Son of a Boy Dad - Woman Soldiers | Son of a Boy Dad #176

Episode Date: February 22, 2024

Woman Soldiers | Son of a Boy Dad #176 -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, Son of a Boy Dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. I steal my clothes all the time. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. We are live from HQ3, me, Ron, Francis, hello. Hi. A little noise for the,

you know, kind of the ambiance. Yeah, creating a very coffee shop vibe. Creating a little bit of energy like that. But also like a maraca kind of thing. Guys, I got something

troubling to let get off my chest. Let's hear it. Yesterday I took our beautiful English setter Ruby. I mean just a magnificent dog. Show dog quality. She's amazing. Amazing like a steed. $30,000. That's not right. More expensive. Put a lean on his house just so he could have this dog.

When Sass was in the car with us she would lean forward and put her head on his shoulder and he'd be like that's not what happened only human I've ever seen I actually said I don't mind and Francis kept on going he hates dogs saying it to the dog I was talking to her

he's not one that you want to try this with and it's not your fault don't internalize it she would sit on my lap in the car, which was... She's a pretty big dog. She loves him. She's 44 pounds. 44 pounds.

She's leaning. It's not really a lap dog. Yeah. 44 pounds, but a lot of... It's long hair, so she's bigger presenting. Yes. If you shaved her down, she'd look like a greyhound. Yeah.

He's just one of those people that doesn't like... Beings. Kind, loving animals. No, I love just one of those people that doesn't like beings. Kind, loving animals. No, I love dogs. You say that. I like my dogs. Yeah, exactly. Well, anyway. Propaganda. You have your beautiful dog that's asked Shund.

Show dog. We were taking her to, I took her to get groomed yesterday. She needed that. You'd think she would have been done getting groomed after she got off of me because I was covered in hair. Well, I took her, and there's a guy who works at the store. She hates it. She hates when I bring her in there. She pulls against the leash.

She knows what it's up. She doesn't like it. Oh, is this the one that you thought was fucking the dog that's right yeah you took her back there goes the whole story well you told us this already on the podcast yeah but now i'm more sure of it okay continue yeah no so this is like a now i'm worried about it okay so what happened now i'm now i'm hooked now i'm hooked in he runs the store by himself and it's a pet store and in the back they have this grooming area yeah that is locked away and there's like the basement in pulp fiction yeah yeah it's like when you go to a gun range and you gotta you gotta close one door before

you open the other no but it's it's like a red room oh god it's like a red room. Oh, God. It's like a room from Fifty Shades of Grey. Yeah, there's rose petals everywhere. There's a metal table, and then they have sort of a four-way chains. I don't think it's chains, but a way to secure the dog. Because they don't like it, and you have to prevent them from, because he's clipping them. And so then she comes out of there and she's you know i pick her up and she's all cleaned and trimmed and she's a little woozy so i think he's expressing her anal glands he does do that whether she needs it or not right she does it. But he's just probing around.

How does he even know she needs it? Even finding that out is treacherous. I know. But I think he's slipping her a drug to make her acquiescent. Really? You should definitely ask. Well, he's not going to come clean about having a nasty, dirty relationship with a dog. I know.

Francis will never bring him back now am i a bad owner for continuing to bring her back even with this suspicion because if i'm honest he does do the best grooming job yeah that's the two questions how well you have to if you're gonna fuck the dogs you got to do the best grooming job anyone's ever done there's a part of me that thinks what a master that he's able to get his nut and then finish the grooming no he's definitely nutting after the grooming oh that's a good point because he's like look at what i've done look what i've created but then what it fucks the dog he's like this is so good i gotta fuck it jesus christ is he washing it does he wash it down afterwards? Jesus Christ.

Is the dog washed? I mean, dude, you're the one that... I thought I was doing a bit. You're the one that's bringing it up. And you brought it home. I brought it up, but you brought it home, brother. You tucked it in bed. You fucking said...

Read it a bedtime story. I don't think that's that crazy. So this guy's fucking your dog that's the concern i think that it if you're what what's her you're gonna kill him no no no definitely not that because once you first you said he's if he's doing a good job it's worth it second of all what's her disposition afterwards when she gets home is she tuckered out she's a little tuckered, but she seems to know that she looks good. So she's resilient. He makes her feel pretty.

Yeah, I guess that's it. I think that there's an element. Laura's giving her a lot of treats to keep her quiet. A lot of hush money. Did you have to sign an NDA? Hush puppies. No, we didn't have to sign anything and you pay in cash it's all pretty seedy i'm not gonna lie and not only that but when he goes back to groom the dogs there's no one left to run the store he's the only employee there they're selling dog food and chew toys well we should set up a sting there's a couple ways we

could do it we could go human human in a dog outfit. That's what I was thinking as well. I was actually thinking that, and then in my head I was like, that's a pretty funny sketch idea. To have someone go in like a full-on mascot. But dude, a guy like him, he might be he might see that and be like, this is going to be my greatest nut ever. If he sees a human and a dog like that might be what he's been searching for he's the gonzaga bulldog walking i remember watching a sting about this creepy dentist once where a woman he was they people thought he was

violating patients while they were under the numbing or whatever and uh a woman volunteered herself as a you know undercover and he groped her and i was like i'm surprised they had to go that far yeah with it do you know what i mean yeah that feels like the south park call that off where the undercover officer goes in and like gets fucked in his ass by the prostitute because he's trying to figure out if they're prostitutes right like you didn't have to go all the way there and whoever's signing up for it like is she gonna now claim trauma probably it's like well you especially if it was on i mean i'm not one to say people asked for it yeah i think i think now luckily what they can do now because this was this was years and years ago

but now what you could theoretically do is instead of setting up hidden cameras and then doing the reviewing the footage after you could set up a live feed so the second he starts getting bad you could jump in there with the crew chris hansen walks out or something like that yeah we need chris hansen everywhere michael vick we need michael vick everywhere imagine barstool did that, but the internet failed. What? Like our live stream cut out. Oh, yeah.

We're like, oh, we don't actually know. Yeah. 20 minutes later. We got to do it again. Fucking Tommy Smokes has been raped. Pete Overmire's like, look, I run 16 different shows here. I can't keep track of them. Yeah, the tech guys are just

like sighing hard what are we supposed to do about this internet well it's got to go down and rumble first there's like a 600 million dollar media company and i can't even get one guy getting raped on camera one of my best guys team pornoid tommy smokes all the evidence we have is jizz on the jumpsuit oh god that's not right but it's good because it's tommy it is and he's the one where you could really joke about it absolutely you could really lean into it but the other way like you just send someone in you just have the dog getting uh whatever anal glands expressed in the back and then you send someone else in the front of the store and see what he does. Does he rush out with a fucking

apron on and a boner behind it? Or is the store completely locked? Is it completely shut down? You call. I think that there's ways that we could get to the bottom of this ourselves. There's no way to up tuck a boner in an apron. It's also tough because you can't ask anyone. Even if you know

someone that brings their dog there, you can't ask. It Even if you know someone that brings their dog there, you can't ask. Right. It's a wild thing. You don't think he's fucking our dogs, do you? That's a good way to end that relationship forever. And then their dog. It's funny that you say that, Francis.

No, or they're like, well, why isn't he fucking my dog? Yeah. He feels guilt like another altar boy who didn't get touched. He's like, why not me? He doesn't really like rescues. He only likes purebreds. Oh, it's short hair. There's nothing to get to the bottom of.

