Son of a Boy Dad - You're Next | Son of a Boy Dad #137 w/ Tommy Smokes

Episode Date: October 3, 2023

You're Next | Son of a Boy Dad #137 w/ Tommy Smokes -- Follow us on our socials: https://linktr.ee/sonofaboydad -- Merch: https://store.barstoolsports.com/collections/son-of-a-boy-dad -- SUBSCRIBE TO THE YOUTUBE #SonOfABoyDad #BarstoolSportsYou can find every episode of this show on Apple Podcasts, Spotify or YouTube. Prime Members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. For more, visit barstool.link/sonofaboydad

Hey, son of a boy dad listeners, you can find every episode on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or YouTube. Prime members can listen ad-free on Amazon Music. Yeah. Wish we could go back in time and have Tommy not clap. Why? Just kind of destroyed the rhythm. That was a good clap.

It was. It looked like you hurt yourself, though. I did. It looked like I don't have control of my lower half of my body. Yeah. You look like a pear. A pear of pelage. All right.

Well, welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is Monday. What is it? October 2nd? Yes, sir. New month, new us. New month, new us. the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. Today is Monday. What is it, October 2nd? Yes, sir. New month, new us. New month, new us. My mom's birthday is on Thursday.

Exactly. How could I forget? So that's why you wear your sweatpants that show your print the best. You're a dick slinging today in those. The gray tracky, gray tracky. I'm not the only person that's ever worn sweatpants this office. We're streaming tonight. I just didn't want to be in jeans all day no i love a sweatpants day it's the most liberating day that you kind of come in rock sweatpants let your dick bounce around

you think people are looking at my dick today 100 as soon as you came in that was the first thing i went to and when i watch nfl football i'm basket shopping dude i look at all these i look at all these dude's packages. I'm checking out every one of their packages. And I think it's them having strong glutes that really makes your packages look great. It pulls on the back of the pants. Anyway, how was your guys' weekends? Good.

I just got back. I mean, I'm fucking, I am exhausted. Just hanging on by a thread right now. Yeah, I could tell. I think I said the exact same thing last weekend. But you're also, you have a bubbling youthful energy that makes me think that you had a fun-ass time in Las Vegas at Skank Fest this weekend.

Yeah, it was great. It was a good time. What'd you do? Don't fucking worry about it. Look, you said you can't. Bro, Sass has the greatest stories of all time today, so I'm here to facilitate that. I was with Tyler Miller yesterday in Philly,

and he was like, yo, Sass has some kind of preposterous story. And I was like, don't say more. One, because it's going to overhype the story. And two, because I want to hear it from the horse's mouth. I can try and do my best job of re-saying it. So nay nay, bitch. Let me see what I texted you guys. Well, pretty much what happened was I i was so the first night dude it

started off great first night i uh got in pretty late went to like the kickoff party kind of took it easy that night explain what skank fest is to guys like tommy who have no fucking idea it's just a massive comedy festival lewis j gomez runs it and it's like all those guys like big j okerson dave smith and then they get a bunch of comedians like tim dillon uh nick mullen you guys all go up there and do comedy yeah everyone just goes to vegas and does you just do a bunch of shows you guys then like party and stuff it's pretty much it's more of a party than it is shows um mechanical bull or like the boxing thing where you punch it and it goes up to 900 not about a lot of betting i bet a lot this weekend a lot of

gambling okay um but i had a good first night took it easy then i went to the gym the next morning it's fucking steak and broccoli for lunch i was like oh this is gonna i'm like healthier right now than i am but i'm home because the story was crazier than i was expecting so then then then the second night i have like my shows i had had to host a 4 p.m. show, which was fine. I suck at hosting, but whatever. And then. Whatever. You sacrifice that because 4 p.m. is the best slot.

It actually is. It's weird. It doesn't work the same way. Like normal festivals, it would be like the late shows are good. Everyone at the late. No one goes late shows. Everyone's too fucked up by then. So the early shows are like the best shows.

And then I did like two more shows after that. And then I got like then i was like i've been drinking since four so i was pretty hammered and uh and then what were you off of what were you sipping on beer the whole time i'm mixing up my days that was friday saturday was the day that I got really drunk. And I was, I did a show one great show. Phenomenal. Phenomenal. And, um, and then column did his midnight circus show, which is a raw and raunchy vaudevillian. Yeah.

It's just like, not like a, it's obviously it's at midnight. It was packed. Uh, he like gets like dancers and there's like glow sticks and everyone's got fuck everyone's on mushrooms not me of course i don't take mushrooms that's just whack it's just whack and then they had like uh like ari shafir doing some weird shit like it's like a weird show probably had his penis out but pretty much that kind of thing and then uh but whole hanging all over exactly sam talent did like just did like a scary story which was hilarious um and then i'm like hanging out backstage the whole time i wasn't even on the show i was just hanging out with column and gardini and sam talent and uh and then i'm like

pretty drunk i'm pretty fucked up and well everyone's like throwing glow sticks around and i had like a bunch of glow sticks i'm like calm we should go on stage it when it ends and throw the glow sticks and so then we start throwing the glow sticks. I'm like, calm, we should go on stage when it ends and throw the glow sticks. And so then we start throwing the glow sticks. I'm pretty, I'm really drunk at this point. I'm hammering the glow sticks. Because that's not even that good of an idea. Yeah.

Even that you have to tell someone about that you're going to throw glow sticks. I'm sensing a climax coming. So I'm throwing the glow sticks. I'm really throwing them. And then all of a sudden I just feel an ice cold breeze on my penis. And I look down and my cock and balls are fully out in front of the entire audience. Colin pantsed me and he didn't know. Like, dude, my underwear came down fast. What?

Yeah. Actually, I saw a video of it yesterday and I made the dude believe it. What? Yeah. There's a video of your cock and balls floating around the internet? Yeah, it's gone now. Colin probably still has it, but it's gone. You don't think he sent it to a friend or anything?

No. Dude, honestly, I didn't really care. It was hilarious. It was very funny, but it was also shocking. You won't take off your shirt in front of your mirror. Dude. What do you mean? You didn't care that your penis was out?

One of the things I was thinking about that the next day, I was like, dude, I would rather have that happen a hundred times than have to take my shirt off in front of a crowd and someone rips your shirt off from behind you yeah dude it was getting shirted you got fucking pants as a grown man in front of skank fest yeah i think colin said that he pants to me expecting my underwear to stay up and then all of a sudden he's just staring at my bare ass and it took me like a minute to realize that my dick was out and i i in the video dude like it goes out i don't even like flinch like i just pull my pants back up and keep throwing glow sticks what the fuck are you serious yeah dude

i've been no one's dick has ever been that small either. On video? I'm hammered out of my mind. On video it came off small? Dude, all you could see was my balls. My dick was inside of my balls. Dude, I'm on stage in front of like 200 people. No. I'm hammered out of my mind.

What noise did they make when you got pissed? I probably gasped. I don't really remember. I think everyone just laughed. But you watched the video. And then I found out that I think Ari took his dick out on stage too, so that made me feel better. What?

He did that by choice. To make you feel better? No, he did that by choice. Like, before I went up. Yeah. Because that's the type of guy he is. Yeah. But they're forcing you into that type of humor, that voyeurism.

Or fucking exhibitionism, rather. Everyone kept on, like, the next day, everyone kept coming up to me and being like, dude, are you okay? Like, I know that was like pretty crazy and i the whole time i was like that didn't bother me like at all still i'm not how did that not bother if i had to pick everybody that i know who would like handle that the worst you would have been pretty high i don't know i was like i was more i like blacked out pretty hard that night which i don't like doing and i never really do and that was what i was more like anxious about just like was i like i hope i didn't say anything embarrassing anybody

my dick yeah but then i caught i like went up to some fans came up after the show and i was like did you guys actually could you see my dick and they're like oh yeah completely they're like and we were in the back they're like we were all the way up top yeah maybe it's not as small as you're saying maybe they saw from dude 200 people seeing your dick it was probably more than 200 it's not as small as you're saying maybe they saw from dude 200 people seeing your day it was probably more than 200 it's a literal nightmare though that's like a lot of people's number one actual nightmare that if something like that would happen to them yeah i don't know i mean dude it's a weird festival there's like the naked roast yeah they i went into for one minute and then i left what is this is fucking weird it's like i could do this on my own just people on

stage fully naked roasting each other like dicks out pussies out dicks out it's really strange is it like a nude beach where it's packed it like it's like by far the biggest show obviously because people are trying to see some fucking you see any good puss dude i went out for like i went in for like 30 seconds and there was just like a dude on stage with his dick out and then they brought the girl out and everyone went crazy and then i walked out. I was like, this is so fucking weird. Yeah, it's almost like moments later my penis was out on stage. That's your karma for judging

