Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 162: Eerie Thoughts & The Best FroYo Toppings - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: August 16, 2021

On today’s show, we talk about chicken fights, sudsy surfactants, and ploofing in public. In the Situation Room, we talk about eating contests, eternal life, and joining a reality TV competition show. We put a cherry on top with a draft of our favorite frozen yogurt toppings! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Take advantage of this limited time offer for a $20 starter kit. CandidCO.com slash ballers. Code ballers. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with andy mike and jason oh no here we go let's go we're here

yes you got what you wanted we did it we did it you got what you thought you wanted fire off the confetti cannons we did it We're scared of all time. That you. Tell us the stupidest thing I've ever heard. You thought you wanted me. I got what I wanted, baby. Unprepared. And then you got it.

And you're like, I regret all of that. Nope. I regret nothing. That was incredible. Oh, no. Here we go. It was a great start for it. I mean, we went, oh, no. Here we go. It was a great start for it. I mean, that was just.

And then we went, oh, no, here we go. Something about here we are. Well, I mean, eventually. You run out of the pre. Jason was 100% surprised. And I want to go on record here. Welcome to the Spitballers, episode 162. I did not start the show.

I did not hit the button. What? I thought you did. Al Borden hit the button.? Al Borland hit the button You dirty man Oh I knew I didn't like Al Borland It was not me You're a monster

You can see the smile across the room Oh man This room is brighter right now Because of how happy Al Borland is After last week Where I was very disappointed in my scat but because it was just uh who's got the scat mike like it was very fast so i was part of the uh jason was like oh i have i have the thing

today and it's all good you go someone needs to start the show so i'm very very happy that someone was worse than mine from last week that was like being walked in on in a bathroom where my pants are down and someone just walks through the door and i'm very unprepared for this oh no oh no that's what it felt like emotionally but seated oh yeah seated so i'm getting there's nowhere i can go I'm getting that side leg. Yeah. I've seen it. Side leg and side cheek. Oh, and you hope that's all you see. Would you rather the Situation Room and a best fro-yo toppings draft on today's episode? Goodness gracious.

Thank you so much for supporting the show on Apple Podcasts, all your subscriptions, reviews over there. I guess they call it following now. So when you follow on Apple Podcasts- You click that little plus over there. I guess they call it following now. So when you follow on Apple Podcasts. You click that little plus, right? That's right. And then magical episodes show up in your feed. I click a plus to follow?

That is correct. It doesn't say follow. I don't think so. No, it's just a plus. Yeah, but they're calling it follow. Smash the plus. Wouldn't it be add? Add us to your friends list it's whatever

you think a plus is add okay that's what it is then to you that's been established for a long i mean mathematics has said that that's what that means well you're good you're adding and you're but then it says okay and then it says follow after you hit it it says you followed them okay um all right I'm there. I figured it out. We have two shows that release every week now. We have the brand new episode on Mondays. We have a Spit Hits episode on Thursdays.

Hopefully, everybody's enjoying that. The website is spitballerspod.com. I talked about the following, subscribing, and the reviewing, and we're going to read a review right now. following, subscribing, and the reviewing. And we're going to read a review right now. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from Just Sims from the United States.

Five stars. I may be allergic to this podcast. Every Monday morning I wake up with an eerie feeling that my day is about to get a whole lot better. Thanks to Andy, Mike, and Jason, this podcast will make you laugh, make you cry, and make you question just how far human achievement can go. Be prepared to discover a few new allergies and make a few new best friends along the way. Well, thank you.

I am glad that someone has finally recognized what we are doing for the advancement of humans and for the advancement of mondays in general because mondays can be a bad day but not anymore also have you ever described in a feeling as eerie when you think something good is about to happen no eerie is universally a very bad okay i was just i was making sure i didn't necessarily bad but just like um like murky well like just negative here just just just not good i'm not saying it's bad it's just not good that's a good question to start the show is Is eerie always negative? Yes. Eerie is always negative. So if you came out, let's say you came out of a, you walked out of a cabin and there

was a mist and a fog and you're like, man, I got an eerie feeling. You better get back in that. If you come out of a cabin and there's mist and you have a bad feeling or I'm sorry, an eerie feeling. I put words in your mouth. I'm sorry. Thank you. You get back in that cabin immediately.

Oh yeah. You're not being like, man, I've got an eerie feeling. Let's in your mouth i'm sorry thank you you get back in that cabin immediately oh yeah you're not being like man i've got an eerie feeling let's go frolic in the fog okay wait hold on owl bull owl borland is trying to tell us that it's not negative no i was just giving you an example like i was just talking about my friend and then he called me on the phone that was kind of eerie oh that's that is a way you would use that but you're saying that it's it's eerie because it doesn't make sense like something is off yeah no okay we're back jason's on track the only way the eerie is off is a good way to put it yeah the only way the eerie is not negative if it's like he called me from lake eerie then then it's like okay this is neutral or eerie Indiana but if it were good if it were good you would say

something feels on not off just to be clear if I had a feeling that I had won the lottery and then someone called me and said I won the lottery would that be eerie no because it's good okay alright we're moving on

would you rather aubrey from the website would you rather wash your hair with dish soap or wash your dishes with shampoo interesting okay not a would you rather i've ever thought of before but important but it's important why are we spending so much time in this show discussing viscosity related oils and bacon grease and now two different types of soaps i don't have the level of acuity to understand the differences you can't understand the difference between dish soap and shampoo. Well, let me start here. Explain the difference to me. Yeah, sure. I want to hear your words, orator of the land. All right.

Shampoo is a sudsy soap that is made- So far, dish soap fits the bill. That is fragrant in delicious ways. Dish soap is something that breaks down grease and oil specifically like hair grease and oil i mean sure it can and they'll smell good but that's not made for it i mean do you want to smell like lemons or do you want to smell like yes i do fruits and berries which one which one is the dish soap and which one's the shampoo dish Dish soap is lemons. You know this. Not always.

Yeah, no, definitely not always. And I have- I've had a mandarin orange dish soap and a mandarin orange shampoo before. I have definitely used citrus smelling like body wash and shampoo. How dare you shame us citrus smelling fools. What are you talking about? Do you want to smell like a fresh, clean lemon scent? Of course I do.

What are you talking about? Only berries for me. You have not described anything differentiating these two objects. But he has openly mocked me for not knowing the difference between them. I mean, the difference is clear. I'm doing a bad job explaining the difference. I guess we are getting back to viscosity here. Right.

Because... Which one's thicker? The thicker one... Shampoo. Is... He's going to say dish soap. He was going to say dish soap. I was going to say dish soap for sure.

I think dish soap's definitely thinner because dish soap's made... Here, here. Dish soap is made to dissolve in the water and create bubbles, not to... Like shampoo? But shampoo is not made to fully... It is made to dissolve in the water and create bubbles, not to... Like shampoo? But shampoo is not made to fully... It is supposed to dissolve.

