Spiritually Speaking with Jessica & Samantha - Sam's birth story & Learning about the fourth trimester

Episode Date: February 23, 2024

Your girls are back together! Join Sam and Jess while they get comfy and discuss Sam's birth story. How she manifested her delivery date and how it's been adjusting to this new role in motherhood. Jess gives Sam important advice that helped not only her but hopefully the listeners too. You don't want to miss this! Don't forget to like, rate and subscribe to the podcast.For socials -@spirituallyspeaking_podcast@jessicamarie_holistic@hairbysamanthagreen 

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Spiritually Speaking and it's with me Jess but also our girl is back. Hello, I am. I'm so excited to be back. It's lovely to have you back and we're currently sitting on Sam's bed with Ernie. We've made it really professional. So professional. It's like, you know, not because Sam can't get out of bed but it's because our mums are in your lounge yeah twins yeah exactly in their best life literally living their best lives yeah they've just met and I think they're ready to start a podcast now I think they

are oh my god imagine spiritually speaking 2.0 oh my god the mum version bless them yeah so they're just having a lovely time and they're just, yeah, feeling the feels. But babes, how are you doing? I'm good. Yeah, I think I'm like, I think I'm alright. Every day is different. How are you? We'll go into what's going on with you first.

Okay, babes. I feel like mine is like an hour long reply to that question. Well, that's why this episode is all about you my babe so yeah we're i'm all good so my mum arrived yesterday um so i got her from the airport it was the first time she flew solo bless her oh yeah well my mum now like she's here when she flies home actually to be fair she has flown on her own before but not for a very long time um and it's weird really i think when you live abroad you just naturally do it all the time don't you so yeah you're very just accustomed to it um but it is actually quite a big thing to do i think if it's not something that you used to

yeah it's definitely a big deal i always had to travel my own for work from like a young age so i'm not too phased by it but yes so we got her the um like chauffeur oh nice she got the golf buggy from the plane oh yeah there was this lovely man carrying all her suitcases and a lady with her she got the full vip bless her oh that's good which is great um and so yeah so she arrived yesterday i think by 11 a.m we had the prosecco open and we sun bathed and spoke all day and now we look like tomatoes because we're burnt. Brits abroad, living our best life.

Mum's got a swollen face from the sun. And I have definitely got lots of tan lines that are just not a vibe. But we had a good day. Yeah, that's lovely. Yeah, so other than that, always good. Just been sort of, yeah, working. I don't know, I've just been feeling quite wholesome and chill recently. Obviously I did a few of the solo pods. Wasn't the same without you. Have you been keeping up with your steps? No. Oh really? Oh what a shame. So I had quite a lot going on a few weeks ago

and I was a bit sleep deprived and just a little bit stressful so it affected my routine however I'm back yeah you'll go back into it yeah so the steps are there they're back on the agenda and obviously with mum here we're gonna be um getting some nice walks in yeah definitely so I've had a relapse but I'm comfortable with it on the steps so yeah so that's probably as as as good as it gets my girl but yeah love it yeah so I guess this episode is all about you and the journey that's been going on and obviously it's been a really magical time for you so where do you want to start later oh my god yeah yeah yeah the whole thing oh my god it's absolutely wild you know what as well like i was thinking back i should have listened back to the

voice note that i sent in that you put on the beginning of that episode because i can't even remember what i said because i was just so high on painkillers like it was just i don't even know what i said hi guys i couldn't i could barely speak like my breathing was so bad um yeah so I suppose we'll start with the obvious one of the due date scenario yeah um so obviously a lot of people had been asking me about my due date and I was so triggered by that question are you still triggered by no I'm not now I'm so over it now only because I got the date I wanted um so my reasoning behind not wanting to talk about when I was due was because twins are due on um well earlier they're going to come earlier basically so like my 40 week due date would have been the 7th of March so the doctor or

the doctor never gave me a due date she was just like you know probably between 36 and 37 weeks which was like the second ish week of February um so I was like right okay and then but from very early on like around November time I was classed as quite high risk and you're already high risk when you're pregnant with um multiple babies um but I was classed as high risk because I had really high anion anemotic and I don't know how you say it am you not um oh no yeah the fluid yeah um it was really high and that basically can bring on early labor so that was why I had to finish work a lot earlier than what I'd planned I couldn't walk I couldn't really do anything like I really had to chill the fuck out basically because if I didn't,

then the babies were gonna come sooner. So whenever anybody said to me like, when's your due date? I never wanted to say because I was so sceptical about them coming earlier. I was just trying and trying to keep them in. And yeah, I just think I just didn't want to have that. And I also then didn't want people to be like,

