Soul Boom - What Happens When We Die? (w/ Hospice Nurse Julie)

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

Hospice Nurse Julie sits down with Rainn to completely re-frame how we think about death, dying and what might come next. From the biology of how the body peacefully shuts down to mystical deathbed visions, guardian angel stories and “miracle pancakes,” she shares raw, hopeful and surprisingly funny lessons from years at the bedside. They dive into addiction, spirituality, fear, atheism, pets showing up at the end and how remembering our mortality can actually make life feel more precious and free. SPONSORS! 👇 Quince (FREE shipping!) 👉 Quince.com/SOULBOOM Uncommon Goods (15% OFF!) 👉 uncommongoods.com/SOULBOOM Miracle Made (promo code: SOULBOOM for 20% OFF!) 👉 trymiracle.com/SOULBOOM and use promo code SOULBOOM for an extra 20% OFF and a free 3-piece towel set! OneSkin (promo code: SOULBOOM for 15% OFF!) 👉 oneskin.co/SOULBOOM Superpower 👉 Go to Superpower.com/gift to get a free $49 premium gift box with your gifted membership. ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⏯️ SUBSCRIBE!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠👕 MERCH OUT NOW! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠📩 SUBSTACK!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  FOLLOW US! IG: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://instagram.com/soulboom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TikTok: 👉 ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠http://tiktok.com/@soulboom⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  CONTACT US! Sponsor Soul Boom: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ Work with Soul Boom: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Send Fan Creations, Questions, Comments: ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠[e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠  Executive Produced by: Kartik Chainani Executive Produced by: Ford Bowers, Samah Tokmachi Companion Arts Production Supervisor: Mike O'Brien Theme Music by: Marcos Moscat Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We need to change the way we look at death and dying. Yeah. It's really easy, I think, to live in a world where you don't actually think you die. Here's what I know to be true. We are spiritual beings and we're here for a short time on this plane and there's infinite other far more glorious planes after this one. People want to know that there is meaning to all of this. Yeah.

If someone says hospice nurse Julie, what's your opinion? Yeah. about life after death. Hey there, it's me, Rain Wilson, and I want to dig into the human experience. I want to have conversations about a spiritual revolution. Let's get deep with our favorite thinkers, friends, and entertainers about life, meaning, and idiocy.

Welcome to the Soul Boom podcast. A quick shout out to our sponsors. Quince. Go to Quince.com slash Soul Boom for free shipping on clothing. Uncommon Goods. Go to UncommonGood.com slash SoulBomb. for 15% off your next gift. Miracle made. Go to try miracle.com slash soul boom and use promo code soul boom for an extra 20% off and a free three piece towel set. OneSkin. Go to one skin. Go to one skin.

dot co slash soul boom and use promo code soul boom for 15% off. Superpower. Go to superpower.com slash gift to get a free $49 premium gift box with your gifted membership. Enjoy the show. you're here. I'm so glad you're here. Hospice nurse Julie. That's right. Hospice nurse, Julie, what's your last name? McFadden. McFadden. I have been here somewhere in my research. Julie McFadden is my real name. What were you saying about being here with me? I'll try not to cry. I didn't think I would, but I might actually cry now that I'm talking to you about it. You can cry. It makes for great new too. Thanks. So I know you probably hear this. a lot. Okay. First off, I am one of the biggest office fans of all time. And I know everyone

says that, but has everyone watched every single episode of every single season, every single season, countless times, at least 100 times. I could almost verbatim tell you every single sentence to every single episode of the office. Wait, wait, wait, wait. That's slow, slow your role. Hospice, but I have more to say. I know you have more to say, but you have more to say, but you have watched every episode a hundred times. Oh, 100 more, more. It is the background noise to my life. It is about I can't even watch the bonus episodes

because they don't go in the same flow because they're like the bonus. The timing is not right. The timing is not right. And it throws me up and doesn't make me feel as relaxed. So I don't like watching, even though it's kind of fun to see like different scenes, which I, so I still have watched it. So you're basically a stalker.

I'm a total stalker. Did you ever watch six feet under? No. People tell me all the time I need to. Yeah. That's how I got the office job was I was on the show six feet under. You're on the, I should know this about you. I did 13 episodes as Arthur, the funerary mortuary intern.

Now that you're saying this, someone told me. Yeah. And it was from the attention from that that, you know, really opened the doors for the office. I mean, I had to audition and all that stuff as well. Be a freaking genius. Stop. Oh my God. I can go on and I could.

Listen, if I ever had like another thing I talked in. about, it would be death and dying, sobriety, the office. I could do a whole TED talk. We need to get you on the office ladies. Okay, period. Your office ladies fan? Yes, I'm an everything office fan. I have a candle of Michael Scott that people on the internet tried to cancel me

because I said I was being sacrilegious, because it's like him being like some kind of holy deity. Oh, like St. Michael or something like that. And they saw it. And they saw it and like the internet went wild. That's amazing. Yeah. Favorite episode.

