Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 148: Yo Yo People & A Spitballers Casting Call - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: May 3, 2021

On today’s show, Highway To Spell is back. See if you can outsmart Andy, Mike, and Jason. We also discuss talking to animals, expensive wine, and eating a blizzard in a blizzard. We wrap up the episode by drafting the cast of Spitballers: The Movie.Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad! Visit us on the Web Follow us on Twitter Follow us on Instagram Subscribe on YouTube

Hey, Spitwads, are you still going to the post office? Yeah, I remember 1994. What a year that was. Look, are you still paying full price for postage? Silly. Thanks to Stamps.com, you don't have to do any of that anymore. Al, we're not driving around on hoverboards, but we are living in the modern age, okay? And Stamps.com brings all the services of the U.S. Postal Service and UPS right to your computer. It's a must have for any business. How must have you ask? Well, we we use it for our business and we have used it for years.

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and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Ring-aa-ding-ding there's a yo-yo on a string like was that an exclamation or of like you can't believe that there's a yo-yo on a string or you were just a statement. Just a statement, Mike. Do you remember? What rhymes with ring-a-ding-ding? No, no, no. String.

What goes on a string? Yo-yo. No, no. Bading-ee! Do you remember the yo-yo people who would come to your school? Oh, yeah. And, like, this was a thing? Yes, the yo-yo peddlers.

And they still are, it's still very active. Oh, it is? Yes. the yo-yo peddlers. And it's still very active? Oh, it is? The yo-yo scene is active? Yes. I recall my children coming home very excited. They had to buy yo-yos. How did this become a thing that we're allowing the yo-yo people into the schools? How did they get access to the kids? Exactly. We're so careful. We're protecting the youth-yo people into the schools. How do they get access to the kids?

Exactly. We're so careful. We're protecting the youth, the future of America. We're like, but they need to know about yo-yo. So look at the, ooh, the cat's cradle. Listen, there's a few really, really special people that have found their way in. Now, one of them is the cheese and crackers people. Yes.

The cheese, crackers, sausage, somehow they're in. Yes. They get assemblies. All the kids have to sell their product. Who agreed that the entire school system would sell their product? I don't know. But, yeah, them, the magazine people. The yo-yo people.

But the yo-yo people make the least amount of sense. Because it's a yo-yo. Yeah. It's just like, it's a toy. Somewhere along the line, they got together. They must have a very strong union. They do. The yo-yo yeah it's just like it's a toy it we somewhere along the line they they just they got together they must have a very strong union they do the yo-yo and they're like we union there is they call it the yo-yo union the union the union anyways but there's nothing else you could do with a yo-yo because you can't be like you can't get a uh they don't sell well in stores

you can't get a residency in on las vegas on the stores. You can't get a residency on Las Vegas on the strip. Go see the new yo-yo-er. No. So somehow they just keep getting jobs going into schools selling their filth. The Pog people tried to get in. They got kicked out. They tried to sell their products. Well, because we got banned.

Yeah, you can't rock the baby with Pogs. Do Pogs not get banned from your school? Oh, yeah, they did. Yeah, because it was gambling. Candy's been trying to get in for years. They're in, they're out, they're in, they're out. Candy is just smuggled in. Candy is a kid problem.

Yeah, it just comes in from the outside, and they're slinging it behind the teacher's back. Slinging the pop rock. Yeah. Welcome into the Spitballers podcast. Andy, Mike, and Jason, I almost said the Fantasy Footballers because football is getting going. Yeah, baby. And we do host the Fantasy Footballers podcast, but that's not this show today because today's show is about can you spell words?

I hate this segment. And the people love this segment, which makes me hate it all the more. Well, you didn't have to do the scat today that was nice but you do have to try to spell things we have would you rather we have a very special draft we're going to be drafting for a movie

characters for a movie actors for a movie and we'll leave it there it'll be a surprise it'll be in the show title I know at spitballerspod on twitter instagram.com leave it there. It'll be a surprise. It'll be in the show title. Just don't read the show title. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, Instagram.com slash SpitballersPod. Let's

get it going. Would you rather? Before I read this would you rather question from Fred, I will ask both of you. Did you buy a yo-yo from the Yo-Yo Paddlers? Oh man, so many yo-yos. I did too. I never had a yo-yo from the yo-yo paddlers? Oh, man. So many yo-yos. I did, too. I never had a yo-yo.

What? You missed out, bro. You escaped? Oh, man. I had a thing. It was a bumblebee? That sounds right. Yeah.

Like, this thing had ball bearings in it. Oh, yeah. And this thing would... You'd whip that thing down. It'd sleep for 35 minutes if you just left it there. Yeah. I don't even know what that means like it was it was does that mean it will spin at the bottom yeah and that's called sleeping yes

yeah yo-yos are so stupid yo-yos are like tap dancers mike look i'm telling you you you put them on blast but sorry yo-yo people it's yeah but at least we've confined the yo-yo people to their space tap dancers are everywhere. Look, you didn't have one, Jay. Yeah. You weren't one of us. It was cool, man. You hit an around the world.

