Spiritually Speaking with Jessica & Samantha - Friendship Check-In: Are Your Connections Still Serving You?

Episode Date: January 19, 2024

 Take a moment for some introspection and join Spiritually Speaking in the latest episode: "Friendship Check-In: Are Your Connections Still Serving You?" In this thought-provoking instalment, Jess and Sam invite you to explore the dynamics of your friendships and consider whether they align with your personal growth and well-being. As life evolves, so do our needs and aspirations, and friendships are no exception. Our hosts dive deep into the signs that indicate whether your current friendships are nourishing or hindering your journey. With a blend of personal stories, expert insights, and practical advice, this episode becomes a compass for navigating the intricacies of evolving connections.Discover the importance of setting boundaries, expressing your authentic self, and recognising when it's time to redefine or let go of certain friendships. Through candid discussions, our hosts aim to empower you to create a supportive friend circle that aligns with your values, aspirations, and overall happiness.Whether you're pondering the health of your existing connections or seeking guidance on making new friends, this episode offers a fresh perspective on the role of friendships in your life. It's a conversation that inspires self-reflection and encourages you to prioritise relationships that contribute positively to your well-being.Subscribe now to Spiritually Speaking for a regular dose of insights that help you cultivate friendships that stand the test of time.Subscribe, share, and let's navigate the beautiful journey of meaningful connections together!Find us on instagram- @spirituallyspeaking_podcast@hairbysamanthagreen@jessicamarie_holistic 

Hello and welcome back to Spiritually Speaking with me Sam and me Jess. We are so excited to be back on another episode. We've got a really exciting episode which like I say I feel like I say this every week but this is an episode that we have both been wanting to do for a long time and for me personally I feel like everyone around me really needs this episode as well and we are going to be talking about friendships today yeah so settle in and there's going to be loads of bits I'm sure you can like yeah resonate with yeah and whether or not you feel like some of the things that we say you do resonate with with with your friends, you might be thinking of it more with your partner or your family. But for us, we are going to chat about it more in terms of our friendships with our mates. Yeah.

And the highs and lows that friendships can bring. Definitely. It's a funny world friendship. So we thought, you know, it's a good opportunity especially as expats yeah you're kind of juggling two lives with friendship circles you know if you're not an expat you'll still relate to this so yeah let's you know we'll delve in shortly but firstly babes how's your week been yeah it's been good my week has been good i feel like i have got a surge of energy recently whether that be because it's a new year, I don't know.

But I, yeah, I feel good. Nice. Yeah, I feel good. That's good. I managed to walk the dog this morning, which was really nice. That's good, I walk the dog as well. So I had a productive morning. Yeah, exactly.

That felt really nice. And yeah, I just feel like I'm ready for the new year. You're ready to take on the world I don't think I'm there yet yeah how was your week so it's been I feel like it's been quite emotional yeah um but not through like sadness just a lot of self-awareness I feel like I've had quite a few epiphanies in the last few days um so that's been really good I think reflecting on some boundaries that I needed to set, which I struggle with, and we'll talk about this when we talk about friendships and whatnot,

but I am a giver to my own detriment sometimes. So I'm very aware of that, which is good. Awareness is there. And I've definitely been more mindful, but just the last few days I've had a lot of time on my own and that's been really powerful for me. Yeah. But days I've had a lot of time on my own and that's been really powerful for me yeah but it has stirred up like a bit of anger a bit of sadness and then like a bit of relief like I woke up just like okay here we go right this is good so I had a bit of a

mental clearing out process yeah I also hurt my back at the gym oh god yeah so I've got a heat pad and I'm dosed up on ibuprofen oh but I think again that's like I go to these classes not very regularly and they're really high intensity so I just rock up like I'm that that cliche like new year going to the gym class pull my back yeah never go back but my god i'm ready to take on like maybe more pilates or yoga i was just about to say that i think i think my body is like chill out just go stretch and find a new form of exercise i think it's because i was always really competitive with like nipple yeah growing up that i've always gone to the high intensity workouts but actually that doesn't really match who I am now yeah so I've had a little reflection yeah it's funny

that because I'm a very competitive person but when it comes to exercise I hate like big classes I hate spin classes like I just like to do my own thing see I do thrive on a bit of competition at the gym yeah but obviously it's not good for me because then I'm not fit enough and I'll be like they'll sort of give you a challenge and I'm gonna do it yeah but then I can't do the rest of the class and I just yeah so I'm now sort of listening to my body and going okay like I don't feel old but I did think oh my god my body's not working how it used to yeah I need to really value and look after my body and what does my body want and I think a more sort of yoga pilates life is calling me and especially being spiritual everyone's like do you not do

