Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 125: Low-T Moose & The Worst Minor Inconveniences

Episode Date: November 23, 2020

Tune into today’s episode to find out what’s got Owl’s ears ringing. Then stick around to hear the guys discuss tv binging preferences, moose antlers, tipping etiquette, and dead pets. Lastly, t...he show is wrapped up with a draft of the worst minor inconveniences. Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, it's me. It's Andy. Hey, Andy. How's it going? I'm fantastic. We've got a great show today. That's number one. Number two, I just want to let everyone out there listening know that if they don't have enough Spitballers-themed aspects of their life, they can go over to SpitballersPod.com. They can click on the Become a Spitwad button.
Starting point is 00:00:21 It's just a little button. That's how it sounds. Yeah. When you click it, it goes, ba-bing. Is that a spittoon? Yes. Okay. You can click on become a spitwad, learn more about how you can support the show and get some really cool perks. That's spitballerspod.com. Let's get to the episode. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason.
Starting point is 00:00:57 A-skate meep, a-doopie, a-ding-dang, a-bing-bang, a-squeegee! Did I hear something about a stain? I don't know. You know, normally the problem is strong start, bad finish. It's weak start. Better finish. I thought it was a pretty strong finish. When you can finish with a device to get water off of a window.
Starting point is 00:01:25 Have we talked about that on this show? I don't know. Well, just talk about squeegees. I have a strange fascination with them. When you do your windshield, it just feels a little bit like magic. Yeah. When you get the water perfectly off, and all of a sudden, it's just squeaky clean. No one else has that feeling about squeegees? That it's just satisfying, it's magic. I can't squeegee like the pros.
Starting point is 00:01:50 Can't squeege? No, I can't squeege. I've been a bad squeegee my whole life. Jason sits silent. Are you a squeegee? He must be a pro. When I use a squeegee for wiping off a window, I think I can do it just fine, but I've never really cared. Wait, what other things have you squeeged?
Starting point is 00:02:12 You have to wipe it every time. I think that's the key, right? When you squeegee, you wipe, you squeegee, then you wipe. It's got to be a dry squeegee. But see, I'm a little impatient, so I want to do a wet squeegee. Well, you can do the flick. That's what I do at the gas station. Oh, you do the flick?
Starting point is 00:02:24 Yeah, you run it across and then go now if you like squeegees that much do you do more than the front window do you do the side windows in the back window oh my man you go full squeegee i've i've done every single window on my car entire car i've done the doors i've done the trunk no i don't know maybe maybe i have maybe i haven't i haven't squeegeed in a while oh Oh, you got dirty windows then. I know. I know. Your car isn't looking very good either. It looked pretty dirty.
Starting point is 00:02:48 Well, because we live in a desert. So you just give up? Yeah. Okay. Except for my windows every once in a while. Give them a good squeegee. It's probably been a decade since I've squeegeed my windows. What?
Starting point is 00:02:59 Yeah. That's the best part of the gas station. Wait, you squeegee every time? Oh, are you kidding me? You're doing every single gas. Really? Well, hold on a second. You don't even of the gas station. Wait, you squeegee every time? Oh, are you kidding me? You're doing every single gas station. Well, hold on a second. You don't even go to gas stations. Well, not anymore.
Starting point is 00:03:09 Do you go just to squeegee? I have been to a gas station just to squeegee the electric car. No, you have not. You're darn right I have. You know you can buy your own squeegee for home. But not when I'm out and about. Oh, my goodness. This man has a squeegee obsession.
Starting point is 00:03:23 I've been trying to tell you. Which means you love my scat. Yeah. All right. Well, the ending. This man has a squeegee obsession. I've been trying to tell you. Which means you love my scat. Yeah. All right. Well, the ending. Who would have thought? I never know what we're going to discover here on the Spitballers Podcast. Andy, Mike, and Jason, welcome into the show.
Starting point is 00:03:36 If you're brand new, there are 124 other episodes with the level of entertainment that that first start to the show brought you. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, at Andy Holloway, at Jason FFL, at FFHitman. And let's kick this thing off. Would you rather? I can't believe we discovered your squeegee obsession. I know what I'm getting you for your birthday. Oh, it's going to be such a big squeegee. Oh, man.
Starting point is 00:04:12 It's like a special treat. You buy an electric car, you still go buy this gas station. We got you an adventure package where you get to squeegee the entire side of a skyscraper. That's his retirement package. If I had the courage. Yeah. You do the bottom floor. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:04:32 All right, Chris from the website. Would you rather have your ears actually ring whenever somebody is talking about you or have a cat actually get your tongue whenever you can't think of what to say. Now, hold on a minute here, Chris, from the website. That'd be spitballerspod.com. Yeah, that's not the phrase.
Starting point is 00:04:55 It's my ears are burning. When you feel like someone's talking about you, you say, yeah, my ears are burning. You've heard it as my ears are ringing? No, I've heard burning. Yeah, well, Jason was looking at me funny like i was trying to make something up i don't remember either but i do enjoy i gotta chime in because chris actually wrote ears are burning and i thought that was wrong i could have sworn i saw burning before i i changed that i thought it was ringing okay so let's go back to the root of the cliche. I apologize to Chris from the website. No, Al needs to apologize.
Starting point is 00:05:31 This isn't your doing, Mike. I do apologize, but I swear I've heard my ears are ringing. Somebody must be talking about me. No, your ears are ringing because you heard a really loud noise. Yeah. Or you went to a concert. And now the whole question makes sense now because the first part of it was not a cliche. So I was confused.
Starting point is 00:05:48 I do very much enjoy the picture of a cat actually getting your tongue. That sounds very painful. Whenever you can't think of what to say. How often are you in that situation where a cat's got your tongue? Let me say this. We speak for a living. We're generally very good at it. We might not have the right words grammatically speaking,
Starting point is 00:06:12 but because we do it so often, you know, the Fantasy Footballers podcast, we're recording that six, seven times a week. There are moments when I blink on a player name or I blink on the stat that I can't remember or the source of some article that I can't remember. Having a cat attack my face in that moment would be... Well, your tongue, not just your face.
Starting point is 00:06:41 I mean, that would be unhelpful. Now, I assume to make this an actual difficult question your ears burning they have to be burn bernie burn no they're they're it's not comfortable it i think it has to be painful because if a cat were to put a claw into your tongue it would be painful it wouldn't just be like oh this is uncomfortable i'm taking the cat got your tongue and let me tell you why because the uh the ears burning is two types of pain it is the pain of my ears burning it is also going to happen all the time when i'm not in the room with the people talking about me so if people are talking about me anywhere on earth and you know we have a very
Starting point is 00:07:21 public profile people are probably talking a lot of crap about us. About you. And every time they burn, there'll be the psychological effect of knowing that somebody's talking about me. Is it good? Is it bad? It's probably bad. Yeah, I think you have to go cat here. It's tough when you are a celebrity to be able to take the ears because people are going to be talking about us. Podcast celebrity. You're darn right. I don't care what letter you throw in front of my name. You can call
Starting point is 00:07:50 me an F-list celebrity, but I'm a celebrity. Yeah, I mean, these are both terrible choices. In the cat situation, I've got the allergies compounding. I mean, if he's got my tongue, I'm probably sneezing. Is he going to get all swole? Probably. How long do they got your tongue for? Until you figure out what to say.
