Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 136: Hot Mud & An Ocean Battle - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: February 8, 2021

It’s finally here! We are back in the studio and we got to try out a new segment! Before that, we discuss evading The Predator, cliffhangers, and do a little on-air gambling. We close down the show ...with an ocean animal battle royale! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Hey, before we start today's show, which from my understanding is... Any minute now. It is also the best show we've ever done. The best show we've ever done. We hear all the time... Oh, that was the best. That was the best show. How was every show the best show?
Starting point is 00:00:13 And we're like, well, hey, check this out. Here's how. Because of the Spitwad community. That's how. The Spitwads, you guys listening, supporting our show. You help us out. Go to spitballerspod.com and support the show you can click become a spit wad you get early access to all the shows you get the spit tank where we're going to answer
Starting point is 00:00:32 your questions the way tons of antioxidants oh yes rejuvenating for all skin tons of medications go look if you have any kind of medical problem at all please visit spitballerspod.com become a spitwad there you won't regret it and we appreciate your support now on with the show what happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Aroody, toot, toot, inky, winky, pinky, pooky, bop, pew, poo. Pew, poo? Man, I had a good start. It was a really good start.
Starting point is 00:01:27 Yes. When it got to the inky. Let's run it back. Inky winky. But as the judge, that was a one-foot landing with Hop. It was not stuck. But I did land on my feet. Oh, yeah. Of course you landed on your feet. It just took you like five but I did land on my feet. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:45 I mean, of course you landed on your feet. It just took you like five steps. Have you watched the Olympics? Oh, yeah. If you don't stick it, you're out. Well, that's okay. We don't stick it very often. That's a stink it.
Starting point is 00:01:55 Oh, my goodness. I would not qualify our scat introductions as Olympic level, Mike. This is more like. Well, not yet. I'm talking to them, though. Right. Well, we're going to'm talking to them, though. Right. Well, we're going to have to win a couple regional tournaments first. Well, they're thinking about dropping curling and putting in scatting.
Starting point is 00:02:12 See, I can't support that. Which would be disappointing. I love curling. I know. But if I get to be an Olympic athlete, then I'm probably for it. Well, I didn't win a gold. Let's put it that way. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast.
Starting point is 00:02:25 Back in studio, Al Borland. How you doing? I'm great. Thanks for asking. Back in studio, we have a new segment. Do I know what the segment is? No, I don't. Am I going to participate in it?
Starting point is 00:02:39 Yes, I am. Yeah. I mean, people have been waiting forever for this segment. And I know Al is, you know, he's so worried. Nervous. Oh, he's nervous. He's like, the people have been waiting. They've been wanting it for so long, and the buildup is so high.
Starting point is 00:02:55 Right. He's like, this isn't worth that much buildup. And so I just want to say, it's going to be the best segment of all time. It should be. And if it crashes, it's still a win for us. It's completely on him. That's right. What if I told you?
Starting point is 00:03:15 His pits are real sweaty right now. What if I told you I completely forgot we had a new segment that was going to debut as soon as we got back in the studio? Look, things have been a little bit all over the map schedule-wise. We've been remote recording, and there was promise of this segment. Then we were told, you know, oh, it's not that great to do. It's not that great, but we have to do it when we're back in the studio. Otherwise, it won't work.
Starting point is 00:03:41 Well, we're going to find out together. I can't wait. This is an exciting show. And just like Jason said, just to reiterate before we start things here, if it succeeds, it will be on our backs because of the comedy and the humor. If it fails, it will not be our fault. It will be Owl's fault. Yeah, 100%. Due to bad creativity.
Starting point is 00:03:59 That's right. Yeah. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, Instagram.com, slash SpitballersPod, SpitballersPod.com. That's slash spitballers pod spitballers pod dot com that's where the spit wads hang out ding I don't know thank you for your support your reviews
Starting point is 00:04:12 thank you for I don't we don't reference previous shows very often we like these things to stand alone stand on their own one foot and yet you guys we had a candy draft on one of the more recent episodes yeah last week's episode and you guys brought up the these not a sponsor unfortunately not a sponsor the sweet tart ropes you brought it up and i bought myself way too many of them which
Starting point is 00:04:41 was kind of a confidence thing with you guys because i could have bought a one-off i could have gone to the local law green you check that as a business expense correct oh should have i really should have i mean we also don't say that because jason's about to spend out our business you've spent five thousand dollars on candy this is this look if i can speak anyway they're great that does the point if i could speak directly. Anyways, they're great. That is the point. If I could speak directly to Mr. and Mrs. Hershey. I believe it's Nestle. Nestle. Let me get the number to your friend, Mr. and Mrs. Nestle.
Starting point is 00:05:13 We have given you way too much free advertising, and we need at the very least to be rewarded with boxes of these sweet tart ropes. That's exactly right. Yeah, no doubt about it. Wow. Yeah, they're very good. They're very, very good. Let's get started.
Starting point is 00:05:35 Would you rather. All right. Would you rather. You're the last man on earth. It's a classic scenario. The earth itself is unchanged. Except for lack of all the people, I'm guessing. Right.
Starting point is 00:05:52 Would you rather choose one person you know to be with you or every year 10 random people spawn into your world? Ooh. Okay okay first question are they spawning anywhere around me yeah they have to yeah the world is a very large place yeah it's a classic mike question but yeah yeah if the question was you know 10 random people on earth then this question is really would you like to have someone with you or be alone? So it has to be 10 random people who are spawned into your world,
Starting point is 00:06:32 into your living area, and this is a one-time thing? Or no, it's every year. Yeah, every year. 10 new people every year. You're repopulating the earth. Well, that's going to be hard to repopulate the earth. I mean, you've got to get that job done quick.
Starting point is 00:06:49 But with your unselfishness, because you don't get to choose who it is, and it's random people every year, 10 randos. And as you know from just being on the internet, random people, it doesn't always work out. Yeah, it's like a food draft with Mike. You don't always get what you expect. And the thing is,
Starting point is 00:07:15 I'm taking that without question because this is just a great movie plot. I mean, if you're the last man on earth and 10 people spawn every year, so 10 people spawn, right? You figure it out. Maybe you got a couple of bad apples. You can knock them out real quick. Who's going to stop me?
Starting point is 00:07:28 And here's the thing. You and your 10 friends, let's say you're working together. Then every year, you're the 11 people that introduce the new 10 people to the world. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I think. Are we on the same? We're on the same page every 10 years. Those 10 that you've built these this decade long relationship with a poof.
Starting point is 00:07:51 They're gone. Wait, what? It's 10 new people. Every year is 10 different people. That's how I'm seeing this. You can't just have 10 more people added to the mix every year. Yes, you can. Because that's the would you rather question.
Starting point is 00:08:04 That's not. How do you read that? You're the wizard that... They don't die. Well, they just disappear. I read it as they stay. Yeah. Every year you get 10 new people. Why the heck wouldn't I take that?
Starting point is 00:08:16 Because maybe you like somebody and you want to take one person with you in your life. Sorry, Tiff. I love you, but you're telling me I can have 100 people in my life here in a few short hundred years see that's not where I was going where I was going is uh it's me then these random people start spawning who's the king who's the king of the earth first person yeah me I am now the king of the earth is confusing the heck out of me on this question
Starting point is 00:08:46 because it's like you can't comprehend that you get, I mean, you said a few hundred short years, you're dead in a hundred short years. You will get ten new friends every year for, let's say, ten years. That's a hundred people. You've got like a community. Also, I don't know why you're banking on that ten of these people are going to be your friend. I would say three maximum.