oh, she's not had them yet and she's due this weekend or I just didn't want to have that. And I also then didn't want people to be like, oh, she's not had them yet and she's due this weekend. Or I just didn't want that pressure. I can imagine it's a lot of pressure. A lot of pressure. Especially with twins. Yeah, especially with twins. And especially like, you know, I'm very blessed to have like an amazing community around me

of like friends and clients and family and things like that. But when a lot of people are so invested, it then feels like it adds a lot of people are so invested it then feels like it adds a lot of pressure as well even like your instagram like you've you know you've got quite a few people following you you know you've got you're quite good at keeping people up to date of your life i'm very open and yeah honest on there to a certain extent and share quite a lot and i think that yeah that just it opens up that doesn't it where I think I'm probably a bit rubbish at keeping my Instagram up to date where you're quite good at just yeah so

giving people an insight into the world of you yeah and yeah exactly that and you know so basically I then got given a date of the 9th of February for my um c-section because I was going to be having a c-section and I just knew that wasn't my date I'm thinking about the last time we recorded together oh that was so weird so we had a day where we recorded together which would have been the very end of January I think it was about the 30th no it couldn't have been that late it had been about the 27th ish of Jan something like that and we literally sat together we recorded like over two hours because we did two episodes we binned both the episodes we did yeah which is crazy we've never done that before no um because one you could hear all the building work in the background which i apologize if you can hear it today and you might even hear my dog

barking today but i'm telling you this episode is not going to get binned today it's not we just didn't have the right energy going into those recordings it was the weirdest thing yeah it was so weird and i got all funny after and was like sam i feel i'm not going to see you now until you've had the babies yeah which obviously was my intuition talking yeah and i was getting all flustered and then i went home and i was all over the place yeah you were yeah I remember that voice notes and I was thinking shit maybe she's gonna go into labour yeah like it was this kind of really intense yeah so yeah so I'd been given the 9th of Feb and I was I made my peace with that I was like look if that's the date that they need to come that's the date they need to come but in my

head that's not when they're gonna come so I didn't feel any better after I'd been given that date anyway I then had another doctor's appointment and I said to you didn't I I said to Jess and I said to Andy I said I'm gonna go to this doctor's appointment she's gonna move my due date and they were both like what what why are you thinking that and I said I just I just know it was like no yeah Sam come on yeah literally and then anyway i go in and she says i'm gonna move your date and i started laughing straight away and um she said what and i said i knew it i knew you were gonna move it and i said when are you moving it to and she said thursday or friday and then i just started laughing again and i said i want friday and she went okay now yeah literally i said i want fr Friday and bear in mind though this was like I

think Wednesday so I was definitely not going for the Thursday oh maybe it was Tuesday I think it was a Tuesday this yeah it was a Tuesday and I was like I'm not going for Thursday like that's a bit too intense I wanted the Friday but the Friday was obviously two two two four which I had always had in my calendar for a very long time I had said the baby's gonna arrive this day I had always had in my calendar for a very long time. I had said the baby's going to arrive this day. I had it on my fridge. I had it everywhere that that was going to be their birthday. However, I did also,

I used to have conversations with the babies every day, morning and night. And I used to say to them, you are not allowed to come out until you're healthy and strong. So regardless of what date that is, you have to be healthy and strong i don't care when it is um and then if i'm speaking too fast by the way please tell me because i feel like i'm just i feel like i it's like i've not spoken to anyone for so long and

all of a sudden i'm like you've not interacted socially for a few weeks it's been a while no but i think you're not talking too quick you're just feeling the feels and getting it all out yeah yeah and i haven't told this story to be fair yet yeah exactly um but also you're still like you know how long how old are the babies they're just over two weeks oh come on yeah the body the hormones yeah but also when you was talking about um having a chat with them about being happy and healthy and even like the due date um I saw this um I think it was a clip and it was like this really spiritual lady and I think she was into hypnobirthing and all that jazz and she was saying

about having those conversations with babe in the belly yeah really does like get that energy flowing obviously you know it can't always work like that yeah I think sort of having that intention well it clearly worked for you yeah exactly it was you that told me to do it I did yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah because you were focused on the day and I was like great but let's you need to let go of that oh yeah I was like the date will be the date they're meant to come here especially in astrology when you look at um a date of birth yes it's the date the soul chooses to come in because of what's going on in the sky yeah and as much as i was obsessed with wanting that date i did i did to a certain extent surrender

