Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 113: Plumbing Problems & The Best Veggies

Episode Date: August 24, 2020

Today’s show is packed full of laughs. We debate important choices like: poison belly button darts vs. corrosive acid spit and cooking naked vs. peeing barefoot. We also have a question from a listener that could land Andy in some hot water with the wifey. We close this show out with a draft of The Best Veggies. And yes, we know that is an oxymoron. Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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It's the Spitballers Podcast podcast with andy mike and jason yes okay so here's like i want i want to give a review there because i actually think that was a great yeah like you came in hot you still got theadingi in there, which is your trademark at this point, but it wasn't just a Badingi. That was just a solid scat. I'm very impressed. I changed my direction at the last second, too, for what it's worth. I did not have any of that prepared in my mind.

I was going to do a little potato, potato, tomato, tomato joke with what we've got going on on today's show. But instead, you're like, I'm gonna take the the path more traveled the beding well the bedingy is the exclamation point on a newly created sentence but you need to i mean i want to really how do we not have a shirt a bedingy shirt seriously i would have uh just andy shouting bedingy i never would have... Just Andy shouting, Badingi! I never would have brought it today, but you guys said it 400 times before the show, and I just felt like I would let you down.

No, but the world needs to know, how do you feel? Because it was fully organic. This wasn't like a bunch of writers in a room with a sitcom where this character has to have a trademark they got to have a catchphrase but you created your own and your catchphrase is in fact badingy how does that well i mean feel how do you feel about that in the grand scheme of life pretty bad but in the context of this show alone really good it's all relative. On this show, I'm feeling pretty cozy

with the Bedingi. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast. That's the first time that phrase has ever been uttered by a human being in the history of the world. We've done it. It feels great. Would you rather Jason Explains?

That's a great question and a draft today. Jason just found out that he's doing a Jason Explains today. Yes, I did. And well, congratulations to the listeners. They're going to learn a lot. I was going to say, it really doesn't matter if you're surprised by the fact that segment exists because you'll be surprised by the topic regardless.

Not really, Andy. I have studied at length nearly every possible outcome. It's like a Jeopardy, someone that goes on Jeopardy. They spend a lot of time studying every possible topic category. I'm prepped. I'm ready for this. Yeah, because you've seen the studies.

Exactly, Mike. I've seen the studies. I saw that bouncing around this week on Twitter. The old I've seen the studies to sound smart comment. At Spitballers pod on Twitter. Send us your draft ideas. Send us your,

would you rather questions, whatever segment ideas you have. Al Borland would love to hear them. Al, what is your Twitter handle? I think that's really where I would like them to connect with ideas. What is your handle? At producer Borland.

That's easy. That's easy. You'll see him pop up. He looks like an owl. And the website spitballerspod.com. You can click the Become a Spitwad button. Support the show. A big thank you to all of our spitwads out there. The community is growing

and is awesome. You guys are great. We appreciate you. Well said. Badingi. I was actually doing a spittoon, but I guess bedingi is kind of the sound that a spittoon makes anyways. It is a comedy show.

That's the sound my spittoon would make. It is. If I was spinning. Man, that's meta. What just happened? Ridiculous. All right, let's do some Would You Rather. Would You Rather.

All right, our first question comes in from Jared on Patreon, one of our Spitwild supporters. And by the way, today's draft is disgusting. Let me just say that. Oh, it's awesome. I genuinely thought this was awesome. This is a great draft. I can't wait for it.

I'm just not happy to have the first pick in this draft. There's some reverse psychology going on from Jason, and I don't like it. I'm just not happy to have the first pick in this draft. There's some reverse psychology going on from Jason, and I don't like it. I'm tilting. All right, Jared wants to know, would you rather know how to play one song on every instrument or know how to play every song on one instrument? Okay, a jack of all trades or a master of one?

I feel a little bad that I don't. I'm just kind of indifferent on this question. What? How could you be indifferent about... This is 100... I don't even have to think about this. I mean, it would be every song on one instrument. That would be my answer.

What? Yeah. I'm with Mike here. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I heard you wrong because I was reading it at the exact same time. Yes, it's every song on one instrument.

I'm not with Mike here. That way I could take, like, I want to be the guy on the piano or the guy on the guitar that can take requests and play every single song that everybody ever asks. I mean, that would be cool. But the fact that I, the other one feels like a parlor trick. It's like, now watch me play something on this. 100% what it is.

And now I can't, I'm not claiming, I'm like, I can play like a Beethoven symphony on every instrument. But when you learn how to play just a couple instruments and you understand how music works, you can play like hot crust buns. I can play that on any instrument you give me. I'll be able to figure out how to play one song it doesn't make it good i mean like i can make the instrument do something but to be a master of one instrument is like that is that is everything you you will go from it a guitar player

to a maestro you are now you get that title maestro plus plus you you if you're in the other boat and i'll let jason weigh in but if you're in the other boat here comes chopsticks you finish the one even it's even if it's a good song if you play it well then somebody goes give me another and you go oh and it's just what what if i nothing else. What if it's just like call me maybe or like some terrible one hit wonder pop song. Give me a bassoon. Look, here comes more Carly Rae Jepsen. Call me maybe. You guys are.

You guys are. You have this so wrong. Can you fix this for us? Correct us. You have this so wrong. First of all, we're not playing hot cross buns, but sure. It's just a regular song, right? I'm not a master. Give me the song. give me the song uh more than words by extreme okay okay i

picked that because that's the only song that i know how to play on the guitar i can play super jazz you could do that on a flute no i mean i mean here's but here's the thing here's the thing. Here's the thing. I don't want my career to be as a pianist or as a guitar player. Mike, you're a musician. You grew up wanting to be on a stage. Yeah, and look at me now. Which makes me feel good about my choice, by the way, that the musician agrees with me. Be on a stage. But you wanted to be in a band, right?

You want to be a rock star. And so, yeah, being a master of one thing has purpose there. a stage but you wanted to be in a band right like right you want to be a rock star and so yeah being a master of one thing has purpose there but i think it would what you just talked about a minute ago as musician i i have no musical ability instrument ability at all outside of more than words by extreme on a guitar and really it's only a single part of it um that's still fine that's still pretty good but the knowledge of many instruments to me is far more exciting because this isn't something i want to have be a career or even a desire to be like a a super hobby of mine but i think being able to pick up any instrument in the world and play a song would impress everyone. I'm all about the parlor trick life.

Give me... Now, I got to follow up with this question. I can see you choosing that one for sure. I got to follow up with this question. Jason, how many different instruments are you finding when you go visit somebody's house? Look, it's... Take piano and guitar out of this equation.