Oh, yeah. And then when you get at the end of the yo-yo string, you go for an around the world, and that thing just flies off into an innocent bystander. Fred from Twitter, would you rather have to pretend, have a pretend back and forth conversation with every animal you

encounter, like Snow White, or never be allowed to acknowledge an animal again? I don't know. This is a pretend back and forth conversation. So this is like, oh, hey there, little birdie. Hey, little guy. Hey, little birdie. You enjoying that

fry you found on the ground? Oh, yes, you are enjoying that. How long does this mock-versation have to be in order for it to be considered a true conversation? Like, in general. Two replies. Two replies is a conversation. Like, if I'm passing someone in the hallway. They're like, hey, Bob.

He's like, hey, how was your weekend? Oh, it was good. Yours was good. And then we walk away. I do not feel like we had a conversation. We didn't have passing someone in the hallway, and they're like, hey, Bob. And he's like, hey, how was your weekend? Oh, it was good. Yours was good. And then we walk away. I do not feel like we had a conversation. We didn't have a conversation in the hallway. We said passing greetings in the hallway. Yeah, that's two replies. The problem is you're going to look like a crazy person, first off,

walking around talking to all the pigeons in New York City. Yeah. But it's just going to take too long. So I think you have to at least put a cap, because otherwise your entire life is talking to birds. Do you have to pretend to listen to them? Yes, you have to pretend to listen. And is this like if I can just see them?

So like, hey, Fred. Someone's walking a dog down the street. You're running to catch up. Dogs walking down the street, you're going to have to. If they walk by you, that's an encounter. Teddy. Yeah, but not across the street. If they walk by you.

Yeah, if you encounter them. So, that would be, like, in your general vicinity. I would say six foot. Six foot is for an encounter? If they're within six feet, boom, conversation is on. You don't get within six feet of a bird. Owl's shaking his head. You've got to have a bigger radius than six feet.

20 feet. 20 feet. That's fair. That's so far away. Look, the answer is I'm not acknowledging any animals. I could go on the rest of my life not acknowledging an animal. And you're a monster for that. I'd be fine.

You are a monster. I'd be fine. Jason Beckman. No, I feel that same way like i can't imagine i mean i was thinking that we had to make this the conversation side of this equation very very very difficult we got to point out all because otherwise i mean it would suck to not be able to talk like and acknowledge any animals ever i love animals i love our pets and you know i don't know what's weirder like let's say you go and you meet new neighbors okay you you move to to a neighborhood and you oh hey how's it going just to completely ignore the dog that runs up to you and like act like it's not there at all or to to kneel down and just have a real conversation in front of your new neighbors now

can i whisper it sure how are you liking your new home but what's creepier mike someone just having a real fun kind of loud you know leaning into it conversation like oh hey what do you like these are they treating you nice what do they got you eating? Or, hey, dude, what's going on? Hey, can I talk to you about them? Just hold on one second. Yeah, I'll greet you in just second human. How are they treating you in here? That's creepy. Yeah, it's super creepy.

Well, it wouldn't be audible. It would just be me whispering sweet nothings into the dog's ear. What'd you have for dinner? Was it kibble again? Was it kibble again? Did you gobble it down? Did you gobble it down? Did you gobble it down? I'm going to never acknowledge another animal.

I'm going to have the pretend back and forth conversations. Of course. Rob from the website, at no cost to you, would you rather eat eight ounces of the world's most expensive steak or drink eight ounces of the world's most expensive wine? Easy peasy. Yeah, this is. Look, I'm going to let you guys in on a secret.

And by you guys, I'm talking about the spit wads out there. Look. Is this actually a secret? Real, real, real expensive, fancy wine. I'm talking not like the, you know okay this is this is a nice bottle it's a 20 25 bottle this is you know it's behind the glass this is behind the glass yeah the wine behind the glass it tastes better because you paid more and for no other reason it does not taste any better you i'm telling you guys, it's a sham.

It's just, I mean, there are certain things that taste better with age. There are certain things that the money is worth it. Wine is one of those things that the more I have experienced really fancy, nice bottles of wine, the more I go, dude, give me that blended red that's $10. And you enjoy a fine wine. I do. I like wines. And I'm a little picky. Now, but is your pickiness just simply it's not from a box? Yeah. I mean, there's certainly there is a level you've got to get over for sure.

But I'm telling you, you know, whereas you get a super expensive piece of meat. Oh, brother. Oh, I can tell you how tender it is, how it's been lovingly cared for. But you can do that thing with a steak. Now, I'm not talking the variability between crazy expensive steak and a Denny's steak. I'm not talking about that. Crazy expensive steak and a Denny's steak, I'm not talking about that. But I'm talking about a $60 steak versus a $100 steak.

You can trick yourself into thinking you're eating something better when you're not. But I think that what Jason is saying is the sliding scale, it moves more for the steak. sliding scale it moves more for the steak like there is the threshold of you need once you're getting a fancy enough steak like there is a place where it levels off but it's much higher than that of the wine. Yeah I mean look there are different types of cows you get you get one of them a wagyu there's wealthy wealthy cows right exactly you want to they cost so much wealthy uh japanese cow and that thing is unbelievable there's no there's no like oh these rotten wine juices are really fancy now is it true that because like there's always the joke of like oh that, that was a terrible year, bad year. Have you ever actually experienced that? No.

