Soul Boom - Petey USA Finds God In The Gray

Episode Date: November 27, 2025

SPONSORS! 👇 Uncommon Goods (15% OFF!) 👉 ⁠⁠⁠https://www.uncommongoods.com/soulboom Nutrafol (Code: SOULBOOM for $10 off!) 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://nutrafol.com OneSkin 👉 ⁠��⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Get 15% OFF OneSkin with the code SOULBOOM at ⁠https://www.oneskin.co⁠ reMarkable 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://remarkable.com⁠ Miracle Made 👉 Upgrade your sleep with Miracle Made! Go to https://trymiracle.com/SOULBOOM and use the code SOULBOOM to claim your FREE 3 PIECE TOWEL SET and SAVE over 40% OFF. Petey USA unpacks how he sees God as a feeling, why nature heals his fear of death, and how awe became his spirituality. He opens up about performance anxiety, alcohol as self medication, low self worth, and the tiny choices that slowly pulled him out of a “loser wasteland” into music, marriage, and meaning. Petey also performs God Is In The Gray and Don't Tell The Boys live and shares the story behind his new album The Yips and the characters who drink through their pain at a dive bar. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⏯️ SUBSCRIBE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠👕 MERCH OUT NOW! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠📩 SUBSTACK!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  FOLLOW US! IG: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://instagram.com/soulboom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://tiktok.com/@soulboom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  CONTACT US! Sponsor Soul Boom: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Work with Soul Boom: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Send Fan Creations, Questions, Comments: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Executive Produced by: Kartik Chainani Executive Produced by: Ford Bowers, Samah Tokmachi Companion Arts Production Supervisor: Mike O'Brien Theme Music by: Marcos Moscat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

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Visit medcan.com slash moments to get started. I've always thought about God or whatever. It's just a label. It's something to direct my existential questions towards. It's the questions that I think of that I'm not asking other people. It's something to talk to and to bounce things off that is just sort of like transcends human connection. I call it God in my songs because I was raised Christian,

and that's the only thing I know how to reference. But it's not a Christian God. It's just, it just is what it is. You know what I mean? And I don't even know what I'm talking about when I say the divine, or I don't know what I'm talking about when I say higher power or anything. I just know how I feel.

Until I've filmed God in the gray. Fucking A. I don't need any help today. It's me, Rain Wilson, and I want to dig into the human experience. I want to have conversation about a spiritual revolution. Let's get deep with our favorite thinkers,

friends, and entertainers about life, meaning, and idiocy. Welcome to the Soul Boom podcast. Peter, United States of America. That's it. Yeah, that's my full name. Why did you add the USA? That's a recent edition, isn't it? Yeah, it's a recent edition, and it was, there's a, there's a boring answer

and there's more creative answer. But the, let's hear both of them. Sure. The boring answer is that after, I started doing the music thing. I started making funny videos on TikTok and Instagram under PDUSA under that name. Because it was the only thing that was available.

I became more popular on that than for my own music. And just, so from an admin standpoint, like things kept getting mapped to the wrong Spotify profiles and people were confused about like at festivals, if it was really me or if I even made music. You're right, that is the really boring answer. Yeah, yeah. So what's the creative answer?

The creative answer, And the one that I was happy to make the switch for is that I just feel like all of us really, really conditioned by growing up in the United States. And it's just like such a big, it's just such a big vibe. And it's something that like for better or worse has shaped me and something that I think about all the time on pretty much a daily basis. So and I think like whether whether you like it or not like growing up here, which, like, you know, it's just, it's just a part of us. Yeah. And it kind of just like conditions who we are in a pretty, in a pretty crazy way,

whether or not you're like really prideful of it or for or against or angry or upset. It's just a big vibe. Yeah. That's what a lot of my songs are about. So it just worked. It worked for me. I feel the same way. I mean, I just feel like, I'm like, I'm a kid of suburban Seattle.

We'll talk about the Chicago link in a second, but I'm just, a suburban Seattle kid. I'm like Northgate Mall, you know, on the weekends and like Godfather's pizza and it's 7-11, Slurpees. Sure. My blood is made of slurpy. Yeah. Yeah. But it is. It's a vibe. Yeah. I mean, it's the only place that I have history with. Yeah. Or that I feel the history with. You know what I mean? And I think that it's important. Is there something about that U.S. that allowed people to kind of see you in that kind of, you're like the All-American Slacker. Like everyone has gone to high school with a PDUSA.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like really funny and a musician and like, does kinds of crazy deadpan characters and like, do you know what I mean? Like there was, was there kind of a universal resonance there of that kind of character of PDUSA that was your unoriginal TikTok persona? Everything I do is very Midwestern. And the Midwest to me is the only America that I know. So it's just like the most American to me.

With the comedy stuff, I definitely pull on a lot of Midwestern tropes that are like really relatable that a lot of people can see themselves in. So I think that there's definitely something to that. And then just, yeah, my music just feels very, very USA also. It's just like it's all informed by my experience growing up here and the complicated feelings involved with that and good feelings and bad feelings.

Yeah. So we went to the same high school. Yeah. Did you know that? I did know that. Yeah, everyone in their mother, including my own mother, was very, very excited about that. Your mother was excited?

Why was your mother excited? Oh, because that's just what moms do. They, they, Wikipedia, everything, and she was just really excited. Oh, he went to New Trier as well. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I graduated in 84, because I'm ancient. When did you graduate?

In 2010. Oh, damn. Yeah. God, look at you. Yeah. Bless you. Yeah. Was like my face up on the walls there?

Oh, everywhere, yeah. Was I like, was there like a statue of me in the lobby of Nutriar? Yeah, it was you Liz Fair and Donald Rumsfeld. Yeah, and there was like Charlton Heston. There's a couple of like crazy. There's definitely a couple more, yeah. I mean, the academic difficulty and rigor was not high, you know.

Because I had all sorts of stuff. I had trouble reading. I had trouble with this motivation, all the, The whole nine, you know, classic, classic little boy. But looking back on it, any of that been diagnosed or dyslexia, ADHD? I never got diagnosed with anything. I have a couple theories, but I was never medicated. What are your theories?

From what I know about ADHD, from what I know about dyslexia, from what I know about OCD, you know, I can pull certain shirts from that. Yeah. I'm also glad that I, aside from the medication, I'm really glad that I wasn't diagnosed because I do think that I have the brain chemistry that would lean on these things as a crutch and it would be bad for me.