What instruments are you seeing? Oh, look at that violin on the wall that is the big problem with this is that it's like okay how many i mean maybe maybe uh maybe a drum set you know you go over all this drummer maybe that one's out there and then you got the you know the bass it's not a guitar it's a bass um the great news is you can play more than words on the drums, Jason, because there's no drums, right? So now I already, in real life, can play more than words on two different instruments.

Now, maybe I read this question wrong, but I was actually reading it as you can play one song on every instrument, but it doesn't necessarily have to be the same song. Each instrument, you can play a song. So does that make a difference to you at all if every instrument you could play a different song? It's a little bit different. It makes a jump. Look, if you're at a place

where there are multiple instruments and you're going from one to the next playing different songs, that is super impressive. That could be cool for a concert if you set them all out and then you went from one song to the next song on a different instrument. You could be cool for a concert if you set them all out, and then you went from one song to the next song on a different instrument. You could get away with that.

But wait a minute. And people would be like, he's a master. They might think you're a maestro. If you could play 10 instruments, 10 different songs, you could be maestro. Would you rather everyone think of you as a maestro or be a maestro, but nobody knows it? I'd rather everybody think of me as maestro i'm gonna be honest i i figured it out art and this is the look i know this is not gonna land so i'm really hoping producer borland is in my camp or do you guys know uh the the classical

masterpiece peter and the Wolf. I've heard of it. Yeah, I mean, I've heard of it. Not off the top of the dome. The Bowie song? The what? Bowie? No, no, not Bowie. You would know it if you heard it.

Well, you are right, Mike. You said this isn't going to land. I know, but I know that. Look, here, the best part is I know that two people out there listening are like, oh, heck yeah. I know that's, I know that. Mike must be a maestro. It's an orchestra piece, and I'm just saying, like, if you could play that one piece, but play all the individual parts, that might be pretty cool. When I first heard this question, I knew I wanted to be able to play one song on every instrument but walking through it I'm lying

you have to play one instrument the best because there just aren't enough instruments because like literally okay I could play a whole song on a trumpet nobody wants to hear me play you know what I mean like a trumpet is a piece of a band and maybe a solo moment but I don't want to listen to a whole song on a trumpet how many instruments do you want to hear a whole song on one instrument i here's the here's what i got a violin a piano see i don't know if i hear a whole song on a violin maybe a saxophone violin is a sensational instrument a saxophone thank you if you know i mean i'm not gonna get out there in a tuba oh man no there are play a song like whoa was that more than words all right we gotta move on hold on hold on

hold on finish it in the uh in a go from the website yeah Yeah, that's the conclusion. That's all I ever need for you to shine. I want you singing it in between. You're setting up the notes on the tuba. I take a breath from the tuba. More than words. Would you rather be able to shoot tranquilizer darts out of your belly button or...

Oh, okay. I'm listening. This is quite a question here. I'm listening. This one's getting wild. Shoot trank darts out of your belly button or have corrosive acid spit. Now, I presume that this corrosive... Yeah, it doesn't burn you, Jason.

Yes, I'm fine with it. I mean, it doesn't burn your mouth, at least. If you spit it on your leg, you might hurt yourself. Is this 100% of the time? Because if I can shoot trink darts at my belly button, I'm choosing when this happens, but... Yeah, it's not happening on accident. But I'm saying...

Oops, my bad. I am so sorry. You're going to wake up just fine but like sometimes you gotta spit you know like i'm not i'm yeah and you gotta be careful in this situation because you've got acid for spit yeah can you all right maybe maybe i'm overthinking things classic this is bad for your dentist this is bad for your dentist i mean practicality is what you got to think about here. How often have I needed a trank dart in my life? I would say zero times so far.

Now, I'm still holding out hope that I need to use a trank at some point. I mean, I'm honestly thinking, like I've never had a confrontation with a grizzly bear, so that's out. All right. I haven't been in a fight where I'd like to trank Jason, but I would like to if I was in a fight.

But my acid spit seems like... More often used. You might need to dissolve something or you might need to cut something apart that is made of metal and your spit can't do it. Okay, hold on.

What happens if you're bleeding on your arm? And we all do it. We all lick it. Oh, you put the wound right in your mouth. Have you just damaged yourself further? Yeah, you probably have. I feel like this question needs 100% immunity. You have to be immune, your body, to your body.

Because otherwise, you can't do that that being said i'm go ahead i'm going trank dart here because i do feel like the the applications they're more infrequent you're not going to use this a lot but when you need a trank dart i don't know man i just thought of something let's say i'm. Let's say I'm out camping, right? And a wild pack of boars coming. I don't have my spear. What am I going to do? Trank darts.

No, no. But check this out, man. Let's say, as we've done with the fantasy footballers, we got to go on a road trip. Peace out. I'm going to sleep because I'm shooting myself. Oh, you're drinking yourself. I'm shooting myself with the drink.

I would like to be able to drink myself, actually. I would do it every night. It's time for sleep. I'm out. Do you just lay down and then shoot it straight up? No, you shoot it right in your arm, Jason. You lay on your back, you shoot it up, your arm, Jason. You lay on your back. It's not hard.

You shoot it up and you turn over and it lands on your booty. Yeah. That's how you do it. I think that's the ticket. Boop. Your room is just littered with tranquilizers. Here's the thing. Sometimes I'm thinking of Breaking Bad.

If you're a serial murderer or something, you might need to dispose of a body, but that would be really slow if it was just like... you got to fill a bathtub up with your spit all right i got one of his fingers i need like i need something sour so i start salivating here yeah uh lemon candy what a weird question what a weird one what a weird one uh final answer then mike is taking the trank darts i'm taking the trank darts i'm taking the trank darts all right bro we're all just tranking each other we all have it we're not getting much done because as soon as we see each other brooks uh from patreon would you rather have a resting angry face or an over-the-top super cheesy grin on every photo taken of you? I'm attacked.

All your photos are angry face, Mike, or super cheesy grin person. Look, man, I got a resting angry face. What makes a grin cheesy? What makes it go from a smile to a cheesy grin? What does that term mean? So we have in the right household. A smile to a cheesy grin. What does that term mean?

So we have in the Wright household, ours is different than what Jason's doing on the YouTube, which is youtube.com slash spitballers if you want to see what he's doing. We have this thing called the Christmas smile. I don't know how it got its name. The lore is lost in the history of Wrights, but it is the biggest smile you can do. It is open.

It is wide open mouth. And you are trying to, yes, Jason, that is it. You're trying to show as much teeth as you possibly can. And when you see the smile, you're like,

it's not like a, a Joker. It's not over the top Joker smile of like, well, maybe he's smiling because he's insane. It's no, it's just this person is clearly disingenuously happy in this photo right now. Disingenuously happy. Yes. That's what the Christmas smile is all about. Yeah.