No, I don't think it's dissolving. I think dish soap is made to be diluted. You know what I mean? Like one part dish soap to two parts water. I want to tell you something right now. I definitely can't decide whether I'd rather wash my hair with dish soap or wash my dishes with shampoo because i don't know which one would do i feel like they both do a fine job i'd rather not have the chemicals in my hair now which one from the dish soap

i worry much more dish soap chemicals what what chemicals Mike. You know, the chemicals. What chemicals? Potassium microhydrochlorozoanine. Shampoo is full of chemicals. Sure. Okay. But those chemicals are made for your hair. One's made for dirty dishes. I've got the answer. Or are they the same thing?

They're not the same. They're not the same thing. No way. That's like you saying WD-40 is the same as olive oil. Different chemicals, different compounds. WellD-40 is the same as olive oil. Why? Different chemicals, different compounds. Well, olive oil is not a chemical. That's true.

I mean, well, everything is. What I mean is like you have, you have very like certain chemicals that you use to clean or break things down, right? Like a spray that you would use to clean a kitchen table, right? Like a spray that you would use to clean a kitchen table. Right? Like a bleach spray? Well, not necessarily a beach spray, but just like a counter cleaning spray. Sure. That's not something you would spray on your hands and wash your hands with. Right.

No. Because they're made strong? It's made to break down the bonds of the food. I think it's because... I actually think it is because the photographs on the bottle show counters. What if it was all the same? It's all, all of it's always been the same. Well, let's say that it's not all the same.

Okay, maybe it is, in which case it go with whatever smells better. But if it's not the same, and I believe it is not, then you have to err on the side of caution. And the side of caution to me is not which one is in my hair that shouldn't be in my hair but which one is on something that i'm ingesting like if i put shampoo on my dishes and the residue is there and i'm eating off of that i'm ingesting something i'm not worried about no residue well i am so you you can am. So you can drink all the shampoo you want. So the word on the street is that the big difference is in pH. That's what I've been trying to say.

And that dish soap will fry your hair long term. So if you did that, your hair's toast. Oh, no. Oh, no. Is my hair going to go away? Have you been using? Yeah, how long have you been washing with dish soap? Yeah, that's the question. Oh, no. Is my hair going to go away? Have you been using? Yeah. How long have you been washing with this show?

Yeah, that's the question. Wait a minute. Dawn is not shampoo. I thought I was supposed to use it in the morning. That's at dawn. Right. I mean, I wake up. I use dawn.

It says it softens my hair. I will not destroy my head with the chemicals. Yeah, I guess. I will take a shot that it will sanitize my plate. Before I knew that, I was going to land with, I have smelled shampoos that are overwhelming. I can't recall a dish soap where the fragrance was just, you were like, oh, I got to, someone put this away.

The fragrance. Did I say fragrance? Yeah. Fragrance. Yeah,, oh, I got to, someone put this away. The Fuegwins. Did I say Fuegwins? Yeah. Fuegwins. Yeah, we're not going to let that slide on this show. Oh, the Fuegwins is overwhelming. Jason and I made eyes of a Fuegwins. Well, we're mature.

All right. My R sound just vanished. Yeah, it was just straight up Fuegwins. Suffering, so it to edge. Someone saw Space Jam 2 recently. Yeah, that's what it was. I am, so I don't know how you were going to go. I'm definitely taking the dish soap into the hair.

Okay, all right. John from Patreon, congrats. It's pronounced hail. Hail. Congrats, your farts no longer stink. Oh, thank goodness. It's never been a been a problem though now you get to choose would you rather be able to pick a new pleasant scent for all of your farts or would you rather that they be completely odorless okay okay like lemon well i would prefer berries but um you know to each their own.

It's an alert. It's an alarm that somebody has. What if we all had unique individual, like a Patronus from Harry Potter? Oh, yeah. But we each have a unique positive, but unique scent for all of our farts? Right. So like Jason's known as boysenberry? Oh, man. Number one, we know they're not eerie.

No, because it's pleasant. Because it's pleasant. It's good. But would it really be pleasant? But what if it was a random draw? Like, you get spearmint over there. But I'm saying... No, Mike's got a good point here.

You're breathing someone's innards and you know it. Yes, I'm smelling a fart. I know it smells good. I think the reason we... But that's poop. That's poop particles. Look, you only associate that with a bad thing because of the smell. Because the evolution of your body has said that something's wrong.

If all poop and farts smelled good, you wouldn't think that you're getting something gross. No, that's not true. Otherwise, you know, oh, let's use this as lotion. No, it's poop. No matter what it smells like. But you- Wait, everything that smells good, your first thought is I need to moisturize my skin with it? No, I'm just saying as an example here, Andy's saying that if it smelled good, we wouldn't dislike it.

I think that's factual. But we still know the bacteria that we do now. You wouldn't think it's gross because we know bacteria grows on gross smelling things. If the men in black came in here and went, and you've only had pleasant smells with your poo. We wouldn't even call them farts. We'd have a different nice name for them. Yeah. Like ploofs.

Ooh, that's pretty nice. Yeah, I ploofed. Yeah. Oh, man. Nice ploof, bro. Oh, that's a strawberry ploof. Sweet ploofs, bro. Oh, man.

Jason dropped another spearmint ploof. Well done bro. Why are we bro-ing out over? Ploofs is a pretty soft term. I mean that's not, can you, yeah, I feel like you might, you would have to name your own fart then. Oh, everyone gets to name the onomatopoeia of your fart? Oh, yes, yes. Mine would be more like a pluff. You're a pluff than a plump? Yeah.

Oh, you got the M in there. A plump. I'm a mumpf. That was what my mom was. She's more of a mom. Al Borland would be more of a cedar wood. Oh, yeah. It would be so manly.

It would be a musk. A nice musky ploof. I prefer sandalwood, but they're both great. Oh, sandalwood. Okay. He would be like a shrump. I know Brooks. Brooks would overwhelm his own ploof smell, and it would be apples. You know it would smell like a fresh apple orchard.

But back to the question. Is it better to have a sweet plump or just you can get away with it? If you can stop the sound, nobody will ever know. Well, no. I'd rather have the smell. They lose part of their power. If they have no odor at all, they don't exist. Right.

It's like if a tree falls in the woods and no one hears it. Yeah, if someone... Farts would fail to exist. If someone drops a butt bomb and it doesn't smell... Yeah, but you can... You do have the sound. You're still going to hear it. You still have the...

I mean, that would be really exciting for me. Is it then far more allowed and appropriate? No. Or not appropriate, but... Because, I mean, a would be really exciting for me. Is it then far more allowed and appropriate? Or not appropriate, but allowed? Because, I mean, a burp is... Not on the poop particle argument. No, you've got a good point here, Mike. A burp is more socially acceptable than a fart. Because it doesn't come out of your butt.

That's one of the big reasons why. That is... If a burp came out of your butt, then it wouldn't be socially acceptable. No, because then it'd be a fart. I call that a butt burp. of your butt, then it wouldn't be socially acceptable. No, because then it'd be a fart. I call that a butt burp.

