonna try and eat my pussy homophobic girls are hilarious hilarious yeah and now she's a cnn being homophobic against lesbians is hilarious i know the coolest group of people yeah oh they're just trying to like fucking wear flannel drive a fucking subaru and play softball like nothing it's not that the gays aren't cool people, too. But I get it. Not as cool as the lesbians.

Gays want to make everybody, like, let everyone know they're gay. Oh, yeah. Lesbians are minding their own business. Lesbians just want to eat box. Playing fantasy football. Yeah. They want to play Madden and eat box. Eat box.

They want to eat Hungry Man dinners and box. I could see myself rolling with a pack of lesbians. It would be so much doper to go to a lesbian damn what's going on tonight let's see let's get into some eating let's eat some pussy tonight some box what's the move tonight any pussy to eat where's some box we went to a lesbian bar once and then we left because they were like it wasn't fun yeah because they had too much of the game on they didn't know enough about football to hang out with the girls not at all lesbian bars but they would probably just get run over run with

like dudes the way that gay bars get run over with like girls trying to be yeah but i know i think that's i think there actually isn't there's only like two lesbian bars like in america i heard it is a small number because the gays overtake it which is a fucking awesome move by them too because you know they're doing that intentionally. They probably round up a group of dudes. They're like, let's go fucking take this bitch over. You know how lesbian or you know how girls have a gay best friend? Yeah.

If dudes just started having a lesbian best friend. Yeah. Like one lesbian in the group. Yeah. This is my lesbian best friend. Yeah. And she just knows like every stat about like the new york yankees from 1998 she's cool as hell my play is like the simpson video games yeah she's like arcade games

i wonder what lesbians are talking about bro what kind of shit are they she's like commenting on her big big cats post trying to get the madden codes she's dming pete she's like i heard big cats had you of the codes this year Big Cat's post trying to get the Madden codes. She's DMing Pete. She's like, I heard Big Cat said you have the codes this year. She bought $400 worth of merch, so now she can do Erica's CEO in training camp. Oh, man. Sorry, just sending a text message.

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It's we have LGBTQ veterans. Yeah. Strictly lesbian veterans. That'll be a sick platoon. The way that like the Tuskegee Airmen like took over. Yeah. And it was like an all black group of pilots. Yeah.

The Five Bloods. And if we just had. You know what that movie's about? Is that what it is? Or that might be Vietnam. If it was just like the ladies fucking mowing down the Viet Cong. There will be a movie like that soon. Hidden figures of like. Sounds like Avengers Endgame. Yeah.

And the ladies saved the day. They were getting their asses kicked. And then the ladies came in. I came here to chew bubble gum and munch rug. And I'm all out of bubble gum. Pull out your fucking pussies now.

Pull out your fucking pussies now watch your boxes i'm all out of rug to much damn eating your way through like a roadhouse but it's all like an all ladies bar like a bouncer instead of fighting she does eat her way through everyone leaves satisfied I think that's a better ending than Roadhouse way better end do you have you watched Roadhouse now that's a sick movie I did watch I finally watched the new Top Gun

finally movie was awesome yeah as a plain guy it chills the whole movie yeah it's the second at least the second half that's true patriotism that's a true page well that's why so then I was like all right that movie scratched the itch that was fucking awesome who's the bad guys in the movie russians or something or like uh because it's like tough because you can't like otherwise never really get specific about it can't otherwise middle eastern folks can't otherwise asian folks i mean it's the same shit with red dawn it's the changes every

movie against like who we're currently fighting against. Alright, boys, your mission is to shoot down a plane of cis white males. The real enemy, cis white males. That would be hilarious. Alright, this one is called Barstool

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Now they want to be girl that this that it's like if you support us by our merch. Will Compton's been trying to push a boy dad boy dad merch for so long. No, he's going to try like boys dad. Yeah. Like for the boys. It's for the boys, dad. It's they're probably going to change their name to exactly our name exactly they wish they had our name they don't but they don't here's some of my

favorite from the store dad rope hats polar quarter polo quarter zips and the best tasting coffee stella blue coffee and so much more see stella blue coffee is actually phenomenal and i drink it every single morning so that's an advertiser I want to get behind, and we should talk to them. Let me see if I can arrange a meeting. We can get them as an advertiser. There's no chance, bro. They're fucking, they're maxed out on their budget. Yeah.

