Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 11: Hugging Strangers and Farting Around Family - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 27, 2018

Family friendly potty humor? Is it even possible? Yes, it is! Gather the family around and enjoy hilarious conversation about social etiquette and where the limits lie. The Spitballers also take on ridiculous Would You Rather questions and of course finish up with another amazing mock draft. This week the guys are drafting their favorite 90s cartoons. Have a trip of nostalgia in this funny episode of the Spitballers Comedy Podcast.  Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Welcome back. Yet another show Coming to your earlobes Oh, this is Earlobes? Yeah, just the lobes

That's strange Do you have to have earrings for it to get in? Like the earring hole? No, no you don't Welcome in Do you have to have earrings for it to get in? Like the earring hole? No. No, you don't. The earring hole. Welcome in to the Spitballers podcast. What episode is this, Jason?

This is my favorite number. This is episode 11. Is that the right number? Is that correct? That is the correct number. Welcome to episode 11 of the Spitballers podcast, your family-friendly weekly dose of nonsense. We've got a great one sharing some life advice.

Got some, would you rathers on the show? Another beautiful mock draft. It's by the time we're recording this right now, when people are voting on, we don't, we don't talk about the previous poll. Uh,

the polls are open right now. You can go to twitter.com slash spitballers pod to make your vote known. So will it still be open by the time they hear this? No, of course not. Last week's poll? No. No, but they can vote on this week's poll and see. And most importantly, most importantly, they're going to be able to see the albatross that you put forth.

This is fair. Currently residing at 5% of the vote. There's only three of us. Sure. Like, you know, if we all go somewhat even, you should be near 33. Let me ask you this, Jason. Are you winning? Close.

Then it doesn't matter. You lose two. I have the first pick today, don't I? You darn right you do. Uh-oh. I'm not ready for our picks today. All right. There's a big two for sure.

Why don't you tell the people where they can find us on the internet? Absolutely. If you're on the Twitter, you can follow us at SpitballersPod. You can find us on Instagram, SpitballersPod, Facebook, SpitballersPod. Just wherever your social media is. What about our website? SpitballersPod, Facebook, SpitballersPod, just wherever your social media is. What about our website? SpitballersPod.

That is SpitballersPod.com. Thank you. You know how you say something so many times it doesn't sound like a real... Yeah, I was approaching it rapidly. Cocoa Puffs. Cocoa Puffs. All right. Let's kick it off with some life advice.

kick it off with some life advice. Spitballers to the rescue. At Wild Armadillo. Would you like some advice? Don't do that again. Wild Armadillo off of Twitter sent us a question as you can do. If you go over to our Twitter, you can send them in. We'll answer them. When you see a

stranger with their fly down, is it better to point it out to them or let them discover it on their own? This is really timely because this just happened to me. No. Wait, as the fly man? The flyer or the flyee? I was the flyee, I think. I'm not sure which is which. I don't know which is which. So you had your zipper down. Correct. Oh, the your zipper down. Correct. Oh, the garage was open. The garage was open.

The worst part of it was it was a family event. Oh. So this was all friends, extended family. This is troubling. I was at my grandmother's house, and we're all sitting around the table playing cards, and suddenly my aunt passes me a note. No. This is not a joke.

My aunt passes me a note from across the table. Now, we're a very playful, funny family, so it was not a big deal. But the note, I just opened it up, and what did it say? Oh, that's what I was curious. Did it say bumblebee tuna? No. bumblebee tuna no it it basically had some it had some uh joke about basically your garage is open and then i just started cracking up and realized did you close the garage yeah it was it was a little hint there that my aunt had noticed that the fly was out did you tell her that your eyes were up here no i said uh well you kind of what are you supposed to say? Thank you, right?

Let's say you're in public and someone tells you. What is the proper response to that? High five. Oh, a high five? You gotta high five. No, the proper response is What if they offered to take care of it for you? What? What?

This is a different question. No, that's a problem. That's stranger danger. That's stranger danger is what that is. Not if you ask permission. Well, I don't like where this is going. If you say, sir, do you mind if I take care of? See, look, okay, here, I will go down this. I will slightly go down this rabbit hole, this very inappropriate rabbit hole.

But say. It's not inappropriate for somebody to. Say it's a fella. To zip up another's pants so it's it's a fella this guy's got two and two and they're the old school paper oh paper grocery bags okay so you yeah you you can't put these down because if you put them down you're never getting them back up so you're being a very helpful concerned citizen yes do you because no you're not you're being a creep you're being a very helpful, concerned citizen. Yes. No, you're not. You're being a creep. You're being a creep.

And a molester. And a molester is inappropriate shame on you. So do you point it out or do you let them discover it on your own? I think in most cases, if they don't tell me, then there's more people that notice that don't tell me and it becomes something where you get home at the end of the day. Break the cycle. You go, oh, no.

So I think you've got to let people know. But how do you let a complete stranger know their fly is down? I think there's a couple different ways you can approach it, right? You can either do the, hey, and just point and look down. Just, hey, you know, you can do that. Put the eyes down. Or you can just really go, hey, dude, your fly's open. Yeah.

