Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 116: Keto Mosquitoes & Nostalgic Childhood Toys

Episode Date: September 21, 2020

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Hey, spit wads. Guess what? Guess what? I know, Mike, you're curious what I'm going to say as well. I have no idea. I want to invite all the spit wads out there that love this show to head over to spitballerspod.com and listen. You can become an official spit wad. That means we're looking at your ideas.

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Click that Become a Spitwad button, and that's all there is to it. Now let's get to the show. Let's go. to it. Now let's get to the show. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Mother meets the eye, robots in disguise, here it comes for Zinky. That one went long.

I didn't time that up right. I like the self-evaluation immediately after. Oh, yeah. I mean, it's a one-shot. That's what makes this whole show is a one shot. I don't even know if people realize that, but they should. Oh, my goodness. I didn't need to.

I mean, if I just went Badingi, I think I went Bazingi. I think I alternated. You dropped a Z. You dropped a Z in there. It's because I knew I was running out of syllables. There was not enough time. If people don't realize this is a one shot. No, this is the best that they could possibly do.

They're editing. They're redoing things. Take 12 is what you just got. We're doing a toy draft. Oh, man. We're doing a childhood toy draft on the show today. Thought about Transformers. One of

many, many, many many many many many toys that could be drafted in the draft yeah Bazingi and Bazingi and that's where we're at alright at SpitballersPod on Twitter SpitballersPod.com

is the website Instagram.com slash SpitballersPod welcome in if you're a brand new listener to the show and you've made it this far you have overcome some obstacles to get here.

Whatever music snobs are listening, they turned it off immediately after you ran over a measure. When you start to make a mistake on a scout, I think the one thing you've learned is that you want to raise the volume at the end. It covers up everything louder and everything else gets gets better we have would you rather on the show today we have

that's a great question as i said we're going to be drafting the best childhood toys so that's our best childhood toy well yeah our favorite nostalgic toys and you know we have a weekly vote and it'll be interesting because some toys are more memorable some toys are more played with like they get the most use i get tired as a dad of spending money on really neat toys that live in a closet yeah let me ask you this uh dad is that toy that really neat toy that you buy, is it a game that lives inside of a screen or a computer? Nope. No, so then it's not played with.

That's the rule nowadays. If it doesn't have a screen and it's not a game on a computer, I mean, maybe, okay, an iPad will suffice. I have learned that you cannot infuse interest into a child by buying them a toy. You cannot make them play with it the way that you think that you would want them to play with it. They cannot fall in love with it. You can't make them play with it the way that they tell you they're going to play with it. Oh, that's the most amazing part

mike that's true oh i want this more than anything in the whole wide world i mean i look i had a long conversation with my wonderful son he wanted this really epic big large full disneyland castle lego large, full Disneyland castle Lego set for Christmas. It was what we call not cheap. It's the big gift. It's the big gift. It's the big gift. It's the Bazingi. And here's the deal. Leading all the way up to the Christmas season, I told him flat out.

I was like, no, I'm not getting it for you. It's too expensive. And I think you're going to get halfway through, make a't i think you're gonna get halfway through make a mistake and you're not going to finish it i i don't know how many hundreds of times it's like oh you cannot quit if you end up with this you cannot quit i'm not getting it because i'm worried we there was a mistake made about i don't know a third of the way in and that castle was a third of the way done forever. He never followed through? He never finished?

No. So, you know, you win some, you lose some. Live and learn and burn your money. Here's another thing that you learn with toys and as a parent. Not everybody likes toys. Like, I have two boys. One of them loves toys, plays with toys, plays with his action figures. The other has no interest.

And that's how, growing up, I mean, Andy, you and I have discussed this, right? I love toys. You love toys? I played with them all the time. I had one toy growing up that I used. It was called a basketball. And that was it. Like, my life was just that.

This is wild stuff, man. Were you ever playing with toys? Mike, did you play with toys? Oh, dude, I was an action figure fiend. Yeah, that was the best. I had Jurassic Park. Dude, I was an action figure. Yeah, that was the best.

I had- Jurassic Park. I would always tell my mom of this dream I had of making, I think I called them, because at the time they were my little guys. They weren't action figures, my little guys. Yeah. And I had these dreams of grandeur of this really elaborate little guy world

where I was going to turn my entire room into this giant play area. And I mean, eventually it took shape on the form of a beanbag and it was not very small or not very large. It didn't last very long, but little guy world was built. I wonder though, Mike, I'm having, you know, step onto the lay down on the couch moment here. Mike, I'm having, you know, step onto the, lay down on the couch moment here.

We've talked about the fact that Jason does not like things, so to speak. Like he doesn't ask for memorabilia. He doesn't care about memorabilia. He doesn't have collector inside. No, everything in his frame on YouTube right now was probably taken from the office. It was taken from the studio. I've got none of these little knickknacks. But Mike and I, we do do mike and i have them and i wonder if you know yeah you didn't grow up with a connection to a bunch of action figures his you didn't have any little guys i needed i needed my

little guys i needed my little guys i'm sure i had little guys purchased for me i just didn't i i didn't care about them you know what's funny too is when you were a kid and you watch the show because all these toys came out of shows they made the shows to sell you the toys oh if you watch power rangers now it's just a commercial that's all it is yeah like did you know you know transformers was made by a toy company i did not know that yeah it was made to sell toys and it succeeded tremendously those toys i just made it the scat the broken scat was about transformers now michael bay can't stop making movies about him all that being said like it was also something to catch that show because you had

to be there a lot you weren't recording it so it was now i'm getting nostalgic already let's uh we'll circle back to our toy draft. Let's get into some Would You Rather. Would you rather? All right, I'm circling back already. Al Borland, did you have some little guys? I did have little guys, yes. Okay, so three little guys and then one no little guys.

Yeah, I was mommy's little guy. Oh, that's so nice. Yeah. All right, would you rather question from Colby, Colby on Twitter, would you rather never see a thunderstorm again or have mosquitoes completely lose interest in you. This is one of the strangest low risk. Some of these would-you-rathers are very high consequence. This seems like a very strange low consequence would-you-rather.

Never see a thunderstorm again. A thunderstorm, and we can only speak from the perspective of Arizona. But like the thunderstorm is awe-inspiring. Yeah, they're cool. Magnificent event. Weather event that takes place very rarely. But when it does, you just are wowed by the power of the earth. And it's beautiful.

It's rain. The smell. The smell of the desert. Our's beautiful. It's rain. It is smell. The smell of the air is clean for like 30 minutes. It's unbelievable. And there's huge, loud rumbles from the sky. As it is recording a hundred plus days without rain out here. So now you understand what's going on.

Your skin during a thunderstorm is not usually baked to a crisp by the sun at the same time, which is a delicious treat in Arizona. So yeah, when I read this, would you like to never see a thunderstorm again? Okay, well, that's terrible because I would love to see a thunderstorm or have mosquitoes leave your life. Or have mosquitoes. The worst thing in the entire world. The worst thing about sitting outside on your patio.

I have mosquitoes. I don't know where they're coming from. In Arizona, we have people who don't take care of their pools. They have sitting water somewhere. It's not me. I don't know where they're coming from, but I'm being attacked by mosquitoes anytime I'm able to sit outside on my patio right now, which is very, very rare. Very rare. very rarely uh i i have uh i think i need to keep the thunderstorms as a part of my life who is getting rid of the

thunderstorms for mosquitoes well i'll tell you who there are people and i don't know how this happens but that mosquitoes don't like you're talking about like witches and warlocks i'm just saying i you know you always hear about those people that's like mosquitoes don't they don't bite me they don't bite me and that's me mosquitoes don't bite me what how that's not you yes they are they don't bite me i i'm never bothered by them they don't they don't mr ice cream blood they don't bite you i got too dense a leg hair or something man they don't mess with me they don't they Mr. Ice cream blood. They don't bite you. I got two dents of leg hair or something, man. They don't mess with me.

