Speaking of Psychology - How to Keep Your New Year's Resolutions (SOP97)

Episode Date: January 1, 2020

Lose 20 pounds. Begin a meditation practice. Save $1,000 a month. 2020 is here and many people are fired up about their New Year’s resolutions. No matter how jazzed people are about their resolutions at the start of the new year, most are doomed to fail soon after the New Year afterglow wears off. There are people, however, who make resolutions, stick with them and succeed. How do they do it? Our guest for this episode is Pauline Wallin, PhD, a psychologist in private practice in Pennsylvania and an expert on New Year's resolutions. Join us online August 6-8 for APA 2020 Virtual. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Choice Hotels get you more of what you value. Comfort in. It's calling your name. Save on the stay. Oh, and free waffles are yours to claim. Book direct at storeshotels.com. Hello and welcome to Speaking of Psychology, a biweekly podcast from the American Psychological Association that explores the connections between psychological science and everyday life. I'm your host, Caitlin Luna.

lose 20 pounds, wake up an hour earlier, begin a meditation practice, save $1,000 a month, go vegetarian. It's January 1st and many people are waking up today fired up about their New Year's resolutions, or maybe not. No matter how jazzed you are about your resolutions right now, many are doomed to fail soon after the New Year Afterglow wears off. Some may not even begin at all. While it's hard to pin down an exact figure for how many people fail to keep their resolutions. Some sources say that number is as high as 80 percent or how long resolutions last. Estimates I found varied from mid-January to February, we can all agree that making change is hard at best and impossible at worst. Still, there are people out there who make resolutions,

stick with them, and succeed. How do they do it? Here to provide us with practical advice to start the year off right is Dr. Pauline Wallen, a psychologist in private practice in Pennsylvania, and author of Taming Your Inner Brad, a guide for transforming self-defeating behavior. She's an expert on New Year's resolutions. Welcome, Dr. Wallen. Hi, Caitlin. Glad to be here.

I'm not, I don't have a hangover, so I'm ready to go. Okay. Okay, so the holidays are over at this point, and I imagine many listeners out there feel they may have indulged, overindulged in food, drinks, spending over the past few months. And today, as the calendar tells us,

it's time to get serious. But you say that January 1st may not be the best time to commit to lifestyle changes. Can you explain why and if there's a better time of year to start? Well, the best time to start is when you were ready. And for some people, that will be January 1st, but there's nothing magical about the day, just like there's nothing magical about Mondays, which is another popular day to start making changes in your life. I don't know about you, Caitlin, but I've made many promises to myself that I'm going to make a fresh start on a Monday or on January first, but for various reasons, these promises didn't last very long.

Can you explain why it's so easy to fail to keep New Year's resolutions or even Monday resolutions that just mentioned? Yeah, well, because the important thing isn't the day on which you start, but that your goal is internally motivated. Let me give you an example. Let's say your goal is to lose 20 pounds. If your reason for that is to look good at your high school reunion next spring, that's an example of external motivation.

You anticipate other people regarding you in a positive way. On the other hand, if your reason to lose 20 pounds is to feel more vibrant or to reduce your health risks, such as blood pressure, cholesterol, that is an internally motivated goal. It's for yourself, regardless of what other people think. Which one do you think is more motivating? Is it the external? Is it the internal? A little bit of both?

Well, it's actually an external can become an internal, you know, once you get going. But research has shown that externally motivated goals deplete your energy. They feel like hard work. On the other hand, when your goal is internally motivated, you boost your energy and you're even driven to accomplish more. So when your goal is to improve your health rather than to be admired for your energy, your looks, you will be naturally inclined to continue for a longer period of time. So to get back to your question about January 1st, whether it's a good time to start, it's as good as any day, but there's nothing magical about it and it's not any easier than any other time of year for

making habit changes. That's really interesting when you're talking about the different types of motivation because, you know, from my experience, I often notice that sometimes I will go after my goals more if it's an external thing, like if someone's relying on me. Whereas a point, to sometimes if it's internal, there might be more of a chance that I'm like, well, you know, I can kind of, you know, I'm only disappointing myself if I don't do this thing, whereas externally, it's like, no, people are depending. I mean, I have to, I have to come through. Do you have any thoughts about that if that's, I mean, an individual thing or why that might be the case, why sometimes external motivation might be better than internal motivation. Well, that's true for