Starting point is 00:09:04 No, you underestimate the fact that when there are no other people, people are, they need friends more. Right now there's a lot of choice in the world. At that point in time, guess what? The guy with the bad attitude has two choices. Go live alone in the woods or get along, buddy. But for me, there's so much choice, and I choose no one. Right.
Starting point is 00:09:26 You're saying right now you choose to have no friends. You want to know why you choose to have no friends? Is it because there's too many? Because you could choose to have friends. You are flexing your control over the situation. In those days, in the future, you don't get a choice. And then it's like they're going to be choosing you too. And here's another thing.
Starting point is 00:09:44 Okay. There's not going to be a whole lot of new programming coming out to watch or some cool new video games to play. You're going to need human interaction. It'll be more like, do I want to build a shelter today or do I want two friends to help me? The food is a problem. I feel like my wife is going to be really upset that I am saying, sorry, honey, I'm going to take the strangers. But one, just the two of us forever. No other ever. That doesn't seem like the right avenue.
Starting point is 00:10:18 It didn't even cross my mind. And now I'm in trouble, probably. But the thing is, it's for the good of humanity. That's what I said. You're repopulating the earth. Humanity is likely to go on. Yeah. It's for the people.
Starting point is 00:10:33 I don't know if it's going to make it at 10 people a year. 10 a year, you're going to make it. You're going to make it. 10 a year is a good amount. I don't know. It takes basically a year to have a baby. You're on perfect schedule. But the lion population is completely out of check. That don't know. It takes basically a year to have a baby. You're on perfect schedule. But the lion population
Starting point is 00:10:46 is completely out of check. That is the problem. The wildlife is the major problem here because if bears start coming into the city, lions, I mean, all of a sudden you don't have enough people to overcome. All of a sudden you're a people zoo. And the bears are buying tickets to see you.
Starting point is 00:11:02 I'm in a cage. I think we need to move on now. All right. Would you rather be hunted by the Terminator, the Predator, or the alien? Heck no. Now, you quickly answered no to the Terminator, Mike. Yes, that is. But the Predator is, well, he's a predator yeah he's very good at finding and disposing of you that that is true um but the predator is a living creature so i have to presume
Starting point is 00:11:36 that it it it has to follow all the other rules of life has to rest has to refuel the terminator just goes on forever because it it is a robot and i'm not sure if you're familiar with this to fool the predator all you have to do is cover yourself in in very cold mud and no longer can the predator see you well it helps if you're built like you know schwarzenegger as well wait but the muscles have nothing to do well he did have to defeat the predator he didn't just hide from him Well, he did have to defeat the Predator. He didn't need to just hide from him forever. He didn't need to hide for all time.
Starting point is 00:12:09 Yeah, but how many muscles do I need to shoot a gun? I mean, you've got to have some, but I've got enough, right? He just didn't have a gun at the time. I would love to see you out in the jungle against the Predator with some mud. Covered in mud? Yeah, I know you would, buddy. All right, I'm choosing the alien. You want to know why?
Starting point is 00:12:25 It's simple. Because it's the right choice. The alien's the right choice for the reason that I can go into, most likely, a locked house, and I'll probably be all right. He's not opening a door, right? It's like the raptor from Jurassic Park. If I go into a safe spot, can it open a turning door? It doesn't need to open a door.
Starting point is 00:12:45 It will tear the roof off. Yeah. And you are being hunted by it here in this situation. I can't remember. Is it ectomorph? I could go in some metal room. Xenomorph. Thank you.
Starting point is 00:12:55 A metal room. I think it will get through. It melts stuff, doesn't it? Yeah. It's got acidic spit. The alien will get into your house if it wants to. Okay. But the alien seems to, I don't know,
Starting point is 00:13:09 just if you get the alien on a ship, it just hangs out there. It's like, oh, okay, cool. Out of curiosity, let's say, for instance, I know this is hard to believe, let's say in any scenario you actually are killed, which seems likely. Okay.
Starting point is 00:13:23 This choice is... You're talking to Mike? Who would you rather be killed by? Who's going to hurt more? Probably the alien. Because he comes out your belly? Yeah, Terminator is... His weapon.
Starting point is 00:13:38 His weapon is whatever weapons you have at the time because it has traveled back to get you. The Predator has the shoulder cannon, which will. That blows you up? Well, it'll take a hole the size of like a cannonball right out of your chest. Right through you? Okay. Really?
Starting point is 00:13:52 So I've never seen the Predator. You've never seen the Predator? I have never seen the Predator. Oh, man. I know that right now. So you didn't understand the mud reference. He's a special character in Fortnite right now. Look at all the.
Starting point is 00:14:02 This guy over here is like, yeah, I'll just put mud on myself. Like he knows what he's talking about. You told me that like, yeah, I'll just put mud on myself. He knows what he's talking about. You told me that he can't see me if I put mud on myself. Because that's what the movie said. Well, the mud hid the heat signature of the human. Yes, the predator sees in thermal.
Starting point is 00:14:15 Oh, that's great news. But you burn hot. You burn hot. That mud ain't doing nothing. There ain't enough mud in the world. Now it's hot mud. As soon as you put cold mud on me, it's just hot mud. He's just seeing a hot mud creature running around.
Starting point is 00:14:29 I don't want to die covered in mud. That's right. You know, have some dignity. That's right. He's running at you and you're just slopping more mud on you. Cool down. Oh, man, that's not good. Yeah, I guess I got to go alien because at that point.
Starting point is 00:14:46 Have you seen the alien? We're going to die no matter what, right, in this situation. Yeah, that's my point. At that point, I can go, they are real, and then it lights out. You know what I mean? Like, I get some special information. I'm not sure if aliens are real, whereas I already know robots will take over the world. Yeah, but the alien is revealing itself to you, and you think it's's lights out but it's really about to grow in your belly and you're yeah i say that the alien could go at you with the babies with the face huggers yeah and now you have
Starting point is 00:15:12 an alien in that is inside a mama alien oh new info yes yes okay but the birthing process is is very uncomfortable just like humans except it makes makes a new way to get out of your body. It's a new rule. I do think I remember they did not enjoy that process. No. I believe they said, kill me. They didn't call it the beauty of life or anything like that. All right.
Starting point is 00:15:36 They didn't press it to their bosom. I've come complete full circle. Terminator it is. I will die by the hands of a modern day weapon. All right, next would you rather question, would you rather have your favorite show have a bad ending or just get canceled right after a cliffhanger? Oh, okay.
Starting point is 00:15:58 Do you have a show that jumps to mind of a disappointing ending? I don't necessarily know if I think it was a bad ending or not, but the one that I associate with that is Seinfeld. Oh, really? Yes, because it was the biggest show on television. The ending was built up so much that it was going out in the heyday. People wanted the show to keep going, and then people were really disappointed by it. Cliffhanger would have been much better in that situation and it would have fit better the
Starting point is 00:16:29 cliffhanger inside yeah i mean every episode it's like he sets up a joke and doesn't tell the punchline i've always wanted to know where it would have gone i guess tell me about the car jerry the thing that happened to seinfeld was people were disappointed that it had such a plot. And it was, you know, the whole show was about nothing. And then this last episode was like a two-parter and it had a plot. And, you know, if it just ended with them going down in the plane and you don't know whether they live or die, that could have, I don't know, that could have been better. But there are a lot of shows.