that you knew you were gonna get it oh yeah i mean i did i do get what i want a lot of the time um the most clear and concise mess oh my god manifest is this where we add like a beat you know like when you say something manifesto vibes yeah and um yeah so so anyway so then she says to me like we're gonna do it on the friday so i was like right okay great so that was that then the thursday the day before i didn't actually tell that many people that i was going to go in on the friday because yeah then i did get this feeling coming over me of like um you know I'm delivering at 35 weeks twins there's a huge risk it's a massive risk and I didn't want to put that pressure on myself to have to speak to people afterwards and be like this is what happened or you know this one's

like this this is this one's like this like I just didn't want to be in that situation and I feel a little bit well no I don't feel bad because I was protecting myself and protecting my babies and you know all of that but there was people that said to me like oh I think you're going in you're going in this weekend to have your babies and I was like no I'm not and I never lie yeah like ever but I was like no I'm not like because I just couldn't have those conversations like I just needed to be put myself in a different headspace anyway that day before I went in it was the weirdest day like I was supposed to see one of my friends and I didn't see her I said to her look I just need to sit at home yeah relax I went to the salon and got a blow dry but even that I wasn't planning I was genuinely going to cancel um you'd have to pay the 50% for your own salon my own salon um I um I felt weird like I

felt sad I was hugging my dog and crying which is not like me at all because I just felt like this is the last time it's going to be just us like he'd been such a huge part of my pregnancy and it was the last day of me and Andy just being me and Andy like we've been together for 12 years such a long time yeah to be just the two of us yeah and then all of a sudden that's never going to be anymore and it was so much uncertainty the next day um anyway so then that night slept okay to be honest but I was up quite a bit like going to the toilet which I hadn't been at all throughout my whole pregnancy anyway we wake up in the morning and I going to the toilet, which I hadn't been at all throughout my whole pregnancy. Anyway, we wake up in the morning and I said to Andy,

I went, I'm in labour. And he was like, what? And I went, I'm telling you, I'm in labour. And he was like, you're not. It's just in your head. Like, I think you're just overthinking it. I know. The poor thing.

Bless him. Just especially with your strong energy. I think you're very like, right, this is happening. I he's good he's good he goes along goes with the flow luckily um and yeah I was like I think I'm in labor anyway we get to the hospital and I was I was in labor so that for me was incredible because I knew that they were meant to come on that day um and one of the babies was breech so which one was it river was breech and um yeah so it was always going to be a c-section anyway but it obviously ended up being an emergency c-section because i was in labor and because one of them was breech it was the quickest turnaround oh my god like i'm glad it was quick because I didn't have time to think.

But I went in at half six. They were born at 7.54. That is crazy. It's wild. Like, you literally go in, they check and they do all of that. And then they were like, okay, so you ready to have a C-section? I was like, I think so. Like, I put a gown on and I was like, do I keep underwear on underneath?

And she was like, no, no, you take it all off i was like okay no sneakers off gail yeah and then i went into the room got the spinal block which by the way if you're having a c-section was nothing i thought that that was going to be really quite painful i was like nervous about that it was absolutely fine so it's like um it's a spinal block so it's a injection in your spine it's different to an epidural an epidural numbs you from the waist down this spinal block like literally i don't know it's a bit more intense i suppose i guess obviously because your tummy's being ripped open um instead of your vagina yeah exactly yeah so um oh yeah so had the spinal block so you have an injection first that numbs it before the spinal block goes in obviously an injection in your spine you think is going to

be really quite painful but it was it was fine it was absolutely fine the doctors were amazing i could not say anything better about them they were phenomenal um and then they put the spinal block in and then they just flip you on your back except then it obviously like rushes down and i was like you need to go and get andy like we're starting this and like they put the sheet up in front of me and i was like oh my god please go and get him like started to get a little bit nervous and um anyway he comes in and i had a playlist and i was like can you put the can you put the music on so we put it on and bless him I love that he did this um he knew I I didn't I don't even know if I told him I think I told him what I imagined what song I imagined them coming out to and he put the music on and he I told him to put it on shuffle and this song came on and I went did you put that on shuffle and he was like yeah

and then I was just like oh my god like it was meant to be this song is coming on and this is what they're coming out to and then it's only after like maybe days later i asked him and he hadn't put it on shuffle he just put it on which i love because he he was just like he knew that that's what i needed at that time um and he's just like i know he's amazing literally i don't feel like all men think about these things no he's something else honestly like yeah he really really is yeah um and then before you know it a baby comes out um and they were like it's a girl and i was just over the moon i did really want a girl i'm not gonna lie like i never thought I would have two girls in a million years did I I still don't even now like I still can't get my head around it but um I just saw myself as being

