Spiritually Speaking with Jessica & Samantha - Talking Twins with our special guest

Episode Date: August 16, 2024

In this week's episode, we have a special treat as Samantha invites her husband, Andy to join us for a candid and insightful conversation. With Jess asking the questions, Sam and Andy dive deep into the unique dynamics of raising twins, exploring the joys, challenges, and surprises that come with parenting two at once. They share their personal experiences, from the fertility journey, early days of sleepless nights to the evolving personalities of their little ones. Tune in to hear heartfelt stories, practical advice, and a few laughs along the way as we get a rare glimpse into the life of this dynamic duo as they navigate the world of twins together.

Hello and welcome to this week's episode of Spiritually Speaking with me Jess and Sam. And Sam, do you want to introduce our special guest? Yes, we have a special guest on this week's episode, which I'm sure you'll have seen in the title, is my husband. Welcome Andy. Andy is joining us. Hello, everybody. Back for another little cameo, girl. This time is actually not a cameo, though, because we're actually doing the whole episode this time.

So we like did to toe with having Andy in one of the other episodes for a little bit. And then we thought, why why not while we are both off well i suppose all three of us are available we thought we will have him here for a full episode yeah so we basically had like an interview process he passed the first interview just about he's been giving strong he's been giving strong advice strong, strong words to not slide me off in this episode. I'll try. I'll try.

Oh, God. Do you know what? I think this is great. I think, you know, you've got to be vulnerable. We want to know everything, all the details. Only the good stuff. I know, yeah, I'm scared. Only what you put on social media okay so what we're gonna do

is we're just gonna go straight in we're not gonna catch up today because we haven't got loads to catch up on i'm in vietnam the only thing is i did um i got here a couple of days earlier i booked the wrong flight and so yeah so did you not end up traveling with him no oh my god so he's actually not here yet um but he gets here tomorrow so I've had a couple of days at the beach on my own which has been lovely um but other than that I'm in Vietnam I'm happy you're still in England yeah and you're flying oh it's good in a few days yeah Saturday we fly back on Saturday yeah amazing all right well so Sam you was the one that suggested this episode why why did you want to share tell us give us like um I think because it felt like a really good opportunity to chat about generally being parents but I feel like now that the girls

are six months I feel like we've survived half a year with them and being parents as well and I just thought it's a nice way to talk about being parents being parents to twins and speaking about it together as well um I feel like we are a very good team Andy and I I feel like as we've always been a good team whether it was as boyfriend and girlfriend in marriage and now as parents and i just think it's a nice topic to talk about something that a lot of people want to know more about as well and people are generally very interested i think in the dynamics of being parents and also obviously to twins and newborns anyway in general um so I kind of thought what better time to do it while Andy's off um and is able to join us yeah love that okay so let's

get going um yeah so obviously you know you guys you fell pregnant it was twins I'm gonna guess was maybe a shock, maybe not. Obviously, I know some of your fertility story. But I guess let's start with Andy. How did you feel when you realised it was actually twins? We spoke about this not long ago as well, and we said, I don't even feel like we had much of a reaction because we had a feeling that

it would be anyway and sammy's already said always said about twins and i've always said well no that that wouldn't be the case blah blah and then obviously we went through the treatment and then when the woman the woman rang me well rangles should i say um and said the i think it was was it the blood work something i think it was the blood work yeah she said it was double what it should be so when she said that i was like oh here we go um yeah and that's when i was like oh like oh no um but at the same time like we were obviously we were trying for so long and we had such a journey to go through that it wasn't a reaction of then like oh no or like that's not what we wanted it was just like oh right okay on we go this is the way it's gonna go yeah yeah this

is just the way it is and obviously it didn't confirm that we would have been twins but the way she laughed on the on the on the phone call was kind of like yeah you are um and then obviously we went back two weeks later and then we found out it was two two together so um yeah it was weird really because i i can remember going for that the scan so so you you have your treatment then two weeks later you find out you're pregnant then two weeks after that you go for your first scan and when we were on the way for the scan I remember thinking to myself don't be disappointed if it if there's only one um because I really wanted twins I did I always wanted twins and I had to kind of get my head around the fact that if it wasn't

going to be two um I needed to be OK with that still. And I think obviously, again, because of what we've gone through, the idea of getting two in one go was such a win because it was like, wow, like we've got our families kind of feel like it was already set up then in one go. But it was really quite like I would say quite anticlim, him telling us that it was twins. Would you agree? Definitely. Well, obviously for him, though, like he'll do that on a daily basis, you know, a regular basis where he'll tell people. But even when he told us the chances of twins, it was very, very casual. It was just before we did the treatment.

We'd obviously gone through the months of injections and all different things. And then to the day of the treatment, he says, oh, are you okay to have twins? And we were like, well, it's a little bit late now, mate. You know, you're going to do the treatment. Yeah, my legs were literally like in stirrups when he said, like, are you okay to have twins? Yeah.