Starting point is 00:08:07 Is it a bite? Is it a paw? I'm going claw. Yeah, I think two claw hanging on. Where did this start? The cat's got your tongue? Look, that's a great question. I'm always fascinated where these things came from.
Starting point is 00:08:19 Now, Jeremy, he actually thought it was cat has some bubble gum. Oh, your cat's got your gum. Can't think of what to say. Oh, man, you got stinky breath. Did you say caricature? So these are both bad. Which one is your final vote, Mike? I mean, I guess if you are throwing in anybody anywhere talking about your ears burn.
Starting point is 00:08:46 Usually I think that's, isn't that like left for, it's around you? Probably. You just have that sense. Like inner office. Yeah. Someone's, your ears are burning. Now I'm figuring this cat thing out in my head. I'm sorry.
Starting point is 00:08:59 So I'm thinking cats. That's what we're here for. Look, I'm thinking the cat, cats find things and then they hide them. So maybe that's what it means, right? Like a cat. No, I've got the. Cat's got your Look, I'm thinking the cat. Cats find things and then they hide them. So maybe that's what it means, right? Like a cat. No, I've got your tongue. I've got the origin. It's bad news.
Starting point is 00:09:10 Oh, this is not good. This is not good. Is it safe for consumption? Yeah, it's safe for consumption. It's just not safe for this. No. The English Navy used to use a whip called a cat on nine tails. And that was like a like you know they would yeah yeah
Starting point is 00:09:26 and then those people it would hurt so much that they couldn't talk and so the cat's got your tongue that's where it comes from that's brutal wait now do we get whipped because i'll change my answer if i'm getting whipped oh no no no it's a kitty cat all right we need to move forward. Josiah from Patreon, would you rather have all new TV shows come out This is a great question. in their entirety, so that's from the pilot to the series finale,
Starting point is 00:09:54 or have a single new episode each week? So this is really taking it to a next level because if a new show comes out from pilot to series finale, you're not just talking one season. You're talking six season seven seasons whatever the case may be this is a simple do you want to binge watch yes or do you want the anticipation it's a great question because i know that jason and i are on the complete opposite sides of the spectrum i don't think we are and and here's the thing how do i prefer watching shows you binge oh always i am always binging shows you you have binge watched seasons
Starting point is 00:10:34 of a show that's not even done in production that is you've somehow figured out to watch the entire thing that's right and usually multiple times i I am now going through Breaking Bad for the second time. Why are you watching Breaking Bad again? Because I've watched all other shows. Go do some chores, man. The shows that exist. Go read a book. Have been completed.
Starting point is 00:10:55 Build a birdhouse. Learn to play guitar. Breaking Bad again. Yeah. What? But here's the thing. So I definitely prefer binge watching but i also know what's gonna happen if every time a show comes out its entirety is there for me to watch
Starting point is 00:11:14 i'm gonna lose three days of life and then three days later i will have no more show to watch i mean right if the nine seasons of game of Thrones that gave us a decade of a show to watch, if that was over in a couple of weeks, it doesn't have the same luster. I think you have to go weekly release. Yeah, weekly release is the right answer for multiple reasons. It is very fun to binge watch shows sometimes, but I like anticipation. Yes. I like wondering what's going to happen and not instantly finding it out i like talking to friends and family and being synced up with them and being synced up because what happens is these these shows dump in like 12 episodes
Starting point is 00:11:57 and we all know jason's six deep by the first night and mike and i have probably watched one and we get in there and then he'll be like, have you gotten to this part yet where this thing's happening? Yeah, you are a walking potential spoiler at all moments. I do my best. No, you do. You do better than others. I do my best to not spoil, but I can. But he has seen it.
Starting point is 00:12:19 I can't spoil at all. But the problem is you just are sitting with it, and it's just you. I mean, I'm with Andy. Give me the delayed gratification of the weekly release i think it's it's good you build anticipation it's i think it's healthy for you can i can i make a bigger broader case here beyond this sure there are talking to the kids right now. There are lots of things out there now that are instantaneous, and we all somehow quantify instantaneous is better, right? I don't want a buffer. Yeah, you don't want a buffer.
Starting point is 00:12:55 But I was thinking about this, whether it was the olden days of Blockbuster, right, where we've talked about this, Mike. Yep. If you wanted to watch a movie, you'd have to drive someplace. Then you'd walk a store until you saw something that looked good. Then you would connect with it. Then you'd have to take it home. Oh, then you'd skip a step.
Starting point is 00:13:12 You'd have to see if it was in stock. That's true. You're like, oh, I want to watch. Oh, they don't have any. And then you'd take it home and watch it. And there's anticipation. Game releases nowadays. Everybody downloads games on their PS5 and their Xbox Square, whatever it is.
Starting point is 00:13:28 Series X, old man. And you can tell which one I preordered. And you used to have these midnight releases. You'd go to get a physical copy of the game, and you'd wait, and you'd be with people. Now you're alone with instantaneous things instead of with people waiting for things. Number one, I will say, we sound like the oldest curmudgeon-y people right now. But...
Starting point is 00:13:51 You've reminded me of it because the PS5 and the Xbox, the new Xbox, the way you get it is you sit on your computer, you know when to release when someone's going to batch release something and you're just Command-R, just nonstop refreshing that page, hoping you can sneak one in the cart.
Starting point is 00:14:10 You guys just did this, right? Fighting the bots, we did. One of us came away victorious. One of us did not. I'm one out of two on the new consoles, but I've been striking out pretty hard on that PS5. The reason I bring that up is to echo what you were talking about is one of the greatest moments, my memories of growing up when I think we were 16 or 17, we camped out night.
Starting point is 00:14:37 Oh, you did? At Walmart for the PlayStation 2. Wow. And me and my friends from high school, we still talk about this, about how just the camaraderie of the the group effort we all said it was cold yeah i mean and and it was basically memory so basically what happened yeah core memory what happened is someone notices oh i drove by walmart guys the people are already lining out there and we don't even think about it it's just okay let's go you get there and realize well we don't have and we don't even think about it. It's just, okay, let's go. You get there and realize, well, we don't have chairs.
Starting point is 00:15:07 We don't have blankets. We have nothing prepared for this, and now we can't lose our place in line. And then because it was Walmart, and this is, ladies and gentlemen, there was a time when Walmart was not open for 24 hours in a day. They open at 6 a.m. We get our PlayStation 2s, our brand new shiny system. What do you think we did? What do you think we did?
Starting point is 00:15:28 There's stores that aren't open at 6 in the morning, so we drove by the Best Buy where clowns are standing in line, and they're going to wait until 9 a.m. Hold on, PlayStation 2s. Honking the horn. Oh, my goodness. Just trolling. Being teenagers.
Starting point is 00:15:45 Trolling the crap out of this giant line. Oh man. So awesome. The good old days. Yes, the good old days. So I will go week to week. And look, there's enough. If I have to wait, I bet you can find something else to watch while you wait.