them. Judge not lest you be judged. Exactly. Lest you have your penis exposed. Lest you have the fucking shrimp out on the barbie. Yeah, that's insane. You're handling it really well. I don't even i like maybe he hasn't noticed yet i feel like he might be in shock no yeah i think you're in denial it's like

when someone gets shot and they're on the way it wasn't it wasn't like if my dick got pulled out on stage at like the stand it's like what's the difference in front of a bunch of fucking 400 pound hammered like bikers like all like beards and tattoos they thought it was hilarious that's like that's like what they want to see has there have there been any tweet like have you got any messages like i saw your dick no no no no one said anything oh i'm sure someone out there saw it i'm honestly debating like uh my instinct right there was to be like if you have a video of sass and penis send it to me but it's like no the craziest thing i don't want i don't actually want to see your dick dude yesterday i'm talking to some dude and he's like dude i took this video at the midnight circus and i was about to tweet it and i never watched it and then he shows me

the video and it's just me with my dick out and he like didn't even know that that was in the video he was like i was so close to tweeting if that video got tweeted like how visible was your dick i don't know i would be mad if a video was put out that was your dick in that video how long was it in the video visible wasn't oh dude he was from row yeah and you could still only see balls dude i'm telling you like it was like the head of my penis and that's it but i'm like this much you've been talking about your balls so much, like how long they are. Dude, that, honestly, that reassured my thoughts. I'm dead on. I'm not wrong.

Like it looked like the face of Grandmother Willow. Were people complimenting your balls afterwards? No, dude, really, like no one brought it up. Like no one said anything. They were just cool like that. Dude, I think it was probably because I think Ari was doing like shit with his dick on stage. I think they probably thought more about that you could kind of hide behind his the fact that his penis was out yeah exactly dude i think that you could uh if you had been a different type

of human being or personality you could make this your entire personality yeah i thought about it and just be like i'm the dick out guy or like i got sexually assaulted oh yeah well i was exposed i did kept on going up to call did kept on going up to call. I kept on going up to call him the whole night and just going, Oh, there he said that. I just kept on going up to him and going, there is my rapist.

This man exposed me. Honestly, like it's, it's kind of like when Ari Dost, yeah, it's like that kind of thing. Like you could kind of like when Ari Dost... Burt Crusher. Yeah, it's like that kind of thing. You could kind of be like,

he knows that the one thing that I fear is losing control, not having my penis. Yeah. But also, I've been telling you for two years to ditch the fucking boxers, dude, and go to boxer briefs. Oh, dude, if I had briefs on, that never would have happened. If you had boxer briefs on, that never would have happened.

Dude, they came down like they had weights attached to them. They just fell to the floor. Like, there was no elastic band. There probably wasn't. Dude, you probably have owned these boxers since high school or some shit. They literally just collapsed. It was crazy. I've got regular boxers on right now, too. Yeah, I

only wear them. I go brief sometimes, but they're just more comfortable i think we're so much more comfortable i mean if like my balls after this story i know now i have to after this story this is like having one of your friends get like crash on a motorcycle or something like that yeah it is like don't wear helmets from now on boys let's strap the fuck in and make sure that we're wearing our safe belts and we have our boxer briefs on unless we get exposed by an irishman yeah did he apologize yeah but i dude i really didn't like i genuinely never no part of me cared he was just laughing like it's like he was laughing on stage he was like oh my god i'm so sorry because i did not think that was

gonna happen what type of pants you have on i was wearing these shorts and they're dude they're tied i tie them tight but like when you have boxers the pinch probably grabbed both the boxer it was yeah they came down together oh my fucking god yeah penis just out for everybody surprise you're still able to wear the shorts i feel like it'd be traumatic for you it's like jersey Jersey Jerry's shitting his shorts. This is a catastrophe. This is literally a catastrophe. You're handling this so well that I'm worried that it's going to come up in therapy in like 20 years

and it's going to be like the reason that you like have a... King the Joker or something. Yeah, there's going to be some kind of distrust in humanity that manifests through this. No, it really wasn't a big deal. Yeah, it sounds like it was. It's kind of like no one even really talked about it the next day. I guess it does help that you were at an event where there was a literal naked roast like that.

Yeah, exactly. That adds to it. Yeah, it wasn't if it was at like Moon Tower and my dick was out on stage, that would be a little more worried. Yeah, JFL new faces. My dick is out on stage. That would be more worrisome. His big JFL new faces. My dick is out on stage. That would be more worrisome. His big debut in the comedy world is Lil Sass. They're all on drugs, too, dude.

They probably thought they just imagined it in their head. Well, this is the affirming that they needed to find out. To know that it did actually happen. I wonder what people love about nudity in comedy. Is there something raw about it? It's just funny. It's funny? I disagree. I find it lowbrow, dare I say. Let's go

through some movies where people are naked. In Euro Trip, they go to the beach and it's like all the naked guys. Michael Fassbender in that movie. Yes, that's true, but he looks great. Jason Segel. That's a hilarious scene jennifer lawrence no hard feeling and so yeah jennifer lawrence just did it as a woman

trying to be famous or a woman trying to be funny with nakedness a funny cock and pop star yeah december there's a hilarious uh fuck is that what i'm thinking of or is it hall pass where there's the massive dick i I think it's Hall Pass. Where he's in a hot tub. He like falls asleep in the hot tub. There's a small one and a long one. He's like Irish. Switch places.

Yeah. Yeah. Dude, it's funny. Yeah. I guess it's always funny. I guess it's always funny. I don't know. It wouldn't be funny if it happened to me, dude.

I don't know. I think if you were there and you were in that mental state I think it would've been funny it was pretty good times like everyone was having a good time

you can't be the guy crying we gotta have somebody else on there's no way he was this chill oh dude I swear to god I was

how I really I never even got upset should I call Colm no Colm is probably on a plane right now yeah definitely yeah to a different country he's like roman polanski he's about to live in fucking france for years extradite column

dude he abused my boy it was write a fucking letter and then i went i'm trying to think so that was saturday night and then i went to the circa sports book the next day yeah that's the place i'm allowed to say that shit yeah yeah who cares you went to the sports book it doesn't matter it's a great sports that's that's like the indoor out one circa circa or whatever i just went to the this josh potter had like a booth for everybody oh fucking josh what a mensch do you know josh potter no you don't he did anus a while ago yeah yeah he's really cool sounds like a mensch do you know josh potter no you don't he did anus a while ago yeah he's really cool sounds like a mensch yeah he is and uh and uh dude i won every single bet yesterday really i went so i at 2 a.m on saturday night i went to the sportsbook with lev and column

and we placed our bets and i put obviously bill's money line and everyone was like talking shit to me like dude none of this stuff is gonna hit like you're a fucking dude i bet nikki smokes has a hit And we placed our bets. And I put, obviously, Bill's money line. And everyone was talking shit to me. Like, dude, none of this stuff is going to hit. You're a fucking dumbass. Dude, I bet Nicky Smokes has a hit out on you. Oh, dude. He might not be your friend anymore. Dude, I made so much money yesterday. Nicky Smokes was probably like, someone pants that man.

He put a hit out on your dick. Probably. He definitely sent someone. Dude, I literally went 4-0 on the 1 p.m. games. And then I put a ton of money I put all the winnings from that onto the Chiefs money line in the over and then that hit so I made like a thousand dollars betting yesterday and then I went to play roulette last night extra 200 cash out no problem you bet colors or numbers uh outside. Yeah, but then there's also numbers,

so you can do odd even, 19 to 36. Sounds like a guy who hasn't spent the last three days in a casino. Sounds like a guy who's never had his dick exposed to a fucking comedy festival. I like to bet red, and then I double up, and then I double up, but I stopped doing that. When I just got out of high school, I was like, how has nobody tried that before? If you just keep betting red, and then it loses,

you double it up, you double it up, you it up but eventually that's the funny thing about roulette because it's literally a 50 50 chance every single time so that everyone's like it's more about like 48.3 because they put in the two greens oh yeah that's true you have like a 48.5 but the chance the chances don't change like everyone's like well it hit red the last two times it's got to hit black it's time you're probably gonna hit red again to be honest yeah yeah the odds don't change. Like everyone's like, well, it hit red the last two times. It's got to hit black. It's probably going to hit red again, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah.

The odds aren't predicted. I put down like a hundred dollars on that and I was fucking just exhausted. And I was like, dude, I got to go to bed. And I just totally put it all on black, hit black. And you hit it and you just walked out.

