Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 129: Birdhouse Blunders & Dream Sponsorships - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 21, 2020

On today’s show, find out what’s got Mike taking a bite outta crime. We also give out some of the best life advice money can buy and solve a few relationship conundrums along the way. And oh yeah, I completely forgot we also discussed having a terrible memory! We close down the episode by drafting companies we would love to be given some product or perks from! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the show: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube

Hold the phone. Hold the phone before the podcast starts. I want you to hold the phone in your hand. Just take your phone out if you're driving. Take both hands. Hold that phone tight. No, don't do that. That's not...

Two hands on the wheel, please. Two hands on the wheel, two hands on the phone. That's true. We're going to need... There's a four-hand situation. What are they, Goro? I need two on the wheel and two on the phone, and here's what you do. You want to help support the show, become part of this awesome community we are building. You go to

spitballerspod.com, click become a spitwad. That way, we listen to your questions first. We're going to give you the priority that you deserve. You're going to help support our show. We're going to have a good time, and you get early access to every single episode we make. Go to spitballerspod.com, become a spitwad today. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason.

Ruff McGruff and Game of Yoga stuff, come on! Ruff McGruff? Hey, man. Wait, is that, is, Ruff McGruff is, is that the, like, police dog? Take a bite out of crime. Yeah, the bite, what, where did Ruff McGruff, is that the police dog? Take a bite out of crime. Yeah, the bite. Where did Ruff McGruff come from? No, you've unlocked a whole new scat category,

and it's the Nostalgia Scat, and I'm going to be turning to it soon. Very nice. Little rough, if you ask me, but not too bad. That's called a last second. Al Borland reminds you that you're the one who is, in fact, up first, and you have the scat. And then I'm like, I'd like to tie it into the draft. And then as Jason eloquently pointed out,

you're like, oh, that's the guy, that's the dog, take a bite out of crime. It pointed out the irony of me shouting out Ruff McGruff and then saying, give me all of your stuff. Right. Because the police dog. He was supposed to stop.

He is, in fact, stopping the give me all your stuff. Either that or it was a real good cover. You know what I mean? Who's going to go after Ruff McGruff? Stealing all your stuff. Look, there is dog fur everywhere in the jewelry store and he's just like we'll never know we'll never know welcome to dna test nope yeah well i mean i just showed up that was his voice i've been shedding right now was that his voice yeah he was super gravelly

take a bite of the crime he's a heavy smoker he didn't care about this. Take a bite of the crime. He's a heavy smoker. He didn't care about the... He wasn't part of the anti-smoking campaign. He was only part of the anti-theft campaign. Back then, smoking was cool. Don't smoke, kids. Yeah, in between takes. Smokey the Bear? Why don't we have mascots for movements now?

Because they never worked. Nobody listened to Rob McGruff. That's true. Smokey the Bear? Mm-mm. What are you saying? Of course we listen to Smokey. Only you can prevent forest fires.

Yeah, we all remember what Smokey said. Yeah, he seemed cool. I don't start any forest fires because I just avoid the forest altogether. I think Smokey could definitely win a fight against Ruff McGruff, though. Hmm. I don't know about that. Yeah, dude being a bear. And he seemed much more serious than Ruff McGruff.

He didn't need a lot of words. Yeah, but Ruff McGruff's got that trench coat. Like, what's going on in there? And he's a man-sized dog. Is he packing? He's a man-sized dog who's a detective. He's packing heat for sure. Really?

At least three pieces. You think Smokey uses some fire stuff? No, he doesn't want fire. He's anti-fire. He's like, guys, I don't really like... So he's got a shovel to cover you with soot to put it out. He's like, only you could prevent forest fires and then bust out a flamethrower. That's not going to happen.

That wouldn't work. All right. At Spitballerspot on Twitter. Not that you'll want to follow us. fires and then busts out a flamethrower. That's not going to happen. That wouldn't work. Alright, not that you'll want to follow us. Would you rather life advice and a draft today? You never know how these shows are going to start. Al Borland's in the building. Al, how are you doing?

Just happy to be here, Andy. I think Al would like me to let people know that we're not doing a special new segment today, as promised, because he wasn't prepared. Yeah, it's Al's fault. We certainly need to blame him. He was like, I promise I'll have a new segment for you next week. And then he let us down big time.

So he said, if you're not ready, we'll go home and do remote recording for this one. I jumped on my guitar immediately as soon as he said that. And I made sure that I get in the music clip on time. Oh, good job, Mike. No, right away. Lickety split. No reminders.

I nailed it. First try. That's all factual. Yeah. 100%. All right. Look, there's three of us. We can move That's all factual. Yeah. 100%. Look, there's three of us. We can move on without clarifying anything else. Do you want to hit that would you rather drop?

Would you rather? Oh, man. Look, I know. Hold on. We all know Jeremy. We know him very well. He's not on camera. He is fuming right

now his face has got to be so beet red i just don't know why he likes remote recording so much um you want to clear the air at all al do you want to do you got you want to say anything oh he's gone i think the spit wads are smart enough to see the truth through the lies. I think the spit wads know who's the liar liar on this show. Yeah. Who's the master liar? Boy who cried wolf situation right here, don't we? Who to believe?

All right. Would you rather question from Alex? Would you rather have your kid be best friends with another kid but you can't stand their parents oh no or you are best friends with the parents but the kids hate each other oh man this is a good question oh my gosh this is more of a life advice yeah so if you're you're forcing your kids if you if you love these parents you're friends with them, you're going to want to hang out with them a lot. And every time you're under the pretense of, well, the kids can play together, but the kids hate each other. Yeah.

Oh, man. Tell me the Jacksons aren't coming over tonight. Tell me the Jacksons aren't coming over. But they are. You could see little Jackson. Oh, man. It's Jackson Jackson was his name. I was going to say, Jackson Jackson?

Yeah. Well, now I know why you don't like him. Right. Who names your kid Jackson Jackson? But wouldn't that be more of a problem with the parents? Shouldn't it be like I shouldn't be friends with these people who would name their son Jackson Jackson? Yeah, Jackson J. Jackson. Middle initial stands for Jackson. If you can't stand the other kid's parents,

are you trying to make sure that kid comes and plays at your house and not their house because you don't want that? Oh, 100%. How many excuses can you make to have the kids always play at your house? How do you pull that off all the time? Because kids always want to trade back and forth. I could let my kids go to a to a parent's house that i hate because there's more than one reason to be like i don't like that

parent it's not all like oh they're irresponsible and terrible maybe they're like super they're just annoying yeah maybe they're annoying or maybe they're like they're drug dealers over yeah like just over cautious and everything i'll be like okay I don't want to be around you, but you'll keep my children safe. Because the thing is, is I feel like if you're, I think I lean towards this direction and we'll work through this, but I know that if my, if my kids are friends with someone, I can have them retain a friendship with barely knowing the parents i mean i have it now my daughter has a couple friends they come over for the day or she goes over to their place from time to time and i know the parents names and we have

greetings at the doorway that doesn't concern you we've never had them oh well i mean i well they're the parents that the other parents hate. Right, yeah. We're the problem. But I'm just saying like... Yeah, no, I get that. I guess it depends on why you would actually not be able to stand them. And it just says can't stand them, which means they're not doing anything wrong. You just don't personally like them. And then the other situation, you love the parents. I feel like that's why they invented iPads.

