Spiritually Speaking with Jessica & Samantha - Long-Lost Family, Fading Friendships & Future Decisions

Episode Date: January 30, 2026

This episode of Spiritually Speaking is full of heartfelt questions and honest conversations. We talk about a brother who appeared 65 years later and what that kind of soul reconnection can mean, the emotional weight of leaving a WhatsApp group and whether it really signals the end of a friendship, and big life crossroads around focusing on career or trying for a baby. As always, we explore these topics with compassion, intuition, and straight-talk guidance, reminding you that not every ending is final and not every decision has to be rushed.

Hello and welcome back to spiritually speaking with me Sam. And with me Jess, welcome back everyone. Hello everybody. It's nice to be back. It is nice to be back. It's so good vibes, isn't it? It's been quite, well, I don't know about you, but I say good vibes. I felt really intense this week.

I don't know how you've been feeling. Yes, the last week especially, to be honest. This week a little bit less. Oh, that's good. Yeah. Yeah, you had a bit of a tough week the week before. I've not actually had like anything happen. The astrology is just crazy this week.

I've just felt really intense in my head and like really like a bit stressed but not not really for real reasons. You know like when the stress just. Yeah. And then sort of after I'm like, oh, I don't know why I felt like that. I'm fine now. So yeah, it's weird. Yeah, that's definitely like a, I suppose like more of an inch.

thing. Yeah, well there's big things happening basically Mars is conjunct Pluto which is well it was this week. It's just really disruptive so if anyone has felt how I felt please no don't worry it's okay it's just sort of a bit of a intense energy that we're just moving through and there's just loads happening in February in the astrology and like it's basically the biggest month of the year for like shifts and changes so what a lot of people might be feeling is that kind of that final bit of just I don't even know what word to use but it's just very uncomfortable for a lot of people so if you're feeling that don't worry it's it's the astrology

don't act on it just let it pass and sort of see what it is and and then it will clear up for you yeah so what have you been up to so what have I been up to so a lot of work actually um I had a little workshop yesterday. It was like the free psychic development one, which was really lovely. It was like the first one I've done like that. And it was just so nice. It was just lovely to talk about psychic and what it is and what it involves. And I just really enjoyed it. I actually got really emotional on the call and cried. Really? Within like five minutes, I started talking about basically that when I started my journey, like this old psychic said to me, you know, you have a choice. is either a curse or it's a gift, what do you want it to be?

And I was like, I feel like it's a curse, I don't want it. And she was like, well, choose for it to be the gift then. Choose for it to be that more, you know, energized and magical thing. And I was like, okay. And then I just started crying. And I was, oh, gosh. But I think it was, you know, I think the reason I got emotional was this is why I do this work to help people to share, you know, how to develop your intuition.

And I just know how I felt when I was going. through all of that. So yeah, anyway, it was a bit of a full circle moment. But that was lovely. What else has been going on? I've bought my seeds for gardening, so I'm getting very prepared. It's a bit cold at the moment, so I'm not committing to anything getting sort of put in the little pots, but I've got like all the little, like pots for the indoor. So I'm going to start with the seeds, and then I'll get like, I've got a little heat mat that I'm going to order so then they can grow more. then they'll go into the garden. What are you, planting?

Loads. Tomatoes, chilies, cucumbers, garlic. Oh wow. Elephant garlic, potatoes. I'm going all out. This is me though, Sam. It's never just like I'll give tomatoes a go. I'm like, well, I'm going to do it all.

But obviously, I'm at home all the time with my work. So it's not like I'm commuting and it's easy. I say easy. It's easier to keep on top of it because I'm always at home. I'm actually doing it in Ben's Garden, and not mine, but obviously I'm at Ben's like 90% of the week anyway. So yeah, there's lots that have been grown. And then there's going to be onions, but they're a bit later.

Loads of things. I basically just... Sorry, I feel like you should get a pet. No, so we, I've, no, I think you're right. So I just feel broody and maternal all the time. But I was talking to my friend the other day. And she was like, you've been broody your whole life. She's like, even as a teenager, you were like,

just loved children. And like, I know I'm going to be a mum. I know I'm going to go on that journey. And I just need to look after something. I need to grow something. And it's not a baby yet. And then I was like, is it a pet? I just don't think I want a pet. I'll be honest. I think it's going to be the garden. I'd rather get a dog when my children are like five and I'm already in that life of sacrifice. Yeah, I get it. No, I absolutely get it. it. Yeah. So the garden feels like a really good option and obviously it feels like more witchy and more sort of aligned with me. And also I'm going to grow like sage and herbs and I want to start making like my own smudge stick so that I can sage the house. And so yeah, I'm just really excited.