And he said, I think he said it was only a 5% chance, didn't he? Yeah, he talked it right down, but he needs to be a little bit more clear next time doesn't he because he talked it right down i was like oh yeah don't worry thinking there's no chance of that yeah what'd he say it was five percent chance of twins and one in a thousand one in a thousand triplets and obviously that twins is like oh right oh here we go but triplets jesus um yeah um but no it was that casual i didn't really think much of it to be honest until we got that phone call yeah and then when we actually had the scan two weeks later after we'd found out that we were pregnant um i knew then what a twin um ultrasound looked like because I'd looked at them all on like

TikTok and stuff like that it was on your vision it was on your vision board yeah and um then we saw these like two little flashes and I just looked at Andy straight away and went did you just see that and he was like yeah and then the guy didn't say anything yet the doctor the guy um he didn't say anything yeah and then he just went yep there's two and that was it it was just yep there's two and to be fair maybe he thought like it's so early days that maybe that's why he didn't want to um yeah you know make it sound so exciting yeah exactly maybe but I think for us at that point it was just like oh yeah we've got them. And that was that. And I guess like when you are like more of a fertility doctor, you're going to have twins and triplets is actually like a bit of a normal thing, aren't you?

So it's not as. Yeah. But I guess like for you, Andy, obviously, when Sam was doing all the injections and like the fertility treatment and like obviously we always think about the woman going through it but it's obviously quite difficult being the man because it's not your body going through the change and being like that emotional support like like how did you find that time or I guess if there's any men listening yeah it's difficult but it's good though if like even if there's not men listening i suppose if if uh like a future mum's listening or somebody's going through it's listening they'll they'll be able to speak to the fella a little bit more about it or check in with him i suppose because uh yeah it's difficult because there's no one really who goes through the same thing

because there's not like uh you say you do your research and stuff and it's a lot about women you know and that's absolutely fair because they go through the brunt of it all and it's massive you know what happens to their bodies but yeah it's still knowing it's difficult being you know trying to stay positive and you know with sammy i was doing the injections for her you know i've never done i've never done injections before in my life you know and that it's not just doing an injection you're doing it to your wife but you're also doing it for something that you really, really want. So you don't want to mess it up, but you haven't really got much

of a choice, you know, so you've just got to kind of get on with it and do it. And yeah, we, like you said before, you know, about being a good team, it's, for example, the time where we put three injections on one side when we should have been doing them alternatively, you know and it's just the way it is you just kind of make errors and you go along but you've just got to kind of get on with it you know you can't really take too much time to think unfortunately even though it is difficult and it is hard um you can do the thinking towards the end more than anything um but yeah it is tough because obviously there's it is more about the women and that's absolutely fair and it should be um but

yeah it doesn't make it easy on the other side either yeah i think also like and this is more from like with my work a lot of people come to me with fertility problems um and it's like the disappointment that is like yeah so difficult and like how there's that anticipation leading up to like the period and then like if the disappointment comes and like how that can really affect like the relationship and like like did you guys find that at times or was you able to stay positive I think yeah definitely like every month that there was a period it was definitely like sad and we were sad and I can remember so many nights just crying and crying like I'd go to bed and just cry because I was just like I didn't understand why it wasn't happening and you then start to feel like is it not supposed to happen or you know things like that so yeah I

definitely think it was hard for us but I also think it was amazing for us as well because I feel like it probably brought us even closer if that was even possible I feel like because then we spoke to each other about it because we didn't really speak to many other people about it yeah so then we confided in one another as to how we were feeling about it and then you know we would have like people around us get pregnant like really easy and that type of thing and then we would be able to talk to each other about that as to how it made us feel because only each other really knew how we felt in that time yeah yeah it's a lot of ups and downs it's it is difficult because i'm not someone who would like open up very easily either you know with with things like that and you kind of just

gotta have to you know because otherwise it just overwhelms you um and especially obviously with sammy when she was like for example she was crying and she was showing how upset she was it's as if i was still feeling similar a similar way just probably showing it in a different way so you have to you have to communicate about it otherwise yeah it just overwhelms you yeah definitely and i do think like with couple dynamics like obviously this is like gender stereotypes but we obviously show our emotions more usually and i think a lot of the time for men they are feeling a lot they are and it's like you got like you say you gotta stay strong and it's just it's just a lot on both sides that you don't always think about really so it's just like

really interesting to hear like yeah yeah I think communication is always key like I think in any area of a relationship but definitely when you are going through treatment because yeah you're always gonna have like a down day and then you need to speak to your partner because maybe they'll be having the same and you don't realize or you know you can help each other through it um but yeah no it's I'm glad that we now looking back like I think I'm don't get me wrong if I could have done all of that without having to go through it absolutely but I am glad that we've gone through it because I feel like it's taught us so much and I also think it's made us both we said this actually

recently didn't we Andy and we've both become a lot more empathetic yeah since doing it um to people like especially people who are going through treatment or when people suffer with miscarriages or you know any type of fertility issues i feel like we're so much more empathetic towards people because we have a bit more of a sense of understanding as to how that must how that feels yeah definitely yeah it is a humbling experience that's why though because obviously you go from thinking everything's going to be fine to to the point of where like no everything's not all right and then you go down and you're down and you're down and it is very humbling so that's why now I think that I am more