Which you should call it that because you don't mouth burp. That's right. So you don't know which one of yours is a burp gone fart or a straight fart. Fart gone burp. Fart gone burp. Alright. Alright, we better move on. I'm going odorless. I'm going nice smell. Mike?

I'm going with the nice smell ryan from the website would you rather always be pulling a trailer everywhere you drive in your vehicle or only be able to ride a motorcycle oh my gosh could i be the safest motorcycle rider in the world sure no like no i don't think you can be, no. Like a big... Someone is. Out there right now, of motorcycle drivers, somebody is, in fact, the safest motorcycle... They go a little bit slower than everybody else. What is that...

Is it the Pixar movie with the big inflatable, the white character that I'm thinking of? Baymax? Baymax. Big Hero 6? That could be my outfit. Oh, so you're already in your airbags yeah I'm basically in one of those blow up bubble things now would you have a side car oh that would make it safer so yes I feel like you're you're larger and then I'd put I'd

have two I'd have two side cars left and right yeah put some walls on put a couple seats in the back that's right a couple of doors I change out my handlebars for a wheel. That's right. I need to be able to roll up windows when it's getting rainy. That's my kind of motorcycle. What was the other option? You have to pull a trailer everywhere? Sounds like a nightmare.

That is a nightmare. Have you ever pulled a trailer? I have pulled a trailer. Because I have never done it. I've never pulled a trailer either. pulled a trailer. I have never done it. I've never pulled a trailer either. I have had one opportunity where back

when I was in a band, we did a show in California and I refused. I refused to be the one who would drive and try and park this and then my bass player at the time, we got to the gig. Stressed out of his mind? Yeah, and he had

he is, he had never done a trailer either but he's just one of like he's one of those just too nice of a guy where i got aggressive i'm like i'm not doing it he's like okay i'll do it and the austin powers back and forth that this man had to do to get the trailer anywhere close to the parking spot was like that's exactly why i am not doing this because it is embarrassing and i'm going to smash someone else's car the parking situation is literally the worst part i think once you're on the road it's fine whatever you're you're a little longer but every single time you got to know to slow down sooner do you yes jason wait is that true yes because you have a lot of extra weight and it takes longer to stop okay but it's not

it's not like the things on a bungee cord is gonna hit you it's just no no you will run into somebody else well that's like saying if i got a lot of cargo in the back. It will fly forward and hit you. That's 100% what happens. It's called momentum. I still stand by that the worst part is the parking. It's not the driving. Because every time, it doesn't matter. Can you go through a drive-thru with a trailer? No, no, no.

Oh, yeah, I'm out. That was an easy question. Can you go through on a motorcycle? Oh, yeah. Where do out. That was an easy question. Can you go through on a motorcycle? Oh, yeah. Where do you store it? Wait a minute. Oh, man. I've never seen a motorcycle on a drive-thru.

I've never seen a motorcycle on a drive-thru. There's motorcycles that have side storage. Put a little basket on front. But you can't actively eat it while you're driving. Says who? Oh, man. that's hard. I will say this. I've got an electric scooter.

Says motorcycles. I've got an electric scooter, right? Oh, you can't take your hand off of that thing. You can't. No, you can't. It's unbelievable. It's impossible. You have to have two hands on those.

You think you could ride with one hand and hold the mail in your other hand. You can fall with one hand. You sure can. Now, this made me think of something what because you could you could you have to be able to drive through on a motorcycle you're legally allowed yeah what what is the smallest vehicle you could go through a drive through in like would it count as a tricycle type of thing because they they would not like that they say they will not serve you if you're on foot.

You can't bicycle? I don't believe most places will serve a bicycle. What about motor powered? Then they have to. You can do a golf cart. Can you? Yeah. Yeah, I can.

For sure. Have you golf carted through a drive-thru? I haven't yet, but if someone wants to, for science, give me a golf cart, I will drive through every drive-thru and count whether they serve me or not. But stilts don't count, right? It's got to be powered. It's got to be motorized. That's the difference.

So that's the rule? Yes. So if my rollerblades have a motor on them? Then you're eating it. I mean, you'd never get to that drive-thru, buddy. You're going to be on your back quick. Okay. All right.

Can you get pulled in a wagon like the person in the wagon gets served but not the puller oh loophole so you're saying maybe i'm in the trailer and then they're okay and a vehicle is pulling but they drive past the window and you order the problem is you can't get that trailer into the actual oh yeah we can't take trailers we got we got back to the beginning i guess i'm i'm just riding a regular old motorcycle what kind of motor are we all on the motorcycle side yeah okay so now the more important question what kind of motorcycle would we choose a safe one okay so you're on like a goldwing honda yeah you're on like a big wide one yeah big travelers one i think i if i had a ride in the back if i had to ride a motorcycle Okay, so you're on like a Goldwing Honda. You're on like a big, wide one. Yeah, a big Traveler's one.

With a tent in the back. If I had to ride a motorcycle, I'd go crotch rocket. Would you? Oh, yeah, I would. Really? I'm not a laid back. I'd love to see that. Oh, man.

I mean, I like speed. I like driving fast, and I like going in and out of traffic. And, you know, we all die. So I think the crotch rocket is the the bike i would pick this is precisely why i have never and will never own a motorcycle i feel like i could see you on a chopper i would love to genuinely i would love to ride a motorcycle regularly i the only reason i don't do that is because of death. Right, it's a pretty good reason.

But if I wasn't married, I didn't have kids, I would be much more inclined to do that. Like, that would be a dream to go across the country on a motorcycle. Really? That's a dream of yours? Yes, it would be awesome. That feels like a really numb nether region. Oh, man. Has that become a problem?

Yeah, you're sitting on a motor. You've got to get calloused. It's vibrating the whole time you're riding. Well, I made it to New York, but I can't have kids. That's how we vasectomy people now? Yeah. You take your journey? I've never heard of the

rumbling undercarriage being the main problem in motorcycle riding. It's normally been the getting hit by cars and dying part. Well, those people can't tell you about the. Eerie comment there. David from Twitter. One more. Would you rather have to fight a chicken to death every time you get in your car or or you have to fight a gorilla once a year but you get a sword i mean you have to think about 365 days of fighting a chicken when you're in the car

i just love it i love the wording it's fight a chicken to the death as if we don't know who's going to win, but you've got to fight to the death to figure it out. This is not a fight to the death. This is a you have to kill a chicken every time you go. It is for the chicken. I mean, can a chicken kill a person? No. Not 1v1.

I mean, you might run into some. They're going to get some pecks in. They're going to get some scratches. You're in a very small, tight area where they can move around a lot the worst part is you're going to get into a good habit of grabbing and breaking the neck of a chicken yeah you're gonna be a pro by the end of this year you'll just be like eventually you'll be casual you'll just be like all right honey i'm going to work oh yeah other people are driving with you oh let me get that for you but where where do you put the dead chicken? You got to cook it.

You don't want to be wasteful. Right. Is it wasteful? You put them in the trailer. Is it wasteful if it's a magic chicken that just shows up every time you get in your car? Well, this chicken had a soul. Is it the same chicken every time? Oh, brother.

