Son of a Boy Dad - Writer Cup | Son of a Boy Dad #313

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Writer Cup | Son of a Boy Dad #313 -- #Ad: To join the chat, go to boydad.chat -- #Ad: Go to https://kraken.com/barstool to learn more -- #Ad: Go to https://Quince.com/BOYDAD for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. -- #Ad: Cancel your unwanted subscriptions and reach your financial goals faster at https://RocketMoney.com/boy -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy, dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad free on Amazon Music. That's not the start we wanted. No, it's not. That's bad. That's bad omen there. It's tough. Alrighty, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today, it is a day. I don't know what the date is. It is a day.

My phone's gonna die. Really? It is, yeah. How this early in the day is your phone gonna die? You don't charge it overnight? It's been upgrinding all day. Really? Yeah. That's so fucking impressive

Checking your financial stats, etc. Yeah, I mean I woke up at like 930 Still good though, and it's like 340 Long time it's like it's a good amount of hours to run your battery out And you've been on it for every minute of those pretty much. Yeah, I woke up at at 8 And I have almost full battery you haven't been grinding as much as I have. I've been writing on my laptop. So it's using an alternative screen. Yeah, I don't like that.

But I do like that though. I hate it. I like how being on my computer means that my screen time on my phone is down. You can check your screen time on your laptop. No you can't, mine's too old. No, you definitely can. I purposefully have an old one.

It's almost a typewriter. It's not a bad idea. It's so nice that watching TV doesn't count as screen time. Yeah, well that's the thing is people limit their screen. And honestly, I don't know. I guess I don't really have a problem with it because I actually do believe looking at a laptop or a TV or a monitor is definitely better

than just being hunched over doom scrolling. I completely agree with that. Why? A laptop is to a phone what a book is to a porn magazine. Yeah, yeah, kind of. It's actually a pretty good comparison. But I reject the idea that the high levels of screen time are some kind of commentary on the state of the youth.

Because if Edgar Allen Poe. It's because you don't have it's because you don't know any youth. Except for your own who are too young. No, I'm talking about I'm saying that it's like, if other generations had had phones, they would have been on them as as much absolutely. It's not it's not like endemic of or like Emblematic of the kids these days. Yeah, I think it's the fact that anybody who was a kid as soon as phones came out It's like they were better people that would have like abstained to your point rone, which is a great point, by the way I think that ages ago There were books that were considered. Yeah trash band They had banned their read those ruffian kids are reading those books

People will probably go to art galleries to like look at titties Yeah, painted the otolisk pose of like just a lady's ass. I also think I think kids in general. I think they're using phones in a way that we don't even like I think we just assume they're using phones for like Like porn and tik-tok, but they're watching porn on roblox, dude. I was walking the other day I live like right by a bunch of schools and there was a group of kids standing There was two kids standing looking at one phone. Do you live by schools on purpose? No, I just happen to live right by two schools. So just luck for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's luck So it's just luck for you. Yeah. Yeah, it's luck. Yeah, you're gonna have a good neighborhood

It's a good sign of it. It's a sign of a good neighborhood These are like healthy like happy kids like they're excited to be alive, right? You know, there's only there's only neighborhoods. Oh, yeah for the most part. That's I know that a lot of families will move to that neighborhood you live in because of the school system. Because the schools are so strong. Is there any part of you that feels like you're displacing a family that could have their kids in those schools by living there? My apartment's definitely not meant for a family. Well, it depends on where that family's from. Yeah, it does. Because people from Venezuela can really live in small spaces.

But if you're from Venezuela, there's literally no benefit. Like, there's zero benefit to buying my apartment other than the area. But there's families in your building. There isn't, no. I think I've seen people with strollers at least. No, I've never seen a child in my apartment. I helped someone carry up a stroller.

I said, you don't even have to fold that down, I got it. The only people I see are people close to my age and the people that are really old. Who've lived there forever. Yeah. But anyways, what I was saying was I was walking and there was two kids on a... I actually wrote down what they said because I thought it was so funny. They were looking at a phone and one of them looked at the other one and he goes, no, I'm

not going to that playground. That's just a regular ass playground. And I was like, the idea like two kids pulling out their phone and typing playground into Google Maps. Yeah. Reviews this playground is not what we thought it would be. Monkey bars are not high enough off the ground. Yeah. Yeah. Saying it's just a regular playground. Yeah. Teeter totter needs WD-40.

I guess it does make sense. Woodchips smell of vomit. There are sick playgrounds in New York. Yeah. There's brand new ones. Yeah. But it's also proximity to the hood sometimes. They'll put incredible playgrounds right next

to the hood sometimes. And it's like, is that bait? You know? Are they trying to draw you into that bait? You know, is that like, uh, are they trying to draw you into that area? We were at a playground. We were filming the other day and we went to a playground to get like a shot and it was cruise chaos. Once they saw the cameras, we got out of there pretty quick. What were they doing? There was a lot of kids and they all wanted to be out there. They're like, put me in the video. And we, we, we had to, we like did like one shot and we're like, put me in the video. And we had to, we like did like one shot,

and we were like, we should probably get out of here. They're like, bing bong, bing bong. We also were leaving being like, I was shocking that no one came up to us and was like, get the fuck out of here. Filming the kids? It was like probably like 5 p.m. so it was late. How old were the kids?

It wasn't school hour, young. Really? Like children. This is in your neighborhood? This was not in my neighborhood, no. Oh. This was close to here. What's the average, what's the age of the kids in your neighborhood for the most part?

Oh, I have no clue. I would assume it's probably their middle schoolers, if I had to guess. That's kind of what I figured. Who's that kid, like Kyle Martin or whatever? He's like the bad kid in New York. What's his name? Oh, the little kid? There's like curly hair blonde kid

who like skates now and shit like that. And I guess goes to comms and shit like that. Goes to film festivals. Yeah. But I think he's like the archetype for the young crazy kid. Is that the kid who gets the, has the security guards? No, that's Jack Doherty.

No, that's Jack Doherty. This kid is significantly younger. Yeah, this kid's like nine. You know what I'd like to do? Is I'd like to hire some security guards and then have my security guards fight Jack Doherty's security guards. I'm sure they've tried to make it happen.

And then the sea of men around us parts, like when Hector ends up finding Ajax or Ajax on the battlefield and the two leaders square off and fight. Yeah. Which he does again later with Achilles' cousin. Wasn't that supposed to be Paris' fight? But then Paris pussied out? No, Paris was supposed to fight Menelaus.

Menelaus. Over stealing Helen. Helen. And then he like comes in like hugs his brother's ankle. Mm hmm. Bitch ass. Who's that actor? That's Johnny did not know. No, he's the guy that like, oh, man, he's married to Katy Perry's husband. Yeah. I have no idea what you guys are talking about. No, no

Have you ever seen troy? No, what I don't like those movies. No, no, you would love never seen troy I've never seen 300. I've never seen any of those. Troy's different bro. Troy's not like troy's different Yeah, it's all the same. No, no, no, he plays orlando bloom orlando bloom Have you ever seen the video have you ever seen the picture of orlando bloom surfing with katy perry and he's just ass naked I don't think so. You just see his, it's a pretty. I don't know who, I don't know, I'm so bad with actors and names. I only know the really big people.

Can I be honest with you? I'm not even gonna, I'm not even making a joke here. I haven't smoked weed in like six or seven days. Yeah. My recall of actors names in that period has gotten so much better. I've never been able to memorize actor's names though. But I'm just saying if you stop smoking for a little bit, you'd get it back. No, I've never seen that. You see? Wow.

Katy Perry's really gone through a rough patch. Just real? Yes, bro. That's a little bit older. But how insane is how naked he is? I love that for him. It's real. Yes, bro. That's a little bit older. Why? How insane is that? How insane is how naked he is? I love that for him. He's super naked.

