Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 158: Leather-Bound Bodies & The Most Overrated Activities - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: July 19, 2021

On this episode, we get a live look into Andy’s parenting life as he exchanges texts with quarreling siblings live on the air. We also discuss party food etiquette and define/invent “The Doorway Effect”. We close things down with a draft of the most overrated activities which are sure to trigger some people. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Hey, Spitwads, this summer, get the most out of your travels abroad. You know, people going out there, they're doing things now, and you can learn the language of your destination. People be talking. People be, well, you have to talk when you go places, and sometimes, Mike, they don't speak the same language you do. That's true. And look, down here in Arizona, a lot of people go over the border,

they go to the beach. Yeah. And like my Babbel account, I've signed up and I've got the Spanish language that I'm trying to, you know, I was going to say sharpen up, but really learn entirely. And that's the one I chose for my Babbel account. If you've got an upcoming trip planned overseas and you need a little bit of help, they have 15 minute lessons. It makes it the perfect way to learn a new language on the go.

In fact, other language learning apps, they use AI for their lesson plans. Babbel lessons were created by actual language experts. They're not trying to make this all uniform. They're trying to get you to be able to talk. So right now, when you purchase a three-month Babbel subscription, you get an additional three months for free. That's six months for the price of three. Just go to Babbel.com and use the promo code Ballers. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com

code Ballers for an extra three months free. Babbel, language for life. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Babadoo, babadoo, babadoo, a-biggety-blam! I think I liked it. I think that was okay to me. I mean, I don't understand the Babadook. Thrice.

Yeah, I mean, you stuck with it. You're like, today is National Babadook Day. What's wrong with the little Babadook? I liked it. I was a fan. It definitely finished strong. You didn't throw any extra syllables in there. I've been accused of being a...

Yeah, you went with the squeed. A squeedist. A squeedger. Spitballers, welcome in. Would you rather Highway to Spell in a draft on today's show drafting most... Wait, what was that?

That was you talking about highway to spell and i i would i am one third of this group and i nominate that we don't call it highway to spell uh i'd say we get rid of that uh segment entirely because i think you hate it i think it's great but uh owl i make a motion all future highway Spell episodes must also coincide with Jason Scatting. Can we just get everything that Jason hits into one episode? I will skip every third episode. We'll get a Jason Explains in there, too. Oh, great.

Fantastic. What have I done? Now, how did it work out on the last Highway to Spell? I went out right away. As I participated, while you two were spelling much better words i realized i would have gone out the second round and the third round i mean i had here's the thing we've done this a couple times and i was okay like the first time we did this i was fine i was in the run better today you want to know why? Why? He's starting with some easier words. Oh, hallelujah.

I don't know, man. Oh, don't give me hallelujah. Please. I have no idea how to spell that. We appreciate you supporting the show at SpitballersPod on Twitter. SpitballersPod.com is the website. Figure out how you can be an official Spitwad member. Thank you for telling your friends, reviewing the show, all of the things that make podcasts grow.

If you are in an office, I command you, pause the episode. You're commanding people now? I command. Oh, man. This is not an option. Yeah, if you've been commanded. If you're in an office, pause the show, peek over your cubicle, and say, hey. Guys.

Hey, check out this podcast I'm listening to. You have to do it now. Yes. I'm having a real dad moment here. Uh-oh. Do you want to peer into my life? Of course. My daughter is six, and she's texting me.

Oh, okay. Well, that's on you. Problem one. Problem one. Bad parenting. Look, it says, Dad, Caleb said he will cut off my finger oh okay and that is big brother that's big brother okay and then i said what and she replied and he's telling the truth oh with what though that's the only way to ask yes please follow up look weapon i got it uh

his intent and weapon of choice because if he's's just like, I got a cheese slicer. Right. You know, you have nothing to worry about that. If it's like butcher knife, you got a problem. Well, I'll keep you posted. We'll keep you posted on whether or not my son cuts off my daughter's finger. I hope he doesn't. Yeah, me too.

Oh, here we go. Caleb said he doesn't. Yeah, me too. Oh, here we go. Caleb said he will cut my finger off with scissors. That's a problem. I feel like... Tell him not to. That's your first good parenting. Tell him not to. That's what my...

I would recommend maybe text Caleb. That's a good idea. But hold on. I mean, how are you? Don't cut her finger off, please. All right. We'll take care of it. The boy's hand.

Is it strong enough? Is it strong enough? No. I don't think so. I mean, we'll find out. Stay tuned. Because I feel like my hand is, I could get a child's finger off. Oh, gross.

Oh, mercy. But you're probably right. Yeah, thank you, Jason. Not with a pair of scissors. Yeah, I could get a child's finger with a pair of scissors. But a full-grown hand, I don't know if I could. No, they would have to be called shears at that point. Yeah, but that's not a scissor.

Or those hedge clippers. Well, certainly. I could get a wrist. I could get a wrist yeah no problem those things those things are amazing whoever invented those like head shears those are crazy not the ones with the long blades the ones with like the three inch blade with the long handles oh yeah if it can fit in there because it's gone well we'll keep you posted. I may have to leave. Yeah, well, certainly. Anyways, so I hope you and your office cubicle mate are enjoying the show.

Yeah, and your daughter with four fingers. Oh, man. Let's do some Would You Rather. Would you rather? Parenting's a full-time job, man. Yeah, you've got to stay on top of it. And we also, I mean, this is a show we try to help people out. We're all dads.

Parenting via text is really the way to go. You find it easier? Well, I mean, it's the way all my conversations with my children. Dad, in-house? Dad, can I talk to you? In-house mean it's the way i i all my conversations with my children dad in house dad can i talk to you in house it's just all text you pull out your phone say sure bud and then you walk away just point um i do mine through my alexas oh do you yeah that announcements through the house so there there's a public shame, too? Yes. Make an announcement. Yeah.

Please don't cut off your sister's finger. That's right. I guess I could do that from here. Good night. Riggles McTiggles from Patreon has a would you rather question for us. Thank you for your support, Riggles. That's a funny name. Would you rather have to speak like the count from Sesame Street?

Anytime you say a number out loud or act like Dora the Explorer every time you are in a drive through line. I don't know how often I say numbers out loud. Probably more than I think. Far more. Well, but I know how often I'm in a drive through line. Far more than the drive through. But I I how often I'm in a drive-thru line. I was going to say, it's far more than the drive-thru, but I resent. And then I have to scream it. I mean, there is no worse show on the planet than Door to the Explorer.

Concept, fine. Execution, horrific. Everybody's screaming everything. I'd like a Big Mac number one with an extra large Diet Coke, please. Kill me. That inflection was so good. Because it is. It's max volume, and it is just, you're talking semitones of modulation.

There's no real expression where you go, real high to real low. No, it's just a slight variance. Nasty, awful, scratching nails on a chalkboard. If you did that at a drive-thru. No swiping. Oh, my gosh. Did you not, Dora? Oh, I did, Dora.

I'm a map. I'm a map. I'm a map. I'm a map. It's the worst. And anybody out there who hasn't seen Dora, just. Is Dora still here yeah of course it's they came out with a motion picture like two years ago about dora yeah but but the motion a motion picture as we call it and you got the cinema look there was a talkie that came out

featuring dora did you see it i did see it was pretty good it was it was okay it was a live action yeah it was live action and it was very tongue in cheek. It was highlighting the clear and obvious problems with the cartoon of the shouting and so in the live

action, Dora will just start monologuing but then everyone else is like who are you talking to? What are you doing? If you had that voice in a drive-thru, you would see the employee leap through the drive-thru window and run away. Do you know how many burgers I would get just with a loogie in it?