yoga I'm I can't touch my toes babes like we'll revisit this at the end of the year yeah maybe i will be yeah yeah so that's my week so you know i think my weeks were always um a bit bumpy but in a nice way yeah definitely you know so i think first week of jan as well you sort of the first couple of weeks you just sort of settling in yeah i like to hide a bit this time of year so yeah right let's get into the episode let's do this babes okay so the reason we thought we would do this episode was I think we're both at interesting points in our life we're both 29 so everyone says you get to like find yourself in your 30s and it's like the best time and your 20s is working out yeah who the right people are you know who you are and I guess we're sort of we're in the the phase of the in-between I guess

between 20s and 30s at the moment kind of going into this new part of life yeah and we've spoke about how friends can be such different things um you know for a reason for a season yes and it's yeah it's difficult because a breakup with a boyfriend's easier 100 i think it is easier i in a sense of but it's normal like it's normal to have a relationship with someone like a romantic relationship and be able to say that there's an end to that yeah you know like that is quite a normal thing well there's always well not always closure but there's an element of closure yeah so whether there's a conversation a message whatever yeah when that ends and that's the end and you're devastated and you're sad yeah then you go for all

the motions and then you accept it where with friendship sometimes you know if you start to phase out a friendship it can be quite difficult and really sort of like especially as women we have our intuition and it's more complex and we just you know it's not just about friendship breakups friends are amazing they're the best thing ever but I do find it quite challenging how to manage friendships and I see it quite a lot like it's a big theme with my clients yeah you know love life work and friendship um so yeah we just wanted to explore a bit of that and yeah I said to Sam before we started the podcast if we didn't have whatsapp would we still have all our friends honestly when you said that i was

like oh shit because there's a lot of whatsapp groups that get made that kind of force you into an environment yeah maybe like yeah no it is it's so true it really is true and i think even just saying that really makes you think like wow who would i actually still be friends with like you didn't have whatsapp because yeah or not even just whatsapp instagram yeah social media everything it keeps you connected when maybe you know you think that you know what's going on in your friend's life because you've seen on instagram that they're doing x y and z yeah so you don't necessarily then think to check in yeah whereas 100 like we've said on all the other episodes before like what you put out there on

social media isn't always a true reflection of what's actually going on in your life yeah so yeah there's definitely times where I will forget to check in on people because I don't feel like the need to because I've seen I think I've seen what's going on for them yeah I think a lot of us do that now definitely yeah and I would say that I'm quite well this is my own reflection I'd say I'm quite a low maintenance friend and quite a reactive friend well you've even experienced it with me like I'm probably not the friend that's gonna be like do you want to go out yeah okay yeah yeah yeah go like i'm i think anyone that's listening that's my friend will be like yeah like if if someone says you want to go for a coffee i'll be like yeah i'll

go for a coffee i was about to say you would say yes i'd say yes to this but you might not instigate yeah like i would say but i think the reason i'm like that is because i was probably always the organizer yeah like in my early 20s I was the friend that would be like, should we go out? Yeah. And I felt this pressure to always be that person and I just put it on myself. And it's like as if I burnt out from it.

Yeah, I bet. And now I'm just sort of more of a, if someone checks in, lovely. I also would say I'm a friend that if you are in dire need of some help most people will call me yeah which is a lot though to have on your shoulders especially with the job that you do do yeah I think maybe there is that added pressure of like people coming to you for advice when maybe I don't know like I don't want to say that they'd use you, but they would. Yeah, but it can be that. You know, there is an element of like, oh, I'm going to go to Jess because I know that she's going to be able to help me so much more than.

Yeah, and I think it's really valuable to have friends that you can confide in. Definitely, yeah. I would say that a lot of my friendships at times, it can be a lot of people coming to me and it's a lot of people sometimes so sometimes then you don't necessarily get there but how are you at the end yeah like people check in and they might ask but I think by that point the conversation is kind of done because yeah and I'm quite needed yeah yeah so I think that's something I've had to sort of really sort of reflect on you know what does friendship mean to me and it means many things with every different person yeah so like I think there are people that I do

want to be there for yeah you know I generally care for them and I will be on the phone with them and having you know a bit of a deep chat sometimes um but I also am now more comfortable saying that have you seen your therapist yeah like you're gonna book in yes because I you know I'm not your therapist yeah and actually you get better advice from your therapist because your friend is always biased that's so true you know yeah so sometimes you just need that I've got separation yeah so I would say I've got better at that um but I'm definitely less social now since starting my business not because of workload because I struggled to manage it I'm quite overwhelmed by people because I'm working with people all the time yeah so I haven't even thought

of it like that yeah so I do I am mindful that a lot of my friendships have changed and it's nothing personal to anyone. It's just, yeah, a lot of, it's just heavy. You just have to kind of protect your own energy as well. Like when you're dealing with other people all day long. Well, that's it. When you're talking all day. Sometimes it's hard to then, yeah, to then check in. And you're really actively listening to people.