Starting point is 00:17:03 Dexter. Lost, Dexter, Game of Thrones. That was the one that comes to mind for me yeah look Cliffhanger would have been better there I don't know if that's true because like so I you know I loved Game of Thrones awesome series maybe the best or top three show of all time R.I.P. and I hated the end of that show I just just absolutely was, I felt like Now is that because they took like eight episodes to like try to accomplish like 30 episodes worth of content? It certainly
Starting point is 00:17:31 seemed like they crammed it in. You guys are just mad because you spent years watching a character develop and completely turning a blind eye to what was actually happening to said character. Is this an apologist across the table? No, no, I'm just bringing up that we had many arguments in the office about this. And there was half of the office was like, she's going crazy.
Starting point is 00:17:52 She already went crazy. How do you not know that this happened? I don't have the problem with her. And you're like, no, I'm on her team. She's good. I had no problem. She won't burn the city down. Look, look, you're not going to find anybody that disagrees with the fact that
Starting point is 00:18:05 they tried to pack a little too much character change and plot changes it was a little bit fast and the the producers gave them like two years and they're like no we want to do it in eight and then it was a mistake but anyway the the principle of cliffhanger versus bad ending bad ending sours the experience yes it sours everything you thought about it including even a show like that where, you know, Game of Thrones, a lot of people really enjoy. And then everybody looks at the ending and they go, yeah, but that ending. That's true.
Starting point is 00:18:32 See, I have to have it wrapped up. I have to. You'd rather have a bow on it? I would rather have a bow. I want to know the answers. Like, if I invest as much time as it took to get through an entire show, you know, eight seasons of watching. And then all of a sudden, I don't get the answer.
Starting point is 00:18:48 I want to be upset with the ending rather than have to make my own or not have one at all. Now, are you like that with movies? Because, like, my wife, when we see a movie that has just an unopened or an open ending. She hates that or she love it? She hates it. She gets physically upset and mad because she wants the montage ending to like all close up.
Starting point is 00:19:14 And then Jay climbed up Mount Everest. She needs that. Her personality needs it. I want no endings ever in my life. Just leave it open. i'll fill it in i'll i'll think about that movie for days so you even in a movie you need it so you wrapped up there's two totally different things we're talking about here and first of all a movie that doesn't
Starting point is 00:19:36 have an ending is lazy stupid and idiotic and i hate it however no matter what no matter what no no no this is where i'm saying no no no this is where I'm saying, no, no, no. This is where I'm saying there's a difference. There's two separate things. I've seen some movies where it's just like, it's going, it's going, it's going and then credits and you go,
Starting point is 00:19:51 what? What did I just watch this for? However, there are movies that have an ending but then they end after the ending with a question. Inception. Original Total Recall.
Starting point is 00:20:03 Where you end and then at the end you go, wait a minute. What? And it's left to you to decide. Yes. That's amazing. Inception, original total recall, where you end and then at the end you go, wait a minute, what? And it's left to you to decide. Yes. That's amazing. That is not no ending.
Starting point is 00:20:16 There are indie stupid arthouse movies that go three-quarters of the way through and then credits. So they ran out of money. That's what they don't tell you. That's what it always seems like. Their budget's over. They ran out of money. Those really anger me. Because now you have wasted my time.
Starting point is 00:20:28 No, because I delete those movies from my memory. Just like they deleted the indie. Yeah. Okay. One more. One more would you rather. All these came from, I think, a Reddit channel. Is that right, Al?
Starting point is 00:20:42 That's correct. Which of these odds for getting large sums of money would you rather take? This is a perfect odds question. We are gamblers. Now, this came from Wall Street Bets, right? Is that correct? Option 1, 100% chance
Starting point is 00:20:59 of $1,000. Option 2, a 75% chance of $10,000. It's still good. Option C, a 50% chance of $10,000. It's still good. Option C, a 50% chance at $100,000. Option D, a 25% chance for $1 million. Or Al Borland's pick, 5% chance for $1 billion. That one's out. Oh, I don't know.
Starting point is 00:21:25 I'm not taking 5%. That one's out for me, too. To me, C is jumping off the page. Flip a coin for $100K. That's difference-making money. Certainly. $100 for $1,000 is out. Because if I know these other choices are here, I don't want to be the guy that...
Starting point is 00:21:44 This is the guy that goes on to who wants to be a millionaire, answers the first question, and passes on all the other questions. I'm good. No, I'm good. I'm out. I'm out. 1,000. I don't think he is out of the question here.
Starting point is 00:21:55 You are a crazy person. Well, here's the thing. Here's the thing. Hear me out. He wants a sports team, and that's how you're going to get it. Exactly. Like, I like my life. I'm a happy person.
Starting point is 00:22:06 I don't feel like, now, don't get me wrong. Don't hear what I'm not saying. I'll be thrilled to get $100,000. That would be amazing. However, that doesn't change my life forever. That gets me a nice deposit on a house or a couple of cars for the family. Amazing stuff. But my life is the same.
Starting point is 00:22:31 If you have that 5% chance at a billion, a billion, not just a million, a billion, all of a sudden, like Andy said, I can go and get a sports team or at least some percentage of one. I mean, that's like a level I can't even comprehend. And I feel like. Yeah, but you got a one in 20 shot. That's pretty good, man. One in 20. That is not good at all.
Starting point is 00:22:54 It's good for a billion. Okay, so let's say that's good. You could flip that coin 20 times and never land on a billion dollars. Yeah, but if I flip it once. But what I don't have, I don't have the math laid out in front of me. I apologize. But let's say you go with C, and then you take your $100,000, which you got for free, and then you go somewhere,
Starting point is 00:23:16 and you're just letting it ride. I mean, you have to. Let me ask you this. You're not going to get to a billion, but is it better, is there a way to take that money to a game in Vegas and turn it into a million dollars? Oh, another 50-50 shot. That's better than going with the 25% chance to get a million in one chance.
Starting point is 00:23:35 All right. All these games we're playing. It's fun, but we're going to actually play this game. We're going to do it right now. Owl, so Andy, you said you're doing the 50% chance a hundred thousand right i'm just we're going to see if we're going to flip a coin see if we get owl you got to pick a number write it down between one or two and then andy is going to say that and we're going to find out if andy got a hundred thousand dollars you good to go over there al i'm good two tails never Two. Tails never fails. It was one.
Starting point is 00:24:06 You got exactly what I might get. Oh, yeah, baby. Now, Mike, what are you taking? Hold on. No, Jason. I am writing these down, and Brooks is writing these as well. Jason, I'm going to write down a number one to 20. Exactly, but I've got to go last here. We're going to see if you can... That's the point. Mike, you go... I'm going for a milli.
Starting point is 00:24:21 I'm going for a milli. So you got four numbers. Yep. Okay. We ready? Got a number written down there going for a milli. So you got four numbers. Yep. Okay. We ready? Got a number written down there, Al? Yep. Three. It was two. No! Oh, you got nothing!
Starting point is 00:24:31 You get nothing! All right. All right. Here we go. Okay. My turn. One to 20. Are you doing it, Al?
Starting point is 00:24:40 Yep. It's written down. And I will go with 11. It was 13. I get exactly what you got. So congratulations. But you had no chance to win. We had chances to win.