Yes. Everything you eat is covered in spit now. Yeah. They are doing whatever they can do to ruin your food because you ruined their ears and their day. I can't think about the number one in a way that it would negatively impact me too much. It's just real silly. And sometimes you got big numbers.

So let me think. You're at the store and you ask somebody, hey, is that thing over there? How do you say it? $5.99. There you go. I feel like your entire sentence, if you know that a number is going to come out. The whole sentence? The whole sentence.

Excuse me. Is this $12.99? Get out of my store. Now, there are more drive-thrus than simply food. Imagine you're going through a drive-thru teller at the bank. Oh, man. I have a check to deposit oh man i mean it's literally this is this is like i can i can have fun with the count right we're we're in we're in uh the the

office here and we're talking about our our quarterly reports and we're talking about you know and we laugh at the count and how silly I sound. There is no redeemable quality to me screaming at your face in uncomfortable tones. But imagine for a moment. I know we are not these people, but imagine you're like an agent. You're a sports agent. And now you're negotiating for your client. I've got a deal for you. Your two million is no good.

Can Dora have a serious conversation about something? No. I mean, Dora grows up, right? And Dora has a kid. And then she has to give serious advice to the kid. What's her kid's name? Dora? Yeah, give me a kid's name for Dora.

Well, she doesn't have one. What would it be? Well, Diego was the cousin, if you want to talk to the cousin. Diego! Come talk to me. I have something important to say. I mean, just kill me. No, I'm taking the count for sure.

You've got to say no to drugs. Don't do drugs, Diego! Man, nobody can. So like right now, I hope everybody paused and told someone about the podcast because they're all gone now. Yeah. Because we have just screamed in their ears like Dora. Well, actually, everyone else in the office has heard the podcast through their headphones.

I'm going with the count one. Finally. Yeah. in the office has heard the podcast through their headphones. I'm going with the count one. Final answer. Yeah. Lock it in. It'll get old, but every once in a while it'll be funny. Red Daddy from Patreon, would you rather never be able to ask or receive help from Al Borland for anything handy? Oh, no.

Or have to fight the sons in four guy? I think this is worded too timely it's very timely so we we probably need to look we don't know when you're listening to the episode but the suns in four guy there was a a playoff basketball game between the phoenix suns and denver nuggets as occasionally happened clearly some people in the stands had too many i had a few too many drinks had a few too many libations and they end up getting in fisticuffs over a sporting event that they are not even participating in which is nonsense right but it happens all the time but it does happen brawl in the stands And so this video went viral, and he became the Suns in four guy because he won the fight.

He beat the tar out of that guy. He won the fight, and then he declared that his team was going to win in four games. And then they won in four games, and that's what really catapulted him to fame. But basically, this guy controlled two other men. He looked like he had experience in the fighting game. Right. He looked like if you or me or Andy were to get in a fight with him, we would have false hope. We would be like, I think I could take him.

And then he would grab me by the shirt and keep punching my face. That's why if you have to fight him, you got to go shirtless. Oh, I always fight shirtless, Mike. Oh, you do? Oh, yeah. I mean, I would never. I mean, unless it's a gi, I'm shirtless. I you do? oh yeah I mean I would never I mean unless it's a gi I'm shirtless I mean that's how I fight

whenever I get into my fights I always and usually it's the rip off I don't do the take off I do the Hulk Hogan style yes and you do that a lot from time to time I mean you know it's been a couple of days since my last fight at least at least a couple of days since my last fight percentage of fights

that are shut down by the the vigorous shirt ripping oh like once they see it yeah your display of just oh your levels of testosterone so far it's zero but i think i think soon i'm gonna really now is pressure them to quit do you think there is a problem exposing the man boobs? Yeah, that's why it doesn't, like, they're like, oh my gosh, look how strong he is. Can I answer for him? And then they go, wait a minute. Wait, this guy's got some rolls over there. I think I could take it.

They don't realize what kind of insulated padding that gives me, though. Like, body shots don't work. Like, who was butterbean do you guys remember oh yeah that was like the most out of shape guy you've ever seen in your life yeah my hero what made dominated i know this this is going to be dated at some point but what made the sons and four guys so hilarious was first of all the other person attacked first tried to sucker punch him then he wins the fight then he goes back to essentially casual fandom by saying sons in four this would be like if you're in a starbucks line and you're fighting with the person

behind you and then you turn around and say yes and i will have a vente mocha frappuccino like nothing else has happened while you're still holding while you're holding them and throwing one last little punch in there with whipped cream um yeah i'll uh i'll go with uh the never asking help for borland i'm i'm taking them on i'm fighting the sons of four guy i don't think you have a choice with how like how much you depend on him for your manhood well yeah yeah so compare your which you're you're fighting all the time as we've documented right but how with your fights all the time compared to how often owl borland is at your place fixing something oh way more way way i mean i i fight probably one to five times uh that he's

fixing something and sometimes it's his fixing something that causes a fight if he doesn't do a good job then me and owl gotta gotta throw down i take that shirt off. And he knows what it means. He knows we're getting into a fight. Does Al do the same shirt removing? Does he take off his shirt? Al never takes off his shirt. He tried to rip it once, couldn't do it, quit forever. And a lot of your fights are generally, those are like road rage incidents, right? Where you just get out of your car and just rip your shirt off.

Just rip that shirt off, and that's right. That's 100% right. Okay. just get out of your car and just just rip your shirt off and that's right that's 100 right okay uh ryan from the website at a party would you rather be the person who opens the food container and packaging and takes the first portion or the guy who takes the last portion of food this is a real thing what's funny is i've noticed this we've hosted you know people over a lot and if you don't open the package for people, some will not do the opening.

They feel like they are violating some code in your home where I've put out a bunch of fresh bags of chips as though I'm trying to do something nice. But they will either only access the already open one or just wait for somebody else to open it. I'm that way. You won't open? I would not see the bag and think.

The shameless Jason Moore will not open the food? Look, there are standards. And when you have not opened. That's your one? Well, that's one of at least six. When you place a food item out, I believe it's for show at first. And then when you open it you say now we can eat it's kind of like the lid on an entree you know if you if you come you know you get room

service until they take that lid off you're not it's not time to eat which of course because there's a lid on the food and you cannot reach it i am far more dog like when it comes to party food. You sniff? No. As in, as soon as I recognize that the host is bringing out food, I'm just, I'm following him. I'm like, my social bubble goes away because it's time to eat. And then they will put it down, and I will open this thing immediately because the food's out, man. I find myself, the older I i get the more my life revolves around being the first person to eat something yeah you want to be you want to take the scraps

about food you threw a costume party all i was thinking about was food the whole time until the food came out yeah and i will say this to to get back to the question of whether you want to be the first or the last i do not usually open the packaging at someone else's party. If I'm not the host, I wait for the packaging to be open. But if I have to choose between being first or being last, you got to be first. Because either way, when you're last and there's a little bit left, I can't take it all. I have to leave some. I don't want to be the guy that completely like, oh, I wanted some, but you can't have it now because I ate the rest of it.

