Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 153: Doctor Donuts & College Degrees We Wish We Had - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 7, 2021

On today’s show, we discuss a job interview predicament that turns out to be a tough egg to crack. We also also talk about the Midas touch, NFT’s, and being publicly humiliated. We close it down w...ith a draft of college degrees we wish we had. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Starting point is 00:00:00 All right, spit wads. I'm going to tell you something right now. Tell them. I never have any extra time, and I never have any extra money. That's true. I would like both of those, so I don't go to the post office. I don't pay full price for postage, and I get those things out of my life because stamps.com makes it so I don't have to do those things anymore.
Starting point is 00:00:24 I get extra time and money in my life. I can mail and ship anytime, anywhere, right from my computer, send letters, packages, whatever it is, uh,
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Starting point is 00:00:46 we've been supporters for a while. Stop wasting your time going to the post office. Go to stamps.com instead. There is no risk. And with our promo code spitballers you get a special offer that includes a four week trial plus free postage in a digital scale. No long term commitments or contracts. Just go to
Starting point is 00:01:02 stamps.com. Click on the microphone in the top of the home page and type in spitballers Just go to stamps.com, click on the microphone in the top of the homepage, and type in Spitballers. That's stamps.com, promo code Spitballers, stamps.com. Never go to the post office again. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random
Starting point is 00:01:25 topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Yeah, all right. I just let it come to me. I just followed the music and prayed. That's usually what you're supposed to do with a scat. Somewhere along the way, we lost ourselves. We stopped following the music. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:01:56 Welcome into the Spitballers podcast. Andy, Mike, and Jason back with you. I mean, it feels like it's been a million years, but it's only been a week. I mean, it does. Unbelievable. Almost feels like we haven't recorded in several weeks. like it's been a million years but it's only been a week i mean it does unbelievable almost feels like we haven't recorded in several weeks and yet here we are just a week after the last episode and ready to spitball sharp as a tack with that that scat intro there oh yeah you're welcome
Starting point is 00:02:18 yeah spectacular episode 153 would you rather That's a great question and a wonderful draft on today's episode of the show. You can find us on Twitter at SpitballersPod. We appreciate all you beautiful people giving us those nice, kind reviews over on Apple Podcasts, subscribing, following, reviewing, all of that jazz. Very nice. Very nice. And all that jazz. Honestly, if you have a scat that you feel really good about, you could leave it as a review. Now, how would that work?
Starting point is 00:02:53 You got to write it out. You got to write the scat out. Skeet up, boop, boop, doop. I'm not going to lie to you. I'll read one. I was very excited for where I thought you were going. read one. I was very excited for where I thought you were going. I thought we were going to say, if you think you can
Starting point is 00:03:06 scat as good as us, which of course you can, record it to the music. You know what I mean? Send it in and then we'll play that and we'll get out of having to do the scat. No, what we're going to do is you leave us a five-star review with your scat and I've got the scat next
Starting point is 00:03:21 and I'm going with yours. I'm going with somebody's five-star review where they write their scat out and I'm going, I'm going with yours. I'm going with somebody's five star review where they write their scat out and I'm going to interpret it. You write it. I interpret it into art. If only this episode was released by the time you scat next, that would work. But in the future, in the future, you will do this. I will do that.
Starting point is 00:03:42 Maybe in a couple of weeks when they, when I gather them. But you, but Jason But Jason is right. We need to have... We'll figure out some kind of competition. We got some spitballers swag. We need to maintain control of the show, though. Oh, yeah. I mean, we will... And the show's for the people.
Starting point is 00:03:58 We will definitely... Us. Yes. Weed out all the bad ones. We would never put that on the show. Hashtag scat sampler. Scat sampler. I don't know if I want that platter.
Starting point is 00:04:09 Purple platter, please. Speaking of reviews, we got one. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from US Soldier from the United States of America. Thank you for your service. 150 episodes later is the title of the review, five stars. Here's what I've learned through 150 episodes. These guys have never read a science book.
Starting point is 00:04:35 Hey. A worthwhile piece of literature. Hey. And they are somehow better for it. Congratulations on 150 episodes. I don't know how to take that. Thank you, us soldier. I think we're better for it but then I have to get that compliment.
Starting point is 00:04:50 I got to accept the comments before. Also, you throw out a poopoo platter joke, which I mean, that's a classic kid joke. Which it's delicious. It's my favorite. A poopoo platter is incredible. Absolutely great. It is absolutely incredible.
Starting point is 00:05:05 Andy, do you not realize that this is a real thing? Oh, a poo-poo platter, especially we go to the one where it comes on fire like the, it's a real nice presentation. Brooks, Al, do you know what the heck they're talking about? No idea. A typical poo-poo platter is found in American Chinese cuisine, egg roll, spare ribs, chicken wings, chicken fingers. That's a poo-poo platter. Beef teriyaki. They know what it's going to do to you. It's like a sampler.
Starting point is 00:05:31 Okay. But it's called the poo-poo platter. The scat sampler. They should really change that to the scat sampler. And I was on my honeymoon with my wife, and we were calling. It's like, oh. Seems like the right person to be on your honeymoon with. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:05:43 Yeah, she was there and we were ordering some some uh some chinese cuisine it was like holy crap like i you know i've i've never known what was in it and then i saw that i called up and i tried to order it and i was full-on stupid american child man just like you tried to order the poo-poo platter you couldn't get it out i'll take the i'll take the uh you know the uh the old uh rudy tootie fresh and fruity i have commercials where's the bag on the head to order it he couldn't order it that was me trying to order this from these these fine people are just trying to make me some good food. You're just pointing to it. I'll take that.
Starting point is 00:06:27 I'm a five-year-old child, and it was an incredible moment. That's funny. Would you rather time. Would you rather. By the way, our draft today is very cerebral. I mean, this is educational, intellectual. Those things you said we don't possess, it will be evident with our selections. Pretty soon, I will possess them all.
Starting point is 00:06:58 Yeah, at the end of this show. Would you rather, question from Chris, would you rather receive $100 to have somebody publicly humiliate you once per week? Humiliation. Humiliation. Or pay someone $100 to publicly compliment you once a week? Oh.
Starting point is 00:07:17 So you get $100. So we're talking like 400 bones a month here. Yeah, you get $100 a week if you're publicly humiliated now the public is the real important part of this right it's not like someone's coming up to you and just saying hey mike you're looking good today you know what i mean or or hey mike pants and then run off this is full public you are let me ask you a question okay do you have something that you're so humiliated about in your past that today you would write a check of x amount of dollars to eliminate from your oh my goodness i i literally told the world about pooping in my pants which you can google um but to be fair
Starting point is 00:08:00 you were you were an adult and once you hit a certain age. You also weren't humiliated. Yeah. Why can't I say that word? Why can't you say it? Now I'm like having a pause. Humiliated. It's W-H-O.
