Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 161: Illegal Underpants & Fictional Places We'd Like To Visit - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 9, 2021

On this episode, we inadvertently put a major clothing brand name on BLAST. Also, find out what’s got Andy boogering up swimming pools. Then we get educational as we teach you listeners the fundamental differences between some very similar things. We finish off the show with a draft of fictional places we would like to visit. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Okay. I'll take it. That is true improv, my friends. Oh, it really was. It really was. As unprepared as possible. That's called Mike has the scat. Three, two, one, go.

Which is why I'll take it. I'll take it. We've had worse. That's for sure. Welcome to the- We have definitely had worse than that. And we'll have worse in the future. Welcome to episode 161 of the Spitballers.

Oh, man, that means the countdown is on. Ooh, four shows away. It'll be Jason next, then me. Then Mike. Then Mike. And then the big show. And then Al Borland. How you doing, Al?

You ready for this? Oh, yeah. Oh. Well, that's good. Oh, yeah? He's already been working. He's been going around to local bars and workshopping. Hitting some haikus?

No. I'm not excited, but I'll do it for the people. There we go. Okay. He's changed his tune. The closer, the more inevitable it has become, which is the way you have to embrace the scat. Anybody who's never embraced the scat, it always ends up, well, like scat. Yeah.

My favorite part of this is that after he comes in, crushes again, the fans, oh, Al Borland. Oh, boy. Oh, my goodness. What a great job. You're so awesome. And then he's just in, like he's then in the full rotation. Absolutely.

In fact, might just be in every show. He may be the scatter. We'll see. The mad scatter? I mean, let's. Absolutely. In fact, might just be in every show. He may be the scatter. We'll see. I mean, that sounds like someone running around just leaking. Alright. Would you rather? That's a great question and a wonderful

draft today. We are going to be drafting fictional places that you'd want to visit or live in, which I think is amazing. mean i think the whole reason we have like all these fiction stories they capture your imagination and you'd love to live in these universes and we're going to draft them today very excited about that is it really just is it which movie would you do you wish was way longer like when you're watching the movie you're basically there.

But you're just like, I want to be there longer. I have some fictional places that are not movies at all. As do I. Oh, really? I thought this... I need to think during this show. I thought this was all from the cinematic world. No. Fictional does not mean only cinematic.

Okay. Okay. But that is to come still on the show. We have Would You Rather in just a moment. I do want to let people know, if you are a football fan or a fantasy football fan, we have another podcast. We have the Fantasy Footballers Podcast. And so depending on when you're listening to this, maybe you're in a league,

maybe you'd like to get some fantasy football advice with your humor. And you can check that out at thefantasyfootballers.com. That show is essentially like, do you like the spitballers and poop jokes? Yes, of course. And if you do, and you play fantasy football, but you also still want your poop jokes. With your fantasy football. Yeah, head on over. You want your poop jokes.

With your fantasy football. Yeah, head on over. You can find the Spitballers website at spitballerspod.com where you can support the show. And we always appreciate your reviews on Apple Podcasts or wherever you listen and telling your friends and family about this extremely free podcast that is so enjoyable. So let's move on. free podcast that is so enjoyable.

So let's move on. Would you rather? Brandon from the website, would you rather jump into a pool of olive oil or jump into a pool of bacon grease? Both would be exactly 80 degrees Fahrenheit. Okay. I was going to say this is going to be a real problem for the bacon grease. Would you rather feel uncomfortable for a little bit or would you rather boil to death and die horrifically painful? I don't know if I have enough.

Maybe you guys can illuminate for me do i i don't know if i have enough understanding of what the difference would really feel like between olive oil and bacon grease so here's what i know about bacon grease right it bacon grease is a liquid when it's very very hot uh-huh it's a solid once it cools down yeah so i'm gonna imagine that at 80 degrees it is nice and awful i mean just a nasty in between black what's what's that thing called oo black oo black oo black oo black yeah yeah all right what is that in school you never did that no i don't even know the word you're saying it's a lot yeah it's essentially between a liquid and a solid yeah yeah so like it sounds like baking grease yeah i'm fairly sure with oobleck i think people have filled pools with it and you if you ran really fast you could get across the surface tension on

it yeah but if you just like stood on it you'd just go right into water. Now, olive oil is just, I mean, we can all envision what that would be like. It would just be a very, I mean. It would be like oil. It would be like oil. I imagine my skin would be. Very moisturizing. I mean, real healthy after that. Is that good?

Would olive oil be good for your skin? Olive oil seems like a good experience. Bacon grease seems like you're in the trash of something else. Both of them, you are emerging like a 15-year-old. Just puberty is hitting you like the son of a gun. You're going to break out. You're going to have acne all over your body. You have to go straight to the slip and slide in either case.

That's right afterwards. Do we have to go under? Do we have to go under the water? You're jumping into it. Oh, no. Have you ever jumped into a pool and you don't go in? Look. Kiddie pool. Okay, but you're technically in because you've hit the bottom. I go face first into my kiddie pool.

Yeah. It hurts. Is there any advantage to the smell? You know, bacon grease smells delightful. Or is that just the bacon? Well, it's one and the same, I do believe. If I was covered in bacon grease, would I eat myself? You know I would. It's very scary.

I wasn't going to. That was the quote for sure. Olive oil, final answer. Are they that different? Yeah, it's all of oil i don't think they're that different i think they're extremely different i think bacon grease would be absolutely absolutely disgusting you can't even wash it off your hands no what do you guys do with your your bacon grease now like as in uh you've cooked up an incredible pan of bacon. You're not supposed to...

No, no, no. You can't pour it down your pipes. No, you got to put it in the trash. So what's your go-to move for disposing of the grease? You put it in a coffee mug. You drain it into a coffee mug. You let it sit there until it cools, and then you just plop it in the garbage. What, like you scoop it out?

This is blowing my mind. I've never done this technique. Like wax? Yeah, sometimes you can just turn it over and shake it, and it'll come out in one piece. Yeah. I'm always, I find an empty soda can, and I cut that thing in half.

Wait, that's a lot of work. Wait, you do that? Yeah, I do. And then I pour the grease in there, and then it hardens, and then I just throw it away. Okay. That does seem like a lot of work. Like they sell, you know, like you could just get a disposable cup.

