Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 143: Rock, Paper, Scissors & The Best Onomatopoeia - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 29, 2021

Highway To Spell makes a return on today’s show! Tune in as the guys try their hardest not to be the “first idiot”. We also discuss human extinction, ancient royalty, and arm wrestling. We end the show with a BOOM as we draft the best onomatopoeia. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube

Hey, spit wads. Look, you may have spent some money on a college education, and yeah, that looks okay on a resume. No one looks better on a resume. What's that? If you're an official spit wad member. Things are changing. I've gotten so many jobs with just that one bullet point.

I'm telling you, and there's only one way to officially support the show that you know, that you love, that you've been going episode after episode and competing with us in these drafts. Look, you want to become a premium member, support the show? How do I join the Spitwads? Jointhespit.com. That's it. Early access to shows, special things.

You can contribute ideas to the show, and we may do them right here on the podcast in just a moment. What a great domain. Check it out. Jointhes spit.com. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve. It's the spit ballers podcast with Andy,

Mike, and Jason. No, Bob, Mark, Moo, Moo, Cock Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh yeah! Oh, I see what you did there. Even though at the very beginning I was thrown off. At the very beginning, Mike, I was like, what is he doing? There were some sounds that weren't

familiar. I was in. I'm in. You got me jacked up. That was a great one. I was not ready for this show. I was not ready and I am in. There were some sounds that weren't familiar. I was in. I'm in. You got me jacked up. That was a great one. I was not ready for this show. I was not ready and I am in. There we go. I closed my eyes to just, I wanted to take it all in. Did you feel like you were at a farm? You're a cockamamie in there?

You may have gotten a cockle-dockle doo-doo. The best part is that you closed it as strong as you opened it. and that's hard to do so congratulations mike that was outstanding the heart was pitter pattering i knew what i had to do i wasn't sure if i could execute i you don't even know how many times i've had a plan i've begun it and i can't get to the second line properly i understand you you have one shot like people out there we don't we don't practice.

You don't take multiple shots. You don't go, oh, give me a run through here. Like, no, you go and you get what you get. I mean, if you've listened to the show more than, say, this episode, you already know that. Yeah, you know that because Al Borland spilled water all over me last episode and we just kept going. We didn't stop.

This might as well be live every single time you listen to it. It's dangerous. Well, certainly. All right, we have Would You Rather on today, Spitballers. We have Highway to Spell making its regrettable return to the show, and we have a fabulous draft for you as well. Thank you so much for supporting the show. Yeah.

Spitballerspod.com is the website. I support this show. I do. I think it's a great, great show. Yeah. Are you subscribed, following on Apple Podcasts? I am subscribed, following. And look, my wife is a spitwad.

No. Like, officially, we literally support. You contribute to the. I contribute to myself. Interesting. That's a true story. Do you give yourself an allowance as well around the house? Oh, I blow right through that.

Okay. Not saving this week. No. Move it over to this bucket. Let's get into it. Would you rather? Tyler from the website, if you had to compete for your life, would you rather compete at rock, paper, scissors or arm wrestling? Really?

Really? Okay. Okay. Now, who is this competition against? Because that's going to make a pretty big difference here. You don't know? You just got to choose your game. Oh, man.

Jason should be very confident in the rock, paper, scissors game. You are an outstanding rock, paper, scissors player. Thank you for not making me say that. Because I would have, and you're 100% right. You're very good. I am very good at Rock, Paper, Scissors. But at the same time, you know, look, it's luck. It's mostly luck, right?

My question was going to be simple for you, Jason. How do you cheat at it? Because I know you do to win. Well, there's psychology that if you were on my level, you could comprehend. It doesn't work on a one shot. You got to go two out of three. Do you go a little bit late?

Is that what it is? You're a little bit of a late. I have watched the documentary. They have a documentary? They have a documentary because there is, of course, bit of a late. I have watched the documentary. They have a documentary? They have a documentary because there is, of course, it's a game. That means that there is a national championship. There is a championship. Jason, have you ever thought about entering the Rock, Paper, Scissor championship?

I would love to be called. I don't know if they're still going on. Do they call the winner the Rochambeau champ? I don't remember that part. Because then I'm in. I don't know. I'm sure Al is looking it up furiously right now. Well, I'm sure that there are mathematical equations.

There are. When somebody gives you rock two times in a row, then the percentage chances they go here. Do the national champions memorize those percentages like a game of blackjack? There's definitely probabilities and just human psychologies. I've heard the most basic one is we have a tendency as humans, so whatever I throw out, most likely, like if I'm not really thinking about it, I will be prone to throwing out the thing that would have beat my previous hand.

Oh, interesting. So if I throw scissors probability says i'm gonna throw a rock on my on my next throw do you believe jason that you are as good at rock paper scissors against a stranger as you are someone you know no so would you ask some like questions beforehand like what's your favorite color get to know them well it's really about them knowing me i want them to know me because i i've got to read what what do they are reading do you lie do i lie about who no i want them to i want them to know exactly who i am so that they think they know where i'm going do you drop on some

subtle hints like you're like yeah i was a geology major in high school i'm all about that rock life no i i don't i don't take it to that level. You know what my favorite music is. What percent... Okay, now let's explore the other side of this question, the arm wrestling. Let's not. What percentage of the population

do you think you could beat at arm wrestling? I don't know. Most of the women. Sure, I mean, I would say of the women. Sure. I mean, I would say that. I doubt it. I mean, are kids open to this? You've got to go 18.

Why can I throw a football so much farther than you guys, but I can't beat you in arm wrestling? That's actually a leverage. It's the same thing as like. Leverage hurts me. Even if I was an average bisexual man, if by step chew, even if I was an average, my length, my arm length,

it's the whip would be, I feel like that would be bad for arm wrestling or is that good? No, I have no idea. But for throwing a football like i mean i feel like the distance between my elbow and the end of my finger is longer than both of you guys correct yeah more than likely the measurement this is simply reminding me so i will ask you guys if you experienced this growing up uh did you ever arm wrestle your dad? Certainly. I'm sure I did. Did you ever beat your dad? Certainly not.