I suppose I think more about other things and I am more empathetic to other people and I think that's because it does it does break you down a bit, doesn't it? You know, as you go along through the process. Yeah, definitely. Oh, yeah. No, thank you for sharing that. It's like, it's good to hear it. I know it was hard, but especially from my perspective, I don't know what that journey feels like.

So, like, you know, there's a lot that I imagine, which is what you're sharing, goes on sort of behind closed doors, which a lot of people relate to. So thank you. Yeah. Okay. So obviously you guys didn't find out because we all, you know, was on the journey with the podcast. And obviously you've got two beautiful girls and they are so goddamn cute. But like, was there any like gender disappointment or like what was like you know was you happy with

girls like Andy was it like oh I want a boy like because I think that's another topic that's coming up a bit more now in like society that like you know we find out the gender or if we don't can we be disappointed so yeah like what happened for you guys there? I was thrilled. I was thrilled. Yeah, no, I did. I always wanted a girl anyway. Said this to Sammy, always wanted a girl. And then, yeah, I said, I think it was about a week or two

before you gave birth. I said, oh, I think it will be two, two girls. And, yeah, I just had a feeling. I just feel like my life will just be dictated by women um I feel like I feel like that's the the journey I'll be I'll be going on so having two girls didn't surprise me one bit as lovely as it would be to have a boy um I feel like that was just made for me I reckon I remember it remember that. It was weird. Oh, go on. Yeah. No, I was going to say, I remember being in your kitchen.

And I feel like it was like Sam was obviously putting the boy energy out there. And then all of a sudden, it just like changed. And it was like this two weeks before where it felt a bit more certain. And I do remember looking at you, Andy, thinking you're just made to be a dad to girls. Like, you know, that kind of like my dad obviously your dad as well sam like yeah it is a certain type of man that could be it is you know a dad to girls and i was like yeah 100 you know yeah i think that's uh that's that was just so so perfectly wasn't it yeah yeah no we were over the moon are we not surprised yeah we were very I was very surprised like obviously as you all know like I never in a million years thought I'd get two girls

but I genuinely do feel like I've hit the jackpot with them like I would have loved to have had a girl anyway but to have two I do feel really really lucky like obviously I would have loved to have had a boy as well but go on sorry like like years ago did you ever just see yourself with two girls or like never in a million years never I always thought I would have two boys and a girl I always thought I'd have three and I thought I'd have twin boys and then I'd have a girl that's what I always thought and then as we were then pregnant I started to think oh maybe it'll be a'd have a girl that's what I always thought and then as we were then pregnant I started to think oh maybe it'll be a boy and a girl um and then and I think that was probably

part of me was saying that in the hope that there would be a girl because again I think I was started probably thinking oh I don't want to go through this again so I really hope that you know there is a girl in there because I just would have loved to have had a girl in general. And, yeah, to then end up with two. I was like, wow, never, ever thought that in a million years. But I'm over the moon. I love it. I just love the fact that, like, I'm so close to my sister

and now they've got a sister. And, you know, it's just lovely. It's really, really nice. Like, I'm sure it'd be lovely no matter what, but I do feel very lucky. Yeah, I love having my sister. Yeah. Like, I find that it's lovely and I totally get that.

Yeah. Yeah. I do think there'll be at least one more. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. Did you hear that? Let's not do that. Yeah that yeah no we're not doing that yeah yeah i'm retired i'm retired no it's hilarious i just i just i think everyone

listening that knows sam and has now got to know sam through the podcast knows that this girl is on a mission in life you know she's pushing and growing all the time oh god who knows I will say though we wouldn't go through fertility treatment again so if it were to happen it would it would be a um a blessing every baby's a blessing but it would be a miracle baby but yeah it wouldn't i don't think we'd go through um actually again purely because the fact that we've got two i don't feel the same need to yeah i don't think we'd be able to i don't think we'd be able to when you when you when you're trying to raise two two two children and then with what it puts you through it'd be very harsh on

them because you wouldn't be the same person as you going through it in my opinion um because but i suppose it would be different this time because we have already been lucky enough to be successful with it um so maybe it would be different the second time but uh i'd find it i think it'd be fine i'd find it very hard yeah yeah the emotional roller coaster side of it yeah 100 but yeah who knows who knows but that's funny that you think that what do you think then what do you think we would have if we had a third i feel like there could be a boy at some point um it's where you say at some point how many do you think are coming along here i don't know

the thing is Sam this needs to stop I just what did I say to you in your reading when I first ever met you I must have said three kids you've got a three kid energy