Where someone says, oh, that was a bad year and it was bad? No, I've never experienced that. Like a 2020 wine? Oh, I'll bet. Those are terrible. Yeah, in another year or two when those start getting uncorked. They've just dumped them all. Yeah.

Who knows what's in there? You don't want to drink a 2020 wine. I like how Jason just grabbed a hold of full authority of both of these topics. This is his domain. Yes. The steaks and wine domain. Yes, 100%. And spoke with such authority.

Guys, let me tell you something. Bring it in. Bring it in. Take a knee. I've been behind the glass. Yeah, I mean, I'd rather have the steak. Yeah, for sure. Yeah. One of them for sure Yeah, one of them's really good And one of them is not

You don't like wine in general, right? No, it's not for me I get it Alright, Father Son Combo Stokes and Stokes on Patreon Oh, thank you for your support It says, would you rather have to eat ice cream outside in a blizzard Or drink hot cocoa outside on a 120 degree day? Oh, man.

Either way, you have to have already been in the environment for an hour and then remain there for another hour after. Oh, man. So this is, I mean, I can tell you, like, I don't know if I could survive drinking a hot beverage in the middle of a hot day. I mean, the cold in the cold would be awful too, but man. Oh, I think that sounds way worse. Really? Yeah. Eating ice cream out in a blizzard?

Yeah. Look, just think about the action of eating ice cream. Sometimes it's too cold in your mouth and you're doing these gymnastics inside your mouth, dancing the ice cream from side to side. And it's that cold outside, too. You're already that cold. And you're eating in mittens? I mean, this is the situation.

No, I'm taking that one. The idea of me trying to quench my mid-120 degree thirst with some hot cocoa outside, I feel like my body would overheat. I can do it. And you know why? Because I can blow on it, and I can let it sit there for a little bit. I can let it cool down. Your ice cream is not getting warmer.

I'm a blizzard. I want to live. I want to live. And I feel like one of these is i will combust i would absolutely go radioactive i already run hot which is going to help me in the cold but if i am out in 120 degrees first of all this says i'm out in 120 degree weather for an hour before this an hour after take the drink out of the equation and i am outside in 120 degree weather two hours i'm d.e.d i'm dead no but see you have you've been hot you haven't been cold exactly but

there is a there's a different yes you do there's a different level of cold it's the cold that judge giamatti grew up in it's the cold when you're like, wow, I didn't know that I could feel my bones. But my bones hurt. Have you been shaking cold before? I have been shaking cold before, yes. How did it feel? It was very, very cold. Now imagine that while you're balancing a spoon trying to get ice cream in your mouth.

Mike can't handle functionally eating it. I got mittens on. My hands are shaking. It's a situation. I'm not drinking hot cocoa in the middle. Do you know how hard that ice cream is going to be trying to scoop it out when it's freezing all around it? Thank you. Mittens on, my hands are shaking. It's a situation. I'm not drinking hot cocoa in the middle. Do you know how hard that ice cream's going to be trying to scoop it out when it's freezing all around it? Thank you. I mean, hot cocoa doesn't cool down in 120 degrees outside.

A little bit. Slightly. You have to drink it hot, Mike. That's the whole point. I can blow on it. It doesn't say that I have to scald my mouth. Here's what I can do in the freezing cold. I can bundle up.

I can wear, I am wearing, I mean, what are you wearing out there? You i can bundle up i can wear i am wearing i mean what are you wearing out there you already brought it up you got mittens on yeah yeah i mean i'm i'm having the the power pack in that mitten thing with the the hand warmers i got the scarf on i've got layer upon layer upon you can only get so naked in the heat that's true that's it once once you're down to your skivvies you you're done. You can't get cooler. You're just sunburned. You've seen in Game of Thrones when they're north of the wall and Jon snows, he's all bundled up.

The look on his face says that this man is not the slightest bit warm. It doesn't matter what he is wearing. You can put everything on. There is a cold, which I would assume in a blizzard. There is a cold that you cannot clothe yourself out of. Now, I will say this. The question is specific to 120 degrees in the heat, but is just a blizzard in the cold? I don't know what constitutes a blizzard.

Let's follow up question. What's a blizzard? A blizzard is a snowstorm. Let's follow up question. What's a blizzard? A blizzard is a snowstorm. It's a snowstorm, but I think it has to be windy. I think that's in the rules of a blizzard. Maybe, maybe not. Like a certain miles per hour? Look, that's leaving my body now.

I don't believe that anymore. I picture a blizzard, the snow does have to be traveling in a sideways fashion. The snow can't just be coming straight down. Oh, was I right, Owl? Yes, sir. Severe snowstorm with high winds and low visibility. So high winds too, fellas.

I'm turning my back to the wind. It's going sideways. You're turning your back. I'm turning my back to the wind. That's right. He can block some wind. I got the hood up, and I feel none of that. You know what ice cream I'm eating?

