Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 175: Great Dames & A Nintendo Battle Royale - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: December 6, 2021

On this episode, we talk about finding a needle in a haystack and going on a wild goose chase. Jason also learns something new about web URLs live on the show. And then, not to bury the lead or anything, LIAR LIAR returns! Is today the day? Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Spit wads. One thing I've learned as I have grown into the old man that I am in my late 30s is that if I don't sleep well, my life is awful. You are not lying. I mean, you need good sleep, which means, believe it or not, Jason, I don't know if you know this, you sleep on something. And it helps you sleep. And it's not the floor. It's called a mattress. And if you have a crappy mattress, you get crappy sleep,

and then you're a crappy person. See, I thought I slept on air because I have a Helix mattress. Oh, I know. And it's amazing. You have to check out the Helix mattress. We've slept on it many, many nights. And many, many nights, I've woken up feeling refreshed. That's the best way to wake up.

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Not everybody's the same. Not everybody's the same. I'm a big boy. I weigh a lot, and they got a mattress just for me. No joke. And then the quiz results showed that. They did. And you got the right mattress. That's right.

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and two free pillows. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Oh, welcome in, everybody. I didn't know what sounds my mouth was going to make. You went with poo. Did I? Was that in there?

You went with a poo and you rhymed it with boo. I blacked out. Spitballers episode 175. no better time to black out jason's preparation for the scat should we describe it will it would it will always be entertaining to me because he has such an insecurity and if there's one thing like people maybe you don't realize that i don't know if you do but just jason's lack of shame insecurity about basically everything is it is legendary this man is is it's harder you can't phase him you can't shake him he's never shook it except when it comes to just five beats of a scat to open up our podcast and each and every single time he realizes that it's his turn he freaks out it's

my least favorite thing of all the of all things of all of all the things doing the scat is my least favorite for a while i thought we were just talking about him as though he was not present i don't know what's going on five beats of the scat five beads of sweat upon his glistening Scat is my least favorite. For a while, I thought we were just talking about him as though he was not present. I don't know what's going on with my hair right now. Five beats of the scat, five beads of sweat upon his glistening forehead. But he closes his eyes. Yes. He starts moving around. I got to feel it.

He looks... Well, you don't look like you're feeling music. You look like a fighter about to enter the ring in Mortal Kombat mortal combat yeah i mean that's basically what it is that's he reminds that's how intense i am when i feel music he reminds me of that uh what was the show where you always had to do gross stuff double dare joe rogan would host it oh fear factor yeah he looked he looked more like a guy who's like trying to build up a little confidence to eat a worm or something that's exactly what it would you rather eat a worm or do the scat is the worm alive or dead it's alive then i would rather scat okay it's dead give me that worm you'd rather eat a dead worm i feel like

that's not that big a deal see how dead worm could be could have gone bad fishy a live worm you know that's the good stuff you know he's healthy i want it freshly dead i don't want like some rotting worm i just want like what okay you have to kill it okay i i have to in a little in a little mini guillotine yes i mean that is the way right because what's funny is what's funny is trying to picture how you would kill i was thinking like you bop it on the head with a mini mallet as he said that i was like okay i've got to kill this thing how do you kill a warrant like if i put it in a ziploc bag and got all the air out oh that's oh that's torture but it doesn't does it need air i don't know that's a great question how long if i need air if I put it in a Ziploc bag and got the air out, and I open that bag in one minute, is it dead?

We've talked about you. In Arizona, you have pools, so you have wasps flying around. If you put a wasp under the water, it will not drown. For a long, long time. So, I mean, a worm, how long does it take a worm? How long can a worm hold its breath that's the question i mean they're underground right they're like all right little fella he's still alive how long i mean they don't have lungs how do you kill a worm apart from just eating it

apart from smashing it and turning it into a smoothie i have no idea i guess a mini guillotine is one way but you gotta you gotta lead him up to it i've built little gallows you have another worm with an executioner mask on oh the other worm has to do it they've pulled the string but here's the problem with that isn't there like if you cut a worm in half aren't both of them like both halves still alive yeah something like that so that's not gonna work they're not really alive they don't grow back or i think earthworms do both sides of it i don't know maybe it's not like we've accidentally had the tail come off a lizard and the lizard grows his tail no there's no way it just lives without a tail yeah the lizard grows

the tail back but like worms i think you can i think they live through that i think they do because oh no i really think they don't have eyes on both sides of their body oh they have earthworms i believe have no eyes but i believe they have all right fair i'd point i think they have multiple hearts you ever seen eyes on a worm? You ever seen the eyes on a worm that you're putting in a guillotine? They get real big. Will two worms

grow from a worm cut in half? You may have been told this as a little child that an earthworm will regenerate into two new worms. But if you've ever experimented with the animals you've probably been disappointed oh no though it may not seem like an earthworms have a distinctive head and tail we got caught yeah oh no if an earthworm is split in two it will not

become two new worms the head of the worm may survive and regenerate its tail if the animal is cut still alive but the original tail of the worm will survive and regenerate its tail if the animal is cut still alive uh but the original tail of the worm will not be able to grow a new head now how can you tell which side is the head one of them poops they said you can't tell very easily no i can't they knew me they saw me so clearly in that article oh my goodness welcome man we have would you rather on the show that today is the day that we beat al and liar liar of course yeah i'm very excited about that do we have a count because at this point i need to know how many times you've won in a row on a regular basis so that i know what i'm overcoming i believe we're up to 13 goodness gracious wow what have you kept cut

the head off an owl will it grow back? No, thankfully it doesn't. We're going to try to beat him today in Liar Liar. We have Would You Rather. We have a Nintendo Characters Battle Royale draft on today's show as well. Spitballerspod.com is the website. You can connect with us over there. Let's get going. You can connect with us over there.