At the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is reply to voice to voice notes yeah and have deep conversations because i've been doing it all day yeah it's a bit like you know i'm like tradesmen if you're a plumber yeah and then like the family asks you to go and fix the toilet yeah and they've been working all day they're like it's the last thing i want to do i've never even thought of it like that maybe the same with you yeah and that's exactly what i just thought of i was thinking like wow if i'd done like and however many hour day in the salon and then one of my mates was like oh could you just do me a blow dry when you get home absolutely not no yeah yeah so it's that kind of thing sometimes that when you know obviously naturally people when they reach out to me you know it a life update yeah and yeah I've got to be in the right frame of mind so again this is boundaries like there's an opening I have some availability

in my energy which means a lot of people kind of confide in me which is lovely but also like it's a lot yeah so I think it draining yeah so I would say I was probably more of you know I would be out all the time I was instigating a lot more I would be more planned and organized and the people pleaser with my friendships yeah so I've had to overcome quite a lot I haven't worked it out I feel like at the moment I'm just a hermit do you think that's also a bit of like the Pisces in you yeah the Pisces is just like oh just I just want to hide yeah I'm just really happy daydreaming all day. But even in the people pleaser side of things.

The people pleaser, absolutely. Yeah. So there's this constant fear of letting people down. Yeah. And I am a very emotional person and I feel my emotions within my body constantly. And I know not everyone can relate to that so when I'm experiencing sort of deep stuff I might just recluse yeah but the people pleases like oh no I need to see this person I need to do that um so it's quite a tricky balance yeah definitely my um

my sister is a Pisces and that's exactly what she's like yeah she's such a people pleaser and like she'll listen to this I'm sure and she even we had a conversation the other day about birthdays she knows everyone's birthday yeah like not only our friends birthdays but she knows their kids birthdays yeah and I'm like I don't know those things and if you're my friends and you're listening to this and you're thinking I can't believe you don't know my kid's birthday. Then, you know, I don't, I don't know it because I don't need to know it. You know, like I, I have other ways of finding out when their birthday is. I might know the month and then at the beginning of the month, I'm like, right, let's have a look at when that, when that is, you know, and remember it that way. But like, I very much keep the space in my brain

for what is needed at that time and I don't expect when I have my babies from people to remember yeah my kids birthdays but to her that's like oh no no I need to remember those things but this is the thing so like with birthdays like I love to celebrate my birthday but not necessarily as a party yeah I just love to be with my favorite people definitely yeah me too like yeah but I also have come to an acceptance with birthdays that like I it's more about celebration recognition a few years ago it was more like who's my friends who's posted on Instagram about me like it was this kind and then fear of like what pictures are they

going to post and again all my friends know well they've probably noticed I don't post on birthdays yeah because I haven't got any updated pictures now living here yeah and also I just they know I love them yeah and they know that I have wished them a happy birthday yeah um so I just don't put this pressure on myself now with friends way it's just hard I just I'm not I just find it hard to manage and then if I post more pictures of one person than the other I love everyone equally in my friendship groups especially my school girls like you know they're I see them you know when I go back probably like once a year now we've yeah like and that's just because where I'm away,

they see each other more. I, like, barely laugh with them. Yes. And they mean the world to me. But, like, it's now, we've all got different lives, we all do different things. And if I had to go and find pictures, you know, that, I just... They're going to be from however many years ago. And, yeah, like, they know I'm wishing them a happy birthday.

Yeah. And they all do it for each other, but I have no expectation for them to do it on me. I'm like, don't worry. Same with presents. Yeah. Like a lot of the time they'll put money together. Oh, okay.