Starting point is 00:08:16 I've been humiliated. Why am I saying what? What way? But, yeah, you weren't humiliated at all in that. You were humiliated when you had to tell the story, maybe. But in the moment, nobody knew. I mean, that was literally the story. That's true. Literally, my father, who was the only person I was with, found out that I pooped my pants
Starting point is 00:08:35 pretty much in his car afterwards. If anything, he was humiliated by not knowing. Yeah, that's right. Let me think. Do I have one? I have one. Okay. I have one from growing up. You would take it away? If I could pay $100 and remember- No, no, no. No, think. Do I have one? I have one. Okay. I have one.
Starting point is 00:08:45 You would take it away. If I could pay $100 and remember- No, no, no. No, no. How much would you pay? Oh, man. Not $100. I mean, this is like- Well, we've talked about my memory and how it could be very strong, and so you remember
Starting point is 00:08:59 things like this. How much I would pay pay i do not know but here the moment was i was in elementary school and i don't know what it was if but i ended up i like i don't know if it was i'm trying to remember if it was me not willing to ask the parents or the parents just kept buying them but i definitely wore uh the under roos too long. And which in underoo, if you're not aware of what I'm talking about specifically, you're talking about the little kids, the whitey tighties or the tighty whiteys. You wore them too long.
Starting point is 00:09:34 But they have the characters on them. Yeah. So I didn't make the grow up leap. And this isn't to boxer shorts yet because that's junior high when you're like, You got to have them or you're a dead man. You're becoming a man. Yeah, I'm a man. I wear shorts under my shorts.
Starting point is 00:09:49 Now I wear these giant underpants that do absolutely nothing. But I wore character underpants too long. You got a Wolverine on the buttocks. Right. You're closer than you think. I don't remember which one it was. It was on the buttocks. Right. And you're closer than you think. I don't remember which one it was. It was on the front. But no, no, it was on the butt because this was in PE,
Starting point is 00:10:10 and we were learning how to do backwards somersaults. Oh, no. And your boy had, unbeknownst to me, a hole in my butt region. Oh, and someone called you out on it. And not only did that happen, I couldn't figure out how to do it. So I was doing a backwards somersault over and over and over, just stretching the hole for everyone to see. To see the characters on your underpants.
Starting point is 00:10:38 To see that Mike had pound puppies or whatever on his underpants at an age that it was no longer the cool thing to wear them ever again. Oh it was pretty rapid that we we moved we moved on to boxers. Oh that night that night they all were destroyed in the fireplace. If I could remove that shame for like a couple hundred dollars. Oh I would definitely do that. That's funny.
Starting point is 00:11:03 And you remember it like it was yesterday. And it's fine now but I still would like to forget it being humiliated is one of my worst fears like that feeling is is the worst yes and so i would rather pay like i would pay to not have that happen which is what this question really is i think i think that there is an argument to be made here that you are, in essence, while you are paying, you're getting paid. Because there is a social currency. And public compliments will spread if others like you, if others think you're good looking, if others think you're funny. If others think you wear boxers.
Starting point is 00:11:39 I mean, you know, people are going to be like, oh. Mike wears boxers. Pass it on. Yeah, you start the next day. I hear Mike wears men's boxers. Did you see that guy's grown-up underpants? Spread it around. Those are total grown-up undies.
Starting point is 00:11:57 He shows up the next day, the hole's still in the pants. He's like, you want me to do some more somersaults? I think he had a tie underneath. He's got a bow tie on here do you have a belt line i mean since this is kind of translated into that story do you have a humiliating story you pay to remove i don't think so i know you say you're no shame but i mean is there something that you're like because i have one of mine no i think i have one that i think you should get rid of i wish i never knew this um i You know, nothing comes to mind.
Starting point is 00:12:26 I don't humiliate easily. I'm fine being the public butt of a joke. I enjoy that. I lean into that. But I have been humiliated. I mean, there are moments where I would run that back. Sure. But I literally can't think of a single one now.
Starting point is 00:12:48 So I don't think they scar me very deep. Or I just have no memory at all of most things in life. And you do love compliments. And you like people to think high of you. So would you pay $100 for the compliments? This one's really, really tough because I don't care that much about any of it. So I guess in the end, I'd rather have $100. Like, I don't care too much about the compliment. I don't care too much about the public humiliation.
Starting point is 00:13:13 But in one of these... Flattery doesn't pump your tires? Oh, sure. I mean, yeah. I mean, look, if you tell me I'm looking good, I'm going to feel better about myself. He feels better when he tells himself he's looking good. He's the only. Looking good.
Starting point is 00:13:25 The man in the mirror is the only one who says that. No, so I guess I'm getting $100 to be publicly humiliated once a week. It's not just that. I mean, you've got to think of your opportunity cost here. This is, what, we got an $800 swing? Because you're either up $400 or you're down $400. That's true. Yeah, you've got to choose one.
Starting point is 00:13:46 Basically, I'm getting $200 here a week. Okay. I guess I'll pay for compliments. You're darn right I'm paying for a compliment. Deal with it. Yeah, I mean, see here, I guess this makes sense, right? Because I get compliments already, so you guys are like, I'm going to pay for them, and that makes sense,
Starting point is 00:14:03 and I'm happy for you guys now. You'll start getting those on the reg. the reg those aren't compliments jason uh trevor from the website says you are just sitting down for a very important job interview would you rather have to pull out a hard-boiled egg and peel it and eat it throughout the interview or release a silent but deadly fart and have to sit in it throughout the interview oh man okay i mean if you i just put yourself in that boat that is either way it smells like egg in that room right but at least one of them you know the reason here's the deal an interview generally speaking is two people the interviewee and the interviewer. And most people, I'm going to say the vast majority,
Starting point is 00:14:47 know if they farted or not. So on the fart side, this is not a question. This is like, so how'd the interview go? Oh, dude, dude, this room stunk. He ripped butt in that interview, and the whole place smelled. That's OUTU-T. I feel like. Yeah, but are you more likely to hire that guy or the guy that pulls out a hard-boiled egg and eats it during the interview?
Starting point is 00:15:13 If I have to do that, if I have to pull out a hard-boiled egg and eat it while doing the interview, super serious, I am confident I could pull that off. Yeah, you're like, I got it. And get the job? Oh, yeah. Get the job because of it. But who are you hiring as an employer? You've got to talk about your macros. Oh, that's a good point.
Starting point is 00:15:33 Yeah. Yeah, no, look, I'm on a diet. I've got a schedule. Yeah. So if we were in the interview room with Al Borland, and he walked in, and he pulled out a hard-boiled egg and ate it in front of us. Or he did the fart.
Starting point is 00:15:46 You would hire which guy first? Oh, look. Number one, it's shelled, correct? Oh, yeah. You got to peel it. That's everything. It comes down to that. That's a skill test?
Starting point is 00:16:00 I am watching you. How do you perform peeling this egg? Number one, you're under the pressure of you're doing this in front of somebody while doing a job interview. Number two, peeling an egg. There's ups and downs of peeling an egg. Sometimes it just comes right off, and sometimes you're in a mono. Do you have a sink? You're really learning something about this person because you're learning even more than how they peel.