Let's get going. Would you rather? The earthworm guillotine discussion was not one I was prepared for, but I welcome it. I've been saving that conversation for a while. It makes sense. It's all I want to learn about right now. I don't want to do would you rather questions i just want more worm facts is earthworm jim eligible for our nintendo draft great game great character

you know the answer is no if you guys thought that that happened you know a lot of kids thought it happened which means a lot of kids unfortunately experimented to find out if it would happen. Now, there are types of worms that will regenerate. That's awesome! The three-banded panther worm. You can split in halves or thirds, either crosswise or diagonally, and each segment will regenerate just fine.

This is a liar episode, so be careful. Hit me with the name one more time. Three-banded panther worm. That's awesome! Is this the coolest worm that's ever been in existence? more time. Three-banded panther worm. That's awesome. Is this the coolest worm that's ever been in existence? Yeah. A three-banded panther worm? Yeah, it's actually just a- Panther or panda?

No, panther. Oh, yeah, that's way cooler. The panda worm? One's more cuddly. Would you rather from Dallas on the website, would you rather have to say the HTTP colon backslash backslash www dot? Don't do that. Every time you tell somebody a website.

Don't do that. Or add your signature to the bottom of every text message you send using your phone touchscreen. So you have to add your signature. You have to type out a signature to all your texts. Or do you have to like sign it. You have to type out a signature to all your texts? Or do you have to sign it? You sign it with your finger. Oh, to every text that you send? Correct.

Awesome. What flair that is. This is a good conversation. So what are we doing with the signature? Why is the signature so powerful? Like, why is the signature so powerful? And, you know, allegedly they look at my credit card receipts and they match them up. Like, this is, I don't know, preventing fraud or doing something.

I really have no idea what they're doing. Does nothing. Does nothing. But now that we have moved to the digital, where you try and do it with your finger on the giant iPad or whatever, with your finger on the giant iPad or whatever. And that signature looks absolutely nothing like my signature, should I have a pen. So what, in fact, is this actually doing? Well, and you can even do the electronic where you just type your name now. Right.

Which font would you like? It had to have been him who typed his name. Read it. It says Jason Moore. He knew his initials. When I sign the digital iPads, I try to make it just. You do? No, I try to make it a horror show.

I try to make it the most worthless scribble that you've ever seen under this. Because you don't have precision with that. No. So I just, it's dirty. In my young adult life, I had a long period of time, probably a year or two, where I signed every single receipt Abe Lincoln. No matter what I got. Did that ever catch up to you?

Abe or Abraham? Abe. Yeah, it was the cool version. Abe Lincoln was what i signed everything and no it never it never mattered it doesn't our signatures don't matter this is like going back to the time where it was like you know not everybody had paper and you if you could find ink and put your name on this there's well the Well, the funny thing is, is the point of it is to prove that you purchased something, right? It's to say, hey, sign here.

And that way later when you complain about having not bought this, we can show you the receipt that you signed it. But you could just say, no, I didn't. Right. It says Abe Lincoln. That's not even me. So it's even better. It's even more in your advantage to sign it, Abe Lincoln. Yeah. I's not even me. So it's even better. It's even more in your advantage to sign it, Abe Lincoln. Yeah, I tell spit wads, listen, stop signing your name.

Stop it. Find your favorite person from history. We are not financial advisors. We are not financial advisors. Maybe fraud. Maybe recommending fraud on the show. I might or might not recommend that you sign your favorite historical name. Yeah.

I might or might not recommend that you sign your favorite historical name. Yeah. Yeah, so I think signatures are stupid. That's why Mike signs all his Mussolini. Yeah, I mean, like, he did good stuff, right? We all have heroes. He was Italy, right? Well, it's just one word. If you just write Mussolini, you don't even have to.

But I spell it like a moose. Oh, man, if that was on the highway what if he was i don't know if he was was he half moose he could have been they cut him in half and they grow back they're mean creatures uh we've lost it um i can't i cannot take the http and the worst part about the http colon backslash backslash. Stop it. I was going to say that you're going to trigger this guy. That's what I mean. Yeah, I was triggered the first time around and now you did it twice.

You are too smart. No, they're actually forward slashes. They are forward slashes. Exactly right. What? You tell me to stop because I said it wrong? Yes. You said backslash backslash.

Who gives a crap? I give a crap. I give a lot of crap. Just say slash slash. People know what you mean. That's fine, but you're the forward slash guy? Yes. When you...

I'm fine with slash slash. You want to say slash slash, that's fine. But when you say backslash, you're saying a different character. That's like saying the letter... That's what it's like hanging out with guys like you. H-T-T-Q colon... That's a it's like hanging out with guys like you. H-T-T-Q colon. Like, that's a different character. When the forward slash guy comes over to the house, the whole crowd go,

He's here. The fact, and this is something I knew, so I figured it would come up at some point during this conversation. But the fact that of the three of us, the one of us who butchers mangles and murders the english language on a regular basis is a ford slash nazi is the one who goes insane when you call it the wrong slash shows how important it is because if the lowest common denominator well that's fair that's guilty as charged there's anybody out there or any browser in the world where you're typing the word, you know, NBC.com and it breaks because you don't got HTTP colon slash slash.

No, I don't want to do that. I can't be that guy. What? I just typed in to prove my point. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes yes yes yes yes yes colon backslash i bet it worked nbc.com yeah and it took me to the website yeah wait wait a minute maybe this is just nbc i gotta give me another where else could i go abc oh crazy how'd you come up with that backslash backslash abc.com okay well we've got a we've got a problem your world is crumbling my my views are starting now

out of curiosity for your example if you typed in httq let's see i bet it won't work q mb yes it um does that work? No, Google's wondering what I'm doing. Oh, are you going to let it fall away? I have to. This is the final day. New information says... I can actually type backslash and it's fine.

