Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 172: Shark Attacks and Things Old People Do - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: November 1, 2021

On today’s episode, we do some foreign currency conversions, discuss being scared 24/7, and living in a world with no tables. We also have the return of ‘Jason Explains’ before diving into another ridiculous edition of ‘Highway To Spell’. We shut down the episode with a draft of things that old people do. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spare Wads, if you're looking for ways to skip the trip to the post office and dodge all that hectic holiday shopping traffic, why not save time and money with Stamps.com? Honestly, you could end it right there. Spare Wads, just say, who likes going to the post office? Because the answer is nobody. The people that work there, they don't want to be there. The people that got to ship mail, I don't want to be there.

That's why Stamps.com is so fabulous. They let you compare rates, print labels, and access exclusive discounts on UPS and USPS services all year long. Maybe you're selling online. You're running an office, a side hustle. Whatever it is, stamps.com can save you so much time, money, and stress during the holidays. Us here, our headquarters, longtime supporters of Stamps.com. They support this show, and we support them because we use their service. Right now, you can save time and money this holiday season with Stamps.com.

Sign up with the promo code SPITBALLERS for a special offer that includes a four-week trial, free postage, and a digital scale. No long-term commitments or contracts. Just go to St stamps.com, click the microphone at the top of the page, and enter code SPITBALLERS. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason.

Slap up that poop, chop a diddle-a-pow. Welcome people in, Andy. Then I have some questions. Formalities aside, welcome into the spit ballers podcast. Perfect. Now that we've done that, I don't know. So when we hit record, uh, we don't get to see all the fancy graphics. Okay. Like they, oh, they're so fancy. Yeah. The producers, they take care of that. I it's magic. I have no idea how it gets done, but I'm watching. So, so all I see is Jason on our monitors over here and eyes close, close. You're feeling it. And then it seemed like almost right before, just

like right before the scat goes up there was there was a mouth closed belch. No no no no it wasn't about well here's what it was I was I my eyes were closed to grab the microphone I'm getting I'm feeling it so I can get into that and you're telling me you didn't burp. No no no no no no no no what i did was as i as my eyes were closed i was going i hit my face into the and surprised myself um so i mean it was good hopefully there's video of that the yeah i don't know if people saw but so that's something you've never experienced as uh one who has done the the band life and like lucky for you we have these i don't know just wind screen pop filters so it's real

soft but when you're doing band life and the uh the 57s are out there have you smashed the tooth on oh yeah so many times like you're feeling it your eyes are closed and you go up and you just and you you catch a front tooth right to the microphone. So if you're ever watching your favorite singer singing, and all of a sudden their head just jolts real bad, you know it's because it's an SM57, right? The teeth. Wow.

Insider information. Oh, it is socks. From the stage. Or you got the static, and those things can electrocute you on your mouth. I don't know if you guys know. Oh, I have no, I have, I have experienced that. I've experienced the whole electrocuting through that microphone before. Sounds dangerous. Like how, how would have we not figured that out? Well, I'm wearing rubber shoes. We're basically cavemen. Would you rather Jason explains highway to spell in an elderly draft on today's show?

Thank you for joining us at SpitballersPod on Twitter. SpitballersPod.com is the website. Thank you for subscribing, reviewing the show. Your reviews brighten our day. Sometimes we're feeling down and we pull out the old Apple podcast and we scroll over to the reviews and we scroll past the bad ones and we go to the good ones and they just brighten our day. I establish my worth to my children. Yeah. I show them.

Listen to what this guy says about daddy. I say Jackal57 over here. Right. Yeah. He's super into my podcast. Three out of five. Please listen to what I have to say. All right. Let's get started. Would you rather? I like this question. It's almost like a game. Jackson from Twitter, not Jackal57. It's probably the same person. Jackson.

Yeah. They're all the same. Without Googling exchange rates, would you rather have- Oh, here we go. I'm here for this. All right. Would you rather have 100,000 US dollars? Okay. 100,000 Australian dollars? Oof.

No. 100,000 Great British pounds? Yes. 100,000 euros? Maybe. 100,000 Chinese won. Okay. Okay. Um, Australia is out. Their currency is garbage. Okay. So happy you're here. Are they just eucalyptus leaves that they hand out? They're just like this Island in the ocean. They're like, check out our currency.

Yeah. Where does this spend? Like what? On islands islands it's worth like 30 cents at the most now pounds and euros it used to be pounds over there then it became euros now they're are they going back with the brexit stuff i don't know that's a good question are they keeping the euro that was a question i had when seeing the euro and the pound i was like wait something happened there on the other side of the world where this is gonna this is a trap and one of these might be more valuable mike you seemed in on one i think that was the euro's are worth more than dollars are they i'm pretty sure the the the pound forever was almost like a 1.8 to 1 the british pound was worth a lot i don't know why i mean because they're also a stupid island i don't know if the Chinese won are worth consideration here.

Dude, here's the thing. So obviously, different currency completely. But I'm scared because hit sensation squid game. Right? I was going to bring it up. I mean, you know, that's the Korean won, which I assume is different. Than the Chinese won. Yes, because totally different countries.

And one and one makes two oh i don't know i kind of like that one one and one makes two um yeah thank you but but that one is like egregious you know they're given like a ten thousand dollar bill for right to pay for a fast yeah different currencies Yeah, different currencies have different, yeah. I'm going to go with the Chinese one. That's my final answer. For real? Yeah. Oh. Is that because of inflation of you?

Wait, no, that's the inverse is what you're saying. Yes. No, you said final answer. No, no, no. Hold on. Owl. Owl, is he allowed to take back a confirmed final answer? Hey, it's up to Owl.

You did select Chinese one. Oh, yes. Yes. I have no doubt. I mean, it could pay off. You did select Chinese. Oh, yes. Yes. I have no doubt. It could pay off. You're right, though. It's the inverse. It is the inverse.

Right. Where it's like 10,000 is nothing. So if I had a second answer, what would you go with? If you had a second, I think I'll go euros. I'm going U.S. dollar. OK. OK. OK.

Half of its fee. Half of its fear. Because I don't want to get this wrong i know how much a hundred thousand us dollars uh is worth yeah that's that's a hundred thousand bucks and about a hundred thousand bucks um but here's the thing okay here's the thing let's say let's say it's the childish that um that's a man who buzzed it too early let's say that one one of these one of these currencies is worth you know 25 more yeah i don't oh the pound is definitely worth more but i still have to do the whole conversion oh you just go to the airport i don't want to go to the airport with $100,000. For $50,000, you wouldn't go to the airport?

Wait, you're telling me it's that egregiously different? I'm telling you it's insane. Yes, historically. I don't know the answer by now. All right, I'm US dollars. Okay, well, first off, we just need to bring up, like, the euro is not that old. No, it's new. It's when the union happened.