Starting point is 00:16:24 They love eggs. You're learning how are they at boiling the eggs because that's what makes all the difference of being able to peel them or not i did do they pocket the shells or do they just yeah what do you do with the shells um oh man you gotta pocket the shells you can't make a mess that'd be so rude thing in and of itself that would be so rude do you have an ashtray but i feel like so mike you're saying you'd talk about your macros like your diet yeah yeah you would explain it away i would take the approach of this is not mentioned i'm acting like nothing is happening i'm answering the questions they're giving me i'm i'm making no mention you're a man of mystery yes there's you take it out of your jacket pocket the coat inside coat pocket inside coat, yes. Yeah, is it the breast pocket or is it the coat pocket?
Starting point is 00:17:07 It's the inside of the coat pocket. Yeah, where he would pull out his FBI badge. Right, and so I pull out the egg and I say, you know, look, I think the biggest opportunity for growth in me, and I'm answering your questions. Where do you crack? Where do I start the crack? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:17:24 Do you tap it on like a table? Or do you do some kind of roll it in your hand? Using fingernails? I think I can start it with one. Bite it? No, I'm not biting the shelled egg, Mike. Not a psychopath. Yeah, I think I can start it with just, man, you do have to crack that.
Starting point is 00:17:40 I'm using it as a story point. I'm saying, you know, look, every company is like an egg. It's like an egg. And, you know, sometimes it's hard to get to the kind of protein. And then I take a big gulp and run. The middle might be full of cholesterol. Is it good for you? Is it bad for you?
Starting point is 00:18:00 We just don't know. How many bites is the least embarrassing amount of bites for an egg? It's not one. that's for sure uh one one bite uh you put that whole hard-boiled egg in your mouth and that interview is over uh it's what do you what do you average what do you average average bites on a hard-boiled egg i think it's like five or six five yeah because what are you a two-year-old no look if it's a deviled egg right which is like no it's because of the yolk eating a big piece of yolk if you've eaten a hard-boiled egg yolk that's like eating a box of crackers it's it's the driest thing in the world now you
Starting point is 00:18:36 have to eat it with the white part you bring a fork and knife yeah that's the other breast pocket you pull out your silverware you just start eating it like a steak right on the table. And then do you offer some to them? I'm pretty selfish with my food. So I don't think I would. Yolk? I would ask, do you have a glass of milk? Do you have some salt?
Starting point is 00:18:58 Okay. But even still, I'm taking the egg. I'm not farting in the interview of just me. Mono e mono, smell my innards. I'm hiring the farter. What's the, okay. Because everybody farts. Not everybody eats an egg in the middle of an interview.
Starting point is 00:19:11 That tells me you're a crazy person. How many interviewers, interviewee, interviewers, do you need on that side of the table before it changes your opinion and you'll squeeze it out? Oh, just one. Wait, interviewers? words no i get what you're saying if it's a boardroom with like four people yeah if there's four people over there you have possible deniability giving me the interview yes oh that makes it even worse for me because
Starting point is 00:19:34 they're all gonna know because they can talk to each other afterwards but if it's one other person in the interview it's me and another person i'm gonna i'm gonna let it leak and i'm gonna give him some bad eye i'm gonna look at the other guy interviewing for this job i'm gonna i'm gonna let it leak and i'm gonna give him some bad eye i'm gonna look at the other guy interviewing for this job you're not gonna convince this guy he farted no no no no i'm not gonna bring it up but i'm gonna i'm gonna be seen by the interviewee or the interviewer i'm gonna be seen by them and they're gonna they're gonna look and they're gonna go i think i know who did it i because they're right. No, no, no. They see me kind of glancing like, oh, my gosh, what did this guy do? You know what I'm saying?
Starting point is 00:20:08 So the people giving the interview, I'm getting them on my side. I'm in this with them. You're the one who farted. They don't know that. Yes, they do. How would they possibly know? It's not in the interview. They would know because they didn't fart.
Starting point is 00:20:24 No, that's what I'm saying. There are two people getting interviewed at the same time. Oh, okay. I thought you were still in the same one-on-one. Oh, I did too. No, no, no. I missed that one. Now, do you take like intentional big sniffs?
Starting point is 00:20:37 No. Do you draw attention? No, because the whole room's going to know. This is bad. Yeah, but- This is an egg fart. But is it better for you to catch it before anybody else does? Or is that smelted delta?
Starting point is 00:20:50 I think that's smelted delta. I think you just want to. You can't find one of the other rhymes? Once it's a big problem, that's when you've got to be uncomfortable. Maybe scoot away from the other person being interviewed. Just as a show of disrespect. Mid-talking. Yeah, just scoot away all right
Starting point is 00:21:07 lj from the website would you rather be able to choose the time period place or socioeconomic class in which you live you can only choose one and the others will be selected at random all right so there's three there's three things that will be assigned to us, and that's time. Time period at random, place at random, or socioeconomic class at random. Because there were some times when I was literally just looking up how many people have ever lived on the earth. Ever. Do you want to take a guess? I mean, that's just a fun fact.
Starting point is 00:21:43 It's, man. Which is almost the exact same question as how many people have ever died, just for the record. Almost. They're almost the same, but they're not. Man. Well, that would be minus $8 billion, right? You're right. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:21:58 So let's go like $50 billion? I'm going to go less than that. But I'm going to go $36 billion. But I'm going to go 36 billion. All right, Price is right. 100. 100 billion. Yeah, you're out. Loser.
Starting point is 00:22:12 About 107. So you add in the seven to eight alive today. But when I was reading this story, they highlighted lifespans in these different eras. Right. And, you know, there were times when, you know, it was 18, 19, 20 years old or, you know, 30 years old. So if you are, if you have a random draw in time period, I mean, you may have a very short life, but socioeconomic class will do that too. Sure. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:22:42 But I was going to say, I say i mean i imagine that you know back in the day if you were in that top one percent you probably you know didn't die of every little thing going wrong the same as the people who basically were living without shelter and you know the the average life would be much much less i guess socioeconomic class spans all time in a good way for you right that seems like maybe the one to pick now if i pick hawaii yes but i can't i can't uh control the time you're gonna have an island underwater is there yeah is there a chance i'm either just dropped right into the ocean for the for that no one one to two hours of my life. Human existence. Okay, human existence.
Starting point is 00:23:26 That's the timeline. But is there a chance that I am there and no one has discovered the islands yet, and so I'm just Tom Hanks-ing it on that island all by myself, and I live for one to two hours? I don't think so. I think this has to be popular, because if time is that wide in this question, then you have to select time.
