Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 186: Pickle Pals & The Most Patronizing Nicknames - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: March 14, 2022

Listen up Junior - you don’t want to miss today’s episode. We talk about sleeping in dirty ball pits, our favorite sport, classic cars, and slime enemas. We polish it off with a draft of the most patronizing nicknames. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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It's the spit ballers podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I don't know why, but it made me smile. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You went hard with the BL. You see what happened? Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You went hard with the BL.

I see what happened. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. The music, the riff, descends. The scat ascended, creating an X. A black. Creating musical majesticness. Masterpiece-ness. Spitballers, episode 186, welcome in.

Don't explain it. Don't explain it next time. Would you rather? That's a great question. I had to explain it to the musical plebs. Listen sport chief. Just calm it on down. This, this draft make you feel this is even better. Like the idea of genesis of this draft, we got it exactly where it needed to be. I'm really excited for it now. This is one of the best drafts we're ever having. I genuinely believe that. You think so, bud? Yeah.

I do. We are drafting patronizing nicknames. There are so many of them, and I can't wait. You can find us on Twitter at SpitballersPod. You can follow Jason at JasonFFL, Mike at FFHitman. I'm at Andy Holloway. The website, SpitballersPod.com. You can support us over there, or you could support us.

This is the number one way to support us. Tell somebody that you know about the show. And what we call this is you don't hoard happiness. This is one of the things about the show that we're about happiness. We've rebranded Monday. We make you smile. Please do not hoard it. Share it with others.

It costs you nothing to share it, and you don't lose any. Happiness that we provide, it's abundant. We have given you an enormous gift here, and we want you to be able to give others the same gift. Well, well see you know how it works jason tell me if you tell two friends and and they tell two friends there you go yeah like a like kind of a pyramid structure to the success of the show i want that pyramid money yeah that pyramid scheme money my gosh but yeah when you give a little joy away, you still are at 100 of 100.

You only get what you give. Mike is a cliche machine this morning. Give it to me now. All right, let's jump into Would You Rather. Would you rather? All right. From Patreon, this question comes in from Alan. It says, as an adult, would you rather always sleep in a ball pit or during the pods too,

or enjoy all of your meals from a bottle or a puree from a jar? Nope. I'm not letting the beep go. I'm not letting the beep go. Go ahead. I am not letting the beep go. Ladies and gentlemen, we will peel back the curtain. If you heard the beep, I'm not sure if it went through or not, but Jason's computer was unmuted.

Made a beep sound like he got an email or something. Before we record, we have multiple people, producers our incredible team their primary responsibility they remind us at least three times before we hit record they say uh reminder number one put your computer on mute wait a minute if this is their primary responsibility it's not their primary it's just one of them but it's one of the they. They have failed. You guys, the producers, I want you to know this. You guys failed today. You didn't do your job. Andy, was your computer muted?

It was not. Oh, yes. Yes. I muted it immediately after his sound. When I heard his computer do it, I checked mine. It was not muted. Whenever it beeps, all three of us panic. Yeah, bud.

My computer was muted. Thank you, Mike. We do say that if that happens. I will be physically muting your computers every show. Good. That's what you need to do, man. Step up the game. We say that you get slimed like on Nickelodeon.

And if we could build that in, maybe the incentive to listen would be better. Oh, that would be awesome. If we actually built in a slime machine and the producers could slime us, I am willing to do that. Spare no expense. The problem is the equipment probably has to get replaced after you do it. Spare no expense, Mike. Maybe it slimes from below.

Oh, uh-oh. All right. Slime enema? Oh! All right, we'll workshop that. I am wearing pants. Would you? Where we're going, we don't need pants.

As an adult, would you rather always sleep in a ball pit or enjoy all of your meals from a bottle or as a puree in a jar? I will say this. The number one deterrent to me when I think of a ball pit being a bad place to sleep is dirtiness. So if it's a clean ball pit, I would be more... I'd be willing to give it a shot.

But that is impossible. It is impossible to have a clean ball pit because you... I mean, the only way to do so would be to have new spheres in that... No, they can be... if it's your ball pit, and it's never had any other people in it,

then they're as clean as, that's what I'm saying. Like, it's yours. You go and sleep in that ball pit every night. But you're saying you don't get dirty. Do you not wash your sheets? I'm not as concerned about my dirt as somebody else's dirt in the ball pit. I'm far more concerned about Jason's dirty ball pit than my own. Yeah, I guess my dirty ball pit would be a problem for you guys.

No, I don't want to be in your ball pit. No, I don't blame you for not wanting to be in my ball pit. I think my ball pit would be a place I would be afraid to sleep. Sure. Yeah, I agree. And it's hard to clean any... I don't even know how to detox a ball pit. It's very hard.

Yeah, cleaning a ball pit... Oh, man, how long can it run? We are children. What is the question? Always sleep in a ball pit or enjoy your meals from a bottle or as a puree in a jar. I wish you would have just left it as one of the other.

Okay, so like you sleep? You always sleep in a ball pit. Or you're drinking your meals. Or it's a smoothie. I'm going to sleep in the ball pit. Yeah, you have to. I'll get used to it. Yeah, you can't.

It literally has. And I'll have somebody else clean my ball pit. How deep is it? I'll hire somebody. The my ball pit. How deep is it? I'll hire somebody. The ball pit is three feet deep. You will be on the bottom by the end of the night. That's what I mean. Oh, you'll be on the bottom from the beginning. You can't lay on a ball pit and stay on top.