And how do you cut that? With scissors? Yeah, with scissors. It's aluminum. You can't do a disposable cup. If you went with a solo cup, that thing would melt. Oh, you're right. Pouring hot bacon grease.

You have to go aluminum. Yes, as Apple would say. All right, let's move on. Dan from Patreon, would you rather always receive the perfect gift from family and friends- Oh, that sounds great. Or always know the perfect gift to give somebody else? Oh, are you- This is just-

Hey, how selfish are you? No, I think this is legit. I get what you're saying here because it's like, would you rather get the best stuff or give the best stuff? Is it better to give or receive? This is a selfish question. But it's not just a selfish question, okay, because we've established in the past I don't really care about getting gifts

unless they are astronomically expensive. You get me a new supercomputer that's this great $4,000 computer, I'm going to love it. But if you get me like this nice- No, but hold on, hold on. Just to be clear, you only like astronomically expensive gifts given to you. So you like gifts. You just think that people are giving you trash gifts. What they have gone out of their way to find for you and they spent $50 and they thought of Jason Moore.

This is perfect. I got to get this for him. It's just not expensive enough. Get that garbage out of here. Where is my car? Yeah, well, exactly. A car would be a great gift. But no, it's not that I don't appreciate less.

I don't care about most things. Most objects. Unless they're expensive. Unless they're expensive. Unless they're expensive things. Why do you care about expensive things? Because a car changes my life. A new toaster, I don't care. Forget a new toaster, like a collectible, right?

Okay. Something you two both love, something that is really, you know, something from your youth, something you're from a favorite movie, a nostalgic item. Yes. I'm saying like, I don't actually care about those things. Regardless. Unless they're made of gold.

Right. Now, if you're telling me that thing, I could turn around and sell it for half a mil. I'm in. This is good. We just wanted to see you squirm a bit, rich man. Ironically, no. The point, getting back to the question, is that I would, even though I would love, you know, hey, give me a car.

That's awesome. Except I would have too much guilt receiving that. I wouldn't actually enjoy that great gift. So me I would actually prefer to know Lambo what sweet well I would I would prefer to know what to get people because I never know there have been a handful of times when I found that special gift that I'm like oh my gosh would be perfect. And getting to give that gift, getting to give and see the expression when you surprise somebody with something unique that they have no idea about, that's an amazing feeling. You know what else is an amazing feeling? When those around me no longer have to struggle or put any real work or thought into what they're going to give to me.

So really, you're the one giving the gift here. I am the one who is being, I am self-sacrificing here that I could, sure, I could take some stress out of my life, but no, I have just cured the stress of all my friends and family as they shower me with lavish goods. That is so selfless, Mike. Thank you, Jason. What's funny is what if the way that this worked is they always get you the perfect gift because all of your standards are gone.

That's the way this works. You have no – oh, an oversized extra large Grand Canyon T-shirt. That looks nice. That is awesome. Man, what is this, 100% cotton? Oh, this thing is definitely going to shrink after the first time I wear it. I love it. Is that Gildan?

What is this, Iron Dawn? Gildan is what you're looking for. Gildan. You're on blast, Gildan. Look, Gildan, I don't know why you exist. I mean, you exist for children's fundraisers. You exist for children's fundraisers. How can we buy a shirt that is the cheapest, most awful thing to wear?

Also doesn't fit you properly. Not only is it the cheapest, somehow it's like a sweater. Oh, it's so thick. It's supposed to be a t-shirt. They're like, we need to add 53 layers upon this. They're in a long process of trying to convert the T-shirt shape into a perfect square. What does the human body look like? A cardboard box. You know, we could print this a lot easier if it's just a rectangle.

Let's do that. Put your arms through these rectangles. I got a good deal with the canvas printmaker. They're going to donate some canvas. We could just make shirts out of that. Gilded. Oh, my gosh. I got a couple extra sails left over. I pulled them off my boat.

Let's turn it into a shirt. Are those burlap? Burlap works. Gildan. We make cheap shirts. Is this scratchy? At least they're cheap. That's what it is. They get a real nice

set of you know material they're like we're gonna take a steel wall to that make sure this is gonna we're gonna buff it out buff it out gildan gildan to scratch a lot of money to scratch your skin gildan the only reason to wear a gildan shirt is if you have like mosquito mosquito bites the worst part of this is there is a i mean no matter what there are probably hundreds if not thousands of people listening right now that will be checking their tags and finding a gilded and go that's why i was gonna say you don't need to check your tag. Just ask yourself. Am I wearing a box? Does this shirt suck?

If it does, Gildan. Gildan. Oh, no. Oh, no. Look, we've all been thinking about this for a while, clearly. Yeah, this has been on our hearts. This is not planned. The people working at Gildan are like, yep, they got us.

They got us. We know. We know. We have to wear them here. Yeah, the Gilded employees have to wear them. It's our uniform. They have to bring them in, don't they? Yeah, they wear undershirts under their shirts.

American apparel? Yes. They put on a nice undershirt, and then they put that Gilded over the top. Oh, my gosh. Does Gilded make underpants? Oh, no. That would be against the law my convention violation right there oh my goodness that was not the detour i thought we'd have not the perfect gift ever a gilded teacher by the by the way all right one more would you rather from costa bear on patreon says we all have eyelids well thank you most of us we all have eyelids would you rather also have

ear lids or nose lids okay all right let's work through this now first of all our eyelids are anytime we need to use our eyes open so i'd imagine that this is not going to preclude me from smelling or breathing or hearing. I'm going to open my ear lid when I need to listen. But you got to flap them. So what would be the advantage? Real lubricated ears. Are you kidding me? Give me the nose lids.

Water up the nose. So swimming. When you're swimming, it me the nose lids. Water up the nose. So swimming. When you're swimming, it is the worst. Really? Oh, yeah. Water up the nose. That's a problem for you. That's a problem for humanity.

You've never had water up your nose? On accident. Of course it's on accident. You think we're just shoving? We go in the pool, and then we snort in because we want water up our nose. I'm not going to shred my nostrils going face first in. I can't wait for this sinus infection. So my point is that when I get.