A blizzard. That's what I'm choosing. I'm getting the DQ. Now, can I have the hot cocoa in the blizzard? Can anybody offer me that choice? Because that sounds great. Well, the good news is if you have an actual blizzard in the blizzard, somehow that thing will melt instantly.

That thing does not stay frozen. You think blizzards don't stay frozen? Oh, man. Those things are... The second you grab that with your hand, it's melted. Oh, no way. What's a typhoon? A typhoon is a tropical storm of some kind.

Yes. Okay. I'm taking the blizzard in the blizzard. What's a squall? What is a squall? I think that has something to do with wind. I have never heard that word in my life. Never have I heard squall? I think that has something to do with wind. I have never heard that word in my life. Never have I heard squall.

A squall is actually when two pigeons are fighting. I would believe it. Owl. Sudden violent gust of wind or a localized storm, especially one bringing rain, snow, or sleet, is a squall. Is a squall. Any other questions for the weatherman? Yes, Mike, how do you spell squall?

Ooh, I would go S-Q-U-A-L-L? Yeah, of course. Yeah, that's right. Now you're just warming me up for highway to spell. He's a regular squallman. Ooh, what's a squallman? I don't know. It's better than a typhoon.

That's pretty good. That's pretty good. All right, we're're gonna move on here all right spitballs today's episode of the spitballers podcast is brought to you by one of our longtime sponsors ip vanish what you say is ip vanish ip vanish is a virtual private network a vpn for short. You've probably heard of a VPN. It's a super important tool that helps you safely browse the internet. I don't know if you've been in that situation where you click on an ad for something for

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You guys out there, the spitwads, the listeners, you like this segment too much, which plunged us into our own world of despair. We like to be comfortable on this show. Just kind of fun and fancy free. Just say, say what we, what we feel. I have a real fear of a first round exit, which hasn't happened yet. No, not yet. But we're moving up the first round. I know it's going to happen. We're not really, are we? No, no, we're not

starting in seventh grade. I feel like that's moved up. Can we back that up a little bit? No, we can't. And, uh, who's going first today? You are a great, I feel like that's the real risk. You fail 101. This is the first question on who wants to be a millionaire. Oh, man. Lock it in. Those people. That has happened a few times.

That's a shame where you can never return home. Because how much time after you get selected for that show are you anticipating? You're excited. You walk out there. You get the question. Your family's watching. There's a lot. There's a lot involved involved round one of highway to spell ready to dominate all right andy here is your seventh grade level word congratulations oh i hate this word i hate

it congratulations wait a second is that a word graduation congratulations what Is that a word? Has someone ever given a singular congratulation? Hey, Mike, congratulations for... That sounds so stupid. First of all, that word sucks. But second of all, I have to try to spell it? Congratulations. Oh, man. I got to use that one ever I can now.

Look, just one. Yeah. Hey, Andy, congratulations got to use that one whenever I can now. Look, just one. Yeah. Hey, Andy, congratulations on getting this word. I could offer you multiple, but I'm only giving you one. I hope I'm worthy of a single congratulations after this. Goodness, dealing me a ridiculously long word.

C-O-N-G-R-A-T-U-L-A-T-I-O-N. Congratulations. Congratulations. Perfect. That's what I had on my board. But it is a tricky one because I've made the occasional throw a D in there. Oh, I have. Because you graduate. I have put a D in that word more than I have put a T in that word.

Now, I did know that it was a T. I know I get it wrong, so I would have gotten that one right. I did know that it was a T. I know I get it wrong, so I would have gotten that one right. But I often get it wrong first go through while I'm typing. Because it's congratulations. No, it's congratulations. Congratulations.

I just like that Al had no clue that that's how the word was going to get read at all. That is true. All right, Mike. I made it through. Here's your seventh grade level word. Distinguished. Ooh. Distinguished.

Okay. D-I-S-T-I-N-G-U-I-S-H-E-D. Distinguished. Booyah. How come I didn't get that sound effect? I just pulled it up. Okay. Oh, man. I feel robbed.

I feel horrible. I feel, because those two words because those are both long words those are rough those are rough and here we go guys hold on wait wait wait wait before you give me my word i want to ask a genuine question am i allowed to leave the show today can i just go home no please take it all right all right j, your seventh grade level word. Please be car. Attendance. Ooh. Attendance, huh?

Attendance. Oh, shoot. Oh, man. Okay. Okay. Is that a... We go... Oh, no. We go courtside.

We got a vowel situation going on here. We've got a real problem here. I thought the problem at first was going to be, wait, is this one T or two T's? And then all of a sudden I got to attend and I went, are we? Okay. Andy, do you have it? I think I do, yes. All right.

Oh, I don't like this. Okie dokie. Here we go. Attendance. A, T, T. Oh, no. They're already laughing. No.

E, N, D, E, N, C, E. I do not have a buzzer, but that is incorrect. Oh, no. The first round exit. I know what was wrong. The first round exit. I hate myself. There was a vowel problem.

There was a second, the last. It's dance. It is dance. It's D-A-N-C-E. That's what I wrote the first time. I wrote two, and I wrote a 10 dance, and it just looked wrong, so it went dense. When you're taking a test, you always go with your first. Wow.