You're not 40 yet, so you can change your opinion on a topic you once believed to be something else where else do you use slashes where else do you use slashes yeah when making a list of things like a this or that sometimes you'll say you know and you'll use and like division but in division then would be a forward slash. Is that right? Because the one that goes up is the forward. It's the same slash. The forward slash is the same one that's inside. Right.

Okay. So that's the same one that would be in a fraction. When do you ever use a backslash? Why is it there? Why is it there? I don't know why. Why is it there? Okay. Thank you. Thank don't know why. Why is a backslash? Okay, thank you.

Thank you. What do you use a backslash for? It's programming. You use it in programming? I think. You're just making that up. You don't know. Well, I mean, it's on a computer, so they're using it for something.

That is. But where in regular life are you ever putting a backslash into something? Maybe if you're making a like a text emoji and you need okay you need like a character that goes from the top slashes are primarily used in computer coding that's it yes they also appear in some technical writing it's a wasted it's a way so this this this distinguishment that we need made is one character never ever used this is why i say just say slash sure nevertheless i'm signing all my texts i'm not gonna be the guy that has to say the beginning of a url i'm definitely saying

the full url because i don't do that that often i don't tell people hey go to you know the fancy footballers.com go to grammar police.net yeah i i don't remember the last time i told someone a url that's true frequency you don't we do it all the time on our show yeah yeah but andy does he's the host i don't i don't tell them to go there oh here we go again with the http i'm getting backslashes in there soon mike what's your final answer here uh i will i i guess it's the uh i guess it's the URL one. It even works later. I just tried NFL.com backslash footballers. It works.

Yeah, because it was 2021. Wow. Good job. Jenny from Twitter. Would you rather search for a needle in a haystack or go on a wild goose chase? Okay. This is a good one. Can you catch a goose?

You can. Do you think you could do it? I do believe that I could. Can you wear them down? They're large. And they're mean. They're so mean. They're mean.

I don't know if you've ever had any. Oh, I know they're mean, but they can fly too. And that part I can't do. Yeah, but they can fly, too. And that part, I can't do. Yeah, but they'd rather fight you. Fight or flight for an animal that can actually fly, they would much rather fight you. But this is not a wild goose fight.

This is a wild goose chase. You're obviously running after a goose. If it's a wild goose chase, I imagine myself. I'm on a horse. I'm definitely on a horse. Okay. I'm definitely on a horse in the country trying to get it. Flying horse?

No, but it will come down eventually, and I'll have some kind of musket. Okay. Does it have one of the tips of the guns that are wide spread like a trumpet? Yeah, this is a one-shot musket that takes 30 minutes to reload, of course. Originally, trumpets and muskets were the same thing. They were identical. I didn't realize that on the goose chase side of this, we get weapons and vehicles. Well, it's not a vehicle.

It's a horse. I'm not sure I'm catching a goose better on horseback, if I'm honest. I feel like you want a sneak attack. Because I need to grab the neck. You need to sneak. You need to sneak up behind a goose. You don't want to run. If you run and chase. Because I need to grab the neck. You need to sneak. You need to sneak up behind a goose. You don't want to run. If you run and chase, that's going to anger the goose.

Okay, well, now we got to get into the speed. How fast can a goose fly? The answer is 40 miles an hour. What? No. No, they cannot. What do you think flying Vs? I mean, it's not just ducks.

40? 40 miles an hour. Yes, they can cruise, my friends. What do you think flying Vs? I mean, it's not just ducks. 40? 40 miles an hour. Yeah, they can cruise, my friends. That's a long chase. And they can increase up to 70 if they're in a strong tailwind. That's faster than a Prius can go. That's crazy. But a needle in a haystack.

That's the Canadian version. I will do the needle one. Oh, you will never find it. I have the patience. Do you have a hay allergy? Oh, I do. I do, actually. Whoops.

Yeah, welcome. Welcome to your death. Wait, did I just choose I'd rather die in a haystack instead of chasing a goose? Now, if we get a musket and a horse, can I just get a magnet? Sure. But it's one of those old timey words oh it's got to be the horseshoe i thought the magnet was for the goose still i didn't know i want to scramble its brains

um no it was for the needle in the haystack so i can find magnets i mean if you're in the haystack thing, though, any search like that, there's something when I look at the haystack, I say, I'm going to find it. Because I could take every strand of hay out. It might take me days, but I will find the needle. At the very end, when you put that last piece of hay over onto the new pile and you haven't found it, you're going to want to find that little worm guillotine. Yeah. I mean, I don't think I have the patience. I can't find milk in my fridge.

So finding a needle in this haystack is never going to happen for me. I'm not sure you could catch the goose ever. I will catch the goose. Here's my strategy for catching the goose, okay? I'm going to try to sneak up on it. I'm a big fella. It's not going to work. You're going to see me coming no matter even which direction.

Absolutely. My next goal is to chase the goose to anger it. This goose has to come to me. This goose has to try to get me gone and then it's if it's a fight I'm not saying I'm gonna win but I am saying I'm going to I'm gonna do my best I'm gonna try and probably just one good uh kickball style you know run downhill and take a kick that's my only chance so I looked i googled can you beat a goose in a fight because i just wanted to see what would come up and it's this uh

kiora.com i think that's oh yeah just one of those like anyone can answer it and someone said if a goose attacked me could i punch it in self-defense? And the answer was no. It is unfair to punch anything that is unable to make a fist. In the case of a goose attack, you must defend yourself with your elbows only. If it can't make a fist, you can't use your fist. That's fair. That's like your wing. It's a wing on wing. I've always imagined I'd grab it by the neck.

Yes, that's what you would try to do, except like a snake. It's not a joke that geese are ornery, mean, vicious animals. But they can't do much, can they? They hiss so loud. Like a snake. In the moment, it's terrifying. It's so loud. Like a snake.