If I eat the beginning of it, whatever. That's what it's meant for. I'll eat the last if no one sees me. Oh, okay. And that's a strategy thing. You just keep everybody's, oh, what's that over there? And then the last three yogurt pretzels are mine and we're done. Do you come with like you go and you grab the small plates, easier to hide,

and then you walk quickly by, you scoop it onto the plate, you walk straight to the bathroom, you close the door, you eat it in the bathroom and hide your shame? Is that what we're talking about? That's a whole other question that I would like to know the answer to. How much is too much snacking at these parties because I sometimes I do I have to conserve for other guests what is the statute of limitations for my second third fourth fifth helping when I and if the plates are too small I mean you're are you telling me something with your small plates like you only

should have a little bit it could be but I number one, back to the question of normalize opening the food. Get that old tradition or whatever the guilt or shame you feel. The food is out there for you to eat. I, Mike from the Spitballers podcast, I am removing all of that shame from your life. Thank you. Get in there. Also. I will obey when there is if if the remainder on the buffet or whatever, the serving

plate, if that can fit onto your plate. It's good to go. So if I you may take the rest of it. So if I can get a serving plate, then I am good to take the entirety because according to your rule, the plate you have been provided as the official eating plate. Oh, it's okay. I brought my own. What if you went like you've got the.

That's a cookie sheet. No, this is my plate. Could you theoretically, I mean, that would be funny to go to somebody's house. They have the little serving plates, and you go take one of their porcelain plates right out of the cabinet but you but you ask but you grab it out and then once you're holding it you say can i use this because they're they're back they're not gonna say no they're gonna say oh sure they already have to wash it that's right you take it out you lick it you say can i use this um yeah to go right ahead. Update from home.

He said he's not going to cut her finger off. Can you believe him? He said that she's being a brat. That's why he threatened. Well, I mean, I would say that's completely warranted. Very punitive. If someone's being a brat, I usually threaten amputation of appendages as a normal response. And she said he was laughing throughout the threat.

Oh. So I don't know if that's maniacal. You got a Joker situation happening. It was like the count though. How many fingers will I take? One. A two. And then all of a sudden you became an owl from a Tootsie Roll commercial

Mark from the website would you rather have a 25% chance of stubbing your toe when you walk into a room or a 50% chance of forgetting what you went into the room to do once you pass the doorway that's already what it is

this is so easy because already there bro you have those moments It's already what it is. This is so easy because already there, bro. You have those moments? Oh, I'm greater than 50% at this point in my life when I walk into a room and if I get any slight distraction, like if my phone buzzes, if I hear a noise, it's gone. There was a fleeting moment and I have no idea why I'm there. Have you ever done that with a store?

Have you actually gotten to a store and then not remembered most of why you went? I mean, I guess if you're going grocery store and I give the wife, she's like, do you want to write it down? Oh, no. No, I got this. Oh, no. And this list of 10 things. There's three? There's three by the time I get home. Oh, no. No, I got this. Oh, no. And this list of ten things. There's three?

There's three by the time I get home. Oh, no. But it's too late. I'm already committed. I can't write it down. You told her you don't want to write it down. This is on you now. I can't check in.

I can't check in. It's now. It's pride. It's pride. And now it's when I get home, I got to remember what it was because they are definitely out of it. Oh, yeah. Oh, that's a pro move right there. And the moment you're in the store after you filled your cart with three items and the

whole store is before you and you're standing there going, now what did I need? It's like the scenes in the movies where it zooms in and zooms out at the exact same time. Yes, yes, yes. Well, there's a lot of options here. Guess I'm out of here do you just walk the store trying to remember i've done that yeah i've done that there's no every aisle looking around was that the thing i needed yeah i mean the truth the truth about this question is that the doorway effect is a is a real thing it's a it's a i mean it's a scientifically studied phenomenon, the doorway effect, where when you change rooms, sometimes it resets your thought process.

This is real. Like, Google it. Is this real or is this Dr. Donuts talking right now? Oh, man. I would always listen to Dr. Donuts. But, no, it's a real effect. He forgets things every time he enters a bakery. Oh, man.

I forget everything else other than why I'm there. That's the one place where I remember exactly why I walked through this doorway. I need two scones. I need three glazed donuts. I need five jelly filled. That's right. I mean, I'm a machine. I am a machine when I get

in that bakery. You just watch me work and stand in awe. I mean, get your cameras out and watch what I can do in a bakery, my friends. When's stand in awe i mean get your cameras out and watch what i can do in a bakery my friends uh when's the last time you stubbed your toe it's actually been a while i don't think i've stopped later today yeah a couple couple days ago i had one uh coming out of the bathroom in the corner it got me good none of you have ever have you ever broken one yes no really yeah the only i have broken uh at least so i the two maybe i've maybe have three breaks in my entire life this is a big thing for you this is a no not toes no i was thinking like bones ever and i thought i've i feel like i've

told this story on this podcast but anyways for those who have not heard it uh i've known Al Borland for a lot too long. Let's be honest about that. But during that lot too long period, there was a time we were young men. We were in high school, and Al Borland and his crew, they went to a different school. And somehow they got – His entourage. You guys were doing a video for the announcements?

Yeah, for the morning announcements. So I don't know this is this was all new to me but i had a i had a decent sized backyard by that i mean my parents had a decent sized backyard and they wanted to do it there so we were doing just stupid kid stuff we were on a trampoline and then everyone was going to jump off and then they were going to do their announcements i misjudged jump like not like a full jump off, and then they were going to do their announcements. I misjudged. Not like a full jump off. We're talking you're just casually getting off, but I went toe straight into the metal bar, and it was like a foot pain I had never experienced,

but I'm on camera. So I am a professional. Don't you be a weenie. So I finished the shot. I think I end up on a ladder or some just wild stuff. And you're just pretending like you're fine? Yeah, and then afterwards, I'm looking at my toe. I'm like, that one's not okay.

So, yes, I have, in fact, stubbed my toe so hard that I broke it. It's very unpleasant. My father broke his toe. I was with him, and it was so ridiculous. We're in the ocean. In the water? In the water. We're in the ocean. In the water? In the water. We're in the water.

The waves are coming, and I'm telling you, man, if he got one or two inches off the ground, I don't remember it. All of a sudden, he's like, ah! What happened? Did something bite you? No, he broke his toe. Wait, hold on. I don't know what he raised up.

The water? It couldn't have been water. It's the totion. Very nice. It was basically like as the waves were coming in, you know, you jump the waves a little bit. I think he barely jumped up and it came down on his toe. I was trying to give him the credit. I was going to give him the credit.

Like there's rocks and coral. There's all sorts of stuff that you can't see in the ocean. So you're saying it was just a playful timing of we're going to jump the wave, as everyone does. I think he broke his toe on sand and water. Which toe? I think it was the long one, which on the moors is the second toe. Is your toe longer than yours?

Oh, yeah, mine too. Oh, I got perfect feet. Oh, wait, yours are off. Really? I do too. My second toe is longer toe longer than yes oh yeah mine too oh i got perfect feet oh wait yeah really i do too my second toe is long uh correct perfection yeah mike's not friends with anybody with a longer second toe that's that is true i mean yeah but i can grab stuff with these feet man oh i can throw a baseball man i can open a banana had i never unfortunately unfortunately broken my toe could have been a foot model really my feet are incredible but now it's just just wrecked yeah i mean it don't look at this it's not rigged but it definitely ever seen someone's eyes that do not look in the same direction don't know where to look

you have a lazy toe yeah he's got a lazy toe all right it doesn't bend the best no no but did you get it repaired no no. No, you just moved on. Yeah. Yeah, like a man. Like a man. I waited for weeks while this thing was in agony. It hurts so bad. All right, Jason, I'm sorry to tell you we're moving on.

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HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. Highway to Spell. All right. I am on a winning streak. I've won two of these. I'm surprised that you even make me participate. It should be a battle for second. To be fair, we don't have a choice. That is to be fair. You're right.

