Spiritually Speaking with Jessica & Samantha - Mushroom Magic & a Bit of Therapy

Episode Date: July 11, 2025

In this deeply personal and powerful episode, Jess shares her very first experience with mushrooms, a moment that turned out to be far more than just a psychedelic trip. It was a spiritual unveiling.As the plant medicine opened up old wounds and deep truths, Sam held space in a way that turned the experience into an unexpected therapy session, full of emotion, reflection, and healing.Together, they dive into the raw beauty of spiritual growth, the power of holding space for each other (mainly Sam holding it for Jess), and what it means to be cracked open by the medicine and still choose softness.This episode is for anyone walking the path of awakening, especially those learning to surrender to the healing that doesn’t always come in the form we expect.

Hello and welcome back to Spiritually Speaking with me Sam and with me Jess. Welcome back. Welcome back everybody. I'm on UK tour for now. You are babes. I am back home in the UK. It's lovely actually. I've got, I'm in my dad's office and I have got the door open to outside and it is so

nice outside. The weather is absolutely gorgeous and we've been really lucky with the weather to be honest. So yeah it's lovely, it's really nice to be back, it's just nice to be outdoors. Yeah I do feel like British summer time is like obviously peak British time so I'm pleased that you're back and having a nice time and good weather. Yeah, no, no, it's good. And you're still in Mexico? I am still in Mexico and I will be leaving Mexico on Monday. So just a few more days here, which is nice. So I decided to change my flight two weeks earlier. So it ended up

being six weeks here. I just felt ready to come home, which was nice. I think that's nice to feel like that though, I think a lot of times it can be the opposite. So I think when you feel ready you know that it's right as well. Yeah and I was actually reflecting on my Mexico trip and I actually think this has probably been the most impactful than all of the places I've been to. Wow, really? Yeah.

So I am, it's a really interesting energy here in Mexico and in Tulum in particular. But I don't know, I just feel like there's a portal. Like someone said this to me when I was coming here, they were like, oh, you know, if you want to manifest or face some stuff about yourself, Tulum will help you. And I was a bit like, oh, okay. And obviously I agree that there's energy to places. And I just feel like the time I've been here,

I've had a few things happen, like some resistance with things. I've had some really powerful spiritual experiences like my dreams have been crazy. My meditation has been so visual. Like there's been like a lot of clarity that I've got while being here. So yeah, it's actually been great.

And I wouldn't say I've made loads of friends and been really social. I actually have had a lot of time for myself, but I think I needed that. And I'll have to go. Yeah, when I think back to like, when you were obviously in Thailand, I feel like you were out doing so many different things.

You were traveling around, you were like, you know, city hopping from different places. Whereas I feel like with Mexico, you've been quite calm. Yeah, I have. And I feel like a lot of people have messaged me that they've gone out their way to be like, you just, you look like you're glowing, you just seem really relaxed.

And I'd say I'm a pretty relaxed person anyway. I know I like to be a bit adventurous. But yeah, I just feel like, I don't know, like I actually did mushrooms. Did I tell you about mushrooms? You told me you were going to, but I don't know if we've spoken since. Yeah.

So, I've never done anything like this before. I feel like if I told you, you would have remembered. Cause it feels like something I'll share. So I obviously have just never explored this sort of world of spirituality. Sorry, is a mushroom a psychedelic? Yeah, I think so, yeah. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, it is, yeah.

Right. And there's obviously loads of different types of plant medicine and I've just never been drawn to it. If I'll be really honest, I've never felt the need for it. But this part of the world, it is like everywhere. without seeing like what plant medicines available. And, you know, obviously when you sort of look at how the Maya people lived, they completely connected to mother earth and used all the plants to get to this like high state. Like that's what I believe. So I felt ready.

And I was like a little bit apprehensive but it came through like a recommendation so it felt like a good option so I went and had this experience and oh my god it was fucking bonkers really like I have received a four hour, but I cannot listen back to it. I didn't stop talking for four hours. You've recorded yourself talking for four hours? Yes, the person recorded it as like an audio recorder. Oh, right. Okay. So basically, like I am obviously naturally just way open to spirit.

Yeah. I am obviously naturally just way open to spirit. Like what I do. You know, if I'm, before I go to bed, I get all these downloads and images and all this stuff. So like I knew that like stuff was gonna happen. Like I felt safe to open up to this deeper spiritual wellness. So basically you like, it was some powder mixed with honey. You like scoop it out. It actually tasted powder mixed with honey. You scoop it out. It actually tasted good with the honey.

And then I laid down and I had an eye mask. I put the eye mask on so that I could just stay in darkness. And I basically, within about 10 minutes, started to feel the shift and I was like, okay. And I felt like I left my body. Like that's the first experience I had. So I was like, yeah, we've definitely not spoken about this. No, no. So I feel like all the listeners are going to be really intrigued by this.

Yeah, absolutely. First of all, like I was laying there and then I sort of saw this. I was, it was like I was flying, okay. Very. And I saw myself, but not in this body, in a different body with darker skin, dark hair, like riding a horse. And it looked like it was kind of in like a canyon,

like desert, like it was all beige. And I was like really free, like I was just like. And I was like really free. Like I was just like, and all my hair was really long and it was all like flowing in the wind. And then I was like this eagle above watching myself. It was like I traveled and I was in the sky going to this lifetime. And I just started crying and I was like, I'm so free.

I'm just so free. Like, and I was like, I have all this freedom. Like I'm not stuck. Like it was like that. And then all the- Sorry, when you say you started crying, do you mean you or do you mean the person on the horse? Right, at that time you started crying.