No. Oh, man. Did you do that? You're darn right. Recently? No, this was like. How is he still alive? Is that when he bought his bicycle?

I'm gone from the earth. I'm disappearing from the face of the planet. I mean, I own his house now. That's like part of the deal. But no, it was like. Was this after his shoulder surgery? No, this was toward the ends of uh end of high school and uh and i was i was getting my workout on i was i was decently fit at one point and we just got to the point where i'm like oh this is

this is happening and we are did you provoke it or him that part i don't remember because there's a difference there's the kid coming at his, and then there's the dad going like, you're still not stronger than me. All right, let's go, son. But either way, the father still believes that they're going to win. Well, yeah. They should. None of my children.

They can't turn it down. That's for sure. The father can't be like, I'm out. My children will never beat me at arm wrestling. It's impossible. You will never arm wrestle them once they get to an even questionable state. That's right. right now here's my question so I know your father is a very healthy man you talk about that very good eater exercises

a lot did that start at that loss was he very was he an extremely obese lazy man prior to that no no he was already healthy uh he's more of a body weight guy, though. Interesting. While I was hitting the iron, getting jacked. If either of my sons grow up and beat me in arm wrestling, I'm just done. Let me ask you a question. Look over there. You're just gone. They never see you again.

Smoke bomb. just gone. They never see you again. Smoke bomb! Is there something to be said about like, there's sprinters and there's marathoners. Sure. And you imagine if you arm wrestle somebody and it's a you get, you win

quickly or you lose quickly. You would imagine the same results going to happen from the second and the third and the fourth time. I would imagine so, yes. But is there a level of endurance like can i if i what i lack in bisexual talents can i make up for in like i don't think so yeah endurance i don't know i don't think so not you you specifically no i don't think you could um i think this show's going real bad for me lately last couple of episodes have been bad um i think i don't know which one to take no that's not a word al that's not i'm making that word up by so you're aware yeah but it's just for a comedic value that makes me feel better

i'd never heard that before no bisexual is not a word as as we hit us today it's a dangerous word but as well it's a spelling show as as we've said if i say a word and you know exactly what i mean good enough that's a word get out of my face here with it's not actually in the uh recognized by webster i don't care someone made up words at some point there is a a slang term a bisexual is a person usually male who defines himself by the size of his biceps okay so i've already brought my wife to wear extra small t-shirts which andy is wearing an extra small t-shirt this is a terrible episode before this episode started i told you guys i hated this shirt so much. Yes. Yes. Thank you. Thank you, Mike.

Oh, man. This is not a good day. Can we move on? I mean, this is a long time on this question. Paper Rock Sisters, randomness over what I got. I think I'm going to take the arm wrestling because I want it to be my fault if I lose. I want to be like, you know what? I didn't deserve.

The way you treat paper, rock, scissors, it would be your fault if you lost. The way that you try to treat it is pure skill. You're right. I'd win. I take paper, rock, scissors. Mike. I'll go paper, rock, scissors. Quinn from Patreon.

Would you rather human extinction come via alien invasion or an AI takeover? So we're going extinct either way. There's no saving the planet. So basically the question is, which one is the Band-Aid? Which one is the ripping it off? Which one hurts less? That's what I'm talking about. Just like get it over with.

I have my answer. Yeah, I think I want the aliens. I think I want the robots oh i think i want the robots i want the robots if you're talking about it hopefully my leaving the earth is is painless and or at least quick i don't know it won't be painless but rope they're robots like they don't feel right exactly so they are simply executing a job where an alien if they are are truly a superior race of being, and they have better technology and things like that, but they are warriors, they haven't transcended to become fully peaceful, they're here to take over the earth, I think they're going

to do some terrible things to people. Yeah, I agree. They're going to be monsters, whereas robots will be just get it done terminate wipe the terminator didn't torture anybody what a great title mike for like a robot takeover um see my thought was you guys brought up some good points but the robots will eventually like we're gonna fight them then they're going to usurp us but it will be like just above us and we'll be wiped out. Whereas the aliens could come in with super weapons we've never... Exactly. Aliens could be so far more progressed than we are

that it's just boom, shakalaka. Yeah, they push a button near our planet and... And we all just vaporize. Yeah, and we make that sound. Right. Well, I mean, we still have gas in us. I hope you're saving that one for the draft. Ooh.

So you're going robot. Well, and an alien should be an intelligent life form with some level of- I need a bigger shirt. I need a bigger shirt. Somebody help me. Our YouTubes are doing- It's shrinking right now. Real well these last few weeks.

Get this man a hoodie. And an alien, do you think you could, like, not negotiate, but, you know, maybe convince him to keep you around as, like, a pet? No, because I think what would happen is you would be a slave at that. You would be complete subjugation. No, I get that. But maybe. Mike wants to fetch.

Maybe I could be like a dog for the alien. All right. How is that better than extinction? I love my dogs. I guarantee you at some point in your life, you've gone, man, dogs have good. That's a good life. This is a good life that my dog has right now. They lay around.

Sometimes they play. They get fed. They take naps all the time. You're a good dog owner, Mike, because I look at my dogs and I think, man, they have a terrible life. Oh, okay. Shoot, I got to feed them. When was the last time I fed this dog? Well, then maybe my dog karma will save me from the aliens.

Here's some information. Is that Siri? Apparently Siri's going off on my watch. Yeah, I do think that the absence of any kind of emotion in robots would be helpful. Because you're dying either way. It's bad either way. The worst case scenario is if you have evil motives in addition. And I think that the aliens could have that.

Won't robots focus on efficiency and they'll be like, we should keep their bodies like kind of alive to harvest some organs and stuff? I don't think they actually will, though. I guess they don't need the organs. Yeah, they don't really have a need for anything. What if they're like, hey, some aliens may come and we can sell them these organs? Because like the Matrix, they turn us into batteries. Right. And it's like, really?

