Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 154: Bottom Loading Washers & An Insect Battle Royale - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 14, 2021

On this episode, we learn about Andy’s t-shirt stains, Mike’s similarity to cats, and Jason's love for Satchmo. We shut it down by drafting insects for a fight to the death! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast podcast with andy mike and jason all right keep going brother who are you gonna shout out uh i was gonna shout out my uh broken voice that he was oh he was really going deep into that i thought you were gonna shout out to satchmo but no you picked yourself me me and louis armstrong we have we have a ton in common um right we both love It's a Wonderful World. Great song. Great song. Great song. Also, and I already knew that you knew, but the fact that you actually know who Satchmo is, it feels like the most random piece of trivia for you.

For me, right. Music isn't necessarily my wheelhouse. You're like, oh, no, but a jazz trumpet player. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, brother. I know his name and his nickname. necessarily my wheelhouse but you're like oh no but a jazz trumpet player oh yeah oh yeah i know his name and his nickname he has had a long standing love of that song that's true that's a great song oh not just that song i mean what a wonderful world yeah no but uh just give me a kiss to build a dream on whoa whoa we can keep going welcome Welcome to the Satchmo Hour. Wait a minute. If there's two things. How many Satchmo songs can you name?

Currently two, but I know a lot more. I mean, I've listened to him a lot. You just don't know the names. Right. It's just great coming right after some episodes where we talked about Jason having a PhD in RAP. And then so he's got his hip hop background and then he's got his hip-hop background, and then he's got his Satchmo Louis Armstrong background. Yeah, I've got a wide gap between my genres.

Welcome into the Spitballers. Mike Wright, Jason Moore, Andy Holloway with you. Great show today. Very fun Battle Royale draft coming up. We'll leave it at that. Would you rather, the Situation Room? Mike always laughs at that because... Yeah, number one, because it's in the title,

but number two, because when you're setting it up, it's always just, it's a great draft. Well, yeah. Stay tuned to find out. I don't want them to think there's not a draft on today's show. Would you like me to just say, there's a draft later? Well, no, I wouldn't. But I want to know if it's bad.

I would want to know. Yeah, I would want to know. Crappy draft later. Yeah, real bad draft. We ran out of ideas. You'll hear that at the end of the show. Truth is, I don't know whether it's good or bad right now, because we haven't done it yet.

It's good. So I guess I'm lying or projecting. I'm very excited on behalf of Jason for the draft. Yeah, this is going to be a problem. Preparing for the draft was a nightmare. It'll make your skin crawl. Let's put it that way. All right, some Would You Rather.

Would You Rather. All right, Deadeye from Patreon, one of our supporters. Thank you for your support. One of the true spitwads. Says, in a life or death situation, would you rather fight a black bear with a samurai sword or a gray wolf with your bare fists? So, as opposed to, this isn't for sport. Right, right, right, right. It's a life or death situation.

This is life or death. This isn't like, hey, which one would you enjoy doing? You know, I think I could take that black bear if I got a samurai sword. I do find it funny that I would be fighting the gray wolf with some bear fists. Oh, right. The irony. The irony, yeah. Now, how big is a gray wolf?

I'm going to assume. About wolf size. Large. But that's what I mean. Like a wolf can be. They're big. Quite big. Yeah, but they're not dire wolves.

Yes. They're not from beyond the wall. They're not fictitious animals. No, I mean, it's like a big, we've got a, what are you seeing here, Al? All right, so upwards of 180 pounds of wolf. A wolf. A big boy. With your parents.

Liam Neeson could barely take a wolf with broken glass bottles taped to his hands. Your objective in both of these situations is not to win the fight. It is to not die, which is winning. Like, I want to give. Yeah, they're one and the same. Well, not exactly. Your point is you don't have to kill the bear. Can you negotiate? There are situations. What animal is most likely to kill me the fastest?

And I want to fight the opposite animal. The other animal. The animal that's fighting you while you have no weapon. I think you're completely discounting my weapons here. Okay, because these two fists, holy moly, they are registered, and they are dangerous.

I will take this wolf out probably one swing. Those fists are valuable in being on the side of your body as you're running away. Oh, they're great. Sometimes I'll go blade hands. When you run? The thing about a samurai sword, which I have heard, is it's not just like you get a samurai sword

because they're legendary weapons for being in the hands of a master. You could go through a body with one swipe. Super sharp, right? Very, very sharp. But if you're not trained, you can also easily break it. False. That's false is that a old tale here's what i know i know that when we uh we our former company we uh created a game called ninja wars and when we launched i think it was the second uh the sequel we got a samurai

sword was an authentic samurai sword it was expensive expensive. It was from Amazon. I mean, I don't know, but here's what I do know. Those things, we went out in a field with watermelons and cantaloupes and everything we could find, and everything was awesome. Fruit did not stand a chance. Fruit did not stand a chance. That was fun. We murdered that fruit, and we came out still with the samurai sword intact. You're not swinging at the right time with a bear attacking you your best hope for that samurai sword is impaling the bear oh absolutely

i'm just holding it next to my chest you'll get impaled by the blunt end of the hill land on you and i would we would both die the hill yeah that would be like a real romeo and juliet situation as he as he impales himself through the heart lovers Two star-crossed lovers. Two star-crossed lovers. And the hilt just goes right through me. And then the nice thing is we're stuck together forever. I would go bare fist against the wolf. There is no chance, man. No, I just had this conversation with Jason over the weekend.

About a bear and a wolf? It's close. Wait, wait, wait. What are you saying there's no chance? No chance to take on the wolf with you yes you're a psychopath you don't know how big bears are no no but the thing sorry i took over your conversation but if you at least have a sword that has length on it you may get lucky but if you're fighting a wolf with nothing in your hands you have a zero percent chance of winning

zero percent when i so up north in prescott, Jason and I were up north this past weekend, and there are some mountain lions on the loose. And they're going after chickens and livestock and all this stuff. And I was like, if I was attacked by a mountain lion, my goal would be to stick my arm down his throat because then he can't bite my neck. He can eat my arm. That's my goal with the wolf.