external motivation when somebody is relying on you, but that doesn't necessarily apply to habit change. Okay. You know, as soon as the people are done relying on you, you've done that. You're not, you know, somebody wants you to, you know, lug boxes up and downstairs because they're moving. You're not inclined to continue to do it after they don't need you anymore. Right. So then it becomes more important to have something, you know, more inside of you that keeps you going. So with that in mind, I often have read about how to make a change is best to start small. So for someone who this coming year in 2020, they want to run a marathon, but have never run a mile in their life since high school gym. So, you know, the advice would be in that situation to not start off the first day by running

10 miles or even attempting to it, but perhaps instead, you know, run walking a mile, that sort of thing, to start small because if you try to do too much in the beginning, it's just you might not be as likely to succeed. What do you think about that? Do you think starting small is the key to habit change? Well, yes, there's the old Chinese adage that a journey at a thousand miles begins with a single step. But when you're looking at a zillion steps or, you know, for example, running a marathon, success seems so far off. So yes, setting smaller and intermediate goals does help. But it helps even more if you use this simple mind trick. At the beginning of your training, focus on how much you've accomplished, not on how much is left to do.

So let's assume your training for a marathon. So that way, each increment counts for more and keeps you motivated. So let's say like today you run a half a mile, but you're left you exhausted. It's hard to imagine what running 26 miles could feel like. Could you realistically do that? But you can realistically expect to run a whole mile within a few days. And when you do accomplish that, you've doubled your achievement over the first half mile. And that's certainly something to celebrate.

And you look forward to accomplishing more. And that works for lots of situations. Let's say you need to get rid of a house full of clutter. So cleaning out one drawer may seem like a drop in the bucket. But if you set your goal to do like one drawer or three drawers, and focus on the pile of discards that result from your efforts, you'll feel better already. You look around and you go, wow, I filled up a whole trash bag. That didn't take long.

I can do that. I can do that again tomorrow. So to sum up your question, not only is it good to start small, but also focus on your early accomplishments rather than on the long road ahead. I love that. That's wonderful. I've actually been thinking about that recently. Yeah, instead of focusing what's not done, because I think about that in the workplace.

I have my to-do list and, you know, at the end of the day, things might come up that I don't get everything done I wanted to. So I tend to focus on what is left instead of looking, okay, what, you know, I got these done today. And, you know, maybe my day changed, but I did this. Or, like you said, doing things around the house. Like right now for myself, I have an infant at home. And so we're hosting Thanksgiving this year. So we can't, you know, clean the house in such a big chunk this year because we just simply have to watch him. So, you know, so I, we focused on, okay, let's just do a little bit of Christmas decorating. Let's just do a little bit of, you know, cleaning the bathroom, that sort of thing. Instead of saying, okay, I'm going to spend the

entire day cleaning and if I don't get everything done, I'm going to feel bad about myself. So, yeah, and once you experience early success, it's uplifting. Yeah, absolutely. I imagine that I really can keep you motivated, especially if you're trying to make big change. So let me ask you this, Dr. Wallen. Why is change hard? Well, of course, starting New Year's resolution is often easy because after weeks of overindulgence during the holidays, you're probably feeling stuffed and sluggish, so it's no big sacrifice to forego rich food for a while, and it actually feels good to get up and get going. And it's a similar thing with money.

You've spent so much time shopping, it's kind of a relief to take a break, so it doesn't take much effort at that point not to spend money. But within a few days, old habits can so easily take hold of us again, because they are, after all habits and habits are hard to change, but they're designed that way. Habits are efficient. There's shortcuts that don't require a lot of thinking or decision making. So Caitlin, how long does it take to tie your shoelaces? I would say 10, 15 seconds maybe. Yeah, yeah. So imagine how much time and effort it would take if every time you go to tie your shoes, you have to pause and think about each step in tying the bow.

That would take a long time. It would be like if you were learning again when you were a kid. Right. So the activity like tying your shoelaces is a deeply ingrained habit for most adults. And most people don't even think about it as they're doing it. It's a habit and it just feels natural. So to give you an idea of another habit, I'd like to do a demonstration. And will you be my guinea pig, Caitlin?

