Spiritually Speaking with Jessica & Samantha - Daily Life at the Monastery: Jess's Transformative Experience

Episode Date: July 26, 2024

Welcome to this week’s episode of "Spiritually Speaking"! Join us as Jess takes us on an intimate journey through her recent stay at a monastery. In this enlightening episode, Jess shares a detailed account of her daily routine, from early morning meditations to evening reflections.Discover the profound lessons she learned during her time there, and listen as she recounts the personal breakthroughs that have deeply impacted her spiritual path. Whether you're curious about monastic life or seeking inspiration for your own spiritual journey, Jess's story is sure to resonate and inspire.Tune in to hear all about:The structured daily schedule of the monasteryThe transformative teachings and practices she embracedThe personal insights and breakthroughs she experiencedHow this journey has influenced her spiritual growth and understandingDon’t miss this heartfelt and enlightening episode of "Spiritually Speaking"!

hello and welcome back to spiritually speaking with me sam and with me jess hello we're back we have had a week off but we are here ready to go yeah ready to make it obviously this dress is still in thailand and you're now in the uk i am oh yeah i wasn't when we last recorded no i don't think you were no I wasn't I've not recorded yet no I haven't recorded yet yeah I've been here oh yeah you know what it's actually quite nice now when I first got here it was full-on like October vibes like it was like cold it was rainy um and it's actually been quite nice now quite pleasant I've been able to get out and about and it's actually been lovely it's been really nice oh good yeah that's good yeah the

weather's been good so I'm just gonna say I'm all bunged up so if I sound like I'm all sniffly got a sore throat my aircon was on at 18 degrees last night I couldn't change it turn it off that's so annoying it's awful and literally I feel like I've got a sore throat a banged up nose all because of air conditioning you know so many people have got COVID again now have they oh yeah yeah loads but I just mean I know so many people who um have just had it and like my auntie's got it at the moment like it must be doing the rounds again do people still test for covid evidently I mean I think people like my dad for example I think people in the UK test because they have them tests you know like in Dubai we didn't have them test like lateral flow ones like we'd have to go

to a center whereas like in the UK I feel like people had so many tests that then maybe if they just feel well or maybe if they see babies and stuff they're like oh I'll just do a lateral flow whatever so maybe that's why but yeah weird it's doing the rounds so hopefully you've not got So then maybe if they're just feeling well or maybe if they see babies and stuff, they're like, oh, I'll just do a lateral flow or whatever. So maybe that's why. But yeah, word is doing the rounds. So hopefully you've not got that. Yeah, fingers crossed. But if not, it is what it is, eh?

Anyway, Miguel, how has it been back home in the UK? Oh, it's been lovely. It's been so nice. I feel like before we came back, I didn't really have many thoughts about it or like certain expectations as such because I think I was expecting it to be quite hard coming back for a long period of time um living with my mum and dad like with the girls I thought I was worried about it being too much for them and it's actually just been lovely I feel like we've all slotted in really really well um it's so nice being back with my mum and dad like they're so good with the girls and everyone

wants to see the girls everyone wants to help with them and there's so many like hands on deck all the time it's just really really lovely um and we've just had such a nice time it's been really really good yeah thoroughly enjoyed it oh good um yeah I think we've just had such a nice time it's been really really good yeah thoroughly enjoyed it oh good yeah I think we've been here for like two weeks maybe now um ish something like that I think 10 days maybe 10 days ish um and yeah it's been lovely thoroughly enjoyed it and you went to centre parks we went to centre parks which was great i know i would really recommend it you know for young kids um that's about how expensive it is and for us we did i don't know if we just got a bit of a good deal but it wasn't that bad um but actually when you're

there it is quite expensive but if you're prepared and you take like a food shop and you do all of that stuff i mean we didn't we were not prepared we couldn't fit in the car oh my god wow packing a car when because obviously we've only got a small car because we're here so we've borrowed andy's mum's car bless her she's been an angel and giving us her car um and getting two prams two car seats a sterilizer that's what the sterilizer and everything in the car was like yeah an intense job but I mean we managed it was fine um yeah but yeah it was good um so centre parks was amazing saw the little ducks got to see the ducks went on loads of nice walks drank lots I mean I feel like I have drank pretty much every day since I've been home I just think that happens in England it does doesn't

it and me and my dad are like mad for Prosecco as well so like on an evening we'll like crack open the Prosecco just love a nice glass of fizz yeah yeah definitely I kind of thought I was going to come home and have like this um like health retreat almost and be like right I'm going to go for like long walks and the walks have happened but the food and the drink um is is not in the healthy range but that's fine that's fine I just think when I go back to the UK I have like a list of all the things I want to eat which just makes the first few days like really unhealthy like chip shop chips always that's my first meal every time I come back is a chip shop. You know, I've never really had a kebab. Oh, I love Donami.

