Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 126: Air Mattress Casualty & The Best Cookies

Episode Date: November 30, 2020

On today’s episode, we talk about the best Disney sidekicks, a house with a view, and sleeping on our neighbor’s lawn. We also give you updated standings on all of our previous draft polls. We close it down with a draft of our favorite cookies! Subscribe and tell your friends about another hilarious episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube Support the show: https://www.patreon.com/spitballers/posts See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.

Hey, before we start today's show, which from my understanding is... Any minute now. It is also the best show we've ever done. The best show we've ever done. We hear all the time... Oh, that was the best. That was the best show. How was every show the best show?

And we're like, well, hey, check this out. Here's how. Because of the Spitwad community. That's how. The Spitwads, you guys listening, supporting our show. You help us out. Go to spitballerspod.com and support the show you can click become a spit wad you get early access to all the shows you get the spit tank where we're going to answer

your questions the way tons of antioxidants oh yes rejuvenating for all skin tons of medications go look if you have any kind of medical problem at all please visit spitballerspod.com become a spitwad there you won't regret it and we appreciate your support now on with the show what happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, take a looky, have a cookie, Cookie Monster! Yeah, well... I like the attempt

I liked where you were going Yeah I didn't I don't know if it was the take a look And then I started going it's in a book It's reading rainbow A little bit growly Well thanks for listening to what I said Because I said take a looky

That would rhyme better Inside of a booky That's just stupid Take a better inside of a bookie. That's just stupid. Take a lookie at a bookie. Ridiculous. What do you take me for an amateur? I don't know. I mean,

maybe it's a compliment that you had the kind of, you know, who else has a tone and a raspy voice? Cookie monster. Yeah. You're getting real made on us or just, just really like literal singing. it was the Cookie Monster. How dare you rain on my parade?

I just think anybody who knows their scat was good wouldn't defend it the way that you're defending it. All right. All right. Welcome to the Spitballers podcast. Episode 126, Would You Rather? That's a great question. A draft today that may or may not have to do with cookies. We shall see what happens. You can find us on twitter at spitballers pod it better spitball spitballerspod.com is the website that's where you can learn how to become an official spitwad

supporter of the show and if you're feeling generous, you can head over to Apple Podcasts. Make sure you click the subscribe button and review the show. And we've received lots of wonderful reviews lately, and we really appreciate them. Oh, so much. That's where we get all of our energy for Scats comes directly from the reviews. Yeah, so clearly the reviews were not great recently. You guys want to kick it off? Go.

Would you rather? All right, Ellie from the website sends this question in to us. Would you rather? Always have to use public bathrooms for everything that you use your bathroom for. Showering, the toilet, getting ready, brushing teeth, all in public bathrooms. Okay.

Or always have to sleep slash nap on your neighbor's lawn. Wow. These are not good options. That is rough. Let's just tease them out. Let's think about this. Let's start, though, with the second one, which is sleeping, napping. All has to be done on your neighbor's lawn.

I mean, this is. Do I get a sleeping bag? Yeah. I think you get a sleeping bag. That's fine. I don't think that takes the awkwardness of it away. Right. I think the real my first worry is just like, what is the sprinkler timer situation?

Okay. Could be an issue. Is my alarm clock now? There's 6 a.m. You know, sprinklers go off and every single morning. How do you snooze someone's sprinkler? Yeah, that's always I've always roll on it. And then when you're overseeding during the winter, they have to water it a lot. Oh, and there's sprinklers. Yeah, I've always wondered that. You roll on it. And then when you're overseeding during the winter,

they have to water it a lot. Oh, and there's poop everywhere. Oh, because of the fertilizer. Yeah. And because you're also just, you're using that as your bathroom too. I mean, you are out front. This is their front lawn, I presume.

Hey, Bob. So you're just like, it's time for bed. Yeah. I mean, there's dangers here, too. Yeah. Right? I mean, everybody listens across the country. You've got different wildlife habits.

We're out in Arizona. We're in the desert. There are scorpions and snakes and coyotes. I don't have a spear with me when I sleep. What am I to do? You could. I would have to. You would need it.

He would also be fully burritoed into that sleeping bag. You would avoid wildlife by zipping it all the way to the tippy top. It's a 100% zip situation. Do they make sleeping bags that zip completely? They will now. I think you'd die. Wouldn't you? I don't know if that's a wives tale or if it's not even a wives tale, just something in my mind made up.

But I always thought. And I've said this. I've said this to my children. That you need air to breathe? No, that if you slept under your covers, that you could suffocate. Unlikely. I would put that at very low odds. Really?

I thought this was like a sure thing. Certainly would not suffocate from the sheet. Well, no. 0% chance. if I've got a comforter. Right, made out of steel. No, just a normal, nice, down comforter. And I throw that out, and I go, and I sleep completely under it. That could be a problem. For eight hours.

I don't think so. Now, that could become an issue. I feel like I'm breathing the same air. Yeah, you start to get into the paper bag situation. You can't breathe into a paper bag forever. But there's air, but air is coming in. Is it though? Where?

Where's it coming in? Do you have watertight and airtight seal on your comforter? I don't know if enough air is coming in with as much breathing. Oh, there's enough. There's enough. The other one is terrible because my first reaction was the public bathroom one was, well, I'll just take the responsibility to keep this thing in tip-top shape. It's just going to be perfect.

But then I'm really realizing to do that, I'm cleaning tons of other people's pee and poop. Yeah, you're doing that. You're doing it for free. I'm doing it for my own benefit to have a nice place to have a bathroom. You have to wear the sandals, the flippy flops

in the shower. Did you guys ever have a scenario? The public shower stuff? Yeah. I've never public showered. I think I've showered in a gym or two in my lifetime, but I didn't stay in dorms. I didn't do the college experience.

Jason, did you have any of that? You were a big college man. I actually stayed in a- BMOC? When I went off to college, I went. BMOC. Big man on campus. Yeah.

You know it. I stayed in an apartment. I moved from, you know, mommy's house to an apartment complex right next to the campus. So it was like that was my dorm, except it wasn't a dorm. But what was. Tell me what you my dorm, except it wasn't a dorm. Um, but what was, tell me what you were saying because I wasn't listening. I was totally reading up on whether or not sleeping under the covers can, can you have a report for us?

Well, I don't have the full report, right? Because I was the big man on campus had to chime in here. Yeah. But what I did see is that it said, you know, it seems harmless enough

right wrong exclamation oh no now i don't know why it's wrong yet you have to read during the rest of our show that's right so i'm checking out you two have a good show and at the end i'll let you know i was asking did you ever have a scenario where you had uh frequently in your shower you had to wear the the the sandals or flip-flops because it was a public shower. Oh, yeah, no, I have not experienced that. In fact, I would say that... Is that because you don't want the warts?