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subtle, but like... Excuse me. Well, you were like... I don't know, what am I saying? Oh, yeah. These little things were like... Where you, like, look embarrassed. Like, it's so hard to do as an actor to look subtly embarrassed.

That's so hard to do. And like every character on the office can do it. You know, subtly embarrassed, subtly, like, trying to be funny, but really they feel sad. Like, the fact that people can do that, a whole cast can do that. can do that, the writing, I mean, don't get me started. Favorite lines? What am I doing? Robert California.

And I don't know. Now, Mike, I can't, I mean, I say him all the time. I don't know. I don't know, Rayne. I'm sorry. I'm clamming up. I knew this would happen. Someone asked me the other day, what's your favorite line? And I was just remembering one episode. Was it Survivor Man?

Oh, that's one of my favorites. Where he goes, you know, I don't want to hear about your stupid beats. And I said, people love beats. And there was something that I love about that line because it was, it's so wounded. You know, like, I mean, he really wants to believe that people love beats. And of course, they don't love beat. Nobody loves beats. They're healthy.

They're really good for you. I love when you say, when you pull the nest down, you go, lunch. Do you remember these? Like, when I say this to you, do you know what I'm talking about? Was that in Survivor Man? Yeah. Because Michael's talking about trying to survive and you're basically watching him, making sure he survives.

Yeah. And he's talking about food, blah, blah, blah, blah. And then they plan to you and you pull this branch down with a nest with eggs. And you go, lunch. And then you're going to fry up the eggs. That's good. Oh, my gosh. It's so good.

Oh, and you and Angela, oh, and our monkey. Oh, my God. You guys are one of my favorites. Before Michael and Holly. You guys were my favorite couple. Oh, but then Michael and Holly's plan. Yeah, then then. But Jim and Pam never, except for the end of season three when he cut how they get them,

how they get them to get together. And Pan's expression when he comes to the door and asks her to dinner, I cry. I cry every time, every time. And I've seen it. But you cry a lot. Let's face it, Julie. I'm like an openhearted baby. I love that.

I love it too. But I think that's why people love your work so much. And I was so drawn to it and watching it is like, you're unabashedly yourself. There's no, there's no agenda. There's no performance. This is like, here's who I am. Here's what I do. It's really important. You're going to really like to hear this. And there's no pretense. Thank you. And you just do that so well. And that's hard to do. Thank you. And what made you decide that I want to be with people who are dying? Spirituality, like becoming more and more spiritual. It made me want to be closer to death as we're

as that sounds. And I think subconsciously, because I was still an active addiction, I wanted something easier and being a hospice nurse was. I hate admitting that. And I very rarely do. I very rarely get to this place where we're actually talking about it. But that is the honest true. That's a brave thing to admit. And like watching people die taught me so many lessons, you know, about myself and about how to live. I mean, this sounds like an incredible movie that I would watch, which is a little nurse Jackie. Thank you. But, you know, someone being with people as they die,

battling their own demons. As them and their families are meeting the biggest possible grief known to humanity, you're counseling them, you're hungover, you can't wait to go. Drink wine? Yeah. Literally.

Yeah. There was a woman who, I am a huge people pleaser. I want validation, I want approval, right? And I, and she opened the door and it was the patient, which is not normal. Usually there's a family member who, but she opened the door and she was cold and she was not smiley and she was not happy to see me as a hospice nurse admitting her onto hospice. And then that kicked all of my things in, right? I'm trying to win her over with like schmooze, right?

And she was not having it. And I remember finally like talking to myself, like, relax, Julie, like let this lady just have her experience. you know and i was admitting her into hospice and answering questions and typing on my computer blah blah blah and then finally towards the end of the admission which takes a couple hours she finally lays down on her couch and like puts her hands behind her head and was looking up at the ceiling and i was just being quiet charting because i was like this lady i just need to be quiet okay let this lady have her own experience and she finally starts talking and she goes you know i've been a christian my whole life but am I really going to take my last breath,

close my eyes, and see God? And then she looked at me. And it was like quiet. And I looked at her and I was like, thinking, oh my God, she's actually, this is not rhetorical. She's like actually asking me. And all of my stuff kicked in my head. She said she was Christian.

Say yes. That you know her. And I just sat. there and I just stopped and I go, I don't know. I don't know. Makes you want to cry. And she said, and thank God she laughed and goes, well, I guess I'll find out. And then I laughed and then we both laugh and we hugged each other.

And by the end of it, we, she was, I mean, not that it matters if she was warm and fuzzy to me, right? But like we had a moan of truth because I don't know. I have my beliefs. I know what I think happens. I don't know. And I love that I was able to just sit there and say the truth. And that has what's,

that's given me courage to continue to do that. That's why I started hospice nurse Julie, because families don't realize that they're going to be doing 80% of the work. Hospice does about 20. And it's not because they're a bad hospice. It's because that's what Medicare says we can do. Unless there's a symptom out of control, we can't be there hours at a time.