It's weird. Like, my dad used to like... You want to be a veggie as well and like... And I was pretty much almost there now, to be honest, after the last week. But yeah, we would have Donami as kids. So then I feel like we just kind of, it was normal. So like, I always go home and have a kebab. My mum always makes like this curry that I love um yeah there's a few little things I'm just like yeah I know what you mean I'm the same my mum

makes this really nice soup that I love so I always have that when I come home and that's a bit of healthy at least um yeah and yeah oh it's just been lovely I've really really enjoyed being back all my friends have got babies really funny actually we went out this morning for a walk I sent you a video didn't I yeah and like everyone sat around and people always come up to us and like oh what baby group did you meet at and we're like no no like we're friends from school but we've just all had babies at the same time so like two of the girls had babies around within a year of each other pretty much then one of the other girls had a baby and then now we've had between us all there's five babies that have just been born within the last like six months or so oh wow yeah it's obviously two of them are mine so yeah it is a

lot so it's just lovely it's nice to be back with them all and yeah special the experience in the same things at the same time so yeah that's that really and I mean this is gonna mainly be about you this episode because I feel like we have got so much to hear about from your side of things and so catch us up first on are you still in Chiang Mai I'm still in Chiang Mai and I'm heading to Vietnam in a few days actually I've booked my flights um because I've been here two months almost so I need to head out hasn't gone fast I know I really like Chiang Mai I could live here it's definitely the first place I've come to where I think oh this could be a good life a potential oh yeah which is great um but I'm really looking forward

to Vietnam I'm going to Da Nang which has got a beach that is people sort of say it's okay like it doesn't sound like it's like I don't know I don't know I just want a beach I just want some sea because Chiang Mai is so inland and it's beautiful but I'm just ready for some waves and even if it's raining it doesn't matter so yeah and obviously last week you had a very different week to normal I did I did so I was in the monastery babes with my silent badge not speaking I saw that I couldn't believe it it was hard so explain to us first what made you want to go to the monastery yes love that question babes okay so why did I want to go so I it it was one of those things that was sort of speaking to me I'd seen like a video on tiktok about it and I thought oh that's a bit of me and obviously

the monastery is the monks and it's Buddhism and Buddhism is a religion that I would say that I'm most connected to out of them all because Buddhism is about karma it's about reincarnation so that really aligns with the soul work that I do with my clients so without realizing I was living a lot of the beliefs of Buddhism and it was kind of maybe it was my past life probably where these sorts of things were coming up and then I felt drawn to go and explore this monastery it's very very random how I found it like this girl on TikTok and it is in the middle of nowhere but it came to me and that's usually how it works and I was like right fuck it here we go so yeah headed up there from Chiang Mai I got a bus so I was just gonna say how did you get there

so I'm I'll be honest with you I'm not very good at transport. I'm really lazy and I like to have like door-to-door service, which obviously a lot of the backpackers don't do that and there are obviously cheaper options. So the usual pious disease is like, oh, it'll be fine, I'll work it out. And the night before I went to like maybe book the bus and there was just none available and I was like oh shit I didn't expect that so anyway I managed to get a random bus halfway

and then I had to get a taxi for the rest of it which was actually lovely because the driver was very nice and he stopped off all the scenic routes and it was so it was actually quite sweet and then I had to do the same on the way back I had like half bus half taxi which is fine you know how long of a journey was it then about four hours oh wow it was far quite a long time and it was bendy roads there's people being sick on the bus I was quite happy no I was just about to ask you that oh yeah I don't really get I feel quite sick well so I never got travel sick like as a child or anything but then as I've got older being in like taxis and stuff in Dubai can make me feel really quite sick taxis in Dubai are a whole other level the thing is the issue is you're always on your phone

so like that is yeah so I just wasn't on my phone I just had my headphones on and I just looked out the window that is it as soon as I go off my phone then I feel fine yeah and I meditated to be honest and what I did was I kept myself centering my energy because we were swinging and swinging and swinging a bit like when there's turbulence on an airplane just keep your energy sort of straight which is what I was doing and I was focusing on that and I was fine so that's good to little tip I know there was a guy being sick and I was like right you just need to like fan the bottom of your stomach with your breath and he could tell he was like fuck off but I was like was he going to the monastery though no

