Spinning Plates with Sophie Ellis-Bextor - Episode 182: Louise Boyce

Episode Date: May 18, 2026

Louise Boyce aka @mumastillgotit is a content creator, author and model.She has 3 children aged 13, 10 and 6, and she has developed a huge following for her fun and largely positive take on motherhood, which she makes fun of, in her online reels. She told me how she started modelling at the age of 15 and became bulimic to reach the weight goals set by the industry at that time.After she had her first baby she went back to modelling as a plus size (or size 12+) model, but after lockdown she started playing around with funny films about motherhood. Her USP is that she plays the child using tiny doll’s hands, and her husband is characterised as a bit of a buffoon - which she’s happy to say he’s totally supportive of.We agreed that laughter IS the best medicine. That, and having a rant with a girlfriend!Spinning Plates is presented by Sophie Ellis-Bextor, produced by Claire Jones and post-production by Richard Jones. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, I'm Sophia Lestepster and welcome to Spinning Plates, the podcast where I speak to busy working women who also happen to be mothers about how they make it all work. I'm a singer and I've released eight albums in between having my five sons, aged between seven years old and nearly 22, so I spin a few plates myself. Being a mother can be the most amazing thing, but it can also be hard to find time for yourself and your own ambitions.

I want to be a little bit nosy and see how other people balance everything. Welcome to Spinning Plates. Hello. Sunday afternoon here. So greetings from the past. I'm in the garden, just trying to organise stuff in between range hours. Today's been alright, but it's been about up and down on it recently, in London town anyway.

And, yeah, it's been a nice Sunday. And last night, the family, we all watched Eurovision Song Contest because it's literally my favourite night of the year. I've been watching it since I was a kid, and I really enjoy what it's about. I enjoy performances. I thought there were so many good ones there yesterday, and our family favourite one.

So well done, Bulgaria. But lots of people really brought it. Some very brilliant performers that are actually locked in in the zone. I love watching people when they're in that moment. So exciting. And then have I been like to today? went to a vintage little fern in my house.

It was quite cool. Bought a couple of things I don't need, but it was very fun. And then we just went to the cinema to see the sheep detectives. Sheep detective, which I actually thought was really sweet. And yeah, it's been nice.

Oh, I also had quite a surreal Friday because I went and I sort of got them Friday morning, school run as usual. And then lunchtime went to the airport, flew to Ibitha, and then Richard and I found ourselves on stage at amnesia at 2 o'clock in the morning. on Friday night where I was singing, which it was DJing.

And then we had a really lovely morning in Ibiza and then flew home just after lunch. It was actually really nice and hot yesterday. So that felt quite a surreal little thing. I mean, I do, I love the nature of my work and I like how unexpected I can find my stuff like that just turn up in places. But I think there's always something really that really amuses me. It retickles me when I find myself in a proper superclub like that. It's such a funny side to my world.

Anyway, this week's podcast, lovely Louise Boyce, also known as Mama Sogotta, who I've been following for a good long while now, actually. And I like her take on motherhood and life. I find her funny. And it resonates. And I did her podcast a little while back. and so I was like come and speak to me for mine and it was such a good chat

there are lots of parallels with my life Louise is the same sort of age as me she has three children 13 10, 6 and she's lived a very interesting life she does lots of things so she's primarily would be known as a content creator

a very successful one she's also an author and a model and she has a a very sorted attitude when it comes to her relationship with her body, which finally is not dissimilar. I feel like I'm in much better terms with myself now than I was when I was younger. And arguably, you're in a shape that you know, is presented as desirable. But so much happier now. And that's what Louise has in space.

And she's a really positive, has a really positive perspective on it all, as you will hear. but also not afraid to be very honest about her experiences of modelling and the more toxic side of it and how she mistreated her body over the years and has rebuilt her relationship with herself and how she finds motherhood and all that comes with it and the outlet that the online community can provide where you share things and you just automatically feel better

and less alone. And as so often is the case with the podcast, It's sometimes the side of parenting that I like talking about is the sort of invisible side. So we might have what looks like, you know, interesting, exciting, you know, fulfilling lives. Yes, but there's also the invisible side of it, isn't there? The stuff where people don't see you where you're struggling or, you know, just trying to make ends meet or keep it all together or keep the plates spinning. So here is my conversation with Louise. I will keep pottering about the garden

while we listen back. It was a joy to speak to her, and I'll see you on the other side. Oh, I don't know if this needs a trigger, but Louise does talk about her relationship. While she's talking about her relationship with her body, she talks about the period of her life where she was bulimic.

So I'm just putting that out there in case that's something that people might be sensitive to. So there you have it. All right, I'll see you on the other side. Well, it's that feeling where I feel like I could have pressed record when you came in. I know, right? I know, I know. I was actually thinking, is this recording already? Because this is good chat.

It's true. Let's repeat ourselves. Yes. It's lovely to see, Louise. It's lovely to be here. We last saw each other when I came to record your podcast, no parental guidance, which I really enjoyed. It was great. It was a really good episode. Thanks for coming on. Yeah, lovely chats. And for my research purposes today, rather handily, you've done a lot of things close location and same age. Yes, I know. Yeah, it's right. So thank you. It's very thoughtful. I haven't had to work too hard on remembering what year meant what age you would be or anything. Nice, yes. Because we're both 1980, right?

Well, I'm actually 79. Oh, that's right. Yeah, 79. So you have the much more convenient, easy birthday to remember because yours went up as the decade, you're lucky thing. I always think of that. I always think, oh, I know exactly how old I was then because I can do the maths very easily. And also, when I was younger, I would be quite proud of being born in the 70s. And now I'm like, the 80 thing sounds a bit better to me. clinging on to another. I think that even makes, does it mark for a different generational thing? I have no idea.

