Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 189: Jason Teaches Space & Foods That Push Your Poop Button - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 4, 2022

On today’s episode we talk about the pain behind having to admit that our wives are better than us at some things. We also discuss doing a stint in prison vs. just popping in on the weekends. In our ‘What’s The Difference’ segment, Jason really helps illuminate everything he knows about flying space rocks. In true Spitballers fashion, we close it down with a draft of foods that really push our poop buttons. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

Hey, do you want to learn a new skill to build websites, troubleshoot tech issues, or transition into a new career? Over 50 million people already know that Codecademy is the best way to learn to code. That's because Codecademy not only teaches you the job-ready coding skills, but it also helps you build a unique portfolio, projects, earn certificates, even prep for the technical interviews. I used to run a tech company. Andy and Mike, they were with us. The hardest job to find was coders.

The highest paying job we had was coders. We three have our children on Codecademy because it's a great place to learn at your own pace, get qualified for in-demand jobs. No matter what your experience level is, you can learn Python, HTML, CSS, SQL, JavaScript, and more. And if you're not sure where to begin, Codecademy will point you in the right direction. Join over 50 million people learning to code with Codecademy and see where coding can take you. Get 15% off your Codecademy Pro membership when you go to Codecademy.com and use the promo code

SPITBALLERS. That's promo code SPITBALLERS at Codecademy.com and get 15% off Codecademy Pro, the best way to learn to code. C-O-D-E-C-A-D-E-M-Y.com. Promo code SPITBALLERS. What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Scooby to the doobie, doobie to the scooby. It's Not good. You didn't like that one?

I mean, he broke at the end. I'm really undecided. He didn't like it. He was reacting to his own scat in the scat, which was incredible. At the end of the scat, he was actually laughing at himself. It's all part of it, man. Welcome into the spitballers episode 189 scooby to the doobie doobie to the scooby you're almost like a palindrome like you

were going you went to the middle and then you worked your way back to the beginning but he didn't start with a little chuckle that's true he had started with a little laugh just saying put that on a t-shirt you could do whatever you you want, Mike. At SpitballersPod on Twitter, welcome in. We have a review today. Would you rather, what's the difference? Where we break down some very important things. A lot of times people don't understand the meaning of specific words. Words matter.

Right. And so a lot of times people, they just kind of think things are the same thing, that have two different words, and that's never been the case. And so we are going to help you because that's what we do. That's what we're here for. We take difficult concepts and we make them simple for you. Also, we're drafting foods that push your poop button. So that also is happening on today's show.

But first, let's read a review. Review-a-saurus rags. This one comes in from Love My Fart Room. Five stars. I have never written a review before, but this show deserves it. You each make up a special part of the show. Mike, the hair.

Jason, the hunk. And Andy, the heart. The three H's. They forgot the C. My sister introduced me to the show, and I was hooked by the first episode. Never in my life did I think I would love any podcast this much, but these men are the brothers I always wanted. Thank you for improving my life.

I'm the heart, huh? Yeah. You're the heart. Okay. Well, I mean, thank you. you we read these reviews we've said it before we we really they fuel us yeah i literally just read it that's proof not lying appreciate everybody out there by the way if you're listening on an apple podcast make sure you click the plus button. That's the follow button. That's the follow button. You're not supposed to say subscribe anymore.

That would be just a faux pas. Remember, words matter. Plus it? Plus that. I don't know. Smash that plus. Let's do some Would You Rather. Would You Rather. Would you rather? All right, Garrett from the website. Would you rather have...

I'm sorry. Let me start this again. Would you rather your spouse be able to beat you in every competition or have them outsmart you in every argument for the rest of your life? This is terrible. These are both not options. I i mean that's exactly right when you're reading that it was like okay well that one's out the first you know that one's out whatever the second one and then i think the second one was worse there is uh there's one competition that my wife has always gotten the better of me at,

and it is one that we do not play anymore. Oh, Mario Party. No, no, it's Boggle. If we've ever played Boggle, no matter how intense I attempt, how much I'm focusing, no matter how much I'm trying to beat her, I will not beat her at Boggle. Refresh my memory of what Boggle is.