Ooh, I mean, I think it's just... I think people do it for general hygiene feelings. I know, but there is a specific... Now I got to look something up. Andy, you're a solo show. Go. There will be a time in which this public shower nuisance will look like caveman days for humanity. This does not need to happen anywhere for any reason. Well, no.

At the gyms. I mean, that's where I, like when he was talking about the dorm rooms. No, I didn't experience that. They don't build wall technology? But at the gym, well, even, yes, there's walls that separate you, but there might be someone there that 15 people were there this morning before you woke up, and so you're showering after someone over and over and over. And I will say this, whether it's disgusting or not,

I never wore flip-flops or sandals into that shower. I just went a la mode, as I say. Okay. Alright. It's a fungus problem. It's just too nasty dealing with everybody's bodily fluids. I guess I'm going to sleep on the lawn. It's the final answer. You're under the stars.

There could be some benefits to that. Sure. Until the temperatures And if it is a waterproof sleeping bag, then your sprinkler situation is fixed. So, you're good to go. I take way too many naps to accept this lawn situation. I will definitely. How many naps do you get?

Well, I try to get a nap. I would say I get one and a half naps a week. So weekend days. Okay. Yeah, mostly on the weekend. How about during this show? Because it seemed like you were on your way right there. Well, this was important information.

Look, you're not going to die, but you could get brain damage. It depends on how big the comforter is, man. It's not all situations. It does, but risk versus reward situation. How heavy is this? Is this a weighted blanket? I'm enjoying picturing Jason deciding, honey, I'm going to go take a nap, and he's grabbing his blanket, and he's walking barefoot across the street to his neighbor's house to sleep on the lawn.

That is a funny picture. Which one is your final answer, guys? I'll take the lawn. I will be in the bathroom. Okay. Radiant from IG says, would you rather live in a house overlooking the ocean with a horribly outdated interior or a house overlooking a landfill with an extremely modern and gorgeous interior? This is actually a really good philosophical question because these are extremes and we'll answer it with the extreme in mind. But this is what people have to deal with when they move.

You know, you can get more house if you're out in the boonies you can get less house if you're you know on the beach i do not have any question which one that i want here though really not even close i'm pretty locked in as well jason are you locked in i am not i'm torn here all right and maybe go first then what's funny is well i think mike and i all have the same answer but maybe not i will absolutely take the house overlooking the ocean with a horribly outdated interior for multiple reasons one i feel like outdated interiors you could make the argument that they're it's like nostalgic or like i don't know man this is like you got seafoam green everywhere. I get linoleum, right? Linoleum's a part of this equation. Oh, linoleum is in there.

You have a mauve-colored toilet and mauve-colored vanity. You have the old stove that has the ring. Oh, I know. But if there was a house like that for sale in perfect form today, you'd find a bunch of hipsters trying to buy that house. Carpeted bathroom. Look, I'm peeing out over the ledge. I'm not going in that bathroom.

There's no way I can spin the landfill view in a positive way. I can spin the old timey house. Plus, I'm going to be outside on the porch. And I know that's the argument you're making. That is 100%. I'm not in my house anymore. No. I live on the beach, bro.

I'll see you in the ocean i mean technically you're overlooking the ocean so let's say this is a cliffside you can't walk down to the beach you just have a nice view i can't get down there ever well you could rappel down but otherwise oh sweet that sounds awesome but i it's more about the view than it is like getting to use the area yeah Yeah, I mean, here's the thing. I don't live on a beach currently, unfortunately, working on that. But at my current house, which is also not at a landfill, that's great news, I stay inside so much more than I stay outside.

I don't go outside that often. In fact, half of the year you can't go outside in Arizona. You will just crisp to a core. Now, right now it's kind of nice outside i will i will give you that um but my point is isn't the inside of the house more important if that's where you're spending you know what while you're at your home while you're at your personal abode if you're spending 95 are you ever at your abode ala mode as often as i can be andy as often as possible so you're at your abode ala mode style and so you know you're gonna be inside you gotta stop putting that out there in the world so but my point is if you're at 95 of the time inside the

house when you're at your property but let me ask you why would that not be more important? Well, it might be more important, but you got to remember, this is an aesthetic, not functional question. This house is extremely modern and gorgeous inside versus outdated. You're functionally able to live in both places. This is what your eyes see. Does it matter to you the function of your house or literally looking around and saying, boy, I'm in a beautiful room? Is that more important than looking out the window and saying, wow, that is a lot of trash? If it's 100% aesthetics, then yes. Then yes, I will take the outside.

The way that I look at this question, though, is outdated. You know, my fridge, my appliances, my stove and my oven versus, you know, I've got a wolf range. appliances my my stove and my oven versus you know i've got a wolf range you know i'm i got this fancy you know sub-zero fridge built into a wall uh in this nice house that's quality of life stuff you know so i'm i'm taking the inside now unless it's purely us the aesthetics same size fridges same size uh you know same Are you going to sit out on the porch sometimes And look at the landfill? You were never going out in your backyard

Let me ask you this You're going to be having major vitamin D deficiencies Let me ask you this When is the last time you two have sat on your porch Right now, no landfill No landfill When's the last time you sat on your porch And drank coffee?

Probably like last week. Exactly. Ask me. Jason, when's the last time you sat on your porch and drank coffee? Never. Never in my life. When's the last time I've sat on my porch outside and pretty much just chilled outside? Is this making you sad at all that he's missing this part of life?

He should. I mean, to each their own. I got to move to a beach, man. I would love it at the beach. He knows that he has to put clothes on to go outside and sit on the porch. That could be part of the problem. Yeah, that is part of it. Pants required.

All right. One more would you rather question from Sybil over on Patreon supporting the show. Thank you very much. Thank you for your support, Sybil. Which Disney sidekick would you rather have in real life? Sybil, we already have a problem with this question. Continue. Abu

from Aladdin, Donkey from Shrek, Olaf from Frozen. Jason, what's the problem with this question? The problem is Donkey from Shrek is not Disney. Come on, Sybil. That's DreamWorks, Sybil. Get it together. So which animated sidekick? Thank you for your support. One, I did not pick that up.

And two, I just assumed you guys were going to tell me one of these. It's not technically a sidekick. It's more of a main character. No, no, those are all sidekicks, but one of them is technically not Disney. Yes, it's a great question. Yes. Olaf would be the most annoying sidekick. More than Donkey?

Yeah, Donkey would be the absolute worst. The worst. Eddie Murphy, very funny in those movies, but if that was your real friend... Couldn't I ride? No. Wouldn't there be a benefit? It's a donkey. It's real small. He doesn't do anything. Olaf. Olaf does have...

I guess Olaf doesn't have the magical powers. Olaf is toasted in Arizona. You're not... No, he has his own flurry. He's a dead Arizona. You're not. No, he has his own flurry. He's a dead man. I can confirm he has his own flurry now. And it can withstand Arizona? It is a magical flurry. I mean, this is so easily a boo.