Like there are certain times of my life where I was pretty excuse heavy for my lack of motivation and my depression. And if I had these formal diagnoses, for some people, I think it opens, it enlightens them and it opens the door. I'm pretty sure. I would have drowned with them and just use them as a crutch and I think they would have held me down.

I think sometimes a diagnosis can do that, especially early on. It's like it defines you. Yeah, for sure. I'm defined by, you know, I'm depressive or I'm anxious or I have ADHD and that's, but like you say, I just, I have a friend who's an adult and in his 40s got diagnosed with really severe ADHD and he's like so grateful. Yeah. Like he's a musician. He wrote a song about it. Like he's crying.

Like, this explains everything. Oh, thank God, I discovered this. That's it. And as he's reading these books and stuff like, and there's a really severe ADHD, like 15-part test. And he's like 14 of the 15 things. And he's like, this explains why all my struggles throughout adulthood. But that's a later diagnosis.

For sure. And that is completely valid. And I think with like with the right person, it can be absolutely life-changing. I think now, as a. a 33-year-old I've just had enough experiences where I've been forced to immerse myself in something totally terrifying and totally like gut-wrenchingly uncomfortable and come out on the other side way stronger just like the idea of like immersion therapy and fully immersing myself

in something that's like I can't do this you know how do you how do you mean I think that just like my entire career being a professional musician and playing in front of people I mean like Like, I, it was my worst fear. Really? Yeah. Like the thought of having to go up and play guitar and sing in front of people gave me, like, the thought of it would ruin my day. And like while I was working my job.

Wow, you do it so naturally. And here you are three or four albums later and, you know. Yeah. But it is a big deal to go back from behind that drum kit to kind of say, I'm gonna sing you have a killer voice, by the way. Thank you very much. and tread and songwriting, like that is, it's very vulnerable. Yeah, it was just like it gave me tremendous, tremendous anxiety.

I mean, I think that like, you know, I started making. Did that start in college when you were performing live more singing? I wasn't performing at all. I didn't perform live and sing until I was 29. Wait, what? Yeah. Yeah. You're 33?

That only happened in the last four years? Last five years. So everything happened for me in COVID, which we can get to. So could, yeah, COVID really, like, opened the door from my whole thing. COVID been good to you. Oh, yeah, big time. Yeah. Thank you, COVID.

Yeah, yeah. I will say that's another thing we have in common. Yeah. COVID was good for me in that everything shut down. I knew I wasn't going to be acting for a while. And it allowed me to write the book Soul Boom that launched this podcast and kind of this, I mean, I've always been involved in kind of like deeper metaphysical conversations, but it really opened. the door to kind of like go in whole hog as this it's my side hustle yeah yeah you know yeah and uh and

and covid allowed that to happen yeah maybe forced that to happen yeah oh yeah covid completely changed my life you know what i mean because i was just like so in my own head with the with the whatever stuff that i wasn't making any decisions and i made i made passive easy lowest barrier to entry a path of least resistance decisions for everything in my life. And it just sort of like led me down this path of just like, pass passissivity or whatever the word is. Passivity. And it's funny because I was reading my preparation document

and you have a quote about whales and lakes and Great Lakes. I literally, I think I posted something about it. I don't have Twitter anymore because it's a racist hellscape, but I was flying over the Great Lake landing in Chicago. and it's like, why are there no whales in the Great Lakes? Yeah. The Great Lakes would be so much better with whales in them. Yeah.

I know people. I know whales are salt water. I get it. Can't they just invent a freshwater whale? It would be incredible. And that was, again, that was one of my, that was one of my motivations for going to California. It's just to be able to like, see whales.

Have you seen whales? Oh yeah, many times. Does nature do that too? Do whales produce a kind of an awe that makes you think there might be something more? or how does that resonate with you? Oh, certainly. I mean, my spirituality is directly connected to seeing wildlife,

like in their natural habitat. I mean, like that, the goal of seeing animals where they live is just like a guiding force in my life and my decision making. And like where I choose to, what I choose to do with my free time. I mean, that's always the goal. You and your wife get out to real remote, more remote nature? often? Yeah, totally. Where do you like to go? Well, we get out of LA pretty much every weekend and go driving into the mountains. We love the Los Alivas area. Again, just being fully immersed in just like

epic wildlife. It's just, I don't know, it's kind of my true. That's where I need to be. Have you had some transcendent nature experiences seeing animals? It's where I was sitting on Point Doom and I saw a gray whale kind of circle the whole peninsula because it's a it's a short one and I had only really seen it above water like a like a small dorsal fin or something but this was a situation where I had a vantage point and the water was clear enough where I could actually see it from above it I could see it under the water as well as above the water you know so many times when you're you see something like epic in nature you Sometimes it can make you sad a little bit. Like if you go to Yosemite or something and you're seeing something that looks like a screensaver and it's almost too beautiful to be present for. And then you start to get in your own head

and you're just like, why aren't I feeling more? Or like, I'm supposed to be feeling a certain way. Why don't I feel this way? And then you get sad because you can't merge what's going on in your head with reality. This was a situation that I was just like, I felt complete presence for it, I just think it's like, it's the goal for a day-to-day living.

And it's something that like didn't feel fleeting. It's something that like stuck with me. I can still see it as clear as day exactly what I was feeling, exactly what I was seeing. But yeah, yeah. In the Soul Boom Workbook, we talk a lot about like connection to nature because this disconnection from nature is a pretty recent thing. We're talking 100, 150 years.

Yeah. You know, going way back to humanity. there really wasn't a separation between nature and the divine. Right. That's, we knew the gods through the seasons and through the sun and through the moon. We, you know, in Native American mythology, like the great mystery, you know, the God is present in all things. It's known through the change of the leaves. It's known through the wind.

It's known through the sun. It's known through the animals. There's a, what is sacred. is there's not a differentiated. Like, oh, this is sacred over here, like this church or whatever. And like, this is not sacred over here, like this plane. It was just so integrated.

And so I really respect and respond to what you're saying that feeling a sacred sense and how you know the divine is through a natural experience, through all wonder, curiosity. Those are the gateways. Those are the tippy toes, to holiness. Yeah, yeah.