Boggle is a small, you shake up 16 different letter die, and it goes down onto the board in a cube form, and then you just make as many words in a certain amount of time through the diagonals. And if you match words, you cross them out, and it's original words that get you points. I hate word games for that reason alone. When you run into a word game person,

they're on a different level. Like, if you happen to play a game, like, those people, those awful people who are awesome word gamers y'all need to stay out of casual gaming scrabble devils you go oh go do your tournaments okay yeah exactly scrabble and boggle and all these things where you're coming up with your words and your fancy yeah i've got a degree i went to english Yeah, you stay away from our casual gaming. Let us play these games that are fun, but they're not fun when we get smoked every time. Well, no, that's the...

Scrabble's not a fun game. Scrabble's all right. It's not a fun game. There's a lot of waiting. It's not all right. There's a lot of waiting in Scrabble. Sure, it's fun when you put your word down and you get something nice, but then you wait for people...

There's no rules, right? There's no time limit on how long it takes. If there was the little hourglass thing, and that was like a scrabble real part of scrabble there's got to be a version of that but i'm saying if that was the if that was the regular that game could be fun would you rather play scrabble or monopoly monopoly and i hate monopoly man that is tough if you're playing through to the end it has to be scrabble because I don't play a game for that long. Monopoly, if you actually play it through to the end, which I don't think most people have ever done. Has anyone ever completed a game of Monopoly?

I don't know if anyone has ever completed a game of Monopoly. We would all take risk over both of those, right? Oh, I love risk. I never played risk. Risk is good. You would love it. It's great. It does take a while, though.

I'm just saying. You've completed the risk? Oh, yeah. I've played many, many a game of Risk. Is Risk... World domination. Yes. Thank you.

I do know the concept of Risk, but is it two players? Is it three, four? It can be more. It can be up to four, I think. All right. Maybe we need to play a game of Risk. I don't know. We'll just have to carve out a weekend to get that done.

So anyways, that is bringing us back to the question. That's the competition I think of where she always gets the better of me. And so I know the feeling in my heart in that moment. And so if every time I played cornhole or basketball or any pickleball, God forbid, or any pickleball god forbid if she won every time i would have a problem with that yeah the paperwork would be filed and that's not what you want but then being outsmarted in every argument now there would defeat me too that sounds like immediately when you read this that was the way worst thing i do not want to be outsmarted in every argument i want to win every argument that is just a staple um however there is a benefit here to being outsmarted in every argument you actually like if if i am genuinely outsmarted right i am learning i am oh i thought

you were gonna say everything's her fault i am getting better i am growing in knowledge etc etc when i lose in a competition there is nothing but hatred and bile there is no winning i learn no lesson right i just break my pickleball paddle i was gonna say did you learn any lessons on the pickleball court yesterday i did i learned an expensive i learned that there is a very expensive pickleball paddle that is not built for throwing because i was so this happened um we play a lot of pickleball paddle that is not built for throwing because i was so this happened um we play a lot of pickleball we play a lot of pickleball around these parts and i played what i believe is my worst game in multiple years i played like i had never played before like this was my first time out and i was so frustrated myself that I threw that paddle with all my strength, and I'm proud

to say I'm strong enough to buy a new paddle because that thing was in two pieces irreplaceable or fixable. Irreparable. Yeah, it was replaceable. Irreparable. That was the word. Thank you. So, yeah, and to be honest with you, when I saw you throw the paddle, I didn't think

you threw it that hard. Oh, well. So I was really impressed that it broke. Yeah, shocking strength. Or the pickleball's made out of peanut brittleballs nice forehand is what I'm saying peanut brittle Mike what's your answer on this one well so which one would be worse for you where I thought Jason was going is if you are outsmarted in every argument yes you have a learning opportunity but then you also you legitimately lost the argument. You are dumb.

Well, but here's the thing. I'm sure we've all had, you know, you don't have to call it an argument, whatever, but just a strong debate with your significant other. And you feel in your heart that you are absolutely correct. And you still end up losing the argument. absolutely correct and you still end up losing the argument and you're just now you're mad because you're like i'm still right but we're gonna go with your side and but if you have actually been outsmarted that's true then you have you have lost and you can realize what went wrong in the argument so i it almost feels not as bad i maybe i think think that's the side I want. Yeah, I think there are two different types of people. You have people that can realize when they have lost an argument,

and you have people that they can still lose the argument, but they do not know. There are certain people that I know that it's like, I mean, it can be clear as day, and they just will never believe that they have lost this argument. They stick to their guns when everything is shown right in front of their face. Like somewhere being really far away, like a far drive. Right.