a boy mum I just thought oh I should probably be a boy mum or I'll have a girl and a boy um and you know one of each that'd be great one of each that type of thing but I always thought I'll be nice to have two of the same because then maybe they'll have like a best a real best mate in terms of like they'll do similar things or I don't know um and obviously I thought it'd be easier in terms of like sharing things yeah and stuff like that um and yeah so then we've obviously had a girl come out first and that was amazing and i was just like wow this is insane and then um next one comes out and they show her to andy they don't tell her and he was like oh my god we've got another girl and i just couldn't believe it we've got it on video as well and um i was just like oh my god oh my god

and that was just amazing the actual c-section is fine like it's really not that bad but you really feel tugging yeah like i actually had a little bit of i would say ptsd for like a day after every time i go to go to sleep all i would feel was that sensation um it's just a sensation is the best way to describe it so if you are having a c-section in the coming future don't worry like i would do it again um but it was just a lot of tugging like that was quite intense um anyway so then they take the babies off i actually didn't see hold anything with the babies for an hour after they were born dwi'n gweld yn dweud, mae'r cwbl yn gwneud yn dda, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud, mae'n dweud going over to them always girls you know checking on them speaking to the doctors as to what they were doing and then coming back to me telling me stuff and then making sure that i was okay and just going back and forth and the anaesthetist was amazing she was like stood over me like

stroking my hair and be like you're doing a really good job and that was really lovely um and then yeah then i'm like all obviously stitched up put in a bed and then when i actually held the girls for the first time they were fully dressed they were swaddled like i hadn't seen their bodies like for a really long time like afterwards it was really weird did andy do the skin to skin for them we've even now still never done it yeah no because they so basically when they came out they um especially blake because she was so much smaller they she needed oxygen and the doctor was so obsessed with their blood sugar levels because um they don't want them to dip if they were to dip that's when they have to go to nicu yeah um and so he wanted to feed them straight away so he like comes over to me when i'm there like being stitched up and he's like you okay if we give them formula and i was like yeah i was like is it feeding time already like jesus yeah um i

was like give them whatever i just feel like this is so naive but yeah you forget like the instant stuff like in your head you're like yeah they're here yeah actually yeah there's all this yeah they then need food or they need oxygen totally yeah it's everything kind of changes very quickly um so yeah so they started working on the babies straight away feeding them giving them oxygen making sure they were okay and basically just keeping them really warm they're in like a warm incubator um and like i say then an hour later I got them and that was amazing and just in shock really and then we were in like a recovery bay for like quite a few hours before we could go to our room um and then yeah we spent three nights in hospital which was amazing wow it's like a hotel experience here it was honestly fantastic like I thought I just didn't expect to really like that part of it.

But, I mean, don't get me wrong, we have obviously insane healthcare over here. So we're very, very lucky in that sense. I mean, we bloody paid for it. But at the same time, it was well worth every penny. It was incredible. Like, the nurses, obviously obviously especially because there's two um they would do all the feeds with Andy I physically couldn't do a thing I did not expect

that like I knew that I would be I'd had a major operation and everything else but I didn't expect to be that immobile like the babies they'd put one either side of me in the bed in a bassinet I couldn't even lean over the bassinet to put a dummy in oh thanks it was that painful um so yeah that was quite intense it's tough yeah it was really tough because your instincts I guess are gonna start kicking it and yeah and you're like yeah yeah and you just can't do anything like I didn't change a nappy for a long time I didn't feed them I mean I actually did breastfeed weirdly like not weirdly but just like you know yeah what a weird thing to do I just didn't expect to necessarily even be able to um because I hadn't got any like colostrum or anything prior to being in labour and it just

worked straight away so we would I'd breastfeed them for like 10 minutes and then they'd have a bottle of formula um which was great um continued that while I was in hospital and then now I just express and then they get formula as well as we do a mixture of both that's nice yeah it works well for us um and I'm not particularly precious about one way or the other it was just a case of whatever works and especially again because they're so prem I just wanted to give them as much as whatever I could yeah definitely um but I also knew that if they needed formula they should just have formula so they did have formula I never expressed while I was in hospital my milk didn't come in while i was in hospital um so they just had formula the whole time then um and then your breathing was a bit oh my god