That currency was created while we were alive yes which is like which is why it's more than the dollar yeah because it can't have that much inflation yeah which is also like what money is not a real thing economists are screaming at their radio what all 10 of them there's they're not listening to they did like the one in one joke yeah they were a big fan. Can we get it? Mike, you've got to lock in. I'm going British Pound.

The Euro can eat it. What's the most valuable? All right, Mike, he got the most valuable one. You're darn right I did. You have $137,000. Oh, 37. Great. Oh, that thing is lost.

Jason, you have $100,000. Oh, yes. And Andy, you have $15, 37 grand. Oh, that thing is lost. Jason, you have $100,000. Oh, yes. And Andy, you have $15,666. Yeah, in my fake answer that I quickly changed. That I quickly said, final answer locked in. When you buzz in on Jeopardy, he's not like, are you sure about that? Is this Jeopardy? Is that the level of?

This is a very esteemed show. Very esteemed. Two-time award winning. What's the euro? I closed the tab already. It's more than the US dollar, but less than the pound. And was Mike right that the Australian dollar is... Oh, that's garbage.

So the US dollar is right in the middle. The Australian and yuan were less than that. And the euro and pounds are more than that. The Australian dollar, you feed it to the kangaroos. Oh, it's feed? Yeah. Okay. They're pellets.

It's the only pellet coin that is out there. You know how you go to the zoo, and they're like, feed the whatever animals. You put the quarter in. That is actually Australian dollars. Yeah. Once you- You just feed them with quarters. It's shredded Australian dollars.

Well, you put the quarter in, you get the equivalent out. Also, I don't know why... We're sorry, man. I don't know why I'm attacking Australia. I don't know why either. You like Australia. It's a beautiful place. Filled with jellyfish and kangaroos.

$75,000. Oh, that's not much different. Just a little down. Not much. It's $25,000. Compared to the one? Yeah, $15,000. Didn't one of you guys choose one final answer? Not much. It's $25,000. Compared to the one? Yeah, $15,000.

Didn't one of you guys choose one final answer? One of us did. Oh, boo. We're still going? Okay. We're still going. Dean from the website, would you rather the world be rid of all chairs or all tables? Oh. Look, my lap is a great table.

That's an easy answer. Not for all foods. I think. I want to say. So what would be the lap problem? You ever had a steak dinner on your lap? I could have it on my lap. You could.

That would be the suboptimal because you do need two hands for that. Yeah, no table means you're not putting it. You're on the ground. Yeah, these aren't high tops, right, though, if you have no chair. These are regular-sized tables. Right. Oh, that's a good point. I mean, you don't get to cheat with a high top.

You're bending over. I need a high top. Hold on. I can't live. Are you going to stand up? He's testing this out, eating, bending over. This is a good show. Wow, this table's little.

So we would have to lean over? Here's the thing. I don't think you realize the- This is how we're doing the show? You look like you have a really important point. I look about 14 feet tall. One of these two things is used occasionally. And one of these two things is used for so much of your life you don't realize.

And the chair is monumentally important. I mean, you listening right now, you're either doing a chore or you're in a chair. You're probably in a chair. You're in a seat. You're in a car. Chair's final answer. Is a doing a chore or you're in a chair. You're probably in a chair. You're in a seat. You're in a car. Chair's final answer. Is a walk a chore? Jason.

A walk is not a chore. People don't walk and listen. Who just goes on a walk to listen to the spitballers? A lot of people. A lot of people. A lot of people. What about a run? My mother.

Oh! She listens to this every morning. Mom's shame. Every Monday morning on her walk. Yeah. Okay. I've been put in my place by mama My apologies

But I mean The table's really only important When it's time to eat It's only important when you need a table I'm saying when do you need a table Outside of when you want to eat Is a desk a table? Oh a desk is a table

That's a problem. Yeah, that's a big problem. No desks? No, I got to use my lap. I could work all day on a couch. No, you can't. I guess you would get couches. Wait, in this world, could I have tables where we just pull couches up?

No, no cheat codes. All right. But if chairs are gone, I still get a stool, right? No. No, that's a chair it's without a back this isn't this is what it's basically sitting it's a yes it's sitting but a chair is not a stool this question's heart and the spirit that we're really trying to get after here is would you rather not have a place to put things or would you rather not be able to

take a load off okay you don't get a couch then well i do because i chose chair so if i don't have a desk andy's right i'm working on the couch i oh plus i can you could sit on the floor if you had to eat a steak honestly if there if we got rid of chairs we'd all probably be healthier people. Oh, way healthier. Sitting is one of the least healthy things you can do. It's like scientifically proven to shorten lifespans. If you're in the... Is this the same man that just talked about nobody walking around?

The same guy's lecturing us on the value? There's a difference between having the knowledge and following it. Okay. All right. So I sit a following it. Okay. All right. So I sit a whole lot. Look, I like to live dangerously. Why don't you get rid of chairs? Oh, because I sit too much to get rid of chairs.

It's too comfortable. All right. We'll move on. Jess from Patreon. Would you rather always be afraid? Oh, no. What? But safe. No, would you rather always be afraid? Oh, no. What? But safe.

No, what? Or never be afraid but always in danger? This is a mind job. Our friend Jess from Patreon here does not have an anxiety disorder because anxiety is called always being afraid but you're safe. Right. I mean, that's fair. And let me tell you, you don't feel safe because you feel afraid.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's the point, right? And I have not dealt with this really at all. Right. No panic attacks ever for Jake. No panic attacks for me. No, this guy's never been on the side of a freeway, worried about a spider, on a dashboard

that he can't overcome. Well, in those cases, I was actually in danger. I've been afraid of real. You were not actually in danger. Well, not with the spider one, but I'm in danger on the side of a freeway at night. Yes, because you chose to pull off to the side because you were afraid of something that wasn't. I'm talking about the flat tire. That one was full danger.

All right. Touche. The question is, can you be safe if you feel afraid? Are you actually safe? No. That would be my evaluation of the question is that if you feel afraid, you don't feel safe. Well, right. I mean, you don't feel.

So you might be actually safe which is the point of what it's saying but you're not it but it doesn't matter because perception is reality if you perceive that you are not safe you have a panic attack and if you've never experienced a panic attack it is the absolute pits because you think you're going to die at any moment. So as somebody that's dealt with that, Mike, would you rather never be afraid that you're always in danger? Yes. Oh, very much because then it won't matter.

Yeah, it really doesn't matter. If you're always in danger, what difference does it make to you? Well, you're going to die. Right? Like how long can you always be in danger before it comes reckoning? You're going to die, too. Well, not every man truly lives. I mean, if you are not afraid but always in danger, I mean, that's the way.

