Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 120: The Flavor of Science & Animals We'd Like To Ride

Episode Date: October 18, 2020

On today’s show, we discuss building houses, whipped cream, and holiday decor guidelines. We answer some difficult Would You Rather questions and then dish out some of our coveted no-cost Life Advice. We close down this episode with an absurd draft of animals we would like to saddle up and joy ride. Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

I need you to stop what you're doing right now and listen to me. I have a very important message. Frank, I'm talking to you, Bob. Oh, Frank, listen up. Tilly. Tilly. Are people named Tilly anymore? No, that was from the 90s.

Sharon? Three people. All yous out there. Number one, thank you for checking out the podcast. Number two, if you want to help support this show, keep the show running. We're just independent over here. We're just three dudes and an owl and a judge. We're trying to make you laugh on Monday mornings.

Head over to spitballerspod.com. Learn how you can support this show and get a bunch of cool perks like access to the spit tank where we prioritize questions for this show, get access to the show early. Head over to spitballerspod.com. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve?

It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, I did. That was moments ago, and I loved it. Welcome into the Spitballers, Andy, Mike, and Jason. Spitballerspod.com is the website. We want to welcome all the brand-new listeners. This is episode 120. It's a great place to start your journey with the Spitballers, your weekly dose of nonsense. Especially you, Frank.

Frank, welcome in. We've been waiting for you. Janet. Janet uh a real winner congrats on the new job oh yeah that yes yeah oh man i think that promotion's about to show up for janet yeah now if you listen since we've been waiting for frank and janet it's important that people realize our main demographic is in their 60s. So welcome in all the Franks and Janets out there. Frank and Janet, are those names on the way out? Yes, they're on the way out. You didn't know Mike's two kids are Frank and Janet, right? Yeah, I was talking right to my children.

He's got an old heart. When do those come back around? Because I've wondered. There's the Ethels and the Dorothys. Oh, my grandma was a Fedoris. A Fedoris, that's a hat. That's a combo of a hat and a Doris. Also, Doris is out right now.

I mean, imagine that. That sounds like we are so far removed. But that was my grandma. Do names come back around, or do they just continue to mold and move? I don't know that they come back around. I mean, you've got like biblical names that never go away. Sure, that's true. And then you've just got fads over time.

I mean, I don't know. Two-thirds of our mothers are named Linda. Is anybody naming their current kids oh no linda's on the way out yeah real quick uh why don't you take a look at the second would you rather question are you joking right now it's a name related one oh it's from frank oh no i told you man frank is in wow. Owl is not a common name. Now, you were born owl, right? I was.

I was an owlette, and then I became an owl as I matured. We poll incredibly well with Franks. That's true. Yeah, and polling. And beans. All right. You couldn't hold that one back. I couldn't hold it back.

That is such a bad joke. He knew it instantly that this was such a bad joke. He knew it instantly that this was not acceptable. We have standards. Yeah, but I couldn't. In beans? It's rare. I mean, this might be the only time he gets a Frank and beans joke.

Oh, I got it in. All right. One and all. Spitballerspod.com. It's not even a joke. It's not. I said Frank. That's it. He just threw it in beans.

Well, if you're still with us we've got would you rather we've got some life advice and uh we've got yeah esther thanks for joining i think one of my favorite drafts i love drafts like the one we have today i will leave you in suspense i can't wait but uh let's go ahead and kick this thing off. Would you rather? Now you say, I'm going to leave you in suspense, like the title of the podcast won't have included the name of the show. He always says that. Do we include the old draft in the title? Yes, we do.

I don't pay close attention to the titles of our episodes. In fairness, we do it every single time pay close attention to the titles of our episodes. In fairness, we do it every single time. Okay, hold on. Forget what you read. Also, people probably, they're listening. They just click the next one. That's true. Don't we put it at the back of the title?

Thank you. They might not know. You might not know. It's going to be good. Yeah. All right. Would you rather question from... Let's start with frank frank has a question i need opinions from you arizona natives on a hot summer day after being outside for a few hours with no beverage would you rather somebody hand you a flat coca-cola or a bottle of water that has been been sitting outside in the sun for the last few hours this is a good question.

Really? If you don't know. Because that Coca-Cola is flat, but it's cold. Yeah, if you don't know how hot it gets in Arizona. And he specified in the summer. Yes. If you were to put a glass of water outside in the peak of summer in Arizona for multiple hours.

Okay, yeah, yeah. That is. That's a hot glass of summer in Arizona for multiple hours. Okay. Yeah. That is. That's a hot glass of water. It's not boiling. It will not boil. Right.

But it's darn close. I mean, it can burn you. Right. But a flat Coke sucks. A flat Coca-Cola is awful. Like when I'm in a restaurant, right, I am not the, I'm not trying to get into it with the waiter or the waitress. If my order is wrong, maybe if they forgot something, I'll ask for that. But if, when they come by, how, how is everything tasting?

And I could be like in my head, Oh, it just tastes like dog food. Yeah. But Oh no, everything is great. But you bring me out a flat Coca-Cola or you bring me out a flat coca-cola or you bring me out a diet coca-cola sure i i have to speak up that's where the line is absolutely drawn bad food fine but a flat coke is just miserable do you do you just tell them can you grab another coke or do you say can we step outside well it's quite the dance because you have to do the well this seems like it might be a little because

yeah maybe check the the flat is not as bad as the diet because come on no no no no i'm tasting like because when you say i think you brought me a diet i feel like i am insulting the person who just brought me something that's true it's on okay like i'm questioning your intelligence like i thought you were sure are you sure you know how to read regular Coke? I thought what you were saying. I thought you were saying that a flat Coke is much better to drink than a diet soda. No, no, no. And I was like, that's ridiculous.

I would rather have a diet soda than a flat Coke. And diet soda is great. No, it's garbage. No, it's trash. It's garbage. flat and diet soda is great no it's no it's trash it's garbage once you get used to the science once you know the flavor of science then diet coke has a special burn that would be the best coke at the flavor of science yeah um yeah certainly uh what was the question well look if you had let's say you've been outside for a while it's oh yeah you've been outside with no beverage you just went on a hike you forgot to bring a beverage you're basically

dead almost and then you get to the end and somebody hands out two they're holding out two cups one's got a cold flat coke one's got a hot water it's really hot i'm taking the flat coke i can i drink lacroix so i already know what it tastes like to kind of have the muted taste of something. But I will drink down a cold beverage. It's ironic because the muted taste is the exact opposite of this situation. This is full taste, no carbonation. You're drinking muted taste, full carbonation. I want the cold beverage.