Actually, no, I think it does. I think I'm on the cusp of a millennial. Yes. And something else. I don't know. I don't know. My kids are quite obsessed with talking about what generation they are. Yeah, which is weird because I don't think we were ever that obsessed with it when we were growing up.

And as you are children, thoughtfully, you've had them very similar days to mine as well. So your children are 13, 10 and 6. I just do it all for you, Sophie. Like, I'm just making it very easy for. We've had our diary synced for years now. I wonder if your 13-year-old remarks on the fact that your youngest is a different generation as well, because that's quite a topic in our house. Oh, actually, no, I don't think he has.

God, that's right. So what generation are the youngest ones then? So there's Gen Zs and then Gen Alpha. That's right. Yeah. So I get my teenagers will mock the younger two for being Gen Alpha or Gen iPad, as they call them. Gen iPad. Oh, my God.

Gen iPad. Great. Um, how's tricks? What are you up to in your working life at the moment? Well, we've just had, uh, International Women's Day and Mother's Day all in one week, which is a lovely week. I love that week. So that was full on, um, but lovely. Um, but yeah, life's good. It's been very, you know, it's busy. Um, the podcast keeping me busy work. You've got three kids and all, everything that goes with that. Um, but I can't complain. It's It's getting warmer and brighter outside, thank the Lord.

And there are projects in the making, but I can't say too much yet about certain things. But it's exciting. Things are moving, which is great. You know, I kind of look back to where I am now compared to like five, ten years ago and this is where I wanted to be. And you kind of forget, because it's such a journey that you forget that actually everything that I've built up to now is what I wanted. So I had to remind myself of that. Well, that's really significant. So when you, can we explore that a little bit? What are the things, what are the seeds you planted five years ago that you're now seeing shoot up? So I guess five years ago,

or even six years ago really was like the COVID hit and like everything stopped. And before then I was doing some modelling and I got kicked out of modelling when I had my children because it was like, well, you're a mother now you're done. Which is, where like mama still got it came from because I was like well hang on a minute no no no no I can still do this but in the meantime I got an office job to just kind of get thing you know have a little bit of income um and then COVID hit and like everyone everything just stopped and I think that's when I really had to focus on mama still got it whatever that was which basically was me being an absolute wallet on social media because there was there was nothing else to do and for me laughter was my

secret weapon of like getting through the anxiety that that came with COVID and I just remember just doing really stupid videos online thinking nothing of it and then seeing my account grow and people messaging me saying this is great and I remember thinking five six years ago I would love to be in a position where I could maybe share more of that humor and laughter in a book or a podcast or, you know, in a live on stage and those things have happened and it takes time. But I'm really grateful that that's happened. And, you know, it's nice to kind of reflect and go, wow. And I write diaries. I keep diaries all the time. And so when I look back on those diaries from years ago and I am writing things like, oh, I'd love to have a book and I'd love to

have a podcast. And it's nice to go, actually, tick, I've done that. I mean, you might. us relate to that as well with your career and you know things that you want to do and and it's nice to kind of go yeah I did that that's really good yeah well there's lots of things I was thinking about with how you've approached your your community your all the strings to your bow that are marks of lovely things of like you know your creativity um but also actually the skills as well because I was thinking you know with a lot of your firstly I love I love I love what you do. That's how I first came to know about you. And I think what resonated with me is that you're, you know, when you're talking, you're sharing the sort of other side of

motherhood, the normally more invisible side of it. First is you say, loads of humour, silliness. But also, it is not complainy. And I think it's a, I think it's quite a tightrope sometimes. Yes. Because you're acknowledging the ridiculousness and how, you know, you can feel like, for want a better word, like a bit of a husk of a person, when you're really in the trenches of early motherhood. Yes. And you lose a sense of identity. Who the flip am I?

Where's it gone? All the things I built up that I really like, you know, wanting to feel nice about myself or show up for people or string a sentence together seem to be, they've diminished, they feel ridiculous, they feel absurd, they feel incongruous. And I think that shifts into the new version of yourself. your way back to who you were. Yeah. Or the new question of it.

It's really nice to have those conversations around you and have those peers reflect it back. I'm not alone. Yeah. But I think it's also, there was a little bit of a time with some of the online community, particularly the portrayal of that side of motherhood, could also be with a kind of, oh, God, this is awful. Yeah. They're awful. This is awful.

Yeah, this sucks. The husband's awful. The partner's awful. And I get that sometimes there's a, you know, ricochet from one thought to another and obviously that that was a reaction to the sort of absolute pedestal of motherhood and how it was supposed to be perceived and you're going god it doesn't feel like that on may thanks so i sort of get that culturally yes i didn't necessarily it didn't necessarily tell my story oh god i totally agree i totally agree and i um i think for me i just

started doing videos that were that probably happened that day especially like during locked and yeah like the everyday mundane things that we go through that where you do feel alone but then when you kind of say it out loud and put a comedy spin on it it makes for me it just makes everything go oh yeah it's actually all right you know and I love the the thought of I'm not alone we're all in this together and when I first became a mum I did feel alone I wasn't online, I was one of the first of my like type group friends to have a baby. And the only person that I knew had a baby at the same time as me that I was kind of like looking up to was Beyonce. Relatable content. Yeah, do you what I mean? Like and how's she feeling today?

Oh, yeah, amazing. She loved amazing. She, yeah, she slept. I'm not saying that's the truth, but it just looked. And she had all the nannies and all the cooks. ambition that still turned up to 11 or whatever. So I was like, oh God, I don't look as good as Beyonce and I'm not back at work. Like, ridiculous stuff. And so I did feel really alone.