no I was gonna say because he should have like understood that kind of you know no and no one was going to the monastery on my bus it was just right so okay yeah okay so that's what made you want to go to the monastery and then do you have to pay to go to the monastery you don't have to pay so it's free and then you give a donation at the end so your accommodation is free and your food is free um but you are not living in luxury was a reason for that you were sleeping on the floor I was sleeping on the floor babes my back was in pieces when you sent me that picture you were like oh my god you say it made me laugh she sent me a picture of where she was sleeping I said it looks like an orphanage it honestly did like say I'm probably a bit of a princess and I don't think I realised how much I was. Even just little things like I didn't go to uni,

so, like, I never had, like, the halls experience. I've always had my own bedroom. I'm very fortunate. And whenever I've gone on holiday, I've normally, like, shared a room with a friend when I was younger. I've never stayed in a hostel. Maybe I've missed out who knows but this was very triggering to be sleeping in a room with over 10 women on a yoga mat and there's fucking lizards cockroaches and ants literally it was like I'm a celebrity get me out of here yeah so yeah it's so intense

so intense and like it's not friendly like considering this is a monastery like because it's silent no one speaks to you so I rocked up but you can smile do people smile yeah so I would say that I was known for my smile um and I smiled a lot and on my last day I said goodbye to this lady and she burst into tears and she was like your smile's got me through this then I started crying of course because like yeah yeah probably gonna cry on this episode as well because I feel like so much stuff come up for me from the this sort of yeah like loads like so much um I'm gonna cry thinking about it because it's all coming up a lot at the moment like since I've come out I'm sort of like digesting a lot of

it so from a mental perspective it's it's quite it's quite intense so you're you're I will be honest to the listeners you are catching me very raw and very vulnerable and I'm totally okay with that um but just yeah there's definitely a lot swirling for me right now um so even things like that smile like it just showed you like how kindness is so key in life you know like that smile was was really important for her so yeah and your kindness doesn't have to be a huge gesture no it doesn't and be like you say can you smile or if you can speak you can say please and thank you yeah exactly um so that definitely you know I think for me one thing I noticed about this was at the end a lot of us left on the same day and we'd all been in silence

and they felt like I felt so close to them I felt like they knew me and I knew them and I'd never spoken a word to them it was so crazy it was like pure energy like it was just um yeah like we all got on this bus like this random little bus took us it was it was like basically a tuk-tuk around the bend it took twice as long but we could all talk then so like we were all just chatting after like everything and it was just so beautiful because we all got to sit there and like know each other's stories because we'd been sitting there for a week in silence not knowing each other's names or anything you didn't say one word for a week no I I didn't speak the whole time and then on the last day I broke my silence so I could speak

to people right okay so do you choose to be silent yeah not everyone was silent so right okay I'd say it was like maybe 30 silent the rest were speaking but do you ever have a day sorry sorry that's okay no you ever have a day where like in the morning it might get to say like 11 o'clock or something and you speak to someone and all of a sudden you're like wow I've not even spoken today I didn't realize like with pre-kids anyway I used to have that and all of a sudden I'd be like that's really weird like to have not spoken all day until that point and I can't imagine doing that for that long I just can't I feel like I could have had to have started going to the bathroom and just talking to myself

it's funny because like you would think that and obviously I love to talk and I love to speak and my job is speaking you know like I sort of do all day um and it was bloody lovely to not speak honest to god it was actually just god I could cry I literally just feel like I'm on the verge of tears it just felt like there was no pressure not to speak and it actually was really nice and I think that because I'm always helping people with my work even if I'm in a coffee shop someone speaks to me I feel like my energy is so open and I reflected on how open my energy is and it is probably too open but it just that badge was like a barrier when no one could speak to me and it felt like no one could take my energy it was great and I realized how much people take my energy so it was really interesting so I totally

get what you're saying but the environment doesn't kind of doesn't really warrant speaking no so like the obviously on the first day I got there and you kind of have an introduction but it's very minimal like the whole point is to fend for yourself but like you know that that's an element of it so you get there and you think I don't even know where to get my bed in where do I get my clothes like where do I put my mat like you, you literally know nothing. And I'm not going to lie, I felt like prison. Like, I genuinely felt like I'd just been thrown in prison. And I'm trying to suss out, like, what's my role? Where could I go? Like, you know, who should I ask?