And especially for our 30th. Yeah. They sort of, well, a few of the girls have put a kitty together and I just was like, I love you all, but I'm just, don't get me anything. Yeah, I know, vice versa. Yeah, especially here. It's just, it's all just hard work. Yeah. eat together and I just was like I love you all but I'm just don't get me anything yeah and I vice versa yeah especially here it's just it's all just hard work yeah so I would say I've become like better with boundaries in that way before I would have been I need to get everyone a birthday

present yeah no I'm just you do have to set them boundaries and you know what like I think it's not just about setting the boundaries that you're comfortable with, but it's respecting other people's. Yeah. And realising that if your friend isn't like that and you feel like that they're then a bad friend or something, it's actually respecting their boundaries within your friendship. Yeah, exactly. Because I have friends like that who I 100% expect more from yeah and don't get it back and I can get so frustrated about that but then I actually take a step back and think well hang on a minute they've actually maybe they've always been that way or maybe that's just who they are or

um and then actually when I take that step back I value so much more from that friendship because I'm not constantly thinking yeah why are they doing this this way or why haven't they done that or it's unfair to put an expectation on someone it is especially a friend yeah so what you have to do is go to acceptance with your friendships so I have a friend called Vicky who is probably my funniest friend and I think everyone that's friends with Vicky can validate she's the funniest person ever I can go to Vicky and she'll always make me laugh yeah you know I've known she's my oldest friend as well like we've known each other for the longest

time but you know she is just amazing for that and then I've got you and my friend Risa who I'm like right this is what's going on in my life and what should you're both more like right you should be charging this you push me yeah and then it's like and then I say like my school girls make me laugh and then you know you have all these different people in your life that bring different things yeah and then it kind of my sisters my my two sisters are my absolute best friends like and we always laugh because we all say we're losers that we're just like each other's friends but they're my favorite people to be with like they just are the best thing ever and not everyone has that with sisters like sisters has it can be a complicated relationship we can also not so much now we're older being mean to each other oh yeah

but like you know I love hanging out with them so you know it's all different things and everyone brings different stuff but i think the sooner you accept like the friendships and maybe if someone isn't as close right now that's okay yeah like some friends it doesn't matter what you're going through you know they can be married of kids and you're not you can still be really close and for some friends you bond over your circumstance 100 yeah like spot on yeah yeah and that's okay yeah and it moves and i say that to so many of my friends with their friends so like if that makes sense so like some of my friends who might be then having trouble with some of their friends i say that to them i'm like you're in a different season of your life right now

and that's okay but it means that you're going to find more similarities with other people than maybe you did with those people before yeah and it doesn't mean that you can't then be friends with those people anymore it just means that you're going to probably build a closer relationship with the ones who are going through the same thing as you yeah and because you can relate so that helps so that naturally when we became friends was because we had things in common yeah not personal situations but like we both grow in our businesses you know we had similar mindsets we bonded over there I also think like when we met for me it was meeting someone who I could have those really powerful conversations with yeah and I didn't realize this

at all until we met and I don't know if I've said this to you before or not but like I for example like with my staff I will try to be that person who's like you know pushing them motivating them and what could you be doing better how are you feeling about that what do you want to do more of and really helping them and mentoring them yeah but then I didn't have anyone that did that for me or that I could do have those conversations with yeah and all of a sudden I was like oh but I only realized that when we became friends and then all of a sudden had these really powerful conversations and I step away from them and I'm like wow like I feel like my head is just like swimming with ideas and I feel so charged and excited and energized and

I love all of my friends like you've just said for such different reasons I gain such um different things from all of them in different ways but that was really transformative for me when we met to have those conversations and something that I hadn't realized that I was maybe lacking before yeah um and yeah at the same time then I've got like my friends at home are like my bread and butter like we've known each other for years and like you say you'll have the ones that you belly laugh with. I have the ones that we go out with and we just have the wildest, best nights out ever. And then I've got my friends who are going through motherhood as well at the same time.

And we can really relate to that together. And there's just such different relationships. I've also got a sister who we are absolute chalk and cheese we are such different people but I love the bones of it and we can get on like a house on fire as well like we could also burn the house down but we can yeah exactly yeah when you have sisters or even if you have a friendship that's like sisters yes it is a bit more brutal oh yeah it's like a bit more snappy yeah oh god yeah like and I'm probably the snappy one like she's the sweet innocent one bless her um but yeah we do have a really good relationship though