Obviously it's going to involve a bit of patience. But that's my focus. That's my hyper focus right now is that. We went to the cinema and watched Hamlet for the, well, for the first time obviously, because it's in the cinema. Oh my God. It was so emotional. What was it?

I didn't even know what that is. It's basically, it's like based on the story of Hamlet and like William Shakespeare. I won't say too much in case people are going to watch it, but I just, oh, it's quite heavy. So it's quite a lot of grief in it. So be mindful if you're going to go and watch it. It's not all love and light.

But there's the main character in it. She's like a wild woman. She resonates a lot with me. She's sort of giving birth in the woods and, you know, very powerful in her witchy ways. And yeah, so it was funny. We really enjoyed it. But it was like sobbing. And you know when you sort of walk out of the cinema, like, oh my God.

And then we went to Wingstop because we were hungry. and in Wingstop, it's like the music's really loud. It's like fluorescent white lights. And I was like, oh, God. It's not the vibe that you're on after that. I just want my chicken wings, but I'm just so emotional. So, yeah, so that was that. But that's it really.

Just working hard on the psychic circle and the app and building lots of stuff in there and just feeling like a lot of hard work. I'm a bit tired. I'm a bit conscious that I could burn out. So I need to just be a bit mindful of that right now. and just yeah I'm ready for spring I'm not going to lie I'm ready for a little bit of the longer days and getting in the garden but it's not yet so I need to be patient with that yeah so that's me but how are you I've got a couple of things I want to ask you um first thing is your podcast so I've been listening to it and I'm loving it um so please go and listen to Sam's podcast I keep getting it confused is it unfiltered or is it Is it aligned and unfiltered?

That's it. Okay. Do you know how I'm going to remember that? Aligned is A. It's the first letter of the alphabet. Yeah. Aligned and unfiltered. So I've been listening and the second podcast, you said something about habit stacking.

And I feel like you should tell some of the audience today, or all the audience, not some, about that. But how has the podcast been going? You've been getting good hype on it, babes. It's been really great. I've really enjoyed it. I feel like, as I kind of said when I did it, I found it very nerve-wracking. Like I really did struggle to actually do it.

Like, it's so weird because we do this all the time and we have been doing it for ages. But so when me and Jess record, right, we literally just record. We very, very rarely have to pause it or stop or edit much, says me, who doesn't edit the podcast. But, you know, we don't really have to do anything like that. But when it's just you speaking to a microphone,

There's so much more pressure it feels like on my side. And I was just like overthinking everything that I was saying. And I honestly recorded the first episode like what felt like 15 times before I got it right. But anyway, practice is going to make perfect anyway. Or not perfect. Nothing's perfect. But it'll make it better. So that I'll come with time.

But anyway, when I finally uploaded it, I would have liked to have done more of a buildup on social media, for example, to be like, this is what's coming. But I just didn't have the energy to. I think it was at such a time of my life where like I was busy, it was Christmas, I had family over, it was just intense. And I was just like, no, you know what? Here it is. My podcast is out tomorrow and that was that. And actually it went really well. And yeah, I had loads of people listening, messages. It was, it was really, really nice. And like, I came into work today. And one of my girls said to me, she was like, oh my God, I love your podcast. And I was like, I don't know,

it makes me actually go a bit, like, cringes me a bit because I'm like, oh my God, you've listened to what I've said. I don't know. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, no, I do. But it was lovely. But, and she was like, my niece is listening in the Philippines

and she's got her friends listening. And I was like, that is just so nice. And I think I forget that I will be talking about things that people, like, you talk about habit stacking, for example. I'm like, how did you not know that? Because to me, I'm like, that's normal stuff, you know. And I would have thought that that would be something that you would already know. But I also think that it takes.

sometimes for you to hear something a few times and to be told it in a different way for it to stick definitely but also it's like anything like because we talk about these things so much we think it's normal and the amount of times I say something to someone and it's really simple and they go oh my god I've just never thought about it like that and I'm thinking yeah really I think about that all the time and I think it is good like to realize that just because it's familiar for you it's not for others. And to be honest, like, I probably habit stack without realizing. But once you sort of identified it, I was like, yeah, like, that's such a good way.