But that's got to have a crowd. I go with, you know, I make it cool. I make it a real cool thing. Like, I'm spreading some love. Well, hold on. I tell them, I'm like, hey, what's up, man? You got to zip it up and zip it out. Okay, let me ask you this.

That's what my friend Dave would do. There's a reason why men occasionally leave their fly down. There's a process to going to the restroom. Do women ever leave their fly down? Do they have flies? I don't know. Yes, they do. They do have flies.

I have seen flies down. I know my wife. She's a fly open. But that seems like if I pulled my pants down to my ankles every time I went to the bathroom, I would not forget the fly. Sure you can. I do. You think I don't pull my pants down to my ankles every time I go to the bathroom?

And you need to move on as fast as possible. You only go button? Yeah, I button and I forget. Set it and forget it. Set it and forget it. Zip it up, zip it out. Topis Peoples on Twitter. How do you determine when it's okay to start?

So we're just, it's all potty humor. This is the whole, Mike put the show doc together and he went with his wheelhouse. Yeah. Yeah. How do you determine? People are asking these questions. This is on you. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. show doc together when you put he went with his wheelhouse yeah yeah how do you determine people are asking these questions they're this is on you wait wait wait wait wait this is a very confusing life advice question how do you determine when it's okay to start farting around someone you

recently met how is that confusing it's confusing because i want to know this i needed some clarity are you talking about overtly yeah he's letting the sound it's saying i am comfortable now that's a big difference between like it's the fart barrier when are you going to break the wall down it's not when is it okay to be broken down with most people 100 other than your spouse 100 it is well only if you love them i, that's one of those rules, right? You can only fart in front of those you love. Do you fart in front of your wife's family? That's a great question. Because the answer is no, isn't it?

The answer is no. Exactly. And I'll be honest, I feel like... I don't want to know anybody well enough to be in their fart barrier. I feel like you have just shamed me. Yeah. I feel like... Now, does that speak more to your bad relationship with your wife's

family apparently i mean or does that speak more to your good relationship with them because you respect them and have not to fart overtly no that's not how that's not how i work this is i am disrespecting their family because you fart around those that i love that i that i go this is because i love you i stare them in the eyes, usually do like a kick, and then let it rip. So your in-laws, they've never seen the roundhouse. Oh, I'm sure they've seen it on the internet. In person. In person.

They've never lived it. They've never experienced it. No. It's visceral. It's a tangible thing. They've never seen the roundhouse, the high kick. They've never seen the jump kick. Let's get real, boys.

Let's get real. Who do you fart around, Mike? You fellas? The wife? Especially the kids. But that's it, right? I feel so bad for my children. Am I high school buddies?

I don't know. I'm farting right now. That was a very Mark Wahlberg. I'm farting right now. Say hi to your mother for me. Hey. I fart around your mother. Say hi to your mother for me, okay?

I feel like... Do you... So, Andy, I would assume that Mike farts in front of his wife and children. Do you fart in front of your wife? No problem. No problem. Okay, good. i'm proud of you i wasn't sure no problem okay i also have been i've brought it up on the show before i shame any sound i hear in my house oh i need to identify who what when where why and how it's not always it's not always okay for other people to do this no No, no, no. But it's always okay for you to do this. Yes.

As the patriarch of the family, you get fart privileges. Right. No, that is factually accurate. So let me ask this. My father farted. My father before him farted. Let me ask this. So we've got this nice studio.

We work here. We're all comfy. We're all close friends. Yeah. We hire a new employee. Yeah. Now it takes, there's a buffer how long because we got to get back to helping but that's pebbles here and that's that's the question when is it okay

to start that's why i wasn't sure if you meant like you start like do you actually withhold passing gas or do you just withhold making sound while passing gas no look if you do if a new employee starts next week you don't't care that it, you'll let it go. I will not try to sneak a fart. That's rude. That's rude to who? That's rude to the people in the room. I kind of agree with Jason.

You sneak a fart and you're saying, I'm not going to say that I did this terrible thing, but I'm still going to do it. If I'm going to do it. It's loud and proud. Loud and proud. I'm going to say, hey, guys, look, I just farted. Prepare yourselves. This could be good.

This could be bad. When would you start that with a new employee? Is it a comfort level thing? Are there employees that you would never fart around? Are you going to be arrested possibly because of this conversation? Yeah. I mean, where? Yeah, I think that there are certain employees that it's okay

and certain employees that it's not. Would it be a fair contention to say no employee ever wants you to fart around them? Ever? Even if you choose to do so. Yes, 100% that's not true. 100% I disagree. I think they want it. No, of course.

Of course. Nobody's asking for think that's the that's the real origination question here that needed to be asked in the beginning is he asked how do you determine when it's okay and maybe the answer is that it's never okay that's one thing i just can't get maybe the answer you may need to just let the other person dictate the terms. Ooh, so you're saying feed that person beans like crazy. Let them start it off. That's not what I said. I'm getting what you're putting out here, Mike. You're saying.