Wow. They can't land on me. I wonder what it is. My leg hair, my arm. You see my arms. I got, I got some shaggy arms. I mean, I don't know. That's my only theory.

That's my only theory. Scientists have to have, cause I don't like my blood. I don't have sweet blood. I think it's more about the blood. I really do. I think like, and what's weird is that's inside the body. So I don't know. Can mosquitoes like smell blood from. No, because it's not that. I is that's inside the body so i don't know can mosquitoes like smell blood from no because it's not that i don't think it's that i don't know that

is their food source i want to have the scientific answer because i know mosquitoes do not treat everyone the same and they love me they love the high fat content in your blood uh they're like keto mosquitoes are keto i don't know if you know about this. Mosquito. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. It was right there. I couldn't find it.

I'm sorry. I'm not sure I did either. Here it comes, Badingi. I've got to Google this. Why do mosquitoes like me? Why do they not like some people? My daughter, unfortunately, there could be one mosquito in our zip code, and that mosquito would find her like me why do they not like some people like my daughter unfortunately they could like there

could be one mosquito in our zip code and that mosquito would find her and uh like we have to run we literally run a mosquito one of those mosquito light vacuums in her room 365 days a year 24 hours a day because she's super allergic to them also tell me more about these mosquitoes hold on hold on it's the best hold on we'll talk after the show mike i've got an affiliate code Also, tell me more about these mosquito bites that get rid of mosquitoes. Hold on. Hold on. It's the best. Hold on. We'll talk after the show, Mike. I've got an affiliate code for you.

This is unbelievable because I go out there and it's- You get ravaged? It's just my ankles, though. They love my ankles. I got very attractive ankles to mosquitoes, apparently. That skin is prime. That's prime skin. Like their favorite thing is like bite the exact same spot, but just over.

You try some of this. Guys. You try some of this. Guys, I've got some answers for us. Oh, man. Dr. Sharon Berquist, an associate professor of medicine at Emory Healthcare, says mosquitoes are attracted to carbon dioxide. Heat and carbon dioxide admitted during the process of metabolism seems

to draw mosquitoes. This is me, guys. I am always running hot. It says, so if you're a heavy breather, watch out. Oh no, I'm a mouth breather. I've legit, when I'm out in the mosquito country, I'm a mouth breather. I've legit, when I'm out in the mosquito country,

I've always heard carbon dioxide pulls them in. This is terrible. I hate mosquitoes. They're the worst. But they don't bother me, so I'm keeping my thunderstorms. They're awesome. I will also keep my thunderstorms because, wait, that means I get rid of mosquitoes, right?

No, that means the mosquitoes have of mosquitoes right that means you loot the mosquitoes have interest in you you have to choose one of the two it's the benefit of having mosquitoes not interested in you or the benefit of now see i think i've been reading this question wrong i think you have too you've confused the heck out of me with you mike i was right with you okay okay so you have to give up if you don't want mosquitoes to mess with you, you give up seeing thunderstorms ever again. Okay, see, now look, okay, start the tape over. I was chiming in in Slack, I was hoping you'd see it, but yeah, I had a feeling you were confused there. Well, it is a would you rather.

Generally, these are two opposing things that you would have to choose between. Every now and then the owl puts in a stupid question. I think you'll agree with that. Yeah, I do agree with that. Would you rather never see a thunderstorm? Okay, okay. So I can never see a thunderstorm again. Would you rather have ice cream or ice cream and candy?

Well, here's the deal. Let's break that down. I am not going to see any thunderstorms anymore because mosquitoes attack the heck out of me. I hate them. I can't stand when I've got mosquito bites on my ankles. And as we talked about, the magnificence of the thunderstorms is heightened here because they don't hardly ever happen. So I'm not, you know, there's a whole

mosquito season. I feel like half the year mosquitoes are running crazy, whereas I get like three thunderstorms a year is what it feels like so i'm gonna i'm gonna get rid of those mosquitoes and and uh get rid of thunderstorms here's the thing take everything i said earlier and come i mean thunderstorms are just the worst aren't they they're the worst guys like i don't getting you all wet all the time you can't go swimming fear of lightning i mean it's ridiculous then you get out of here yeah no i'm look if i could never be bit by a mosquito again i'm not sure what lengths i would truly go to because they are the worst i just sent you a link to a little a little mosquito i've already purchased

yeah all right elliot from patreon would you rather get kicked in the ribs by an angry Anderson Silva? What? For those of you that don't know, MMA kick boxer. Jason, is he considered one of the best MMA fighters of all time? Absolutely, one of the best MMA fighters of all time. Just from a kicking perspective. Especially on the kicker rankings. Yeah, he's known for his kicks. Yeah, although he did once kick too hard.

Didn't he break his leg? Yes. He kicked his leg right in he was that's you're thinking of the right man he kicked his leg in two but that's how hard he can kick but the other choice here okay it's gonna this is gonna be another bad thing just so you guys are aware um or be shot in the foot okay so you're telling me one of them's not really good you got to be kicked in the ribs by an ink So you're telling me one of them is not really good. You got to be kicked in the ribs by an ankle. So you're probably breaking your ribs.

I mean, it's fair to say you're going to break a rib. Yes. Or be shot in the foot. So would you rather break your ribs, which breaking a rib is very painful. Like on the scale of injuries that you can, you know, not necessarily have to go to the hospital for, but deal with for a long period of time. You get a broken rib. You are having trouble breathing.

I don't know if you remember this, Andy, but we attempted to make a comeback as adult flag football players. Oh, yes. And we had taken some time off. We were much younger and more sprightly when we played. And we said, no, we can do it. We can come back. And I, in fact, took a shoulder to the back lower, like my lower ribs right in the back,

and broke one of my ribs. And it was terrible. It was exactly what you described. You can't breathe. When you feel a sneeze coming up your wherever your throat wherever it comes from you god help us you yes you you grip down you bite down on whatever you have because you're in for an extreme amount of pain you can't breathe you cannot sleep i have never been shot let me ask you let me ask you this never Mike. He's never in the foot either.

So you've broken a rib, okay? And let's take the kick and the gun away here and just say you've got a broken rib or you've got a broken bone in your foot and they're equal difficulty. Which one do you think would bother you more in that situation? So, I mean, I don't know if you could take the shot out because a bullet going through your foot. Well, that's my point. Is going to do more things than just. And you can't walk.

Yeah. I've broken a toe as well. Have you guys ever broken a toe? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I have not. Oh, well, it's not pleasant. No.

No, no. It's not a pleasant thing. But look. I got a toe breaking story. Wait, you had a good story? Yeah. A toe breaking story wait you had a good story yeah a toe breaking story dude well you've brought it up on a podcast where we tell stories so do tell it was the first broken bone i ever had and uh mine was too what age my my pointer finger on my right foot i was a

kindergartner i had to but i broke my toe they said broke my toe but i had to wear a like a boot like after it broke i had to wear a full boot so it broke part of my foot foot as well but the story with that break is that i was on the those i don't know how you broke your foot mike but i was on the second i was on the top bunk okay it's pretty embarrassing i was on the top bunk of hold on is this the jump story yeah i think I think we've... Go ahead. No, the whole story is just that my dad put his arms out and said, jump. And then I jumped and he didn't catch me. And I went through his arms. I mean,

I went straight to the ground and I broke my toe. Then they told me it wasn't broken. And then I crawled around the house for like a day. And then they said, something might be wrong because you keep crawling. Oh, that's very funny. How'd you break yours uh so it's actually very possible al borland was there because uh we had there some friends from a different school had come to my house and we were shooting a video for their morning announcement does this make main uh anything to you, Al Borland? No, I wasn't there.