Why don't you explain what it is? I feel like people might be not. Yeah. So habit stacking, basically, if you're struggling to integrate a new habit into your life, then stacking it on something that you already do is a really easy way to start doing it that requires very minimal effort, minimal to no effort, basically. So, for example, you will brush your teeth every. day, morning and night, and you don't even think about it because it's just natural that when

you wake up or when you're getting ready, you're in the bathroom, you brush your teeth. So you don't actually even have to think about doing it. It just naturally happens. Kind of like, you know, when you're driving and you're like, did I actually just stop at that light? Because you just naturally have done it because you're so used to it. That's how you want to create a new habit to be so that then you can just do it with ease and you don't, you just naturally do whatever that thing is. So by stacking it on something else that you already do, makes it really easy to do. So for example, if you want to start doing more positive affirmations to yourself, that's a really easy one to do because you could then start doing that while you're

brushing your teeth. It could be that you've put post-it notes on your mirror and you're reading them while you're brushing your teeth or you're just thinking about it while you're brushing your teeth. so that's one way of doing it. You might want to, let's think of something here. Let's think of another habit. I've got one that you want to do. Go on. So I'm trying to get more flexible.

So I'm trying to stretch, like, touch my toes more. So when I boil the kettle, I will stand. And in that time the kettle boils, instead of like just sort of sitting on my phone or whatever, I will just try and focus on my stretches and do something. a really good so exactly so you're doing it while you're doing something else anyway so it's not requiring any more effort than what you're already doing anyway and so that's how you would do have it stack in but one thing that i would say to you with that do it when you because your body's really warm

and you will do it way better than you will do the kettle say it again sorry sorry it's my sorry when you um get out of the bath or the shower and your body's warm do it then because your body is loads, it's warm so it will move so much easier so you be able to stretch a lot more. You know how like at the beginning of a gym class or a yoga class or whatever, you'll try and touch your toes and you can't really do it at the end you can. Yeah. That's why, because your body's warmed up.

Yeah. So do it when you get out of the shower before you put your clothes on. That's what I would recommend. But yeah. So yes, podcast is going really well. I feel very excited about it. I feel energized about it. I feel I've got loads of topics that I want to do.

I feel really good about it. So yeah, I'm very happy about it. I definitely like to get it on video content as well, but that is just the next step that I'm not quite there yet. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine with taking my time with it. Yeah, nice. Well, done, babes.

That's really good. Thank you. I'm very proud of it. It's a well done. What else is going on? I'm pushing me to do it. Oh, nice. It's all right.

I've got the girls' birthday on Monday. Of course. Yes, they're turning to. So for anybody who's been here from the beginning, Can you believe that that is happening? Because I can't. Yeah, so they're turning two on Monday. So we're doing them a party at home on Sunday.

So we're kind of going to do their birthday basically on Sunday. So then Andy can be there because he'll be in work on Monday. And just because obviously this is just what happens, River has got a handful of mouth. Oh, no. Yeah. So it's not so bad, to be honest. this because she got it on the she got it last weekend so by this weekend she won't be contagious anyway and we're very very lucky that she's actually had like the mildest form of it

that I've ever seen she has one spot on her hand one on a foot and one on a mouth that's it she actually does have a few on a bum so yeah she's got a few on a bum but other than that she's got it really mildly because Blake had it in the summer and she got it so bad it was terrible whereas river's been absolutely fine so we're just hoping that everything's going to be fine for sunday because i can't rearrange to their party because my mom and dad are here so and obviously i want my mom dad here that's the whole reason they've been here was for their birthday etc so anyway i'm just hoping that it all works out but i'm just you know what it is right when the girls turned one obviously it was the first time ever experiencing a kid's birthday and it was a huge deal and it's not

that them turning to isn't a huge deal. But you just have a bit more of a sense of reality when it's happened again. Because the first time, I was like, everything has to be perfect. It started raining like 10 minutes before people came last year. And I had like a meltdown internally. And I was just like, no, why is this happening? And then it was fine. Like the rain literally lasted 10 minutes and it was fine.

Whereas this year, I'm just like, what will be will be? So if it's just me and Andy, my mom and dad and the girls, and my couple of friends who don't have kids who would come, then that's what it's going to be. And it just turns into a bit more of an adult party. And the girls are two, so it doesn't matter. So, yeah, I'm just taking it for what it is. Obviously, I'd love for them to have the type of birthday that I've got in mind,

but at the same time, I'll take what I will from it. Andy has decided to bake the cakes himself. No, that's very sweet. He loves cooking, which is great for me because I don't. But he's now, yeah, taking it to another level, baking so he wants to bake their cakes himself which is great so um yeah so that's fun so he's doing that at the moment he's done a trial run um and that's really good i feel like with cakes that you can get a good toper so that can help if it's not like i've got a topper yeah i've got a topper so the cake