I mean, I said it with my eyes. Force them to force the issue. To set the boundaries, the fart boundaries. Because as soon as they do it, it's fair game. Or you just, after a couple it, it's fair game. Or, you just, after a couple days, it doesn't matter. Any squeak you hear from the office, hey,

did you fart? You let one go? No, you just shame them into never farting again. See, that's another way you could just start farting and go, dude, stop. That's what you do. Hey, man, I'm in the room. That's the answer, Thomas.

Fart immediately. There are no answers for Thomas. Kyle V on Twitter. This question is a tough question. This question is about hugs. Are you supposed to hug or shake hands with a female spouse of a friend you've only met a few times. When is it okay to bro hug someone?

Is it weird if you shake hands with your in-laws that you've known for years asking for a friend? Seriously, these are all very important questions that have... We're breaking down just the social walls here for everyone. This is true relationship advice that you can determine whether you should or should not take. And I want to know your guys' thoughts on all these because he's asking, Kyle's asking a number of important questions. The one thing I know is that if you begin a pattern with a specific person, oftentimes is the permanent pattern yeah for that person once the hug walls or once the hug is opened and that it's not always a hug like i have people that i give the side hug to that is the oh yeah the one arm the church side hug the one arm one arm yeah

and they never get a full hug they never get a handshake they generally i mean women i generally feel weirder just shaking hands with yeah i for whatever reason forever social norms social constructs but and that i think that's why you're more uncomfortable that's why kyle leads this question off of like do you shake hands with a female special friend the first time i've only met a few times yeah the first time definitely i think i probably move into hug zone i mean i read the room don't get me wrong i i drop a fart and then i move right into the hug there is there cannot be a hard fast rule here kyle there if you say three times i promise you that third time is wrong for some people. Some people, the answer is never. It's never okay to hug your female spouse. It just depends on who you are.

Are you a respectable, kind, good person? Okay, so let's move it over to the bro hug. All right, all right. Move it over because these are equally difficult. What if you're with multiple friends and multiple wives, and you hug a couple and you handshake a couple? Oh, that's a problem. You send them a message.

That's a problem. And then you kiss a couple on the cheek. No. No. This isn't Europe. Oh, that's true. You side hug. That's why they invented that, though.

The kiss on the cheek is because the handshake is so awkward sometimes. Yes, this is true. It's so formal. I don't think I could do a kiss on the cheek. When you get into bro hug land, it's all about, like, what interaction do your palms make? Are you fiving? Are you giving the bro five one hand back? It's got to be the thumbs.

It has to be the thumb and thumb thing, you know, where you got. Yeah, so they're showing it off right now. So you guys just grasped hands like Arnold and I can't remember the other film. It's Predator. And then they start arm wrestling. Yeah, it's the arm wrestle. Yeah. And then you go in.

But then do you wrap one arm around? One arm has to go back pat. So you're saying the two fists will always separate the chests. Yes. Because they have class. Yes, because they've come close in. They've interlocked. Yeah. See, if I've reached the point where I'm hugging people, I'm Scott Stapp, arms wide open.

Oh, really? You're going in. Yeah, they're just going all in. I go- Not awkward. Real tight squeeze. You get a handshake or you're in you're in hugsville now see i feel like if you if you go that level you got to do the pickup you got to do the get pervy here and pick them up spin them now i thought you if you squeeze my

little brother yeah if you squeeze if you squeeze hard enough you can break the fart barrier early in the relationship. Right. Set the stage. Now, real quick before we move on. You said something, Andy, and this question comes in from Jason Moore on the Spitballers pod. Would you guys ever, like, have you, do you, like, where do you guys stand on the kiss someone on the cheek thing? Because I'm thinking.

I've never done it. I don't know if I could do it. I've never been forced into the situation. Man. I've never had someone come in for it. The first time someone ever comes in for it, I'm going to be in a pure panic. Not because I can't complete the kiss on that cheek, but because I won't know whether to go to the other cheek. Oh.

No, it's true. Do you double up? Do you triple up? No. What are the rules here? No, that's only in France. do you are do you double up do you triple up no what are the rules here no that's only many many many countries go double-sided yes not america get out my country if someone comes in and starts going with one cheek so here's the thing i've had they've already moved us out to another country i've had it done to me we're like oh yeah we're a female friend you know and it's never someone I'm super close with. It's someone I haven't seen in a year.

Oh, hey. And then, but here's the thing. You don't realize that it's happening. This is like, you don't know. You think this is just a hug thing. And then you get a little thing on the cheek and you go, oh, no, I got to repay. It's almost like what happens is you go for the hug. You're not even, you're about two yards away from her, and then you wake up, and you go, oh.

You just woke up from being knocked out in a fight, and you go, oh, no. Did it happen? Did I get kissed on the cheek? What am I supposed to do? Yeah, what if you didn't give the kiss back? Or what if you go full awkward, and then all of a sudden you take her hand, and then you do the kneel down kiss on the hand? That's adultery, my man. all of a sudden you take her hand and then you do the kneel down kiss on the hand? That's adultery, man.