I would. I'll bow out. I will do that for you, Andy. You'll be the judge. I'll be the judge. I will Google these words and let you know. Now, the message in our show docs says you failed me last time so you are demoted to fifth grade that is what al has sent us yeah were you a little disappointed in not me uh in not you correct yep got it makes sense also in not mike now do we start with we should start with mike right because he's the scatter today i feel like this is getting personal. Well, but it wasn't Andy and it wasn't me.

We'll never know who's... Probably Al. It could have been any of us. It could have been any of us. That's the worst part of this. All right, let's begin. I think Mike should start, though. Okay. Because he was the scatter today.

Me, me, me, me, me, me. All right. So your fifth grade level word is... Beginning. B. I hope I'm right. This looks so wrong what I wrote down. I think Mike is a little worried.

It looks wrong, Jason. It doesn't look right. There's no way what I wrote down is right. He's writing again. Okay. No, no. It has to be right. All right. He's writing again. Okay. No, no. It has to be right. Alright. Beginning.

B-E-G-I-N-N-I-N-G. Oh, man. Yeah. That's what I wrote down. It looks so wrong when you write it down. It looked wrong, but then I went to one N and that looked like beguining. That was a smart strategy. Write the other one and if it looks worse. And that one looked worse.

Okay. Let me tell you something right now. You are fogging up. My palms are sweating. We play foosball, and sometimes- Bombing on your sweater? Mom's spaghetti. I mean, it is my- I am legitimately-

Nervous. Nervous here. Spell nervous. No. Please no. Don't give me a word. Wait. Three letters.

Go. Don't give me any word. Give me word. All right, give me a word. Wait. Three letters. Go. Don't give me any word. Give me word. All right. Give him his word. All right, Jason. Your fifth grade level word is? Disappoint.

Yes, I will. Oh, man. Oh, my gosh. Oh, yeah. This is not fifth grade. Oh, yeah. This. Oh, no.

This is hard. Oh, no. I feel like I've messed this one up before, but I think I got it. Oh, no. Talk, because I got to write several different versions of this. If you fail here, you will disappoint Al. Oh, no. Holy moly, man.

Oh, there's too many options here. Is it 1S or 2S? Is it 1P or 2P? Oh, my goodness. This is a nightmare. I don't know where the double is. Oh, my gosh. Is it both? Are there two? Ah, way to spill. Oh, I, this is a nightmare. I don't know where the double is. Oh my gosh, is it both?

Are there two? Ah, way to spill. Oh, I hate this. I feel really inept right now. Okay, I'm so confident about the first three letters. Oh man. All right, I'm going to go with what I wrote first. That's smart.

Oh no. Shoot. Okay, D-I-S. Nailed it. Now, I'm going gonna go with a keep going p d-i-s-N-D Oh, I did it! I did it! I am the smartest man alive. Yeah.

Holy, I am sweating like crazy. This is, this, now I know what it's like to do hard work and come out on the other side. Great job. Thank you. This is fifth grade, right? Yeah. That's not, that was, I'm with, I'm Jason, and that was not a fair word. Thank you. This is fifth grade, right? Yeah. That's not, I'm with Jason, and that was not a fair word.

Thank you. Well, look. I got it right. What's mine? But it was not fair. All right, your fifth grade level word is opposite. Oh, okay. That's easy.

Opposite, O-P-P-O-S-I-T-E. That's what I wrote down. Okay. Why do you always give him the easy ones? I was a little worried that I went too fast, and then you end up failing. That can't happen. Overconfident. Yeah.

All right. All right. What are we going up to? Sixth grade? We're moving up to sixth grade. For the record, I did spell all three correctly, but go on. For your own record? For my record.

For my morale. Yes. I would pass the fifth grade spelling test all right mike your sixth grade level word is concentration concentration okay concentration c-o-n-c-e-n-t-R-A-T-I-O-N. Concentration. That's how I had it. Okay. I felt good about that one. Yeah, that one was pretty easy. I concentrated.

The only question there was the C or the S, and it was pretty easily a C there. Yeah. What, are you giving advice now, hot shot? Yeah, I mean, look, I'm going to try to bring our youth up to my speed. The true hiccup is these dumb double letters yeah don't give me any double we should reinvent the language uh jason you are up all right jason your sixth grade level word is vacuum oh shoot i get this one wrong all the time do you yes Oh, man. Talk. The devil's in the details, Jason. Oh, man.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Shoot. I think you could give him the word box right now, and he would be like, wait, is that CKS? Oh, my gosh. There's no chance I get this right. I mean, there's none. You're fine. You're fine.

You got it. We believe in you. I don't. Just think about how to spell vacuum, and you're good. I am looking at three different words uh and not none of them on my board are the correct spelling of vacuum of that i'm sure if you get this wrong i will want to know your alternate spellings only a vacuum sucks as much as you do thank you for the usage uh this one's not a language of origin this is a quick one oh my god you got a quick he has yeah

oh yeah i mean okay uh yeah yeah that's what i same same as you andy but for the listeners at home jason i think he's up to six i think he's up to six versions of the word five five okay but i think some of them are the same you think some of them are the same. You think some of them are the same? I'm just writing the word and I'm sweating like crazy. Okay. Now we're up to six. Is there an expiration? Yeah. I can't lose if I never go.

That's what I know. All right. V. Nailed it. A. C. All right. I could go a couple different ways here

yes here is where the fork in the road does appear okay is it a c or a u v ace vacuum glasses are fogging okay can you see now you've removed the glasses i cannot see my board some the glasses are going back on do i go with what i spelled first or do i go with what looks better i'm gonna go oh there's no way this is right oh oh my gosh dude this this is just okay all right for the sake of the show i've got to go on v a c This is terrible. B-A-C. B-A.

Vacuum. This is so. B-A-C-U. Oh, no. Wait. Okay. Here's Jason. Let him go.

The last thing I'll say is the amount of time you've already spent hemming and hawing over the spell has already. I've already lost. The shame is already there. So just now just throw it out. Okay. Rip the bandaid. This is wrong. Okay.

Oh, I'm sweating. Okay. V-A-C-U-U-M. Oh, yes. Yes. I did it. Okay. Alternate spellings. This was my first one.-a-c-u-m-e that was

your first ghost shut up mike vacuum hey buddy vacuum uh then i had v-a-c-c-u-m vacuum i don't know then i had v-A-C-C-U stop. I stopped writing that one. And then V-A-C-U-U-M. Oh, so I wrote the correct one twice. I'm a genius. Don't doubt yourself, Jason. You're doing great.

You're doing great. You are alive. Well, you should doubt yourself a little bit because your first spelling was wrong. No, I just doubt myself the correct amount. Yeah. All right. Andy, your sixth grade level word is denominator

denominator now take your time this is really tough so uh d-e-n-o-m-i-n-a-t-o-r okay that's you had it now jason did you write it down as they were calling it out? No, I got it before I had it. This game, to me, it's your first instincts. No. My first instinct was wrong. Mine was V-A-C-U-M-E. It's not your instincts.

You've got to use my first instinct on the word. Thank you. I will use your first instinct. Are we up to seventh grade? We are, and we're all still alive. We are. At this point, it's all gravy, gentlemen gravy gentlemen absolutely we're basically geniuses yeah i'll remind you this is where jason got out last time ah this is where we started last time all right yes correct mike your seventh

grade level word is pronunciation oh gosh pronunciation right, this one's getting a little... All right, I got mine. For the record, I wrote it down first. I have two spellings on this one. Yeah, we got to... Give me the word again, please. Pronunciation. Does it change?