Okay. So it was just a simple, we were all on the trampoline. Everyone's going to jump off. Oh, no. Oh, I was there. Forgot all about that. Oh, man. Because you didn't break your toe. So it was just me jumping off the trampoline and misgaged the distance my foot needed to go over,

and it went right in the bar. I finished the scene. I'm a champion. You're a professional. I went through it, and then I looked at my toe, and I was like, oh, that's a problem. That's pointing over there. Didn't I break your thumb passing you the football, too?

You did do that. But that was that. You can do that. But that was not. You can't claim credit for that, Andy. Yes. I mean, you passed him a football, and he went up to catch it. Nobody's ever jammed the thumb right into the ball like that. And broke his thumb on a gentle pass. This was not, you know, some.

This was like a 40-yard ball. It was a heater. It was a heater, Jay. He gave it everything he had. I gave it everything I have. All right. I don't want to be shot. I'll take the kick. Of course it's a heater. It was a heater, Jay. He gave it everything he had. I gave it everything I have. All right. I don't want to be shot. I'll take the kick.

Of course it's the shot. The point that I was about to make is that you're not going to take. Oh, okay. My point was this. I will need to go to a hospital with the foot. Is the foot that much better of a location than the rib? Is it so much better that you would be willing to take a shot over a kick because let's just say let's change this question to would you rather be kicked in the foot or shot in the foot would you rather be kicked in the ribs or shot in the ribs

would you rather be kicked in the hand or shot you're never going to choose getting shot under any circumstance that's one of your big life quotes don't be shot would you rather be kicked in the rib or like shot in the earlobe? But that's just scary. So I'm taking the kick 100 out of 100 times. Yeah, I am too. All right, Daryl from the website. Would you rather be invincible to injury but live a normal lifespan,

dying from aging and disease? Oh, okay. So invincible to injury like being shot in the foot or kicked in the ribs. That's not bad. That's not bad. Or be immune to aging and disease and be able to live forever until a physical injury kills you. Hmm. Okay.

All right. Which is inevitable in time, right? I mean, maybe not inevitable. Yeah, and you're not aging. I mean, maybe not inevitable. Yeah, and you're not aging. So, I mean, I assume you get to a point like you're not a baby forever. No, but you would like. The joke's on you.

You took your own age. And you're an infant forever. If you drive on the freeway for a thousand years, don't you die on the freeway? Don't you eventually, mathematically? But if I'm 999 years old and yet still rocking my 30s, I'll take those 900 years of 30s. So this is a question that says, this almost says,

would you rather guarantee to get to your 80s or 90s? Right? Because if you're invincible to injury, you're guaranteed to get there. Yeah, for the most. As though you live worried about some physical death any minute. It says aging and disease. So your body's not going to betray you. Mostly.

These are challenging today. These are. Look, we've talked about the living forever and how it sounds good up front because you get to like escape the worry the the fear of death what's after death i don't even have to think about it because i get to live forever but i think everyone gets to a point where you're like okay this look this, look, I've lived a great life. I need to move on. I need to go to the next phase.

Welcome to episode 952,651 of the Spitballers. I can live a great life and I can jump off a building as a parlor trick and hit the ground because I'm safe. Is that how you'd use it? Check this out, Joe. Jason, you're telling me you're invincible. you're not jumping off a building or two oh i'm definitely jumping off a building or two i mean without a doubt but check this out i just don't think that's the pinnacle that's not what i would lead with you know like oh man that's the first thing i thought i'd be like hey shoot me in the foot shoot me in the foot. Shoot me in the foot. See what happens.

I'm taking the normal lifespan. That'll be just about enough for me. And be invincible to injury? That's fantastic. I'm going to take the no aging. I mean, I'm going to have a super long lifespan. This is buying a convertible. And I will.

Oh, no, I'm not buying a convertible. Oh, that's right. You can't be. I'm not buying anything that unsafe. I'm buying a tank. You is buying a convertible. And I will... Oh, no, I'm not buying a convertible. It's a Miata. Oh, that's right. You can't be... I'm not buying anything that unsafe. I'm buying a tank. You're buying a bubble suit. He's buying bulbos. I'm going to be driving down the... He's driving down the street in whatever the, you know, the Hummer of the future is. The Cybertruck.

You'll be in the Cybertruck with a helmet. You'll have a helmet on in the Cybertruck. That's right. I'll be in full leathers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. Oh, goodness. Let's do some questions. That's a great question.

Haley from Instagram says, in what movie did you like the bad guy more than the good guy? Ooh. Okay. That's tough. Did you like the bad guy more than the good guy? Ooh. Okay. That's tough. I mean, I still think that the defining characteristic of every good superhero movie that's ever been made has been some level of sympathy for the villain. Some level of connection to the villain. They're not just evil.

They're misunderstood, right? Right. And sometimes superheroes are just boring. Yeah. So when I think of those villains, I think of Jack Nicholson in the first Batman. Oh, that's a good one. I think of Michael Keaton in the Spider-Man. Oh, Michael Keaton.

Spider-Man. We just, I love Michael Keaton. We almost synced on Michael Keaton. On Michael Keaton. It's incredible. I on Michael Keaton. On Michael Keaton. That's incredible. I love Michael Keaton. We'll keep this going forever. Now, does this count?

Let me ask you this. Does it count for movies like Silence of the Lambs where I feel like Hannibal Lecter was the main character? But you didn't like him. That's what I'm getting back to this. Do you like him? It's Buffalo Bill or Bob. He's still a bad guy.

He's not the bad guy, but you don't say he's a good guy in the movie. He comes in and chains with the straitjacket on for a reason. Is Loki a bad guy? Yes. Definitely. Usually. So that would be one that you could like sometimes. But do you like him more than the main characters?

That's what the question is. Thor's pretty cool. I'm not going to like Loki more than Thor. Loki's great. But where is the movie where you're like, man, I'm kind of rooting for the bad guy here. Is the Terminator, is he a bad guy? Which movie? Because he was in the first one, yes.

Yeah, Terminator 1. Because that would be one you could like him more, maybe. No, look, that was the. Yeah. Yeah. Terminator. That would be one. You could like him more. Yes. No, I look. That was the first time you saw a Terminator. You're like, I hope this thing wins. It's my future. He's pretty cool.

Why do I get a Skynet account? My final answer is the Tyrannosaurus Rex from Jurassic Park. Oh, that's actually a great answer. I mean, is he really the bad guy? He's just an animal living his life. What about the villain? he's the villain of the movie for sure oh bitch the worst biff and back to the future i mean you got like dark head what about darth vader right you've got okay he's the clear bad guy but he's the coolest guy in the movie i think skywalker's kind of the worst. What about Josh Groban? Josh Groban in that most recent one. What, you raised me up?

The music video? Josh Groban? Didn't Josh Groban play the bad guy in the most recent Star Wars? Did you? That wasn't Josh Groban? Are you talking about Kylo Ren? Oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh.