How denser is the ball pit? You can. You could definitely lay on it in a way that... For real? Yeah. You could? I mean, maybe not. No, maybe not me?

No. I wasn't going to say that. I would be terrified. Is it like water? Does a certain part of your body float more than? No, I just think that you move during your sleep is what I'm saying. So you'd start on top of the ball pit, and then you'd slowly sink into the ball pit. So I can lay on a genuine question.

I can right now lay on a full ball pit and stay on top. Yes. I bet you could. Here's the real question. If the ball pit had infinite depth, there's no bottom to the ball pit, which one of us would end up lowest at the end of the night? Me. Do you toss and turn the most like

crazy yeah really yep you you should get checked that checked out you just described the most horrific nightmare i have ever heard an infinite but like if you're stuck in a ball pit for eternity a 300 foot deep yeah ball pit that is you't go up. You can't go up. You can't swim out of a ball pit. Maybe you can. No, that's impossible. Really? That would be the most terrifying and frustrating thing of all time.

You'd be trying to develop some system with your body to try to inch your way up, but then you'd fail. What a nightmare. So that would be like quicksand, but you could breathe well. Yeah. Eventually. You'd die of starvation in like quicksand, but you could breathe well. Yeah. You die of starvation in the quicksand. Oh, my gosh. And it's going to be real.

Could you eat your way out? It's going to be bad breathing. They're plastic balls. Why am I eating my way out of plastic? I'm choosing the sleeping in the ball pit final answer. Yeah, I think so. I'll take my dirty ball pit. Smoothies aren't bad for everything, though.

I mean, do you ever get to sleep? I think I would opt into sleeping in a ball pit at least once without this question. Like, if I had a clean ball pit, I would opt into sleeping in that clean ball pit at least one time. Now, there's a reason people like ball pits. Because they're fun to play in. Yeah, to jump in. But if you remember being a kid, sometimes you just chill in the ball pit. It's like a

what's the I have no idea where you're going or I would help you. A pool? No. This is a good story, Andy. It's something kids play on. Yeah, something kids play on. Let's go with that, Mike. A playground?

Yes, a playground. Trampoline? A trampoline. No, like in the room, in the corner. There's a bed. It's like a bed. It's like a beanbag, baby. Oh, a beanbag.

Yeah, it's like a beanbag. You just lay out on it. Hold on. Let's rewind. But a beanbag, nothing is over your face. If you put fabric over a ball pit, it's a beanbag. Wait, so real quick. But those are very different things. If you threw a blank,bag, nothing is over your face. If you put fabric over a ball pit, it's a beanbag. Wait, so real quick. But those are very different things.

If you throw a blanket, look, you're sleeping on it. You throw a blanket over it, it's basically a beanbag. When you couldn't think of a beanbag's name, you thought the thing children play on is the best descriptor. It was 20 questions. That was the beginning. You could have gone with like sit on. Yes. I was so far from

remembering the word beanbag guys you don't know how far away i was i mean your dirty beanbag is something that i would not want to sit on each person has their own beanbag and you you sleep on your own beanbag not someone else's all right i'm taking luke from the website would you rather give up pickleball or foosball for the rest of your life? We play both pickleball and foosball. If you don't know what pickleball is, it's kind of like a cross between tennis, ping pong, racquetball. You play with a wiffle ball out on a court.

It's closest to tennis. It's like a tennis-sized court, a little smaller. It's a lot smaller. Sure, but it's funny because I think it's also very close to like badminton in the way that you have a lightweight handle and not a lot of speed. Yeah, I would agree with that. So it's more of an exercise. You're not getting exercise when you play foosball

if you're not familiar with what foosball is. It's the little soccer guys on a table. If I had to give one up, I would give up foosball. Foosball is... Because I get more physical benefits from pickleball. It's far more accessible. Like foosball, at least one game of foosball will happen in this office every single day.

But pickleball is so much more fun and rewarding not just in the the game you play but there's also an exercise aspect of it so i would i would definitely trade away foosball and i mean people ask you're like well okay what's what are your long-term plans what's next for the podcast and the honest truth is the podcast keeps going and then i become a professional pickleball player so in the senior circuit yeah so if i have to i'm not giving up those dreams not yet no i think that's the direction for all three of us professional pickleball players yes um if we could progress we're pretty good but we're not there yet like because you know it's it's a game doubles. But can we just be like a team of three? Oh, man.

Call ourselves the Pickle Pals? No one would get a ball past us. All right. I would, without a doubt, give up foosball. Yeah, I did it. The Pickle Pals. I did it. I went with it.

Mike, we all agree. Pickleball stands. Yes, I'm going to because in the next stage of my life, I will be a professional athlete. Which is what we're calling pickleball players. Yes. Yes. Absolutely they are. Real quick.

But foosball players are not. No. It's. Oh. That gets into the question of like our professional. What's an athlete? Like our professional eSports players, athletes. No, they are not.

No. Why? No way. Why? No way. Why? Because it doesn't take athleticism. Okay, so is a race car driver an athlete? No, a race car driver is not an athlete. What about an archer?

They're not an athlete. Wow. The Olympics beg to differ. Yeah. A worldwide curler, a gold medalist curler they might be an athlete they might be an athlete but they're not an athlete because of curling wow okay so what do you have to tied of a definition of an athlete so define athlete 60 seconds an athlete is someone or is like the the act of using strenuous activity with your body physically,

that is what is required to be an athlete. How do you spell athlete? This is not a highway to spell. Okay. You cannot be an athlete and not sweat. Okay. Let me bring it. So a race car driver.