A boo is awesome. Low maintenance. Yeah. Steals apples for you. He can get it. Not just apples. He can steal the lamp. Right.

If there was one yeah i'll just maybe there's something of value and you need a boo to go and but you can't talk that's a nice rolex you can't talk to a boo yes you can not in a way where you both talk to each other yes you can you're saying because aladdin always understood what a boom meant yes he still had a limited vocabulary i'm not buying he's a highly sophisticated donkey, Mike. I will say this. You can communicate in basically yes and no answers. You can't have a conversation with Abu. I could have a conversation with Olaf, and it would be fascinating and fun to teach this piece of frozen water how things work. I think that would be really fun.

And also. He's such a dummy josh gad so fun oh he's so funny i mean if i get a josh gad as my sidekick you tell i think i go all up here's what we can all agree on it can't be donkey no it cannot be donkey a beast of burden that's not practical no this he's so obnoxious he would never never let you. Like, if I'm moving, he could be a real help. Brooks is moving here, our producer. Olaf's not helping with that move. No. But the thing is, is I don't think Donkey would either.

I think he would never let me ride him. He would never let me have him carry stuff. He'd just yell at you. He would just yell at me. Okay, no Donkey. I'm with you. Abu is the easiest. Abu is the easiest, except... And you could tell him to get lost and he probably would except i know they

don't have him in a diaper in the movie because he doesn't go to the bathroom that's true but monkeys you know monkey see monkey poo monkey see monkey poo you're gonna have to you say it's the easiest i look at the cleanup problem and i'm guessing olaf there's no digestive system so you're in good shape yeah you don't even have to feed him. Yeah, and even if he did go to the bathroom, it's just water. We're fine there. That's true. So is that the best part of a sidekick, your bathroom habits?

No, but it's the worst part of a booze specifically. It's the clearest pee I've ever seen. I'm going to go Olaf because I think the conversations, the fun, we would get in all sorts of crazy situations together and uh we'd have a lot of we'd have a lot of good times okay let's move on that's a great question what was your final answer mike i here a boo right oh easily boo yeah sandra from patreon if your last minor injury actually killed you instead what would you have died doing and yours is so great jay because i know your most recent injury currently injured um i know

you might be watching on youtube and say what you look great do. However, what you can't see is I threw my back out. So my back is... You must have been lifting heavy things. Well, not so much. I died folding up an air mattress. In my defense, it was all the way on the ground. And I had to bend over and fold it and get the air out. And I'm squeezing it out.

And then I fold it again. And I sit on it, get all the air out. And then I fold it, push it over. I'm laying, getting my belly on it, getting all that air out. Because it's got to fit in a little bag. And the next thing I know, I go to stand up. And it's, ah! Oh, I can't stand up.

I, unfortunately, have died from chewing bubble gum. I kid you not. I took a trip up North and I always chew gum on the trip because, uh, it helps with the like popping of your ears elevation, but I had to turn around and drive right back. So I chewed gum for like, I don't know,

three hours, which at age 36 is a high risk proposition. I had a sore freaking like locked jaw. Really? I got like right locked jaw from this gum. You chewed your jaw sore? I chewed gum and then I woke up the next day with a sore right jaw and like couldn't open my mouth. Now at what point do you like- So I just died from chewing gum.

Look, I'm not recommending this. We don't litter. I wouldn't throw my gum out the window. But at some point in time, if I'm in a six-hour car ride back and forth... I did shift to a second piece. I rotated. Now, did you rotate?

I didn't know that it was going to hurt my mouth. Did you rotate or did you double up? No, I didn't double up. I rotated. I wanted fresh, full fresh flavor. Of course. But let's be clear. I didn't chew my way like, ow, this hurts, but I'm going to keep going.

Ow, ow. It's totally worth it. This is my first gum injury in my life. I wake up and it's like lock and I think I have TMJ and I'm going, what happened? So this was literally like a workout for you. The next day. Did you get sweaty? No, but yeah, it's like a workout.

The next day I worked out my right jaw to the point of it doesn't work anymore. So it was really just one side. It was only one. I chew really a must right dominant chewer. Have you guys seen? I chew really a must-write dominant chewer. Have you guys seen, it's one of those Facebook ads that you get for items where you go, what in the world is this all about? There's a workout block.

Oh, I've seen it. That you chew on because it's supposed to help your jaw and tighten up the old double chin. The turkey thing. But it's basically like a dog chew toy for humans. You look like an idiot. A complete idiot chewing this thing. I haven't seen it, but I need it.

I mean, look, the more chins are not great. Like, I used to be, you go look at my wedding pictures. How many chins there? One? I think I had two, but I was so skinny. I was a real, I was a stick. I was a giraffe, as my wife calls me. I had a long neck. But we've was a giraffe as my wife calls me a long

neck but we've got like we don't have a defined front jaw which is why the thank goodness beards are in um i gotta i gotta see this do we need to share the name of it so that people can look at it i'm going i've seen the ads all over the place for this because everybody wants a real tight jaw apparently i do hashtag not a sponsor no goodness but if you if you were jason if you were going to exercise your jaw what would you name the item oh okay i don't even remember it let's see uh well you know dumbbells are probably the you know the most common exercise equipment i would call it a jaw bell? That doesn't work. Jawsercise? Jawsercise. That's the name

of it? Jawsercise? That's where you get exercise from running from a shark. Right now, for one low payment of $45 from Amazon, you can get this dog toy. So it's on Amazon.

It's a dog toy that you as a human can use. Fitness for your face. Oh, my gosh. So if you type jaw in Amazon, it will auto-complete. First option, jaws are size. No E. They're very hip. Oh, my gosh.

Wow, it looks like a dog toy. Yeah. Because it is. How i choose you've noticed dogs don't have too many uh double double chins they got super buff what's the last thing you did to hurt yourself mike even minor it it was this weekend okay i was moving a uh file cabinet all right and so when you move a file cabinet you you got to take the drawers out because otherwise it's too heavy. Well, I left the arm. I don't know what to call it. Extended.

Oh, yeah. You attach. So I forgot it was sticking out. And I walked past that thing at regular force. Oh, no. So I gashed. Yeah, you got to cut. I got a nice gash across my shin.

You bled out in this story. I either bled out or I got some kind of infection. I got gangrene. Filing cabinets, we need to get rid of this. This doesn't need to be a part of life anymore. Yeah, seriously. Why can't everything just be digital?

You could convert those to digital and get rid of your filing cabinet. I'm looking at the Jawsercise. I can't move past this on Amazon. And I just want to see a picture of someone using it. Of course, none of their promotional photographs have someone looking so stupid as to have this thing in their mouth. So I went to YouTube. Yeah.