Yeah. You just took your chips and less. My chips went to the, you knew when to fold them, went to the cage. Yeah. You got to know when to fold them and you have to, you got to know went to the... You knew when to fold them. Went to the cage. Yeah, you gotta know when to fold them. And you have to know...

And you gotta know when to hold them, too. And you held them. I held them. You didn't take any losses in Vegas? Oh, I lost like... Oh, you didn't get passed.

I lost some money. You didn't have your dick exposed. The other night. But I came back. I mean, I beat... Dude, I broke the bank. Did you? Yeah.

They probably have your face up. Oh, dude, I'm a high roller now. I thought they were gonna fly me back in a PJ to New York. They comped you a fucking sweet at the balash dude callum and me had the same chief's bed and he was cracking me up he because he's he was like dude that's like he's like i just that was a really irresponsible amount of money to put down and then of course like the second half the jets start like playing good and i and i'm going into this being like yeah it's 17 is

two in the first half we're like well there's no way this doesn't hit and then out of nowhere it's just like dude we might be completely fucked right now did it come but it didn't come down to walk back to new york city how much did your unit size increase in vegas a lot uh a good bit yeah but i had like a dumb one i like i colin was saying he was like dude they shouldn't even have let us place those bets because you're so trash because we were just like swaying standing there and i'm like yeah i'll put 70 on the vikings money line pays out like 20 bucks literally it was like a 20 win and then the vikings are fucking losing for the whole game and And I'm like,

why did I take this bet? The Vikings haven't played well all year. I don't think a casino is going to advise you against stupid bets when you're drunk. No, they weren't. I remember I walked over and I went to like the machine to place bets and just some dude turns around and he goes,

great fucking day to make some money. And I was like, all right, man, fucking had like three hours of sleep last night it sounds like you basically had a perfect vegas trip though it was it was a good time it sounds like you had the the comedy was good yeah you were hanging out with fun people you won a bunch you got out of dodge at the right time then it was fun you're relatively fresh coming out of there

i'm pretty exhausted and i'm pretty uh yeah empty inside right now but you know nah you seem full you seem full to the brim you seem charged up i think i'm just delusionally tired right now i went to bed last night at two i had to wake up at five to get on a flight that you just got on yeah food direct uh yeah but then it was a whole thing don't worry about it wouldn't sweat it we're here now you made it i got Sass some extra Sky Miles. Did you get those yet? I did, yes. Yeah, 10,000.

You signed up for the credit card? Delta Reserve card, yeah. Me and Sass have scammed the Delta. No, we didn't. That did not work nearly as well as I thought it was going to work. I thought we were going to get, well, we don't have to talk about this again. I was talking about that with Gardini. talk about this again i was talking about that with gardini he was saying that uh chris o'connor was saying that he's like obsessed with the delta the delta miles and i was like dude i'm like on

the delta reddit like reading shit like how to get my miles up faster it's all i think about constantly have you gotten any tips no yeah from you but it didn't work because i couldn't upgrade i didn't get any upgrades really yeah none it's not worth it dude silver you're like you're like the 40th person on the list to get upgraded we're like the points guys yeah we are that's all we care about yeah francis i feel like is cheating the system somehow yeah he's rich he barely flies he's rich and he barely flies not like guys like us who are flying all the time well we do we do we do do. We do. He didn't fly all summer. Tommy flies every week.

I fly every week. I'm going to be flying twice a week when I do this college tour. I'm going to be fucking platinum, diamond platinum. Are you worried about that? About what? Flying, having to fly twice a week. Yeah, definitely. It sucks. I'm going to burn myself out.

Yeah, dude, I'm fucking, I got to go to Portland on Thursday. So you can keep cashing a paycheck. Tommy, we're doing you a favor by having you on this show right now. I'm doing you a favor. This is just so that you can hopefully get a new contract. Give me the smokes bump. It is massive. We got to check the metrics, but I think it like quadruples our audience whenever you come on.

Usually just about. We lose viewers. We're making a sacrifice right now by having you on. Big increase in female listeners. Yeah, probably. The ladies do love tommy anyways tell us about your festival it was good dude it looked awesome it was fun yeah i did a i did a festival this week i don't have any fucking festival boys i wish dude i would have fucking killed two who went out who went out naked atlanta woodstock corn oh yeah uh

chili peppers chili peppers yeah yeah they had their dicks out just swinging they had big dicks though they love to have their dicks out they're always like flea always has like a tube sock on his dick they love that shit but uh they uh have you ever seen american pie yeah jason biggs was uh he like came and like met us beforehand that was like the sweetest part that's awesome and he was just like we looked over in the middle of the show and he's just on the side stage going fucking nuts really shit it was fucking sick it was just exciting it's not even like uh funny or like a crazy story it was just fucking yeah it was terrifying yeah it's a fucking big ass crowd there was like no one there like 45 minutes beforehand i was like thank fucking god and then we went out on stage and there was like, like two to 3000 people watching us.

I don't know if it's hard to gauge, but if you had a guess percentage people there that didn't know you were like a barstool that were just like, oh, this is just another band coming on. Like they didn't know like the barstool. A lot of people. I was very self-conscious about the performance because you're acutely aware of every little mess up that you have but afterwards everybody was like

great set you guys fucking crushed it up there people who had no idea it was us we went to go get drinks and they were like where are you guys headed off to tomorrow what's the next city what's the next stop on the tour we're like no no we work in an office building together.

We're not even supposed to be doing this. Dude, but at the end, like when Alanis Morissette and John Mayer were playing, it was like fucking Woodstock 99. It was like as far as the eye could see. That's awesome. It was fucking sick. You and John chopped it up? Did you touch bass?

No, we didn't run into each other. We DMed, but not... As soon as he was out of there, he hopped in like a presidential... That's a testament to how close you guys are. Oh, yeah, yeah. Totally. We don't even need to.

We don't have to. We don't have to. Catch you by the next door. We never talk together. We never... Yeah, exactly. It's the same thing. We just do beers when we get back to the city.

That's perpetually kicking the can down the road. He had a presidential motorcade whisking him off the way. He fucking crushed it, though, dude. He's a beast. He just went up there fully acoustic and just had no band, no backing, and just rocked for an hour and a half. Yeah, solo.

That's crazy. He's such a fucking beast. It was nuts, though. It was like torrential downpour rain. I can't believe people were even out there it's two straight festival weekends the festivals yeah we had a fucking pizza festival it was fucking sideways vietnamese rain and then fucking we ran it back this weekend and it was fucking brutal rain again yeah that sucks i think rain for music's kind of dope it is yeah people like that shit it's like like romantic. Yeah, it was gritty. How can you not be romantic about the rain?

And then we fucking smashed the Eagles game on Sunday. That was fucking sick. Go Birds. Overtime winner. That was fun as fuck. Commander's covered. I do commanders for talking gambling. Come on, bro.

Bro, come on, dude. A win is a win. A win is a win. Yeah. That's how twisted Philadelphia is. I was fired up about the win, and I got in the car, and everybody, like the sports talk radio is like, dude, they fucking suck, dude. They're undefeated, and they just won in overtime,

and people are fucking furious about it. But it was a blast, but it was sweltering heat. It was so uncomfortable to go to the game. Oh, really? I kind of wish I had been pantsed and was just sitting there. That was in Philly? Dick out, because it was, yeah, it was like 85 degrees, sun beating directly down on us.

I can't imagine playing football in that weather. It's got to be brutal. Those guys are... It has to be so uncomfortable to do what they're doing. To do that or do the fucking late December games? I'd rather rain than really cold, I think. I'd rather be hot than be that. No, dude.

I think I'd be cold. Because you're running around heating your body up. I guess. Sprinting in the heat, tackling someone or having to block someone in the fourth quarter. That's true. That's so little. There's so much standing around. They probably get way more tired in the hot.

They have to be fucking exhausted, dude. I was so tired just sitting. I was woozy like I was Brandon Walker about to pass out with a heat stroke. I felt like the sun was killing me. Yeah, that's awful. And then on field level, it's up 15 degrees. I don't know. I can't imagine it.

I didn't even see the sun all week. Because you're in Vegas. Because it's like, dude, you go outside and it's not even outside. It's like that fucking big ass... What is that street called? Fort Street? I don't know what it is. Yeah, Fort Street.

Fort Worth? Fortmouth? Fortmount? Are you talking about the street? Isn't it Las Vegas Boulevardvard are you talking about the strip no no no wow we were in we weren't in like that area we were in old vegas oh i like old vegas way better did you go to the strip or you love saying that it is it's significantly better people love saying it so much it makes me think it's not true it's literally hell no the real strip is hell you're walking along like a sidewalk.