Yeah, the middle could be a problem. Does it change when you go from pronounce to pronunciation i know what i did i'm sticking okay pronunciation p-r-o-n-o-u-n-c-i-a-t-i-o-n that's how i have it oh yeah i don't think so my first was the u-p-r-o-n-U-N-C-I-A-T-I-O-N. That is correct, Andy. Wait, okay. The O is removed. Well, the O-U.

Oh, yeah, just the O. Yeah, yeah. So it's P-R-O-N-U-N? Correct. So it is spelled pronunciation, like the way I said it. Like how 40 gets rid of, like, four is F-O-U-R. Right. And then 40 is F-O-R.

But you're still alive because we could both fail. I blame Americans. Yeah. Okay. That's fair. I feel confident that if you go over to England, they will say pronunciation. That's what we said, too. Yeah, you spelled it pronunciation.

Yeah, I know, but I feel like it's all right. I think you feel like a man who misspelled. I want to, I want to not get last place here. Give me an easy one. Okay. Your, uh,

grade level word. Jason is reprimand. Come on. One more time. Reprimand. Come on. R E P R. Can I hear that one more time?

Oh, my God. R-E-P-R-I-M-A-N-D. Yes, I beat you, Mike. That's why I said, come on. You beat me. You also misspelled my word. Oh, that's true. That is true.

So you would have been out had you gotten a different draw. I'm the smartest man here. All right, Andy. Your seventh grade level word is... Lucky. Oh, if he gets this wrong, I win. That is correct. Oh, yes. Brochure. That's easy. Brochure.

B-R-O... Hold on. Yes, I was that was it. Yes, I was about to fail. Now I'm having... Oh, no. Okay. I'm sticking with it.

B-R-O-C-H-U-R-E. Yeah. Yep. I was in the middle of reading it without the H. That was my first writing. You were going to procure? Yeah, and then I realized, Dad don't look right. Procure.

Yeah. All right, back to Jason. I probably would have got that right, too. You're skipping me. I'm still in. Sorry, bud. Jason, your eighth grade level word is? Questionnaire.

Okay. Ooh, questionnaire. I know where the fork in the road is on that one i'm just gonna go with what i wrote i don't know if it's right or not q u e s t i o n a i r e yep there's another n another n correct there's two n's yeah it's questionnaire yes i i told you i knew where the fork was. That's so stupid. And you went the wrong way.

Why did you tell me to go with my first instinct? No, he said go with Andy's first instinct. Yeah, my first instinct was Andy's first instinct. And Andy spelled it right. I should have listened. Andy, if you get this correct. Don't do it. Three in a row for you.

No, don't do it. Your eighth grade level word is? Vacillate. Well, come on now. What? what vacillate use that in a sentence please uh i would only think like this thing is vacillating like but that's not this thing the word is vacillate that's what you just told me the example sentence i have here is she has vacillated on this issue what uh i'm gonna go with my first gut like i said i would v-a-s

family show c-i-l-a-t-e vacillate for the record that's what i wrote oh okay i'm back in i spelled this, okay! I'm back in! I spelled this one wrong and I'm back in! Is there another Vasily? It is V-A-C-I-L-L- A-T-E. Oh, we were way off. You guys are so dumb. I had it right. We have to go again.

For the record, I had it definitely right. Yeah. Yeah, and I spelled brochure right, too. Jason, you're back up love this segment we're staying on eighth grade jason your word is endeavor oh easy well is it maybe not is it it seemed no it's easy okay i i think that if this one feels like a trap oh wait oh no this one's a trap mike's just giving commentary yeah all right so i the e-n-d-e-v i feel confident about that yeah that wait yeah that's the beginning e-n-d-e-v okay but how do we who are are this? Endev.

Endevar. Endevor. Endevor. I'm between two here. Devire. All right. Yeah. See, that's why it's, you have two written down.

This was not a, there's a little sneaky. Okay. A little sneak sneak. I'm going to go with my second one, which my second one I assume would be Andy's first. Is that the way to think about this now? Yes, it is. Okay. So I'm going to go E-N-D-E-V. E-O-U-R?

Uh-uh. You messed up at your presupposition that it was E-N-D-E-V. Oh, for real? It's Endeavor. E-D-A-V? Yeah. Aw. Yeah.

And then what's the end? OR. Just OR. Oh, so I was way off. But I'm not out. Let's get Andy to lose. All right. Another shot at it.

Let's get a word we know. Andy, your next eighth grade level word is? Susceptible. This game is never ending. Susceptible? Oh, crap. Hold on. susceptible this game is never ending susceptible we are the smartest men on the planet nope I'm gonna need four tries on this one susceptible

S U C C E P T I B L E oh yeah sorry I lost the drop for a second. Oh no that was great. That gave us suspense. I was so how did I get it wrong. S U S C E P T I B L E. You went double C. Sure enough. Oh man I am. It looks more right that way. I am so smart. Yes it's going to be the longest show we've ever done someone is

actually going to be crowned a winner here please all right jason back to you here's your word existence existence jason your word is existence boy this is the opposite of the last time we played oh man yeah which one not really is it we nce or ance oh man yeah that's the name of the last time we played oh man yeah which one not really is it we nce or ance oh man yeah that's the name of the game which vowel is it uh e x i s t exist ints final answer um can i hear it said one more time existence he E. He did not say an A. I'm going E. E-X-I-S-T E-N-C-E.

Yes! You shook your head no, Andy, and I was right. It's E-N-C-E. Yeah, it is. It's not existance. Now I can lose again? Yes! Alright, go for it. Oh, no. That means if you get this right, we're on a ninth grade? Dilemma.

What? What pronunciation is that? Dilemma. There you go. D-I-L-E-M-M-A. Yeah, what the heck is this? What's this easy word? Ninth grade.

Let's go. All right, let's go. Oh, my gosh. This is never going to stop. All right, Jason, your ninth grade level word is? Handkerchief. Handkerchief. I don't know how to spell the chiff part.

Can I hear it said one more time, please? Handkerchief. Oh, yeah. Oh, double them up. Come on, do it. Okay. This is so awful h-a-n-k-e-r-c-h i-e-f it's a handkerchief it is no no is there a d in there it is a handkerchief but there's a D. H-A-N-D K-E-R-C-H-I-E-F It's a hand kerchief? Correct.

Oh, Mike is right from behind. I got freaking pronunciation. Andy, here is your third chance at a victory. I'd be smashing. Three chances at a win. At this point, I'm rooting for you. Surveillance. Sir. Oh, gosh.

Sir. Oh, gosh. Sir. Oh, no. I've got an idea if he gets this wrong. My problem here is the ending. I'm going to go with my gut since this works so well. S-U-R-V-E-I-L-L-A-N-C-E. Oh, man. Three-peat.

Good job. Wow. Thank goodness. That is good stuff right there. That is good stuff. If I had lingered on that word any longer, I was going to get it wrong. I was very wrong. You were both shaking your head at me. Yeah, like the second letter, we were way off.

All right. Thank you, Al, for this wonderful game that you've invented. Let's move on. Spitwads, it's summer, and we want to thank today's sponsor, Faraday. They are making you look fresh. We're finally getting out of the house. Fresher. I'm already fresh, but it's fresher.

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They look fantastic. You know, sweatshorts sometimes look like a slob, but not these. No, my, my Faraday shorts are, are absolutely fantastic. They make my calves look amazing. They look very juicy. Yeah. Jason Faraday is a family run brand making high quality, timeless clothing with modern design and functionality. And they're so confident in the quality of their stuff. They have a lifetime guarantee of quality. I had, order in from Faraday. I got something. It wasn't quite right for me.