Starting point is 00:24:54 I had a 5% chance to win. Well, we're all broke. Are we ready to take this episode and show up a notch? Yeah. There's a new segment. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to push this button right now, and show up a notch? Yeah. There's a new segment. I don't know what it is, but I'm going to push this button right now, and we're going to find out. Hey, Spitwads, they're back, and we're stoked.
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Starting point is 00:25:39 Not you, Mike. Well, maybe. We'll see. You don't have to upgrade my look because I have a Ventura watch. And I love it. It is heavy duty. This thing is shiny. This thing makes me feel important. You were sending us pictures. Well thought out
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Starting point is 00:26:37 I promise. Highway to spell. Oh, no. is not okay highway to spell yes welcome to the spitballer spelling bee gentlemen oh no cancel this is why we didn't know because he knew if if he told us what it is oh this is such a great idea Can the spit wads play along at home? Sure. Of course. Oh, man. I've got lists of different grade level words.
Starting point is 00:27:11 Oh, no. Grade level words so we can look dumb? Yep. Well. Oh, no. You can ask for the pronunciation to be used in a sentence, but we're not going to get into the language of origin nonsense. Well, I'm only playing the game if I can check the origin.
Starting point is 00:27:24 And I'm only playing if I can Google. Doc Racky. Alright, okay. Alright, so we're going to start with first grade. We'll probably skip a few in between, but just a warm-up round here, and we'll go Andy, Mike, Jason. If you fail in the warm-up round, you got some trouble. That's the guy who goes on
Starting point is 00:27:40 you know, who wants to be a millionaire. He's like, what's closest? And I'm starting? Great. Alright, go for it have you seen the moon is that what the question was I think it was it's like what's closest the sun the moon Jupiter or Saturn and I think you got it wrong I've seen someone lose the $100
Starting point is 00:27:56 question alright let's see if I can fail here alright Andy your first grade level word is rug did you just say rug I did not Okay. Rug. R-U-G. Rug. Nailed it. Congratulations. Okay. All right. That was a softball. Okay. All right. I feel like I'm getting set up here. All right. Your first grade word is preposterous. All right. We're going to go over to Mike. All right. Oh, you are being set up.
Starting point is 00:28:27 No, no. I just said Andy, Mike, Jason, so we're going to keep it that way. All right. Go ahead. Mike, your word is? Bug. Bug. B-U-G.
Starting point is 00:28:36 Bug. Nailed it. Congratulations. Oh, man. All right. All right, Jason. I'm ready. There's way too much anxiety.
Starting point is 00:28:43 I know. This is intense. Your first grade level word is? Dip. Oh. I'm ready. There's way too much anxiety. I know. This is intense. Your first grade level word is? Dip. Oh, I got it. D-I-P. I gave you a food, so I knew you'd nail it. That was dip, correct.
Starting point is 00:28:56 Yeah, that was correct. All right, so we know what we're doing. All right, so that was a proof of concept. Yeah. We're smart enough to get through first grade. If one of you gets it wrong, you'll be out. Okay. If everybody gets it wrong in that round, then we start that particular grade level.
Starting point is 00:29:10 Oh, man. Okay. All right. I'm nervous. Jason's nervous. Can I place bets here? Yeah, I'd like to know who you guys think is going to win this thing. I think Andy's going to win.
Starting point is 00:29:20 That's a lot of pressure. I'll go with Mike. I'll bet on myself. Nobody is betting for this guy. My spelling is I'm going to throw a guess out here. I'll go with Mike. I'll bet on myself. Nobody is betting for this guy. My spelling is, I'm going to throw a guess out here. I'll go out in fifth grade. That's my guess.
Starting point is 00:29:31 Fifth grade? And next time, Al Borland, Highway to Geography. No, thank goodness that doesn't play. You've got to see a map in order for that to translate because geography,
Starting point is 00:29:42 I'd be out of first grade. This is fun though because the last spelling bee was probably about fourth grade. So it's been a while. Did you ever win one? I think I might have won one. Yeah. I don't remember but I can guarantee it. Probably with the word rug.
Starting point is 00:29:53 Probably won it with that one. Alright. We're going to jump to let's go to third grade. We'll skip second. Andy, your word is lamb. Lamb? Definition is a young sheep. your word is lamb. Lamb? Okay. Definition is a young sheep.
Starting point is 00:30:10 Okay. L-A-M-B lamb. Final word. Final answer. Nice work. Okay. These are real easy. I'm going to go out in 12th grade. Mike, your third grade level word is butter. Butter. Butter.
Starting point is 00:30:25 B-U-T-T-E-R. All right. Nobody's having to write anything down yet. You should have to hear. We should add you have to use the word in a sentence after you spell it on the show because I just want to hear us use these words. I love it. That's a great idea.
Starting point is 00:30:40 Jason, can you start that? Third grade level word. Maybe. Oh, M-A-Y-B-E. Maybe I will eventually get a hard word. Oh. Eat it, owl. Poking the bear.
Starting point is 00:30:55 All right. We want to go to fifth grade? Yeah. Bring it on. Do we have a choice? Isn't our game show, Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader? Is that what it is? This is about where our level is as a show.
Starting point is 00:31:05 I'm starting to get scared now. Okay. Andy, your fifth grade level word is? Supply. Supply. I got supply eyes. S-U-P-P-L-Y. Al has failed to supply us with difficult words.
Starting point is 00:31:21 So here's the funny thing. Here's the funny thing. He's spelling that word that I obviously know how it's spelled. But did you have a little panic? But I had panic. Is there an E in there? Is there a trap? I know how to spell spot.
Starting point is 00:31:31 He hasn't said I'm right yet. You are correct. Okay. All right. Because that would have sucked. All right, Mike. All right. Mike, your fifth grade level word is?
Starting point is 00:31:40 Material. Material. M-A-T-E-R-I-A-L. Very nice. Madonna was a material girl yeah i i'm i might have gone i might have gone all right we're getting close we're getting close i'm very excited now i think you'll be okay jay here here's your fifth grade level word okay trail Trail. Oh, okay. Now, are there multiple ways? All right, trail. Are there?
Starting point is 00:32:08 T-R-A-I-L. I love trail mix. Another food. Great job. All right. Okay, where are we at? Eighth grade? Sure, we'll jump to eighth.
Starting point is 00:32:19 I think we can handle that. I am having a heart attack right now. This is... Well, we're falling out very soon, so let's go. All right. Andy, your eighth grade level word is? Biannual. Well, I don't.
Starting point is 00:32:31 Oh, is it one or two? All right. Is it one or two? Crap. Oh, yeah. Mike, okay, you are allowed to try to. All right, biannual. B-I-A-N-N-U-A-L, biannual.
Starting point is 00:32:44 You win two. What's your sentence? I do not know what the word biannual means. I enjoy growing this large grove of biannual flowers. Are there biannual flowers? No. No. Flowers, they only grow every other year. Well, you spelled it correct, so we'll give you the W there. We're getting close, guys. We're getting
Starting point is 00:33:09 right to that level. Don't fail, Mike. Mike, your 8th grade level word is rampage. Rampage. R-A-M-P-A-G-E. I loved the video game Rampage. My favorite character was Lizzie. Oh, no way. Yes My favorite character was Lizzie No way
Starting point is 00:33:25 Lizzie over the Were you Kong or the It's the wolf I just remembered Lizzie off the top of my head The wolf was the best one Alright Jason I don't want to be the first one out Sorry this is a Bit of an aside
Starting point is 00:33:41 I just watched Rampage Yeah the movie Not bad Well here's Sorry, this is a bit of a side. I just watched Rampage. Yeah, the movie. Starring The Rock. The Rock. Not bad. Not bad. Well, here's... Not bad.