Yeah. Like I was sobbing like straight away because I just got this visual and I was like, you know, look how free that version of me is and I'm in this life. And then all of a sudden it'd be like, and then I would go into this tree. So basically I kept coming back to this tree and traveling through the tree and each tree would take me to a branch and it would take me to another lifetime.

And so then I went to like this temple but it wasn't like an earth life, it was really weird, it was like a life that was like all colour and it was a bit more like a Hindu life where there was sort of all the gods and the goddesses and there was this temple and I really liked it there but like you didn't speak it was just energy it was really weird and I was like I want to stay here and then this old woman appeared who stayed with me throughout who was definitely like the my higher self and she was like no come on you've got lots of other places that you need to go to, but like, we're going to pop in and see people. And I was like, okay, fine. So then we went back to the tree, started flying.

And then my granddad appeared who passed away like years ago. And well, I say years ago, probably it was around COVID. I love my granddad dearly, right? But like, I wouldn't say that my granddad is someone who comes through to me in spirit. Yeah, like you always say, like your nan would. Yeah. Yeah. My mum and on my dad's side. Yes. Yeah. So literally, I'm like, granddad, what are you doing here?

Like full on talking to him, like I'm talking to you. Wow. I was like, are you stuck? What's going on? And basically my granddad didn't leave me throughout all of it. And then I ended up having an argument with my granddad because then ended up having an argument with my granddad because then, he basically, so like when my mum was six, he had an affair. And he left my nan for another woman.

And I had like, I was annoyed with him about it. And I'll be honest with you, I didn't feel that in this lifetime. I've never, that was like, I don't know, 70 years ago this happened. Yeah. And basically the old woman was like, this is your ancestral trauma.

I know that it's not like you didn't feel the pain, but you've carried this from your nan through your mum to you. And now you can see what the issues you've had with men because you've not been able to release this. It was really weird. Oh my God. Honest to God, it was a full blown conversation.

And in the end, he just was like, I'm so sorry. Like I got distracted and I let you down and I let your mum down. And then I just like forgave him. And then I was like, but I don't think I've got an issue with you. I don't even know why I've just had this argument with you. It was like, there was truth in me.

There was this part of me that like, didn't know why I was talking all that stuff. And then there was kind of me who sees my grand know why I was talking all that stuff. And then there was kind of me who sees my granddad as just my granddad. Yeah. It was so weird. That is really weird. But it healed something because I said to my mom, I called my mom after it was like, Oh God, you know, and I said, do you know what? Like with my nan, I've always looked at my nan and thought, oh bless her, like he really broke her heart. Like she really loved him. So like, I really have felt that with my nan.

Yeah. She, and also when I went through my breakup, my nan was really good with me. Like she spoke to me a lot about things. So I do feel like there was something there. So anyway, really random, but when people talk about ancestral healing, I feel like I really understood about that because it came out of nowhere. It was like a form of healing for the masculine because my dad is like the nicest man you'll ever meet.

Oh yeah. You know, I haven't got what people would class daddy issues because... Yeah, absolutely not. Yeah, he's so lovely. The way you're loving that. Yeah. Like the best example ever. But obviously there was something through my mum's lineage that was connected to myself. So anyway, that happened. Then this old woman was really strong. It was like, I saw myself as this old lady, right? And I didn't give a shit. I was swearing. I was really like, it was like this alter ego. The only way I could explain it was it felt a bit like Gemma Collins as a 90 year old was like, Oh,

that's all in. And she was like this really wise woman and she kept taking me through the tree and she just kept saying to me, why do you care so much? And I was like, what do you mean? And she was like, why do you care? And she was like, why do you care? She says, now you've seen all these lives. Like honestly, I went into, I would say at least 50 lives. Like I was just going, and I can't remember all of them.

And she said, now that you've seen all of this, why'd you give a shit? She said, because you don't need to. You worry about so many silly things. And I was just like, I do. And it was just like, we had this whole conversation. So what was happening for me was I was just like full on talking to all these spirits and like wise people and people from this life. And honest to God, like I genuinely feel like that conversation changed my life

because when I was sort of having this argument with my granddad, which is really weird, and my uncle will be listening to this. And my uncle is like the, my granddad remarried like my uncle's mum basically. And I need to talk to him because there was loads of stuff that went on with that. And that it was really, I don't know,

there was so much karmic family stuff that I, I don't know, it was just, nothing can therapy could have sorted that. Yeah. It was really weird. So anyway, but this wise woman was just very powerful. And she just really reminded me to not care. Because basically, what would happen was, when I was in the earth life, so I went to all different levels of lives. When I was in the earth life, it was really dense. But there was a

lot of love, but it was a different type of love. Like it was so like, complex, and so in the mind and all like, you know, the conversation with my granddad and whatever. And then I would kind of go to another life that was more spiritual. And as soon as I would go into the spiritual life, I would look at the human life and be like, God, we all give a shit way too much. Yeah. We are so like bogged down in all this crap and worry and like all these things and worrying about what people think of us. And when you go to this other life, it's irrelevant, you know?

Then I kind of went to heaven and there was like loads of women there and that we were all just laughing and giggling and they were all laughing at me that I'm going through this earth life. It was like they were a load of wise women and I popped back in to see them and I was like, fuck this, earth life is really hard. And then we all started really cackling, like laughing and they were like, but you chose to go back. And I was like, oh no, like, do you know what? I'd rather be up here.