I mean, you can get together with these other parents. The kids can just play on their ipads and life's okay that's the way i'm gonna go yeah i i lean that direction because i mean like got you guys uh and then i have a a couple my i'm still friends with some guys from high school but it's like dude being adult having friends is very difficult can you even make new friends no that's what i mean it's like, dude, being an adult, having friends is very difficult. Can you even make new friends? No, that's what I mean. It's impossible. There's no such thing as new friends. I don't know how you do that.

Wow. Wait, Jason, you have new friends? No, I'm saying I don't think as an adult you can do that. It's against the rules. I heard a survey on the radio once where it was saying, once you pass a certain age, people do not form new deep friendships. Yeah, I mean, acquaintances and, you know, you meet new people or maybe you move and you know your neighbors. Maybe that's how you do it.

Like a move. Oh, a neighbor? A move can do it because now you're willing to reset. You've left all of your friends behind. So maybe that's what i need in my life i was gonna say like i i know the names of my next door neighbors i know i know the the names of two of them i don't remember who's who but there's two names out there because sure well here's the problem one of them is a james and one of them is a john and i'm like you're supposed to remember

that do you say what's up jay yes sir do you really you know it oh man that's fantastic oh my gosh and they're like oh man my cool neighbor dropping me a nickname. We're such good buddies that he doesn't even use my real name. You know those guys. Andy, you know they're named Charles and Timothy for sure. Like, that's. Daniel and Steve get called Jay every day. What's up, Jay? Why does he call me Jay?

Because I walked across the street as a Jay Walker. Oh, my God. Speaking of your street, Mike, I have to take a slight segue here. You have mentioned in the past on this podcast that in your neighborhood is one of those houses for Christmas lights. Oh, yes. In a good way. Well, it's a good way because it's not my next door neighbor. They're like eight houses down.

But it's not just eight houses. I drove by that. It is currently as we're recording the Christmas season, and I drove by because I wanted to see if I could find the singing house, and it's not a singing house. You wanted to see if you could find it? Well, I didn't know if it was in your neighborhood or on your street. I found it, and it's not just that. There's like six houses all next door neighbors.

Interconnected. All synced up. This is incredible. Yeah, they've started daisy chaining because apparently whatever the technology is that syncs up the lights is a radio frequency. So other people are just latching on, and I'm like, this is fantastic. It's the coolest street I've ever seen. But right at at the beginning of the street before you get down to the end there is another house on your street that has their lights synced up to music but they've got

like they've got like five strands of lights and it is really really bad and then right down the street all the neighbors got together we're like let's do this awesome thing how bad does that person feel yeah but have you seen uh jay's house probably yeah every house all right what's your final vote here you want to be friends with the parents or you want i need more friends so i'm sorry kids that's what we learned on today's show i'm gonna let my my kids uh be friends one of us is a good father apparently riley from twitter would you rather have a horrible short-term memory or a horrible long-term oh man can i just have one of them good that's great i i feel like i've got a terrible short-term memory and a terrible long-term memory so this question is great because but your middle term

how's your middle term middle Middle term is absolutely fine. You know, anything that happens. When does a memory become a middle-term memory? Yesterday. Zero to 24 hours should be like short-term, right? Yeah, that's how I view it. And then like one to seven days is middle-term, and then everything seven days and beyond is long-term.

I think middle-term is longer than that. I would say middle-term is like from 24 hours ago to like a month ago or a couple weeks at least oh that's middle okay that could be middle term yeah long term is like distant memories they've they've they've vanished they're not in you know in in your last couple of months or something but uh my middle term memory oh man it's on fire i've put all that that's where you're good you know where you do a character builder in a video game startup? I drained my short-term memory and my long-term memory. Oh, you put all your points into middle-term?

Absolutely. Middle-term, I got that on lockdown. But I don't remember my childhood at all. That's true. Is that true? That's really true. Really? Kind of, yeah.

It's not a bad thing.'s not like i i didn't have some horrific it was a terrible childhood that's why he's glad he no but you know it blacked out of my memory i just i just don't remember like the ages of things and when i think of like a childhood memory and i go i remember this moment that happened i I genuinely, I could think of a couple moments, and I don't know if I was 5 or 15. I was like, it was somewhere in that range that this thing happened. Was I sitting on the potty kicking my feet, or was I shaving that day? Right.

I'm not quite sure. What memory do you use when you want to recall things that a friend has talked about and their names what memory is that because that's the one that's like i get in this debate with my wife all the time about forgetfulness right because forgetfulness is inherently something that like you can defend forgetting things by saying i forgot them how can you blame me i forgot them but i also feel like you can intentionally remember things by saying, I forgot them. How can you blame me? I forgot them.

But I also feel like you can intentionally remember things if you care about them. And I'm going to put myself on the chopping block. I'm not going to bring anything from the house into this conversation. I'll put myself on the chopping block. I have a bad tendency, and maybe it's because I get distracted too often. Maybe I'm getting older. Maybe I'm just a bad person. But I will ask somebody how things are going on.

They will tell me a detailed story. I will, and then, like, I don't recall it, and I feel terrible about it. And it also goes a little bit with names, too. Like, I just don't remember names at all. I know Jason's even worse than me on that one. Sometimes he would whisper to me, like, who's that person?

Who's that person? I don't remember people's names. And Andy, you can attest this. You just did. That's why we call everybody Jay. There's a perfect example. Our close friend, Nikki. Oh, good.

She gets a direct call out. Yeah. Well, because I finally remember her name. It only took like 20 years, but like the first decade. Oh, man, I could not remember. It was bad. It was bad. I would always ask Andy. I was like, oh, my goodness. What is her name? And he'd be like, Nikki, I told you yesterday.

I told you three days ago we ate lunch together every day for years in high school. Like, how can you not remember and i just it deletes from my memory and i feel like such a jerk because i don't remember anybody's names from like the from high school i could run into you and i just don't i don't know you so the long term okay the i'm terrible with the the short-term names i. I've tried to be better with it when I meet someone. I now do the device of like... Do you?

The mnemonic device type of thing? Not like I'm not doing the associate with a letter. James, Jay, I'm going to call you Jay. But I'll do the thing where I will repeat their name. I'll be like, oh, it's nice to meet you, James.

To try. Does it work? No, oh, it's nice to meet you, James. To try. Does it work? No, so far it's not working. I say it 10 times to them right after I meet them. Hey, James, James, James. But I'm trying to get better about it. But meanwhile, the long-term memory, my long-term memory is very good.

My long-term memory is a uh it's it's funny like the people who if you don't have a long-term memory it is 100 a blessing and a curse because human nature is of course the things that the things well the things that went wrong the things where you screwed up those are the things you really, really remember. But you also have the blessing of like when you're in an argument and it's like, no, trust me, this is how I remember it. People are like, well, you're the one with the memory. So we'll go with what you said. Can you promise Jason and I that someday, 20 years, 30 years from now, we can all sit around together and you can tell us about our lives. I can't wait to listen to the stories of today.

I'll be the storyteller. Tell us about how we lived and what we loved and the adventures we went on. Is this like the notebook you guys are in a hospital bed? And I'm trying to remind you of who you were? When you were 35. We went on an airplane ride to Dallas, Texas. You remember Postmates? Now, Andy, the three of us, we've worked together a long time.