Starting point is 00:16:00 I don't know, Breaking Bad. I bet you've already found it. Look, put out more shows quickly. I'm talking to Hollywood. There's nobody who's ever said that except you. Please. I need them. I know.
Starting point is 00:16:14 I am drowning in shows. I can't make it through them. No, no. All right. Let's go, Robert, from the website. Would you rather have moose antlers or porcupine quills? Oh, okay. All right, here are the rules, though.
Starting point is 00:16:28 The antlers. Oh, thank you, Robert. They're proportional to your head size, and they shed and grow annually. So I have gigantic antlers. In your case, yes, gigantic antlers. Due to the giant head, yeah. They can be used for ramming things without damaging your skull. These are antlers is what it sounds like.
Starting point is 00:16:44 Wait a minute. Antlers, are antlers shed? Yeah. They can be used for ramming things without damaging your skull. These are antlers is what it sounds like. Wait a minute. Antlers. Are antlers shed? Yeah. Yeah. What? Yeah. You're just finding this out?
Starting point is 00:16:54 That's impossible. You thought that they just. Yes. I don't know if they completely fall off, but I know you can tell that a moose is older because the antlers are larger and more ornate. But how do they get larger if they're shedding off? I don't know. Andy, talk to us about shedding antlers.
Starting point is 00:17:13 Do antlers shed is a great question. They shed annually. Horns stay attached and keep growing. Okay, so the horns are there. The horn. An animal doesn't have horns and antlers. If somebody has horns, they stay. If they have antlers, they shed them in the winter.
Starting point is 00:17:30 Okay, what does shedding this mean? Is it a fine layer of the outside? No, I think they lose their antlers and regrow them every year. They lose them and regrow them. No way. They do. No way. I'm so confused now.
Starting point is 00:17:41 They really do. I've seen how big moose antlers are. They can grow as much as a quarter inch a day. What? What? That's impossible. What are those things made out of? They produce their largest antlers between ages four and seven.
Starting point is 00:17:55 So does that mean if you- So they produce new antlers every year. But let me just paint a picture for you, okay? Oh, so they chip it. They get super pissed. It's like, oh, that's my brand new antler. Let me paint this picture for you okay so they chip it they get super pissed because like oh that's my brand new antler let me paint this picture for you it just happens to be let's say december and that's when they shed them yeah you ever seen a moose without antlers it was a bald-headed moose how come
Starting point is 00:18:16 there's no pictures of that that's why they're so mad they are they're horses wait oh so horses are moose it's just it does out of season and in season right you grow into them being a moose after your horse season look they really do shed them and they're it's tied to testosterone that's why the like females have uh small ones i'm looking at pictures of antlerless moose, and they're just huge donkeys. They're literally a massive-sized donkey. It's like you took a donkey and a camel, you put it together, and that's an antlerless moose. Yeah, I mean, this is... I am blown away. Yeah, so you could have those.
Starting point is 00:19:02 Or you could have porcupine quills that lay flat on your body. You can activate them into their standing position for defensive purposes. So this is not much different, Mike, than when we had the puffer fish defensive. We talked about being a puffer fish before. And I'm still not past this whole moose thing without antlers. Horns stay put. Antlers, they get shed and regrown. Well, is that universal?
Starting point is 00:19:29 So like a buck? Like a buck and his big, giant antlers? Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. They shed it? Yeah. So do you just find these things out in the woods? Like, oh, here's an antler.
Starting point is 00:19:40 There must be some antlerless. Look, this is a deep dive. Yeah. This is fascinating. You need a different podcast. Jason though, we get listeners. We need to hear about these antlers.
Starting point is 00:19:53 Yeah. I mean, I can tell you all about snakes and how they shed their skin. It's the same thing. Wow. I am just so blown away. Snakes are actually moose when they shed their antlers in their legs. Okay.
Starting point is 00:20:07 Between the ages of three and five, they have no legs. Oh, man. Moose are incredible creatures. Plural. Creatures. So, what do our quills do? They lay flat. You can activate them.
Starting point is 00:20:23 You don't want to hug, Mike? No. Boom. Well, that's more, I mean, he's going to kill somebody that way. Well, either way, I have giant antlers. All I know is your aunt comes in for a hug and then is, oh, okay. Never mind. I mean, you know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:20:38 Sorry. Sorry, I've got these quills. I think I've got to take the antlers because you look sillier. I want to watch them grow. That's the main reason for me taking these antlers. I want Jason lost his antlers again. It's winter. This is like a like Hellboy.
Starting point is 00:21:00 And yeah, you know, horn. Yeah, man. I'm I'm I'm so thrown off you can't comprehend it i can't i still feel like these are lifetime antlers yes like the reason that an older buck has this giant antlers because it's spent its whole life growing it like that just means when he's older it grows faster i guess guess so. Pow. That's my brain exploding. So they have a year where you're like, those are the best antlers you've ever had.
Starting point is 00:21:30 Actually, if it's tied to testosterone, I'm assuming that... Oh, man, a low-T moose? A low-T moose has got little bitty antlers. Oh, that's embarrassing for that moose. What a loser. That means that moose is on the way out. Is that like balding?
Starting point is 00:21:43 Yeah. Oh, no. You sure you want those antlers? No, those antlers are not going to grow well on me. I need more teeth. Jason fixed this one. Mike and I walk in with these big old antlers. Jason walks in and he's got little teeny stumps.
Starting point is 00:22:02 Guys. The problem is the quills are just going to make me look fatter. I've got no win here. I bet you Al Borland dies his antlers. Jet black. Jet black antlers. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness.
Starting point is 00:22:23 T-Moose. Antlers. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. I mean, I guess I have to take the antlers because I know they're going to be robust. I just don't know if I would really use the quills a lot. I haven't been in a lot of
Starting point is 00:22:36 situations where I needed the self-defense and I couldn't use them like in a nice way. I'm going to impale you. I'm going to take the antlers. I hope your guys' tea is so high you can't get through doors. That's a great question. All right, Michael from Patreon. How do you handle when a vendor asks you to fill out a tip amount
Starting point is 00:23:01 for a service that does not typically require tipping? This is a tremendous question for this forum. I mean, we have a minor inconveniences draft. This was not on my list, but it should be. Can I be, let me get some clarity here. The vendor asks you to fill out a tip amount. Is that on like a screen? Is that on a receipt?
Starting point is 00:23:21 It's on both. So I've always thought that if I'm at a place that doesn't require tipping and it has a tip spot on a receipt, I got no problem writing a line in it and not tipping. I'm guessing that their software just prints these receipts with the tip spot in them. That's how I feel.
Starting point is 00:23:38 Whether or not they can choose that. I mean, why not put... Every place could put a tip spot. Well, they kind of do now. That's what I mean. So I don't have any problem writing, oh, you're standing at the counter and you handed me my food? Okay, crossing it out, not tipping. The problem for me is I don't know the wages.