I mean, look, this is would you these are outliers in both extremes right on on one hand you're saying people look at you and they think you're maybe mean or unhappy or grouchy and on the other hand they go oh you know whatever cheesy is because it's relative it would always be cheesy to whoever's viewing it that person is probably a little bit annoying in in like in a two chipper fake type of way that these are the preconceived judgments that you're going to give this person but if i have to choose one of those outliers i would rather someone think about me as like too happy. Over the top happy. This is just photos. I'm reading it now.

This is photos. And okay, look, this is a perfect time to bring this up because we're an open family here on the Spitballers podcast. This is in photos. I just talked about the Christmas smile. Owl Boardland in every photo I have ever seen on facebook is doing the christmas smile so yes and we don't we don't judge him negatively for it like that's true when it he just like you just judge me negatively for it but you're not wrong though i do do the open mouth cheesy smile in every photo ever yes you do we have a friend

that always does the slightly more seductive smile on accident no matter what picture is that me well you did you did do that as well and it's exactly it's it's when you tilt your head a little too a little too forward oh man i don't i do not like it It's a head tilt issue. Too much tilt. Too much tilt. All right. I don't like it. Jason's last fantasy footballer's picture was a little more seductive than we wanted it to be. Than he wanted it to be.

Here's the thing. I don't have a resting angry face, right? Mike, you do. I don't. I don't know what it's like to live with that. Did you say I do as though that was a surprise? No. He's well aware. I'm well aware of it's like to live with that. Did you say I do as though that was a surprise? No, he's well aware.

I'm well aware of it. Look, okay. We all got our things. Let me frame the question this way. What's more likely to get you a meeting in HR? The arresting angry face? Arresting angry face with a cheesy grin. As your former boss, Mike, I can tell you it is a resting angry face because everybody thought you were so mad at them at all.

He's so mean. People came to me and said, is Mike mad at me? And I said, no. I had to have conversations with others and with Mike about it. My bad, guys. My bad. He just looks angry. It's just my face. It's just my face.

It's just my darn face. I will say this. I remember there was one family photo session. You know how you always get family. Every year you got one or two family photo sessions. And every couple of years you get extended family in it. You get these big gatherings. Yada, yada, yada.

This is a long time ago. Probably like 10 years ago. There was one family photo session where I was, look, you don't want to be around me that day. That was a bad day. It was partly because of the photos. I was an angry man. I was a very, it was apparent. I don't have a normal resting angry face, but in those photos, dude, I look like, I mean, it is not a photo.

I would much rather look cheesy than look like how I was in those photos, which is just a super angry, mean guy in the family. That's like, is the family okay? Because this, I mean, I look just monstrous because I was. okay because this i mean i look just monstrous because i was i'm picking the i want to be cheesy and happy and over the top of people can be annoyed by me it's yeah all right uh let's go to one more dustin from twitter would you rather always have to cook naked or go to the bathroom barefoot well this is easy yeah i don't enough to. Mike's would be naked all day long. That's what I'm saying. Look, great news, everybody.

I don't need to invest in pants or underpants or shirts. I have a confession. Or socks. I have a confession. Oh, we're an open family here. I just said it. Let's hear it. I love being naked. i just said it let's hear it i i i love being naked i just

love it and it's true and i'm telling you when i take it all back when i i'm just saying like no dad's i'm just saying like when sometimes when the the kids are all asleep and you know i'm just free so now i get to i get to cook and have a nice time the problem is the the amount of meals like meals are in the daytime a lot i'm not gonna be daytime naked that's that's that's outlandish i mean I would want to be. Let's say this. What is wrong with you? Here's really what the confession is.

When my children go off to college and grow up and they're gone, I don't know that I will ever wear clothes. I just... I'm in the privacy of my own house. So that's... There are things that we do in life that of my own house. So that's, look, I'm taking.

There are things that we do in life that affect others, Jason. Here's the thing. When you don't have clothes on, you often see yourself in the mirror wearing no clothes. And you go wearing nothing. And you go, huh? That's unfortunate I'm not in the best shape of my life

well what you don't know about this future when his kids are all moved away is his blinds are closed the lights are off he's naked but it's dark it's dark inside the blinds are closed the lights are on and I'm living my best life I'm not going to allow you to speak anymore about anything other than a new

topic. Jason explains in 60 seconds. Please be clothing. Owl? Alright, Jason, you have 60 seconds to explain. Teach us. Oh, gosh. Indoor plumbing. Oh, gosh.

Indoor plumbing. Oh, this is great. I'm actually an expert at indoor plumbing. Thank goodness. So indoor plumbing, which originally started with aqueducts and the creation of a downhill water source that could allow water to pipe upward into a home, that's where it originally started now in the modern day you have cities that have gigantic uh water factories that have machines that pump the water so that it's pressurized and so indoor plumbing has allowed water to come into your home and um what it does so the ad the invention of the toilet right was a big deal because outhouses

had no plumbing to them they were just basically holes in the ground and so as soon as we got water inside we thought oh you want to know what i can do in this water i get poop and pee in it and let it carry my poop and pee away and that was really the genesis of why indoor plumbing was necessary that was secondary to that were showers um here's the other thing that you need to know about indoor plumbing oh good um is that water pressure is based on the height of the water source so if your water source this is why you see water towers that are elevated when you go oh yeah yeah yeah the towers themselves are elevated yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. We don't have them here, but the Midwest has water towers.

Yeah, they lift the towers up. Old timey had, now it's all pressurized with machines. Bad water pressure in the Midwest. But what is important here is that the water pressure has allowed us as a race to wash our poop and pee away. Okay. That's true. It's really everything you need to know about indoor plumbing. It's everything I needed to know in 60 seconds, that's for sure.

The only other thing I would add just as a tip, this isn't something you need to know, but as a tip, don't fix indoor plumbing problems yourself. Okay. Call a professional. That's good advice at the end of that. Even though I feel educated enough to do it at this point, I won't attempt it. Thanks for that caution.

Well, it ends up on a good note, but I had a situation with my plumbing, with my shower, where the handle started to get a little bit sketchy of like you couldn't, sometimes it didn't turn the water off The handle started to get a little bit sketchy of like you couldn't. Sometimes it didn't turn the water off. And things came to a head on Thanksgiving when the shower would not turn off.

So you just have a full running shower. This is the shower. That's funny. Guess whose phone rang that day? I didn't get there yet, man. You were going to get the credit. Take it easy. All right, carry on. So my shower is just full blast, pumping out all my hot water.

It's on Thanksgiving Day. We're supposed to be leaving for Thanksgiving lunch slash dinner, whatever you want to call it, and it's Thanksgiving. What do you do? We had to turn the water off to the entire house, and then Al Borland got a phone call. Could have called Jason, too. He would have let you know why that's happening.