But he has a hat and sunglasses on, but his full schlong is out. And you got to have a lot of self-confidence to rock that look. And she's in a bikini. You got to go naked or you got to go, if you're going to go naked, you got to go full naked. But you can't be more naked than your wife. Having the hat and the shades on, that means you looked in the mirror. Like you looked in the mirror

and you were like, do these sunglasses? And then you just ignored the fact that below is completely bare bones. Because it's not about the sun. Your penis is getting sunburned right now. Like it's not about protection from the sun. Dude, my penis absolutely fries. My penis should never be exposed to direct sunlight. My penis...

I mean, you know, imagine the rest of my skin times a hundred. I don't think my penis has ever seen the sun. And it never plans to. My penis burns like fucking cotton. It shrivels up instantly. Like that plantation fire. Yes. Just a fucking white building, fucking completely ablaze.

Yeah. It gets spots. Oh, it's rude. But then you throw on the lotion. You get rocked up throwing the lotion. Whenever I put the lotion on it though and it burns through that, they say that the discharge, the sort of goo that comes off the burned penis lotion, you're not supposed to put that down the kitchen sink.

Oh, really? You're supposed to wait until it solidifies and then throw it out. Otherwise, it causes clogs in the irrigation system of the city. I've been taking. There's also this picture. I don't know if you saw.

This is just like from the same day. He's just ass naked, just paparazzi from all angles. Like he just knew. It's crazy. What a knowing nod from you. It's shocking. Sorry, what were you saying? I just didn't want you guys to miss out on Bloom's con.

I just can't imagine going out in public like just naked. Not even like a, you know, maybe like a bag with some clothes to change into. Do you ever have- Just in case. Do you ever have the dream where you end up All the time naked or I had that dream. I had that dream a lot Yeah, or like what you I was I'd be like wearing a pair of shorts that were uncomfortable in the dreams And what would you take them off? No, I couldn't do cuz that was always the thing

I used to wake up late for school put on whatever and then go And then I would get there and I'll be like what the fuck am I wearing right now? And I would like go to the gym locker room Grab shit from my locker It was always a whole thing. Did you have uniforms? I wish Yeah, or I went to private school for one year in fifth grade, and we had a dress code. Easiest year. Because you just throw on a collared shirt and pants. Dress code is nice.

Dress code's so easy. Because then you kind of dress to buck the dress code. Oh, yeah. You're trying to see what I can do. What can I get away with? This is my canvas. What can I create? Yeah.

How can I color within the lines? Yeah. That's what it's like over at fucking FIT. Oh, boy. You guys ever go around there? You ever walk through there? Wow, no wonder they shut that street down. You know how many car accidents there would be

from people being like, what the fuck is that? It's a freak show over there. It is nuts. It's crazy. The combination of like My Little Pony meets Hello Kitty meets like The Matrix. Is that school so like, that school I assume is like any other school where you would go

and you would like say if you wanted to be a screenwriting major and you major in screenwriting but you still gotta take like math and shit like that, right? I don't think so. No? They're just taking classes on throwing fits? Really? Yeah.

That's crazy. Yeah. Like you crazy. Yeah. Like you'll see like a steampunk goth wedding dress and it'll just be like a 19 year old on their way to damn near math class. I mean those people must have to wake up eight hours before class. I know.

But you know what? Even my untrained eye, I go through a pack of those kids and I can spot the one kid where I'm like, that kid Has it did better. Oh He has it he has it more than the other kids. Most of them don't have it. Most of them don't have it Yeah, yeah, they're just throwing like they're just vomiting on their self. Yeah, everything they can across They're going to like a vintage store. It's a lot of tough fits you cut the the fucking mud flaps off a truck and then you wore them on your shoulders.

I just have like parking codes for Steve's like walking straight out like Patrick from Spongebob. Yeah, we were there and we were filming right on that street, the closed street. And yeah, the whole time I was just looking at those kids and I was like, this is strange. And in a weird way, like I think that they, it's supposed to be intimidating. It's supposed to feel intimidating to walk around, but you know that they're like the most self-conscious to throw something that like detailed on.

It's not like you're just like throwing whatever on. No. No. It's like this layered like pedophore with like gar, and like, who look like a shepherd and just ridiculous. Yeah, it's lingerie on top of like, a tracksuit. Yeah. They, um... I will say, again, I would imagine that all those kids

are very competitive with each other. And judgmental, very judgmental. 100%. And so, the body dysmorphiaia or the clothing dysmorphia, probably. There's more clothing dysmorphia. Is probably worse there than anywhere else. Yeah, I mean, there's definitely no body dysmorphia.

I could see- The average weight percentage there is probably one. Average what? The weight per, or body fat percentage. No, that's not true. Yeah, he's right. All of those kids are fucking skin and bones yeah they are no no they're so bad it's like it's like timothy chalamet if he lost weight exactly

he was preparing for a role yeah yeah yeah genius too jesus i feel like you see some different body sizes body types not that that I'd judge. Not on the main campus, that's for sure. Maybe on like, fit Albany. Maybe fit Hoboken. Hoping to get the call up. Yeah. Congratulations, you've been accepted to fit. Please lose 10 pounds. I got one of those emails when I was getting my college applications. I got an email from University of Pittsburgh and I wanted to go there. I got an email that was like, congratulations, you've been accepted to University of Pittsburgh and I didn't read any money else. I sent it to my family and I was like, I got into Pittsburgh and they were like, no, you

got into the alternate campus. You got Pitt, Altoona. Did you apply to it? No. You can apply to the main college and then they can still just be like, no, you got into the alternate campus. You got PIT, Altoona. Did you apply to it? No. You can apply to the main college, and then they can still just be like, we're going to send you to the... PIT, Aliquipa. We're going to say, no, you're definitely not getting in here, but if you go here for a year, you have a way better chance

of being able to transfer into the main college. So you did apply to PIT, but they got you into their B school. Yeah. I had a boy who, my boy Mike had a shirt that said, like they gave it out to everybody that got into Penn. And it was like, I got into Penn. And then he wrote on state, Altena, waiting list. Hopefully. That's a great shirt. Incredible shirt. People gotta start making funny shirts like that again.

No one's made a funny shirt since fuck you, you fucking fuck. Yeah, and that one sucks. It was funny right when it came out. It was funny immediately and then it was quickly. And then Michael Rapoport got his hands on it. And people started, yeah. There's always the wrong people wearing it. Yeah.

It's not funny. Or it's like you come to New York as's always the wrong people wearing it. Yeah, it's not funny. Or it's like you come to New York as a tourist and you buy it. You're like, I am like the locals. Yeah. I use this word. Many times. Adjective, no. Oh, man. When was the last time you guys experienced genuine fear for your life?

For me it was about 45 minutes ago. Are you talking about from like like on a bike or something? Anytime or I guess if it was on a bike if we're counting bikes it was twice today. For starters, A, I just hit a car that was moving. He hit me more than I hit him. Same thing, I'm biking. I'm on the bike lane. Only one person can hit the other person.

Well, then he hit me. I was on a bike, I'm in the bike lane, he doesn't see me, he's trying to parallel park, just goes straight in front of me. I smash into his window, and I almost punched his, I thought about punching it, giving it a a you get angry in a situation but then I was like now I just said what the fuck dude and he just went there's just some

random guy that part didn't really but I was already so mad at that point that it didn't really care didn't make it worse yeah no that one I was like well whatever who gives a fuck just got up like the Terminator yeah I didn't even fall off my bike I but I slammed on the brakes and I didn't even fall off my bike. But I slammed on the brakes and I was gliding, sliding everywhere. Oh, hydroplaning? Yeah, I hated that.

That's scary. That's scary for sure. Luckily I have calm reflexes. I was able to cool myself down relatively quick. Well, that's the cod. Yeah. No, the crazy one though, I was on the subway and we stopped at 34th, so I passed my stop and...

Why did that happen? Why'd you pass your stop? We flew by, it was a whole thing. Oh, you didn't even, that's what happened. It didn't even stop at your place. No, that's not what happened. The doors opened, you just didn't get off. No, the doors never opened.