And I don't even know what I'm talking about when I say the divine, or I don't know what I'm talking about when I say higher power or anything. I just know how I feel. When I'm in nature, I feel good, you know, and I feel calm and I feel relaxed. And it's weird when I'm in, when I'm not in nature, when I'm in the city, when I'm in specifically New York City, which is a very, you know, stressful place for me. To be, I have this overall. overwhelming fear of death when I'm inside and when I'm in when I'm in buildings and

when I'm surrounded by just like urban life like death to me is very scary and when I'm hiking and in the woods or in the ocean or in the lake I don't I'm not afraid of dying and it's it's really weird the just that being of the the the disconnect but between the two. It's just like in one, this is a very scary thing. And then the other, this is not a very scary thing. And that's probably the most concentrated feeling I can point to where it's just like, I don't feel scared here.

And I feel scared here. And it's not like I'm not terrified all the time, just walking around the city, you know what I mean? But it is something that is with me in this place. And it's really not with me in this other place. And in fact, it's like kind of, of something it feels cool over here. I don't know. Yeah.

One of my favorite books that I reference a lot is David Bentley Hart's book, The Experience of God, Being Consciousness, Bliss. And it's a thick book. It's a heady book, but it really profoundly shifted what I feel about higher power, because he's literally about the experience of God. Like we can get really theoretical like Alex O'Connor about is there a God, is there not if there is a God. Why is there suffering and prove to me that there's a God. But his whole point is that God is an experience. Yeah. And the the lenses through which one experiences the divine,

like you say, it's just a feeling. It's like, yeah, that's it. Yeah. There's there's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's just a feeling. Yeah. You get from connection. Yeah. And connection to nature or to, or to, beauty, more to truth, more to art. That's when that is the portal through which you experience the bliss of the divine. It's not a theoretical concept. It's a label for a feeling, you know? Or just something, for me, I've always thought about God or higher power or whatever. It's just a label.

It's something to direct my existential questions towards, you know. It's the questions that I think of that I'm not asking other people. It's something to talk to and to bounce things off of that is just sort of like transcends human connection. I call it God in my songs because I was raised Christian, and that's the only thing I know how to reference. But it's not a Christian God. It's just it just is what it is. You know what I mean? It's just the, it's the label for whatever that is.

I wrote the song, God in the Gray about a guy's in the gray, kind of like choosing to have gratitude for this hill or choosing to just appreciate the long drive and not, like, kind of like make a small decision towards a path, but you don't know what that path is instead of kind of like, if you're in a bad spot, instead of like reaching towards either extreme, which, you know, the bad extreme, that's, you don't want that. But even the good extreme, trying to change too much at once, I mean, when you're in that state,

you're just simply not prepared to take all that on, like radical, radical change. It just like wasn't in the cards for me. So the only way I knew how to do it was just like slow, slow incremental change that like over time trusting the passing of time, this cumulative experience that just like, that led you towards a better place, but you can't even define what that place is.

So God is in the gray is kind of just like an anthem, I guess just like, it's an inspiring story. It's not really cautionary, but it's just kind of like, like this is how I did it. I focused on sort of like incremental change, sort of staying within the extremes, you know what I mean? Because taking on too much, I wasn't mentally prepared to do that. So yeah, just kind of like writing a song about staying in the gray, you know?

Like finding happiness and peace within the center. Oh, that's great. That's great. Well, I know you brought a guitar. Maybe we could hear the song. It's one of my favorite of yours. Yeah, I'd love to put it. Okay, wonderful.

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The code is Soul Boom for 15% off. All right, this is Godlin Gray. Cry. Awesome, man. Sweet, good. All right, cool. That was so cool. Cool.

Thanks. Thanks. Yeah, what is that Pete Holmes quote that he quotes? Oh, putting a blanket over the universe. Yeah, putting a blanket over something. Do you guys have that? Kartek, do you have that? We referenced it in our quote.

God is the name of the blanket. We put over the mystery to give it a shape. Yeah. There it is. Yeah, yeah. He said, God is the name of the blanket. We throw over the mystery to give it a shape. Yeah.

And the former tour manager. Barry something and said that and so he stuck with Pete Holmes. So yeah, that his quote has stuck with me. And yeah, it's I saw this the same thing and I was like damn, that's it. Yeah, yeah, that is it. What do you think this is about this like thinking about death and fear of death like under the anxious pressure of a big city? What's going on there? I don't know. I think that at least for me, the stimuli of living, living in a city, crowded streets, loud noises, tight corridors,

make me anxious. And when I'm anxious, I don't feel, I don't trust my feelings, right? I have a lot of feelings that are responses to the stimuli. And those feelings are not representative of the essence of who I am. And they're untrustworthy because they're protective. You know what I mean? So I think that's really profound, by the way. I haven't heard that said in that way before, but when I'm triggered, overwhelmed in a place

where my anxiety is pricked, I get a lot of feelings and I can't trust those feelings. I mean, that's a really wise response because I think for a lot of young people, they get flooded and feel anxiety and they latch on to the feelings and feel like they're true. but that's great that you're able to kind of go,

hey, I'm just not, I'm feeling all kinds of things, but I'm not gonna trust any of it because I know I'm in this zone. Sure, yeah. And I think that one of those things is, you know, the fear of death. I have a feeling that like, I have a feeling that death is a really beautiful thing that we shouldn't be afraid of.

That's like my, that's the feeling that I trust. And that's the feeling that I feel when I'm calm and relaxed and not, not feeling anxious the feeling that i feel when i'm anxious that it's a really really scary final terrifying experience um and i think that that's just like a result through the anxiety of the the stimuli of a place that uh i have a hard time being comfortable in so that's what i think that's about what makes you think that death might be some kind of positive or beautiful experience I heard a quote from Neil deGrasse Tyson that I really liked that was he was, he was talking with some guy with like a selfie video.

I don't know if he was working with him or I don't know if it was a fan or I can't really remember. But he asked Neil deGrasse Tyson, you know, famously knows a lot about everything. If he's afraid of death and he goes, why would I be? Because I wasn't afraid of it before I was born. You know, I didn't feel these feelings of fear before I existed. the whole universe existed before me. I've only been alive for, I'm gonna be alive for a millisecond within the grand scheme of things.