With all these future robots robots you're you're trying to tell me that you couldn't develop a better battery he's better than the batteries you feel like robots will waste and that could be painful robots what they won't be wasteful oh yes they'll be excellent and efficient which means that there's a chance that it's painful that's all i'm saying it's gonna be painful either way but but just quick. They won't be... Neither one, I suppose, will probably be very empathetic, like try to take care of you quickly. But the odds

are higher that... Yes, for the robot. That the aliens would be empathetic. No. Why would a robot have empathy? A robot cannot be empathetic or angry. It is indifferent to your suffering. Sorry, I meant just more of you take the empathy. I don't know. I'll roll the dice

that it's just going to be fast. Sergio from Patreon says, would you rather be royalty 2,000 years ago or an average person today? Okay, so there are definitely some pros and cons of being royalty. Do I want to be royalty 2,000 years ago.

So do I want to be royalty for about 35 years before I die at the hand of somebody else or a disease? That's a big maybe making it to 35. Right. Because there's no rules. Can I have a certain amount of time guaranteed to me 2,000 years ago, Al? No. 35 years. Oh, gosh.

That's very generous. Yeah. I mean, look. So I'd be dead already. Well, well no you get 35 years from now we're right right now we're starting oh really yeah sure so from some that's not bad so why are you like now who's generous i'm the king right because it's not just about longevity it's about the the quality of life like is it better yeah you know right now i could turn my lights on with alexa and i don't know go to the bathroom in a toilet with right plumbing you know kings kings were peeing in pots yeah pooping in pots yeah you're taking a dump down the old stone chute you had somebody that would come and clean it for you i don't know that i would enjoy that

more than just my toilet cleaning it for me and that's a problem for me like yeah there's i have i have people who i have uh given no choice to and they are all they do is they they shovel my my poop like yeah the poop people it's incredible power mike i can that life. I think you would live just fine. I don't think so. I mean, you have ultimate power control riches. Yeah, you want that? Do you actually want that?

Just for 35 years. Yeah, no, that's a good, it's a legitimate question. Do you actually want that? Do you want complete 100% power and because we you know we and know all those people hate you i want it like an experiment i don't want it like i'm thriving for it or striving for it now you want to really see what kind of person you are no i you be a benevolent ruler will you i want to play the video game you know how we all play the video game different than we do real life oh yes um we've all played all played Sims or games like that where you do things that you wouldn't be proud of as a real ruler.

Right. I wouldn't mind that experience. Okay. Okay. That would be a tough decision. There's only so many kings. Right. And I feel like I am the king of my household right now.

You know, royalty in my home so um with the alexa the electricity the plumbing i have to take modernity i have to i don't think i could the vaccine you think you got 35 more years right then. I just, I am not cut out for the hard life. The leeches treatment life? Yeah. That's not, you know. Dysentery every other weekend? No. I'm going to need

everything first rate, first world, and... Back then, you would be able to, you'd just give those diseases to your servants. Really? You'd be able to avoid it just give those diseases to your servants Really? You'd be able to avoid it Yeah you could just say Hey you get dysentery for me

I don't think that sounds worse I am king of the germs You get 35 years It's clear you're not going to die from dysentery Yeah I mean I don't even know If I get 35 years from here You'll be an average person today Modernity I will choose today. Modernity. I will

choose today. I'm taking today. I'm not going back 2,000 years ago. Whatever, I'll be the king 2,000 years ago. Enjoy your candles. I just want to try taking over some countries. Yeah, but he doesn't have to light the candles. Yeah, but as soon as the sun is down, you're like, well, can't see. In fact, I can execute people for not lighting them.

That's true. And that's the power he's looking for. That's the power I'm looking for. Alright. Here's my promise. I will alternate years. Odd years, I'm an evil king. Even years, I'm a good king. Okay. So my people kind of stay on their toes.

Is it a good year? The end of an even year is going to go poorly for you, Andy. Yeah, fair enough. We figured out his code. And I would make appropriate size clothing. I'd have my servants make appropriate size. You would have a gigantic robe.

Huge robe. Because you'll be freezing due to no heat. That's right. Ernie from the website, which video game company would you rather erase from human history? Oh, no. Along with all their creations. You think we know these? I do.

EA, Activision, Rockstar, Ubisoft. I don't know these enough to know who made what. Rockstar is Red Dead and GTA. EA is all the major sports franchises for a long time. Except, I mean, EA is my easy answer. Really? Yes. They, EA, I'm not sure what EA has done good for video games.

This whole Madden, now we're talking to like the super sports nerds, but the Madden Monopoly has ruined football games. They don't have to make the game better. They just make another game and they know that everyone's going to buy it. I'm going to buy it. My son wants to buy it. They made, according to this, all the Dragon Age games. They made the Battlefront games, the Star Wars games.

They published. That's theirs now. That's theirs. Okay. Bioware belongs to EA. Mass Effect? It's gone. I could take it.

Mass Effect's great. I could take it. How dare you? I can't get rid of Rockstar. Okay. BioWare belongs to EA. Mass Effect? It's gone. I could take it. Mass Effect's great. I could take it. How dare you? I can't get rid of Rockstar. No. No, they're the easiest keep of all. Red Dead is in. What has Activision done?

NBA Jam. Call of Duty. Oh, okay. Call of Duty can go away. Yeah. I hate Call of Duty. Yeah, let's get rid of that. Although losing NBA Jam would stink.

I hate. NFL Blitz. You know, can I just bring this up for a second so people understand I I hate first-person shooters yeah I hate them and I hate them for one reason and that's it Andy that's it I spawn you spawn and die that's the only two have you played spawn or die by EA man I'd be good at that if all you gotta do a little bit more and you're good at it i i mean this was here this was like a decade ago when i before i even had children when i still had time to play video games and i still i i was terrible at first person shooters i just could not most people change and they're like how good they are at games and you've always sucked i've always

sucked at that and so you want to know what it is though i've played with you we played some overwatch together you suck because you're like afraid constantly yeah it's terrifying you play like there's a bee in your room yes yes i do that's exactly right and you haven't even been in the room but you knew it i watched your character. He plays like there's a B. You were in the room. We all tried to play that game together. And Jason's like, oh, you want to tell somebody what to do. I need a volume to play first-person shooters. I'd be great. I'd just be normal speed.