And I'm watching a human chew on a ball. It's ridiculous. You look like an idiot. Yeah. And then can you imagine someone sees you and you're like, I'm working out. Oh, I'm taking that thing to the gym. Are you kidding me? I want credit.

You're just occupying a bench. You're like, sir, how many reps you got left? You just look up. What would it take for you if you went there and they have a row of these, right? They bring the equipment. You've have a row of these, right? They bring the equipment. You've got a row of Jawsercise. What do you have to do to clean that to put one in your mouth? You've got to boil it.

This is all funny, but we sit next to each other at work here, and we're going to look over tomorrow. Jay's going to be chewing on this dog toy. I mean, is it Amazon Prime? Because I can get this thing in two hours. All right. Let's go here. Terry from the website.

What song would you want played at your funeral? All right. Let's take it down a notch. Oh, man. This does tie into the if the last minor injury accidentally killed you, what would you have died doing? Now you're dead and you need to pick your funeral song. This is really, really tough because it's not funny.

I know mine. I have one, so I feel like I can't even lie do you have it written down somewhere oh yeah yeah my my whole family knows exactly 100 what to play at my funeral just the music or the whole funeral no just the one i haven't planned at all now i have a is this walking music or is this walk out or is this slideshow music okayhow. You know how there's always the period where you're looking at the... And it's What a Wonderful World, Louis Armstrong. Oh, okay. See, his is all serious. Yeah, I know. How do I...

All right. Thanks, Al Borland. You're not as serious of a person. I'm surprised you didn't have like... Well, I'll be dead then. That's true. So in all fairness, I won't be cracking any jokes. Well, some people want it to be like, you know, they want something playful because

they want it to be more of a celebration of life. Not that that couldn't be a celebration. No, I want them mourning. But you want them crying. I want tears galore. I'm going with the Karate Kid song. You're the best around. Oh, gosh.

You're the best around. And that can be the song for the uh the line the uh the the final goodbye line is and that's just playing on loop i'll go uh mo money mo problems oh you died because of your money right yeah for sure and so this is like hey you're trying to teach a lesson here at your funeral. You're trying to tell the kids, you don't want that money. Look at me. Okay, mo' money, mo' problems. And instead of the slideshow, it'll be the music video for mo' money, mo' problems. For sure.

This is a mad jam. Absolutely. I have always thought. And we're all just dabbing your eyes. Andy loves this song. Here's the thing. Mo' money, mo' problems, Andy. That's me. That's me. Whenever I hear this song, I think the thing. Mo' money, mo' problems, Andy. That's me.

That's me. Whenever I hear this song, I think of Andy. I think of Papa Andy. It just fades to the black and white picture. Andy, 2020. And my family gets up and speaks. Here's the thing. I've always thought about this.

If you do write up your, you've got your will and that handles your affairs. But if you wrote up a one-sheeter, right? And it's what you want at your funeral. that handles your affairs but if you wrote up a one-sheeter right and it's it's your what you want at your funeral and you sign it right i feel like you could put some crazy stuff in there and really put your family in oh you got a pickle because they got to do the macarena right everybody stands up in the middle of the funeral and does the macarena if you don't do it you're not respecting my wishes and i'm dead that's right you gotta honor the dead you have to say at the bottom like if you don't do any of these're not respecting my wishes, and I'm dead. That's right. You've got to honor the dead. You have to say at the bottom, like, if you don't do any of these, I will haunt you. Did you guys see, it was apparently an Irishman who it was, it went around, it went viral.

But so he passed away, and at his funeral, when they're, like, lowering the casket, they they played he had recorded audio of like him shouting hey hey what let me out of here what are you doing no that's awesome i've seen that that's pretty really really good clip but could you imagine being the family during that one last goof everyone starts laughing it's just It was a really incredible moment. I've got five. It's so funny. You don't think anyone there was like, what happened? Open it up.

He's still alive. I think he followed it up by talking for a little bit to the family. Probably. Here's some songs that you shouldn't have at a funeral. At a funeral? Number one, Another One Bites the Dust by Queen. For sure. Highway to Hell by ACDC.

Okay. What about Stairway to heaven would that be acceptable uh sure okay staying alive by the bgs would that be probably not the best those are pretty funny so uh yeah that's um more money more problems all right on the edge all right maya from. One last one here before we get into our delicious draft. What was something you thought would be easy until you tried it? Ooh. Interesting.

This takes some deep thought. So I'm searching the memories. Sometimes you just got to say what comes to your mind first. Of course. For shame or whatever. That's what this show is. Jumping rope came to mind. Oh, jump rope is very difficult.

That is directly proportional to your age. Every year you get older, you become four times worse at jumping rope. Like the people who can do the mini jump. I have no idea how they get that going, where they get the cadence going, and they're just kind of lightly kicking one up. Every time I jump rope, I have do with the full oh you the knees up knees up concentration is at maximum levels so we're talking like six rotations of the jump rope and i am gassed into this workout that's supposed to go 20 minutes i'm like about 20 seconds in i

will say this jason go ahead andy thinks that this is like uh you know a a chart where it's age on one line and that's the only line it is that is not there is also a y-axis here and it is weight okay because when you jump rope age matters but weight man it is not fair when we would we we used to have a personal trainer obviously used to to, and we would go there together, and he'd say, okay, go out and 200. It was my least favorite thing he'd tell us to do. It was the warm-up. It was like, okay, 200 jump ropes.

Oh, gosh. See you in an hour. I'm like, I'm lifting. One. Oh, I messed up. Two. Yeah. I'm lifting 60 pounds more than this guy on every single jump.

Do that 200 times. How's that fair? I should get like 150. He should get 200. Here's the thing. You were better at jumping rope than I was because you would finish before me. That's true.

And if I didn't concentrate like fully on the speed, I feel like I did this easily as a kid, but no dice. This was a, and it's very hard. You were good at it at one point. I think I've always been terrible at jumping rope. Yeah, in like fifth grade. I've always been knees up. I think in fifth grade, we just assumed You were good at it at one point? I think I've always been terrible at jumping ropes. Yeah, in like fifth grade. I've always been knees up.

I think in fifth grade we just assumed we were good at it. We were doing the crazy high jump and we're like, this is easy. And then really we just weren't good at it. What else is something you were arrogant about? You thought, oh, no big deal. Let me handle that. I can probably go through a couple. But the first thing that comes to mind for me is something I've never been able to do even when i was a young athletic kid skateboard i can't it's not that

i can't skateboard it's that i can't get on a skateboard just getting on is flat out impossible i understand if that thing doesn't have uh the part that goes on a scooter at the top and a handlebar, I cannot get on it. If your skateboard doesn't have a kickstand, you ain't getting on that thing. I mean, how do people do it? How do people put a foot? And then when they get up, I don't know if they know this. It's on wheels. It's trying to get away from you.