So if I didn't feel this way before, why would I feel this way after? And that was comforting to me. That was pretty cool. I have to trust it because it's the way that I feel when I'm feeling good and relaxed. And it's the way that I feel when I trust my feelings, you know, because I'm like outside on a hike

or sitting in my backyard or swimming, in a river or something, doing what I really feel like I was meant to do. I mean, you do reference God a fair amount in your songs. And do you feel God in this Chili's tonight? I mean, do you, have you ever been either creating music and felt moments of transcendence? Like, where the hell did all this song come from? Because it didn't kind of come from me?

Or do you feel it playing it live in people, a kind of a transportation that is, you know, something kind of beyond the mirror material and chemical? Those type of feelings come to me in places that you might not expect. They come to me when I'm like sitting in my apartment, which I really love with my wife, who I'm obsessed with, and we're watching a prestige TV show on HBO.

And I'll think... That's amazing. What led me to this heaven? You know what I mean? Like what led me here? You're watching Succession and having a little popcorn right now. Yeah.

It doesn't get better than this. It was last night. Yeah, yeah, we're watching Succession. We're like, wait. See, that way late on it. That's crazy. Synchronicity right there. Yeah.

It comes to me in these moments where I'm feeling the most comfortable. Or maybe on a hike too. But not in creation of music or playing in music. No, I can't think far enough ahead. And I can't think big picture enough while I'm creating music or while I'm performing music to let these, to let those kind of like profound thoughts. I can't access them while I'm doing it because I'm so, I'm so in my head about what I'm doing. You know what I mean?

I still got a long way to go on the performance anxiety and like I've gone leaps and and bounce from where I started, but I mean, it's still not something that I can be present for. I'm only present for when I'm away from it and I'm looking back at this picture like holistically. What about songwriting? What about the act of songwriting? The act of songwriting is painful. The act of songwriting is like, takes like the part of, I have to access the part of my brain that had a really tough time learning in high school. That tells me I'm stupid and do something and like, write.

And that's kind of a painful place to go to. And it's problem solving in a way that's like not super fun all the time. I think this is so important for people to hear. I think about young people. Hopefully there's some young people listening to this podcast, you know, that you're saying like, I'm terrified of performing and I have, I still have to work on it. And it's been five or six years of like trying to get myself ready for it. And writing songs is really hard and I really struggle with it.

Because I think a lot of young people kind of feel like, oh, I want to be an artist or whatever they do that, it should just come easy. Yeah. That like the songs would drop out of the sky and then they perform and then they're universally adored. And you have a boss that write to a schedule that says you need to wake up at 830, start writing at 930.

You know what I mean? Just like those are the things that I yearn for. I mean, being my own boss is really, really difficult. Yeah. And as much as I have a fear of performing, I have just as big of a fear of like proving to my, the part of my brain that says I'm incapable, proving that part correct, you know?

So I'm kind of up against that every day when I'm tasked with creating something of my own. What do you think that voice is? What do you think that doubting voice and that critical voice inside of you? Where do you think it comes from? Sounds like you had a pretty loving family. Yeah, it wasn't a family thing.

I just kind of self-berating. I relate by the way, completely. Yeah. I think people would be really shocked to hear. It was like, wait, PDUSA was so effortlessly funny and then has this recording career and is so talented. Like, he's like, kind of is like, you stupid piece of shit. Like, you can't even finish this song, dumbass kind of thing going on.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I couldn't, in the same way that I couldn't do my Spanish homework or couldn't do my math and work. Like, I never thought of myself as smart, you know, in the way that we are in the normal path of it all. You know what I mean? I didn't think I had any business going to college.

And I didn't think that I could, yeah, I've had very, I don't know. I think I was just like born to with this like tendency to make myself feel really, really small. maybe to avoid making big mistakes or avoid taking up too much space or to avoid hurting people in the way that more assertive people tend to. I have no idea, but it's something that I was born with and it has been with me forever. It's something that like my life is fucking awesome,

but I still have to combat that pretty much every day and being my own boss and being the one in charge of my productivity kind of shines a spotlight on that, like pretty intensely. What tools do you use to calm that voice to stay focused on the task at hand of finishing a song or writing a lyric or recording or coming up with a riff or what have you do?

Do you use therapy, meditation? The frequency of the critical voice has not gone down, but the duration to the duration which it takes up space in my life has been greatly shortened every time it comes up. And that's just, it's through simply allowing time to do its thing and having experience with the voice continuing to come up and continuing to be wrong. It's kind of embarrassing to admit, but these days my brain feels like 27 browser tabs have been left open between emails, texts, and notifications. My focus is essentially an

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and I know you're going to go away soon. And sure enough, a minute or two later, it's lifted, and you can just move on. Yeah, and the synapse is, in general, I think it would become much less. And my life has continued to get better, the more that I've ignored it. But again, it doesn't just stop the frequency of it,

because it's a daily thing. Do you talk to it or kind of like, say you're wrong or replace it with a positive thought or anything. What happens when it comes up? Like you- I just allow it to pass through. I think like in the worst of it all, when it would come up, I could wallow in it for weeks or months,

that's sometimes even years at a time. And that was in your 20s. That was in my 20s, yeah. And now pretty consistently, I can have a shit morning and a really wonderful afternoon. And that's not something that was possible, pretty much my whole 20s. But just the idea that you could wake up feeling amazing,

and then at 1 o'clock feel like crap, and then have an amazing evening. I mean, that's happened to me so frequently that I have to trust that that's just like a normal part of how things work. So now when I'm feeling shitty, I have that, like, the experience of turning it around so many times that I have to trust that it's gonna continue to happen.

Let's go back to your story here because I'm really interested by Peter Martin living in Los Angeles, broke-as broke, just month to month. I was living in K-town and the only K-town or maybe the only apartment in Los Angeles. That was $650 a month for a studio. Wow. It's another thing we had in common. Yeah. I had a $650 studio. But this was like, that was, this was way, way, way, this was year 2001.

Yeah. Yeah. So this was in K-town. And Korea Town. Yeah, those listening. Korea Town. And it had a really, really bad bed bug issue. That's why I was 650.

Yeah. What's that like a bed bug? Is it like? It's pretty crazy. It crawls up you and bites you when you're asleep. Yeah. So they live in your mattress and then they get a taste. You couldn't get a new mattress?

They would just crawl in the new mattress. Exactly. Because they were in the building. So they're in the floorboards. They get a taste for your blood specifically. Oh. Yeah. And I was kind of getting eating alive.

for six months. Can we insert the bed bug scene from the office with Dwight and Jim right here? There you go. Thank you. Go ahead. So I was dating a girl at the time and we were nowhere near ready to live together.