It was the thing when you're looking and you go, oh, there's my stop and then fly by it. And then it's never it's never like one. It's you go like eight stops down to the next. Yeah, you're in like, OK, so now I'm 45 minutes away from the destination that I was. No, Penn Station's one stop past. You get what I'm saying, though. Well, pretty much, you know what? New Leaf, you're right.

You've never you've never been on the train where it skips a stop. I have. I You've never been on the train where it skips a stop? I have. I just have never been on a train where it skips eight stops. You've never had that happen? I've had it skip one stop. Oh, most of the times happens to me. It's like all of a sudden I'm in Lower East Side. You're like, what the fuck is happening? Because it's always like you're on it and you're like this feels like a long time for us to be going from point A to point B. And then you look and you're like, this feels like a long time for us to be going from point A to point B. And then you look and you're like, oh, now we're at point F. Usually they'll tell you at a stop. It was a little hard to hear.

They'll say, we're going to skip a couple stops. And typically you would hear that if there wasn't a homeless person screaming. Like I've never, like I've never. And've never and I'm not I usually don't tell stories about homeless people because I feel like it's like everyone has the exact same experience and it's not interesting at all but this was like it's also homeless people most of the time it's annoying but most of them haven't been like you know I'm gonna be homeless today yeah like a chosen path

yeah this one was more like like I've had homeless people get in my face. I've had, I had a homeless dude tell me he was going to kill me. He was going to stab me to death. That shit has never once phased me. Today I'm on the train. We, the train stops and I hear someone, it sounded like someone on the car over, but I'm not sure if this guy was ever on the train and he and I hear like like wailing screams like like zombies from black ops 2 and and and he's yelling something over and over I can't hear what it is and I was like where the fuck is and I turn and he's all he's right outside of my car and I'm the only I'm the closest person to him and he locks onto my eyes And he's dude he's punching the wall of the subway car as hard as like it I the train was shaking every time his fist hit the car what the fuck and then so I'm sitting there and now I'm in

Fight or flight. I'm like I'm looking around. I'm like are we running like Because it looks like he was gonna come come on the training. You were in flight or flight. Yeah. You're like, which exit? And I'm looking at the dude next to me across from me and I'm like, this guy's a little bit bigger than me. I feel like he'll probably step in if this guy tries to kill me. And then he, but he was looking up too. Like he looked nervous too. Yeah. And then like yeah yeah and we kind of just sat there and then when I really got angry is they wouldn't close the doors like we sat there for like for like two straight minutes with this dude just pounding on the fucking outside of the car and I was just

waiting for him to come in and kill us all, but they just never closed the door. Wait, so why couldn't he get in if the door wasn't closed? Because the cops showed up. The cops showed up right in front of him. Why are you complaining about the doors not closing if the cops were there? Well, because if it was a situation that needed the police to come detain the guy, don't you think they would close the subway doors?

I see what you're saying. If this guy that's not on the subway and there's no one else on the platform, and you think they would like. So there was a period there where the doors were open and he was pounding on the car, but he wouldn't come on the car. He just couldn't find the door? He would like peek in and then step out.

It was horrifying, dude. I haven't felt like a genuine like, holy shit, like that. So was he a real life zombie? Dude, it was like, it wasn't like the typical, I mean, you know, like the people that are homeless and they're doing crack or whatever, and you know, you see them and they're yelling,

but you know, you can just go around. This was the only time I've ever felt like, oh, this guy actually will swing on me. Yeah, he's in the throes of mania. Yeah, yeah. That is, that is pretty scary. And then dude, it gets frustrating because then you get, then it ends,

and you're like, why am I pretending that that's a normal thing to see every single day? Listen to me. I'm ready to go. It's fucking crazy. I'm ready to fucking go. But it's everywhere. I'm ready to not live in this city anymore. But it's not just New York, that's the problem.

I will continue to work here. I love working here and I like New York City. I do not like living here. I'm tired of living here. That was my, that combined with then realizing I was past my stop and then getting hit by a car on the way to the office from the train. It's only gonna get worse.

After I missed the stop was like enough to be like this fucking sucks. It's only gonna get worse, brother. You know what really it is though? It's just when it rains in the city. No. I think when it rains in the city, it goes from being- It's when it gets warm.

Yeah, that true. Because now the tourists are here and they are adding and all the homeless people come out. Yeah. And they're like, oh, we can be outside. We can get our exercise. Yeah. And that guy's getting, that's his workout for the day,

is pounding on the subway door like peekaboo. Was he ripped? It was literally like if fucking Saquon's his workout for the day. He's pounding on the subway door. Was he ripped? It was literally like if fucking Saquon Barkley was on the tracks. Well he probably like, he's no days off then. He was one of the biggest people I've ever seen. He wasn't one of those drug addicts that's skinny and frail. He had a fucking wife beater on.

Quadzilla? Yeah, he had a wife beater on and he had a gallon jug of water that he was just smashing on things. This guy is hydrating, dude. Yeah. Oh, it was probably because he took creatine. I biked in early. You biked in today?

A bit ago, though, so it wasn't raining when I was biking. Did you see, through Chinatown, you're coming along the bike path, right? On Chrissy? On the right there, all those lights, like, before you take the left. Next to the park? Yeah, next to the park.

I think it was right towards the end of that, on the right. There was a homeless guy who was asleep with half of his body on the curb and half off. That's like a Tony Hawk obstacle. Dude, I thought he... I was... I've never been so sure that someone was dead. Oh, that's the thing, yeah. It's that, too. It was so clearly not a position that anyone would fall asleep in, even with the worst

drug come down or whatever. Even if someone collapsed and fell asleep, you're not falling in that position. This guy was dead. And people were just kind of like gently swerving around his leg. But pretty soon people people are gonna start running over his leg and mashing him into the sidewalk like they do with the rat carcasses, at which point you add to the layer. And you're like, is that gum or is that a man? Is that a grownup adult man? Well, that's what will happen is you'll get home from work one day and you'll be like,

what the fuck is on my shoe? Do I have a guy on my shoe? Oh, that's human. That's human remains. Unfortunately, I still love living in New York. I think it's so beautiful. Oh, man. It's never, there's no beauty.

I went on the most beautiful walk this morning. I don't even like the skyline. When I see the skyline, I'm like, it's too much. Yeah. Why is it, there's so many people. Do you know that you and I could go in together on a? Sick apartment on a cabin on a on a river Where it comes with your own little parcel of the river, right? Yeah, I've already water for that though private water

And we'll just we don't have to be there at the same time. I'm not trying to like crowd you Yeah, you could get like a duplex. You guys could or like two townhouses next to each other. I think that that's realistic too, if you're getting the cabin on the river. I want the river lifestyle does seem amazing. I've always wanted to live on a river. But the flooding though.

Tight river though. I'm not living on a wide river. No, I know. I know. We want to be able to fish. I think we do that. I think we start looking at that. What about that?

I'm already looking in Wyoming. That's too far away, man. Not really. What are you talking about? We can't go all the way out there. We have to be able to get to work. Wi-Fi is all you really need. You're going to do spots in Wyoming?

No, that's the point. That's the point of going to Wyoming. Never doing a spot again? No, I am. But you're gonna miss your spots. I have spots tomorrow. Really? Check the calendar. Yes, I do.

Like what kind of, which river are you talking about? I'm not sure. The snake. I think there are a fair amount that are up there. Sounds like his heart's set on the snake. So you're talking north of New York? Yeah, north of New York. Yeah.

And then you transport down into the city. Maybe Connecticut. I don't know. Oh, I guess I know what you mean. I'm not talking about Greenwich, Connecticut. Yeah. I'm talking about more rural Connecticut. Yeah.