In the moment, it's terrifying. Growing up, I had a friend that lived on some farmland, and they had a goose. And this thing, if you got in the pen, that goose was coming at you, man. Coming at you, trying to kill you. I don't know why. I don't know what their problem is. Probably because we eat them all the time we eat wild geese all the time the goose is cooked man i haven't had goose in a while we used to

i'm talking about humans oh okay not you i feel like you can't go get drive-thru and get goose yeah that's my point that's that's kind of what i was saying Give me the goose burger. A side of goose nuggets. Can you get ground goose? I know, Mike. We've moved past that part of our history. All right, Joseph. Joseph says, with money on the line, would

you rather compete in a high school spelling bee or a high school math competition? Oh, goodness gracious. That's easy for me. That's spelling bee. I've already proven on this show. Your spelling is pretty on point. And I have purged all math. I don't know how to multiply fractions.

I don't know how to do. Understandable. I don't even know how to do long division on a piece of paper anymore. I would not inherently remember. I might get there, but with money on the line, I can spell something. Yeah, I think I would rather go the math route, but I remember there are certain things in high school math that I know for a fact I don't remember. Tangent and cosine, dude, that's gone.

That stuff is lost forever until I have to go back to high school and relearn it. I don't remember certain like geometry things, but I think like, you know, all normal algebra high school. That's so that's how far you could go is algebra. Yeah, I think I could squeeze a little for X. I think. Oh, yeah, I could solve for X.

I think I can go a little bit further can solve for X? Oh, yeah, I could solve for X. I think I can go a little bit further than algebra. We'll test this soon. Yeah, but certainly can't spell. We've had that proven on this show, so I'm going to take the math. What if we give you two weeks of preparation? Two weeks of prep, I feel good about a math test. Okay. You could give me two years of prep on a spelling test,

and that's not happening. Yeah, if you gave me two weeks of prep on math, I might go that direction too. All right. Do you feel like you could catch up? I feel like I just need a brush up. A refresher of like, oh, yeah, this is how you do this. I mean, this is what's happened over the last several years.

We now have, like, I've got a middle schooler, and over the last few years we now have like i've got a middle schooler and over the last few years i mean when they got back into like third fourth grade back in like they were kicked out well after several years they were finally allowed back in the third grade smoking in the bathroom killing a bunch of worms um but yeah it was like exactly what you said long division long division took me yeah but they do it all different now like every single bit every single bit of math that my kids have done none of it has been like oh yeah it's all been like what are you doing how did you get it that way oh see where we obviously our kids go to different schools but mine is the same same math

really they use the traditional one yeah or our traditional i don't know if that's yeah no i agree Obviously, our kids go to different schools, but mine is the same math I grew up with. Really? They use the traditional one? Yeah. Or our traditional. I don't know if that's... No, I agree. It's great. They use 90s math.

90s math. You go to a 90s school? Those things are so cool, man. Snap bracelets. What are you doing, Mike? You doing the math? I have to. I've proven.

Yeah, I'm not good at the spelling. But this is also another weird thing. High school spelling isn't a thing. There's no spelling tests in high school. There are some. No, there's not. The spelling test is writing a paper and getting it marked down for spelling things wrong. I guess the last spelling test I remember was in science.

It was we had to learn all the prefixes and things. Here's the truth. High school math, high school spelling, you don't need either. You really don't. For life. Oh, certainly. I mean, I grew up being told. It depends on your job.

You might need some of that math. Correct. There are some things. And I don't think you shouldn't learn math. Right. That's not the same thing. I'm saying you don't need to memorize it memorizing things in today's day and age is so different than it used to be it's the same with like dates of things like you just ask your watch when this thing happened so having a general knowledge but

memory stuff yeah i mean and you're the worst And you type, and every bit of spelling gets corrected. We were talking about this. I don't remember when, but like, how many phone numbers do you remember now? Because it's like, I know my number. I know- I know my wife's. I know my wife's. I don't know my dad's.

I know my mom and dad, and I remember my old home phone number. But that is it. Well, Pizza Hut Delivery. 220 phone number, but that is it. Well, Pizza Hut Delivery. 220-444-4. Yes. But other than that, 866-753-09. I don't remember them either.

Well, that's Jenny. Yes. Going to the spelling side, Andy, you're right. Whenever you type anything, it's going to correct. It's going to put a little red wiggly line. Whenever you type anything, it's going to correct it. It's going to put a little red wiggly line. But every now and then, you're in a position where you got to write things out on paper. Sure.

And I can get myself into trouble. I'm telling you, I thesaurus my way around my papers when I have to write something out by hand. I start writing. Wait, so you switch words if you can't spell it? Absolutely. I get three letters in. I go, oh, man, I am not. Eraser.

This was not ridiculous. This was really weird. Exactly. I have done that. That's funny. Guilty. That is really, really funny. All right, let's do some Liar Liar.

Oh, yes. All right, let's do some Liar Liar. Oh, yes. Spitwads, two out of three men will experience some form of hair loss by the time they're 35. If you've watched our YouTube, you know I'm one of them. You don't have to be embarrassed. You could do something about it. More than 50 million men in the U.S. suffer from male pattern baldness, and there are two

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liar liar pants on fire more like loser loser that's what you're gonna be owl you got any more for him yeah you stink physically i smell you yeah you got body odor you got a problem sweating um here we are the 12th the 13th the 14th time we've tried to defeat him if you haven't heard this before, Liar Liar is a simple segment. I give you three facts. Two of them are true. One is a lie. That's it. And we have not

gone three rounds defeating Al because he is just a ridiculously terrible person and a spectacular liar. I have read through the first three, gentlemen. Thanks for the announcement. Thanks for the help. That's the first three, gentlemen. Thanks for the announcement. Thanks for the help. That's the update.