You're fine. You don't have to worry about that. Ugly ass fucking dog. Yeah. I mean, I would send my dog in, but it has short hair. It doesn't really shed. It doesn't really need grooming. It only could use the sex.

Yeah. It's fixed, so it will really never know sexual desire in that way. So maybe we could just see if there's a line item on the menu for just the sex. Yeah, like a secret menu type thing. Yeah, ordering off the menu like the double burger. Maybe just go in and ask. I may do. Just be like, can you fuck my dog?

And then see based on his, because he's probably going to be like, what dude? No. No. Why would we do that? I wouldn't do that. I wouldn't do that. Why? Did they say something?

Did someone say something? Did someone say we were fucking dogs? Who who recommended you because we're kind of on a three-strike policy right now we're on three having a referral or like a code word or something yeah yeah so here's something i was thinking about after the last episode uh we so sass and i hang out and go fishing on the weekends our dogs are best friends and we hang out together in our place that we live i'm concerned about you two keeping pace we have nothing where how have i become the common link you're the linchpin yeah well i don't know that the river should run through me i'm i'm gonna start taking up jewel pots.

Just tooling around with jewel pots. Don't you think you two should hang out to sort of hang out all the time? What are we to do, Francis? What can I do with him? He doesn't like anything except for like gummy worms and fucking video games. Ron and I hang out all the time.

I don't think you do. And we text constantly. Yeah? Yeah. Just a simple, how you doing, man? You okay? Yeah, you seem down today.

Just checking in. Just trying to get to the bottom of it. Just, you know, I'm always here for you. That kind of thing. On days when Sass feels low or seems low, I purposefully avoid him. I could text him and reach out and be like, are you all right? And I'm like, no, he wouldn't want that. No.

It would be bad. Not at all. Yeah, he wouldn't want that. But we're at an impasse. I don't know what the fuck to do. Yeah. I'm like about to start showing up at his fucking, like his shows or something like that. Well, you have done that in the past.

You should take up stand up. Yeah. Yeah, we could talk rooms. Yeah. I mean, it's almost like i know all the rooms i feel like ceiling heights i've heard enough about like pillar placement and fucking uh like the appetizers that they have that i i feel like i'm connected but it's living vicariously it's like hearing an nfl announcer break down the game like i don't play football yeah i've heard tony romo talk enough

about the fucking nachos at mcgoobies that i feel like now i'm plugged in yeah yeah i don't know i don't know what should i do francis what i think that's all there is left or video games well he'll be video games is the big thing right now football was a thing kind of. We did talk about it a lot. But then, like, the good thing about this little boy is that he gets a new hobby every, like, four months or something like that. Not really. It was pool for a while. Pool was big, but that was also a side effect of alcoholism

and an excuse to be at a bar and get drunk. You weren't even going to bars, bars. You were going to like full-on pool halls. Yeah. You used to go all the time. Yeah, it was actually the fact that Francis was eating your lunch and no matter how hard you tried to fucking beat him, you couldn't. So you're like, let me do something that Francis doesn't do.

Dude, I stopped drinking. You started tying like tiny knots. I stopped drinking and I have not had the urge to play pool once. They played pool this weekend next to me and I was like, I'm not fucking doing that. That shit sucks. Who did? You and Brandon played pool this weekend. No, we didn't.

Yes, you did. You're right, we did. And I played Madden instead. That's right. And you didn't want to play. He doesn't want to play with me anymore and it's my fault. It is. I should have toned it down a little bit more.

Well, we got to the end and it was like i had like a handicap i was like dude this sucks we don't have to do that if you want to just keep losing straight up we can do it that way it just wasn't it wasn't ideal it reminded me of when i play war zone and you're and you have a bad night and you lose every game and you're like this isn't fun at all that's what it's like for me playing like everything competitively that i do yeah because i never want i would never want to take the time to get good at something, and I'm never good at things right away. So I'm just in no man's land.

Well, the problem was I got good enough at pool that I would go to bars and I would beat everybody. And you'd have a club in a small box. And then I would play with Francis, and then he would smoke me. And then that's kind of when it's kind of like a come down to earth moment. I don't feel good about that i i bums me out i enjoyed playing pool with you you're like playing against a five year old on a fisher price basketball hoop like you need to let him win a couple times i should

have done but you know the problem for me is that i actually enjoy competing with people who are better than me and because i get i find that i get better when i play against people like if i played tennis with players that played D1 tennis, they'd kill me, but I enjoy hitting with them because they make me better. What's your next hobby going to be? Darts. No, darts actually I do enjoy, but that's not a hobby.

Let's pick up darts. Let's get into that because I'm not great at that, so we would probably be more level on that. Darts is like something that you do once a year maybe. No, I think we could get into a league we could do it At your apartment you could practice at your home. I do have that long ass hallway Definitely throw darts in there. Yeah, you could All way. Yeah, but I need something. It's not something that you guys can do together

I need something that I can do with them oh that's right we need that for you too download Warzone dude you wouldn't play with me I would play with you but you wouldn't play with Pat Bev it's so hard for you

to shake these racism allegations it's so hard and I'm offering you every fucking branch that you could fucking climb out of this yeah

the things you said about Anthony Wiener's wife nasty things things you said about Anthony Weiner's wife. Nasty things that you said. About whose wife? Anthony Weiner's ex-wife. Huma Abedin? Oh, I didn't say those things. I heard you saying them earlier.

No, that was war mode. They said that. I didn't say that. I don't know if you were reading a transcript. That's already out there. You're plagiarizing war mode? You're stealing their most racist bits and then doing them yourself?

I was going to wear my war mode. Seth Simons preemptively and then doing them yourself i was gonna wear my preemptively blocked me on twitter i've never interacted with him i don't even know who he is i've never seen him and he just blocked me which felt like a badge of honor yeah that is one of the funniest things in that article was it said uh it said shane gillis and uh bill and Billy McCusker and Spud all declined a comment, which is just funny to the Billy and Spud declining a comment on an article about them. Like Spud going through his publicist. Yeah. What do you think? Should I talk to them?

I was going to wear my war mode, my war mode bucket hat today, but I couldn't find it. I was going to wear my war mode bucket hat today, but I couldn't find it. Or you fucking turtled and cowardice in your one chance to support your brothers as they're getting canceled by the woke lynch mobs. You could have stood with them. Instead, you're basically a tacit compliance with Seth Simons. Sass Simons over here. Good God. Not me.

Yes, that's what everyone's saying. Sass Simons. Sass Simons. Francis used to hang out with Seth all the time. They used to actually play pool. We saw him at Society once, and Francis went up and was like, Seth, what's up, you fuck?

I would never. I haven't seen you in a minute. Who should we cancel tonight? Let's pick someone. Also, great job on that Shane thing, dude. You killed that. Let's pick someone's life. Bro, he wrote that for the Daily Beast. Yeah. That was the one that did the worst

thing about me. They hate me. Oh, no. Oh, that's probably why he has you blocked. No, I think he has me blocked. He probably didn't want to see a murderer coming up on his timeline. Didn't Lewis choke him? Did he? Yeah. That's crazy.

At the stand. He came to the stand one night and Lewis held him up against a wall. That's crazy. It was like, you're not welcome here. Usually, it's like comedy's not that serious. You got to choke slamming people. He's the guy that cancels everyone. Yeah.