Sure. Absolutely. Okay, and I also invite our listeners to do this as well, unless you're driving because you're going to need both hands. So clasp your hands together. Okay. Now, which thumb is on top? My left thumb. Okay.

Now, I want you to change your clasp. Okay. So that the other thumb is on top. Okay, just did. And people out there can do that too. So how does that feel? It feels a little awkward. Like it's unnatural.

Yeah, it's weird. It feels weird. Yeah. Yeah, and that's how habits work. We do them without thinking, like you clasp your hands, and then when we go to change our behavior, it takes effort, and it doesn't feel natural at first. So in terms of some habits that people might be looking to change this year,

for the new year, let's consider the common example of snacking at night while watching TV. So snacking and TV, you know, you do that enough, it becomes a habit. It's closely associated in your mind, so that when you sit down to watch TV, it's going to feel weird without your snack because that's your habit. Or similarly, if you're used to having a drink before dinner or a cigarette after dinner, it will take effort to change that habit. And not giving into your habit feels unnatural. So when we make New Year's resolutions, we kind of know going in that it will take some effort.

But we tend to underestimate how uncomfortable it's going to be. And a lot of people don't prepare for that or don't prepare for how they're going to deal with it. So when the discomfort does set in, that's when we are at risk for not sticking to our resolution or even for giving up altogether. And so what a lot of people miss in setting their resolutions is a firm plan. There's an old saying that a goal without a plan is just a wish. and wishes don't get the job done. So your plan needs to include not only what you want to accomplish, but how you will accomplish it and how you will deal with the predictable temptations, discomfort, and setbacks.

That leads me to my next question. You're talking about making a change and making it fun. So I'm thinking a lot of ways making a change, if you're trying to lose weight, for example, you know, you might want to do it, you feel motivated. But still, I mean, you know, watching what you eat, you know, starting exercise program, cutting down portions might not be that fun exactly. You know, it might not be the best thing you want to do, but you know it's important to you. But if your resolution feels like a complete chore, like it's going to be so difficult,

I imagine it's more likely to abandon that resolution. So how can you have fun while making a difficult change? Yeah, so this reminds me of a line from the magician Penn Gillette from Penn and Teller. He lost like over 100 pounds, I think. And when he was asked how he did it, he said, I eat everything I like. I just changed what I like. So the key is how you talk to yourself about weight loss and exercise, because language is very powerful. Think about this.

If you talk to yourself in terms of deprivation, like I can't have those chips or I'm really craving carbs, you set yourself up for focusing on the next. negative, you know, that what you can't have, and it bums you out. But if you talk to yourself in terms of empowerment, you don't feel that deprived. So you could say, I choose not to have chips right now, or I can live without carbs for a few hours. Now notice you're not saying to yourself, you'll never have those things, and that makes you feel even more deprived, but you can manage your discomfort for a while, and that's empowering. Yeah, absolutely. That is a great way to look at it. And that, so when I'm talking about willpower, so that's, that's an area where willpower is definitely needed in terms of changing your mindset, in terms of keeping going. Research in our

journal, the journal of personality and social psychology found that willpower is like a muscle that can be strengthened, but people only have a set amount of willpower and it can be depleted over time. Right. How can people overcome willpower fatigue? Well, like muscles, willpower can be trained. So muscles get fatigued with use, but when they recover, they're stronger so you can do more work with less effort. And similarly, the more you practice self-control, the less mental effort it takes over time. But it's also important to minimize stress and fatigue in your life because these factors deplete you of energy as well. And research shows, and it's probably not a coincidence that people tend to go off their diets at night or lose control of their anger

at night more than during the day because they're tired, they're stressed from trying to maintain control all day. So being tired and stress interferes with your ability to exercise willpower. So it's important to get enough sleep and keep to a routine that makes it easier to develop your willpower. Yeah, I think maybe knowing that as well that at certain points, you might have some willpower fatigue. So maybe you're going on a vacation. or, you know, and your weight loss goals might be thwarted or your idea about cutting out all alcohol might be more difficult, that sort of thing. But is it helpful to also go into different situations with a game plan with a mindset of like, okay, I need to be prepared for these situations so I'm not thrown off guard and fail? Yeah, yes, yes.