But because I had this big issue and because I had no money to fix it and nowhere else to go, I moved in with her prematurely. So yet another just like passive decision on just kind of like allowing the, the hellish winds to just like lead me into situations. And these are like all these situations who were the result of just like non-decision.

You know what I mean? Just like anything in my power to avoid the decisions. The path of least resistance is the path that just like led me into an absolute shithole, you know? When you think back on that, kind of passive, almost like you're a pinballed, what is your take on that? Like, what is your most wise self

33, having great compassion for you at 24 or 25, kind of go, like, what's with that? It had to have been a severe lack of self-love. That's the only thing that I can really point to. I mean, like, I do think that this was all, like, I'm gonna make myself so small that I'll never have to make a decision, you know? Because like, that's like, because that to me is better than making a choice and having it be wrong.

And that's just like, so it's self-loathing almost. It feels like that. It feels like, you know, I'm incapable of making the correct decision. So I'm not going to make any and I'm going to allow life to just happen to me. Wow. And, you know, all the time I'm like partying like really, really hard. So it's like heavy, heavy drinking, doing Coke probably like two or three times a month, which, you know, if you're an addict,

It's not that much. But it was enough to really like fuck up my whole just like decision making process. You know what I mean? And I was just like hung over and dehydrated all the time, you know, which is just self-fulfilling prophecy, right? So it's just like that keeps you in this like numbed non-decision making mode. That's intense. I love that. You're like I don't have the money to move from this bed bug infested.

apartment, but I do have enough money to do Coke every once in a while and go to the Brass Monkey and do karaoke and get shit-faced. It's so expensive. Yeah, and disgusting. You know, buy a $5 beer. Yeah. Yeah. So, I mean, talk about like, talk about like a real, real self-loading behavior. It just doesn't make sense. It doesn't make sense. So that's the only thing that I can do. Do you identify as an addict? Do you think you had addictive patterns? or you just kind of were medicating? I was just medicating. Yeah, yeah. It was just self-medicating.

And it was just pushing things off. And it was just a- Using it to kind of keep a barrier up. Yeah, for sure. And to keep me into this place, I mean, it's just like, if I already wasn't making decisions, like this locked it in, you know. Yeah, moved out of the apartment, moved in with the girlfriend, wonderful girl.

We just, like, we're in a forever situation, cheated on me. And honestly, like, good for her because I would have, I would have done the same thing. Something needed to happen. Yeah. In order to just like set right the universe because we both knew that. You know, we were both anxious people and we were just like sort of drowning each other and that. And like, I would wake up every morning knowing I knew it wasn't the right thing, but I was, you know,

stringing her along to avoid having a tough conversation. Like I could, you know what I mean? That's how. Which would be another. kind of proactive, you know, proactive choice of agency to say, hey, listen, Vanessa, I have to have a hard conversation with you. I'm not feeling it and I think we should break up. Yeah, that's, wow. I mean, how like, like, oh, like I don't want to hurt someone, so I'm going to hurt myself. Yeah. Like, that's, that's the amount of self-respect that I had. Just like, I can't have a difficult

conversation, which would be so much better for both of our lives. Yeah. So I'm just going to string us both along, which is horrible for me, even horrible for her. You know what I mean? So thank God she did what she did. I mean, it's incredible. You know what I mean? It was that's, that's an action. That's, you know, that's a decision. And it hurt really, really bad. And I felt like such a loser, but I needed to feel like a loser because I was acting like one, you know? So you would act like a loser, feel like a loser, say, see, I'm such a loser. Yeah. And then you would go, yeah, drink a little bit. Yeah.

Do some Coke and then be hungover and it was just a hamster wheel of loser. Exactly. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. One thing that we're missing here is in the middle of that I got the job at ICM, which again was another olive branch from another new trio guy being like, hey, I know you're kind of struggling. I know you need health insurance.

I had broken my hand in the softball game. So I like had a cast and bedbugs and all. They knew the whole story. Yeah. It was like, hey, man, sounds like you could use $15 an hour and some health. health insurance. I know you're a creative. This job requires very, very minimal work. They'll allow you to write songs,

if that's what you wanna do. They'll allow you to do, kind of whatever the fuck you wanna do. You have to sit in a basement and you have to let people into the freight elevator, essentially. You have to let couriers in, like a couple times a day. And then you have to go up in the afternoon and deliver the mail to the assistants working at the desk.

Could you have your guitar down there by the freight elevator? No, but I could have my computer. I make a lot of music on my computer, using software. Yeah, yeah. So that's a pretty cool. That sounds like an okay job for your mid-20s. Yeah.

Not bad. Yeah. Like agenting is not my thing. I absolutely have zero interest. I'm here for the health insurance and they're like, that's cool. But as a result, I would be the first face that like all these like really scared 22-year-olds would see when I walked into this new job after just moving to L.A. And I would train them how to do the mail. And then we would go up and deliver mail together.

and then I would go downstairs and continue, you know, delivering. Are you still friends or connected to any of those people? Yeah, I'm married to one. So, yeah, that's how I met my wife. That's how you met your wife? Yeah, yeah. And you're like this kind of bustling 22-year-old came in and you're like, no. Love at first sight type things.

Yeah. She has been such a motivating force in my life. I mean, she was like, she had a boyfriend when I was like really, really into her and I kind of saw them, I saw them out to dinner once when I was just like, you know, crossing over a parking lot. And I do remember having this thought like, just watching her interact with his family out to dinner. I had this thought that was like, you know, if only I need to be able to love myself enough to you able to get to the point where I can attract someone like that and bring someone like that out to dinner with with my family. But it became pretty clear that like if I wanted that in my life, like, I was going to have to do the work myself.

So she's like that was motivating, you know, of self and really instrumental part, just like that desire was an instrumental part of me, kind of getting my shit together. And then to this day, I mean, we're such, like, we're such like work opposites. Like, I mean, she just like runs a company. She's a CEO.

Every day in her life would absolutely destroy me. She worked so, I've never seen someone work harder. I've never seen someone work harder. love what they do more. And it's just inspiring to watch and be around and she rubs off on me in ways that I'm not even fully conscious of. But just being around that energy has been so motivating and incredible for me.