And they were like, we know that, but it's really easy up here. You're so good at this stuff, go back. And they said to me, you're resisting your life. Like you're resisting what the earth life is and you wanna go back and do it properly and like actually just really commit to it. And I was like, okay, so what you're telling me is maybe I'm sort of escaping

from the reality of this earth life and you know, and I'll maybe be a bit more grounded. Maybe I'll stay in one place for a bit longer. And they were like, yeah, like, why don't they were like, why don't you try and actually think about what it would be like to settle down? And I was like, Oh, I don't know, because I'm having fun. They were like, Yeah, but you come back here and have fun. And you can also have fun when you settle down. It was all like, yeah, it's all really weird. So I know I'm talking really quick, but it was just so, like, so visual. And I was having full blown conversations with all these different people. And I was like, okay, I was like, I'll do that then. I was like, I will, I will do that.

And then I kind of came back into the body and I was back in the room. And I was like, okay, I'm back on earth. And then I was like, right right and then I'd fly again and honest to god there was a point where I was flying so fast I was going woohoo this is amazing like you know when you're on a ride oh my god yeah like I was and I had to hear in my voice the way I was going, oh, like I was moving. And it was just like, yeah, but this old woman, she didn't leave me alone. My voice changed as well. So in the recording, I have different voices.

And I actually had like a whole bit where I spoke with my mum. Wow. So like, I basically, I'm not even joking. I think I cried for about half an hour about how much I love my mum. And I couldn't stop talking about her. And I was going, you actually make me wanna cry. But like, I was just like, I just love her so much.

Like she's just so cute. I kept saying my mum's cute. Oh. She's cute. She's very cute. And then she just so cute. I kept saying my mum's cute. She's cute. She's very cute. She's so cute. And I just like sobbed and sobbed and I'm crying now because I just felt like this crazy love for all my family. It was just so wild and hard to articulate. So I really hope that I've got some of it across, but none of you were in this weird world experience and only I will fully ever experience what happened but I actually think

it was yeah just amazing yeah. So while you're doing this are you in a room where are you? a room, where are you? So I was in my place. So I, um, but the lady came to my space and she, okay. Right. Okay. And then you just stay there for, and then she's with you, this woman. Yeah. Yeah. So then she has the music and stuff and sort of helps you cause like, you know, you do need to go like the toilet and have a wee, because you're there for hours. And like, you are so out of it. Like when I woke up and looked at my body, my hands were not my hands. They were wrinkly and old. I was an old woman and I was like, my hands, I was looking at them and I

was like, this isn't my body. Like, this is really weird. So like you're really like, like this is really weird. So like you're really like it's a really weird sensations and you go to like the toilet and your legs are wobbly and that is so when I'm having a seizure. And then how long does it take you to come back around? Quite a long time. So I like, I think it's in your system for a while anyway, but I think after that, like I actually had like a little bit

of a negative experience after, and I don't wanna like go into it because I also don't, I will touch on it, but more because the practitioner was involved and I don't wanna talk badly of people like publicly, but there was a little bit of like an issue from like a financial perspective

where she wanted more money. And yeah, and I was like, just come out the high and it was a little bit like, it just didn't, it wasn't probably done in the right way. And it was just a little bit weird. And when she left, obviously I was still in this, this weird energy. I just felt really shit. Like I felt quite like judged and yeah, it was like a really heavy come down that I experienced because of the interaction we had. So that kind of did leave a little bit of a shame on the experience, but like I just leaned into it, explored it. Like, and I think really the outcome was for me to like be in my power because she was, I felt a little bit like she was trying to take advantage of me.

Yeah, that's what it sounds like. And I stuck up for myself, which can be difficult for me sometimes. So I think actually, you know, the old woman was saying, why do you care? She was, it was like, she was there saying, now come on, like, yeah, step into power, stop worrying about these little things. If you, you know what you feel comfortable with, you've given her the right amount, it's okay. Like, you know, that sort of situation. But I think that's the only issue with this stuff is,

this is where I sort of think, you know, people can take advantage, like it could be really dangerous if it's not the right time. That's what I was thinking. The fact that she's with you in your place for like four hours or longer. Yeah, yeah the right. Yeah. That's what I was thinking. The fact that she's with you in your place for like four hours or longer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So I think that's the only thing. So what would I say as like my final thoughts? I wouldn't do it again. I don't think. Yeah. I'll go there when I

die in all honesty because I feel like they showed me Really what the other side is? Yeah, and I'm very grateful for that But I'm here to be here on earth to live this experience and I will stay here on earth and I Think that if I went there too much Like many people do you lose touch with who you are. Reality, yeah. Yeah, and I just don't feel the need for that. And I also think that only now, on this spiritual journey where I've got to, was I ready to experience it. Because I had, I'll be

honest, I had a really positive experience while I was in like the height, where lots of people have really dark experiences. I actually cried because of how lucky I felt that I had such beautiful lives. I feel like when I was seeing what I saw, it was just full of love, kindness. And there was, I laughed so much. Like I was talking to people going, I've not seen you for years. And it was like the most craziest conversation. And we're laughing. I saw my nanny, Sheila, who's still alive.

And I'm going, what are you doing here? And I'm like, are you dead? And she's like, I'm stuck. And I'm like, oh, man. Like, and then Sheila sits to me, do you know what? I'm a wise woman as well. I know it doesn't look like it. And then we both really started laughing.

I was like, what have you been doing? Like, there was just like so much fun, so much love, so much light. And I feel like my life is like that now, you know, I went through my hard times and I think if I did it when I was in my heavy times it would have been really different. So like I'm not saying I'm an advocate for it, I really don't know, but I felt called to have it and I experienced it. It was absolutely transformational and I'm really pleased I did it. I learned a lot.