All of a sudden just do it? I'm saying what if you get put into a little bit of... And then you ask her to marry you. As in they hand you... No, I don't think Jason knows what I just said. I have no idea. Explain that again. The royal kiss on the hand to the...

You're saying they're holding the hand up. What do you think I'm saying? Oh, you're saying they come and they put their hand out expecting the kiss. I'm saying I kiss the rate kiss you on the cheek and then you freak out and then you grab and then kiss him on the hand. Yeah, then you that's weird. That's that's not the definition of adultery. Chase. That's also the last time you've seen that person because I'm cutting this weirdo out of my life.

So handshakes it is. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Handhakes it is. Yeah. Yeah. All right. Handshakes for everyone. Would you rather? Sometimes I don't know what's happening on this show. Would you?

I correct that. I never know what's happening on this show. Would you rather have a flying carpet or a car that can drive underwater? This is a stupid question. What? How is this possibly a stupid question? Because there's not a possible chance I would ever choose a car underwater. Who would want a car that drives underwater?

Give me the perks of a car underwater to a flying carpet. Speed? Speed? Under water could go faster than flight. It's a car. It's a car. It's a car. It can also drive very fast on the lane. My carpet has magic.

It can go as fast as it wants. No, it literally shows me a whole new world. No, no, no. Your carpet, and on top of that, you're on, you realize that you could fall. You're up there in the air. From what I understand of those, they catch you if you fall. Yeah, for sure. The carpet comes and finds you.

Look, there's no fear. You can go over. This is not Aladdin's carpet. Is this a Tesla carpet? Name another magic carpet if it's not Aladdin's carpet. It could go over, sideways, and under. Okay? On a super magic carpet ride.

The carpet is not a living being. So it's a device. Yes. That gets scarier, I will admit. Well, then I not a living being. So it's a device. Yes. That gets scarier, I will admit. Well, then I got a seatbelt. I'm seatbelting into that carpet. Yeah, you're going to need to take some threads out and tie them over your waist. Does it have a range?

Is there a charge range on this thing? I mean, is this Elon's carpet? You got to dumb the carpet down if there's any chance of taking an underwater vehicle. And let's be honest. We live in Phoenix, Arizona. There's no water to go under. What am I taking this thing in my pool? That's it.

There's nothing to drive. I've got no. Here's the problem with the underwater vehicle. I think there are very few people out there listening to think, man, if I could just drive underwater to get to that spot like i really want to cross this lake all the time and i just can't figure out how and if they do think that the flying carpet will get them there right over the water your flying carpet can only go five miles an hour and your car can go 100 yeah i still i'm still taking that carpet, man. You got to make it even worse. You got to...

I mean, five miles an hour in a straight line, that's going to get me where I need to go pretty quick. There's no traffic. I would say it gets you there about five miles an hour. Yeah, I would say two hours. All right. Would you rather always say everything on your mind or never speak again?

Yes. So you either have to say everything that ever hits you in the mind. Oh, gosh. I will never speak again. Yeah, me too. Wow. No, there's just no way. The filter would cause people to say, please never speak again very quickly.

I will live alone. See, I will absolutely take the, I'm always going to say everything on my mind, in hopes that, you want to know what it's going to do? It's going to teach me how to be a better person. Because I'm going to have to stop thinking all these terrible thoughts that I'm always thinking about. I don't know. Say you two guys, right? I'll have to actually love and respect

those around me so that when I say what's on my mind, maybe it's good. You think you can control that? No, I think I can get... I think this can help. You can maybe get better. This can make me a better person. We can maybe not be friends anymore real quick. So here's the thing. You're at home.

Okay. Your children start doing things that children normally do. Misbehaving, fighting, annoying each other. What would happen to your relationship with your kids if you at any given moment just unleashed every thought that was in your head with no filter man that's i wish you were never born that's like you assuming that i already don't when you are angry you don't think rational things that's what i'm saying when i when i don't think rational things that's when they're already coming out of my mouth suppress all of

those things and maybe it only takes a split second to suppress them in order to be a good father husband friend just human human but they come into your mind immediately and then you put them away and then you'd have to say them all right but let's look at our job okay obviously there's a there's a pretty big problem with never being able to speak again since we do spoken word product for a living. However, think about how good our podcast would be if we said everything that came on our mind. We'd have no filter. Now, look, we'd get a lot of hatred. But usually, the biggest polarizing figures, they get a lot of downloads too.

The Howard Sterns of the world? Exactly. You know, he's unfiltered. He lost this bet. He chose everything on his mind. I bet even he didn't though. You think he filters? Yeah, because if you be completely honest with yourself,

some of the thoughts that you've ever had in your life when you've gotten angry. Oh, man. And you go, whoa, that's a scary person. That's a scary person up in there. The deepest, darkest thoughts that ever transgress your mind. You had to say those things? I might have to go mute. Hit the mute button.