Starting point is 00:23:46 Otherwise, it could be like, okay, you're in the 1% and also this is 100 billion years after the Earth is gone. It's just acid rain the whole time. I think I'm going to take the 1%. I think when you, you know, look, I would much rather live now in the middle class than be a king, you know, of 700, 800 years ago. We already know I'd rather be the king. We've talked about that. Yeah, we've talked about that. But since I can't really have control over both aspects, I think I'm going to take that top flight economic status and have the most comfortable situation I can have wherever geographically and whenever
Starting point is 00:24:26 timeline wise I'm going with the same answer Mike are you choosing oh man he wants to go to Hawaii in the future though oh wait you thinking about that option right in a time period yeah I mean it doesn't have to be backwards you could say i want to live in the 2300s see what's going on if dinosaurs are in play so is the future okay absolutely i'm rolling the dice on the time man yeah i'm going i'm going to i'm going to the beach the cool thing about your suckers later i'll be in hawaii so you're going hawaii yeah and we're taking the one percent and then we'll find out where we are because Because I could still end up in the future. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:06 Future 1%? Oh, man. Yeah. The technology? Yeah, buddy. Maybe they're looked even more down upon in the future. Or you're just an enemy. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:25:19 All right. It's time to move on. Oh, spit wads. I hope you're hungry. I know I am. I am always hungry, except after a nice Omaha steak steak or the caramel apple tartlets, which are my favorite. I cooked me up some steaks literally last night and they were unbelievable. I mean, they might be the best steaks that have ever been made in the history of the planet. And Omaha Steaks right now, they are
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Starting point is 00:26:36 These are Omaha steaks. These are going to be the best steaks of your life, and this deal is selling out fast, so you don't want to wait and miss it. Visit omahasteaks.com, keyword spitballers in the search field, and get Dad the get-out-and-grill assortment, plus four free New York strip burgers and 59% off today. Send Dad more than just a gift this year. Send him an experience he'll love, and then he can share with you. with you that's a great question ed from patreon thank you for your support if you had one chance to turn anything you touch to gold what would be the thing you'd want to touch you cannot sell the item afterwards it would just be something cool to
Starting point is 00:27:25 show off to everyone so what would you like to paint gold well it's tough because it's actual gold okay and the non-selling part is interesting and then like my instant reaction is something large because if it's large and gold it will will be even more rare. Yeah. And I immediately went to like rocket ship. It's very, those are very big. Right. And one made out of gold. We could, we could break that thing. But it wouldn't be yours.
Starting point is 00:27:52 You're not getting off the ground. I know. You can now no longer use it. I don't want to use it. I want to break it down into gold to sell. But you can't. That's what it's saying. What about the Grand Canyon?
Starting point is 00:28:00 Can you touch the Grand Canyon and now you've got a golden Grand Canyon? That's like saying the earth, I touch land. Yeah, you've got a real Midas problem there. You're like, oh, I'm just going to do the Grand Canyon. I'm doing it for everybody. The Grand Canyon? Whatever, the Grand Canyon. And then all of North America is gold.
Starting point is 00:28:16 I was doing this for the benefit of humanity. It's already beautiful. It'd be even nicer if it was gold, right? Every time I've looked at the Grand Canyon, I it i have thought to myself man this is okay but it's real i don't know what would take it up a notch if all these mounts were made of pure gold that would look cool that's what it says it has to be something cool to show off okay i'm going with my basketball hoop out front okay okay it's simple but like that's pretty awesome you must be part of the one percent it's 10 feet tall so this is no small thing that i gotta pull out of a drawer to show off
Starting point is 00:28:50 and it's outside of my house everyone driving by everyone coming up hosting a party everyone walking by is gonna be like is it what a weirdo is that is that hoop made of gold yeah and your next party didn't you have a basketball hoop made of gold? Yeah, and your next party. Didn't you have a basketball hoop made of gold? What about your car? Stealing a basketball hoop that is cemented into the ground is no easy task. It's not easy, but people will figure it out. I guess if it's pure gold, it's worth the effort. What about your dog? I feel like that's called murder.
Starting point is 00:29:20 Maybe at the end. What happened in Star Wars? Carbonite? I'm carboniting my dog. No, thank you. Han Solo made it through. Oh, so maybe I'm just protecting my dog for longer. No, Mike's right.
Starting point is 00:29:33 It's like a different form of taxidermy. At the end? At the end. I now gold. What if it's a golden retriever? Oh, man. Golden, golden? I went with that, but my dogs are literally golden doodles.
Starting point is 00:29:50 Are you guys out there really wanting to live the gold life? No. I'm not a gold person. I'm trying to think to myself. I drive up to this house with the golden basketball hoop. Do I actually think well of that? Do I drive up and go like, whoa, that's awesome. Or I go, what the heck is that?
Starting point is 00:30:07 That's the ugliest looking hoop I've ever seen. Because here's what I would not assume. How well does it shoot, though? Because, I mean, you have to play basketball on it. Gold is a softer metal. So maybe the bank shots would be okay. Easier? I mean, I would imagine that the plexiglass or the fiberglass is better.
Starting point is 00:30:26 Why are we golding a basketball hoop? Because that's what Jason... I think you need to do your car. Then it won't drive. No, this is not literalism to the point where you can't drive the car. Is it? You're not giving... I'm looking at Al.
Starting point is 00:30:42 You're not changing every bit of it. I'm sure you could dunk a car in gold. You're just going to have to visit that gas station a lot. That's a lot of weight to carry around. Mike, do you have any ideas? Do you want your house made of gold? I was trying to think, do you just do like your garage? But then I don't want people driving past my house seeing that I have gold basketball hoops and gold garages.
Starting point is 00:31:07 We pass on this one. Oh, no, no, no. You're the pebble tech in your pool. I just had the same thought. The surface of your pool. The surface of your pool. Now, that'd be cool. That is baller.
Starting point is 00:31:19 That would be really, really cool. You jump in. I'm sure it gets it warmer earlier, too. You know, the reflective metal. I have no idea, Bill Nye. All right. You know a lot I'm sure it gets it warmer earlier, too. You know, the reflective metal. I have no idea, Bill Nye. All right. I see.
Starting point is 00:31:27 You know a lot about gold there. Golden pool. I like it. I'm in. Original AG. Okay. Levi from Patreon. With the famous viral video, Charlie Bit My Finger, being auctioned off as an NFT for,
Starting point is 00:31:42 what was it, $750,000. What other iconic viral videos could you also put into the auction pool? I know the first one that comes to mind, and I would hope every cent goes to that poor kid. But the Star Wars kid. Oh, the lightsaber kid? The lightsaber kid in the garage. That viral video is one of the.
Starting point is 00:32:06 That's one of the original. That is literally one of. That has to be in the first like 10. That was like E-bombs world stuff. Yeah, that was old. So a lot of kids listening now are going to be like, I don't know what this is. You can still find it. Man, that was.
Starting point is 00:32:25 Kids, don't put other people's embarrassing videos on the internet. I don't think it went well for that kid after that video came out. I imagine the Rickroll video would sell for almost more than anything. The actual Rick Astley video? If they pulled the Rick Astley Rickroll video... But Astley would never do that. Never going to give you up. He's a true gentleman. He should do that.