Does he learn? I imagine you're getting it. Oh, that'd be a problem. He's getting better. He's protecting the neck now. How many times could I imagine you're getting it. Oh, that'd be a problem. He's getting better. He's protecting the neck now. How many times could you kill that chicken before it kills you? Now you start opening the door, and you can't find him. He's hiding.

He's under a seat. He's in the glove compartment. And you've got to go searching, because he's going to wait until you get out on the road. He cut the brakes. The chicken's cut the brakes now? He's going full kamikaze. I'll die in here, but so will you. He's coming back tomorrow.

He knows he's coming back. Oh, that's right. He's fine taking one for... Oh, man. Unless once the car is totaled, does the magic power go away? No, I hope it does. I hope it's totaled and he just appears in this completely crumpled box. Every day.

Auto death. All right. We need to move on to the situation. But I want to answer the question, though. Okay. I would rather fight a chicken to the death, fight him to the death every day of the rest of my life than 25 years from now have to fight a gorilla once and I get a gun. I'm not winning that fight.

You couldn't beat a gorilla with a gun? Well, give me one of those gatlings. Right now, today, if you had to fight a gorilla with a sword, that just means that a gorilla has now killed you with a sword. That's probably true. I promise I could scratch that gorilla. I could absolutely get a scratch in before I die. I'm confident. Because I swing and I just got to barely hit him to scratch.

If you grab the sword and you do the full quick swing around, around, around, would you be able to? What, like link? Are you just spinning in 360? Yeah. Is there any way for him to get you? No, that's impossible. You're going to get tired and dizzy. What, like Link? Are you just spinning in 360? Yes. Is there any way for him to get you? No, that's impossible. You're going to get tired and dizzy. Yeah, I might throw up.

It's going to wait you out. It's a gorilla. They're smart. It's a good point. How do you? Okay. So you've got a good sharp sword. Yeah, super sharp.

It's a gorilla sword, but go on. You got one free shot at the gorilla. Oh. Do you think even given that- He's not moving? Yeah. Do you think you could kill the gorilla? Yeah, I think I could kill the gorilla.

Free shot. What do you do? You go neck. Do you go decapitation or do you go stab to the heart? I was thinking about that. Eerie thought. I think I would go for the head. You said it's super sharp.

If I was not trusting the sharpness, I'd go hard. I feel like it's got to be super sharp to get through to the heart. But the point is more likely to break through with a little less sharpness. If I just swat him in the neck and there's no sharpness, and it just bounces off his neck. Now you just pissed off a gorilla. That's what I mean. And then the gorilla pulls the sword out.

Do you just go straight down like chopping wood style right on the top of the head? Very strong. Oh, like a. Just right down on the top like you're chopping wood. No, then you got to go through the skull. Like you're trying to open a hot dog? Right. You don't want to go through a skull to get to the gorilla.

I think now that we're talking about this, I think if you get free shot, if he's not going to respond until after that shot is done, I think you do have to go piercing for the heart. Now, just to make this worse, if you took a leg off, could you get away? Interesting. I don't believe I could take a leg off. Doubtful. I think I'm going to just –

Could a gorilla run without toes? Yeah. I mean, they go- A gorilla goes like all fours sometimes. How about the old eyeball? See, now that's a good one. Oh, now we're thinking like a champion. We're all getting killed by the gorilla, right?

Yeah, sure. Of course. I'm just going to a corner sitting there with the sword pointing out. That's why I'm fighting a chicken. To the death. To the death. To the death. We just hope it doesn't. May the best man win.

It's going to be me. All right. Time to enter the Situation Room. Spidwads, we want to thank Helix Sleep for not only sponsoring the show, but for giving me awesome sleep. Thank you. Thank you, Mike. You must have been on a Helix sleep mattress. Look, I've had my Helix sleep mattress for a long time now,

probably about a year, but a couple of months ago, I changed out our guest's room mattress with a Helix sleep mattress. And I'm just giving you a warning. This is great. My wife loves it because she loves having people over. If you change your guest mattress out, you're going to have more company. You're going to have more sleepovers. People are going to be wanting to sleep on this thing. They have a quiz. It takes just two minutes, and they match it with your body type and sleep preferences that matches you or your partner or both, and you get a unique mattress.

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Helix is offering up to $200 off all mattress orders and two free pillows for our listeners at helixsleep.com slash ballers. That's helixsleep.com slash ballers for up to $200 off and two free pillows. The Situation Realm. Big Boss Mike from Patreon writes in. Yeah, I did. With your lives on the line, the three or sorry must compete as a team in any game show or TV competition of your choice

what do you choose for your best odds of survival funny word there because survivor is an option it is not the option we would go with you're built for it I could I could last a while without food

I don't know of any I don't know of any game show I assume we have to pick a real game show I could last a while without food. I don't know of any game show. I assume we have to pick a real game show. How's your fat reserves? They're okay. They're up at 55%. I've been training for this my whole life. This is your moment. Does anybody know of a foosball game show?

No. No, but let's think of some main ones. You've got Price is Right. You've got Jeopardy. You've got... Jeopardy's Out. Oh, yeah. Jeopardy's Out.

No way. I mean, it's the three of us, right? Right. So, Family Feud? I could get down for some Family Feud. Perhaps. I think we could win on that. The Million Dollar Pyramid, which is basically taboo.

I'm excellent. I am excellent at that game. Dude, Mike, I think we could crush the Million Dollar Pyramid. I'm not even part of this anymore? No, we got you. Get on our back. We got you from here. Although, if you die, it's completely our fault.

Okay. So, yeah, I think I'm good at taboo. Family family feud would be fun uh what about the uh i know a lot of people were tagging us american ninja warrior oh no thank you floor is lava that was the one i was gonna say a lot of people were saying because it's three people i think and they're like dude you guys have to do floors lava lava. I feel pretty confident I can handle floor is lava. I would need at least two weeks to train. Get a little, maybe lose five or two. Everything's two weeks away from Jason. Just two weeks is all I need.

Two weeks. Just give me two more. You know, like American Gladiator. Two weeks. Two weeks. I'd be all right if I had two weeks to train for that. Ninja Warrior. Two weeks? Couple of weeks, yeah. Two weeks? Two weeks. I'd be fine. Could I had two weeks to train for that. Ninja Warrior. Two weeks?

Couple of weeks, yeah. Two weeks? Two weeks. I'd be fine. Could you get up that wall? Yeah. Do I get one of those Batman guns? You get a running start.

Jason gets to participate in American Ninja Warrior like normal, but he does get a grappling gun. He has a utility belt? He gets a utility belt. I'm just everything. I'm not doing- I want to see you try to use that gun a hundred times up a mountain. I'm not walking upstairs. I'm just scatling, cutting myself up the stairs.