It's just all escalators down. Someone's about to fucking prank video. You got to have your head on a swivel from fucking Danny Jackal trying to hold your hand or some shit like that. Big bush. Yeah. Danny Jackal's big ass bush beelining for you with the fucking camera crew behind her. Yeah, old prank videos where someone jumping out of a bush and now it's a bush jumping out of somebody just fucking massive pubes but

waking up in the morning and having to like walk to the venue and you're just walking by like nuns with their tits out and like x's over them and shit it's like oh my god did you see the uh prostitutes with the baseball cards, the playing cards? No, I never saw any prostitutes, but apparently people were talking about how they like come up to you at night. The nuns probably were prostitutes, honestly.

You think? They all just try and get you to take a picture with them. It's the same thing as Times Square when fucking Mickey Mouse tries to hug you. And then he's like, all right, Venmo me $1,000. That hug cost a lot of money. Yeah, pay me some fucking cash. They really do shake you down.

And they're always Ecuadorian or something like that. Helmet pops off. Don't get me started. On the Ecuadorians? On the Ecuadorians. Yeah, those guys are trouble. Yeah, you could talk shit on them, but not the Hondurans. That got our boy KFC in some trouble.

Big Cat's getting fucking rinsed online right now. Big Cat? Yeah. BC? Yeah, dude, they are fucking dragging him. What did he say? They're saying that Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce need to make a sex tape, right? Yeah, they need to make a sex tape.

This is going to go on. He's like, I need to see some P and some V. And then Swifties were like, this is disgusting. It's going, but it's getting mainstream Swifties were like, this is disgusting. It's going like, but it's getting like mainstream hate now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was eventually the Swifties and now it's getting like.

Dude, I heard Big Cat. Now there's women moaning and groaning about it. I heard Big Cat was asking what Taylor Swift's body count was and I was disgusted, dude. I couldn't believe that he was asking that. They said 250?

He was asking how good a top she gives. What's that neck, dude? Dude, the rage behind the Taylor Swift thing is crazy. The what? The rage that people feel. They showed her like once yesterday. They really showed her. The pregame was a little, but that to me, I was more excited.

I didn't give a fuck. How many people do you think lost money on Travis Kelsey any time? Here's one. The girls must have. That was one of two bets that I lost. Vegas probably jacked up those odds. Did you?

The boys are hot right now. Don't try and one-up me. He said 12-3. That's really good. I had Zach Wilson two touchdowns. Nobody's ever bet that before.

He's never done it before. True. What were the odds for that? Plus 500. Only plus 500? I mean, two touchdowns is pretty doable

as a starting quarterback, but I saw value. Wait, two throwing touchdowns? Oh, I thought you meant two him scoring. No,

two just passing touchdowns. Oh, yeah. Still good, though. Still great. Great pick. We're fucking. A lot of people are saying that. This is probably the sharpest football podcast at this company.

Oh, 100%. Yeah. And let's list the other ones that are less sharp than us. Part of my take. Busting with the boys. Busting with the boys isn't really a football podcast. Surf and turf. That's more like lifestyle.

They kind of fit in like the... Cool-ass white dudes. Yeah, it's a million dollars worth of game, macro dosing, Pat Bev Pod type of... That little bucket over there. What other...

Unnecessary Roughness, we're sharper than them. College Football Show, sharper than them. Pro Football Show. Sports. We're sharper than Mostly Sports. We show mostly sports we're sharper than mostly sports we're like mostly

fucking socks advisors sharper than them you put our our minds together even though you are a part of that yeah it's fine

but you Tommy on this show Tommy on this show is sharper than Tommy on that show yeah it's true dude you know what there I'm going with stats

here I go with gut I just go with guts and riff you got the perfect gut. You got the probiotic. Yesterday, dude, I don't know if it was like a mistake or something, but the Bills were

plus 200 to win the second half. Just put 200 bucks on that. Well, they were up a lot, right? Yeah. What was it? Just like they thought

they were going to run the ball. to come back probably. Or yeah, the Dolphins, they'd regress to the mean or some shit like that. I don't like doing it on my phone. I don't like doing it on the paper though

because then you don't get the live updates so I'm writing shit down. And then you feel like a track of the score. A horse gambler too. You have all these tickets that you have.

You're smacking your palm with the tickets and shit. It's also weird because there's no, someone could just steal your ticket. Yeah. There's no name or anything. There's the trope

of the guys in Vegas or at a horse track like looking at the tickets on the ground trying to find a winner afterwards. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the dream.

It's fun. Yeah, you had an awesome weekend. It was probably way less fun for some of the people that ate shit, but sadly we're sharp

as fuck over here. I know. I hated to be that guy because everyone was losing and I was like, guys, I have not lost a bet today. Try watching some more

football, fellas. Just bet with your eye test. Not YouTube. I'm talking to those losers. Oh. No. I know you do watch as much football.

You don't need to question how much ball I watch. I would never even I fucking love it. That's us. Actually, are we, what time is ball tonight?

8.30. 8.20. I can't fucking wait, dude. It's going to be fucking sick. Tommy, you got to be boned up for it. Not really. Giants, who are they playing? Giants, Seahawks.

We'll see how sharp I'm all over Paris Campbell tonight. Catchers, receiving yards, anytime touchdown. Love that. We'll see if we stay hot. We'll see if we stay hot. Really? Got to follow. One night in Paris.

You got to trail Tommy. One night in Paris, trailing Tommy. Yeah, one night in Paris. Ooh, that's good. That's good. Isn't that good? Happy trails. And it's like,

but it's Paris Hilton's happy trail. Or my happy trail. Tommy's happy trail. Happy trails and people who trail Tommy and there's one night in Paris tonight. Special parlay. Special parlay.

I like that. Let's cook that up. Let's get this on the call pen and see if we can get that up. One last, maybe we could save the relationship. Tommy's Midnight in Paris Parlay. That could pull us out of the fucking...

Yeah, Massachusetts gives us the gambling license. We didn't know about Tommy's Midnight in Paris Parlay. We are fucking geniuses over here. All right, let's talk about Z-B z biotics we all have busy lives these days and can't afford to waste a day stuck on the couch because of a few drinks the night before z biotics is the answer we've all been looking for z biotics pre-alcohol probiotic is the world's first gener genetically engineered probiotic it was invented by phd scientists to tackle rough mornings after

drinking. Here's how it works. When you drink alcohol, when you drink, alcohol gets converted into a toxic bioproduct in the gut. In this byproduct, not dehydration, that's to blame. It's this byproduct that's to blame for your rough next day, not dehydration. Yes, yes. It's like you go to Vegas for a weekend and the first thing that you want is Z-Biotics. You want to bring a pack of Z-Biotics with you.

Yeah, you're going to want the Z-Biotics. It's just going to make your life... I actually just tried Z-Biotics for the first time last weekend. Really? I can honestly say there's no better way

to feel my best in the morning after drinking than Z-Biotics. Yeah, and this Halloween you can pair your candy and cocktails with Z-Biotics to avoid a spooky next morning. Go to ZBiotics.com slash Boy Dad to get 15% off.

A little more, Tommy. A little bit more, Tommy. Go to ZBiotics.com. Go to ZBiotics.com slash Boy Dad to get 15% off your first order when you use Boy Dad at checkout. You can also sign up for a subscription using our code, so you can stay prepared no matter what the time or occasion. ZBiotics is backed with 100% money-back guarantee, so if you're unsatisfied for any reason, they'll refund your money, no questions asked.

So you can trust ZBiotics. And remember, head to ZBiotics.com slash Boy Dad and use code Boy Dad at checkout. 15% off. Your body will thank you. And we'll thank ZBiotics for sponsoring this episode. Thanks, ZBiotics. This fall, you can start speaking a new language with Babbel. Why Babbel?

Because it works. Instead of paying hundreds of dollars for a private tutor or fooling yourself with language apps that are a little more than games, Babbel's quick 10-minute lessons are designed by over 150 language experts to help you start speaking a new language in as little as three weeks. And what I like about Babbel is it really leads you to a colloquial sense of the language. Exactly. The conversations. The real conversations. if you want to spend a little bit of time somewhere else, you get Babbel, you know, a month or two beforehand,

dust up on the language, and you will have a heightened traveling experience by using something like Babbel. The fact that you can talk to people. Si, muy bien, muy bien. I mean, Tommy learned a little bit of Italian. Yo hablo italiano. Of course, and how do you think he did it?

He's a Babbel man himself. Yo estudiante. He's been studying, and that's why he's been studying and that's why uh tommy is always babbling because of his time he spent on babble exactly here's a special limited time deal for our listeners to get you started right now get 55 off your babble subscription but only for our listeners at babble.com slash sun get 55 off at babble.com slash sun spelled b-a-b-b-e-l.com slash sun. Get 55% off at babbel.com slash sun. Spelled B-A-B-B-E-L dot com slash sun. Hot daring. Rules and restrictions may apply.