Everyone talks about how Connecticut is this really rich state. Well, there's parts of Connecticut that are just, it's just you have to go farther away from New York City. Yeah, also most of the cities in Connecticut are not nice. Hartford. Yeah, Bridgeport. But I don't think you guys are talking about living in a city. I think you guys are talking about country living.

Yeah, if I was going to live in a city, if I was going to live in a, I don't really think there would be, like I have no interest in talking about country living. Yeah, if I was going to live in a city, if I was going to live in a, I don't really think there would be, like I have no interest in moving to another city. I think you want to live in a holler. Yeah. You want to live on the West Virginia. Yeah.

Or Sharon, Connecticut or West Cornwall. Oh yeah. Right up there on the Housatonic. Oh. We fished it, you and me. Yeah. Think about that river. Imagine if we had one of of those little even a houseboat

houseboat Imagine that that'd be so not a bad idea not privy to You know, you know what? We don't have to pay taxes What if you just float on the water float the Hudson on a houseboat? Well mark Twain action how do you a little Why? Hudson's a big body of water. Yeah, but I mean, you've got a whole house on it. Yeah. You don't have a little cigarette boat on it.

You're fucking tubing. Houseboats are pretty small. Well, what about a mansion boat? A mansion boat. Now we're talking. A whole ass mansion. You ever go down by that marina on like Pier 8 or whatever, and there's like yachts down there

on the water in Brooklyn. Yeah, near the soccer field. Yeah, by the soccer field. There's some beautiful boats down there. They just expanded it. Sometimes people will park a yacht and I'll just go down and I kind of just look at the boats and just pine for these boats.

Probably cost a million dollars to park the boat there. Where are you guys going to park your damn houseboat? I have no idea we haven't thought that far. Well, the plan is to float from the top of the Hudson down Starting upstate wake our way down to the just ceremoniously starting off your journey the two of you on top of the house drinking dark Modelo's That'll be so respectable. Yeah, for me personally, it's when it rains in the city, is when shit really gets... And it has been raining for like 10 of the last 14 days.

Yeah, it's really been raining. You know where you don't experience this level of disorder? Anywhere that you have a car. Austin, Texas, wherever Rogan is. Dallas. Dallas does not have this. Do you know why? Because it's all highways. Because everyone has a gun.

Yeah, yeah, true. You know what keeps people in order? Guns. The threat of being shot dead. No one even honks. There really should be armed guards on every subway. That's what Japan would do. I saw a real case in Dallas to be made

for living under the fear that if you try to cut someone off on the highway or cut in front of people on a merge or cut the line, whatever, Hit someone with your car. That they're gonna get out of their car and they're gonna come up and tap on your window with the butt of their gun and shoot you between the eyes. Yeah.

Yeah, we need more of that. And then they'll reach through the window and put your car in neutral, gather a couple boys to push the car off to the side of the road so it's not in the way anymore. And then traffic resumes as normal. They all have F250s so they'll just tow you off to the next quarry to throw your body into.

Yes, exactly. And you know what? There probably will be a lawsuit, and those people are all going to get off. Yeah. Oh, 100%. That's the best part, self-defense. Yeah.

Stand your ground. Yeah, it's always self-defense. Castle doctrine. Yeah. That guy drove his car into my house, into the mud room. I mean, New York's got to be the only place where you could literally hit someone with your car, and then all you got to do is just give them a wave,

and then that's it. That's the end of it. A dude literally hit someone with your car, and then all you gotta do is just give them a wave, and then that's it, that's the end of it. The dude literally hit me with his car. He ran into me as I was biking, and all that happened in the interaction is I used the weight of the car to make sure I didn't fall over, lifted myself off of it, and then kept biking. He was like, do you get a fingerprint on my car?

Yeah, yeah. Is that a a fingerprint on my car? Yeah. Is that a handprint on my car? You better clean that. Same same way, though, if you smoke the fucking another car, you could probably just go off. True. Quid pro quo. True. Why are you so disaffected about the city? Because biking into work, which was my favorite way to get to

work, has become hard. And I'm tired of how expensive everything is. You know, money just fucking falls into a hole somewhere. This morning I had to take a cab, and it wasn't far. Fucking five minute cab, seven minute cab, and the meter started at $6.80. Oh yeah. I was like, what have you done so far to earn that? Did you enter, are you picking me up inside of a toll?

What the fuck is that about? Where's that fee coming from? I don't know. I took a cab in Chicago that went up as time and distance happened. They didn't pick one it just like compounded so every second it was they were really fucking me it was like an airport pickup too. So I was fucked. I had nothing I could do this whole week. Ubers have been $90.

Crazy rain. It's the rain. I had nothing I could do. This whole week, Ubers have been $90. Crazy. It's the rain. I know. The damn rain. Remember when Uber first came out, and it was very inexpensive? Well, it went up first, and then it came way down, because they let so many more people have the licenses.

Do you remember that? They were giving them out to registered sex offenders. And there was a period there where you'd call an Uber, and the second you hit Confirm, a car would pull up. Yeah. Now Ubers can like, they're picking and choosing. The ones in, I've noticed in other cities it's a lot cheaper, like you can get like in LA, the Ubers.

But the thing is- I took a $4.80 Uber in Chicago. Yeah, yeah. From where our hotel was to the office. Yeah, that's what a lot of them are. I thought it was a joke. Yeah, they'll be like seven bucks. But they're also they take a lot longer to get there and they suck.

So there's also that factor. I mean, the Chicago transit situation is standing out. The fact that they don't have their trains underground in the coldest city that God ever created is fucking preposterous. Yeah, but it's like, dude, when we were, we were, I was staying at the Citizen M and we were doing spots at the Laugh Factory and it would have been- You went back to the Citizen M?

Yeah, I've stayed there like three times. Wait, you booked it yourself? No, they booked me there. The barstool does. Oh, okay, I got it. I was there for for bar stool shit and I was doing spots while I was there and it was either it was the place was like two miles away and it was either a 30 minute drive or like a 45 minute train ride and I looked at the train

and it stops literally at like every single block Well, it goes through people's apartments. Yeah, that's what it is. So people just have to get out into their living room Yeah, it's a shit show. It's a total shit show. I Can't imagine standing on an L platform in Chicago every day waiting for the train in the dead of winter Just getting your skin stripped off of you by wind. wind yeah just a skeleton standing there by the end of it it ain't right you got a good banana bro I got this fucking bullshit ass nasty one mine's disgusting bro I'm glad you boys are mixing in some fibers though there's oatmeal have a lot of fiber yeah I believe I've been crushing cans of beans. My wife is disgusted

by it. That's got a lot of fiber. Just a whole can of black beans. Throw in some pickled jalapenos. Wow. Such a nice treat. Sounds awful. Straight black beans. It's like an actual hobo meal. Yeah, it sounds like after one bite you'd be full. It is. It's really filling. I mean, poops are never going gonna be so beautiful in your life. I drank four margaritas last night. Damn. The hell? I don't know.

They were so, they were so good. Spicy's? Well, I had one that was a, I started with a spicy mezcal. God damn, that sounds good. That was pretty good. Drop the location, bro. Cosme.

Drop that loco. Ooh. You know that spot? Very nice. You'd like it. Hairball. Loco? I'm sorry?

Cosma? Cosme. I got it. Cosme. I gotta get out to Cosme. Get some of those famous marks I've been hearing about. Did I ever tell you that the last time I went and ate there, I was sitting down

and then right next to me was Andrew Schultz and his girlfriend at the time. Yeah. And then I left, cause we finished first and right after I left, he proposed to her. Oh wow. Right there. Interesting.

Am I cool? Yeah, maybe he was waiting for you to leave the whole time. Think so. Oh, wow. Right there. Interesting. Isn't that cool? Yeah, maybe he was waiting for you to leave the whole time. Think so. You think? Kind of seemed like it. I could see it. He's probably like, ah, I don't want to do this with the fucking Francis just sitting there.