And I came in and the first person I asked for help was so rude to me. No way. really threw me off yeah so she um she just wasn't she was just rude about I said oh excuse me do you know where I can get the mats and um she was like I'm silent and I was like well you could not because you could have just yeah sort of and she was really rude and and to be honest you can point or you could just say I don't speak with your hand yeah but you could yeah she was so rude so I then decided that I wasn't going to be like that I wasn't going to be like that anyway so if someone did ask me a question so I sort of set the intention I was like if someone's confused

and they ask a question I will give them the instruction so say someone's like where's the water I will tell them where the water is do you know what I mean so it's not like I was mute yeah but I literally hardly spoke um so it was yeah it was really intense and by not speaking oh God, the voice in my head was fucking loud. Really? It was like a whole other level. And you know what? Everyone's voice is loud. Well, not everyone.

Some people have got it a bit better. But it showed me how intrusive that voice is. It showed me the stories that I was making about things. And if I wasn't silent silent I wouldn't have seen those behaviors that were happening in my mind yeah right that's weird yeah very deep but like you're you have a fault and then you speak but when you have a fault and you can't speak you have to you don't get to release it yeah so it stays there and then it's like oh so like with that girl I was like you bitch yeah I would do that then I got really angry in my head and I was

having an argument in my head and then I was like right what are you gonna do about it then I was like right I'm not gonna be like her I was like okay okay go over, get over it. Yeah. Would you say then that you experienced maybe more anxiety then? I don't know if anxiety would be the right word. I didn't feel that anxious. What would I say I felt? Discomfort. Just discomfort, to be quite honest with you. You know, like physical and mental discomfort and spiritual discomfort.

God, that's intense intense like it was amazing by the way like it was uncomfortable um and yeah I wouldn't say I was anxious I felt I probably would have been anxious a couple of years ago if I did it where I was like oh do you know what I mean here's what it is um it's probably one of those things that where it's like it's not supposed to be comfortable because to get that kind of breakthrough at the end you do have to go through it it's like anything in life like you've got to work hard to get to it so yes that is what Buddhism is about so it talks a lot about suffering and how you have to experience suffering to then break through to get enlightenment and that's a big thing and also that you don't

need luxury that the there was a quote in one of the chanting books I took a picture of and it said that luxury is poverty in buddhism because the attachment to luxury makes you in poverty because you're constantly wanting chasing more and the whole point of buddhism is to not want anything so it's like quite intense and it's very true it's true of course it is we all know like we all know we're all human we all live in this world where we constantly can have more so of course we want it so that's how we're seen as successful and buddhism is like nah nah the people who have less are happier as well usually usually yeah i would say yeah no yeah sorry not not obviously in every case no i would i would say most of the time yeah because the more you have i would say my experience with clients is the more money the hat they have the more problems they have the more money more

problems they have yes babes exactly that was one of the chants in uh the evening more money more problems that's so funny remix yeah so yeah so it's very interesting it opened up a lot for me because obviously as we've spoke, we're in our Saturn's return. Saturn is about limitation and it's about taking things away from you. And I live out of a suitcase and I've never done that. I don't really have much stuff now. Like my friend, Risa, what babes?

She's got a couple of bags of my stuff and they are big bags but that is it you know and I kind of got the monk life because the less I have it's so much easier you know I can travel the world I can explore and I can try things so I get it I get why this concept is here it's just difficult because society's not built for it now is it that's why you have to go into a monastery yeah and also like you know you have lived in Dubai for a fair bit of time now so like living there we are so accustomed to stuff yeah I think that was probably where I realized the luxury part like even just like my bed the room I was like oh this is gross like the toilets were minging right oh no that's where I draw the line I literally I I'm still dehydrated because I hardly drunk so I didn't have to wee I think I had like one poo the whole time that's really unlike me because I literally

like my lips are scabbed I was like if I don't drink honest to god this was like my game plan I was like if I don't drink I won't have to wee then I'll only have to go into the toilet to wash and the shower was in the toilet um and I'd be like showering I'd be like a cockroach there oh god that is disgusting I didn't feel clean once and when I got back I literally was in the shower for like an hour it's like being at a festival that I've ever been to a festival yeah yeah the festival was our one and I remember camping and yeah you just feel gross yeah you don't yeah you don't ever feel clean so you get home you wash your hair like five times yeah so I'm still catching up on the hydration honestly I'm still so dehydrated so bad I'm sorry to my body but