That sounds like a good deal. Excelente. Now back to the show. Dude, so I went from the festival and then I was at the Eagles game in the sweltering heat. And then I was at the Sixers media day today.

Yeah, that looks crazy. I saw a video of that. It was fucking nuts, nuts dude it's been a whirlwind of uh three days yeah that was nuts i was literally asking questions at the press conference and they were like pretty normal pretty tame questions like i didn't want to be a dickhead and like salt the relationship and just like be like hey like mo bamba did you fuck the same girl as connor mook like i wanted to but i was like okay this will lose me all of my credibility within the sixers organization but even the very tame questions i was asking every other like writer for the sixers was like turning around being like who the fuck is this give us one it was like i was just like, I was like asking the dudes like what they like, or I asked

Mo Bamba if he's still a beef with Pat Bev. Or like I asked Pat Bev like, like he's friends with James Harden. Like what, like how does he balance the relationship? Or like I asked Paul Reed like what he spent his money on or some shit. These are very tame questions. But even the way I was asking them, I don't know. People were like flabbergasted that I had the call. Even the way I was asking them, I don't know.

People were flabbergasted that I had the call. They were like, when you look at the off-season programming, did you... Those guys are lame as hell. One of my friends from college works... Should I ask him? He works with 76ers Media. He should be like, what's the buzz about Roan at Media Day? Were they trashing you? Should I ask him?

No, I mean that... They probably just all know each other. Yeah, probably. They probably see each other every week. should i ask no i mean that probably like just all know each other yeah probably they probably see each other every week yeah i also think that there is like the difference between the pro athletes and the sports writers is one of the widest gaps like the the way that pro athletes like communicate with each other like nba players like the way that they like talk and pal around with each other is so different than how they talk in a press conference and how sports writers talk to them yeah like it's this proper like procedural everyone's kind of asking the same

package idea of the same question it's just not how like people communicate with each other no did you see that video you said the jets guy no the jets media guy you definitely saw it talking shit about zach wilson that was rodney harrison yeah yeah what did he say yeah he didn't see that no oh it was crazy it was like post post game last night it was like uncomfortable it was like uncomfortable he was like he was like talking to chris jones on the sheeps and he was like god how fucking pathetic is that it was wild he was like were you surprised that zach wilson wasn't complete garbage tonight did he know he he was on, he was mic'd up? Yeah, it was like the post-game interview. I mean, you know. Dude, it was really weird. He was like, and he was

like, yeah, man, I don't know, Zach Wilson, he's special. He's getting there. He's getting better. And he was like, nothing is special about Zach Wilson. It was crazy. You know, he's the guy David Tyreek called it over. Yeah. It has to be... Where do I find this video?

Like, the players know all of this. Like, the players are hearing all this negativity. Like, it's got to just suck so bad for Zach Wilson. Like, he probably wants to do good so bad. He wants to do. It's crazy how much I would cry if I was an NFL player. Dude. If I ever had a bad game, I would be crying. Or college.

Or if I just got hit A little bit hard Yeah I would definitely You winced when you Clapped your own hands together I can't imagine the guy There's so many times

I watch a game Like my god I would be fucking Balling my eyes Dude the guy on the Commanders cried After AJ Brown Kept on scoring on him

Oh There's like video Of him crying Emmanuel Forbes Cried on the sideline There was like video Of him like crying Because he was just

getting toasted he's a rookie he's like a light he's like a 160 pound rookie he's way better than I yeah just getting burnt all game

and just like he like taunts you and like he's like talking shit to you it's probably so frustrating it's like fighting with like a younger sibling who can just do nothing

about it it's like everyone knows J.R. my showman out of lacrosse camp when I was in elementary school he was such a bully yeah and he was on defense i was on attack and he was like hitting everybody really hard hitting me really hard and then adam was was inbounding the ball and he he slashed adam in the neck oh under his helmet kid went down and jr came over to me and said you're next i took myself out of the game i said to my coach i was like coach i want to try defense now and i switched positions for the rest of camp i was like i'm not getting

back in the same place how old are you like nine that's insane your next is crazy yeah i couldn't have called the time out fast that's like's like Freddy Krueger level evilness. He was like, why the change of heart? I thought you loved playing attack. I was like, I just want to try it up. We're at summer camp. I want to try defense. That's crazy.

JR couldn't get me when I was on defense. Yeah, because you had a longer stick probably. You're like, I could ward off JR. Just the other side. Dude, lacrosse was always weird because when you would play defense, you'd be like fucking destroying a dude. You guys would be like slashing each other. And then everyone would go down to the side of the field and you just got to stand next to that dude for like another 30 minutes.

And because you can't cross over that line. Are you just silently with him? You just sit next to the guy like an inch away from him and you're like, this fucking blows. I feel like lacrosse guys want to be like hockey guys where hockey guys are always like, hey, buddy, good fight. Like, glad we had that one out there but i don't know if lacrosse guys are like chill enough to have that just like i know a lot of people that played lacrosse at my hometown also played hockey it went very hand in hand yeah i feel like it's the same type of lettuce like same terminology same like massive douchebag rich parent vibe alright listen to this video Oh, my God, dude. That's so brutal.

It's also after like the best game of his life. By far. Zach Wilson? Yeah. Yeah. I think media members get rewarded for being anti-player. Because it's so easy to be like, oh, well, he's really trying out there. So when guys are like, fuck him, he's a pussy like i think that networks are like yes be nastier to him yeah i mean no one

really i guess no one really wants to tune in and listen to them be like zach wilson's trying his best or like to be like yeah he fucking sucks he's the worst quarterback ever yeah nobody wants to hear about someone trying hard who's worse though zach wil Wilson or Mac Jones? Probably Zach Wilson. Yeah. I don't know about Zach Wilson, he's got that it factor, you know? Zach Wilson just seems, or Mac Jones kind of just seems like, like a,

not the kind of guy you'd really want to like, hang out with. Seems like kind of like a dickhead. Yeah. Really? Dude, I mean, those compilations of him were pretty like,

crazy. What compilations? Of him being like a dirty player. When he grabbed, uh, Sauce Gardner's dick. Yeah. And then the one

where he slayed and the and the dude was coming at him and he stuck his cleat out and fucking hit the guy in the dick did he do that yeah that was some players can't help themselves yeah grayson allen's kind of the same way it's like he's gotten all these allegations of like tripping and stuff like that and you just sometimes you just can't help yourself from doing something real dirty yes the nut tap was pretty funny. I don't think that was that crazy. People were like fucking freaking out about that. It was like, dude, he has a cup on.

The kick was worse. The kick was way worse. Way worse. I can't believe people ever think that they could get away with a nut tap. Oh, everyone's going to see it. There's cameras everywhere. Yeah, there's cameras. There's literally 360 angle cameras.

You're not like going to injure him with a nut tap. You're going to enrage him and make him play better. Or maybe they're hoping it's like JR and they'll make him quit. Yeah. Taking off. I don't want to grab my defense. Sauce Garner is like, I want to try a wide receiver. Yeah.

Put me at running back. I don't want to play cornerback anymore. Not tapping someone and then turn to the other guy and be like, you're next. You're next, buddy. I don't want any problems. Tell Ramondre Stevenson that he's next. Because fucking... You beat me in fantasy.

I know. I wasn't supposed to. I know. I don't know what happened. You're in a league with Rowan, too? Yeah. I'm in a league with Rowan, too. Yeah.

Huh. How many leagues are you in? This is kind of... I'm in like eight leagues. This is the real league. I love ball. Oh, this is the real league? Oh, too. Yeah. Huh. How many leagues are you in? I'm in like eight leagues. This is the real league. I love ball. This is the real league? Oh, yeah.

Who's in it? Me, Roan, Hank, Jeff D. Lowe, Ken Jack, Billy. Oh, is this with like the IDP? Compton. Compton. Is Compton in it? I think so. Or maybe he, yeah.

Is this with like IDP or something? No. What the hell is IDP? You play defensive players, individual? We do have individual defensive players on it. Yeah IDP or something. What the hell is IDP? You play defensive players? We do have individual defensive players on it. Yeah, Jeff asked me. I said, smokes don't play IDP. Was that why they always win?

Because they have these weird rules that they only know about? No, my defense got smoked this week. Really? I had bad defensive players and I still... Yeah, my defense got smoked this week too. I have a lot of Patriots defense and I thought they're pretty good. Whatever fantasy team I'm doing the best with is my main league. Yeah, what's your main league? That one, where I beat you.