just needs to be quite plain and then i've got a topper um so yeah it'll be fine um and yeah that's kind of all i mean i've had loads of other stuff going on with me just work-wise but I mean, I'm not going to bore everybody with that. It's not all interesting. But just, yeah, keeping very busy, to be honest. Yeah, it's a busy. I think this time of year, and obviously you've got the girl's birthday,

so it's added as well. But you kind of get January out the way, and then it's just like momentum arrives, and it's just sort of full steam ahead. So, yeah, I'm so excited for you. I can't believe they're too. I know, me neither. It's so, it's such a hard thing to, like,

wrap your head around because like you you mourn who they were because you want to like just have that again like that feeling of that little baby and that quietness that you had but then at the same time I'm like this time next year I'm going to wish that I had this again so I'm trying to remember that and like I was sat with them in the morning they were just having their bottle on my knee and we were just like had toy story on the TV and cuddling them and I was like oh this is so nice and don't get me wrong like the feral 95% of the time but, you know, that 5% that they're not. I'm like, oh, listen, that's very sweet.

Well, welcome to full-on toddler phase now, I guess. Oh, I feel like I've been there already, honestly. They are just absolutely crazy. They speak so much, which is great. But yeah, their speech has really come on. Yeah, they're just a bit crazy. But I think they were just always going to be that way, weren't they? My children at the end of the day.

Of course. That's what makes them special. Yeah. Exactly. So yeah. So yeah, it's full on. It's very, very full on. So we have some big questions. Should we go into them? Let's do it. So again, I would like to start this section of the podcast by saying, thank you so much to everybody who has written in your questions. We really, really appreciate them. Please, please, please keep doing it. We don't, they can be big,

small, whatever. As long as they're important to you and you need a good answer, we will do our best to provide you with that. We have an anonymous link which is on our Instagram, which our Instagram is at Spiritually Speaking underscore podcast. And you get the link there and just type away in there. The questions come to me and then I type them out and we read them out on the podcast. Love it, babes. Perfect.

Well, should we go with the first one? It's quite a long one. So let's get comfy. Yeah, settle in. Okay. Two years ago, my mum received a message from someone who said he is her brother. His son also contacted me as my mum wasn't applying. So we both found this out at the same time.

Long story short, after them speaking and him showing all the details he has, she got him to do an ancestry test to make sure. And he was 100% connected. The whole process took a couple of months, then she finally spoke to my nan about it. Months later, my nan eventually told my aunties about him. My aunties automatically got angry at my mum, not my nan, for not telling any sooner, and everything spiraled from there.

Bear in mind, my nan was the one who kept the secret for 65 years and had been contacted by him before, but asked him to not get in contact again. Fast forward to summer 2025 when I was back home in the second. when I was back home in the UK. A huge fight about it all happened just as I was leaving in the UK and we haven't spoken since. I called my nan a couple of months later to talk. It was okay but my auntie was really nasty while I was on the phone

so I said I'd call another time and then never did. My mum still went round and tried to keep a relationship but it was very toxic. Then last October I became unwell and my mum let my nan know and she said, let me know what is going on. I then had minus surgery, I'm all good, but my nan never followed up with my mum about how I was. So because of that, my mum is now not in contact with anyone either. She feels my nan should have got in touch

and clearly doesn't want to speak to my mum or she could have. So with as much information as I can give without this being too long, I'm just looking for some advice as to what to do next. I feel like I know life is short and we should all make up but another part of me doesn't like the people they are after finding out this information. We never asked to be contacted by my now uncle and the way they've treated my mum, mainly, is pretty unforgivable for me.

I just don't know how things will get resolved. I guess my question is, do you think it will ever get resolved and if so, how? Yeah, it's the heavy one. That's scary, isn't it? It's really scary because, Because so I know this person who's written this in, and they have never had anything happening in their family before. So never any fallings out, never anything like that.

So it is particularly scary because you just can't fathom that happening. Yeah. Well, like if we look at this spiritually, which obviously I'm going to do, this is major sole contract stuff, okay? I thought you were going to say that. Yeah, like it's, it's quite deep and there's a lot of pain. And unfortunately, they're just aiming it at, you know, this person and their mom. So that's really unfair.

But obviously, instead of seeing the betrayal of the 65 years or however long it's been, they're seeing the betrayal that you knew and you didn't do, you know, you didn't tell anyone, like your aunties. But it wasn't yours to tell. It was your nans. And your nann clearly. has got a big lie here that she's hidden and I can't even imagine

how that would feel to carry that your whole life and, you know, I understand that at that time all those years ago maybe a child out of like Wedlock obviously would have maybe been up for adoption I assume this man went up for adoption is that, do you know? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, he did, yeah.