You'll sweat. A race car driver, when the event is done, is incredibly mentally taxing and physically taxing upon your body. And you are absolutely doused in sweat when you are done. You have a stronger argument there because it does take some physical exertion. It takes a lot. I mean, well, you're wearing like a fire suit. I feel like if you went to bed yeah in their gear you'd wake up super soaked in sweat um but yeah I'm gonna I'm

gonna be hard here I think that you need to I think you need to actually have physical exertion to be considered uh you know an athlete in that event okay so so in a foosball you're actually like you are physically exerting yourself look i could injure myself yes foosball but no i'm not an athlete playing foosball let's move on okay becca from the website would you rather be misted randomly with cool water on a hot day or randomly receive cups of hot chocolate on a cold day? Ooh. Now, I am going to preface the answer. You can't judge this based on Arizona proportions, because in Arizona, we'd all choose the cool water mist, because eight, nine months of the year, you need that.

You pretty much never need a cup of hot coffee or hot cocoa. But let's say it's 50-50. Half the year, the cold that you know. half the year, the hot that you know. Which one do you find to be more comforting? Because I have my answer, but I'm going to wait. Yeah, I mean, I hate heat more. And maybe that is because we live in Arizona and I'm used to my heart full of hatred towards heat. Maybe it's because I'm overweight and I sweat and I just hate the heat.

That being said, randomly being sprayed with water is not always a positive. Like when I'm hot, my solution isn't usually to spray myself with water. That's not just like a delightful thing. Sometimes it is. Do you think being handed, is it better if I said you were handed a cup of ice cold water? Would that be at any moment? Yes. That's more refreshing to you?

That would be more refreshing to me like an ice cold water versus spraying me with water. Where am I getting sprayed? Is this in the face? Is this on my neck? It's a spritz though. It's a delightful, refreshing spritz. If if things are too hot you can't always fix that if things are too cold you can practically fix it most of the time you can wear more clothing you can wear hand warmers you can wear something over so it's less avoidable but i will go with the i'm gonna go with the hot chocolate because when i've been very cold

i have found that to be spectacular the nice thing about that and i think i lean your your way as well is that it's delicious that's true it has chocolate hot chocolate is what if i say this is just the swiss miss oh get, get that crap out. No, the Swiss Miss is not hot chocolate. That's hot water. What if you got an ice cold Yoo-Hoo on a hot summer's day? This is Swiss Miss hot chocolate versus an ice cold Yoo-Hoo on a hot day? I am taking the Yoo-Hoo on a hot day 100 out of 100 times. Can you microwave a Yoo-Hoo? And is that a good hot chocolate replacement? Probably.

I'll bet that's closer to Swiss Miss. Yeah, it is. Because that's like chocolate water. Here's the question. Can you be the first athlete, pick a ball, who promotes ice cold yoo-hoo as your hydration? If anyone was the man for the job, guilty as charged. I just won another world championship.

I want to have it in a spray Gatorade bottle. But with the Y on it. And then I'm dousing myself down. I mean, it's just chocolate water. You have the ball boy is spraying the Yoo-Hoo in their mouth. There's no way Yoo-Hoo

is stickier than Gatorade would be. People have frowned upon pouring Yoo-Hoo on people for years, but Gatorade's the same. Yeah, people... Is Gatorade that sticky? Gatorade's plenty sticky. Oh, yeah. Really?

Yeah, they have a bad time after they win the championship. Yeah, you need a full shower. Yeah. Okay, final answer, I'll take the Yoo-Hoo. I'm taking the delightful mist. You like a good mist. Oh, it is spectacular. You know what?

You had some misters installed in your backyard. I did. Are you still very pro mister since that decision? You have no idea. I need to know the maintenance, Mike. How long, how much have you had to maintain them? Uh, well, I've had to turn it off when it's on and I don't want it on anymore. That's it. Yeah. They don't clog up. No, I've had to turn it off when it's on, and I don't want it on anymore. That's it? Yeah.

They don't clog up? No, not these ones. Mike also used to show up to Pickleball in the summers with a handheld mister. You're a big mister! He would mist himself down between games. And who else would I mist? He misted me. And how delightful was it? It was nice. So you're Mr. Mister? Yes.

Okay. Mr. Mister right. I also like a Mr. Right. I also like Mr. Mr. I'm Mr. Misty from Dairy Queen. Okay. We got there. We got there. Brooks is here in the background. He's having a good time.

It's a special episode. Do we need to go to the next segment, Al, or do you want us to hang around? Let's move on. We're done. The show is done. done gotta get back under control not bloody likely spit wads do you know why free trials renew without your consent it's a business scam to get the money out of you don't let these greedy corporations pocket your money. Download the True

Bill app and take control of your subscriptions. When I signed up for True Bill, I mean, I saved $75 a month immediately with things I didn't even remember were there. It's a new app. It's going to help you identify and stop paying for subscriptions you don't need. On average, people save $720 a year with Truebill. It is a very great app. We were using it, Mike, we used it long before they were a sponsor. Now we're happy to support them because they really are great. Truebill has saved over 2 million users and helped save more than $100 million. You don't want to fall for subscription scams. You can start canceling today at Truebill.com slash ballers. If you go right now, Truebill.com slash ballers.