Oh, it burns so good. When I get into the pool, it's never been a challenge for me not to inhale water. That's my point. Hey, Mike, Andy just put some acid in his pool. You want to go get some water up our nose? the pool it's never been a challenge for me not to inhale water that's my point hey mike it's andy just put some acid in his pool you want to go you want to go get some water up our nose i mean you guys have a problem with this if i if i jump in and you get it up your nose one out of 20 jumps in the pool i'll get some water in my nose i'm running 100 no problems with water up my nose you don't do enough underwater somersaults, my man.

Yes, exactly. When you're doing, like, cool tricks in the water. You do a lot of upside-down stuff in the water. Look, we all don't have, we weren't blessed by the Lord with super tiny nostrils over here. Oh, my gosh. Wait a minute, I have nose lids. I've had them my whole life. Now, that being said said Water in the ears

Like when you get swimmer's ears That's awful as well I guess it's less common for me I get water in my nose more than I Feel like I have a problem with water in my ears I remember the last time I had a problem with that And that was when I was two Like two years old

You remember being two? No I'm lying to you both and insulting you like you're babies How have you never gotten water up your nose? I can tell you right now You remember being two? No, I'm lying to you both and insulting you like you're babies. How have you never gotten water up your nose? I can tell you right now, and you already said it, he is not doing cool tricks in the pool. I mean, Mike and I, we're the cool dads swimming, doing back flips. No way, man, I do the dog paddle. You ever done the dog paddle?

We're doing synchronized swimming. Now, Al Borland. I'm touching the bottom. You got to start the timer. Handstand starts now. Yeah, what? Who's not doing handstands in the pool? And then, of course, only losers come out of the handstand going forward.

Oh, no. You got to flip out of that thing. I know what it is because Al Borland is trying to show me. He's just sending me stock photos of people jumping in while holding their nose. Oh, weird. Weird. I get it. it but the thing is what are they protecting i have a perfectly synchronized nasal exhale while i enter the water okay oh so you booger up the water i got it i got it so we're gonna ask that andy takes nose lids i will say this nose lids also have uh there are plenty of times where you do not want to smell yeah oh the nose lids come out when you walk into the bathroom oh absolutely i'm

shutting those things off if you buy somebody with some bo they hear them they go although wait did you just close your nose yeah man you man, you smell. Do you guys ever have this thought, or is this just me? Uh-huh. Something is bad. Something is stinky. Something is, like, let's say, like, animal carcass, right? Okay, you walk around your backyard, and little did you know, there's been a dead bird there for a whole day,

and now it's a reeking smell. Now, you don't want to smell it, right? Of course, because it's horrific. Yes now you don't want to smell it right of course because it's horrific yes i don't like to smell bad smells but i i have this like fear like i don't want to eat whatever is in the air either like breathing it in through my mouth feels worse oh like it's more violation because you don't have the cilia up in your nasal cavity yeah i want the nose hair and all the boogers stopping. Yeah.

Those whatever is nasty in the air getting into my body. Whereas if I'm plugging my nose or breathing through my mouth, I'm just eating this. You're inhaling some poop. I'm inhaling carcass. Yeah.

No, I get what you're saying. It feels like you're safer protecting yourself with nose hairs, but then you got to smell it. Yeah, that's tough. You can smell it through your mouth. You can? Yeah, you have that weird, you're like, oh, got to smell it. Yeah. Let's talk. You can smell it through your mouth. You can. You're like yeah you've that weird. You're like oh I can taste it. Yeah that's tasting. That's what my mouth does too. I taste it through my mouth. To be fair a lot of taste is just smell. Who. It's all just a trick from your brain. I don't

know many good reasons to have ear lids i mean it's the same exact argument we've been making for doing cool tricks underwater for your nose it's only for water protection yeah it'd be for sound maybe mike maybe mike's trying to make some jokes and i'm just tired of it oh i get it shut it down right in the middle what was that andy all right let's move on. All right, this summer, if you're traveling, you know, people are traveling, Mike. People be traveling. You can learn the language of your destination with Babbel, the number one selling language learning app.

Oh, bonjour. And, you know, the big important things, ordering at a restaurant can make that a bit easier. Asking for directions, gaining a deeper understanding of the culture. I mean, this is a very culture-rich podcast here. Oh, yes. Oh, yes. Yes, yes. Sophisticated. Look, I jumped on the Babble app.

I signed up to learn more Spanish. We live in the Southwest. There are a lot of Spanish speakers out here. I'd like to be one of them. And look, if I have a trip overseas, I'm going to lean on Babbel as well. Can you imagine learning a language and be like, man, I wish

I didn't know how to speak another language. No, nobody's ever regretted that. That's not a waste of time. That's enhanced your life. How about 15-minute lessons per day? The perfect way to learn a new language on the go. And they have speech recognition technology. It helps you improve your pronunciation and accent. I see what you did there.

Yeah, that's right. Right now you can purchase a three-month Babbel subscription, and you'll get an additional three months for free. That's six months for the price of three. Just go to Babbel.com and use the promo code BALLERS. That's B-A-B-B-E-L.com. Code BALLERS for an extra three months free. Babbel, language for life.

That's a great question. One thing you guys out there listening, guys and gals, you might not know this about us, but despite everything that you've observed we are actually very intelligent oh man it's like off the charts now i we're we're pressing into nobel prize territory with most of our advice and that's why it's true and so what people like to hear the most on that's a great question is often us breaking down some common things in the world and helping you understand them better.

And before we do that, I do have an update. Okay. Gildan does, in fact, make underpants. Oh, no. Let me guess. They're shaped like a box. Their shape is not flattering. That's the least they could be doing

for underpants. I'm seeing a six pack available for $10 and check this out. No, no. Wait, let me look. That's a good price. This is definitely, you know, there's a problem right there. One of these pairs is 65% polyester. Oh man.. You ever wanted a nice wool pair of undies? They're taking leisure suits and they're turning them into the area that is- They grind them up. Protecting your most sensitive of areas. What are you, 65% polyester? Maybe they're just sitting underpants.