I get that. Yeah. Or like he proposes and you continue to try to have conversations across the table with him. Yeah. So I'm thinking for tires. I'm thinking we kind of get all, we go off script a little bit.

Yeah. How do you come go off script a little bit. How do you come up with your material? You're so prolific. Do you write punchline first and go backwards? Why don't we just see if we can get a table together here and just move these two? Señor, can we push these two mesas together? Cibupe?

Cosme, four marks. God damn. Mexican. How long does it take you to take, four marks. God damn. Mexican. How long does it take you to take down four marks? Well, I was just drinking them like they were Capri Suns. I was hammering them. So. They were so good.

Two at a time? What are we thinking? I would order another one before I'd finished the first. Golly. That sounds like a hell of a night. They have a dish called the Duck Carnitas that has been on their menu the entire time. This used to be a very big time restaurant.

It used to get ranked top 50 restaurants in the world. It was really good. Their main restaurant's in Mexico City. And everyone goes there to go to that restaurant. Interesting. But now it's kind of like the hype has died down, but it's still awesome. They've come back to Earth.

Well, no, the the foods just as good It's just people Restaurants are very their their buzz is often fleeting, you know, unless it's late Bernard Dan, you know Oh, yeah, he's gonna rise and fall right? They do some solid advertising But dude get this when I used when I went there when I first moved to New York I remember specifically that the duck carnitas, which is a dish for two people, was, I think it was $54 on the menu. Sounds like a lot, right?

Guess what it is now. I'm gonna guess 90. I'm gonna go 75. $112. Wow. It is an unbelievable measure of inflation. Yeah. And I'll be honest, there's just as many ducks everywhere.

They're just as easy to kill. Of anything, there are more. You start bringing your own duck in. Yeah. Going, carnita this. Yeah. Me and Large went to Chinatown yesterday. We got a duck for less than $20.

Really? And it was amazing. Wait, you bought it at a restaurant? Yeah, they served it up for us. We had like a pork to start, and then they just cut up a duck. I mean, they took it out of the window. Wow. It was so fucking juicy. Oh my God.

It sounds great. That's cool. I had duck in the classic Peking duck in Beijing with Donny. Yeah. And it was a pretty cool experience. Was it great? Yeah, it was a pretty cool experience. Was it great? Yeah, it was. It was good.

It was that orange kind of glazed duck with the crispy skin. Love that. Duck is good. Duck's an underrated meat. Yeah. I'm trying to go all duck by 26. You just kill enough duck and you just stock up the freezer. Duck strictly.

Yeah. I gotta get... Sydney's gotta take us out to kill some ducks. Yeah, big time. That's what they should do. They should round up everybody like once a month in New York like jury duty. And we all just go out and hunt. People though. We get the cat skills.

The homeless. Yeah, yeah. That wouldn't be bad. A purge. You've been selected for purging. I mean that guy sounds delicious who was banging on your subway. It sounded like a meaty fucking cut of thigh. He could have fed the family for weeks. Through the winter.

You've won the lottery. You got the Saquon Barkley homeless man. Saquon's under some flack. He's been taking some heat. He just went on a Cooper Dejean and Reed Blankenship's podcast today. Oh really? Doesn't sound like heat to me. What was he saying? Well, I mean, those were his own teammates. What, because he went on Aiden Ross's stream? Did he go on Aiden Ross's stream?

Yeah. Can you explain Aiden Ross to me? Why is he always the center of controversy? What does he do? Who is he? I think it's because he's like a right wing Twitch streamer for children. I mean, most Twitch streaming is for children, right?

I think he's a kick, I think he's on kick or something like that, right? He's a right wing streamer for children. Is he right wing? Yeah. He is? Hasn't Trump like been on his stream before? Or didn't he like do like an interview

with Trump or something? Yeah, but Trump did Knock Boys and Flaygrin 2 and Theo and all that. And Busting. And Busting, yeah. Yeah, but Flaygrin, I don't know much about Flaygrin 2 and Theo and all that. And Busting. And Busting, yeah. Yeah, but Flaygrin, I don't know much about Flaygrin, but Theo went to the inauguration, so it's probably safe to assume he's right leaning.

Yeah, but if you... Yeah, Aidan Ross gave him a Cybertruck with his face on it. But didn't all these people also have Bernie Sanders on their shows? Yeah, I tend to think that Theo's pretty centrist. I don't know. I mean, yeah, you have Bernie on, like, you could, Bernie goes on shows,

but like, they're not, like, people aren't, like, going to the inauguration feels like that kind of says where you are. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with what, with either side. I'll say this, if I got invited to the inauguration, no matter who the president was, I would go. I'm pretty sure.

When the Eagles won their first Super Bowl in 2017, 2018, we went to the White House and we were like doing interviews there or something like that. And there was like a local Philadelphia basketball writer named Kyle Newbeck. and he took a picture of like The bar stool Mike flag and he was like, of course bar stools there at the White House It's just like yeah, just cuz you're there. It doesn't like say one thing or another about like

Yeah, I get that I guess if he buys well He but being personally invited to the inauguration by the president. Well, he bought Bernie Sanders a Cybertruck too. No, he didn't. He's giving out Cybertrucks. No, he didn't. Yeah.

I don't think those guys would have gone if Bernie Sanders became president. Bernie Sanders got a fucking Cybertruck, I don't know what you're talking about, bro. You didn't see him driving it around? AOC got a Cybertruck from him. I didn't see that. Bernie Sanders has been the same age of old for 15 years.

If you need to see a picture of him when he was young, it's in black and white. I know. There are no color photos of him with like as a young man. Yeah. The same was true of Biden. Oh, yeah. They're old forever. They're old as hell. Biden's first-generation racist. Yeah

Big time creative-ass racist The boy sandals is he gonna run again? No chance right now. No way who do you think's gonna run next time? Who do you think the next? presidential election is gonna be between Trump and whoever else. Trump can't run again. We'll see. He's telling people he's on his third term.

You see that? That he's currently on his? He's like, technically I'm on my third term because of the last election, but we don't have to get into it. Yeah, he's already breaking the law by being on his third term. He can't stop winning.

All he does is win no matter what. It's crazy. So fucking happy for him. And sad for Biden too that he got cancer. Yeah. How long you think they've known about that? I feel like stage four cancer doesn't just come on the president rapidly. Like there was he not getting checks before that? Maybe he just thought it was icky. Yeah, maybe. Oh, guys, thinks they just think stuff. Thank you. That's that was a Joe Paterno. Why he didn't say anything. He was just like, yeah, it's icky to talk about what's happening in my locker room. I don't agree. I don't think that by everyone saying that Biden's

gonna die and that Biden's dead. I think Biden's got like 15 years left in him. He'll be around forever. Yeah. He'll be like Jimmy Carter, just like tiny as fuck in a chair. Yeah, they'll keep him alive. Just shrinking down. I mean, presidents, the presidents don't die. They stay alive.

Do you think that when Biden dies, people will be nice about it? Yeah. No. If it's in 15 years from now, definitely. 15 years from now, for. 15 years from now, for sure. If he dies within the next year or two. I think in 15 years from now, President Aiden Ross is gonna be really nice about it. Yeah. The people,

the right will celebrate when he, if he dies? I think everyone, either the right and the left will celebrate. I don't think people know what they like. I don't know. And it's like, well, we're talking about celebrating. I'm not talking about, I'm talking about people online, not real life. Yeah. I'm just, I like the fact that whenever a president dies, we fly the flag at half mast.

Yeah, I think that's nice. And that there's just sort of a collective like, day of recognizing the service that they provided to the country, even if they weren't a great president. Yeah. You know? Did you get the churros last night?

No, I didn't. I never have room for dessert after the duck carnitas. Really? That is a dessert. I think you would get like the ice cream flambé. I'd also had four margaritas, so I figured I'd hit my sugar quota. Because it's so lame, though,

wasting your sugar quota on drinks. No, that's that's where you're wrong. Really? I love a cocktail as a dessert. I'm happy with that. I disagree. That was kind of like one of my deal-breakers with drinking was like, I was like, well, I can either do one or the other. I can either have these trolley gummies. Exactly.