You have a game plan and try to make the game plan something that you can realistically accomplish. So you won't go, I'm going on a cruise, but I'm only going to eat like, you know, just. vegetables. I mean, just just the celery and carrots. That's all I'm going to eat on the cruise. That's going to really deplete your willpower and you're more likely to get into arguments with your companions and all of that. Yeah, because you're starving and you're angry because you're not eating all the good stuff. Angry, yeah. You're hungry. What if your efforts are not working? So, for example, if you want to save $1,000 a month, but you're finding it more difficult to save that money because perhaps life situations come up that get in the way of doing

that. So how do you keep motivated when challenges arise when it becomes more difficult to form those good habits and to succeed? If you're not, you know, for example, if you're not losing the weight you want to lose for whatever reason, it's not happening as quickly as you'd like. How do you keep motivated when the challenges arise? Well, again, it depends how you talk to yourself. So you can say, well, with the weight loss, I'm in a plateau right now. And what do you expect during a plateau? Plateau. No change. So then you start monitoring, you know, how much you're sticking to the behavior, knowing that sooner or later the plateau is going to break.

And in the meantime, you are, you know, on a healthy track. Many times in life we have to readjust our goals. You know, like raising the perfect child. That's after about the first two weeks, you realize that you're going to make a few mistakes. So having that self-talk that is not, oh, I'm a failure or this isn't worth it, is only going to give you fuel to quit. It's going to make you discouraged. At the same time, you don't want to be unrealistic saying, well, that's okay. Everything's going to work out because maybe you do need to make tweaks in your plan.

So there's a lot of stats out there about how many times you need to do something. something to make form a habit. So then maybe 18 times, maybe 30 times or, you know, a month, whatnot. What are your thoughts about that? So if does it take, if you do something a certain number of times, does it become a habit? And what do you, what advice do you have for people? Well, a habit comes from repetition. And certain habits need more repetition than others. when I moved into this house that I'm in now, I kept reaching on the wrong wall for the light. And I think I must have reached more than 18 times over the first year until it became a habit to reach on the right wall. So regardless of the number of times, intentional practice helps you build a habit so that it becomes more likely that you will do that versus something else.

Okay, so sticking with your goal and being committed rather than saying, okay, if I do this 30 times or do this for one month, I will stick with this. This will become a habit. It's a habit as long as your goal is internally motivated and you're experiencing some success, yes. Yeah, absolutely. I was one to also talk about another study that I came across from the Ohio State University that found that people who share their goals with someone's whose opinion they valued were, more likely to stay committed to their goals. And there's also a counter research on that effect saying that it's better to keep your goals to yourself. What are your thoughts about those studies and do you think one is better than the other? Well, if you share your goals with someone you

respect, that person is an authority and you may feel like you experience support from them. keeping your goals to yourself. I'm not aware of that study, so I'm not sure how that helps, but you don't necessarily need to tell somebody about your goals. Depending on the situation, it can be more beneficial to share it or to keep it to yourself. In terms of holding yourself accountable, is it better to put it out there in the world that you're trying to achieve a certain goal? Well, holding yourself accountable and a little competition helps too.

Okay. So there's another study from the University of Pennsylvania. which suggested that it may not be enough to know that someone is supportive of your efforts. You know, that you've told somebody and now you're accountable to that person. In this study, researchers tracked how many exercise classes that people went to. And they found that people attended fewer exercise classes when they just got encouragement from one another on a networking site than if the researchers posted how many classes each person in the group attended.

And, you know, we're social beings and we naturally compare ourselves to others. So seeing how others are doing sets up a bit of friendly competition. So if I see that, you know, Jack or Mary, you know, went to three classes last week and I went to one, well, I'm more inclined to go to more classes. And that, you know, the very first social psychology experiment, which was how fast people spin their reels in fishing. that was, they found that people would spin faster if they were just standing beside somebody else who was, you know, winding the reel. So, and we are, we compare ourselves to others and that a little bit of comparison, a little bit of friendly competition is more valuable than support,

just support in our goals. But I imagine it's important to not run away with that concept of competition, being so wrapped up in what other people are doing that you, lose sight of why it's important to you to be achieving your goal, right? Right. I mean, it isn't like a, it isn't the kind of competition that you want to beat other people. It's just the kind of situation where you are, um, motivated by what other people are doing. Okay. Got it.