You don't move in them. They're just for sitting. Or it's like armor. Some of these companies that make their chicken nuggets with just the after parts of whatever, the scraps thrown away, that's what they're doing. What material are they able to get their hands on that's left over from other manufacturers?

Do homeless people reject Gildan handouts? Oh, for sure. We all have standards okay um here is what we're doing for that's a great question a number of what's the difference questions so we have four of them we're just going to break it down you'll see first one what is the difference between a creek a stream and a river okay a creek a stream and a river there is no way for a creek to be rushing no you isn't no because it moves like yeah sounds i get it i get it because it's you know like a door yeah you're so funny i'll give

it a six closing my ear lids i like that you're you insult my joke after you laugh at it that is fair we both did actually get a good chuckle from that but we also recognize our own stupidity mike and so by us laughing it kind of takes it down a peg for you i mean a river is there a width there's got to be a width component to a river can you jump over a river no of course not you can never jump over a river uh how dare you i'm trying to help can never jump over a river. How dare you? I'm trying to help. You cannot jump over a river. You have to cross a river.

That's why. You have to forge a river. Yeah. Forge? Fjord it? Forge? You have to forge. You have to make it with molten iron.

What am I looking? Ford. Ford a river. Yes. Okay. A stream and a creek, though. That's where. I don't know. Which one's babbling? The creek? The creek would be babbling. It's usually a brook. creek though that's where i don't know which one's babbling

the creek the creek would be babbling it's usually a brook oh it's a brook can we add that one yeah i think we're gonna need to add that to the list what is the difference between a brook and a creek and a stream and a river river is easy rivers you can't jump over river as you can't jump over it's exactly right um also i there has to be a current right you can't have i think all of these have moving water yeah they absolutely do or a creek can absolutely have no movement what yeah no but then it's like a lake no because a lake is a big body of water it's a puddle a creek is on the way to be in dry land if there ain't no moving water it needs to be here's the thing you can't find fish in a creek you can find it in a stream, can't you?

No, I think only in a river. No, yeah, you can find fish in a stream. So what's a stream? A stream is moving a little quicker. Oh, is it the pace of the water? Yeah. So it's like five miles an hour? Like a little, it's swift.

And a creek has got a lot of little bubbling rocks. Well, the rocks are a huge part of a creek. That's the brook. Well, yeah. Brooks and cree rocks are a huge part of a creek. That's the brook. Well, yeah. Brooks and creeks are very closely related. Yeah, I think the rocks are the difference. It's just a matter of how round are the rocks. If they're completely round, it's

a brook. Oh. A brook. And if it's an assortment of different styles of rocks, that's a creek. A brook is like a more aesthetically pleasing creek. That's exactly right. A creek is babbling. When it grows up, it will become a brook is like a more aesthetically pleasing creek. That's exactly right. A creek is- It's babbling.

When it grows up, it will become a brook. Yeah, and then when all the rocks are underneath the water, that's a stream. Yeah, I agree with that. That's why the fish can sometimes swim in those. And then when you can't pee across to the other side, that's a river. Yeah, pee across or jump across. Right. Well, I can jump as far as I can pee.

I think that's the same as any man. Can you drown? Has anybody ever drowned in a stream, creek, or brook? Of course. Oh, that sucks. You can drown in a puddle. Okay. All right.

What is the difference between a spoon and a ladle? Oh, man. I'll tell you one thing I know about a ladle. I cannot fit the whole thing in my mouth that's i've tried and tried and tried i don't know if there are other differences but as soon as i can't fit it in my mouth i know it's a ladle now does handle size factor in here at all what if i took a uh a ladle handle and I put a spoon. Look, a ladle is a cup on the end of a stick. All right?

Okay. And if you tried to use a ladle like you would a spoon, you'd pour it out every time before it got to your mouth. Do you know what I mean? Like the way you hold a spoon, you try to hold a ladle that way. Good luck. Now, I do think we need to differentiate between the handle and the, what do you call the end of a utensil? Of a ladle?

Just the end of a utensil. Is there a name for this? Like a universal? The spoon part. Yeah, the spoon part or the fork part. Yeah, the end. The end? I think it's the spoon.

So if that's the case, Mike. The functional end. If that's the case, if a spoon is a spoon because of the end the business end of a handle but if it's the business end that names the item then the handle's out it doesn't matter yeah it's just a matter of it's the cup it's a it's a saucer versus a cup so you can have a giant oversized handle with a little bitty spoon that's a spoon it's still a spoon yeah because the business end is, unless by doing that, you turn the entire thing into a handle, because that becomes the new business end of this device, and that's the naming property.

So now you've just got a handle. A ladle can hold a lot. A ladle can hold more than you can fit in your mouth. I've established that. A ladle doesn't hold a little. It holds a lot. Yeah. It's a lot. So why is this not a lot? A spoon can't hold the moon you could fit in your mouth. I've established that. A ladle doesn't hold a little. It holds a lot. Yeah. So why is this not a lottle?

A spoon can't hold the moon. You know what I mean? Yeah. So should it be a lottle? Should it be a spoon and a lottle? It really should. You weren't Jason. L-O-T-T-L-E?

Yes. Yes. Spoon. This isn't enough. I need a lottle. What if you have to use a little? Well, then you get a spoon. A small ladle? Oh, a spoon. Yeah. I need a lot. What if you have to use a little? Well, then you get a small ladle. Oh, a spoon.

Yeah, I think that's right. I know that if you fill a lot. You cannot pour that into a mouth without spilling. Right. It would overflow. That's what it is. If it holds more than your mouth can hold, it's a ladle. All right.

Yes. All right. Let's go to what is the difference between concrete, cement, and asphalt? Honestly, I'm going to tell you right now, it's been a problem for me my whole life. Well, asphalt's black. It's black and usually has rocks in it. The asphalt's easy. They all have rocks in it.