And then there were two. And then there were two. And then there were two. All right. Silver lining, you don't have to spell anymore. I hate this. Oh, man. All righty. Moving on to eighth grade with our final two competitors.

Andy, here is your eighth grade level word. All right. Precocious. Oh, gosh. Oh, what? Wait a second. Precocious? is this it's it's a word that you always sound precocious i'm so happy i'm out now i mean it quick oh my goodness all right um i got the first letter yeah i'm taking a shot i'm taking my shot. I'm taking my shot, Mike. I wrote it down. What?

Precocious. P-R-E-C-O-C-I-O-U-S. Precocious. Holy crap. Okay, all right. Let me just tell you this. Going for back-to-back here, baby. As I'm reading through what I wrote down and what he's saying, we had so many differences. I mean, there was not just like, oh, yeah, that letter's wrong.

You didn't just get the vowel. You spelled precocious. Yes, I did. Is that a spell from Harry Potter? That is precocious. It makes people spell things. All right, I made it through. All right, Mike, here is your eighth grade level word.

Oh, no. Susceptible. Susceptible. I am the worst. Okay. Oh, goodness gracious. If you can see what I wrote, it's so stupid. Now do we have a sneaky snook sitting in here not making any sounds?

Susceptible. Oh, gosh dang it. Just know that you lose if you feel acceptable. S U S C E P T A B L E susceptible. That's how I would have spelled it. We're so close. It's I B L E right? I B L E. Oh baby. That was my easiest way to vote. I B L E. YeahB-L-E? Yeah. Susceptible. Oh, man. Susceptible. Why can't we pronounce words like we spelled them? Congratulations.

Good work, Andy. You want to keep going until you get it wrong, Andy? Go for it. Oh, let's go. Let's go. Susceptible. All right, Andy. Here is your ninth grade level word. All right.

Cavalcade. Well, I got it wrong. Cavalcade? What does that even mean? I don't know that word. All right. Cavalcade. Well, I got it wrong. Cavalcade? What does that even mean? I don't know that word. A formal procession of people walking on horseback or riding in vehicles. Cavalcade. I feel like you can at least sound that one out though. I'm trying not to take the layup on that one. I'm going to guess it's C-A-V-E-L-C-A-D-E. I'm going to take the shot on. I'm going with the A.

Yeah. It is the A. C-A-V-A-L-C-A-D-E. Well, just for the record, I won. And I went with the I. Cavill Cade. No, that's the actor that's Superman. That's right. Yeah, he's very handsome.

Oh, I should add him to my list. All right. That was a short one. It was. That was a short one. My apologies. Let's start about that third grade next time. Let's hit the draft.

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and you're going to receive your first month of treatment for free. That's K-E-E-P-S dot com slash ballers to get your first month free. Keeps dot com slash ballers. The Spitballers Draft. Mike, why don't you explain what we're doing today? So today we are casting for the imminent blockbuster. Yes, of course it will be a blockbuster, but the upcoming Spitballers biopic. Oh, man. So we are each formulating our cast.

I will be choosing an actor for myself, Jason Andy and Al Borland. And how we choose to go about casting, well that's how the draft is going to unfold. I have the first pick and you want a good movie. I mean you want to sell tickets. Yes. Are we going theaters and live straight to

streaming at the same time or is this going to hit the theaters for a little while? No, this will be in the theaters and on HBO Max immediately because that's how I would prefer it to be, so I can just watch it at home. Okay. All right. I'm not even going to the theater for a while.

You're not going to the red carpet? You've got to go to the red carpet. But the red carpet is just walking me right back to my own couch. Ooh. It's a carpet into my house. Kind of like a figure eight type of thing that goes out and comes right back in. So this is tough because I have the first pick, and this is not a traditional draft where there's something jumping out.

You know, we're not choosing best basketball players of all time. Right. We're choosing not only do we have to choose actors to play Mike, Jason, myself, and Al, but you have to put them in an order. You've got to decide who's the hardest person to cast. That is true. And do you toot your own horn? Right, because you could go for the gold.

Do you just try and disparage one of us? Look, a good biopic is believable. A good biopic is something that you can relate to the characters within. And there are certain characters. Look, none of us, we're not currently in any blockbusters. Not yet. We're regular people. And so I need relatable people to tell the story of the spitball.

Okay. All right. And so my first pick, I'm going to cast for who I think is the hardest person to nail, which is Jason. Oh. Okay. Oh, okay. And so I'm drafting Jack Black. That was my number one pick. Yeah.

With the 101. I'll take that. Jack Black is likable. Dang it. Mannerism match to Jason. And I think probably finding Jason is the hardest job. And that's why Mike was about to draft him. Yeah. 100. Was that going to be your first pick? That was going to be my first pick.

Wow. Who thought that the one-on-one would, would be like up for grabs from someone else here. I can't believe it. So I'm going Jack black to play Jason Moore. Okay. All right. I'll take that man. Okay. Well right. I'll take that. Man. Okay. Because he's hilarious. Do you know it's been 20 years since School of Rock? No. Is that why it was trending?

Yes. 20 years. 20 years? Yeah. That was a long time ago. You guys are so old. Yeah. All right. Now are you in a different spot than you thought?