I would have just stayed in the shower. Jason would have told me, like, uh i got a great idea mike you should call jeremy yes that's what i would have said do you actually turn your shower off at all jay or do you let it run all the time because you take the road just on 24 no i turn it off at bedtime when i go to bed i turn it off but when i get up i turn it on i get in I want what happens if I have to get in a shower and it's not warm yet you know what I mean it makes a lot of sense too with the

being naked all the time that's great man if you were nude all the time you could step in and out it's so healthy for the environment let's move on that's a great question the environment. Let's move on. That's a great question. What Jason doesn't know is all of his water at his house is

a closed loop. He's been showering in the same water. Like the recycled air in the car? You've been showering in the same water for a long time, bro. That's not good. That is not good. That explains the sickness the sickness explains a lot all right that's a great question time tiffany from twitter has a question for us what is one

food that you will never be able to get yourself to eat and why never be able to get yourself to eat two of them come to mind for me are you both gonna say sweet potatoes oh it's disgusting and of course uh no because here's the thing with sweet potatoes i do try them from time to time it's like i hated guacamole it was the most disgusting thing i could think of it was one of the only foods in my life where i would say not only do I not like it, but I don't understand how others could like it. I don't like people who like it. Yeah, well, it was like, you know, I get it. I'll taste something.

I don't like this, but I get how people could like salt and vinegar chips. They're not my favorite, but I totally get how people could love it. Oh, man, they're so good. Exactly, and I get that, but with guacamole, it was like it looks disgusting, its texture's disgusting, it tastes disgusting, and then one day I found out guacamole's the best thing on the planet because I kept trying it over and over. Sweet potatoes could do that someday.

Like baseball. Yeah. Oh, come on. You almost got me to say yes there. I'm learning more and more about Jason from this show and life that if you don't like something, if it's not your thing, it's completely you you demonize it instantaneously just demonic things yes baseball sweet potatoes yeah so um no but the the last one the battle star galactica where you oh the doctor who doctor who people and herds yeah they're totally but battle star people oh they're awesome outstanding citizens absolutely

no you see right through me um baseball is the guacamole of sports no baseball is the eggplant of sports oh nice that's a great call that's the one because eggplants texture when cooked is snot good. It's not good. It is snot good. It's disgusting. And when you bread it and put Parmesan and you put... What are you... It's just like spaghetti. No. It's like disgusting snot-filled spaghetti.

Eggplant is disgusting and I will never, ever like it. I think I could not eat anchovies to be honest with you. That's a good one. I've never tried them, but I like the thought of it grosses me out. Yeah. And they're like full fish. Beets are awful. Beets are bad. That was the other one in my list.

Bad beets. They're nice. They're mostly bad. What I will say about anchovies is I for the vast majority of my life, I had a very strict, nothing from the ocean, two to four legs. If they got them and they're animals, I'm probably going to eat them. But that rules out a lot of the things from the ocean, such as oversized insects like lobsters and crabs.

I don't know if people realize what they actually are, but you shrink those things way down and it's just a bug. That's fair. So it's insane that people are like, yeah, I want to eat that. They're delicious. But I eventually moved- I always hear crickets get a bad name in terms of eating food. So maybe bugs are underrated. I hear that a good fried cricket is fine.

What are those? Cicada? The really, really annoying bugs. Yeah, I've never called it that, but I know what you're talking about. Yeah. What do you call it? A cicada. A cicada.

Is that what you said? We need to go to the tape. Jason, what did I say call it a cicada is that what you said jace i mean you go to the tape jason what did i say you said cicada oh okay oh i thought you said it with a z i thought he said the cicada and i was like oh that's new sounds delicious whatever it's a really annoying bug but people eat them you know so back to the point is uh i had this rule and then one day I was just like, I'm going for it, man. I'm trying sushi, and it was rough. I'm not going to lie. The first time I ate sushi, the texture, everything was like I had this mental block of the second it went in my mouth.

Raw. Raw. I wanted to project it out, but we got there. We got there. Sushi, it's great. So good. Raw. I wanted to project it out, but we got there. We got there. Sushi, it's great. So good. And now I full on eat the sashimi. I will just pick up a raw piece of fish and I will eat it.

And I will never, ever, ever eat mushrooms. Those things freaking suck. They are the worst. They taste bad. What a great question. The texture of them is terrible. Everything about mushrooms, and I have given mushrooms, I've given them their fair shake.

Like people love pepperoni mushroom pizza. I have tried multiple times, and I just cannot get behind it. They're the worst. There were two foods that when I was growing up, I just couldn't understand how people liked. One was guacamole. The other was mushrooms because it's At worst. There were two foods that when I was growing up I just couldn't understand how people liked. One was guacamole. The other was mushrooms because it's literally fungus. Every mushroom I've ever eaten

was on accident. It tastes like rubber and I've gotten over that. It was not on purpose. I've gotten over that. I can have a cream of mushroom soup. I can have, you know, if mushrooms are on my pizza, I'm not taking them off. I'll eat it. But they're not, like, why? Why are we doing this?

They're just a rubbery piece. She adds them to every burger that she gets. If she can't, she loves mushrooms. But why? She's a psychopath. Ah, there it is. We got there. Alright, that was a good question and we're going to come back to some of these topics in our draft. Alan from

Patreon, what is one thing you absolutely refuse to spend a lot of money on even though everyone around you does? Oh my goodness. This is a fantastic question. I don't know. I'm sure, Al, have you thought about this one at all?

The first thing that came to mind, and you'll have to tell the story, but is a garbage disposal. Well, that was the... I feel so out of the loop with this story no this story is that i i may have brought up in in mixed company that um i don't think my wife has ever actually used a garbage disposal and it was said in a tongue-in-cheek way where no matter what house we've ever been at i am stuck like you know the trap? This is indoor plumbing. Everything's coming full circle.

You got a stinky drain. You know the drain trap will catch food in it if you don't use the disposal to cut the food up. If you just pour food into your sink, you will then have food that gets stuck in your trap. So it's kind of a running... It's not a joke, but I don't know what it is. A running jab?

I am watching a grown man bury himself alive right now and it's so great. It's one of the, I mean, 14 years happily married is one of those things. Three feet. That has always been a problem is I teach her, you should probably grind the food up so I don't have to dig it out instead of being able to watch TV tonight. Oh no. So I've had to clean the trap out like a million times. But this became a thing

where her only. Wait. No. Okay. No. Go ahead. Ask any question you want. Pause. Pause the story right here. Yeah. Define cleaning out the trap. This is like Yes. This is a 45 minute commitment to going under the sink, removing everything under the sink. This is pipe removal.