The asphalt, no. What? Well, maybe like super ground up, right? Yeah. I'm just saying cement and concrete. What do you mean what? I mean cement. Look, you look at

concrete you don't have a bunch of babbling brook rocks poking up out of it not poking up at the end but in in the in the sauce in the creation there's rocks and all these things well i look it's powder it's when you buy it from a store you are pouring powder into and you mix water with powder so if you're calling micro rocks in that powder, have you never seen somebody make concrete? So I am learning that the difference between concrete and cement is rock size. No, no, no, that's asphalt. No, asphalt is generally oil and tar mixed with little rocks

and then it all goes down together, and that's what you drive on. Cement has big, chunky rocks. It does not. Cement has big, chunky rocks. I will go to my deathbed on that. I am right. What is the sidewalk made out of?

Cement. That is not big, chunky rocks, brother. No, that's right. I see no big, chunky rocks at the end. I am well aware of that. Yes. It's powder. There's rocks. It is powder. There are rocks that, yes. I'm well aware of that. Yes. It's powder. There's rocks.

There are rocks. Yes. It is a powder. I mean, like the Greeks used limestone and something to make cement. Okay, hold on. You've never seen anybody pour a footer for anything in your whole life? I have personally helped with the cement truck rolls up. I think it was a rock truck.

The cement truck rolls up, and we're laying a whole new thing. And there are tons of full rocks in there. And then at the end, you pat it down, and then it's smooth at the end. But there's plenty of rocks in cement. So what's the difference between cement and concrete then? Al, you have to weigh in. Al, we need help. Because when you buy a bag of concrete, that's powder.

If I'm not mistaken, cement is actually an ingredient in concrete. What? No. Cement is in concrete? I have not Googled this, but I think that is right. You're an idiot. Talking on a famous podcast, things you don't know. No, no, no.

Cement being an ingredient in concrete makes sense to me. So what is concrete? Concrete was a poor man's cement. Concrete has the chunks in it, like you're saying. But cement is the smooth. So the sidewalk is made out of cement. Yes. A driveway.

What's made out of concrete? Good question. I thought concrete is the finished product. But you can make stuff out of cement, and you can make stuff out of concrete. Oh, okay. Weird. All right. Concrete is 60% to 75% aggregate, so the little rocks that Jason's talking about, mixed with 7% to 15% of cement.

So we're talking about two different things. Cement is just the powder. Okay, so rolling this back, I was right. Rolling this back, we were talking about two different things that we are also talking about on this question. Concrete. So concrete is sidewalk. Concrete is driveway.

Concrete is full of rocks and cement so what do you use just cement for footers like pouring them in the ground and stuff so cement is powder-based concrete adds rocks that's concrete stronger right sounds like it rocks are stronger than powder is this like a iron into steel thing i weren't we supposed to be answering the question we are working through it. The people are coming along for a ride here. Cement is a binder, a substance used in construction that sets, hardens, and adheres to other materials,

binding them together. It is seldom used solely, but is used to bind sand and gravel together. So those powdered bags, normally you're putting some gravel at the bottom of that footer and then mixing it all together. Wait, what's gravel made out of? Rocks.

Yep. Concrete is cement. But that's not cement. But cement is not concrete. Concrete has cement in it. Yes. Yeah. You can't have concrete without cement,

but you can have cement without concrete. Correct. Cement is the flower of construction. And I don't mean, I'm talking baking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm with you. Okay. Yeah.

So we've worked out. And you're saying there's a lot of chocolate chips inside of your concrete. That's right. You don't have, if you want a concrete, you got to put the chocolate chips in there. And asphalt, that's just a whole nother game. Asphalt's a double chocolate cookie. And a cookie made out of just flour, nobody wants that. No, so nobody wants cement.

Nobody wants just cement. You have to make concrete. If you had told me right now to go out and do something important with cement and concrete, I would have bought one of those bags and just used it. And that would have been a fool's mistake. Nobody does that. Nobody wants a flower cookie okay well i'm glad we could answer that wow what is the difference between a dinghy a boat

a ship and a yacht wait a dinghy why is it why is it dinghy a boat a ship and a yacht that's like telling me a dinghy is a little rc control boat a dinghy is a small boat. Is it? What? Sure enough. Okay. Yeah, right? Yes, obviously. I don't want to Google this one. Look, it's not a schooner.

It's a sailboat. It's a small boat. Okay. That's why it's in here. So you're telling me I can Google dinghy. Okay. All right. What are those things? Oh, that's a buoy.

Okay. I was thinking about one of those. When you're Googling, Jason, it's D-I-N-G that's a buoy. Okay. When you're Googling, Jason, it's D-I-N-G-H-Y. G-H-Y. Well, that's not what I Googled. That's not good. That would explain the photos. All right. That's fine.

They're both safe. So a dinghy, a boat, a ship. What makes it? Let's start here. The divide between a ship and a boat. That's the one because there's a separation there. Okay. And is that just, is it a ship if you're using power?

A ship has to have a sail. A ship has to have a sail. No. No, you idiot. Yes. No. Yes. No way.

There are plenty of great ships that do not. You ever been on a cruise ship? Yeah, a cruise ship. Oh, okay. Dang it. He's like, mine had huge sails the size of canada no this is this is simply about speed a boat cannot keep up with a ship what about a speed boat those are made to intentionally go fast oh man faster okay so boats can speed a ship is

it's got a more pointy tip i I don't know that that is true. Now, I would say this. If you ran them into each other, the ship wins 100% of the time. So we've got to work backwards from what we know. Although that speedboat might cut it in half. I don't know. No, not a ship. A speedboat's not getting a ship.

A ship's made of concrete. And it stays at the bottom of the sea. It's made of cement. Yeah, so obviously we got size. We have established it's not speed. It's not sails. A yacht is just a ship with a helipad. A yacht is just over a million dollars.

That's all it is. Well, lots of ships are over a million dollars. There are ships over a million dollars? Lots of them, yeah. You ever been on a cruise ship? Now, to be fair, I think a cruise ship is a yacht. No, it's definitely not a yacht. It's called a cruise ship. So then what makes it a yacht? Does it have to have a helipad? A lot of glass windows. No,

it's not the helipad because Bezos is making a half a billion dollar yacht that does not have a helipad. A yacht is made for luxurious indoor living. That sounds like a cruise ship to me. For one. I'm telling you, a cruise ship is a yacht. You cannot convince me because it's like, oh, well, it's got a kitchen, it's got a staff, it's got to be over a certain price. A cruise ship is straight up a yacht. Do all

cruise ships have the smokestacks? I think I just got it. A yacht is something owned by a person. A cruise ship is owned by a company. If Bezos bought a cruise ship, it would be a yacht. I'm with that. A hundred percent.