I couldn't do it like and I couldn't I'd rather squat in the bushes to be honest with you yeah I was just thinking that I was thinking could you do that could you go no I'd be kicked out because they'd be like this she's getting her body out for monks oh yeah oh oh yeah no you can't be doing that so what was that you daily routine yeah okay so I wrote it down I wrote it down Samantha because I was like I've made notes for the pod so everyone you wake up at 5 a.m which is girly for me I'm not a 5 a.m you know more of a 7ammer and lay there for a bit what are you you're a 5ammer aren't you I feel like you are the girls three kids I loved being um a 5ammer but now with the girls I get up about seven like half six seven ish because they don't

get up till seven um so I kind of take use of that yeah like I'm happy to get up earlier but I'd yeah I'm kind of a bit later now that I've actually got there the other way around love it love it love it girl okay so 5am wake up you meant to meditate in your room I didn't I just stayed asleep and so did everyone else other than one woman who was a bit of a jobsworth and followed everything to like the minute. So she would be sitting there meditating and I was like, nah. So that would be the start. And then what I would do is I'd probably wake up about 5.30 and then I would get dressed. So what I would do is if anyone probably wake up at 5.30 and then I would get dressed so what I would do is if anyone hasn't seen I've posted a reel on Instagram and I've done the whole schedule with

the video so you'll see it so there's a hut with clothes so basically you wear a white outfit the whole time like a cult or a prison um or a mental asylum to be honest it was a real blend of three to be honest um so you would go get your outfit which was actually quite difficult because it was all different sizes it was like there was also insects there like it was all just a bit is it it was clean But was it clean clean? No. Didn't smell. But, you know, it's like, so you'd go and get your outfit.

I used to go early because I was like, right, I'm getting it because I'm getting like the best one. But yeah, absolutely. And then I would go and have a coffee. So what I would do is I would make my coffee. It was vegan, so there's no milk, so black coffee a week, which actually was quite annoying because I do like a bit of milk. It's just little things you don't realise. And I'd just sit there for half an hour and have my coffee

and just write down what I was feeling. So I journaled a lot. And then what would happen at 6.30 30 it was the rice offering to the monks so the monks only eat their food when it's been offered to them so like they don't go to the shop and pick their food it can only be like as a donation and an offering so we'd have a whole ceremony for all their meals so at 6 30 we would do that and what you would do is you'd split the rice into the amount of monks that are there and they would come you'd be on your knees and you'd do like a little bow put the bowl to your head and then scoop out the rice for each one so it's all very like it was a bit cult-like

I'm not gonna lie yeah it sounds like a prison like on my knees in front of this man giving him rice and I'm like that's not all of this sits right with me you know yeah so like it was interesting like what was coming up for me there so yeah so that was that um and then we would go and have our breakfast and we'd queue up and then you'd just be rice and it'd be pickled cabbage every bloody morning wow like like pickled brothy cabbage it's very minging you know what though if you can do that for like a week you could literally do any diet true true like it's shown you've yeah yeah but what I mean is like you've you've realized now that you have got discipline yeah definitely like you just have to well the thing is also you have to get on with it so like there is no choice so you're just like

fuck it I'm gonna have to have the cabbage because otherwise I'm hungry so you know I did have some snacks with me but they went within a day no but like there was you could go and get foods but you kind of want to embrace it so you know you'd have breakfast and then what you would do is you would just chill. So you'd have an hour for breakfast, which was great. Carry on journaling, people would be reading. It was just really beautiful because you've got like nature, the birds, like the sun's rising. And because it was up high in the mountains, the clouds were like really close. Like you could see the clouds, like not that far from you so

it's really beautiful so that was actually lovely and it was really great to be present eating your breakfast yeah that sounds nice yeah no I just think that sounds nice I think it sounds like a nice morning yeah a really nice morning other than getting on your knees other than that you know so um and then um we would then go into the morning dharma which was a two-hour session where you would meditate walking and then you would meditate sitting both in silence so the walking meditation is basically, again, you'll see it in the reel, walking in slow motion. And what you're doing in your head is you're saying that, Buh, doh, buh, doh, which is like Buddha. It's like the left and the right.

So you're getting into the rhythm of that. I'm not even joking. I felt like I was hypnotized. Wow. It was like, I think they sedated us I'm not gonna lie like no it felt like it because it was just like we were robots oh I don't like this no it was fine it was fine I think it was just because wait how do you think they would have sedated you like when you no I'm joking I just feel like the rice, like we all ate rice and then we're all pretty zen.

No, I'm thinking that they sedated you now. Yeah, I know. Honestly, it crossed my mind. But I think it's just because you get so into the meditative state. You're just like, you know, just... We're going to watch a Netflix documentary about this in a few years' time. You'll be like, no, told you so.

I'll be the cult leader taking over I don't need men don't need monks I'm in um no so and then so you'd go for this walk it was beautiful and actually again it was really great to just be in silence and actually just be in your body got quite a lot from that got a lot of clarity in those meditations then you'd sit on the floor cross-legged for an hour in silence which was hard yeah but yeah yeah so um yeah so that was that so two hours of meditation it's only 10 a.m then you'd be you'd be back on your knees again food offering to the monks. So again, this is where I struggled with a couple of elements of the monastery.