I'm letting him bite my arm. I don't think that strategy is gonna work i i don't think the wolf you're gonna let him bite your neck i don't know i'm not gonna try but i'm not you're not getting down and and ripping his organs out i'm just sticking it down there so he you know chokes on the elbow i don't believe that the wolf would kill me I'm not saying I don't even win I'm not saying like I I you know I come out unscathed and I'm fine because I clocked the wolf but I think if if I huddle up you know what I mean like ball up turtle up I could come out of there going to shell I can come out of there alive wolves are not you know they're pack hunters this is one wolf i don't think there's a lot of cases of a wolf killing yeah but someone but just for the other side of the coin i mean

there are dogs today that if you took them on one-on-one you're done yes and it's a wolf worse than a dog way worse i mean you fight a pit bull or a rottweiler today that's here's what i know winning here's what i know i cannot do against the bear rear naked choke i can't do it it's too big yes you can yes you can for the episode there are you can't rear naked no that's the move the reason i bring that up is because you're talking about there are dogs to kill people yes absolutely but that is the defense mechanism against brutal dogs is a rear naked choke when you do that and you do like the i mean i'm telling you this is fact this is you're getting smarter today what yes if you are attacked by a dog you want to go for the rear naked choke you do like the the body triangle i try to put my arm down

their throat and and go for you know the the neck from the back okay so a i just was looking up mountain lion oh a mountain lion you're dead well, but we're going mountain lion versus wolf. So the bite force of a cougar is 724.6 PSI. That's not even a mountain lion. I feel like that's a water pressure, but go on. And the biting capacity of a wolf is much closer to double that. Oh, so you break your arm. is much closer to double that.

Ooh, so he'd break your arm. You know, when you're playing a game with your dog, like play fighting with your dog, and they always get their teeth on you. Always. But they're not biting you. Sure. Now imagine that it's a 1,500 pounds of force biting your arm.

I do have a trick for that as well. Okay, when you're going to attack, you don't swing punches fists out. Okay. You swing with your arm. I do have a trick for that as well. Okay, when you're going to attack, you don't swing punches fists out. Okay. You swing with your elbows, and you fight like this. You fight like chicken wings, and then you're way more protected. They can't get the wrist. You know what I mean?

This is the move right here. You got to go to YouTube, figure out how to protect yourself from a- You know, the nerve endings on your elbow, you won't even feel it. You won't even feel that. Have fun biting an elbow, stupid dog. I'm starting to think that I might want the sword against the bear. No, you're crazy. That's your only chance.

What is the bite strength of a grizzly? Have you looked that up? On a samurai sword or on... That doesn't matter. The only chance of survival is a... A kill. An errant swing that happens to hit the bear in the throat. I can absolutely survive the wolf.

Or get the... Look at this, man. What you should try to do is take the... You think a wolf can get this? We get it on the... My chicken wing. No way. Now, do you go like 360?

Or is it... Oh, you got to keep eyes on the wolf. You turn your back. You need to get the wolves back. You got to get the samurai sword down the throat. That would win. Like a Superman. You bet.

You bet. I'm taking the wolf and I'm and I'm surviving. I will not come out the winner, but I will come out alive. You guys can have your lucky errant swing with a samurai sword that misses and then be destroyed by one strike of a bear paw. Oh, no. I want the samurai sword to kill myself before the bear gets to me. Yes.

I want to die an honorable death before the bear gets me. Oh, very nice. All right. We better move on. Guru from Patreon. Would you rather have a clothes washer that can remove any stain or a clothes dryer that can dry and de-wrinkle anything without shrinking or damaging it? Oh, man. That's easy.

That's so easy. But it's easy for you, and it's easy for me. I don't think it's going to be easy for Andy. We don't spill on ourselves for every single meal. That's right. I don't have a lot of stains. My mom said everybody spills. Oh, everyone spills.

What's an adult spill? Like once every 500 meals or something? Yeah, probably. Did you say once a meal? Andy, do you have a spot on today's shirt? Oh, my gosh. That must be a brand. No?

Does he? No. Oh, he's saying he does. Yeah, he does. He does. In fact, he does. This is everything. But here's the great news there, Andy, is that's not in your usual spot.

Your usual spot is right on the bottom middle of the chest. Right. It's called my ledge. Yes. And I eat with a – like some people sit up to eat. Some people like eat over their plate. I slouch to eat. And leans away from the table.

When he eats with a bowl of cereal, his one rule is I cannot bend my elbows. Because I'm fighting a wolf. He has his... I mean, you're so far away, but you spill all the time. So stains coming out every time seem great. But I know I have a shirt that has deodorant pit stains. Yeah. That's a thing.

Yep, that's a thing. I got one. You wear a lot of black shirts, so you have a lot of pit stains. I got one that I know of. Maybe there's more. There's only one you know of that's a thing. I got one. You wear a lot of black shirts, so you have a lot of pit stains. I got one that I know of. Maybe there's more. There's only one you know of? There's only one I know of. Please don't break news to me right now.

But drying, de-wrinkling shirts. Oh, man. I mean, if you're telling me that every single time my shirts will always be wrinkle-free, that's the ticket. Can I ask? What is your laundry routine here? Do you ever do the, I get it out of the dryer, but then I don't put it away right then, so then I have to de-wrinkle later?

Always. Wait. What is the alternate approach? The alternate is when the dryer's done, you just take them out and hang them up, and you're fine. No, I've never heard of that. I do not dry my shirts. I hang dry.

All your shirts? All my shirts. Because you don't want them to shrink. Correct. So you hang dry them all. You hang dry. All your shirts? All my shirts. Because you don't want them to shrink. Correct. So you hang dry them all. You hang dry. Do you cold wash them? Yes.

So you cold wash them, then hang dry them. That is correct. Just so they don't shrink. That is correct. I mean, that does, and they probably last a lot longer. How wet is the floor of your closet? It's not. I feel like not.

He doesn't hang dry them in the closet. I don't stop at midway. No, no, no. Wait, wait, wait. Hold on. He's saying that you take them and you just put them up like you would normally in your closet. I do. Yes.

Wait, you do? Yeah. That's too wet. That's way too wet. They are not dripping. You don't hang dry them in like outside. It's not the 1960s anymore. I don't live on a little house on a prairie. like outside. It's not the 1960s anymore. I got the clothespins.

Now what happens when you, if you let a, and I know this, if you let a shirt let's say you put it in the washer and you forget to move it over to the dryer fast enough. Oh, stank. You get that mildew. Yeah. So why, if your shirt is in the closet,

how is it not, how is it drying fast enough? This is answering a lot of questions for us, Andy, why he stinks every day. Oh, my gosh. That's why you smell like mildew? Mildew dude. Mildew. Mildew.

Because you hang them up, and they're not touching each other. So you have a lot of room in there. No. Or it's got very few shirts. Four shirts. Four shirts. But if you leave it in the washer, then it's crumpled up in a dark place. So you get no wrinkles then, too.