Okay. We're sticking with the pointy tip on the ship, right? Oh, yeah. For sure. Boat is- Pointy. No, no. Boat is round in the front.

Like a tugboat. Back to that speedboat. Seen a lot of pointy speedboats in my time. Dang it. We have it mostly down, but a boat and a ship. A dinghy will sink within 10 minutes. A dinghy always has a hole

in the bottom of it, and you always have to be bailing it out? You have to either be bailing it out or blowing into the hole that helps keep it inflated. Yes. Because most of the time, the dinghies are inflatable. Pull this string to have it come into existence. The ship and boat definition is size. It's got to be size.

Yeah, size and crashability. Okay. You could crash a boat way easier in a ship yeah but you can run a ship aground you can't run a boat aground yeah but a boat you crash uh you into into the ground a ship you run into the ground hold on hold on michael row the boat ashore yes ashore yeah all the way on the shore gets all's all the way up there. A boat's got legs. I think we all know that. Oh, perfect. Okay.

Let's draft. It's Pitt Wads. We want to thank Helix Sleep for sponsoring today's show. Sleeping is one of my favorite pastimes. It's becoming very popular to me, too. Yeah, sweeping the nation. Yes. Sleep. Yes, daily. But it's important. popular to me, too. Yeah, I was sweeping the nation. Yes. Sleep.

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If you don't love it, they'll pick it up, but you're going to love it. Trust me, you're going to love it. Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com. That's helixsleep.com for ballers. That's helixsleep.com slash ballers for up to $200 off and two free pillows. The Spitballers Draft. I'm just glad to know the difference between a buoy and a dinghy. That's all I'm saying.

You got there. I'm there. Badingy. That's a buoy and a dinghy. That's all I'm saying. You got there. I'm there. Buh-dinghy. That's a buoy and a dinghy. That's what it is. We finally found out what was in the recesses of your brain. I am so excited about this draft. I love my imagination and all of our imaginations. When we watch or read and have these fictional worlds that are made,

and sometimes I wish I could just go live in them, and that's what we're drafting. Fictional places you want to visit or live in. Mike has the very first pick. There are a number of great options, so you get to pick first. There are quite – there is the number of excellent choices here, so I will play the game on something that I know 1,000% would not make it back to me. So I just kick it off i'll take hogwarts well let's get this out

of the way okay okay i will take the school of magic it's look i got i got wizards we got uh you got spells you got wands you've got animals that are wild and amazing. Now, in Harry Potter, because I only watch the movies, because I'm not a nerd. Go on. Talk to your nerds here. You don't deserve Hogwarts, that's for sure. I am a massive nerd. Do they define it that the males are wizards and the females are witches? Yeah, that's the only difference.

Otherwise – Yeah, all the powers are the same. They both have pointy hats. I used to think that was a witch thing. Wizards can have pointy hats for sure. All right. Let's see here. Oh, yeah.

That's out of the way. Hogwarts. Man, I'm wondering if I play the game as well. There's kind of a couple of big universes here that just have too much good stuff for me to not grab. And I'm trying to think which one would have the chance to make it back, and I've realized it's neither. So I'm going to go with the one I actually prefer. Oh, something you don't normally do. Exactly. I want heroes.

I want heroes to be a thing. I am taking the Marvel Cinematic Universe because I've got so many things. So where? Yeah, that's not really a fictional place. All right, all right. If I've got to pick one. Please narrow it down. I'm going to go to Asgard, man.

Okay, that's fine. That's fine. A fictional place you want to live. That's on my list. Yeah, I want to be in Asgard, a beautiful city with- Yeah, it's cool. We're all immortals. With gods.

We all have powers, and we're stronger than stupid humans, and we're beautiful. You ever seen an ugly Asgardian? No. Not a thing. Of course not. Okay. Do they all have powers, though? They are all super strength by comparison to humanity.

Okay, but there are Asgardians like Thor, who's the god of thunder, so he's just stronger than everybody. He makes Asgardians look like weaklings. Okay. Okay, I've got two picks. Hmm. Well, I really wanted Hogwarts. That's the world i'd love to live in that would be amazing uh i am a nerd so those books i don't even really want it but i

you just you suck oh man um okay it really isn't fair that mike has yeah the harry potter you are just huge Harry Potter fans. No, what's the... Oh, my gosh. What's the name of that Potter fella? The place where they go get the wands. The shop. Can we pull this away from him?

This is not fair. What's the name? Ollivanders. Oh, I thought you were making something up. No. On Tiger Valley. Oh, I thought you were making something up. No. On Tiger Valley. Oh, goodness gracious. Makes me so tempted to take the Blade Runner universe.

Go ahead. It's not even on my list. I'm just kidding. All right. I want... And Dumble Boar. Oh, no. You son of a gun.

You're going to get it. I know what to get Mike. He gave me the gift of getting him the perfect gift. I'm getting him some Gildan shirts. That's a universe none of us want to live in. I'm tempted to have Mike spell Hogwarts because if he misspells it, he picked a different universe and it's still out there on the table. He has Hogwarts all over his body.

All right. I am going to start with Middle Earth so the lord of the rings universe where there is magic there are all sorts of creatures just not electricity have fun yeah but it seems wonderful the shire the shire's not bad um you also get more more door there's l yeah more door board door more like. I have Sauron's watching you, bro. Yeah, he is. He can watch all he wants.

I'm living my life out here. I'm learning tricks from the wizards. Check the privacy box on that. Hopefully I'm an elf. I'm immortal then. Yeah. And they've got a pretty cool world. You look like you could be an elf.

I don't know what to think about that. I guess of the three of us. Yeah. If one of us is an elf... So which one of us would be the dwarf then? Oh, that's me. Oh, yeah, we all...

Look. And my axe. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that makes Mike... What does that make Mike in the Middle Earth universe? He's probably a human.