That's better. Yes. It's way better. One of them is mental torture. It's way better. One of them is complete ignorance ignorance and ignorance is bliss so if you're ignorant of the danger a lot of the danger doesn't matter that sounds so great if you're ignorant of the danger you're gonna get wrecked by it doesn't matter you don't even care yeah you're not afraid

well but what about what about when you get injured you're in danger because something is about to fall off of the roof onto your head. Then you're probably going to do something super cool because you have no fear. You're going to do some kind of backflip jump out of the way. Would you rather be afraid 24-7 just knowing you're safe? Like you sign a contract today, like the next year is good, but I live a year in terror. The only way that you can place this for Jason is you think that every single room you are in has a gigantic spider. Yeah.

And you cannot. Give me real danger. That's what I'm saying. Okay, you just painted a Picasso. It was magnificent. The Mona Lisa is there. You cannot have. It's in a corner somewhere.

You can't see it so i have had anxiety okay i feel like i'm someone who's never really experienced anxiety but oh yes i have okay that's a no-go that is a non-starter yeah put me put me in the water with the sharks and i'm cool calm and collected yeah that is a good picture of not being afraid. You're just in the ocean, on a backstroke. Danger's all around you, but you just see the sky. I'm having a great time. Chomp.

Man, I hope that chomp's in the right place. Yeah. The neck. All right. Theo. If I ever get bit by a shark, I hope it's in the neck. Yeah. I mean, I'm telling you.

The amount of times I've talked about this. That's true, though, right? I mean. No. No, it's not true. Unless you're on the coast, I want the leg. Yes. If I'm in the middle of the ocean, just quick and easy.

Do you want it? No. Because they might take a bite of you in the middle. You're not surviving a bite in the middle of the ocean. You want to quick. And you'll feel the pain. Yeah. Although the salt water will help, right? will help right you'll survive there's surfers get bit sometimes surfers are in the middle of the ocean we're talking about like yeah you're on it like

you're what are you doing in the middle of the ocean that's what i mean i guess there are other problems here outside of the sharks if i were abandoned what's in the middle of the ocean what's better would you rather be in the middle of the ocean no hold's better? Would you rather be in the middle of the ocean? No. Hold on. No. Your boat, it capsizes. You're the last man standing, right?

You've got a, I don't know, you've got a little piece of wood that you're holding on to. Okay. Would you rather, if you're going to die, would you rather the shark come and eat you from the bottom up? Oh.

What? Yeah, I get it. Or it's just a slow wait for the eventual drowning or starvation. Man, that is. And do you end up starving to death? I know this is morbid and it's turned terrible. And I know Al's looking at me like it's morbid. Which would you rather die, buddy? You you would rather die buddy give me the shark yeah i think you i think you

would dehydrate exposure well and i would yeah that too if you just drink enough of the water that'll take care of you also you turn into the lizard king all right um i let's say you get to atlantis i think i'm gonna avoid the shark think I'm going to avoid the shark in that situation. Right. I will eventually go loopy and not know what's going on and, and then get eaten by shark. I'm just never getting on a boat. Oh, well that is one way to avoid it. I'm sorry for that sidebar.

Uh, Theo, you can only eat one of these pairings for the rest of your life. Which would you rather have? Grain, grains and fruit. Okay. Meat and vegetables. Okay. Meat and vegetables. Okay. That's good. Okay.

Grain and vegetables. Okay. So real quick. Or meat and fruit. Point of clarity here. They're saying grains. No one likes that. It's bread.

But yes, thank you. Bread and fruit, meat and vegetables. That changes everything. It changes everything. Because to me, it was oatmeal. Right, right, right. They're just saying, well, you want oatmeal. It was a bag of granola for me. Yeah.

Yeah. No, this is bread. Bread and fruit, meat and vegetables. Okay. Bread and vegetables or meat and fruit. Look, bread. Easy answer. Yeah, I mean, it's not, if I'm looking meat and vegetables, bread and vegetables, I'm

not choosing the bread and vegetables. I'm choosing the meat and vegetables. This is so funny because we were just before the show talking about feeling tired. And I just told Danny, I'm like, I'm no longer on it because it's difficult. But I did a keto diet for like two years. And I don't know the science. I don't know the science. I don't know the medical stuff. It's the bread.

But legitimately, I had never felt better in my life than more energy, just mental clarity than when I only ate meat and vegetables. Because that's essentially what keto is, is protein and vegetables. And a lot of people out there have done gluten-free, which is no bread. And if you do gluten-free, I felt that. But you can still eat rice and stuff, right?

You can, yeah. Other carbohydrates like rice or other flours. And you were gluten-free for over a year at least. At least a year, yeah. Felt spectacular. Yeah, I mean, it's just. But bread tastes tremendous. It's so good yeah i i spent six

months on an all bread diet it was outstanding bread only uh yeah i woke up and it was five years later yes this is why i've aged so quickly um no bread is delicious but in this so good in this situation of pairings there are only two with meat, and it's meat and vegetables or meat and fruit. And while fruit is more delicious than vegetables, meat and vegetables go really well together. They do. It does not seem like meat and fruit are a good combo. No, they're not a good pairing.

I don't want a steak and strawberries. I want a steak and asparagusparagus which if i could only choose between strawberries i would take potatoes is that is that because you've never been offered a steak and strawberries that is why possible because i've never been offered that and the second you said that i went i wonder how that would be i wonder if how a filet mignon and strawberries would work out all right what about a uh a fine porterhouse and banana? Yeah. What would help with that workout?

Some kind of ribeye with a blueberry puree on top. Well, no. No. Don't mix them, buddy. We were on a roll, and you're over here. You want to glaze up the meat? My point here is that the flavors don't work together. People do a fruit glaze on a meat, right?

Yeah, like a mango. You ever had orange chicken from Pinnock's? On a chicken. Well, chicken is meat, buddy. Not for you, but for others it might be. Meat comes in one color and it's red. Oh, my gosh. Mike, what is your final answer on this one?

If I have to pick, I'll go meat and vegetables. Because I'll feel better. I need more insight into the world. And so we're going to turn to Jason Explains for that. Did you have something you wanted to add? I did have one more thing to add. All right. I think that I might be falling into a trap here with the whole going with meat immediately thing.

And the health, you talk about meat and vegetables and vegetables great I've got pretty much carbs gone there's some but um you know I'm carb free with my meat and vegetables but I think if I removed meat like I've thought about this for myself personally before okay if I went vegetarian like that sounds insane that's that's extremely off brand um but if I went vegetarian and said i i just don't eat meat almost everything i like is gone and i gotta assume i'd be healthier you can't you can't i mean think about this fast food what do you what do you get if you can't have meat yeah no tacos no burgers that's very true but let me ask you what's your favorite snack food jason my favorite snack food right now it's nuts like okay honey uh honey roasted peanuts but uh like potato chips oh yeah you know you can still eat potato chips yeah yeah like cheetos oh yeah no i'm not don't hear what

i'm not saying i could be a fat vegetarian i'm sure i could pull that off oh it exists but i'm saying like i i would lose a lot of weight on that exists but i'm saying like i i would lose a lot of weight on that diet i think i would i think i would lose a lot of weight if i went vegetarian okay you want to go vegetarian oh man no no no never never all right all right. It's time to play Jason Explains. Hey, Spitwads. Let's talk about Harry's. Look, have you looked in the mirror recently? Like, really looked? And then you notice that you have maybe a beard situation going on.