This is taking the trap out, dump all the food into a bucket. Everything smells like mushrooms. And then you're in a... My mind is exploding right now. I've done that at least 10 times. I've never even considered doing that. No, I've never done it either. I'm much more of uh

like al than you think so here's continue here's here's the the reason why we're wondering whether or not it is as andy claims the wife's inability to use the garbage disposal properly or as the wife claims a really bad garbage disposal she was scrambling and decided to blame me for not spending up on a garbage disposal here's the thing okay okay the other side even if you're rich you still have to even if you have the best garbage disposal you still have to press the on button you do have to you do have to push the on button to use it but here's the thing the garbage disposal since i know everything about indoor plumbing yeah of course It has a very small hole that leads to the trap. You can't

get big food through there. That's why when you put food in your sink, it will back up until you use the garbage disposal. It just can't get through until you use it. Okay, math checks out. But there are foods you're not supposed to put in there. Sure, and maybe that's

the problem. Like chicken skins and fish skins. Yeah, but you were also saying you didn't use a lemon and a lime. Those are common things that you put in a garbage disposal for freshness. Listen, I think we all agree that life is crazy. I thought that lemons and rinds and stuff were supposed to go down there. They are. rinds and stuff were supposed to go down there they are i have been told recently that that is actually bad for the garbage disposal i know i know it it makes it it cleans the scent up and makes a fresh kitchen but i've i have heard that rinds are not proper to go down the garbage

anyways i've spent up i've spent down i've been in four houses and uh i think that that is not in the category of things that i wouldn't i'd be willing to spend money on like the sink what do they call it the in sync in sync orator or something like that i mean we're talking the big boy just incinerates the food yeah it'll blow it apart and you know i will say this in uh in one of houses, the kitchen, the garbage disposal, it went out. It flooded everything. It was a giant disaster. And this was, I'm sure, just like stock, whatever.

Whoever built the house, they put this cheap piece of crap in there. I went out. I got myself. You spinned up? I got a serious garbage disposal and this thing kicks oh it's so worth man so worth the money i could i could have taken a human i could have taken a full-grown man and just dropped him right in and it would have been gone it he he would have evaporated into a million pieces you don't need that saliva is there something

though that like like i feel like this is a question for one of our other employees papa josh you know but it would be like all things um is there something that jumps in your mind jay as that you will not spend money on i have racked my brain here to find something i won't spend money on that other people do and i can't think of one thing i'm i'm usually more the opposite i am less of a frugal person and more of a try to get the best of a wagyu man i'm more of a wag a wagyu steak type of man yeah i oh he connected you on pronunciation yeah i mean look if it's into the body bar barbecue yes bougie jason that's darn right i it's guilty as charged i know things that you have to spend up on we've talked about that

no cheaping out on toilet mike have you moved up to albacore tuna look i did i moved up and the honest truth is i moved back down. Come on. So there's an answer. I moved back down. I think this is the way. It's funny. I just had this conversation with my wife because she's like, we're putting the groceries in. Which one do you want?

And I think. You're a chunk light man. I think the albacore is like white meat. I agree. And I'm a dark meat guy. Like, it's juicier. It's got better flavor. It's not dry.

I was shocked by how much I disliked the albacore compared to what I was raised on. Yeah, I totally know what you mean. Yes, okay. Wait, I'm paying an extra dollar for the white meat? I felt like an idiot. I buy Albuquerque every time. But Mike also mixes his with like a Easy Mac. So, I mean, you need... Oh, heck yeah.

Let's go. It's another confession time. And this is not my confession. In fact, I'm very disappointed to confess that my wife now every time that we have in the last two months, which is twice, made SpaghettiOs, she chooses to put cottage cheese on it because of Mike's disgusting habits. So literally, she prefers SpaghettiOs with cottage cheese now. And I think we're going to get through it.

I think we're going to stay. I mean, we're 15 years in. You will because soon you too will be adding the cottage cheese. I threw a dollop on again the other day because I had to try it. She kept saying, I'm like, all right, I'll try it again. No way is it better. No planet is it better yeah she moved up the hierarchy so next is tuna and easy look i don't want it to be easy mac it's

just easier that's why it's called easy mac if i can get a properly made blue box and go tuna into the blue box oh my chef's kiss just right into the box do you eat it out of the box come on come on don't do this don't straw man me all right uh let's uh go to one more here hugh from the website if you were thrown back in time 2 000 years how would you take advantage of your modern day knowledge? Indoor plumbing would be immediately installed. My aqueducts would be coming downhill. My water would be raised up. Why are these uphill aqueducts not working?

That's what they said. That was their problem 2,000 years ago. Medicine. Medicine comes to mind. The idea of modern. I mean, I don't know. You're asking me practically to tell you how. How would you...

Here was my real answer. I started to go through it like, man, I got it. I got it. And then the answer is I just die. I die because I can't Google anything. I don't know what information I actually have to offer. I can't build fire. I can't make penicillin.

You don't even know you could take your sink apart i mean at at the end of the day yeah i can't turn on my my medical knowledge my medical knowledge would help me to stop people from doing wrong things to me more than it would help me medicating myself in the right way for like okay like yeah no leeches or no, yeah, that ceremony where you put that blood on me is not good. Let's not do that. Look. I'm from the future. I know that that's not going to work out.

I am not about trying to make that life better. My life 2,000 years ago, look, it sucks. Okay? I'm living in a hut or, you know, I don't have shoes. I don't know what it's like but it's not the comfort i live in now so here's what i do i go jason's concerned about i go find shoes i think it's a pretty big concern if you don't have them um i go find the absolute smartest men alive on the planet and i tell them things that i know to be true i tell them about a squared

i tell them that the world is round and i agree equal c squared i got that one on lockdown you know what i mean like i i i tell them that the the world is absolutely round and i can prove it by mapping the the stars and all i'm doing because i can't map the stars no no no just got burned at the stake as a witch no no you can't prove anything i that's my point that's why i started by saying i'm gonna go find the smartest brightest minds in the world at that time and i'm gonna go tell them i'm smarter than them i'm gonna make them solve it for me but i'm gonna tell them i'll you know here's here's what i know to be true be true. I want to see if you can find it. And then I get credit in the history books for creating all of those things.

I would start digging for oil, I think, maybe, or gold. Do you guys know where any gold was found? That'd be where I'd head 2,000 years ago before somebody found it. I don't know where gold is. I don't know. Dig for gold? I don't know where gold is i don't know i don't know dig for gold i don't know where it's at san francisco you'd have to all right adjust your lifestyle a little bit jay jason yeah i'm gonna test your knowledge here okay who figured out that uh we

went around the sun instead of the sun going. Who figured that out? I didn't ask you, Andy. Galileo. I don't know. I don't know. It was Copernicus. It was Copernicus.

Okay, I shouldn't know. Do you know when that was? Shoot, was it more than 2,000 years ago? No. No, that was 500 years ago. You are not getting what you think you're getting 2,000 years ago. It took a long time. No, no, no.