Starting point is 00:33:50 It's what it is. It is what it is. If you're watching a stupid action movie, you go, okay, that's fine. If you're watching a stupid action movie, you might as well have a likable rock inside of him. But I'm saying, that's all I was looking for. It was a late night stream. I'm going to sleep let's put a movie on here all right let's hope this is turn let's go the rock all right jason your eighth grade level word is confiscate what confiscate oh no oh no this is not okay all on. I'm going to have to write this down. Confiscate.
Starting point is 00:34:26 Confiscate. Okay. You know they don't have tablets, the little kids. Oh, man, I am very not confident on this. That doesn't look right. It doesn't feel right. Okay, confiscate. This isn't right. C-O-N-F-I-S-C-t-e i believe that's correct that is correct oh i'm the smartest
Starting point is 00:34:51 man alive yeah but what's your sentence um i feel like all of my goods and stuff that i own will be confiscated by the end of this segment. Oh, man. I'd be laughing harder, but I said biannual flowers. You use biannual in a sentence, by the way. What would you say? The biannual event. All right. That's pretty easy.
Starting point is 00:35:18 Nice one. We'll skip ninth grade and go to 10th grade. Yeah, you got to upgrade these. I don't know, man. All right. All right, Andy, your 10 tenth grade word is servine say it again servine i got my relating to deer or deer like could you say the word servine what do you got that you got oh we got a discrepancy over here. So Mike and I spelled it different. One of us would definitely not get this right.
Starting point is 00:35:49 Well, I'm worried that this is not spelled as it sounds. I don't know. I've never heard that word in my life. Have either of you? I can't wait to hear you use it. Have you ever heard that word in your life? One more time. Say it for me.
Starting point is 00:36:02 Servine. All right. Country of origin. Here, for me. Servine. All right. Country of origin. Here, I'll try this one. Servine. Oh, there we go. There it is. And what is the definition?
Starting point is 00:36:14 Of relating to or resembling deer. Well, this is a problem. He doesn't know the first letter to use. All right. I mean, I do have to try to spell it. Yeah, and that time is? Yeah, I mean, I have a 0% chance of getting this right. Oh, you got it, man.
Starting point is 00:36:37 You got it. You got it. No, I do not. All right, well, let's hear it. I do not have it. S-E-R-V-I-N-E. Servine. That's what I had.
Starting point is 00:36:44 That is incorrect. Yeah, there's no way. Mike wrote down correctly. C-E-R-V-I-N-E. Servine. That's what I had. That is incorrect. Yeah, there's no way. Mike wrote down correctly. C-E-R-V-I-N-E. I've never heard the word in my life. That's curvine. I thought we were doing words we've heard before. Oh, sorry.
Starting point is 00:36:56 The only reason I did that is because of the word cervix. There you go. Servine is the word Andy went out on. I'm going to tell you right now, this show's over if Mike gets a layup here. Because I already know Al likes to favor him. I can tell you right now you're going to not like me because this is randomized. When I load the tab, it just
Starting point is 00:37:13 populates, but my integrity says I got to give him the word that he was dealt. So here you go, Mike. Your 10th grade level word is disenfranchise. Ooh, disenfranchise. Okay, hold on uh there's a chance disenfranchised with owlborn at least i've heard that word disenfranchise d-i-s-e-n-f-r-a-n-c-h-i-s-e disenfranchise you are correct dang it oh man his head at me. So you're out twice now, buckaroo. I was trying to put the fear in you.
Starting point is 00:37:47 You were successful. Now, let me ask. I think I would have gone out on that word because I actually wrote disenfranchised. Disenfranchised? Like you left the French people? No, I put it past tense. Disenfranchised. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:38:03 All right. You did that with your word last time. Servine. Mike, would you like to use it in a sentence? No. So if I get this wrong, Mike wins. Yeah. Alright. Okay.
Starting point is 00:38:19 Alright. My heart is beating so fast. Keep us going, Jay. This is fun. This is not appropriate. Alright. What if I win? Your 10th grade level word, Jason, is abalone. Abalone?
Starting point is 00:38:35 It has a first name. It's O-S-C-A-R. Abalone has... Abalone? I'm very happy. I'm happy. Mike gets disenfranchised and I get abalone has abalone i'm very happy i'm happy mike gets disenfranchised and i get abalone um i pulled these from the from the scripts national spelling it's all his integrity there are so many ways i could spell this wrong all right let me hear it one more time
Starting point is 00:38:58 abalone and the definition is an edible mollusk of warm seas with a shallow ear-shaped shell. I actually think I know how to spell that one. A slice of bologna. I mean, it could be spelled so many different ways. Is there a G? Okay, next question. Is there a G in there? Can I buy a vowel, please?
Starting point is 00:39:22 So here's, look, I'm just going to spell it the way I would Google it and have Google correct me. Sorry, Jeremy, there will not be another round. A-B-O-L-O-N-Y. Abalone. I went the same. You're not too far off, but you are incorrect. So Mike would have got it wrong. It's A-B-A-L-O-N-E.
Starting point is 00:39:47 Oh, look, Andy. Is that how Andy spelled it? Andy got one right. Oh, and yet Mike wins because. Would you have spelled sirvine right? No, he spelled it the same way you did. Yes. All right.
Starting point is 00:39:58 I did bet on my congratulations. All right. Well, that was exciting. That's right. I did it. Terrifying. We should probably conclude today with it. I personally think Mike needs to go on to 11th grade.
Starting point is 00:40:10 One shot at 11th grade? I think 12th. Is this 12th grade? 12th grade. One shot at 12th grade. This is like the bonus round? This is to see if you graduate high school. All right.
Starting point is 00:40:18 All right. One shot for a 12th grade word. Here you go. Consanguineous. Relating to or denoting people descended from the same ancestor consanguineous if you get this right i always just use inbred consanguineous consanguineous oh there's no chance there's no wait i gotta try yeah get in on this there's no one more time one more time consanguineous uh that's okay okay i'm not even gonna show this to the camera
Starting point is 00:40:58 i have to show mine hold on i want to count my letters one two three four five six seven eight nine ten eleven twelve thirteen fourteen fifteen letters what's the definition again Hold on. I want to count my letters. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15 letters. What's the definition again of consanguineous? Relating to or denoting people descended from the same ancestor. Okay. So the bugaboo I'm calling in this word is that the G sound, I'm not going with the G. I'm going like, okay,'s gonna this is gonna sound weird and probably way off but whatever C-O-N-S-E-N-Q-U-I-N-E-O-S very close but incorrect dang it
Starting point is 00:41:37 had you gone with the G you would have really it was it was just a G I called it's also s a n so it's c o n s a n g u i n e o u s well i had a lot of extra letters okay only one jay it's 14 letters you said you had 15 ain't a g o n i was close hold it up in g u e yeah that's not bad, you put that middle of your word, G-U-E-I-N, is new. That's new. That's a new word. All right. Time for a draft. We're back.
Starting point is 00:42:12 Let's go. Everyone, we will get right back to the show, but I want to thank today's sponsor, IP Vanish. And you might be asking, what did IP vanish? I'm no techno-savvy person. My pee doesn't vanish? Well, no, it does not until I flush. But IPVanish, you got to flush?