This is awesome! Now, I want you to think about the physics of a Gatling gun and the way that Batman does it. Yeah. Okay? Okay. So he, one-handed. Yeah. gatling gun and the way that batman does it yeah okay okay so he one-handed yeah what holding the handle of a gun he fires a hookup and then he holds on to the gun i don't think we mean gatling gun either no no no we don't you're grappling grappling yeah yeah i mean i won't accept either

i will definitely not lose if i have a gatling gun I won't win. All right, on your marks, get set. But you applaud. That's for the gorilla. That's for the gorilla. But have you ever- Could I hold on? Have you ever tried to hold yourself up with one arm? Yeah. It's not like- Lately?

Oh my gosh. Oh my gosh. I can hold myself up by one arm for a short period of time. Now, I tried to do that on a pull-up bar. On a pull-up bar. It was rough. You were going for like two minutes. No, I mean like literally last night.

I was like stretching out my shoulders on a pull-up bar, and I was playing around with trying to do one arm, and it's uncomfortable. If you add in the fact that it is pulling me, so it's my weight plus a lot more. I mean, just so you know, Batman doesn't have to one-hand this thing. He can put both hands on,

and I would need both hands. Well, no, he goes one hand because he has to hold on to somebody else. Can't you attach it to the belt? Does he do that? He does. Maybe he does. Sometimes he does.

And that's a pro move. Now, how does that work work that's because his arm is getting sore how does that work if you attach it to the belt yeah you've got that thing run under the undercarriage it's another whole undercarriage okay so you you have it's not just a around the waist belt no you'd be slicing it's a three-point harness yes you're full full body harness now when you take off yeah you wear a cup. I know what you're saying. I'm trying to figure out the logistics here.

I will say this. I've been on a harness before for a theatrical. Peter Pan? Close, close. It was the foreigner. But where you've got a. Peter Pan is close to the foreigner. No, it was close.

It was a play. That goes all the way up, I'm assuming. Over your to the floor. No, it was a play. That goes all the way up, I'm assuming. Over your shoulders, too? No, it kind of didn't. It was like one of those step-in harnesses where the loops around the legs. And then I think it does buckle a little bit higher. But oh my goodness.

Did you do flips? No, no, no. You couldn't do flips in this one. Guys, lifting your body from loops on your legs is a nightmare of all nightmares. And this was 100 pounds ago. It's not okay. It is not comfortable. No.

Were you the foreigner? I'm starting to think it might have been Harold and Maude. Oh, I saw you in that. Yeah. It was not Maude. You were outstanding. Oh, thank you. I don't know any of these shows.

They sound dumb. Well, Maude is the old woman. Oh, you weren't the old woman? I wasn't the old woman, no. All right. I think, look, there's the one I'd want to do, which is Survivor, but I don't know if I'd actually do well. Your odds of winning are too dependent on other people in that one.

So I think we've got to do what you said. Well, I'll ride your coattails on... $10,000 pyramid, or I think we would do well on Family Feud. Yeah, that would be the most fun. Good answer. Mandy Ballerway writes in, says, You have been given the opportunity to live your life on repeat forever, or you can continue it as currently scheduled.

So this is like Groundhog Day, right? You wake up in the morning, and the thing is you maintain all your memories, and the day starts fresh every morning. So you're eternal at this point. But it's the same day. It's the same day. So it is Groundhog Day. Yes, but the thing is, you would be eternal, but you'd be living in the same day forever.

Do you opt in or do you just finish out life now? Because in this situation, you wouldn't accumulate money, right? Sure. Because any work, so work that you do during the day is kind of irrelevant. Oh, I'm not going to work. I mean, I'm living the same day over and over, so I can do whatever I want. So you're calling in sick every morning. There's no traveling, right?

Not taking a vacation in New York, because by the time I get there, I'm back. You could probably fine-tune that. You could probably get up in the morning and be like, hey, I can get this flight to go here and experience it, but then you're waking up in the same place. Yeah, there is the difficulty, and I think the Andy Samberg movie was, I think it was called Palm Springs, and they explored this a little bit, because it's very Groundhog Day, but they were trying to look at some more of the rules.

So, and you're living Groundhog Day. When is the reset? Is the reset midnight? Yes. Or is the reset when you fall asleep? Either one. The reset is everyone's- That's fair. That's the reset when you fall asleep? Either one. The reset is everyone. That's fair.

Whatever comes first. That's right. Either when you fall asleep, die, or when the clock strikes 12.01. Yeah, so you don't get to stretch it out just by staying up longer. Okay. The thing is, this would be a way to opt into living forever you know living forever right but you're in that day you are in a living hell like when i have not seen a movie we're revolving around this premise where they're happy about it everyone is trying to get out of that everyone is trying to escape from it

i mean you're in a time loop but let me ask you this practically speaking what is the difference like we live the majority of our life doing the same day over and over now what happens around us is different we don't know what everyone's going to say and but but then that will branch out and change as the day goes on. But my point is, like, getting philosophical here, we basically are living the same day over and over and over and over right now on a short enough time span. The kids and family are the fundamental difference here. Right.

Because any influence you have on them that day does not remain. Oh, I'm no longer a parent. You are going self-mode. Of course I am. What am I going gonna raise them right for tomorrow that's today self-mode for the eternity sounds like hell jason has been given the gift of eternal life and your first decision is i'm out on the family well no because i can't do anything for the family. It's not like I don't love them anymore. If you have eternity, wouldn't you want to spend some time with them?

Oh, we'd have a blast. We'd do things together sometimes. But I'm not parenting. I'm not like, watch what you eat. But is it redeemable if there's no memories for them? No. Like you get to the end of the day of the best. You give them the best day of their lives. Yeah. And then up tomorrow you remember it they don't yeah oh yeah there's no

value but that's why i'm saying i'm pretty much out on parenting because it's irrelevant all right let me see what you're saying let me give you a twist here because i think right now nobody's opting into eternal life no way you can opt into this exact same situation but you and your closest friends and family do maintain their memories. But you don't age. Everyone's the same age. There's no progression around you. They're in it with me, though?

But they're in it with you. Oh, but now they're the same age. Yeah, they're the same age. So do you want to continue? That's great. You want your kid to be nine forever? You want your kid to be 12 forever? I get to have forever with my kids and they never become teenagers?

Heck yeah, man. That sounds great. Eventually, your children will realize what is happening and be very angry. No, I do realize that. I don't get to walk my daughter down the aisle. So, Mike, are you out on that too? Look, I've lived long enough already. I don't need more.

Okay. All right. What would it take to opt into the everyday tournament? Well, I think what made it interesting to me was the idea that you are opting into the security of where you're at right now. Would you take where you're at in this exact moment forever or not on this earth? No, because I would not take anything forever. Right. But what if I said a thousand years?

Maybe. Maybe. So there's a line where you go. There's a line that would go from this is cool to I am condemned in this state. Yes. And I think that would happen probably in about two months. And then any time that you wanted out of that, you couldn't. You'd just be waking up the next day.

Exactly. So you would become a crazy person. Yes. And I feel like we got a pretty good life right now. So you would still feel that way? I'm going to stick with what we already got. All right, Al, how are you doing today? Doing great.