Or I can have four Bud Lights. Smurf gummies or drink. But you didn't really like cocktails, you liked beer. Yeah. So beer's never gonna be a dessert. No. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. There's nothing sweet about a beer.

Right. Maybe a nice Amaro nonino. That's a nice end. That's a nice nightcap. I would love a beer. Would you? Oh yeah. Let's get one right now. I would love a beer. Would you? Oh yeah. Let's get one right now.

Need time? Let's have one. Let's turn that chip in. I know, it might be time, honestly. Let's dip that chip in. Let's color down. Let's color down. Yeah, let's color down.

Yeah, I would drink and it would be like. Tell us what happened when you drank. No, no, that's not what I meant. That's what I wanted to mean. I meant if I were to drink again. I know it would be. You'd be back on the horse right away? Dude, if we drank today, Thursday night,

there's no way I don't wake up tomorrow and be like, well, I haven't drank. And so, like, and then it would continue for a month straight of me being like, well, it took all that time off. I got to make up for lost time. Exactly. So I'd be texting you guys like mimosas.

Let's go get some brunch. Let's get some manmosas. Boozy brunch. You guys around this weekend? I lost my passport again. Wink, wink. Kegs and eggs at my place. Like you got a keg up to your walk up?

What? You couldn't bring the kettlebell down and you brought a keg up? Up the stairs is crazy. All right guys, let's talk a little bit about quids. You ever find a shirt that just kind of becomes your go-to, right? You're wearing it every other day. Maybe you kind of, you're secretly wearing it every day around the house because that's your shirt.

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Rocketmoney.com slash boy. Guys, this podcast is brought to you by ChatBCC. The three of us are in a group chat on ChatBCC. It's an awesome sort of messaging service where you can guys can join our group chat. It's as simple as that. You can comment, you can follow along, create side chats, ask us questions.

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advice, crypto trading involves a risk of loss and is offered to US customers excluding Washington, New York and Maine through payward interactive. I will say that I do think about trying sobriety here and there. Yeah. But then I think you would get mad at me if I did.

I wouldn't give a fuck. Well, cause it's your thing mad at me if I did. I wouldn't give a fuck. Yeah. Well, because it's your thing. It's your thing, though. I wouldn't care at all. You kind of put your flag into body. I'm out on that. I'm out.

Do whatever you got to do. Well, I'd only do it to have something in common with you. Oh, no. It's a terrible idea. I would then tell everyone, Sass and I don't drink. I don't really have any plans to going back to drinking, but I'll probably have a beer at some point, you know?

Next decade. It's not like a couple of my buddies have gone like fully sober and then they like went on a huge family trip to Ireland and they're like, yeah, I had a beer in Ireland, didn't affect my, cause they're not doing it for the chip. They didn't fall off the wagon and go on a bender.

Yeah, exactly. With like their dad, like a nice wholesome Taster's Choice moment. Yeah, I just don't know if I got that in me. But when you do- There's no way I'm gonna go to Ireland and have one Guinness.

Can I say something? Which- It's crazy. I think that there's, have you noticed that now that sobriety has become such a more popular movement, and I'm not talking just for people who have alcoholism. Oh yeah. The sober curious people, the people who just abstain from drinking, right?

Not even because they have a problem, because they didn't like the way they felt, whatever, after they drank. As that has happened, lots of science has started coming out that says alcohol gives you cancer. Alcohol does this. Alcohol does that. I don't think that that's a coincidence. I think that big sobriety is in the pockets of every politician.

I can see it. I think big sobriety is a major like corrupt movement. Yeah. sobriety is a major like corrupt movement. Yeah, I think so too. I think you could put together a study that proves anything. Yeah. Like, and I think that a lot of people would say everyone's stopping drinking because the studies are saying to stop. I think that everyone has stopped drinking and they're trying to find

a study to correlate with it, right, because they're linking everything to cancer these days. Did you hear the golf courses? The golf courses have a higher chance of Parkinson's. That does make sense to me though. They say that a lot of greenskeepers on golf courses have dogs. Like the head greenskeeper always rides around with his dog. And I heard somewhere that the life expectancy of a dog that runs around on a golf course is like four years less. Really? Yeah.

Why? Cause the pesticides. It's the pesticides, they're crazy dude. Just because these golfers like refuse to have a single fly land on them. They're like giving their membership if a bee buzzes in their backswing. It's crazy.

Yeah, that's pretty fucked up. Pesticides are kind of, I try not to think about those because I definitely got a lot of them in my system. What about microplastics? That's a big one that everyone's talking about too. Yeah, those don't, yeah, that just feels impossible to avoid. Well, they say, yeah, bottled water's really bad. They say table salt's bad, right?

They say that you get a credit, you need a credit card a week of microplastics. Is that right? No, not a week. Maybe it's half a credit card a week. No, I think it's like a credit card a year. No, no, it's a credit card a week. Then I definitely need to stop eating actual credit cards.

Well, I was worried I wasn't getting enough microplastics in so I would start crumbling up a credit card like a fruit on a salad. I love that for you. They sitting in with a smoothie Nothing like chases that line is eating the card after The coke isn't killing you it's the fucking credit card The killin pesticides freaking out because I used to do a bunch of landscaping and I remember the we were using roundup Yeah, just the big one. That's a bad one. And we were spraying down this dude's patio,

and he was like, be careful with the Roundup. Don't get it too close to you. Like, it's super poisonous, all that shit. And I was using it and there was no smell. And I was like, is this actually Roundup? And I still to this day don't know. I smelt it though, I will say that, bad idea. You just put your nose over the roundup like.

Straight into it. I'm not getting anything. I'm not even kidding, like, like, cause I was like, and I still do this day, I was like, I'm pretty sure I was just watering that dude's weeds. Dude, I remember as a kid, I remember having to get all the old paint

off the side of a boat. That was a job I had done. And they gave me a giant can of turpentine to do it with. And then after, cause I had paint chips and stuff on my hands, they washed my hands for me with the turpentine. Oh my God. And I remember feeling like, wow, this shit really works.

This gets paint off your hands better than anything. And two bones of your hands are just rubbing against each other because there's no flesh anymore. That's fucked. That makes me feel better about my experience. Did I ever tell you the story about how, so my dad's side of the family has these like camps, these little cabins up on Lake Ontario

in a town called Deborah, but it's spelled D-E-S-B-E-R-A-T-S Desperates near Sault Ste. Marie. If anyone out there knows this area, I mean, it's beautiful. And we would go up there every summer. We would drive 22 hours from Maine to get there. Damn. We would drive and we would go and that's where we would spend

like a week in the summer or 10 days or whatever. But there was no electricity, nothing, no wifi. You would not have been able to go. And so my grandfather, we had these shot puts because they had this little drawbridge built between two of the islands. It was really cool. But it was along this canal entryway

kind of between the rocks that in order for the bigger boats to come down that way, you'd have to pull the drawbridge open. And he weighed the drawbridge down through the pulley system with two shot puts to create that. And as he was doing, as he was setting up the shot puts, he watched as they both came undone because he hasn't tied them properly,

bounced down the rocks and into the canal. And then he told my cousin Jackson and me that he would pay us $5 each for each of the, if we, for each shot put we brought back. Oh wow. But we had to dive for them. Yeah. And we had no scuba gear.

Yeah. And it was pitch black. Oh shit. So me and my cousins, they would sit, they sat on the drawbridge as Jackson and I took turns trading the scuba mask back, like the snorkeling mask back and forth. And it was like probably 16 feet down.

Damn. And I was probably 12. Damn. And they had a basket on a string. And the thought was that if we got and found the shot put on the floor of the lake, you'd put the shot put in the basket, give the basket a couple of tugs and then come up.