Yeah, now I feel like I'm instantly pushed into a corner here because I'm not going to draft for Jason because that's not sound strategy for a draft. Unless there's one other Jason jumping out at you. There's one more on my list, but I know Jason as a human, and I feel like I know who he's going to draft for himself. You're darn right you do. You're darn right you do.

Now the question is, do I just do that because it's funny and take that choice away from him? Oh, man. No, I'll let that go. I only have one person for myself. I locked it in. I don't know. You better take them then. to... I only have one person for myself. I locked it in. I don't know. You better take him then.

So I'm just going to draft for myself. I'm going to go... He's a sensational actor. He can be awesome. He's devastatingly handsome, like me. Are you writing down your guess over there? You bet I am writing down my guess. I don't think you got it.

Okay. Did you write down Hemsworth? Yeah, I did. No. I felt like Hemsworth doesn't look enough like me okay even movie wise like right muscles yes i've got a second guess face is a little bit different all right you write down uh but this guy's been super jacked before i'm gonna take tom hardy oh okay that was the first name on my list for was it yeah tom hardy for Mike. Okay, that's a great pick.

I mean, the reality is when I'm looking. I thought you might jump for, well, I won't say it. Like The Rock? Somebody like that. Yeah, when I was looking, I just was looking up bearded actors, and Tom Hardy can rock a mad beard. Oh, he's got a great beard. Great beard.

That's a good match. Okay, all right. So we got to, oh, man. All right, I'm going to, oh, man. All right. I'm going to go to Al here. I'm going to take the first pick of the producer. Now, do you go literal? There is, I think I'm going a little literal, but I also want, I think that there can be

levity coming from the character because I, you know, I want the producer role to be enjoyable and funny in the movie um and you know what we know about al obviously referred to as al borland a lot so you can you can go that route but i was just thinking like really who's gonna match the most but bring a little bit of levity who's's the closest? So I went with Danny DeVito. Danny DeVito. You know, I just wanted, I was, I had his, you know, I had Al's picture pulled up. And so I was like looking and trying to,

trying to find a good one. And when I came across it, I was like, oh, it's right there. How have we not? I know where this draft is now headed. I know where this draft is going.. I know where this draft is going. And Al's on the butt of it. Right on the butt. All right. I need to modify my picks.

Suddenly, Brooks loves Paul Giamatti comps. Wow. What a one-on-one for Al. Look, I'll tell you that, Al, you are hilarious. I can tell you that. Love your work. Where'd he go? All right, now.

Not in a million years did I think that name was coming out of your mouth. No. Do I just grab. But it's a good, perfect comp. Do I grab myself here? Do I grab myself here? You know, just. All right.

Yes, I do. Yes, I do. Yes, I do. One of my favorite things here. I'm going to go Chris Pratt. I will take Chris Pratt for myself. Now, is that? Oh, no, that's in shape Chris Pratt. Okay.

I mean, not like in shape like Jurassic Park. He's a method actor. He'd be willing to. I'm going to have him add a couple LBs, take some time off the workout. Dad bought it. Yeah, Dad bought it. But we're not going all the way back to Parks and Rec. Why?

And he gets the classic Pratt-DeVito combo we've been waiting for. Oh, my goodness. All right. Up to you, Mike. All right. Okay, so I have Tom Hardy for myself. If you've listened to this time or the show for any amount of time, we already know that Andy has a doppelganger,

so I'm just going to take it away from him. Good, good. He took Jack Black away from me. Andy shakes his head at me. Meanwhile, I'm giving him a humongous compliment. No, no, no. I'll take the compliment. I just wanted to pick him.

I will take Ryan Gosling for Andy. They look very similar. I freaking love Ryan Gosling so much. I take that as a great... More than you. No, I take that as you love me. Thank you. Yeah, we just upgraded the show.

We got baby goose. All right. You're up. Well, I guess I'm not drafting that for myself. So I'm going to go with, I'm going to start with Al. Okay. All right. Al's had a very rich, dark beard.

Yes, yes, yes. But I have seen him without it. Okay. And I've also run him through a few of the face filters and taken the beard off. Okay. And there's an actor that I think that can play the role of Al with some accuracy here. I think I know where you're going. And I don't know how people feel about him anymore.

Uh-oh. You know, I don't know how people feel about him anymore. Uh-oh. But Dane Cook is getting drafted to play Al Borland. Wow. Dane Cook's a handsome gent. That is. I'll take that all day.

Dane Cook is now Al Borland. I just saw, like, you know, when you get stuck in the Facebook video feed and they just trap you for a couple hours. There was, like, this whole thing of, like, what happened to Dane Cook? Yeah. There you go. I thought for sure when you got rid of the beard, I thought for sure that you were going Steve and Shimmy. I was like, it's right there, but.

Here's the thing. I think Dane Cook, I saw some pictures of Dane Cook. I was like, man, that, you know, and he's a funny guy. He could play that role. He's way funnier than Owl. Owl's nodding. He's happy.