I definitely felt a bit heavy after, like I felt like I'd had a big session and was on a bit of a come down for a couple of days after. I do think that was because of the conversation that happened at the end. But I also feel I've grown because I can have those conversations and stand on my own. Yeah, yeah. And I let it go. So yeah, so that was kind of what happened. Wild, absolutely wild.

So I hope you guys enjoy that. So what I would say, have you ever read the Midnight Library? No. You need to read it. And if anybody wants to have a little bit more of an understanding as to what Jess is talking about, then read that book. The book isn't actually about spirituality. And this isn't me ruining it because it tells you like right at the beginning, but it's about, and it'll probably tell you on the back of the book, but it's about someone who is unhappy within their life and they see themselves living or they see themselves making

different decisions within their life and how their life would have played out basically. And it's a really, really good book. I would really recommend it to anyone. I would actually read it again, it was that good. But that really reminded me of it when you were saying about all those different like lives that you've lived. Well, it was interesting because obviously this happened

while a couple of weeks ago. And then a few days ago, I went Chichinitza, which is obviously like the big pyramid here. And I did like a full day tour where they teach you so much and show you things. And there was this painting on the wall of this tree. And it's like the tree is like, it's like, as if there's a mirror. So it grows like you've sort of the roots are like the tree. And, and I was like, that is the tree that I traveled through. That's exactly what it looked like. Oh, no way. And then I asked them like, what is this tree? And they said that this is the tree of life.

The Maya people believed that you would travel through the tree and there's these different levels of lifetimes. You've got the earthly life, you've got the other lives and you'd go and travel between them and that's how you reincarnate. Wow. And literally I was like, oh my God, that's where I went. Like that's what I saw because the tree kept taking me to these different places. And then they kept talking about the eagle. And I was like, that's really weird because I was flying as an eagle. And the eagle is like, they have like the eagle and the jaguar. So I think the jaguar is like strength and power, but the eagle is like wisdom. And I just felt like, I don't know, it felt really powerful to know that after,

because I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, definitely after, I agree. I think knowing after is different. Yeah, it would have planted a seed otherwise. I genuinely, I know there's the tree of life and I've seen like the crystal sort of trees, but I've never really explored what it was. I didn't know what it meant. I've just hadn't connected. Um, and yeah, so it was,

it was really quite validating for me and everything happens how it's meant to. Um, and yeah, I'm just going to really enjoy this life even more. I'm going to, I did manifest by the way, I forgot to say this. So there was loads of stuff they showed me. So, um, they showed me about forgiveness. So they said, um, we forgive really easily over here, but you guys struggle with that. And they were like, and you in particular struggle like me. And I was like, I know, I know. And then they said, why don't you try it? And there was a cow.

And I said to him, I'm so sorry that I eat you. And he went, that's okay. I forgive you. And I was like, is that it? And he's like, yeah, I forgive you. Like, it's okay. And I was like, okay. And I found it really funny that this cow was talking to me, like, forgive me. And then I sort of said, okay, so can I try and forgive funny that this cow was talking to me, like, forgiving me. And then I sort of said, okay, so can I try and forgive people that have done things to me? And they were like, yeah, come here, come over here. It was like I stepped over a line and then I like listed out loud the people that I wanted

to forgive. And then I was like, oh, and literally it felt like it went. Like it's gone. Oh, wow. That's gone. Oh wow, that's nice. And then I went, okay, so over here, if I say like one thing, you'll do it. And they were like, yeah. And I was like, can I manifest?

They were like, yeah. I was like, okay. So literally I was like, I saw this portal and it was like a tunnel. And I said my manifestations out loud and they went through this tunnel. And I was like a tunnel. And I said my manifestations out loud and they went through this tunnel and I was like, okay. And it was so clear and like I'm adamant, they're gonna come through.

Yeah, they definitely will. But you're doing the right thing by just, you've done it, you've put it out there and then you just wait. Yeah, and then I feel like what I've been doing since is I feel like I can now go back up to that tunnel. But basically it's like when it comes to manifesting and working with energy,

you've just got to kind of rise up into this space. So like, it's like a few layers up to what we are. I don't know, it's weird. When you get there, it's all clear. It's really detached. So like to ask for forgiveness feels really easy there because you can like everything is, is detached. So yeah, so that was basically something. So I was thinking, how can I articulate that in a way that could be like a meditation and a practice for people on the psychic circle because you know I don't I really wouldn't say everyone needs to go

and do mushrooms to manifest I would much rather I've gone there yes yeah and I'll work out how we can get there through meditation or whatever. So yeah, so really interesting, the tunnel. I can see it now. It's so clear. So yeah, so yeah, anyway. That's so exciting. I love that. Yeah, there's some good, good formulas there.

So you're doing anything else now before you fly back on Monday? No, just chilling out babes. Nothing crazy. I've just got work. So I'm working on, so basically the psychic circle is turning into like a whole other level. I'm building out an app at the moment that's going to be very like bespoke and personalized, which is very exciting. And Ellie, who I'm working with is in the process of doing all that for me. So I'm recording lots of meditations, lots of amazing content, which I'm very excited about. So I'm really doing loads

behind the scenes at the moment. And I'm really excited to share it all. So it won't be long. So that's my main thing right now. Yeah, that you'll be working on. And then obviously you go home and then you don't know where you're gonna go after that yet. So I'm gonna go home and I'm gonna get stuck in for a bit and stay home for a little while. My friend's getting married in November and I have no plans to travel.