It's like something is going wrong. I don't know how a drink can go bad. I mean, I guess dairy. But when you're drinking a Coke, it's like drinking, you're like, this milk has gone bad. You could overheat from that water. Yes, you could. Yeah.

You could overheat. Yes, you're telling me if you went out and you had a cup of tea outside, that's going to be good for your cool down after a hike? You will cook cook my man i don't know if it cools me down but my my body needs to replenish the the liquids you're too hot you would you would still be getting water in your body i mean i i think it would hydrate you yes that's the word i was looking it just wouldn't feel good but to your point mike when you're at the restaurant you get the flat coke the coke is broke like it's yes broken yes this isn't coca-cola um but i will take a broken coke over a hot drink

really well if i'm already well you've uh you've probably been outside before um that hot water that's gonna do damage to you got heat stroke heat stroke, right? I don't know. I mean, I definitely notice when I drink a cold drink that I get chilly. So I would imagine it affects your internal temperature. Okay. It'll change your internal temperature. This is another good question. Can you get heat stroke just being in a hot room like a sauna? Yeah.

Would they call that heat stroke? 100%. Would they call it something else? Does the sun have to be involved to get heat stroke? No. It's heat stroke. It's not sun stroke. It can be, but it's heat stroke.

No, yeah. Andy is right here. You can get heat stroke without direct sunlight exposure. You can get it in a jacuzzi at night. Can you? No, you can't. You bet your bottom dollar. You can get heat stroke in a jacuzzi?

Yeah. That's my question. If there's heat, it would be heat stroke if you're in the jacuzzi. Yeah. Man, this show is so informative, really packed with facts. Oh, speculative facts. Packed with speculation. I'm taking the hot water.

You bring me a flat Coca-Cola. I mean, they have articles of how to avoid heat stroke in a hot tub i love so i love this so i googled it because it seems insane all right and i just love this sentence most heat strokes uh do not occur from a hot tub of course but it happens yes most okay. It's sweeping the nation. Yeah, I think they also say, like, don't have a, you know, don't drink alcohol.

That's true. That part is true. I've heard that. Oh, because you dehydrate. Yeah, and it did. And it's the heat stroke. It makes you warmer. You know, you have a glass of wine and a jacuzzi. Oh, man. Just say goodbye. Sayonara. All right. I'm taking the water okay all right we'll get you some hot tea next time you play some pickleball mike um would you rather

this is from d smith on patreon one of our spitballers supporters would you rather build a house for you and your family to live in using only ikea instructions and tools. So all pieces and parts are supplied. Oh, man. So much Allen wrenching. Yeah. Yeah. Or wake up on a sailboat in the ocean with your family and be responsible for getting them to land safely. You can barely see land faintly on the horizon. This is a sailboat. But I can see it, so I know which direction I need to go.

Oh, man. But what a terrible torture that would be to see the land and never successfully navigate that boat close because it's a sailboat. It's a sailboat. There's no oars on this boat. There's no engine on this boat. You have to figure out how to put that sail up and see, here's what I don't understand. Okay. Let's say the wind is going the other direction. Like if the wind is really heavy towards the coast, I think if I just put a sail up, I'm going to be somewhat okay. But if the wind is going the other way, I'm pretty sure sailboats can still go the way they want, right? No, you got to wait.

You got to wait for a wind. For real? Yeah, well, I mean. For certain directions. Yeah, for a direction the opposite of the wind, you cannot trick the wind into pushing you that way. It doesn't suck you into the island. There's a way that you could turn the sail. The wind blows, Jason.

So you're telling me, and I'm being 100% serious here. You're saying that if you're in a sailboat, the wind has to go towards the shore for you to not not directly no just you just can't have it going the exact opposite yeah there's there there has to be a degree at which that the you will no longer go forward that's where they turn the sails but so my family is dying on the water yes although i was gonna ask the question if you can see it right right, how far can you see?

Could you just jump in and swim? No. No way. Oh, no, no, no, no. You will not make it. That'd be a bad trick, huh? Yes. You will not make it.

Yeah. You think, you know, I just went. Well, how good is your back float? Yeah. I mean, the truth is, is if I was really, really close to the island, I still might not make it due to currents and stuff like that. You swim and swim and swim.'s tough oh man so if i build a house from ikea well one it's gonna fall down immediately that i mean that is a concern but i'm i'm ruling those things out but what's funny if we were

andy was just messaging how he he just built something like a i did yeah my daughter's dresser and i said it's not an ikea build unless at least three of the drawers are inside out at one point or not because it is guaranteed i am putting something on backwards and it will not be until 12 steps later that I realized it was backwards. So imagine that's like, those are the walls of your house. You're 50 steps further in your house and you go, oh, the chimney's upside down. I had a couple of things come to mind. The first thing I thought of was because, look, I can get it done. I can build the thing. Right. If time is not an object. But when I think of building shelter and having a place for my family to live,

to go from stage zero to something over my head, how many months is it going to be until we have a residence? And on top of that, your house will always be a little bit shaky. It may not fall down, but if someone

pushes on your house, it definitely wobbles. Oh, I've never had anything from Ikea that is sturdy. That's a little on us. That's a little on them. I'm going to put it all on them. I'm pretty sure I've built these things perfect. Now, what square footage are we talking about here? Why do I have four extra pieces?

Because I feel like my family would be living in a 250 square foot home at the end of this regardless of the amount of supplies you've been given i mean i just i don't have the time to build me some 3 000 square foot you know beautiful home would you rather build your house ikea style or you have to build an entire house, except that the whole house is made out of toy Lincoln Logs. I would have to go. Did you ever play with Lincoln Logs as a child? Yes, I did. I love Lincoln Logs.

We bought Lincoln Logs recently. What? They still make them? Oh, they're great. Yeah, we bought them for our cabin. We wanted to have that as the toy up at the cabin. Oh, very meta. So, very meta.

That's exactly right. It is true. But you have to build the whole house out of the tiny little baby ones no no i mean you're going ikea ikea will stay together the lincoln logs aren't staying together however if i could build an entire house and all the supplies would have to be given to me because i'm not a trillionaire out of leg Legos. Okay. I would do that. A Lego house? And if you built a Lego house, it would stay better than the Ikea.

It would stay forever. Yeah, they grade out at Hurricane Force winds. Yeah. That's why they're so expensive. They're so durable. It's all about durability, right? That's why it's like $600 for a Lego set. Do you guys have that?