All right, one more. Sam from Twitter. Would you rather have all of your books be paperback or e-books or audio books? All your books. All the books? I'm'm gonna be old man here i am so not an ebook guy okay so i'm out on ebooks now audiobooks are great yeah i completely agree with you that's the easy get rid of for me so i'm between the audiobooks which are great and paper books which are great but e-books are terrible I hate first of all if it's on an

iPad or something that doesn't have like that e-paper screen my eyes are bleeding but have you ever kindled like on an actual kindle no I have not I've never owned a kindle specifically they look very different there's one

benefit for e-books. Can you think of it? There's one benefit. Yeah, you have all your books in one spot. It's searching. And the library. I guess two benefits if you say that. Yeah. But I like the physical book.

So I'm going to go with that. The paper? Yeah, paper. How many books are you reading these days? Like four or five. A year? No, just right now. You're reading four or five books A year? No, just right now. You're reading four or five books right now?

Yeah. I do not understand these people. How do you read four books at the same time? Bookmarks. Well, I understand how to find my place, but I'm saying, how do you jump back and forth? And how is there not something inside of you that says- They can't be the same genre. You're saying like, I must complete this book before I move on to my next task.

I have made no promises that I will complete any of these books. I have only done the part that's easy. When is the last time you have finished a book? Ooh, is that a better question? That's a good question. And I don't know. It's been a while. It's probably because you're trying to read five books at the same time.

Have you considered finishing a book before opening another one? No, I have not. Okay, that might increase your book completion. Do you double fist? Oh, double reading? Just jump back and forth between the two. I get two of the same, and I hold them in both arms. I'm taking audiobooks.

Audiobooks are really, really great. Yeah, they are outstanding. I don't have to read. But you can zone out on them because the context in which you use audiobooks a lot of times are areas where you zone out. You could be driving, something could get... You're talking to someone, you get a phone call,

and you don't... You could lose a little bit of it. Tell you what the dangerous is about that is have you ever done the audiobook while you're going to sleep? Oh, yeah. Say goodbye eight chapters. Where was I? You have no idea.

Well, I guess I'm hitting this back 15 seconds. They need sleep detectors on those. That would be so smart. Well, they could put a timer on, but you still, how far back do I go? Yeah, that gets stressful. That's like the sleep timer on the TV. I like setting it up, but I'm like, what if this goes off right before I want it to go off? Yeah, I'm going to go paper books here.

Because right now I'm reading Harry Potter to Isaac, my youngest. It's been a fun little thing we're doing every night. I couldn't do that. I like to be able to highlight it, too. Yeah, mark it up. With a highlighter. Can't mark up an audio book. That's fair.

We can try. I'm going old man with you, Andy. All right. Paper. Mike, you going audio? Yes. Okay. Can we skip to the draft?

No, I'm sorry. Well, we can do this. We can take a quick break, and then come back to your favorite segment. Okay. No, I'm sorry. Well, we can do this. We can take a quick break and then come back to your favorite segment. Okay. Hey, Spitwads, hope you're enjoying the show. I want to take a moment and talk to you about BetterHelp. You can join the over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional on BetterHelp.

Is there something interfering with your happiness or is preventing you from achieving your goals? I know that mental health has become more and more important in my life over the last 10 years, and BetterHelp will assess your needs and match you with your own licensed professional therapist. You can start communicating in under 48 hours. And this is not a crisis line. It's not self-help. It's professional counseling done securely online. And I love seeing resources like this become available for people. It's available for clients worldwide. You can log into your account anytime and send a message to your counselor and you get timely and thoughtful responses with Better Help. Visit betterhelp.com slash ballers. That's betterhelp.com slash ballers. And like I said,

join over 1 million people who have taken charge of their mental health with the help of an experienced professional. This podcast is sponsored by Better Help and Spitballers listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash Ballers. That's BetterHelp.com slash Ballers. Highway to Spell. Can we skip to the draft? This shirt is just shrinking. It's just shrinking on me is it shrinking or are you getting a little bigger i had some candy um highway to spell is back again i don't like it

because i'm afraid we've only done it once well i didn't like it it was very stressful it's stressful it's stressful because i don't want to be the- If you guys are the idiot first, I'm fine being an idiot. Right. Yes, that's right. Don't be the first idiot. That's this game. I'm going to make life easy on you two gentlemen.

Good. All right, Al, what are we in for today? We are going to start at fifth grade just to get the prime the pump, and then we're going to jump to seventh grade. Please be easy. We better be prime the pump. Who's first? Andy is. Oh, be priming the pump. Who's first? Andy is.

Oh, you know. All right. Tiny shirt, T-I-N-Y. Go ahead. What's my first word? Your fifth grade level word. I'm so stressed out right now. I might fail right here. Imagine.

Okay. All right. Imagine. I-M-A-G-I-N-E. Imagine. Perfect. Woo. Okay. That makes it so much worse. I-M-A-G-I-N-E. Imagine. Perfect. Woo! Okay.

That makes it so much worse. I'm freaking out over here. Good. We'll save you. So Mike's up. Your fifth grade level word? Give it to me. Favorite.

Favorite. F-A-V-O-R-I-T-E. Favorite. Correct. Please be kind. The word kind? I think you can handle this. Here you go. E favorite. Correct. Please be kind. The word kind. I think you can handle this. Here you go. Please. Chemical. Oh, come on. That's way harder.

You always give him the easy ones. Hip hop anonymous. All right. It's C H E M I C A L chemical. All right. You guys are all smarter than a fifth grader. We did it. It's all found money now. That All right. You guys are all smarter than a fifth grader. We did it. It's all found money now. Take that, fifth graders. That's right.

We're up to seventh grade. We're going to jump to seventh here. Play along with us. My hand is legitimately shaking. What's worse, the scat or spelling these words? I think spelling these words because I'm going to look so foolish. You did all right last time. Here you go, Andy. Seventh grade word.

Immobilize. Immobilize. Ooh. Stand by. I've got it. I've got it. I've got how I wrote it, but. How did you go? I like that the example sentence I have here says, fear had immobilized him.