And Lewis is the guy that boxes boxes everyone He's a comedy critic And has come after Lewis' friends Yeah I guess it's true If you don't take comedy that fucking seriously There's not a seat at the table for you I would have gutted him I would have brought him out back and sliced him open What

I just feel like he's going to take this clip and write an article about me there's nothing to write about me about you taking a bowie knife across his vital organs spill out like i already said why does shane gillis keep supporting a guy who says he would slice me up i don't think he's good He doesn't write about shit like that. Dude, the amount of death threats that he's probably gotten. Yeah, I don't know. Who is he? I don't know.

I feel like we should probably not talk about him. Did he say something? Yeah, I know. I think we should cut all of this. No, no, no. Definitely not. That's pussy shit. What? This is like we're betraying the-

A comedy critic? We're going to be like, no, we don't want the critics to be angry with us. I think it's just you don't want to give him any more attention. Nah. Yeah, that seems to be the general idea. Nah. This is fun to talk about. Welcome to Son of a Boy Dad Podcast. No, this is fun to talk about. What did he write about you, Francis? You said he wrote about you on the Daily Beast? No, no. He didn't write that. Another guy did. When I got fired, that guy wrote that I had slut-shamed a murdered girl

and that I had made a lot of, which was ridiculous because I've never slut-shamed anyone in my life. I love sluts. Yes. You exalt sluts. Especially the dead ones. Then they truly deserve to be ex are on fire today i'm swinging for the fences and i love it i personally love it it's fun to sit next to such big cuts yeah

to be in frame with someone yeah oh have at it boy. Very nice. I don't think I've said anything crazy at all. I like the bites you're taking. Yeah. Very good. No, but then what was the other thing? He wrote that. And then he went back through blogs I'd written and he said that I had made a bunch of homophobic, like it was that I was homophobic because he pulled up articles about me wanting to

fuck Frankie. Yeah, it's so funny. How is that homophobic? It pulled up articles about me wanting to fuck frankie yeah it's so funny how is that homophobic i'm what it's it's gay yeah it's just gay it's not homophobic it's gay aspirational did he think i was kidding clearly he misread the blog sounds like he's homophobic yes exactly the detail that you went into like you obviously had to go there mentally and fantasize about it. I said exactly how I would address him and that it was his feminine qualities that made me attracted to Frankie, which, if anything, is straight. True. I get, like, a joy out of watching, like, comedians and the people that they have like problems and beef with like

seth simons or what's the dude something gelman some brett gelman yeah or jake flores or whatever like all these people that comedians like wind up beefing with just uh is that's like a different level of entertainment and i imagine that's what it's like for a comedian to watch when barstools like beefing with somebody or like uh when there's internal beef at barstool it's just this entertaining it's not necessarily comedy itself but it's like salacious yeah it's a tv yes which by the way the new york times wrote a 15 page piece on sandoval the guy from vanderpump rules yes who sass maybe we could get into that together would you watch start watching vanderpump rules i would watch vanderpump would you would you re but what did he do did he do something bad well last year he was the talk of the entire reality tv world because it turned out that he cheated on his girlfriend of nine years with

another cast member another girl and the story broke and it was her best friend too somehow it became it almost transcended reality tv it was it launched the show into a different echelon it became their highest rated show ever and now the other shows aspire for that level of fatigue. Oh, shit. Actually, I remember when this happened. They had a sit down with all of them, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I remember when that happened.

And I didn't follow it in real time, but then I read this expose because it was fascinating. And this dude has no ability to differentiate between his life and the show anymore. It's amazing. He's been doing it for 12 years now and quite literally cannot turn it off. Where he has a friend who's on the show. Best friend. They own two restaurants together, Schwartz and Sandy and Tom Tom. And he wants...

I went to tom tom once i got i got very sick from a drink called the daddy diablo that has a buzz button in it made me throw up what is a buzz button it's like uh it's like the inside of like a cactus or some shit like that and i was throwing up all over the like there was like a sliding door to the bathroom of the hotel room i was in and i threw up so much that it got in between the cracks of the sliding door. I was scrubbing the floor at four in the morning as I was throwing up on it. You can just leave $5. I left so much money for them, like an apology note for the ladies. They're like, this is too much.

Jesus. Did you drink too much or was it just that? It was the buzz button in the daddy diablo made me sick the buzz buttons will do that the buzz button really gets you on the daddy diablo at tom tom and uh beverly hills but go ahead francis well so he had a friend on the show i mean i don't feel like i should i'm just adding color i i know but you you are really i just want to add color uh you know you know it so well uh he said that in this thing that when he wants to text his friend schwartz yes that guy's best friend or he wants to talk to him about life he

can't stop himself from contacting the producers first to see if they can get cameras over so that they can record his conversation with him even if it's something that like is innocuous well it's like an addiction he just doesn't think that anything he does anymore should not be on camera and he can't even tell if something is worthy of being on camera or it's making him so famous for the worst reasons possible and he still wants to get more famous instead of wanting to be like hey i need to put a fucking cork in this and slow down this like leak of like toxicity that i'm putting into the world and just not become more famous he's like it's more important that i make the world more toxic be more toxic and i just need to get more famous he feels responsible for the gigantic success of this show, and he is responsible for it, but for bad reasons.

Yeah, he's the most twisted and toxic human being on television. It's fucking awesome. He's a villain, yeah. And they would put in his home, where they would shoot often, they would put papers over the lights to create TV-ready lighting. And when the season would end filming, he would take it down, and now he just leaves them up year-round.

So his home is a perpetual set. Well, they own the home together. He cheated on his wife, and now they're in a, what was that Vince Vaughn, Jennifer Aniston movie? Breakup? The breakup. They're in the breakup was that vince vaughn jennifer aniston movie breakup breakup they're in a the breakup situation where they both want the house but she sued him in court to force him to sell the house so i think that's over now and now she's in fucking chicago she's

in the show chicago and it's have it's breaking record numbers because the same way he's become the biggest villain in the world this woman didn't do anything except for get cheated on and now women are fucking standing for her at a Taylor Swift level

sympathy is a commodity that knows no bounds so ladies out there if I could give you any advice get your ass cheated on yeah get your ass cheated on

the world will love you yeah right Sass are you here are you here for all this bro I don't know I literally don't know anything that you guys Yeah. Get your ass cheated on. The world will love you. Yeah. Right. Sass, are you here for all this, bro? I don't know. I literally don't know anything that you guys are talking about. That's how I feel when you guys talk about, like, streamers and rappers. Sneako and fucking Jack Doherty.

The laundry people, whatever. Laundry day. Yeah. Bro said that they would come on bro bro said that they would slide yeah i talked to bro he said slide wow dude i really he said definitely sliding it's worth it it's worth the read it's worth reading that because it's so twisted i just you i that sounds like pretty dark it is he went on this dude nick no it's deeply mental ill he went on this dude nick viles podcast that mental ill he went on this dude nick

viles podcast that dude who used to be on the bachelor was kind of a villain on the bachelor but uh this dude this very uh toxic guy tom sandoval went on there and he just like all every aspect of his like mental illness was on display they're like why are you late he was like well you were late for my podcast oh it's like and it was proven that the guy wasn't late, and he was just, like, lying. And he's like, well, what do you want me to do? Like, I'm so sorry. Like, every part of his, every interaction that he has is just, like, another chapter of, like, a psychological handbook on, like, somebody who's so fucked up. Yeah.