Yeah. Oh, how exciting. Yeah, so who knows guys? Who knows? Watch this space. I think you've got lots of exciting changes coming up. And I think it's great. Like, obviously, you've had all your time in Mexico and experienced what you've experienced, which has been incredible. I feel like you've got out of it what you wanted to get out of it.

Yeah, definitely. I feel like you've got out of it what you wanted to get out of it. Yeah, definitely. I think so. And I think really like for me, I'll say this to my sister, like I feel like there's been the last few years, even from when I moved to Dubai, I think I needed to just go and heal. And I was actually talking to a client the other day

and I was telling her about my story because I don't really talk about it, but like, well, this side of things, but like when I was sort of 25, like when my boyfriend broke up with me, he had like a full blown affair with like this married woman who was like 10 years older. She had kids and it was like, probably the most like painful thing that I'd gone through in that at that point in my life, you know, and, and I genuinely think it's taken me such a long time to like love myself from that, because I felt like so much had happened to me. I felt so like embarrassed and

like ashamed that like, he did did that, which it wasn't about me. He was the idiot. I was about to say that's so upsetting that you felt that way from someone else's actions. I genuinely think I felt that for years. God, I'm going to get upset. I think these mushrooms are still in me. And I do feel like it has taken me so long to like get to a point where I like who I am. And, you know, and I think I had to go away and do that. I don't think I could be home. So, oh my God, I'm crying.

It's good. It means that you're just releasing it all and it obviously is still there a little bit. And the thing is when these things happen, like it can weigh on you for so long and you can distract yourself by moving abroad or meeting different people and taking yourself out of your comfort zone

and getting a new job or whatever it is. But if that's still there deep down you can't really move forward until you do deal with that and you know where like maybe now you're in a place where you are ready to meet somebody else and move forward and I know in the past you have been as well but I think now you're actually in a place where you love yourself so deeply that you can actually meet the right person and you wouldn't settle for something other than, you know, the best. And I think that's what I've sort of realised being here is like, I had to come away and

like find me like, and I know that's a really great day because I think I have let people treat me like crap and I don't know I just feel so happy and content but I just feel like it's been so much work to get me to this point I'm so grateful for that yeah it like, I'm really happy to just go home and I don't know, it's weird. I can't explain it. Like I just feel like I've needed these last, you know, five, six, seven years of this journey of, I don't know, it's weird. It's just, it's hard to articulate, but I just, I feel like I'm ready to just go back and have some love from my family and meet someone. Like, and I do, I feel like, I do, I feel, yeah. Sorry, this version of you has never been at home before.

I think that's probably what it is. And like, you're really looking forward to going back because of the person that you are now going back. And that's the difference. Like you're going back and you're comfortable and you're happy and you feel more confident and you feel so much self value and so much self assurance in your decisions,

in your business, in the way that you enter a room basically. Because we've spoken a lot about different things where you maybe don't feel as connected or as happy in certain situations maybe when you're at home. Whereas now I feel like you're confident now to the point where you could go home and say, I just wanna see my family. I'm all right for seeing everybody else.

But if you want to see other people, you can. But maybe before you'd been in a bit of people pleasing and would have put yourself in those situations that don't make you very happy to make other people happy, whereas now you probably wouldn't do that and you know now so wholeheartedly what makes you happy and what you need to make you tick. Even the fact that you don't have coffee anymore, you've made that decision. It seems so small, but it's not. It's like you've made that to know that that's what makes you happy and makes you a better

person, so you do that. You don't really drink alcohol anywhere near as much every now and then you'll have the odd one, but very rarely. Even that is a huge change to make but the people and forgive me friends at home for saying this but a lot of people who have never left where they have been brought up and where they live they don't change because change doesn't come from doing the same thing all the time and they don't change. So when you go back and you say, oh actually I don't want a wine, they're like what? What? Why don't you want a wine? Why are you being like that? You know they don't

accept it the same way. Whereas you taking yourself out of that situation and taking yourself off to Mexico or taking yourself wherever. When you go to these places you're being this version of you that you love and people accept it because that's the only version of you they've ever met. Yeah, definitely. It's so true. And I do feel like that. And I think that's why I feel so emotional because I feel relief that I feel like this now because it's just so, God, I can't believe how much emotion I'm releasing. I just feel so relieved that like, I don't know, I think about myself when I was like 25, like I don't think she could even comprehend

like who I've become. And it's just, yeah, so anyway, it's just crazy, but thank you, I appreciate that. And it has been You know a real Evolution I think as well like sorry you you look amazing Like you've you've obviously been really looking after yourself. You've you have lost weight. You've definitely lost weight. You look amazing and You've probably shedded when you're shedding, You know how you say like when you cut your hair,

it's like energy. I kind of think where you've now like also been losing weight, you are probably like shedding that as well. And it's going while you're like, do you know what I mean? Well, when I was going into the Timberscale, so like the sweat lodges here for like, you're in them for an hour. I've been doing them every week.

Because I have been like losing weight and stuff and I just feel like I have really released a lot of this last bit, like the stuff that's been deep and suppressed. I feel like I've really kind of been able to get to. And when I'm in these lodges, you use tobacco, like the, just the herb, not like smoking it. And you put it on the fire and you say what you want to release. And I'm like, I'm releasing these really heavy, stagnant parts that have been stuck for so long. And I do just feel like, yeah, there's just been such a shift in like how I look, how

I feel and what I like tolerate, you know, I'm just not, I just, it's great. Like it's, it's very powerful. And yeah, I feel like there was just so much healing I had to go through. And actually all that healing has led me on my spiritual path. So I also feel really grateful for it. You know, I don't resent it, which I think is another beautiful thing, because at some points I've really resented my healing journey. When I see others, you know, having things easier or whatever, you know, you can have a bit of, oh, for fuck's sake, when's it my turn?