Starting point is 00:23:56 I don't know whose check is relying on my tip. You know, because a waiter, a waitress, they get paid crap. Yeah, a few bucks an hour and then they get tips. That hourly doesn't make sense because their money is made off of tips. But then I go to Jamba Juice and the screen, they're like, oh, can you please fill the screen? I'll ask you a couple questions. That's how they get you.
Starting point is 00:24:20 That's how they're like, look, it's just going to ask you a couple questions. Yeah, that's what they say. Do you want to save ask you a couple questions yeah that's what they say do you want to save children with this charity and do you want to tip me and they never say if they hand you the receipt they never say sign this can you fill it out yeah we're under your tricks yeah we see right through yeah but do you tip every time yeah that's what i'm saying every thing i can't not tip when i see that when they hand me that receipt i go oh no because i can't not tip. When I see that, when they hand me that receipt, I go, oh, no. Because I can't. They're just, it's my non-confrontational.
Starting point is 00:24:50 You know what place gets me? Sonic. Because Sonic. They're skating out. The Sonic drive-thru. Wait, what? Because the Sonic drive-thru, it's a drive-thru, but it's not in a window. So they do technically have to bring your food from the inner small room
Starting point is 00:25:08 just out the door to your car. That's true. What if they're bringing it with roller skates? Well, I mean, look, I tip them no matter what. Because I feel like they're all – I feel like that's the cheat code. It should be drive-thru versus pulling in and having them roller skate it out to you. But I always end up tipping a little bit and is there an insulting tip i mean if you're at a place like a jamba juice if you put like some change in there is that insulting i i don't know
Starting point is 00:25:35 my big issue is the change that's happened we do so much more pick that's where i was gonna go you know we perfect it's it's i i call in, and I go to a nice restaurant even. So this is a good place with chefs. You know, I'm going to a steakhouse, but I'm picking up a to-go order. Right. So I've called it, and I've placed the order to someone over the phone. Then I'm driving to get my food. I go to the counter.
Starting point is 00:26:03 It's ready. Someone grabs a bag and hands it to me but then i and says hey can you fill this out i fill this out you shouldn't have to tip on that but but those are people who are they're they're not they're not they need this the the tips to make the wage i don't know yeah i don't know either here's the biggest problem maybe i'm buying a whole meal for my family and you usually tip you 20%. This is not a small bill here. Let's say I've, you know, we're having a big event and this is a $100 order I'm picking up.
Starting point is 00:26:33 What do I do? I don't know. I mean, do I tip $5 or am I a giant jerk for tipping $5? Man, in this time, because you can't go into the restaurant as much they don't have the waiters and waitresses there right so they're not working yeah i i don't know some of them are look this person at the counter just handed me a bag do i have to tip for them and the takeout the takeout is by far the hardest thing to figure out they're bleeding me dry what about the instacarts and those things?
Starting point is 00:27:05 Do you go high tip on those? I think you're supposed to tip on those. Well, you do tip, but do you go like a waiter tip? I think you have to go a waiter tip on there. I've never used Instacart, but I mean like DoorDash and things. Well, I just mean groceries at your house. They don't get paid much. They're not getting paid nearly enough.
Starting point is 00:27:22 No, you got to tip on those. Yes. Tip well. But the takeout, we'll never know. You got to know you got 20 on your groceries you know you're getting upcharged by instacart i i i do i do 20 yeah but you'll tip no matter what yeah i i really will and it's it's not me you're a generous man no it's not me being noble it's me getting taken advantage of if it was him being noble he would let us know right oh yeah i will take i'll walk up on my high horse the noblest most honorable
Starting point is 00:27:51 tipper all right second question dan for patreon you get ten thousand dollars if you let the other two guys design an average size tattoo of their choosing for you. You can choose the location, but once you accept the offer, you're completely at their mercy for the design. Oh, man. What's average size? Is that like four by four? Average size, I would say, is like your hand. Oh, Mike, that's a little too big.
Starting point is 00:28:17 That looks like a grapefruit. I'm looking for an orange tattoo here. No, Jason's right. No, like hand, hand size-ish. Size of my hand. So I can go like upper thigh. Fingers outstretched. Yep. Tucked away. Yep. Yes, you can. But permanent. For 10 grand.
Starting point is 00:28:32 Not enough. Oh, man. Oh, bro. Oh, man. You don't care. I'm 10 grand richer, my friends. No matter what we design for you. Not only am I 10 grand richer, I know you guys. And I know, well, Iason i know i know that that jason will will pull away andy i feel like andy will try and he'll get me with something he'll get
Starting point is 00:28:55 me you don't think jason oh you think jason will chicken out i think he won't permanently yeah like if it's if it's andy my little pony is coming is, is right on my thigh here celebrating something. Uh, but Jason, I think would at least like, I'd have a big, I love small talk tattoo right on your, right on your, I have never, and I hate Tesla. I don't think I've ever been more insulted by a compliment in my life here because you'd be, you'd ravage him. I would, he would not.
Starting point is 00:29:23 I would. He would not. Big, big talk talk oh my goodness if i'm giving ten thousand dollars or you're getting ten thousand dollars for me to decide i will make it the worst tattoo i could possibly make it i don't believe you that's crazy i'm shocked you don't know me mike i mean i mean historically speaking i'm the one that fails to deliver the knockout punch, and Jason is willing to go to the nth degree. I love a good prank ski and a permanent prank.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Oh, yeah. Wow. That's why. I mean, $10,000. Have you ever done a permanent prank? I have not yet performed a permanent prank. So is $10,000 enough for a permanent? I mean's ten thousand dollars enough for for a permanent i mean mike you have tattoos i mean you so you guys will be your first tattoo it would be a hundred percent
Starting point is 00:30:11 of our tattoos whereas for you it would be like a small percentage of your tattoos so you have to have double the size i would definitely do this i would definitely do it because i get to pick the spot right it's first of all it's going on my butt cheek because I don't have any tattoos and if this is going to be my only one, you'll never see it. I'm imagining that one doesn't hurt as bad either, right?
Starting point is 00:30:36 No. I'm guessing that it's going to hurt a lot. You're guessing or do you know, Mike? I don't know. I do not have a butt cheek tattoo yet. Yet. You are correct. Number one, it's going to hurt when you get it.
Starting point is 00:30:50 Number two. That's true. You hate needles. It's going to hurt while you're recovering it. Well, it's not a needle thing. It's far different than getting a shot. It's more of a burn. But it does involve a needle.
Starting point is 00:31:03 Yes. Which Jason doesn't love. I'm not afraid of needles in general. You're going to have to sit on your tattoo right afterwards. Yes, you're going to have to sit on it. And number three, you're also, you have to sit and get that tattoo. You're going to be there a couple hours just butt cheeks in the wind while some stranger is scraping away at it.
Starting point is 00:31:25 I'd also like to add the qualification that at least once a year you have to get a head to toe physical from your doctor. Well, at least the doctor will see the tattoo because this is going to be shown to somebody other than your- Pork chops, huh? I'm in. I'm in. What about you, Andy?
Starting point is 00:31:40 Would you do it? Not for 10 grand. All right. So Mike and I are in. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. Al Borland, are you in are in. Yeah, I'm out. Yeah, I'm in. I'm in. Al Borland, are you in on that?