Well, not always. You still have to de-wrinkle. Wait, you de-wrinkle on a regular basis? That doesn't de-wrinkle automatically. It should. No. It would if it was out in the 1960s on the line. Yeah, if you had a little gentle breeze.

Oh, man. Blowing them out. You got to look into that. I do think this is one of the areas of life that we are failing technologically. I know that it's a modern day convenience to be able to wash your clothes and dry them, but we've had that for a while now. Yeah. And I'm thankful for it.

I'm glad I don't have to do the hand washing in a tub and hang them up. My abs would get so tired. Right. But here's the thing. We could do better. Oh, yeah. We could do better. We could have something.

I need something that gets it from the washing machine to the closet. I need my closet to be a washing machine. Oh, the. We could do better. We could have something. I need something that gets it from the washing machine to the closet. I need my closet to be a washing machine. Oh, the closet itself. I put it in there. It's a 500-square-foot washer? Well, no. That's fine. But it's all part of the machine.

I want to put it in a machine, and then once I push the wash button, I can come back two hours later, and it's hung up. It's in the closet. That's what I need. For me, I've been noticing this the last few times. I don't know why it's standing out to me, but. My clothes keep shrinking regardless of what I do. No, this is stuff that's in the dryer.

And, you know, technology usually moves forward, right? Well, we used to have these top load washers and dryers. And now everyone's got the cool front-facing ones. That are stank. Because they look better, and I get it that the washer uses less water, so we're trying to save the earth here. I don't know if the dryer is necessarily better. I'm not aware.

But I do know that when you're trying to find your underpants or a pair of matching socks, and you've got to go in through the front-facing dryer, that thing is a pain in the butt, man. Yes, it is. And here's another thing. It was way better from the top. You don't know this, Mike, because you don't transfer things to the dryer.

I still have dryables. Sure. Wink. I don't hang up my socks. He actually only owns a washing machine two washers two washers no dryer um kids get all their underwear in the drawers sopping wet i found this out recently because we we moved and when we moved uh the washer and dryer was there and the washer and dryer that was there was a top load and i felt like oh man i'm getting this old busted and i

love it from the past because We bought top loads on purpose. Really? New top loads, yeah. Moving things to the dryer. I drop half of the clothes out of the washing machine when I'm moving it to the dryer. The side load washers, they have a ring to keep the water from obviously spilling out unlike a top loader. And that ring will get dirty.

And I'm seeing Al Borland nod at me. And it will get all mildewy. And you have to deodorize or clean it. So we are like a pro top load show. Yes. We are a show completely dedicated to top load washers. It's easy. Although there's one problem. Have you ever bottom loaded?

You just pick the washing machine up, and you place it on top of the clothes it's got a little gasket on bottom it pushes up through it's not i don't recommend it no it didn't work here is the one problem and it is hysterical you just flip the top loader over my wife is too short oh for the top load for the top load she cannot reach how to close this is machine? This is a normal machine. How short is your wife? I think all machines are the same height. Maybe I'm wrong. You come over and it's like a refrigerator height.

But no, she can't get to the bottom of the top load. So she can get out a lot of it. But then the socks that are on the bottom. Should you give her one of those grabbers? The gopher? That would be good. Like the trash pickup things? No, we went far more humiliating.

We have a chair that she has to stand on so that she can reach the bottom. Does it have the kid piece in the front so that she can't fall out? Absolutely. Safety first, Mike. Did you label it her laundry legs? Yes, exactly. All right, next question from Melody on Patreon. This one's tough.

Would you rather be able to cure every mental illness in existence or every physical illness in existence? Sounds great. Oh, man. I mean, it's a heavy one. This is way too heavy. It's heavy. This is really heavy. But I feel like we can have one of those PhD discussions that we always have.

I have several based on last episode. I have a lot of PhDs now. We did collect a few. The bakery science one is not going to help you today. I agree to disagree. I did hear from a bassoon player. Oh, did you? He was none too happy with my besmirching of the bassoon.

Now I imagine he spoke in bassoon, right? Yeah, it was... Okay, so we don't have to stay longer here, but let's just philosophize for a moment it's easy for me it's got to be physical because because of olivia newton john let's get physical physical it's not my best i'm sorry mike but before i got to the song i was trying to figure out what physical ailment she had suffered recently that needed to be repaired. And you were personally looking out for Olivia Newton.

I'm like, did she get paralyzed or something? But, yes. My point is like. What happened to the grease lady? I know. They're both horrific things. And we all want to cure everything. But I definitely think physical illnesses cause death, right?

Like a physical illness is far more death. Not that some mental illnesses can't, but like I'm carrying cancer, right? That's a physical illness, right? My logic behind it is actually I would go physical as well, but it's because not all mental illness is like cognizant mental illness. So there's a level of like, there's some mental illness that the person suffering doesn't even have an awareness that they're suffering.

So even though it would be great to cure those things, that doesn't seem as active of suffering to me as like physical ailments would like if somebody like, like, you know, there are a lot of conditions that the people suffering from it just aren't aware. See,

I thought for sure you were going to say it was because then you wouldn't look how you look if all physical illnesses were taken away. But that's the bottom five on this show's history right there. Mike, do you want to weigh in or shall I move on? I will go physical illness. Final answer. Jackson from Patreon. physical illness. Final answer. Jackson from Patreon. Would you rather be transformed into a cat and live for

20 years or be transformed into a dog and live for only 10? Easy answer. Cat. Final answer. I hate cats, but I'd rather be a cat. Yeah, it's easy. You be a cat. You get the extra life. And look, I don't like cats because they're mean to people.

Right. And I mean, they're spreading their allergies, allergens all over the place. And they're uninterested in people and aren't companions. Yeah. But that doesn't mean that being a cat would be bad. It's very on brand for you. You do whatever you want. You are a human cat.

You are a human cat. A little bit. A little bit. A cat would not make conversation with you in an elevator. No. Oh, never. Cat's not going to come when you call it over. Hey, Mike. Hey, Mike. I know you can hear me. You are four

feet from me. Acknowledge me. Were you drinking this? Chris Splash! Yeah, I would rather. Also, change up my potty, please. Right. I just took a big duke, Shnye. I want to watch you get my potty out of this sand. Bring out the scoop, please.