I mean, fantasy is a bit of a strong two word or too strong of a word but like the daydream of what if i hundred percent what if i built the house that my family lives in yes like that do you have that feeling down inside yeah the gap between the where i'm at and of course it's just massive but yes of course i do but you know you're deep down you're like i wish I built this house. Yeah. And you hear tales of like, I have a friend who knows a friend who knows a friend, and they actually built their house.

And you're like, that's impossible. I know. I know. I've been in the house. I've been in the house. A close friend of our family. I've been in a house of a friend who knows someone. No, no, no.

No, our family growing up, they were close friends with another family and that guy built the house. It's impossible. Those are the worst people to talk to because I just know how much better they are than me. When I talk to a man that's built his own house, I'm just like, I already know we have nothing to talk about.

I'm like, hmm. How are the eaves? Did you put the eaves up there? Yeah, okay. Every house you go in, hmm. Every house. Yeah, how are the eaves? Yeah, did you put the eaves up there? Yeah, okay. All right. Every house you go in, hmm. Hmm. Did you build this?

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, no, we moved in. To get an upper hand? Someone shows up. Oh, did you build this? No. Oh, I built my house.

Yeah. Even on a new build. You built this? Yeah, we built this. Oh, what did you use? No. Oh, no, no, no. Did you build. You build this? Yeah, we built this. Oh, what did you use? No. Oh, no, no, no. Did you build this with your hands?

I couldn't even contract a house. I couldn't be the general contractor for my home, let alone build this. I wouldn't know who to talk to and in what order. I would roll over on every decision. It'd be like, yeah, you know, that would be, what do you think? What do you think about this? What do you think's best? I would go with, what have you seen on other houses? Let's do it like, build it like a house.

Build it like a house. Build it like a house. That's right. Build it like a house should be built. That's my general contract. I like this, but could you make it like a little more housey? Look, when I built this dresser for my daughter and this we can we can move on after this when I built it sometimes I sit down

to build something I go I'm gonna do this like Al Borland would do it oh you know I mean like perfect like a man like a man and so I sit down and I go I'm gonna build this I'm gonna follow the instructions perfectly I'm not gonna mess up I'm not gonna do what Mike said yeah I'm not gonna have any moments where I have to undo something because I put it on wrong. And then I get, oh, this thing isn't fitting in there. And I'm like, well, that's just, I don't know. It's just a little different from manufacturing. I got done with this dresser and I kid you not, the top was 100% facing backwards. Of course it is because on the instructions, you'll go back and you'll notice, oh, this tiny little portion

they show me they put the little just a couple scratches through because that's supposed to be the colored part build it like a dresser Mike last night we had five chair stools arrive at our house

and all we need to do is there's four screws. The back just goes right on it. It's metal. Don't tell me you called Al Borland. No, no, no. I didn't. I have already completed this task.

I built these five chairs. And that's a strong word because all you do is put four screws. You've assembled. Yeah. I assembled. More of an assembly. Yeah. I put four backs onto chairs with four screws on each chair.

That doesn't seem like a lot. I've never been more sweaty in my life. I was drenched. I had to take my clothes off and strip down to my underwear because I'm screwing in four screws into a couple of chairs. And at one point, my wife looks over. She's like, you're sweaty. I'm just in the kitchen and we keep our house at like 73 degrees.

This is a deep problem right here. I mean, that was the most work I've ever done in my life. What do you do for a workout? Do you ride a bike? You run? I assemble bar stools. All right, all right. We can move on.

We can move on. I would go with, there was a question here i forgot yeah it was the ikea house or the sailboat gosh i i can't do the sailboat thing i would start to have an existential crisis that if the wind's not in my favor and i have to wait it out i'm gonna lose sight of the island or something i am i am taking the sailboat and i'm going wherever the wind takes me there is land if i go in any direction if i am taking the sailboat and I'm going wherever the wind takes me. There is land if I go in any direction. If I'm on the sailboat, it's just me shouting at my kids,

to port! No, to starboard! I don't know which one is each. I know that it means a side. There's a lot of port and starboard on those Ikea instructions too and that's what throws me off. Should we go to life advice,

or do we got time for one more? We got time for one more. All right. All right. This has been outstanding. Larry or Noah, who do I go with, Al? Oh. Let's go with Larry.

Larry seems like our demographic here. Larry is another real popular current name. Thank you for your support, Larry. Larry's not short for something else, is it? Lernald. Laryngitis. I'm just like, usually the Y names is they've shortened something. Like Danny is Daniel.

It's short for Lawrence. Is it? See? Yes. See? Okay. Okay. What about Harry?

Harold. Oh, man. that's two for two this is incredible i told you i mean randy which was my middle name is randall andy andrew mikey everyone mikey's not a real name billy thank you billius oh no it's william the problem with billy william actually the problem with Billy. William, actually. The problem with Billy is William. When did... I don't know. Will and Bill. I don't know. Robert and Bob.

That's so dumb. If your name is Robert, you can be called Rob or Bob. Yes. But if your name is Robert, they don't call you Rob. Oh. That's not fair. Yeah, we got Robert. Rob, Bob.

Bobbert. No Bobbert. There should be a Bobbert. Yes. And you know what? That was the game you played as a kid. Twist it. No Bobbert. There should be a Bobbert. Yeah. And you know what? That's the game you played as a kid. Twist it. Larry from Patreon.

Would you rather be completely blind anytime you are inside a building or completely blind anytime you are outside of a building? Oh, man. Okay. Okay. Which is. This is not hard for me. This is some philosophy.

This is not hard. It's sad, but it's not hard. You're going to say that you would rather be blind on the outside, because even though you can't take in beautiful scenery and see this wonderful world, you can watch television. I could exist. Yeah, I guess you've still got the nature channel, right?

What a beautiful mountain. So, well, you got windows. You could put your house next to something pretty. Okay, let me carry this out, though. Let's say you did the outside one where you can see outside, not inside. Okay. Do you basically then just live mostly outside, and then when you sleep, you just go to sleep blind?

Or you just sleep in the great outdoors, man. Sleeping bag. Unfurled. Now, there's a reason we have houses, right? You would want to go inside and sleep. What's it when it's just like a covered... A tent? No, no, no.

No, because a tent is indoors. I'm saying like you park under... A carport? Yeah, I'll build myself a fancy car for the word patio. Mike. Sure. No, but it was, it was specific to parking. So a carport.

You're asking if you could sleep like under a bridge or something. Yeah. Like a troll so that you can continue to see because you don't want to go inside. That's right. I'd rather be. I mean, I don't do a lot of seeing while I'm sleeping. Do you? No, but you could sleep with the lights on, uh, in this situation. That's right. I'd rather be... I mean, I don't do a lot of seeing while I'm sleeping. Do you? No.

