Song Exploder - Lizzy McAlpine - Staying

Episode Date: May 29, 2024

Lizzy McAlpine released her first album in 2020, and her second album in 2022. And between the two, she’s had a lot of success. One of her songs, "Ceilings," was a viral TikTok hit, and has been streamed over half a billion times. So you might think, with all that success, you’d want to keep working in way that’s been working. But while Lizzy was making her third album, Older, after almost a year into the process of recording, she threw the whole thing out. She brought in a new band, and started over with a totally different approach. I talked to her about the song "Staying," from her new album. You’ll hear her original voice memos, as well as the first version she made in the studio, and then how it really came to life once she reimagined it.For more, visit songexploder.net/lizzy-mcalpine.

You're listening to Song Exploder, where musicians take apart their songs, and piece by piece tell the story of how they were made. I'm Rishi Kesh Hirway. Lizzie McAlpine released her first album in 2020, and her second album in 2022. And between the two, she's had a lot of success. One of her songs, Sealings, was a viral TikTok hit that's been streamed over half a billion times. So you might think with all that success, you'd want to keep working in a way that's been working. But while Lizzie was making her third album, older, after almost a year into the process of recording, she threw the whole thing out. She brought in a new band and started over with a totally different approach.

I talked to her about the song Staying from her new album. Coming up, you'll hear her original voice memos, as well as the first version she made in the studio, and then how it really came to life once she reimagined it. My name is Lizzie McAlpine. It was nighttime when I wrote Staying. I was sitting in my room in my apartment. I was thinking about this relationship that I had in college. It lasted for a month and a half. And then for the next four-ish years, we were just on and off.

At this point, it was over. But I was still, like, processing and reflecting. I mean, this whole album is about one relationship. And every song is a huge part of that story, but staying was a big one. I had been listening to a lot of the Japanese house. I was listening to the one song off of their new album, one for Sorrow, two for Joni Jones. I was just so inspired by that song

because it felt like it was just a run-on sentence. There was no first chorus, bridge chorus. It was so free and just felt like we were just hearing a diary entry. Like sometimes I'll hear a song and immediately have to pause the song and go to my guitar and write, and that's what happened with this. I have voice memos of me just playing the chords and trying to figure out the words,

and I didn't really want to think about it too much. I just let the words come out of me. This relationship in particular was definitely different from every other one that I've ever had, just because we started dating right after I had just gotten my heartbroken for the first time. So I was just searching for anything to grab onto, and then he appeared, and I was like, okay, cool. And then after a month and a half, he broke up with me and I was devastated. He broke up with me because he told me that I was too sad.

Classic. I know. That's kind of a wild thing to say to someone. And then I took that with me. And then every time after that, that we would come back together, I think that always lived inside of me. But for the next four years, I kept going back. And whenever we would come back together, I think that he always wanted it

to continue and be more, and I never did. I would come back because I knew he would be there, and then I would leave, and the cycle would repeat over and over again. Eventually, I could say to myself, like, I know I'm only going back because it's comfortable, and I know he'll be there. But every time he would go along with it, and every time I would be like, how are you just okay with this? And how am I okay with doing this to you?

I don't really feel like I hear that perspective a lot, but that was my experience. So that was what I was going to write about. Happens when you love me dry. I give myself to help you get by. I keep on lying and sweating at night. There was like this outro bridge section. Maybe I would be okay if I let this go, send it into space and watch the planet's turn. Maybe I will someday let this go, hold me until...

But around this time, I was working with this time I was working with the first producer that I worked with, and we worked for like nine months. This was like towards the end of our time working together. And he was like, we don't really need this end section. And so we cut that out. But we did like record the song or we tried to. Initially we recorded the guitar chords on like an organ.

Whisper to me, baby. I'm too far gone to care. I wish I could have said what I meant. And it was initially supposed to be like a really short interlude and there was going to be like a long organ outro. Yeah, it was fine. I mean, I remember thinking like, this is okay, but it's kind of boring.

We were kind of just doing it how I've always made an album, which is like piece by piece, bringing in musicians here and there every other day. And like, it worked for me for my first. two albums, but I also listen back to those albums now, and I hear how perfected they were, and it just felt sterile. I mean, it didn't feel human enough. Something about this third album didn't feel like it fit that way of doing things. These songs were so real. I wasn't hiding behind like a metaphor or like you had to like decipher what the real meaning of the song is.

It just felt like the vibes of the songs and the lyrics weren't really matching. up to the production. I just kind of felt like deep down it was not working and I was going to make a change and I was going to find the people that it would work with. So I took like a month and went in search of new collaborators and I was feeling really disheartened because I wasn't sure if anyone would ever understand the sound that I was trying to go for. Then I went to the Ryan Beatty show. I literally just went as a fan and his band was just like fantastic. I was like, I need this.