It's, uh. They should really stop filming him. Those people, I him. Those people, I know those people get into this thing. Apparently now, like he's in this perpetual cycle of fucking up and then processing it in front of a camera. He believes that everything that happens to him,

he needs to process it in front of a camera. And I'm so tired of that word processing. I probably, I like to process it in front of a camera. And I'm so tired of that word. Processing? I like to process nothing. Just keep chugging along. Yes. Bury everything. That's exactly right.

Whatever happened to just being miserable and sullen? Our brothers from World War II. Like if there's anything we could take from Band of Brothers is the interviews at the beginning where the guys just suppressed everything, never shed a single tear about the atrocities that they with withstood and committed i think they cried a lot in those interviews no they didn't there was definitely there was like a tear and it like there was so old like those dudes were like shit like vibrating no it came

out as a cloud of dust out of their eye socket. Just old ass dudes. I told you about my first experience with Band of Brothers, right? Have I told you about this? No. When I tried to watch it and then they showed the interview in the beginning and I was like, oh, it's a fucking documentary and I turned it off. And then I rewatched it and I was like, dude, that's like 15 seconds into the show. I gave the show 15 seconds the first time I tried watching it and I was like, dude's like 15 seconds into the show i gave the show 15 seconds the first

time i tried watching it i was like dude i'm not watching it fucking the interviews are the best part yeah i was like i'm not watching a 10 part documentary yeah these guys are old yeah what would i want to hear these old guys for that was like the ultimate like don't judge a book by its cover um i like shifty when he's like uh he's like they asked me if I wanted to come over and see Bill Garnier. And I said, I don't think I want to do that. No, because I would have had a hard time with that. Yeah. His leg was blown off and he's, you know, you don't want to see that?

Yeah. He's like, well, I didn't think I'd want to see that. I just broke my heart too much. That's the suppression that we're talking about, though. Like the guy's like, well, I don't, I didn't think i wanted to see him not like i was so traumatized like it's just like it's italian and i i mean more irish than italian honestly i mean what that guy's saying though is pretty much it was like the most pain he's ever felt mentally and he's just like i didn't think that was gonna be good for me no that wouldn't be quite what i was in the had the palette for at that time it was like the deepest most severe trauma he's ever experienced

yeah the man who he'd been through the literal trenches of warfare i decided at that point i would never see him again you know what i'd be what i was curious about we knock people in this world i've heard this refrain frequently recently about how if you know somebody who does not have any best friends that are longer than five, ten years or whatever, that's a bad sign about that person. Because it means they can't hold friendships and they're just flitting from one person to the next. Well, Jordan Woodruff said if you're losing friends, that's a good sign you're growing. Yeah. She said that? Modern day philosophers?

Yeah. So, I mean, I don't mean to completely take steam out of what you're saying but oh by the way you're gonna want to cut that no no we're not cutting nothing we're not cutting nothing it's like the fucking we're talking bravo and we're girls bro but so what are you saying so you think it's a red flag which oh no i don't i don't well i was gonna say those people would fare very well in war oh yeah because getting over your friend dying in front of you and moving on is probably something that follows from people that were like well i used to be friends with him it's also gotta suck it's also gotta suck just from the aspect of like when you're out in war.

It's like when you're doing a group project and there's one person in the group that you like and then they don't show up one day because they're sick. And then you're like, God, I got to fucking sit with these people all day. Imagine being in war and you got like one buddy and then he just gets shot in the head. And then you're like, now I got to fucking figure out a whole new group. Yeah. I have no one else to hang around with not great yeah i mean it's a lot like war is a lot of socialize it's a lot like group projects it is it's a lot i mean dude they're just walking around 90 of the day just walking and there's some soldiers who

just like put their name on it like cowards who just like didn't do shit like hung back yeah it's a lot of socializing what a funny way to it is it's true but i think it's true of like the american military or like you know very developed nations i think that they're like if you were to ask you know uh the the fucking northern iraqi forces that the kurds yeah we're like did you guys happen to have any card games while you were under siege from ISIS? They'd be like, no, we didn't have fucking downtime to get to know each other. They probably did have some good songs that they sang. But I think that there's an element, Francis, to what you're saying that, you know, if you're not great at forming bonds, if you're not great at forming friendships, war could be a little bit easier for you.

And I think that's adult women in a lot of senses yes like uh women in their 40s should be the soldiers that we're sending out on the front lines instead of 20 year old dudes dude i've had this thought a lot like we should uh we should let women fight fight wars they'll as like as our main as our main guys though i think it would i don't know what that would look like and i'm look like Tomb Raider. It would be incredible. It would be sexy as hell. Oh, interesting. It would be like Lara Croft. It would be a bunch of Joe Lees

and G.I. Janes. Would they fight or would they just solve it? They'd probably solve it. Talk it out. No, they'd probably shade the enemy. Yeah. They'd throw some deep cuts of shade. They gaslight the enemy.

Yeah, they gaslight. Band of Sisters would look like an episode of Vanderpump Rules. Listen, I heard what you said about us, and I think, look, I just want to talk to you about it. Can we talk? Why do you think we're trying to attack you? We literally were not doing that. We're making that up in your head. Did you see what they're wearing?

Did you see their outfits? All right, I got one other thing I wanted to mention. There's a bathroom right here, and there's two urinals. There's one that's low and one that's high. And I went in there to pee before the episode. Not when you were in there. I was shitting. But no, a different time.

Pebble Beach in there, though. Nothing came out. Was I next to you no did you hear like a raspberry is for us to kind of no i went in i went in right before we were recording you were sitting right here oh so i'd already i had already yes pooped got it got it so so you were uh you were in the tall urinal or the small urinal? I was in the tall... Well, no, no. Okay, yeah, right. So this was not the time when you were in there.

Yes. I went to use the small urinal. So it's much lower. And then a guy who works at this company that I'd never seen before, who is very short. And I'd not seen someone this short who worked here. You don't know his name? And I feel bad if he listens to this podcast. I promise you he doesn't.

He had to come in and use the other urinal, which was much taller. And it was almost too tall for him. which was much taller and it was almost too tall for him such that he kind of had to stand on his tippy toes to reach the ledge in order to make the pee go in the urinal and i noticed that he was standing on his tippy toes because i was so far away from the urinal because it was so low that my pee was splashing out of the urinal and hitting his feet oh my god and that's sexual assault it was every aspect of this r kelly went to jail for that like a hate crime from me like i had opted for the lower one which clearly should have been his why did you go for the lower one i didn't think about it it's like going in the handicap stall you don't think that there's going to be a wheelchair boy behind you it's going for the lower urinal is always a

choice that you're making probably i prefer it i'm picturing him like coming up and flopping his don't you you prefer the one that's closer yeah there's a part of me that thinks that if i use the one that's more level the risk of the p splashing back onto my genitals is greater yeah that's true so i'd rather have it be farther away and so worst case it's getting on my boots your stream must be incredible it's your prostate health must be fucking godly i'd imagine your stream is like the width of a can of coke my streams is i got i got stream like sneeko oh there's a good stream very good now i'm picturing him flopping his dick up on the bottom ledge like uh kevin mccallister going into the store and like putting money on the counter i'm home alone just him like fucking trying to get some loft onto his dick just so he can rest it so he can pee straight forward.

Did you see that Shaq had a shoe come out where it holds a hidden can of Pepsi in the heel? No. That's how big his feet are. That's hilarious. It holds a hidden can of Pepsi. The heel slides away and he can put a can of Pepsi in there and still walk on it as a normal shoe. What the fuck? It's crazy.