Round one. Here are the facts. I'm ahead. I'm ahead of you guys. No, there's already a problem. All right. Fact number one. According to a study from Boston University,

consuming a single Arby's beef and cheddar sandwich was found to have a greater contribution to heart disease than eight McDonald's McRib sandwiches. Oh, man. That can't be true. It could be. I've had a McRib. I know.

We've also had the beef and cheddar. Oh, okay. Fact number two. During World War II, a Great Dane named Juliana was awarded the Blue Cross Medal for extinguishing an incendiary bomb by peeing on it. Okay. A great dame peed on a bomb to save somebody. And got a medal.

Allegedly got a medal. Now, that is not a dame, right? This is a dog. A great dame. What is this, guys and dolls? A great dame. Yes, see? She went over there and pissed on it, you see?

She's a real buster. I am today years old when I learned that Great Dames are Danes. The dog. You've gone your whole life not knowing that? I have always my entire life thought that they are Great Dames with an M. You thought the dog was a Great Dame? I thought the dog was a great dame dog was a great dame oh my bad a great dame interesting you've said this to people out loud yeah but you

don't know because you hear what you should hear i mean if i've got a great dame you you're gonna you're gonna hear you're right. I did. Right? Right? It didn't sound wrong when I said it. You heard Great Dame. I've got a. No one would say Dame. I've got a golden doodle and a Great Dame named Marley.

And you just ignore it. No one is ever correcting me. Wow. He didn't just say. Great Dame. Oh, my God. Now, do you know what a Dame is? It's a wonderful old madam. There youane. Oh, my God. Now, do you know what a dame is? It's a wonderful old madam.

There you go. Yeah. But do you know what a great dame is? A super awesome. All right. So a great dame named Juliana peed on an incendiary bomb. Oh, no. And the third fact, use of the anagram, or I'm sorry, of the acronym OMG in place of oh my God

was not originated in online chat rooms or text messaging. The first known use was in a letter from Lord Fisher to Winston Churchill in 1917. I believe that. You psychopath. I think that that one is true. Because, you know, that's that's taking the lord's name in vain maybe you want to hide that okay okay in your message gotcha and omg was back in a 1917 letter yeah i believe sir winston omg did? My lamp's burnt out again. Did you see that, Great Dame?

OMG. She was something. She dropped a real whizzer on that bomb. All right. Look. There's no way that's true. No, it can't be true. A dog could get lucky. A dog could get lucky.

And a dog could, like, I can buy into the intelligence and compassion of a dog to, like, jump on the grenade. Like, you could convince me that that happened. But they were smart enough to see a fire and just go pee on it? I think it could just be curiosity. I don't think they were trying to save anybody. Just like a pure luck? I think they're like, whoa, I want to pee on that on that look how cool that is they thought it was a hydrant and they pee on everything um i'm i'm locking in the the arby's beef and cheddar sandwich found to have greater contribution to heart disease than eight mcdonald's mcrib sandwiches now that's

based off your extensive research of consuming the mRib? And beef and cheddars. Okay. Absolutely. If this is true, I've got a lot of heart disease going on in my body. Wait, because I thought you were a McRib guy. Oh, I am, but I'm both. But you can eat them eight to one. Well, now I will, but I've probably only eaten them one to one.

So that's like... I am voting the OMG is the lie. I'm going with that one. I think the Boston University thing's right. I think the Great Dane thing. Some dog lucked into peeing on a bomb. It's possible. I can't accept the OMG one.

Unless there's just, this is more technicality. Maybe he was running out of room on paper. OMG. Okay. That's my final answer. So you two feel convicted about that? Is that what your final answer is? No, mine is the McRib Arby's.

I think that's the lie. So now, Mike, you have to decide whether you want to survive a round. I don't have great conviction on either or any of these. So for the team, for the true spitballers, I will lock in the great Dane. All right. Who is moving on? Jason is moving on. Yeah.

So the OMG is true, huh? I will carry. Let's go, spitwads. I will take down the monster that is Owl. And you will consume many McRib sandwiches. Well, yeah, and the beef and cheddars, they're good for my heart. Okay, is there a true fact to that one that you know and you just... No, that was just fabricated.

Is it the cheddar or is it the beef? No, that's a lie. Yeah, this is a lie. Oh, yeah, I had it backwards. I believe it is all healthy okay um is what i learned yeah round two round two when people verbalize one of their one of the words in an acronym when saying it aloud like pin machine pin number atm machine it is known as ras syndrome redundant acronym syndrome okay got it that was hard to follow for a second

but I guess you know ATM machine right because the word machine is also in the acronym oh I got pin number yes numbers in the acronym yes so that's fact number one or a lie number two platypuses do not have nipples they They sweat milk, which pools in skin folds for their babies to lap up off their skin. What? And number three, Stephen Hawking, Galileo, and Albert Einstein were all born on June 12th of different years. Two of them, Galileo and Einstein, both died on September 9th in different years. Einstein? What did I say?

Einstein. Really? Yeah. It's fine. He's a great, he's a great Dane. Okay. I think that one's got to be true.

That's too wild. It is wild. Although Al is a sneaky snark. Yes. So it's a, it's a syndrome. R AAS syndrome. Hold on.

So it's called RAS syndrome, but- Which in and of itself- Is RAS. Yes. That's a bit of a built-in trick there. That could be the lie. It's either a lie- It's either RAS syndrome's either ra syndrome or stupid

right got any i mean jason's the one who's still alive but i would like to beat jason you cackled a lot at the nipples yeah platypuses don't have nipples now a the platypi yes they are they're a a mammal that lays eggs is it platypi i don't know okay uh so they already break the rules of a mammal you can just look at them and know this is true it's platypuses is it it is i mean everything about it is i just looked it up everything about hysterical i mean of course they're going to sweat milk pools for you to lap up from skin folds because... They're so cute.