And I, when I joined Instagram, again, like I just saw perfection. And we all know, Motherhood is not always rainbows and butterflies. You know, it's everything. It's messy and it's wonderful. but it's loud and it's a lot. And I thought that I was the only person that was feeling that. And it wasn't until, like genuinely, it wasn't until I started making these silly videos.

And to be fair, I started doing them first on TikTok and I didn't have a following at all. And I kind of felt like, ah, I could do what I want. No one knows who I am. This is great. I'm just going to have fun with this. And some of those videos would go viral. on TikTok and then I would put them over onto Instagram and it was before Instagram had

reels. So I would like just go, oh, let's just see how this works. And it worked. And people were messaging me saying, oh my God, this happened to me. I can't believe I'm not alone in this. This is amazing. And so to know that I was making relatable content that actually made mothers feel better about themselves or just make them realize that they're not alone, maybe just do it more and more and more. And I think it really helped me. Like even some videos before I'd like press, you know, post, I'd be questioning, am I alone in this?

Like, am I the only one? And then you're like, no, definitely not alone. And it was really nice. It really felt like a sense of, yeah, togetherness, community. And we've got each other. And then I did a post on things that my husband asks, like really, rhetorical questions like pointing at a clothes horse full of clothes and just saying to me is this dry and I was like just just touch it or you know pointing at a radiator is that on just feel it like all

like those stupid questions that again I'm not alone but I had um I had women message me saying oh my god I think you've just saved my marriage because I thought that I was the only that had this kind of idiot of a husband. It's like, no, actually. It's almost universal. And so again, it was nice for me to, I don't know, maybe let people know that they are not alone. And it is funny, you know, we do love our kids and we do love our husbands, hopefully.

But it's nice to, I don't know, maybe. light of all the mundane things that we go through. Definitely. And there's so much to be said for making the invisible visible, I think. And that is one of the things I love about social media in general is that whilst we don't have a monoculture in the same way, you can have all these subculture so you can sort of find your people. Yes.

And I find that really comforting. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, and I agree. I follow some amazing accounts. And again, I'm like, oh, that's brilliant. I love that. And how you can frame things sometimes as well. Yeah.

But I do think you are a very positive person, and I've been listening to a few conversations you've had elsewhere. And it's not to say that life has always been rosy, but it's just that I think your perspective is pretty grounded and upbeat. Thank you. I am a very positive person, actually. It's a nice thing to celebrate, though. Yeah, no, I definitely am.

Yes, I think sometimes, well, at home, there's a lot of, dancing in the kitchen which I'm sure you can relate to. I would never. Yeah, there's a lot of music, there's a lot of laughter and I am a positive person. You know, we have the choice. I was going to ask you about that because do you think it is quite a choice to be sort of are you quite pragmatic with how you sort of, how you sort of, the narrative you tell yourself from like life events and the unexpected?

Yeah, I think it's like the way that even I talk to myself, like the way that we all talk to ourselves is so important because whatever you say to yourself, you kind of manifest. And I went through a period in my life where I was so negative about myself. I really put myself down. And so many of us do. It's so easily done. You know, we are our worst critic. And I don't know what the shift was. Maybe it was around motherhood. And I wanted, you know, the way that I talk to my children, which is always very positive and upbeat. I was like, well, I should be saying that to myself because I saw how my children reacted to that and it was lovely. So then I was like, well, I'm just going to do that more to myself.

And it does make a difference. And if I do say something negative to myself, which of course it does. You know, I do. I'm only human. I recognize it. And I say, no, no, no, no, no, no, let's rewind. And I think a classic example is if you look back on photos of yourself 20 years ago, 30 years, ago and I remember there was there's one specific time where I was really hard on myself and I thought

I was vile and hated my body, hated everything about me and I look at those photos now and I'm like, oh my God, you had no idea how amazing you were and I cannot believe you spoke to yourself like that. And because I spoke to myself like that, it came out in my, my energy, like my presence in a room or the way that I would just like close down around friends or family. and it affected my career, it affected relationships, and it, you know, it was just like, I wish that I could go back to that girl and be like, you're amazing, like, please, like, you're amazing.

And even now, you know, we get days now, you know, you and I are, what, mid-40s, and we are going through perimenopause and we're seeing changes. And there are days where I'm like, oh, God, look at this, yeah, my skin or whatever, calls, la la la, la. But I'm going to look at a picture of myself in 20 years time and look back on today and be like, wow, you're amazing. Look at, look how good you look. Do I? I don't know.

You do you know what I mean? It's like we are, I think we need to celebrate ourselves more and just really, really love ourselves more. And so I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I do that and I think that makes me a positive person and I really don't sweat the small stuff. I think that comes with age. Well, I was thinking while you were talking about, firstly I agree with everything you've said, but secondly I was thinking that yes, I haven't been as good with you as doing the diaries, but I did have one when I was a teenager, which weirdly I read aloud in total to my... One of my kids not long ago.

Oh my God. I think it was hilarious. And now I'm like, that's... How old were you in your diary? Like 15, 16? I wish I had my diary from then. And I was reading it all like, oh my... I mean, oh gosh, I'm actually blushing.

Thinking back to... You are blushing. Poor kids. He was like, why are you doing this? I was like, because it's hilarious. And I'm like, that was probably awful for him. Love that. But at one point, yeah, I am a bit sometimes, a tiny bit of oversharing.

But I think my mum did it to me. and we're fine. Oh, I'm definitely an oversher. Always. I can't help it. I'll be like, check this. This is a funny story. Oh, I thought you should have said that, actually.

Yeah, part of my diary from that time, I remember sort of rating myself out of 10. Oh, my gosh. In all departments, you know, kind of like, you know, chest up, the legs down, you know, awful. Well, what rating did you give yourself? Not good. It did not turn out well for me. Oh, no. No, it was really, it was brutal.