You're not competing against them. You're just kind of trying to keep up. Okay. And, uh, what about monitoring the progress of your goals? because there was a study in our journal's psychological bulletin that said that the more often you monitor your progress towards a goal, the more likely you are to be successful. So that can seem pretty obvious, but why does monitoring your success mean you will be more successful?

Kind of like what you mentioned earlier in the episode when you were talking about the importance of small victories. Well, are you, I assume you're referring to the meta-analysis of 38 different studies with a few thousand, several thousand people. That study, that meta-analysis found that people who monitored their weight were more likely to lose weight but not necessarily to improve their diets. And people who monitored their eating were more likely to have better diets, but they didn't necessarily lose weight.

So it's essentially the old saying, that which you measure improves. So tracking your progress does keep you motivated. as long as the progress continues. You know, it's nice to see the pounds drop or your mileage increase as you're running or your strength increase in the gym. But what happens when progress doesn't continue? That's when things get tough.

So you're in a weight loss plateau or in the case of exercises only, you know, you reach a capacity where you can't increase your load anymore. It may be hard to stay motivated based on your results alone. So as we talked before, like when you stall, it may be worthwhile to switch your monitoring to the behavior itself, such as what you eat or how long you exercise, because these are things that you can control. And the monitoring helps you stay on track. Seems like a big theme in a lot of your responses has been just to be the awareness and the mindfulness of what you're doing, why you're doing it, and tracking small victories along the way is important. because if you go completely into autopilot,

you might fall back into bad old habits. Yes. What does the research show about how you can guard against falling back into bad patterns? What are some practical tips people can take away from this? Okay. So when building new habits, we're often faced with a decision between short-term gratification, you know, what I want now or what I want relief from now,

and on the other hand, long-term benefit. So, for example, I'll walk into a movie theme, and the aroma of hot buttered popcorn like hits me. I really want it. And I also know that one tub of popcorn because the way of pricing is I'm going to buy a large one has a days worth of calories. And it can be a tough choice. You know, my inner brat then says, yeah, you know, you worked so hard. And, you know, you can buy that popcorn and you don't have to eat tomorrow.

So you can buy that. And this inner brat is this immature little impulsive narcissistic voice in the back of our head. And, you know, we all have one. But my inner brat is like the master of rationalization. So, you know, like I'll walk into the kitchen and the cakes on the counter and I will just, you know, slice it. Just straighten it. So that doesn't have any calories. That's how my inner brat does it.

So I can straighten the cake down to nothing. But so, so I'm in the movie theater. and my inner brat has just given me a, you know, reasonable justification at the time with the aroma of popcorn wafting through the lobby. And the next thing I know, I'm in the popcorn line at the concession stand. But it doesn't stop there because research studies and my personal experience predict that once I start overeating, I won't eat less later. I will continue to eat more beyond satisfying hunger.

So if I went to the movies on a Saturday night and stuffed my food. myself with popcorn, my default mode is to keep eating junk all day Sunday, after which I can promise myself that I'll get back on track on fresh start Monday, at least until the next round of temptation. So there is a solution, though, to guard against falling back into old habits. And there are three points, actually. The first one, build in imperfection. Okay.

So if you put absolute restrictions on yourself, it's all or nothing. And sometimes all or nothing is important. So let's say you found out you have a strong allergy to shrimp, you're probably not going to eat even a little tiny bit again. Or if you're committed to overcoming an addiction within a 12-step program, there's no wiggle room for drinking or use. But if you're simply aiming to build better habits, it's counterproductive to go all or nothing. Here's why. Suppose you promise yourself you get up every morning 5 a.m. to exercise.