I'm done for the show. mute hit the mute button i'm done for the show oh would you rather begin every sentence you say with hey idiot or end every sentence with haha i was just kidding wow so wow that's so you let's just test that out i'm just kidding either way you're annoying as crap and no one wants to be around you because idiot you're saying this crap and no one wants to be around you. Hey, idiot. You're saying this for every sentence. Oh, man. So the problem with the ha-ha, I was just kidding at the end of every sentence is no one can ever take you.

You can't have a serious conversation the rest of your life. You can have a serious conversation when you start out with, hey, idiot, listen up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. when you start out with, hey, idiot, listen up, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I like Jason Moore. Do you accept your lawfully accept your wife? I do. I'm just kidding. See, I do know people that have kind of the idiosyncrasies with the way they talk,

and they end almost every sentence with something like, you know, or like, yeah, I know. know yeah they don't notice they say it right but now you gotta throw it out just kidding yeah i could see it's almost like the don't you know at the end of like uh i could see this being someone's idiosyncrasy who's very shy and uncomfortable everything they say is like just kidding yeah like oh yeah no i really i like the phoenix suns i think they're gonna be good this year just kidding i love them i think the what a nice meal you made honey the hey idiot the the the the entry barrier of making a new friend is gonna be much harder because you start the sentence with hey idiot but once you get through it and you just know oh this person they it's a term of end know, oh, this person, they say.

It's a term of endearment. They say, hey, idiot, before they say everything. Meanwhile, no, you still lose that friend. Because they'll be like, oh, he's just doing a bit. He'll stop any minute now. And then the next time it's like, hey, idiot, can you pass me the green beans? What are you saying that for? Oh, but I would say you're an idiot for wanting green beans.

That's a whole other story. I think I would go with the just kidding. But I think in the end I would want to be like the previous question and never speak again. I would go with the hey, idiot. Because I feel like I have so many friends. Like, I have so many friends that... I have the best friends no i have all the best the sentence was not over there i have so many friends okay let's do the mock draft

uh no i have so many friends that they i hear the stories like oh they just really didn't like me at first you know like right i'm kind of the off-putting personality it's like oh man i hated you when i first met you so you know I pretty much think that they were already an idiot. So let's just call a spade a spade. Takes one to know one, they say. Yeah. Hey, idiot. Let's do the mock draft.

The Spitballers Draft. All right. Today we are doing what, Mike? We are going to do Saturday morning cartoons, which doesn't mean it had to be on a Saturday morning, but we're going to talk about cartoons. 80s and 90s, basically. Yeah, this one has been asked a lot.

We've seen it requested, so we're here for the people. I've got the first pick in the cartoon draft. So many. Is that kind of the landscape? I want to make sure I don't blow this first pick. Is the landscape 80s and 90s cartoons? Yeah. Cartoons when we were kids.

So you could still take, like, if you wanted to take The Simpsons, even though it's still going, that was. Of course. You could take that. All right. Okay. All right. Man. If you're. course. You can take that. All right. All right. Man.

I have my pick. I'm doing the check to make sure that I don't have something that I've overlooked. But I'm just going to go with what's closest to my heart and what belongs at the top. And for me, it was the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'm taking a whole chunk of my childhood with this pick. The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I'm taking a whole chunk of my childhood with this pick. The Teenage Mutant Ninja

Turtles dominated the toy box, dominated the TV, and, you know, they were pretty cool. But rude. Ninja Turtles is the clear number one pick. Really? That would have been your number one pick? It would have been.

It would not have made my list. It was great. But like, I don't know. Maybe we had different competition. I think Jason's maybe going to be going after that 5% vote based on that comment. Well, Mike, you are up. So with the number two pick, I gotta go

to a place where life is like a hurricane. Living in Duckburg. You got to go with DuckTales, Huey, Dewey, and Louie. Living under the guidance of Scrooge McDuck. I mean, they're still relevant today. It's got the best theme song possibly of all time. The Beagle Boys, Gizmo Duck, Launchpad.

I mean, the DuckTales, it really has everything you would want in a Saturday morning cartoon. There are, you know, I'm not going to fight that. It wouldn't have made Jason's top 100. DuckTales was fantastic. And look, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles was fantastic as well. But I guess, so here's where I'm struggling at this draft. I'm like, do I go for what I think is the best group of these Saturday morning cartoons,

or do I go for what were mine? Like the ones that I watched and I want what I want, and that's the way I'm going to go this draft. That's the way we have to trust the listener. We have to trust the spitwads to vote you know, vote based on, you know, seeing beyond the majority. Don't we? Yeah, that's how you end up at five percent. I don't trust him at all. The point is, that was just me encouraging Jason to pick something stupid.

Yeah. Look, I've got the third pick. I'm going to come in last. I'm going with my heart and what I watched the most. And there was no cartoon better there is none there so never has telling me this is what you would have taken with the first with the first pick the 101 i'm taking the best cartoon that's ever existed not many cartoons are freaking produced by steven spielberg oh yeah not many cartoons have spun off their own other series. It's on my short list.