It's the most ridiculous thing that has ever existed on this earth. They're so weird looking. But they do a lot of swimming. If that's the lie, Al deserves this one. So I don't think that's it now here's the thing with this help me i'm doing the lie on the on the the acronym mess okay i think that's where i lean

why would he lie about it it's too technical so the whole stephen hawking galileo albert einstein thing my only thought with that is that that sounds like you know how like So the whole Stephen Hawking, Galileo, Albert Einstein thing, my only thought with that is that that sounds like, you know how Cleopatra was born nearer to the invention of the iPhone than to the creation of the pyramids? You see that fact online. I feel like we would have seen this fact. I would have known this one. Yeah, and these are three big names he could have just

thought up and stuck them together are you familiar with all of the and now I don't know how true this could just be one of those folklore things but the connection of of Kennedy and Lincoln and how the two of them have just like these super absurd crossovers the two of them have just like these super absurd crossovers, the two assassinated presidents of like Lincoln had a secretary

with the last name of Kennedy, and Kennedy had the secretary with the last name of Lincoln, and there's just really weird crossovers that, Owl, look that up. Did you hear that in a Liar Liar segment per chance? I know I did, but look that up because I don't want to look like I'm cheating over here typing things in. Alright we got a pick?

Yeah you do. I'm going to lock in the RAS syndrome one. That's a lie. Mike you got to lock one in too. I'm locking in the nips. Alright. Platypi nips. I have to believe they have them.

Yeah. I am going to go with the RAS syndrome. It's too boring. I don't think he would have picked that as a fun true thing. Okay. What's the truth? The lie was the Galileo. Oh, no.

That's. Oh, no. That's... Oh, I... I'm so angry. Our trivia's not good enough. I knew that... So now we're playing for nothing. Well, now we're playing to tie Jason. Yeah, because none of us got that.

The last round. Number one, the actors who played Munchkins in The Wizard of Oz were paid $50 per week. The actor that played Toto was paid $125 per week. Yeah, that one's true. The Peter Piper Procession is an annual Canadian contest wherein participants compete to say that Peter Piper tongue twister the fastest. That sounds pretty Canadian.

Sounds good to me. An Afghan Taliban commander, Mohammed Ashan, turned himself into local authorities trying to claim the $100 reward prize that he had seen on a wanted poster for his own arrest. That has to have happened at some point. There's no way Al made

that up. I'm going with the peter piper as the lie okay i'm doing that too wait then you'll win well then pick something else i'm gonna win either way but yeah he's right i'm gonna change i'm gonna change it to the afghan taliban commander one is the lie. Mike? I got to give myself a shot to even up. I think it's the Peter Piper one. I'm going to lock that one in as the lie. That is correct. Jason went two for three on this one. And I was so close to the Galileo one.

I hope I didn't talk you out of it. No, you didn't. I just... Yeah, you had like one in three chance of being right on it. Well, I knew the platypus had to be real. So did we find out? So they don't have nipples. That's what you're telling me.

They sweat milk into pools in which their skin folds. How do they sweat milk through their nipples? Babies lap up their milk from their skin. That's gross. So they do lactate? Was anything of the Lincoln Kennedy stuff true or is it all just... It looks like it's mostly urban legend from what I can find.

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Today we have, uh, we've been listening. We've got all your draft suggestions and if you have more, please send them to us. Uh, join the spit.com. Those who support us, they can submit their draft ideas over there.

We're always looking for new, exciting ones. We've had people ask us for video game Battle Royale. Video game characters. So we tightened it up. We tightened it up. Yep. And we did Nintendo characters because there are infinity video game characters,

and it was going to be hard. I can't wait to call you guys when when a character is not actually a nintendo character oh so we today we're just doing nintendo characters oh no oh no because there are characters that you think of are nintendo but they are in fact not you mean that are in nintendo games correct aren't nintendo characters that is correct and the number one on my list is probably that now that you've brought that to my attention. And there will be none of those shenanigans while I'm around. Okay. Not today.

I don't think that'll happen on my list. I've got the first pick. Yeah. And I'm starting look, it's a fight. It's a fight to the death. You need... Okay. We're in a ring again. This is a battle royale. We're not just picking them for a draft. Right. We are fighting to the death with these characters. And if I've learned one thing

from nintendo it's that in the end the good guys win i know there's some powerful bad guys but i need a good guy because i want to win okay and ain't no good guy quite as strong as donkey kong oh so i will be taking donkey kong with the 101 now give me some strength. That's a bit of a conundrum for your reasoning because Donkey Kong definitely started as a bad guy. Exactly. But where did he finish? I'm not really sure. He's a good guy.

You play the Donkey Kong game. Absolutely. He's a hero. He's just a huge monkey. Yeah, but in his game, he's simply trying to recover his bananas. That's neither a good guy nor a bad guy. He is, at the end of the day, a big monkey that you have for your team, though. Yeah, he's a protagonist.

Okay, it's a good pick. Your argument is garbage, but it's a great pick. Yeah. Now, I'm going to be on full red alert for all my picks. Because Mike is the video game archive master. And I'm like sitting here Googling to make sure that my characters are. But I'm going with Samus. Yes.

Samus would have been my first pick. Okay. So Samus from the Metroid series. I get a gun. I can flip around. You ain't hitting me. She's covered in armor. She's got all sorts of weapons.

Yeah. It's what I need. it's what i want and i and i panicked for some reason thinking wait did did she originate in like some pre atari or sega world or something that i didn't know about all right so samus is officially my number one it's a tremendous pick it was absolutely the top of my list i kind of figured she would you thought she'd make it I was hoping I was hoping uh all right so my first pick I see when I like your powers I like Jason's powers and so I mean if I had to throw him barrels right to be clear he's just he's very strong he hits the ground and there's earthquakes but like if i could get your strength to get your

weapons then i would do that which i could because with my first pick i will take kirby who is a just some sort of i don't even know what he's made out of kirby had i that had a drop to me level lovable cream puff that eats people and takes their power. I just assumed you would let me have the one that eats everything. So, yeah. Okay. So what you were saying is that Kirby will gain the power. Yes.