The craziest part about skateboarding. He took the wheels off. The first time I ever skateboarded, becauseed because look tony hawk came out we were all playing tony hawk like oh man this is super rad i gotta learn how to ride a skateboard ollie time yeah and that's what i want to talk about is an ollie and the first time you try to do an ollie if no one has taught you anything which which an Ollie is just jumping with a skateboard. All four wheels come off the ground, hit back. Yes, the board goes up.

It looks like all people are doing is slamming down the back of the skateboard, and then it just naturally rises up into the air because, I mean, of course, that's what it would be. Except when you start thinking about it, you go, well, that doesn't make any sense at all. How does the skateboard get up? And then you realize people are slamming the skateboard down with one leg and their other leg, the side of their shoe, is dragging the skateboard up into the air. And that's how you have to do an ollie. And you're like, this is impossible.

This is not easy. No. No, it is not. Did you get to ollie? I could barely even ride the skateboard, man. I didn't know. Skateboarding is much harder than you, it is not. Did you get to Ollie? I could barely even ride the skateboard, man. I didn't know. Skateboarding is much harder than you think it is. I always had a problem with it, too.

My brother was great. I'd try to do it, and I'd be like, man, this is brutal. I have more time logged on the ground from falling off a skateboard than I do logged just moving naturally. What do you have, Mike? Oh, yeah. I can't think of anything off the top of my head. Most cooking.

Oh, see him. Most following a recipe and doing that. Anything that takes that level of precision, I end up screwing something small up. I love them because they're good sponsors of the show, but my struggles with cooking are well documented on this show. Weekly. What's hard is when you get one of those meal kits, right?

And it says cook time, 30 to 40 minutes. I go, well, here's three hours of my life because I need to multiply that thing by at least three. And that's the Mike Cook time. And it is just me freaking out. I am at full anxiety the whole time because I'm trying to do the steps in the order that they tell me. They're like, okay, well, this cooks once you just wash the vegetables. And then you cut them in a certain way. And everything is burning.

My house is full of smoke. I have not made one of those meals without my house filling with smoke. I've learned a few things of why I suck at cooking. I don't know why. There are many reasons I don't know clearly or I'd correct them all and become good at. But one of them is my desire to be so procedural, like you're that i want to like tidy up i've i want to clean up after every step that is a huge problem because i i know this from people that are good at cooking they leave things out they clean up later yes they don't do it all like okay

i took care of this egg thing then i put the eggs away then i took care of this and did that my wife leaves stuff all the way out and everything turns out perfect. Then she puts it away. Yeah. Yeah. I, uh, as a, as a chef, as a chef, I, I share none of your idiocies for cooking. However, as a fat guy,

um, something that is, that looks easy, that is difficult that you guys probably can't relate to. Here's a pull up putting on your socks. Oh, putting on your socks. Oh man.

Putting on your socks is a nightmare of impossibility i thought you insulted him you complimented him i guess so mostly because of breathing because you have to breathe to live but if i try to put on socks the breathing stops because i have to hold my breath to get to that you haven't figured out a way to get them on without the breathing stops? No, I have. It's the crease. Oh, a lay down. I lay on my bed with my feet sticking off the end and I say, Jersey!

You get your kid to put your socks on? She's wonderful. That's a real moment in your life when you have to get your 11-year-old to put your socks on. So you're working on losing some weight over here your children will be in their mid-20s and they will suddenly have a memory of wait a minute my father used to have me put his socks on and then they will need multiple years my children will be in their mid-20s and they'll hear jersey oh goodness. And they'll come do it. Why did your voice get higher? I was further away.

I was around the hallway. I thought you were projecting as you get older, your voice gets higher. Jersey! This is me in the future. Jersey! I need some help with my socks, child. All right, it's time to draft. The Spitballers Draft.

Man. Man. Putting on your socks. All right. Apparently we have... Real tip, the stairs. The stairs are the answer. Oh, because...

Because it's a little mini stair. Lower? Yeah, you got a bunch of little... Perfect range. All I could think of was, this Yeah, you got a bunch of little perfect range. All I could think of was, this is why you wear flip-flops every day. This is why I wear flip-flops every day. You are so smart. You live in the right state for your problem.

Apparently, we have drafted 124 different times. Wow. The current standings, not that we, you know, this is not the most important thing in the world. Drum roll, please. Jason and Mike both have 39 first place finishes. I have 35. Jason has 38 second places. Mike has 34. I have 41. So I'm always a Mr. Middle, Mr. Runner up. And then the most third place finishes goes to Mike. That's right. Runner-up. And then the most third-place finishes goes to Mike. That's right.

He's all or nothing. You're darn right. Mike is boom bust. Boom bust. Jason, 36. I'm 37. But the real most important thing is total percentage points. It's really not, but go on.

Because on total percentage points, it's like, well, how many total votes in the history of the show have you received? So who's got... I was going to make you say that. Who panders the most go on oh me for sure uh pander bear jason moore i have 4215 percentage points remember when we drafted the best video games of all time yeah all time yeah and jason drafted fortnight in fairness it didn't work the people did not yeah that one backfired pandering today we are drafting the best how have we not done this cookies it's so bizarre the best cookies

i mean it's an important topic we've done some dessert stuff before we've done candies we've done things like that i don't we haven't done best cookies or if we have we've we've we've forgotten about it and here we are again. So Mike, unfortunately, has the first pick in this draft. I don't know if it's unfortunate for you. I mean, you know my dessert takes. They're about as – There's a clear one-on-one. They're about as basic as they come.

There are two that I would like, and they're going to go one-two. So I'm sad, but go on. Interesting. I have no idea what the number two pick, too. So I'm sad. But go on. I have no idea what the number two pick is for Andy. I will be taking chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip cookies. Unfortunately, that is the one who won by, I don't know, 10,000 miles. All right. Well, I wasn't sure.

I know I love them. My slideshow at the funeral would be scenes of cookies being freshly cooked. Both cookies, both problems. Yeah. This is how he went. He went out the same way he lived, in cookies. Yeah, no, I mean, look. Chocolate chip cookies.

This should have been my draft. Chocolate chip cookies are the most boring of all the cookies, and yet they are the best of all the cookies. Not boring, but basic. Well, yeah, that's what I mean. It's vanilla vanilla ice cream isn't like coca-cola i mean versus of the sodas it's it's it's like kleenex it's the brand name yeah i guess you're fair coca-cola is a good comp because people like coca-cola people have coca-cola a lot but if people don't go out of their way to just say, like, man, I love Coca-Cola Classic.

Right. But most of the time, if they went to get a soda, they'd probably just grab a Coke. Yeah. Because when you say, what's my favorite cookie, I would never say chocolate chip. But if I'm at a place and they've got three or four options, I'm usually grabbing the chocolate chip because I know it's good. Do you have a favorite chocolate chip cookie? Yes. Are there like Toll House or Keebler or like Mrs. Fields? Do you have a favorite chocolate chip cookie that's the best by far?