Out of curiosity, you wouldn't opt in, would you? Nope. All right. Do we have time for another situation, or do you want us to move on to the draft? Let's get into the draft. All right, here we go. Spin Wads. Look, we've been talking about HelloFresh for a long time. Spit wads. Look, we've been talking about HelloFresh for a long time.

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friendly menus uh you know back to school time you you want to take the shopping out of the equation do that um you've also got the fall harvest is officially on. You know, with HelloFresh, you can count on seasonal recipes like pumpkin cinnamon rolls. I'm in. Yes. Oh, Friendsgiving ready sides. Mmm.

Let's go. Look, go to HelloFresh.com slash Spitballers14 and use the code Spitballers14 for up to 14 free meals, including free shipping. Once again, for up to 14 free meals, including free shipping. Once again, for up to 14 free meals and free shipping, go to hellofresh.com slash spitballers14 and use the code spitballers14. HelloFresh, America's number one meal kit. The Spitballers Draft.

All right. Now, this draft is one that Mike is already shaking his hand at. I'm drafting under protest here. Which is funny because, like, it's really just not that consequential to life. Is that fair to say? Of course. Best fro-yo toppings. When this topic was brought up by Al Borland, our fearless producer, it seemed like a lighthearted, innocent little draft.

I mean, there's fro-yo shops all over the country. Yeah. Self-serve. They close every day. Yeah, they do. They do. Nothing turns over quicker than a Froyo shop. Weird.

I mean, I wonder why. But everybody loves them. Or do they? Well, not enough. They love ice cream shops. And when a Froyo shop opens, they go, oh, let's go try that. A little healthier, but they don't keep going back because they're like, I feel like it's yogurt.

They charge you by weight. There's infinite, lots of different toppings. Great. Discriminated against again. They don't weigh you at the end of the line. Sir, you look like that's going to be $15. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am.

The ma'am's voice was, sir. Yes, ma'am. Yes, ma'am. The ma'am's voice was, sir. They check your weight and then they charge you based on what they think you'd eat. I mean, it makes sense. To some degree, it's not fair. I'm sorry.

I'm sure it's illegal. They weigh your fro-yo, brother. Yeah, no, I know. I know how fro-yo works. But here's the deal. Lots of toppings, lots of choices, lots of ways to go. I think a lot of the fun for kids and for people going is that you do have variety. But Mike is a man who wants vanilla yogurt. No, I don't want vanilla yogurt.

But I would like chocolate yogurt. And the problem with it is it's not frozen yogurt. The concept of frozen yogurt is solid. Are you okay over there, Coffee McOpster? Yeah, I'm good. I might have drank my drink down the wrong tube. Frozen yogurt, the idea is that I'm eating, I'm getting most of the flavor of ice cream,

but with fewer of the calories. But for children, like, oh, I want to go to frozen yogurt, Getting most of the flavor of ice cream, but with fewer of the calories. Correct. But for children, like, oh, I want to go to frozen yogurt, they want to go to the candy store. Yeah, because they don't- It's not frozen yogurt. It's the candy shop. Yeah, they definitely don't care about the calories and whether it's ice cream or fro-yo. They don't care about the frozen yogurt. They just dump candy on it.

Well, yeah, because the frozen yogurt's the worst part of it. Why are you getting frozen yogurt? So we're drafting toppings to make it better. Oh, yeah, because the frozen yogurt's the worst part of it. Why are you getting frozen yogurt? So we're drafting toppings to make it better. Oh, yeah. And Mike, I told you before, we're more in line in some ways, but we'll get to the picks. So Jason, you get to kick this thing off. What is your number

one fro-yo topping? I think the coughing has made you sweaty. Oh, dude, I am a wreck over here. You don't come for no one. Okay, so I know what my clear-cut absolute 101 is. I mean, I have never gone to get fro-yo and not put this on ever, and I never will unless they don't have it, in which case, shame on you. And it will probably be my fourth pick because I can't imagine

that either of you would ever care about this. Wait, so you're not picking it? So you're taking it first and fourth? You're just tantalizing it? So I'm going to start with what is just the best candy in general because these are often able to be put on my fro-yo

and I like more of the toppings than the fro-yo itself. I'm going with the mini Reese's peanut butter cups. That was actually the only candy that I had on my list. So good. And I don't even need yogurt in that cup.

So you like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. That is correct. I like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups. They're made a little worse with fro-yo, but they're still good. You're just proving my point. Oh, I'm with you on the point. You said that children view it as a candy store. I am one of the children who views it as a candy store.

You're 100% right. But do you legitimately put in one little swirl at the bottom and then fill it up with toppings? Yes. He doesn't like the candy to roll around. It needs a good base so it just sticks. Sometimes I feel like what I want to do is just get the cup and go to the counter and put the toppings in i don't do that because i think that's illegal um there are stores you

can you can do that so you're just buying a variety of toppings by weight yeah yeah all right my pick is gonna be caramel okay it's on my list yeah which i mean i don't think i have to distinguish between like hot or cold or something like that right like no it's just it's but it's on my list. Yeah, which I mean, I don't think I have to distinguish between like hot or cold or something like that, right? No, but it's a liquid. To me, I try to maintain the fidelity of the fro-yo. As in like the texture? I want to maintain it as a cold treat, not a candy store situation. I'm trying to accent the flavor, which is what caramel does.

So I'm going to take that with my number one pick. Now, have you tried eating caramel sauce without fro-yo, though? It's not that good. No. And that's how you should always judge these toppings. What if I didn't put fro-yo in this cup? Exactly.

I think you made a huge mistake there. I would love to see somebody go into a Froyo shop, fill about half the cup with just caramel instead of Froyo, and then put toppings on the caramel. Oh, I will try it tonight. Let me make a newt. All right, Mike. You are on the clock with a double pick.

And Froyo is great, Al. Yes, it is. Yeah. I like a good chocolate frozen yogurt. Dole Whip is an elite dessert. Yeah. But you can't put anything on the Dole Whip. No, you don't.

But that's a special, it's even got a little special texture. What flavor? You're maintaining the integrity, the fidelity of it. What is your base flavor? My base flavor is either vanilla or the, um oh gosh what is the one that's like oh the tart i'll do the tart that's mine too the tart is there's something called a tart it's a different flavor like a tart vanilla it's a tart vanilla is it called tart it is called tart yeah i think they what they leave the vanilla out for several years.

It actually kind of tastes like that. And then they say, this one's too old. It goes bad? Yeah, it goes bad. They call it tart. It tastes like a more, it's got like a yogurt-y bite to it. Is that a good way to describe it, Al? Because you said it's your favorite too.

Yeah, it complements the fruity toppings better. It complements all the toppings. Okay. So those are my bases. But Mike, you've got a couple of sweet picks. So I had to go do some research to find out what kind of things people put on frozen yogurt. To be clear, let's just be plain with the audience. We're transparent.

We're ourselves. Mike's choice. So let me see. You go with the kids because I'm sure they've dragged you to a Froyo place. They have, yes. Despite your disdain. Yes. You're just a good father.