and my sister I don't know if I've said this before on one of the other episodes is also pregnant which is just like the most loveliest thing that we're getting to go through that together and um i feel like that also happened for a reason because our relationship is even stronger because of that um but yeah we're really lucky that i do have that lovely relationship with her yeah i think so like i think like what you were saying also about our friendship like I feel the same because I I I find that I need a push sometimes yeah I need a bit of why are you doing that like you're quite honest you're very honest with me I'm very honest with everyone but like my friends at home used to call me mrs blunt because I was so brutally honest but you I need that and I think that's really good because you'll question things like you're kind with it and it's the same with my friend Ashley that I live with like she's the same

you know she will prompt me sometimes in my thought process and I find that really powerful when friends can do that because I really value that so it's like all different people like and bring those things don't they and I think our friendship we we just can't stop talking can we yeah literally when we get together when we met at um brunch and cake when you first come back from the uk i think we sat there for five hours we did literally just stop talking yeah so it's powerful like everyone brings like all these things and it's so magical and i think that's what's beautiful about friendships is that there is so much that you can give and receive yeah and like we said about the expectation I think that's something I've learned recently

with expectation that it doesn't you know I I would put quite high expectations on friends yeah you know you weren't there for me or oh you know it's not on them to be there for you like yeah maybe I need to share more or and also I think one thing that I've definitely done before and trying to do a lot less of is I put expectations on people for what I would do for them yeah well this is it yes and that's you cannot do that no you can't because we're all different people we all have different things going on yeah and you can't say well I would have messaged her at that point and I would have done that because and I've definitely said those things before and felt those feelings but you have to take a step back from that and realize that if you're needing

something more from that friend and they're not giving it to you you either have an honest conversation with them about that or you then seek it somewhere else you know like you have other friends that then maybe can help you with that yeah I think so yeah and I think you know with with giving in any way relationships relationships, friendships, work, you have to be really mindful when you give, like what are you doing it for? So if you're giving to a friendship, is it because you love and care for them or is it because you want something back?

Sometimes we do it without realising and it's not a nice thing when we think about it, but it can happen so you have to sort of check in why am i giving why am i remembering everyone's birthday is it because i want everyone to remember mine and if that's the case why do i care so much about my birthday and being remembered is this validation yeah that was me a few years ago so it's that kind of you question it go go around the site like the circle of why you're doing it that is such a uncomfortable thing to do as well but it's it's so like literally i feel like a

light bulb's just gone off in my head and it's so funny because yeah you're making me even think about things that i do and like you say is that because then i expect that back well usually yeah the way we love is what we want to receive, so we do it to our partners as well. So with my friends, I basically leave them alone. Yeah. Because I like to be left alone. Because you want to be left alone, yeah. But if I need them, I'll reach out,

and they know they can reach out to me. So I behave in a way that's probably a little bit avoidant at times with my friends. It doesn't mean I don't care it's just you know it's a you start to if you actually observe your behavior and question it why am I doing it yeah you will get so much more and that's I know I reflect a lot but by doing that you know when I would check in with my friends especially like you know being overseas you check in with my friends especially like you know being overseas you check in a bit more what I did at the beginning and I was like why am I doing it I was

like because I just don't want to be left out yeah I was like I just don't want to like I don't want something to happen I don't know and then I was like but why like why am I actually bothered and I chose to move away yeah and I love my, and they will tell me their news as and when, and I'll tell them mine, but I don't need to be the first. I'm not the winner of the news. It's okay. So I think I had to come to some acceptance

that I'm not going to be the first to know things, and that's okay. They might not also be the first now, and that's okay, but they used to be. and then you kind of go through the grief of like, but they're not in my life as much. Like my two best friends at home, I used to get on the train with every day. So like anything that happened, this is like before COVID. They knew everything.

We were like, you know, life's different now. I still love them dearly, but I don't see them twice a day to check in on everything and I think you get some people who forget that that forget that things have then changed to make those relationships change yeah that makes sense so say for example you've changed your job so then obviously you're not seeing them every day or you've moved away but then some people still expect those relationships to stay the same yeah so you and it is okay that they evolve yeah yeah definitely you know so you kind of have to like check in with yourself and be like you know it's okay life life gets busier we have more

responsibilities and also we all get more different friends you know it's it's an odd one but it's such a complex thing well you have to reflect and i think we probably don't do that enough with friendships we do it with our family our parents you know relationships but we kind of accept the friendship dynamic and we probably should just check in a bit more and you know i've definitely set more boundaries in friendships if something hasn't felt right especially moving here you meet lots of people yes yeah I remember when I moved here I did someone's hair just before I moved and she said to me the best piece of advice I could give you is don't make best friends with the first person you meet yeah and I remember them saying that and being like what like of course I'm gonna