There was a real divide of men and women. So the women couldn't be near the monks, obviously, because the monks can't. It's not temptation because they're not going to get tempted, but it's like a sign of respect. So the men would always be in the first four rows and the women would be behind um and then with the food offering the women all had to go in a line in a long line and the guys would be in like a horizontal line in front of the monks it was weird and then we would have to crawl to the food no because ask yourself just say because the reason you have to crawl is because you can't put the soles of your feet facing towards the buddha which is disrespectful but the men have a nicer

role so what they have is they sit the front and they basically take the bowl and they pass it along and the reason the men can do that is because monks can give the bowl to the men um like without that literally they can just pass it to them with women they have we have to put the bowl on a cloth and they have to pull the cloth to pick up the bowl so that we're not touching the bowl at the same time wow uh yeah it's crazy isn't it yeah so it's all just like these things and on day one and you're silent and you don't know these rules you're just having to watch people yeah quite tough that that's the discomfort because you don't want to be disrespectful because these monks are incredible people like they're very dedicated to their religion and they're very mindful and they're

very wise and they're following the rules that have been there for a very long time you know so you're you are conscious to show respect however there is a voice in your head that's just like what the fuck am I doing yeah day one that happened a lot I think I'd have really struggled with that to be honest well I just wouldn't have done it I've not do you know what you would have because you get institutionalized straight away you're in your white outfit and all of a sudden human behavior you don't want to be the one that's not doing it I don't want to just say now fuck this I'm out we're all shit I'm like yeah well there were people that left within like half a day and in my group that joined I was the last one standing and I was like yes I'm the winner

yeah another one bites the dust it's like yes as much as I'm competitive I would have just been like nah I'm out I'm not bothered I wouldn't it wouldn't have fazed me like dropping out before other people and something like that um yeah but hats off to you for sticking out as long as you did but maybe if I was to date him I would have carried on I think the thing is for me obviously like I I found a lot of benefits from it so I'm obviously talking about it in more of a like what the fuck but that was day one and then you know by like day three I'm like here we go rice offering on my knees hey like literally I was like I I was like head girl I was at the front of the queue oh my god you loved it I was like head girl. I was at the front of the queue.

Head girl. Oh, my God, you loved it. I was just like I was in my element because it then started to become like a rhythm and then it meant I didn't have to think because I knew the rules and I knew the structure and because I didn't have to think, I could focus on what was going on for me. So you become a robot, but by becoming a robot, you then get to face some of the stuff that's going on for me so you become a robot but by becoming a robot you then get to face some

of the stuff that's going on for you so it's really interesting but it is interesting to watch human behavior because how you adapt to these circumstances how most people did adapt like if we got taken over by aliens I honestly think within about four days we'd all just be following whatever that cult was do you know what I mean well we're doing it now with the governments to be honest and all that crap like we're yeah it's happening in so many ways um we did it all with lockdown didn't we and stuff we did exactly so it's the same concept but this is obviously it's the religious ones there's rules and all that stuff so yeah um so that was lunch then you'd have

another two hours of meditation walk sitting down and you'd also have a lesson from the monk about mindfulness which was incredibly interesting and he spoke a lot about how to find that enlightenment and how to find mindfulness which is you know when you're in that moment of zen to not tell yourself stories to not go into all these scenarios and it's just that constant higher place okay and obviously that's how I teach meditation um because that's what it's about but it's really hard to get there you know when you're doing it for maybe six hours a day you do tell stories and you do like lose your thought process at times do you know

what I mean yeah I struggle with three minutes yeah a lot of people do yeah I'd like to get there but yeah for now I just I do I definitely find it hard we'll book you into the monastery for a three-day retreat oh god absolutely could you imagine to be there for three days yeah me too girl um so then you'd have that that sort of chunk of time and you'd have some down time and then you would do some chores around the monastery so you would clean tidy garden whatever you could find and that was a bit boring but you know it's just part of the deal then you'd have an hour to just chill and then you would have uh evening chanting and meditation and the chanting was beautiful really beautiful um to be honest like any uh religious music gives me the feels I'm not gonna

lie like I love a hymn uh I love the noise so yeah the music and the chanting was a vibe. It was good. So I enjoyed that. Yeah. I'm glad you enjoyed that. Yeah, and then you'd go to bed. And then how long, what time are you going to bed at? I was going to bed at 8pm.