It's worked out really well. We've been successful in our endeavors. I have to believe you have a good short-term memory. Yeah, I think I'm a good short-termer. The three of us together, we've got this memory thing on lockdown. I mean, Andy remembers the short stuff. I remember all the middle stuff. Mike remembers the long-term stuff.

This is why we came together. Yeah, I would say combined, we're like one grown man. That's perfect. That's perfect. What was the question? Was there a question? Horrible short- term or horrible long term if you're horrible short term you are constantly failing at basic tasks that you

need to accomplish yeah i'm gonna i i would i would rather have short-term memory than long-term memory i don't wanna i don't want to forget everything and constantly just feel like an idiot in my day-to-day life like i don't think long like an idiot in my day-to-day life. Like, I don't think long-term memory affects my day-to-day life as much as the short-term memory does. It doesn't, but you remember your children growing up. Who? Who?

I have children? He said, wait, what? You're like, which one? Which one of the two? You have three. Oh! That's why we video record so many things. All right, Mike, your final answer.

You have a great long term. You don't want to lose that, I assume. No, I'll keep that one. Sly from Patreon, would you rather... By the way, before I move on, I do think memory gets worse as, obviously, you age. But I think a lot of that has to do with responsibilities and doing so many things and thinking about so many things when you're a kid and you're gonna do a certain event that's all you think about as a kid you just focused on

whether it's the tv show or it's it's the game you're playing or it's the friend you're with when i feel like you're much more laser focused as a kid when i was a kid i had every single cheat code for every video game system memorized and i'm talking like 30 30 steps or 30 character passwords and i would just i would have them at automatic recall when you would go to your friend's house and they have who framed roger rabbit you're like oh man you want would go to your friend's house and they have Who Framed Roger Rabbit? You're like, oh man, you want to go to the cartoon world? You want to go to Toontown? I got that code. And now you know the first letter of your neighbor's name.

Alright, Sly from Patreon. Would you rather be a practicing doctor or a medical researcher? What's your personality lined up with more there? Practicing doctor seems like it'd be very rewarding because you have the interpersonal relationship the medical researcher seems very

boring and awful let me look the medical researcher gets absolutely no glory nobody knows what he does what specifically nobody knows who made this awesome thing you know what I mean right now it seems pretty good yeah I mean who made the polio vaccine I got that was Joseph Salt for real yeah who made the measles vaccine Jimmy Mumps

nobody knows no of course I want to be a doctor that's why we called it the Mumps because Dr. Mumps figured out how to get rid of it. Now, wait, if you're a medical researcher, do you have a doctorate to do that, or can you do that without a doctorate? It's the high school diploma. Anyone off the street, GED works. The reason I'm saying this is because I know I can call myself a doctor if I

am a doctor and I have to have that to even make this a fair fight. If you can't call yourself a doctor as a medical researcher, I think we'll, we'll presume you're a doctor, but you're doing research, which medical research could be more than just, I like you thinking about the laboratory, although right now vaccines and medical research kind of deserve a lot of praise right now. Oh, no. Is it Jonas Salk? Was I calling him Joseph? It's Jonas Salk.

And you called him Joseph because you can't get a J name down. Whatever. J Salk. My man. J Salk. What up, J? What up, J Salk? Dr. J.

I could have gotten that one. Probably. He was a doctor. Dr. J. I just feel like day and day. Slam dunk on the vaccine. The pressure of being a doctor feels like I couldn't handle it. Because I feel like if you make a small mistake, like you're human.

Yeah. But then you get your butt suit off if you make a mistake. I'm not even like. If you make somebody's butt fall off, you're you're gonna get your butt i get that i'm sure that's a concern for out there in today's world but it more immediate is i mean you get you get the glory you get the immediate glory of a doctor you you help someone you save their life their family is forever grateful you get someone and you don't save their life, and you have to go out there and be like, yeah, so sorry about that. Jason's shaking his head.

Yeah, that's what I'm saying, man. I'm not about that life. I'm not doing surgery in the ER, man. I'm a primary care physician. I'm having people come in with the sniffles and I'm telling them how to live their life better. Lose some LBs, why don't you? You know, I'm helping people in a nine to five job, going home, getting paid from all those insurance companies. I will say the primary care physician, I feel like it is a flow chart just looking to get rid of you

everything you bring to a primary care physician they're just like I know another guy that could talk to you about that let me send you over there I know someone else but you're not allowed to talk to them unless you come and talk to me first they're like a receptionist hold on let me transfer you

yeah they don't have to know any of it. They just Google it while we're sitting there. Hold on. Did you try Tylenol? That didn't work? No. No?

Let me introduce you to Dr. J Salk. Oh, man. I would be a Dr. J too. Mike would not remember my name. Oh, never. He would just call me Dr. J. I wish you could hire Dr. House. That's would not remember my name and he would just call me Dr. J. I wish you could hire Dr. House.

That's what I wish you could do. I wish you could go out and hire somebody. So he could make you feel like an idiot? You want to lose three limbs before he saves your life? I want someone who just sits there and you get to hire them and they spend like three days trying to fix you and then you're done. None of this like one 10 minute

appointment, wait three months, 10 minute appointment. want somebody who like gets a bunch of people together and is like what's wrong with this guy oh yeah let's remove a limb i get it now i get what you're saying because it was like when you watched house you had a team of people that were literally they had one job every episode and it was that person yeah That's it. They're all scheming and plotting and researching. And they always got it right. They're going to people's houses to investigate things. It's like, can you imagine if we had that per patient? But that's the thing.

Not shown at the end of every House episode is when Dr. House leans. It's like, your bill is in the mail. That's true. Yeah. Everyone was like, I have $14 million to get treated by Dr. House leans like your bill is in the mail. That's true. Yeah. Everyone was like about $14 million to get treated by Dr. House. All right. Look, it's a celebrity doctor.

What's the price tag on a celebrity doctor? So I'm going to go with medical researcher. I'm just going to show up. I'm going to get some work done. I'm going to know in the back of my mind that I saved a bunch of people's lives. I'm going to go home. I know it's nine to five there. Practicing doctor, I know I'm getting that page. Nobody's like's like hey you got another slide in here you gotta work on so i'm going to research that's a good point i'll still be the primary care

physician because then i will tell all of my friends uh what's to lose weight okay and part of being a doctor is all of your friends call you All the time That's true Take a look at this boil I have some friends who are doctors and nurses And who do you think is called When my kid has an injury

And I'm like okay so it's kind of like this The cut's about this big Do I need to go in Yeah and I How do you not call them I mean by the way Al do we have time for one more or should we move on to life advice we got nothing but time Andy okay Victor

from Patreon would you rather travel the world for a year all expenses paid or have $40,000 now to spend on whatever you want 40k oh baby we are the worst people to ask this question to. Why is that?

Because are my kids coming or not? Yes. And that's exactly... Hilariously... Your choice. Oh. It's your choice. But what about the guilt?

What about the... As you say, I love my kids, but I really would love it without them. But I don't want to miss them. I just had this conversation, not even kidding, a conversation with my parents a week ago, because they took my kids out for a walk on my street, Jason, because they wanted to go see the singing house.