And I'm going to pick my Mike. I'm saving myself for the last. Now, Mike is famous for a lot of different things. Yes. One of them being kind of like a resting angry face. Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm going to go left field here, but I'm going to draft Kiefer Sutherland. I can totally see that. That is a great, like. I'm taking Kiefer Sutherland for Mike. Dude, that is fantastic. I don't have him on my list.

I never thought about him. You have my word. But when you said that, I can totally see that. Wow. I mean, he's a little bit aged out. Yes. I've never seen him with a beard in my life. I've seen him bearded.

He could pull it off. Some of the people on my list are certainly much older. When I'm looking at them for everybody here everybody here I was like this guy's older but I'll put him on there that's how I feel about Kiefer but that okay Kiefer is prime all right so now just for the record I have Al is being played by Dane Cook Jason is Jack Black Mike is Kiefer Sutherland all right so you have to pick yourself So I no longer have any strategy because I have to pick Owl and Jason. Yes, the two actors you already have. Right, Jay?

What's that? You drafted Owl and yourself. That is correct. All right. I am going to – I'm keeping the handsome quotient at 100 over here. I'm keeping the handsome quotient at 100 over here. Andy, if you had given Owl another good comp, I would have had to really find somebody. Oh, you would have had to double down?

I messed that up, didn't I? To just absolutely put him into a body bag. But I also went looking for a dark beard. Yeah. And then I was like, oh, this makes sense. The personality where Owl is very funny, but he's very matter of fact. Like, he's not a zany fella. He's a serious guy.

And I think that this actor could pull it off. I'm going with Jake Gyllenhaal. Oh, no. Jake Gyllenhaal. Okay. No. No, because that's too good? No.

Well, I mean, clearly, you you know way above what was necessary but um no nobody's ever been compared to jill and holland devito in the same show no those two are not doppelgangers i'm running out of people for you oh was that for you yes oh no all right that's good i need you up against the wall. So I've only got two. Well, that just means something terrible is about to happen to me. So you have Ryan Gosling. It probably does. You're right.

Tom Hardy, Jake Gyllenhaal, and you just have to pick Jason. For the record, I had Tom Hardy and Jake Gyllenhaal ahead. So you just screwed yourself here, Mike. But I was thinking, who could grow a mean beard? And who's got a resting angry face? He'll be fine not talking to you while you talk to him. Yeah. You know what I mean?

Again, I said, we're going a little older here. This is a little aged out. But Nick Offerman. Nick Offerman. Yes. You got the big beard and the get away from me. We're not talking. Nick Offerman was on my short list for you, Jason.

Perfect. We should share our short list afterwards. Yes, I look forward to it. Oh, goodness. He was on the list. I will say this. I took him over Jason Momoa. I apologize.

Oh, come on. I know you like Jason Momoa. I had to lean in there. I had Momoa on my list for you too, Mike. Just couldn't quite get there. Momoa said no. We had to lean in there. I had Momoa on my list for you too, Mike. Just couldn't quite get there. Momoa said no. We had to go to Nick Offerman. You were debating, do I go Jason Momoa or Kiefer Sutherland?

Yes. I think I made the right choice. I'm seeing bearded Kiefer Sutherland pop up in my Slack channel, and it's spot on. All right. Well, you have to pick me now? I've got to pick Keeper Sutherland pop up in my Slack channel, and it's spot on. All right. Well, goodness. You have to pick me now? I've got to pick you.

Oh, great. Oh, this is tough because there are – no one's list is as varied as Andy's. Okay. I mean, I've got John Cleese on this list. John Cleese? Yeah. You're trying to go grandpa? Well, I've got Ryan Gosling on the list.

That's what I'm saying. As wide as the East is from the West here.'m a perfect Gosselin combo. If you could take John Cleese and Ryan Gosling and put them together. John Cleese still living. He's still alive, right? All right. So I've got two more that are very, very similar to those two. Like an old guy that is more of a funny comp here or like a handsome devil. He's 81, by the way. Would be great. Oh, man.

Oh, give him Eastwood. Oh, that's not bad. I could get behind the old Eastwood. I'm going to go with someone. Clint Eastwood's currently the oldest man living. Yes. Well, Christopher Lloyd and Clint Eastwood are the two oldest. This guy's much younger. He's nice. we all like him uh at at 69 years old i'm going to go with someone again that we

all like who is a father figure okay he's got that presence of leadership alan thick oh i don't know i'm pivoting I'm pivoting Alan Thicke no not to not to Alan Thicke I'm pivoting away from here because at the end of the day I want the movie to be good

okay at the end of the day I want the movie to be good and you have no idea and I love this dude so much he is one of my

absolute favorite actors he's a handsome devil I'm being very kind to you here Andy I'll take it I'm being very kind to you here, Andy. I'll take it. I'm going with Ryan Reynolds because I want him in our movie. I want Ryan Reynolds

in the movie. Reynolds and Pratt in the same movie. I mean, that's going to be a blockbuster extravaganza. With Offerman and DeVito? You were this close to Michael Keaton. You were this close. Oh, okay. Alright. That's funny. To get this, I'm going to lay this out. You have selected Chris Pratt for yourself.