The Animaniacs. I'm disappointed that you got a good pick. Are zany to the max. Yeah. Got bologna in the slacks. I remember. What are you going to do? I remember.

I don't know what age it was, but I would literally. We walked home from grade school. I know it was in grade school. And I remember I would basically be jogging home because Animaniacs came on. Like, if I was delayed getting out of school, if I had to, like, oh, I got to get my homework gathered, then I'm going to miss some. Pinky of the Brain was part of that show, right? Yes, it was. I remember that.

I don't need them. Exactly. Oh, so good. To take over the world. All right. I like the pick. I take over the world. All right. I like the pick. I was never a Monster Animaniacs fan. It was a little too crazy for me.

A little too wild and crazy. That sounds about right. I got my kids into it a little bit because I think they're up on Netflix there. They got away with some things. Yeah, back then. Yeah. I'm going to go with my heart. I'm going to go with my heart. I'm going to go with the truth.

I'm going to get dangerous. Oh. And I'm taking Darkwing Duck. All right. I was hoping he would come back. I feel like there's two main duck shows. I'm just too excited about it. And when push comes to shove, I would rather watch Darkwing Duck than I would DuckTales.

So I'm happy it made its way back to me. I would too. Darkwing Duck, Launchpad and Company. watch darkwing duck than i would duck tales so i'm happy it made its way back to me i went to darkwing duck launchpad and company yeah that was that was the the truth so teenage mutant ninja turtles and darkwing duck first two picks feeling good all right i'm gonna this this was definitely a saturday morning cartoon oh no you're gonna take the one i want and this cartoon don't do it it this cartoon shaped my life even more so, I would say, than DuckTales and more so than the Ninja Turtles.

It turned me into a super nerd. No! No! It's the X-Men. Oh, you did it! Dang it! The X-Men where the world, the young world we were,

our eyes were opened of who is Wolverine? No! Who is Cyclops, Professor X, and going through all the way until it started getting freaking weird, and they're in space with the Phoenix. Oh, my goodness. The X-Men was...

It was the only other choice I had. Was it? It was the only one I was considering other than Darkwing Duck. Oh, man. See, here's the problem. I'm going with shows that just have great theme songs as well. Yes. Look, each one of you has a duck cartoon of prominence,

and each one of you has a fighting crime of prominence. I'm missing out on the fighting crime ducks with my Animaniacs. He's going to go with Pinky and the Brain. I am fully on tilt right now. I am early in the second round already struggling. You're lucky that Animaniacs is worth more than 5% by itself. Yes, it is. Man, do I go.

So I've got two in my mind now. I am really doing bad here. One is so docile so incredibly docile and and and family friendly and mainstream that it's I mean every everybody watched it I don't know if everybody loves it or not I loved it and the other is so niche and I don't know if it got more than one season because it was. Oh, I know what your niche show is. Oh, yeah. But it's so good, man.

It is. I'm going to take it next round if it gets back to me. I'm going to stick kind of more with the Animaniacs. I think it was before or after it. This is when I watched. You know where I'm going? Yeah. Tiny Toons.

The Tiny Toon Adventures was fantastic. You're going all Warner Bros. over here. He's going down. No, Tiny Toons is great. Dude, are you kidding me? I loved it. See, you guys, here's the thing. I had a sister and no brothers.

And, you know, I didn't watch the X-Men Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Darkwing Duck as much as just the generic everybody loves cartoons. The way you have to go is you have to summon up that nostalgic love of what you remember running to the TV to watch. I mean, back when we were kids, I remember getting the TV guide out of the newspaper to go find when all this stuff was on. It was no DVR. It was just get up or you miss it. Well, I guess if... Or you VHS.

For the cool kids that we had cable, we had the TV guide channel where it would just be the slowest ticker. Yeah, and it would go through all 99 channels. It was worse than the TV Guide. So you just had to watch that channel to know what was on? Oh, and whenever you would turn to it, it would always be one channel past what you wanted. Yes, you're like, no!

And you'd spend five minutes waiting, and then you'd lose attention and flip off and go, Oh, crap, I was trying to figure out what time this was on Channel 5. You go back, Channel 6. I'm going to go with the... It's my pick, right? I know where you're going. I don't think you do. I've got two picks that I think are Andy specials here. Well, I have one that I loved.

Are we going three or four? I think we're going four. All right. But I took Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I took Darkwing Duck. I missed out on X-Men. So I'm going to go with the one that I kind of associate with X-Men in my mind as one I loved. And that was the Transformers. All right. I loved the Transformers.

They were a fabulous way to make me buy toys. And I did. I listened to them. I bought a ton of toys. Optimus Prime, that voice. Come on. I think I just realized that you two were much more boys than I was. Maybe.

Maybe so. All of my close friends in grade school were usually girls. I played with toys like a year or two beyond my counterparts at the age. I had to find the one other kid in the grade that would play toys with me. I just loved them. And I would always make my brother. When you're the older brother and you're playing toys, you make your brother be all the stupid characters, all the bad guys.