Yeah, that's fair. I-M-M-O-B-I-L-I-Z-E, immobilize him yeah it's fair I am M O B I L I Z E immobilized that's correct all right all right for the record Mike and I would have gotten that correct it is for the record yes for the right Mike your seventh grade word guarantee guarantee okay guarantee I'm out on this one all right guarantee all right G U A R A N T E E guarantee I'm out on this one Alright guarantee Alright

G-U-A-R-A-N-T-E-E Guarantee I guarantee that's correct You are correct Oh Jason you got it I would have had it right The old guarantee He's trying to get partial credit for each of our words In case he fails his word

You see right through me Alright Jason your 7th grade word adequate oh am i adequate oh man i don't know oh that that's not right oh gosh oh my goodness i'm writing it but i'm not sure i got it uh all right you guys talk while i figure this out do you think jason is adequate for the task oh my gosh there's no way i'm looking at what i wrote i'm wrong you know how you write a word and you're that's not right i don't know this one adequate all right give it a go it's time to go he's writing again can i can i hear it used in a sense ours are so different this office is pretty adequate for my needs yeah there's no all right i've got okay ad nailed it uh a d e q U-A-T-E. Oh, man. That is correct.

No way! Okay. I'm the smartest man alive! I had it wrong. I had it wrong on the second letter. Wait, what? In my head, it was a T. Oh, that's funny.

You thought it was adequate? In my head, that's all I could see. And I knew it was wrong. You would have been super dumb. Wait, were you? Did you spell it right? No, I didn't. So I would have won on that?

Well, you would have if we were all competing on the same word. I had it A-D-A. I had everything the same, but A-D-A. A dacquit? Wow. I wouldn't have pronounced it a dacquit. Anyway, we're all alive. Real quick, since we're talking about spelling, and thought it was, you know, the second and third.

You had the weirdest one I've ever heard. I knew it was wrong. Well, here's what's crazy. We're doing a draft after this, which I can't wait for because it's not this. Right. And we're drafting the best onomatopoeia. And I can't tell you, when I saw this draft and I saw it spelled out, my mind was blown. Because if you told us to spell the word onomatopoeia, that's easy.

Because it's on-a-mo-na-p-e-a. Right. It's onomatopoeia. When I saw a T in the middle of this word. There's a T in there? Yeah. Onomatopoeia? It's a tomato.

There's a tomato in the middle. That blew my mind. All right. Onomatopoeia. All right. We got to go to the next one. I thought mind. All right. Onomatopoeia. All right. We got to go to the next one. I thought you were going to get eliminated there, Jason. I'm disappointed.

Very proud. All right. Give it to me. All right. Andy, your eighth grade level word. Gulp. Amateur. I don't like his pronunciation.

Yeah. All right. Amateur. All right. A-M-A-T-E-U-R. That is correct. Very nice. Very nice. Very nicely done. That is correct. Very nice. Very nice.

Very nicely done. That was much easier than adequate. You mean adequate? Yes. All right, Mike, your eighth grade level word. Haphazard. Oh. Wait, is there a trick in here?

Haphazard. H-A-P-H-A-Z-A-R-D. That is correct. All right, I want have spelled both of those right let's go here you go jason anecdote anecdote yeah i think we're supposed to be making a sentence and uh like i'll give you a funny little anecdote when I spell anecdote A-N-E-C-D-O-T-E A-N-E-C-D-O-T-E

That is correct Oh yeah baby We're in high school now Is that what's happening? You have just graduated 8th grade That's a huge accomplishment at this point Alright Andy, your 9 ninth grade level word vengeance v-e-n-g-e-a-n-c-e vengeance is mine that's what i got well done all right did you have that wrong

jason oh i had that have there there's an a in the middle of that right no it's vengeance yes oh yeah that's one of those fancy words i no longer feel bad about uh getting adequate all right mike your ninth grade level word fluorescent okay mike's face said mike said uh I think I got that one I'm going to circle the problem with my work let me see yours Jason fluorescent as they look

F-L-O-R-E-S-C-E-N-T I am sorry that is incorrect F-L-U-O-R and other than that you had it correct. Yeah, the U was. Oh, man. I knew I was 50-50 there.

Wow. I would have got it wrong. I put the U in mine. However, I went S-C-E-N-T. It is only C? No, there's an S-C-E-N-T. Oh, then I nailed it. You got it right.

All right. So Mike's the first eliminator? I'm out. He is. Oh, my goodness. Jason, me and you. Let's go. You won the first time, right? Keep in mind, Jason, if you get this wrong, Andy wins.

Keep that in mind. Here is your ninth grade level word. Wait, if I get this wrong, he wins. Because he already won this round. He started. Oh, thank you for the update. Camouflage. Camouflage?

I've never heard of this word. Can you please? It's a new type of candy say that again please camouflage that's the stupidest person of all time uh aluminium camouflage um i gotta try and spell it yeah i'm a little worried about mine, because I think there's a sneak. Don't forget the flodge. Don't forget the flodge. One more time? Share bear?

Camouflage. Okay, I'm pretty confident I got it. I'm pretty confident I don't. Well, you gotta give it up. Put it all on the line. All right, here we go. Camouflage.. Put it all on the line. All right. Here we go. Camouflage.

C-A-M-O. Flodge. All right. Okay. He's got four versions on his path. I've got four written down. Which one looks right? Oh, man.

These are wrong. Camouflage. It's so stupid. It's camouflage, dude. Camouflage. C-A-M It's camouflage, dude. Camouflage. C-A-M-O-F-L-A. This suspense is killing me. Is it you or is it a G?

I'm going to go... G-E. You got the last part correct. There was a U that you missed in the middle. C-A-M-O-U-F-L-A-E. You got the last part correct. There was a U that you missed in the middle. C-A-M-O-U-F-L-A-G-E. I feel much better about that because I never would have seen it. Did you write that down? Did you have it correct?

Nope. Oh, that sucks. Congratulations, Andy. I only had to spell mine right. I wasn't sure if the pronunciation was going to make you throw a D in at the end. On one of my versions I wrote down, I did have a D. That is true. Camouflage.