Like, I need these people in particular. The different people who were backing up Ryan Beatty. Their own entity, you know. I mean, I did find them through Ryan, but they're just a band. So I got connected to Mason, who's like the leader of the group, and he was like so down and everyone else was down. So I played them the original version. And I was like, I know that I want to change this.

I just don't know, like, how? So I left the door open for them to experiment, and we just re-recorded at the pedal steel player's house. It was just one tiny little room and a control room. Whisper to me, but I'm too far gone to care. I wish I could have said what I was right there. I recorded with the original producer in like real studios, and I never really loved that vibe. I like an intimate, like, home studio. We could all be in one room playing together and figuring things out,

and it just felt better. Taylor Mackles playing piano. And we didn't record anything to click, so that we didn't have a metronome or anything because I wanted to feel the music. Those vocals were very important to me. They needed to feel intimate enough. So when I recorded the vocals,

I really put myself in. into the headspace of where I was in the moment that I was thinking about when I was writing the lyrics, and that feels like the only way to do it is to put myself back into that headspace, and it's hard. But it really helps the vocals shine, which is worth it to me. So when we got to the end of this song, there was just a consensus of adding the full band. It kind of just happened organically. Sam KS plays drums Tyler Nuffer plays pedal steel

Ryan Richter plays guitar Libro played bass Mason also played acoustic guitar on this so they were all jamming and I was like guys I'm going to add the outro section back in that the old producer had said I should cut I think when the band

enters, we're just cruising. It's a little more hopeful and less depressing than the beginning of the song. It was just so easy to imagine those lyrics over top of it, and I didn't want the song to end. We did add a bunch of melitron and keys with Taylor, and there's one specifically after the line, send it into space and watch the planet's turn, where Taylor does this like, It pans from right to left. It's like a circle almost, like a planet spinning, you know. The bridge section was really just about someday. If I decided that I was strong enough to let this relationship go and be by myself,

maybe I actually would be okay. And I know that I'm strong enough and I know that I could do it, but I'm not ready yet. It just felt like important to add back in because it was, me saying to myself, like, you will be okay if you do this, which I have done already in this present moment, I have done it, and I am okay. This song so much encapsulates the relationship. I mean, all these songs are about this relationship, but this one felt like I hit the heart of it. We just had a weird connection that just kept bringing us back together. I have not had that with anyone else, and I don't want to have that with anyone else because it was horrible for both of us,

and I learned a lot from it. I feel like a completely different person than I was when I started writing this album three years ago. I have now reached a point where I have grown and changed and learned so much. I have forgiven him, and he's forgiven me, and everything is okay, and I actually had lunch with him right before this. So he's listening to the whole album. He thinks it's great. Ever since we recorded it with the band and got the new vibe, it has been one of my favorites. It just feels like I took back this song and made it my own again. It feels really cathartic. Coming up, you'll hear how all of these ideas and elements came together in the final song.

I have a new album of my own coming out on April 24th. It's been about 15 years since I last put out a full length. And this is the first one that'll be out under my own name, Rishie K. share way. I started making Song Exploder when I was feeling lost in my own music career. And then for over a decade, I've gotten to have these incredible conversations about the process of making music, talking to other artists. And it made me completely rethink my relationship to music and my way of writing songs. And this album is the product of all of that. It features contributions from some of my favorite artists, including some folks that you may have heard on this podcast,

like Iron and Wine, Kevin Morby, Vagabon, Fenlily, and the producer Phil Wine Rope. I'm going to be on tour playing in cities across the U.S. starting in April, and I'm trying to bring the spirit of the podcast with me. So every show that I'm playing will begin with a conversation about the album with a different amazing guest moderator in each city. Like Adam Scott, Samin Nasrat, Jason Manzuchas, Josh Molina, Minjin Lee, Ken Jennings, John Roderick, Austin Cleon, and more. They're all going to be my conversation partners.

on stage, and then I'll play with my band. The album is called In the Last Hour of Light, and the first couple songs are out now. You can listen to the music and get tickets for the shows on my website, Rishi-kash.co, or just go to songexploder.net slash live. That's song-exploader.net slash live. Thanks. Now here's Staying by Lizzie McAlpine in its entirety.

Visit Song. You'll find links to buy or stream staying. This episode was produced by Craig Ely, Theo Balcom, Kathleen Smith, Mary Dolan, and myself. The episode artwork is by Carlos Lerma, and I made the show's theme music and logo. Song Exploder is a proud member of Radiotopia from PRX, a network of independent, listener-supported, artist-owned podcasts. You can learn more about all of our shows at Radiotopia.fm. If you'd like to hear more from me, you can sign up for my newsletter, which you can find on the SongExploder website, songexploder.net. You can also follow me and SongExploder on Instagram, and you can get a SongExploder t-shirt at songexploder.net slash shirt.

I'm Rishi Kesh Hereway. Thanks for listening.