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Starting point is 00:44:11 Look, I haven't sweated. I've never sweated on this show until that segment. That was like actual. There's a competitiveness that we're going to hear about right now again. Yes. That comes out. All right. Our draft. It's been too long.
Starting point is 00:44:24 We haven't done a Battle royale in a while. And the people, they don't really like it when we aren't battling one another. In this case, in an underwater coliseum. Yeah, I feel like I'm happy we're doing this because I just lost a game against you two fellas. And now I want to kill you with sea animals. Battle royale in the ocean in an underwater coliseum. Is it? Constrained space.
Starting point is 00:44:48 Can you surface? Can you surface? If it's a sea animal that needs air to continue the fight, you can surface. Oh, well, yeah, I guess. That's all I mean. Yeah, I mean, you're not stuck down there holding your breath. Okay. It's just making sure.
Starting point is 00:45:03 Look, the theoretical C Coliseum, the walls extend all the way to the water's edge at the top. I'm just saying there are things that live in the water that don't have gills. Yes, I agree. That's fair. There's one animal that I saw on a lot of lists that I think doesn't count.
Starting point is 00:45:19 We'll get there. I have the number one pick, and I'll be honest with you. There's two. I spent most of my day thinking about this because there were three choices for me. Oh, you have a third? There was three choices. There was one that was kind of the wild card choice, but I picked first, which means you guys get four sea animals after me.
Starting point is 00:45:38 Then I get the one after that, so there's a lot that are going to go. I have a distant third, but I have a top two. Yeah, I've got a top two as well. But I am taking the definitive alpha of the water, the top of the food chain, the actual top of the food chain, the top of the food chain that eats the thing you think is at the top of the food chain. He's taking humans. I am taking the orca, the killer whale, the numero uno,
Starting point is 00:46:03 the killer of the great white shark. That's the other top tier. There's two top tiers. This is the worst spot for me. I don't want the third draft spot, but I'm taking the killer whale because it has been scientifically proven that they feed on great whites, eat their livers. That is not a joke, Clarice.
Starting point is 00:46:20 And there is whatever. I'll talk about that. That is my official pick. I'm taking the killer whale. And I agree with you. If I had the first pick, I wasn't sure if I would go great white or take the orca. You're giving it a lot of thought. I think we should just call it orca.
Starting point is 00:46:33 K-I-L-L-E-R-W-H-A-L-E. He drafted Shamu. The killer whale. Yeah. I did think about trying. Have you seen Shamu inside of an enclosed capture? It's not very good. That's a sad animal. That's a sad animal.
Starting point is 00:46:46 That's a floppy fin. They tried to put Gray Whites in there, but it didn't work. We'll let you free Willy. I wanted to do a free Willy-based scat, but I just really couldn't remember much of that movie. Call me. Is that the song? Come on, yeah, you don't know that jam?
Starting point is 00:47:04 I remember him jumping over the boy. Yes. All right. Well, I mean, it's easy. I'm taking the great white. Yeah. I'll take the great white shark, the murderer of the oceans. Minus the orca.
Starting point is 00:47:17 Yeah, that stinks because those are the two best picks. I would have gone great white. Great white had the lead for the majority of the day. And then I realized if I picked the Great White and someone picks an Orca, it will eat my Great White. Yeah. But Great Whites are awesome and cool and terrifying. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:36 They're great. Put it this way. You will never, ever go to SeaWorld and watch the people swim with Great Whites. No. That's true. Right? They're not taming them. Put it this way.
Starting point is 00:47:46 Mike and I have the two alphas of the water, and you're playing third place here. Well, I know what I have to have, then, if you guys have these awesome killers. We've played enough MMOs to know. I need to be able to hide. I'll take a camouflage. Are you taking speed? I am taking a tank. I am going to need you guys to be feeding me for a camouflage. Are you taking speed? I am taking a tank. I am going to need
Starting point is 00:48:06 you guys to be feeding me for a while. It's number three on my list. Yeah, it's the blue whale. Yeah, great pick. It's an excellent pick. It's humongous. I don't know what offense the thing is going to unleash, but it's just there. And it's going to take you forever to kill it.
Starting point is 00:48:21 That's a lot of bites. I don't know if a great white could actually kill a blue whale. We have to combine forces to take out the blue whale. We'd have to be eating for a while. That's the thing. It's not a lot of offense, but I don't know that you can kill it. Now, with my second... Is he just a distraction?
Starting point is 00:48:38 Should we not waste our time on the blue whale? You shouldn't, but these are dumb animals, and they're coming after this blue whale, saying, let's take out the big guy first. Are you going to come after us with your baleen i am actually going to draft an animal okay that is step one that actually is known for killing or at least combating with the blue whale. Oh, you're taking the giant squid? I am taking the giant squid.
Starting point is 00:49:10 What? The beast from down under. Yeah, I mean, you're technically wrong there. They attack the sperm whale, but I get what your spirit is. No, no, no, no, no. I looked this up beforehand. You're right about the sperm whale, but also the blue whale. Now, did you take the giant squid or the giant? The giant squid.
Starting point is 00:49:25 Okay. The giant squid will be my second one. They are mammoth creatures that can kill, and I think I'm off to a good start. These two beasts that are humongous are going to be difficult for you guys to corral. I agree. Giant squid's all right.
Starting point is 00:49:42 The giant squid is on my list. Now, the problem with the giant squid is it doesn't like to reveal itself. Great. Great. But so what? It's just going to stay on the bottom of the bar. No, he's got ink. I'm going to wait until they're attacking my blue whale.
Starting point is 00:49:58 Probably. I don't know. Is it an octopus? My giant squid is down there. You don't even know he's there. Oh, let's take this blue whale. And then while you're distracted. Doesn't sound very giant to me.
Starting point is 00:50:08 Tentacles coming and grabbing and pulling you into. Does he have a mouth? Can we beach Jason? It has a beak, I would assume. That's true. Can we beach Jason? Well, the whale. No, not Jason.
Starting point is 00:50:20 Wait a minute. I mean the Jason of the sea. The Jason of the sea jason of the sea okay okay i drafted my mascot the blue whale oh okay sorry my friend uh that was in reference to your creatures your animals jason has a blue whale and a giant squid. Mike, you got the great white shark, and you're up. And this is where it's going to get very, very interesting. Yes, it does start to get a little bit dicey here. But I will take an animal that if you dive into the research, this animal actually is willing to kill sharks.
Starting point is 00:51:03 I believe it can actually fight with an orca if it has to. Because it's smart. Because it is human being smart. Oh, yeah. You're taking a... I'm taking a dolphin. You're taking an echo. Oh, come on.
Starting point is 00:51:15 I am taking a dolphin. I'm going to eat your dolphin so easily. Who is going to eat the dolphin? The blue whale? No, my giant squid. Your giant squid is not catching the dolphin. I would have to say the dolphin's a little too deft to be caught in a giant squid tentacle. How fast can a dolphin move?
Starting point is 00:51:31 Over 100 million miles per minute. How fast can a dolphin swim? We are talking... While trapped in a giant tentacle. No, I'm going to give the dolphin respect. Now, I don't know what the... 11 knots, 20 and a half kilometers per hour. Look, you're in a battle royale under the water.
Starting point is 00:51:49 The dolphin's a good pick. Even if the dolphin is just fast, it's intelligent. And now you have a general. You've got somebody with a battle plan. I feel like the dolphin will organize. And this is me defending Mike's pick. I don't know why you're defending a dolphin. Do you remember when I...