Camouflage. All right. I feel like we all did pretty well. I'm proud of myself. On my way to spell. Time to draft. The Spitballers Draft. Well, Jason mentioned it. We are drafting the best onomatopoeia words,

which is a way of saying words that sound like. That's words that are sound. Words that are sound. Yeah. It sounds like the meaning of the word. That's where I was going. Yeah. And that's why I opened it up simply.

To give one away, bark. Bark is the sound that a dog makes. Yes. Great. Now I've got to come up with another one on my list. Well, you, whatever. All right. This is such a bizarre draft.

I don't know if there's any strategy here. There's a clear 101. Yeah. Well, I mean, I have a clear 101, but I don't even know if it'll be on people's lists or not. This word can be used for many things, an impact, an explosion. John Madden loved this word. Okay. Boom.

Tough act to connect. Boom. Now, you went with boom. You did not go with the variant kaboom correct i took boom okay just boom all right boom came along later boom flavor call is kaboom the baby of boom i think that's the grandpa yeah i think kaboom is actually a larger explosion because because you're getting two sounds kaboom is actually a larger explosion. Right. Because you're getting two sounds. Kaboom. Okay. Instead of just boom. In which way?

Not kerplow. That's different. Ho, ho. Don't tread on my potential words here, Andy. All right. So I'm looking here. So I'm going to take one that is not very fun, but- Are you going functional? It's functional functional i use it all the time i haven't

actually seen this on a list like i was looking up lists of onomatopoeia but i still think this is and i think you guys will agree this word sounds like the meaning of the word okay which makes it onomatopoeia. Onomatopoeia. Meh. Meh. Meh. Okay. You know what I mean? We say that all the time.

Whenever we're talking about a player we don't like. It's a word to describe sub-average. Yeah, you're just kind of exhaling the... Meh. Yeah. Well, I love that pick. Great job, Jason. All right, so you're going with... Is that an onomatopoeia? It feels like it's skirting the rules a little bit, I love that pick. Great job, Jason. All right. So you're going with...

Is that an onomatopoeia? It feels like it's skirting the rules a little bit, but... It does. Does it? Meh. See, because you don't really like... Isn't that the sound of what it means? Like, meh.

I don't know. I feel like you're ruining the draft. I mean, I'll accept the verdict if that's not onomatopoeia. Can you see it in a comic book? Doing something. They're closing a door, and the door closes going, meh. No, I cannot. You punch someone in the face, and the action says, meh.

Wait, is that the litmus test for onomatopoeia? It's a pretty good one. Is it a comic book? It's not everything, but it's, I think, a good baseline. I will say this. I'm looking at a list of like 700 of them, and they all belong in a comic book. You want to make a pivot? Huh.

Maybe I will. All right. We can get this going. We've got boom. Now, what do you got all right uh i will i will pivot um to look i'm getting i'm getting paid over here touching baby that's a great see there you go that's a good one yeah is that a good pick yeah that's a great thing yeah i would have gone with caching but really touching Kaching? Kaching. How do you say it? We're amateurs at this, Mike.

You're a pro. How would you guys say it? Cha-ching. You go... It's definitely both, but I don't know what I say now. Yeah. Kaching. I think I say cha-ching.

Cha-ching. This is... Ka-ching. To be clear, this is when you're opening a register. That's a cash register. Yeah. It's the sound of money. I would go cha-ching.

Yeah, I would go cha-ching. But cha-ching makes sense too. Cha-ching would be if I was dropping a coin into a pile of coins. Okay. Oh. So cha-ching involves dollars. That's right. It involves the money drawer.

It's more lucrative. It's the money drawer. Okay. Cha-ching. Did we do this? We're there. You got us. You got a pick here. It's the money drawer. Cha-ching. Did we do this? We're there. You got a pick here? And you did draft cha-ching.

Yes. Nice one. I have no idea what my pick is. Okay. My first pick, I will go with, I want a word that is entertaining. Right? Sure. Onomatopoeia can be very fun and funny.

Yeah, so I will go with the word that I think just makes you kind of laugh and it's funny and you imagine funny things and that is splat. Oh, that's a great word. That's a good one. Splat's a good one. Splat the cat. I'm going with splat. Something hits the countertop

and it goes splat. I'm also realizing something because you could have gone with curse splat. Something hits the countertop and it goes splat. I'm also realizing something, because you could have gone with curse splat. You're just throwing the cur in front of all of them. I know, but I'm pretty- You got kaboom, ka-ching, curse splat. Someone came along and threw a bunch of- It doesn't work. If you can't put cur in front of it, it's not onomatopoeia. All right.

If you can't put cut in front of it, it's not onomatopoeia. All right. My second pick is another fun sound. And there are a variety in this category, but this is the best one. Why didn't you take it first? Well, I mean, the best of this category. My first pick was splat. My second pick is vroom.

Oh, man. You were waiting for vroom to come back? Yeah. Vroom, baby. Come vroom. Vroom. Oh, man. You were waiting for Vroom to come back? Yeah. Vroom, baby. Come, Vroom. Vroom. I can see that in the comic book. Car goes Vroom. Yeah, car goes Vroom.

They used to anyways. Now they go whiz. All right. All right. So I've got, I better write these down. I'm going to forget my own picks. I've got Splat and Vroom. I was really hoping for Vroom.

Really? I was. I love drafts like my own picks. I've got Splat and Vroom. I was really hoping for Vroom. Really? I was. I love drafts like this where you're like, of all the sounds, you're like, Vroom, that one. That was the only one I could come up with. So this was the first one on my list because I think it was the best. But I couldn't take it with my last pick because of your first pick. It was very similar.

You went boom. Oh, no. I'm going bang. It was very similar. You went boom. Oh, no. I'm going bang. That's a gun. Okay. You know, you got the little flag that pops out of the gun. That's a comic book word of all of them. Bang, bang, bang.

Yeah. Ka-ching. That's his two. Ka-bang? Ka-bang? I don't know. All right, Mike, you're back. You don't have Vroom, though.

All right. Well, I was set up on this turn to go with Vroom in this pick, so at least I know one of them. This Bedingi one? I legitimately thought about doing my last pick. Do I just take Bedingi? Oh, man. But I'm going to take the sound.