There's no science 2,000 years ago. Yes, because. Science is I hit things with a rock and they die. You want to buy a donkey as advanced as they got. You're crazy. You're crazy. I am not. There were great minds back is your goal though just to

to put a bow on it is your goal is your goal then to spark the intellectuals of 2000 years ago to give them a head start is that the goal that was you think you could give them a head start i want to give them a i want to give them a head start but solely for my credit i want my name in the history book. Look, Aristotle was taught by Plato. Aristotle was taught by Plato, and Plato gets a lot of credit for what Aristotle's done. I'm going to get credit for teaching Plato, and Aristotle and Plato, they're from my coaching tree. It's all about credit. It's all about your coaching tree. There's no comfort back there, so I gotta get in the history books. Alright, fair enough.

Maybe that's the key. You go back 2,000 years and get as many things named after you as possible. Discover. That's new lakes. Lakes could be named after you. Monuments. That'll work. Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. Oxymoronic draft today.

We're drafting the best vegetables. Oh, are you kidding me? No, I am not kidding you. Vegetables are abhorrent and unlikely to be my first choice in a meal. That being said, I'm taking potatoes as the number one pick. Oh, man, we got right into it. Yeah. Yeah.

You can mash them. You can smash them. You can fry them. Jason's face says there was a glint of hope in his life that potatoes would not bypass just one of us, but two of us. Shame on you, Jason. No, look. Potatoes are the one on one.

I mean, they're clearly the best vegetable, but a lot of people argue whether potatoes are vegetables. People say that potatoes aren't mean, they're clearly the best vegetable. But a lot of people argue whether potatoes are vegetables. People say that potatoes aren't vegetables, which is stupid because they are. I mean, they're a root vegetable. But, you know,

whenever you bring up like, oh, potatoes are my favorite vegetable, everyone's going to be like, that's not a vegetable. It's a starch. Right. It is a starch. Also, you have a potato field

as your background on YouTube, right? Yeah. I really wanted it because I thought maybe you guys wouldn't think of it as a vegetable. We actually talked about it before the show have a potato field as your background on youtube right yeah i i really wanted it because i i thought maybe you guys wouldn't think of it as a vegetable we actually talked about it before the show because i needed to clarify that they would let it be a vegetable maybe if you showed up on time i was here on the minute on all right mike is on the clock i have potatoes potatoes all right

and i and i have time i've had time prepare it, and I still don't know what the second best vegetable is. I'm crazy? Oh, there's just. Jason thinks there's a guaranteed number two? Here's what I know. I know that most vegetables suck, and I know that some are great. And so it's just so easy to go get those great veggies. Well, look, the honest truth is I'm stuck between two.

So maybe that boosts your confidence in my vegetable knowledge because one of these is a delightful treat. Both of these are a delightful raw treat. One of them, though, I don't really like it as much cooked, which is usually, it can be strange for vegetables, but I'm going to take it.

I think it's the 102. I'm going to take, I got to improve the eyesight. I got to make my eyes better. Legend has told. I was going to say, is that still true no it's it's very not true it's just what you tell the kids so they'll eat them but they're good i like it

you give me some dill dip carrots i will take carrots you don't like cooked carrots i don't like nobody likes i like cooked carrots what here's my problem with uncooked carrots they take 45 minutes to chew one until you're done chewing they are baby carrots man or the carrot chips you have to like work out your jaw you got a mandible problem neither of you understand that that like no raw vegetables take a long time i've been through this on this show there are cell walls in plants that are harder to break down. Not for these. Not for these molars. Nearly every vegetable is better raw

than cooked. Not all. Obviously, potatoes. No, thank you. Green beans are better cooked? Are you kidding me? You're a clown right now. You're a clown. Who's drafting green beans? Get that crap out're a clown. I am only talking green beans. Get that crap out of my face.

I am only talking about vegetables that are commonly eaten both ways, right? Like nobody eats green beans without cooking them. Okay, I get you. But for every vegetable that you cook or eat raw, it's always better raw. Give me some spinach. I don't think there's a lot of vegetables that are like that. Give me some spinach on a sandwich. It's great.

You cook it and turn it into mushy. You will not. We'll talk more about it because I don't want to spoil any vegetables here. I mean, I do. I hate vegetables. Either one of these could have been the one I want. I'm so happy right now. First of all, I'm taking the most delicious vegetable.

Now, granted, potatoes turn into a a delicious meal but that's not the potato i'm eating that's the butter and the sour cream and the all the cheese things that make it great and the oil fried i want potatoes but i'm gonna take uh corn to start sweet corn is the best i can have it on the cob i can have it out of a can. I've never had bad corn. I don't like it in a can, man. I like it on a cob. Oh, I prefer it on a cob. I love it in a can.

I mean, I can't remember ever having bad corn. I have it with Parmesan, and it's salty. Oh, that's great. I have it just with butter, and it's sweet. Oh, that's great. I have it on my mashed potatoes. Corn on a cob is great. A cob or the cob. Corn is great. I have it on my mashed potatoes. Corn on a cob is great. A cob or the cob.

Corn is great. Yeah. All right. Corn, very similar to potatoes, is not helping. What's funny about those vegetables is it's a vegetable. I totally get it. But it's not good for you. There's no nutritional value.

It's going out the way it came in. I mean, we all know. It's not good for you. It's not. That's not good for you. There's no nutritional value. It's going out the way it came in. I mean, we all know. It's not good for you. It's not. That's not good, especially because we cover them. But that's like the salad that has 600 calories

worth of ranch dressing on it. I mean, we ruin our vegetables and then say that we feel good about eating them. All right. And the other one, which I actually believe is the best vegetable.

This is my genuine, like I'm getting this here as the fourth one. I actually believe is the best vegetable this is my genuine like i'm getting this here as the fourth one i think this is the best vegetable but you don't eat it by itself usually yeah unless it's i know where you're going dang it man i love onions they are so versatile yeah you can eat them raw you can cook them you can have them uh you know caramelized on a burger they add so much to everything that i've ever eaten and i know some you guys are on top of your game today i don't like it we know i don't like i don't like it man corn and onions at the the the turn this this is great yeah i know some people out there this the problem is onions isn't a boat getter because a lot of times people say they don't like...

It's very divisive, yeah. No, no, Andy. Onions are divisive. I don't want... I feel like you can contort them to at least a way that somebody likes them. You don't want them raw. You like them cooked. You don't like them caramelized.

You like them diced. I agree, but some people are like when they just see a menu item, they would prefer... They say no onion. Right. They'll get enchiladas, no onion. Okay, you're right. A burger, no onion. But they're stupid. They say no onion. Right. They'll get enchiladas, no onion. Okay. You're right.