Yeah. And I got one of them, but we did not find the other. So you got the five. I got five bucks. Not bad. But that find the other. So you got the five. I got five bucks. Not bad. But that's not, you need both for the drop. It felt like a job half done. Yeah, not finding that second one,

but I mean, that's a tough task. We must have dived probably 15 times each before I finally found it. Cause you'd get down to the bottom and you'd already be so out of breath. Yeah, and there was sand every time you move. It was silty mud. Yeah. Yeah, so you was sand every time you moved. It was silty mud. Yeah.

Yeah. So you'd just feel around in the darkness. There was no light. Damn. That's such a good way to die. I know. It is. By the way, I did the same exact thing years later looking for a pair of my mom's Maui

gym sunglasses. Ah. Because she had had them fall off near the dock. So I went down to try it, but she did not offer me payment. But that was okay. They've done a lot for me. Yeah. Yeah. I did not find them.

Losing the shades in the water is tough. That's why you got to have the floatable croquis. I know. That's happened to me a couple of times, looking over the edge of just right off the head. I went on a boat trip recently, or I went on a vacation to a resort within the last year. And we went out on a boat. And it was lovely. We got back. And as we got back in, there was a guy who had just got off a stand up paddleboard and he told the guy who took us out on the boat, I lost my sunglasses. I'm pretty sure they're in this area. Go get them. Oh, he just made this guy

get it just like feel around in an area for his sunglasses And it was like this massive he's like probably like over a little bit towards this way Like didn't give the guy any money up front damn We just sat and watched this guy like abuse this So fucked and they were nowhere near where he said they were out there for half an hour he finally found them well that brings us to that diver who goes around the marina and dives with scuba stuff on underneath

where all the boats are parked and so much stuff falls down. And he goes and he collects stuff that has fallen down and he'll get a Rolex for someone who's lost it. They'll hire him. He's on YouTube. I've seen those accounts. It's great. I like the ones of the dudes that do it in like the middle of nowhere and they'll pull up like guns

Oh, those are the magnet fishermen. Yeah, the magnet fishermen that grosses me out though grosses me out, too It's also funny because the police get just mad. You're not allowed to find stuff Yeah, those those bicycles are meant to be down. Yeah, it's like well now we got to open up an investigation from fucking 45 years ago and try and solve it with this gun. It's going to take us hours of paperwork. So you're on the cop side? Big time. Really? Yeah.

Just throw the gun back in the water. If the guns got fucking shit growing off of it, the case is probably not going to get solved. I agree. Just the cops shouldn't get to the bottom of the case. I don't think they have to fucking hunt down every gun that someone finds in the bottom of a river. True.

These guys are getting fucking 10 million YouTube clicks on their fucking gunk gun. True. They're getting all the money. It's a content game. You know what's so strange? That shot put story was so, it was such a sort of core memory of my childhood

and meant so much to me. And when I told it, I realized that this story is worth nothing. This is not finding a single inch of purpose on this podcast. I don't think that's true at all. I don't think there was anything in there that was like worth sharing to anyone who listens to the show, to you guys. We didn't ping off it. It wasn't

funny. It was just like, and now I'm like, did my life mean anything? If that was one of the top moments that I had and is a very fond memory I have of my cousins and my grandfather and this place that meant a lot to me, then did my life mean anything? You did something hard. I did. I don't think it's a bad story. It wasn't that good. But not every story has to be like a grand slam, you know? But it was a grand slam for my whole life. Yeah, but I've got stories that are funny. I've told so few people that story. Yeah, but everyone's got stories like that. And now you just told 100,000 more people.

And you just told 100,000 more people. I needed to have told that to someone else and have them be like, dude, we that that wasn't worth much. Would no one ever say that about that story, though. But it would have then put me in a better place of knowing it's worth. And I would not have shared it on the podcast. Well, now you know. No, I think that that was a worthy story.

Do you think we can cut that? No, no, it's definitely staying in. We should cut that. No. You got to say something very revealing personally if you want this cut. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't do it.

It won't wind up getting cut. The shot puts were made up of the children that live on Harry's block, their bones, and their privates. Now we're talking. Now we're cooking with Grease. Little HH Holmes. I think that it was a very nice story. I don't know.

I give up, man. I don't think that, I think you're being hard on yourself. I tried, I am always hard on myself. What did my story about the guy finding the fucking Maui gyms add? Well, that was a piggyback. It was a piggyback. So it did add a piggyback.

That was a different story, though. Yeah, but it jogged something in my memory. That's very kind of you. It wasn't. I wasn't doing it to be kind. I was doing it because it was a worthwhile story. Can we ask you for an update on your children, how that's all going?

They're going. They're doing pretty good. You seem great. Are you pretty are you just hiding how fatigued you are. It's just a different level of attention to details like you just have to be pretty I'm not I'm pretty just lighten your shoe fire. Matches is capable of handling a serious cover. No, I'm listening right now

He said it's a different type of tired. Oh boy. We're talking about family stuff here. Let me light my shoes on fire Time for me to go to another place That is like the kind of thing you do in a in like a psychiatrist office And they're like, yeah, you have ADD back. We're going to give you 80 milligrams of Stratera every single day. I wonder how big the hotel is that I'm staying in this week. All right, so it's a different type of tired. It's just, no, it's just a different type of attention

that you have to give. You have to be kind of selfless. And I'm not perfect at it. But I am relatively patient as a person. but definitely like test your patience at some times. It's like when they're just crying, you don't know what to do. You can't stop it. You just try. I also used to think when people like shush their kids, they're being mean, like shush. But I didn't realize there is like a functional like shush. Oh, there's levels to it.

It is like a calming thing. So I didn't do it for a while to them because I was like, I'm not trying to be like a dickhead, like shushing them. Like shh. Oh, there's levels to it. It is like a calming thing. So I didn't do it for a while to them because I was like, I'm not trying to be like a dickhead, like shushing them, like shh. You're kind of just creating white noise. Yeah, but you're just doing like a soft passive white noise and it works, bro. They'll shut the fuck up if you shh. Yeah, it's not a library shush.

It's the type of shush that you might mistake for the flowing of the river that Harry and I are gonna live on. Exactly, yeah. It's gonna be so nice. But I didn't, I just thought it was like, there was a nastiness to it. So I was like, just letting them cry.

But then I was like, am I a fucking detached sociopath? Like I wasn't just letting them cry. That's why it's tough to talk about because someone will be like, yeah, wait till you hear this. Or like, you actually shouldn't be doing that. So I haven't talked a ton about it. I even like shot an ad where it was like,

they were gonna be in the part, like the background. And I was like, oh, I can't fucking a ton about it. I even shot an ad where it was like they were going to be in the part, like the background. And I was like, oh, I can't fucking have them in a fucking. No, I think that's the right call. Did you, for someone who's potentially thinking about it someday, would you recommend that I have one or two to start? I think you should start with like three and just kind of knock it out. Because I think swinging for the fences

is like laying up or like swinging for a double. Yeah. Like why not just get the homer and have like a TLC show, Francis plus eight. I think starting with twins is actually a pretty good move. You'd be such a great dad. Because then if you don't have any more, you're fine. Yeah.

Gets you right into the action. Right into a full family. Yeah. I think you got to do it. They also are going to rely on each other so much and be each other's support systems, which means you don't have to parent as much. And there's really, let's be honest, even though they'll be like, I'm one minute older, there's really no older child. So there's no, I'm sure minute older, there's really no older child. Yeah. Right, so there's no, I'm sure that the hierarchy

is not as pronounced. Yeah. Unless one of them ends up being like way better at sports and school. Yeah. In which case the other one's in big trouble. And the other one has to do drugs or DJ. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or both. Or both, yeah. I support it if they wanna do both. I mean, if they want to do both. I mean, if you're not good at sports or school, there's not a ton of options. What are you talking about? What are we doing? I guess Francis was good at sports in school.