That's a great question. David from the website has a great question. Saw this on Twitter, he says, and it's been driving him nuts. Uh-oh. Needs a definite answer from the experts. Are there more doors or wheels in the world this includes cabinet doors wheels on toys so this is a this has been driving you nuts david i get that that because that's hard more doors more doors or wheels in the world okay so every building you're in has like right now where we are it said a wheel i would have just every i mean we've got you know how many doors here six seven doors across and i don't think

there is a single wheel in this building what are you talking about our chairs have wheels there's so many more wheels and doors oh Oh, my gosh. Every chair has like five wheels, and sometimes they're double-sided. That's 12. This answer is so easy. Well, cabinet doors, though. Yeah, we got cabinets, too. Oh, man. Chair wheels.

Car doors. Car wheels. I mean, wherever they're. Jason is sitting on a chair right now that can move around because it's on wheels. You are on top of wheels. I am sitting on wheels. I don't think there's any wheels in here. There are so many.

If we counted the wheels in this place. It would far outnumber the doors. I mean, there's a hundred wheels in our studio here. That's true. That's true. There are definitely more wheels than doors because if you think about all the toys in the world, there's not a lot of doors on toys. Every toy has a wheel. Every toy has a wheel?

That doesn't make any sense. That's a very bold statement. That doesn't make any sense. That's a very bold statement. There are more doors on toy houses, dream houses, things like that, than there are wheels. Yeah, but the toy house comes with the Barbie convertible. Tire swing? Bean bag. Tire swing.

I was going to say, well, okay, for every car, now you have four wheels or more, but you also have at least two doors. It's wheels. It's got to be wheels. It's not even close. How, Mueller wants to know, Mueller, how old does a car have to be to be considered a classic? Okay. be to be considered a classic okay this has to have like an actual real answer because you have your car has to be a certain age to get that the historic so the historic license that's different than classic we're not talking historic historic is like a whole different class it's a classic

car like if they're having a classic car convention okay how old is your car to be to have to roll it in? Okay. Now, is it an age or is it the year? And I know those sound like the same thing, but it's like there are certain vehicles that, you know, oh, it's the- You mean the wear? The 1992 Mustang was like a classic, but that's maybe not universal to all vehicles where, okay, that was 30 years, so then all cars over 30. Does a classic have to be well sold to be a classic? If it's a bad model that didn't sell a lot, but is old, that doesn't make it a classic.

I think that's what Jason's kind of talking about is there's years of a Mustang that are sought after, and then there's some years of a Mustang that people just don't care about. Yeah, not everything's classic. A lot of things suck. You do have to have an age is 100% an element. Yes. You can't have a classic from last year. Correct.

So then is it 10 years? No, it's got to be longer than that. That's too soon. I'm thinking 30. 30 years. I'm thinking 30. So, yeah, because nothing, like right now it's 2022 and we're recording this.

So a 2002 Mustang is not a classic. No. What about a 92 Mustang? That could be a classic. Yeah, it's 30 years. 30 years. But what about a 93 Mustang? No, that's 29 years.

Okay. That's like yesterday. I think 30 years, but it also has to have been a very successful sought after product or vehicle. If it sucks, it can't ever be classic. More than 30? Yeah. 30 doesn't seem old enough for me for something to be classic.

It's weird because for us, the classic cars still seem like 50s and 60s cars. Well, I would— So then does the classic get locked in based on your subjective perception of a classic? Let me ask you this. Is a DeLorean a classic card? 100%. I totally agree. Yeah, for sure. That's 80. Is that because it's so unique?

I think it's because of Back to the Future. I mean, there's no other reason. A DeLorean was classic 30 years ago because Back to the Future. future yeah did it become an instant classic oh maybe there is an instant classic they do call the movie sometimes they're like it's an instant classic on hallmark um yeah i i i'm gonna say 30 years but it's different maybe

it's a percentage of your age it's interesting they have to say instant classic because it clearly shows that a real classic is old. Right. Well, I mean, that's common sense. Well, yeah. So that part's conceited. But if you're younger, if you're 10 years old, are there things that are classic to you? You know what I mean? Okay.

If you're a 20-year- old yes is something from when you were eight uh considered a classic that's only 12 years old no no but i mean i feel like you answered those questions exactly because if you're an eight-year-old you can say that there's a classic car it's not from your time period but it's like oh i guess we're specifically on car it's gonna say like when i got when i was a teenager and was a teenager and I was two video game systems removed from the Nintendo. Right. Now the Nintendo is a classic. It was?

Yes. Oh, for sure. Once you hit two generations. So maybe 30 or something. There weren't more DeLoreans, though. More DeLoreans than what? I'm just saying there were no more future generations. That was an age. So more. No future generations.

That was an age. So it's age or generations. So scarcity is also factoring in. It could also be an instant classic. Okay, so here's what we've learned. We've learned that if it's great, it can be a classic immediately. If you call it an instant classic, it has to have scarcity. It's got to have age or percentage of your lifespan, at least 30 years for most

people and it has to have been pretty kick butt back in the past yeah i agree and i think the instant classic moniker is for something that has a start and an end like a movie or a sporting event because it's started it's over and then you can say that game was a classic even though it was just yesterday because we know that in the future this will hold up. Yeah, but this was specific to cars. You're right. The question was cars, so there's no such thing as an instant classic car. No.

You need to see how it holds up over time. It's just awesome. Something comes out that is going to be a classic, it's just cool. All right. Paris on Patreon. If Paris is the city of love, then what's the city of hate? Paris is writing from Paris? What is the city of hate?