If there's a symptom out of control, we can be there until the symptoms controlled, right? But if the symptoms controlled with whatever we're doing X, Y, and Z, that's on the family. So that's a lot to take in. And I think my love for this and my ability to like to talk and want to talk about it,

hence how like this whole hospice nurse Julia thing started to be a resource for families. For those families. they need one. Yeah. They need one. What have you most learned being in this process with the dying and their families?

I think what I most learned is that we actually die. It's really easy, I think, to live in a world where you don't actually think you die. Like you have this deny, even though you know you do. I don't think it really is here, right? I have it here and it's not morbid, it's not bad. It's like my, it's like, I keep saying it's my greatest gift And like, everything is my greatest gift.

But this is also one of my greatest gifts that I really understand that I will die. And because of that, it's really taught me how I want to live. But like each day, not live. I think a lot of people take that and go, I need to travel. I need to jump off an airplane. Like, I need to live. And that's not, it's not because I'm around it all the time, I can kind of see that it's not about those things.

It's about appreciating like my coffee in the morning. like how the sun comes in on my face, how my sister says my name, that I can like walk to my vans, these little things, like, because I feel like I understand that I will die, it helps me understand how precious life is and that it truly helps me live contently, you know, like I've always wanted, like I've always wanted.

We had a big hit show on SoulPancake called My Last Days. Did you ever see that show? Yes, yes. But not, was it one show or like multiple people? Multiple people. Yeah. Yeah. And it was by Justin Baldoni.

And it was, you know, what we learn about life from people at the end of their life. And some of them did go parachuting and want to do some bucket list things. But other ones just wanted to be there with their family and connect and share. And it was one of our most popular. shows. Who would have thought a show about death would be getting tens, hundreds of millions of views? But the stories can be so uplifting and revitalizing. We had people writing in that would say every day I watch a different episode because it reminds me of how precious life is. It doesn't surprise me at all. Yeah. I mean, what's funny is in my everyday life at a dinner

party, if I say I'm a hospice nurse, people will go, oh, oh, must be depressing or like chains a subject. But on the internet, you know, I didn't like try to grow an internet following. I really didn't. I had zero agenda. Zero. I didn't know what I was doing. I was like a 40 year old on TikTok, you know, but what surprised me was people want to know. People wanted to know. What do they mostly want to know? I think there's a lot of mystery and death. There's a lot of fear in death. Yeah. So anyone that can give them any semblance of like control or knowledge, I think they want to know those things. And I think, obviously, we don't know. We don't really know. But I can kind of give you biological, like how the body dies. Like there is a wonderful, very cool biological facts that I tell people about death. Yeah. Hit me. Hit me with some biological facts about death. Your body knows how to die. Okay. If you are dying naturally from a

disease, but still like you're allowing your body to naturally do it. Your body starts kicking in and knows, hey, I'm getting close to death. And it's going to make you a little more introverted. It's going to make you sleep a lot more, eat and drink a lot less, always. And because your body's doing that, it's almost like it's cocooning because it knows that there's a transition coming. And if you allow yourself to do that, You usually will have a really peaceful death if you like, if you listen to your body. Now, certain diseases can cause many symptoms, right? Sure. But you'd be surprised.

You'd be surprised. They usually can be controlled, usually. And your body will naturally start shutting down. And the main thing is, is that you sleep all the time, not eat and drink. Sleep all the time, not eat and drink. Your body eventually goes into ketosis. Eventually, that releases endorphins. You end up feeling good.

I mean, 9.8 times out of 10 when I've watched people die, it's very peaceful. It's very peaceful. Now, people don't know what actively dying looks like, and it's their loved one that that's dying. So they may not, it may not always translate, hence why I've made very graphic, people say their graphic. I've shown real life actively dying because I think people need to know that your loved one's not going to look the same. Their eyes might be open. Their mouth might be open. They might be making funny noises.

they're going to breathe differently, biologically. That's happening metabolically in their body. If you don't know what it looks like, it looks like your loved one suffocating. It looks like they have all these secretions. So there's things people need to know so they understand death so they can really be there with their loved one. But to me, I mean, I've had many like mystical, cool things happen to me.

I was going to be my next questions because, you know, near that near death experience, videos and stories are some of my favorite things and sources of entertainment. Well, they reaffirm my belief about an afterlife that we are spiritual beings having a human experience and our spiritual beingness will continue its journey. After our meat suit has hit its warranty, there are universalities in those stories, but they're always so different at the same time. And there's such beauty and truth that's revealed.

But have you witnessed some firsthand? You said mystical experiences. Any kind of near death type of experiences? So I've never had a near death where someone, well, I have two that stand out. And let me just say this really quick. Just so even though I've had these magical mystical experiences, which I will tell, the main thing that really helps me not fear death is knowing that our bodies biologically know how to do it. And because I've seen it so many times biologically,

it makes me not afraid. It makes me trust that my body will know how to take care of itself when it's dying. That gives me the most comfort, knowing that our bodies will, my body will take care of myself. So I have two different stories. You tell me which one you want to hear?