How did you approach her? I approached her in the way that I approached everything. I was on my way there. But when I said that I had feelings for it came out the most nondescript way ever. Did you ask her out on a date or something? Or would you know, how did it? I had a crush in her at work,

and I would like deliver her mail all the time and kind of get butterflies and all that stuff. I bet you would deliver her mail. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Made, you know, special trips, whatever, gave her stuff that she didn't ask for, all that stuff just to be able to see her.

Here's some extra sticky notes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got pink in today. I thought you'd like those. That was me. That was me. So then I she got another job. I continued working at ICM for two more years after she left.

We like loosely kept in touch because we were closed at work, but it's just kind of work friends. We were loose, we loosely kept in touch and we didn't kind of see each other for a while. That's when I saw her like on the date with her boyfriend and kind of got these feelings. And then the feelings for her always like stayed with me. And then during COVID, it just kind of, to happen so that we just like rekindled like I kind of put myself out there it's like let's hang out we started talking uh she was at home with her folks she had broken up with the boyfriend

she had broken up with the boyfriend it was kind of just like a window of opportunity we started hanging out during COVID uh going to the beach and stuff and like after a while I sort of like mumbled like nonsensical grumblings like talking around in circles like yeah I have feelings for you but maybe not and it's not even a big deal and if you don't want whatever and it's not like not we should just be friends and maybe I don't have feelings for you the most confusing thing and she was just like we should just be friends and I was like got it cool uh and then we simply just but it is funny because ever since I said that she kind of started up hitting me up all the time all the time so we started hanging out from once every like once every two weeks

to then like four or five times a week and so then we hung out for like two more months and then she came to me and said, I have feelings for you. And that shocked me. And I went back to my old self and said and rejected her. Really? Because I was like, this is so trippy. There's no way that I can keep up with this absolute machine, you know? So it's just like an anxiety response.

And I was just like, actually no. Because I saw, we were so close and we were such good friends. And I was so in love with her that I knew that if I had like signed on to be in this relationship. to be in this relationship. Like, I was on the hook for life trying to climb this mountain. You know what I mean? Of just like a person that in my mind is just like high functioning in a way that I never saw myself with. So I just pushed it off as long as possible until I couldn't push it off anymore.

And then we kind of like went back together and decided to date. And the day we decided today, it was like the day we decided that we were going to get married. Like it was very much like we were holding each other at arm's length. Oh, that's great. Stuff out. And then it was pretty immediate. And I got married last June in Northern California. It was awesome.

Amazing. Yeah. Amazing. This is the only point that I can think of where it feels like the first decision that I ever made. And it sounds really trivial. But this is the point where I think. I think things started to turn around and I started making my own decisions was I was working I see I'm

I'd been working there for about two and a half years. I was feeling like a real loser at this point. Because I was surrounded by so much Hollywood showbiz stuff. An ambition. An ambition. And artist. Projectory and hierarchy and all this stuff like concentrated capitalism in a box you know. And I'm in the basement forever, right?

So I got cheated on and you know the whole story until then. And I was just sitting there being like, well, shit, okay. It became pretty clear to me that I was going to act out. I was going to have to act out life until something happened. Like I was going to have to go through the motions and act out being happy. Like I had no other choice. I had absolutely no other choice. The choice that I decided to make was that every morning,

and this is funny because this is another Pete Holmes joke, he turned into a bit, but this is something real that happened to me. Every morning I was commuting an hour and 15 minutes from Highland Park to Century City, going through LA traffic, staring at my phone, which is going the fastest possible way, using the Ways app. So going through all this nonsense, staring at my phone, getting really frustrated, getting really anxious, And so I could get there on time.

And I realized how uncomfortable I was starting my day every single morning. I was starting my day with like just absolute discomfort. Yeah. And like terror and like life risking, you know what I mean? Like crossing over. It's cortisol. You're flooding your system with like negative cortisol

endorphins. Yeah. For an hour and 15 minutes. Every single morning. That's how I'm starting every single day. So what I'm gonna decide to do is just like I know the path, to ICM, you've got to get on one highway and stay on that one highway and exit and it's right there. It's going to take 25 more minutes to get to work every morning.

I'm someone who doesn't mind long drives and doesn't mind being in the car. I've always been like that. I'm still like that. So I'm like, I'm going to choose to not look at my phone. I'm going to choose to stay on the same highway the entire time, add 20 minutes to my commute. And that's what I'm going to do. That's going to be like a choice. So you made a proactive self-care choice for yourself.

The first time in my entire life. At 27 or 25 or whatever. It was 27. Okay. Yeah. I'm going to do that. And I'm also living right next to a big hill. And so growing up in the Midwest, I always sort of dreamed of being around hills and mountains.

It's the flattest place in the world, maybe. That was always my big qualm with it. It was high school. It was just like I was through more hills to play around with and run on. There's nothing. So I'm living next to a big hill. I'm going to walk outside, look at the hill, and audibly say, that's a nice hill, cool hill, great hill, every morning.

And then I'm going to get my car and I'm going to drive in a straight line and listen to music and not like my phone and not think about where I'm going. Yeah. And I remember doing that and I remember everything in my life that has gone positively stemmed from that decision. As soon as you made a couple of positive choices. Micro, micro, micro adjustments. Yeah. Just like something for me, just a choice. It's just like, I've gone on 15,000 job interviews.

I fucked up every single one because I can't interview. I'm just horrible. So I'm not getting another job. How would that go down? My worst one was tell us a little bit about yourself. And I said, well, I was born. And then I went to high school. And then after high school, I went to college.

And then I said, wait, can I start over? And the guy literally goes, tell us about yourself. So that's a typical job interview for me. I'm surprised that I'm able to string together fluid sentences here. I appreciate it. You're killing it. The story and what you're mining here is fucking great. I'm really not just saying that.

Oh, good. Like, I just think that it's so rare to have an art. like you, I mean, everyone in their 20s knows PD USA. They know your comedy, they know your music, you're adored. And to just say, like, my 20s was like this loser wasteland where I didn't make any choices and just had such low self-esteem. Like, and is, I think it's gonna blow people's minds. And yet, I was like, I don't have money to live.

I don't know what's gonna happen, but I just wasn't anxious and I wasn't guided by anxiety. So me and my friend, the same friend who has had moved to LA now to help me do this stuff, went to Home Depot, and we got a bunch of PVC pipes and built a tent so I could live, kind of like a life-sized tent so I could live in his backyard, because I needed to be held over for three months.