Paris is the city of love. What's the city of hate? I feel like this is just a lose-lose situation here to answer this question. Who do you want to put on blast? Oakland. No, I wouldn't throw Oakland out there. No. Not on a big podcast like big podcast not when Detroit's still

there yes uh yeah that's a good point that's a good point Brooks I thought you were immediately going to you already said you live with hate in your heart because you live in Arizona that's true Phoenix is Death Valley California is the city of hate. I mean, that's the city of death. Oh, that's different. Tucson, Arizona, as I refer to it, the armpit of the United States. Not by geography. You got to go with a different body. That would be more like a dirty ball. It's like I was going to say, if Tucson's dang it.

But I ask you what the ball pit of America is. Yeah, it's Tucson, Arizona. I went to college there. have two sons dang it so but i ask you what the ball pit of america is yeah that's tucson arizona um i went to college there um yeah you spent a good amount of time there i was there for enough years to know that that is can we not do questions where we just make people that live in certain places feel bad well i was gonna ask brooks if we called detroit the city of hate brooks you're from that area back off yeah he said he knew it was coming though i started typing leave detroit the city of hate brooks you're from that area back off yeah he said he knew it was coming though i started typing leave detroit alone as you were saying detroit so how'd you know that it was going to be the answer but murder rate because everyone hates on it undeservedly

all right uh because well we're gonna go there and do a show that is true we must love i've been to the airport let me do a what's the difference question with you before we move on to our draft okay dallas had finally shaken the nickname city of hate apparently it was dallas dallas was known as the city of hate okay well there's an answer okay not detroit i would not have gone dallas all. What is the difference between a cord, a cable, and a wire? A cord. A cord. A cable.

A cable. And a wire. Well, wires are very thin. Wires are- They have to be metal though, right? Yeah. There's never been a non-metal wire. Yeah.

You can't have like a string that you call a wire. No. You'd be a psycho. Yeah. So it's got to be thin and metal. And it's not covered. Well, let's explore that with cable. He's a covered wire.

He's a covered wire. He's a covered wire. But it doesn't have to be covered. It could just be twisted, right? If you take a bunch of wire together and you twist them around. It's still a wire. That's a cable.

What? No, the twist has nothing to do with it you twist them around. It's still a wire. That's a cable. No. No, the twist has nothing to do with it. Oh, no. It's the girth. The girth of if you take a bunch of wire. Uh-huh. Right? And you put it like, you know, next to each other and you twist it around and you make

it. That's a cable, isn't it? It's just a wire. No, it's a bunch of wires and you don't call it a bunch of wires. Yeah, you do. No, you call it a cable. No, a cable is a singular thing. Yeah, do no you call it a cable no cable is a singular thing yeah cable is it can't be a multiple right it's a singular thing you you you take the

mini and you put it gonna wrap it or not you better wrap it if you want to be a cable you're saying there's no unwrapped cable toss me the cable better have a wrapping in it yeah if you toss someone a wire or a bunch of wires twisted. You may cut their fingers off. You're thinking of pretzels. Well, those are delicious. But I really think that you can have an unwrapped cable. Jeremy, is there such a thing as an unwrapped cable?

Well, I mean, yeah, it's a wire. It's unwrapped. Except for ground wires, wires are sheathed as well. So they're all covered yeah they're covered by cabling oh no like a ground wire would be covered no ground wires like a green wire but it's got the green on it and the inside is some copper correct so that's a wire so we need to expand cable then needs to be cables are long cable has to have a plug on both ends has to be you can't be if you cut a cable and you cut both ends off, it becomes a wire.

Can you have a flat cable? No. So it has to be circular. Yeah, it's got to be. What do you call it then? A band. A cord can be flat. A ribbon.

A power cord can be flat. That's right. That's right. A power ribbon. Right. So you've got, now getting to flat. That's right. That's right. Power ribbon. Right. So you've got now getting to cord. Yes. Ooh.

Cord cable wire. A cord has to have an AC on the other side of it. Yeah, that is correct. A full air conditioning unit is on the other side of all cords. I was saying that you have to be able to plug a cord into a wall. Right. No, I know what you're saying. Or just plug into something.

Right. It doesn't have to. No, that's a cable. Cables plug into things. No, you can have a cord. Cords plug into power. No. Wires, who knows what they do?

They go underground. All I know is wires are thin, cords are fat, or cables are fat, wires are thin, and cords have electronics involved. Hmm. I don't think we did a very good job. Well, that's par for the course on this show. Let's draft. Good work, buddy.

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But if you use them to speak to a child, they're great. They're very uplifting. That's fair. I use a lot of these when I talk to my little one. Yeah. No, that's true. That's true. But if you were to, let's say let me give you an example

you go to a car dealership you're looking at buying some vehicles okay you haven't introduced yourself to this person they haven't introduced themselves to you the salesman and the salesman walks up and he says hey captain let me show you something over here oh man oh man hey captain no you that is that is very insulting. Hey, buddy, let me show you a deal I got over here. You're not my buddy. Exactly. So with the first pick in the patronizing nicknames draft,

I'm going with Champ. It is very patronizing. Yeah. Hey, Champ. Like you're insinuating that i have won something that i'm not even participating in and i just i i feel like of all the names that i have come up with champ i would feel pretty insulted i would feel the most insulted by that name how insulted on a scale of one to ten would you be, Champ? I mean, Al, if someone called you that?

8. 8? Oh, okay. An 8 out of 10. Now, to be fair, we often call each other Champs around the studio when we are champions of the foosball game. But you're not being patronizing. No, you're describing.

Yeah, I feel like this has to come from a stranger. Yes, exactly. Okay. Champ is... If a stranger calls me champ they're getting punched in the nose champ's a pretty bad one jason you're up all right uh this one is it's really funny because this is like a really nice thing to say to a little kid but there's there's an age even as young child, where this becomes patronizing.