But you could sleep with the lights on in this situation. Well, when you're blind, you can see. Can't you see some brightness and darkness? That's actually a great question. I'm pretty sure you can't. A question not related to eyesight. Okay. Would, if you had to...

Right now, you're calling it. You are forever inside or you are forever outside. Oh, come on. I'm forever inside. Yeah, okay. I'm going to throw this question to Andy. You're forever inside or outside? Yes.

Forever, huh? Yes, forever. And it doesn't mean you can't seek shelter, but you can't go inside. I guess if I had to just choose, I guess I'd choose outside. Would you really? I would choose outside easily. What? Yes.

That's impossible. Owl? Oh, come on. Come on, owl. I'd rather be blind inside, I think. See, he'd be outside. Look, I've approached the age of our demographic where our names are on the way out.

I'm old. You know, the best thing in the entire world, the entire world is waking up at 6 in the morning and sitting on my patio outside doing nothing, just sitting there existing in the outside. It is the absolute best thing in the entire world. People are like, man, what do you want to do today? Oh, dude, could you make it morning forever?

And I will just sit and I will do nothing. And Andy's reaction over here tells me that he is 100% on board. I was in the hammock this past weekend yes up north and it was like yeah this is like if you say hey what are you gonna do after you retire I'll be like right this right here I'm doing it right now does this mean I'm younger at heart than you two is that like I have you like tv more I haven't right exactly I haven't aged out to that point yet we know around the office that if anytime someone brings up, there's a brand new show, there's a brand new series. Oh, my gosh.

And we're like, hey, guys, have you seen this? And Jason's like, oh, yeah, me and the wife completed that entire series last night. You're like, I just heard of this show. It's rough, man, because we try to like, you know, sometimes if you're watching a series with somebody, hey, did you watch an episode last night? Yeah, we watched an episode. Jason comes in. He's like, yeah, we watched 13 episodes last night. Jason has some sort of time space continuum in his house where he can consume absolutely every new show. You are younger than us. You stay up

till one or two in the morning. It's not just Netflix. It's all of them. Oh, yeah. It's every streaming service. Jason has them all and he's watched every show we have finished everything i don't know how you do it we have genuinely finished everything uh we don't know of any new shows that we haven't seen and so we're re-watching game of thrones right now and we're almost done with that this is where he is he's re-watching game of Thrones. Because we've watched all the other shows. Jason makes a big deal of the fact that he can do multiple things at once, like watch a show. Are you watching two shows at once?

Do you watch one on your phone while you're watching the other show behind you? One on my phone. My iPad has a third on my knees, and then the TV. That's impressive. Yeah, no, but we go to bed really late. Yeah. I think that's it. Yeah.

So you're going to stay blind outside then? Yeah. Okay. Spitmallers to the rescue. All right. This question from Sarah. Yes. It's a great one.

I want to debate this with you guys. I really do. Yes. When is it okay to decorate the exterior of your home for Halloween or Christmas? Let's talk through this, which I wasn't expecting to see quite as much Halloween deco, but I did see one the other day. Because we've been trapped. Everyone's been trapped.

I am not a Halloween fella. No, me neither. But the second October 1st hit, it was... Do you got stuff up? No, I did not decorate, but it's just like I'm getting in the mentality, man. I don't know if Halloween's happening. I was going to ask you. In the rights.

I don't know whether it's happening either. I don't know what we're doing, but I know that there is a holiday coming up, and I'm trying to get in the mentality. All movies, Halloween. Really? Scary. I am in in i want to i want to feel feelings again that's yeah and that's we want you to feel feelings too mike

the question is let me bring it to a higher level we all love we already know we all love christmas so i know the default answer is as long you'd want it to be christmas as long as possible yes however there is and we were talking about if you lived by the beach you might take the beach for granted right sure if you live with christmas decorations up all year long it really does there's no christmas season right it takes all the joy away from it so well that but but it's very easy they i get it you don't need to have it up all year round. I agree. There is a takedown point, and that's a whole different argument.

We could try and figure out when you take it down. But this is incredibly easy for me. Super easy. Okay, Jason, we'll do on the count of three, Halloween, okay? When you can start decorating for Halloween. Okay, because there's a right answer and a wrong answer. Yeah, so Andy, count us up. Three, two, one.

October 1st. Okay. answer. Yeah, so Andy, count us up. Three, two, one. October 1st. Okay, now do Christmas. I've changed over the years. Three, two, one. November 1st. Boom. I mean, those are just the right answers. This isn't like-

We did not prepare this. This is how we legit feel. I know. I know you do. And the more traditional view would have been post-Thanksgiving. And I would have said that the date stretches to January 1st, when New Year's is over. That's when you tear down. That's when you take down.

And you've got a week of buffer after New Year's to take down. Agreed. And so I would have normally said Thanksgiving right after. But I feel like Thanksgiving, because it's not a set day every year, it isn't, right? No, it's always the fourth Thursday of the month. I feel like it's just a little too late. But I've tried to get in the November 1st mentality.

It's a little too early for me. I'm on November 15th, right in the middle of November. I'll give me six full weeks into Christmas. That fulfills it for me. So you are 15 days late. Okay. Yes.

Yeah. Just according to the real rules. Yeah. Also, there's a problem out there with HOAs. I mean, HOAs need to get on our level, Mike, because sometimes they're like, you can decorate two weeks beforehand. Two weeks? No. No.

That is absolutely true. This is America. We have one of the houses in our neighborhood where it's this. Oh, I've been through your neighborhood, Mike. They go all out. Yeah, they go to town. They got the radio station. They got it all. They've got the synchronized lights.

This is the house, and in the Wright household, it's the singing house. Yeah. And we know every Halloween and Christmas. And we've been down there and been like why don't you guys have the stuff up yet and they're like the hoa will not let us put it up yet like that hoa get out of my life everything i think about hoas because i believe that they are uh our demographic of listener um traditionally taking power over people's joy, and they take their joy away. Oh, you got too many flowers in your front yard.

Cut some flowers. Get rid of them. Too many trees. Get rid of those trees. HOAs should exist. House is too colorful. For three reasons. That's it.

Houses that are painted stupid colors. Yeah, that does suck. Houses that are painted stupid colors. Yeah, that does suck. Weeds that are out of control. Yeah. And I'll even allow garbage cans left out forever. I don't care.

What about cars on the street? Well, that's a neighborhood-dependent thing. I mean, how big is your street? How many houses are on your street? I think that's got to be, you know, it's got to be factored in. How tight is the street? Case by case. I agree with that. How tight is the street?