Wait, did I always call him Josh Groban? Because of the Kylo voice? Because of the hair, bro. He looks just like Josh. Because of the hair? Yes, and the baby face. So Adam Driver is the actual actor. Yes.

I got to look up Josh Groban. Adam Driver is the man. I love Adam Driver. He is. Adam Driver is great. If I search Josh Groban, Kylo Ren, there's no way there's not going to be some images that show up. Josh Groban? I've already got you. no way there's not going to be some images that show up. Josh Groban?

I've already got you. I've got you right here. I've already got somebody who's put Josh Groban. There's Josh Groban in the Kylo Ren uniform. Because anything that can happen is on the internet right now. They both have big noses, too. All right. So is there any other villains worth talking about?

Yes, there are um the two that come to mind i my final answer is going to be darth vader because he's better than luke skywalker he's awesome and he's probably your favorite character even though he's the clear bad guy but i've got to give a shout out anytime you talk about villains i've got to give a shout out to philip seymour hoffman from mission impossible three he was interesting so good in that movie where i was just like that transitioned into you liking an actor's performance as a villain not and but for any reason the the question here does not stipulate that it's because the script is so great this act i mean philip seymour hoffman was so good i was scared i was

in the movie theater like i think he's gonna hurt me so i haven't seen that since the theater yeah it's you should look it up it's a good time and i'll take the other joker i'll take heath ledger because he ledger's joker he made that christian bale is the best batman but i mean the fact of the matter is that batman is just he's kind of a lame superhero. You lost me at best Batman there, but I hear you. No, stop it. Okay. Let's go to Greg's question here.

What product or service has gotten simultaneously worse and more expensive? Every... Cable television. That's 100% my answer. Cable television just keeps getting worse and more expensive year after year after year they have fewer channels or more forced packages oh they have more channels well sure more forced packages where you've got to you know if you want the one

good channel you got to add like 7 000 on and pay for all of them. But I find that the real reason it's worse is because I don't use it. I have it. Don't get me wrong. I pay for it. But I don't remember the last time I used literally my cable subscription to turn it on. I stream everything. And now sometimes I am allowed to stream a service because I connect it to my cable account.

It's got value. That's why it's there. But it's certainly gotten worse and more expensive at the same time. You've got to get that Disney Now action. It's the only service that I can sign up for $99 and pay $332 a month on the red. That's what cable. I would say Postmates is entering that category. Oh my goodness.

You are not wrong. More expensive, worse delivery. Postmates, not a sponsor. Not yet. You could improve your service and we'll accept you and or pay us a lot of money.

Do you want to know how to improve your service? Sponsor the Spitballers podcast and your service will be much better. That's a strong point. but no i i don't want to pay 2x for the wrong food that is their policy i think they just got acquired by uber eats for like 900 bazillion dollars because they make a good profit margin yeah yeah when a five dollar burger all of a sudden is 25 you're doing all right. And yet we pay it. I mean, not... Well, yeah,

I'm not going to go pick up the burger. I mean... The global we. Yeah. It's ridiculous. My wife and I actually have had that debate

of... And maybe you guys can settle this for me. We're trying to figure out... Like a lot of people during quarantine time, during the COVID time, it's let's not get out

of the house. Let's not expose ourselves. Let's not go into a building. So there's been a lot of the mail order groceries and mail order food, like Postmates, Uber Eats, Grubhub. But we're trying to figure out, like a lot of places also offer the pickup.

Like you go, you park your car, you dial the number, they come out and they put it in your car, they hand it to you through the window. Which one do you think is more safe? Because if you go someplace, at first you think, oh, it's better to have them bring it to me, but they're only handing it to you through the window, one person. That Postmates driver's probably driving around to all these different houses. They got different bags of food in their car.

You're adding another variable in. So I think it's better to do it yourself. To go yourself. I mean, I'm not an author. That's my wife's contention. So I'm willing to lose this argument. All right. I have two more answers for this question.

Oh, I want to hear them. That have gotten worse over time and have gotten more expensive. Now, I don't know how much worse, say, universities have gotten, but the price. I mean, have they gotten as much better? I look at putting my kid in college I'm like this is this is gonna cost I gotta get rid of at least two of my kids if I want to do that but here's

I was trying to make you said university yeah a university yeah college I don't know I know I've just have never heard an American say well I'm gonna go to university I'm gonna go go to university. I'm going to go to college.

You've been watching some British TV lately, Jason? Apparently. Yeah. Well, I'm hip with the lingo. I know what other people call it. We're fancy. So, yeah. University.

I want to send my children to the university. I think that's great, but it's gotten so expensive. That's a great answer. That is because it's less needed and more expensive. I have a much better answer than that. Because this makes cable companies look like your best friend. As a business owner for the better part of the last decade, health insurance is the... So here's what happens. If you're uninitiated as you don't run

a business, let me tell you what happens. You sign up with a health insurance company and they give you whatever the best deal you can find is on the best insurance and then it comes for renewal time. And what happens is they come and say, well, we're going to take this, this, this, this, and this away

from you. Your co-pays are going to go up to this and this. And here's the-pays are going to go up to this and this and here's the best part would you like to accept would you no no i would accept but i don't accept yet because they say also the cost for it is now 35 percent more every year your insurance literally gets worse and the cost gets extraordinarily more so a little little bitter there but uh yeah i would i mean talk about great answer we're learning so much on today's episode all right claire from patreon wants us to illuminate because jason you're brilliant you've you've managed to distinguish between a pond and a lake uh i would love, she says, I would love for you guys to establish the difference between a pipe and a tunnel.

A pipe. Oh, sure. Wait, that's easy. That's very easy. And a tunnel. Can I fit? Boom. Yeah.

Boom. Flavor call. Listen. It's going to fit. You don't travel through a pipe. You just don't do it. You know what I mean? Well, no, to be fair.

Mario travels through a pipe. I might go into a pipe and learn that it's a tunnel like that's it's in the range of outcomes or i could go into a tunnel and find out it's actually a pipe i don't i might not know do i fit it's do i fit that's right and it's this is not a one size fits all it's me i am the do i fit. I don't know how to fit. 100%. They got bridges. They have like the big pipe circles in them. And you can go into those.

Those are not tunnels? Or are they pipes? No, they're tunnels. Do you fit? Yeah, I fit. Okay, there's a tunnel. You fit. It's a tunnel.

We've explained this. Yeah, I mean, this is a very easy question. And look, there are fewer tunnels in the world for me than there are for you two. That's just the reality of, you know, you've got to be able to fit in order for it to be a tunnel. So I have not as many tunnels I can experience. Jason and I have argued over. I'm like, that's a tunnel. And he shouts, no, that's a pipe.

And I show him. I put my feet in. I get my hips down. And then the belly can't go. I'm like, Mike's a tunnel. And he shouts, no, that's a pipe. And I show him. I put my feet in. I get my hips down. And then the belly can't go. I'm like, Mike, what is this? And he goes, that's a pipe. So just to be clear, can you grease yourself from a pipe to a tunnel? I would never do that.

If I have to grease, I'm petrified to go into that, to try to make it a tunnel. For me, it all comes down to the type of grease, honestly. So you're fine with oil, but not Crisco? Bacon grease? Oh, no. No, bacon doesn't work. And oil. Some KVOO.

Vaseline. Synthetic. Mostly synthetic. Yeah. If it's a natural base, then I'm not into synthetic. There are situations in which you're willing to convert a pipe to a tunnel if the lubrication is what you want. Also, am I being chased?