make best friends with the first person I meet like I'm going away I don't know anyone like I had Andy luckily like that we moved over together but it was really good advice yeah it was and I saw other people who did do that and they weren't actually their people but they just lent on them because they were like lonely or you know scared yeah and I've been very lucky that in the way that I moved over to Dubai which maybe we'll touch on at another time um I met a lot of people very quickly and I was very lucky to form an amazing group of friends very quickly um but within that I now also have other friends who are separate to that who you know i get on with on a different level

in like you yeah and you know in terms of that we have more in common because we work because of our work or loads of different reasons um but i do remember that and especially as an expat it is such a different thing yeah isn't it like different experiences yeah it's a wild thing especially if you're moving over on your own yeah oh well that was the case for me and obviously my my friend who lived in singapore for like i think seven years gave me the same advice oh really she was like meet people even if you're not as close with them you'll meet other people through them always say yes every new um stylist that i get in the salon i say to them say yes to everything and i definitely did that yeah but yeah moving over on my own you

know i didn't really know many people to be honest and it was quite a lonely time i'd say and quite a difficult time the first sort of six months of my my time here um and i'd say my anxiety was probably the worst it had ever been wow yeah it was tough so then I don't feel like I was on high vibrations I didn't attract probably the best people I also didn't attract loads of people either I kind of yeah was trying to work it all out and I would say really in the last 12 months my friendships here have become a lot more solid and the females in my life are more spiritual they're more sort of more aligned to what they're inspiring yeah every woman who's my friend here inspires me and I love that or they teach me something or I teach them and it's just

a really lovely way to have a friendship and I think one thing i would want to touch on is making friends when you're older so like so much i know when i say older i said this to my friend on a voice like the other day and i was like later in life i was like not as an old woman but you can as in when you're not in school you're not in college you're not in uni not your false friends yeah so the friends that you've been put in a situation with so they're in the same class to a group whatever yeah when you hit this phase in life where you can choose your friends to like buy you know your social circle what you're interested in there's something different on that friendship and they could have been like you you've been in my life for the last year and it's like you know so much about my life now you know it's like things like

that and there's still loads to learn but you're a really valuable person in my life yeah so I also have a friend Lisa who's like that at home I only became friends with her three years ago and you know she's she's so important to me was yeah I I'm like thinking of people in my head and I can disagree with you so much yeah so it's like you know you have these people that come along and you didn't even know you needed them and you know and she's someone that is yeah like my life needed lisa i also think so for us i feel like that happens quite naturally because we've moved away so because we're expats you have to you have to you get forced to do it so we gain those like you say different friendships yeah because of that

and the friendships that like you say are serving us in a slightly different way and because we're in that different let's say older we're in a different phase of our lives my friends at home for example and even like my sister and people like that so I I know that they sometimes struggle because they have their friends that they went to school with like you just said and we kind of get put together with we love them dearly because we've known them for so many years and we still choose to always be friends but then i think when you're in that position you struggle to meet new people you do like you struggle to get those those new relationships that we're talking about that we found it's easier when you're an expat exactly because everybody's in the same situation yes yes whereas at home it's so much harder i i would say i've always been quite

fortunate at making friends but i've always been quite confident in social environments you have to put yourself out there yeah but like my sister uh we was having a chat i feel like she'll laugh when she listens to this because we were talking about friendships and she was saying how it's it is harder to make friends at home and it's one of those things it's hard to give advice for something like that because you don't need loads of friends you really don't do you need to sneeze yeah I felt like I did but no it's gone it's gone I'm good um but like it is hard to make friends at home at times um and I think some things I would suggest to anyone is do you know there's women's circles

a lot more around now so look out for women's circles and people get quite anxious about going to women's circles I host them at home and here and everyone that comes is like I don't know why I'm here I don't really know what I'm doing. And it's this like, but actually a group of women together, you know, you will work out a lot about those women in those few hours. And you all have something in common as well. You're all there. And you've all had the courage to go there. So that's something.