Case by case. I agree with that. What's funny about this question is things became fuzzier in the Wright household this past week. So on Saturday, there is an absolute, a very fair debate. And I don't know which side of the spectrum I'm on. The movie, Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas. Is it a Halloween movie? Is it a Christmas movie? Is it both?

I think the argument could be made that it is absolutely both. I just said, I'm fired up. I want to get into these holidays as much as I possibly can this year because I need it. I need it. So I fired up The Nightmare Before Christmas. We watched it for our movie night.

And the wife, she's like, whoa. I could see the light bulb over her head. She's like, what if for Halloween we bring in the Christmas tree and we decorate this thing. On Halloween? With, no. For the Halloween season. Oh. And we put up halloween ornaments

you go full nightmare before christmas with this and then on november 1st we switch it over and i was like holy crap i've never heard a better idea in my life so are you doing it so we are what up it is not up yet because this just happened haven't had the time to get it out yet but very very soon this will be going up and we will will be collecting scary ghouls and ghosts to put on our Christmas tree. Is it just me, or should that tree have no needles on it? It should just be a dead tree. Exactly. What you do is, you know how you fan out the tree?

You don't do that. Right. You don't fan it out. You just leave everything smashed down. But I'm very excited for it. Look, I'm all for holiday hype holiday hype is special it's kids look forward to it the age all of our kids are at even better now i am curious al judge giamatti are you both on mic can you rephrase that yeah that's uh jump on board uh on the microphone get on my back yes

yes we're both on the microphone. When do you believe Christmas decorations should begin? I just want to see if you're on board with November 1st or not. That's a little too early for my blood. I'm a after Thanksgiving person for music and decorations. Me too. And people have strong opinions on this. People have strong bad opinions on this. I feel like it's been a little early the last couple years for me.

I need the 15th. To be fair, Jason, we are a part of the new movement. That's true. But when the young generation will look back, they'll say, it started here. Fedoras didn't decorate until late December. The day of. Josiah from Patreon, when you get a drink with whipped cream,

are you supposed to eat the whipped cream first, mix it in, or wait to eat it at the end? I want to know the answer. Like, I knew the answer to the last one. This could be a question from Jason from Patreon because I always do different things, and I feel like there's no right. I feel like the thing that seems most sophisticated but is the worst choice is the mix-in.

100%. The mix-in seems like, I'm not going to eat this like ice cream. This is meant to be mixed in. And that's a way to not taste the whipped cream, ever. But if you wait for the end, yeah, I mean, if you wait till the end, I mean, the whipped cream will saturate. You'll get some of the flavor of the beverage. But now you are forced into a straw.

Correct. Yeah, the end is not a good solution here. You need a spoon at the end then. Now, is this an iced beverage with whipped cream or is this a frat? Let's say it's a – oh, does that matter? Oh, it matters big time because here's the thing. Oh, does that matter? Oh, it matters big time because here's the thing.

If you drink an iced beverage and wait on the whipped cream, then at the end you've got whipped cream and ice, so you can't really spoon it out well. You can't really straw it out well. I feel like if you're an iced beverage, you've got to either mix it in or you've got to eat it early. Now, do you guys like whipped cream on the beverage? I adore it. So Andy is all in.

Jason, where are you on it? I don't usually. Like whenever I order a drink and they say, do you want whipped cream? I say no. I say yes, and I feel like I'm guilted into saying yes. Now, is this because you're a board member of an HOA? Is that you say no to the joy of whipped cream no it's it's literally psychopath no it's literally this question because i don't

know what to do with it i get it and i go i just i leave it i you here's what i usually do because i'm thinking about this with like an iced drink that has some whipped cream on it. It's usually got a lid that's like the bubble lid. Yeah, it's a bubble lid. So I can't spoon it. Right. So I just drink it and end up with whipped ice. Who wants whipped ice at the end? What you do with the bubble top drinks, and I love that we can solve this

problem maybe for you. You drink the drink down below the bubble. Then you go in for the kill with the whipped cream yeah but you've got half the drink and half the whip and it's a nice but you're taking the lid off after you drink it down past the bubble but what do you do with the lid now yeah you throw in the trash can what if there's driving yeah well they just pull over man did you make this so now because i ordered whipped cream i gotta pull over how much of this i mean the driving does change the whole equation too well where do you are you making this

at home well no a lot of people like they go and sit down with the drink not everybody's cruising around whipped cream in it i'm just thinking look starbucks have a drive-thru in the last decade do you just verb yeah i did look you pick up starbucks even the drive-thrus in the last decade. Did you just verb? Yeah, I did. Look, you pick up Starbucks, even the drive-thrus, you take it, people bring it to work. I will admit, if I am just going to be driving only, whipped cream's not a really viable situation. It's not practical. That's like saying, hey, do you get a Frosty? Do you get a Wendy's Frosty while you're driving?

Heck yeah, man. That's a nightmare. I almost careened off of a freeway trying to eat a Frosty coming back from vacation. Some things are worth the risk. I agreed. I totally agreed. But you're not going to use a straw with a Frosty,

and all I'm saying is Oh, it's impossible. Let's drive through Baskin-Robbins and have a bowl of ice cream. I mean, it doesn't work. But Baskin-Robbins doesn't have a drive-thru for that reason. Starbucks,

they all have drive-thrus now. Money, hungry, whipped cream, and people. I just decided I don't like whipped cream. I'm anti-whipped cream as a person. It's delicious. Or just because of the- Just because of this guy. Well, I mean, come on, man.

Pumpkin pie? Pumpkin pie. I'm going to load that thing up with more whipped cream than you've ever seen anybody do. You won't see the pie. No, there's a Cool Whip, and somewhere underneath it's like the old Nickelodeon shows where you gotta find the thing. Oh, with the Double Dare Challenge? The Double Dare Challenge.

I'm gonna find the pumpkin pie in my Cool Whip. Oh, that whole bite was Cool Whip. Another company that the delicious taste of science, that's Cool Whip right there. That's Cool Whip time. What is it, just oil? You just drink an oil? No one's ever known. Yeah. The recipe has been lost to time. Cool Whip right there. That's Cool Whip time. What is it, just oil? You're just drinking oil? No one's ever known.

Yeah. The recipe has been lost to time. Cool Whip is... It's one of those old recipes from Fedoris and Hank and Frank and... All right, we've got one more question here beforehand. This one comes in from me. What is better, Cool Whip or whipped cream? You can only have one the rest of your life, so it's for all applications.