I'll show you a picture. Is it like something that he's selling or that it was just like a gimmick? Like when you put a goldfish in a disco boot. Let me look it up. That's actually kind of awesome. That's cool. Yeah, I feel like a fucking sucker. I can't put any fucking...

I used to have those flip flops that had the bottle openers on the bottom and I thought they were awesome. I feel like a fucking sucker. I can't put any fucking... I used to have those flip-flops that had the bottle openers on the bottom, and I thought they were awesome. I was like 10. I would try and find Coke bottles that were like glass, that I could use them. Yeah, those are fucking awesome. Yeah. I met some dudes from Manchester at a rap battle

that gave me a pair of underwear that had a pouch over the penis where you could put drugs, and they were called smuggling duds which is such a good name for underwear that you fucking yeah smuggle drugs with a pair of smuggling smuggling duds you ever use them uh i don't know if i ever smuggled in my smuggling duds i wore the smuggling duds a ton but i don't know if i actually i must have gone to a festival or something like that and use the smuggling duds once or twice. Now at the airport, though, they're fucking like... I mean, I had my penis touched on my way to Los Angeles two days ago.

Really? The back of a guy's hand. He's like, I need to touch your penis. And they tell you beforehand. They're like, this is where the inconsistency was because I had a button fly and that must have triggered it off, and I was sexually assaulted by a TSA worker at the airport. Jesus. Button fly, by the way, one of Harry's favorite ties to fly.

Flies to tie. Not familiar. No? No. You can't tie one? I don't know what a button fly is. I guess your fingers aren't nimble enough. Oh, that's when you're wanting to catch.

I was just trying to figure out why the back hand doesn't count as groping, but the front does, and I feel like it's a button fly is. I guess your fingers aren't nimble enough. Oh, that's when you're wanting to catch... I was just trying to figure out if, like, why the back hand doesn't count as groping, but the front does, and I feel like it's because there's more... You got more feel on the front. But I feel like if you could turn your hand all the way around, then it would still be groping.

If you just mold your kilo of coke into a penis and balls setup... Yeah. ...in your smuggling duds, I feel like that'd be a good way to get away with it. Like, how did... They must know exactly... i wonder if there's training of them being like this is here's 15 different penises here's 15 different penis densities that you can be sure or like can you find the drug amongst all the penises like how are they training you

to know what like a penis is supposed to feel like it doesn't feel like my dick. Yeah. I don't know. I mean, but what... You went 13 for 15. That 14th one, you thought it was coke rocks, but it was an STD. Yeah, yeah. That was a herpy.

That's just a bad rash. It was just a bubbling dick. What is the... Are people really at airports putting drugs in their pants? I thought that... I thought they didn't even check for drugs. I thought the whole thing

was that they were checking for bombs. I don't think they check for personal use marijuana no they're not worried about marijuana but i i you hear about the what are they called the duds smuggling duds you hear about the duds and you wonder well if those exist then why is someone being so desperate as to shove heroin up their asshole? Why not try this? It's a little fun. It's a little naughty. How often are they getting caught with the smuggling duds and thinking, oh shoot, if only I'd boofed this. I also think that there is some they weren't really comprehensive. They didn't cup my nutsack, feel in between

my dick and balls, or go behind my nutsack feel in between my dick and balls or go behind my nutsack they like went to the top of my leg went to the top of my leg and then just

touched my whole penis with the back of their hand like full just sexual assault but they like I could have still hid the drug

somewhere if I really wanted to I think I feel that they just wanted to touch my penis I think that's why I think you got raped

is that what this is because I'm slow to process my penis. I think that's why. I think you got raped. Is that what this is? Because I'm slow to process this trauma. Because I'm touching my penis right now. And there's, I mean, I don't even know if that's a penis. I'm feeling absolutely nothing. With the back of your hand, you really can't tell.

I mean, but it's honestly like if they're going to go as far to touch your penis through the pants, at least touch, at least like use your hands. Don't use the back of your hand. Yeah, at least like. Like if that's something that they're routinely doing, I'm assuming there's a reason they're doing it and they should do it the right way. There's a right way and a wrong way to do that i had to wait i had to sit stand there and wait uh because the guy was like i need to uh i need to get him i need to get the right head space right now yeah i need to get you hard for this yeah do you want to hear any music or is there any magazines you like to watch no he was like uh he's like i need my supervisor to be. To make sure that it wasn't inappropriate?

I guess so. Or they needed some kind of clearance to molest me. Needs a spotter. Yeah. Dude, one time I... Somebody just held his back. Yeah. Easy.

He was guiding his hand like a t-ball coach. Easy, easy. Not too much. Now push, push. Like a cockswain on the fucking crew team. Go, go, go. Do they bring you to a separate area or do they just keep you out of the open? They asked me if I wanted to go to a separate area.

You said, what did you say? I was like, if you're going to fucking buy me dinner first. Buy me dinner first at least. You should say that next time. I'm definitely going to use that. Right when his hand is on your dick, go, at least buy me dinner. At least buy me dinner. You think they would laugh?

God, no. I think they would laugh. That would be pretty funny. TSA orders. I could see you doing that for sure. Yeah, I would do it. Yeah. Break the tension.

Yeah, why not? So next time when we go to Madison, let's put a eight ball of Coke on your dick. Or just put some baking powder. Yeah. I don't think we need to use real drugs for this experiment. Fake drugs, but make it look like drugs and then have them tested or something like that. Or just be like, I have a metal plate in my penis. Just put like a finger splint over your dick or something like that.

There are always those people that have like plates inside of them. Penis plates. Penis plates. What were you about to say, Francis? One time I was flying back from colorado actually in colorado i had lost my driver's license while i was there so i flew out and then lost my driver's license somehow left it at a bar i don't know and then then i flew home and when you don't have your license coming back, they'll let you come through, but they give you the most comprehensive search I've ever experienced.

Yeah, you got to like go check in before you go to TSA, right? I mean, coming through the security, they were like, that's fine, but we have to do a very thorough search. And they, it was, it was like, they knew every inch of my body. Yeah? They explored me with no, there was no. I don't think they were using the back of their hand. Really? Yeah.

Or like the forehands? It was remarkable. Like, it was to the point where I was like i i need to just get rid of my license completely because this is every time the best so you guys do this every single time it was incredible start flying from newark to la guardia just needing a cigarette i left my license in queens so i'm gonna fly over. JFK to LaGuardia. Because they're close to the closest one. Because they're close to each other.

They're the closest two airports statistically. I guess there's Minneapolis and St. Paul. No, I'm sure they don't have different ones. I have no idea. Midway and O'Hare. Those are pretty close. Those are pretty close to one another. San Francisco and Oakland.

Burbank and LAX. Burbank and LAX. I've never flown into Burbank. Are people flying into Burbank like that? I've done that before. Really? I think I'm flying into Burbank sometime soon. Yeah?

On what airline? Burbank Air. Not Delta. I know you're not flying on Delta. Yeah, bubblegum my my friend matt flies into telluride and he flies from denver and the airlines that he flies the names of them are so funny it's like sunspot air no there's sun country air and we were flying but we were we were taking we uber to the airport leaving denver together and the uber driver was, what airline are you guys? I was like, I'm United.

And he was like, I'm Key Lime Air. There's no signs for Key Lime Air. Yeah, they're not trying to advertise that they fly Key Lime Air. Key Lime Air is crazy. So she just dropped us off at the same place? Starting a new airline is fucking crazy. Yeah. And naming it something that's not like pretty regal sounding, that doesn't sound like a bank.