That is almost bound to fail. Sooner or later, there'll be times when you didn't sleep well or when you're sick, and it's really difficult and maybe even unhealthy to drag yourself out of bed at 5 a.m. So if you're having that all or nothing mentality, the first time you don't get up at 5 a.m., you have failed, so to speak, and are at risk for giving up altogether. But what if you started out by promising yourself you'll get up at 5 a.m. to exercise any five days of the week. And that means you have two days, which you don't have to set in advance. You can call it as, you know, that morning that you get to sleep in. And this is much more realistic and much more likely to stick. And giving yourself permission not to work out on two days gives you a feeling of control rather than failed. That's a great way to look at it. I love, you know, just saying like while it's important to stick to your goals, being all or nothing is very challenging to do. I mean, there's certainly people out there who probably can do that.

But being an evident, a rigid mindset, I imagine can make other things in your life more difficult when, you know, without fail, you know, this is going to happen. You're building in flexibility and you probably be able to last longer. The second thing is to expect discomfort and plan how you will think about it and deal with it. Because when you're changing a habit, discomfort is inevitable. And too many people just are afraid of that discomfort. They try to get rid of it. Instead, just learn to manage it. You can reframe the discomfort as a sign that you're making progress.

You know, like you're hungry and you go, oh, good. you know, soon my body is going to start burning fat. Also know that tolerating discomfort will make you mentally stronger, not just for the habit you're trying to change, but also for other challenges in your life. So it's kind of a form of mental training. Okay. So this goes back to what I mentioned earlier about having fun, making it something that's while challenging less of a chore.

Right. So, yeah. And then you're less likely to go back into, you know, the bad patterns, your old habits. But, you know, there are some other ways that you can prevent yourself from falling back into old habits. What do you suggest? Well, we've covered about building an imperfection and expect discomfort and how you're going to deal with it. So continuing with that and let's say the movie theater example that I gave earlier, I could say, you know, I will say I won't buy popcorn at the movie theater, but that doesn't tell me what I'm going to do instead.

And so when I'm faced with that alluring aroma, I'm going to have to think and I'm going to have to, you know, negotiate with myself and then end up in the popcorn line again. So if I have a plan for what I will do as well as what I won't do, it's going to work much better. So, for example, I can say, when I get into the movie theater, I will walk straight to the screening room as fast as I can. So that's a plan. Or if you're home and tempted to snack, your will-do plan might be, okay, I'm going to have those chips or the ice cream in the freezer, but I'm going to wait 20 minutes and see if I still want it. And during that time, you can distract yourself by doing something else and you may not even feel hungry after 20 minutes. and you may decide to go another 20 minutes. Yeah, I imagine it can be pretty easy to get caught in in a shame spiral, as you've mentioned.

Like, so you, in the movie theater example, you know, you try your best to avoid it, but then you find yourself in the popcorn line, and you do have popcorn, and then you have too much, you feel sick. You're in feeling terrible about yourself. Were you with me this weekend? No. What happens to all of us? You know, you just like, I'm not going to do this thing. And then what do you do the thing. So what, how can you?

avoid that shame spiral. I mean, I know we talked about practical tips about achieving your goal, but you know, you're inevitably going to slip occasionally. So how do you get back on track without, you know, getting so caught up and how bad you feel about yourself that you've now, you know, totally off the rails and your goal is just thwarted? Well, it's very important to be compassionate with yourself when you mess up. So imagine if a good friend confided to you that they just felt terrible about eating a whole tub of popcorn at the movies. A friend. The friend.

Yeah, that's kind of a theme. Nobody I know. Or, you know, continuing in some other self-destructive behavior. So if a friend told you, I just, you know, I just ate that whole box of chocolates or whatever, would you say to them, you're such an idiot? I mean, how did you ever think that you could succeed at your goal if you keep doing stuff like that? You wouldn't talk to a friend like that. And chances are you wouldn't like your friend any less because of their setback or their failure there. But too often we talk to ourselves in such harsh scolding terms and these only make us feel worse.

So I guess the piece of advice, two pieces of advice actually, if you mess up, be forgiving and encouraging of yourself. Don't scold yourself. But at the same time, you know, review your goals and your plan because if you keep messing up, that probably means your plan needs tweaking. I want to spend a few minutes talking about your book, Taming Your Inner Brat, a guide for transforming self-defeating behavior, which has been a theme we've been discussing throughout this episode. So can you talk about our inner brats and how we tame him or her?