You don't have to be. Around what age? I would say it starts becoming patronizing around 11, maybe even 10 years old. Okay. So there's a very small window for this to be acceptable. To an adult, super not like stop. And to me, even has a worse meaning oh is big guy oh all right you're gonna come on over here big guy so so if a stranger just walks up to hey big guy excuse me excuse

you want to fight that's what i'd say um and he wouldn't want to fight because I'm a big guy. But yeah, I mean, that's one of those like I've got two sons. Right. And my youngest son right now is nine. I feel like I could call him big guy. Yeah, he would get away with that. My other son is days away from becoming a teenager, but he's still 12. And if I called him big guy, I feel like it's already insulting. That's fair.

Okay. But at the same time, I feel like with our friendship, if we're on a team, I'm like, let's go big guy. Yeah, but you don't call me big guy. You call me big gravy. And that is a term of endearment. Sometimes big cat. But if you call me big guy, I don't think that would work. What if it's big man? That's better. That's better. What if I called me big guy i don't think that would work it like literally what if it's

big man that's better that's better what if i called you big guy mike i mean it depends on the context all right if you're like hey you're gonna finish that cheeseburger big guy then i'm gonna feel a little bit sad and you know he's gonna finish that cheeseburger of course i'm gonna out of principle though all right i so my first pick's going to finish that cheeseburger. Of course I'm going to finish it. Out of principle now. So my first pick is going to be all the same rationale of yours, which is that it works for small kids for a little while, but it becomes very patronizing even for kids very quickly for the exact opposite reasons, and that is squirt. You should not call someone squirt ever.

Come here, squirt. Think about the word. It's squ ever. Come here, squirt. Nobody think about the word. It's squirt. The word is squirt. That word sucks. Yeah, that's a pretty bad one. Come on, man. Squirt.

And then my second pick is going to be boss. I'm going to go with boss. Like, hey, Boss, come here. You're messing up the whole world order there. If I'm going into a furniture shop and the guy goes and he goes, hey, Boss, come here. I want to show you this new leather. I mean, what are you? Really?

Why do you call me Boss? I love it. Oh, my gosh. Really? You want to be called Boss? I know. You are the Boss. I use the word because I use it.

With random people? Yeah. So do I. I was just going to ask the same thing. No. Is it the word because I use it. With random people? Yeah. So do I. I was just going to ask the same thing. Is it the same if I get a delivery and I say, hey, thanks, boss? I say that all the time. Is that patronizing? No, that sucks.

No, see, I'm with it. I use it because it's almost a situation of me humbling myself before a way of saying, of saying, you know, like, thank you. Oh, you think you're giving them a... But then Champ should work. No, no. No, your logic doesn't hold up there. You're giving them a... Also, didn't we buy Al a better microphone?

He sounds like he's in a combat helicopter. Testing one, two, three. Okay, a little bit better, a little bit better. So Champ and Boss are the same. When you guys gave the example of the delivery guy, you know, thanks, Boss, that's patronizing. I don't know. Just so you know.

Just so you know for the next time you're going to use it, they might not love it. Disagree to disagree. Well, I mean, I'm not saying what you think. I mean, you really need to get them in here. I'm saying what they might think. All right. Back to you.

Back on the clock. I'm going to go with think. You really need to get them in here. I'm saying what they might think. All right. Back to you. Back on the clock. I'm going to go with one that I have never used. I've used Big Guy. I don't think I've ever used Squirt for sure, but I've used Boss. The one that I have never used because- If someone calls me Squirt as an adult, it's over. I'm in prison. I will justify it before the judge.

Oh, and you won't go to jail? No, they'll oh he called you squirt look how tall you are that's not okay i don't know why this one is so demeaning to me but it like this one to me is so condescending and it just implies that they aren't this like it's like it's like if you were to say champ you know it's like oh you're the champ but but this when i call you this it almost it's it seems it has this feel that it's the opposite of what i'm saying which is sport a sport yeah you know it's like oh you're not good at sports you you call someone sport that's what i feel like it means like it's all right sport huh yeah it does seem like that's? That's what I feel like it means. Like, it's all right, sport. Huh.

Yeah. It does seem like that's a pretty condescending sounding. Yeah, it's just like, it's the opposite of boss. Better be a good sport and handle it. The reason that you've never called someone sport is because you don't own a yacht. Okay, that's fair. Is that what you say to your help on the yacht? Yeah, like once you're in the yacht club, you call people a sport. But do you have to have an accent?

You have to hold it long. Yeah, you spoil it. I feel like if you've got a yacht while you're on the yacht, you will have an accent. You could. You could because it's international waters. So you've got, to be clear,

you've got big guy and sport. Big guy and sport. Okay. All right. And you have squirt and boss. guy and sport. Big guy and sport. Okay. All right. And you have squirt and boss. Boss. Yeah.

Mike's got champ. So different than boss. And then something. So different. Two more picks. All right. We're going to stay in the sports realm first. Oh. Something that you.

I know where you're going. You can call a little kid this, but if you call the grown man this, you say, hey, slugger. Yeah. It's just that. say, hey, slugger. Yeah. It's just that. What's up, slugger? That's not great. No. Why?

Maybe it's because all these terms are, like, coming from Little League. Of, like, saying, hey, you are not a grown person. In fact, you are. So tons of kids are walking off the Little League field, and all these random parents are saying things to them not knowing their names yes which good job sport nice hit slugger if you have children in sports it can be very difficult to learn everybody's name in the short amount of time you have to spend together so i get it you got to come up with ways to talk to people but you don't call a grown man slugger.