my breathing so when you sent that picture i was like oh with my mask on oh it met with my heart yeah oh look at you i had an oxygen mask on for ages because my oxygen levels were so low and i have asthma anyway but not like to a point where it really affects me in my adult life that much um and my breathing just went really bad after I'd had them and I'm so lucky that one of my best friends is a doctor in the hospital that I gave birth in and um she came and listened to my chest I was like please can you just bring your stethoscope and listen to my chest like it really doesn't feel right and she was like yeah no that's really not right like she put me on steroids and inhalers and it's it's definitely got better now a little

bit yeah loads better like I didn't even have a voice for a long time um but yeah my breathing was really bad and it's kind of one of them things where you're constantly checking on the babies that you stop checking on yourself yeah yeah And that was a big no-no. Like, you have to obviously check on yourself. So, yeah, that was quite intense. And then you bleed so much after a C-section. Oh, what, in your tummy? No.

Your nanny? Yeah. Oh, my God, I did not know that. Yeah, you bleed. I'm still bleeding now for over two weeks. Yeah. Literally, it's wild. I didn't, I did not know that. Yeah, you bleed. I'm still bleeding now for over two weeks. Yeah, literally. It's wild.

I knew that you did because people had told me that you do, but I didn't expect it to be as much as what it was. I guess obviously the lining of the womb is now got to go somewhere. Yes, but I don't know. I just didn't even really think about it. But then obviously you feel really lightheaded because you're bleeding so much and losing so much and um yeah i mean of course he's gotta go somewhere yeah and then like i mean some people obviously wouldn't necessarily like this in their relationship but for me it was so lovely like that we just andy's amazing obviously as we've said before um and he

literally would like shower me he would have to change my pads he'd have to change my pants like everything because i couldn't move to be able to do it a lot of it myself and yeah he was fantastic um it was a lot the recovery side of things and it has been like even since coming home yesterday was the first day i've not taken painkillers and i was a little bit sore yeah but i was like no i feel like i can get through the day without them and i'm glad that i did um but yeah fuck me it's painful after a c-section i didn't i didn't really prepare myself for that to be as bad as what it was um obviously everybody recovers differently as well don't they and you know you hear of some people who are like oh a few days later I was walking here and I was doing this and I think I just thought that I would be like that and then

when I wasn't it was a bit of a kick in the teeth yeah I think there's a lot of pressure that all these people bounce back straight from having a baby yeah definitely and yeah and really you know the traditional way is you just stay home yeah in your nappy yeah with your babies that's obviously why you were nappy didn't you see women doing that yeah yeah but you just focus on I guess feeding and getting to know them yeah I think nowadays there is this pressure you see it like people after a few days looking super glam yeah you know it's that kind of yeah there's a bit of pressure isn't there yeah there was one day when i was in hospital when i was like right i'm gonna brush my hair i'd had a shower i'd put a little bit of makeup on and i

really did feel good it only lasted for like a couple of hours of like feeling good but it was nice it was nice to have that bit of time um yeah because those things like just i think when you're knackered i'm like when i'm knackered i can't be asked yeah so how has it been since you've been home so coming home was extremely overwhelming i'll be very honest and my mum and dad arrived the day that I came home. I'm very, very lucky that they managed to come over and it all timed so perfectly in the end. So they landed the morning of the day that I came home and we didn't get home till about five. We had loads of trouble with other stuff in the hospital

before we left. So we didn't get home till maybe like five o'clock or something. So I was quite tired by the time we got home anyway. And then I'll be honest honest I found it really overwhelming because the dog was there which if you have a dog and you are having babies I would really recommend getting the dog taken care of for like a week um while you're settling in because that was really tough especially because I'm just so close to him yeah and I I just felt so guilty on him he came home from daycare where he'd been for like three days and my mum and dad were there so there's more people in the house anyway there's two babies I'm like immobile can't do anything and he's he's just thinking what's going on um it was really overwhelming like we had so much

stuff in the apartment and I'm quite like a bit of a neat freak and not too much of a neat freak I just like things to be a certain way um I like to be able to see my kitchen top do you know what I mean you are you're one of these I always think you're a one-touch person yeah so like if you have a mug you won't just put in the sink yeah wash it up yeah you're very like one touch and then it's done yeah where some people will put all their yes yeah yeah yeah so you're you're I'd say pretty proactive and disciplined with your home yeah exactly and I'm not always like that but I would say a bigger chunk of the time I'm like that yeah um and coming home and there was my mum and dad god bless them had brought me so much stuff from home of like stuff that I'd been giving at my baby shower that I hadn't been able to bring over when