Yeah, I'm a regular human. Maybe an orc. It's possible. Yep. Probably a human. Yeah, I'm a regular human. Maybe an orc. It's possible. Yep. There you go. So I will go with middle earth. All right. Here's the funny thing.

I started thinking about the space worlds, the space universes, because there's choices here, right? Ooh, Space Jam? You've got, no, no. You've got like Star Wars is out there but then you also have star trek and i'm a bit like i'm not a huge star trek trekkie person but i think that's the world i'd love to visit because that is literally star trek because that is like you're visiting star trek i thought i could not take the entire marvel well how do you pick like that world then if you're choosing

star trek i would name a planet. A planet or a ship. Can you name one of the ships? Absolutely. The Enterprise? Sure. Who gave him the name? He knows the name Enterprise. Yeah, that's where I would have gone for the ship.

I'm just saying traveling there, it seems more dangerous in the Star Wars universe. People are getting blown up. Oh, yes. There's a lot of problems going on. It's called Star Wars. This is something that I- I want to go on a trek. This is something that did not dawn on me for a long time until my daughter started watching these movies.

And she's like, they're just always at war. And I'm like, they named it Star Wars because it's always a war. Yeah, I just want to go on a – I want to visit places. I feel like Elon Musk would be at – he would prefer the Trek world. Isn't the Enterprise, isn't it just off on like a peace mission? Yeah. Yeah, and you're seeing all different people. You're all over the place.

Final Frontier, man. These are the voyages. Oh, that's excellent. To boldly go. I didn't think about... Not boldly war. Man, that's a great pick. It's a really cool one.

Because I was about to pick something that feels so inferior now because you have an entire deck on your ship. I have the holodeck. Yes! I was going to take something that's basically like one little layer of your ship what a loser instead i'm going to a planet that you can't reach because it is not in your universe i'm going to pandora it was on my list

i'm taking the most beautiful cinematic experience of all time. It's a very dangerous place. It is, but I'm going to live with it. Are you factoring that in? I'm a Na'vi. Okay. I'm one of the people. If Andy can be an elf. Oh, absolutely.

I didn't choose elf. You chose it for me. I mean, you know, chosen by birth. I did. I hadn't seen Avatar since the movie theater. And when was that? I mean, that was a lifetime ago. 44 years ago.

That's a lifetime ago, which apparently there's sequels coming out now. But I was just on a vacation on a very long plane ride, and one of the movies you could watch was Avatar. It's like, let's do this, man. I haven't seen Avatar. That movie is sensational. You liked it? It's so good, man.

I don't know what Cameron was able to do. I can't pinpoint. There's another one coming, right? Yeah, there's multiple. I think there's three more sequels. He's getting up there. He's taking a while. But his ability to draw you into not just everything, like the world, the conflict, the cultures.

I mean, it really was. It's a really good movie. It's been 12 years. It genuinely was an awesome pick. I mean, it was like the best pick of the draft. He's 66 years old. He's got to speed these things up. That's not too bad.

Yeah, he's got some time. Well, 12 years between each movie is going to be a problem. I think they're filming them all right now. All right, I got two picks here. I've got my last pick already done because I know it is not a poll winner, so I will save that one until the end. And I get that things eventually went wrong for this place, But, and I get that things eventually went wrong for this place, but sometimes you want to go to a visit.

We all like costume parties. You trying to figure out how to sell this? No, no, no. It sells itself. I'm just trying to figure out how to set it up properly. We like costume parties. We like murder mystery parties where you're pretending that I get to be somebody else. What if you could be somebody else in the Wild West and there are no consequences for any of your actions? Really?

Oh, dude, that place would be awesome. I'm taking Westworld. I totally love it. Oh, my gosh. I mean, I don't want to be there when every one of us gets murdered. Eventually it goes bad, but there were some people that got to visit and just have a good, be outlaws, be heroes. Dude, that would be so much fun. We all played in video games, but you get to do it for reals.

That would, I mean, Westworld, like, the concept of a theme park where you get to go and do that. It's better than the show. Get shot at, but you're not hurt. Yeah, no, I, yes, it was much, and it's better than that show get shot at but you're not hurt uh yeah no i yes it was much that's much better than the show the show so it's fine yeah it went off the rocker but it was just the reason the show exists is because the idea is awesome i think you could have gotten more westworld later but sure it's a good pick uh i mean yeah i think it's great uh and i'm also going to take somewhere or a place from Marvel, but Jason took the wrong one. Oh, I thought by taking that I precluded you from grabbing my universe.

No, I'm taking a city. Is that not allowed? I don't know, man. I don't know what the rules are anymore. But if you got Asgard. Yeah. Wakanda forever, baby. Okay.

I can't take Wakanda because you have Asgard? I will't take wakanda i will let you i will let you have it i will let you have wakanda okay yeah that's fine technology beyond our wildest dreams ways to enhance yourself if you get to be the one black panther i suppose but just i mean all the cool stuff that's going on in there it You get to fly in through the hidden. Well, I guess they unhid it. But while it was hidden, you get that cool plane ride where you think you're going right into the trees. It's incredible. All right.

All right. Wakanda. Wakanda is fine. All right. So I'm on. Lortz, Westworld, and Wakanda. I'm on the clock right now. I got to find a W.

Right now, I've got Asgard and Pandora. Oh, boy. I'm going to play. That's what I want to do. I want to go to a place that's fun. I want to go to a place where I get to just be a kid. It's on my list. And I don't grow up.

Yep, it's on my list. I'm going to never never land yep and i will play have food fights with magic food and go down waterfalls and the scenery and the experience and also i don't ever age that's pretty great so okay i'm with it i was trying to think of like neverland's great Hook, it seemed a little more dangerous. Well, yeah, Hook was there. He was kind of a big part of that movie as the title character. He actually killed a person.