Like if you live super far, just mathematically speaking, you're like, no, I don't. And you're like, no, but it only takes this long to get there. And you're like, no, but it's actually really, really far away. Because we proved it. Yeah. With math and science. For example. Just throwing that out there like if you live people are really into this inside joke we are roasting jeremy here because before we turned on the uh i can't believe they did this to you buddy uh i just hopped on mike did this to you um i'm

i'm always i'm always on the bus that drives over people yeah he's already on the ground i'll kick him it's easy it's right here um but yeah we were grilling jeremy for how super far away he lives and he was refusing to believe that that's true because like we said when you have lost an argument some people don't realize it oh god you're killing him i can feel i can I can feel it. I can feel him. He's not even chiming in. His heart rate right now has got to be at a world-class athlete level.

He's just vibrating. His watch is just vibrating with anger. His watch is telling him he's playing a hockey game right now. He's like, let me show you how close I live, and he hits the car right now. Would you like me to call the ambulance? He's about to Will Smith you how close I live. And he hits the car right now. Would you like me to call the ambulance? He's about to Will Smith you. Okay. So anyways, you're right.

That's true. How quick would you become the person that just goes with what she said? Because why debate? If you know you're going to be outsmarted, there is a freedom in saying, you're probably right on this one. Yeah, I mean, I've been around people. I remember my former occupation when we were making video games that there was an artist that I just kind of started to trust everything she did.

I was just like, I used to debate, and I'm like, yeah, you're always right here. So it was really nice. So I think I will take that. I will take being outsmarted at every argument. I think I will learn and be quick to to you know and just dominate all the other arguments well then we're doing a lot of competitions i mean according to this would you rather we are we are playing every game we're playing bags we're playing board games we're playing poker everything at all the time also when a disagreement comes up and she's like do

you want to debate this you say you know what Let's just settle this with a game of cornhole. Right. I'll paper, rock, scissors you for this debate. Louise from Twitter. Would you rather go to prison on the weekends, so Friday through Sunday, so an extended weekend, for the rest of your life, or do a three-year stint and be done? What a great would-you-rather question.

Oh, my goodness. Wow. be done what a great would you rather question oh my goodness wow so you never get a weekend vacation getaway uh you know that's the rest of your life that's the rest of your life you can never do something on the weekend forever but a three-year stint so let's do the math on the days just about to do that so three times 52 that's 156 days per year that's going to bring you to approximately six years worth of doing that you're matching three years in prison so you're you're never free you're going to definitely do more days in prison with the weekend plan you're just never going to do a long extended time but there is a big difference here in who you are like if you just go to the prison on weekends I don't feel like I was ever a prisoner like I'm just I'm a visitor you know what I mean it's

going back to monopoly I'm just visiting uh I'm on the I'm not in jail. I'm just passing by. Whereas once you do a three-year stint, you get out as like an ex-con. You know what I mean? Like you lived that life. That was you. So I feel like there's, is there like a stigmata there? Is there a word? Yes, there's a lot of bleeding from your eyes. Yes, what's the word I'm looking for?

Stigma? Yeah, there you go. Way to call me out on that one. Words matter. See, we are here to teach you that words matter. Stigma. Thank you. I just let him go, too.

I was like. Yeah, a stigma. Stigmata. I think there's going to be a stigma when you're like, hey, do you want to come to my birthday party on Saturday? And you go, hey, I'm in prison. Don't forget. Stigmata is when the statue bleeds. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, a real banger of a horror movie from the 90s. I'm going to try the three-year stint. I mean, it's tough. I hate any question on Would You Rather where I am presuming that I'm going to be alive in three years or something. Like where you're just presuming tomorrow. Like, oh, I'm going to get out of the way. But I mean, you could die in prison.

Yeah. I mean, that's short. What percentage chance? That's where the killers go. I mean, which one of us does better in prison? Oh, that's a great question. Who does better in prison? What's the key to prison?