It is the sound of light things, like a cloud might make this sound. A smoke bomb might make this sound. You can pronounce it funny ways, but in the written word, it is simply poof. Oh. But you can hit it with a poof. Okay. Poof. There was another sound.

There was another onomatopoeia that came to mind. Mike is just exhaling air all over me. I'm poofing. There's a few sounds for clouds that came to mind. Ooh, okay. Maybe one will be my pick. I'm poofing. There's a few sounds for clouds that came to mind. Ooh. Okay. Maybe one will be my pick. We'll see.

Okay. Well, now I have, so I have boom and poof, which were the first two words that I wrote. That sounds like my fart. Boom. Poof. Those can be fart sounds as well. Most of these can. So, since we're halfway through, I think it's more entertaining to read them.

Mike has boom and poof. Jason has cha-ching and bang. And I have splat and vroom. can. So just to, since we're halfway through, I think it's more entertaining to read them. Mike has boom and poof. Jason has to ching and bang and I have splat and vroom. And now we're onto the third and fourth rounds. All right. Now this is where we're up against it here. Do I go with some, do I need some function? Oh no, I know what I know. This is traditionally, just so you know, the hardest part of an onomatopoeia draft Right here, the third pick Well known We all know what the first few sounds are going to be Everybody knows

Alright, I will take a Another action sound Man, although I guess all They're all action sounds All onomatopoeia would be an action of some kind I will take the sound of something entering water i'm going to take splash oh splash is a great one splash splash is a steal in the third round also also a a smash hit movie starring uh tom hanks I don't remember. Oh, yeah.

I loved that. That was Tom Hanks. Oh, I can't remember her name. Not Goldie Hawn, was it? No. No, it wasn't Goldie Hawn. Oh, we got to vet this. It's very important.

No, we don't. It was Daryl Hannah. Daryl Hannah. There it is. There it is. It's a little too old for us. Yeah. You know what I mean?

That's why I was like- I don't remember Daryl Hannah. I think it's Tom. But yeah. All right. Yeah, all right. Splash. I'm don't remember Daryl Hannah, but yeah. All right. Yeah. All right. Splash.

I'm happy. Ooh. Steal of the round. All right. So far. Here we go. Best pick of the third round. Jason, how are we doing over there?

I'm doing all right. I'm doing okie dokie. I'm looking for some words. How are you looking? Because my list is endless over here. He doesn't want another Matt. He doesn't want to make that mistake. Here's the actual problem.

The actual problem is I have another Matt. I have one that I believe is one that I can't find. Can you put it in the comic action? Yes, you could put it in a comic book. I definitely think you could put it in a comic book. So we'll see because I think it passes that litmus test. He's going to fail again. I might think you could put it in a comic book. So we'll see because I think it passes that litmus test. He's going to fail again. I might.

But I think I'm going to fail. But I'm going to go. Shoot your shot. Shooter's going to shoot. Bang. Bang, bang. I am going. Look, if I'm flying in on that, you know, into the lake on that rope swing, you know

what I'm doing on my way? Whee! Is that... What's the rule? What's the verdict? That's not a word. That's something that people say. Yeah.

You're having a hard time here. Can people say... We can say things that aren't words? But I'm saying like what... No, no, it's not... If you put it in a comic book, what... Goodness gracious,

how is this so difficult? If you put it in a comic book, what what what goodness gracious how is this so difficult if you put it in a comic book what is making the sound we besides a very delighted person besides a person what's making the sound bark except for the dog but it's it's not a human it's not a word all right i don't know i don't think we i don't think we's an onomatopoeia. I don't think so either. Oh my goodness. We'll just have to. All right. Well, like if you open a door, I guess you could, I don't know. I'm trying to help you here, man.

I appreciate it, but I'll pivot again. I want all the words I'm going to get. I'm going to use as many wrong words as I can. And I want credit for them at the end of this. That's it in the draft. Just give them all six. That's yes, exactly. I will need them.

I guess since I, look, I love. There's many sounds that the zip line would make while you are going down it if you need some help. No, I really, I think I, here's what I want. Whiz. That I can't have. I want emotion. That's my meh and my we.

That's where I'm getting thrown off here. But we're drafting on a monopia look and i will but i want both and i'm getting both by my strategy we could be wrong this could be one that counts and we're then we're the fools i am seeing it on lists of onomatopoeia words looks like i didn't come up with it let it go i just don't know what it describes other than what you say i think that's what it's describing right but no i mean i if you could if you scream you could scream anything banana yeah see that doesn't that doesn't it doesn't hit like it doesn't it doesn't work um all right

well that's that's fine i'll i'll go with uh i'll go with a different one um and is we a word you would write in a book because that's what it would come down to to me because it is a is a word made from a sound is there a little piggy in the book little piggy goes we yeah he goes all the way home yeah uh it's it's i don't know i don't know what to do i know this is this is we should only do drafts of things we know. I feel like I know what I'm up to. All right, final word from Al, and then he either keeps it or he moves on. He can keep it if he wants. Oh, baby.

Okay. Send it through. All right, back to me. My final two picks. What do you got? You got splat. I've got splat and I've got vroom. Oh, you got vroom.

And sometimes your vroom makes a sound if you make a mistake on the road. And sometimes it goes crash. Oh, okay. So I'm going with crash as my third pick. Very car-centric over there. Well, my fourth pick isn't. My fourth pick, it's going to take you right into the old bathroom. Because when you're in the old bathroom.

Splash? Flush? Well, no. I mean, look. A lot of these would work in the bathroom. But I'm going with plop. I'm going with plop. And that works with a kerplop.

Yes. It does work with a kerplop. So we're okay there. So my entire list is now splat Room, Crash, and Plop. Plop is an excellent pick. Plop, plop. Yeah, honestly, I probably would have gone with Kerplop with this next pick. You should have gone with it over wheat.

Look. We gave you many chances. I could have, but I'll let it slide. All right. I'm deciding between two here. Which is also the sound of a Kerplop. Something slide. All right. I'm deciding between two here. Which is also the sound of a kerplunk. Something sliding. All right.