Starting point is 00:32:40 He would make more money. He would never sell the NFT and then somehow put it back in publication and then be like, what? You got Rick rolled, son. Man, I can't. When you're put on the spot for like Gangnam Style was a very popular video. But that's just like a music video. I'm trying to think of a short viral video.
Starting point is 00:32:59 Something that's like Charlie bit me. Excuse me. Oh, excuse me. Was that was a very, very good one. Not quite as viral but my finger was old. Our audience. Yeah that's what made me think of the Star Wars lightsaber kid. The Jaguars fan lady that is a smaller scale but our audience if you know that one can have a newcomer come in and steal the show. Oh, that's one of my favorites of all time.
Starting point is 00:33:29 Yeah, that's good. Let me think. Do you not have one, Andy? I brought up the few that I had. Rick Astley? Yeah. No, I'm going with that one. I'm going with the, you're right, Jason. Jaguars ladies for me.
Starting point is 00:33:44 Okay. Brendan from the website. If you're at a restaurant and your food arrives first while the other person is taking time, is it acceptable to eat before their food shows up? Not really. It's not acceptable? Honestly, I think it matters a little bit where you're at
Starting point is 00:34:01 and what kind of restaurant you're at. Really? I do. I mean, if you're at and what kind of restaurant you're at really i do like the this the if it's i mean if you're at a hoity-toity if you're at a sit-down restaurant what if you're at like chili's no i don't think you should eat really yeah so you're i mean it's pretty lame when when like you get your food and everybody else is waiting and you're just chowing? Yeah, but you know what else is lame? Not eating. Number one, not eating.
Starting point is 00:34:27 But number two, my food shows up and then because I don't eat it, because it's this faux pas, and now my food is not as good because it has cooled down. It's funny because it's not because it's a faux pas. Oh, it's 100% because it's a faux pas. Yeah, what else would it be based off of? It's based off of the- These are weird social rules that don't actually exist.
Starting point is 00:34:51 No, not at all. You're saying that it's legitimate because it's rude. You want to share a meal with another person, and if you get your food and they don't, you're eating by yourself. So there's a little bit of like- What if they have chips and salsa? Well, then if the other person says, go ahead and eat, you're eating by yourself. So there's a little bit of like not just focus on – Well, then if the other person says go ahead and eat, you're fine.
Starting point is 00:35:09 I've never been to any situation in my life where the other person doesn't say that. I want someone out there to be like, you're going to wait for me, right? Well, no, you don't have to say nothing. Don't you eat. Okay, so that's examining the other side of the social rule imagine someone saying you you like you go to take the bite and then someone looks and you go seriously seriously you're gonna eat before my food is here what kind of a turd nugget is that
Starting point is 00:35:36 person for even bringing it up if i if the other person across from me got their food and started eating and i even had the thought of how rude of them that i don't think that paints me in a good spot like i couldn't imagine being upset at someone eating their food you're playing you're playing a dangerous game when you start eating because while you maybe you get your food at the maximum heat for yourself and your own focus what happens if that person's food takes a really long time you are you're playing early you're playing the gamble of you ate your food and then there shows up and you watch them eat and when you go to a sit that's why i said the sit down thing matters if i'm at like uh do you eat a lot standing up do i eat a
Starting point is 00:36:22 lot standing up so you keep saying sitting down well i meant like a sit-down restaurant well like chili if you go okay if you go to like um yeah i mean chilies you're really ruining okay i've got i've got a better i've got a better example here okay let's say we the three of us it's lunch we go to lunch and the two of you get your food right away, and I don't get my food forever. Now it's 2v1. And I don't get my food forever. Like, say, what happened about a week ago when we went to a sushi restaurant
Starting point is 00:36:55 and I did not have my food forever. Now, Andy, I remember you chowing down right off the bat. Yeah, that's true. I was there. I was eating too well you ate you i believe you said sorry not waiting and then you shoved it in your mouth said a social precedent and you did have soup before that oh that's okay that's what i mean so an appetizer matters yeah i mean lunch i guess lunch and dinner matter a little bit differently
Starting point is 00:37:19 too let me ask you this okay jason yeah i'm listening. You go out to an anniversary dinner with your wife. Okay. And your big steak shows up and hers takes an extra 30 minutes. What kind of a restaurant are you at? I mean, truly. Well, that's the only reason. That's the only way it makes it a big problem. Are you waiting for your wife's food to arrive or are you eating?
Starting point is 00:37:40 I'm going to eat because my wife would not want me to sit there and not eat. Like, genuinely, she wouldn't need to say, it's okay if you eat because I know her. But also, when you were bringing up the Chili's versus a nice restaurant thing, I thought to myself, that's it. Chili's is just getting demolished. Chili's is getting crapped on right now. Rightfully so. That's what you get for having everything frozen in the back.
Starting point is 00:38:06 Chili's. But the thing is, is at a nice if you go to a nice restaurant, they would never do this. You would never have someone unless like they would hold it. Well, exactly. They would hold the food. Why would they do that? To come out at the same time. If your food's ready in the back, why would they do that?
Starting point is 00:38:22 Because they want it to. Why? They want it to look like they're all timed up perfect every single restaurant well i'm not saying it's worse to eat together at the same time it sounds like you're saying it's like not a reasonable thing to want to eat at the same time as somebody the one thing that i i was worried you were going to pick up on when I shared my sushi restaurant example is that when you go to a Japanese restaurant, it's actually a standard procedure to whenever someone's food is ready, they bring it. So if my roll is ready first, they bring it. They know what they're doing.
Starting point is 00:38:55 And you don't eat at the same time there. I've never, you know, and that works. Like you don't sit there and feel like I'm not eating together because we're eating out of slightly sink. Oh yeah. Same table. It's super weird. I don't have any problem with the,
Starting point is 00:39:09 uh, with the staggered eating. I mean, I would prefer it to all be at the same time, but we're there together. So long as we all leave full and happy with a good time, I'm happy. ER from Patreon says the three of you must put on a rap concert.
Starting point is 00:39:23 One man has to beat box. One man has to beatbox. One man has to rap. Third man writes all the lyrics, but then sprinkles in things like what? Yeah, break it down. I feel like we're all going to want that one. Yeah, but you have to write all the lyrics then, Jason. Oh, that's the most enticing part. The hype man part.
Starting point is 00:39:46 You got bars? Oh, I would love to write some rap for you guys. I would love to. The best part about this is that I'm writing lyrics that you guys are doing, so I can do whatever I want. Yeah, but then you're backing them up with, yeah. Yeah, you are jumping in in agreement. So if you're making us say something.
Starting point is 00:40:05 Well, one of these examples is, what? So that's what I'd be. I'd be like, what? Say what? You'd be rapping some terrible thing. I'd say, what? Why that? That's offensive.