And you definitely don't call a grown man kiddo. Yeah. I don't even think you call a kid kiddo. You've never said, hey, kiddo. No. You've never used that one? I don't think I ever have. Oh, it feels great.

Really? I'm going to try it out tonight. Because by calling someone kiddo, you are establishing dominance. Yeah, that you're the boss. You are saying, I am the older one and I'm the superior one in this conversation here. You are the child. So to call a grown person, hey, kiddo. Okay.

Well, that seems nicer. It seems like you're establishing dominance, but it's also kind of kind towards the kiddo yes i've got a better one here that's not oh it's just like it but this one gonna get you into a fight son oh yeah you i mean you don't call me son yes are you kidding me no way that's a fantastic and what's so funny is we watch... No one ever says daughter. We've been watching Yellowstone, and he, the main character, Kevin Costner,

they write this all the time. He calls his grandson grandson, or he calls his son son all the time, and it's like, people don't talk like that. I would never... Do you call your son son? Come here, son son all the time and it's like people don't talk like that i would never you call your son son come here son all the time what what do you mean that's not weird that's super weird how is it weird to say hey come here son i mean it's just so unnecessary that's not the what we're talking about no no no this is talking to an adult i mean al am i alone that you never say hey hey son i do but it means but it means I need to talk to you about something serious.

Yeah, I see that. Son, come here for a second. It's a formality. That's a get you in a fight word on a court. You're on a pickleball court and someone calls me son, we're going to have some words. I understand that. Yeah, okay.

You ain't my daddy. If you call me daddy, I will also have a problem. Mike, you went with kiddo. Jason went with, is it back to me? Yes. You're up for your final two picks. Oh, I've got my last one. I can't wait.

I have two. Hmm. I'm going to go. First of all, chief. I'm going with chief. Okay. Don't call me chief. Interesting.

That's like a, it just seems like such a weird pet name and then i i can't decide between these two but i'm gonna go with i just think bud oh you don't like hey bud no because these are strangers you're not my bud earn the bud that's what i always say earn it yeah feel like Bud is so, it's because it's so short. Hey, Bud, come here. Because it's so short, it's just like a little. That sucks. It's like a little quip.

I'm not saying, I'm not trying to be completely pro-Bud here. I'm just, what I'm saying is like, you know. Bud or Buddy, which is worse for you? Bud is worse than Buddy. Yeah, that's what I think. Buddy is, you know, it's like, hey, Buddy. Well, I don't know. I feel like Buddy always comes with like calm down.

It's like, hey, calm down, Buddy i feel like buddy always comes with like calm down it's like hey calm down buddy buddy calm down buddy buddy is is more patronizing yeah no i think i do i'm gonna switch because saying if i was like hey bud come here you tell me you're trying to buy a car and he goes hey bud come over here you're not walking off of that lot oh i am but hey buddy is hey buddy buddy that's that's far worse. Yeah, hey, buddy is worse than hey, bud. Yeah, I just, so squirt, boss, chief, and bud are my four picks. Awful. Not awful picks, awful list of things to refer to strangers as. All right, mine, this is, when I was putting my list together, I knew that this was the most important word to me

because this is my most commonly used also I'm sorry that your dad never called you son thank you um this is my most commonly used term of endearment um it's it's it's actually to me a a sign of affection of love I use it all the time it's not a negative but i think it will come across as a negative and it's fart face what fart face i use it all the time that's what i call my kids that's what i call my friends do you have never called me fart face and i'm better for hold on did you just say i think it'll come across as negative? Yeah, exactly. I don't even think that fits.

That's not a patronizing nickname you call strangers. Have you ever called someone else's child fart face? Yes. I think I've called Sawyer a fart face before. A fart face. That is not the first time you saw him. No, not the first time I saw him. That's like a friendly name.

But to call someone, hey, you're a fart face is far. I think that's more allowable than saying, hey, fart face. I think I vote that down. You vote. I got two thumbs down. I would overrule it as well. Okay. As does Brooks.

That's just an insult. Yeah. I mean, you can say. That's a whole different draft. This is the most commonly used nickname. Oh, your world ain't everybody else's world. Well, but I'm the one picking. Alright, if I've got to go with another

name here, then it's going to be Bro. We just helped you in the draft. Bro, Bra, Broseph, those, like, don't call me. My son calls me Bro all the time. I hear my son when he's playing video

games, like, and he's got the you know he's chatting with his friends when he says bro i have to stop i'm like really oh it just sounds everybody bro it just sounds everybody because it's well to be fair it's more of like a bra it's more of like a oh bra you know yeah i don't know it just seems so dumb so i'm okay with if someone calls me bro i think I'm all right with it. Bro can go either way. As long as it's not my son. It's neutral.

What if it's your brother? That's okay. What if it's your sister? Still okay. Yeah, that would make the same amount of sense. But they call... I think this is becoming... I think bro is becoming just like no gender,

nothing. Yeah. I mean, the cousins are all calling each other bro, no matter boy or girl. Yes. And it definitely can be aggressive, but it can also be a- So you say you use that. Do you use that with grownups? Yeah.

You call another stranger bro? Yeah. Hey, bro. Okay. Does it make you feel like strong no together yeah it's a togetherness it is definitely it is a it is a word i would use to i mean when he doesn't call him a fart face of course which i call people all the time thanks for the package fart face exactly one person on this earth that has ever done that. There is at least one. Including you. No, there is one. That's me. You've never done that to a... I've never done that to a delivery guy.