Yeah, Rufio died. Yeah. Which Rufio... I don't know the last time... Spoiler alert. I don't know the last time y'all saw Hook, but Rufio gets full on murdered. And then three seconds later just like yeah okay they moved on fast rufio there's a lot going on who's the new leader you are okay hey

pans back he did rename the leader a little too quick before the funeral rufio's like still gasping for breath maybe they cut the funeral out maybe Maybe that was some extended scene. Actually, they show a shot. He's still there. His body is still on the ship. No, they have a shot. If you watch, it's just really quick. It's just they show his body and they kind of shove him with his foot off into the ocean. They just kind of

do a little front of your foot kick, like push, and then he plops down in. No love lost for Rufio. No, there is not. is it back to me for my final two yes it is all right i've got these my third pick is going to be narnia okay i want to live in a traditional good and evil universe and there's nothing more like that than narnia you've got like middle earth oh i guess that's true middle well it's a little bit more like that than narnia you've got like middle earth oh i guess that's true middle well it's a little bit more like um it's colder it's a little bit more like middle earth is

hyper realistic narnia is more like um imaginative and like the world seems more cartoony to me okay so i want to live in that world with The world with orcs is more realistic. Yeah. And a one ring. Darker, more realistic. Yeah, it's definitely darker. Yeah, I mean, people are, look. No Turkish delights there. People have a society in Middle Earth. They are doing jobs and work and cutting down trees.

They don't do that in Narnia? Narnia, they're just kind of like, I don't know, the good guys hang with the good guys. L-I-V-I-N, they just living. I mean, and that world's amazing. So I will go to Narnia for my third place it's on my list i almost took it but i didn't want to i was like andy's already got middle earth so i won't i won't think that it was too similar i already know i'm not going to win this poll so i am going to actually go with a hilariously real fourth pick for me.

I want a world where there are no cares. I want a world where there are no worries. Everybody knows his name. I want a world where it's simple, and I'm going to live in the 100-acre wood. Oh, with Winnie the Pooh? With Winnie the Pooh. You're just down in the Blair Witch. No, the worst problem I have is a little bit of a dark.

It gets dark in this forest. Humpelumps and woozles? Oh, big deal. You say that. Those things are terrifying. Look, man. Honey all day. Giving rabbit a hard time.

They do make honey look incredible. He just scoops it. Tigger will take me around. Furry paw don't matter. Could you imagine? I didn't even think that his hand is furry. It's furry. Like put on a furry glove and then scoop some honey.

Oh, my God. That's a nightmare. Yeah, but it looks great when he does it. It's a wonderful place and it fulfills the childhood dreams. Okay. All right. All right. All right. Well, look, this was good enough to be my second pick.

I chose not to do it because of the holodeck, but it's still here. I'm taking the Oasis from Ready Player One. Oh, okay. I hope to get there in our lifetime. I mean, VR is on its way, but this is a whole other level. Can do anything, be anybody, experience it. Basically, I get the Oasis gives me infinity because I can be in any of these places in the Oasis.

So I will take that for my final pick. It does. And I don't like that. I'm going to go with it anyways, because this is what my heart truly wants to do. But you went with a video game like all video games essentially so it takes some shine off in this one this is record ralph yeah oh are you no no uh but this is a place that i could go there right now and i know this place like the back of my hand which is a weird go there right now this fictional now, this fictional place? I could go there.

It's humongous, but I could tell you where all the stores are. I could tell you where the elevators are. I can tell you where the blimp is. It is not a poll winner, but I am going to Orgrimmar, my friends. Oh, my gosh. I am going into the world of Warcraft. I can tell you where everything is. I can go there right now.

Oh, my gosh. And so can Andy. And I have spent so many hours of my life. It's a real place to us. That Orgrimmar is real, and I know where everything is. For the Horde. Exactly. Going 15 years back, baby.

So he is an Orc. I am an Orc. You are an Orc. Well, I was a Tauren. Thank you very much. baby. So he has an orange. I am an orange. You are an orange. Well, I was a tauren. Thank you very much. Yeah, respect the folks. Tauren druid. So I'll be flying through there or running as a cheetah, whatever I want to do.

But I've spent so much of my life there already. That is so funny. Why not go there for reals? Wow. Wow. Okay. So you're locked in. I did not know. When you said I know where the blimp is, I'm going, what for reals? Wow. Wow. Okay. So you're locked in. I did not know.

When you said I know where the blimp is, I'm going, what world is this? But now I get it. Jason doesn't, but we get it. No, no. I do. What a nerd over here. What is usually the name? There's usually the name of the land that's dropped with World of Warcraft is not Orgrimmar.

Well, I specifically wanted to go to Orgrimmar. It's a city. Yeah. As a calendar. Azeroth is It's a city. Yeah. Yeah. Azeroth. Azeroth is what I always hear. Well, I do have a, that is it for the draft. I have some others that were on the list. The Game of Thrones universe, that world.

Oh, yeah. I had King's Landing. Atlantis was on my list. Atlantis is a good one. I had Cloud City from Star Wars. Oh, I like that. I had Toontown. Oh, Cloud City would have been cool.

Yeah, I thought about Toontown as well. Oz and Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory. Wait, Oz the Jail? Oh! Yes, Oz the Jail from the fantastic HBO series. No, Where the Wizard Lives. And Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory, just for good eats. Yeah, and my last one, which you want to talk about even fewer votes on the polls from a video game,

but Rapture from Bioshock. It's the city under the water, which you guys clearly did not play Bioshock, but everyone at home is going, oh, yeah. Video game world, Minecraft world or something like that would be funny. Build anything you want. Ooh, yeah. Could go to Midgar. Could. Final anything you want. Ooh, yeah. Go to Midgar. Good.

Final Fantasy. Yeah. What did we learn today? Midgar is dangerous. Yeah. Plates can drop on you at any time. I learned that Gildan makes underwear, and man, that's not good for America. Okay, Mike, what'd you learn?

I learned that the important part of a spoon is called the business end alright I learned that a dinghy is not a buoy so we did good on today's show thank you for supporting the Spitballers podcast and for tuning in hopefully you enjoyed yourself and we'll be back with another episode very soon goodbye Hopefully you enjoyed yourself. And we'll be back with another episode very soon. Take care. Goodbye.

Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Oh, no. Oh, no. What happened? Is this another ad? Is this another ad for jointhespit.com? I've got to get rid of these suckers.

I've got to get ad-free on my spitwad love. I'm going to join the spit right now. Jointhespit.com, and I'm getting these dumb ads out of here.