Starting point is 00:40:19 I would never say that. You're rude. Take it back. Yeah, so I'm going to be the mole within the group who is ruining everything. I feel like this is troubling here because Mike's the best singer by far, but he's also the best beatboxer. Not by much. I feel like Mike has to be the beatboxer because
Starting point is 00:40:45 when we look at oh man that would put Andy actually doing the rap lyrics I can't I mean I can take care of it you think so?
Starting point is 00:40:52 no aww no it'd be a disaster I got excited for a second because I thought maybe he was well I can figure it out I would also be fine rapping
Starting point is 00:41:04 cause I you know little little known fact but known um a little like i've well known little known i've well it's a little known like it's it's not a secret but not everybody knows it this this is what it means um little known but known okay i i unnecessary to add the but known i see that he starts dunking on his like no that's how they say it but um you know no big deal big deal um shout out there uh so but my point is i grew up that's stupid i had a long time where hip-hop and music was like, that was all I listened to. So I feel like that's, that's,
Starting point is 00:41:48 that's, you know, that makes you a rapper. That's in me somewhere. All right. It's time to move on. Spidwads. We want to thank today's sponsor.
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Starting point is 00:43:52 We are drafting the degrees you wish you had. So if you could just, I don't know, matrix yourself a degree right now. I love it, man. And give yourself the education and experience of a finely educated individual in a certain area of expertise what degree would you choose what area of expertise and what degree I have the first pick and there's a there's a wide range that I could go here um and I thought about like this isn't necessarily the best draft to have the 101 but then as I started thinking I was like there's no way this one makes it back to me. And I want it.
Starting point is 00:44:27 I want this one really bad. I want it to be mine. Rapper. A PhD in RAP. No, I'm going to go with a PhD in computer science. Because I've always wanted to be able to code. And I used to in high school and a little bit in college, and then it just went away. And I used to think I was like a computer genius. And then I met computer geniuses and I was like, I'm so stupid. But I mean, not only is
Starting point is 00:44:59 this one of the highest paying occupations out there, like fallback option but actually practicality i could use it for so many things so i'm gonna be a computer whiz yeah okay so you're taking a computer science degree yeah would that have is there any chance that you would have picked twice and mike would have picked twice and not taken that i would not have taken that okay it's definitely on my list but i have i have two more I would take before it. Shoot. I am not, and I'll just tell you right now, I am not choosing things based on practicality.
Starting point is 00:45:31 In fact, I'm doing the very inverse. I think that's how most degrees are chosen. That's what most of them are. Right. I was looking things up for this. Sorry, but apparently you can get one in bassooning. What is bassooning? Playing the bassoon. Impractical. You can get get one in bassooning what is bassooning playing the bassoon impractical the you can get a degree in bassoon okay so there's orchestra instrument okay soon
Starting point is 00:45:52 which shout out some my bassooners out there peter and the wolf is fantastic but a degree a degree in bassooning look if you take your bassoon to the next level that's what you do what i learned today is that colleges really want your money. Just whatever you want to learn, we will teach you. Just we've got a program for that. I am choosing things that I think are the most interesting, fascinating. I didn't pay too much attention to salaries or how many people are doing it. Okay.
Starting point is 00:46:21 Just genuinely things that I'm fascinated by or things that I didn't know you could get a degree in. And I'm going to break your heart. Maybe, Mike. But my number one pick is going to be astrobiology. Oh, okay. Which I think the idea that I could be educated in and then work in a field where I get to look at the heavens and I get to study planets and planetary habitation and those type of things would be incredibly fascinating biology of the stars i feel like and and i know this is surprising
Starting point is 00:46:55 i'm no biologist but what i yeah i know um i feel like mean, I know that's obviously a real thing, but don't you have to like, to study the biology of something, I feel like you need the actual material. There's ways that they can figure it out. That's why we have astrobiologists. I feel like that's an astrologist. No, an astrologist is the people that look at the constellations and predict your future. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:47:24 An astronomer? There we go. Those are very different things. That's what I'm talking about. Also, go read that review again. An astronomer is just a person who studies what you can see. Where astrobiology and astrophysics, that's getting into much deeper level stuff. See, I get astrophysics, right?
Starting point is 00:47:42 The physics of what's going on out in the stars. That you can monitor from the ground. I just don't understand how you do biology from the ground. They figure it out. All right. Can I get a scoop of that Mars stuff? All right. So I'm going to go with an astrobiology degree.
Starting point is 00:47:56 I had I have astrophysics on my list, but that was like I was looking it up and it was like everything kept saying astrobiology. So I don't know if that's the same. Get out of my lane. I know. I know. Get out. But biology and physics are definitely not anywhere related. But I'm claiming astro.
Starting point is 00:48:15 Yeah. Anything at the end of astro is mine. So turf is out. I am an astro turf specialist. Yes. Oh, that's great. I've got some need for you in my backyard. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:48:24 Only the turf that grows on other planets, though. All right. Well, then, speaking of fun degrees that I found that sound like it would be absolutely incredible, theme park engineering. Oh, my son would love it. There's only two available jobs, but those two people have a great job. You live on the West Coast or you live on the east coast i love how to you and i mike there are two amusement parks in the world disneyland and disney world and then that's that's it well i wasn't even implying that i'm saying that for all for how
Starting point is 00:48:56 many roller coasters get built a year how many actual like theme park engineers do we really employ we need we need two on the earth. That's what I mean. There's two main jobs. That job sounds super dope. It does seem great. I mean, I guess you do have one nuance to don't screw up. Oh, yeah. Your math better check out.
Starting point is 00:49:17 Better triple check that math. Yeah. So I'm going to take that. And, you know, engineering in itself is pretty cool. All right. My next one, it's similar to Jason. I feel like you could probably make some good money in this, but this is also preparing for the impending takeover.
Starting point is 00:49:36 So when they become our overlords, they'll know I'm on the team. Oh, so you're joining? Jason, they're going to take over. I'm taking robotics, baby. You could use your degree to help us win, to fight back. It's inevitable. It's already started. Skynet has already been unleashed.
Starting point is 00:49:54 You'll have to use the computer science degree to try to get. Yeah, apparently. But you better go. Good luck out hacking a robot. Well, that's the only way you're going to beat them is hack them. It's got to be software. You're not going to beat them. No, it's EMPs is the only way.
Starting point is 00:50:06 Mike's riding on their shoulders. So he's created most of it. I'm king of the robots now. They're just going to squash you. That's fine. All right, back to me. Yep. I am staying off the ground.
Starting point is 00:50:20 I can't believe you took astrobiology. Yeah, I'm staying off the ground, too. I'm going to go with, and I think the right direction, because there's like a bunch of degrees within it, but it's aviation. Yep. Yeah, yeah. So if you're going to be a pilot, you get a degree in aviation.
Starting point is 00:50:38 Or I guess you could say like aerospace, depending on what you do. I think you just have to get a license to be a pilot. Right, but I'm going to go to the next level so I can fly all sorts of stuff. So you can talk down to your fellow pilots. That is correct, yes. Where'd you get your degree? Well, I mean, I imagine degrees, you'll get more of the wings on your shirt, right?