Well, shop now at store.barstoolsports.com and buy some son of a boy dad merch, please. What was the first red dawn about? What was, what was the first attack? What was the first white supremacist? Uh, what was red Dawn? Right. That's what it's called. Right.

Red Dawn. What is red? Red Dawn. The Wolverines. No, you guys haven't seen red Dawn. Oh, that movie's ass.

So don't watch it. It sucks. And there's two. I'm going to watch this Tom Cruise movie. You got to watch Roadhouse. Oh, Patrick Swayze's in it, and he's young in it, too. He's fuckable. That's Red Dawn 2.

Red Dawn 2 is bad. Is that when he swears in the waterfall scene? I have no clue. I think it is. No, that would not be Red Dawn. Oh, no, no, Red Dawn's the one that came after that. Yeah. I have seen that one. Oh, yeah, they No, that would not be Red Dawn. Oh, no, no, Red Dawn's the one that came after that. Yeah. I have seen that one.

Oh, yeah, they're against the Soviets in the Red Dawn one. I think Red Dawn two might be against North Korea. They're fighting against... Sign me up for that shit, bro. Enlist me to watch that movie. Yeah, North Korea. The first one's about Russia, and the second one's about North Korea. What's the third one going to be against?

Barstool Sports? Probably, bro. Because we're out here fighting a goddamn war every day. It's a goddamn culture war. Every day we sit in this chair. And we're fucking bleeding. We're giving up casualties fast. It's a culture war and And we're fucking bleeding. We're giving up casualties fast. It's a culture war and they're fucking getting us.

They're killing us. Our backs are against the wall. They flanked us in the culture war. We need a culture nuke. We need the N-bomb for white people. Yeah, we need a culture Oppenheimer. Is it Peterson? Is it Tate?

Definitely not Tate. Who's going to save us in the culture war? I think Tate's kind of on his way out. No, bro. I think the hype's dying out. No, don't say that, dude. Yeah. Is it fresh and fit?

I think fresh and fit are the only ones that can save us now. The only ones that can dunk on the fucking libs now are fresh and fit. Did you know 80% of marriages? You know, all those fucking podcasts just regurgitate one statistic. Oh, yeah. 80% of marriages are ended by women and it's 90% if they're college educated. Oh, yeah. I've heard every one of those.

What's the girl? What's the girl that does it to the redheaded? Oh, I know you're talking about. What's her name? I don't know, dude. That that shit drives me. I'd rather see the gore than see that shit. Where do they recruit eight empty headed people to like come on their podcast?

I don't know. And why are they all doing well? Who's watching these shows? How did what's that? What's it even called? What's that genre of show called? There has to be a name for it. Like panel shows shows it's just dudes who like they got like it's literally it's dudes who got dumped when they were in like seventh grade and they still haven't gotten over

it like they got they dated a girl for like a week and it's like when you're dating and all that dating is like you say hi to them in the hallway at school and they like one day they saw their girl their girlfriend say hi to another dude and now they're like running an empire being like sign up for my fucking course the world's not gonna like you because you're not a virgin yeah yeah you're low value you're a low value woman and i'm a high value man because i fucked twice okay and one of them could have been you yeah you just treated me have you seen that dude that that you guys have probably seen the clip of that of that that super jacked dude? And he's like, he's like walking towards the camera.

He's like, hey, man, there's a big event this weekend. There's going to be a lot of girls there and a lot of drinks. Sorry, not for me because I focus on my goals. He's like, I'd rather talk to the Lord, work out and wake up early and work. You guys haven't seen this dude? No. Oh, dude, he's got like a million followers on Instagram. What's his accent?