Maybe you join a gym. Yeah, I was going to say that. Like F45 is quite a good gym where you're partnered yeah one thing that's just come to my mind is my mum for example so we moved to Manchester when I was four my sister was six so she made a whole new group of friends through me my sister being in school then we left school and those relationships just kind of died out with her, with her friends. And I remember her not really having like a solid group of friends as such. She started running. Oh my God. The social life that she has now is so different. And they're all, it's all with people

who she has common interests with. And she's constantly running with all these different people and I would go to like races with her or things at home she knew everyone there and she was just in her element of like she is a really social person and actually just by starting a hobby was how she then met all those people yeah and I think that's it yeah it doesn't need to be that you've got to go out to a bar and get drunk no exactly but equally if that's what you're into and they're the people that you want to meet then that's what you should do and like a book club's another thing a book club is a great one yeah just do something that you're interested in that's going to attract other people who are also interested in the same thing if you're looking for new friends i'll be honest sorry i'm interrupting

you but like i don't love organized fun so I'm suggesting to be honest like I'm not going to any baby classes yeah like I'm not great at that yeah but what I will do is if I meet someone and I genuinely feel like oh do you know what like you're a good egg yeah I will be more proactive to like build that friendship I'm exactly the same i'd be like let's go for a coffee yeah so i'd say just be a bit bold so if you do go to a gym class or whatever you do and there's someone who is you know oh do you know what they're quite cool like that was actually so my friend risa i met at 45 that's why i gave the example and i think she's really cool and i remember just saying to her do you want to go for lunch at some point she's like yeah I'd love to and then we have like an amazing friendship yeah like she could have said no she could have been like yeah I'll let you know and I may have been rejected I wasn't luckily but also if I was

it really would have been okay so sometimes it's not about forcing yourself in all these different clubs it's just being a bit bit brave a bit proactive and just asking someone if they want to go for a coffee and actually you might go to that coffee and it could be the best thing that happens and it's also the same with like dating and stuff if we just need to be a bit bit braver yeah with with people I think we've all gone into hermits through the internet yeah no literally social media yeah it's that kind of thing so um yeah it's I like that just be a bit braver I think so and it's funny you say that because again it's making me start thinking about things and there's a friend that is a newer friend to me over here who is amazing at her job she's got a brand and she's I'll say the

name of it Trey Bay yeah which is amazing yeah um and she's fantastic and I'm pretty sure it was her that said to me it could have been the other way around I can't even remember like let's go for a coffee yeah and the same thing but because we're both setting up our own businesses it was such an amazing conversation of like you know to meet someone who was going through a similar thing yeah um and you know I really value her friendship now but this is it so by being bold and when I say be brave like obviously the ego is going to be like oh this is embarrassing yeah oh this is cringe like all that stuff well fine feel that but go anyway i would urge you to get over that because maybe when you get over that you could meet someone

amazing yeah so it's that that fear of rejection to some degree that comes in and once you sort of push through that yeah it's yeah it's really powerful so i think for people that maybe are feeling a bit lacking in friendships then hopefully that's you know a little bit of inspiration and I urge anyone who's listening and feels like that over the next week or two when someone crosses your path that you would maybe like to be friends with maybe ask them if they want to go for a coffee yeah and see what happens yeah i really like yeah yeah i like that yeah i also think like when it comes down to realizing that certain friendships aren't good for you anymore that's difficult yeah i've struggled with that yeah it always it's a really hard thing and it i think like like we said at the beginning

of this episode i think it is harder than a breakup with a partner in some respects um it's more awkward it's so much more awkward there's not a way of doing it either you know what I mean like I've done it yeah and I treated it a bit like a breakup which is probably the best way of doing it was really uncomfortable it was very difficult um but I tried to be very kind in the way that I approached it um and I thought I'm not going to ghost this person that's unfair yeah um so what I did was I just communicated clearly it was for a message because we weren't in person yeah it was uncomfortable but I it felt the right thing to do they They're not a bad person. They're a lovely person. Yeah.

But it just wasn't working. Yeah. Just, like, we're all humans. Like, if we all were meant to work, like, together, it's just not possible. Exactly. And so it was uncomfortable. And, again, I would urge people to reflect on their friendships and maybe get a bit better with communication on that side

and I'm by no means guys am I perfect I'm really not I mean no one is like I really can struggle with communication at times in a sense of I will just not reply and delay because I need to work out how I feel but you know maybe maybe that's okay yeah you know you just sort of got to go with the flow but yeah I would definitely yeah if people aren't good for you or they're toxic you know I've I've really struggled with some I'd say they've affected me quite heavily the friendship situations and it's been quite painful um and it's still there yeah like it's like a breakup with a man yeah that's what I mean it doesn't really go very easily

but I think it's a really important thing to do that if you are struggling with someone and whether that be someone who you've been friends with for years or someone who you've more recently met it's okay to say this is no longer serving me and i actually can't