It's not so hot anymore. And you need something to help you out. Maybe it's a little too hot, literally. Harry's has got you covered uh they were created differently than every other shaving company because they combine high quality long lasting blades and durable weighted handles but then they make it very enjoyable to shave but then they make it very inexpensive and affordable and i've been using them for five plus years keep buying refills, keep loving their products.

And that's because refill blades start as low as two bucks. There's never been a better time to try Harry's go to harrys.com slash spitballers to get their starter set for just three bucks. It's a hundred percent satisfaction guaranteed. So you got nothing to lose. Go to harrys.com slash spitballers right now to get this special offer. That's H A R R Y S.com slash spitballers right now to get this special offer. That's H-A-R-R-Y-S dot com slash spitballers. Jason explains in 60 seconds.

It's been, Al, it's been a while since we did this. It has. I have not learned as much about the world as I had hoped, so I'm glad it's back. Well, get ready. Yeah. Spin that wheel. I'm about to learn. What is Jason going to. Well, get ready. Yeah. Spin that wheel. About to learn.

What is Jason going to teach us about, Mike? That's definitely a wheel. Yeah. Hold on. Here we go. Hold on. Daylight savings time. Oh.

Okay. That's a good one. Daylight savings time. Because it's about to happen. It's actually pretty easy to explain. That's right. Arizona does not switch. We don't roll back our clocks.

Daylight Savings Time was something that they made. There was a man who was named Roger Federico. So what happened is about 400 years ago, right when the great United States of America was being founded, what happened was they noticed that as they traveled west, it just seemed like it was brighter, longer, and there was this problem. As they were traveling? As they were traveling west, it just stayed bright for so long because they were going very fast. They had a horse and carriage. And so when they got there, what happened is they realized,

oh my gosh, I have so much light. I love this. They went back home to where they originally settled and they were like, it's so dark here. It's because it was on the east. Because it was on the east. And they're like, we've got to roll our clocks. And so they instituted daylight savings where the clocks were earlier

so that they got more nightlight. And so they do that. And so for half- And this was all Federico? This was Federico. Yes, Roger Federico. Yes. He also was a great tennis player.

Tennis camp here. Yes. And so anyways, that's- But not actually related to Roger Federico. No, totally. Just a huge coincidence. And so that happened. But the reality is they realized that it was only part of the years,

in the winter months when that happened. So they stopped. Originally, Daylight Savings was just they saved daylight forever. Like in a jar? No, just they rescued it. Okay. Just as a entity and then they realized oh we we over we overstretched um too much sun too much sun it was always day that's right and so then they rolled it back half the year and that's where

daylight savings is that what happened to alaska oh alaska was never included in this that's why it's never there's they don't have much they don't have much daylight. They don't have any daylight. Wow. Now I understand. Now you get to spell stuff. Oh, no. Highway to Spell. What did I do to you, Al Borland?

I got to scat. You're doing Highway to Spell, making me explain stuff. You let John Stone kill that spider. Oh, this was payback. People did enjoy that story enjoy that story very very much to the point of tears i will say if andy wins a fourth in a row we might have to retire the segment so step it up you know as you say i feel a little bit of pressure to keep it going jason did you hear what he just said he said andy won four in a row he said if andy wins again we never do this segment i love it big mistake yeah give me couch couch c-o-k-u-t-c-h

couch are you going to the mall later today is that a billy madison oh man all right back to highway to spell yep we're gonna start in sixth grade jason gets to kick it off right uh i was gonna sure well i mean he's a scatter i just i thought there was a standard there's rules to this show great idea all right jason here's your sixth grade level word oh i don't unbelievable okay all right oh shoot i i heard the word. I'm like, this is easy. You're unbelievable. Oh, shoot. All right. Believe is.

I before. Yeah, I before you accept that. But then not sometimes. They trick you. Except for when it's not. Oh, shoot. Yeah. Okay.

Have we now just to clarify, just to, we have not ever had the first word spelled wrong. Is that correct? Correct. Cool. Unbelievable. Unbelievable. U-N-B-E-L-I-E-B-A-B-L-E. Unbelievable.

Yes. You did it. Smartest man alive. You did it. Well done. Thank you. All right, we'll go to Mike next. Mike. next Wait what? Are you setting me up to fail? What is going on here?

No I just had it in the doc as Andy Mike Jason But we started with Jason so I'm working back Why would you have it in the doc so incorrectly? Okay let's go to Andy Genius Vegetable Vegetable Vegetable V-E-G vegetable vegetable V-E-G-E-T-A-B-L-E

vegetable I almost said like a J instead of a G in my own writing vegetable aren't we supposed to use this in a sentence yeah you can go normal order all right mike here's your sixth grade level word it's back to jason oh i'm sorry i was talking what's the word penguin what penguin i've got that one it sounds worse than it is. Play it again. Penguin.

Penguin. P-E-N-G-U-I-N. Okay. All right. Now it's just gravy for us, gentlemen. I thought I was walking into a trap. No, you're always... G-W. If you're listening at home, you hear vegetable, you hear unbelievable, and it's like, no problem.

I hear these words, it's no problem. You say, you get penguin. No problem. I sit over here, I write it down. No problem. When you are on the clock and you are told spell penguin in front of hundreds of thousands of people here. At least dozens.

I mean, it's so hard because you know there's going to be a trap at some point. All right, what's my word? Seventh grade. Oh, no. Campaign. Oh, campaign. That's okay. Hold on.

Not the Suns player. Cam. Oh, not campaign. He's running a great presidential campaign. Oh, ladies and gentlemen. There's multiple versions going down. There are three versions. You crossed one out. He didn't like how it looks. He's going back in and he has a third option being.

Okay. This is where I exit. It's not the bad one. Um, to be fair, this word is stupid. How have we allowed so many of these? You've had a problem with English words for a long time. Okay, wait till he spells it, and then we'll decide is that correct. He's going for a fourth version on his little notepad. Okay. All right. So you have a campaign.

You have a 25% chance if one of those is correct. If one of these is correct. That's right. I would love it if i wrote four versions all right campaign c-a-m-p okay ain campaign uh a-i-g-n A-I-G-N. All right.

You did it. I had an E after it at one point. Champagne. Champagne. Okay, but seriously. Campaign. What is a G doing in that word? Look, I don't... It's got a good point.