Is it blending in? Is it keeping your head down? Is it establishing dominance? None of us are establishing dominance. We're not getting into a prison and being like going up and punching the biggest guy and saying, this is my prison. I think Mike does the best in prison. He's got the tats, so

that helps. Tattoos. Also, he likes to keep to himself. Yes. And he looks probably more- Oh, the resting angry face. You look more intimidating than you really- You're more of a threat visually than you really might be in prison. I'm a teddy bear.

Yeah. But don't tell them that. See, I feel like I'm more of the opposite. I look like a teddy bear right i think they would really try just an inferno of rage oh man when i when i rage i i'm sure i could protect myself in some situations um the spinning around with your fists out is not considered proper self-defense tell that to the tasmanian devil okay you sound like an idiot i think mike does the i'm i'm not gonna do great no i think it's mike me than you yeah i'm gonna do bad i'm reading

so many books uh i have you ever had a cellmate with a gas problem uh my cellmate will um i think i take the... I think you have to do the three-year stint. I think you got to give it a shot. Taking up your weekends for the rest of your life is... Can we do it together, the three of us, and have our own little gang? Ooh, that'd be good. Would we snap like West Side Story?

We're the ballers. Yeah, we're the ballers. That would be a real big... We're getting... We're getting we're getting we're gonna get real quick we gotta kill those guys uh keep snapping all right uh mike which one is your final answer uh you gotta do the three year all right do we have time for another would you rather we do this one comes from jeremy's daughter from the website. What? Not my daughter. Yeah, you don't have a daughter, so that's good. Would you rather know when you're going to die but not be able to tell your family?

Or your family all knows when you're going to die, but they're not allowed to tell you? Oh, man. What is with the super intense question? Oh, I love it. So here's the real question. Let's break down the first part because one of these presumes something good. Knowing when you're going to die is a good thing. Is it?

Well, no, no, no. I'm not sure that it is, but I think this question kind of presumes that that is a good thing, that you know when you die. Well, I guess it's necessary for this question for somebody to know when you're dying. If you know when you're going to die, and let's say that's locked, right? Yeah, can't change. This is fate. It really changes things where you're just like,

I'm going to go do dangerous things. You know, like, do you have, I've been scared to jump out of a plane and skydive with no parachute. But I know that I cannot die at this very moment. I know something is going to happen. You'll never know enough to do that. Well, that's what it is.

Do I know that it's locked? You can know that it's locked, but that's not the same thing as knowing certainly. I guess you have to ease up to that level. You'd have to start with like... Maybe a parachute. Just saying, it's like... I just wonder if you'd ever have the true...

Because at some point you're going to have to put it to the test where you do something that would kill you and it doesn't happen. And that moment would be hard. It would be like Domino, the superhero in the Deadpool movie, where it's just like lucky crap just keeps happening. Like if someone's going to fire a gun at you,

it just all of a sudden, the gun just keeps misfiring and jams. Okay. Yeah, because I know that I cannot die right now. Would you go? It's a war. Would you go the superhero route if you had that ability? I mean, like to me, that has always been. Oh, there we go.

That's a good question. Every time I've thought about having that level of invincibility, because that's what it is, right? It is. Yes. It's just a reword. Like, if you find out, Mike, you're locked, 84 years old, lung cancer. Right. All right?

At that point, do you owe it to society to use your power, or is it just fun? Like, would you go- Fun. Definitely fun. Would you, like, dress your car up and is a superhero car so here's the problem with this premise is that it's not invulnerability like i could still get beat up yeah me broken arm i don't want to get hurt right i really don't like discomfort it's one it's very uncomfortable for me. So I believe that I would not help society as a superhero.

I think the first one is my final vote. And that's an easy one. If my family knows that is a burden that I don't want them to bear since we're getting heavy. The first one, I'm going to know and I'm going to be able to get my affairs, hopefully, in some sort of order. It's 20 minutes from now. I mean, if you knew, yeah, 20 minutes is a problem. But if you knew, you'd be able to kind of set some things up. Yeah, you would.