I have like a... Both. You want to hear both? Okay. So this one's called my miracle story. And I... It's one of my greatest joys. Okay, so I was a newer hospice nurse,

and a woman, was coming on to service, meaning she was getting admitted into hospice, but it was kind of late in the afternoon, okay? And I was annoyed because they called me to do this late admission. And I was like, I'm gonna be up all night. This is bullshit. I'm all in my head, right? I can't, I don't, I probably wasn't sober yet.

I'm feeling. And this woman come, I meet them at their house. She's coming from the hospital and she's in the ambulance. When she comes out of the ambulance, I realize she's young, she's young. And she has young kids, like they were probably early. early 20s and she's been in her 50s maybe and she was actively dying which means if you're actively dying you're fully unconscious you have changes in breathing oxygen's not getting to your brain there's no like coming back from this no coming back and I was like oof okay I take it back I'm sorry I was

thinking so negatively here so we get her settled and I and I start talking to her kids about you know listen your mom is actively dying she'll likely die tonight she was so close to death in my opinion I thought she'd die before I left so I was kind of of like dragging out my time thinking like she's going to be dying anyway i'll just stick around the kids didn't really understand that she was dying so it was a big it was a big like bang to them right they didn't fully get it they're having friends come over family come over and i'm like hanging out there waiting for her to die because i'm thinking she's so close she's barely breathing she's cyanotic blue and um she's not dying i'm there for a couple hours so i'm like okay i guess i got to leave

So before I leave, I go into her room. She looks very comfortable. And for whatever reason, I remember putting my hands on her bed and closing my eyes and just saying, like, good luck on your journey or something along the lines. I never do this, by the way, Rain, but I did it with her because I felt like especially like a prayer. And you felt a prayer like she wasn't 87. Yeah. And her kids didn't realize that. Her kids realized now she was dying.

But they didn't at first, right? So it was a big shock to everybody. So I put my hands under her bed and I just said like, you're like, I wish you well on your journey. Like, I don't remember where I said, but all I know is in that moment, something happened, which I'll get to in a second. Cold weather, stress, holiday chaos. If you're like me, your skin needs a little extra love in this time of year.

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Fetzer.org, that's f-t-z-e-r.org. Something flashed in my brain, and I was kind of like, oh, okay. and I put it out of my brain like it didn't actually happen and I left okay the next morning no no death email so when someone dies you get like a death email so saying like so-and-so died this nurse working on call came to visit blah blah blah I didn't see one and I was like what the heck so I called the office being like who went to go see so-and-so like she for sure died last night there's no way she could have lived throughout the night oh I don't know they didn't call and I'm like oh no like thinking the family took her to the hospital or something so I

called the family early in the morning and the son answered and he sounded really happy and then i was like hey you know what happened last night how to go and he goes oh my gosh last night was great you know mom slept through the night i'm thinking slept like she's dying you know i don't know she's sleeping i think she's dying but i go oh okay and he goes and then she woke up this morning and she said she's hungry so she's in she's in the kitchen eating pancakes And I was like, what? And he goes, yeah, she's in the kitchen eating pancakes. Mom said she was really hungry.

And I could hear her laughing in the background. Whoa. I know. I get chills just thinking about it. And I was like, your mom's awake? And he was like, yeah, she's eating. She just kept saying she's eating pancakes in the kitchen. And I was like, okay, well, I'm going to come over.

Because I couldn't believe it. Honestly, I've never talked about miracle. Yeah. 100% miracle rain. Absolutely no scientific way. This woman could come back to life like that, the way she looked. There's no misconstrueing what happened that night. Okay, so I walk in, there she is, eating pancakes with her daughter and her son laughing.

This woman ended up living another three months fully well, walking around her house, doing her thing. She did die on hospice. She stayed on hospice and she did die. three months later. But she went from being, I would say, moments from death, zero ability to have oxygen going to her brain for her to come back and be able to walk and talk and eat and whatever, to living a full life for three months with her family. And the part I never told for years. I always just told that part of the story. This is my miracle story. She was a miracle. This woman came back. And then years later, I finally told you, I finally started telling people what I had this vision of when I put my hands on her bed. So that night, before I left, when I put my hands on her bed and said a little prayer, a vision of what I would say would be like her angel popped in my head. And I'm not like someone who like necessarily is like for sure there's angels. I don't like study.

I have no idea. But it was like this big huge being that didn't feel at all what I thought an angel would be like, like warm and fuzzy and flittery or something. It was like this huge being that was like standing over her bed. almost as big as a car, if a car was like upright. And it didn't say anything, but it definitely told me, like, in milliseconds, telepathically, like, this is mine.

Like, this powerfulness of, like, I got this. She's mine. I've got this. And it felt like power and strength and, like protection. And it didn't feel scary, but it didn't feel warm and fuzzy at all. And I remember getting that like clear vision. I could almost draw it if I could draw like a silhouette of like a being behind her bed. But I just pushed off and I didn't think anything of it until the next day when I saw her sitting there eating pancakes.