That is brutal. Because I think I felt like you're coming into yourself. and you look at yourself in the mirror. And I remember being a bit like, well, I was hoping for better, but I guess this is where I'm at. And if you could look back on, if you could rate yourself now? Well, I think what's funny is the stuff I choose to wear on stage, I would never have been seen anywhere near when I was, you know, arguably in much better shape or slimmer or trim or whatever the things I thought were valuable. But it turns out that actually the celebration of yourself is a much more internal thing. Oh, God, absolutely.

Than what the tape measure said. Oh, my God, the tape measure. The tape measure. I literally hate the tape measure. Well, talking of that, so I want to plot the course a little bit. Because you started modelling when you were really young. Yeah. I was 15. Yeah.

That's so little to be put into that environment. I know. And what did you know of that world at that time? Did it just seem like an glamorous enticement? Yeah, that's all I knew. it was like, well, it was the Kate Moss era. You know, it was when she, it was like 1995 and Kate Moss was, you know, the it girl. And it just looked so glamorous.

And when I was taken on by a modeling agency, it was, you know, my dreams come true. This is amazing. Did you get scouted in a shop or something? So it's, I had an appointment to go and see an agency and I went in there and the person I was meant to see wasn't there. So I left and went to a coffee shop. And whilst I was in that coffee shop, the person was there and spotted me. So it was a bit of both. And he was like, yeah, he was like, oh, have you ever thought about modeling?

And I was like, well, actually, I'm about to go and see an agent. He was like, oh, that's me. So it was kind of a bit of both. And so when I first started, I didn't know anything about it. And you have to remember it's before, like, there wasn't even the internet. Yeah. Like I remember the agency had like these huge portfolio books of like either the entire agency which were huge. Or you'd have your own portfolio and you'd lug it around and, you know, had an A to Z.

There was no Google Maps and you had to walk around London and meet photographers. A lot of time on your own, isn't that? Yeah. And I was, you know, I was 15. And I think 15 year olds back in the 90s were more, we were still children. Like a 15 year old now, I feel like there seem to be more. grown up. That's interesting because in some ways though I'd say 15 year olds in the 90s we I mean we were out on about I was out on about quite a lot whereas now there's a lot more tracking and

that's true there is more of that transparency I would say and like you're accountable expected to be accountable a lot more that now whereas then I loved I loved being off-radar quite frankly but there's so many things that no one will ever know there's no evidence That is so good, isn't it? Oh, it's so good. But yeah, I mean, it was a time where you didn't really have a voice, I guess, because there wasn't any social media. There wasn't a platform to stand on and go,

hang on a minute, this isn't right. And I very quickly realized that I wasn't good enough. I was always told that I needed to lose weight. Take measure came out. That was always lassowed around my hips. And I was told to lose weight constantly. but I was never told how to lose weight. And it was very much like an urgency.

Like you've got, I think I was given two weeks to lose two inches around my hips. And at the time, I was already like a size. I was wearing UK size eight trousers. Because I remember I bought a pair from Miss Selfridge to go to Hammersfield Pallet with my girls on a night out. By this point, I was 16. So I was small. And I was told that I needed to lose two inches in two weeks. That is, I'd say that's negligent to give that advice to a teenager.

Yeah. And I didn't tell my family because I knew that my mum would take me out. You know, she would like forget it. So you had the presence of mind to think that doesn't sound like something my mom would approve of. Yeah, of course. Like I knew that. But at the same time, I couldn't believe that I had this contract and I didn't want to let anyone down. And I wanted to do it.

I wanted to be a model. So I just thought, well, I'm just going to have to, I don't know how I'm going to do this, but I have to do it. I didn't have any money to join a gym, nor did my mom. Like we, you know, we grew up very, we didn't have any money growing up. So there was no chance we were going to the gym. I was very sporty and I was at this point still at school. So I was doing PE and I was running a lot. But I just went down the route of so many other girls, which is just don't eat.

but because I lived at home, my mom would give me the evening meal and you know that I'm apparently like eat up, eat your food, so I did and then I'd feel like, oh my God, I can't believe I've just eaten that, that's horrendous, so then I'd go and throw it up and that was my routine. I would, my routine would be no breakfast, I would go on my castings, I would have a diet Coke, chewing gum and a packet of marlborough lights, And that was my day. And then I would get home and then have dinner.

And I was on the tube, like fainting. Like it was awful. Wow. So sorry. I was torturing myself. Yeah. But I was desperate to get really thin. It was like, I have to, I have to do this. I don't want to be kicked out of the agency.

And so they told me, they said, go away for two weeks, come back. and the anxiety that I had walking back into the agency after the two weeks. Yeah. Like, have I done it enough? And in the meantime, I'm like, I'm stripping myself of any goodness, like, regardless if it's like nutrients and everything, but also just my confidence, my self-esteem, like, everything was just stripped. My skin got really bad. I had like calluses in the back of my knuckles because I kept shoving my hand down. my throat, like awful. And I remember going back in the agency and they still weren't satisfied. I was just like, oh my God, I don't know what else to do. So you just keep going. You just kept going. And then they sent me to Australia to do some modelling there. And when I was away, even though I did feel like I'm, I fit in a bit more because in the UK it was very much like

heroin chic, very, very thin. I remember. Yeah, yeah. So knowing all the stats of all the supermodels. Yes. And all of us sitting around at school trying to see if our waists could be anything like Kate Moss. Oh my God, I know. And that was my life.

Like I had actual grown-ups doing it to me. It's an extraordinary idea. Oh, my gosh. But then I do think, well, unfortunately, I feel like a lot of what you said really, I can mirror a lot of it actually. Yeah, yeah. You know, a girl of the 90s in London and like teenager then. And I found myself doing a bit of modelling as well.