It's whipped cream then, yeah, because I can eat pumpkin pie with whipped cream instead of Cool Whip. It's not as good. But Cool Whip is not a substitute for on top of a coffee. It's not something that... Have you tried it? I haven't tried it.

Yeah, no, you haven't. All right. I have to plead ignorance here now. Okay. Because I'm not the dessert expert that you fellas are. That's the truth. Yeah. You got to know your role.

And the dessert takes, it's not over here, but Cool Whip, whipped cream. I feel like really the only difference is one of them can come out of a can and one of them is in the bowl. I appreciate your naivety. Yeah. Naivety. Okay. Naivety.

I appreciate your naivety. We're making up words. Explain to me where I am wrong. Well, they're not the same whatsoever. Texture is number one. Flavor density. Flavor density. Yeah.

Science amount. Whipped cream is much more it's lighter and it's much more vanilla flavored it's very and it's made of real milk cool whip is kind of a it's cool whip like velveta yes it is like velveta and it's like a yoohoo same thing with chocolate milk right a yoo-hoo is not really chocolate milk chocolate water chocolate water yeah that is exact velvete is the best example ever and it tastes like cool whip right this is why i love and which one's the can yoo-hoo uh and cool whip i love science and diet ready whip is the can yeah oh goodness gracious there's too many whips. Cool Whip is the superior answer. It's better on everything. Whoa. There's a real Miracle Whip guy over here.

They've got to find a way. They've got to find a way to can Cool Whip. I don't think I agree with you, but that's okay. We still have better takes than Mike. All right, let's draft. The Spitballers draft. The problem with Mike's food takes now is that if we – it sounds like there's a whole world we could unlock for him, right, Jay? He could really turn over a new leaf, enjoy some new things.

But if we offered him, he'd just go sit on the porch. Yeah. He'd just go sit. And I would do nothing. And he would do nothing. All right. This is the greatest draft we've ever had. Oh, man.

Could be. Could be because we are drafting. It's also the most difficult draft we've ever done. We are drafting animals you'd like to ride. Oh, yes. Oh, what animals do you really want to ride? This is the home run. And I'm so glad Mike's got the first pick because, I mean,

what a position to be in. There are so many ways that you could go for this. Jason is making a face at his computer. I can only assume that it is powered off. What's going on? This is breaking news. I'm so sorry to interrupt. Such an excellent draft.

But Al Borland has shared with me that they do have canned Cool Whip. Yeah! They have put Cool Whip in a can. They've put it in a can. They have done it. The pinnacle has been reached. I'm looking at the can. Do you think it's Photoshop?

No. No, I don't. Oh, good. But you notice two things. One, it says made with real cream at the top. So I'm wondering if this is a little bit of brand, you know, they're putting the brand out there and it's just whipped cream named Cool Whip. One way to find out.

But if it tastes like Cool Whip and it's the texture of whipped cream, you might have unlocked the secret to life. Al, please order these. Agreed. All right. Also ordered like some hot chocolate. So the draft. Animals I would like to ride. That's right. Also ordered like some hot chocolate. So the draft. Animals I would like to ride.

That's right. There are so many different factors. There's just like it would be fun. Fun. Like the enjoyment of the ride. There is. It would be awesome. There's awesome.

There's the awesome factor. And there is like there's definitely a respect clout. Oh. Sure. To me. That comes because that is what I'm going with my first pick here. Because a story that I could tell, any party I show up, I'm in that guy's house.

He's like, hey, I built this house. And I'm like, hey, you know what? I rode a great white shark. And that dude just melts into an absolute puddle and just is swept away and his family no longer wants him to be the man of that household because I rode a great white shark.

Wow. Imagine me coming up on the, I'm surfing a wave and it's me with my cowboy hat in the air on a great white mouth open snarling at all the kitties and their little floaties. First of all, great pick. Second of all, I am picturing every one of these picks,

there is a saddle of some sort on this animal. Of course there is a saddle. In every situation. How else do I hold on to a great white shark? That's right. I just pictured you holding that thing. Go! No, no, I am.

Go! Now, what, I am. Go! Now, what's great is when you said the respect factor, I thought you meant like you respect a certain animal so much. I was like, I think they'd all probably not like you riding them. This is pretty disrespectful what we're doing. But if you could throw back, I rode a great white shark to everybody's stories, that'd be pretty good. Great white shark was on the list. I didn't specify great white.

I just said a shark, but I mean, come on. Sure. So that made me pivot. What I was going to have as my first very interesting because I feel like I've got to compete with that. But also, I feel like you took the wrong one. When you talk about awesomeness in the story you you started to say i'm riding up on the shore and then you realize we can't really come up on the shore because then your ride's gonna die you're out in the water that's true but wherever i'm going i'm going wherever i want i can

go fast but i'm riding this guy slow and he's the king of the jungle man oh i'm riding a lion baby i'm right i'm riding him right on into our studio up on that saddle what's up boys i mean what would you know that's good it's a great come on oh now to be fair if you got up to the shore and you were trying to go into the ocean you would have a problem i would have a problem, but I have a feeling I'm on land slightly more often. Okay. So I am the Lion King. Well, I would be on land a lot more often if I had the lion to ride too. Dang, so you got lion.

Yeah. Those are two great picks. I was hoping one of you guys would really suck at this. All right. There was one that when I was putting them through my brain and thinking about like, look, all the animals that we could ride, it would be pretty cool.

There's one that when I thought of it, I said, yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to ride that real bad. I want to ride a rhinoceros. That's so good.

I want to ride the, it's not even on my list. What am I doing? When I thought about a rhinoceros, I was like, yeah. That's so much better than a lion. Do you know- Oh, come on. Are you kidding me?

Who's winning that fight? Oh, no. We're fighting now. Great. Who's going up? I can jump. I mean, you're on a level field. That's it.

Let me put it this way. If my rhino goes up against your lion, you're going on a ride on a rhino. That's what you're doing because I'll be carrying you around. If you honestly think that if a lion and a rhino were to fight that the rhino would win, you're sorely mistaken. I'm certain the rhino would win. One lion, one rhino?

One lion, one rhino. My money's on the rhino. Big boy rhino. No way. This lion can jump on the rhino's back. That rhino is so immobile. We don't need to be fighting. This is not a death. This is my fault.

This is Joyrides. A fight to the death. This is Joyrides. That's right. What are you mounting in a fight to the death? That's for another show. Yeah. We'll do it totally different.

No, this is just pick something that's less aggressive here. All right. I'm going rhino for the first one, and then I think these other ones will get back to me. So I'm actually going to go with what I grew up thinking was my favorite animal. I might need to lose a couple LBs to make this effective. That's all right. But I can get there. I want to ride a cheetah.