continue with this friendship yeah and i i think you know when you do that like you're knowing your worth so like it's it's a it's empowering i always urge people to be very kind of it yeah you know i i would say my approach well i hope my approach always comes across with kindness when i set a boundary um but yeah i think having open communication it doesn't mean you have to cut them off no you know it this is more a toxic friendship like if someone's you know just you're not as close you can let it be organically phased a lot of that happens yeah if you're feeling really anxious really triggered you're dreading things you feel used you feel all these things then yeah you need to have a conversation and there's a reason why that

friend came along to teach you that yeah like everyone comes along for a lesson that's it and that's a really beautiful way of looking at it as well but it's true like if you actually look at your life and look at all the people in it they are showing you something whether it's a really beautiful way of looking at it as well. But it's true. Like if you actually look at your life and look at all the people in it, they are showing you something, whether it's a mirror, a learning, inspiration, there will be something. Even, you know, everyone in your life, you will see a part of you in everyone. Yeah. So maybe there's something in someone you don't like,

but actually you have that within you. So it triggers you. it brings it up there's so many things that people will show you in your friendships and your family and your colleagues and I promise you they're all there for a reason and when you see it and you reflect it can blow your mind yeah I feel like even just listening to you say that I'm so if there's it all in my head. So if there's anyone that's really, everyone listening, if there is someone that's really just pissing you off at the moment and, like, they're not doing anything, they're just like, oh, their name pops up and you're like, oh, I'm just struggling.

Or you're like, I'm just not... Not vibing. Yeah. Yeah. But you can't put your finger on it. And that's normally what happens. And sit with it and actually's normally what happens sit with it and actually get uncomfortable with be honest with yourself you don't have to share it with

anybody don't and i always think with these things it's not about being um they're this they're that go ahead do that but you'll get nowhere yeah take responsibility what is happening in this friendship what's bothering you why are you allowing it is usually the problem and what can you see in them is usually what is in you yeah so the reason you're uncomfortable you can't put your finger on it is because you're being shown a mirror it's actually a bit uncomfortable oh it's so uncomfortable so there's a little bit of advice there that I give to many people but yeah it's it's magical the way that people come in and out and what they show you yeah there's that amazing video I can't think what it is right now off the top of my head but where it says about how people can come into your life for seasons

yeah and that's okay and yeah yeah and i've had loads of people like especially since living here even more so who've come into my life but for maybe a shorter period of time and then they leave and then that's that's okay yeah it is that acceptance and letting go yeah definitely definitely yeah i hear you babes i hear you so should we do our little card of the week now yeah let's close things off so i've got my keepers of the light oracles i didn't um use these on the other one but i do prefer these so let me just open the box okay oh there's one in there maybe that's our message i think it is open communication get a weight off your chest speak up with love and be heard omg there's our message okay that was perfect that

was and it's mercury and we were talking about mercury the other day on the retrograde so open communication i think is really the key message here and yeah like if we were all more open I think there would be less anxiety and less of this oh this thing's not good things aren't right let's just speak up a bit more with kindness please always with kindness don't be mean it's just not nice we don't need to do that um and if we are mean let mean sit with it when we get angry yeah at something that's not nice it's okay we're human we should get angry but if we get angry at others then we're getting it wrong yes so that would just be something to be mindful of but it does say get weight off your chest so for anyone that is feeling just a bit heavy right now speak up and

speaking up doesn't have to be to the individual. It can just be actually acknowledging it, speaking to someone who's a real safe space, whether it's your therapist or a good friend, to unravel what you're feeling. Because actually once you release it, you can get a lot more from it, okay? But like it says, speak up with love and be heard. And I think for all of us, all we want to be is heard.

That's all we want. We want to be understood and heard yeah and i think it's yeah just a little reminder for us all so yeah nice ending to the to the podcast i think so babes um so thank you so much for listening we hope that you have really taken some value from that episode i know i definitely have um we love all of our friends that are in our lives. We wanted to say a little message to them. I feel like I was giving a shout out and then I thought, oh God. Yeah, I've not said this person's name or I've not said this person's name.

You're all amazing. Yeah, exactly. You all make me laugh. You're all good. We're very grateful for the people that we've got in our lives. And if you want to find us on instagram um my instagram is at hair by samantha green and mine is at jessicamarie underscore holistic

and then we have the podcast one which is spiritually speaking underscore podcast we've got it babes yeah got it um and yeah please rate the podcast review it share it on your socials tell a friend i'm just gonna say that yeah tell a friend post it on your instagram story tag us we really really appreciate all the support that you have been giving to us and we will see you next week absolutely babes lots of love everyone have a beautiful week