I sent this thing back, and as soon as I start my return, they're like, okay, well, here's your balance to get your new item. It was just right there. The quality of the customer service from Faraday was fantastic. Stock up on all your clothes for summer now. Head to FaradayBrand.brand.com use code ballers at checkout and you're going to snag 20 off all your summer gear that's ballers at farity f-a-h-e-r-t-y brand.com for 20 off The Spitballers Draft.

All right, this one will be very interesting. We are drafting overrated activities. That's it. Overrated activities. Things people do that they say they like doing or that get much esteem. Yes, yes. And yet they're overrated. They're not worth your time.

And I have built up a very fine list. Like, my list is incredible. Very, very fine. I'm glad I have the first pick, but at the same time, I have two picks that have to go first. Interesting. But clearly I cannot.

Yeah, by rule. By rule, I have to pick one. And this is a playing the game. Are you trying to trade for the third, fourth pick? No, because I know exactly. I know you're two. I'm going to write them down. I think I know you're two, and you're playing the game thinking.

I feel very strongly that one of these, one of them I know for sure, would not make it through Jason twice. Which is what's going to have to happen. Yes. So you've got to go with the other one. So he's going to pick that one. Or you could just let me have it. Wow, when you say it like that.

Because they both suck so much. This is painful. All right. Go with your first instinct. Pumpkin patches. Oh. Pumpkin patches are a waste of time. They're stupid.

In Arizona, they're always hot, so you're sweaty. There's dust and allergens everywhere i and what what's the deal with pumpkins what do people want pumpkins for besides making a pumpkin pie oh the jack-o'-lantern yeah yeah i'm gonna draft jack-o'-lanterns on here too i will say that that whole tradition is not my favorite but it smells bad you i i don't know wait what was your message there al what were you saying i said i never would have thought of that but it's a great pick okay thank you uh but i don't know and maybe it's a male thing i don't know but i don't know and none of my friends in actually enjoy a pumpkin patch if you are there you have been taken there against

your will i enjoy one pumpkin patch but it's not just a pumpkin patch it's if you are there you have been taken there against your will i enjoy one pumpkin patch but it's not just a pumpkin patch it's have you guys ever been to mortimer's farm it's up north in arizona he's the uh the other mouse in mickey mouse that's correct yes that's correct no it's got like a pumpkin patch but then it sounds like it sucks in a maze and what else sucks hay rides why do people like hey let's let's jump on jump on this wagon full of stuff that's going to put 50% of you into an asthma attack that's going to send you to the hospital. I guess your list is entirely asthma related, which means this next one that should have been the one on one that I get to pick probably still applies because it's dumb.

I'm going to draft it and then i'm going to draft the name and then i'm going to reveal the name i'm going to draft walking uphill which sounds so stupid but then people call it hiking and they think oh okay let's go hiking no i don't need to walk uphill that's so stupid to walk downhill it well you have to walk downhill but you have to walk downhill once you're completely exhausted walking up the side of a mountain is so overrated it is stupid it is not fun andy i remember you telling a story about your your wife wanted to bring you hiking and you went hiking and it was the worst well i had a very specific criticism for that hike which is i don't want to go on a hike where I go to an end point,

turn around, and go exactly back the same way. That's what all hikes are. No, there's a lot of hikes that are loops, and you go around the mountain, and it's all one fresh path, and that I like. Hiking was one of the things that came to mind. However, I'm just coming off of a family vacation where we went to Sedona.

Yeah. And the whole point of the trip was we went on this hike and it was incredible. Like it was, the scenery was beautiful. Would you have called it overrated? No, but the specific- Was it a hike where you went to one point and then came back the exact same way?

Yes, it was. But you got to walk by all the beautiful stuff. Your scenery, though. Yes, the hiking, because we, in Arizona, hiking means you're going up a dead desert mountain. Yes, there's no beauty. And there's poisonous animals. There are plants that want to murder you.

Yes. And then you go to the top, and then you come down. Avoid the thorns, cactuses, scorpions, and snakes while you walk uphill. So you're drafting hiking with your one-on-one. Yes. I don't blame you. Or as you call it, walking uphill.

Yeah. All right. It sounds way worse when you call it walking uphill. Which is what you're doing. Well, I was going to go with something that's kind of... This is tough because I'm trying to play the game. I don't want, I mean,

you guys have to draft four more picks after me. So I'm going to start with jogging. Running was on my list. That was jogging, running, whatever you want to call it. Like the activity that is just, I'm just running on pavement.

I'd rather bike. I'd rather play sports. I'd rather hike hike but just straight running on pavement is going to i think that's overrated and it's really esteemed right you're a jogger you buy your jogging shorts and your jogging shoes they are a proud people they're proud people the runners are but it's bad for your knees yeah oh i hear that's so dumb what like my wife says that to me when i talk about like man i should really go running oh it's bad for your knees i promise you running is good for my health like whatever it does for my knees that's the excuse that we're given to be like so is hiking jason yeah hiking is very good

for your health but no it i i have at points in my life been a runner or a jogger. And I have on several occasions, like gotten halfway through my jog and my knees just felt like they were grinding. And to the point of, I had to stop. And now I'm like far away from my house and I have to limp home. So I am on team, but certain people's knees do not hold up to a lot of jogging. Maybe a couple times a week, but usually once you get into it, you can't skip a day because that's against the

religion of running. You can't stop. Yeah, I know a guy that's ran every single day of his life since the 70s. He's like one of the record setters because they do this. They have a thing where you log your runs and they know what people have run, which people have run the most consecutive days in like the last 50 years. So that man has like had the flu.

He's found over and ran. He's found over $10,000 in loose coins. Wait a minute. Over that time. This is the guy at one of the running stores. Yeah. Yeah. I've met this guy.

He's found like $10,000 worth of coins over 50 years. But if you run every day over that a lot of time. That's not that much money. That's pretty cool. Overrated activities. Oh, come on. Come on. I'm just deciding who to alienate here.

Oh, yeah, I've got some. The whole point of it being overrated is that it's highly rated by many people. It's accurate, Jason. Yeah, I mean, I'm just going to speak from the heart. This is personal. I know people love it. They love all these things. But I'm going to say cooking.

Okay. I think cooking is overrated. All right. But I'm going to say cooking. Okay. I think cooking's overrated. All right. Because they have services now where they do everything for you except for the cooking.

It's called a restaurant. Well, you get to the unit. I couldn't get it out fast enough. The restaurant does the cooking. I mean, they'll ship you the exact portions with the instructions. They do make it easier. And they're delicious. I love them. I love cooking.

Yeah, Jason's all about it i'm all about that we still well and i know did you know he's a chef yeah i've ever heard that before we still don't necessarily get those services all the time because they're time investment and um while it can be fun and probably rewarding i'm not good enough so I'm spending a ton amount of time to make mediocre food that I barely, barely enjoy, and then I have to clean it all. I do hate to clean. The cleaning is really the part of the whole procedure that gets me. Yeah, some people aren't made to be master chefs. But I am thankful for the recipes, and I'm thankful for the ingredients made for me because that's one step that I can

so I thought Mike was going to take cooking because I know I know you don't like to cook but I I thought you were going to draft that first because you know I love to cook oh no and so wait what I would why would I draft something that I thought you would never draft or the opposite of that I thought you were going to draft I thought you were good I thought you were between cooking and hiking and we're going to take hiking I thought you were between cooking and hiking, and we're going to take hiking and let cooking go because you knew it would get back to you. But it wouldn't have.