You followed their lead. I was just there. I ordered nothing. And you got nothing at all. Despite your disdain. Yes. You're just a good father. You followed their lead. I was just there. I ordered nothing. And you got nothing at all. I got nothing. Okay. But have you gone and just gotten plain chocolate fro you? I have.

Okay. So to be clear, Mike didn't really have a lot of insight to this draft because he prefers them to have no toppings. I've seen it. My children love these gummy shark things. Yeah, those are ridiculous. When the gummy is like a full-on turkey leg in there, and I need to... I mean, you shouldn't have to take the gummy out with utensils

and cut it up to eat it. Yeah, no, that is a good one. That's a good pick. Gummy shark? Yeah. That's all full candies. All right, so I'm up. I'll start it off with something.

I can see myself actually doing this. I'm going to go with the Oreos. Yeah. The Oreos. I'm not opposed to it. I put them in my ice cream. Why would I not put them in my frozen? No reason not to, Mike.

Spread your wings. So I'm going to go with that one. Now, how crazy do you get with this second pick here? Because I've seen some things that piqued my interest. Okay. So you're browsing right now? No, I did it. I'm a

professional. I browsed before I got in here. Oh, good. And I don't really care about the polls on this one. Look, this one, I don't know that i've seen it in the yogurt shops if i have i have overlooked it captain crunch oh yeah they've been in there people people do this yes i'm shocked it sounds actually pretty good i'm shocked and and i maybe

i shouldn't even say this because it could still be picked but i'm shocked you didn't go fruity pebbles as the see See, the problem is I get chocolate, and I don't do fruit and chocolate. I know people like, oh, I love chocolate-dipped strawberries. Not for me. Not for me. I'm back up. You are. So, Mike, you're too. Yeah, but good luck beating Oreos

and Captain Crunch. Captain. Oh, you took Oreo. I missed the Oreo. Yeah, I took Oreos. That's a great pick. Thank you. I just hate that usually they crush them up, i took that's a great pick thank you i just hate that usually they crush them up um and then it's like oreo bits that you're putting on i just want oreos just because because your your test is should i eat this alone right exactly and crumpled up oreos would not no i would rather them be solid so i can dunk them in milk. Much more delicious that way. But not fro-yo. You wouldn't dip them in fro-yo.

I mean, you can. It's just not as good. Fro-yo in a cup, though, or a mug. I'm going to take this pick now because I'm afraid of not getting it. It's the most underrated of all toppings for all ice cream and for all fro-yo and anything in general in the ice cream realm, which I am a master. Sure. And that is marshmallow sauce.

Oh, man. Oh, baby. Oh, baby. You're in on that one? It is so good. I am so impressed by you right now, Andy. I mean, this wasn't on my list because this is an ice cream thing, not a frozen yogurt thing.

But marshmallow sauce in ice cream is unbelievably good. Interesting. And not enough places carry it. No. Culver's out here in Arizona, they've got the marshmallow sauce. All the Froyo places always have it. What it does to the texture is just spectacular. It's a little, and it's wonderful.

Again, it doesn't work with fro-yo because you can't eat it without fro-yo. And that's my barometer test. You can't spoon? No, I mean a good marshmallow sauce is more liquidy. It's not like the marshmallow fluff that you get in the store. There's a difference? Yes, yes. This is more like a drink.

It's a marshmallow. That's why I said kind of the marshmallow sauce. Cause you would, you can get it out of a pump delivery system. It's not like opening up a jar of mayo and scooping out a big, thick piece of marshmallow. It's a sauce. Yeah,

that's good. I'm learning a lot. And, and I was afraid that that would go, but I should have thought about the fact that Jason wants something that he can unwrap before he eats it. Yeah. But it's Twizzlers. No, this.

Wait a minute. By the pound? This one is one. Oh, I got two picks here. You do. Okay. So you say you like to keep the, and you have been a man of your word here. You like to keep the consistency of your have been a man of your word here, you like to keep the consistency of your yogurt.

You've got two sauces here. I am the opposite way. Even when actually filling up the tub with yogurt, frozen yogurt, and putting toppings on it, I want there to be like a texture change. I want there to be a reason that I put toppings on there. And so I'm going to go with two different little bites here for my back-to-back picks. Oh, no.

Oh, no. Brownie bites. Okay. And little cheesecake bites. Oh. Oh, those are so good. And you'd put those together. Have you factored in?

Not necessarily. It depends on the flavor of the base. But have you factored in that cheesecake is an abomination and disgusting? Now, let me tell you this, Mike. And even if bite-sized, I bet it's still bad. I need you to understand this. The difference between cheesecake bites and cheesecake is they aren't the same thing. How is that possible?

It's possible because if you think about what is wrong with a cheesecake, is that when you're taking a giant forkful of cheesecake, it's way too much. Like for people that don't like cheesecake. It's a cheesecake to crust ratio difference? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's almost. What if you took smaller bites? Impossible.

It's not the same because imagine the top of a cheesecake, right? And now imagine that that's what the texture is on all. How many sides are on a cube? Is that six? Four? Six? Yeah, six. On all six sides of this cube is like the outside top of the cheesecake.

So you never get that middle that's almost too cream. Now, I would go out on a limb, Jason, just to soften your comments and say it does. It's a little bit like cheesecake. I think that you're being misled by the name. Of cheesecake bites? Of cheesecake bites. Now, what does it taste like? If you had to describe anything in the world

it would taste like, would you go with, I don't know, cheesecake? I would say it tastes like a cream cheese bread. That's what I would say. All right. So you're going with brownie bites and cheesecake bites. Cheesecake bites.

To go with your peanut butter cups. I am going with an underrated topping. Again, speaking from lots of experience in this realm. Underrated. Don't really know why I love it. Maybe it's what Mike said about giving it a little extra crunch. Okay. But I'm going with spr about giving it a little extra crunch. Okay. But I'm going with sprinkles.

It's on my list. Sprinkles are just, they have to be on it. They just taste like sugar. Yeah. Sprinkles are far more of a decoration. They're just a decoration. But they aren't. Okay, now Al is saying sprinkles are trash.

Yeah, sprinkles are trash. Al's right. Well, you can be unemployed. What is wrong with sprinkles? Sprinkles are great. Sprinkles are trash. Yeah, sprinkles are trash. I was right. Well, you can be unemployed. That's fine. What is wrong with sprinkles? Sprinkles are great. Sprinkles are beautiful. They also add a little bit of crunch and flavor. The crunch that sprinkles provide is awful.

It's not crunchy. It's more of a snip. It's just more like, oh, I got some flakes of something in here that are a little bit harder. Sprinkles are trash, but they're beautiful. It's like beautiful garbage. And I think that they serve their place, right? You put some whipped cream on top, a couple of sprinkles, and it's a great picture.

A great photo opportunity. Your IG is better for your sprinkles. Mike, you are up. Okay. And you have to make two more picks. That's good, because my list, list I think is down to two things. Okay, perfect. I will take cookie dough bites.