It's stupid. It's stupid. What is that doing in there? I mean, it's just the evolution of where... There's certain... What do the kids in there? I mean, it's just the evolution of, you know, where... There's certain... What do the kids learn? They learn the... Latin.

No, but the... Good. We're still doing that. The phonograms. Phonograms. There it is. Yeah, so campaign. C-A-M-P-A-I-N.

Campaign. Done. That was one that I wrote down. I knew it was wrong, but I wrote it. It's just... It's so ridiculous. It's like... one that I wrote down. I knew it was wrong, but I wrote it. It's so ridiculous. We've got to learn Latin. We're not teaching. Don't you understand that if somebody's default was Wayne, W-A-Y-N-E, why isn't it Cam-P-A-Y-N-E?

I agree. Or are you saying Wayne's name should be W-A-I-N? That is exactly what I am saying. Wayne. W-A-I-N. That is exactly what I am saying. Wayne, W-A-I-N. But somebody ends up naming them. In the evolution of coding, we have C++. We're not teaching people C+, because it doesn't matter anymore.

Latin doesn't matter anymore. We've got an angry old man on the show today. What's my word? All right, Andy, seventh grade level word. Precipitation. Precipitation. Precipitate. Wait. Precipitation?

Yeah, that's what she said. It's precipitation. P-R-E-C-I-P-I-T-A-T-I-O-N. Precipitation. Man, I love when I spell everyone else's words right easily. Precipitation. Yeah, she said, if you have that word to play again, she definitely said precipitation. Play it one more time.

Hold on, I closed it. Oh. Command shift T. Precipitation. Yeah, she says precipitation. I'm hearing precipitation. I didn't listen. I forgot to listen

I'll be honest alright next word precipitation that's much better that's much better precipitation alright Mike you're up 7th grade level word

hit me emphasize where are the M man that's so easy I should be. Hit me one more time. Oh, shoot.

Emphasize. Precipitation. Wait, I'm not sure about mine anymore. Emphasize. E-M-P-H-A-S-I-Z-E. Emphasize. Two rounds in. We're all smartest people alive.

Also, where are these, like, what dialect are you using? What are you using over there? I'm using the lexico dictionary. I can switch to Merriam-Webster if you prefer. No, you're good. I would prefer American. American dictionary, please. Pertipidation.

Your eighth grade level word. Circumference. Ohertipidation. Your eighth grade level word. Circumference. Oh, you're done. Circum. I might be done on that one. Fur. Ants. Circ.

Fur. Oh, man. I've written a lot of wrong ones. It's circumference. Circumference. Yes. Can I hear that again? Circumference.

This is where I leave you, gentlemen. Okay. Farewell. One more time. Play that word. Circumference. Okie dokie circumference yes no all right c-i-r-c-u-m-p-h-e-r i'm already wrong andy's already shaking his head a-n-C-E. Circumference. Tell me how many places did I get it wrong.

It's an F, right? It is an F. What? And it's E-N-C-E. No, I had it. I actually had it right. Did you have it? Yeah.

Well, farewell. Maybe. We'll see if we fail. You could tie for first. That's true. All right, Andy, your eighth grade level word. Innumerable. What the heck? What. Innumerable. What the heck?

What? Innumerable? Innumerable. Okay. All right. I got my guess. I got my guess. Oh, boy.

Innumerable. There's an innumerable amount of words I could spell better than this one. I-N-N-U-M-E-R-A-B-L-E. Innumerable. Oh! You give him the easy ones. Oh! I was questioning.

Mike, you erased over there. Don't even worry about my correct answer. Did you go one in? I may have started with an E. Okay. Oh, I got it right. Dick nugget. All right, Mike. This one's for all the marbles see if i can win a fourth

i didn't know i could spell until this segment began so wait if i get this wrong this segment's done oh that's a lot of weight on my shoulders that's an e no it's not jason how much money you got on i've got a hundred bones for you all Mike, here's your eighth grade level word. Characteristic. Characteristic. Oh, gosh. Characteristic. Start with carrot.

I feel like this one is very easy. You're easy. Characteristic. Oh, gosh. Character. Oh my gosh. So if I get this wrong, I lose. Yeah. Carrick. Characteristic. C H a R a C T E R I S T I C. That's how I spelled it. H-A-R-A-C-T-E-R-I-S-T-I-C. That's how I spelled it. Yes! So I would have got both of their words right.

Still alive. I thought I had it done. How does it feel to be alive? All right, moving on to ninth grade. We should have started with Andy. All right. We all get one per round. All right, Andy, your ninth grade level word?

Reservoir. I'm going to piss. Reservoir dogs. Res. Wait, I wrote that way too quick to be right on this one. Hold on. Reservoir. Reservoir.

Reservoir. I'm going with it. R-E-S-E-R-V-O-I-R. Reservoir. Yep. going with it. R-E-S-E-R-V-O-I-R. Reservoir. Yep. It was that middle R. The middle R got me as well. Is it reservoir or reservoir?

You see, when they say these names out loud, are these words? I remember these words are words I know. I don't need them to say it. I need it. Them saying, oh, wait, what is that? I've said the word reservoir before. Do you say reservoir or reservoir?

I'm pretty sure I know what the word is. Which one do you say? Reservoir. You put the R in there? Sometimes. Alright, I feel better having not gotten that one right. You missed that one? I did miss that. You missed the secret R?

I missed the secret R. Don't tell anyone that one's secret. Well, let's see if Mike can stay alive. I like this battle. All right, Mike. Your ninth grade level word. Accompaniment. Oh, gosh.

Accompaniment? Accompan- Well, see, my problem is I spelled it just like it's sound. I gave you a music word. Ac- Ac- Ac- Ac- Ac- Well, see, my problem is I spelled it just like it's sound. I gave you a music word. Uck. Uck. Uck. Know what you have?

There's no way that's right. That doesn't look like a word. We both took the same shot. Accompaniment. Andy and I got this easy. You loser. Come on. Accompaniment. You loser Come on Accompanyment

A-C-C-O-M-P-A-N-I-E-M-E-N-T You were so close Just get rid of that E that you put after the I And you would have had it Wait, it's an I not a Y? Wait, wait, wait, Okay, spell it for real. Uh-oh. A-C-C-O-M-P-A-N-I-M-E-N-T.

Andy and I both would have gone wrong. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. Accompanyment is just an I? Well, nobody says accompaniment. You just put an extra syllable in there when you said it. Yeah, you just said a different word. Accompanyment.

Yes. Yes, but that's what I'm saying. I was trying to emphasize the E sound, but it's an extra syllable in there when you said it. Yeah, you just said a different word. Accompaniment. Yes. Yes, but that's what I'm saying. Like, I was trying to emphasize the E sound, but it's an I. Yeah, because it's accompaniment. Yeah, like compliment isn't complement. Compliment. Compliment is an I, isn't it? Yes, and this is accompaniment.