That's a smart decision. Look, see how it all comes back to it. And one of them, I won't name names, but one of them didn't want to walk back because they got tired decker i'm not gonna name names and he would be like yeah i told you i didn't want to walk that's who he is he's a savage uh but we were reminded of of uh a family vacation because when I was a teenager, the parents would always try and bring us on these educational trips.

Sorry, go on. I thought you said educational trips. I certainly did, so hold the vomit. And one of the years, the year I've told the story how we were driving down the East Coast and my father missed the state of pennsylvania yeah i did hear that so there it was that trip and we went to boston and uh what's what's the freedom trail i believe it is called there's like an entire huge walking path where it takes you through many historical sites of the the founding of the united states of america now to an 11 and 12 year

old this is the just the most boring garbage of all time and now as a nearly 40 year old man i'm like man you know what sounds awesome can i go do that freedom trail and see where the the founding of the country happened people wait you're telling me country happened. Wait, you're telling me that. You're telling me. You're telling me 300 years ago people were signing a piece of paper that turned into the foundation of this country. That sounds so exciting. That gets me revved up thinking about it now.

But as a kid, take me to Sega World, please. Can we go to Disney World? Maybe the kids don't even want to go on this travel the world for a year trip that's they probably don't i mean i've i've wanted for several years to do some sort of euro trip you know i i've never really experienced europe i haven't gone around to you know i want to go to see the eiffel tower and all all the touristy stuff go to germany go to go to paris go to france go to see the Eiffel Tower and all the touristy stuff, go to Germany, go to Paris, go to France, go to Italy, go wherever and experience the food, go to some of the big touristy spots. Now you got these ball and chains dragging you down.

I know. Am I right? If I spent all the money and time and energy and effort to go over there, I'm literally torturing my children. Oh, they're complaining the whole time for weeks and i don't blame them i wouldn't expect them to necessarily think the louvre is um is as unbelievable as i'm sure it that's a museum so it's probably not but um you know just as an example like so i think it's not just a museum, Jason.

It's an art museum. Yeah, even worse. Wait, there's no interactive science-y cool stuff? What is this, not a children's museum? Where's the buttons? Yeah. Man. But what would we spend $40,000 on right now?

You could do it on anything. You choose option B here. You could spend $40,000 right now. What do you buy? So you have to spend it today sure yeah okay what do you do if you have to go spend 40 000 right now because that's a weird question what's the biggest tv that money can buy right now you would just go go to town on that 85 that's that's my first that's my first instinct you could buy a vehicle maybe some of them. No, you can definitely get a good car. You got to splurge, though.

If you get that. That's what I mean. That's what I'm saying. I'm buying an unnecessary thing. You're 100%. I'm buying the 100-inch television. You're getting a boat or something that's like. A boat?

Well, my wife has always wanted a boat. And I'm like, why would we? Boats are so expensive. We could go down and rent a boat. Anytime we want, you can go rent a boat anytime we want. You can go rent a boat and it's a couple hundred dollars. And then when I want to do it again next year, I can, I can do it a couple hundred dollars. Like we're not going to the lake.

Yeah. But don't you want to maintain a boat? Isn't that the real thrill? Right. The cost of maintaining or, or housing is somewhere. So, but if I have 40,000 to just like throw away on some splurge item, I don't know. A boat comes to mind. Yeah.

It comes. A couple jets. Some jet skis. We'll get some jet skis for maybe like. Way more fun. You could probably get some sick jet skis for $40,000. You could probably get like maybe six of them for your friends. I have no idea.

What's a jet ski cost? What's a jet ski cost, Al? I have no idea. If you told me it was $500. Six grand is my guess. Six grand. If you said it was $500, I'd no idea. What's a jet ski cost? What's a jet ski cost, Al? I have no idea. If you told me it was $500. Six grand is my guess. Six grand. If you said it was $500, I'd believe you. If you said it was $25,000, I'd believe you.

I don't know what a jet ski costs. I'm going to guess five grand. I think it's like seven or eight grand for a nice one. Great. I can buy five for the family. I'll get a motorcycle too, just because. The family on jet skis would be a lot of fun. So would you rather have family jet skis

or travel the world for a year? I'd rather go around the world. If I got one year, all expenses paid. I'm going around the world. I'm dragging the kids. They can play Nintendo Switch in as many countries as we get to. I mean, that's where I'm going to go. Yeah, 100%. I'm there with you.

It's looking like a top-of-the-line jet ski is more like 20 grand. So I've got one jet ski. No. All right. Let's move on. Spitballers to the rescue. One of the things I really like about this show is how smart we are. That's something I just love about us as people, even outside of the things i really like about this show is how smart we are oh that's something i just love about us as people even outside of the show yep in or out of the show super smart

best advice ever and that's why we we did a dedicated segment because it would be like withholding a gift to the world well in fairness we did this segment mostly because of owl's laziness to not get a new one in here um so we're going back to that but i'm with i'm with andy there was a gift like is celine dion like i will never sing again it wouldn't be fair that wouldn't be fair to the people like was dr j sulk like no vaccine no but dr j like i'm not gonna dunk no they've got gifts to give and we've got gifts to give. All right. Life advice segment of the show.

Our gift to the world. Cup of Goffy on Patreon says just moved into my first home and my fiance is trying to make me a handyman for everything that breaks. While you're in the right place. What amount of time should I put in on YouTube

on each specific project before admitting failure and calling a professional for that task? Well, I can tell you a story very recently. Please do. Oh, this is great. Help yourself. We go up north to our our cabin and uh right you know the cabins i mean it's a it's a woodsy place it's a place where men well it's a cabin where men do woodsy things and

where men are where men are men and they chop down the trees and there's trees flannel shirts and we carry flannels you're darn right we do so i get up there and uh grow beards i i can't tell you it's impossible for you know that show baking it oh yeah where where they they see did you say baking it yeah it's called baking it and what they do mike is they have like i'm not i assume there's some baking going on. It's a baking show. It's a competition show where they have like a perfectly made cake by a master baker. And then these three other... Amateurs?

Yeah. Are they amateurs or are they like sort of professionals? Yeah, they're just pretty much amateurs. And they have to bake the same cake. And it turns out awful. You've seen the show jason is this wait i thought that was called nailed it yeah a different show of making fun of people oh did i mix it up baking it is actually my son and your son's youtube channel where they bake things that's where you're thinking of baking it andy it's there's that memory coming yes it's our

two sons doing a channel the show is called nailed it and i am a dumb person so you've seen nailed it right it's clearly mike's not subscribed because he didn't know what the crap i'm talking about i know what i never will be so nailed it anyways i did the version this is this is supposed to be a helpful anecdote oh man i did nobody could have failed more at building a birdhouse than i did is my point i tried to buy the sir i disagree i buy i bought the tools i read the youtube and read the YouTube. Yeah. And I, I got in the garage and I tried, I'm like, I'm a man. I can make a birdhouse with wood.

I'm telling you, it was the ugliest abnormal miscut, nasty piece of wood square that was tossed aside in a beleaguered, depressing, I failed, threw it away. I mean, we got done. You threw it away? My son and I walked away from that. Those birds would have loved that house.

It wasn't a house, Mike. It was four pieces of wood attached together with holes on both sides of it. It was called a bird trap. They were going to die in there. It was a box without a top or bottom. Look, as long as it can hold seed birds, birds are not particularly picky about their houses. It couldn't have held anything.