And then yeah. And then I was like, holy shit. Wow. This being like saved this woman. Like and I felt like maybe it was her guardian angel. Maybe it was. I don't know. And you know, I do regret.

But it wasn't like seeing it. It was just. No. sensing it, feeling a shape and kind of being silenced by it in a way. Yes. Right? So a real tangible power there. A real tangible power that did not feel scary, but did not feel like a warm embrace. Yeah. Like I feel like I felt Godwork, felt warm and warm. It didn't feel like that. It felt like, boom, like a strength. Yeah. That I'm like, I'm making myself clear to you. It was like making itself clear.

to me and that's it kind of like so how do you how do you process that afterwards is it do you feel like she had more time there was more for her to work out there was some guardian presence that was saying i'm gonna you need more months here like why her this gift right uh with your children something something you know i wish i i mean i never feel the the the place to to like, one, I never said anything to the family. I think that's kind of obvious. I feel like that would have been a, I think, overstepping, even though it was an incredible thing.

I never said to her, did you come back from the debt? You know, I just let it be, and they didn't say anything. They didn't talk about, she didn't say, I come, I came back from the dead. She didn't say anything. And I just let it be. I don't know. I don't know what I make of it.

I still don't really know. It does help solidify this belief in me that, like, there are things higher than us. So that I think are all connected. I feel like all I ever do is claim that I don't really know. I know enough to know like, I don't know. But I know my experience. Did it look at all like Satan from South Park?

No. You know what it looked like? You know those Mother Mary statues that like a bunch of Catholic people have? Like, I'm Irish Catholic so I can say this. I feel like those. Mother Mary statues that are in gardens that are kind of like. Yeah. It looked like that.

But it wasn't Mother Mary. And it was also like very, there was no like real detail. It was very vague and kind of like. Wow. And it was more of a feeling. Yeah. That's powerful. Right?

So it's never happened since. But like every once in a while, weird things like that happened to me. That is an incredibly wild story. And it just makes me think, one thing, which is, I want that pancake recipe. I know. Happy holidays, Soul Boom, fam. I'm feeling so festive this year,

mainly because I'm wearing our brand new Soul Boom holiday sweater right now, and it is absurdly cozy. It's got the perfect mix of cheer, weirdness, and spiritual energy. And if you are hunting for gifts that don't feel generic, our merch store makes it so easy. We've got thoughtful, beautifully designed shirts. We've got hoodies.

We've got mugs. We've got sippy cups. And yes, this gloriously ugly holiday sweater all made to spark conversation and remind people what Soul Boom is all about meaning, connection, and looking good. So if you want to give someone a gift that actually says something thoughtful and doesn't look so last minute, go to soulboom.com slash store. That's soulboom.com slash store. Grab a hoodie, a mug, or this delicious holiday sweater before I buy all of them. Happy holidays. My other story was was really does really does solidify like my not fear and death. So this was a patient who was my favorite patient. You know, like I always joke how I don't have favorites, but like he might have been my favorite. I don't know. He came on service again young. He had a lot of mental health issues.

And you know, someone with his disease probably would have lived three months usually, right? But for whatever reason, this man lived like nine months longer than normal. And even though he had a lot of mental health issues, meaning when we went when we went into his apartment, he was, he had a hoarding issue. He, you know, was very open like I push everybody away. I don't have anyone in my life. It's just me. I'm alone.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Right. And he sort of seemed like a quote unquote like problem case. But because he was so willing to like let go of all of his shit literally, literally and physically, he, he, allowed us to come in and kind of clean out his apartment. He opened his heart up and kind of like let family from from like out of state come see him. He just sort of had this like in like opening accepting embrace of like the fact that he was dying and changed his whole life. So he ended up living nine months in this kind of newly found apartment with nothing hoarding in it anymore,

like a safe place. He had family come in town. We all became super close to this guy. And he was pretty healthy for like the last six months. So I got to really know him. My whole point is it became very close. We talked about all types of existential stuff like you and I are doing right now, right? He was amazing to talk to. When he was actively dying, we had a continuous care nurse in his home, meaning a nurse 24 hours. And I could tell when I went to go see him that day that he would die that day. You get good at like knowing when, unless you have the miracle lady with the pancakes. I didn't know that, but you get good at like knowing someone's going to die. So I could tell he was going to die that day. And I said to the, said to the continuous car nurse, please text

me when he dies. I want to know. She's like, of course. I said my goodbyes in my head to him, and I went to my car, right? And as hospice nurses, you're like doing this every day. You're like getting in your car and you're going to the next patient. It's like not that big of a thing for someone to be dying. But for him, because he was like, oh, my man, you know, like we work. We work. friends. I didn't feel sad, but I remember feeling like walking out of his apartment and being like so-and-so, like, I love you so much, man, like good luck. Like, good luck out there. Like, I hope you find what you're looking for type stuff, right, in my head. And I got my car and I went to go, I went to leave. And right before I left, something stopped me and I kind of like stopped again. And I said a little

prayer of like, I love you. Thank you so much for your friendship, something like that. And all of a sudden, I could hear his voice in my head. It was like all of a sudden, again, time stood still, and I could hear his voice in my head clearly. And he was going, he just said, oh my gosh, Julie, just like that. Oh my gosh.