Okay, first of all, cats have better lives. They really, really do. Because not only what you're saying, where they do whatever they want, they're not under the control of the humans, but also I feel like their physical abilities are far cooler right and dogs like I can jump so much higher I can climb a brick wall you can fall off anything I can destroy so much more like I know dogs can destroy a lot but my claw I'm not a declawed cat right no okay good we do not do no I mean I'm I'm ripping. You don't have drapes anymore. They don't exist. Your bed

belongs to me. Like, everything is just, I'm tearing up the world, and I get to live for 20 years? Heck yeah, man. So you're going Garfield? Yes. I'll steal all the lasagna. Alright, I guess we all agreed on that one. How did people, like, who was

into Garfield? I liked Garfield. My youngest son. The cartoon in liked Garfield. My youngest son. The cartoon in the Sunday paper. My youngest son now loves Garfield. What? I don't even know how he found it. There's a new cartoon for Garfield. It must be.

He's so annoying in the new one. Yeah, there's a 3D animation. Yeah, that one. With Odie. Garfield and Odie. Yeah. You're into Garfield? Sure.

I mean, the old cartoon not the not the tv shows just literal comic strips both versions are the worst thing of all time garfield is the worst character that's ever existed he's a fat lazy mean selfish thing that never learns a lesson yeah i mean like you super into family circus no no that was stupid i'm trying that was always the one other old comics peanuts were awesome peanuts charlie brown farsight farsight was excellent and continues to be excellent yeah well i don't think he made it he didn't answer the work guy because no i love charlie brown yeah there it is who was the what's wrong with peanuts i ain't apologizing dilbert's funny too yeah i can't remember any i never did you ever get all you're doing is telling me all the ones

in the comics and then you don't like all the comic you just don't want them you don't want the comic did you ever get into like comics in papers uh there was clearly not there was a few times that i do remember uh my dad would give them to me. And then Sunday, it would be color. Sunday, you had the colored comics, yeah. Wow, we sound super old. Yeah, this is boring. Very boring. This never happened to me.

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First, second, or third? Let's start with Ed, the second. All right. Ed says, in exchange for four frog feet, don't ask, your local wizard has gifted you with one chance to escape death or injury what do you do with it okay so you got one chance to just fully escape death so do you go jump off a building do you stand in front of a train i fight that wolf do you fight the wolf you pick the wolf but here's the thing you're gonna walk away with an extra life because that's not going to have needed to take it.

I want you to fight a wolf now. It's really important to me. I don't know how dangerous wolves are. He just starts screaming from the ground. I'm alive still. I'm alive. How have you? Wolves are very dangerous.

Are they? You've seen, like, okay. In Arizona, we have coyotes. Have you come across a coyote it's out there out there like yes i have seen the coyote your reaction to the coyote like honestly i know you're not scared of it but at least when you see it you go oh like there's there is at least a a visceral gut reaction that says i should stay away from that sure yes Sure, yes, absolutely. And what is the maximum weight of a coyote? Probably like 60 pounds, maybe.

When you said, so I'm looking up, and I know we're going back to the wolves. It always goes back to the wolves. What did you say, 120 pounds? 180 pounds. Okay, well, that doesn't sound too bad. But then I just looked up a pit bull's weight, because, you know, those are known to have some. Yeah, like 70?

Yeah, like, yeah, about that max. About, like, the max out around there. So, like, the super jacked ones are 70? Yeah, yeah. So, double it. This wolf's getting bigger. And then double it, or then add another pit bull. Okay.

So, you started getting a little more worried? I mean, I still got these I mean I still got these two Your bare fists? Fists That will be two bites What situation do you want to escape death or injury from? Would you go to a race car? I was just talking about doing a flight

On a Like a little prop plane And whether I would be willing to do that. I mean, how is it not just the skydive? Yeah, skydiving is what I do. Oh, I know what I would do. I'm going to space. Okay.

I'm going to space until I die. That's very fast. No, I don't. No soup for you. I'm going in a rocket ship. And he's gone. I'm'm going in a rocket ship and he's gone I'm not going in a cannon I'm not waiting to

break the atmosphere so you want to go up and die of what starvation I mean if you're not going out solo I would want to go up in the rockets until something goes south on one of them I'd be free to go up in the rockets until something goes south on one of them. I'd be free to go up in any of these SpaceX rockets until a baboom. But it might not baboom.

It might just keep going. That'd be great. I think the point here, and I love making fun of everything on this show, but I think Andy's right in the point being, if you knew you weren't going to die on any extreme thing do you feel the pain from the death though before you get your life back you have to al was part of it so if i'm i would have said no oh we're much so like the moment that you would start feeling pain or death you just respawn yeah you just hope it's not in the same spot because you're in space, man. It's going to be unfortunate for the other astronauts.

I'm still alive. I'm still frozen. You're still frozen. See, if you parachute and then you respawn in the same place, you just get up off the ground and you're fine. Yeah. What about you want to take a big old leap off the Grand Canyon? Yeah, that's what I mean. Check it out.

That would actually be really cool. Is there anything besides a plummeting that you would go with? I mean, a plummeting seems top of the list. I mean, because one of the examples we were given is in front of a train. Now, I feel like that would be a really mean joke to play on the old train conductor there. Yeah, right. And maybe all the people in the train. Yeah, that would be i but see all these other things jumping off the grand canyon parachuting going to outer space

like there are there are there is an aspect of desire for that step stepping in front of a train it's not something like man if only i could survive getting smashed by a train i would do a heartbeat it's the only thing holding you back? Right, yeah. That's the only thing. I've just always wanted to. Every time I see a train it's like, man, that'd be so cool, but I'm mortal. Or injury too, so you could maybe lay down with just your legs over the tracks.

Just getting your legs mangled? I think space is cool, but what are the things that I actually want to do that i'm afraid of uh death i think squirrel suit jump uh oh man that would be awesome yes except i gotta weigh too much for that to work like there's no way those little tiny net web wings keep my body afloat i don't think that's how science works i think they can figure it out they're gonna need

they're gonna need a new contra. I'm just saying there's gotta be a weight limit to all the huge squirrel. That's a bear suit is what they call that a flying bear. Um, I just, I'm just picturing you taking off for your first squirrel suit, no training and you just straight down.'s no squirrel you're not you're not going straight down um al is there something that we're missing here something that you what would you do climbing everest oh climbing everest would be cool i mean maybe maybe yeah i don't know i don't everything you mentioned i would go across my mind i was trying to think of a situation where i'd be under fire right i gotta go i don't really trying to think of a situation where I'd be under fire.

Right. But I don't really want to be in any situation where I'm getting shot at either. No. Are you leaping into a volcano? That's a good one. Volcano's pretty hot. I'm thinking you're pretty uncomfortable before the leap. Oh, definitely.