So like there's obviously a complex story to as to why that happened. And obviously that was so much more common in those days. And it's obviously probably quite a deep trauma for the nan. And now, I don't know, it is, it feels really messy. It feels like a spider web in the energy. Like, I don't know how this gets resolved in all honesty. I don't know if it's just time.

Yeah. Like as if it is. Maybe the worry that you have, though, with with that, is especially when people are getting older. Yeah. Yeah. Like it's all very well saying time, but you just don't really know.

Yeah. Well, with the nan, like not reaching out about the operation and stuff, I don't think it's malicious. I think there's a lot of shame for this nan, like for what happened. And I think there's lots of deep rooted emotions there that she's carrying.

And I think there's a lot of shame. and embarrassment and I think you remind her of that. That's sort of what comes up for me. I also think that with sort of finding a solution, I don't actually think there's much you and your mum can do. I think you've done what you can. You've tried to keep the peace. And now it's like, you know,

there might be an element of acceptance of this, which is quite uncomfortable. You know, we don't always need to be fixing things. sometimes, you know, it's really hard. I'm going to pull the cards. So hard. What do you think? I think that it's very unfair that the anger has been pointed the way that it has.

And I think that that's ultimately people who can't really deal with their emotions well. So they're just focusing them on somebody else. You know what I mean? Like they're very quick. be like put the blame and the anger somewhere else and maybe they feel comfortable with that. I think it's really sad. I agree on the whole time thing, but I just, my worry would be, you know, you don't know how much time somebody has. So to kind of just let it sit when it's family, like Wood doesn't really sit with me. I don't know. I would find that hard.

But I completely agree with what you're saying. You can't always fix things. And unfortunately, I think the nan in this situation has clearly lived with that shame and the guilt and the, you know, she's basically, she's kept this under wraps, how she's, what she's been hiding for 65 years. And then it's finally come out and she's probably just never, ever thought that she would have to deal with that. And I think that she just does not know how to handle it. And then it's blown up in front of her. and now realistically she's the reason that her daughters aren't speaking and that's awful. Yeah. Yeah.

And that's so much guilt and shame to hold because it's, oh, is this terrible thing to say? I actually think, oh, can you say this about someone who's an elderly lady? I don't know. But I think she needs to take a bit of responsibility. And I understand that times were very different back then. and we can't at all comment on what she's done in terms of what she had to do because, you know, that was a completely different time.

But in the here and now, she should really be the mediator in the middle who says, let me take the blame for this because actually it was me. It's got nothing to do with the fact that, you know, my daughter was the one who had to tell her sisters. Yeah. It's actually the now.

who should be taking the responsibility. Yeah, no, it is tricky. And I think, like, I wonder in, like, the cards I've pulled, like, you have got the conflict cards. So, like, you know, how did you communicate this? Or how was this dealt? Like, can you look at maybe the way that you communicated with your aunties or your mum with her sisters, whatever?

Do you think there was an issue in that communication that you're not aware of? Like, because there might be something there that, triggered. Also, with these things, when we talk about ancestral healing and sort of the ancestral lineage, we carry like spiritual, like, DNA in a way from our parents, grandparents and things. So what this nan has been carrying, carmically carries on with the rest of the family and then the family have to continue with this karma to resolve it. So the nan, you know, for whatever reasons that would have, I'm sure, made complete sense for her, she kept this quiet. You know, now it's playing out again in a different way, you know, this person and her mom knew about it.

They kept quiet. Then they finally spoke about it. You know, it's all this betrayal. So as much as this family were seen as a happy family, there was all this underlying betrayal going on the whole time. Yeah. You know, so it was underlying. and it always had to come out. Now, the cards here still say, you know, just to step back, there's the Hermit card.

You know, it doesn't feel that you can fix this mess right now. And I'm sorry because I would love, you know, to urge you to sort this. But it's asking you to take time and reflect to step away from it. And I know that when it's nans, like, you know, they're older and I know that's really difficult. and lots of people want to sort things out because they don't want that when, when, you know, people pass away and whatever. But this is major. This isn't just, you know, a little thing.

This is a 65-year betrayal. And because of that, you know, you need to take a bit of time, a bit more time before coming back to the family. I think, you know, the next six months to a year, just you and your mum focus is. on you and not pushing it too much. You've not done anything wrong. And, you know, maybe then the collaboration can come later, but it's not right now. You've not done anything wrong. It's such a difficult situation.