I came back last time um stuff from my sister stuff from them from anyone um and there was just stuff everywhere there was flowers which was amazing and it was just so overwhelming because my instinct is let's organize all of this let's put it away let's clean this let's do this and I physically couldn't do anything but also no one else was doing anything because it's not in their nature to do any to do that yeah but also like they wouldn't know where stuff goes so why would they put stuff away somewhere where they don't know where stuff goes and that was just really difficult to begin with and like my mom and dad for example like they haven't looked after or held a baby for 30 years so for them it was a lot like they didn't know what to do whereas when we were in hospital

we had the nurses doing everything with Andy who were then kind of showing him and all of a sudden he's got to show them because I didn't really know what to do either because I hadn't been doing it when I was in hospital um anyway after literally a day of like this is really overwhelming and really hard I then just started asking for help and like I would just say like please can you make me a coffee please can you do this please can you do that and I hated it because I don't like asking that much but it just needed to be done and as soon as I did that it was a huge weight off my shoulders my mum and dad have been incredible like they've done all the feeds they've done the nappy changes they've really just taken to it so well it's been just the most beautiful thing to get to experience with them

um and andy's incredible like he does everything as well um but it's been great for him to have that help as well while i was recovering yeah because those first couple of weeks must be so tough yeah like you say on the body getting like these are two new humans yeah and then like on the mind as well like i really didn't expect to feel the way that i was feeling like i wasn't down in a sense of not feeling a connection to my babies i was just down in a sense of like not I don't really know actually just not feeling myself I suppose and feeling really different and overwhelmed and just nervous like I knew that my dad was going to be leaving in a week I didn't want him to leave then I knew Andy was going to be going back to work which today is the first day he's gone back to work and I was like nervous about that I was really upset about that we'd make plans to see people and i'd find that too overwhelming and

that just i we've said it before on this podcast i don't suffer with anxiety yeah didn't is now the phrase yeah didn't suffer with anxiety and the anxiety that i all of a sudden started feel started to feel was so intense and just so hard to manage when you're not used to it at all yeah i think like for you that would definitely be an uncomfortable like emotion and feeling but i think also like the anxiety comes from that like tribal like danger and we just use it for everyday stuff now yeah so you think like if you you know was sort of in the hunter-gatherer caveman times and had a baby you would be like okay my baby is so vulnerable yeah so like the risk of you know a bear yeah yeah yeah you know like all those things and you wouldn't have the things available to you um that you do here like medically so like you would be on high alert yeah and anxiety is

there to help you with that yeah but now the anxiety is like it's still there working in the brain yeah on different things yeah so you can feel a bit like you know but also so that happens obviously more is more heightened but also we spoke about the fourth trimester which doesn't get spoken about thank god that you said that to me because i messaged you didn't i think i sent you a voice note maybe like my first or second day at home yeah i was just like really low and just not feeling great and when you'd explained about the fourth trimester i was like why is this not spoken about and i i really struggled with that to be honest because so many people were messaging me,

friends who've had babies, and every single one of them said pretty much the same thing. How are you doing? How are you feeling? And I thought, this is strange. Like, are they aware? Are they picking up on it? Am I giving something off?

And no, it's because they've had kids, so they know exactly how it feels. But I was like, how did I not know that before? And why haven't we spoken about that before and I do think there's a massive thing now that I've noticed like my friends who've had kids before me I now think wow I don't feel like I was necessarily there for them in the way that I could have been but because I was so unaware of how it actually is it's really difficult though because I think like I like with you I'm. It's really difficult, though, because I think, like, I, like, with you,

I'm more of someone that tends to give people space when they have babies. Yeah. Like, I feel like I'm someone who never likes to turn up at the house. Yes. Very quickly. Yeah. And I'm more like a... And I'm kind of a...

Well, maybe I'm not, I don't know. Yeah, like, I will always wait a bit. Yeah. Because I'm always, like, oh, they just need to be... They need a bit of time, yeah that bubble and I think I've and I think where my sisters between them they've had five children and I've seen it and I've been there like pretty much on the day of all of them giving birth like I've seen that intensity and always been like god and I think again for me I think I would just probably have a couple of weeks yeah on my own

not on my own but with my support network around me but yeah I think I would just probably have a couple of weeks yeah on my own not on my own but with my support network around me but yeah I think for people it is difficult because you you want to show support uh if you haven't had like a baby like me I don't I only have an inkling through my sisters I've not been through it but yeah it's it's quite I think yeah it must feel quite lonely I imagine in some way it's just isolating yeah i don't i don't really even know how to explain it to be honest maybe in time when it's not as a raw maybe then i'll feel like i can explain it better but it's just a very very intense time like you're so in love and so happy and so grateful for everything but on the same vein you're just finding it hard you sleep deprived

obviously yeah so that is a massive part of it um and you're just finding it hard like i think the the physical aspect of it is massive in terms of obviously the recovery and not being able to really do much and just not being able to get outside i think that for me is a really big thing especially apartment living yes not having a garden yeah because i think you could just is a really big thing. Especially apartment living. Yes. Not having a garden. Yeah. Because I think you could just have a cup of tea in the garden. Well, I don't know. Do you ever get a chance to have a cup of tea?