I needed to not pay rent for three months until I got paid again. Wow, this is really like, yeah. Month to month, paycheck to paycheck. Oh yeah, yeah, it was, it was. You moved into a tent made out of PVC pipe in his backyard? We made it like a real glamping style situation. But the point is that I didn't feel anxious.

I actually felt very empowered. I felt so free. I think in the deepest depths of trying to make it work, broke, and, you know, ICM, what am I doing with my life? You know, the worst thought is like, I'm never going to have fun like I did when I was a kid again. I'm never going to experience that like free joy of like running around in the world.

and having not a care in the world. And all of a sudden, I'm 28 years old, and I'm living in a tent in my friend's backyard. COVID's happening. It's a weird apocalyptic zone, and I'm having fun every night just getting through the night. You know what I mean? I had a little BB gun to protect me from raccoons

and like all that stuff. And it was like, life became this like fun childhood game, you know, where I was just like, oh my God, this, you know, I've got this. But you had also been validated for your songwriting, so you knew like some, Some people are actually really believing in me in like a new way that had an experience before. Oh, the guy who had put out my favorite records

is putting out my record. So that is important. You can talk about like in this day and age in the music industry, like what a label cosine gives you, what it actually does. Is it good? Is it worth it? Are they taking your money, what not?

At that point in my life, the validation was instrumental and just motivating me to keep on going. So that is important. I can't be discounted at all. And I had this really kind of funny thought that just like, it's very funny because it's like leaning into traditional masculinity norms in like such an intense way. But I was like, I need to grow a beard because men with beards

aren't afraid to sing in front of people. Wow. It was just like that thing. It was just like, if I looked this way, it will trick my mind into not being afraid of this thing that you shouldn't be afraid of. You know, I was being like, men with beards go war, you know? Like, I can't be a guy with a beard, like, with state fright. So I grew my beard insanely long. Like, I looked really fucking insane. I could send you a picture.

There's a picture of me in front of the tent with this beard and it's, uh, it's really funny. I was really skinny. I was just eating like ingredients at this point because I didn't know how I cook. So I just like, what are ingredients? It's just like an avocado and like a hard-boiled eggs and just like cold cuts. I don't know. I was just picking that thing. I wasn't even I was eating meals, I was just eating ingredients. I was really skinny and I was happy. I was really, really relaxed and I was really, really happy. Kind of say first time, maybe since high school,

you've been truly happy. Oh my God, like, blitzed out. Yeah. Like, this is great. Yeah, yeah, absolutely blissed out. And TikTok was like new on the horizon. It was for young kids, whatever, everyone's going viral on it. I didn't have it downloaded.

I had no interest in it. And the same friend Will was kind of just like, let's make a video for this thing. What the fuck do we have to do? We were just sitting around. And I had had a script written out just like a minute long skit. And I had the resources available, the friends around to like do it with.

And we put it online and just like went masterly viral. The first one. The first one. Which one was that called or? It was a music video or just a comedy video. It was a sketch where I just like, it was two guys, I dropped my wallet. It's like my best friend Albin was in the backyard,

so we got to be on it. I dropped my wallet and had this really ethereal, nonsensical conversation and I kissed him on the forehead at the end of it, or he kisses me or something, something weird, where I was just like, it'd be cool to write to get where every step of the way people are confused. So it went crazy viral, kept on doing them,

because like, this is fun, whatever, and I woke up one day, which is kind of like 100,000 followers on 10,000. TikTok finally logged into the account because it just was on Will's phone. Like, okay, let's do this. Still didn't feel real because we weren't seeing anyone. You know, we're leaving the house.

So I was kind of like, I guess this just happens to everyone. And then kept doing more and more and more. By the time COVID ended, you know, I got a million followers on this thing, records out, people are listening to music. And then we put the shows on sale and they're all sold out. We have to do two nights in each city. Amazing.

Yeah, it was really, really trippy. Really overwhelming, though. Because, like, think about, like, everything I told you, and then to come and kind of, like, face the audience after all that time, it was, like, pretty gnarly. Did you ever have a panic attack or anxiety attack in front of an audience? No, that was always my biggest fear. I did before.

Yeah. I did before I went on. But that was always the thing. Were you hyperventilating backstage? Oh, yeah. Yeah, for sure. Like, really, really. Were your bandmates, like, worried?

They're like. No. I think one of my more perceptive friends was like, yeah, those are really dead, maybe all of them, but they just didn't want to like speak it into existence, but it's like, man, you are fucking struggling. I was drinking a lot too. I was, I mean, then I was like, before I played,

I was like really tossing them back just to be able to get out there. Liquid courage. Yeah, no, totally. And it sucks because it's poison, you know what I mean? It sucks how much it works. How have you dealt with the alcohol dependency? I still drink too much. too much sometimes, you know, and I still use,

I still slip into moments where I'm using it to medicate. And then there are many times where I'm using it to celebrate, and I have to separate those two, you know. I have to know when they're different. And because sometimes they slip into each other, you know what I mean? And it becomes like a gray area. But this last tour was six weeks,

I got drunk probably five times total, which is like a far cry from where I was at. And it seemed purely celebratory, which is just like a totally different animal in my brain. And, you know, I still don't like it. I still like being, I love, I like being sober, you know, I like it. It's like I feel better, but, you know, I, you know, I haven't stopped drinking, but I've cut down.

significantly and I feel a lot better. I feel a lot better. And I'm no, I'm just like no longer using it as a tool. Yeah. So that's good. Yeah. You got a new album out. Yeah.

What's it about? It's called the Yips. What are the Yips? The Yips. I mean, I know from a pitcher what a Yips is. It's just that. That's what it is. I mean, it's just like, does it have to do with your anxiety around performance?

Yeah. Kind of like. Yeah. Irrational fear kind of taking over your behavior. Yeah, I mean, it's the fear of getting the yips. I mean, it's the fear of like understanding that that exists within all of us and just like, slipping back into a place where you just lose it.

You lose your mental faculties, you know, and you just like cannot, you can no longer do the things that you used to be able to do. Yeah. Because of some undefinable reason. Yeah. Some subconscious. just neurological, chemical impulses. You know, I relate a lot to the fear of performance.