We both looked at it and said, this is not for me. And I threw it on the ground, and I haven't used the tools since. Oh, no. Oh, no. That's sad. And so I'm really... not for me and i threw it on the ground and i haven't used the tools since oh no oh no that's sad and so i'm really my point is i thought i could watch youtube and i would have like the muscle ability to do all this stuff precisely but i'm too impatient i didn't practice i can't wrap my head around like i i don't want to be too insulting here but I feel like I'm not good at this type of

stuff but I could definitely build a birdhouse like eyes that sounds like a challenge okay okay okay someone I know someone who's got the tools Jason oh good I don't have to buy them they're not doing anything do you understand that I just want to be clear because I may not have understood this you've got to cut a bunch of wood into the same sizes as each other yeah okay that's impossible then you've got to write and then you've got to hammer it now if i can hammer hammering wood perpendicular perfectly was not as easy as i thought it would be because i didn't have any tools to like how do you hammer perpendicularly perfect oh it's easy i think you need some clamps or something

you start with the hot glue machine that's what I would do I would get the hot glue gun I would put these wood together these pieces of wood together and then it's like I probably wouldn't even add the nail I'd probably be like yeah it's good enough it's hot glued hot oh hot glue that's a Jason your birdhouse is

three in strips three in strips it doesn't rain outside, does it? So the question here, this gentleman moved into a new house, and when you do move into a new place, it is your responsibility to try to be a handyman for a while. I feel like there's a, that's how I felt in every house that I've ever moved into. There's like a six-month period where I fix up the things. What is the handiest thing you've ever done? Oh, gosh.

Handiest thing I've ever done. I refloored the house, my first house. Wow. You refloored a house? I refloored the entire thing. thing now Tyler there is I will bet my life it wasn't you alone it was you alone 100 alone alone myself alone 100 wow my light lighting is just just for no reason just changed to like the the lord above is looking down upon me right now because you're a liar for those listening jason just completely changed i mean his light in his room just blasted him like you're on

trial happened all alone he said well um no it was you can ask my wife it was how did it turn out because i guess anybody could floor a house. Yeah, no, it turned out, if I may say so myself, turned out perfect. I mean, there's no, if it's done right, it's done right. It was carpet. I turned it into new carpet in the bedrooms and hardwood floor. So you did that move where you're on the hands and knees and you're doing the knee strike? Yeah, the knee strike, slamming it, stretching the carpet.

How did you learn how to do that? It's pretty simple, really. I don't even think I YouTubed it. Impressive. Most of the wood flooring stuff, it just snaps together and then you've got to cut it around corners and stuff. I wouldn't tell that story a lot because you don't seem that capable now no i'm not that was a long time ago that's that's what i'm saying i've moved and when i when you first move in a house you're

like i can do things i'm you know i'll get this fixed you know i replaced all my ceiling fans in one house i'm not doing anything anymore. Ceiling fans are the worst thing to replace imaginable. You're getting brighter and brighter as time goes by, Jason. I don't know what to do about it. It reminds me of I attempted once to do some flooring changes uh in a house in my house and it was uh i had made the decision like i want to do the stained cement maybe you guys are familiar with yeah yeah yeah cement yeah no it's kind of self-describing there well i just want to make sure that the people are

are understanding what's going on here so i tear all the carpet out have you heard of do you know what ripped jeans are have you heard of this thing you see their jeans and they let me describe it to you you guys are in the loop on this right so stained cement i rip out all the carpet uh i step one yeah no look that was uh it was just physical labor not a problem handled it i uh patched all the like the holes you know in in the cement kind of try to even it all up and then i go and we make this like my wife and i we make this like cool intricate design with tape and then i i i stain all the cement you know and and wait so i go check on it the next day and i'm like oh man this is fantastic we ripped the tape off you know it looks great except the floor is like kind of sticky and i'm like what is what's uh what's going on here and i don't know how but the cement did not absorb the stain for the stained cement. So it just kind of dried

on the top. So I had to buff all of it off. Buff all it off and then I just had cement. So in that room it was just a cement room. No stain. Very impressive. You guys have heard of cement, right?

Tell me more. Dan from Patreon. So what is the amount of time? We gave any advice we told stupid stories uh what amount of time should i put in on youtube for each project before admitting failure i think uh you know your fiancee just wants to see you make an effort can you break a sweat and break a bone that's all you gotta do break a sweat break a bone i was gonna go two hours oh i i feel like i feel like two hours are an injury i feel like it's a day like if you can give a project a day and if it's like yeah i tried uh i looked things up i went back to the store twice then quit yeah okay there you go how

many times have you been to the store yeah if you've got to go back twice and then after the second trip you can't get it, that's immediately pick up the phone and call someone who three times what they're doing. That is the worst. When you go and you try to get the right screw for the right thing and you come back and you're just barely off and you're like, you might as well buy every screw in every size and then you're set. All right, Dan from Patreon.

Settle a relationship argument for me when putting on socks and shoes do you put on both socks than both shoes or do you do sock shoe sock shoe it's definitely dan dan from patreon number one uh thank you for your support of this podcast why is this a relationship argument this is i don't this This is an argument of any type? There's more than one way that people do this? No, there's one way that people do this, and then there's psychopaths. Yeah, that's how I feel. I agree.

I agree. All right. Well, reveal yourself, Jason. You put your socks on. Of course you put your socks on. And then you put your shoes on. Who does sock, shoe, sock, shoe? Because if you do sock shoe sock shoe

you end up with one completed foot yeah with one naked foot i mean what if you put on your socks and your shoes you don't you know i don't put on a sock shoe sock shoe yeah yeah i don't tell my kids you know i'm like hey get shoes socks on i'm like don't get your shoe shoe shoe sock shoe sock on go do that. There's only one exception to this, and that is if you have one leg. That's the only. Okay, well, then, yeah, because you put on your shoe and your sock. Yeah.

Right, right. Otherwise, psychopath. Oh, man, I really hope that Dan, our loyal supporter on Patreon, is not the psychopath. Socks, shoes, socks, shoes. Oh, but on the other hand, is the person using the relationship. Do you want to be married to a psychopath or do you want to be a psychopath? Which one? Oh, that's a other hand, is the person you're using a psychopath or you want to be a psychopath? Oh, that's a good would you rather.

Would you rather be the psychopath or be married to the psychopath? Sign me up to be the psycho. Me too. I think when you're the psychopath, you don't realize that you're in fact the psychopath. Psychos have. Ignorance is bliss. Yeah, that's right. Not for others, but for you it is.

Yeah. So that's an easy one. Sock shoe, sock shoe. My mind is... Try it next time. See if they arrest you. See if they haul you off in a straitjacket. We've asked spit wads to try horrific things.

Wiping with the wrong arm. I would never, ever put this on a spit wad. I would never stoop so low as to say, try sock shoe, sock shoe. Next time, I'm going sock shoe. Let me know when you're in the middle of it, and I'll give you a ring on the phone, and you can get distracted and have one foot complete. Think about taking your shoes and socks off. Do you take the shoe off and then the sock off?

Oh, no. Because that would be the same thing. It would be so weird. That would be so weird to take a shoe off, a sock off, a shoe off, a sock off. Yeah. All right. Settled. Justin from the website, I got pulled over for driving.