I will do it to the next delivery guy. Or to a family member other than your children. Well, does my wife count? You call her Fartface? A million times. No, that'll be a different draft. Mike, you have one pick left. All right, I'll close it out here.

This isn't one that I particularly use myself, but it is definitely a commonly used one. If you call it a kid, it's fine. But if you called an adult junior, I think that there's going to be a situation. Yeah, I don't think that that will ever be good. I'm trying to think of a situation that would be good. King Griffey, maybe.

Well, no. I mean, obviously, if they are a junior, you're just calling them their name. It's not a nickname. Is that used? Do people say junior? I think they do. As a nickname? I think they do.

That would be insulting. If someone said junior to me, I'd be like, what? I mean, I guess if they were 80, I'd be like, okay, that's fine. I mean, right? Like, I would be, how do I come back against that? Oh, that would be the situation, though. I think that old people are the ones that use it. Sure. Like, really old people.

It's old-timey. Yeah. So you would use it. Sure. Like really old people. It's old timey. Yeah. So you would use it. Come here, Junior. That's the actual only phrase that's ever been uttered with it in there is, come here, Junior. Help me with this. That one came in.

I have my backup if we're not okay with that one. No, that's fine. I think I'm all right. Champ, Slugger, Kiddo, Junior. Big guy, which I didn't pick it, but big fella is real close yeah i thought about going with tough uh like a tough guy little fella not great either yeah maybe i'm more sensitive to being so small and being called squirt interesting as a kid so what what is worse for you as as a tall person for someone to go with the uh ironic oh like hey hey tiny or to go with the ironic,

like, hey, tiny, or to go with big guy? I think at this point, I would understand the joke of all small names now. Okay. But it wasn't funny when I was little. Because it wasn't ironic. Yeah, if you call me squirt now, it's ironic.

Gotcha. But if you call me big fella now, it's ironic. Gotcha. But if you call me big fella, I am sucking in the gut. I am. I am going. Hope you're being ironic. So there are a lot. Ace was in contention. Ace was on my list. Yeah.

You had a list of 100, i think names that you paste because there are many there are a lot although many from this list are not in that category nor would i read them aloud you know one that i use skipper skipper would be a problem skip was one i had thought of captain there's one i use all the time for my kids that... Fartface. Yeah, fartface. That's my number one. But just dude. Like using that word every time I use it, which is all the time, I feel so old. Every time I say... You feel old?

I think dude has moved into an older word. Yeah, I just feel like hey dude, it just feels old. It feels like something that had a nice 20 year run in my life and it probably should move on. Yeah. I should be progressing to fart face. I haven't gotten there yet.

Dude forever. Tiger? Yeah. And fart face. And, of course, yeah. But other than that. Do you remember Haas? No.

I know of it. Yeah. That was hot for a minute. I know of it. What's up, dude? Yeah. You're my bro. It's funny. I don't know what the problem is over here. The problem dude? Yeah. You're my bro. It's funny.

I don't know what the problem is over here. The problem with bro is not saying the word bro. The problem is if you listen to your children play a video game for one hour and you have heard the word bro 300 times consecutively. 60 minutes, 300 times, the math checks out. Yeah. That is when I go, I literally turned to my son the other day, 300 times, the math checks out. Yeah, that is when I go, I literally turned to my son the other day, I go, if you call me bro,

or I hear you say bro again, I'm going to die. Yeah, if you come up with more nicknames, listen to this podcast, and now you've got great things to call your friends. I was all about dude, but man, you say it 300 times in a minute. You're overplaying dude. Anything from the

producers back there? Maybe a hot shot? That's good. Nice try, hot shot. Anything from Al? Cupcake. I do think I would revise my rating that I gave at the beginning of this draft on Champ, though.

It's not as bad now? It's not as bad. Some of the others are worse. Let's test that. Brooks, I'll give you a minute to think about it, but of the ones we picked, which one... Squirt. Okay, Squirt would be the most insulting for you? Absolutely.

And then, Brooks, of all these nicknames, just some research for around the studio, which name is the most... would get under your skin the most if it became your nickname i'm gonna go kiddo yeah that would that would suck would it be ironic if we said boss all the time would that elevate you feel free yeah no no worries there okay yeah oh you're sub 50 now fellas interesting okay this one was fun.

What did we learn today? I learned that I don't want to sleep in my dirty ball pit. That makes sense. I learned that you love calling your kids Farfetch'd. Oh, it's the best. I like that you learned it just now. It's the nickname that he uses all the time. But you just learned it.

I hope I can get included is all I'm asking. There's no way you've never... You have heard me call my kids fart face. I have heard you say you call your kids fart face. You never... Okay, Owl. Have you heard me call my kids fart face? All the time, yes. Well, that just tells you.

This is real. And he has called my kid a fart face. A fart face or fart face. These are very different things. Fart face? All the time, yes. Wow, that just tells you. This is real. And he has called my kid a fartface. A fartface or fartface. These are very different things. Fartface, yeah. Look, big guy, invite us over more and you can call my kids fartface. That would just, to answer the question that was going around, that would be the one I would hate the most.

Okay, good. This big guy. I learned Jason needs to reevaluate his definition of athlete. Okay. Okay, that's fair. You've got to do some soul searching on that one. That's a good point, sport. Oh, man.

This will be happening around the office soon. Thanks for listening. Tune in. Appreciate you. Goodbye. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to check out spitballerspod.com