So was I. It's hard for me to relate to that experience of not being good at sports or school. Because just because you got into Penn or to pit aliquippa. Well, that was for my academics. So what were you good at in school? I got in there solely relying off my academic ability. Dressing. Yeah, pretty much. You're good at dressing.

I got into fit. Full scholarship turned it down. What if Harry took that outfit off right now and underneath he was just wearing like a spiked... A gimp outfit. Oh, no, this was a class project actually. They said, do your best puffer fish. This is my interpretation.

There's dark Kent under there. Do you think they get like assignments like that? I bet they do. Like, tomorrow I want you to come in wearing something that expresses anger. Tomorrow your homework is to cut yourself. Yeah. Create an outfit using an actual physical piece of yourself.

Sacrifice one part of your body for a whole outfit. The zippers are made from my molar. You'll notice that my penis is stitched onto the outside of my jeans. It's like flopping on the outside. Tonight your assignment is to bleed and you will be judged on how much. Oh man. Seek help if you actually have college. Seek help if you go to FIT. Is it a high school?

No. It's a college. It's a college. It's like a SUNY school. Got it. I bet you that those kids do have a lot of sex. Oh, of course. I bet you they're doing some wild stuff. Yeah. They definitely have like co-ed dorms.

They probably have one dorm room in like, I don't know, somewhere. There's probably just a guy who's always getting fissed-ed dorms. They probably have one dorm room in like I don't know somewhere. There's probably just a guy who's always getting fisted on the dorm floor. Yeah I almost went to I toured pace Their dorms are just in everything is in one building. So you never left you never leave That was kind of my so it's like that town in Alaska where the entire town is on high rise. Exactly. It's a skyscraper that is all just case. It's like the wayside school. Yeah, that's what made me not want to go there. Really?

Because I was like, I'll just never leave. Oh, that's so at odds with your lifestyle. Dude, it's just an elevator. You're like, oh, I got to go to fucking English. I would have thought that's why you want to go. I can't go to this college because it's a place I'll never leave my home. Yeah, but it would be like if I was like, I got to go to fucking English. I would've thought that's why you wanna go. I would've thought that's why you wanna go. It's a place I'll never leave my home. Yeah, but it would be like if I was like, I gotta go do the podcast, and it was like, all right, down one floor.

That sounds so tailored for you. Yeah, it's not. Your main complaint today was the commute. It would be like if I moved into this building. All right, I'm going up to seven. I'm going home. How are you late? Have you ever accidentally ridden the elevators here up to seven. I'm going home. How are you late? Have you ever accidentally ridden the elevators here

up to the higher floors? No, never. I went up once by accident. What is it? Really nice offices. Really? Well think about it. Our elevator bank has six elevators.

Have you ever seen a building in New York that when you press the button, automatically the elevator, no matter what, there's an elevator ready to take you? Yeah, for the most part. There's six here, six elevators and they're fast. They're fast as fuck. That's the most efficient,

probably expensive elevator system I've ever seen. Incredible elevators. Any building I've ever been to in New York. Strong elevators. Totally, you go up all the way, your ears pop. Chicago barely even has an elevator. It's a crank. I know. You take the L train on a steep incline like you're going on a roller coaster. It's like, a vertical, vertical train.

Elevator repairmen and builders are a union. That's an old union. Oh yeah, one of the oldest. In America. And it's a trade, you know? My poppy rode the elevator. Yeah. How was business? I too now ride, I'm an apprentice.

I rode the elevator, my dad rode the elevator. You know, lots of ups and downs. See. Cousin was an escalator, man. Haven't spoke to him in 30 years. Well it caused a big rift. Fucking pricks. It's like having a cop and a fireman.

Yeah, exactly. Which one's more important? They're fighting at Thanksgiving, the elevator versus the escalator. You ever try to, on an escalator, you ever try to hold your hand on the two railings and then lift your feet off the ground and ride all the way up or all the way down

without having your feet touch. No. So sort of in a suspended dip maybe. No, I never have. I feel like I could. It's hard. It's hard. I can see that. A lot of strain on your wrists because your wrists are bent up.

It's also tough in New York in this in this stand, right, walk, left culture that we're living in. It's hard to block off both sides. Oh, I see what you mean. But there are plenty of elevators that do not have people, excuse me, escalators, that have people not expecting

to be able to walk up the left side. The only time I really see escalators is at Penn Station. What about at LaGuardia? Airports. True, LGA. Malls. LGA, their escalators busy though. You don't walk up it though. I do. People have their luggage. Oh I fly up that thing. You walk up the escalator at LaGuardia. Every time. That means you're asking a lot of people to move. Well if there's people, I won't. But next time, instead of walking up it,

you know what I'll do? I'll dip. Try it. Ride that thing down like Stephen Hawking, like Christopher Reeves. Going down is easy, but going up is really hard. Going up is harder than going down. Think about it.

Yeah, it makes sense. Gravity. Gravity. Gravity, yeah. Stay the hell away from me. Yeah, I'll definitely do that while I'm waiting for the clear people to harass me. Oh, what a useless thing. I mean, what?

How's there 18 people out by the clear? Clear, clear. What is the point? Wanna sign up for clear? Can we honestly ask ourselves, what is the point? You're like, oh yeah, I'll get clear because I'm looking at it right now.

It says the clear line is a 15 minute wait and the general line is just open. I'm so tired of those people thinking that they're doing anything. Yeah, clear must be pain. I mean, it's the same people that work at Sweet Green. They come, they usher you up and they're like, wait for me, wait for me, okay, come now.

Okay, and then it's like they're introducing you to the TSA agent who doesn't give a fuck about them. I did the other day and I had my ID out. Why are you, why do you have your ID out? You're clear. Oh, cause you guys asked me to take it out 75% of the time. Exactly. So that's why.

Randomly selected again. And I'm like, why does that keep happening? And they go, do you travel a lot? And I'm like, yeah. Is that the whole point? And they're like, well, that's probably why. And I'm like, don't you think that would mean I should be more clear?

Yeah. This isn't my first time in the friendly skies. That's a red flag. TSA and clear must hate each other. That's probably worse than the elevator, escalator, Capulets, Montagues. Montagues. The second you see that clear person walking towards you

with just a fucking imbecile behind them. I have my luggage. Should I just go here? ID, passport, everything out, birth certificate. It's a nightmare. The TSA people are always like, wait! They're not ready for them, they don't want them to come through. We could talk about this forever. I haven't flown in a while. Hate the port.

I haven't flown in a fucking while. I know. I'm gonna be, you guys want my free upgrades this year? Probably not even gonna use them. I haven't been on my Delta app in four months. I haven't really been now. I haven't really been grinding either. That's nice.

To be honest, I don't really care. I've been flying a lot. Yeah. I don't really care about the status. I think I'm gonna get diamond, but I don't think it's I think it's gonna be close I don't think I'm gonna even come close. Last year I had it in May. Yeah, I remember I Remember it like it was fucking yesterday brother. We celebrated it. We went to Fort Charles. I mean Me and Harry had a drink in your favor. I'm about two thirds of the way there. I'm not even close. Why did I just lose miles? What the fuck?

I opened the app, I went from 900,000 something miles to 800,000, what the fuck was that? I just happened in front of my eyes. Well they take away from checking it now. It's like a credit score. I need to get the experience boost for my. God damn! Let's wrap up the podcast.

Let's do it. We'll see you guys next episode. Thank you so much for listening. Hope you guys all have a good rest of your week slash weekend. Goodbye. Thank you. Close was over, still, still underground. So I looked older, till you came around I was only falling one way, I was only falling one way Days were drifting Fall, fall as I

Saw, saw then you listen Now I come alive I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way I was only falling one way Banished to your right Did you realize

No one can take me alive I was only falling one way See it just a distant light Being fast forever bright Call it just a distant light Faint facts forever bright Call it just a memory Take my hand and you can see I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I'm falling, I, oh, oh Vanished to your earth Did you realize

No one could take me alive