Starting point is 00:50:54 Oh, is that how that works? They give you all sorts of wings. That's what the wings represent. I thought those were free for little kids. Not the ones made of gold. Yeah, only the ones that went to college for aviation. Isn't it funny, too, that there was a time, like when our parents all grew up, when pilots were treated completely different.
Starting point is 00:51:11 Oh, like celebrities. Catch me if you can style? Yeah, because the air flight, air transportation was so novel. Might as well have been an astronaut. Yeah, it was just such a revered profession. I don't feel like... We don't revere anything now. Yeah athletes that's it because they cram us into a tiny little box well the aviation guy doesn't do that it doesn't matter you're part of it you're part of that
Starting point is 00:51:35 system that put too many seats in there my point though is like name name a current modern day astronaut uh shoots yeah no time's up no you you it was not top of mind neither one of you could i'll give you five more seconds no no you're you're right it's definitely not top of mind they're going to space but i follow i follow some on twitter okay all right am i up yeah you're up you got two picks All right. So I've got a PhD in computer science, and that's cool and all. It's very practical. I mean, it's very nerdy. It's very nerdy. I'm a nerd.
Starting point is 00:52:11 I love nerd stuff. So this next one is very important because it's probably even more practical, but it comes with the most important impractical thing that is very necessary for me practically impractical and that would be i'm going to get a doctor of medicine a medicine degree and um a medical degree that that's what it is doctor of medicine that's what they're called um i'm getting that so that y'all have to call me doctor because i might have a phd but you're not calling me a doctor because i got a doctorate in computer science they're really there was a disconnect that's something that happens somewhere teachers get them and and you're a teacher you get that
Starting point is 00:52:57 if you have it but i'm saying anyone who has a doctorate you have earned the right to be called doctor like daddy you are you worked your butt off and you educated yourself. But you're not a doctor. But you are not a doctor. Right. That's why I'm saying that a disconnect happened here somewhere where we got to figure out how to split these things up so that they're both revered and not interfering. I feel like that's the reward for residency. They're both revered and not interfering.
Starting point is 00:53:23 I feel like that's the reward for residency. Like a doctor, even if you go to, like, you go get a doctorate in another profession, you still don't have to go do, like, another seven years of residency before you earn that title. Like, doctors still go to school more than everybody else. Right. It's not even. But so then I'm saying for a doctorate, there should be another. Right.
Starting point is 00:53:44 You should be called a doctorate. That's what you should. Well, you know what I mean? Like, oh, you're a doctor. He's for a doctorate, there should be another. Right. You should be called a doctorate. That's what you should. Well, you know what I mean? Like, oh, you're a doctor. He's just a doctorate. It's like a poor man's doctorate. But they're both good. They're both good. So wait, what did you take?
Starting point is 00:53:55 So I'm an MD. The bassoon thing? I'm an MD and a computer programmer. But now I'm going to take the most important science. He's a data doctor. Yeah, a data doctor. I'm going to take the most important science. He's a data doctor. Yeah, a data doctor. I'm going to take the most important science. You're just recovering hard drives.
Starting point is 00:54:10 Kansas State University has an incredibly important science department for me, and it's bakery science. Bakery science. Oh, yeah, baby. You want to taste my donuts when I got a doctorate in baking? They're going to be outstanding. You're Dr. Donuts. I'm Dr. Oh, Dr. Donuts.
Starting point is 00:54:30 Yes. That's both my superhero and supervillain name. Oh, man. I am Dr. Donuts. Heck, yeah. Dude, I'm going to bake up the wildest stuff, and then I'm going to prescribe myself some killer heartburn medication fantastic dr beaty's dr beaty's oh yeah well bakery science i figured you'd you'd eventually
Starting point is 00:54:55 find your way into the kitchen so well done thank you oh my gosh now where to go? I'm sticking with passions, curiosities, things that I wish that I could do. And I imagine if I went to enough school for this, you musician people need to help me with the name of the degree. Okay. But if I wanted to be like a pianist, what would that degree be?
Starting point is 00:55:23 That would probably be a... Music theory? Well, you could be a music music theory well you could do a music theory one that's more than just piano what about performing would it be performance music uh yeah probably can i if i spent eight years in school could i become a good pianist oh absolutely then that's what i'm gonna do yes that sucks that was gonna be my last you were gonna take piano no i was gonna take a music degree there's general music degree so you can learn different instruments i I looked that up. That was going to be my last pick because I'm terrible with music, but I wish I wasn't.
Starting point is 00:55:50 I wish I knew how to play instruments. Al, will you give me my degree right now, please? Yes, you're a doctor of musical arts and piano performance. Thank you. Thank you. That sounds good. Yeah. Wow.
Starting point is 00:56:02 You can really play. That sounds good. Yeah. Wow. You can really play. It's not the same as Dr. Donuts, but we both have our roles in this world. I'm pretty happy with my current standing in life. I have a feeling we won't be running into each other too much in the real world. You don't run in the same crowd?
Starting point is 00:56:20 I don't think we work with the same people. Oh, please. At the end, you'll be playing the piano in my donut shop as live music in the background. I'm willing. Mike, you are back on the clock. All right. And speaking of jobs that I think are now kind of, they used to be more important. Sure.
Starting point is 00:56:42 Like a pilot was a revered thing and it along the lines of our population growth of having to just build things quickly it's become far more function sure but a good piece of architecture is it is timeless it never goes away. These things become wonders of the world. When Notre Dame, when that had that fire, that was a global problem. And we're all like, no, that cannot happen. We need to restore this beautiful piece of architecture. So I'm going to be an architect. I mean, I'm sure I'm related to Frank Lloyd somehow. Right. I i mean you have the same last name yeah well that's that's how we're related
Starting point is 00:57:29 yeah clearly but like an architect who get who gets out there and i'm not it's one of my biggest i'm not doing performance art i'm not doing the things on the side of the road i'm doing like real buildings yeah i mean i'm gonna make like a when do architects sit on the side of the roads showing you the plans to the buildings are there is that happening no no but i'm saying like just like the funny structures on the side of the road oh okay i it bothers me a lot that we don't seem to prioritize architecture in today's society we do not because it's efficiency it's cost it's it's building a building for a business. It's not about what it looks like.
Starting point is 00:58:07 It's about beauty. And is it because we can't figure out how they did it? Because I look at these buildings that they built in the 20s, you go, that's impossible. No, because they still- No one could do that anymore. They have stuff from the 80s that we wouldn't really want today, but it's still architecturally unique.
Starting point is 00:58:22 Like when you think of downtown, I think there's a super salad in it now. It used to be a when you think of downtown, uh, there's a, I think there's a super salad in it now. It used to be a bank. Oh yeah. Yeah. There used to be an ice cream place too. There are these places in Phoenix that have completely unique.