I imagine lots of families have this because of that time, you know, so it's very difficult. But the cards are just sort of saying, look after yourself, hermit mode. There is conflict. I think if more is said now, it's going to. cause more issues, just step away and let it just, yeah, stay away. Yeah. So I'm sorry that that's the solution. I do you think, though, like what you said was good in terms of it'd be hard to do,

but if you reflect on the situation and see if there are any parts of it that you think, oh, you know what, maybe I said that in the heat of the moment. And actually, I can take accountability that maybe I didn't say that the best way, how I articulated, whatever it was. I think that that's a really good thing to do as well because even though you aren't necessarily in a position where you're going to contact them and be like, look, I'm sorry for what I said about this.

But if you can just at least make peace with that yourself, it will probably help the process in moving forward because then when you do come to speak to them in a year's time, two years' time, whatever it's going to be, you probably will have a different outlook on it. I don't know, you've probably made a bit more peace with it. It's so hard. I'm thinking about my sisters.

like and say I got this message on Facebook like I I probably would tell my sisters but that's because we're quite like that. The relationship you've got with your sisters, yeah. But I think if one of my sisters got that message and they didn't tell me, I think I would probably be a bit like, why don't you tell me? Like I do think I would have that response and as much as I would be, oh my God, my mum's got this, we've got this brother that we didn't know about. I think I'd be like, but why don't you tell me?

I can see where that response would come from. But then I think also the rational mind would go, but it's not, she had to do what was right and she felt that was right. And maybe these sisters don't have that perspective. But I can see how that response would appear. But I think maybe it is just letting it. I know it's been a while, obviously, from the timelines here. But it's very difficult.

Yeah. Very difficult. Very, very difficult. I don't know if that was very helpful for this person. I think so. I think even just knowing like that you're doing the right thing by stepping back from it because that's what she's done. So I think taking time to just step back from it,

I think knowing that that's the right thing to do right now, I think that's still definitely helpful. Yeah, gives you permission to step back knowing, you know, right now that would be the right thing. Yeah. Okay. So question number two, right, where are we? We have had plans, oh wait, let me start this again. We have had to put plans for baby number two on hold because work opportunities have really

come in for me this year and I feel and I felt driven and excited by them. But I can't help but think in the back of my mind, have I done the right thing, delaying fertility and putting my career first. It's like a guilty feeling. Oh, that's really tough. Yeah, that is tough. I think many of us can relate to this decision making. Yeah, definitely.

I think though, like, the guilty feeling is probably more societal than actual guilt. I think it's probably, I think it is a lot more societal. I saw this thing the other day on TikTok and it was like, 24 moms are trying to think in 2026 are we getting hot or are we getting pregnant? And it's like if you had a baby two years ago, you should be now thinking about having another one. And like I see loads of people who had babies when I had the girls who are now pregnant or they're doing it again. And it's kind of like, oh, well, you should be doing this now or you should be focusing on yourself. Like, well, no, maybe I'm just happy how I am. You know?

Yeah. So I think a bit of it is probably societal. and not actually maybe what you want because by the sounds of it, you feel really driven and excited about this new work opportunity. So there's nothing wrong with that. And actually, if you were, yeah, if you were meant to have another baby now,

it will just happen. It will, you know, I do believe what's meant to be will still happen. And I think that if you put something back by a year or two, I don't think that there's anything wrong with that. I personally think being somebody who obviously had two kids together at the same time, I really believe that a lot of people have that second baby out of societal norms

and not actually by what they really want. I really think that we have this whole like two year age gap, two and a half year age gap is like the norm. When actually, that doesn't always work for a lot of people. Like I think that one of my friends has got a four and a half year age gap between her kids, I think, something like that. It's about four years. It looks perfect to me.

I'm like that. Why more people don't do that? I don't know. Because her daughter is at the age where she's helpful, she's excited. She's at an age where she can just sit and do activities on her own. Whereas, and we don't know what the age gap is, by the way, with this because it's not said. But let's assume it's around two years. is why so many people are so eager to have a baby

when they have a two-year-old that is so demanding and so full-on and they're like, yeah, let's go and have another one. Yeah. Well, it's hard, isn't it? I think, like, with the pressure of fertility, that's the thing, isn't it? Like, we're sort of scaremongered to be, you know, that we're infertile and we need to do it quick and all that stuff.