Starting point is 00:52:06 Dolphins can tear it up, man. Are you old enough to remember when I drafted a blue whale? And it was like, I'm not sure how much offense, but it'll be very difficult to kill. It's going to take forever. What offense does the dolphin provide you? It runs into you. Oh, owie.
Starting point is 00:52:24 I'm not worried about your blue whale. In Jason's defense here, they do call them bottlenose dolphins. Getting hit by a bottle is not very. My team is worried about other people. While the blue whale sits there doing nothing, I will kill the rest of the team. And then my great white will put a bib on and just sit right under the blue whale and chomp until it's done. The dolphin will need to surface for air.
Starting point is 00:52:51 Yes. Which I guess was Mike's question. He wanted to go dolphin here. All right, so I got two picks. That is correct. Well, this is interesting. I mean, also, your animal must surface. I'm not sure if you're aware.
Starting point is 00:53:04 Oh, of course. I'm just trying to think of the nuance of who's staying down there. Some of our creatures are dipping up for a, like, do they go timeout? Do we go timeout? Airbreak. Nice thing is my giant squid can go where your guys can't. I can go so low that you guys can't even get me. I'm going to stay right at that spot where.
Starting point is 00:53:22 Who built this coliseum? How deep is this going wait you think that the coliseum this magical coliseum that's underwater that goes all the way to the surface somehow there's a limitation on the depth i believe there is i think there might be a depth limitation which and and squids they need to exist real deep so you're kind of blinded by the sun all right moving on i'm actually this next pick it was in consideration for a moment to be the number one pick oh that's bad consideration uh interesting but you know i didn't think it would make it but i'm glad it did here's what i'm gonna go with the landmine of the
Starting point is 00:53:58 ocean we've got an underwater ocean battle i'm going a sea of jellyfish. One jellyfish. Nice try, bud. Nice try. You just got one jellyfish because you can't draft. That's not what I drafted. You can't draft. You can't be like I draft all the... We will give you one jellyfish and a bunch
Starting point is 00:54:21 of paper bags. That's fair. Wait, so you won't be able to tell which one's the real? That's fine. I mean, I have a dolphin, so it knows. I'm going box jellyfish. Yeah, that's okay. Deadly, landmine in the ocean. If you hit it, you're going to try to save it.
Starting point is 00:54:37 If I fall in, I'm terrified of the box jellyfish. I don't think my great white shark is so concerned. They're not taking out the great whites? No. My giant animals are like that stung a bit. Let me ask you this. Swallowed. Let me ask you this. Can they eat the
Starting point is 00:54:56 jellyfish and be fine? Yes. Yeah. So you guys removed me from being not only do I not get a bunch of them, I don't get a family jellyfish. But you're also providing lunch. But now you think you can just eat them. No, jellyfish are like in a marathon when you open them like the cliff bar.
Starting point is 00:55:12 That's right. You're running. I got to power up. You're swimming. Oh, thank you, Andy. I like it. I mean, box jellyfish was in consideration for my last pick. All right. My next pick is a narwhal.
Starting point is 00:55:24 Dang it. I like it. It was on my list. Because we've got a giant horned whale. Yeah, no, it's amazing. I mean, he's got a spear. He's going to do some damage to anybody that comes in his direction. Look, you know I love it.
Starting point is 00:55:40 You had me at spear, the best weapon that can be wielded. I mean, the problem is narwhals are- A whale is kind of like of a big boar too yes you're in some trouble honestly then you want to know what could kill the the blue whale it's probably the narwhal with that tooth is that a tooth it is yeah um which i don't understand why we call it a tooth i believe it's all it's not a tooth is it it's either hair or a tooth no it's a. I believe it's not a tooth, is it? It's either hair or a tooth. Something like that. It's a tusk, but it's made out of tooth material. It's kind of like when you're like, you know what a tomato is actually a fruit.
Starting point is 00:56:14 The narwhal tusk. Yeah. Yeah. But it's a tooth. Really? I thought so. I'm seeing tusk. And it looks like it means some business.
Starting point is 00:56:24 When I thought about a narwhal, I was like, is that a mythical creature? I couldn't remember if it was real. I was like, maybe that's mythical. But aren't they really docile? I will say this. Not their tusks. Just them. Their tusks are not docile.
Starting point is 00:56:37 It's a great pick. If I am the general over my army of sea creatures here,'m gonna be like that narwhal is adorable okay you don't don't you touch that narwhal he's too cute all right there's my pick i think you're getting influenced by elf uh you're darn right i am hi buddy mike it's back to you all right um i like the narwhal pick a lot it was on my list now if we can only get one of these things the size and the scope of the other animals that we have selected does create a problem because like one of these animals is it's not really going to do anything uh we can change the rules and get and Andy a bunch of box jellyfish.
Starting point is 00:57:26 Yeah, I don't know the implications, though. I haven't ran the math. I haven't put that into my algorithm of underwater battle royale. I'm going to take, as the Australians call them, I learned in my research, they call them a salty. I will take a saltwater crocodile. Oh, see, that's the one. It was the next pick on my list.
Starting point is 00:57:45 Really? That's the one that beforehand. Saltwater crocodile, maybe. It felt a little like a cheat code. Yeah. I feel like if you drop one of those out in the middle of the ocean, they're toast. They're dead. They're toast.
Starting point is 00:57:53 They're dead. But one fight in some saltwater coliseum and maybe it puts up a fight. Yeah, that was the one beforehand I said. I don't feel like that really counts. Considering that they have made it from the time of the dinosaurs, I think that the saltwater crocodile will be all right. Yeah, but that's like saying if the birds did too, then they would be fine in the ocean.
Starting point is 00:58:14 They didn't evolve in the ocean. All right, so you've got a crocodile. I do, and I'm very pleased about that. All right, all right. Okay, I'm looking at my options here on my list. These are my last two picks. Oh, no. Okay.
Starting point is 00:58:30 Now, do I just go girth everywhere? Do I just go for massive? Generally, you do. Right? I mean, it's worked for me so far. All right. I am going to take. The good news is you can can't lose but you also cannot
Starting point is 00:58:49 win right i'm just going to live forever because i'm a blue whale you're going for a stalemate all right i'm going to go with a pick all right oh man So back and forth here. I'm going with the giant octopus. I'm going with a giant octopus. My giant squid, my giant octopus, my whale. They're going to be hard to kill. I've now got...
Starting point is 00:59:16 Now, Jason, what are the differences between a giant squid and a giant octopus? Squid are completely different animals. Well, they have a different name. I got that. Yeah. I do know that the giant squid are bigger, more difficult to kill. They can go down deeper in the ocean. Okay.
Starting point is 00:59:34 Is there a specific number of tentacles that a squid has? I'm asking the questions here. How many tentacles does a squid have? I don't know. Okay. Well, maybe that's a difference. You know? Does anybody know that?
Starting point is 00:59:51 Not helping you. All right. Let me. What? A squid has two. Well, that's disappointing. I just found that out on Google. Here I am thinking I've got 16 tentacles.
Starting point is 01:00:03 I've got. But a squid has 10? It says it has eight arms and two tentacles. Okay, so it's got two real long ones. Nice. Okay, I'm back in. I mean, that's all you need. All right, so I've got these.