I'm between two here. Don't worry, gentlemen. They're both on normal onomatopoeia lists. All right. So this will just be against you if you disagree. But I'm going to go with something I love to do plot you just took it's already been drafted um no what do i do even more than that where's i eat chomp i chomp that's right mike put these chompers to work nice and i will i like it i gotta if i don't have eating in a draft

uh then it's no draft of mine you You could have gone with sizzle, too. Ooh. Yeah. That's true. Could have gone with sizzle. Cha-ching, bang, wee, chomp for Jason. Mike, you've got boom, poof, splash. You've got some... I got some heavy hitters.

You got some heavy... They hit hard. Like, boom. Yeah. And then poof. Even poof is like, it's really fast. Yeah, it's got the hard attacks. And the splash is really fast.

You got nothing slow, Mike. Oof. You got nothing calm. That's true. I don't. But on a Monopea, it's not. You got no fizz, Mike. You got no fizz.

Your fizz isn't going to slow me down. You got no taps. Oh, man. All right. Can I interest you in a meow? Maybe a whoosh. Yeah, no one's taking an animal sound. How about a cock-a-doodle-doo?

I thought about that, but I wasn't sure if that one counted. Yeah, absolutely. That does? That was the second one I was between, between cock-a-doodle-doo and chomp. But you went wee. Have you seen sounds that animal makes is also regional like what like people don't think they make no like other little do like other countries have different onomatopoeia for their animals oh that makes more sense i'll bet the cock-a-doodle-doo

one is pretty close like in europe the bees all they all go zazz mate i'm telling you it's weird al we'll see if you can find any French sounds for animals. I thought what you were saying was that like- Yes, they all say oui and bonjour. Bonjour doodle doo. Bonjour doodle doo. Oui, oui, oui, oui, oui, moo. This is what we know about France.

Croissant, croissant. All right, Mike, you, oui, oui, mou. This is what we know about France. Mm-hmm. Croissant, croissant. All right, Mike, you got one last pick. So I'm stuck if I want to, like, double dip. Because there are some that are definitely hyphenated phrases, and you need both of them. So as that power up my onomatopoeia, then I'm getting a twofer and I'm just, or I just have one that's very, very simple. It's really, it's really up to you. I know I'm just talking through

my process right now. Talking through my process. Uh, I'm going to go, I'm going to go with a classic here. Okay. I'm going to go with a classic here. Okay. I'm going to go with a classic. This one's been around since Andy was a king 2,000 years ago, probably. Because to make sure that you keep time, TikTok. Yes. TikTok. Yes.

It's aggressive of you can TikTok in someone's face, and they will not like it. Oh, that's true. It's even a social media at this point. It will not like it. Oh, that's true. It's even a social media at this point. It is. They spell it wrong. That's true. No, look, don't underestimate a hyphenated onomatopoeia. That is a sneaky pick right there.

Cock-a-doodle-doo would have got it done. TikTok got it done. The other hyphenated, I don't even know if it's hyphenated, but you got to get them both, is ding-dong. Ding-dong's solid. Ding-dong. Ding-dong's solid. Ding-dong. Ding-dong's great. And I love chomping on ding-dongs.

Chocolate-covered, awesome. Great. Ho-hos and all sorts. Ding-dongs and nutty bars. All sorts. Yeah. Star Crunch. Sure.

Chomp, chomp. Chomp, chomp. I thought honk. Honk is a good one because that's a car and that's a goose. Honk, honk. Honk, honk. What do you mean it's usually one word? No, I'm saying you're only drafting one.

You couldn't draft honk, honk. No. You just draft honk and say it twice. That's correct. Could he draft beep, beep? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. There's so many choices here.

No one went toot. Oh my gosh. I literally Googled fart on a monopea and I couldn't find toot. Come on. I considered going just full Batman of boom, blam, pow, biff, sock. No, those would put the combo together. Yeah. See, there were no words.

Here's where I'm disappointed in us. We didn't draft any words that are like nouns named after the sound that it makes. Like flip-flops are technically onomatopoeia. Okay. A sneeze is onomatopoeia. We didn't do any of those. But a sneeze is an action. Achoo is an onomatopoeia. Well, know a sneeze is onomatopoeia we didn't do any of these is an action i too is sure but it's also a noun you know you the man uh the man snows use it as a noun please okay um the sneeze was exiting down the road of uh uh okay okay okay okay i've got it no because i'm spelling in words stop it no i was thinking

like sneeze and cough and i found these on like cough is is a cough drop but it's still named after the cough okay i mean splash i have splash and splash is the word is is the the word for when water goes up in the air. Oh, my goodness. The less you know. All right. We are done. We're all dumber now. Boom.

Poof. Splash. Tick tock. Cha-ching. Bang. We chomp. Splat. Vroom.

Crash. Plop. We done. What did we learn today? So much. Jason doesn't know what onomatopoeia is that's fair that's fair um i learned how to say camouflage for the first time i've been saying it wrong all these years oh so owl did post sorry uh some other uh countries countries and the sound that their animals make.

So you have a rooster. We have cock-a-doodle-doo here. If I'm reading this right, French would be co-co-ree-co? That's what they sound like. Co-co-ree-co. Then you have pig. We have oink. And in French, it is, in fact, groin-groin.

Groin-groin. Groin-groin. See? They should have just gone with bonjour uh what did i learn today i learned that i will never wear a white shirt this small ever again never gonna happen is that your son's shirt it is uh going to be very soon so now i got this shirt for you mike did you give yours? Yeah, I learned that Jason doesn't know what a monopea is. Jason, did you learn anything?

You learned a lot today. Yeah, I learned how to say camouflage, and I learned that Andy doesn't listen to what we learned. That is it for today's Spitballers podcast. Catch you next time. We made it. Thank you for listening. Goodbye.

podcast. Catch you next time. We made it. Thank you for listening. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com Oh no.

Oh, no. What happened? Is this another ad? Is this another ad for jointhespit.com? I've got to get rid of these suckers. I've got to get ad-free on my spitwad love. I'm going to join the spit right now. Jointhespit.com, and I'm getting these dumb ads out of here.