That's a good point. You might need to make this a tunnel. You might say, oh, man, there's a pipe, but I need this to be a tunnel now. I hope that's a tunnel. I hope that's a tunnel. I hope that's not a pipe. I hope that's not a pipe. Look, there are a lot of prisoners who have changed pipes into tunnels yes yes they have

because you know necessity is the mother of all invention and you got to get out i don't want to crawl on that pipe because i know what's inside of it but so then when the when they escaped but now the newspaper the next day says that they escaped through a tunnel that's 100 right okay otherwise because you can't escape through a pipe. If they're like printing factual information. Right. So if you get stuck in a tunnel, you got stuck in a pipe? That's correct. That's correct.

If you got stuck, no one's ever got stuck. You thought it was a tunnel, but now it's a pipe. No one has ever been stuck in a tunnel. They've only been stuck in a pipe. Nobody's ever been stuck in a tunnel. That's 100%. It's impossible by the definition. Yeah, because you actually got stuck in a pipe, and you're the fool at that point.

I mean, I guess you could get stuck in a tunnel if you're going through this tunnel and you break your leg, right? And you're like, oh no. Yeah, that doesn't care. Maybe there's a loophole there. Well, the only loophole I could think of is like a cave-in because it was a tunnel that you had your car in, but then the earth decided it's no longer

a tunnel. Now the earth says this is a pipe. Well, then it's nothing. It's not a pipe or a tunnel. That's true. Yeah, it's a tomb. not a pipe or a tunnel that's that yeah it's a tomb yeah yeah all right we have answered that's the heck out of that question that is a tomb a pipe or a tunnel becomes a tomb on the caveman that is that is day i feel so much smarter yeah i. We're here for the spit wads. Oh my gosh. Okay. One more, David from the website.

What life-changing item can you buy for less than $100? Life-changing item that you can buy for less than $100. First off, Andy, what's the price check on that mosquito? Bad news for you, Mike. It's $150. $150. No! All right, that one's out.

Life-changing purchase. Coffee. Okay. You know, if you want to barely change your life, go to sleep earlier for free. Man, I want to really think of something. How much are guns? I think they're more than that. I think they're more than that.

I hope they're more than that. I don't know. I have no idea. This is $12. We got to buy one, get one. If you get a gun for less than $100, don't shoot it. Okay. Thank you, Al.

That's a good tip. That's a good tip. A life change. But let's say a life improving. Okay. Yeah. Something that improves your life drastically. I mean, for some people, it could...

Just curious, how much is a divorce? How much is a divorce? That's going to cost you a little... It's more than $100. Ask Jeff Bezos. It is expensive. No, I mean, look, if you don't live the Charmin Ultra Soft life, that's life-changing. Coffee's not good enough, but toilet paper.

How do you go from the TP, Jason? It's a bidet. A good bidet is not under $100, Mike. But you can get one. You can get something that changes the life for under $100 before you go to the Jason Moore Cadillac of the bidet. If the water's not warm and the seat's not warm, is it really a bidet, Mike?

I've got a real answer. All right. How about glasses? Okay. You get glasses for under $100? You could get eyeglasses under $100. I can't. Show me where.

Okay, never mind. As the one that wears eyeglasses here, I would love to know where to go to get those. Look, Jason, I'm telling you, you got those for under $100. Well, you have Prada glasses. You have Prada glasses? Yes. I was making a joke.

Oh, were you really? No. Those are Prada? Yes, that's Prada. So if I added a zero to this question, are you still able to get them? Yes. Not my Prada. So if I added a zero to this question, are you getting are you still able to get them? Yes. Not my Prada. Yes, they're in that range. Oh, man, don't lose

those in a pipe or a tunnel. This is ironic that we're talking about this. This was a little over 100, but just today I got an email. I was allowed in the Amazon Echo Glasses program. What is that? I just ordered it. I was allowed in the Amazon Echo Glasses program. What is that? So they are coming. I just

ordered. I think it's going to be here this week. Is it like tech glasses? They're eyeglasses that have the Amazon Alexa built in. So like all I can ask a question wherever I go. I can play music where I go. What?

I mean I don't know if they're any good. I haven't got them yet, but that's... Hold on. Were they under $100? They were $179. Okay. Interesting. I'm going to have to look into that. You don't even wear glasses. You're going to look into those. I'm going to start wearing glasses. Maybe they have sunglasses. I don't know.

Okay. I think we've covered a few. Al, do you have anything that jumps out? I got nothing off the top of my head. Okay. I think we've covered a few. Al, do you have anything that jumps out? I got nothing off the top of my head. Okay. All right. You guys want to draft? Yes. Okay.

The Spitballers Draft. All right. We are drafting the best childhood toys. Another way to put that, maybe our favorite nostalgic toys from our childhood i i wonder i wonder who will connect with what on this one it'll be interesting because you do have people like jason jason's not going to have nostalgia about toys he didn't play with that's unless he is pandering for votes so he well all right let's talk let's talk about this i've been known to do that from time to time but when i hear nostalgic toys my mind does immediately like i i told you guys i was able to blurt out like a list of 20 things really quick just you know barfing it out

of my mind top of mind now i didn't have those it's not because i didn't have those because I didn't have toys, but I know what the really popular nostalgic toys were when I think of this thing. Yeah, here we go. No, no, no. When I think of it, I still get nostalgia for that time. Okay. So, I mean, trust me. These qualify.

I'm ready to play today. I'm very fascinated for this first pick. Most of our episodes, by the way, if you want to see Jason's full disclaimer, it is available in PDF form in the show description. Thank you. All right. I had a number one pick. We talked a little bit about what qualifies. I think we kind of agreed to take a wider look at what childhood toys are, not just what's necessarily something you play with with your hands or something or something that's under the tree. It's anything in that childhood vicinity. So I have to go with a bike.

I have to take the number one pick of a bike. As a kid, the bike is freedom. Yeah, that's very fair. The bike is how you get to your friends' houses. In fact, I used to cry if my parents ever went into model homes that were outside of biking distance from my friends because I had to be within a biking range of all my friends you would do biking jumps you'd go to cul-de-sacs and do jumps we'd play uh what was

we'd play bike tag as a kid where you'd you'd go over the whole neighborhood trying to sounds dangerous it was not it probably not safe but it was freedom and you just you were out on your bike you you know you know it's the number one pick for me. When you said bike, I assume we all had a bike growing up. And when you said that, I was like, okay, I don't care. But then when you talked about the freedom, you're actually bringing memories to mind of like, it really did widen my world. Because at first-

It's the only way to do it as a kid. You can't drive. Yeah, I can't drive. So it's like my world was my front yard and the neighbors across the street and like that was it and then when i got a bike my whole world became the block i knew what was on the other side the house behind my house i knew what it looked like they were on a cul-de-sac i didn't even know that jason you said that you had a basketball growing up. That was your favorite toy, right? Yes, 100%.

When you had that basketball, I'm guessing, how'd you get to the park? How'd I get to the park? The park was my front yard, my friend. I never went to the park to play basketball. He was trying to get some more bike points. You didn't play full court. Gotcha.

You didn't play full court. For me, a bike supersedes it all because it also, You didn't play full court. Gotcha. Yeah, gotcha. You didn't play full court. That's true. I did not, which is why I was so good at beating you. So for me, a bike supersedes it all because it also, toys-wise, sometimes there's windows, really tight windows for certain toys. A bike is like from the time you can ride a bike until the time you can drive and beyond. So I'm going to go with bike. You never ride one again.