You know what? Yeah, I've been all right with that. Yeah. So like a cup of tea in the garden, where obviously when you're living in an apartment, it's a little bit harder. I think that has been a massive part of it. And I think because so much of my pregnancy,

I couldn't physically do anything. Yeah. So so so much of the end of my pregnancy from probably like mid November yeah to the beginning of Feb I was in that state of like having to stay in not really do anything and then all of a sudden I've had them and then I'm still in that phase it's like oh come on like when is this gonna you know get better yeah I think and also I think your type of personality you're you're a go-getter yeah you're a doer yeah that would have been so triggering for you yeah definitely and this time where you've had to surrender to your body and also have responsibility for two small humans you know like that is a lot yeah that you're having to sort of yeah with yeah and I'd say like you probably like to have an element of control in your life always so yeah I know we all do but like I'd say you're very

I am way more like a bit more of a control freak yeah I would say so and there's nothing wrong with that but it's then kind of being in a new environment like you know to yeah surrender yeah listen to the body you know stay rested ask for help like asking for help is one of the hardest things to do yeah definitely and like for me whenever I ask for help whenever I've been for anything I feel such an inconvenience like you feel this kind of hindrance to people and yeah you're not but yeah you feel that so yeah I think it's yeah it's crazy yeah so wild yeah and they're sleeping quite well aren't they they're in their routine so they do oh sorry little bark um you can they do every three hours basically we change them feed them and then they go back to sleep which is amazing every three hours yeah so they're on a good rotation of that

at the moment um so when that three hours when they're sleeping and stuff like they don't really obviously do anything they're literally just in a bassinet sleeping um but you only really end up with about two hours because by the time you've fed them and changed them and everything that fraction of time is gone and yeah so yeah at night it's kind of like a two hour ish window of sleep um which is all right like a you know you can get about six hours then yeah Are you sleeping in the day at all? Not really. It's so against my nature to nap and, like, sleep in the day. In fact, that actually brought one of my breakdowns of tears one day was because I went to sleep in the day, and I was like, I hate this.

I don't want to do this. Like, I want to be doing something else, and, you know, I don't want to be sleeping in the day and it just makes me feel not good um but I'm a bit more aware now of needing to do that yeah um so yeah I tend to have a nap more like mid-morning now than I would in the day yeah don't don't be hard on yourself for needing a nap yeah like you'll function better from it yeah and i think once like they're in their routine yeah like you can you know that morning one you find that a lot of people do that morning feed yeah so is it seven eight um this morning's was 6 45 yeah and then you can then go back and have like another hour or two yeah which is what i did this morning i

just good another hour yeah and don't shame yourself for it no it's all right you're not lazy yeah you know I'm productive I know you're just a human trying to survive exactly you know and I'm getting there like I say like for me it's just a mental struggle more than anything but um yeah we're getting there and like physically I'm starting to recover a lot more now um swellinglling has, like, gone down and things like that. I went back to the hospital for my check-up, and all of that was good. We've got out in the car a couple of times. That's been nice.

That's good. Yeah, we're getting there. I think by the end of this week, I should be able to drive, so that'll be good. Oh, really? Yeah, they said as soon as I'm off painkillers, which yesterday I didn't take any. I'm not going to rush it, obviously. But, yeah, I'm off painkillers which yesterday I didn't take any um I'm not gonna rush

it obviously um but yeah I'm hoping by the end of this week I'll be able to be out in the car um you're smashing it you're doing so well obviously I came to see you they may be just over a week yeah if that and it was a really calm house yeah and it was like lovely and I said that in the episode before it was like lovely to like turn up and feel this lovely calm energy and like such happy little babies their little souls were just like yeah so happy um and even like coming back again obviously you're doing so well oh thank you um you did a solo feed as well didn't you last night which is amazing because andy went back to work today um and he gets up so early for work i was like right at some point my mum's obviously gonna leave