No, I really have no debate with the word. You are a liar. It's not accompaniment. Accompaniment. Accompaniment, yes. And there's no E. It's just an I. Well, to be fair, as Andy and I sit here on our iron throne here, we had Y.

We thought it was A-N-Y-M-E-N-T. There's no E. It's just an I. What a stupid word. Mike is losing it. I mean, no, he's losing. He lost. Off to the draft we go.

Four in a row for old Andy Mint. Retire it. We want to thank Trade Coffee for supporting this show. Look, Trade's goal is to make every cup of coffee your best cup yet. I'm a bit of a coffee snob, connoisseur, maybe. You know your way around coffee. Yeah, I mean, I like it all. I like all the different kinds.

And if you go on Trade's website, you can basically, I mean, you could be a newbie or you could be a pro. It doesn't matter. You could get yourself some French press. You could get yourself some cold brew. You can get yourself some beans, press you could get yourself some cold brew you can get yourself some beans some grounds whatever whatever you want whatever you're used to drinking and then they're going to curate and pick from 400 plus coffees based on a quiz you fill out you'll get a different roasted bag of coffee every week from very special

roasters and brewers great like it's confusing i'm a coffee newbie, and this world of coffee, I like it, but it's just there's so many, and I need some help. That's right. And you can feel good about each cup of coffee since Trade partners with 55 different small U.S.-based roasters who are committed to ethical and sustainable sourcing. For our listeners right now, Trade is offering your first bag free and $5 off your bundle at checkout.

To get yours, go to drinktrade.com slash ballers and use the promo code ballers. Take the quiz to start your journey to the perfect cup. That's drinktrade.com slash ballers. Promo code ballers for your first bag free and $5 off your first bundle. Enjoy. The Spitballers Draft.

I am looking forward to this draft as well as doing these things when I am older because we are drafting things old people do. I had an idea here. So last week, last week we dressed like how dads dress. Dad clothing. And so it's really like the stereotypes of the dads. And now we're going older. What does the old person do?

I want to know when are we getting them kids on blast? Then the teens and stupid things kids do. Alright, the list is too do. Yeah. All right. The list is too big. Poop their pants. So how?

Ironically, that's also things old people do. Oh, that's funny. Well, we are drafting. Also, there's only one person here who's pooped their pants. But we're not trying to build the most stereotypical old person. We're trying to draft the best things that old people do oh wait we're doing the best things just things that old people do hold on hold on hold on maybe i misunderstood i mean we can go whatever direction you want i assumed we were drafting things that we i did not draft i did not prepare for the best things old okay whatever you want to do you're

the first pick all right ruin the draft old people what do oh Okay, whatever you want to do. You're the first pick. All right. Ruin the draft. Old people. Well, the first thing that came to mind, I don't think this is a great one-on-one to have because the whole list is... No, no, no. I'm saying there's almost all these things on my list are equal to the others,

but the first thing that came to mind when I think of what is something an old person does and it's go to bed at five o'clock i mean yeah okay it is the super early bedtime and they're like they were big fans of roger federico they love the daylight savings like what's confusing and maybe i'm ruining someone else's pick that's going to say they get up early. But, like, the problem is they get up so early that they have to go to bed at 5 p.m. Why not just get up at a regular hour, and then you can go to sleep at a regular hour? Is it to avoid the rest of the normal population? Probably, probably.

I woke up at 3 in the morning. Because it is true, they do get up crazy early because they go to sleep at 5 p.m it's a bit of a but how does the transition happen what that's what i want to know does it did does a birthday happen and then it's like welp i'm not allowed up past five that's the the law says there's one day in every old person's life you you hit you hit a day and like you end up staying up a little bit too late. And that's the cycle. Yeah.

And eventually it corrects and then you're going to sleep too early. All right. Well, I am going to take a very similar one, but I can't help but take it first on my list, which is napping. Yep. An old person. It was number one on my list. Loves to nap. And frankly.

I love to nap. i don't want this to sound like at least me making fun i want to be an old person everything on this entire list maybe that's why i said best things is because they're all my best things yeah this is this is your best life you are i am waiting you can't for the day they tell me you have to go to bed at five i mean i am dying for this and napping i you know you why do you nap when you're an old person because you got nothing to do i mean you have been walking around your house for so long and you can only vacuum the carpet so many times it's the bomb and you gotta have a napping chair yeah i'm going that's right i'm getting old with it getting old with it j, Jason. All right. I'm napping.

If you put these two things together, it's just impressive. Like, if I took a nap, the thought of me getting to bed at five, like, that's ruined. Yeah. So I'm going to go with nap as my first pick. You haven't hit the point where you can nap and still go to sleep on time? Not at five? No. Isn't it interesting, though, that the older you get, the closer you are to the end?

So you would think that the thing you want the most is time, but the thing you actually have the least of is time because you sleep so much that your time goes by faster. Because you're like, yeah, I've had enough. Yeah. If anything, be napping as a kid. Get older. You're just trying to get closer.

Yeah. It's like maybe this time I won't wake up. All right, we're moving on. Take me away, Lord. I've had enough. If we didn't draft dying. Oh, man. Oh, man.

That should have been one. Oh, man. Bigs old people, too. Take that, old people. Die. Get bodied because of your age. Yeah. You lived a full life.

Oh, all right, Mike, two picks for you. All right. Uh, number one, let's see.

Uh, there's just, it's, there's so many ways you could go with this. I had a lot of, yeah, there's, there's a lot of thoughts.

Uh, but we'll go a little more with the tech version. Number one, Facebook. Old people love Facebook. I haven't logged on to Facebook and I'm not really sure.

Me either. But I know who's on there all of my family members who are older than me and they're all on there sharing garbage getting each other riled up with stuff that is not

fact check when I think of Facebook I definitely think of an older crowd now like certainly I haven't been on there in forever but when I think of this and I think of like things old people do, I'm thinking of like 80s. Are people in their 80s on Facebook now? Oh, yeah. Crazy.

Yes. Crazy. I'm proud of them, to be honest. You shouldn't be because they're on Facebook. All right. So Facebook is your first pick. All right. Things old people do.

Oh, yeah. There's first pick. All right. Things old people do. Oh, yeah. There's some stuff that I know. It's playing the draft game of what can come back to me and what cannot. And whatever. I don't know how this became a thing. Maybe it's because this is what... And this is no fault to old people i get it things that i did when i was young like that's it that's the cat's pajamas as the old

people would say they always have hard candy they got a pocket just full of hard candy is that what that is is because hard candy was the thing back when it probably didn't expire as fast. Is our version of that going to be like Gushers? Are all the old people in our generation slamming Gushers all the time? We turn our hats backwards. We put on really wacky sunglasses. They have- We're talking about how zany Gushers are. You're telling me that they are popping out the word of their originals to stay young.