Yeah. I'm already sweaty, and I'm in an air-conditioned room. So this is going to be a problem for me. One, I've got to hike to the top of this mountain. And two, it's very warm out but I do think Mother Nature I'm, you know, the terrifying nature of like a tornado.

Yeah. A tornado is so... Oh, just standing in it? But just like, now it's very similar to standing in front of a train but this one is so awesome. No, a tornado is awesome. No, it's cool. Being able to see it up close look at the just destruction of Mother Nature, the power of Mother Nature, and then be able to not die.

That would be great. You just buckle yourself to some pipes, some underground pipes. Oh, you just want to be like standing there in it? I was thinking you could just be a storm chaser because you get your one free pass. Just go chase storms until, meh. I'm going to retire now. I ran out of time. Alright, let's do one more situation and we'll jump into this draft here.

Should I go one or three here, Mr. Al? Let's go one. Alright, SpamFries on Patreon, one of our supporters, writes in this situation that we'll obviously diagnose and give you a cognizant answer. In an unfortunate case of wrong place, wrong time,

you have witnessed a high-level mafia hit. Oh, no. Classic. You are now forced to enter witness protection. However, your handler has given you the opportunity to choose your new name and occupation. Tell us about your new self. Ooh.

Oh, man, a chance to start over. About time. Am I right? Yeah. Sure. Sure. oh oh man a chance to start over about time am i right yeah sure sure so this is uh you're in witness protection you have a job now is this this is kind of a fake job right if you're in witness protection do they hook you up with a real job it's a real job you have to be able to do it oh man that's gonna hold me back it is definitely a real job it You have to be able to do it. Oh, man. That's going to hold me back. It is definitely a real job. It can't be very high profile, right? You're not going to be like...

The name's Ned. Yeah. I mean, you can't be something that's... No, you got to get a cool name. On TV. Or we get to name ourselves anything. Yeah. Like Chainsaw...

McGillicuddy. Chainsaw McGillicuddy? Chainsaw Shrapnel. Well, Chainsaw McGillicuddy? Chainsaw shrapnel. Well, that might not be the protection you want if Chainsaw McGillicuddy moves into the new town. Man, you have to do this job forever. Well, maybe at the beginning. Are you going to be a car salesman? You can move up.

You might make it to management someday. Well, let's start with the job, right? Because that might dictate the name. You know, if you're a car salesman, you'd have a different. I'm a professional golfer. So you're not going to be good at your job. I mean, don't get me wrong. You're easily the best golfer that I know.

But there's a. Happy taught us that you can make a lot of money being the worst. That's true. I'll just keep delaying playing with others. So you won't get many checks. Right. You would also be on TV and the mafia would find you.

That's fair. Man, I feel like... Hey, there's Chainsaw. There's Chainsaw on the back nine of Pebble Beach. Hey, chainsaw. That was his new name. Chainsaw is Andy. How did we not put this together?

What would your job be, Jay? If you could rebrand yourself right now. If I could rebrand myself right now, I feel like a job that I could do that i would enjoy doing um would probably be butcher oh man that's a good job i could be a heck of a butcher yeah i'm a butcher and now i can now the james on mcgillicuddy makes sense no i think i thought you were gonna go with like personal trainer uh hmm i could i would people respect me if to go with personal trainer. Hmm. I could. Would people respect me if I was a personal trainer? Totally.

Could you? I've got all these degrees. My new identity shows. Yeah. I do feel like that's a really funny camera, like hidden camera bit is to like set up the new intros, set up the new intros with some people that may not be confident that the job would get done yeah well i'm i'm gonna be an excellent butcher um i think my name has to be butch right i mean butch the butcher uh butch the butcher but what is the last name? If I'm Butch... Cassidy. Perfect.

Nailed it. Butch Cassidy, the local deli butcher. Mike, what are you doing? I'm a garbage man. Okay. I'm driving around. Laying low. I'm driving around in that truck. Oh, you're not one of the ones that stand up in the back?

What, like men at work? No, I mean, they still do that. Yeah, they do? There are garbage trucks that still have the two... Yeah, like in New York and stuff. Yeah, places where they can't have the same size. Because they got to grab all of them and throw them in. Oh, I don't know.

That might not be too bad. Get a little exercise in. Get to spill garbage everywhere. It's like, meh. Not my problem anymore. I don't think that's what garbage men do. I think they don't spill garbage. Oh, if it's not in the can, I'm not taking care of it.

Do we have time for another situation now? We do. All right, Clay from Patreon. You're in the middle of... This is a long one. You're in the middle of recording another Spitballers episode when you notice a glitch in the center of your table. A small futuristic being comes out

and tells you that you are in a simulation. Oh, I knew it. Everything you have experienced since birth has been simulated childhood school work marriage everything the being tells you that you have two choices you may live out your days in the simulation knowing what you know or you may exit the simulation and return to your new your true home it's the matrix you have no idea what your life is like clay clay you've just described the plot from The Matrix in a really long paragraph. What do you choose?

I'm loving life right now. I'm staying here. I mean, I know it's fake. And it's like, wait, wait, wait, wait. You know you're not real. I'd be like, that's fine by me. I mean, I'm pretty happy. I've got a happy family.

I've got a great job. But what if your true home is even better? Well, it says you don't know. I know. And your kids are just software applications. Yeah, they're not real. Even better. I don't need to worry about their well-being at all. I know they're fake. I don't have to be a good dad anymore. How easy is that? Are you getting out of Dodge, Mike? Are you disconnecting from the app? He's curious. What I'm curious about is if you really, okay, it's a simulation.

You know it. How do you move forward with that knowledge and knowing that everything is fake and it doesn't matter? You're not even programmed to be able to move forward with that knowledge. But the being helped you do it, right? Well, it's funny because apparently you're only in a simulation. You're not a simulation. You're real. Right.

So in that case- You remember the matrix? That's the only way that you can get out with some- Because you're not disconnecting yourself. Okay, gotcha, gotcha. Everybody else is fake. But I'm saying, knowing that your family is not real. They are just binary code somewhere.

But are they not real, Mike? They aren't because you now know that they are not. But they're still real to me. Put it this way. Every memory that I have with my kids, with my wife, if I unplug, they're gone. My current wife and kids no longer exist exist i can't go to that world and if i have kids in the other world you're not strong enough i get it they don't matter to me that you know what i mean like those kids i've never known them they're they're plugged in the matrix will i even get them out i don't know there's some heavy ones

on today's show i don't like thinking about this one i'm staying in man i'm staying in are you staying i probably stay in i mean put it put it another i'm leaving eventually put it another way clay here and ed and all these beautiful people listening to the show they wouldn't get you anymore that's true and that's what really matters what and what also matters is the sequel was real bad. Oh, right. Yeah. But, I mean, the first one was great. First one was unbelievable.