I think you said three yeah because I've always wanted three I have and I'll be honest with you a lot of my friends since I've been home

have been saying to me mum and dad even asked me the other day they were like do you want any more kids and I said I'll be honest I'm scared to want more I don't want to want more yeah like I don't want to be back in that same position of wanting it and it not happening so I just want to be able to just be grateful for what I've got yeah and which I am and be really happy as I am which I am right now I just don't want to get to that

point again of once another one um yeah so yeah but who knows I think that's really good to share that though because I do think yeah that isn't it that one can add then that pressure um yeah definitely I think really like in general like when it comes to like the spiritual perspective like the souls choose their parents. They've made that contract. It's already been decided. So what will be, will be, which is beautiful. Oh, that's nice.

I feel like that's definitely happened as well because I feel like the babies that we've got, they're so like just meant for us. Do you not think, Andy? Yeah, yeah. They're very different as well. Very, very different personalities uh and yeah you can you can i can agree with that well blake is like blake is wild like you said this from day one like

when you met blake i think she was maybe a week old when you met her and you said straight away you were like she's the one to watch and i was like I know like we both yeah she was the one that was kicking me loads in in the tummy as well and she's absolutely wild like I know this is an audio podcast not visual but like Andy for example picked picked her up out of a crib this morning and she just looks at me and her eyes are so wide and her mouth is like, ah, and she looks at me like, girl, you've just woke up. Whereas River's just like nice and chilled, you know, goes about life. Like she just like looks at people and yeah,

she's just a completely, they have completely different energies, both of them. Love it. I think they're both like representations of you two you know yeah they are you can see the personalities already yeah one's really annoyed in the morning who's annoying in the morning sam do you wake up with lots of energy sam Sam? Always. Yeah, I'm such a morning person. Yeah.

And he's not a morning person. Yeah, I could see that. Okay, right. So I'm really intrigued about, like, hospitals in Dubai, especially the labour experience. Like, I feel like obviously it's quite bougie from what I've heard so like tell me what was the Dubai hospital labor experience like okay what I will say is very different for the woman as it is to the man when it comes to giving birth so for me speaking from my perspective I absolutely loved

it if they would have said to me that I could have stayed another five days I would have stayed another five days um it was brilliant like hands down phenomenal in terms of the care the nurses the help the assistance I mean it definitely helps that one of my best friends is a doctor in the hospital that we went to so she was really like hands-on as well and making sure that we were like well looked after but um I had like a three-course meal like three times a day I think amazing they were like they gave me an iPad and I picked my menu off um that they had a menu on this iPad and I would pick like start a main dessert on this iPad we had a massive flat screen TV with Netflix on um oh it was great our own obviously bathroom own room it's a completely

different experience to what we would have had if we were in the uk i'm very aware of that and yeah your experience was slightly different andy uh yeah i did get an ipad obviously it don't really matter about me you're the one going through all what you're going through but um in terms of the the care for sammy was was incredible and they were really really good and really efficient with with what they were doing um the fact that you had your you had the bathroom you had you had the bed you had the tv to keep you occupied a little bit more as well and yeah it was um it was great for you it really was. And hands down would never have changed that. The sofa bed was appalling for me.

But again, it doesn't really matter for me, does it? I'm not the one who's gone through labour. But yeah, it was brilliant. It was really, really good. And the nurses, the nurses were so good. Especially because Sammy obviously had a C-section. So she was up she was obviously in bed a lot more at the beginning and um was struggling with that and um

for me with the two of them i had no idea what i was doing so we didn't go to like so much we didn't go to any baby classes like we'd never changed a nappy. We'd never fed a baby a bottle properly. We'd done the odd one for our friend's babies, but never properly. So we really went into it quite blindly. We did a little bit of reading, though. Oh, no, of course. But physically, we hadn't actually done it.

Yeah. So then there was that... Was it the first night when the nurse came in oh yeah she was a goddess um she uh what did she do she uh obviously we had the day where we were in at six in the morning so this was all day and night such an intense day for for both of us really um in in different ways and um yeah so obviously they were feeding every three hours weren't they but it was after three hours from when you first fed them so you're having about two hours in between where you were you were trying to sleep or trying to do whatever and um it must have been about

three in the morning i reckon and i was getting up to feed them um because at this point sammy was was wasn't able to get out of the bed and um i was getting out to feed them and this woman just came in and i don't remember her name but she just tapped me on the shoulder and she said oh i'll do this you go back to bed and i just looked at her and i said oh thank you and i just i put me yeah i put my head right back down and slept for another few hours but um she was yeah they were great the nurses they were really like patient with you um helpful um could clearly see obviously i was a you know a beginner yeah first time dad but it was quite funny do you remember about the breastfeeding