Oh, I just got pulled over for driving over the speed limit. And you're jumping on the website? By a lot. Yeah, of course. Life advice, Mike. The officer that came to my window just got called to another scene and said, stay here. I have an emergency, but I

have transferred your citation to another officer who's on the way. That was five minutes ago. How long do I wait before taking off? Wait, that's a good... No, this doesn't happen. This happened. Clearly. This happened to Justin from our website.

I just got called to another scene, and he said, stay here. I have an emergency, but I have transferred your citation to another officer who is on the way. That was five minutes ago. I mean, they've got your plates. They know who you are and where you're. How long would you actually? Because I would be sitting there for as long as possible. You would? I'm not driving away from a cop that told me to stay put. long would you actually because i would be sitting there for as long as possible but it's what i'm

not driving away from a cop that told me to stay put 30 minutes 30 minutes would be my look 30 minutes and i call the police you've called 9-1-1 i would call the police but there's no officer what am i supposed to you drive away mike i am baffled right now. Look, getting in trouble is, no, I do not handle that. Inside, the repercussions of my anxiety, it's just a mere thought of being in trouble. Interesting. But if I've been pulled over for speeding, and the officer said, stay here, there's another cop coming and that was five

minutes ago you have waited five minutes too long you would leave you need to get out of there man you gotta know your rights you have to be served by the person who saw you break the law i'm out baby yeah yeah wait don't you have to listen to the cop that says stay there? No, I'm out. I'm out of here. I want to know. Okay. Now. You're going to knock on the door later.

Yeah, I want to know. By that same OG cop. I want to know from our police officer friends out there what the law would be on this if someone drove away afterwards. Are you able to go after they shouldn't give you a hard time no here's the law a hard time if this happened and then a an officer says i have an emergency i have to attend someone will be will be by shortly to say give you a citation you get two citations you get your speeding and you get one for stupidity that you sat around waiting for another cop to show up and give you a ticket i used the obeying authority there would not come into play where he said

a police officer said stay here dude you get you're out i'm out wow okay when's the last time you got pulled over mike i'm guessing years ago years ago yeah i have i've been was it for driving too slowly because i'm driving behind you yeah because i have been pulled over twice i have been citated twice one of them definitely my fault definitely my fault going a little bit too fast the other one was one of those bullcrap the speed limit drops by 10 for a stretch of road and they just sit there waiting to get you. That one was nonsense. I just realized something. I stand by it.

But since that second one, I drive slow. You got scared straight. You are the Ruff McGruff case study gone right. Yes. He scared you straight. Dude, you know what sucks? Paying for a speeding ticket. You know what sucks paying for a speeding ticket you know what sucks worse going to that stupid traffic school that doesn't teach you anything but you're stuck

there for six hours so jason can let us know what that school's been like because i've been there a couple of times i've been there a couple of times yeah what do you think i mean i've been driving a while I've been speeding just as long. No, man. No, thanks. I don't need any more tickets in my life. Here's the worst part about getting a ticket. It's not the citation.

It's not the class. It's not the money you have to spend. Other than the momentary absolute fear and crap your pants when you get when you see the lights you're like no the worst part is i'm usually trying to get somewhere quick and now my my effort to get there quick has made me later and i you know you gotta it's a it's a terrible backfire when you're running late somewhere because now it's like what's what's the better way to get show up five minutes late your short-term memory jay or a little bit 45 minutes late yeah i will say i have a very irrational fear of like there's a time where i will speed and it's when i when i got

to do a number two and i have this like ridiculous irrational fear oh you get pulled over like this is this is the time this is the time i'm gonna get pulled over and there's gonna be no stopping it and i'm gonna get pulled over and i'm gonna have poopy pants sir did you poop your pants while i was checking your license yes officer i did stay here while another officer comes and cleans up here oh stay stay here and wait and then you drive away as the police officer and you know you never called anyone else that was their punishment for pooping their pants that's right he never called a backup officer he just made you sit and you're just curious and and hopefully there's a camera nearby

i can look at to just see yeah this guy still there, stay here, all right? He's sitting in poop. Yeah. He's sitting in his poopy pants. He's waiting for another officer that's never going to come. All right, let's get on to the draft. Let's get on to the draft. The Spitballers Draft. All right, Mike has the first pick because he's scattered today. And what are we drafting, Al?

We are drafting dream sponsorships, meaning what companies or brands you would want to sponsor this podcast. Oh, wow. Like the tip of the pinnacle of the peak of the mountain of the best sponsors out there. Who would we want the most? And I can think of different motivations. We or myself personally? No, no, me. I.

Who would I want? Who would Mike want? Who would Andy want the most? I can think of many different motivations for. Yeah, because look, 100% forthright. When someone is nice enough to sponsor the show, they often want you to talk about using the product. They'll send you some of the product

so you can give an accurate, I've had it, I have used it. It's always like, this is Merry Christmas to me that one of our nice sponsors has sent me stuff. Now we're like, my motivation is, who do I want to send me some

product right like who do i want to be just associated with absolutely because there is power in some certain associations yeah and for the record spit wads and and full claim members that that might be listening we turn down a lot of sponsors like we we're genuine to our personal endorsement so your product ain't good we don't sponsor it well we don't advertise it being number one here sucks because i have a clear number one and i don't know if that seems like a good situation for you no no no it's i but i feel like you hooligans will not take it unless you're just in spite trying to take my sponsors. I was very curious. Oh, yeah.

That's probably not coming back to you, Mike. What? I was very curious how Ruff McGruff tied in. You're like, I like to tie it in. In the whole show, I've been thinking, how did Ruff McGruff come to mind? Give me your stuff. Oh, like the free examples.

You got to remember, Mike's always four layers deeper than you, Jason. Wow. I'm just shocked that his mind went to, I want your stuff. And so it immediately started with- He needed to make a rhyme. Ruff McGruff. Stuff, Jason. All right.

As a musician, when you're trying to rhyme, you go for the first thing you could think of. And that was Ruff. And then I was like oh rough mcgruff i'm gonna have i'm gonna have two rhymes with stuff all right mike you're you're up all right i will take it's on my list i don't like i don't like that it's on your list that's i don't even know what you're talking you're a trash person you're a trash friend jason because i'm i'm taking disney oh okay i'm taking i am taking disney because i get look part of that is i get everything that disney is associated with my friends that's marvel that is star wars that's indiana jones that that's me going to any disney

park that i want you think they're giving you all those benefits? You're darn right they are. They're a sponsor. That company is coming out with a wing. Look, on my list, I have Disneyland as my number two because I want to advertise Disneyland and go to Disneyland. So that was my number two option. But also on the list is Marvel. I wasn't thinking I get the whole umbrella of all Disney. You're darn right I do.

It's Disney. Oh're darn right I do. It's Disney. That's ridiculous. I take Procter & Gamble. I get everything. Sure, take Procter & Gamble. Good friends of the show, man. Take your hair up to 100. I was thinking there's some sponsors that

wouldn't give you much for free, but the association would be amazing. If Disney sponsors you, that's pretty cool. But then there are other sponsors whose products are cheap enough to where they might give you much for free, but the association would be amazing. Like if Disney sponsors you, that's pretty cool. But then there are other sponsors whose products are cheap enough to where they might give you a lifetime supply. So I was thinking about lifetime supply situations. They're letting me into the park at least. Maybe they're not sending me.