Really? You're not even doing that well. What are you, 2-2? No, I'm 3-1. Oh, okay. But the one that I'm in with Tommy, last year me and Tommy were like two of the top teams in the league. Top dogs. And then this year we're like the worst teams.

We're both 1-3. Well, I had a big week this week. I have the opposite fantasy team of everyone. My only good players are Josh Allen and Christian McCaffrey, and all my black guys suck. Josh Allen and Christian McCaffrey carry my team, my quarterback and my running back. And then all my black guys are just horrible.

All your what? All of your black guys? All my black guys are just horrible. Your black guys? I don't think your mic's what do you mean you're black guys the way you're talking about them with ownership i feel like i got white guys i got white guys i got black guys my white guy's carrying my dude that's crazy you can't talk like that that's nuts oh we're not allowed to riff off? No, not like that. Dude, every time that we're in Philly.

I'm going to cut every time you said white guys. Yeah. Every time that we're in Philly. I'm just going to cut it. You say, yeah, black guys suck. That's pretty much what you were saying. I never said that. You just said that.

No, we got to cut that. We walk past this monument in Philly where every time we pass it, Pat Bev is like, that's where the first slaves were sold in Philly. And it's like, dude, why do you keep on bringing this up to me? Like I had anything to do with this, dude. My family was in fucking Europe until the 1900s. Dude, we never crossed over. Then they just keep on going into it.

Fucking, oh my God, dude. So are you guys recording out of Philly weekly now? I think they'll be up here some weeks. We'll oh my God, dude. So are you guys recording out of Philly weekly now? I think they'll be up here some weeks. We'll be down there this week. Such an easy train ride. Yeah,

it is an easy train ride. It's like an hour. You got to get down there though. It's, I was going to say something about where the office is,

but I don't want to dox the office. Of course, yeah, you don't want to. Keep it nice and private. protect the boys. Not like the

Barstool Sports Office, which literally comes up on Apple Maps. It's a landmark on Apple Maps the same way that the fucking the boys not like the barstool sports office which literally comes up on Apple Maps it's a landmark on Apple Maps the same way that the fucking Google store

or like the Apple store is at least there's not like a ton of people that hate us why are they changing the elevator every fucking week here

what the hell is that shit it's fucking crazy next thing they're gonna do is like put the barricades that they put outside of like the Fox building and like banks

where it's like it like pretends to be a flower pot so like fucking bombers can't like suicide bombers can't drive into bar they got those outside of like target and i remember i used to always be like this is so cool and then someone explained to me what it was and i was like oh that's pretty depressing there's like the tiniest flower in the top of it they're no, these are flower pots. It's just a fucking massive ball. It's literally just so that people can't drive cars with bombs through the front of it. I know.

What buildings do they pick to do that in? How do they predict? We could use one. Yeah, we definitely could use some crazy shit like that. It'd be cool if Mean Girls fans started throwing fake blood on us. Oh, yeah. That would be nuts. If there was a picket line.

Yeah. But the Mean Girls have... They revamped, dude. Season two. You going to any live shows? I don't know why. Is that what it is? They got four straight live shows.

I thought they just posted and they were like, season two. I think they got live shows. They have everybody wrapped around their fucking fingers. More people talk about the Mean Girls than talk about Taylor Swift

and Travis Kelsey. Dude, people were... Some dude came up to me at Skank Fest and he was like, be honest, dude. How are the Mean Girls in talk about Taylor Swift and Travis Kelsey. Dude, some dude came up to me at Skankfest and he was like, be honest, dude. How are the Mean Girls in person? Yeah. And I'm like, first of all, I don't know how those cross paths at all. You're like, I listen to Legion of Skanks and the Mean Girls pod.

He's like, yeah, yeah, I saw your dick, but first things first. And I just was like, I have no idea. Have you ever met Graham? It's harder. When you met Graham, what did you talk about? How fucked up did you get with Graham? Is Graham really sober?

I've had so many Graham heads in my DMs these past few weeks. Graham heads hit me up non-stop. I haven't seen Graham in a fucking second. They're going to get to the level where everybody was like, call her dad, he can't get that fucking big and they like fomented this revolution of like people talking so much shit on them that it naturally made them big like it's gonna like people are gonna be so like pissed off and hateful of them that it's going to have the inverse effect they're gonna get big if people

keep on being like what is going on with their personal life that's true if people become so obsessed with the details that's going to happen yeah that is true we gotta do something like that I ain't getting divorced fuck that shit I'm not doing it

the way you both looked at me don't fucking look at me like that no bro start an OnlyFans one, bro. Start an OnlyFans. One of you guys start an OnlyFans. Half of Vegas already saw your dick. Just show the rest of the world. I know. We should.

We should put it behind a Patreon. How much would the Patreon cost to get you to fucking flash Bird? For your Bird to be online for the rest of time. I don't know. I mean, dude, judging off of how little i felt from that you might be a porn star probably yeah probably not that much money yeah you really total i'm gonna pay to have it upscaled to 4k get paid less than 4k to show that thing dude you made more money gambling than it would take

for you to show your penis publicly for the rest of time well part of me because the reason i was winning so well is because i couldn't bet you can't really do any crazy parlays down there and because god smiled on you that you were like all right with your shame true god loves people who handle a public pantsing well yeah that is true wasn't it like early on like adam didn't have shame in the Garden of Eden. And only did the snake. That's why he fucked his sister. The only other girl was there. And he's like, yo. And he needed a fucking snake to be like, cover up that dick and balls and stop fucking your sister.

You fucking weirdo. And they made the snake seem like the bad guy. It's like the snake is the voice of reason in this story. I know the snake is literally Satan. It's a funny move to be like, cock and balls, gross. The snake isn't the fucking bad guy. Snake gave him a little bit of shame. Yeah. Cracked a rib off, gave it to Eve.

Forbidden fruit. Yeah. Probably cracked two ribs, made himself a little barbecue. Truth. Truth. You get any barbecue out in vegas or are you eating at buffets the whole time pretty much just buffets detail everything that you ate are so good i just had i don't even really know what i ate i ate a lot of papa j

or no a lot of uh dominoes i feel like at vegas buffets the main thing is always crab legs and it's like what kind of crab legs do they get and how big are they nice prime ribs sometimes i looked up some fun facts and it said that we uh in vegas they eat more shellfish in one in like i don't know in one day than the rest of the united states does in a year dude i heard it feels like that can't be right just just hearing that that's correct i'll just check it is yeah even though you're halfway through I don't fucking know. I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about, to be honest. I found out today that tilapia is like a fake fish or some shit. Go on. I didn't know what the hell Pat Bev was talking about.

He said it to some woman at media day. And he was like, tilapia is a fake fish. And she like laughed in his face. And he's like, laugh all you want. Tilapia is a fake fish. And he brings his chef with him everywhere and i asked the chef and he was like yeah tilapia was like genetically engineered in like the early 2000s and it just like didn't exist and it's the same as 3d printed lettuce and right like plastic rice fish in the ocean yeah but it's just heavily or it's like heavily farmed so

they're in like fish farms it makes sense it's the cheapest It's the cheapest fish, right? Yeah, it's cheap and it's just like fake bullshit fish. I don't know. I go to my local Mexican restaurant and get the tilapia platter like once every other week. No, you will not hear tilapia shaming out of this mouth.

You like tilapia? I don't mind it. I won't shim it. I don't mind it either. I never had a problem with it. It's no fucking halibut, but it's not bad. I was right, by the way.

About what? It's true. There's no way. It's true. Can you look up by the way. About what? It's true. There's no way. It's true. Can you look up my tilapia fact, too? People in Las Vegas consume more shellfish in a day than the entire United States does in a year. It says they consume 60,000 pounds per day. 60,000 pounds?

What do you mean, like, an average person? No. No, like the rest of the country. You're telling me in one day. Yeah, dude, because there's probably shrimp cocktail. People in Las Vegas eat more than everywhere else in the United States out of 365. All the surf and turf. All the people getting a lobster.

All the people going to the buffet to get the crab legs. Shrimp cocktail. Bloody Mary's with a little shrimp in them. That just can't be true. Oysters. I'm telling you. Mussels. Yeah, exactly.

I didn't think of the Bloody Mary. The Clamato juice that they use in the bank, all that shit. Dude, this is according to Westgate Resorts. The number one shrimp purveyor of Las Vegas. It's about Las Vegas. Every time. Dude, can you check and see if the jalapeno thing is real? How do you spell that?

Tilapia. Tilapia. Yeah. You should be able to figure it out. What am I looking at? Is tilapia a real fish? It is. It's tilapia real.

It definitely is. When was tilapia invented? I think it's an abomination to God. I think it's like a French bulldog. Yes, it literally just says, yes, tilapia is a real fish. And it's the fourth most consumed fish in the United States in 2002. Really? So it wasn't when they started.