But also I understand that the bulimia is the sort of symptom, but the cause, the root of it is more to do with your mental health and how you're trying to have some control over where you're at. Your body's changed. You're still growing. Yes. It's still evolving. and there's an exhilaration, I think I felt in having a sort of other life,

I waved them in my parents' eyes and feeling like, oh, well, this is my thing and this is my world and these people are seeing me from here on. So where I've come up to to now doesn't really, that's not really relevant anymore. Yeah. You sort of push back on a lot of things. Oh, God, absolutely. Push back on the wholesome, the wholesome world of, you know, what our mothers were trying to do. And because I got shipped off to Australia

Yeah, so you're only like 18 or something I was 17 by this point Oh my goodness, on your own? On my own. Oh, flipping act. It's a long way to go. It's a long way to go. And again, it's before mobile phones.

It was before Zoom, like FaceTime. Like my mom used to write me letters. And she would call the house phone. If I wasn't in, I wasn't in. So I was very much alone. But I was. I was like, ah, I can now probably try and get even more thinner now because I don't have to eat my evening meal. And then I introduced laxatives, like, awful.

And I remember, oh my God. I mean, I remember buying some laxatives in Sydney. And it said, like, on the packet, like, take one cube or something. I think it was like a bar. It was like, take one cube, I ate the whole lot. And when I say, now that I've actually given birth, so I understand the pain, I arrived, I mean, it's not funny, but I mean, looking back it is actually, like it was a lesson learned. I remember arriving in a, I was in the tube in Sydney and all of a sudden the cramps came on and I was bent over like trying to find a toilet. The cramps, oh my gosh.

And I just basically, well, you can imagine. It was very embarrassing, just made it to the toilet and bet the cramps. And again, I was all alone. And then I started to question at that point. It's like, what am I doing? Yeah. What am I doing to myself? This is, I'm not even happy.

I wasn't even really getting the work because I didn't have anything. You know, when you're a model, when you're an entertainer, you're in front of the camera, you have to switch it on. You have to be entertaining, regardless if you're still just standing. standing still and getting your picture taken, you still have to have that presence, and I didn't have that. And even at castings, when you have seconds to impress a photographer or an art director or a client, the people know within those seconds if you can bring it on set. And I didn't have any of that. I just turned up going, am I thin enough? And not thinking, do I have what you, can I sell what you want me to sell? At the end of the day, you know, models are hangers. We're there

to sell their clothes and I just didn't have that presence, that pizzazz. If you look at all the, you know, the top supermodels, you see them on set. Like they're amazing. Like they're actual artists. They can move in certain ways and bring to life anything. And I didn't have that because I didn't have it in my soul like it left. Wow. And it wasn't until I did get better and I started to be kinder to myself.

And I actually did kind of fast forwarding a few years now, but I did get back into modelling as a model with curves. And that's when my career took off because I was healthy. I was comfortable in my own skin, finally. And I had the confidence back. I had the sparkle back of my eye and I had rosy cheeks again and my hair was shiny again. And I could go on set and bring that pizzazz and that joy.

I had it. And that's where my career took off. Well, I think that's incredibly special that you obviously had given yourself what you needed to get yourself to that spot. And by saying that I understand where you're coming from with a lot of that is in no way normalising it. No. I do appreciate what you're sharing is something that at the time was very hidden. Yes, it was. It was very silent.

Yeah. And I really do feel for you actually. I always want to go back and scoop you up a little bit. I know. I think when you're talking about it, first of you said, you know, you didn't feel you had a voice. And I think that's a very significant experience when you're in a formative period of your life because you're basically being introduced the idea that you're working life. You're supposed to leave so much of yourself behind, even if you're a walking manifestation of how it's affecting you.

I think that's really tough. That's a very unhealthy instruction at that age of your, you know, at that age. But also, yeah, just being able to move on from that to a point where you're able to enjoy your body and also enjoy the changes. that come with having a baby. Oh my God. And I did, and I'm so pleased that I did. I was actually told in the height of my bulimia, I was told that I wouldn't be able to have children.

I wasn't having periods. And I was just told, but I didn't care. I wasn't. You probably thought, well, I've really must be doing this, you know, to the point where something's happening significantly. Yes. And I was 18 at this point. And I remember thinking, I don't care.

That's not even on my radio. are right now. The last thing of my mind is I don't care. And it wasn't until I met my husband now, Jesse. And he was, I knew that I wanted to procreate with him. And I remember saying to him. Nice to you to work. I wanted to make people with him. And I remember saying to him, if we can't have children, am I enough? Like, are we enough? And he was like, yeah, of course. You know, I'm with you.

I love you. And I was like, okay, cool. And actually, we did manage to have children, which I'm extremely grateful for. And seeing my body change, I actually was really excited. I loved it. I even loved, you know, when you, after you've given birth and your tummy is still a bit big and it's bit rubbery and stuff, loved it. I was like, this is amazing. Look what my body's done. I loved it all. And I was just really happy and just really proud that my body managed to do it after everything I've put my body through and the way that I spoke to my body and the way that I disrespected my body. And then my body was able to do that. I'm like, thank you, actually. Thank you. So yeah, I loved every second of it. And I'd do it again.

if I had, well, probably ovaries, eggs. I don't think I've got any left. Yeah, it's got to put my little ones like, can we have another one? I'm like, that is literally not possible. I mean, are you done? Well, my body's definitely done. But in terms of like the kids, they would love more.

They just thought that. My kids really want more. That was a conveyor belt that would not stop. Yeah, yeah. They've got cousins now. I think we all thought that, Sophie. Yeah. I think I also kind of ran out of room, but my sister's had a baby now.