uh no i can't remember so when i was in the bathroom and you were in the room and then this nurse had come in and she was like oh you is she going to be doing breastfeeding or you bottle feed in and andy said like look she wants to give it a go but um i don't want her to have any pressure and she's obviously had a really hard day like you know maybe just like give it a rest for today and we'll try tomorrow whatever and the nurse was like yeah okay no worries and then I came out the bathroom and she was like right we're gonna try breastfeeding and I was just a bit like um excuse me we've just gone against what I just said so they were a bit like that but but yeah they were good they were really good it was an amazing experience I'd recommend it to anyone to be honest and it cost us an arm

and a leg but it was definitely worth it yeah I think that's the thing isn't it with like Dubai obviously it's private health and obviously Dubai does everything 10 times more in general but like it's just really nice to hear that like positive like experience experience of labour and all of that. What was it like for you, Andy? Obviously, with the C-section, I assume you was in the room. Yeah, I was, yeah. It was weird, actually, at the beginning, because Sammy went in to get prepped,

and I just was sat in, like, I don't know, it was just outside the surgery room. And I was obviously in the gown and just sat there for, like, half an hour. Like, doctors going past and just sat there waiting and waiting and waiting. And then, like, every time someone would come up, come out of that room, I'd, like, stand up as if to say, like, oh, I'm coming in now. And they'd just look at me and I'd just sit back down. And then that happened loads.

I remember thinking, this is taking forever. I thought, have they already done it like i thought i was gonna go in and um yeah i missed it uh but anyway i went in in the end and it was lovely there you had your music playing you were able to choose which one you what like what playlist you wanted and um obviously they did they did what they did and they were really really good with you weren't they it was just very graphic very detailed you do see a lot where you don't want to see as much

as you do because where they took the girls they took the girls like in another room to you know because I think it was Blake needed a little bit of oxygen and they were checking the weight and making sure they were okay

so i've walked round like round sammy should we say to go and check on the girls to then come back and tell sammy what the crack what the crack was happening but i've looked at sammy as i've walked round so i've just seen everything and i just thought oh what i've done um so yeah i saw everything and then um when you say everything you mean like all of like everything the c-section yeah basically yeah yeah yeah and uh the thing is i've because of the room so intense i've done it again so like i knew i didn't i didn't want to do it but i've done it again so i've gone back later to check on the girls and I've looked again at Sammy and I've realised I've already done that and I shouldn't have done that so yeah

it was great though they were really good and the doctor was great because he kept explaining to me like what was happening and why they were doing certain things so then I could go round and tell Sammy and yeah it was good There was a part where like I was holding your hand was a there was a part sorry there was a part where like i was holding

your hand wasn't there yeah yeah you're holding my hand you're better at saying this you were you were holding my hand and you you were in pain like you know a lot of people say c-sections i went into it thinking you wouldn't feel a thing um if i'm going to be very honest and obviously that was not the case case you could really see you were in pain I'm very uncomfortable as it was all happening and you were like holding my hand and you just was like we were talking I was chatting to you just trying to keep you occupied and they were like stitching you up at this point and you kind of like said, oh, is everything nearly finished? And as I've like looked, I've looked up again. Um,

uh, it was an error again. Um, she's this, the doctor's like, she's like tied something with like string. And you, as she's tied it really tight, you've gone and like grabbed my hand and it was horrific.

It was. And, um, yeah, I felt really felt for you though because I thought that absolutely killed um so yeah I think that's the part that the men have to play is definitely getting you know yeah a handheld very tight and all those things but well done that sounds like you were really good emotional support when did you find out it was girls is it quite quickly or like yeah the the doctor with with i think it was river wasn't it river was first and then she lifted her up over the the gown because obviously there's like a gown in place so

sammy can't see what's going on and and she said oh it's a girl so with that one like she she told us and then like i didn't again no no experience of this i didn't expect it would be so quick for the next one it was like 30 seconds it was as if she put one down and she just picked the same one back up again um it was that quick and um she didn't even say anything this time she just showed show me show me blake and i was like oh it's girl like it took me like a minute to figure out but then you were like no way and yeah it was a shock yeah it was surprised but at the same time yeah well i suppose for you yeah i just kept going oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god I just couldn't believe it I honestly think it took me about three days to believe it yeah I just spent every night

in the hospital on my phone looking at girls clothes online and I was just so excited I got to buy all this stuff oh I love that I love that um so this probably feels like a bit of a haze now but like first week that is obviously intense I think the first trimester yeah like what was going on what was you feeling like what do you want to share about that week maybe you go first Andy um well I don't know to be honest with you because it's weird because you get all that help in the hospital and then as soon as you leave it's like okay bye

and you're at that point now where you're like oh right here we go luckily we had Sammy's mum and dad with us so they were like a massive massive help really really helpful

because again you just don't have time to think you don't have time to realise that it is tough. You know, you get it up every two hours or whatever it is to do feeds. And luckily we had the four of us to manage all of that. But it is intense.