I can't believe it. He was kind of like whispering, whispering with like, it's hard to describe. Joy? Yeah, like it's hard to describe. Wonder? Yep, wonder, joy.

And he looked like this. Like he was kind of like giving me an image of himself and having me hear his voice. And it was like he was almost soaring. And he was like, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. If I only would have known. If I only would have known. And he didn't ever finish the sentence,

but I knew what he meant. If I only would have known, I wouldn't have been so afraid. Because him and I had conversation after conversation after conversation about what it was going to be like to die. And I never gave him, like, I never was like, don't worry. I was like, yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it's going to be like.

I think about the same. all the time too. And he had a lot of fear around it, you know, he had a lot of fear around it. And so to hear him go, oh my gosh, Julie, oh my gosh. And like you see me smiling now because that's what it felt like. It felt like he was like, I can't believe this. If I only would have known. If I only would have known. And he kept saying that over and over and over again. And then giving me feelings of like freedom and peace and joy, words that don't fully describe the feeling I'm feeling at the moment, right? And so much so that I'm weeping in my car, tears of joy, tears of love and peace. And I was so happy for him because in his

everyday life, he did not feel this way. He did not feel free. And that's all he ever wanted. And as a recovering alcoholic, I know that feeling. I know what it feels like to want to be free. And I could tell he was, he felt that now. He felt it. And he just kept smiling and basically laughing and going, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh. And it kept kind of getting louder and more excited. And then eventually, boom, done. I'm back in my car. I'm kind of like, what the hell? Like, wiping my tears.

Like, this kind of stuff doesn't really happen to me. I know I'm giving you stories, but it's not like an everyday thing for me at all. So I'm like wiping my tears, like, what the hell was that? And then my phone beeped. I looked at my phone. The nurse inside, because I never left, said, so-and-so just died.

And I thought, I know. Because I think he just showed me. Like, I feel like he just showed me. showed me what it was like to cross over to the next. And of course, I didn't say that to her. This is a lot of stories of like, I never told anybody this for years. I never said anything to that nurse. I never told anyone because I didn't know what that was and I didn't want to be judged.

And it's only till recently when people started being like, well, why aren't you afraid? Why aren't you afraid? You know, it's because of stories like that that have helped me. There's many reasons why I'm not afraid. But that is one of the big stories. Wow, that's beautiful. In the Baha'i faith, there's many stories, writings, teachings, prayers about death and, you know, the majesty of the soul and the, you know, how it is eternal. And Baha'u'llah, the founder of the Baha'i faith says, I have made death a messenger of joy to thee.

wherefore dost thou grieve? And that's a tough one. You know, I write about it in my book. Like, my dad passed. We were both Baha'i, but I wasn't feeling a lot of messenger of joy, although that's kind of what you're describing. But the only way that I could think about that was,

there's a lot of writings in the Baha'i faith about how the body is a cage. And this is a common, you know, metaphysical idea and it's other faith traditions as well. And that when you die, the cage is broken open. and the soul, the spirit, flies free. And that there is exactly all those feelings you were trying to describe that you couldn't quite describe

in this act of death, of the broken cage and the spirit just flying free, joyful. You know, is that story of Steve Jobs when he's passing away. Oh, wow. Yeah. He was just saying, oh, wow, wow, wow, as he expired. Have you witnessed other people's

passing and speaking to people on the other side? Yes, that is a very common. It's something that we actually educate families about because it's so common to start speaking to dead relatives, dead pets, start saying things like I hear music, I see dad, or death reach. It's just, we call it medical phenomena because we don't know why it happens.

But it does so much that we actually have to tell people about it so they don't become afraid when their loved one starts talking about it. And when people start, it's called visioning. So when people start visioning, a lot of time it's before they're in the actively dying phase. So the actively dying phase is that last phase of life. Last a few days, usually. It usually happens before them when they're like really alert and oriented. And they're kind of just as like surprised as everybody else that like they're seeing their mom and their dad or their old dog. But it's always really comforting. And this is the first I've heard that it incorporates pets.