So the baby baton has been passed. Nice. Yeah. My sister-in-law lives around the corner and she's just had her second baby. And so she comes around and I hold the baby and I get my fix and I smell the head. And I do all those lovely things and then I can pass the baby back. But there is lovely to have like babies in your life. Definitely.

I love it. I like that cyclical nature of things. But also listening to you speak, I think it reminds me again as well that part of the way to really enjoy your 40s is to really sit alongside the other versions of you you've been and sit within your knee, right next to your demons a little bit and just explore it. And if you're lucky enough to have good support around you, which, you know, doesn't have to be your partner, but also, you know, your girlfriend, the people where the roots run deep and they've got they know each other. All those conversations.

Oh, absolutely. help, don't they? Oh, God, massively. And I'm so grateful to have such an amazing of girlfriends around me. I'm still very, very close to the girls I went to school with, you know, met with me, we were 11. We've been through everything together. Heartbreak, marriage, miscarriage, babies, divorce, everything. We've, we've always been there for each other. And now, obviously, we're navigating menopause. And it's nice to, yeah, in teenagers and one of my good friends. Actually, a few of my friends are going through quite a nasty divorce, and we are all there for each other, and it's so important to have that village.

A hundred percent. Around you. I don't think I could get through a lot of stuff that I mean, God, the amount of voice notes that me and my friends send to each other. It's like I own little personal podcasts are like, this and that, la, la, la, la. That's the world to write, though, doesn't it? It does. It does. It does. It does.

My friends can make me how always laugh at that sort of stuff. There's actual scientific evidence that if you rant to your girlfriends, it actually reduces like cortisol. Oh, yeah. Yeah, and it reduces all sorts of. Yeah, 100%. So, yeah, I'm really grateful for that. And yeah, and now as we are in our 40s, mid 40s, I really feel a sense of we know who we are. I don't now look for approval from other people, which I spent.

my entire, but I think ever since I started modeling when I was 15, I was constantly trying to get that approval, whether it's from the agencies or boyfriends or girls that I just wanted, I just wanted to please them. Like, you know, do you like me because I'm a really nice person and, you know, we can get on and actually I do feel now I've got to a point in my life by like, if you don't like me, that's fine. Like, you don't have to like me. And I don't have to like me. And I don't have to like you or I'm happy with who I am and that's fine and I'm grateful that I have that, especially having a presence on social media because obviously you can get negative comments and you can get people being like, oh, well, I'm going to unfollow you now and you're like, that's fine.

That's none of my business. I won't even notice. Yeah, you can unfollow me. It doesn't bother me. Thank you for being here whilst you were and good luck. You know, all the best. It doesn't bother me. Thank God.

to your working life with firstly how do you term what you do because I know for some people when they've got an online community and that's their main their main hub they don't like some of the terms that I've used if they say like influencer or influencer how do you feel about those things um I feel like I do feel like we need more words because it's creator yeah yeah broadcaster yeah creator seems to have evolved from influencer and I do prefer the word create it because I feel like I do create. Yeah. I am creating like original content. I'm creating like I I don't just have social media. You know, I'm creating my blog and the podcast and the book and there's all these other things and I do feel like I am creating.

And I love that. I love creating. Um, and what other words don't don't really bother. A mum fluencer. I guess I am a bit of, I am a bit of a month fluencer. Um, which, which means I'm an influencer. I mean, I guess I do influence. It's a funny word though, because it sounds, I don't think it quite summarises how my relationship with that. Yeah. For me, it is more like, yeah, I think of it like, as you say, definitely creative, but also like a broadcaster because it's like your channel. It's like you come somewhere and find things that, you know, like as if you were, you know, watching a TV show.

Yeah. That's kind of where it's where you head for that. Yes, I like that. Broadcaster. But I did notice with yours, there's so many skill sets that go into it. where did you learn about did you learn on the fly with the editing and things like that? Yeah it's all self-taught. Because there's a lot.

That is basically where the humour comes to land. Yes. So I'm very, so I get asked a lot, you know, who does your videos, who does your editing. I do it all because I know what I like. And I guess maybe I'm a bit of a control freak there because it would be so much easy just to say to someone right. just do it for me. I don't know how you would outsource it though because that's a bit like... It's very personal.

Yeah, well, it's basically... You know how you're, what the shape of it is. Yeah. So I totally understand why... I actually... It didn't actually occur to me. It wouldn't be you because of that. Yes.

Because how would you say, oh no, but you need to... Can that bit go there for that? Yeah. And actually, I did... I did get my brother. My brother's a cameraman editor and I asked him to help me film something for Christmas. And I did a spin-off. of Home Alone, but I called it Mama Alone.

And it was like recreated Home Alone scenes from the movie and did a mother one. And I asked him to help me with that because I wanted it to look a bit more premium rather than just on my iPhone. And he did edit that. And I got to say it was lovely to kind of have someone do that work. But at the same time, I was like, can you just change this? Can you? Oh, I'm not sure about that.

And he was like, Louise, for God's sake. It was like, why don't you just come over and sit next to me? We'll do it together. I was like, okay. Yeah, but also it's your personality. And you said what, when we first started talking about, you were saying about how significant it was to have, have those people around you and it helped you.

So you're, the kernel of what you do is about the passion and what you receive from it. Yes. I think there has to be a selfish route to kind of make it, give you the impotence, because otherwise you need your own momentum. You're the one pushing the bold, right? Yeah, absolutely. And luckily, I do really enjoy it. And also I do have the support from Jesse, my husband.

Like, he gets it. And, you know, a lot, you know, there are some sketches that I do where I completely mock him. I basically made up this character where he just grunts. And luckily, he is completely on board with that. I do show him my sketches before I put them live just in case I've stepped over the mark a little bit. But he's always very much like, that's brilliant. and you should do this and why don't you do this? And he comes up, he's like, you should do this.