8pm, wow. Yeah, so you're getting a good night's sleep. Yeah, it's hard to fall asleep though. I feel like there's a good hour's sleep yeah it's hard to fall asleep though I feel like there's a good hour and a half of just laying there just like oh my god oh my god like because you're thinking like yeah it's not like you've exhausted yourself like you know like when you have a busy day like you're zen like you're not like you are tired still got energy yeah the day's a lot but like I don't know it's just it's it's very intense like so you you are tired but your body's not tired if you know what I mean so

yeah um but I made you feel like then that you learn oh yeah go on no okay yeah no no I'll tell you what I've learned now so I'd say what I learned I learned probably more about myself than Buddhism uh which was the point for me so I wanted to understand about Buddhism but it wasn't like I want to become Buddhist I feel like a lot of the beliefs were there already um I would say I learned that when I don't give my energy out I'm happier so like I really have to get that balance um I learned a lot about I reflected a lot to be honest it was a lot of reflection she got a lot of time I um had a lot of love to give to people so like wrote letters to my family obviously you got a little like I just felt like I needed to tell

people how much I loved them because it just felt so strong and yeah that was so nice well thanks babes it was I loved it it was really really nice um so that that was good um and then I think I just had breakthroughs to be honest with you um I've got a clearer direction of where I'm going now I think I've been in service to my detriment and what I mean by that is I live through helping others and it's my passion and it's all I care about and that's okay but I'm also here to have an experience I'm also here to have a life and I really need to put my needs as a priority and I do think I know I have time on my hands like I'm not a workaholic but I'm constantly learning you know like I'm

always reading I'm always listening to podcasts I'm always getting information from my clients and you know if someone's working with me there's all this stuff that's going on behind the scenes of prep and thinking and all that stuff so I think I need to have some discipline there because I forgot about me and I'm traveling but like I'm like where's the direction where's the plan and that's become a bit clearer for me um and I want to make a massive difference in the world to be honest and I don't mean that in like an egotistic way but I will work till the day I die and I will help people till the day I die and I need to find a way for that to be manageable for the rest of my life yeah you need to definitely learn to set boundaries if you're going to be doing it for that long yeah because at the end of the day like this is this is my

purpose and a lot of people go there to find their purpose um so it was more about how do I have boundaries with that because it is consuming so yeah so that was some big stuff that come up, but it definitely was life changing. There was big, big sort of moments of watching some patterns and some judgments I have, observing other people's behaviors and getting consumed by it. That was a big thing. So, yeah, there was just a lot of a lot of behaviors that I was seeing in myself that I don't think I could have seen if I wasn't silent oh that's nice yeah so um I mean I think it's amazing that you've done it to be honest I think hats off to you like I mean it's very aware that not many people could do it if that many people left before you um so you should be really proud of yourself that you stuck it out I think it's fantastic and you've obviously you're going to benefit from it now for a very long time yeah and I think that it's one of those places I know it's there so I will go back like I'm not in a rush but I will go back when I feel

called to and it's something that helps me just connect to me and and I think I probably wasn't as connected as I thought I don't think we ever are and when you're in those places it just it just sheds a shitload of layers like you're just so vulnerable so you just have to get on with it you know oh that's nice yeah but there were some funny moments um so um like I had these trousers that were baggy because they were like the yogi ones right so I tied them up with a hairband and when I was there there was a Thai festival so there was a celebration so there was loads of Thai people on the weekend that I was there and it was amazing because we had like extra ceremonies it was really beautiful and obviously them being there was just like really really great anyway at the end of the chanting my trousers fell

down to my ankles in the hall with the monks right but luckily I was the background with the Thai ladies and they literally like circled around me because it's so disrespectful to be like you know obviously it wasn't on purpose and I quickly grabbed them they like tied them up for me and then that was it every day the same lady came up to me and she'd come and check my trousers and she'd tie them all up for me it was so sweet she kind of became like my little month the like getting me ready so it was just like one of those things where you're like oh shit obviously that is so you're silent I know you want to giggle but you're also just like giggling in your head it's really weird um oh yeah yeah um and then um there was a guy who looked like Jesus and he thought he was Jesus and he got kicked out because he was having sex

in the cabin no it was I'm not gonna lie there were some dynamics going on which shocked me I was shook we were in a Buddhist monastery and there was flirting obviously he was doing that and I was like being really nosy because it was my last day and I was at the desk trying to work out where to do the donations and he was getting like in like like proper interviewed about it like was she in there and he was like I wasn't and I was like you liar like you know when you just think yeah so that was a bit of drama I know proper drama and then there was people just can't help themselves you know what I thought mate it's it's a week like maybe he's there for 10 days but even still to me that would really like tarnish the energy for that time like it's just it's just the time and place and obviously wasn't

there for the right reasons. No, and there was a couple of people like that, unfortunately. And then there was, like, the first rice offering, and there was lots of dogs there. The monks have, like, six dogs. It's very sweet. And the dogs just, like, full on started humping in the middle of the hall while they were doing this rice offering.