Oh, really? Yeah. That's great. I've heard it so much about relatives and like, oh, she's here with me. He's here with me. Oh, hi. You know, that kind of thing. Because I always think like my current, we're always in the business of rescuing pit bulls. And my current pit bull diamond, I always feel like, well, diamond is going to be. That's my special dog to journey onwards with. Like, you know, I really want diamond by my side. I think my wife and I will fight. over that one. Yeah, people see, people see animals, horses, pets. I mean, they see all, I mean, whoever's really close to them all bring them comfort. That's, that's usually who they, who they see. And they usually get messages of like, I'm coming to get you soon. Don't worry about it. We've got you. And I always claim to like not know why it happens. You know, I'm not, I'm not here to say like, and for sure that means they really are. I'm more just like. Well, what do you think? What do you believe. If someone says hospice nurse Julie, what's your opinion? Yeah. About life after death. Oh. And about the meaning and death of death and the power of death. And what do you think?

I think, well, I think we go to a place that feels more like home than here ever could. And I feel like I miss that place. I feel like I feel homesick for a place that I have forgotten. makes me want to cry every time because I felt that ever since I've been a little and I know when I get there I'm going to go oh thank God I'm back I'm here I'm here again that's what that's what I know for sure I know for certain that it's going to feel more like home than here ever could that's why it doesn't have to feel scary feel scary because I have forgotten I have forgotten and as far the visioning goes the reason why I always say oh I don't know is because I don't have, I don't have personal, I mean, I have personal experience where I see other people doing it, but there's not like a, it's a lot of feeling for me, right? I don't know why I rain,

but like this feeling of that place that I call home that I could cry about when I talk about it, I can say that with certainty because I can feel it. It feels so real to me. Just like when I look at a baby and I'm like, where did you come from, baby? Right. I feel like I can feel that home when I see that baby. And that is how it feels when I see someone take your last breath. It feels like I can see home. They're so close to it.

That's why it doesn't, because it's not my grief, it's not my person dying, I don't have that grief. The grief is removed so all I can feel is the home. And that's what I think, that's where I think we go. As far as visioning, I don't know. I don't know.

I think it's real. I think it's real. But I guess I always... Any funny visioning stories, conversations you've overheard? I have a funny story, but it's not visioning. Okay. It's good. So this old man had a fully catheter,

which is a catheter that goes through your urethra into your bladder. And I had to check on it because I had to make sure there wasn't size of infection and things like that. And like seeing like body parts for a nurse is like no big deal, right? But I always, of course, need to say, hey, excuse me, sir, like, I have to check out your full catheter. Do you mind if I pull your blanket away and look at how it looks? And he goes, yeah, one sec. And he screams, honey, get the magnifying glass.

And I was like, what? Magnifying glass. He goes, well, you want to see it, don't you? Man, making dick jokes. That's how I want to go out, Julie. Exactly. Making a dick joke. Exactly.

Yeah. And I was like, you are my new favorite person. I absolutely love you. That is how hospice is. It's funny. Dick jokes. And thankfully, I really like, I really like hospice working. Like, I like doing my job.

So for, you know, the first two years, I was mostly being a hospice nurse and just doing this kind of on the side. And then as things progressed, now I do half and half. So I do like hospice nurse Julie stuff and still work as a nurse. Do you get sponsorships from like death company? like this episode brought by Fitzgerald's coffins. I try. I have actually been sponsored by a coffin company. But it's mostly like memorabilia.

You're like, how do you remember your loved ones? But I do get sponsors, yeah. We had a death dula, Alua Arthur on the show. Do you know, Alua, her work or her book? Yep, she's beautiful. Yeah. Yeah. What is, is there like a competition between hospice nurses and death doulas,

like a wrestling match? I hope not. I mean, we can, I can be a whole, don't dare me to wrestle. No, I'm just kidding. I hope not. I think people think that a lot. And unfortunately, what, what I think is a hard part about, like, death dula's versus hospice nurses, right? Is hospice nurses are covered by Medicare. Like, hospice is all covered by Medicare. That's who pays them, right? And Medicare right now is not, like, acknowledging death dula. So the only people to pay debt dula would be, like, family out of pocket. And I think that's a hard. thing to do for most families to pay extra for a death dula. I think they're needed completely. And I wish Medicare would have them join a part of the hospice team. So I recently said I was on Seth Myers talk show and I said that I was going to quit acting and be a death dula because I really I read the article. I'm fascinated by this world and I think it would be a lot of help. And you know, in my book, I write about the passing of my dad. And I get people all the time and say,

that was such a beautiful chapter in the book. And, you know, I lost so and so. And like, you could see the longing. And they're like, what do you think? And I always look at them and I say, I'll tell you something, here's what I know to be true is that we are spiritual beings. And we're here for a short time on this plane. And there's infinite other far more glorious planes after this one.

And that your mother, your cousin, your sister, your father, your grandfather, they're on a journey and you will absolutely meet them again. And they're on an incredibly beautiful journey. And that death is not the end. It's really just the beginning. And I tell people that every time I interact with them and they're asking me about it, I don't go up to people in Trader Joe's and start. But, and I can see the piece it brings. People want to know that there is meaning. to all of this. Yeah. You know, I think one of the really tough things in a materialist worldview, the idea that we're an assemblage of miscellaneous, you know, molecules that formed neurons

because an explosion happened, you know, 4.7 billion years ago, and that when it lights out, that's the end and there's nothing else, then there is an inherent kind of meaninglessness baked into that premise and you could say well find your own meaning in your life and enjoy life because it's so short and it's like sure but we we have a natural human longing for something i was just going to say i mean i can i can talk to all all points like even if someone wants to say like my dad would say that that it is meaningless and when we die we die my point to that would be like isn't it but isn't it still beautiful i mean i have seen many people many people die with that belief and it's still beautiful because your body knows how to do it.