Where's he from? I don't know. Somewhere in Europe. Yeah? Yeah. The jacked European? Jacked European. It's all these dudes who are like, and the only way you even get that jacked is if something,

if you had a bad breakup. Yeah. Or like something. And it was clearly a one sided bad breakup. Something naughty happened to you sexually like at some other point in your life. Like I'm going to wear loafers now and I'm going to fucking bench press 350. Yeah. Because it's or it's dudes who like have been working out since they were in like sixth grade and they swore that they were going to get all the girls when they got older.

And then they got older and they realized they couldn't make eye contact with people and all they forgot to do is lift weights. and then they got older and they realized they couldn't make eye contact with people and they forgot to lift weights yeah they forgot to talk to girls and just spent tons of time like shooting out microaggressions at the gym i'm actually doing a super set yeah yeah no i'm actually still on that machine going for my pr today and just not even talking to girls at the gym just wearing like a bandana like tupacac with a massive jug of like a milk container full of water and creatine. Dude, there can't be that many people out there who have this big thing that they need to overcome everything. Everyone's all they're talking about overcoming. It's like, what do you, how bad were all of your lives?

People, everybody feels like they have something that they need to overcome. It's like a human condition. It's not like no matter what, how your life was, you will calibrate your, your like worldview to seeing yourself as needing to overcome someone. Yeah. I guess that makes sense. I definitely believe that shit. Everybody's like, my parents fucking really love me a lot. They're not letting me grow.

It's like a whole genre of like dudes who like, well, there's so much motivation out there. There's more motivation than anything else. Motivation is the number one form of entertainment right now. It's just like being like, are you, oh, you were going to go hang out with your friends this weekend. Well,

there's the iron's not going to pump itself and it's sitting in the gym screaming your name. Lonely as hell. Yeah. It's like, dude, it takes also, it takes an hour to work out.

Like, I don't think you need to be reserving the whole weekend for lifting and if you do it too long like it will make you stop being able to work out yeah like if you work out for five hours straight for like a whole week like you're gonna be hurt by the end of the week and you're gonna have to take lots and lots of weeks off you don't you don't need to reserve multiple like i even when i used to work out i would work out for an hour and then i would go hang out with my friends it's a it's a big fallacy i need to fucking work out way harder though yeah me too i gotta get in the gym some bad angles i've had some rough ones too fat face yeah i've had some rough angles it's always when people take pictures of me while i'm on stage and i'm like oh some dude dm'd me and he was like yo great set in detroit he was like you should seriously like see a doctor

about your posture though he's like something is wrong he's like i don't even know i don't even know how you could acquire that posture and then i see pictures of myself and I'm literally at like a 90 degree angle on stage. Like I start bending from the waist, like a lunch lady. Like you're like always hunched over some lasagna that you're scooping out with a spoon. But then I look at, I try and do normal posture and I look at myself and I'm like, that looks worse. Normal posture. It looks and feels very weird. Have you ever walked down the street like after having just put on normal posture and you have to check yourself out because you're sure you look ridiculous? Oh, you look insane. But I don't even think you do look that crazy. I think that's how the body's like supposed to be.

I don't know. I've done it and I look in the mirror and I'm like, no. I sleep on my side curled up. I wake up, fucking sit on the toilet curled up, curl up to fucking brush my teeth, curl as I'm in the shower, fucking getting pelted. When I look in the shower, my neck is like this. I'm just looking directly

down the entire time. Like I rest my face on my chest most hours of the day. That's how I am most hours of the day. You're how I am most hours of the day. You're literally the whale in that Brendan Fraser movie. It's with my chin touching my chest.