Yes. Ooh, I didn't know that. Wow. But I guess hard candy was like, that was candy. That was just called candy in their day. Can I get some of that fruit by the foot, fam? Oh, that would be us. Yeah.

Yes. All right. I like it. Hard candy. I didn't have it on my list. It should have been on my list. It was on my list. It was on my list.

Look, man, can we go five rounds with this one? Maybe. Maybe. Maybe. We'll see. If you don't think you have that many, that's on my list it was on my list uh look man can we go five rounds with this one maybe maybe we'll see you don't think you have that many that's fine i'm gonna go with um oh he likes this one i have one that no one's picking so i gotta save it for later over an old person oh mr rogers on the desk here uh no i'm gonna go i'll save that one for later i think i can strategize i'm gonna go cruises okay old people love their cruises yeah okay i mean what percentage of cruise goers in the world are old people it's got to be a good 80 because it's like you have you have nothing left to spend your money on i got nothing to do and you have nothing but time so float over here like I could go to a hotel

and have all of this like super sweet stuff but no I'm gonna go to a hotel in the middle of the ocean that's what I need to do that's right but cruises are and I don't get it I want to cruise but you don't have time for a cruise right now that's true but when I'm old I'm gonna cruise all the time there you go have you have you heard of? There's like multi-month cruises. What? Yes. And where do I get on them? It's a code of the old people.

It's actually one of the giveaways for the Highway to Spell winner every week. I've got four queued up. Oh, this sucks. But they just get on it for months because they have nothing else to do because they're old. All right. Nothing to do but wait. That's really good. I'm really happy for them getting on these cruises.

They're having a good time. We have built them up. They have the financial wherewithal they've saved to go on these cruises. I'm going to tear them down. Yeah. Good. I got two picks here? You do.

All right. Number one, complain. Oh, yeah. I mean, they just. I have, on my list, it was written down as back in my day. Just complain. Complain about anything. You want to know something disturbing?

Yes. Is that we are not old people yet. No. But I have found that my ability to complain publicly has. Have you heard this podcast? Has, it has increased, like what do you, what do they call inhibitions? Yeah. The inhibitions of a younger Andy in public are starting to fall away where I suddenly don't really care as much about complaining

about complaining yeah and just imagine when you're 80 oh I'm gonna be the worst you're gonna hate everything you're gonna let everyone know about it pre-apology to all waiter waiters and waitresses yes from my 80s um the other thing that is just universal I don't blame them on this one i'm sure the same thing will happen for me but it is very true that drive so slow yeah i mean when you see a car going walking speed you always know who's in that seat is it like the perception of speed i i think goes away because like because you no longer walk very fast either. I think it's- So relativity?

You can't take everything in at once, so you're just being safe. You're just being- You got to go slow. But you're not being safe when you drive that slow on the freeway. You're actually causing a hazard. Not if you can't see the people around you in the mirror. Look, it's another one that flies in the face of I need more time. As a young person driving fast, you don't need to because you have time.

As an old person, you drive slow, but you need time. And in Arizona, I don't know if they realize this around the country, but in Arizona, our driver's license, it doesn't expire for 10,000 years after get 2049 is a minus like to the point of i've gone out of state and they thought i had a fake id because the expiration date was so far into the future you'll be dead before it expires where it's like how is this a safe thing what it would you don't know what i'm gonna be like in in 80 years i could go blind in 20 years and drive 30 years from now because and never be questioned nope it is it is not expired all right um things old people do as me it is you as you uh look i'm gonna go with something

i'm already finding myself doing too much of, which is reminiscing. Old people love to reminisce because their best days are well behind them. And those are the days we're talking about. What are you going to talk about if you spent the last week watching game shows during the day and going to the grocery store? You can't reminisce on that. I guess you don't make a ton of new goals. No, you don't have a ton of new.. No, you don't have a ton of new. I mean, this episode is disturbing on some levels.

And, you know. You know, the ambitions. They're not hearing this podcast. Yes. Because listening to podcasts is not one of them. Yeah. Well, nobody's drafting listening to podcasts. And if there is, they're not going to admit to it because then they're going to be admitting their own. That's right. If you hear this,

you're super cool and young and hip. All right. So I'll go reminiscing for my third pick. Uh, the good old days. All right. So I will close out my draft here. I got my two picks. Uh, this funny enough, this one like just came up. I was on a short little vacation with my kids. Not that I love the arcade and everything, but we're at this hotel. It's got an arcade. And they're like, Dad, do you got any quarters? I'm like, what? No.

No, I do not. You know who does have quarters? Old people because they carry around chains. Loose chains. What are you doing carrying around pennies in the year two? We're way past the use of pennies and nickels and dimes. They have no function in this society anymore. Get them out of here.

Is there a chance that these are old pants that they never took them out of? There is a tremendous chance except for they also have the coin purse. They have an item that is specifically designed so that they can carry around their chain. What do you actually need quarters for anymore? Going to the arcade. Gumball machines in the mall. Parking meters? Maybe.

I don't think so. I think they all take cards now. Yeah. But it's like, what? And honestly, if you have quarters, okay. But what do you possibly need under a quarter for? Yeah, that's a good point. You need it for exact change.

When you pay cash, you better pay exact change. I'm sure nothing brings greater delight and joy to the old people than they pay an exact change. And they slide out at three, four, five. And then they just stare at you. I did it. Exact change. This transaction is over.

I've completed it. Do you need a receipt? No, because I paid an exact change. They do need receipts. You've got to approve a purchase. You've got it. Do you need a receipt? No, because I paid in exact. They do need receipts. Yeah, they do need to approve a purchase. Yeah, you got to put that in the file. I need to bring back. That was your third pick. Yeah, I got one more. And look, this isn't just old people because guilty guilty as charged. But you know what they do when they want to talk to you they call you oh old people be they be calling you they don't text they are you're like oh crap grandma's calling again there must be an emergency no the emergency is i want to say hello and that i love you and i say no grandma

shoot me shoot me, shoot me a text message. I don't have time for this phone call. It's it's on my list. I have, um, use a landline. Okay. Yes. Yes. You can't text from a landline that I know of. Are we, are we going to miss that? Nope. Well, like I said, wait, landlines are talking. No, the phone calls. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, phone calls are good. You know. Sometimes you should just talk to somebody, right? Yes.

That's good. It's just I don't want to. There's got to be some old people that write out their text on a piece of paper and then take a picture of that and text that. Like I said, I am very guilty of this, but this is because of efficiency. Like I said, I'm very guilty of this, but this is because of efficiency. Like watching my wife text sometimes where this is three minutes compiling this one message. And then it's wait five minutes. And then she will get a similar message of three paragraphs. I'm like, oh, sweet Lord, just call them because this is taking so, so long.