Starting point is 00:31:47 Oh, I'm in. Yeah. Tattoo Club. Good. Good lucky. Rich Tattoo Club. John from Patreon, what is the statute of limitations? Nice try there, Al.
Starting point is 00:31:59 What is the statute of limitations? He was referencing one of our old shows. Yeah. It's in quotes. It goes. It plays. What's the statute of limitations for keeping the headstone for a deceased pet rodent in your yard? So let's say you're your kid.
Starting point is 00:32:12 They lost their hamster and you decided to have a ceremony and put a pet headstone out there. And you had a moment. But, you know, look, you can't have a pet headstone in your yard forever. I'm going to be honest. I think the rodent thing here makes a pretty big deal. I mean, if you're talking about how long, what's the statute of limitations for your dog? For a real animal. For a real animal, exactly.
Starting point is 00:32:35 That's a lot longer than for this rodent. Sorry, rat people. I mean, I think you get a solid three weeks. Three weeks? Is it a longer or shorter time than how long you're supposed to keep the birthday card from the spouse? Wait, hold on. How long do you keep a birthday card from your spouse, Andy? I don't know.
Starting point is 00:32:55 I don't know the answer. But long enough to like... You don't get a card from your family and then instantly throw it in the trash, do you? No. Oh, no, Jason. Jason. Yes, no, Jason. Jason. Yes, Mike. I definitely throw those away immediately.
Starting point is 00:33:12 Immediately. They are absolutely no good. And Mike, wait, were you going the other way where you keep them forever? Yeah, I probably have them somewhere. Oh, man. Somewhere. I feel like you have to hold on to them long enough to where the other person has seen you hold on to them a few times.
Starting point is 00:33:26 Like for a few days. Like once they see that you've had it for a little while, they're like, cool, you hang on to that. And then you can hide it at the bottom of the trash. I feel like if I were to be opening these gifts at my birthday party and I unwrap this envelope and I read it and I say, oh, thank you. That's very sweet. I could easily turn to my left and then put it right in the garbage. No, no, no, no, no. There's a note in there.
Starting point is 00:33:47 What anniversary did you just celebrate? 15 years. 15 years. You've got one of those. We're talking heavy card stock. There's some reflective surfaces. Your wife has written you a heartfelt note on the inside. And it says, oh, these last 15 years, you've just been such a wonderful husband.
Starting point is 00:34:04 So a special occasion, not regular, just birthday card. That's different. If it was a 15 year anniversary with a message, I'm not throwing that away until after the wife has left the room because I don't want her to feel bad about. I don't want her to see it. And I'll put it under a paper plate or something. I'm not going to chance that one. But, yeah, I would. I would put it under a paper plate or something. I'm not going to chance that one. But, yeah, I would hold it for longer. You just go garbage disposal to make sure you can get it.
Starting point is 00:34:31 Man, this thing is thick paper. Okay, so the headstone for the deceased pet rodent, that's tough because if that thing disappears, the kid may have the waterworks. What do you make a headstone for a rodent what material do you use are you going is this just construction paper it's pla 3d printed obviously i was thinking it was i don't even know what that means i was thinking it was more stone you know what i mean wait it's probably a stone with like the name of the rodent written on it in like okay in some paint not like i'm chiseling probably a stone with like the name of the rodent written on it in like okay in some paint not like i'm chiseling out a nice because if i chisel here lies herman
Starting point is 00:35:10 the hamster if i chisel herman's name yeah into a stone i'm keeping the stone forever i don't want a hamster now that i could name it herman herman herman's a good name for a hamster it's not bad herman the hamster yeah peewee. I would say six months. I'd give it six months. If my kid was attached to it, I'd give him six months. And then, you know. And then get him a real animal? Then the storm.
Starting point is 00:35:35 Like a real pet? Yeah. The storm would blow the headstone away at that point. See, that's where I was going to go. What is the material? Someone stole our headstone. Sorry, buckaroo. Oh, champ.
Starting point is 00:35:47 We'll get him next time. Depending on the material. Herman, someone stole the hamster. How long does it last out there in the environment? I mean, forever if it's a stone. Yeah, but if it's cardboard. Maybe that's the best bet is go something that is biodegradable. That's probably a long time still.
Starting point is 00:36:05 Yeah. I don't know. Okay. My final answer for a headstone for a deceased pet rodent, I'm going to go a week. Okay. A week at the most. Because if it's a rodent, what's the over under on how long it takes you to replace a rodent? What if it's a rabbit?
Starting point is 00:36:23 Is that a rodent? A rat? No. I know it's not a rodent. Oh, I was. Upgrading. Is a rabbit a rodent. What if it's a rabbit? Is that a rodent? No, I know it's not a rodent. Oh, I was... Wait, upgrading. Is a rabbit a rodent? No, it's not. Well, I didn't know that antlers fall off. Wait, but is it a rodent?
Starting point is 00:36:34 No. It's not? If it is, then I am in the antler situation Jason was in, where my mind is blown. I need a definition on rodents. Look, if it was a rodent, it would be the king of all rodents. We'd be talking about rabbits as like the master rodent. I believe it is a rodent.
Starting point is 00:36:50 Oh, yeah. What family? Oh, maybe not. Oh, no. Jason, I already gloated. It says the rodentia does not include rabbits. They differ from rodents. Why?
Starting point is 00:37:03 They're just simply the ears, baby. They just are. The ears. Rabbits, hares, and a few other species make up the legomorpha. Oh, legomorpha. Like a Power Ranger. Anyways, we're moving on. Let's sneak this in before the draft.
Starting point is 00:37:19 Ron just wants to know a simple question. When people sing happy birthday to you, what are you supposed to do? Oh, man. It is. I imagine mike hates that more than it is the worst and that traveled down to my children like without me doing anything just just dna uh my my middle son does not like the attention and we got a video of him at school this is before a couple years ago phoenix huh yeah of getting sang to by the class and you can see in his face that he is like stop he is about to cry because this is this is no good and i do not blame him that this is such a strange tradition that we have carried on of singing this song
Starting point is 00:38:09 while someone just sits there with a stupid smile on their face like, cool, thanks everybody for singing me this song. I don't want to overanalyze it because you're 100% right. It's the weirdest thing on earth. But look, it feels weird. And what if they throw in the, we all love you, and they keep going? The second verse, same as-
Starting point is 00:38:26 What is it? Plenty more on channel four. Yeah. And then they go through all the rhymes. For he's a jolly good fellow. That's a different song. But that's the same problem. It's hard to have everybody stare.
Starting point is 00:38:39 I used to feel really awkward. Hip, hip. Yeah. The most awkward part is actually. Three cheers for Andy. We'd sit in a big circle for the birthday presents and you open all the presents in front of people and then you gotta give the. What if you
Starting point is 00:38:54 hate the present? You gotta say you love it. If it's a weird present you gotta say you love it. You gotta open it up. It's awkward. I. Super awkward. Hate opening presents. I hate opening presents and I hate opening presents. And I hate opening presents. It's one of my...