You're right. A burger, no onion. But they're stupid. Those are stupid people. The onions are my guacamole story. I didn't like onions in any way, shape, or form growing up. And then I go, oh, wait. I should put them on everything that I eat.

And that changed my life. I'm still mostly anti-white onions. That's okay. You'll grow up. Dice them. Put them on a hot dog. Dice them, bro. Dice them. Look, I know they dice them at McDonald's,

and you put that crap on my McDonald's burger, and it makes it straight in the garbage. No way. Hot garbage. You sound like an idiot. McDonald's onions should not be what you're setting your standard for. That is true. That's like I love pickles, but McDonald's pickles.

Yeah, McDonald's pickles, none of those are real. They're all fabricated in a laboratory. All right, Mike, if you take a certain pick here. I don't know if I'm taking it or not, but the other vegetable that I was in between with carrots, it's still on the board, and it's broccoli, man. I really like broccoli. Broccoli is

one of those rare treats, if you could call it that. It's a rare treat. It's a common not treat. It's a rare vegetable. We had the whole discussion of cooked and raw. Broccoli raw? Great.

Broccoli cooked? It's still good it's great like i like broccoli on everything broccoli and cheese soup that's probably shout out to the cheese but oh yeah broccoli covered in cheese also shout out to the cheese i love it i love it yeah but i i like broccoli i think it's a good pick. It's a good pick. And I'm happy. I'm going to go a couple of different directions here because I'm not a big fan of the mainstream veggies. I mean, the mainstream veggies, they're trying to rule your life and I don't need them.

I have the kid veggies right now. Yeah. I'm going to throw... This one is like onions. You can't just eat it plain, but it is such a compliment. And it's garlic. I'm taking garlic. Garlic is great. Yeah.

So garlic. It keeps vampires away. Garlic is outstanding. I don't remember the last time I made dinner that didn't use garlic. Like genuinely. If it's a dinner, there's some garlic salt, garlic powder, garlic flavor. Garlic something? Yeah.

And I'm getting kind of hungry now. The second pick I'm going to take is an avocado. No! I'm taking the most spectacular avocado. An avocado is a fruit. Oh, yes. I'm taking the most spectacular avocado. That was so good. I've appreciated it. An avocado is a fruit. Oh, yes.

Oh, tell me. It's off the list. It's got the seed on the inside, which would technically- A pear-shaped fruit? No. Would make it a fruit. Yes. Okay.

No. Yes. Oh, I'm so happy. I felt the buffoon that I did not have an avocado on my list, but it's because I knew inside. It was a last second addition. Dang it. I stand completely corrected.

That makes sense. It's too good to be a vegetable. It's a good point. I was so sad. It's the seeds. I'm telling you, I'm under the impression that scientifically, if the seeds are on the inside, it's a fruit. No, you're right.

That's true. And I didn't, when I saw- Which is weird because the strawberry has them on the outside, but we're not going to get into that fight. I'll be honest with you. I saw it in a list of ranked vegetables and was like, oh my gosh, how did I forget avocado? And it's because it's a fruit, apparently. I had it on my list.

It was what I wanted the most and I'm so thrilled that you can't have it yeah I wasn't an idiot well this is a humongous step down from avocado I'm taking spinach oh gross spinach is outstanding

spinach is fantastic spinach is the no it's fine you can cook it it's great you know the story like you knowach is the... No, it's fine. You can cook it. It's great. You know the story? You know how all the kids' movies, when we were growing up, have the character that looks... Home Alone has the neighbor that looks really evil, and then the kids eventually meet him, and he's a real sweetheart? That is what...

Spinach. That's what spinach is. You grow up with the stories of hating spinach, and then you go, oh, wow, spinach is like way better than most of the mixed greens that you could possibly eat. I'd rather have a salad with spinach than I would iceberg. Yes, 100%. I'm with you.

All right. Thank you, Mike. Because Jason was not. I probably would have taken spinach. I am not with you. I would never be with you on such a bad take. Spinach is fine on a sandwich. End of list oh spinach

salads is the way to go now plus popeye i mean come on yeah like real modern day reference yeah if you have canned spinach before like popeye speaking of a vegetable that is the the neighbor from home alone that for and i don't even know why it's set up like why why did we attack this and demonize this vegetable because you grow up and you go you know what's great brussels sprouts they are outstanding there are so many ways that you could prepare a brussels sprout and it's fantastic i'm taking them can i i, and they've become a little bit more mainstream. I'll be honest with you. I've tried my best, man.

I've given them every shot I can. What? I can't take them. I just don't like them. They're no good. They are. I know Jason likes them. I hate to say it because you drafted it, but I i if you cook them right and that's the thing you

can't eat them raw and when you cook they can be really hard like yes they can be too hard you know what else can be really hard a potato if you don't cook it all right so that's fine five hours to cook this potato uh yeah no it's it's i i respect the fact that people like them. I just don't like them. Jason, you have two final picks. You have corn and onions. So, so far, you're a real digestive treat. Go on. Yeah, all right.

So, look, I know one of them here. I'm taking the superior leafy green. I'm just taking lettuce. Lettuce is great. I think you have to define that. Iceberg. Yeah, you'd have to take iceberg. A head of iceberg. You're taking iceberg lettuce? Are you taking iceberg or romaine? What are you taking? That's what

I'm asking. You can't just say lettuce. Look, I'm not going to lie to you. Give him iceberg. He doesn't know the difference. Are you kidding me? I love cooking. I don't know. You're not defining them. Dude, I'm a chef. It's not that I don't know. I'm a chef.

It's not that I didn't know. I'm a chef. It's not that I didn't know. It's that I was trying to sneak lettuce in as a category. It's not. I know that, but I didn't think you'd catch me on it. I wanted both iceberg and romaine. Lettuce as just a phrase is great. I can't decide which one. I think I'm going to go romaine.

Okay, good for you. Because usually the things that you're going to use it for, romaine is far more versatile. The only thing I really like iceberg lettuce in is when you're making some shredded lettuce and you just want it for the crunch on a taco. Which you can just use ice cubes. They're the exact same. Sure. Same health benefits too. Cabbage there. That's all I mean. Yeah. All right. So you're going use ice cubes. They're the exact same. Sure. Same health benefits too.

I'll pivot to cabbage there. That's all I mean. Yeah. All right. So you're going romaine lettuce. I've got some romaine lettuce, which is great. So, so far, I've pretty much got. Yeah.

By the way, I'm a chef. I'm going to start working that into new sentences. Just right in the middle of them. He just casually throws out. Look, I'm a chef. I'm a mechanic. Yeah. I'm a chef. I'm a mechanic. Yeah. I'm a doctor.