Yeah. As soon as it came out. Yeah. The new fish dropped like a fucking Jordan tilapia. I, I, I had a lot of wings. I remembered it was,

it was not, it was like, not like a pleasant consumption process. It was me hanging a pleasant consumption process. It was me hanging off the side of my bed in pitch black, just shoveling wings into my mouth. While watching Halloween 4 on the TV. As you were watching? Dude, I didn't know there was fucking 13 Halloween movies.

Of course, they're so easy to make. Yeah. And they watch more Halloween movies in Las Vegas than they do in the rest of the United States in one day. On average, Halloween is streamed 700,000 times. I think you mean more. The American city uses more lube. The rest of the world does in one day. I don't really know if I believe it either, to be honest.

What about like Massachusetts or Maine or massachusetts or maine or la yeah yeah new yeah new orleans they literally pour out buckets of seafood onto a table that's how you eat it there's like a low country yeah that feels like they just put that on there like people aren't gonna yeah no one's gonna double check this yeah yeah the hell are you doing looking up fun facts i always look at fun facts Fun facts are like, it's a real joy. Yeah, it is a gateway drug. It's something to talk about on stage. And you get a little fun fact. Even when I look up the NFL draft and you just put this player's name, fun fact, there's always such interesting shit.

Anytime someone's putting fun fact next to something, it'll be a nice brain tickler. It's usually, actually, I disagree. It's usually the most boring shit of all time. Yeah? Yeah. Like, the biggest hotel in the country is in Las Vegas. And you're like, oh, okay. Makes sense.

Understandable. Is it that suicide trap? The Luxor? That's where I stayed. No. That's not a suicide trap. The Pyramid? What do you mean it's not a suicide?

Look that stat up. The amount of suicides in the Luxor. It's like all indoor hallways and people like it is every other day like the elevators you go like you don't go straight up you go out like an angle that's super weird i don't like that and when you look and every room opens up to like potential like the option of death like you could just jump to your death in the middle if you're you know if you're meant you know if you're not in the best mindset maybe don't stay at the luxor but well they don't tell you that when you go there you just want to jump to your death in the middle. If you're not in the best mindset,

maybe don't stay at the Luxor. Well, they don't tell you that when you go there. You just want to go see Carrot Top or like David Blaine or some shit. You just want to have a good time. You don't realize that you're going to lose everything. Did you ever do a residency, Seth? In Vegas? Yeah.

Totally. Was I shaking my foot too much? Yes, you were. It was distracting. I shake it a lot. I'm sorry. No, I had to get out of there bad you said before we started that you uh flew flew there to how'd you put it you flew out to vegas to do like open mics oh yeah yeah yeah well that was because the two

shows that i did before weren't great and then i did the the the stand had a room there sponsored it and that was fucking awesome. That was sick. That one was great. Shout out to the stand. I fucking love that spot. Yeah. I met Violent J last night.

Who? From ICP. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, I saw that picture. He was in the green room, and I saw him wearing the paint, and I was like, that's not actually the dude from Insane Clown Posse. And they were like, no, that is him. He's like the juggler.

Yeah. Yeah. I went up and got a picture i was so nervous did you know it was him yeah you recognized him of course i didn't realize you were such a icp guy yeah i'm a juggler you think i do on my free time i go home and i put my face paint on you wasn't in the icp i don't know what you guys are talking about you don't know what's saying clown posse no the juggalos the dudesown Posse is? No. The Juggalos, the dudes that like

paint their faces. I know about Juggalos. Kat Timft did a video there once. Yes, very funny. It might be time for Tommy to do one. Are Juggalos not just Insane Clown Posse fans?

No, they are. Yeah, that's like their whole thing, right? Yeah. Oh. Yeah. I didn't realize that. I feel like when I was like

first getting, like finding porn on the internet, I would find like slideshows of like ICP or like juggalo meetups, like tailgates and ICP things. And like people would be like naked. It was probably like the same as like the naked roast. Yeah.

Like the grossest people alive. Exactly. Naked in a slideshow. Yeah. I was like, nice. This is fucking sick. The only reason I know what insane clown posse is because there's an episode of workaholics where they become juggalos and they go to like

one of those meetups it was like the funniest thing for a while yeah or it's also some like it's about 2,000 people's like lifestyle oh yeah

and it dictates everything they do do you think he wears the face paint out all the time there's only that many of them you think that's not true but when you go to an event there's probably 2,000 people

who are out there good for them making such a name for themselves I feel well they made a name for themselves, I feel. Well, they made a name for themselves a while ago. This is not like a thing that's happening right now. No, they're just coming across my radar. It's like a nice niche thing, and they were probably putting people on.

They finally reached me. Yeah. You should roll up to one. I'm reading the rules of the Juggalo. They're pretty fun. Yeah, some fun facts? One is expressing a generally tongue-in-cheek obsession with murder committed with a blade weapon. All right.

You got tongue in the cheek? Making and responding to whoop whoop calls. Drinking and spraying the inexpensive soft drink Faygo. Oh, yeah, they do love Faygo. Love the Faygo. Wank face clown pay. I wonder if you would be allowed I wonder if they would accept you

Doing hair in the spider leg style Doing what in spider leg style? Hair Oh yeah he had that He had a diamond grill on too Like all diamonds It's cool What's hatchet gear?

If you gotta ask you don't know It's gotta be like baggy What's hatchet gear? If you got to ask, you don't know. Fuck. It's got to be like baggy ass shorts and like black vests. Yeah. Some shit like that. Tommy, what the fuck's going on in your life, brother? I don't feel, I mean, my apartment's underwater and shit, but. Dude, I haven't been to my apartment yet.

I've been talking about that. My apartment goes down. So I'm feeling like I might get back and it just might be destroyed. Oh, you honestly might be underwater. Really? Dude, I haven't been to my apartment yet. I've been talking about that. My apartment goes down. So I'm feeling like I might get back and it just might be destroyed. Oh, you honestly might be underwater. Really? Yeah. Maybe. I don't know.

The way that your neighborhood was flooding? Was our neighborhood flooding? Bad. Really? Yeah. I don't want to say what street you're on, but I'm pretty sure when I walked down there, it was like one of the more flooded streets. Are you being serious?

No silver lining either. Rats can swim. I know. Yeah. Oh, they're like one of the more flooded streets. Are you being serious? No silver lining either. Rats can swim. I know. Yeah. Oh, they're great swimmers. They're phenomenal. They hope for something like this so they can get to the next level and infest. It's a free world.

The cream rice. It was really that bad? It was bad. Biblical. No. No, biblical. Have you not seen the videos? I did, but I thought that was all in like Queens and Brooklyn.

No. No, no, no, no, no. Sweetheart. You sweet summer child. It was the Nile River. I thought we got an email from my building. Oh, yeah, because they love to let you know, oh, yeah, your shit's underwater. They don't want to tell you that. They hope that you're out of town and you'll come back to water damage and think that it was your own fault or something like that.

I don't know. Today, my shit was supposed to get fixed. I haven't been home. They better have fixed it today. Tommy sent me some of the nasty emails that he was sending, and he is a completely different person. I love't know. Today, my shit was supposed to get fixed. I haven't been home. They better have fixed it today. Tommy sent me some of the nasty emails that he was sending, and he is a completely different person. I love ripping people. When I know I'm in the right, I love to rip people to shreds.

Dude, him and Spider used to send their landlord death threats. Yeah. Not quite death threats, but pretty good. No, dude. His emails were borderline death threats. Dude, they were death threats. They weren't death threats. Spider would literally message him, like, I'm going to beat the fuck out of you.

Spider is about it. Spider did end up in contact with the nephew of our last building manager. Yeah. He would literally message him and be like, I'm going to beat

the fuck out of you. It's on site when I see you. But Spider is like that. How did the nephew get involved? The nephew had the same last name. The nephew went to Fordham

and had the same last name as our building general manager or whatever. So he's like, pay your uncle's debts? And was like, is this your dad? And he was like, no. And then dot, dot, dot, but it is my uncle. And he was like, yeah, it was. Spider in like a different era was like a mob boss for sure.

Oh, yeah. Or like a dude who would come in and or like a dude who would have like come in and be like hey you guys like wise guys or something and like he definitely rubbed off on me like i was going at these like he had a henchman in a different era like he had like a big fat like six five dude who would like be like you want me to dust him off what did you say read it read it out loud because it's fucking it's so out of character for you like if this person watched any of your content or saw like the i mean thousands of hours of you online they'd be like oh tommy is not like this all right uh where is it so just got home

from being away to see this in my room and blah blah blah won't be and then sent pictures of like plaster all over my bed won't be able to sleep in my bed tonight, and things in my room are ruined. Add this to the plaster that's been falling in the hallway. Warping wood floors. A call box that hasn't worked for days. A fruit fly infestation. Multiple other leaks, and I'm about ready to break this lease. First off, fruit flies are your fault.