But I agree, like, babies will come and they're meant to come. and that's that's the soul level element of it. You know, a soul chooses when they come here. I've pulled some cards for this person and you've got some really nice cards. You've got the Queen of Pentacles, which is like the working mother. So that really validates that like your career is important

and actually these things that you're doing with your career are going to really benefit your child and children when there's two of them. So like I think it's really important that you do put your career first and not feel guilt for that. because it's right. It's the right thing for you, okay? We also have the magician. So what I would say to you is a little bit of manifesting that this baby number two is

going to come. It's going to come when it's ready and it's going to come, you know, whether it's next year or whatever. And when the fear comes in, I'm like, oh, God, am I delaying it? And is this going to cause me issues? But, you know, then just go back to the manifestation of this baby will come when it's meant to come because there is this. real sense of just divine timing for you. I wouldn't worry about fertility. You've got the Queen of

Pentacles, which is a really good card. And do you know what you could do while you're in this period? It's like really just think about your fertility. So whether that's having acupuncture, whether it's like preparing your body, like energetically for it, while also focusing on your career. Like I would definitely recommend that. But you're fine. Honestly, the energy is absolutely fine. And the Queen of Pentacles validates. You're willing. You're willing. work feels really good this year. I feel like you could make a lot of money and really sort of experience some good stuff. So don't, don't feel guilty for it. You're doing something really great and well done. That baby will come and it might come sooner than you realize and there's

nothing wrong with that, but that baby will come. Oh, I love that. Yeah. Okay. Do you know, So we've got one last question. Do you want to read this one or do you want me to read it? Go on you read it, babe. Okay. So, hi girls, I love the pod and often think about sending this message in. I have a close group of school friends, six of us, but they used to be seven. We were so tight.

We had all been through a lot. Sorry, we had all been through a lot over the 20 year friendship, as you can imagine. For context, it was from the age 12 to about 31. on. Then one day my friend left the group chat saying that it wasn't personal and that she didn't like WhatsApp chats anymore. It hurt me initially and I must add that I was heavily pregnant at the time, but understood that everyone has different boundaries. Since then, the contact has got less and less to the point when some huge life events have happened to myself and my other friends and there has been little or no contact. Some days I feel like I need to let it go and move on and some days I feel

really sad about it. There is no way that we would ever be the same again now, especially as we are all at an age where we have so much on in our own lives. But I could not stress enough how great our group of friends are. We hype each other up and we are there when the chips are down. We have so much fun when we are together and it makes me really sad that she chose not to be a part of that without any explanation. Do I reach out or do I let them? Thank you both. Well, in instantly I would say let them. And that's my response straight away. I think friendships are really complex.

And we talk about friendships all the time. But this friend is clearly just overwhelmed with the responsibility of friendships. I really don't think it's personal. And when she sort of said, you know, something about, you know, not liking group chats and it's not personal. Group chats are really overwhelming. Like I can relate to this, okay? I find my WhatsApp is the bane of my life. I talk about this all the time.

And I feel like it's a real identifier if you're a good friend or not, on how you reply to WhatsApp messages. And I just don't think it's fair. I don't think we are all able to be, you know, able to show up in that way all the time. I can't. So I can relate to the friend for that. And she's quite bold for leaving the WhatsApp group.

You know, there are WhatsApp groups I would like to leave that I don't. but I get it. There's legacy with these friends. And I'm not making this about me, but I am. I've been in a friendship group of a similar sort of long period of time. And I feel a bit of an outsider in that friendship group since coming home. Like I haven't, you know, they've gone out and done things. I haven't always been invited and I would like to have been there. All these different things have gone on. I just think it's really difficult at this age when it comes to friends because sometimes legacy and length of friendship becomes not as important. And maybe for this person, there's just a lot more going on for them.

I do feel that for this person, that they're quite overwhelmed. Maybe there's something that triggers them. And do you know what? I know you said you've got a lovely friendship group and you hype each other up and things like that. But some people struggle being around women, even as a woman themselves. It's just something that's being put on us that we can find friendships, difficult or we have jealousy, like maybe this person feels really jealous and I don't want to sort of admit that to the group and they're like the only way I can deal with this is just

coming away. And I even find, I was thinking this this morning, I was talking about social media as well, someone posted something on their story. This is completely irrelevant. But, and it basically was saying that they saw this tarot card reader. They're the best tarot card reader they've been to and whatever. I've really helped this person over the years and I was really like upset and I took it really personally and then I was like oh my god like we're so exposed to things on social media and WhatsApp constantly. I think if you're quite an anxious person it can be really triggering. So the reason I'm sharing that is even someone who loves friends, loves having people around them is a good person that hipes people up. I still will see things.

and it can trigger me. And I just think that's what this has gone on with this friend. Also, I just want to add one more thing. You don't know what's going on in someone's life. And I find as well, you know, there might be a lot more to it that you won't know now. And maybe in five, 10 years time, you'll bump into that friend and they'll say, do you know what? I know I left, but actually I was going through some stuff and I didn't feel comfortable sharing it. And that could be in their relationship or I don't know. So I think the let them is definitely. the strong message there. And I think you're a good person because you care.