It is really, really intense. And you struggle. You're finding out what they like and what they don't like but they do sleep a lot so then you're questioning things and then you you're making sure they're okay are they warm enough are they not warm enough or you know all of these things where you're just trying to make sure you protect them because you are on your own now with them yeah and the difference as well like in dubai over like the uk in comparison is in the UK you have health visitors so they obviously come around like quite quickly afterwards and check on you weigh the babies that kind of thing whereas

they don't do that in Dubai so again one thing that we weren't aware of is you're supposed to go back into hospital I think it's two weeks after they've been born actually no I think it's less than that I think it's a week it's got to be a week surely it's not even two I think it's got to be a week or even less than that that you're supposed's a week. It's got to be a week. Surely it's not even two. I think it's got to be a week or even less than that. You're supposed to go back in and get them weighed again to check that they're gaining weight. Now, we had our appointment booked for a month after they were born, but we weren't aware that that was like crazy. And it wasn't until I told-

The doctor was away, wasn't he? Yeah, the doctor was away. We just thought we want to go back to the same doctor um and then because they were okay and booked it we just assumed that that was fine and then i was telling my friend and she was like no you need to go in sooner than that because you don't know if they've gained weight i was like oh god yeah and it'd been like maybe 10 days or something at this point and then i was panicking I was like oh my god the worst parent in the world like what if they've not gained weight and it was that first week was really really hard like emotionally obviously for me I would say it was really intense um

and it was amazing having all that help but I remember just thinking how are we ever going to do this without this help that was how I just felt constantly um because I knew obviously Andy was going to go back to work and that was probably more what it was I knew he was going to go back to work I knew that the help my mum and dad were going to leave and I was thinking this I physically I'm never going to be able to do this um so I think it was extremely overwhelming that beginning but you'd been you'd been through such a thing though like with a c-section and then you're obviously in bed and you you were struggling to to stand on your feet for a long

period of time and move and and all those things so you that's in itself was intense but having yeah and trying to look after two two babies yeah exactly it's doubling it up isn't it you know so yeah yeah like the recovery for the c-section was a lot harder than what i ever expected it was going to be um i really did struggle in the recovery um and i exercised a lot throughout my whole pregnancy but in that last like three or four weeks i really couldn't do anything because i was um so big and had so much water and fluid around the babies i had to literally just like pretty much bed rest to a certain extent um and so I don't know whether that hindered it but I just

did really struggle in the recovery so it was it was a tough week I will be honest a tough month I'd say the first month was pretty hard to be honest um it does get better as you get older but I even like remember coming around and like even just like my arms aching from holding the bottles because there's two bottles and holding the two babies like and I would sometimes I'm really sorry could you just take one of them like I really like struggled and I was thinking you're probably like Jess it's been 20 minutes and I'm probably not even that and you're doing it all day. And it just made me really, like, admire what you guys, like,

sort of were doing, but also, like, how hard it is, you know? Like, I don't think I probably realised that. I think everyone's like that, though. Everyone's been the same. So, like, even as I've come home now and my friends have seen me with two babies, they're like, wow, you've got two. and it's like they've known this whole time that we've got two but when they actually see the dynamic of two they realize how much actually goes into it and like we went to Wales the other weekend with our friends and one of Andy's mates texted him because they

were packing up their car and he was like mate I don't know how you're doing this with two like our car is full and we've got one kid and like we had obviously two travel carts two prams two car seats two lots of clothes two lots of nappies like everything is is multiplied um so yeah I think a lot of people had a bit of the shock when they actually when they actually saw us and even still now but I even think just like in general like when one's like settled and then the other one's not like how mentally tough that is like because i think settling a baby can be really tough let alone when one's settled or both aren't settled like like i'd have a million breakdowns I did Yeah you did

I think you just get You just get used to the meltdowns Because the first time something happens It's panic isn't it The next time it happens it's less panic And then just as you go along They get better and you get used to it And that's the way it goes

But we are lucky because they are good as gold the both of them um yeah they are they are really good babies so we are lucky in that case yeah no i get that i think they are and i think also you guys like really did you know the routine like obviously it doesn't work for everyone but i think for you sam you were quite keen to get like the sleep routine in as quick as you yeah 100% and it's paid off now so well yeah and I think obviously with twins like you know you have to be organized I know with babies in general you do but I feel like I don't know how you get out the door to be honest so yeah it's just it's practice and it is just being organized 100%

yeah with failure to prepare is preparing to fail that's what I always think absolutely so like what would there be anything over the last six months you would have done differently or like approach differently or any advice you'd give to yourself we said this the other day the one thing I probably would have done differently at the beginning is I wouldn't have had the dog there straight away because that was that was really hard that was actually I would say for me was one of the hardest things because the dog obviously is like my baby like my first born so like he was so attached to me and that was really hard to then juggle him and

the baby so I would have had him probably in daycare for a bit longer or, you know, with a friend for like a week or so. And I kind of think at the beginning, I probably bought unnecessary stuff that I didn't need. And I think, especially when you're somewhere where you can get Amazon the next day, I think just don't over-order stuff that you think you're going to need

that you probably don't need yeah i think a lot of people you find like second baby or a bit better i think first baby you just want to be prepared don't you yeah definitely definitely what would you say andy yeah i think we definitely overbought things and you especially, because you're terrible for it. However, you were without it. I had a struggle because you are very organized. So obviously you overbuy, I underbuy.