You're like, your bloodline is going to develop like your chin is going to be connected to your chest. Dude, my neck, my face is below my shoulders. You must have a heavy ass. It's probably because your brain is so big. Yeah, probably. You're so fucking smart that you're you're weighed down

by the fucking massive weight of unbearable talent. Yeah. That's true. I need to start going the other way. It'll pull everything back.

If I like dip my head back. I keep getting ads for this thing that you're supposed to put your neck on and I might get it. And it like straightens out your posture or at least your neck i know the neck is where i need to get straightened out i wish zuckerberg had just fucking followed through on those glasses

that were supposed to you're just supposed to be wearing the glasses yeah because even when i lay in bed i've tried to like hold my phone like this so i'm like looking straight but then i'm like this sucks and then i just go put it right back down on my stomach have like the bottom of your phone imprinted onto your belly oh yeah or like your chest yeah i don't even have it on my stomach it's too far away from my yeah if you're old eyes nearsighted ass your wise eyes my fucking These eyes These eyes have seen a lot of things That they never knew These eyes These eyes have seen a lot of things These eyes have seen a lot of things

Alright where are you at next bro Like on the road Yeah bro give these people what they want to fucking hear I had to cancel or move Tacoma I don't know where it when it's getting moved to But luckily only like 10 people bought tickets for it. So there shouldn't be much too much of an uproar.

Um, cause I have to go home for my sister's graduation and they sent it out. So they sent out an email saying I had a family emergency, not a family emergency. My sister's graduating and she has been planning on graduating on this date for the last 18 years of her life. So that was on me. Family emergency. Another woman in the workforce. And then I'm going to Ontario, California, which is right near L.A., I guess. Like snow clubs in L.A. for you to go to or?

Not really. No. I guess like snow clubs in LA for you to go to or not really now I mean they have like the Hollywood improv but I don't think you can really do weekends there when you go somewhere do you get taxed to their area I think I might or maybe I yeah I think so so you're getting those California taxes 75 percent hope not I still don't know. My accountant still has not reached back to me. I think I might just be like, yo, are we still, like, should I get a new guy? Are you dumping me? He emailed me.

It's a soft dump. Yeah. Maybe my filing was too advanced. I organized it for him, though. Maybe you weren't giving him what you need. He said to give me all your filings. I'm saying, like, emotionally. I've given him everything, dude. You left it all on'm saying like emotionally. I've given him everything, dude.

You left it all on the line for him? I've given him everything. I don't know. It doesn't seem like enough. But I'm here in New York this weekend. We should freaking link up, dude. It's Memorial Day? You're on the road, aren't you?

Road dog. Road warrior. What are you going? Back to New Orleans? Back to Brazil? No. Safari? I think I'm going to Australia.

Why? My wife's family has a house down there. Strong. It's inland. It's not on the beach. Not on the water? No, it's inland. What the fuck?

Strong. I'll be here. I was trying to hang out this past weekend. I was hitting you up. No, you weren't. Yes, I was. We got in a heated debate with Pat Bev about what would have bigger oysters, the East Coast or the West Coast. We called you.

You just called me. It wasn't a debate. Also, I think it's West Coast easily. I think you're right. I just had Island Creek oysters, which is from where I live. And remember we were at that ball when i went to that place and i asked i went to another restaurant in new york and they said and it said island creek oysters everyone looked like i was a damn fool and they were tiny they were like this they were

like the size of like muscles and then i went to when i went to san francisco with francis francis ordered 24 oysters well i thought it was going to be like a sharing deal just 24 for him and and uh he probably was knocking over like fucking the salt and pepper shakers with his rock hard dick i know after that much aphrodisiac i know give me as much aphrodisiac as you have no he gave me a couple but uh get you a little horny too those were like this big those were those were massive oysters yeah that shit is not fun so judging why you don't like those, they say the small ones have more flavor. A big one just like... I like it.

It put... I like it. I do. I like a big meaty oyster. You said it's sassy as hell. I used to hate oysters. Now I love them. Yeah.