Not brand, but I like the big, soft, big chunks of chocolate. Oh, so you like a chocolate chunk cookie. Yeah. Which is my pick. No. Yeah, it's tough. Anything homemade, I mean, is the real answer. There's a huge difference between, like, nothing store-bought to me.

I think restaurant-made is the real answer because I've had a lot of homemade cookies that don't turn out as good as all those ones I get. I am not good at making cookies. Yeah. They always end up hard, even when they come out soft. Yes, they do. That is the problem. I don't know what the...

You know, I hear it's like, oh, it's baking powder, but I've tried it every way. Doesn't sound like a chef to me. I'm not a baker. Ooh. All right. There's a distinction. Yeah. Okay.

For my... I'm happy to have the second pick because the cookie that I would probably answer as my favorite is what I'm about to take. I think it's the best cookie. It's just not as classic, which can make it even better because who wants to go with the boring classic? I'm going- I do.

Snickerdoodle. Oh, see, that's my second pick. Yeah, baby. Snickerdoodle. Was that your second pick, Andy? No. Oh, darn it. That's too bad.

But Snickerdoodles are oh brother they're fantastic they are they're delicious they are not more delicious than either of my picks what that's impossible there's only one other that competes look they're good but they're the like i don't know they're like the vanilla coke uh choice there where you you like it but if you all if all you could eat with snickerdoodles, you'd get real tired of the cinnamon taste. I don't believe you. I disagree.

Well, look, I am very happy to be where I'm at. I do love cookies. I love chocolate chip the most. That is the number one pick. It is the best pick. It is equal to five picks with the number one. Mike's going to break the tie here at the end of the poll. I'm glad we did the poll right now. But I am very happy to be where I'm at with the number one. Mike's going to break the tie here at the end of the poll. I'm glad we did the poll right now.

But I am very happy to be where I'm at with my two picks. The first one I will take is an Oreo. The Oreo cookie. Yes, it is a branded cookie. Yes, it's – That's fine, but okay. He took Oreo. Yeah, 100%.

That was what came out of his mouth was Oreo. He got regular Oreo. No, I got the Oreo cookies. You can't mouth. Oreo. It was Oreo. He got regular Oreo. No, I got the Oreo cookies. You can't take another variation of it. I know, but we're just saying for the poll, it was saying- For the poll, you got an Oreo cookie. I get where you're going because you think I should have said double stuffed. Because double stuffed is the best Oreo, my man.

That's fine. Guess what? The association that you have, I could eat an inlet, literally. If you sat us down, I don't know when I would stop. I have no conception of when I would stop. Three cookies? Three sleeves. Oh, gosh. Three sleeves. You held out three cookies like you're a psychopath.

Three sleeves is where I've got to tap out. I've measured. Is that with milk? Oh, for sure. Okay. Three cookies is also, I think, a serving and a half. Oh, no question. And you will feel bad when you eat that many. Also, our producer, Brooks, wants to put himself on blast by declaring that regular Oreos are better than double stuffed. That's so stupid.

If you told me I need to eat 20 Oreos, I'd rather have the regular. If you told me I need to eat 10 Oreos, I'll take the double stuffed. But anyways, neither here nor there. It's a little more filling. They're a little more filling. Sure. My second pick then will be what I think is the better pick of the Snickerdoodle, which is a variant, which is a more core variation.

Get out of here. I know you're not going to like it. I know Mike likes them. It's a sugar cookie. Sugar cookies are fine. They're good. Sugar cookies are dope. I love sugar cookies. sugar cookies are fine sugar cookies are dope i love sugar cookies sugar cookies are good sugar cookies are uh are like a poor man's snickerdoodle though

snickerdoodles are like a cinemafied sugar cookie i know it's a lot better really a snickerdoodle oh is if you ever had a churro that was just sugar you can get bad snickerdoodles mike it's not a churro that's blowing it out of the park there. Just put sugar on a churro, and you're like, this needs something. It's pretty good. It's good. Don't get me wrong. There's something missing. I just can't put my finger on it.

Man, could you imagine if this had some cinnamon on it? We're drafting cookies here. You ever had sugar toast crunch? No, because you need the cinnamon. It's cinnamon toast crunch for a reason. Okay, you clearly have an affinity for cinnamon. I do. Cinnamon sugar.

Yes. Yeah. I don't just take spoonfuls of cinnamon. Because I've done that before. When I was a younger man, I accidentally bought the cinnamon instead of the cinnamon sugar for my toast. It doesn't work out as well. No.

Don't eat cinnamon. And if you do, film it. I think eating cranberries. Film it. No, don't eat cinnamon. And if you do, film it. I'm eating cranberries. Film it when you, if you ever take a teaspoon of cinnamon, make sure there is video and ambulance nearby.

All right, you're back up, Jason. Okay, I am back. I was worried because there was only one cookie that I thought competed with a snickerdoodle cookie that is in the, not the brands, but just the type. And I love these cookies. They are so good and I think to be honest I think they're very underrated because they're not usually on people's top

list peanut butter cookie peanut butter cookies are the bomb peanut butter cookies are they are flat out elite and I can't even believe I said that they're the bomb what is this 1990 that's when they were good They are flat out elite. And I can't even believe I said that they're the bomb.

What is this, 1990? That's when they were good. No. No, peanut butter cookies are great. That was back when they didn't have a lot of things. And they're like, let's put peanut butter in. Peanut butter cookies are like, I need one. Like, give me one.

If you make them for like an event, I'll eat one of them. I can full on gorge on them. I can pass. You can full pass? Yeah. If the only cookies available are peanut butter. Yo, sugar cookie or peanut butter cookie? Oh, sugar cookie. Oh, my goodness.

Good peanut butter. And you've got to keep in mind, these peanut butter cookies, they've got the peanut butter chips and a lot of times the chocolate chips in them. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm just saying that's how peanut butter cookies come. Yes, that is it. No, they do not. No, they've got the peanut butter chips and a lot of times the chocolate chips in them. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. No, I'm just saying that's how peanut butter cookies come. Yes, that is it. No, they do not. No, they do not.

A peanut butter cookie is a peanut butter flavored cookie. Sure, that's fine, but people know- Now you're trying to upgrade your cookie because you know your OG stinks. My OG is great, and the peanut butter cookie lovers out there will get my back. You didn't order a peanut butter chocolate chip cookie like a peanut butter chip cookie. I've never ordered that in my life. And I've gotten peanut butter chip cookies all the time. Andy, we're going to hear from like 20 or 22 people.