So it kind of works quite well. But I would just say as well for like me personally, I would just say doing things and just get, just going out and doing them so like say if i was a bit apprehensive of taking the girls for a walk for the first time or um taking them out the house on my own or putting them in the car or whatever it may be i would do that you know i would just get up and go and i would think about the aftermath of it afterwards um yeah i agree even like say for example if i knew i was taking the

girls for to the mall for the first time or whatever i'd have gone and put them in the car and then just took them back upstairs just so i knew what it was like putting them in the car before i then took them to the mall like i know it sounds like you'd be planning a step ahead i just think that would have made me feel probably a little bit more confident in doing that yeah um obviously on my own as well and with you yeah yeah i agree i definitely agree because i think the longer you leave things the harder it then feels that you're gonna like it's gonna be and it is more stressful than when you actually have somewhere to be if you've never then put them in the car on your own before um if you've actually got somewhere to be at that time so yeah i definitely agree with that actually i think that's a good good bit of advice to be honest

there you go top tip yeah there we go so like parenthood like, like, was it what you expected? I don't know. I didn't expect anything. No. Yeah, I didn't either, actually. I don't know what I thought it was ever going to be. You know what? I think you spend so long, well, maybe in our case,

we spent so long trying to get pregnant, I didn't actually really think that much about after that. Yeah get that actually like parenting children that never really was something that I particularly thought about um but I've loved it I've absolutely loved it like they bring so much joy to me um the more, the bigger they get because you get the interaction from them, which I love. And you see like a bit of their personalities and that side of it is so really, really nice. And it's just really nice to see like all of our family with them.

And yeah, I have really enjoyed it. It's really funny though. Like people will say like, they'll be holding one of the babies and one of the babies will be looking at me and they'll be like, oh, you're looking at your mama. And like, I feel like, oh like oh god wow that's really weird like

I'm their parent yeah yeah but even sometimes like when you're like my daughters and I'm like oh my god you're a mom like I know the first time I did that I was like wow this feels weird especially daughters like it's not like oh this is you know it's like oh my god yeah like you're like a proper girl yeah I always find it weird and it sounds so stupid but like in say if the middle of the day and I went somewhere for a coffee for example and I always think god like no one in here knows that I've got two kids you know like people probably think oh she's she's lucky or you know she's she's got no worries she's done she's not got any kids do you know what i mean you're like i have yeah what would you say andy um again i you don't have time to think like i think because we went

through it's totally different for everybody isn't it you know we obviously spent a long time wanting something to happen and then you don't know whether it's going to happen so you don't really start thinking that you are going to be a parent or what would it be like to be as a parent because you're already just trying to make sure it happens you deal with the after like the fact after you know um so i think i under i probably underestimated how much little sleep i'd get and how hard it would be at the beginning i think that's true i think that that first let's say month and a half two months i think that hit me like a ton of bricks um because you they go from being in this bubble of like sleeping and happy and they're cute and then

you start crying and then you can't stop them crying and then going back to work coming home to them crying and you can't stop them crying and it is it is difficult and I don't think I ever saw that coming um probably probably through my naivety but I would say it for anyone who is gonna have babies coming and it is new to them do expect that and it is normal and it does end it's just very ruthless at the time yeah so like what was your like Dubai is it only one week for paternity leave I got really lucky in terms of my timing because my work were really really good with me as well um but yeah it is it is five days isn't it it's five days paternity but just holidays came into play at the same time and then Ramadan came into play at the same time. So obviously I was working shorter hours

and I think there was another reason. It was then Eid, then it rained. Oh yeah. As well. Yeah, yeah. So you had a lot of time off because it rained. In terms of having that. So I did have more than I should have done.