And I'm like, oh, yeah, that's a good idea, actually. And, you know, if we're out and about, it's like, stand over there. I'll take a picture of you, you know, put it on your story. So he gets it. And I love that support. He understands it. And I remember when I first thought about,

because actually, the first thing I ever did was a blog before I did Instagram. And I had just mum still got it.com. And I remember not having a clue what I was doing. and saying to Jesse, I want to do this. I'm not sure how. And he was just like, yeah, cool, I'll make you a logo. And I was like, okay.

So he made me the logo. And he's always been like my cheerleader with that, even if I am completely utterly taking the piss out of him. He's there for it. And that's lovely. Yeah, and I've noticed as well, one thing that I like is that your kids aren't the, they're not there as your. close to us. No, no. So has that always been quite a conscious decision? Or just how it evolved?

It's just how it evolved, really. I think where it started was, I want my son, it was during, again, it was lockdown and homeschooling and all of that absolute chaos. And my son came in and I was in the middle of a Zoom call, writing an email on my laptop and he was like, oh, mommy, mommy watch, Mommy, watch. I was like, oh, God, yep, okay, hello again. And then did something like ridiculous, like hopping or something. I was like, that's great, darling, thank you. And then I thought, oh, actually, that's, that's, I'm sure that's a relatable real to do.

So then I asked him to do it again. And I said, I'll film you will do it again. I'll give you a snack, do it again. And he refused, but still got the snack. And I just thought, I really want to reconsider. create this? How can I do this? How can I be the child? And then I have these like plastic hands that a friend gave to me after I gave birth to my third child. And they were in like the kitchen drawer with, you know, when you have a kitchen drawer, that's just full of rubbish.

I think I have more than one of those drawers. I love your kitchen by then. Just to say, we're in Sophie's house right now. It's the most phenomenal house. I can't stop looking around like with everything here. It's amazing. I'm sure you go, I should have bought you some plastic hands. Oh, that would be fun. I give myself a little. slap on the face. But yeah, so I found these plastic hands and I shot myself with the plastic hands thinking, does this look like a kid? And I sent it to my mom.

And I was like, do you understand the story? She's like, no, I don't get it. I don't know what is this. I don't, what is this? And I was like, oh, okay, God, maybe I'm deluded here. Then I sent it to my best friend, Jesse, my best mate and my husband have both called Jesse. and she was like, I really needed to see that. That's great.

And she was like, yeah, put it up. And the thing is with me, and I think a lot of other creators, or maybe it is just me, if something, if you put out something and it doesn't do as well as you think, or maybe get a backlash, you can always just take it down. And then it's old news and people get over it pretty quickly. So I just thought, okay, I'll put this out and just see what, happens and it worked. And so because that worked, I just then used this character as my children instead of using my own children, which then meant that I could shoot when the kids were at school.

And it meant that I could make it how I wanted it to be. And I didn't want my, I didn't want my kids to feel like they had to perform, you know, if they didn't want to do it. do it or whatever and I know that my eldest now would ask to be paid and we did do it a shoot a few years ago where the kids had to be seen

as a paid client and they all got paid for it of course so that's when they like it but I would prefer to not have them in especially now that my eldest is 13 his mates follow me online he's like mom you can't you know there are certain things now you need to keep private

and I'm like I totally get it He wrote me the most beautiful card on Mother's Day that reduced me to utter sobbing tears. Oh, so much we want to quiet just thinking about it. And this is the one Mother's Day we just had. It was beautiful. And I thought I might share that because I'm so proud of this. And then I thought, no, you know, some things are private and you have to keep things private. And also he wouldn't want that.

You know, his mates might see that. And then I don't want that. I don't want, you know, he wouldn't want that. And so I just said, no, I'm not going to do that. And I'm pleased because I think it's only about probably 10% of my life that I share online. There's so much of it that people have no idea about, which is nice. It's really nice. But it is funny.

And I'm sure you have this too when people come up to you and they feel like they know you. And they go, hi! And I love that because I'm such like, I'm such a. a hugger and a love talking. And so when people come up to me, oh, I don't know who the hell they are, but they talk to me as if they know me. So then I just talk back as if I know them.

And they were just like, oh, oh, let's go. I think I actually went for a coffee with someone. I didn't even know who the hell they were. And I was like, yeah, let's go. Yeah. Yeah, it's funny. I think they call that a parasocial relationship. It's what it's called.

Yeah, they sort of fill in the gaps and they feel they know you a lot. And I think it's really interesting you say it's about 10% of your life because I think, I actually think as well with what you do, it's more about how it affects you. So the kids become everybody's kid when you don't see a kid. It could be anyone, you know, we're all in it with you. Yeah. So I think sometimes when it's, it is an actual person, you start going, oh, that doesn't really look like my child or they've behaved a bit differently. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Because that's kind of, I'm sure there's things out there that would do that. that maybe isn't quite what your character those reels is about. No, no, exactly. So I think that's significant as well. Yeah, and I feel like I, because I play this silly character that has evolved more than I ever thought. You know, there's now merch and Advent calendars at Christmas

and that all goes to charity, which is lovely. But it just means that I can, have control of that character. Definitely. And I can make it funny or whatever. Also, you can choose when you're reminiscing about a small person. Yeah. You don't have to be.