Yeah. I want to ride a cheetah. I want to go as fast as any animal can go. Cheetah was my pick if I didn't go with a great cheetah. Yeah. I want to ride a cheetah. I want to go as fast as any animal can go. Cheetah was my pick if I didn't go with a great white shark. Yeah, I felt like the cheetah was one of the 101 options because you talk about what's the fastest animal. What do you want to ride? There's certain categories, like you said.

You want to ride something awesome. You want to ride a tank and then a roller coaster. Yeah, one of the categories is I want to ride something so fast. I mean, you're basically on a motorcycle. Yeah. Like that's. With four legs. Yeah.

That's pretty cool. Wear your helmet. Yeah. That's an animal I'd like to ride. Look, I'm going there because this was the first thing that came to my mind. You say, what's an animal you want to ride there's no animal i want to ride more than an eagle baby come take me up you can carry me by the talons i can get on a saddle but i'm riding an eagle

how many eagles? How many? What's a flock of eagles called? I love that Andy's like, I might have a little bit of a weight problem. Does your cheetah have to get into the air? That will be, I mean, that might be a shorter ride than you think it is. Yeah, I mean, we're scooching along the ground just trying to take off. I see the problems, but look, the draft is animals you'd like to ride. And I would love that.

I get it. The word for a group of eagles is an airy. An airy? Yeah. It's going to be very airy up there. You may need a few airies. I mean, fine. Now, it is quite the mental picture of either riding an eagle,

which you've got control. It's almost like riding a griffin, like a mythical creature, which you could ride that, or being carried in a near-death experience by an eagle. Don't drop it. Your arms are ripped to shreds. Oh, yeah. But I'm so high up.

I knew you would skirt these uh rules a little bit but eagles if i could ride an eagle i'd like to yeah darn right you would you want to fly of course you want to fly pterodactyl oh man all right now uh i'm not sure how smooth the ride will be okay all right i hope this is the one i almost it's i think it's gonna be a little bumpy it's gonna be a little bumpy and i totally i accept the consequences of this but these things when they're moving man they they are just they are majestic creatures and i feel like if i was to ride on one of one of their backs i want to ride a kangaroo man yes yes that was the one i said before oh you've got it on your list so this is i have it circled

it's a bumpy ride i wasn't sure i'd be on the back or in the pouch, though. Oh, man, I didn't even think about the pouch. That's a huge pouch. So here's the funniest thing. Let me just get into this thing right here. We were in the other room coming up with what we were going to draft, and we came up with this, and immediately I thought to myself about riding a kangaroo and how ridiculous that was. It made me laugh.

And I said, that's going to be my, I know what my fourth pick is. Oh no, that's my second pick. Oh man. Well then, okay. Spectacular. All right. Well then I definitely know what my next pick is because I thought of another one. Oh, did you?

That could be a fourth pick, but apparently you guys are on your game. All right. So great white shark, kangaroo. Man, I am pretty torn. I'm torn between these two here. I don't know if I want to just go all in on the water. That's tough. You know what? This creature lives its life in both.

Oh. It definitely sleeps in the water. A hippopotamus? It is a hippopotamus. Yeah. Dude, hippopotamus. What are you, hippopotamuses? Hippopotami.

Hippopotami. Hippopotami. They are dangerous creatures. And then when I- They're a little faster than people give them credit for. They are actually very fast. And then when I'm in the house and the dude, he tries to scoff at Great White Shark. I'm like, I followed that up when I rode a hippopotamus.

So this is more about this one guy you met that built his own house. Look, mister, I built my own house. Owl. Mr. Borland. Yeah, dude. I'm following up kang. Owl. Mr. Borland. Yeah, dude. I'm following up kangaroo with hippopotamus. You want to know why I like your hippo pic is because just your personality. Let's say you're in a conversation.

You're on land. You're in a conversation with someone. You're kind of getting bored. You could slowly backpedal into the water and just swim away. I can see Mike doing that just slowly. You could just slowly go underwater. And he'd be like throwing his hands up like, I don't control this guy. Yeah.

I thought you were going to go with, I'm just standing there and I'm like. Yeah. And then my hippo. Comes on out. That is how you call a hippo. Of course, you have to whistle. The slowest smoke bomb ever. That's right.

You just slowly walk into the. So you've got, what do you got now? I have great white shark, kangaroo, and hippopotamus. Hip-hop-opotamus. Alright. I am so excited to draft this one, guys. It's wonderful to be a kid. And I miss being a kid sometimes.

So I'm gonna go and be a grown-up kid, and this one has an asterisk on it, on how I'm gonna ride this animal. I am taking a it on how I'm going to ride this animal. I am taking a gorilla, but I'm going on the shoulders, baby. Yeah. I'm riding like a little kid.

I'm so high up. He's holding my legs, and it's my daddy, and I'm going for a ride. Did you really have it? Yes. The best part is you don't have to be a little kid, Jay. A gorilla would carry you without a problem. No, I know. I'm saying me now.

I'm saying this body, I'm riding up on the shoulders because he can actually take it. But I feel like a kid because- I know you're not going to believe me, but I showed you on my list. I had gorilla written down, and I had sitting on the shoulders in my head too. That's how you got to ride it? I'm not going piggyback style. If you go piggy head, too. That's how you got to write it? It seemed like the right thing. I'm not going piggyback style. If you go piggyback, at least then you could... Do gorillas swing?

Do they swing around? Not... Are they too big? They don't swing, do they? I don't know if they swing big. Sure, they can. Is that more boring than we think it is, riding a gorilla? No, of course it's not, because it's a gorilla.

Gorillas are incredible. Okay. Now, just... I want you to close your eyes and picture this. Okay? You're shooting hoops out back with your sons, and you turn over your shoulder, and I'm walking up on the shoulders of a gorilla. The best part about that story.

How tall are gorillas? I don't have a good gorilla context in my head right now. I can finally dunk. If I'm on the gorilla's shoulders, I don't have a good gorilla context in my head right now. I can finally dunk. If I'm on the gorilla's shoulders, I'm throwing down a couple slams. Yeah, they're five foot two. Interesting. Maybe I'm not dunking. I thought they'd be a lot taller than that.

The largest gorilla ever stood five foot nine. You are skiing. I'm taller than the gorilla? Your feet are on the ground, Jay. Wait a minute. That's not true. That's what I'm saying. Is that like a silverback gorilla?