But your family not being able to tell you, they're going to start acting different. That day when they come along and they're like, do you want to take one more walk around the lake? Why? We just walked around the lake. See, i think that's the loophole here i think you should take that one because now my life continues on totally normally like for instance if my family knows that i die at 84 years old then you're not gonna change a thing but what if it's next next year but then see that's the thing now once it comes to bear, now once it's like, oh, this is going to happen, they might not be able to tell me. But I'm going to know because they're going to act different.

They're going to be wearing that on their sleeve. And you'll go, is it today? Is it today? Just tell me. Just tell me. But, you know, but here's the deal. Let's say they can't tell me and maybe they're starting to act that way because it's a year away and they know it's the final year and that's a long time oh

then you're sitting there going yours oh no panic attack every day opposite instead of a panic attack it's making the most of my life for a long time like you know if you know if you knew that you'd have you know we talked about this on a recent show where it was like your perfect day you don't want to nap because it's like you're deleting part of the day but if it's your final day you wouldn't nap you were going to take and use the most of your time does that mean eating what you want you know it you know it um but i would also probably be far more active with my family you know what i mean like that whole last year the boys are like ah go on the trampoline with me i'll be like yep let's go yeah boy they're gonna be really excited to jump with you you're somber everywhere

all right the only reason i'm doing this is because i know i'm gonna die soon you're not gonna be building i want you to know that. No plans. You won't be making any future, like, you want to do that remodel? Eh. Eh. I don't know if that remodel is really worth it right now. How quick can they get that done?

So are you going with that one? I'm going to go with that one. So we're split, Mike. Which one's yours? I'm taking the, I know, because I'm the same as you. Yeah. It's a burden, and I will carry it by myself. Man, it is. It would be quite the random draw though.

Like it could be a burden or it could be like they find out it's like 96 years old. Not in a motorcycle accident. Not for my family. All right. Let's let's take a quick break and then move on. Spitwads, let's take a second and thank 10,000 for supporting the show. Listen, all of you, you got your training habits, right? Some of you out there, you go to gym days or you're spinning or you're short runs

or maybe you're like me and you play pickleball. Yeah. And I've been wearing the 7-inch interval short, the versatile shirt from 10,000 for my pickleball domination. Is that why you've gotten better lately? That's why. It's the 7-inch interval short. You look good.

You feel good. You play better. Yeah, and it's the odor protection, Mike. That's for us. Yes. That's for your friends. Also, don't underestimate a no-bounce pocket. You don't need the pockets bouncing around. I'm out

there. I'm whipping around my paddle, making my friends feel silly in my interval short. You got to check these out. And they have a team of over 200 athletes like myself, test their gear to ensure perfect design, fabric, trims, and fit. So they're not just messing around with it. 10,000 is offering our listeners 15% off your purchase.

Go to 10,000.cc slash ballers to receive 15% off your purchase. That is 10,000.cc slash ballers what's the difference between me and you all right jason i mean he illustrated it very well using a number of words earlier but we we what's the difference between a stigma? Yeah, there you go. So this is the part of the show. It's very narrow line where we,

we break it down. Yes. We help you out. What's the difference between getting scared, spooked and startled? Okay. Yes. A lot of people don't,

a lot of people don't know. Yes. Glad you guys are tuning in i mean when you think about those three words startled and spooked are those in the same are those in the same degree of scared no no so it's it's really in what's doing the scaring is it oh big time yes when you spooked is almost always ghosts yeah supernatural, supernatural. Yeah, supernatural. I don't want to limit it to just ghosts because, you know, poltergeist or... Which is a ghost. Yeah.

Or Casper. Casper. You know, any kind of ghost. But any supernatural... Or like a dead person, their spirit comes back. Right. Someone that's died and then they're hanging around. You know, you ever seen Sixth Sense?

Yeah, those characters. Spoiler alert. Yeah, but I do think that to be spooked, it's got to be something that is supernatural. Eerie. Oh, eerie. Okay, now it fits the bill. Because I was going was gonna say couldn't you get spooked if let's say uh you have that situation where you were gonna board that plane

and then you didn't and you got delayed but then that plane went down would you be spooked i think you'd be oh man i could have gotten on that plane but i didn't perhaps is that so that's too big of a scenario to be spooked i think that's yeah that when it's after the the fact i don't think you're you live in a state of being spooked right yes you are you are actively feeling it you are afraid of what's coming so like for instance the difference between being scared and being spooked right like if you thought that there was um some guy right outside your window a mask a mask now i'm scared i'm not spooked right because that's a real person that has not died yet scared like in a real scared like you're in a very active state yeah you're active state in a real problem

like it could cause you an issue and it's an extended period of time. Now, startled is like when I walk into the pantry and I didn't realize somebody else was already in there. Yes, startled is in an instant. And I'm so glad this is coming up because the difference between startled and scared needs to be laid out for people. Big time. Oh, because you get accused of being scared when you're startled. Yes. Oh, I scared you.