It's very normal to feel like that in any scenario, whatever your scenario is, it's very easy to look at someone else and be like, that would be nice. Yeah, where it just feels nice to feel really happy about my story and who I am. And yeah, so anyway, that's unexpectedly lovely that that's all come first. Everybody, thank you for listening to my therapy session.

Thank you, Samantha. Oh my goodness. It's nice to be able to help, to be honest. It's not the other way around. Do you remember for like a year, it was basically every episode was like you therapy me. Oh God, it's so good. I don't know, there's something very liberating about like talking

like this and knowing that it's a bit of exposure therapy to like talking about your trauma and your ways. I think for me, I feel so much shab or used to feel so much shame. Like, like I say, I remember feeling so ashamed that like I couldn't keep my boyfriend. And there was all this stuff. And to be able to just talk about these things now with just love and kindness, it's just so nice. So, so nice. I'm proud of you.

Thank you, babe. So I'm so sorry. Don't apologize. Don't apologize. Don't apologize. You survived the flight to Dubai. Oh, Jesus, just about. Fuck me, honestly. Oh, wow.

Oh, God. So if you might have seen it on my Instagram story, you might have not. The flight to the UK from Dubai was nothing short of a disaster. It was so intense. to the UK from Dubai was nothing short of a disaster. It was so intense. I mean, obviously I'm very aware. We were, so I'll start you off right from the beginning. We, I planned everything I could have planned to make that flight as easy as possible.

I actually managed to upgrade it as well. I think I actually said this in one of the episodes. I managed to upgrade it because we had enough points. That was great. So I upgraded it. We had all the snacks you could think of. We had, you know, like I was prepared for that flight. They just screamed like,

and screamed and screamed and screamed. It was so full on. Like the girls don't really watch like screens or anything. We tend to put a bit of YouTube on in the evening before they go to bed to like get them to have the bottle or something like that. But they don't watch TV through the day or watch an iPad or anything like that.

So I was kind of regretting that to be honest for the first time ever during that flight. Yeah, because they wouldn't like be entertained by that. And they were just having like tantrums because they wanted to just run around and jump off things. And we were like, we need to sit down or, you know, things like that. It was just very frustrating for them. They sleep really, really well. And then obviously that whole day is just like, they're not sleeping as well. So then they're tired and then they're aggy.

And it was just very hard, but it's funny because at the time on the flight, I remember thinking like, it's only a few more hours, only a few more hours. And then when I look back on it now, me and Andy keep saying, when we look back on it, we don't look back on it as badly as what we did in that moment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like, I'm not scared for the flight going back either because at the end of the day, it is what it is. I have to do it. So yeah. Like, am I going to go on another holiday now

from the UK somewhere else? No, because I'm not gonna put myself through that, but I have to do it to be able to come and see my family. So I just have to get on with it. So these seven hours at the end of the day, it's not, it is what it is. So yeah, it really wasn't enjoyable, I'll be honest. And we got back here, it was roasting, absolutely boiling when we got back to the UK.

The girls then wouldn't sleep like in the afternoon. It just was chaos. And then that night River was up all night crying. Blake was throwing up. She was like vomiting loads. So and I remember Andy came in to me. So he went, Andy went in a room with Blake in the end, before she was sick and then she was sick. And then he came down to me and was like, Blake's been sick.

Like I need your help basically. And I honestly felt drunk, like I felt drunk and just like, I was so tired and just not with it. I couldn't register like what he was saying. And he just had her like holding her and I was just a bit like I don't even know what to do here. So yeah, so that was a lot and I remember on that night I literally said to Andy, I was like I don't know why we've done this, I don't know why we've come home because it was it was really really difficult but then give it 24 48 hours and it was absolutely fine and now I'm very happy to be back. give it 24, 48 hours and it was absolutely fine. And now I'm very happy to be back. It's lovely.

It's really nice seeing the girls with like the grandparents and seeing them like just comfortable with them and happy being around them. And we just take them out constantly. Like we're at the park all the time. They're just in the swings all day long. And it's just really nice. And like I went and met my friends at the park

the other day and I said to Rivero, said go over to your Auntie Lucy's because two Lucy's and she just ran off to them and like you know that's great that's so nice that she feels comfortable and confident enough to like go and do that is so nice. So it's been really nice we've had a really nice time, very much enjoying it, just adjusting to a new routine I suppose, a new life and also adjusting to being a full time parent because obviously you're a full time parent all the time but when you normally have work and we're out through the day and obviously they're looked after. Now it's just us looking after them all day long.

But it's been lovely. It's been really nice. Cause you can just see the changes in them so much. And I feel very grateful, very, very grateful to have this much time off work and get to spend with them. So now it's lovely. lovely to be really nice. It's so nice with Andy's job, obviously, with the school holidays, the heats that gets them.

And I do think with flying, obviously, I'm no expert when it comes to flying with babies, but I just feel like the age they're at, like, what are they, 18, 20 months now? They are 17 months just, yeah. So like, there's no reasoning you know it won't be long and the iPads will work and snacks will benefit but it's just yeah this probably difficult age where they're sort of little just disruptive and they're

not small enough to put in the bassinet really really. I've got that hang out bit. They jump out of it. They will actually jump out of it head first. Yeah. So yeah, no, you are right. So yeah, it was definitely an experience and one that I don't really want to have to do again, but it is what it is. There's worse things in the world, isn't there?