Right. But you do buy them. You definitely buy them again. You just don't ride one again. Right. But you do buy them. But you also... You definitely buy them again. You just don't ride them again. From what I understand, you never forget how to ride it. You never forget. That's what they say. That's a whole phrase.

Well, interesting. So I'm going to go that way, even though it's not quite as personal as one specific toy brand or something. No, no, but I mean, it's a great choice. It leaves me my number one choice, and we'll just... We said no video games. Just want everyone to understand that.

Otherwise, I would be drafting a Nintendo Entertainment System, the greatest toy of all time. Oh, really? You would take the Nintendo Entertainment System over the Super Nintendo? When it comes to nostalgia, yes. Oh.

That, like... The Super Nintendo is the best system, but the best system, but the one that fires off little kid inside of Mike is the NES. You're a year older than me, and I think that that makes a big difference on NES versus Super NES. I'm a year older than Mike, and I am on Super Nintendo. Okay. You were playing basketball.

Regardless, I just wanted people to understand what was happening. So I guess Andy takes the bike, and I will take the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sure. Because I will get the turtle van. I will get all the action figures. The turtle van was the goat, man. I saved up all my money for that thing.

The turtle van was the Barbie house for boys who were into action figures. That was the ultimate set, the ultimate accessory for your Ninja Turtles to ride in and shoot out the pizzas or the man covers, whatever it was. I cannot challenge your pick in any way

because when I think back of things I saved up for and went to the store, Toys R Us, excited to get, that's at the top of the list. Yeah. It was getting that thing and bringing it home and going, look what I have. I have this. When you got to that friend, we all know the friend who had it first.

Oh, yes. You went over and you went. Yeah. What? What is that? Parents were doctors. Yeah. I remember that kid.

I remember that kid. Yep. So I'll take the Ninja Turtles. It's a good pick. Ninja Turtles are on a good pick Ninja Turtles Ninja Turtles are on my short list Yeah and you know we've got We've got the fantasy footballers we've got the foot clan

And there's tie ins throughout our adult life Now to the team I don't know what you're talking about but go ahead Unrelated So here's the deal I would have taken the Super Nintendo I totally understand We shouldn't be allowed But I still want something super.

And we're in Arizona, and I'm taking the Super Soakers, my friend. Oh, it's on my list. It's on my list. Super Soakers. The OG. They took what was 15 minutes of water guns to the next level. Yes, because water guns before Super Soakers were dumb. They were just pew, pew, pew.

I give a little stream of water on you. I spritz you. Oh, no, it broke. The super soaker? I mean, I had a backpack with one of those things full of water. I could run around and drench you, drench my parents. It's just a good time. It's a good workout.

I don't know if this will make sense, but I'm just... Okay, the super soaker to you, because they still make things today, but the original super soaker, what are the colors of the original super soaker to you? To me? I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer. I don't remember,

but I think it was like orange and purple is what comes to my mind i'd go blue blue yellow for me interesting to me it's the body is yellow and the canister is green well we have we have all different memories they had all they had different color i don't know if there's a right or wrong answer i was just checking okay so super soakers that's a good pick super soakers are good um i'm i'm gonna go a little bit like andy here something that opens it up this was you guys ever get the present that you or did you ever have the present you never got

the one that you wanted yeah every single year it was your dream present yep and every year you thought i'm old enough now i'm gonna get it i'm old enough now i'm gonna get it i'm old enough now i'm gonna get it never ever ever got it oh no it's the one that got away i had friends who had it and then by the time that it was like six pack of budweiser by the time it was like and this is why your son got the disneyland i think yes i think i could get it now i was like well i'm too big for it now oh no is pow, power wheels, my friend. Oh, dude. Power wheels would have been my next pick. The power wheels. Did you?

Yeah, I know the answer, but did you have one, Mike? I know the answer. No. You did it? No. When Jason said, is there a gift that got away, it was power wheels. That's what the friends had, dude. When you were talking about.

The friend that had one. Oh. I never had a power wheels. You know who's got one? My youngest son. Darn right he's got one. Yeah. When you were saying Power Wheels. You know who's got one? My youngest son. He's done right. He's got one. Yeah.

When you were saying, oh, you had the rich friend or whatever, oh, this parent's a doctor. Yes. Oh, yeah, the doctor. That was the Power Wheels. 100% Power Wheels. That was the flex. That was the mansion for kids. When you had a Power Wheels, like, okay, he's the coolest.

He's got everything in the world. There was nothing higher pinnacle than a Power Wheel because I knew plenty of kids with a lot of really nice things. Oh, he's got the nicest video game system, but so does X, Y, and Z. There were very few who had the Power Wheel and they wielded the power. I never had. It was like the kids that had that and then they had the headquarters for Ghostbusters. Those two kids, they were the high rollers.

They were the high rollers in the world. All right, that's a good pick. Power Wheels, absolutely. It's on my short list. It was not my second pick. I'm really worried about your pick right now, Mike. My second pick did make it back, and this is a pick that is not,

well, I don't know, Andy. I have no clue if it's going to take me. I know, I don't either. This pick is nostalgic for me, and this pick it is forever like it's rebirth they're making like crazy movies now i'm taking legos baby i am taking the ultimate brick building system i was i'm so i'm so upset oh is that the one did i get it excellent even timeless the hours The hours put into Legos are almost unmatched.

And I was able to drop on my kids. I still had a giant bin of random Legos. Buying random Legos is now very, very difficult. You can't do it. Everything is a set. It's a set now. I'm just like, give me some freaking bricks, man. Don't tell me what to do.

Sometimes when I can't afford it, I just buy gold instead. Right. Was that a different brand? No, I said gold, Mike. He just buys gold. I thought you said gold in. I just buy gold. Yeah, instead of Legos?

Yeah, because it's cheaper. They both contain a lot of value. Years ago, before my kids were really old enough to build the sets, but I wanted them to have Legos and not the giant brick brick ones the duplos yeah i looked everywhere i just wanted a bucket of legos i figured they're they got to be easy impossible to find you don't find them anymore see here's the thing so i was talking to my wife before we recorded you know i was like what what toys she brought up legos but i felt like that wasn't nostalgic to me because they're so common now. Like, I have Legos all over this house.

You know what I mean? So it's like they don't give me the like a basketball, right? Maybe you guys could draft that. But that was my favorite toy growing up. But that one to me, I still got a basketball, you know? So it's like, yeah, I feel like it doesn't play as Legos. And I sit down and I build houses and cars. Does it give you the feel because of what you did as a kid?

Maybe. It might be. You don't know your feelings. Okay. Yeah, I know. Look, come on, man. Try not to feel. Conceal, don't feel.

Bottle it up. Push it down deep inside and bottle it up. Good advice. This is the great fear. Oh, go ahead, Mike. I was saying, then when you watch a sad movie, then you let it all out. That's release time. Yeah.

That's the only time, though. I feel like releasing right now. Rage. Ninja Turtles, Legos were two of my top three picks. I'm glad I took bike because this is when being number one is terrible

because I knew that Mike would bring his A game because mike and i both play the toys yeah i love toys and those are my top and now i'm tilting i'll go with oh without question i know that transformers is one of my picks all right it's fair the transformers toys were uh you know in a world without ipads and things that, that was like a technologically cool toy to me where you had. I'm glad you took it. I love Transformers. It would be disingenuous for me to take it.