I admit this i startle probably easier than anyone you've ever met in your you're a quick start i will take that challenge and on top of that i uh frequently hurt myself when i'm startled the the whiplash something happens in my like my whole body it's really not a good survival survival technique of my body when I'm startled. My reaction is to just tighten every muscle in my body. Oh, you pull muscles and stuff? So my neck just gets thrown out, and now for days I am in pain. But you weren't scared.

No, no, no, no. But thank you, Jason. That's what I'm trying to say is, no, you did not scare me. You startled me. And there is a very big difference. I do not scare easy. I startle easy. Oh, and this discussion has happened.

It's 100%. It's the truth. Because your kids take credit for scaring you. Yeah, and if you scare easy, you're a big wimp. Oh, for sure. You're a big weenie. Wimps always scare easy. Yeah, if you're-

I'm strong, Mike. I am a tough, strong guy. Me too. If I walk around a corner and let's say you were just standing there. Right. You weren't trying to do anything. You just happened to be there. You're going to startle the crap out of me. And also you will have startled me.

I was going to say, is that a double startle? But neither of you were scared of each other. We're not scared at all, man. Have you ever seen the video of the goats that when they get startled, they just fall over? And their legs go rigor mortis? I live 100% of my startle life when I am trying to sleep. I am the lightest sleeper on the planet. A pin drops in the...

I have to have white noise. Okay. Because if a pin drops in a room across the house i will get up and be like now you got to be careful though because that could be getting spooked it could be a ghost right you do have you said it's nighttime right and that's the only ghost only exists so if it's so the same reaction but if it's caused by a ghost i'm being spooked 100 if it's caused by like you know the dog rustling against a door, that is being startled. Unless it's a dead dog.

Right. Well, of course. Then it's food. You're understanding it. The real last situation that is something that changes, and it's the only situation I can think of that actually qualifies for all three. If you were to walk around the corner and unexpectedly there was someone wearing like a sheet, then they look like a ghost. You're startled. But then you think, oh, no, I'm spooked because it's a ghost.

But it's actually a person. So they did, in fact, scare you. But if the person under the sheet was a murderer, you would then be scared. That's right. I have one final question here, though. What is the ruling on zombies? I think that's still supernatural. Oh.

Oh. I see what you're saying. We tried to say that it's ghosts when you're spooked. It's a fleshy ghost. But no, Mike's point is here because that's scary. Yes. That's not spooky. Terrifying.

Because I think when we say supernatural, what we really mean is can't actually hurt you. Yes, they're transparent. Right. You can walk right through it. But a zombie could eat you. A zombie is going to, yeah, that's scary. That's terrified. Yes.

Oh, okay. All right. What is the difference between an asteroid, a comet, and a meteor? Now, see, this one has a scientific answer. Yes. Hmm. Yeah. What is it, and a meteor. Now, see, this one has a scientific answer. Yes. Yeah. Totally. If you want to know the science between what an asteroid, a comet, and a meteor is, just listen to me.

I will tell you right now. Right now. A comet is going to be a thing in the sky. It doesn't come. It's not going to land in our atmosphere. It's got a tail. Right. And usually it's associated with a person like sometimes Haley.

Yeah. Like you say, oh, that's Haley's comet. And so you'd look up and there's this big, beautiful. It's almost like a shooting star. Has she claimed it or is it? That's right. Yeah. She was the first to see it. So H a shooting star claimed it or is it that's right yeah she was the first to

see it so Haley gets to name it um now um a meteor and an asteroid these get often confused with one another because a lot of people think it's these are these are closer together yeah yeah but they're not the same thing because let me tell you why because a meteor is way bigger than asteroid um oh uh wait i'm being told this just in uh asteroid is way bigger than a meteor um so that was the difference the difference is size not only oh well of course not in addition in addition to the size of an asteroid being bigger one of them has to come into the atmosphere maybe yeah i believe at that point then a meteor becomes a meteorite yeah that well that's the dip we didn't yeah that's yeah that was right um so the rest you can really read online.