So let me just tell you about the inner brat. that everyone has an inner brat. It's the part of us that never grew up, that little voice in the back of your mind that still acts like a two-year-old. The inner brat wants what it wants and feels entitled to have it and doesn't care who or what is destroyed

in the process. And everyone's inner brat can be triggered by something seemingly minor because it's often connected with old feelings or events in our past. And that's when we give into temptation or do or say something to hurt somebody else. Now, the inner brat's not a real entity, of course, and it's not a mental diagnosis.

The term inner brat is just a shortcut that I came up with for describing how we sometimes react to things in a self-centered and impulsive manner and then regret it later. So, for example, I'm sitting on the couch and it's so comfortable, and my inner brat says, oh, well, you don't want to get up and go to exercise class. and so then I don't and then I regret it later. So that inner brat is trying to hold you back in some ways telling you the voice you don't want to listen to, especially around New Year's resolutions. Well, the inner brat is the little part of us that wants immediate gratification or doesn't want to exert itself. And so it does, you know, it will argue with us.

It will try to rationalize and justify and, you know, you'll exercise tomorrow. And then, of course, the more days that you go without exercising, the more likely it is that you'll continue to not exercise. So when we listen to our inner brat, it's, you know, we're setting ourselves up for, it's sabotaging our goals. And how do we silence those voices? Like, how do you manage those voices? Well, how would you manage a four-year-old, let's say, who is whining or having a tantrum or insisting, if you start trying to reason with that four-year-old and explain why, then you're not going to get very far. You just have to be very firm and decide what you're going to do.

And then with the four-year-old, you might put the four-year-old in time out. You can't put the inner brat out of your head, but you can pay attention to something else. Okay, so just you ignore the inner brat. You don't try to befriend the inner brat. Well, you take charge of the inner brat. You tame it, you know. And the reason I came up with the term inner brat is because if you think of these things that sabotage us as it's just a little brat, it just, you know, rather than some deep, dark force,

it's easier to manage it. Right. So you're not thinking, you know, you're not attaching more to it than maybe just this is the voice that wants instant gratification that one doesn't want to exert itself. And here are the reasons why I don't want to listen. listen to that voice. Yeah. Okay. Now go away and leave me alone and I'm going to exercise class. Right. So it's not like, well, why am I not doing this and this is why am I being so self-destructive? And then we get into this whole, use the word spiral, you know, a whole spiral of self-criticism. But if it's just a brat,

you just, you know, try to deal with it. It never goes away, by the way. It's always there. So it's likely to come up at times of stress and, you know, at other times. But, You can tame it by taking charge. Okay. And as we wrap up, can you summarize your suggestions for our listeners? So in just a few sentences and, you know, five tips people can take away to make their year's resolutions stick? Sure.

So first, set a goal that you can realistically achieve and that is motivated by something that you want for yourself, not to impress or please others. Second, make a plan, including the steps you will take and how you will deal with your inevitable discomfort and resistance and recognize that resistance when your inner brat tries to sabotage your progress and then decide in advance how you're going to manage that. Third, set up accountability mechanisms to yourself and possibly to someone else who is going through the same thing,

like a habit change buddy. Number four, be mindful of how you talk to yourself throughout the process. Avoid using catastrophic language like awful or horrible when you're faced with obstacles or setbacks. And finally, be kind to yourself, but also firm in your expectations. You may need to adjust your expectations as you go along, but this is not necessarily failure. It's life. Thank you for those great tips, Dr. Wall.

think that will be very helpful to people out there as they try to approach the new year strong and achieve their goals. I think that will be very good information to have. And happy and healthy new year to everyone. You too. You too. APA has a lot of great resources on its website at our help center, including how to harness your willpower to meet your goals. Go to APA.org slash help center, one word slash brochure to download free materials. Before we go, I want to remind you that we want to hear from you. You can email your comments and ideas to Speaking of Psychology at APA.org. That's Speaking of Psychology, all one word.org. And please consider giving us a rating in iTunes. It really helps. You can find all episodes of Speaking of

Psychology on Apple, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts, and also on our website, speakingof psychology.org. I'm Caitlin Luna with the American Psychological Association.