That's right. Awesome. Good pick. You gave Andy Ryan Reynolds. So great. I mean, one of my favorites. Who did you get? And I'm Nick Offerman.

Now, to be fair, I love Nick Offerman. He's hysterical. I'll trade you. Yeah. I didn't body you. I bodied Danny DeVito over there. I'll trade you. Yeah, I didn't body you. I body Danny DeVito over there. Penguin over there. He does love his birds.

Oh, my gosh. Mike, you have one final pick. It's Jason. All right. I'm going to go with a an actor who he comedy. Absolutely not a problem for this guy. An actual real serious acting, also not a problem for this guy. And look, I'm trying to match up.

Physique does match. He's a bit of a bigger guy. He's a larger fella. But he's awesome. I'm going with Jonah Hill. Okay. a bit of a bigger guy. He's a larger fella. But he's awesome. Okay. I'm going with Jonah Hill. Okay.

I'm giving Jason Jonah Hill. After what you did to me, I'm still being kind. Wait. Wait a minute. Hold up. That was meaner than me giving you Nick Offerman. No. Have you seen Jonah Hill lately?

Oh, he looks terrible. No, he does not. He looks in shape. And this is a bad look. No. Jonah Hill's getting himself in shape. I think the comps are matches for each other. I get it. I get it.

I'm fine. I'm fine with that. But when you say I'm being kind and I'm giving you Jonah Hill, that's not. Just imagine what his unkind comp would have been. Yeah, what was the other option? Danny DeVito? Jonah Hill's at least our age. Nick, how old is Offerman?

He's 50. I mean, you know. Yeah, but he's a pretty cool dude, man. He's 50. His beard is gray. He's a woodworker. I mean, he can dye the beard for the movies. We're going to have him be a young, angry man.

He almost took John Cleese for me. He's 81. Almost? Oh, no. He almost. Instead, he turns me. He's 81. Almost? Oh, no. He almost. Instead, he turns me into a devastatingly handsome Deadpool. Yeah, that's true. Oh, man.

But I'll make you a canoe. You still have a pick left? I have to pick myself. I have to select myself. John Cleese is still out there. No, I'm going to go with an actor that I've been comped to before. It will fit into the... I'm going more like you know dane cook jack black keifer southern there's a resemblance there's an okay there's a feel and so i will take joel mckale okay totally yep that

totally makes i will go with joel mckale to round out my movie mike has ryan gosling tom hardy jonah hill and jake jillenthal going on some crazy adventures together in the Spitballers biopic. Jason has Ryan Reynolds, myself, Chris Pratt himself, Danny DeVito, of course, as Al, and Nick Offerman as Mike. Ron Swanson over there. He was third on my list. I tried to go Tom Hardy. I tried to go Jake Gyllenhaal.

Now, other short list names. I tried to go Tom Hardy. I tried to go Jake Gyllenhaal. Now, other short list names. I want to bring them up. Yeah, we've got to run through these. I really only have two. Oh, wow. I had two more guys set up for Andy. If I needed to go one direction, I was going to give Andy David Arquette. Oh, that's good.

He was almost on my list for Andy. I really hate him. Yeah, he's terrible but he surprisingly what you're saying very similar to ryan gosling yeah a little bit and then like for for younger fellas uh who like if i was gonna give andy you know another good comp i was gonna go with robert pattinson okay really the height the height yeah that's very kind uh he's swole right now he's super pale though and that matches me too for andy like he's a vampire so um he's also batman i guess i ran through my andy list the only person that was on there that i didn't this is so revealing that that i that i

didn't bring up was uh charles dance you know him better as Tywin Lannister. I was trying to go. You were going old. I was trying to go old grandpa. That was. Oh, my God. Hey, you got Ryan Riddles. Thank you.

Thank you. Do you have any others? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Who are we going to now? Well, I had Jason. I had one more for Jason. Jason's were Jack Black, Nick Offerman, and James Corden.

Oh, I see that. I had Will Arnett because he's got the cold sacks, and I love his sense of humor. Nice. Zach Galifianakis. I mean, that's where I thought you might be going. That's a good one. And then Dave Bautista because I could cast whoever I want, and he's huge and handsome.

I did have Ryan Dunn on Mike's list because you get that compliment. For Jeremy, I threw Mark Wahlberg in there as a backup. That's nice. I had Richard Karn as my backup. I had him there too. He doesn't do a lot of movies. I also had Harrison Ford

on my list for Al because he seems like a manly man, get it done type and that was so it's just a matter of how how did i feel in the moment about about my good friend owl and you felt devito yeah baby all right that'll do it for today's draft what did we learn today i learned I learned that I need to practice spelling much better, much more, because... And grammar. And grammar and all that. You learned what a squall was.

I got to go back to school. I think I got almost every single word wrong when I was writing them down over here, so... I was going to say, I'm learning that winning these Highway to Spells is getting easier and easier by the week. And I learned that Jason sees me as a 50-year-old man. That's really good at carpentry. Yes. Which I am neither of those things. You know, Nick Offerman would be a good Al Borland.

It would. Much better fit. Would you have preferred Jared Leto, who's the only name on my list? Ooh. Yes. Okay. Goodbye. Sorry.

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