It's 860 pounds, but it's only five foot nine. Okay, but I think this is because they're measuring them on all fours. They're 860 pounds. That is unbelievable. I'm on my way. All right. I have to make my last two picks You've left me my two favorites

I really want to ride all four of these animals And I get to The third pick I'm going with Look the shark would be cool But I want to be deft I want to be sliding through that ocean I'm going with a dolphin I want to ride that dolphin around

That would be fun. Jumping in the waves. Not scaring people if they see me at the beach. No, actually, you have a problem. The great white shark fits my personality because ain't no one walking up to me while I'm riding on a great white shark. It's like, hey, can I pet your shark?

It's true. You roll up at a beach on a dolphin. You have a problem. Well, I don't mind showing off a little bit. I'll do a couple flips and then head off into the middle of the ocean. Yeah, I mean, people, I think you could argue that people would prefer to ride up on their animal and have all the crowds be like, oh, that's awesome, versus give me an autograph, dolphin guy. Also, I have a question for you, Andy.

Okay. Give me an autograph, dolphin guy. Also, I have a question for you, Andy. Okay. How much faster are you riding your dolphin compared to me riding my terrifying great white shark? Well, the fact you know the answer does not make me like you asking the question. However, I believe it is more of an endurance world here. I think I can go faster longer, but I'm guessing barely any faster. Plus two miles an hour.

Okay. All right. Now with you on its back, come on. All right. Yeah. Wait, hold on. Hold on. The giant creature and the tiny little dolphin?

Shh. Shh. All right. Let's hear your fourth. My final pick, it is very much, it is like your first one, Mike. You talked about the great white, the respect factor. Yes. Look, I'm not riding up on a lion.

I'm not riding up on a great white shark. I'm cruising up on the back of a ferocious, hairy grizzly bear. I might as well have a crown on my head. Yeah, bear is pretty good. I'm riding up on that bear. That would be a blast. Take me through the woods. That would be a blast. Take me through the woods.

Take me through the water. Take me through the... You can climb the trees. Oh, it's great. And the hibernation. Do nothing for a long time. I'm cool with that. That's like having your car in the shop. That's not cool.

It's like having your car in the shop. That's when I got to switch over to the Rhino, and it's my big car. All right. I was between a couple. There's three that I'm kind of trying to debate here. I want all of them. I told Mike I wish this was 20 rounds. I was thinking about a polar bear, but you just got a bear.

A bear's a bear, you know. A bear's a bear. That's what they say. I'm going to go with one of the first animals that came to mind. And knowing that I might not get much off the ground with my eagle, I still want a view. I want to get up there. I'm riding me a giraffe. Yeah.

I thought so. Oh, yeah. I mean, I am so regal. That'd be very interesting. You'd be doing some big time galloping. I think that's a bumpier ride than people might expect. It can't be comfy. I'm going to need a soft saddle.

When you said bumpy ride, I thought you were going giraffe earlier. Oh, I thought it was either kangaroo or a gazelle. Aren't those the ones that bounce? Pretty much, they do. Yeah, yeah. That would be bumpy. All right, Mike. Wear your biker shorts.

Final pick? All right. I was the one that I wanted. I was torn between the hippopotamus and this, and it came back. Honestly, I have no idea how fast I am going. I just know that the people are terrified when I come through because I am riding a crocodile. Okay. Okay.

I am looking ferocious. I am looking scary. I thought about that scary and but i know where your feet go yeah are you surfing this thing i look are you crisscross applesauce multi-purpose man i can i can do all of these things he's got to lay down on his belly i'm trying to figure out where your legs are going man these things are pretty close to the ground i've what but we're going through the water it's swimming okay i'm not thinking about it. Why am I riding a crocodile on the lake? That's what we wanted to know. Mike is exclusively

a water. The hippo's in the water. The croc is in the water. The kangaroo's probably in the water with Mike. Probably. Go in there. Go in there. Let's go swimming. Let's go to the watering hole. Is that the last one? Yeah. That'll do it.

Let me read the final rosters here. Jason is riding a lion. A very funny eagle I feel bad for. A gorilla and a giraffe. I'm riding a rhino, cheetah, dolphin, and grizzly bear. Mike is riding a great white shark. A kangaroo, a hippopotamus,

and a crocodile. And Jason, I assume you had some other names that you wanted to bring up? Yes. A reindeer would be fun. I think that would be. Yeah. It felt a little too plain for me. You assuming they fly?

Well, that's what I've heard. Yours is going, you're riding Sven. Sure. That's fine. A sloth. I just thought that would be hysterical. I'm on my way. I feel like he just said he's going to. A sloth. I just thought that would be hysterical. I'm on my way. I feel like he just said he's going to kill a sloth.

To be fair, on my list was giant tortoise. Yeah, exactly. I'm not getting anywhere very fast. I only had two from my entire list that we didn't get. I mean, tiger would have fit with kind of the cats. We dropped the two cats. A whale because of the size. You are not getting messed with.

Yeah, I had a whale on there. A narwhal. Ooh, a narwhal. Yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? You know what I mean? Riding that big old tooth narwhal. I'm, like, trying to find a different reason you'd say that.

You know what I mean? I wanted to say, like... Hey, check this out. I assume none of us put elephant because people do ride elephants. Elephant is on my list, but it wasn't. Yeah. Don't get me wrong. I want to ride an elephant.

I'll be honest. I want to ride a horse. I would like to ride a mule. I would like to ride an ostrich. I would like to ride a camel. Have you ever been horse riding? I have ridden a horse before, yes. I'd like to do it again.

It's very fun. Okay. I've never heard of horse before. Yes. All right. I'd like to do it again. It's very fun. Okay. I've never heard of horse riding before, but all right. What did we learn today? As we've been doing this show, our producer, Al Borland, has been simultaneously posting Photoshop pictures of people riding all of the animals that we selected today and you'll get to vote on which set of it i'm looking at the rhino and that looks like a good time wow the croc not so much yeah all right what did you learn today um i think i learned that i want it to be

christmas soon i learned that i can get heat stroke in a jacuzzi. Good to know. And I learned there is a difference between Cool Whip and whipped cream, and now they both come in a can. Jason also learned that you cannot sail into the wind with a sailboat. Right? That's useful. I have not learned that officially yet.

Oh, he's gonna go google oh thank you for tuning in see you next time goodbye bye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballerspod.com Oh, that was a good episode. Am I right, guys? The best. Gals, I know what you're thinking. You want to help support this show. You're like, how can I become an official spitwad, be part of this special community?

It's easy. You just go to spitballerspod.com, click become a spitwad, and boom, you are part. Tough act to connect. And boom. No more fungus on your feet, and you're part of the greatest comedy community in the world. Spitballerspod.com, click become a spitwad.