My brother had to grow up being the Decepticons constantly in all of our battles. So I'm going to go with the Transformers, going with my heart there. And I think a lot of people like that show. Yeah, they definitely do. All right, so we're on the third pick. I've got DuckTales. I've got X-Men.

Ooh, I just saw one I missed, though. There's a couple. There's not more than a couple. I mean, there are plenty of shows here. You're having a hard time over there. I'm set up. I got two that I love right now. That's the situation.

There are two that I love that I really want to take right here. Yeah. All right. I'm going to go with the show you were not supposed to watch when you were a little kid. Simpsons? Oh, I think I know where he's going. Ren and Stimpy? Yeah. Okay, so we need to clarify.

Is The Simpsons actually draft? Because that was not a... It's tough. That was like a Sunday night show. Out of all the ones that we said, it doesn't really fit. It doesn't. I agree with that. I think we've now pulled the age group down to where you were like, you know,

your parents were happy you flipped the TV on. Alright, so we're going to remove that because And we didn't go to Simpsons with an early pick because that would have been an early pick to get the votes. I think it's out. Okay, good. Now I'm going with the show that you were not supposed to watch when you were a kid. At least I was. So mom and dad, if you're listening to this, I'm so sorry.

If my children are listening to this, know that if you watch something, I will find out about it. I will find out about it. And that was Ren and Stimpy. Oh, no, dang it. It was banished from 80% of households, and yet somehow everybody watched it. Ren and Stimpy was unbelievably funny. There was no show that made me laugh out loud more. I can tell you I've never seen a single episode of Ren and Stimpy in my whole life.

I can tell you. Don't whiz on the electric fence. Can I choose PBS? Powder Joesman? No. What, just the channel? The channel. Sure.

That was my cable-free life. But I know that Ren and Stimpy was out there making children laugh at all times when I was a kid. It's long. It's long. It's long. It is so inappropriate. Is it? Is it just really bad? Is it potty humor?

It's disgusting. I mean, like the actual animation. Is it insulting each other? Is it hitting each other? I mean, what is it that makes it? It's the most foul of foul potty humor. There are plenty of jokes that they're slipping in there that probably should not be in there, although you didn't really get them when you were young.

Yeah. And, of course, the classic cartoon beat-em-ups was happening as well. Man, I'm really sad. Never even in my... I was hoping that when you laid the groundwork there, I knew you were between either Ren and Stimpy or Beavis and Butthead. And I was really hoping you went Beavis and Butthead because that one wasn't my jam.

But, oh, Ren and Stimpy. I want that on my voting list. So I was hoping to take this one next round if I could keep waiting. This is actually the one last round I was deciding between, between Tiny Toons and this. I love it. I loved and this. I love it. I loved it then. I love it now on Netflix.

You mean Amazon? Yes, yes, yes. It's on Amazon. It's The Tick. Yeah. Oh, that cartoon got me. I don't have a superhero on my list. Now I do.

I've got the best superhero of all time. The Tick. Spoon! The Tick was the one cartoon that my pops would sit down and watch with me because it was actually funny to him as well. That meant so much as a kid. If your parents

would play, like I still remember when my dad played Mario Kart for the first time and he sucked. Yeah. He wanted to do time trials. Now, on the tick, was it Chairface who tried to write his name on the moon and he only got a couple letters up there? And that's always just in every cartoon when you see the moon?

Uh-huh. That's a good show. I think that for my final pick, I think there are a lot of shows that obviously there are a ton of shows I could go with. I'm going to go with the one pick i think there are a lot of shows that i could obviously there are a ton of shows i could go with i'm gonna go with the one that i think i watched a ton of i mean just absorb like there are other shows that i don't remember ever sitting down to watch it and yet i remember seeing so many episodes of it i'm gonna go with chippendale's rescue ranger that was gonna be my last pick was it yeah Yeah. That's where I was torn, between Rescue Rangers and Ren and Stimpy.

Yeah. I watched it. What? Gadget and... Gadget. Gadget the Lady Mouse. Yeah. Helped move age along for this guy.

What? Oh, like you didn't. Like you didn't. Oh, I didn't. Yes. Wait, is that like... Hold on. Wait.

What's the name? Gadget? I got to make sure. When you're a young adolescent... What do I search? Gadget the lady mouse? Her last name was Hack Wrench. Gadget Hack Wrench.

Oh, come on, Mike. Dude, when you're like eight, when you're nine. When you're any age, this is... It's a cartoon mouse. It's literally a cartoon mouse. Are you putting it kind of like in the same category as like Ariel or something as a kid? Ariel was a beautiful mouse. She was a mouse.

That's a weird one, Mike. Like Alicia Silverstone, sure. She moved the needle for some people. But the cartoon mouse. Did you see? Please film Mike's Twitter with Gadget Hackridge right the cartoon did you see please film mike's twitter with gadget hack wrench right did you see space jam no i did not okay oh i know exactly what you're talking okay then this reference won't make sense i'm i'll leave it at that for for all of all my gadget

truthers out there you understand space jam as well oh. Well, that took a turn. No wonder Mike wanted it. Mike, you've got your final pick. Oh, I thought I was up. Oh, man. All right, for the last pick, there's so few shows left on here that I really want to go with because I don't know if I want to double up on superheroes. You've got to go with your heart, man.