I didn't have Transformers. I know the power of Transformers, and I know that people love them. I just never had them. What if I told you I have no idea what I should be picking next? Then we will be happy and we will gladly grow strong from your tears. I'm going to go with sports cards. I'm going to go with sports cards

as my next one because I had a huge collection growing up. That was one of the most fun times I had childhood. Like gifts under the tree was getting cards, going to card shops.

I don't mind it. Stuff like that. So that's my Legos isn't there pick. That's your tilt pick. That's your tilt pick. My tilt pick is trading cards. I like them. All right.

You know, I got to give a little bit of love to your Ninja Turtles action figures because we've already established. Because they were great. I didn't play with toys. I only had a few toys like action figures that I can remember. I know for sure I never had Transformers but I remember I had the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle van with the characters

oh it was great did you have the turtle where the shell opened up and you put his weapons in the back no I think I've got I've gotten that for my son nice favorite Ninja Turtle toy I know you mentioned the van but like if you're picking a Ninja Turtle toy? I know you mentioned the van But if you're picking a Ninja Turtle

Which one did you play with the most? Raphael I liked the guys You were the Raph I was Michelangelo I was Donatello We just need a leader Who were you?

Leonardo We got the whole team. Fantastic. Now we can be Halloween together. Oh, my gosh. I've done that before. All right. Mike, you're back on the clock.

You already have two great picks. Yeah, I have two picks left, and I have three that I really want. I'm going to go with the heart because it was the one that I actually really, really played with a bunch. I'm going to take Hot Wheels. I will take the cars. I had the tracks. And not only did I have the tracks, but all of my Hot Wheels, I mean, I eventually got some of my own, but my Hot Wheels collection came from my father.

So I had all of his tracks, his old school. Came from my father. So I had all of his tracks, his old school. You get these bright orange tracks, and you put the tongues in, and you make loops, and you make jumps and ramps, and there's ways to set it up to race. And I have passed those down to my kids now, and I just loved Hot Wheels.

I had a Batmobile. I had this, like, Haley's Comet car. They weren't, like, cheap. You know, like feel they're like made of metal so it's cool and they were they were prized possessions yet another great pick from my favorite drafter of the day mike right i mean sir yeah i can think of two or three hot wheels in my head instantly that were my favorite yes right. I'm having troubles over here, guys. I'm having real troubles. I'm not surprised. I have a huge list,

but I feel like because of my first two, I know how desperately I wanted a Power Wheel, and I never got it, and I did play with Super Soakers. I had them. I loved them. That was a great time. How do you not take a basketball?

Because I don't. It's not nostalgic to me. Because he's trying to win the polls. No, no, no. Trust me. If I was trying to win the... I've got a list here of all these things but i'm like i didn't play with any they were the famous you know this year's christmas toy or or whatever so tickle me elmo actually that's exactly that's one on my list but i'm like i don't care about that we were too old

we didn't we were too old exactly we wanted to sell it on eBay. It certainly wasn't the best. All right. So I'm, yeah. I'll tell you. Okay. It's similar to Hot Wheels. I don't think I had Hot Wheels. These were like Hot Wheels meets trading cards to me. I don't remember. I had this on my list.

I don't remember playing with them, but if it didn't say it, it wasn't the real thing. And I'm talking about micro machines. It's on my list. Thank you. If it doesn't say micro machines, it wasn't the real thing. And I'm talking about micro machines. It's on my list. Thank you. If it doesn't say micro machines, it's not the real thing. I fell hook, line, and sinker. I don't remember actually playing with them, but I know I had them because I was like, that commercial says I have to have the actual micro machines were awesome.

Now, did this company come out with that advertising from the get go? Or did they start getting popularity? And then they're like, oh, guys, everyone's making these these tiny cars let's come up with the remember if it doesn't say microsoft scenes it's not the real thing that's a great question but i know they came out with that because the cost on making these things if you're an imitator was approximately one half of one penny this is the best marketing plan in the world i i can say i never played with them so i don't really have that connection. But I remember the commercials.

Remember, kids, brand name only. Yeah, exactly. And now for my final pick. I'm up again. No one else can make this small plastic car. Impossible. Only us, Micro Machines. They're like, that's a pretty good business.

You know they sell those for the same price as Hot Wheels, right? Like, that's a good business model. Man. And they had the boats so i'm going between a basketball which was absolutely my favorite toy growing up because it was the only thing i played with but it's not really nostalgic to me anymore or one that is nostalgic and i'll just say it because i know neither one of you are taking well i can help you by the way if you if you don't pick something with two words you got super soakers power wheels micro machines this next one has two words man oh does it it does and look i'm

gonna lose in the polls because i'm gonna take it i'm gonna take it because it's good for you it's it's truly mike was winning this poll anyway so yeah mike's gonna win that's that's fine um glad i had the first pick but this was this this had a short window of a short window of being relevant. I don't even know if you guys ever played with one because it was targeted more for girls. I mean, it was gender neutral, but I had one because of my sister. I had a two-year-old sister, and we loved playing with a Lightbrite. Oh, Lightbrite's on my list, my man. Lightbrite is legit but those that we'd stay up

late at night and you just you change the colors and you make your patterns and you're there was the most art that i ever did was playing with a light bright i loved that thing you know what's so funny about that is and that's a good pick for sure i mean it was one of the very few cool techie things there couldn't't be something more boring anymore. Legit theme song? That thing with the light bright was amazing. When you think about what kids do now, like try to sell them a light bright.

See how long that lasts. Wait, what do I do? Oh, I just turn on the light? Push this peg in? This is boring. I'm going to go play with my iPad. But that's why I had a short window as well alright

so Jason's final team as Mike thinks about his fourth pick super soakers, power wheels, micro machines and a light brain the problem is you guys have put me in a really bad position because I know look I like to win I was going to say you need to go with something that gives me a chance

because I could just I could shut it, and this would be a Jason Moore pick, but it would actually work. This isn't no Fortnite. That's a good one. That's a good pick. Look, we got to do it. I got to take G.I. Joe. Yeah, that's done.

Did I play with G.I. Joe? No, I did not, but it doesn't matter because it's here with my fourth pick. I didn't have to spend any draft equity on G.I. Joe. It just fell to me. I just want you to understand that you took three of my top four picks somehow. Somehow. You had the opportunity, but he still got three of your top four. Yeah, he did. That's amazing. still got three of your top four. Yeah, he did.

That's amazing. He took three of the top four because I tilt-picked sports cards thinking G.I. Joe would. You guys, I expected. There's no way it was letting it through. Oh, give me a break. G.I. Joe has the grandpa argument all over it.

I'm expecting you to call me grandpa with G.I. Joe. No, no, no, no. G.I. Joe is an 80s, 90s kid. Honestly, the one action figure set that I actually played with, Call me Grandpa with G.I. Joe's. No, no, no. G.I. Joe is an 80s, 90s kid tour for sure. Honestly, the one action figure set that I actually played with by far the most, which still wasn't much, but it was my home run number one,

is still on the board. It wasn't the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or G.I. Joe's or Transformers. That's interesting. I was a big fan. I did really like Snake Eyes, so at least I know G.I. Joe just wasn't like... You quickly went to winning the poll right there. You were so close to being like authentic. I didn't have a choice, man. G.I. Joe.

People would take G.I. Joe with the first pick. At some point, you got to take value. Now, I have no picks left. No happiness in this world. I can give you the rest of my picks. I've got a big list here to give you. I have other picks in a list. They are all picks that make me unhappy.

Let me just... Wait, aren't these supposed to be nostalgic? Let me be clear about it. They're supposed to make you happy. You know what it sounds like he needs then? My buddy. No, I'm not taking my buddy. My buddy and me.