Yeah. Like you're naming it after a dessert? Hell no. I have a whole bit about Hooters Air. I remember that. Yeah. I like that bit. Oh, I heard a-

No, I still do it. Where did I hear that? Oh, Amy Schumer. oh yeah i stole it from her i figured she's gonna take one of mine i'll take one of hers she's getting killed for her face yeah what are people saying about what is there a reason for that does she have a disease or something like that i said so but it was endometriosis or something like that was one i'd never heard of yeah yeah but i I believe her. I believe her too. You believe women?

I believe all women. I believe women. I believe women. You believe women, Francis? Yeah, I believe that it is that and not uncontrollable digesting of gummy worms. Yeah, because that's what Sass does and he doesn't look like that.

No, not yet. I'm getting there. Yeah. Just kidding, I'm losing weight. What was that video? Have you ever seen the video? Yeah, probably. Definitely. Have yet. I'm getting there. Yeah. Just kidding. I'm losing weight. What was that video? Have you ever seen the video of the... Yeah, probably.

Yeah, definitely. Have you ever seen the video of the dude and he's talking to the kid and the kid gets bullied because he's fat and the guy's like, did they call you names

like Lardass, Doublewad, Big Kahuna, shit like that? Have you ever seen that? I do remember that vaguely. What was it? It's just like

an old TV interview. Hmm. Yeah. What'd ever seen that? I do remember that vaguely. What was it? It's just like an old TV interview. What did they call you? Things like lard-ass, double-wad? Is it an adult saying it to a kid? It's an adult saying it to a child. And he's like, yeah, that's what they called me. yeah those that's what they called me fat shaming like existed uh from the advent of fat people in like the 50s until like the early 90s yeah and that there was like 41 years of it being just like as normal as like going to church or getting the newspaper like fat shaming was just part of

the fabric of american society yeah and it was like that was like the best jokes like your mom is so fat yes yeah and then it i mean it all it all went away what was it was your mom is so fat she steps on the when she goes around the house she goes around the house or something there was one that was like your mom's so fat when the school bus drives by she says twinkies your mom was so fat when she goes to school, she sat next to everyone. Yes, that's a good one. Something like that. There was one that was like, your mom was so fat when she steps on the scale,

she says, I was asking for my weight, not my phone number. That's good. Nice. They were all pretty bad jokes. Not really. Not if you're a black comedian snapping on someone at a club or something like that.

Like Buddy Love in The Clumps or whatever. Or what was it? The Nutty Professor. Like Buddy Love gets skinny and then he goes on stage and he does like a run of Yo Mama's So Fat. Like, we getting all mamas. Dude, that movie did so much revenue. I believe it.

It was when men could be men. All those Eddie Murphy movies, revenue i believe it i that is like men could be men those all those eddie murphy movies it's hard to put them into present day context but like he had a run of movies where people wouldn't even watch trailers eddie murphy's in a movie we're going to see it i believe it i missed that time eddie murphy was great i don't know what fucking slowed it down for him. Was it that he was cruising? He might have been cruising. He was cruising. He had like 19 kids.

He said he wanted to spend more time with them. I thought he had like a transsexual tryst. That was always the rumor. There may have been truth to it. I don't know. I don't hold it against him. Honestly, if he had done that now, he'd be getting more movie roles. 100%. The shit dried up if they were like done that now, he'd be getting more movie roles. 100%.

The shit dried up if they're like, Eddie Murphy, he should go back to it. That's exactly correct. He should be putting that on the front page. That's exactly right. Fuck yes. The Murph Man. The Murph Man.

I haven't watched nearly enough Eddie Murphy stuff. That was my generation. Yeah. Have you watched any of his stand-up? Yeah, I've seen some of it but i've never i haven't seen all the specials i was obsessed yeah i knew every word i used to go to school and say just quote the jokes and say pretend they were mine oh that's the best going to school and like memorizing a joke that was part of the fabric of american culture too yeah

like an anchorman line or i guess you guys were probably like in your 30s by then? Anchorman? Yeah. Yeah. How old were you when Anchorman came out? Because I remember I was- You were a twinkle in your father's eye. Probably like three. I was eight, I think.

Or excuse me, eighth grade, I think is when I- When did it come out? My guess would be like 2005 or 2004. So I was three. Yeah. And my God, dude, that movie changed everything for us. I remember when that came out, and I remember I looked at my dad, and I said, comedy's back.

The pendulum has finally swung back our way. From the dark days of Adam Sandler to the dawn of the Will Ferrell age, finally, comedy is ours again. From that lull in Saturday Night Live when Rob Schneider was trying to carry comedy's back. I looked at my dad and I said, I don't know, I got nothing.

Just a little hiccup in the comedy market. Just a little divot. I tried to watch, I watched three movies on the plane back and forth to watch, I watched three movies on the plane back and forth to LA. I watched a terrifying movie that gave me goosebumps, made my hair stand up,

misery. Fucking awesome. Then I re-watched Saving Private Ryan. Wow. Banger. Fucking great. Banger. Grabs you by the fucking balls.

Grabs you by the sack instantly. And then on the way back, I knew I was going to fall asleep, so i wanted to watch a familiar one and then uh so i did the big short oh which is so fucking good what a great movie i feel like i'm learning a little bit more every time i watch it like i feel like i i feel like i used to get so high for every movie that i watched that like i just didn't retain any movie so now i'm re-watching every movie that I've saw over the last 15 years and it's like seeing it for the first time yeah I completely cooked my brains like there's no way I'm gonna be able to learn about the housing bubble collapse that's why I'm high as fuck but and there's like is Ariana Grande in there I know Selena Gomez Selena Gomez Bourdain is in there they have people explaining it but even my high brain was just like oh it's margot robbie yeah yeah i wasn't picking shit up it would

be impossible but now it's just like i i finally fucking get it dude i'm basically a quant i always wonder about so margot robbie's in that movie for two minutes how much did she get paid how much did she get paid i was guessing like i don't know why a hundred to a hundred twenty thousand dollars came to my mind i was gonna say 200 that sounds about right yeah 250 could be 260 honestly we need to please sound off in the comments sound off how much you guys think that one day on set that's it one day she's on set for one day and they get it dude that's like that was probably like an hour on set that was was probably like she was going to go get lunch with her friends. She's like, I got to go do this thing real quick. She's in it for like two seconds.

Everything takes a long time. I bet you that took at least five hours. Oh, Sass, you've never been on set, bro. No, I haven't. You obviously have never been on set. You've never been on a set? No, I've never been in a movie before. A TV show or a web series.

I've never been on a movie before a tv show or i've never been on a tv show or i feel like it's something you guys would know if i had been in a movie or a tv show i guess you never have been on set wow that's crazy that's a shame but i mean yeah so definitely a full day for her at least she got there at probably 5 a.m for that yeah she spent about three hours in makeup i mean she's in a, so they had to make it look as salacious and nude, suggestive as possible. And there's probably a ton of takes. She had to rip a quick monologue. They probably broke for fucking lunch

in the middle of her being in the bathtub, had to reset. Yeah, that's what happened. Because her hands were getting all crinkly? Because she had crinkly hands. I mean, that's going to

fucking show up on the... Yeah, you got to drain the water, refill it, make it warm every time, because it's getting cold quickly, you know? Yeah. Dude, you know what I saw a picture of recently that fucking blew my mind that they were even doing this? It was a picture of Jerry Rice ass naked on the cover of an ESPN The Magazine for their body issue.