It does sound like another movie plot where I just go home, tell the kids that there's simulations, and we all got to find a way out of this. And they just go, Destroy. In which case, I'll leave. All right, it's time to draft in just a second. Uh, in which case I'll leave. All right, it's time to draft in just a second.

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Maybe protect yourself a little bit. Yeah, it's very, very nice. And honestly, the try-on program at home, I've done it. You just pick out the glasses. You're like, not sure i think i like this one you could take a quiz it'll tell you what you know it'll recommend some glasses based on your taste but then you could pick out like five frames send them to your house free of charge try them all on ship them back and then order the one you like it's super duper. It's the best way to get your glasses. You can do it online.

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slash ballers that's warbyparker.com slash ballers the spitballers Draft. All right, today we are doing a Battle Royale, but we're doing it with bugs and insects. Okay, so the Coliseum has returned. However, it's been miniaturized. It's very small. It can fit about 12 bugs inside of it.

And I have the first pick. The best part of this draft was like you know we look things up you want to have a list to be prepared and everything but jason's spider phobia like it's really limited him yeah so i have no idea how deep he was able to go not as deep as i would have liked because every friendly i I tried to look up, I know that I'm scrolling and it's like, oh, I know this picture's coming. Ladybug? Ladybug's on my list. So I actually don't think it's an advantage to have the first pick in this draft because there's four bugs that are going to go after the bug I pick.

And there's some good ones. And this isn't as simple out there if you're listening to just looking up dangerous bugs because oh no like a bug what's dangerous to a human is not the same as what's we're fighting each other here and so I'm

going to go fighting each other's bugs bugs are fighting each other but I'm going to go with what I think is just like I need a powerhouse to start this draft. Okay. I need something that can do maybe multitask a little bit,

maybe something that could disable while also hurting. So I think the right pick at 101 is a scorpion. I thought you were going to go that route. Yeah, because he's got two pinchers, so he can take care of a couple things with the pinchers. He can always be stabbing. Always be stabbing, man. Always be stabbing.

Oh, yes. He's got a strong exoskeleton, so he's protected. He's got the armor. Yeah. He's got the pinchers. He's from another planet. He's from another, yeah. And he's literally a monster.

I did go to jason's house and help him scorpion hunt the other night and uh we found four reasons for you not to live there yeah here is that's like the simulation question man would you rather know they're back there or not we did ask that question whether this was ignorance was better yeah um here's one thing that i found out so you know looking up these dangerous bugs and whatever i looked up you know what what's the most dangerous kind of scorpion there's only one scorpion in the united states that can actually kill a human being yeah the kind we got it is literally called the arizona bark scorpion

those are the ones where those live nice all right so i'm gonna go with the scorpion i think it's the powerhouse uh i think there are some other bugs, insects that pack quite the punch, but I think the scorpion is multifaceted. Dual wielding, tri-wielding. Yeah, you got to tri-wield. I like it. It would have been in strong consideration here, but I will go.

My number one pick is still on the board, and these things are named appropriately. Oh, you're going to take my number one pick? Of course the board, and these things are named appropriately. Oh, you're going to take my number one pick? Of course I am. You son of a gun. Look, I know you're saying things are scary to other bugs. What are scary to humans may not be scary to bugs. These things definitely scare the crap out of all things.

Of all animals. Immortals, immortal beings are terrified of these things they're called murdered hornets man they are the asian giant hornets and these things are the scariest thing i've ever seen in my life it's a hornet which they have killed 42 people this past year hornets like regular ones which are could be drafted by you jason those are scary what which you used to call those murder hornets yes and you're by you and then a hornet shows up that is the size of your hand and then they're all just that's a failed science experiment somebody blew one of those up ted zalinski accidentally blew one of those up and then let it go and they

started mating oh man i am. A Zolinski reference. I am so upset right now because those are the top two. They really are. Murder Hornets, I was positive was getting to me. I was positive. No way. That's a powerhouse. That was my one-on-one.

That's a great one. And like I said, they've killed 42 real humans in China and 1,600 injuries due to those hands sized. And they're apparently here now, as we learned in 2020. Well, yeah. I'm not sure what it does to a Scorpion or vice versa. We may leave each other alone and just take Jason out. All right. Hell, man.

Here I go. Where do I go? My picks are gone. That was all the research you were able to do? That was it. I had two, and I'm out. All right. Look, when we do drafts, a lot of times we need a tank.

We need a big. We'll draft a giant that can barely fit in this coliseum. Well, I am getting a giant. I'm getting a giant centipede. Oh. Yes. I'm going with the giant centipede. Very, very dangerous.

Very large. It can grow up to almost a foot. And so by insect standards here, this is a monster. Yeah, that's not bad. What's it do? It pinches. I don't think it bites.

It's poisonous. Yeah, poison. Poison. Now, is centipedes poison? I thought the millipede was poisonous. They both are. Yeah, the giant centipede. I believe a millipede is more poisonous, though.

The giant centipede, when I was looking. This is science. I want to know. So, oh, man. I can't even right now. Are you going to draft a spider of some kind? I think I'm going to draft a spider. Oh, my gosh.

I'm going to draft a spider. Oh, no. How many legs do spiders have? Too many. They should only have one, and then I would not be afraid. One-legged spider? One-legged. Let's watch him move. Idiot. You look so stupid. legs do spiders have too many they should only have one and then i would not be afraid one leg let's watch him move idiot you look so stupid just spinning yeah anybody ever been afraid of a flamingo was on one leg no he's only got one leg showing all right um so the giant centipede is on

my team and now he's crawling around all right and his teammate is i'm gonna take uh one of the most well-known predatory bugs it's got its own armor it is a murderer it can fly um very well rounded here it'll eat its own taking the praying mantis okay Okay. Okay. It's going to prey on your guys' bugs and it's going to eat them. And you guys are delicious. These praying mantises. I mean, I don't want to fuel your team, but that's a great pick.

It is. And they kill birds and eat their brains. Just the brains. They're looking for protein only. They can also kill bugs three times their size. Are they zombies? They are truly a murderous insect. They're cool looking, too. And they'll pray for your team before the fight.

That's the type of pray. They bless the meal. They turn you into pray. Oh. All right. Okay, Jason got the Prey Mandus. My second favorite pick is still on the board. This one, it may not be a winner in the polls because this is not...