Starting point is 00:39:09 What about the birthday song? The birthday song's fine. I'll smile and just receive it. Now, here's the thing that I know. I know your wife, she goes to great lengths to get you presents that she thinks you may possibly like. Yes. And she researches. I've gotten many tweets over the years like, do you think Jason would like this does he have this does he think you like this i like that jason's wife is
Starting point is 00:39:29 communicating to you on twitter did i say tweet oh sorry text message al borland even wrote me say tweet yeah they're public tweets from your wife uh no she's texted me that's how we know he likes hey do you think jason would like this thing or that thing? And I'm like. Every year she says, no, I think I found something you're really going to like. I'm positive. So you have to open that gift knowing all that effort's been put in by your wife. Yes. All that love, all that kindness. And obviously you're going to throw the card right away.
Starting point is 00:39:57 But when you open the gift part. Yeah, that's what I hate. Do you fake it? Of course I fake it. I don't want to disappoint my wife who's put in all that effort. I just don't care. I don't care about things. I don't like things.
Starting point is 00:40:17 There are very few things that I actually really care about. So right now, right here, Mike has to give you a gift. I have to give you a gift. Pick it. What do you want from us? I want a PS5. I can't get a hold of this thing. You just want things you can't get.
Starting point is 00:40:33 That's right. That's right. But I also, I like big, expensive things. I'm not giving you my hair, buddy. Yeah. There you go. All right. You want our antlers?
Starting point is 00:40:44 I bet. I want our antlers? I bet. I want your tea. The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting minor inconveniences, which I know that we hate. We hate them, and there's a long list, right, Jason? Oh, man. We could go 30
Starting point is 00:41:05 rounds fellas i have my biggest problem here is i have a list of like 10 things that should be drafted first overall uh i just hope every time like this is the weirdest draft because usually when we're in a draft i don't want you guys to draft things on my list. You know what I mean? Like I am against you. But my list is so important and so good because I hate these things with such emotion that I want them all drafted. I want to celebrate your guys' minor inconveniences that are awful. I like that, Jason. This is a celebration of things that really are not that big of a deal,
Starting point is 00:41:48 and yet they drive us crazy. And to me, and I have the first pick, so I'll make that pick, but to me it is a combination of is this a minor inconvenience and how frequently does it happen? Sure. And so what I think the worst minor inconvenience is is all of the safety tamper free packaging oh yeah the one you you gotta get the scissors for it's the lift and peel
Starting point is 00:42:13 it's it's not just medicine medicine's one thing right but it's it's the milk it's the orange juice listen oh those ones it doesn't matter any of them i don't know if you remove that from the entire face of the earth. What? We got like three or four people poisoned every year? It's worth those three people getting poisoned for the whole world to not have to do lift and peel because you know the lift and peel doesn't work. You've got to get a butter knife.
Starting point is 00:42:38 Then you've got like three quarters, and then you give up peeling it away, so you decide to pour through it. When the lift and peel rips? Yes. When the lift and peel rips? Yes. When the lift and peel rips, it makes me hate the company. If a company cheaped out on their lift and peel, I hate them. And so it happens with medicine. It happens with any type of safety packaging.
Starting point is 00:42:59 And I got to imagine very few people were getting poisoned before this. I mean, I don't care, but I imagine that it wasn't that big a deal. Mike, I was right with you, though. When he said safety packaging, I assumed it was like the risk management packaging. This is the tamper-free. And you can't open those plastic containers without the strongest scissors in the world. And then if you do, watch out because that thing will cut you more than the scissors will.
Starting point is 00:43:28 No, that's for sure. And you don't have to do it so much anymore, but back in the day, the CD, you want to listen to this thing in the car, but Best Buy has stickered shut every single side of the disc.
Starting point is 00:43:44 And you rip it and it's all tearing and it never opens ever. So that's my number one pick. I'm going with the lift and peel safety stuff. I like that one a lot. Like I said, my list, so many of them at number one. And it's a minor inconvenience. And it's the yellow lights. You are pulling up to the light.
Starting point is 00:44:07 You're just, you're just too far away and you know it and you got to stop and you got to hit the brakes and you're for that split second. You're just so angry at that traffic light. Like it's a sentient being that has plotted against you to slow down your travel did i ever tell you my yellow light story when i was first learning to drive no i'll make it quick but i was driving home from i was driving home from like i was just learning you know when you're first learning to drive you're just hypersensitive don't want to break a rule don't want to get
Starting point is 00:44:41 pulled over everything's perfect you see yellow you're stopping you're not pushing the i'm driving my mom's car i've got to be 16 years old i'm coming back from a friend's house at like two in the morning there's not a soul on the streets right i could have gone through the red light just so happens my mom literally has a backseat full of puzzles i'm not joking you she's donating puzzles i am driving down puzzles. I'm not joking you. She's donating puzzles. I am driving down the street. I'm not even kidding you. Like jigsaw puzzles? Jigsaw puzzles. A backseat full of puzzles.
Starting point is 00:45:13 I get to the light. The light goes yellow. I think, obviously, I drive through it. I panic. I slam the brakes like I'm stopping to go off a bridge. Puzzle pieces are flying through the whole car. The car is littered with mixed puzzle pieces. Those puzzles are useless.
Starting point is 00:45:31 And I'm sitting at a red light with not a soul in the land. Not a soul anywhere. Oh, man. That's a good story. That's a real story. I can't believe that the back of the car was full of puzzles. What are the odds? Also, who has puzzles?
Starting point is 00:45:52 People do puzzles? My mom does puzzles. Yeah, man. Mama Holloway likes puzzles? She does so many, she has to donate her old ones. That's incredible. That's a real story. So yellow lights.
Starting point is 00:46:03 She doesn't glue them? She's glued them. She's glued them before. They're lights. She doesn't glue them? She's glued them. She's glued them before. They're hanging around the house. My mom likes the puzzles as well. Yeah. But they were always glued. Yeah, no.
Starting point is 00:46:12 These were donated straight to the floor. Here's a giant mixed bag of puzzles. All right. Am I up here? Yeah, you're up, Jay. All right. All this car talk, I'm going to take another driver annoyance because I can't stand it.
Starting point is 00:46:28 I mean, it's like someone is being the rudest human that they've ever been when you're coming up to an intersection and you need to turn right. And, oh, good, there's no one in front of you. And someone pulls over. They get into the right lane and don't turn right at the red light. I had my blinker on way ahead of time so you could see I need this turn. And when I sit there behind a car in the right lane, and now if it's full traffic, that's one thing.
Starting point is 00:47:06 That's, you know, both lanes are full. But I'm talking about all those times where someone pulls out into the right lane and doesn't let you turn right. I've done it to people before, and I feel terrible. You should. I feel like I should have to go right. There's been like one. You know what I mean?
Starting point is 00:47:22 It doesn't matter where I'm going. My rule of the road is basically if you don't get where you need to go, you don't get to drive across four lanes. You got to take the next exit. Yes, I completely agree with you. And I will say this. So I think we've shared on the past. I don't know.