You were not saying that Kirby has it inherently before eating something. No, no, no. That is correct. Okay. Cause he cream puff. Is that what you said?

I don't know what he is. Yeah. He's so lightweight. He's a cloud. He can fly. If it's windy in the arena, Kirby's got to worry about it. He can turn into a brick. So he can be firmly planted.

Hey, what's that brick over there? It's just a brick that has eyes. It is hard to imagine fighting Kirby because he could just swallow you at any time. Yes. It makes me want to draft a bomb of some sorts. Oh, he eats the bombs. Okay, Mike. You took Kirby.

All right. Definitely on my list. And now I like this draft a lot. This is fun. With the second. The second pick here is a lot tougher. Yeah, you got a long way to wait, too. I do.

And I'm just going to go with some size. I'm going to go with some anger. He's covered in armor. I'm going to take Bowser. Okay. You got a tank. You got another tank out there. That's right.

I got a big meat shield out there. Is he a turtle? I think he's a turtle, yeah. Is he an angry turtle? Yeah, he's like the king of the Koopa Troopas. He has some steroids. I mean, there were some performance-enhancing drugs. Not natural.

And certainly not a good guy. Oh, no. I don't think Kirby and Bowser, we've ever seen them strolling down the street together. So they are going to have some chemistry things. Yeah, we'll be okay. I think we'll work it out. Alright, I'm going to actually go with what I think is a very versatile

pick. Very similar to Kirby in some ways, but also will serve to help the rest of my characters on the battlefield. Okay. Because I can ride him. Oh! Which means I'm going with Yoshi. Yes, okay. I can eat you, I can turn you into an egg, I can ride him, which means I'm going with Yoshi. Yes, okay. I can eat you.

I can turn you into an egg. You can ride me. I mean, Yoshi is versatile, so I will take Yoshi as my second pick. Yeah, that's a good one. And lovable. Oh, very. Gobbler versus Gobbler, I see. I'm going to venture into the danger zone, okay?

What? Well, I might be put on blast by Mike here for this. See, all of my list. Do it. My list was almost entirely like super classic, like basically all Mario characters. Okay. Like Yoshi. Exactly.

And then when you picked the Metroid, I was like, oh, okay. Okay. I'm taking zelda okay zelda is a nintendo character yeah yeah okay i was like it was because it was the first uh now on nintendo now i'm taking zelda okay the the girl yes the princess i she is no she is the more powerful of the two when all magic is considered. And I feel like in a poll, people will just see Zelda, and they will vote whatever they want to see. Oh, I see. Yeah.

You'll get credit for the series. Yeah, I will. Yes. Now, I mean, she's good. She turns into, I think it's Sheik later on, the ninja. I don't know. I never played with her on any of the games. She was so weak.

Okay. She gained power later on. Okay. All right. I got you. All right. And I've got another pick here. Now this one is not the biggest, not the strongest, not the toughest, not not good at fighting not good at fighting bad

for a team uh here's the truth all of these super strong enemies are always defeated by him he can fly at times he can shoot fireballs from his nose at times. I'm taking Mario. Yeah. The classic of all classics. Did you almost go Braveheart right there? No, no. Oh. So you're going Mario.

I'm going Mario. No, I have the Braveheart speech. No, I didn't. I think Mario's a leader for a team. Yeah. So if you need a character to turn Donkey Kong from bad to good to bad to good, Mario's going to lead the way. And I might have made him my next pick, so I think that's a good one. I feel like he just kind of lucks into things.

Now, he normally goes after a princess, right? But now he's got Zelda on his team. So are you creating a conflict for him? No, he's, I mean, look. A competing princess? He likes Zelda a lot. He looks at Zelda and he says, I would save you. Right.

But here's what I know. I know if one of you guys get Zelda, Mario's going to go rescue her. Right? Yeah. I'm good. Well, he will attempt. Mario always wins. I like Mario.

Yeah. But why do we like Mario? We like Mario because... He But why do we like Mario? We like Mario because. He's just the everyman. He's just the everyman that gets it done. Yeah, he's just a Joe Plummer. He's an Italian plumber, man. He's just a dude who ate a mushroom, and then all of a sudden he thought he could go down some pipes.

He's a regular dude that wants to go save a princess. That's the classic story. And he has to overcome a steroided up giant turtle. He's a little overweight, but he's not fat. He's just a little pudgy. You're every man. Luigi should have been the main character, but instead he is. Luigi's a weakling.

He's shockingly athletic. Surprising. Right. Yes, Mario. Yes. All right. So this is. We've got Mario on the set.

Oh, there we go over by me my third pick so I've got Samus and I have Yoshi and this one's really tough for me because I don't think my I have two them between and I think Mike's gonna take the other one so I want

to I'm gonna I'm gonna stick with my strengths as a team which is I am nimble. I have firepower. Okay. I've got the versatility. I could be shooting guns on the back of a Yoshi. He's eating people while I'm shooting.

So I'm going to keep the armory up. So I'm going to go with Fox McCloud. Oh. I'm going to take Fox from Star Fox. I'm going to bring the pistol. I've got my laser pistol with me. Yeah, you've got speed. I've got speed.

I'm small enough to sneak around the battlefield, but I'm going to shoot you. And Samus and Fox are going to be firing blasters all over the place. Yeah, that's a lot of ranged DPS that you've got. I don't have a tank right now. But I've got Fox, Samus, and Yoshi. Sometimes you take speed. That's right. All right. I know one of mine then for sure uh because i believe in the uh the intelligence of

the listener and the poll voter where jason is uh well i i actually think that zel Zelda is the more powerful character. Are you taking Link? I will be taking Link as one of my picks. It was Link or Fox that I was deciding between. I mean, Link was just... When you guys were growing up, what was the Nintendo game for you? Was it Mario? Super Mario World.