You have these people here with you, loving you, despite how uncomfortable it is to watch you die. They're watching you die. That's hard for them. They're still going to sit there and do it. Like, to me, there's beauty and all of it. And I think there's something so vulnerable being able to say, like, I want there to be something more. And I'm so afraid there isn't. Or I can't be sure so because i can't be sure i better just go no i better just say there isn't because what if what if there is and i don't know i think it's a there's a there's a you need to be a little vulnerable to be able to to to long to long to hope to wish yeah to want and you know there is what they call psychologists call a hope deficit among young people 40 percent of young people don't have hope

that there's going to be some kind of better future ahead. And this is a form of hope is that there is something more than the physical world. We had Sebastian Younger on the show last year. Did you read his book in my time of dying? No, I'm so bad. I should read like other. I just feel bad that I don't read other people's like death books. Well, no, this is very different. First of all, Sebastian Younger is one of the best writers of the English language.

I mean, he is, his sentences are like Hemingway, perfect. I love a good sentence. You should listen to the audio book. But he's devout atheist and then he, he had a vision of his children and of the other side. And then he had a near death experience. He saw his atheist father, scientist, standing by him in his hospital bed, had this kind of vision. And then even afterwards, he's kind of like, yeah, I don't know, tell people show me proof of God, I just don't think there's anything more.

It's like, you experienced it. What more do you need? But it's a fantastic tale. What's it called again? In my time of dying. Okay. In my time I'm dying. Yeah, it's a beautiful book.

Yeah. Well, I'm so glad that you do the work that you do. And I loved having this conversation. I think that you talk a lot about denial. And denial of death is one of the big ones. And in our culture, we don't talk about it. We don't think about it. You know, when you read histories of what humanity was like,

even like 70, 100 years ago where like you're out in the farm, someone dies, like, what do you do? You put them in the barn or you put them in the living room. You don't want them in the barn, the raccoons might get at them. Like, you have dead bodies around you all the time. You know, the infant mortality rate was at like 50%. So death was just a constant thinking about it. dealing with it, grieving with it, communities would spring up to help each other around it.

We just don't have that dialogue. Thoughts on what else we can do to continue to have a deeper dialogue, understanding, and connection to something that we're all going to undergo. We need to start having a change. We need to change the way we look at death and dying. And I do feel like channels like mine, I'm not the only one on the internet, you know, talking about death and dying. There are other people. There are, there are many books about it. So I do feel like there is somewhat of an awakening to the fact that we're going to all die. Or I don't think I would have like a popular social media channel, right? So I do feel like there is, there are people going, oh, yeah, this is important.

Our health care system isn't working. It has gone so far, which is amazing. We've been. made leaps and bounds to help, you know, preserve life. And now we see that we probably maybe have taken in a little too far to preserve life at all costs. Maybe that's not what we need to do. Palliative cares growing. I feel like hospice is growing. Those words are popping up more and more. So I think it's already happening. I think people are already seeking and it just starts with that. It starts with that. And then people talking to each other about things they've seen or things they've read. And we just, I think, more and more of that. And I think the more open we are in general, just like in life, the more open we are, the easier it'll be to have difficult conversations about death and life. And I want

to live as an example that as someone who does contemplate my own mortality on a daily basis, literally, I want to show how I live, like how well I live because of that, you know, just be an example. you know, attraction rather than promotion. Right? People want to know like, how are you so free? Like, let me tell you. You know, one of the things I do is really think about my own death and not a morbid, scary way, in a beautiful way.

I think about the fact that like I'm almost 60. I never thought I'd make it to 60. It's like, I'm ready to go. And I don't mean that in a macab way. I don't mean that in a suicidal way. It's like, I've lived a full, rich life. lived a full rich life and um you know um i got to be an actor and have a family and you know dig into spiritual topics and i'm happy to enjoy the next 30 years but you know i i feel good i feel the

same way i mean i don't want to die tomorrow but if i did i would be okay and p s if um it is literally going to be written in my will that the office is playing from ever on hospice the men or in a hospital bed or from dying. I don't want like soft music. I want the office playing. And I mean that. I mean it. I want the office playing in the background.

You are a fucking lunatic. That's nuts. I love it. Check out hospice nurse Julie on all of the social channels that you can possibly find and her wonderful book, Nothing to Fear.

Thanks for coming on Soul Boom. Thank you. The Soul Boom podcast. Subscribe now on YouTube, Spotify, Apple Podcasts, and wherever else you get your stupid podcasts.