All right. I am up, and I'm – look, this one is – The one was I thought you would take pumpkin patches because we have been united in not liking pumpkin patches, but apparently you like one of them. Yeah. It was probably me. Yeah, I think it was me.

I think those farms all stink. Well, yeah, they do. Farms. No, no, no. you like one of them. Yeah. It was probably me. Yeah, I think it was me. I think those farms all stink. Well, yeah, they do. Farms. No, no, no. That's part of it. Yeah, they stink. But they're also in the sun, Mike. But they also have a lot of hay and animals.

Dung. You should jump in this pit of corn. What happened is that somebody decided, like, a farm is hard work, right? Yes. It's like, oh, man. No doubt. I've got to work all day long to maintain this farm. And then somebody said, but what if we make it a tourist attraction?

And they come and do it for us. People will pay to visit? You want to come chuck some corn? That's a feature. No. Chuck. Chuck some corn. Yeah.

That's a thing that they put on a sign. You can chuck it. They put on a sign, come chuck your own corn. They're like, 10 bucks, you can milk this cow. Seed this field for us. I got a way to get a bunch of shuckers in here. I like the corn maze, personally. But all right, my next one that I'm going with is the activity that I think is just,

I've talked about this before. It's dumb. It's stupid. It's boring. It's pointless. You pay money to do it okay it's museums go into the museum oh you are so wrong you are so wrong snooze fest oh man look at that old jar it was old let's continue walking but be quiet be quiet this is a fancy place now you you have some

attention deficit things right it's a disorder yeah yeah so i mean like i i've seen you bow out of like me telling you something if a five second youtube video right commercial comes on so a museum a lot of times youtube videos are pretty cool those commercials are uh but you don't you've never liked museums. They're too boring for you. They're way too boring. Didn't you go to the American History Museum and not like it? Yeah, the big, oh, yeah, that was super boring.

That place is amazing. It was amazingly boring. Museums are so awesome. Oh, that's fine. Okay. What if the museum curator was like, look over there. Yeah. There's a new bone.

That would be so bad and so much better. All right. Well, he's pooping. We're all pooping on stuff the other people like to do. I love museums. All right. All right. Well, excellent.

My second 101 made it back. 101 made it back, and admittedly, this activity brings me far more anger than it should. I don't just think this is stupid. Like, when I see them, I have an actual visceral reaction that I should not have, and I admit this, but this is who I am. And now we have actually reached the point of life because people people have of course we have to one-up each other I saw someone else do I have to do it bigger badder to the point where we are actually like burning down forests because of it because people are morons and we have to do this gender reveal parties get that crap out of life. You don't like those?

No, they make me upset. Why? Because they're so stupid. Call me old-fashioned. What happened to at the birth going, it's a boy. Why do we have to have this huge elaborate prank set up where I'm trying to hit this balloon

and then the blue powder goes out and everyone goes, oh yeah. And then, and then we're done. I wonder what the moment after finding out is like those, that must be a big letdown. It's all a buildup, but afterwards you're like, okay, I guess they have some cake. See, that's the good one. Yeah. It's where you slice the cake open and then it's either blue or pink on the inside. Cause either way I'm eating cake. I don't care what the baby is. They are a good point. They are the worst. People have gotten out of control. Like the fire that started, the forest fire that started. Oh, they started a fire with one?

Yes. One of our big fires over the last year was because idiots have to have their stupid gender reveal party. I've never seen Mike so passionate. If I do the gender reveal cake, I don't think I'm starting the forest fires. Well, you might. The candles. That's true.

Wait, you have candles on a gender reveal cake? I don't think I'm starting to force fires. Well, you might. The candles. That's true. Wait, you have candles on a gender reveal cake? I guess you probably wouldn't. You are zero years old. I'm just going to blow on the cake. Alright, Mike, you brought the heat with that one. Stop it. Stop it. Okay. Alright.

Two surprises from Mike so far. You're back up. Oh, my goodness. He wants that to count for both. He did not realize. No, I did not realize. Well, that was like-

Gender reveal balloon parties and gender reveal cake parties. Okay, so that just was the one that I was most impassioned about. All right, let's tear them down. Let's tear down all all the traditions i don't remember we were we were just talking about this on one of our podcasts we have we have so many podcasts like i can't keep track leather bound podcasts and uh i get it it's a big fancy party oh i'm not a big fancy party guy weddings i thought that it's on my list weddings not marriage i'm a pro marriage yeah don't look to each their own you want to get married good you don't want to Fancy party guy. Weddings. I thought that. It's on my list. Weddings. Not marriage. I'm pro-marriage.

Yeah, don't look. To each their own. You want to get married? Good. You don't want to get married? That's fine. But weddings. Don't make me waste my time to go sit down while you can profess your love to each other.

You can just tell me, hey, we got married. And I get it. Sometimes you have. Sometimes. Well, not sometimes. There's always cake. But usually. Usually at a wedding, it has to be fancy and ornate, and they have to have fine dining meals,

and it's food that I would never, ever order, so I'm suffering through that. I've had to get dressed up, which is on the list of things that I hate doing, and I'm using my time. I could be doing something way better. Stop it. I don't want to go to your wedding. We talked about how expensive everything is.

Yes. That part, I think, stinks for sure. I've got a regular Walter Matthau over here. He's a grumpy old man. I was going to say, this is not a good show for Mike. That's what I just learned. This is a bad show for Mike. Here's the thing.

Can we go 12 rounds, please? Here's the thing. If I invited you guys to a party, let's say I'm having a dinner party on Friday, just a casual Mike right dinner. For your friends or just? Yeah, for my friends. So two people will show up to this party. For my casual friends, I have a party. And then to come in, you need to bring me a present.

Not only do you need to show up, you need to bring me a present. Not only do you need to show up, you need to bring me a gift. I couldn't be further away from you. I love weddings. I love them. They're one of my favorite events. I love celebrating the marriage. I love the dressing up and giving a good gift. Because I love people, Mike.

This is foreign. Which is weird. I know. But giving them something to help celebrate their lives. I love a good wedding. But you want to know what I don't love? Well, you want to know something that's super overrated? Yeah.

Since I feel personally attacked here, I'm going to attack back. I'm going with something that i know both of you two gentlemen love yeah museums and no not something that's stupid um something that actually a lot of people love like i would say the majority of people really love this and i i almost didn't pick this because my son who listens loves this oh i just don't and this is this is just something i've never understood we've talked about it i don't get it collecting things it's actually on my list really yes but you collect shoes i know and that i was going to talk about how i do it but it's still dumb it's so i recognize that it's dumb i don't get it i don't get the value of things that are supposed to be worth

something because someone says so like My son has Pokemon cards. It's like rarity. It's a piece of paper, man. It's a piece of paper. But everything in life can be boiled down to it's just this. Yeah, I just don't get it. I think it's overrated. And to say, people spend millions of dollars on this stuff.

Yes, they do. And it's like, okay, to each their own. Overrated. All right, this won't be a surprise to anybody if you look at me, but I think that the- Working out. I'd set that up for as many things as you want to give me. You already took running. I'm going to-

Showering. Sunbathing. Sun- Oh. Oh, man. You don't like- At this point in time, people sit out- Yeah.

And give themselves cancer to get a different shade of their skin color. Well, you put on some sunblock. Then you don't get the tan. You do. You really don't. You get suntan lotion instead of some block lotion. No, no, no. I've read about this before because the idea that you could get a tan and not get cancer would be great.

But that doesn't exist. Well, the suntan lotion now gives you the cancer. Well, that's possible too. But maybe it's because in Arizona it's not actually relaxing to do this. It's dangerous. Yeah, it's painful. If I was on a beach, I guess I would get it a little bit more if the wind was blowing by. Yeah, I don't.