No, no, Nintendo. Not Super. I couldn't afford one, Mike. I didn't have that. But you didn't go to someone's house who had one? Yeah, I did. And yeah, I would have been between Mario, Mario 2, right? Okay.

Mario 2 is weird. It was either... No, I was thinking of Mario 3, actually. Oh, yeah. I was thinking of Mario 3. It was either Mario or Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. I wish Mike Tyson could be a Nintendo character because I'd draft him.

Well, he cannot. So do you believe that Link is a better poll getter than Fox McCloud? I don't know. I was just Jason's started off his argument for Zelda saying he thinks the people will just vote for Zelda. Yeah. No, I believe that there's not a problem with taking Zelda.

But she's also the more powerful of the two. So there you go. She could be. Link is always failing, as we've seen. All right. My final pick. I mean. All right.

There's a lot. There's a lot that I want to go with, but it will be my final pick. So let's see. So far so far I have Link I got Bowser I got Kirby I don't really have any speed on this team it's true so I gotta take that up a notch and you have firepower well I will take some lightning power and I will take

Pikachu oh really that is correct because Pikachu is in, in fact, a Nintendo character. Really? Nintendo owns Pokemon. Okay. All right. Nintendo created Pokemon.

Okay. Yeah. All right. You can him and all you want, but it's just like Mario. But wasn't, just to debate it for a moment, I'm not trying to take it out of your team if it's a fair pick, but wasn't Pikachu invented outside the video game universe before he became a video game character? No.

No. He was created as a Pokemon. Yeah. The video game was the genesis of Pokemon. Before the card game. Correct. Okay. All right.

I didn't think of a Pokemon in this. They're open now. Jigglypuff is yours. Yeah. I think I'm going to stay with the classics. Jigglypuff. You made both your picks? I did. I need to get...

Look, I'm going to be shooting guns. I'm going to be flying around. I've got a lot of little characters. I need somebody to be the meat shield, to be the target, to be the enemy. I need somebody that's going to come at you and he's going to annoy you. He's going to draw fire.

He's got the size to withstand a few punches. Wario. So I will go with Wario for my favorite. Yeah, I mean, it basically cancels out Mario. I wanted to draft Wario, but I was like, if these two are on the same team, there's going to be some real problems. That's fair. I see, Mike. i thought you were gonna

go with uh that you're gonna go diddy kong for the speed oh no i thought you would go with like you know the inferior kong correct no the undersized well you did it with link oh so all right link is not a kong um all right so let's see here so true all right so i've got the last pick and i'm trying to decide so i did not have the pokemon on my because it just didn't i get it they are but it didn't feel that way i think that's the only one that should get drafted yeah okay so that's me too why does it mean we could have a pokemon draft all by itself? Well, but I do want to stay classic. I want to go with my OG list, and I'm going to take... I like that he went Mewtwo.

Look at this nerd over here. You're nerding me? You're the one that actually drafted a Pokemon. Mewtwo's more powerful. But I'm going to take... I want a boss. I want a boss, and you got Bowser. So I'm taking King Boo.

Yeah. I was going to go... Okay. Originally just like a ghost, and I'm like, why would I take a ghost when I can have the king of the ghosts? It was King Boo or Wario for my tank, so he's a great pick. There you go. Because I thought of it, too.

Because you thought of it. That's the only reason. The only downside is when you're actually looking at... Don't look at me. He can actually looking at don't look at me you can't move don't look at me so he's a bad character to be one-on-one with at the end right but in the beginning he can go i mean he's he's gonna take down half your team while you're fighting other people oh my gosh well um jason has donkey kong zelda mario and king boo mike has kirby bowser link and pikachu and i have Samus, Yoshi, Fox, McCloud, and Wario. I think we did a good job.

I think we just created a battle royale equivalent to a game they already made. What? Which is Super Smash Brothers. So we did it. I did strongly consider drafting Little Mac. So it was funny. Oh, yeah. It's funny that you brought up Punch-Out. Who's Little Mac?

Little Mac is the fighter that you are when you... Because look at me. He fights, right? He is a fighter. And eventually, you can beat Mike Tyson. You have to be so good to do that, though. I never beat him. My neighbor's dad beat him.

I saw it. It's funny to think about how games used to be because you could sit down and play a game and then you could fail for an hour and then turn it off. Like you can't beat that level, you can't beat that character, you can't beat that boss,

and you're done for the day. Because that was the constraints of the technology. It was they can't make a game that lasts for very long, so you just had to make it really hard. So you think it was strictly that? Yes, 100%. Interesting. And it doesn't save data, so you gotta play. And you can't call somebody,

or I guess eventually you could. You could. You can't Google how to beat a level, walk through. No, you had to pay $4.99 a minute to call the Nintendo. To call the 1-900 Nintendo Power, whatever it was. And then they talk real slow to you. Well, I see you want to beat this character.

I'm going to look it up. Just hold on. In this encyclopedia. All right, that is it for the draft. What did we learn today? I learned that it's Great Dane. i thought it was a great dame but uh like judy dinch exactly i know what kind of dog she has um what i learned that uh al's still a great liar he is a great liar and And I learned that I'm not the only one thinking about signatures.

It's out there, and we need to just get rid of them. You also learned that earthworms do not reform both sides. You learned it the easy way. I have a lot of apologies to give out. Oh, no. Those tiny, tiny. Frank. Henry.

All those guys. Larry. Goodbye. You named them all? Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com. Hey there, thanks for listening. If you want to support this show, get early access, maybe an ad-free show or two, join the spit.com.

We only make a couple of the episodes ad-free there. You get one or two ad-free. You'll never know which one it's going to be, but it'll be ad-free. And you're supporting the show, and it makes you more handsome. Join the spit.com.