But, you know, when you're, like, in school and you're in the assembly, you hall while they were doing this rice offering but you know when you're like in school and you're in the assembly you kind of had to be there it was just very funny because you're just like so there's just like little moments that you bond over because of like the silly stuff um but like on a emotional level like the bonds I met with people like there was a little boy that was there he was 10 and he was there with his dad he was a little Indian boy they live in Shanghai and he would fly his kite every day on the break but he struggled to fly it he couldn't really do it so like one day I went and helped him and we got it flying obviously I was silent and then every day he came up to me with his flag and his kite and we would do it every day.

And we would just run around the field with this kite. But he was so sweet. I've actually got a picture of him. We've got a little picture I'll put on my Instagram because he was just so cute. So he was mute as well. He was incredible. Silent, sorry. Yeah.

Wow, that's amazing. But he obviously has been grown. There were some families there. There was two younger girls there as well. They struggled a bit. They were getting the giggles a lot, which I found funny because I'd have been the same at their age.

But he, so they were Hindus. So they were like Hinduism and Buddhism's connected. Like there's a flow there. So, and obviously where they've lived in Thailand for six years, I think it was. He comes often with his dad and he just really got into it I know wow it's a way of life isn't it yeah it's just it's just so different so that was

lovely um and I also what else happened trying to think that's kind of it really to be honest there isn't actually much to tell well I well obviously spoke loads but there isn't drama other than Jesus causing some beef because we wanted a bit of action um but you know everything's just you just yeah you just kind of um focus on you and go deep and go in there and yeah and have you now gone back to work yeah yeah full day yesterday clients from nine till six so that was full on um and I felt the intuition was on fire um because so it's like my brain was cleaned yeah you'd had like a holiday almost I know it wasn't a holiday but yeah like a rest it just felt like the the intuition was just yes it's got stronger to be honest since being in Thailand um so there made it even more

stronger which is great um but if anyone is waiting on a reply sorry I just have a lot of messages where I have been offline that I am getting to them bit by bit so just yeah with me um yeah well done I'm so glad you did it yeah I am and I'd recommend it to anyone as much as it sounds tough you could do it anyone could do it it's just if you want to do it and the reason I wanted to do it was obviously I wanted to learn I wanted to connect to myself on a deeper level um and it is kind of up my street let's be honest you know so yeah definitely it's different isn't it like you say if you if you're more in tune with things like that and you really want to do it then yeah I'm sure like you say anybody can do it but if you're a bit more erratic like me

um then it's probably gonna be a lot harder well even like my mum was like oh I'd love to do it and I was like mum I was like I actually can see you going I was like but I've also got visions of the walk my mum is the fastest walker going because she's always like we don't need to do get there on time so I was like you'd have to really like focus on walking slow where I walk slow I don't really walk in a rush to be honest so it was all right so yeah you would definitely have some moments um but you would you would you would just do it so yeah but it did feel like prison in the morning when I was leaving it's a mixture of emotions I was like it's my like prison in the morning when I was leaving it's a mixture

of emotions I was like it's my release day here we go then I was like waiting for the bus thinking it better turn up and the first bus came and it wasn't my bus and I was like no but I also didn't want to leave it was very very weird really was it nice turning your phone back on yeah it was nice actually um it was nice to have it off to be honest that was nice yeah of course obviously I took video so just in flight mode um but yeah do you know what was nice there was no pressure to reply because most people knew I was offline so yeah that's good oh yeah good well i feel like that is it for this week yeah amazing all right babes hope you have enjoyed our uh well jess's story about the monastery um and then we will be back next week for even more even more conversations about thailand and probably the uk and then

we'll come up with something i've got got some ideas. Well, you always do. I was going to say you're good with the topics, my babes. All right then. Would you want to do the outro? Yeah. Thank you so much for listening. And please do all your lovely things like rate, subscribe, tell a friend, follow us on Instagram at at spirituallyspeaking underscore podcast.

I am at hair by Samantha Green and she is at Jessica Marie underscore holistic i am at hair by samantha green and she is at jessica marie underscore holistic amazing well done babes all right everyone lots of love thank you for listening and if you have any questions just send me a message bye bye