Maybe once a year. No, no. They're great. I wouldn't let you into a park. That's for sure. Employees for Disney get to go into the park whenever they want. So maybe I don't get cool merch, but I'm going to the parks whenever i want all right that's that's a good one i mean we're we're obviously disney lovers here and uh disney land lovers so uh no i

i i like it a lot that wasn't what i thought you were going with i thought you were going with something else that is also on my list and we'll see if that makes back to your picket. But you also didn't take the right one-on-one. Oh, man. Welcome to the Tesla Studios. Oh, baby. It's on my list. Oh, I mean, there's no cooler inventions in the world right now. I mean, Tesla as a brand, Tesla as a stock, Tesla as a car.

Oh, my goodness. EV for the win. And I'm going to be enjoying my free product. I got me a free Tesla because they want a personal endorsement, and so they're going to get it. Yeah, but here's what you don't know about Tesla. Oh, I know they don't advertise. Is that what you're going to say?

Not only do they not advertise, but their employees have to buy the cars. Elon Musk, the CEO. I ain't no employee. I'm a celebrity endorser. The CEO of Tesla, Elon Musk, has said on the record that he buys his cars. So enjoy your association with Tesla because you're still buying the cars. For the record, you took disney as an as an entire entity this is a make-believe world of imagination and i'm getting a free tesla i don't

care what you say that's my sponsor tesla yeah i'm just trying to shut it down because it's so cool it was up on my list too and i thought it was my pick and then jason picked and now i'm sad yeah all right uh listen the fantasy footballers we've had five years worth of shows and sponsors and different entities have come along and and believe it or not we've been sponsored by the tourism of various states it's true in the history of that show. True. True. So I am going to be sponsored here because the precedent's been set. I would like to be sponsored by the tourism and state of Hawaii. Oh, that's good.

That's so good. Because I would love to give a personal endorsement to the state. We're going to have to bring you down all expense paid. Nice vacation. Tell people about it. I mean, it's just, and what's their saying? Oh, that's so good. And every state's got a tagline, and it would be just like, Hawaii.

Yep. And that would be it. It would be like, yeah, it's us. They don't need a tagline. Hawaii. It's Hawaii., yeah, it's us. They don't need a tagline. Hawaii, it's Hawaii. Sponsored by Hawaii. I want to be sponsored by the state of Hawaii because we've been sponsored by the state of New Mexico,

so it only seems fair. All right. My second pick, I will go with the tech that I will always need forever. It is love-hate when we talk about them sometimes because of the way that the company makes decisions. But this is like a Tesla pick. It's Apple.

I'm going to take Apple because I need a new phone, a new iPad, a new computer, and I need them always forever on a regular cycle. I need to have that tech. And I would love to be an Apple fan boy because they sponsor the show. You know what's funny is we're all Apple fan boys. We've got the watches and the whole suite. Every computer in my house is a Mac, is an Apple.

And it's funny because I'm pretty sure I hate them. I'm so sick of Apple and I feel like I miss- Yes, aluminum frame. I miss Steve Jobs and his creativity. None of this coming out with, oh, here's our new product. It's a credit card. Why don't you sign up and get some debt? Give me a break, Apple.

Losers, but also I love all your stuff, and I would love to get it for free. I would love it. It's a good pick. That was, despite my also kind of weird hatred for Apple, I love them and they were next on my list and I would have picked them. So the top three on my list were Apple, Tesla, Tesla, Apple, and Disneyland.

Can I get a clarity on your first pick, Jason? Sure. Because is it Tesla or Tesla? I believe it is Tesla. Because I thought it was Tez, right tes right yeah as though it's a z yeah i i believe it is pronounced with a z but i also believe that is dumb and i say it is tesla i say it both i i mean if you'd rewind is it disney or disney all right move on that's actually a really good comp because we say Disney like it's a Z.

Well, a person's last name, though, is Tesla. I don't know. All right, I just thought I'd check. All right. Jason is back up. Jason, you're back up. I have Hawaii and Apple. You're living a pretty good life over there.

I'm not too bad. All right. I know my fourth pick. I already know it for sure. It's impossible that either of you would take them. You know your fourth pick? It's Oscar Mayer. And my baloney has a first name.

So now I'm trying to piece together my three. All right. I'm going to go between these two companies. Look, I'm going to stay. these two companies. Look, I'm going to stay. This will be a really weird one. I'm going to say that I'm going to stay true to who I am, but then this feels a very impersonal pick because it's really I'm going to stay true to who everyone is.

Oh, no, it's Fortnite, isn't it? No, it's Amazonnight isn't it no it's amazon that owns everything that is upsetting right now because amazon was the pick yeah i was gonna take it i mean you've got you got aws mike i just got your gig okay so now i'm now i'm the spokesman uh you get all the prime shipping all the i mean amazon has literally everything so i just inherited inherited the world free of charge as a personal endorser. Yeah, normally they give the entire company to whoever. According to Mike's Disney, how he gets everything. I said I don't get merch.

I get to go to the parks, though. All right. All right. I get everything. Two picks. All right. the parks though all right all right all right i get everything two picks all right well i mean the great news is the pit came back and jason was not uh a terrible friend so it my actual number one pick because look i know disney wasn't gonna make it back but my actual number one pick and anyone who knows me know that i will take nike yeah as my sponsor because the getting just non-stop

brand new nikes like there's there's shoes out there you can't even get them you like you try to buy them immediately when they come out they're like oh so sorry about that we're all sold out well not when i am sponsored by nike and of course i have my own shoe made by nike because that's how i am a sponsor that would that would be that that how I am a sponsor that would be that would be it that would be the end of all shows for the footballers to be over the spitballers to be over because I would just convert

into energy and light and I would Mike likes shoes if you didn't get it I like shoes specifically Nike shoes it's a great great pick Nike's you know obviously a massive brand and we all like i'm pretty confident that every single pair of shoes we're a nike or the three of us i don't know al are you a nike guy nah not particularly what's he's a dollar store

are you a payless i think the vast majority of my shoes were probably purchased at Walmart. That can be yours. Not everyone cares about shoes. Nike's a good pick because they cost just around that amount where you'd be getting regular supply. So if it's too expensive, we know from history of being sponsored, you don't always get the big ticket item. I'm not getting a Model X. It's not happening. You're not getting a Model X. You will get the 132 scale Model X. That's what they'll send you yes yeah all right so you got

another pick mike disney and nike though i like jason i know my fourth pick but i am very torn on what i want to go with of the third because i have one that's very practical and incredible, and then I have one that's just cool. And I have no choice. I got to take the cool one. I got to take the cool one. I'm sponsored by PlayStation, my friends. I am sponsored by the Sony PlayStation, and before everyone gets all up in arms,

I love Microsoft. I love Xbox. I love Microsoft. I love Xbox. I love PlayStation. My allegiance to either system does not exist. Whichever sponsor comes first, you will

say you're my favorite. You know which one I like more? Whoever's paying me. Look, PlayStation 2 or PlayStation 1 and 2 were huge consoles in my life, incredible memories playing those. Then I was on the Xbox 360. I didn't really PlayStation 3.