You've got to go with what brings back that feeling of having no worries in the world, no bills. You just had a bowl full of fruity pebbles, and you're going back to watch some more TV. And you flip on. The problem is I feel like I've got a strong chance in the poll right now. Oh, he's play-cating. But the pick that I really want to go with is, I'm going to talk about it, and neither of you are going to even know the show. Good.

Maybe I will, Mike. No, you won't, PBS boy. Is it on cable? It might have been on the network. There's one show. See, me not having cable means I really knew it was on the network. Yeah, that makes sense. There's one show that is a little bit more rare that I'm still deciding between.

So it would be surprising, but it would be very neat if you picked it. Oh, man, I just remembered a great one. I don't think either of you would pick it, but you remember those old Mario Brothers and Zelda shows? Yeah, I've made my Super Mario Super Show. Yeah, those are... Do the Mario. I feel like there were four episodes of that show, but I still loved it.

From side to side. Yeah, we still watch that. You got to make a pick, Mike. I've been stalling as long as I possibly could. I'm going to close it out with Captain N the Game Master. You are correct. I have not heard of it. I am so proud of you.

Wait a minute. I am going with my heart on this one because I feel like my three first picks are so strong. Captain N the Game Master was the ultimate Nintendo show as a child. This is when Nintendo was peaking. The NES. I remember this. And the cartoon was.

A kid is playing his Nintendo. He gets sucked into his TV. Into the actual world of Nintendo. On his waist. For his belt buckle. He has a Nintendo D-pad. That he can use to move super fast. He has a light zapper.

As a weapon. Oh like the duck? Yeah, the duck hunt gun, except it's a real laser gun where he is, and he's friends with Simon Belmont and Kid Icarus, and he's fighting Metroid and Eggplant and

King Hippo. This was a game for Mike. Yeah, that was definitely a Mike show. Thank you for the votes. I've never heard that you are right. Look, I'm between. Final pick. Yep, I'm between Gargoyles, which I'm not going to pick, but I love that show. Oh, I remember that show.

That show sucked. No, how dare you, Captain N. Didn't it have a good music to start? I remember that when Tailspin came out, it was like, there's only one show that's worse than Tailspin on Disney, and it was the Gargoyles. But I'm actually going to go with a cartoon that, until literally yesterday, I forgot existed.

And my daughter, they are doing a production at their school. They just announced what they're doing, and she's excited. She comes home. She wants to watch the movie, very famous movie. And as she's putting this movie on, one of the greatest movies of all time, I go, oh, my goodness. I remember the cartoon version of this that I watched all the time. It's Aladdin. Did you guys ever watch the cartoon of Aladdin?

Wait, the movie? Yes, the movie. Not the cartoon movie, but the exact same. They made a show? Yep. I mean, I don't even know if it was I doubt it was Robin Williams, but the voice was great. I liked it better. There was a show? There was a show

of Aladdin and it was fantastic. I loved the episodes. Looks like two seasons. Yeah, it was a great, great show. That's the thing i i think people will see this on the polls and they'll think it does it's disqualified because they're just gonna go to the movie no this is not allowed on the poll without parentheses cartoon show you just put cartoon at the end aladdin cartoon well they're both the movie was okay no this is aladdin

tv show because you are not stealing Aladdin the movie. No, of course not. The human. I'm changing my fourth one to Toy Story. I have Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Darkwing Duck, Transformers, Chippendales, Rescue Rangers. I was very, very close to G.I. Joe. Very, very close.

I watched a lot of that as a very young kid, but I'm happy with my four. Mike, you've got DuckTales, X-Men, Ren and Stimpy, and some show called Captain N the Game Master? No, Captain N the Game Master. Wait, Captain N? Yeah, Captain Nintendo. Oh, man.

Look, the five people out there who have seen it are going to freak out and say, yeah, that was the best. Jason's got Animaniacs, Tiny Toons, The Tick, and the Aladdin cartoon. Know my littleony, Jason. I thought about it. It was close. Me and all my girlfriends. Hey.

The new My Little Pony is enjoyable. It is. What did you guys learn today? I know what I learned. What did you learn? That Gadget Hack Wrench moved the needle for Mike. She moved me into being a man. Oh, my goodness. Absolutely.

And I learned that Jason does not love his in-laws like he thought he did. Man, that sucks. Maybe next time you see him, you let him know how much you love him. Oh, I'm going to let him know. I'm going to eat up. I'm going to be fueled, and I'm going to let them know how much I love them.

I learned that you should always shake everyone's hands and avoid all forms of hugs and kisses and adultery. You know, it's a fine line. Thanks for tuning in to the Spitballers. Please subscribe, review. We appreciate you. Back next week. Back next Monday.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. We'll see you next week.