Growing taste. You're a growing boy. Yeah. The mignonette. Still hate zucchini. That'll change. You just need a little garlic on it. No, zucchini is the worst thing on earth or what about fried zucchini strips no terrible no they're not zucchini is disgusting uh mushrooms just repulsive that's

not true not all mushrooms even anyone anyone who even eats mushrooms i like have a hard time even associating with them you just that's like a very elevated thing have you ever seen the pig pig the movie with nicholas cage a horror movie no it's called pig no it's a fucking awesome movie but it starts off with this long ass scene of him cooking mushrooms and he's like a michelin chef it's like the one of the finest things to cook interesting it's a fungus grows on shit yeah it's disgusting dark it's disgusting uh what else uh squash hate squash mostly a texture thing though um but i was trying to hang out yesterday though but you never texted me once or ever even made it known that you would yes i did yes i did i was

like what time are you getting back you said i have shows on saturday in detroit and i'll be back on sunday you must have been pissed about that you were texting me waking up and i was already in my bed in New York. Damn, that's brutal. We had the same flight and I moved my flight. I was going to I was trying to get out there. I almost took a red eye. They just bounce from Detroit.

Just get the hell back to New York. Yeah. Sometimes you just got to get out of Dodge. Yeah. And I was it was late. Like I and I was like I was like I'm gonna be exhausted. But I was like this is still better than. I did just I don't know getting back on late on a Sunday sucks then it's like you don't have a Sunday did you have a Sunday what'd you do yesterday video games cleaned

uh watched the game the Celtics game and I played a lot of video games so you weren't trying to chill anyway and then I watched platoon you weren't gonna chill in regard and I scheduled a haircut getting a haircut tomorrow I can't wait what are you gonna get fade probably drop fade high top Caesar probably something like a little crazy on the top maybe like I don't know high and tight spiky probably high and tight and then just fade like a jordan jump shot yeah good fade fuck yeah that sounds so good that's the problem is you gotta you gotta really when you're getting a right when you're making reservation for a haircut you gotta look at the kind of people's hair that they're cutting and it's hard to find a place that cuts white dudes hair you're talking

about dominican brothers actually middle eastern brothers i have a lot of middle eastern dudes middle eastern brothers and dominican they like dude they don't they want like you go in and this is not just dominican people it's not like in new york this is everywhere you go you go in and you're like this is the haircut i want and they're like ah i think this will look better and then they have i only know how to do buzz cut yeah and then i walk out and i look like fucking g easy with like a fade with it but it's it's still long on the top and it wraps around like a fucking yarmulke. Yeah, that's the dopest look.

Dude, it is infuriating. G-Eazy's fashion goals. Now I just go and I say, take an inch off everywhere. I did that the last place and then they just didn't cut the top of my hair. Dude, the top of my hair is down to my front lip. You just didn't have an inch to give. It was insane.

Because you go in and they assume that this is how you want to wear your hair always. So right now my hair is like middle parted because it's so long. Well, don't cut. Just come in like come in how you want to wear it. There's no way I could do that with my hair right now. It's too long. So I guess I'll bring a picture or something. I'll probably bring a picture of you.

A hat. Yeah. They cut a hat into it fuck um well check out sass and fucking ontario canada yeah well four episodes before then but and uh yeah well we should we should hang out bro well i thought we were doing let's do an episode are we doing a bonus episode tomorrow or something or that's for next week uh we let's do an episode. Are we doing a bonus episode tomorrow or something? Or that's for next week? We have to do something for Memorial Day. We'll bang something for Memorial Day next week. Maybe a guest. Oh, why?

Because we're not going to be here on Monday. Oh, shit. We got Monday off. Monday off. Well, at least you guys do. Brian doesn't stop for me. What do you have shows? I don't really do holidays.

Do shows at the box? Yes, actually. Sick. Just the box. Yes, actually. Sick. Fucking go. All right. All right. See you guys next week.

Very funny episode.