So I've got both of them in my arsenal, but just right now, based off of the cool factor and the games coming out, I will take PlayStation. Wait, so I took Nike and PlayStation, so I've got to wait on my fourth pick. Okay, you're up, Jay. Oh, man. Oh, man. This is really, really tough because there's a brand that I like the most

that is the better pick, probably the bigger vote-getter. But I'm also looking at what product i can receive and there's not there really isn't anything i'm not gonna really receive any product from this company and on the other hand a lifetime supply of chipotle oh no oh no i think i gotta take it i get the gold card. I can walk into any Chipotle anywhere. Me and my family, we're taken care of. Lifetime supply.

What do I want today? Do I want a burrito? No, I want a bowl. I want tacos. I get whatever I want. Chipotle is sponsoring me. Look, we as a group probably have Chipotle at least once a week. Probably twice a week.

Now it feels like we're actually doing an ad you just that was a pretty powerful ad right there none of these companies are currently sponsoring the show they are not but i guarantee that the the chipotle app was just fired up on at least 500 phones uh but if you're listening state of Hawaii check out the case study from New Mexico worked out pretty good go ahead and sign up true am I back on the clock here my last two picks

you get to finish it up alright this is tough I have one that I will not be picking but I want to pick it just for the theme song. There's a theme song? Just for the tagline for this company.

Farm? No. Nope. It goes way back, Mike. Liberty? It goes back to the Ruff McGruff ages. Jason, we have said specifically Liberty will never be sponsoring this podcast. That's true.

That's true. So I'm going to go with, the first one I'm going to go with is I'm going never be sponsoring this podcast. That's true. That's true. So I'm going to go with... The first one I'm going to go with is... I'm going to be true to myself. And no, not New Mexico. I'm going with the National Football League. Oh, yeah. It's on my list.

Yeah, that's a good one. If the league itself gets invested in the spitballers, namely Andy Holloway of the spitballers, there's going to be some perks. I'm going to be on the field. I'm going to be hanging out in the owner's booth. I'm going to be. It's Andy on TV. Have you ever heard of this thing called the NFL?

That's all the ad reads. They're all about discovery. Let me tell you about it. It's not about go watch it. It's about teaching you what it is. I love his picks. His picks are Hawaii. It's Hawaii. You're already in. It's about teaching you what it is. I love his picks. His picks are Hawaii. It's Hawaii.

You're already in. It's the NFL. We play football. You know it. You're already in. And Apple, you've got it in your pocket. Apple, you've got it in your pocket. That's their tagline.

Get a credit card. Well, good. Then I'm going to go pure indulgence here. Askin Robbins. Oh, no. I I'm going to go pure indulgence here. Baskin-Robbins. Oh, no. I was waiting for an ice cream. When he said I'm going to stay true to myself, I assumed it was an ice cream.

I'm pivoting to Baskin-Robbins. Wait, I'll give you a chance. Are you a Baskin-Robbins guy or a Cold Stone guy? I'm all about Baskin-Robbins. Baskin-Robbins? Yeah, yeah. A Cold Stone's good, but it will kill you. It'll kill you quick.

In a good way. I will die slower with Baskin-Robbins 31 different ways. I'm pivoting to Baskin-Robbins. That's the best pick you've ever come up with. I don't know what I was thinking possibly going away from that. So Baskin-Robbins, and I will do, man, being able to walk in there. Oh, I won't be walking for a long time. You should have grabbed pellets while you were at it.

That's true. All right, back to you, Jason. I'll share the one that has the song that I wanted, but we'll do that at the end. And I'll share the pick that would have gotten me more votes. It was cool, but I didn't get enough cool product with it at the end as well. But my fourth pick was on lockdown from before this episode started. You want to know what Chipotle doesn't do well?

Dessert. But Hostess. Hostess does just the best. Box up them apple pies and give me all the little. Yes. Oh, I mean, Hostess is. Jason's got Chipotle, unlimited Chipotle and Hostess. That's right.

This is the shortest living sponsorship. I'm going to need one more round for a bidet. But outside of that, Hostess and Chipotle gold cards, unlimited supply. Okay. Yes, sir. All right. Well, you're a genius. I am incredibly jealous of the gold card.

That is like, that's been the dream. I mean, that's the dream of any kid that loves fast food. Just unlimited. Whenever you walk, you're like, do you know who I am? Gold car. Make me another bowl. Make me another bowl. I'm probably just going to throw it in the garbage.

Make two. One for me, one for your garbage. I'm really proud of us that in this fourth round, we're staying true to who we are. Andy took the ice cream. Jason got the hostess. I'm taking Fender, baby. Give me unlimited.

That's cool. That would be really cool. is I'm taking Fender, baby. Give me unlimited. Like my favorite instrument. That would be really cool. My favorite instrument I have is my Fender jazz bass. It's a Fender American made jazz bass. It is the best piece of musical equipment I have. And if they could just deck me out with like some strats and some tellies, that would be unbelievable to get free instruments to say that I play them. I love it.

That's a great pick. That's a great pick. Go ahead. Andy, what was your theme song? I had a number of backup ones. I thought Pepsi. I thought about going Pepsi. I thought about going like a pizza association.

You know what I mean? So a little bit charitable, but I want free pizza forever. Sure. But the theme song was literally Gillette because I wanted to sing the best of me. That's fair. That's fair. I'll do the ad, but on one stipulation.

This is the ad. I sing the jingle. I also had Big Pharma in there. I just figured they might not have the best products, but they're packing heat on that check. I'll take Big Pharma and Big Tobacco, please. Throw in Wall Street. I got Wall Street. Yeah, right.

Wall Street's sponsoring my podcast. The one that I was close to taking over Chipotle was Netflix. I mean, as far as a brand and life. Yeah, it's cool, but what's Netflix? $13 a month? Exactly, like 100%. They already give me unlimited product. You know what I mean?

It just costs a little bit. All right. The two I had left, I had Bose speakers. I like good, like a good audio experience. And the, the, the one where it was like,

do I take PlayStation? Cause it's cool. Or do I take this one? Postmates baby. Yeah. Yes. That would be, wow.

It would be something else. If every day you had a hundred dollars on Postmates. Oh man. When all you had $100 on Postmates. Oh, man. When all you can hamburger is think about. L-I-V-I-N. What did you say? When all you can hamburger is think about? When all you can hamburger is thinking about Postmates.

All right. I think that does it. What did we learn today? I learned. Oh, go ahead. I learned I learned that Jeremy's insane laziness and unpreparedness caused us to have to push his new segment back a week

and there's clearly only the only reason that that would ever happen is nothing to do with the three of us or anything that we would do wrong it's just owl just being a bum it's a cliche but dropping being a bum. Just being owl. It's a cliche, but dropping the ball is kind of what happened.

But maybe it'll be next week. We'll see. We'll see if we can get it together. I learned that Jason put a floor in. I didn't know that. Yeah. Still not sure I believe it after the light came on and he was lit up as being a liar. I learned that there are actually people out there that go sock shoe.

Oh no. There's at least one psycho. Alright. That does it for today's episode of the Spitballers podcast. Thank you for all the kind reviews. We do read them and they're also sweet. Five star reviews especially.

Thank you for supporting the podcast. Stay safe everybody we'll see you next time goodbye thanks for listening to the spitballers podcast to see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballerspod.com Oh, that was a lot of fun. Hilarious. What a show. Thank you for listening in. And if you want to learn more about how you can support the show

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