No, did I have a fake friend adult? No, I'm not taking my buddy. My buddy and me. No, did I have a fake friend at all? No, I didn't have that. I mean, it's the weirdest thing of all time, but the commercial sold it. My buddy. He didn't have my buddy. He didn't have any little guys. Yeah. Everything falls flat now.

I guess I can just say them out loud. I could go Etch-A-Sketch. I could go Lincoln Logs. I could. Ooh, Lincoln Logs. That's legit. I didn't can just say them out loud. I could go Etch-a-Sketch. I could go Lincoln Logs. I mean, it's legit. I didn't think about that one. It's pretty good. I like that one. I could go Crayons, man. I could go freaking Crayons because it's just not as

nostalgic, but I played with Crayons. Look, you took sports cards. Why don't you just finish it up with the other collectible? Ooh. Did you actually play with them? I think he did. Yes, we've talked about this. You're talking about Pokemon cards?

No. No. What are you talking about? It starts with the same letter. Yeah, it starts with a P, man. I'm talking about Pogs. Pogs was more niche than you guys think it was. It wasn't niche for my wallet or I don't think it... Or my allowance.

It took it all. No, I'll just go with something else athletic since they were very popular and I played with them a lot and it fits better than crayons. And it's rollerblades, man. I played with rollerblades. Okay.

They were like under the tree pick. Roller hockey. I remember getting my first pair of rollerblades. Going around the neighborhood. So I'll go with rollerblades. All right. What have we got on our list that didn't get picked? Okay.

Andy has sadness. If there's three Christmas trees with four gifts under each one, I'm running into Mike's room. I mean- It's going to be a party. That's for sure. And then you've got Hot Wheels in the third. That's a steal.

Yeah. Legos in the second. That's a steal. What do you got? This episode has caused a friction in the friendship, I believe a steal. Legos in the second. That's a steal. This episode has caused a friction in the friendship I believe between Andy and Mike. No, I just want to play with Mike. I want to go to his house

and play with toys. He'll let you over and play. He's the cool guy. Here's what I got on my list. All are welcome. I got Twister. Love playing that. Skip It. You remember Skip It? You had a Skip It? Oh yeah. Skip It's awesome. No, I didn't have one. They didn't work well. I know that people would love playing that is get skip it you remember skip it you had to skip it oh yeah skip it's for awesome no i didn't have one they didn't work well but i know that people like would

annihilate their shins when they would do this oh you could really hurt yourself in an effort to get the toy to work um crossfire i really wanted that one just see you you had some board i did i had a hungry hungry hippos i didn't realize I had three board games on here. Tickle Me Elmo, Teddy Ruxkin, Tonka Trucks, and of course, my buddy, my buddy and me. I mean, obviously, if you're listening to this show, you are listening to three mid-30s men draft their favorite toys as a kid. Because, I mean, obviously, there's like Barbie and the Cabbage Patch dolls and I missed the last one

Jay did you did you say Teddy Ruxpin he did okay yeah Teddy Ruxpin would have been my things can go pretty

sideways with a Teddy Ruxpin oh yeah you know the best thing about Teddy Ruxpin when you put in tapes that are not supposed to be

that's what I'm saying they look creepy weird stuff was happening weird stuff happens the eyes fall out the mechanics

break down. Yes. Silly Putty. Oh, Silly Putty was great. Yeah. Kids play with slime now, right? They don't play with Silly Putty. They just play with slime.

Not only do they play with slime, they have to make slime. They want to make slime and then store it and then make more slime. That is what my daughter does. That's what my daughter does as her full-time job right now. She is a slime manufacturer. I think she's gone from maker to manufacturer. Permits are coming in. Yeah.

And we've got now a wing of the house dedicated to slime. I thought you were going to say you have a subscription for new carpet every month. Oh, man. It is not allowed upstairs. It has been brought upstairs. We have a carpeteded upstairs and it does not come out of any cloth material sure it does liars you children you're all liars you all think it comes out of stuff it does not slime is the worst i hate it we had it banned in our house like as a rule just because oh you should have stayed with that we should have but you know now there's so much time at home where it's like then it's it's a good craft for her to do but this just in glue

is expensive when you buy it in the levels needed to be a slime manufacturing company impressive what did we learn today mike i'm. You had some others to add on. Just some quick throwaways. Capguns. Yeah, those smelled, man. I love the smell of them. I loved a Capgun. Army men.

I had a bunch of those. Not as good as G.I. Joe, your other pick that you didn't play with. Yeah, that is correct. And then I wasn't going to draft it, but it came up and it was Slinky. Well, everyone loves a Slinky. No, they don't. I don't love Slinkys. Here's a Slinky for you. Buy a Slinky. it was slinky. Well, everyone loves a slinky. No, they don't. I don't love slinkies. Here's a slinky for you.

Buy a slinky, have a slinky, get slinky caught, and the rings get caught tied together. Can't get the slinky out. You're done with your slinky. No, they're dumb. They're like a yo-yo. If you don't know how to use it, they're just stupid, but everybody loves a slinky according to the song.

It's a good song i learned so much today well i should have known my draft would end up this way after that scat uh what did i learn today um i'm gonna say the main thing i learned is that a tunnel can become a tomb upon a collapse i was gonna say the the thing i learned is the difference between a pipe and a tunnel and that at any given moment, it has a third option. Yeah, it's dangerous. And Andy learned that he... I learned that Mike's got the best Christmas morning toys under the tree. I also, I'd love to know what all the Power Wheel kids, what happened to them?

There should be a backwards study on every kid that ever had a Power Wheel. And what happened in terms of... Where did they end up? Where did they go? What kind of career did the Power Wheel kids, what happened to them? There should be a backwards study on every kid that ever had a Power Wheel. Where did they end up? Where did they go? What kind of career did the Power Wheel kids have? No, I'll bet they're all ruined. I'll bet they're all, it's child celebrities. You know how they all just go off the deep end when they grow up? They were child celebrities in their circle of friends.

They were expected to become something great and famous and then they just became, because they had a Power Wheel. They were going to be the great and famous, and then they just became... Because they had a power wheel. Because they had a power wheel. They were going to be the leader of the known world. Because you know their parents thought that they were going to be... You're our hopes.

You're our dreams. Oh, my gosh. Thanks for listening, everybody. Go succeed. Mike, can I come over and play? Oh, absolutely. All right. Thanks, man.

See you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to. Check out spitballers pod.com. Is this, is this microphone off? Is the show over?

Is it done? Yeah. Is this off? Yeah, this is hello. No, show over? Is it done? Yeah. Is this off? Hello? No, we're done. Oh, gosh. I'm so tired. Al, you stopped recording, right?

Hello? Okay. Thank you. Thank goodness. God. That episode sucked. Oh, gosh. I don't want to do this anymore.

Honestly. No, I was... This is... I'm ready to walk away from you two. Whoever is... How do we get rid of all the spit wads? Well, that's the only that's the only thing I still want to be part of. OK, I don't want to do that. The only way I'm staying on this show is if people go to spitballers pod dot com and they're like, all right, I want to be a spit wad and they click become a spit wad.

Then then maybe I'll stay on the show. That's that's it. That's the only way. Well, this is the final. I don't know how we're going to get that information to people, but maybe next episode we can talk. We could record it. But I thought it was the last one. Well, sure. That's what I'm saying. If people don't go right now, then this show's over.

I'm just glad it's done. All right, good. I'm out of here. Goodbye.