Oh, what an idiot. I took two bites that weren't cookie dough bites. I was a little bit surprised. That one was on my list. What? I was a little bit surprised you went with cheesecake, which as I've described is garbage

and tastes bad, and cookie dough, which is great. Oh, man, that's a great pick, Mike. So I will bad and cookie dough which is great oh man that's a great pick mike so i will take the cookie dough bites now and then this last pick here wait i will trade you oh my gosh brownie bites and cheesecake bites for cookie dough bites do you accept never all right i had to try never you could you would have a better chance of trading me brownie bites for cookie dough bites. The cheesecake bites make your offer worse. Okay.

All right. And now with my final pick, this one, this gets a little sketchy because this is not how cocaine. I'm sorry. Things get a little pretty wild. Super sketchy. Real'm sorry. Things get a little pretty wild. Super sketchy. Real sketchy. I get all my frozen yogurt from the back of a van.

I mean, it was a great guess because it is methamphetamines. Oh, my gosh. All right. No, because I don't. Better not be black licorice or something. No, no, no. But it's something that if you put it in the cold, it's not as good. This candy is far better when it's warm.

But whatever, people apparently put this into the frozen yogurt. I will take Reese's Pieces. Oh, heck yeah, man. I mean. Oh, you're in on this. Let me ask you this. If there's no frozen yogurt, how are Reese's Pieces? They're awesome.

Very, very good. Reese's Pieces are hit and miss because I've gone back and forth getting Reese's Pieces like milkshakes with them in it and the Reese's Peanut Butter. I call them Reese's Pieces. Yeah, he always says. I've always said them that. I call it that to be funny. I've always said it like that.

Like a little boy. Let's have Reese's Pieces. You guys are funny. And I've tried the cups, and I like the cups more. Honestly, I would have taken the Reese's Pieces on the last turn, except I had the Reese's Cups, and it felt like it was too much. All right, I get my favorite four items in this draft, and I'm finishing with hot fudge.

Hot fudge is outstanding. You are a saucy man. I am very saucy. You just told us about how you like to keep the integrity of the dish. Which is what it does. It melts it. Not if you put a conservative amount. Why don't you just go with-

I need to be able to put everything. Everything that I chose- Why can't it be cold? Can all be together and be a great fro-yo. Because almost- Caramel hot fudge, marshmallow sauce, and sprinkles make for a soupy delight. Because essentially everything you have taken aside from the sprinkles can just be a flavor of frozen yogurt.

No, they don't make caramel-flavored frozen yogurt. Yeah, I've definitely had caramel frozen yogurt. That's not a common thing, just because you've got it. My local one has it there every time. If the standard of weather you've eaten it, that's not a life I want to live. And by the way, mine is also yours because we live near each other. Do you get a marshmallow

sauce frozen yogurt there too? I'm sure there's a marshmallow flavored frozen yogurt. I'm going to have to go and take some pictures. It's a weird criticism. But you are right. It sounds soupy. The criticism is that when this whole thing was brought up i said i'm getting ice cream on the way home i said why do a draft of something that

you shouldn't put toppings on because i could get down with what you have just made but doing it with only frozen yogurt that was that was only my it was not a criticism it was a it was a analysis i have texted my wife. We need to open your eyes. We are getting fro-yo tonight. So you're going to the candy store? Yes, I'm going to the candy store. You're going to the dollar.

You do not mean we're getting fro-yo tonight. You mean you're getting candy in a bowl. Yes. All these candies have really. You should start a fro-yo place called Candy in a Bowl. Ooh, I'll bet if I open that right next to a different yogurt shop, I would put them out of business. Because I'm telling the people what they actually want.

Also, the cocaine one will get – you'll probably do well. Profits are – Huge, huge profits. Not going to be open very long. Right. Much like a frozen yogurt place. All right, I still have a pick here. Without the profits.

It's my true clear 101. Oh, you got it. Yes yes i got it because nobody would ever get uh get this but it's the frost filet mignon filet mignon oh imagine having that without fro-yo it's so good sorry go ahead no it is frosted animal cookies oh like the circus yeah the little cirque yeah i don't know They have those in every Froyo shop. Every Froyo shop has the little pink. Those things are underrated as a general rule of life. But those are way too...

Do they cut them up? Oh, no. Oh, no. You would never do that. They have... No, I've been at places that have both next to each other. They'll have the crushed, and then they'll have the full. Is that to send a message to the other animals?

Yes. P.A., we'll crunch you up. They're to like send a message to the other animals? Yes. Be able to crunch you up. They're way too big. They are not big enough, Mike. Froyo shops have chosen that nothing is too big to be put in there because they'll just weigh it. I mean, you pick something big, you're going to pay for it. When you go to eat it, do you hand pick those up?

I hand pick those up. I've never eaten them in a scoop of frozen yogurt. That'd be ridiculous. Those are way too big for a spoon. Yeah. You don't use a spoon. And you try to get as little fro-yo on it as possible. Honest to goodness, I'm not making this up.

When I get fro-yo and I put these cookies in there, I put them all on one side and I stack them so that only one layer is touching fro-yo. You sacrifice one of the animals? That's right. I'm literally just getting animal cookies because they're so good. So Jason has peanut butter cups, brownie bites, cheesecake bites, and frosted animal cookies. That sounds like a good fro-yo, just those four. Mike has Oreos, Captain Crunch, cookie dough bites, and Reese's Pieces all against his will. And then I have caramel, marshmallow sauce, sprinkles, and hot fudge.

Sound pretty good? Yours is very soft. As in like texture-wise? Yeah, I don't want to chew a bunch of candies while I'm having fro-yo. What did we learn today? I learned that a very pleasant fart has been named a ploof. I learned that eerie cannot be positive. And I learned that dish soap, although it seems like the exact same thing as shampoo,

not good for your hair. No, it isn't. Long term. Yeah. If you're in a pinch, it is the same thing. There is a case study available. All right. Thank you for tuning in, supporting the podcast.

We love you. Spitballerspod.com if you want to support the show. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to,

check out spitballerspod.com. Hey, Spitwads. Hey. The episode is over. Oh, no. Aw. And there may be others that you could listen to, but right now you should go to jointhespit.com because you can become an official Spitwad supporter of the show.

What? Yeah, you could, Mike. It's true. I've been there. We've made that a possibility at jointh the show. Yeah, you could, Mike. It's true. I've been there. We've made that a possibility at jointhespit.com, and you can add your contributions to the show. Have a would-you-rather question you want us to maybe put here and discuss? Spittoon!

Is that you spitting into the spit tank? That was the spit tank. You have access to the spit tank. It sounded like a spittoon. Wait, is that not a spittoon? That is the same thing, right? Oh, that's the same thing. Caned like a spittoon. Wait, is that not a spit? That is the same thing, right? Oh, that's the same thing. Can we go to spittoon.com?

No, we don't own spittoon.com. Oh, all right. But you can go to jointhespit.com and become a spitwad. That is excellent.