But I've seen these leather. Oh, yeah. Leather bodies. Leather bound bodies. Yeah, they committed their whole lives to like, not only will I get cancer, but I'm going to change my entire skin color. I'm going to look real stupid while I do it. But I will look reptilian. Yeah, reptilian.

So I think that that's dumb. Yeah. Al, you agree with me on that one? Completely. In Arizona, it's literally like saying, hey, do you want to play be human bacon? That's what you're just literally turning into bacon as you can feel your skin crisp in the sun. Even in Cali, though. I'll go to the beach and it's fun to play in the water and stuff, but the people that just want to lay under the sun for hours and hours, that's dumb.

When I go to the beach, I like to be in the ocean. But I also can just lay there. But I don't... I'm not actively... The goal is not for you to sunbathe. Yeah. Lay there with an umbrella over you in the shade. Yeah, with a book or something.

I wouldn't mind getting a tan. But I can lay on a beach and do nothing. And just have the sound of the ocean and the feel of that bring me life. But I'm not sunbathing, I guess. Yeah. I have a couple tough decisions here to finish my last pick. My last pick here, I'm going to go with 3D movies. I completely understand that.

100%. And that was not on my list. That's great. And if this show was overpriced, it would be the same thing. But they cost more money, and they don't really add. There's been one movie in my life I've watched. Avatar. Avatar.

That was great. That's the problem. And it was kind of first time of seeing something cool like that. The problem, and I don't disagree with your saying that they're overrated, but the problem is it just became a cash grab for Hollywood. They were not filming in 3D. They were not bringing a new medium. They were taking movies they already made and then running them through a process so it kind of looks like it's 3D so they can charge $5 more for every single ticket.

Yeah, it just doesn't. But the true 3D movies I think are cool. Well, overrated. Sorry. Yeah, no, I said I'm not disagreeing with you because they ruined it. If I ever have the choice on a movie, I always choose the regular movie. It's all like the 3D movies all dark. Yeah.

It's hard to see. All right. It's coming at me, but it's very difficult to see. No, all dark yeah it's hard to see all right it's coming at me but it's very no i i love i love that pic because i i hadn't thought about it and i think that's one of the rare things that is almost universally known to be overrated like literally yeah nobody's like what are you talking about those are the best more i want to spend more they've kind of died out haven't they yeah they have because people are like these are overrated um and overpriced. Okay, so I'm going to go with something that I don't know

that it is highly rated, but it is highly utilized. It is done all the time. And for me, get it out of here. For Mike, get it out of here. For Owl, get it out of here. I don't know about Andy

yet, but wiping your butt. Wiping with toilet paper like we're Neanderthals. You're going to need to elaborate. Because right now it just sounds like you're leaving. Bidets. The bidet life is the only one for me now you can't go backwards wash your butt it's so much cleaner yes it's so much nicer it's better in every which way and if i have to go to a bathroom like if there's let's just say an emergency and i'm at a restaurant and i've got

to use a public place i know the nightmare i'm in for because i've gotten i've gotten berries i've gotten used to a pampered life down there. You don't even know how to wipe anymore. No, I just pat dry. Pat dry from my cleanness. All right, Mike, final pick for you. And a pat dry when there's no bidet. Not good.

That's called a mat dry. Yeah. You're just mashing it. Mash dry. All right, Mike. Take a deep breath. Be careful. I don't know if you can get impassioned about something else we care about.

Well, I definitely can't. Friendship. Totally overrated. I had one on here specifically. Once Jason started going on the defensive, I had to play defense against your defense. You were going to attack Jason? Well, I had to play defense against your defense. So I, you were going to attack Jason. I,

well, I had one ready, which is fencing, which also overrated. I've, I've never done never, never. It seems like it'd be a ton of fun.

Yeah. It seems like it would be very fun. All right. Um, well then let's just attack the young people. Yeah. Take this clubbing. Okay.

Oh, totally. Okay. How did, like, and I get that MTV created a generation of us that we aspired that this was it. Once you become of age, this is how you go have fun. You go into a place that is so crowded you can barely move. It's so loud you can't hear yourself talk. You can barely breathe. You are suffocating.

This is dancing, right? Yes. Not beating someone with a bat. I'm not hitting baby seals. Okay. Which is slightly overrated. Not totally. Underrated. Yeah. Take that hitting baby seals. Okay. Which is slightly overrated. Not totally. Underrated.

Yeah. Take that, baby seals. But the act of going, like, you can't communicate to people of who you want to dance with, so you are just imposing yourself, which is, like, weird and gross. And the communication of, do you want to dance together it is the person either stays there or they move away and you've but it's the violation has already happened like it's I'm glad I never did it I never I can say to this day that was never and there was never an attraction to that for me I well I was convinced that this was like

MTV convinced me that this was the thing that I needed to do. And I went one time, but I went the one time and it was just it was clear that this is this is not for Mike. There's way too many people here. Is this your story about your. Yeah. About how I was so poorly dressed. Now, maybe if I was cooler, it would have worked out. And just a self-conscious, weird environment.

I could have been like a chick magnet or whatever at the club but it was i i do not understand and it's still in movies like they'll go to the club it's in slow motion and everyone there is just smiling and like no having the time of their lives i mean they're all deaf completely deaf you're like you're just liar 90 of those people are are not having a time. They are just doing it because they think that this is what they're supposed to do to have a good time. I think the pandemic didn't really help that scene in my mind either. Clubbing. Yeah. It's like everybody in there gets what everybody else has. All right. This one's just the disease. I did have some backup ones I'll share. NASCAR was one of them. Oh, that's a good one. You're not going to get much argument.

So that was one. Buffets I think are overrated. Oh, you're an idiot. And then I also was going to throw retirement out there. I think retirement's probably overrated. Sit around waiting to die. Do something with your old. I have golf on my list. I think that's a little overrated. That's dumb. Yes, because you're underskilled.

If I was great at golf, golf would be the best thing ever. It's overrated because it's not going to... Fishing, picnics, reading. No exercise for you, though. Exercising your brain is off limits for Jason. That's right. I don't like to work up a mental sweat.

On my list, I did have collecting. Fancy dining, but I kind of lumped that in with the wedding. Musicals, for the most part, are very, very overrated. That hurts. Yeah, well, there are some that are great, but for the most part, very overrated. And then if Jason came at me again for my final pick, I was going to go with cruises. Oh, man.

We have very different desires of life. What did we learn today? That me and Jason are mortal enemies. I learned that I am allowed to open food at parties. Yes. Thank you, Mike. I learned that unlike owie owie Al Borland, Mike has a very high pain tolerance. He endured a broken toe.

Yes. When I was younger, I definitely a very high pain tolerance. He endured a broken toe. Yes. When I was younger, I definitely had a higher pain tolerance. And I learned that Jason and I, well, Jason likes stupid things. Let's put it that way. Yes, I do. Guilty as charged. Well, you guys should like each other after Highway to Spell. Well, I was a big loser.

You were a loser too. Did you really win? I don't know. Last man standing. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.

What a gas that episode was. My face hurts from smiling. Oh, so good. Do you remember when this episode started and we were talking about, like, joining the spit? Yeah. That was, like, 60 minutes ago, something like that. And I remember when I was listening, I was like, oh, I got to remember to do that. I got to remember to go to jointhespit.com. I want to to support the show i want to get the episodes early this is really for me yeah so i'm gonna go right now to join this bit.com and and and who knows maybe i'll maybe i'll see you there