The body issue. The body issue. Why the fuck were they doing that, dude? issue the body issue why the fuck were they doing that dude why was espn the magazine getting like male athletes ass naked to put them on the cover of their magazine who is that for dudes no it's not i don't know but it did it garnered a lot of attention people talked about it but but why i don't know but i liked a lot of the bodies in that you have a better body than jerry rice that's not true look it up right now yada yada yada look it up right now you have a better body yada yada yada than him look it up right now but what is he 65 no this is an old

issue no way i remember seeing pictures of adrian peterson shirtless oh you don't have a better body than him and thinking you could never I've never seen anything like that. Did that confuse you as a young man? No, it didn't. It did make me think that my goal of making the NBA was probably kaput. Yeah, Adrian will do that to you. Shad my dreams as well. AP, and it also made me sad that my dad hadn't beaten me

with a willow switch. Is that what Adrian Peterson's dad did? That was the whole controversy. No, he did that to his son. Jordan Peterson. Isn't that his dad? Imagine if Jordan Peterson was Adrian

Peterson's adoptive father. I'm joking. It's amplified by the Minnesota offense. He starts crying all the time. You only have so much time with your Vikings. Cherish them now. I'm getting no internet.

I just want to show you guys Jerry Rice's naked body. Dude, you're acting like we've never seen this before. We study this. Have you seen that dude on Instagram and TikTok? And his whole thing is that you can't work for him unless you have six-pack abs. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. It's so funny. That's pretty good. Is that him? No, no. It's this one. It's one of the... Here, go ahead, take a look at that.

Oh, yeah. I mean, like, half the set can see his fucking cock and balls. I bet you they're wearing a Birkin. Why do they have him out in a field running? Doesn't that seem a little... Racist? Yeah. Doesn't that not feel weird?

Just have a black dude completely naked sprinting through the wilderness I don't know look at it dude hold it as an example I would have

I would have said hold it I want to see if your penis appears out of thin air I wouldn't do it I don't know I'm not getting I'm not getting naked I wouldn't do it. I don't know. I'm not getting,

I'm not getting naked. I wouldn't get naked for the yak calendar. I'm not getting naked for the fucking body issue. Are they doing that? No. They tried to make me get naked. They tried to make us

all get naked. Like Enrique's gonna photograph you. Yeah, they were like, yeah. To make you feel more comfortable

that our gay employee is gonna photograph you. The one person who could be turned on by this is going to... They did. They tried to make me get naked, and I said, I'm not doing that. Yeah, same. And then the ACK fans were like,

this is why he's not funny. He refuses to show us his genitals. First, he wouldn't get sucked off by the stripper, and now he won't take his fucking dick out First, he wouldn't get sucked off by the stripper. And now he won't take his fucking dick out. Sass doesn't get it. Sass isn't fucking built for a bar stool. He won't show us his penis.

Show us the cock. All right, what are we at? Amazing. We're there. We got three minutes left. We have ads. We also might need to cut some things. We're not cutting anything.

This has been amazing. I think we're definitely cutting... All right. What? Well, I don't want to say it now because then we'll have to cut this too, so we're not going to say anything else. No. Then what?

Another thing. Or yes, maybe. No way. There's a lot we have to cut. No, there's nothing... Some things that I'm thinking about. What? You guys are pussies you're a pussy for what i don't know you could have said i was a pussy whatever fuck this podcast anyway i'm done i'm out have you ever seen the clip of the dude on a podcast where he's like i try to be funny for

you guys and i fucking can't do it there's a guy on a podcast where he's like, I try to be funny for you guys, and I fucking can't do it. There's a guy on a podcast, and he fucking breaks down crying, and his co-hosts are like, That's super uncomedy. If one of you guys did that, I'd be pissed. I try. It's not as fucking easy as it looks to be fucking funny for you guys. Did that Dana White thing, was that

real? No, obviously not. I don't think Dana White would have gone to fucking Howie Mandel's studio and then been like i do so many fucking podcasts fuck this shit i'm out it was pretty funny it was funny it was really funny i mean dana uh you know who went on howie mandel's podcast tom sandoval his first interview after all that shit happened and howie mandel didn't know anything about it thank god his daughter did his podcast is for the fucking ladies dude talking about pat downs female soldiers

Vanderpump rules what else I've never listened to his podcast I'm talking about this podcast that we're doing right now being for the ladies you said his podcast being for the ladies oh i thought you were talking about howie mandel i didn't know that either you said his podcast is this podcast this podcast i've had diction diction is done with the tip of the tongue and the teeth they say francis i'm sure you know that those are good that's a good warm-up there yeah mommy makes me much my m&ms yum yum mommy makes me much my m&ms yum yum mommy makes me munch my M&M's. Yum, yum. Mommy makes me munch my M&M's. Did you ever have to do that?

No, we did. To sit in solemn silence on a dull, dark dock in a pestilential prison with a lifelong lock. That doesn't sound like a voice warm-up. Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock from a cheap and chippy chocker on a big black block. But instead of block, I would always say cock. That's funny. I was just going to say that. I would always change it quickly. That's good shit. That's really fucking good. To sit on a big black

cock. Damn, that's really fucking good. That would make me laugh. Nothing funnier than changing the lyrics of a song. I would do that at my camp, Camp Magar, back in the day. I remember Camp Magar. Yeah. My sister told on me once, though,

for changing the lyrics. She told me to my mom. What were you changing the lyrics to? I think Camp Cigar, maybe. Not as good as Black Cock, but still funny.

I mean, it's, oh. How old were you when you did the Black Cock joke? It was in the Clinton administration,

so. That would have been in high school. I did some theater. Did you ever do any theater, Seth? No, I did senior plays, though. That's theater. Yeah, that'll be theater.

What are you talking about? That's exactly theater. But I think I've told this story before. I was an extra, and then I missed my one part. You were in the parking lot, Julie. I went to the bathroom, and I came back, and they were like, it's over. And I was like, goddamn, my parents were there. Like, fuck.

There was just one scene where they had like 30 people walk out. And then we were supposed to like all be like hula hooping or some shit. And I just didn't do it. I went to rehearsal. I went to rehearsal like 30 times that I didn't do it. What play was this? It was like student written plays. Oh, Jesus Christ. It was like student written plays. Oh.

Jesus Christ. It was like a parody on Harry Potter. Very, very funny. I bet. The theater kids were horny, man. You could, that was an untapped salmon farm. Oh, yeah, it was. I didn't know about it and then I got into theater in high school and, man, I remember

one time this girl- You were kind of like Zac Efron. She wrapped me up in the play curtain, and we were stuck in there together. What the fuck? And I was like, ah, because she wasn't particularly attractive. And then she goes, what now? I was like, get me out of here. So I dropped down and went out from the bottom.

She used the back of her hand at least? She kept wrapping up the curtain. We were rolling around and I don't know. That sounds like you got me too'd. Well. You did. Who was directing the play? Harvey Weinstein?

the play Harvey Weinstein it is like theater kids are horny because there's like this seed of them in like of wanting to be like on stage seen by people famous liked like there's this big thread of all that that goes

into like not like us not like us who've all made careers and being on stage well I'm not horny at all luckily you're the horniest guy I know by far what have I ever done

that's horny tried to fuck me a couple times that's for sure that's because that was dominance purely that was to try

and put you down that was to try and put you under my thumb I wanted you to hold my fucking pocket and walk around the prison yard. The barstool yard, the way that Jenks walks around

with Frank. Frank is just crushing Jenks. He's fucking him like a prison top. I had to fuck cuz. I had to fuck cuz because I had to let him know who was boss.