Yeah, the peanut butter truthers? Yeah. I mean, look, peanut butter's... Nutter butter's a good. Peanut butter's are too dry. You talk about dry. A peanut butter cookie is lip-smacking dry. Yeah, you better have some milk. Yeah. All right, right mike you've got a double double trouble time all right i was just i had to check with

judge giamatti because al borland is not here i had to check just to get a ruling on something so oh sure that's very transparent he is uh he's telling i need to pass on that brooks yeah i think so all right then if it comes up we we got to retroactively take it for me. So I will hold off on drafting that particular item. You don't even need any more picks. Just skip. Yeah, truly. Just punch your picks.

I wonder who would win. If we put up a poll of my four and your four and a chocolate chip cookie, I'll bet Mike wins. Probably. Although I think Oreo has some fans. Oreo's got power. If you went double stuff, but you didn't. Oh, yeah, right. You went single stuff wins. Probably. Although I think Oreo has some fans. Oreo's got power. If you went double stuff, but you didn't. Oh, yeah, right.

You went single stuff Oreo. Yeah, the one that they sell the most of. All right. I'm trying to play the draft game here of what will actually possibly make it back, even though it's a very long wait for me. So I am going to double up with my friends at the Girl Scouts. I will be drafting. I'm just going to throw out both

that. I will take Thin Mints and I will take Tagalongs. Oh, dig it! Dig it! Dig it! Dig it! Did you play the games that you would get? I thought Tagalongs would come back to me. Oh, no way, my friend. You know what it's reminding me of? That reminds me of Barcelona.

Because you're building a freaking dream team over there. That's Magic Johnson, Michael Jordan, Larry Bird just showed up. Because my man over here took a peanut butter cookie. I didn't look at my list. I didn't look at my list because you can't be beat. The tagalongs have peanut butter. I know, but they've got chocolate. They're so much better.

It's like you took my cookie and you wrapped it in chocolate. Oh, Isaiah Thomas over here. I met the requirements. Oh, man. For whatever reason, they didn't pick me. All right, Jades, you're up. That's the peanut butter cookie. We're playing for second.

Oh, man. Oh's the peanut butter cookie. We're playing for second. Oh, man. Oh, I hate this game. Can I just draft Mike's team? All right. Tagalongs are so... By the way, just a side note. Tagalongs are so far and away the best Girl Scout cookie. Yes, they are.

Thin mints are fine, but you can get thin mints from anybody. Thin mints have gotten legitimately worse over time. They did change the recipe. They were better back in the day. There's multiple recipes. There's two different cookie stations. Yeah. Well, now we need to experiment.

Figure out what, yeah. But yeah, I'm with you, Jay. The tagalong, I didn't you, Jay. The tag along. I didn't put them out in the order I would eat them. But speaking of eating a sleeve of cookies, thin mints are the, like, nonstop. You can go forever. Cold or room temp. Oh, cold. Cold, baby.

Cold is the way to go. I would agree with that. And if you eat, I mean, nobody eats one thin mint. No. That'd be like opening up a bag of M&Ms and eating one. My grandmother used to keep all of her Oreo cookies in the fridge as well. So you'd have cold Oreos. Interesting.

It was just like a thing. I will have to try that tonight. For science. For science purposes. Oh, that weight loss not going well. All right. I'm going to play the game here. that weight loss not going well all right um i'm gonna play the game here no i i've got two that i like and i know that you guys will both crap on them that i am sure of so it's just which order

do i want you to crap on my takes um i'm gonna go with what my actual favorite is okay i'm going i'm going with me it's a resignation speech it is a resignation look we're playing i'm playing for third at this point um but i'm going with my heart and i love and granted there's one part of this i absolutely hate but this is just how they come and it's worth it it's worth it for me to struggle through the macadamia nuts to have my white chocolate chip macadamia nut cookies i love i think that's actually a very big favorite. I love white chocolate macadamia nut cookies. They are so good. And if you could just leave the macadamia nuts out, it's an upgrade.

I've always thought that about them, and I don't eat them because of the macadamia nuts. I don't eat them because of the white chocolate. Yeah, but you've got bad food taste. And what's funny is I don't like them because of the white chocolate. You don't like them because of the white chocolate. Yeah, but you've got bad food tastes. And what's funny is I don't like them because of the white chocolate. You don't like them because of the macadamia nuts. But dark chocolate covered. This is not cookie related, but dark chocolate covered macadamia nuts.

Real good? Oh, man, they are fantastic. Now, when you say dark chocolate, do you mean the disgusting kind or just normal like. Let's not get started here. Dark chocolate is delish. Yeah, but dark chocolate macadamia nuts. Try them. I will.

Oh, brother. The weight is the problem. All right, I got two picks, right? Yes, you do. And all I need to do is beat Jason? That is correct. All right, just to be clear, is a whoopie pie a cookie? I think so.

I saw it. I had a feeling that that might come up. That's not what I asked Brooks about. But I think it. I saw it. I knew I had a feeling that this that might come up. That's not what I asked Brooks about. Yeah, but I think it is a cookie. I don't go to a bakery. It's set out with the cookie and it's oatmeal cookies with it's an oatmeal. No, this is like a chocolate with the white frosting on the inside. Here's what I was going to say, because I would have had oatmeal cream pies.

Oh, that's what I was. I would have had that on my list because those are unbelievable. You would like to veto that. And it's yeah, it's what I was thinking. I would have had that on my list because those are unbelievable. You would like to veto that. It's more of a pastry. Now, there is a cookie version of your whoopie pie that you're just not thinking of. And I know for a fact you've had them recently. That's a strange thing to know. Well, just give it to them then.

A macaroon, bro. Yeah. No, macaroons are... That is. A macaroon is a whoopie pie. Yeah. That's the cookie version of a... It's just not made by fancy French people.

Yeah, it's not blown up to the size of a... Yeah, I mean, what I'm thinking of is a little bit different. I'm thinking of the chocolate cake with the white. It's more of a cake. It's a pastry. I'm not going with it. Now, let me ask a different question. Okay.

Are ice cream sandwich cookies... All right. Here's the cookie I'll go with first. I know what your fourth pick is, Jason. You do? But I'm going with, I'm going to take out one stupid ingredient, because this is a really good cookie. Okay.

And I feel like it's different enough from Mike's. An oatmeal chocolate chip cookie is a dynamic, delicious, exceptional cookie without the dumb raisins. People don't make enough oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, and oatmeal is a great ingredient in a cookie. Oatmeal cookies are fantastic, and I can struggle through the raisins enough to get the oatmeal. Oh, I thought you loved the raisins.

I love an oatmeal raisin cookie. I love it. But of course it's better without the raisins. Which is like, you want to take macadamia nuts out of that one? You take the raisins out of this one? Why are you putting garbage in our desserts? I don't know. I mean, I'm eating a dessert.