So I was really lucky with that. But yeah, that in itself, you know, you go from being in this little bubble of like no sleep, but it's lovely. And then you're back to reality of work. But then my woos was leaving Sammy at home when she's still recovering and she's still learning how to do things

and she's got two. And luckily for us, obviously her mum here and for a period of time and then my mum and dad came and we were really lucky with that yeah definitely like I remember thinking that with your job and obviously like you know you're a teacher so like you're constantly like in a role of like responsibility like it's quite a lot completely different though like yeah you think when you are they're a teacher you know they'll be able to deal with with kids and yeah babies just totally but like even now at school i would really struggle with the younger years like i like the older ones so i'm gone even younger now with the babies, obviously. But I think just in general, like the exhaustion, like I think, you know, if you've got a job where maybe, I don't know, this is maybe assuming,

but like if you had a job where you've got like working with adults, like you could like sort of escape a bit. But I feel like you're like turning up and you've got like however many kids in a classroom, even if they're like 10, and you've got like however many kids in the classroom even if they're like 10 11 I'm like yeah kids don't stop yeah they don't stop and they ask questions and it is intense and it is yeah it is yeah I suppose it is a lot really when you then when you when you go home and then you've got the girls and they you're playing with the girls and then when it comes to bedtime and then you it's seven o'clock and then you sit down and you go oh day's done really i suppose but yeah it's

it's a long long process yeah well done it's very good so another thing that i was quite interested about i know a lot of people sort of like this with social so i've just wanted to like get your perspective so see sam you've got your business page which you share the babies but you don't show their faces I think that's right yeah yeah so like obviously there was a decision there you know what came up for you with that I can't really remember how this came about to be honest I think we well actually I do remember one thing that came about and I watched um it was 24 hours in police custody I was watching Andy was watching it or something um when I was pregnant and it just scared the living daylights out of me like seeing people on there like just not nice people obviously and um interested in kids and it

just freaked me out and I thought about the idea of like your kids being online and I don't know yeah I suppose we just had a conversation about it and obviously with my hair page it's not got a huge following but it's got a fair following yeah of like you know I think there's like 5,000 or something followers on it and it's not even about the people that follow it it's about the people that don't follow it that can look at the page and I think I just didn't really feel comfortable with it and it's hard because I would love nothing more than to share them on that like they are the most beautiful kids and I'm obviously very biased but they are they are stunning babies they are and I would love to share pictures of them on there I really really would and I'd love for my clients to see them. But the want of that and their safety going forward prevails.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I think that's totally right. What would you say? I think just in terms of like, some things are left private, in my opinion. And I think your family's a little bit more private than that's a business page and it's your work.

And it's lovely that you are personal on it and people do get to know you. And I think it's very important in your line of work that you are known for what you are like as a person. I said, but my view on it in terms of the girls is that, yeah, it is private life and sometimes you keep that separate. And I, even with mine, I don't really post the girls on mine, you know, mine's private. I don't think you ever have.

Yeah, no, I don't. And I just, it's nothing, again, I'd love to show the girls off and I do when we're in person, but I'm not massive on social media anyway. I'm not very active and whatnot. And I just think sometimes things can be can be kept away from that kind of thing so yeah I do like keeping things a bit more private in that sense as well like I think like you say we share a lot already so it is nice to keep some things private um yeah it's a weird one really I just think the world that we're going into is very

unknown in terms of social media and things like that and you know once you put something out there you can't get it back yeah yeah no completely I get that um so closing question what advice would you give to parents that like expecting or parents in the newborn phase right now? What would you share? Because there'll be people listening that will be at that phase getting a lot of information from you guys. We're only six months in, so we are absolutely by no means experts. But I would say everything is the phase.

Everything has a start, a middle and an end in a sense of like the newborn phase when you um when you feel like you're in the depths of it and you can't see the end I remember my friend saying to me once like that real cry that they do when they're a newborn one time will be the last time and you won't know that you know like they won't do that type of cry again all of a sudden and you'll realize like oh wow I've not heard them cry like that for ages um so it does definitely get better um it's just hard because even when you're in that people say that to you and you just you can't ever imagine it um but you will get your evenings back you will get your time back and it definitely does get better in my opinion love that what about you

uh yeah i'd say the same thing i'd say what wherever you're dealing with it in a minute will end and it will you know something else will start so um yeah don't don't overthink it don't worry and also just take a breather, go for a walk, that kind of thing. And try and enjoy it. Like there's many times where like I go back and I look back now and say, for example, I go back and the girls were crying and I'd be like, this is really, really bad. Like I'm not enjoying this or whatever it would be.

I look back and go, wasn't that bad? You know, and I should have realised they were tiny. They were at that age. They'll never be that age again. And I should have probably just took a breather. It's very hard in the moment, though, like, and I'm not saying it would be impossible to do that, but looking back, I would say just try and take a breather

and enjoy it a little bit more. Yeah, I agree. I agree. Amazing. Well, Andy, thank you so much for being thanks for having me yeah you've been great I think we'll have you back at some point again you've done well you've done well so um but no thank you so much and thank you to everyone that is listening to the episode Sam I can't do the outro can you do it please yeah of course i can um thank you so much

for listening to this week of this week this week's episode of spiritually speaking and if you want to do all the good stuff and um just generally support us please do like rate subscribe tell a friend if you want to follow us on Instagram, we are at SpirituallySpeaking underscore podcast. I am at her by Samantha Green. She is at JessicaMarie underscore holistic. Lovely. Love it. Well done. Well, lots of love.

Feel the feels. Bye. Bye. Bye-bye.