Starting point is 01:00:16 Now I need an attacker. I'm going to take the next best thing. I'm going to take a bull shark. A bull shark is... A bull shark is a bull shark a bull shark yes that's right you heard me correctly okay a bull shark what are you taking again i'm gonna take a bull shark okay so sounds like a winner yeah it's it's an aggressive killer i believe that it kills the second most humans next to i believe i just googled this so yeah there's your your parameter for drafting this animal is because it's it can kill humans no problem well but it's not
Starting point is 01:00:59 fighting any humans it's a well what about your great white shark. I mean my bull shark is very close to your great white shark. I imagine there is a size difference. All right. So we got but you don't get a bunch of bull sharks. You just get one right. Just one. No just one. Just one boy. Mike you're up. Hold on. Well now Jason's final team here. Jason I know it's girthy blue whale giant squid giant octopus and a bull shark. OK so let's let's do a little size comparison Jason because we drafted basically the same animal. Mm hmm. Right. So a bull shark here according to Google a female up to two hundred ninety pounds male
Starting point is 01:01:40 is actually smaller up to two hundred and ten pounds. OK. OK. OK. Two hundred ten pounds. So I eat. Okay. Okay. 210 pounds. So I eat us. We weigh as much as that shark. Or a great white.
Starting point is 01:01:50 1,200 to 2,400 pounds. Yours is the mama shark. Over a ton. Yeah. Against your 200. Now, let me ask you this. Do you think my bull shark can eat your dolphin? Because I sure do. I don't. Yeah, it can. All right, Mike. You you think my bull shark can eat your dolphin? Because I sure do.
Starting point is 01:02:05 I don't. Yeah, it can. All right, Mike, you're up. All right, with my final pick. You have great white dolphin, saltwater crocodile. Okay, that's pretty good. That's pretty good. You need something else.
Starting point is 01:02:16 Dolphin. You got, I mean, you're really being mean to dolphins. I love dolphins. I want to ride a dolphin, and they would be the one. But you'd rather have a bull shark. If this was a draft where we are befriending sea creatures, the dolphin is probably the 101. It's probably the one I want to have a family live with.
Starting point is 01:02:43 Yes. Mike, I'm down to two picks. I'm telling you, the size of these creatures is really throwing me off. I got to do a size check here real quick on an animal. Because it comes with weapons. Oh, that's a big animal. All right. What's your pick?
Starting point is 01:03:01 Your narwhal? One tusk? Or are you going double tusk? I'm going with double tusk, man. I'm going with a 2,200-pound beast. Oh, you're going with that. I'm taking a walrus, baby. Goo-goo-goo-choo.
Starting point is 01:03:14 A walrus? A walrus is 2,200 pounds, and they're mean. Yeah, here's the thing about walruses. On land, not a good fighter. In the water, more deft than you'd believe. Mike has made some very solid picks here. I didn't think about that. A walrus is a great pick.
Starting point is 01:03:30 A walrus is a great pick. Yeah, as long as the water's cold enough. If it's a little tropical, a walrus doesn't do so well in the tropical coliseum. Jason, it's a magic coliseum, so it's whatever I want it to be. Yeah. I mean, look, it's cold enough. Infinite depth. I think, call me crazy, but I think that the creatures have to be able i mean look it's cold infinite depth i think call me crazy but i think that the
Starting point is 01:03:47 creatures have to be able to live in this place no no let me ask you a question all right because this is i'm presuming something that you might not believe okay do you believe that the ocean has a floor yes okay when i was thinking maybe you thought the ocean there was no floor it's just infinite water that That's right. There's a black hole at the center of the earth, and if you make it all the way down, it's actually a wormhole. It just goes somewhere else. Well, humans need to be able to attend the fight,
Starting point is 01:04:14 so it needs to be in a place where they can visually see. You know, the water pressure's not too high. I'll be on my computer, and the cameras will show me whatever I need to see. All right, so Mike has a great white shark, a dolphin, a saltwater crocodile, and a walrus. That's an interesting team. I hope that the chemistry, if they come together there. I don't know how.
Starting point is 01:04:32 The general. The dolphin puts everything together. And I've got a killer whale, a box jellyfish, apparently one of them, a narwhal. You want a piranha? All right. It's tough. It's down to two picks here. Now, if I could live in a world where I could go back and take back my single jellyfish,
Starting point is 01:04:52 even though I drafted a bunch, I would. But I can't. And you took away all his friends. So I will go with a sperm whale. I will go with the largest toothed whale, the actual aggressive whale. I'm not trying to use my baleen to catch plankton. I am going to bite your head off. The natural predator for the giant squid.
Starting point is 01:05:11 Hey, the giant squid may take out a sperm whale from time to time, but the sperm whale takes out the giant squid. That will be quite a battle. So I will go with the largest toothed whale in existence. I needed something big to compete with Jason's girthy team, so I pick the sperm whale. He does have the meat shield. Now, I will say there was one pick that didn't get selected
Starting point is 01:05:32 that was in consideration, and that was the giant stingray. That could have been good. I was between stingray and walrus, and then the size of the walrus was just too overwhelming. I'm surprised swordfish. Swordfish seems like a really good pick. You know what? That seems like an excellent pick.
Starting point is 01:05:50 Yeah, swordfish is a great pick. It's like a way better dolphin because it's fast, but then it can actually attack. That's probably true. I will say this. I've never seen a walrus. It'll get stuck. Can the walrus use their tusks while they're swimming? Because it seems like they're not in a know, they're like not in a forward position.
Starting point is 01:06:08 Right. They're not. The tusks are its upper teeth. How do you get a good bite on when you're going fast? I've actually always wondered, what do they do with those things? Like, what purpose is there to have teeth that go down to your belly? Like, you can't chew with that. How else does it itch its belly?
Starting point is 01:06:24 I mean, is that right? Are these belly itchers? Is that what the saber-toothed tiger used else does it itch its belly? I mean, is that right? Are these belly itchers? Is that what the saber-tooth tiger used to do, itch its belly? I mean, those tusks, they grow way too long to be usable. They have to weaponize them. I do wonder if your walrus can do anything down there. I'm pretty sure they can weaponize them. You're not positive, though, are you?
Starting point is 01:06:40 There's a chance you just have a really meaty swimming maybe cushion. I may have to Andy Reed. All right, moving on. What did we learn today? I learned that once again, Al Borland favors, favors Mike integrity.
Starting point is 01:07:02 That's weird. I was a disenfranchised with my serving or whatever I got. Which I spelled correctly. That is actually a pretty good point. I learned I'm the best speller on the show. Yeah. I learned that if someone gives you any odds for free money, they will never work. All odds for free money come up zero.
Starting point is 01:07:22 All right. I learned I'm the best speller. I already did that. speller I already know I know I know I learned that the new segment is now in the books I liked it the spelling yeah it was pretty good more I think more competitions are needed on this show to make people look
Starting point is 01:07:37 stupid biannual biannual all right goodbye see you later thank you for tuning in we'll see you next time goodbye thanks for listening to the Annual. All right, goodbye. See you later. Thank you for tuning in. We'll see you next time. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Hey, you did it. You made it to the end.
Starting point is 01:08:06 Thank you for listening. It was a real fun ride, Andy. This one was especially good. Yeah, I liked it. I felt like I was on point. My form was excellent. Yeah, you complimented yourself a lot throughout. Well, thank you for noticing that I did that. Head over to SpitballersPod.com, and you can figure out how you can help support this show
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