I don't want to bite into a nut. This has got to be a bunch of old grandmother's fault. I mean, oatmeal is for old people. Raisins also for old people. Yeah. They used to have Wer there's originals in the cookies but then they were breaking teeth all right so yeah so i'm going oatmeal chocolate chip all right it's my third pick and then i did have i mean you brought up are they macaron a macaron

are you sure that's how it's pronounced the front the little french uh i believe it is a macaroon uh it is a macaron if it's not spelled without the endoon. Okay, it's spelled without... The end is O-N. It's not O-O-N. Right. So I'm just making sure. I'm pretty confident. I've always called it a macaroon. All right, I'm going to go with M&M cookies.

That's what I'm going to go with, M&M cookies. All right. It's an admirable pick. Okay. You know, it's funny because I just... I feel like an M&M cookie is a chocolate chip cookie. But I guess there's a little... I mean, it is, except for there's no chocolate chips. They're M&Ms. It a chocolate chip cookie. But I guess there's a little... I mean, it is, except for there's no chocolate chips.

They're M&Ms. It's a candy shell. And you get a crunch. Yeah, that's fair. I mean, if you want to veto it, you can. I've got other options. No, I think that's fine. I think that's fine.

That's a great cookie. Also, looking at this list, I can badmouth some of these as worse than others, but, I mean, this is a delicious... We're walking up to this table. This is a delicious show. And we're walking away heavier. Absolutely. That's what I usually do when I this is a delicious. We're walking up to this table. This is a delicious show. And we're walking away heavier. Absolutely. That's what I usually do when I come to a table.

All right. So now you said you knew what my last pick was. I thought you'd go oatmeal raisin. Ah, no, no, no. It's good, but the raisins. They should be chocolate chips. They should be chocolate chips. Nice pivot.

I'm going to go with another one that, look, there's an ingredient a lot of people hate. I don't mind it. I love these. In fact- Salmon. I think this- Very close, Andy. Whoa.

Very close. It's not salmon. It's Samoas. Oh, yeah. You're going coconut. I'm going coconut. The Samoas Girl Scout cookies are phenomenal. He's like, give me Samoa's.

You're darn right I am. They might as well just put poison on top of those things. So you hate coconut on top of cookies too? Oh, that is no dice, my man. No dice. What a bad take. What a bad take. So wait, are you like into mounds too?

I know. Yeah, mounds are great. So you kill people on the side? You're a psychopath? Is that what you do? I'll go Almond Joy. I'll put a, you know, I mean it's- Does Almond joy have coconut?

Yeah. Sometimes you feel like a nut. Sometimes you don't. Either way you feel like coconut. It's literally a mound. It's the coconut filling with chocolate and then it's like, do you want an almond on it? And that's the only difference. That's why they're both terrible. You couldn't figure out the common denominator

between the two coconuts? I can't tell you the last time I ate a Mounds or an Almond Joy. That would be too soon, Mike. Those things suck. I will say this. If you don't like coconut, a Mound and an Almond Joy are disgusting. Are disgusting. But Samoas, I know people who don't like coconuts who love Samoas because they're phenomenal.

Look, the Girl Scouts don't make bad stuff. So I'm going to... If you don't like it, try it and you'll love it. That's your mic. The coconut flavor, like a pina colada has coconut flavor. It's delicious. Chewing coconut sucks. It's all

texture. For us haters, I understand lots of people love it. The people who like peanut butter cookies generally like those. You'll have some loyalists. This is the weirdest end of a draft to me because I love my list. My list is awesome, but I also hate my list because for votes, I know it's not good.

But these are four bangers. Can't wait to get another second place from my rankings. That's true. So, Mike, you actually get to pick again. Oh, fantastic. Yes. Yeah, he gets sick. He's already got.

That's not fair. Patrick Ewing standing over there. Scotty Pippen's available. John Stockton. All right. My list has certainly dwindled, so I will close it out with my personal favorite. Please be Christian Laettner. Please be Christian Laettner.

I love that. I'll just go with the generic cookie, but specifically the Toll House. No, Pepperidge Farms. Pepperidge Farms gingerbread men. Ginger snap type of? farms pepperidge farms gingerbread ginger snaps type of no but the gingerbread men okay it's the the gingerbread men they got little and they're coated with sugar okay those are like oh man those are fantastic okay fantastic it's weird those are things that i think i've they can be spicy you can get a spicy sure because the ginger can yeah i don't like ginger i don't like ginger cookies. So your pick sucks.

How about that, Mike? How do you feel? How do you feel, Christian Laettner? Like an all-star. You shouldn't be on this team. This team's too good for you, Gingerbread Man. I do think the ginger snap doesn't belong with the rest of yours, but you had to wait a while for that pick.

There were others on my list, basically like shortbread or butter cookies. Both of those. The butter cookie tins, those are pretty good. They're fine. But they seem like they were better for my grandmother. Yes. They're 100% better for your grandmother. The only one on my list was spritz cookies and

I only like those because that's what my mom... What are spritz cookies? I don't know what that is. You can look them up. They're Christmas cookies. Okay. Are they like the just- They're smaller.

I don't know how to- Those aren't the ones that you put like the Hershey Kiss in the middle of. Oh, the spritz cookies. Yeah, I know what you're talking about. Those are, they use the press. Yes. Your mom makes them with the press. Yeah.

Those are great. And you put the, you usually decorate, because it's Christmas. It's not Christmas if I don't have these from my mom. Yes. Okay. 100%. Yes.

Okay. I see these now. The only other one on my list, and honestly, it's one of the best cookies out there, undrafted, were Double Stuff Oreos.

Okay. That is very true. I did get, look, if you want to talk about starting the draft antagonistically, you guys jumped on me

pretty quick. Yeah. All right. I will say this as well for the gluten-free folks out there. Macaroons. Gluten-free. Really? Macaroons are great. I'm not joking. No, they're like eggs and stuff. Interesting.

My mom. My wife. Oh! My wife bought like a billion macaroons. You called your wife your mom. I know. Something about getting cookies from somebody. It's just. All right.

Let's click this button before I bury myself. What did we learn today? I learned that Andy is married to his mother. I learned that Jason is very serious and he's already planning on his funeral. Yeah. And I learned he can't stand on a skateboard. Not even stand. No.

Can't get there. Can't get on it. You ever tried surfing, bro? With the help of friends. At least you fall in the water. That's a lot better than the asphalt. Did you get up on that board, though? No, I couldn't get up on that board.

Thank you for listening. We will see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com. Hey, you did it.

You made it to the end. Thank you for listening. It was a real fun ride, Andy. This one was especially good. Yeah, I liked it. I felt like I was on point. My form was excellent. Yeah, you complimented yourself a lot throughout. Well, thank you for noticing that I did that.

Head over to spitballerspod.com, and you can figure out how you can help support this show and get access to episodes early and some other stuff. Check it out, spitballerspod.com.