Yeah. Yeah. Because kids, when they get older, don't feel like they want to be like the cute little sidekick. No, my 13-year-old, and I'm sure you can relate as well. Yeah, he's kind of reached the next level of cringe. I'm cringe. Well, I got told of this morning when I left the house to take him school, my 10-year-old, we have a little school

near the end of our road sometimes when we walk out there's a little you know his little stream of school children going the other way and I was still singing

something but just been listening to when I literally got mummy I mean he was nearly blinking back to his oh my god he wasn't even singing

outward it was kind of like a do-da-do does he know how cool his mum is can you imagine like Sophia is Bexster

having a private solo tour on the way to school oh no it's mega embarrassing the singing is very annoying for them I think. I sing around the place all the time and it's no it's definitely a bit

forbidden at the moment. Oh God I think it's so cool. They're realised when they're old they'd be like oh my god I don't know. Do they know like how awesome you are? You know what I will bring it up tonight. Yes I think you should. I think you have any idea. I kind of like the fact they don't have any interest. I think that's quite a nice feeling actually. I get I don't really want I don't need fans. Yeah yeah yeah I mean you have got many. Yeah I know what you mean I do need that. I mean I do need those fans. I really need those fans. Please don't tell that out of context. I mean I don't need to birth. I don't need to birth them. You don't need your kids to be your friends. No, because I think that would be. Well, that's what you as mom. I just don't want them to think of me like that.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm much like you with the 10%. The stage me is the 10%. I need it for my head. I need to recalibrate. I, you know, I will 100% agree with you. I think at the root of it, you're in participle of doing what you've done and what you've come out of it with. Is it exactly the same as what feels me. Yeah. You know, that feeling of like having another, just reminding yourself, there's all these sides,

all these facets, and the juxtaposition of the two can sometimes be really funny. Yes. Particularly when you've gone from something, you know, the world of modeling, which is all about creating this perfection.

Yes, and being really perfect and serious. And actually, I'm not, I realize I'm not a very serious, person. I am silly and I remember before I would go on set when I was modelling I would have to like go into the loo and like shake off all the silliness and be like come on get rid of it get rid of it and then kind of like compose myself. And they're shaking your sillies out. I know I'm shaking my cillies out and now I'm like one's going to use those sillies. You're a little children's entertainer on your own in a loo. Yeah but I do remember like just having to just like literally shake it off

and be like Louise be cool. Like you fancy the photographer, you have to be cool here. And so I think I did kind of hide this side of me that was always a bit silly. And then my best friends all have said, like they always knew that I was silly, but I always kind of shielded it

because I felt like I had to. And it wasn't until I met Jessie, my husband, that they said that it came out in me and hasn't stopped. Well, I love that you had that conversation about, you know, am I, are we enough without anything else? Because I think actually silliness and all of that is actually, I used to think it was a sort of optional extra, like a little sprinkle of something you didn't really need. And I've realised actually it's kind of what makes the difference between getting on with stuff and then feeling really down actually. Yeah, I mean, for me.

I'm all for it. Yeah. Laughter is such a good remedy. It's the best medicine and that is what I go on. Even if I'm having a horrid perimenopausal, hormonal whole of negativity, I will seek out laughter. Even if it means finding funny cat videos online, I will watch them until I am creasing up.

And for me, that really helps me. Me too. Or have a chat with a girlfriend, rant, clear that. and then almost reset, but laughter has always helped me and hoping that I can make other people laugh knowing that that might help them makes me feel good and that's why I keep doing it. Yeah, well, that is a lovely note to end on.

And it works. Yeah, thank you. I'm all for it. Thank you for the conversation, Louise. And yes, it's a fitting note to end on talking about how friendship rant can actually, you know, provide you with the tonic. to a stressful life because actually I think that's, sorry, I'm me checking a bit of cardboard in the garden.

I think that's actually how the podcast works for me. I don't know about you guys, but I just always feel better after a good chat. Like, every time it's an amazing tonic. And I'm very lucky to have the opportunity to speak to such lovely women. So thank you for your support in doing what I do with this podcast. And thanks to Louise. And, yeah, such a good chat.

And it's nice, I mean, as you know, the podcast guests, I've cast my net far and wide for lots of different examples of what a career could look like, lots of different examples of what parenthood look like. But everyone's so well, there'll be a guest when I'm like, wow, there's a lot of parallels here. And so, yeah, Louise and I obviously started off talking about having the born pretty much so we grew up not that far away from each other. And some of it's really lined up. do check out as well who, oh, sorry, just tripped on a chair that I'm putting out for the rubbish. Sorry, it's a proper Sunday around here.

Check out Louise's podcast as well, no parental guidance. It was really good fun to do it. In the meantime, thank you so much to Louise for being my lovely guest this week. Thank you to Claire Jones for producing and also happy birthday to Claire. She's just had a big birthday.

And I will have mentioned this at some point over the years. But Claire, producer Claire, has, so she's been with me on the podcast since day one. I literally took her out for lunch before the podcast even existed and said, I'm thinking of doing this podcast and I would love it if you would work with me.

And there was no plan B for me. I really wanted to work with Claire. And part of the reason for that is not just the fact that Claire has a wealth of expertise and is a very experienced producer. But also, she's a friend and not just my friend, my mum's friend too. I met Claire through my mum.

She was working on a radio show with my mum and then moved into our house when I was a teenager as our lodger. So she was in the next door bedroom to mine. So I've known Claire since I was probably about 13, 14. And so how nice is it that I get to spend time with her now and celebrate her birthday with lots of other lovely friends last week? So shout out to you, Claire.

She's been such a champion of what this podcast is about. Thank you to Ella May for the gorgeous artwork. Thank you to my husband Richard for giving up his weekend time to edit the podcast and put it together. Sorry, I'm always such a handing in my homework at the last minute with all my bits, but I kind of think it's quite nice really talking to you just before the podcast actually publishes, you know, keeps things in the here and now, doesn't it? Right, there will be another glorious guest for you next week. I'm going to continue working in the garden. That's going to be moving yet more stuff. I hope you have a lovely, lovely week

and see you again soon. Thank you for lending me your ears. Take care. Bye you.