Starting point is 00:58:34 I mean, they're 80 style wild architecture, but you know, I, are we going to remember it? Yeah. Are we going to look back at stuff being built now? I went by there just yesterday.
Starting point is 00:58:46 It's actually now a munition shop. Oh, okay. It's running the gamut. Okay. I mean, we always do. Next up, Petting Zoo. There is a rule here in Arizona that within every 20 years, it has to be a munition shop at some point in time.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Every building. Every landlord has to lease to them. Not residential, but yeah, any commercial property has to at least cycle through some munition. I saw it was zoned MO. Yeah, that's for ammo. Ammo. M-O.
Starting point is 00:59:15 I love the pick. That's a great one. It was not on my list, but not because I think that one's awesome. Being able to sit down and have the freedom to build something. It's incredible, man. That'd be cool. They do. And then my last one, I am not nearly as educated as I wish I was in history.
Starting point is 00:59:37 I love it. Come on. If there is like a.05% chance that I could turn into Indiana Jones, I'm going to take it. Okay. It's not practical, but there's a chance, right? There's a chance, so I'm taking a degree in archaeology. That's wonderful.
Starting point is 00:59:52 Okay. I thought you were just going to go with history. Indiana Jonesologist. I thought you were going to go like a history degree. Oh, no. No, and I was going to say you got to go something practical, like hands-on. I like that. Probably a good 10 years of my life, I wanted to be an archaeologist.
Starting point is 01:00:08 Because of Indiana Jones? No, because of dinosaurs. Oh, but that's a paleontologist. That's a different degree. No, I think they both apply. No. Archaeology is studying like human history. Paleontology is studying dinosaurs.
Starting point is 01:00:23 Anthropology is the study of humans. Yes. But archaeology would be like historical culture, right? I don't think so. Archaeology. Otherwise, I spent 10 years with the wrong ambitions. Yeah. Archaeology is.
Starting point is 01:00:37 Fossil record paleontologists. Fossil record over human history. You said the word paleontologist. Yeah, I know. I know. And then I'm looking up archaeology. Oh, okay. Okay. Study of human history and prehistory throughontologist yeah i know i know and then i'm looking up archaeology oh okay okay study of human history and prehistory through the excavation okay yeah there you go well childhood dreams crushed well the worst part is i search i search archaeology
Starting point is 01:00:55 it gives me that definition you know what the four pictures google shows you on the right side under the field of study they're dinosaurs guess what they're dinosaurs it's that's what's still available andy yeah you can make that childhood dream come true right here man it does seem better you could you could john hammond this thing so i so i am a paleontologist you all right i take it all right i don't blame you i thought like when i was a little kid too i'm glad you were everything i'm glad you reminded me of that gotta get your roots ambition my roots this is this is really cool for you to not only in the same day learn what a dummy you were as a kid but correct the problem and and still fulfill the actual dreams of your childhood I'm very happy for you uh but you took my music pick so i don't know where to
Starting point is 01:01:45 go now that i'm on you're out of pick i'm out of no i've got i've got two different ones and they're they're a little different because stick maker it's on the list because you're already the baker um you know i would go butcher first are you kidding me but with my meat background your meat your meat back no i don't know about your meat background let me tell you a little bit about my meat background i have been eating meat since approximately six months old my mother would bottle feed me meat so um it really started young um all right so i'm gonna so i was thinking like, you know, a PhD in economics just because that's I would love to know more and be able to share the ins and outs of that world. And also it sounds
Starting point is 01:02:31 pretty good for, I don't know, your economics in life. But I'm going to go more towards the passion, more towards something that I think would be awesome, fun, that I think in a different life I could succeed with and still stay in genres that I love, and that would be a PhD in sport and entertainment management. You know what I mean? Getting to be an agent, a manager. Those, imagine, because our other job is in football, and so every once in a while you get to see a phone call between a sports agent and the sports team. And they're, you know, casually negotiating.
Starting point is 01:03:13 But it's they are casually talking about multiple millions of dollars. So to be on one side of that, be like, look, man, you're you're going to give us 20 million dollars. Like, no, no, no. We'll give you 15 to be part of that, be like, look, man, you're going to give us $20 million. They're like, no, no, no, we'll give you $15 million. To be part of that, to have the backbone to stand up for a deal for $20 million would be awesome. See, and what's funny is I don't have the backbone to stand up for myself. But I would have no problem for someone else negotiating, playing hardball, doing that stuff, just really crossing that line of comfortability. But when it's for me, I'd be like, it's OK, whatever you offer, I'll take. So that would be fun.
Starting point is 01:03:53 I think I'm going to be a super agent. I just like that the degrees went from like regular degrees to like now we have to be a Ph.D. in that field. I started with it. Es escalated a little bit. Okay. Some other we're done, right? Some other considerations here. I'm surprised Mike didn't take it because I know it's on his short list of things he'd like to do.
Starting point is 01:04:18 Metal smithing, blacksmithing. Metal smithing is on my list. I also I don't have a lot of other ones. I wrote down nautical archaeology. Apparently that's a thing. Oh, that's fun. Smithing is on my list. I also, I don't have a lot of other ones. I wrote down nautical archaeology. Apparently, that's a thing. Oh, that's fun. I made a joke about turf, but actually turf and golf course management was on my list of like working on a golf course.
Starting point is 01:04:34 Man, that wouldn't be too bad. That sounds like a nightmare. What? An absolute nightmare. It gets so hot. You still got to work in the summers. It's not like you get to go out and play around a golf. You're just a landscaper.
Starting point is 01:04:50 That's what you're drafting a landscaper in the summers it's not like you get to go out and play a round of golf you're just a landscaper that's what you're you're drafting a landscaper in the summers i guess um i have phd in statistics with our fantasy football stuff okay you combine that with my uh my computer engineering degree oh heck yeah all right uh one more thing what did we learn today oh man i learned uh that there is an instrument named a bassoon you didn't know about the bassoon i can tell you you buffoon i if you told me i'm gonna draw a bassoon right now okay okay i don't know if you just learned what it is your odds of getting this one right are pretty low uh i think i got this. A bassoon is a horned instrument that looks like this. Is this correct? Is this a bassoon? Or is this?
Starting point is 01:05:30 No. That's a flask. Oh, I can see what you're saying. It kind of looks like a science speaker. That's a genie coming out of a bottle. Totally. I learned that Mike has an under-rue pass that he would pay to remove. And I learned that in a job interview,
Starting point is 01:05:50 the ultimate power move is pulling out a hard-boiled egg, staring him straight in the eye, and start peeling. That'll do it for today, spitballers. Thank you, Al, for all that you do here. I've got the best job in the world. Yeah. We'll catch you next time. Goodbye.
Starting point is 01:06:10 Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com. This hilarious episode was brought to you by Omaha Steaks. Go to omahasteaks.com and use the code spitballers in the search bar. For a limited time, you'll get four free New York strip burgers with your order. That's omahasteaks.com, keyword spitballers.

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