Starting point is 00:47:38 I'm a very fast driver usually. I don't like waiting around. I'm a speedy McGeey you wouldn't have spilled the puzzle pieces uh no he would have gone through the light that's what i mean he wouldn't the puzzle pieces would be in actually that's probably not true if we're talking back when i was a kid because when you were talking about that i have a very similar situation where i was driving uh down this won't mean anything to the listeners but bell road and it was two in the morning nobody was there and i come up to this uh yellow light and i was all i mean i should definitely have gone but i chose not to and i slam on the brakes and i stop dead in the middle of the intersection
Starting point is 00:48:17 i am zero miles an hour right in the middle of the intersection. So puzzles would have only added to that. Right in the middle. What did you do then? I drew back up or you go forward. I did. I did go forward, but that's a good question because it's like, wait a minute. If you had backed up and stayed, that'd have been funny. All right.
Starting point is 00:48:37 Okay. So I've got the whole right lane, not turning right problem. I'm going to take password problems. Oh, it's on my list. It's on my list. They're the worst. Okay, so there's a myriad of these, but sometimes it happens in a loop where they all hit at the same time. You must choose a password that's not a previously used password.
Starting point is 00:48:59 Yes. I don't remember my password. I've got to reset the password. What email is this associated with? I've got to find that email. Then I've got to reset the password. What email is this associated with? I've got to find that email. Then I've got to click the thing. Two-factor authentication. And then I've got to put in a password.
Starting point is 00:49:11 And it's like, no, you can't use that. You've used that in the past. And then you're like, okay, I'll use this. No, you can't use sequential numbers. Okay, I'll use this one. Deep breaths. And it's like I've got plenty. I've got a ton of different passwords that i use for things
Starting point is 00:49:25 and when i get through them all big shimmy big shimmy one big shimmy two exactly big shimmy two exclamation point um yeah that's bad it's so frustrating all right i can't stand not knowing the passwords the moment when you finally come up with like your new password and you feel like the smartest person alive. He's like, this is it. Can't wait to change all my passwords to this. Yeah. All right.
Starting point is 00:49:51 My second minor inconvenience that I would like to draft. It is mid video buffering. Oh, brother. When you are trying to, all I want to do is enjoy this YouTube video of some shenanigans and hijinks happening, and then circle, circle, circle, or when you have it even worse, when you're trying to watch an actual movie, what you were streaming like on the Apple or your Xbox, and the movie just will not go.
Starting point is 00:50:27 And you're like, all right, hold on. I'll go reboot the internet and do all this bull crap. I hate videos stopping in the middle. And someone, please talk to Jack Dorsey at Twitter and tell him, I don't understand every video clip that's ever been shared in Twitter. If you go full screen, it has to stop in the middle. Not like stop when you go full screen. You push play and you cannot... We're talking
Starting point is 00:50:50 a 30 second video. You can't play the whole thing. I don't understand it because this is everyone I talk to. Have you ever watched a video on Twitter? Well, about half of one. You know the internet has figured out how to do video, right? Twitter? Alright, buffering is awful. Thankfully, slowly but surely being removed from the earth.
Starting point is 00:51:08 I'm going to go with not finding the remote. Okay. It gets compounded when I have three kids and a wife that all use the TV. And it's always their fault. There's no way I would have ever put the remote in a place I couldn't find it. That is 100%. That actually goes with all things that I've ever lost. It's 100% the kid's fault.
Starting point is 00:51:31 But not finding the remote, it's not like olden days when you could go flip the TV on with your, you know, go up to it and get it on and then not deal with it. Like you are now unable to watch TV. We are beholden to the universal remote. We are beholden to that. And then the second pick that I'm going to go with, so not finding the remote, I'm actually going to go with
Starting point is 00:51:50 like sock problems. Oh man, I have so many sock problems on my list. Do you really? So this is either like you've got the hole in the sock at the back of the, you know, the back of the heel or the bunching up socks. The sock's a little too small. Oh, where the sock goes into the shoe?
Starting point is 00:52:05 So it goes a little bit back into the shoe, back behind, and you're stuck with the sock. Once you make a sock commitment in the morning, it's a day commitment. You don't get to rotate to a new sock, and you're committed to the bad sock, and then you darn well better remember to throw that sock away at the nighttime, not put it in the laundry, or do it again next week. I have had many a moments with when you're wearing a pair of Vans, and look, I'm a cool guy.
Starting point is 00:52:30 I can't have my socks showing. But you either go barefoot in the shoe, which I've been known to do that from time to time, or you have the really, really tiny no-show sock, except the problem with that is that we still have not scientifically figured out how to make the perfect no-show sock. They try and put the little glue strips on the back so it stays on your heel. But every once in a while, you get a sock that is just stretched a little bit too much. And then the entire day, that thing is just slipping off your heel.
Starting point is 00:53:01 And you want to take it off. And you just want to rip it into two pieces. Yeah, I wear flip flops almost exclusively so that I avoid sock problems. So this is a solution. It's sock related? No. Oh. No.
Starting point is 00:53:17 I thought it was temperature related. It's more shoes and socks related. Like, I don't want to put them on. I love it. So you should be minor inconvenience, putting on socks. Putting on socks and shoes is easy. I thought we were only dealing with minor inconveniences. That would be for a different show, Mike.
Starting point is 00:53:39 That would be catastrophes. All right. You're back up. Let's see. This is my third pick all right i am going to take with my third pick a minor inconvenience that we have all experienced uh i will go with the the overall gen the the the main event but it applies to all of them but i will talk about usb plugs usb plugs and really just like an hdmi plugs and what is how is it possible that no
Starting point is 00:54:09 matter the configuration that i have turned the usb plug they're all wrong they are all wrong and it won't go you've got your hand wrenched behind the television you can barely see you're peeking in like a dinosaur jurassic park peeking through the crack of the door and you cannot get the freaking plug in because no matter what it doesn't line up the first three 180 turns of that plug are always wrong yes it doesn't matter which way you're putting it you must you have to turn it eight times you've got I mean I've done it on four turns but that's about that's bare minimum i hate the fact that like prior to this way prior to usb plugs they did have like bi-directional you know round plugs that worked on things and it would go in at any direction possible well they had those but then they would have the round one that had the little notch. Yeah. Where is the little notch? You'll never know because you can't look at it while you're plugging it in.
Starting point is 00:55:07 Just make it work both ways. And thankfully, modern plugs are starting to do that. Thanks to you. You've written a lot of letters. We're working on it. Yeah. All right. All right.
Starting point is 00:55:19 My next pick, there are so many things that I like to hate. pick there are so many things that i like to hate um but bumps inside of your cheek that you keep biting on oh that's funny i that's a funny one when you get one it's no matter how hard you're trying to not bite on that cheek or it's just like oh no i did it again and then when you do it oh you're setting yourself up it's resetting the clock for three more days exactly every time it's just like, oh, no, I did it again. And then when you do it, you know it's bigger. It's resetting the clock for three more days. Exactly. Every time it's reset, you got a three-day wait.
Starting point is 00:55:50 If you can go three days without biting it, you're done with it. Yeah, but you do it once and the problem sticks with you. Oh, I can't stand those. All right. That's an excellent pick. So many things here.