Did you watch Prison Break? No. How rough and rowdy could a fucking prison show be if it's on Fox? I need it to be on HBO so I can at least see their cocks in the shower. Yeah. Yeah. Like Oz. I watched a little bit of Prison Break.

That's how when I first found out about the holding onto the pockets thing. I mean, you were a bitch. Never would catch me holding pockets dude it occurred to me that if i ever did go to prison uh i would just kill myself as fast as possible yeah i think that's the general idea have you guys seen sam bankman freed in prison yes dude that picture is so funny he's like posted he's like posted with a bunch of like serenios he's like just up against the wall like some baggy at but they all have like whatever shoes they want on like they're not just wearing like prison issue shoes they all have like kind of they're all they're in their dressing bro they're kind of doing it yeah they can get fits off they're definitely getting fits off. Yeah. They look tough in there.

Crazy that sagging pants came from prison. It's like showing cleavage in prison. Yeah, showing your ass crack. Is that right? Yeah, and then everybody just came out into the world and just started fucking. Some people sag and show their pubes off. That's actually making headlines right now. Bro, I just caught someone doing that. Yeah.

Front sagging. Yeah, that's like the new wave. What? Go underwearless and just flash the pubes a bit. Ugh. This is dudes that someone doing that. Yeah. Front sagging. Yeah, that's like the new wave. What? Go underwearless and just flash the pubes a bit. Ugh. This is dudes that are doing this. Yeah. But you want to have a full bush.

You do not want to have a clean shave, or else it looks really weird. We were just showing, you're showing mound then. Yeah. You're showing your mound a bar. You don't want to be showing off stubble. Or just your pubic mound. Yeah. What if you got to that point where you could start to show the cleavage between shaft and sack?

You know, on both sides. A neck. Show a neck. Yeah. I saw a dude showing neck with like a deep sag. He was showing his whole neck. But it's funny because they managed to not show off the ass at all. I think it's the cut of the pants.

They need to make low rise jeans for men so they can show neck. Just in the front? It captures the top of the pants. They need to make low-rise jeans for men so they can show neck. Just in the front? It captures the top of the ass. High butt, low front. High butt, low... Yeah, like dipping down. It really is cleavage for men, showing neck. Flashing a little bit of fucking stem.

Like one of those old bicycles where the back wheel is way bigger. Yes, exactly. Why are people not take those out? Why are people not riding those anymore? I think it's just too hard to get onto them. They are hard. Occasionally, you'll see someone in New York City riding something like that,

and you're like, why? Or a dude, yeah, a whimsical Brooklyn man going down the street on a unicycle. How do you get onto a really tall unicycle? I think you need a couple people to help you out walk up a ladder or step onto it from a ledge or something i can't even ride a fucking bicycle with no hands yeah i used to be so good at that what happened used to be my thing i would drive around town with my hands just sat just hanging down it's like significantly less comfortable.

Yeah. It's more of a pain in the ass, but I would be like, yeah, I don't even need my hands. Core strength. Core strength and balance. Yeah. You're a skater boy, though. I could also do some pretty sick wheelies. You could?

If you turn the gear to one. Dude, wheelies used to be basically outlawed in New York. It was a Philly thing, bike life. Yeah, 12 o'clock gang. 12 o'clock gang. Now 12 o'clock gang is ripping seventh ave i see i saw them yesterday yes they're like 12 o'clock gang is 50 of them yes 12 o'clock gang you would know if you saw you didn't see 12 o'clock gang he's over yeah i think he's like 500 of them oh and they like it's a big problem i don't know he said he saw 50 like Butterly and Mike Rainey

are always tweeting about them and they're like I hope these guys fucking crash and die really they hate them wow

that's fucked up those guys rule you know you're not even allowed to the cops aren't allowed to chase them 12 o'clock gang at least yeah they shouldn't

they should be a protected class they are or they could be CIs they could be informants yeah because if they because there's so many people who are dying in chases.

So many cops were dying. And the people on the bikes. Cops trying to do wheelies in their four-wheel cars. Yeah. Have you ever been able to do a wheelie on a bicycle? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Put it in gear one, start pedaling really fast, just the top tire just comes up. But I would only do it on grass.

Yeah, me too. I was too afraid to do it on cement. Have you seen this guy who goes to people's yards that are unkempt? Yes. And edges them? Yeah. I can watch that for hours.

It's so calming. It's amazing. He's really good. The guy that's really bad is the guy that tries to clean people's windows, and his whole channel is just him getting denied and then people being like dude get away from my house he just keeps uploading the video i've gone down

these rabbit holes with this guy he's all he i don't think he's ever actually successfully cleaned a window before he shows up and he knocks on the no dude he knocks on the door and he's like and he'll the comment will be like just got to keep being persistent. Just keep getting out there every day. And he goes out and he's got the camera set up and he's like, he's like, like you're wearing black boots right now. He would say you answered the door. He'd be like, hello, sir. Um, your name, Francis. Okay. So good news for you. We're actually offering a deal, a hundred100 off for anyone wearing black boots today. And they'd be like, okay, what are you doing? So I noticed your windows are not totally clean, and it's just something that no one pays attention to. And he's like, so we're going to do a little scrubbing. It's all it's going to cost you is around $500, and we'll be out of your hair in no time. And they're like, yeah, we're good. $500?

Yeah, it's like insane. And then I'd be like oh well this actually just came in from corporate black jeans as well we're gonna cut that down to 400 and the people are like dude just please leave like it is so he's artificially creating a high price and then taking prices off it gets down to like 50 bucks and they're still just like you're please leave now anyone with white skin two two eyes, lips. Yeah. Yeah, that's fucking bad. I don't understand.

I guess like cable companies do the same thing. It's just like hustle culture. That shit sucks though. Hustle culture is taking over. Well, just be as good at your job as the guy who does the lawns and the edging for free. Yeah, but it's like this guy is clearly, he's like been denied so many times but he's like no something great is gonna come from this yeah like awareness for his business or some shit yeah nobody wants their windows cleaned no or it's so easy to do on your own it's like that's a very low effort exactly no one no one's looking no one's like sitting in their house being like fuck i need

someone to come here and clean my windows and i'm going to pay them hundreds of dollars. Like preying on a fallen star. Yeah. I wish I may, I wish I might, someone to clean my windows tonight. The lawn guy is awesome though. Yeah, he's good. His videos are so good that I've actually, he says click the link in my bio for the full video.

I've clicked that link multiple times. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. It's always a treat when he comes up on my timeline. Yeah. Hopefully it happens to me tonight, lawn guy. Yeah. I was worried about uh

whether or not people whose yards he cleaned up kept up with it i'm gonna go with no because they would piss me off if they got that incredible gesture from him and then just let it fall into it's like we're gonna give you a free liposuction yeah and then you just get fat again right horrible horrible it's like 600 pound life they follow up with people on 600 pound life liposuction. Yeah. And then you just get fat again. Right. Horrible. Horrible. It's like 600 pound life. They follow up with people on 600 pound life. Now there's 700 pounds.

You've undone everything. Yeah. We staple, this staples burst on your stomach. Oh. Speaking of, I'm starving. Yeah.

Let's get you some food. Let's get Francis some beans. All right. They're good for your heart. Thank you for listening to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. We'll see you on Tuesday. Goodbye.