Just call them. I'll similarly complain because sometimes those text exchanges happen with time imminence where it's like, oh, are we supposed to meet that family over at this place? Oh, I don't know. I texted her. I'm just like, but we have to leave. Oh, yeah, I don't know where. We're waiting for the text to come back.

We got to sit with this. So I'm not clowning on old people because I do the exact same thing. But, yes, in a moment where you need a message, just call. But don't call me to say I love you. I don't get that crap out of my life. There are so many. Oh, my gosh. That's so Mike.

There are so many other picks I have, like literally like 10 other picks that are great. So I don't know which one to go through for my final one. So I'll just go with mall walking. Mall walking. I'm making plans now. I've already gotten the calendars out for when I'm older. You better cancel them plans because those malls are not going to be around when you're old. Where will you walk?

Where am I going to walk? I wonder if this is a thing across the country. It is, for sure. It is. Both walking in malls and malls closing. Okay, well, that makes sense. Well, I know what you were going to say, though, is because in Arizona, walking outside during half the year is too hot.

So you thought maybe people do it here. But I know mall walking is like a thing. It's where the cool people go. It's not just a thing. They open the mall just for that. An hour early just so people could go walk around. My dad mall walks. Your dad's a mall walker?

Papa Skids is a mall walker? He's mall walked before, yeah. I don't know how frequently. In between pickleball days, but I mean. You go there, and then they open the doors, and then you go. It's air-conditioned walking. And then you go, I'm going to walk. Yeah, you do.

Because, I mean, it's pretty big. Yeah. Up, down, all around. Okay. Do a couple laps. You never walked before? Not really. No, I avoid that.

I mean, what if I'm in Disneyland? To be fair, when you were a teenager, you didn't call it mall walking, but honestly. What were you really doing? You had no money. Exactly. We had no cash, and we were trying to get free stuff at the mall, so we were mall walking. Yeah, but I was just checking out girls. Is that what?

Yeah, they're also checking out the other old people, man. They're living their best life. She's still alive. She's still alive. He's still alive. Yeah. It's not for dating. It's just for curiosity of death. Look how many people are still alive like us.

Here comes Gertrude. All right. So am I just drafting one thing here for the fourth and final pick? Okay. There was some rumor of four or five, so I wasn't sure. If there's only one left, oh, man, I'm looking at one on my list. Then you got to take it, man. Have some courage.

No, I don't want to be too mean. What? We've been plenty mean already. All right. This is much higher on my list. I'll take this, and then i'll give a shout out to the mean one because it's also true yeah it's no credit but i didn't actually take it um right exactly i would never i would never be that mean uh but they wear a jacket even when it's not cold oh yeah oh because they're frail and dying yes and they are cold well sure but But it's annoying because blood is so

close to the surface. I mean you've got to have a jacket or a blanket at all times. I'm sweating in the same room there. I've seen their veins. I try to avoid looking at them like about to explode. This does start happening and we keep our house at a what I would consider to be a cooler side. OK. But without exception, if my parents come over to watch the kids, I will come back from set a date with my wife. The house will be three degrees turned up. No, it will not. And she will be wearing a jacket.

So she will have turned the house way up and be wearing a jacket. It's too warm in here for my jacket. It's too. Wait. When does that happen? When does the shift happen where... Menopause. Okay.

Yeah. Touche. Touche. But I was going to say, the shift where you're responsible for the bills, and so you're like, don't you dare touch that AC. Don't you crank it down. But then you get old, and you're like, no, I'm going to crank it down. Well, no, she'll turn it up.

She'll save me money. Yeah, she makes it. She's avoiding. I thought they were coming in and going luxurious like 62. But then wear the jacket. No, no, no. This is like making it hot inside and then still wearing the jacket. Okay, I see.

But what's your pick? My pick was wearing a jacket even when it's not cold. But I got some good ones on the free agent marketplace here. Go ahead. I can't believe we didn't draft eating dinner at 4. Yeah, early dinner. Early dinner for sure. The one that I didn't draft was smell bad.

Oh. Yeah, get body. What? Dude, when you get real. Old people smell bad? Oh. Yeah, get body. Wait, what? Dude, when you get real old, I'm talking- Old people smell bad? Oh, yeah. If you're talking- Corpses? No.

Oh, yeah. Because old people don't smell bad. They just smell old. Okay. What do they smell like? Mothballs? I don't know, man. That is so mean, and I don't agree.

Well, then you haven't been around enough old people. I've heard they smell sweet. 90s. Wow. Play bingo? Yeah, bingo is on the list. Oh, yes. That's not on my list.

Wearing huge sunglasses is on my list. Writing checks at the grocery store. Oh, do they still do that? Very similar to the- They're the only ones. The one I was laughing at earlier I never even took, but it was feeding the ducks. Oh, dude, feeding ducks is awesome. I know, but it just seems like something you could do when you're old.

Yes, you do with your grandchildren. What am I going to do today? Feed the ducks. I have forget things. Oh, man. Oh, yes. Oh, how did you not draft that? And then dye their hair a non-human color.

What is... Like a certain... Like a silvery white or... No, no. They dyed... It's especially old ladies. They dyed a red... Oh, yeah.

The red. A color of red that no one is born with. That no one has. It's like... There's red hair that's fantastic. Not this. This is old people red. When you go to... You get the color. That's what you asked not this this is old people red when you go to you get the color that's what you ask old people red okay um i agree uh sharing photographs

um volunteering volunteering i mean they're such idiots no i'm saying they have more time that's what they do uh rocking chair oh that's on my list. Yes. Yeah. Reading books voting. Oh my gosh. See now you know I wanted to draft the best things old people do to avoid some of this. This collateral damage is good but I mean old people don't buy from advertisers so I mean it doesn't matter. They're not they don't know what a podcast is. Have you ever tried to explain a podcast to an old person? Yeah, I say I'm on the radio. Yeah, that's true.

Well, that's all. Did we forget anything else, Al? No, I think you covered everything. Oh, boy, we got them all. What did we learn today? Oh, man, I learned that there was a man named Roger Federico. Is that the second time we met him? He invented daylight savings time, and he's a great tennis player,

but yet has nothing to do with the tennis superstar Roger Federer. I learned that Australian dollars are basically animal feed. Yes. I don't know how they have a functional society. Well, they eat their money. They eat their money. I learned that Jason has anxiety after all. I learned that too.

Thank you for listening, supporting the show. Please tell your friends if you would like them to enjoy their Mondays and their Thursdays. Just not old people. Right. They're going to feel real bad if they listen to this show. Man, we're going to feel so dumb when we're old. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast.

To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Oh, no. Oh, no. What happened? Is this another ad? Is this another ad for jointhespit.com? I've got to get rid of these suckers. I got to get ad free on my spitwad love.

I'm going to join the spit right now. Jointhespit.com, and I'm getting these dumb ads out of here.