Starting point is 00:56:02 This is my last pick. Oh, goodness. All right. That's an excellent pick. So many things here. This is my last pick? Mm-hmm. Oh, goodness. All right. This one is a Jason Moore exclusive. I'm sure that there are some people out there that hate this, but this isn't one you're going to find, I don't think, on a lot of lists. This is something that I loathe.
Starting point is 00:56:22 I hate so much. I freak out. Listen, I'm a grown-up kind of most of my time i'm i'm relatively i kind of little handle anxiety pretty well i don't i don't i'm not an anxious person sure i stress out like a 14 year old being told they have to do taxes when it comes to ordering in the Starbucks line. I can't stand it. And if it's a drive-thru, kill me now. Because there's three other people in that car that are trying to get me orders. And I don't want to order any of this.
Starting point is 00:57:02 I don't. Is this specific to Starbucks? Oh, yes. Aventi. You don't speak the language. I don't want to order any of this I don't is this specific to Starbucks oh yes Aventi what you don't speak the language I don't speak the language I don't know the stuff but everyone in the car does and they know what they want and I can't stand I freak out we have literally driven up to a Starbucks before well I will get out and my wife will get out and we will do you'll collect the whole order so you can get back in? No, no. No, we will switch seats.
Starting point is 00:57:27 Swatskies. And she's driving through this drive-thru. Wow. Because I freak out at Starbucks orders. You tag out. You tag out of driving. I will say that having the pressure, and not just Starbucks, like ordering for a carload of people who aren't positive what they want
Starting point is 00:57:45 makes you want to not have them as family anymore. 100%. I almost left my kids at a drive-thru once. It's like, you couldn't tell me what you want. Out. Get out. I saw a funny little TikTok trend where if you're with your girlfriend or your significant other you're supposed to try to go through the drive-thru and you only order for yourself
Starting point is 00:58:10 and then you just pull forward and you just act like you never heard them the whole time. It was pretty funny. Alright, you're up Mike. Alright, and this one it's specific to me because I doubt anyone has thought about it, or you guys aren't thinking about this, but you will completely agree with me.
Starting point is 00:58:28 And it's a bit of a combo, so for whatever, for draft, I'll just take the one. But when you have to poop right after you took a shower, slash having to poop when you're in the pool, because it's for two different reasons. You just said I'll take one and then you took both. No, no, I'm saying for the draft you can just put one in there. But I want it known on the record that you have two. So to explain what makes each one bad.
Starting point is 00:58:56 It's two different problems. So having to poop right after a shower, that speaks for itself. Number one, you were clean. hour that speaks for itself i mean number one you were clean there you were just your entire body was clean head to toe just 30 seconds ago and now you have gone and soiled it but the thing that ties these together together for me and it's very inconvenient when you go to poop and you are just soaking wet and you are sitting there and you you got your wet trunks down on the feet and you just, you something about being soaking wet while you poop makes the experience wiping with a wet,
Starting point is 00:59:35 but it makes the experience just infinitely worse. Infinitely. Okay. I did not see that coming. I did not either. I thought, I mean, I do, I do admit I like to be dry when pooping versus wet. For sure.
Starting point is 00:59:49 I thought he was going to go with having to poop and the doors locked. You know what I mean? Like you're at a public place and you go and you really need to use the restroom and it's like, oh no! That would be the... That's catastrophe as well. That would be, no, the restroom where the door doesn't lock. So you've got, you know what I mean? Have you ever been in the bathroom where none of the doors lock
Starting point is 01:00:06 when you've got to go? You're like, I can keep a foot up to hold this thing closed. All right, do I got to finish this up? Al, you said you had one. Have we selected it? Nope. We have not. Well, I'm probably not going to select it,
Starting point is 01:00:19 but I'm going to go with something that just probably shows my age, probably shows just how dumb I am. Really chaps his eye. Really chaps my eye. I can't stand Bluetooth connection problems. I can't stand having to go through the extra step of going into my settings every time I want to use a pair of headphones, every time I want to connect to something.
Starting point is 01:00:41 I literally am at the point now where I just tell my 11-year-old, make it work. I mean, I've gotten there already where it's just make it work because I'm out on the effort. The student has become the teacher? And I just like, sometimes I want to watch my wife's still sleeping. I want to check something on my phone, so I plug the headphones in. Then I connect. Then they disconnect and the sound blasts her awake.
Starting point is 01:01:02 Can we not get something like, why Bluetooth? Can we upgrade this? Yeah, where's Green Tooth? That's what I've been saying. I'd go straight to gold. Oh, nice. You know that's going to be better. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:01:12 It's gold. Can I buy that? All right, Al, you said you had one that really chapped your hide. What was it? Yeah, it might be recency bias, but face ID with a mask on is the worst thing ever. Yeah, totally. That is a real on is the worst thing ever. Totally. That is a real something I doubt Apple saw coming.
Starting point is 01:01:30 That is tremendous. We've got this amazing technology. The only other one where I really wanted to draft it was the full hands closed door. So you got the groceries all loaded up. You get to the door, and this is why you need lever door handles. Ladies and gentlemen, if your garage door is a round knob, you need to upgrade your life because the lever doorknob has saved me so many times. That's a good call.
Starting point is 01:02:00 I had a couple little other ones. Food in your teeth. I can't stand food in my teeth. The popcorn. Yeah. And then I also was thinking like changing the toilet paper roll on one of the toilet paper things that are like really hard to get. You can't get it out.
Starting point is 01:02:14 Get the thing out of there. That's annoying. On my list, I've got walking into a room and forgetting why the heck you were going there. I came here for a purpose, but I can't remember. The problem with that is an inconvenience is you'll never know. Right. You never know what you were there for. Captchas, especially the ones where it's like,
Starting point is 01:02:31 click all the things in the pictures. I'm like, click all the traffic lights. I thought I did. I got this wrong. I feel like I know. I promise I'm not a robot. Not being able to find your keys when it's time to leave. And, of of course spam calls
Starting point is 01:02:46 solicitors calling me get out of my life all right that'll do it what did we learn today i mean jason's is obvious too i learned that antlers grow every year and fall off and our shed that's my. How are you dealing with that? I do not believe it. He's still going to do some research? There's going to be some deep dive after this show. Okay. I learned that Jason will get a tattoo on his butt cheek.
Starting point is 01:03:15 Oh, yeah. Very interesting. I learned that Jason fakes it. Yeah. Yeah. Doesn't like gifts. It's nice for his birthday. We're going to be able to handle that real easy
Starting point is 01:03:26 i'm gonna have our gratitude thank you for tuning in ladies and gentlemen we will see you next week stay safe goodbye thanks for listening to out spitballerspod.com hey it's andy the show's over listen i've got i've got a well see that's the right sound because i got a message from al borland uh he didn't have the heart to come and tell you himself but he needs your help he needs ideas for the show he needs to know that you're behind him take his broken wings so look he wanted me to come
Starting point is 01:04:14 and say a few words at the end of the show first thanks for listening second thanks for subscribing and third head to spitballerspod.com and find out how you can support Al Borland click the become a spitwad button

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