One of the things that happened for me is, you know, I got pretty famous, pretty late in life. So I was like 3940 when I started getting famous for Dwight. Really? And then all of a sudden I started going on talk shows. And talk shows are a really highly pressurized environment. People don't recognize that, but like. I mean, just being here,

doing that like if this is like the the seeds of that then I can't imagine how yeah and then that there's a live audience yeah and they want to laugh and you know it's going to be like replayed and then it's going to be on youtube these like pre-approved conversations they don't really know how it works like yeah they are you do a pre-interview and then they come back to you know like hey I love that pre-interview I loved it when you told the story about bucks so we're going to do that and Conan or David Letterman or Jay Leno or you know Colbert is going to ask you about that,

and then they're gonna ask you about this. And then you're just like, oh, I have to remember. What did I say? So having a conversation that's supposed to appear free-flowing, but is heavily scripted, that's trippy as hell. I mean, that would send me into a panic zone. And they asked me, and I literally, like, I could hear my heart just going,

and I was like, and I kind of did freeze, and they asked me, and somehow I just got out of it. And- Their hands go to it. or arms going numb or anything. I didn't, I didn't have that happen. Has that happened to you? Yeah, that's like the first sign for me.

Is that my extremity start going numb? And then it kind of like creeps up towards my neck. And when it hits my chin, I know I got to get out of there. For me, it's I hear my, I hear the blood pulse in my inner ear. Just like to go, go, go, coo, yeah. Somehow I've gotten through it and I, and I've gotten a lot better. And I'm a lot more chill now. But that was years.

So, and I wouldn't be nervous on front of camera, and I wouldn't be nervous in front of an audience. But somehow in like, you've got a five and a half minute segment where you've got to be funny and charming and effortless as hell and there's an audience and there's cameras and millions of people are watching you. Yeah. That was really, that really.

It's so unnatural. It's so, I don't think anything to prepare you for that. And some people are just so good at it. They're just like effortless. Yeah. I've gotten a lot better at it, but I've had to work hard. Yeah.

And there was a while I was considering I'm not going to do any more talk. But like you, I was like, no, I need to do this. If I'm going to promote movies that I'm doing and promoting stuff that I want people to see, I'm going to have to do this. This is going to be part of it. So how have the Yips inspired the songs on this album?

I've written two records before this that were like pretty autobiographical. And I've arrived at like a really, really awesome part of my life. So I wanted to, take feelings that like I've felt in the past and insecurities that I felt in the past or struggles in the past, some still present and some imagining them in the future and sort of like assigning them to different characters at this dive bar called like the Yips Saloon where everyone is drinking away their various problems and experiences. And on a part of this like spectrum of kind of just like rock bottom to like dancing with the idea of been like. and self-help and getting better and then kind of like everything in between. And it was cool. It was really easy to assign characters' feelings that I felt but no longer feel.

I find it really interesting. It's like sometimes when I'm really kind of going through the shit, when I was going through the shit, I wasn't writing anything because I was probably like ashamed of how I felt and I didn't like want to write it down. For me, it's been so much easier to write about hard feelings and hard times when I'm actually like in a happy place. Or I can trust my thoughts and write them down. And I can so much easier write down a sad experience when I'm relaxed. Yeah, when you're happy in the future looking back. Because when I am sad, it's all gibberish.

It's all just, it's not. Okay. You know what I mean? I'm not Edgar Allan Poe. Some people, some poets feel they need to feel the sad to get it out. I'm sure. And put it on the page. But you have to have a little distance from it.

I have to have a distance from it. And somehow assigning the feelings to different characters made it a little bit less personal. Because I'm always thinking about... So is every song a different character? The way I see it is that it's just like three groups of two. And they're just like conversations happening between them and they kind of like jump in and out between them. That's right. Yeah.

Are you going on a tour for this record? Have you been? I just finished a tour last week. I finished the tour last week. So yeah, I was six weeks on the road. It was fantastic. It was the most fun I've ever played. The most connected I've ever felt to the audience,

again, because it's just like nothing changed except from my own anxiety. So it just allowed me to be present for the first time. And I did VIP, so I met a bunch of folks for the first time. I kind of like got to know the people that I was singing for. And that was something I was nervous about, but ended up being so cathartic. Do they claim you in Chicago?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I love LA because of the access to the nature and stuff.

I've never fully quite felt at home here. Amen, brother. Yeah. 25 years, I've never fully felt at home here. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know. I mean, I think Chicago is just home.

When I'm there, I'm home. What an amazing tale, Pete. And we can do another one? Yeah. You up for it? Yeah, yeah. All right. Hit it whenever you want.

Yeah, this song's called Don't Tell the Boys. And it's my most popular song. It's the one that people seem to like the most. So thank goodness for that. What's it about? It's about a lot of things. It's about sharing feelings with the guys, like in a group of guys that instead of like,

it starts out, which is like a group of friends hanging out and like slowly as they bring the bottle of alcohol out and they start to spill their guts a little bit and say, I love you to each other for the first time. And then the second verse kind of deals with just, I don't know, just like I think the desire to be a part of something structured. I use the military as an example and just sort of just like when you can't figure out life, like how something like the military can be a really, appealing choice for someone who needs structure in their life, but also having really complicated feelings

about the military industrial complex as a whole and some of them more just like negative, just the negative imprint that it has on the world and especially on the Middle East. And coming to terms with the two things where it's just like it's okay to support our troops while also being critical of the military industrial complex at large because individual choices are much more nuanced

and complicated and simply signing up to go kill people. It's a lot more, a lot more complicated than that. So it's just a song about feelings that I had towards that. So yeah. Arms, yeah, I believe it's turn season. Where the feelings in our hearts, come on now. Sunday, down and I go ahead and join my... We'll talk about how childhood trauma

has got our actions as adults slammed the bottle on the counter. Take this thing down shot for shot. You know I've made a lot of best friends. You're the best friend that I've got. Now we're halling at the moon. Hell yeah, we're making lots of noise. You know I hate to say I love you,

but there ain't no other choice. Don't tell the boys. You can sign the O.C. time some more like said fuck about whatever since he finished rehab you know in tougher times us guys decide we'd rather walk the walk i'll always be a lending here don't tell the boys we got each other and all of me yeah i won't tell them yeah don't yeah i'm not gonna yeah yeah that was great man thank you so much pete thank you so much man thank you so much Beautiful.

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