and i'm gonna have to do me and him like we're gonna have to learn to feed them on our own we can't always do it to the two of us so i was like you know what i'm gonna give it a go so my mum bless her woke up i think it was like 3 45 um and she just observed she just sat on the sofa and observed I know she's so sweet and she was like I'm not gonna do anything but I'm here if you need me so I was like right this is great so anyway I got everything ready the night before um so I had like my changing station I had like um a sleepy head to put one of the babies in while i changed the other um when you have twins there's this pillow called twin z which is amazing and that you put the twins

in you can put them in to feed them um so then i was feeding them both at the same time then that's really good yeah yeah then turn them over and burp them at the same time um and yeah managed that okay actually it wasn't too bad it took obviously a lot longer um but i managed it and i felt good for it afterwards um to feel like a bit of a sense of accomplishment so i definitely want to continue doing that so it doesn't feel as overwhelming um because you know that is going to be something that i'm going to have to do at some point you know yeah like you say don't put too much pressure on it yeah you're doing really good job already and you've got your mom here so make the most of it i know it's so nice having her here i literally

won't want her to leave on me so sad when she leaves i know um but then i've got andy's mom and dad coming out not long after that so it'll be fine yes you've got all these all these pairs of hands yeah exactly no i'm really just feel so so lucky that they're both healthy and they're here and i mean can you even believe that it's two girls no it's not oh my god so literally i don't know if i said this when i sent that voice note in but about a week or so before i delivered, we had a conversation and I said something like, I just think it, oh yeah, no, I did. Yeah, I said to you, I said, I just have this weird feeling

like imagine if it's two girls. Like not one person had said to me, oh, I think you're gonna have two girls at that point. And Jess said to me, she said, well, actually. Well, I had a vision. I was walking. I think this was the week before, but I didn't say anything. Yeah.

You were like, boy, girl. And I had this thing where I was like, oh, I'm just going to go see Sam and the girls. Yeah. And it just came into my head. And I thought, oh, my God. Yeah. She's having girls. And then I was like, OK.

And then a week later, you said that. And I was like, and then then a week later you said that and I was like well I did like and I think when you spoke about the sex of the babies you because you're such a strong manifester normally like with my intuition most of the time obviously I know it's 50 50 I can feel and sense what someone's gonna have yeah but because you were manifesting so much you that really blurred my vision of what I could see and then i think where i was just having like a walk i think obviously it's walking for the podcast got a coffee in my hand and that thought appeared and i was like ah okay yeah it was like obviously it's amazing i still didn't even think it and then there's a podcast episode a few back where you stop and you go oh it's 11 11 make a wish yeah and when jess said that i literally in

my head was like i I really want two girls. And it just came to me really quickly and really randomly. And I surprised myself with it because I didn't expect to, you know, think that off the cuff. And anyway, then I remember I told, I think then Andy had said to me, he was like, I think it's going to be two girls. And I was like, no way. Like we hadn't even really thoroughly discussed names for two girls and then he'd said he was like i love the

name blake and i was like oh my god i love the name blake like but i don't think we're going to get two girls so i don't think we're going to use it like river was our first name that we'd already had um and then that was it i think andy made for girls. When I was here that last time before they came, I was like, Andy, you're just made for girls. Yeah, he is. I agree. He really is. Bless him.

I agree. Well, you're smashing it, babes. You're doing so well. Thank you. So proud of you. Well, I've really enjoyed being back and recording a pod again. I know. It's so nice.

Also loving this setting, by the way, doing it from bed. I think we should just do it in bed in our comfy yeah just living our best life literally it's great so nice so good and i'm even surprised the dog has like been completely chilled so every time we've recorded in the past i've had to send him to daycare because he barks all the time but even he is like so chilled out living his best life sitting by my feet yeah and feet. Yeah. And we're just, you know, living the dream. All right, well,

do you want to do the outro? Okay. Well, thank you so much for listening, spiritually speaking. We have thoroughly enjoyed, well, I really have,

and we both have. Well, I haven't heard all of this until now. It's bits and bobs. Oh yeah. It's nice to hear it all. Loved recording and being back. And yeah, we will be back again next week and if you

would like to please like rate follow subscribe tell a friend tell anyone tell a stranger in the street about this podcast that would be amazing um and if you want to find us on instagram we are at spiritually speaking underscore podcast mine is at hair by samantha green and mine is at jessicamarie underscore holistic thank you so much thanks everyone have a lovely day so good to have our girl back and yeah i guess we'll be back to normal regime yeah normal service has resumed absolutely love it all right guys lots of love have a good one bye