The PR team for this bug is not as strong as the murder... It's not doing a good job? It's just not as strong as the murder hornets. But if you know about it, you know that this is an alien creature that is from the deeps of hell. And it's in Arizona, too. Oh, of course it is. I'm taking a tarantula hawk. Yeah.

It's on my list. Oh, yeah. So this thing is another flying stingy creature, except their stinger is like two feet long. It is absolutely absurd. And at least for humans, it's one of the most painful stings. All those super weird YouTube guys that let bugs sting them. You couldn't have possibly been close with the two feet long thing, right? No, I'm not.

That was very hyperbolic. But their stinger is extremely long. It's a flying bug. It's one of the most painful stings that exists. They kill tarantulas. Yeah, which makes drafting a tarantula right now more difficult. You know what? I was really, really close to drafting a tarantula with my last pick.

That would have been so good. I am very happy I didn't. Because one, they don't deserve any respect or any recognition. I'm very happy for what tarantula hawks do, which is kill tarantulas, even though tarantulas are known to kill scorpions. So that's why I was going to go that route. Oh, okay. Well, you have to decide.

Got a rock, paper, scissors thing going on. No, that's a good pick. Now, you're attacking from the sky right now. That is correct. So I need to draft something that maybe is... Oh, my gosh. They are not... It is not okay, man.

I see. Here's the problem. I was going to put it on my list, and I wanted to research, but I knew if I typed those two words, what would happen on my screen. So I was not able to look up any information on the tarantula hawk. All right. My next pick is going to be a black widow spider.

Yep. I'm going to take it. Venom is 15 times more potent than a rattlesnake. That's insane. I need a spider on my team. And look, a scorpion and a black widow leading the charge. Let's go. But I need a tank because, I mean, the scorpion's okay, but he's multitasking.

Yeah, the Black Widow could get smushed easy. So I'm going to go with a bug, a beetle, that can carry 850 times its mass. It's got horns, and it ain't going to take it. The Translahawk and the, what was your first pick? Murder Hornet? Yeah, it ain't going to take it. The Translahawk and the, what was your first pick? Murder Hornet? Yeah, they ain't doing nothing to this. The Hercules beetle, a.k.a. the rhinoceros beetle. I'm going to take it.

Interesting. Yeah. I don't know if that's the same, what, the rhinoceros one. Yeah, it's got a big old horn. Okay. It's impenetrable, and it can carry anything. Okay, here you go. So what's funny.

I declared that it's impenetrable. it can carry anything. He's declared that it's impenetrable. Nothing can get through. I declare it. It is. It's a Hercules beetle. It'll call death for no reason. It can carry 850 times its mass. What it will do is it will take your centipede

and just walk him out of the Coliseum and drop him off and come back. He's my tank. He's a rhino beetle. No, no, I like it. I like it because I have – There are a few beetles that were in consideration. Yeah.

But that's the one I went with because I need – I've got one on my list. I don't want just – I don't want something that's just out there not getting killed. I need it to be able to do something. And having a giant rhino horn is helpful. Yeah, that's very solid. Look, I'll just stick with the DPS.

Best defense is a good offense is what they say. All right. I will see your Black Widow, and I will take my version. I will take the Brown Recluse. Come on, man. Come on. I've only had two picks this whole game where I'm like, all right, I know my next one. I'm good.

Jerk, you're taking my picks. I'm good. Jerk! You're taking my picks! You took a giant centipede over a brown recluse, man! I didn't want to respect the spider. Now what do you do? It's costing you big time. Now do you end up in a position where you have to take a spider to match our two spiders and you end up having to take the tarantula

to be killed by the tarantula hawk? Daddy longlegs still available. Daddy longlegs still... Jumping spider still there. I cannot draft a tarantula when the poll will have a tarantula hawk? Daddy Longlegs still available. Daddy Longlegs still jumping spider still there. I cannot draft a tarantula when the poll will have a tarantula hawk right next to it. That would be not wise. Alright. I know one of them.

I know one of my two because I was ready. I was going to take the brown recluse and the bullet ant because this ant is You only get one though. That's why I went with the bullet ant. I wasn't afraid to draft an ant because this ant is. You only get one, though. That's why I went with the bullet ant. I was afraid to draft an ant because I feel like I was afraid to have just one. And that's why.

Although Anty from Honey, I Shrunk the Kids did take out a scorpion pretty good. Fire ants. So I was trying to look up the circle of life, the predatory food chain for insects and bugs. Who's at the top? And there was actually a well-done, researched, peer-reviewed paper talking. Now he's declaring it. Well, I'm not declaring it.

This person. The peers, they declared it. Probably these doctors were declaring that fire ants are the top of the food chain. They are. Interesting. Yeah, the top of the insect world. However. It's because of their quantity. Higher than the. Exactly. They are interesting. Yeah, the top of the insect world. However- It's because of their quantity.

Higher than the- Exactly. It can overwhelm them. Fire ants really work as a team. Like driver ants? Yeah, like fire ants were the number one. But if you only could have one, the ant of choice is a bullet ant,

which has a more, you know, the pain scale of stingers. They're like number one. That's the worst sting on the scale that I saw. So that's my pick, Bull and Ant. And now this is unfortunately you will have to pick again. All right. Okay.

I'm going with this thing. I hadn't heard of it until today. Look, the PR team was great at coming up with the name of this thing. Okay. They haven't got the word out, though. I had never heard of this. And I'm telling you, if you even look this bug up, it is a monster. And it's going to hold its own in this battle.

It is aptly named the Assassin Bug. What? It's literally called, its official name is an assassin bug. Okay. And that thing is a monster from another planet who will, he'll destroy plenty on the way. What does it do?

It destroys. How does it destroy, Jason? I'm seeing that there are lots of assassin bugs, but I can't find the single assassin bug. There's more than one? Yeah, like it's a class. Oh, I get a whole class of bugs. It says assassin bugs, any of 7,000 species of insects.

On Britannica.com, yeah. Oh, no. You're going to need to narrow that thing down. I think you're going to need to pick one of the 7,000. Oh, man, the list I was looking at was so good, and they just called it the assassin bug. This was the craziest, creepiest bug I've ever seen. I wish I could find it. But that is gone.

I can stall for you if you would like. Yeah. So while I was doing all this stuff, you're finding bugs that are dangerous and everything. And we've heard of the kissing bug, right? Yeah. I didn't know where the name came from. Well, apparently they're very dangerous because they could get disease. But they're named that because they're bloodsuckers.