I can't fix a car, but I can make you a mean meal. All right. This last one is tough. I'm going to take. Oh, man. Now. Okay. We need a ruling on this because I'm curious.

Oh, great. Do we consider a pickle? Because it's a pickled cucumber. No. No. A pickle. Then I'm taking a pickle because it's a pickled cucumber nope no a pickle i'm taking a cucumber because that's fine that's a fruit a cucumber is a fruit oh my gosh oh get body i came in loving this draft i leave hating it are you kidding me mr al borland you're oh i'm so technical i was gonna say it if he didn't so all right let me and mostly because i lost avocado so well that's the thing i want to fight him on it but we already got rid of avocado so i'm dead to rights here um you still can go with eggplant i know that's on

your shortly i believe a cucumber is not a vegetable a cucumber is a a vegetable, but I get the scientific rules of stupidity. I mean, there's scientific rules around potato. If you want cucumber, I think most people think of a cucumber as a vegetable. I'm comfortable with you having it. I'm willing to change. If you want a cucumber. Mike? I'll allow it.

Oh, yes, I'm back, baby. I'll give it to you. I'm taking a cucumber then. When I think of eating a cucumber, I certainly don't think of eating a fruit. Because it doesn't taste like fruit. No. Right. It's not great.

It's just okay. And that's what we're drafting is. That is the best description of a cucumber ever. It's just there. It's just there. Here's what a cucumber is to me. It grows. It's like celery. It's just there. It's just there. Here's what a cucumber is to me. It grows. It's like celery.

It's kind of, it's just around. A cucumber to me is two things that I love. One, it is a chip for dip. Okay, I love a cucumber in hummus. Or, you know, if I'm using this to dip something that is. Sure, when you're out of carrots and broccoli. Yeah, no, I'm there. Oh, no.

Cucumbers and hummus are way better than carrots and broccoli and hummus. You're a crazy person. Cucumbers. That mush, that mushy bite. What kind of garbage cucumbers do you find? And second is a pre-pickle, which you got to give a shout out. It's a pre-pickle? You're trying to sneak pickle?

Yeah, a cucumber is a pre-pickle. We're going to take this fruit away from you if you keep trying to wrap in. I'm just saying. I don't get grapes and raisins. Come on. The two best parts of a cucumber are using it basically as a fork for putting other delicious things on it, and it becomes a pickle. All right.

Mike, you've got a final pick to make. You've got carrots, broccoli, and Brussels sprouts. You fellas know I love a good theme, so I opened up as a little kid. I grew up. I got the Brussels sprouts, and now I will keep with that theme of half kid,

half adult. I'm making sure that my pee is the stinkiest. Oh, yeah. And I will take asparagus. Wow. Because asparagus. And I will take asparagus. Wow. Because asparagus gets a really bad rap, a really bad name. Because of its taste. Oh, God, get out of here.

It's better than Brussels sprouts. I'll give you that. Asparagus is actually very, very good. I absolutely should have taken that over cucumber. I love asparagus. It's great. My go-to meal is a steak. I say Mr. Steak Dinner over here better be getting love asparagus it's one of them it's like my my go-to meal is a steak miss i say mr steak dinner over here better be getting some asparagus and the best vegetable to complement a steak is asparagus so all right so jason has corn onions romaine lettuce and a

cucumber mike has carrots broccoli brussels sprouts and asparagus i have potatoes garlic spinach and a final pick here by the way i, I'm a painter. And I think I'm going to go. This is so tough. You can't say by the way, though. It has to be thrown out in regular conversation. I'm sorry. I'm learning. I'm a pilot.

I'm a chef. I'm a chef. Man, this is brutal. Because I have two. I can just disclose. I'm trying chef. Man, this is brutal because I have two. I can just disclose. I'm trying to decide between another great hummus carrier that I really enjoy or another garlic-like compliment. And I'm worried that my vegetable.

What's left on the carrier? Yeah, tell us. Cauliflower. Oh, yeah. Cauliflower. Yeah. Cauliflower. What's the other option here?

That's great. I have a garlic-like vegetable addition, which is ginger. And I'm trying to decide between the two. But I'm going to go cauliflower based on your reaction. Yeah, cauliflower. Cauliflower. That's the pick. Cauliflower is the one I'm going with.

I'm a big ginger fan. I mean, I have broccoli. I don't know how I don't go with the killer combo of the broccoli and the cauliflower, but it had to be done. Yeah. I prefer cauliflower to broccoli with hummus. Yeah, but cucumbers are the best. I think we all agree avocado was the best of all of these.

What's funny is you said cucumber is, you don't think, it doesn't taste like a fruit. An avocado, I don't know what an avocado tastes like. It doesn't taste like a fruit or a vegetable. It's just its own thing. It's its own thing, man. It's not my own thing. It's not my own thing. I'm a chef.

I think the only thing on my list that did not get grabbed was, and I could be alone on here, on this one, but I like peas. I like green peas. Yeah, I mean, it's just usually mushy. I like green beans. Like, on the grill, green beans are so good. I love fresh green beans. Not like out of a can, but like the crispy. You're not thinking of them the right way, Mike.

Really good. We cook it up. I'm mike really good we we cook it up i'm a chef so we cook it up with right uh red pepper flakes and some pearl garlic some garlic on there oh yeah of course of course and they are so good they're like one of the only vegetables my children actually enjoy now barlin do you have any any uh great omissions no i'm not a big veggie fan but you got my the ones that I tolerate the best. Yeah, nobody's ever actually enjoyed vegetables.

I think there's some healthy people out there that I would believe. Nobody drafted peppers. Can you believe that? Yeah, because peppers are not also technically a fruit. I was going to say they were on my list. Nobody drafted apples. Nobody took apples nobody took

oranges yeah would you have let me get a banana no isn't a banana like isn't there like what did we learn today a banana is not a vegetable i learned that uh long ago aqueducts they used to keep trying to get the water to run uphill on them, and they didn't realize to flip it until Jason went back 2,000 years and told them, downhill. Yeah, you're right. Thank you, Jason. You're welcome. I learned that Mike's plumber is Al Borland. I like it.

Hey, to be fair, I just called him for the advice. I handled the actual action. He did. He said, what do I need? And I told him what tool to get and what part to get. He went to the hardware store, got them both, and got it fixed. I learned something new.

I had to pull a cartridge out the wall and it felt like I was going to rip the entire pipe out. It was insanity. It wasn't so much that I learned it, but it was just reinforced that I am surrounded by uncultured swine who don't know what Peter and the Wolf

is. They need to catch up on their symphonies and orchestral arrangements. Can you play it for me real quick so I understand? I cannot do that for you. Look it up. Not with this music going, man. This is a good jam.

Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Oh, that was a good episode. Am I right, guys? The best. Gals, I know what you're thinking.

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