That's dirt. Yes, 100%. We're pouring vinegar down the drain. We're pouring baking soda and vinegar down the drain. Trust me. You've got to leave vinegar out. We tried that, too. You've not provided us with livable conditions i i expect this to be fixed asap tomorrow morning

and i expect a massive rent discount and i just kept blowing up i said i followed say the next one read the next one it's a good thing i wasn't home sleeping to have that collapse it hit me in the head incredibly unsafe this needs to be fixed in all caps immediately and we must be compensated accordingly then i sent another picture in the hallway and read the next one plaster all over the roofs outside our door a few days ago, too. Right at the top of the stairs. Nice and safe spot! Exclamations. Point heavy on the sarcasm.

Between this, my room, and the other leaks, I think it's clear. The entire roof needs serious renovation. You're putting your residents at risk of serious injury. And then I followed up. This was the fourth email. I was like, midnight. And I said, oh, and your 24-hour maintenance team is worthless in all caps. I've been on the phone for 90 minutes getting dragged, telling them they're on their way.

Nobody's here. I'm not waiting up for them all night. Have them here first thing in the morning to fix the roof. Otherwise, you'll be dealing with a collapse ceiling lawsuit, which I don't think any of us want. Thank you, exclamation point. Aren't you worried that you're going to have to see these people? I hit her with a good morning the next day no i met her the next day she came what did she say she called me after i was sending all

those emails she called me and she's like she i i called the 24-hour maintenance team that somehow got to her and she's like why are you waking me up at this hour i was like i didn't wake you up but i called the 24-hour hotline i don't know how it fucking got to you and she was going that's what you said yeah i was like she was going at me and I was going back at her. And then she was like, all right. Like she thought, I think she thought we were a different apartment.

Cause when I said the number, she was like, Oh, I thought you were this number. So I don't know if she had a, so we calmed down a little bit and then she came the next morning and she was like, hello. And we,

we, we, the tensions were, it was, we respected each other. Like by the end of it, we were two boxers. No, we were like, it was me and my other roommate.

She's like, so which one was I talking on the phone last night? I was like, that was me. And then, you know, we went back and forth a little bit. And then by the end of it, there was a mutual respect, I honestly think. Like we basically swapped jerseys by the end of the day. That's crazy. But she still has not fixed it. And I've been blowing her up today too.

You're a little bit of a Karen. Oh yeah. You're a dick. I was dickhead behavior. I don't think that's dickhead behavior i pay too much to be done immediately or else you'll have a lawsuit on your hands asap tomorrow morning yeah i got home pretty tired i got home quite tired uh you know i wanted to go to bed and it was just it was if i get home tonight and my apartment is destroyed, I'm going to fucking flip out. So I understand that.

I was like, you know what? I started blowing her up. We pay a lot of money. We shouldn't have to deal with a fucking collapsed roof. I want this done immediately. Or you'll be hearing from my lawyer. What if I was in the bed and it fell on me? Nothing would have happened. I saw the picture.

There's not even a little bit of plastic. You would have gone like this. Tell me why it's still not there. Mold's going to form. Mold is going to form. You probably thought it was a fruit fly

landing on you. That's all it would have been. You'd be like, is that a frosted bunny? Sorry, I'm not fucking. Smoke's just in a pushover. A collapsed ceiling. Like the whole,

it was like the fucking twin towers coming down on top of you. Blues Brothers fucking here just at the bottom of the whole, like it was like the fucking twin towers coming down on top of you. Yeah, I can't talk blues, brothers. Fucking you're just at the bottom of the rubble getting up.

It was literally like a little hole in the ceiling like trickled down. I've slept on my couch five straight nights. Yeah, that does suck. I'm not worried about my room. My back hurts.

My couch is. My back really hurts. Oh, I'm worried about, dude, do you think it caused like an increase in like the mice? You think they like

fled into my apartment? Well, they don't want to be outside in the pool. No. How about you? Did the water damage hit the 30th floor of your apartment? God, no. And the way that our neighborhood is drenched.

We basically have a moat around it. They literally probably went out and assembled a dam around your apartment. Yeah, we had humans throwing sandbags. They're barricadingading giving the first responders like blankets it was very nice nothing at all but i mean driving out of town uh it was fucking insane on friday like i like there were cars getting fucking stuck getting abandoned like the jfk was fucking nasty right not me though all right no fucking global warming man global warming should have listened to thunberg man everybody fucking laughed at her tommy listen to greta it's what next what festivals that you're

playing out what's on the docket actually smoke show smoke show for sure next week yeah season two that's what this is actually supposed to be promoting. Trying to get on the Forbes 30 under 30 list. Maybe you can one day too. Yeah, I'm surprised I wasn't on it this year. Did you see that Matt Rife sold 750,000 tickets last year? And he made $25 million. Not bad.

He's on the Super Bowl halftime show. Is he? Yeah. He's going to do crowd work? The first ever Super Bowl halftime show. So, Patrick Mahomes, where are you from? Yeah. You got Swifties.

You got any Swifties in here tonight? Make some noise. Make some noise. Get loud. Aw. Man, Swifties fucking suck. Oh. He might be fucking played out.

25 million. 25 million a year is insane. Yeah, Tommy, you forget that everybody on that list has to be vetted by Forbes, a financial magazine. Let's say I may or may not have started my own business. Yeah, that is true. I mean, what is it? You'll have to watch episode four to find out, Seth. Is it all coming out at once?

No, no, no, no, no. We don't do that foofy shit. Once a week, Tuesdays, 8 p.m. on the Barstool YouTube starting October 10th. Nice. None of that foofy shit. What is foofy shit? I don't know. I've never heard that one before.

You've never heard that? I like it, though. I don't know what it means. Like foofy lame? Yeah, kind of. None of that foofy shit. That's cool. I think it's more of that none of that foofy lame shit.

Like that foofy shit. No, it's not foofy shit. Trust me. I'm a guy that doesn't get pushed over by my landlord when I a foofy shit trust me i'm a guy doesn't get pushed over by my landlord and i say true shit uh uh portland says portland this weekend cannot wait to get back on the plane there's six hour flight oh you're going to port the west coast portland yeah oh i know i thought you're going to the fucking Lobster Portland I know Now it's Minnesota

Minneapolis is the true liberal paradise That's gonna break me Portland's more of just like a meth haven Yeah Did they get rid of cops or is that Seattle? I think that's Seattle Seattle's where they legalized like heroin and meth Portland great Willamette Valley

Some red wines out there I'll probably bring my rod out Pinot Noir It's just getting messy Yeah It's gonna be sick I gotta bring my wand out there My new flies just got in

I had to go see them Check them out Oh fuck yeah Yeah Couple dry flies Couple top water things You know how it is So yeah

Check for sass in the Willamette Valley He'll be out there casting And then Just getting my hands dirty Pop Punk in Tennessee of Topwater things. You know how it is. So, yes, check for Sass in the Willamette Valley. He'll be out there casting. And then... Just getting my hands dirty. Pop Punk in Tennessee. Not this coming weekend, but the weekend after. Oh, shit.

I'm going to Paramore this weekend. I'm going to... We really are touring. We really are. Dude, we have so many fucking dates. Really? What else, bro? Give us more.

No, just that. That one's in Tennessee. But I'm going to... I am going to Paramore this weekend. And then Fred again the next weekend. Those are two badass concerts. I'm going to Fred am going to Paramore this weekend and then Fred again the next weekend those are two badass concerts I'm going to Fred again are you?

yeah hopefully the same night I might take a little fucking Blue Yoda what is Blue Yoda? I mean yeah I want to be part of it it's a foofy it's a foofy question

what is that cocaine? that's a foofy ass question what is Blue Yoda? just like maybe just the ear you said you didn't know what it meant either I was acting.

This dude's never heard of acting. Did you do some ice cold fatties? Dude, they were selling ice cold fatties in the parking lot after the Eagles game. Really? In broad daylight. It was like hot as fuck out. Cops were right there. I wanted one so badly.

But then I saw like literal 45-year-old dudes with their shirt off and like kid right there fishing out in the parking lot, waving in the wind, fucking stumbling as no one gave a fuck. It looked like Kensington. It was like zombies fucking fishing out, but just for 30 seconds, and then they get in their car and drive off. Just a little wake me up. All right. Back home. All right. We'll see you guys next week.

Or we'll see you guys on Wednesday. Thanks. Close was over Still, still underground