So yeah, and then we're just, like I say, out at the park all the time, just very low key, like, things that we've been doing, which has been nice. It has been lovely, it's been lovely to kind of switch off. You know what I actually said to my friend the other day? I said, I feel like I'm having my maternity leave now. Yeah, a bit.

Because like last summer, I just got the second shop. So I was dealing with a lot of that. And obviously when I went back in the September, it was like all systems go, even before that it was all systems go. It was just very, very intense. Whereas I actually feel like I'm having a bit of a maternity leave now

and getting to actually enjoy the girls more. And yeah, which is really nice. Well, I think also when you're in Dubai and you've obviously enjoy the girls more and yeah, which is really nice. Well, I think also when you're in Dubai and you've obviously got the salon, like you're a bit more like I'll pop in, I have to go or you know, where when you're literally not in the country, yeah, like it's just like, right, okay, I'm just, it probably will really feel like a break in that sense. Yeah, definitely. Because I am somebody obviously, as you all know,

who can't really switch off and I always feel like I need to be doing something. So yeah, when I'm in Dubai, for example, and if they're napping, that's then like, right, work time. Whereas like here, I am still going on my laptop and I'll like have a little look at the diary and you know, text my manager and reception, stuff like that.

But no way near to the same extent as what I was doing in Dubai. Because in Dubai, like I'm, you know, similar things what you're doing, like I am building an online business at the moment. But I've actually just completely put that on pause while I've been at home, which has been really nice to just, yeah, switch off. And I haven't got my mentoring clients over the summer, we've paused as well. So again, that's meant less work, which has also been really nice. So yeah, it's been good. I'm very happy.

I've got a Hindu tomorrow. So I'm flying to Budapest tomorrow. Going to Budapest for three nights, I think. Yeah, three nights. I'm back on Monday. And then not long after that, about a week later, I think I've got, oh gosh, yeah. I think it's only a week later after that. I'm going, I think. I've got, oh gosh, yeah, I think it's only a week later after that.

I'm going, I've got my, one of my best friend's weddings, so that'll be lovely. Gosh, yeah, it is literally a week later. You've got all your black dress sorted and everything. All that sorted, well, so I had my bridesmaids dress altered and it fits really well, but I have not been eating the cleanest while I have been at home and I also haven't really been exercising. I've been doing my steps, but not really been

exercising. So I really hope this dress still fits. I'm sure it will. I'm sure, I'm sure it'll be fine. If need be. I just can't zip it up fully. I just had to keep my arm down. That's the only thing with bridesmaids dress is like, it really does put pressure on like those few weeks before because it will see it's... Yeah, depending on the type of dress, but this dress is like, it is fitted. So yeah, I really do need to, yeah, make sure that that still fits. But yeah, just busy, busy really, which is like I say, it's really nice. But I do feel very out of touch with my reality

as in like my life over there. And not in a bad way at all. But I've very much immersed myself in UK life, which has been very nice. Love it, babes, love it. Well, I really, really need a wee. Okay, we'll pause. No one can have a wee, we'll pause

and then should we do the questions? Absolutely. Yeah? We're getting ready now. Yeah. I will see you in one minute. Right, so we've got, I've got two questions because we've probably done quite a long catch up there.

Yeah, very long. So, okay, right, let's get ready for this one. Okay, so, I'm seeing a great guy who treats me well and always puts in effort, but he earns much less than me and isn't interested in finding a better paying job. It's making me question if he's right for me. Am I expecting too much? I see a future with him, but I also worry that he could hold me back. Okay. That's relatable. I had a similar situation. Yeah it's a really tricky one that I suppose it depends on what kind of person you are. I'd be

interested to see what cards come up but it depends on the kind of person that you are I imagine. It's the type of person that I am. I think that I would struggle with this. However, I don't think it's an issue that he earns much less than you, unless you feel like that combined, you can't live the type of life that maybe it is that you wanna live. And the thing is, if he isn't interested

in finding a better paying job, then that's his thing. That's not yours. Yeah. You know, like that's kind of his life to live, I suppose. But if you are going to, you know, get married or whatever it will be or stay together for a very long time, then yeah, of course it could affect you. But I suppose you have to decide how important that is to you.

Yeah, definitely. And we've got the ten of pentacles, which is the card about like financial legacy. So like for this person, you know, you you have really got to work out what is it that you want to build as like your financial legacy. And it could be that it's okay that he doesn't earn that much money and you're willing to be maybe more of the like earner. Or it might be that like, you know, that is actually a bit of a deal breaker for you because maybe it's the fact that he's not, what's the word, driven, like ambitious, you know,

and that can feel a little bit unattractive for you. You know, everyone's different. I dated a guy last year when I was traveling, the one for quite a few months, and he was really chilled. Like, I wouldn't say he was an ambitious person. And I remember thinking, you know, if we were to stay together,

like I would always have to carry like that financial load. Like I just sort of, that came into my mind. And it did make me feel a bit anxious, I'll be honest because I was like what if I just need a break or you know whatever and is it always going to be on me. So I do think that that can be really quite triggering in a relationship. But I think you know you've got the page of swords so like an honest conversation needs to happen got the page of swords so like an honest conversation needs to happen with that because it might be you know you need to talk you need to work out you know is this just right now is this always how he's going to be because maybe five years down the line you could resent that you know it might be that it's okay now but further down the line that actually might

not be a good thing. We've also got the hariphon. So like the hariphon is more of like the spiritual teacher. So like there is sort of a spiritual lesson with this I would say. So my guidance to you would be before going to him and interrogating in a way or having the conversation, you've got to really work out what is it that you want from life? And is the financial element really, really like a deal breaker, basically, you know, and you've kind of got to look at the option of, do you know what, if he continues in the way he is, which I think is always the best way not to look at their potential,

will I be happy in five and 10 years time with that? And if the answer is no, then yeah, you've got to work out the conversation to have with them. But I'm really pleased they're a nice person and you're attracting a positive energy. And so if you are dating, well, you are dating obviously, you're also starting to attract a more kinder energy and that's a really good thing. So you will attract more kind energy from other people if you decide to call this off. But I think you've just got to work out your money situation. I think he's a nice person. So I wouldn't rush to break it up because of this. Just work out the five year,