Because they're bloodsuckers. But where they get the name kissing bug is they will often, while you're sleeping, go and bite you on the lip. Well, that's not good. So there's this bug. Don't we have a thing with the bugs where we don't let them bite us while we're sleeping? We're supposed to. Don't we have some kind of treaty? I thought we had an accord. Yeah, I thought that we went to the...

That's not allowed. But instead, this bug's like, ooh, let me get them juicy lips. I mean, is that something you can go back to your other bug friends and really brag about? Oh, I bit a sleeping man. Right in the lip. You should bite me while I'm awake. Come at me. All right.

Are you guys ready for this? Oh, yeah. We've been ready. Me too. I could not find it. So, I'm going to find it later, and I will tweet it out, because it was a monster. But apparently, it's not called an assassin bug alone. So I'm going to take a...

Ninja assassin bug. I'm going to take a bug that I learned a lot about. I couldn't believe that this was dangerous. I could not believe everything that it is known to kill and that it is high up on the predatory insect food chain because I thought, I'm not scared. I see these things. I love these.

I would let it land on me. And apparently dragonflies are killer bugs. What? Yeah, I had no idea. What are you talking about? A dragonfly? A dragonfly is high up on the predatory food chain. So towards other bugs.

They're cool towards humans. Cool towards humans. Oh, yeah. Okay, that makes sense. They eat mosquitoes and stuff. Do they do that? They eat... I don't know. You should They eat mosquitoes and stuff. Do they do that? They eat... I don't know.

You should always end the sentence with, do they do that? You know what they eat? They eat like... They eat like murder hornets. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they do. Especially rhino beetles. From my research, it looks like scorpions are toast.

Dragonflies, they might be beautiful. Your bug is like a prop plane versus my fighter jet one out of a hundred mike i'll take my prop plane all right no that's good that's good jason went with the dragonfly all right assassin among the bug community yes that's right and then mike all right my final pick i'm scared that my like secret last pick is going to get taken. I don't know. This one's a little bit out of left field. Now, this bug, I don't know that it has any offensive firepower, but it's been said the only thing that will last through nuclear war

is Twinkies and the cockroach. So I'm just going to draft a bug that all he has to do is hang out and not get killed. Yeah, but then you drafted a cockroach, you loser. I did. I drafted a cockroach. Oh, man. You've been called the cockroach of this show before. Oh, no, that was Al.

Yes. That was Al. Yes. He'll be here no matter what. Because he can survive without his head for a while. Right. Like cockroaches. Gross. his head for a while. Right. Like cockroaches. Gross.

That's not a feature. That's a bug. It is a bug. Yeah. All right, my final pick. It's funny that this came to mind because I have some vague recollection of learning about this bug

on a Channel 8 PBS special 20-something years ago when you would learn about nature and i think it's perfect for being in a miniature coliseum and battling all these bugs mike you're probably aware of this jason i don't know uh is it satchmo related then jason will know it's a trap door spider yeah those things are awesome i want to set a trap in this Coliseum. What is specific about a trapdoor spider? They dig a hole, and then the tops of them look like the ground. What the hell is wrong with spiders?

And then when something walks over the top, it opens up, and they fall inside. That's not fair, man. You're already bad enough. Oh, that's disgusting. I hate spiders. That's cool, right? They just snatch stuff. Yeah.

It's crazy when you watch videos crazy i'm setting traps around the the uh the coliseum um so we're done jason has a giant centipede praying mantis bullet ant and dragonfly i think dragonfly was a really good last pick mike has murder hornet tarantula hawk ouch ouch brown recluse cockroach i went scorpion black widow, beetle, and a trapdoor spider to finish it out. I do have some other ones. When you were going to go beetle, I was considering going goliath beetle. When you were talking about a rhino beetle, I wasn't

sure if those were actually two different things. I believe they are because the goliath beetle doesn't have the cool horn. Beetle's PR team is well compensated. They've got hercules. They've got rhino beetle. I had a Tiger Beetle. Ironclad Beetle. Tiger Beetles are apparently the fastest

creature on Earth if you factor size in. Like a cheetah is the fastest animal. Fastest land animal. Yeah, fastest land animal. This goes up to five miles an hour, this beetle, which sounds slow, but if you were to make it the size of a cheetah it would beat a cheetah. I did think about doing a monarch butterfly.

Just to look good? No, if you eat them, you die. Because they're toxic, so you'd go sacrifice himself to take out your biggest teammate. Oh, come here. Say ah! Just slather them up in butter. Just extra enticing. Get out there, monarch.

New reason to call him a butterfly. Oh, okay. Now I get it. Mike, any others? Jason, any others? Oh, man. How did I not get a yellow jacket? I should have grabbed the yellow jacket.

Yellow jacket is on my list. Are they that bad? They're just really scary. They were really bad until murder hornets came around and we're like and i learned about the yellow jackets those were uh it's apparently the german yellow jacket was not in the united states of america until about the 70s so thanks for that whoever you know that there's one person responsible for that stupid mistake imagine being that person you think you just accidentally had it in his pocket?

Doubtful. I have no idea. But somehow it's the same of like the killer bees. Those weren't here. Oh, the Africanized bees? Just stupid humans are like, oh, this crazy dangerous bug, let me bring it across the world.

Hey, you guys got these? No. Well, if you're going to do that, I want some rhinoceroses over here. I want some hippos. Give me some of the cool stuff. I need some koalas, man. Yeah, giraffes. Let's go. Free them into the forest. No, we'll give you our

stingy bugs, though. How about instead we'll hold back the water buffalo. You keep the giant hornets. Take them all, really. We don't want any. All right, that'll do it. What did we learn today?

Well, I learned that there are over 7,000 assassin bugs. I learned that I cannot find a Google history of my assassin bug I wanted, but I also learned that wolves are far larger than I thought they were. Oh, man. I would still survive. You would not. No. These fists.

They were made for wolves. They were made for wolves, and that's just what they'll do. I learned that we are definitely grumpy old men, as we prefer an older technology of top loading washers and dryers over the new fangled fancy pants front load. But you still don't like comics from the olden days. You said Farside. That was great. It was ahead of its time.

It was great. Thank you for listening, everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to everybody. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com. Hey there, thanks for listening. If you want to support this show, get early access, maybe an ad-free show or two, join the spit.com. We only make a couple of the episodes ad-free there.

You get one or two ad-free. You'll never know which one it's going to be, but it'll be ad-free. And you're supporting the show, and it makes you more handsome. Join the spit.com.