And that's so lovely. And I think that's what's so hard with friendships is we, that closure feels much harder than a breakup closure. And Sam, I remember like we spoke about a friendship dynamic for you once on the podcast and you were like, it's just really weird. Like we're not as close or whatever. It is really weird, isn't it?

It's just. Yeah. And I also think like, you took the words right out of my mouth. You don't get closure on friendships the same way that you do in a relationship. Because if you're breaking up with someone who you're in a romantic relationship with, you nine times out of ten will have a conversation about that and then you go your separate ways. Whereas in this instance, she's not had the conversation. She's just said, I'm just going to remove myself in this group chat and then she's just started to distance herself. And because of that, you haven't got that closure. And maybe you're the type of person who needs that from people and you know she's obviously not giving you that and that is

hard and I get that but I also think well if you've ever read the Mel Robbins book let them the whole point of it is let them to let you and you need to look you need to think about this that you're not serving yourself by being upset about this situation or letting it weigh on you so you really have to release it and let go of it and a person, it's not for everyone. And you might have all, where you've been supporting one another with pregnancies or engagements or whatever it is,

might be really hard for this person to feel happy for you about. And that doesn't make them a bad person. It just makes them someone who's going through something different at a time in their life and they struggled to be happy for people. And that's why maybe they needed to remove themselves from the group. So I do think sometimes we just have to accept

that you, we, I literally said it in last week's episode. You have a friend for life, a friend for, you know, like, you just, I can't remember what the saying is right now. But you know what I'm saying. Yeah, a season or reason. Yeah, exactly. And you just have to make peace with that and accept it, unfortunately. It's not always comfortable, but it is reality.

And, you know, she's, to be fair, hats off to like what you said, she's just taking herself out of the chat. And also, I always think this, like, if, we didn't have WhatsApp, we wouldn't be in contact with these people. Like a WhatsApp group kind of binds you for life. And sometimes it's a commitment that you actually might not want to make. And I think about my parents and maybe my parents, you know, not everyone's like this. But they don't really, my mum's got like a school friend she keeps in contact with.

You know, it's not like they've got these, still these big friendship groups from school. The only person I do know, I don't know if it was school, my uncle, he's got some friends. and they've known each other a really long time but I find you don't often hear of that as much maybe of that generation. I could be wrong, it's just my perception of the people around me where I think now we're all really pressured

to stay in friendship groups because of WhatsApp and then leaving a group is, it does feel dramatic, doesn't it leave in a group? Oh, it is. I'd say it's quite a dramatic thing, like just being like so-and-so has left the group. Yeah, yeah. feel like a mic drop thing, can't it?

But yeah, it's not, it doesn't have to be like that is what we're trying to say. Like it's, it can just be that naturally over time people just part ways. And yeah, it's sad and I get that. But she's chose to do it. So it's not like you've pushed her out. Yeah. I do think letting go is probably the hardest thing to do with friends. I think, like I'm in it at the moment of like I'm saying with things with my friends.

and it's really hard, like you think about it a lot and you don't really know what to do. I've had it with people who've distanced themselves like from me and I know I've done absolutely nothing wrong but I'm very aware now on reflection that I just trigger this person. Yeah. And that they just can't, you know, be around me for whatever reason it is. Yeah. And that's hard for me to take because I've never had that before. but you know you just have to make your peace with it unfortunately it's not always comfortable

it's not always easy but it is the reality of that situation that she's decided to take herself away from it it's definitely the witch wound coming through for us women i think loads of people will listen to this and really resonate and i totally do so i just think keep doing what you're doing focus more on releasing it um sometimes i think as well as women we think is our responsibility to fix everything including relationships. It's not always our job. So honour what the friendship was and find a way to kind of find a round closure, I'd say. Yeah, I agree. Absolutely. Well, thank you so much everybody for listening. And like I said before, if you do have any questions, please put them in

to our anonymous link. If you have a super long one, feel, and you don't mind it not being anonymous, please feel free to send it in as a DM or you can just add them in the box but you just have to put a number one then a two then a three on each bit that you're writing because the box isn't that long if you want to get us on Instagram we are at Sproaches Speaking underscore podcast

if you want to follow Jess she is at Jessica Marie underscore holistic is that right? Yeah as I was saying it I was like am I right am alright and I am at samantha green dot TGH amazing well done babe so it was lovely to chat and I really enjoyed those questions. Thanks so much guys. Lots of love. See you later. Bye.