10 year sort of thing for yourself. I also think on what Jess said is important as well is like think about what is really important to you because when I look at this in terms of like my own situation, so Andy has a very good job, but he is has absolutely zero interest in moving up the ladder. He's very happy where he is.

Now that to me is like crazy because of the type of person that I am and because I know how well he would do if he did move up. However, with him staying as he is at the job that he's at, he then has so much more, like what's the word, like time and space and energy capacity. Yes, that's the word I was looking for. He has so much more capacity to be this incredible dad and husband that I need. And actually that is way more important to me than the fact that he moved up the ladder in work, because if he moves up the ladder

in work, okay, what, so we get a bit more money, but we don't get him, you know, whereas like, actually because of the job that he does and staying at the level that he is, he has way more capacity to make dinner on an evening or, you know, look after the girls or have energy to be able to look after the girls, because he's not stressed and he's not then doing emails after work or, you know, so I think that you

have really got to think about that as well. And for me, I just always think that being somebody who's ambitious, I just would never then stifle my own ambition. You know, so you've said that like, I'd worry that he could hold me back. Will you just have a conversation with him and explain like, these are my dreams and goals and as long as you're along for the ride, we can do it together. Yeah, you just support each other. Like you say, you sort of see with parenting, especially for like with men with careers and stuff, like, they can have amazing jobs amazing money but like missed bath time and yeah all those things are important so I think you know you're right Sam that stuff

is you've I think really you've just got to work out what is important to you and once you work that out you'll feel confident with your decision but're right, it doesn't need to slow you down. And if you want to continue to be, you know, ambitious, like Sam's a really good example of that. So yeah, it's possible for sure. Good luck then. Hope you figure it out. I'm sure that you will.

Good cards though, there's nothing terrible there. I think, you know, he's a nice person and- It's probably just normal jitters as well at the beginning of a relationship and it's someone new. Yeah. And when someone is kind and safe, like we can sort of sabotage it a bit, you know. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Okay. So this is definitely more one for you and not one that I would be able to answer. I'm interested to understand how the connection is with the spirit world. I heard there is one spirit that passes the messages on, but curious how did Jess connect with this spirit and keep them around? And does she see others? Always interesting to understand.

Cool. All right. So yeah, so most of us have a spirit guide well we all have a spirit guide and but we probably have more than one spirit guide when you connect with them they kind of become your vessel it's like they're your protector and so when I started doing this work my spirit guide was my nan and then she told me she was tired. And then I sort of went deeper and then I started connecting to like this more shamanic energy. And who was a man and it felt like I would meditate, he would appear and then he knew that I was ready to start working. And he would then pass like through the spirits like the mediumship I was doing one by one and things like that. So yeah there is that. But everyone's different and this is the way that

I teach it like on the academy that you know those that are on it you will see this in any way but you will build your own connection with spirit and you will have your style. And it might be that there's one, it might be that there's 10, it might be that it's a loved one. It really varies, but my experience was that. And it helped me because what would happen otherwise was I would open up for mediumship and someone's whole family turned up. It was really unorganized. There's always like a nan that was like bossy and interrupting. And I would be like, it felt like I was in a village hall for someone's like 50th birthday and everyone was talking at me. Like that's how it would feel. And then once I did the work with my spirit guide, I would say to him, can you bring them in one by one? And I could also ask him, can you like, basically like a bit like a bouncer,

can you take Nan who's talking all the time out the way, because I need to hear what the uncle's saying, because he's got really important messages. So like, you do sort of work with your spirit team and they help you in that way. So yeah, that would be the best way to describe it. So if you're wanting to connect, like I would start with a loved one, someone in spirit who, you know, whether you knew them or not, just sort of, you know, really kind of connecting with them through meditation or the psychic circle, we've got spirit guide meditation. So if you're not on it, just come over because there's stuff there. And yeah, you can explore that and see what happens and yeah, it's really powerful.

So I hope that helps. I hope that answers the question. Yeah, I'm sure it definitely does. Well, I have loved this week's episode. Oh, blimey, what a roller coaster, right? What a roller coaster indeed, yes. And next time we speak, you will also be back in the UK. I will, we'll be on the same time zone, finally.

Oh God, you have a first time in a long time. Yeah, that'd be really nice, babes. Well, thank you so much for listening. I don't know why I'm doing that. No, it's all right, don't you worry. I'll let you go, you do it, you do it. I don't know what to say. Thank you so much for listening to Spiritually Speaking.

And if you wanna follow us on Instagram, I am at Jessica Marie, underscore holistic. Sam, I don't know your name, sorry. Samantha Green.tgh. And then we have at Spiritually Speaking, underscore podcast. Please do all the lovely things like rate, subscribe and tell a friend.

And you will hear from us again in two weeks. Amazing well thanks everyone I appreciate you know the circle of trust that we're all in here and spiritually speaking and I love you all loads and thank you for being part of it. See you soon, bye!