The rest is bigger. Okay. So now that I've. I've got some resources for you. Yeah. Now that I've clearly explained. Ask your parents. What it is.

Ask your parents. I do want to know the answer. I want to know the real answer. It's the composition of what it is. Right. That's what I said. Yes. Yeah.

The comet. The reason it has the tail is because it's made out of mostly ice yes yeah real chris wig moment there um all right what's the difference between a cat nap a power nap a regular nap and a sleep oh okay here we go here we go sleep let's just get it out of the way it's longer oh for sure yeah that's easy easy peasy if you're over three where's the threshold? If you're over three hours. We've talked about this before.

Oh, really? Yeah, we have talked about it before. Three hours was the line? Yeah, because if it's under three hours, it's not a... Two hours and 45 minutes as a nap. Yeah. Three hours and 15 minutes is short sleep. Yeah, that's right.

Got it. A power nap, I know this one is 20 minutes. 20 to 30 minutes. That's a power nap. You go too long, and you're not getting the power from the nap. Okay. You can ruin that. But where I'm struggling here is the power nap to the cat nap that makes sense well it's really it's they're both short right a cat nap and a power nap are both short

but one of them you know how when oh i know the answer when you wake up from one of these short naps sometimes you are rejuvenated. You feel like, man, that really changed the outlook of the rest of my day. That's a power nap. But sometimes you wake up and you feel so stupid. Well, that is the worst feeling. Though waking up from a nap feeling like something is off. But I think this is about intention.

I think it's a power nap, you went to do it. A cat nap, you slipped into it. Okay. So the power nap, you're like, man, I could really use a nap right now to get me through the rest of this day. Do you think that's why you intentionally wake up rejuvenated versus waking up feeling stupid like a cat? It's possible, yeah.

It's possible that a power nap gets out of control and that thing can get away from you and then you're almost in sleep zone and that's not a good place. But you set out to do it. A cat nap, that has to happen while you're possibly watching a television show. That's the you laid down, telling yourself, I'm just going to lay down. Right. But I will continue to keep watching this show. That's what I think.

And then 20 minutes pass. What's a regular nap, though? A regular nap is over 30 minutes, you hit a little bit of rim you hit a little bit of rim cycle but what's the difference between a regular and a power then if the power is about intention power short power short powers oh like 30 minutes 20 to 30 yeah do you ever hear about the um like the the famous uh creative people that would intentionally like go to sleep with a like a they'd be holding a spoon, right? And as soon as they slip into the

nap, they'd drop the spoon. It would wake them up and spark creativity so that they could paint a painting or make a... Which I don't understand. They're like, yeah, I fall asleep in this chair. Yeah. Hold it. I'm like, what? You're falling asleep in your rickety wooden chair? It's really uncomfortable. There's no way you're

falling asleep there. I don't think that that actually worked well. I think that it inspired artists because they were still in another place. They were so tired. That's a cat nap to me because they come out just being an insane person, which if a cat were a person, it would be an insane person. Yeah, that's fair. Did we settle that pretty well? Yeah, I think we got it. Or a person. Right. It would be an insane person. It would. Yeah. That's fair.

Did we settle that pretty well? Yeah, I think we got it. You want to do one more? Yeah, let's do one more. What is the difference between fog, smoke, and haze? I mean, smoke and fog seem very obviously different. Everyone knows that. Yeah, smoke is created from something burning. Yeah, combustible.

Yes. Fog is something that comes... From Mother Nature. Yeah. Now, how does it get there? No one really knows. Yeah, experts are still trying to figure it out. I believe the clouds push it downward.

It's a low cloud. It's a baby cloud. It's a baby cloud. It's a baby cloud. It's actually how clouds give birth. When a cloud gives birth, it's kind of like if you've ever watched a cow give birth. It's exactly the same. The baby calf drops to the ground.

And that's what's happening. This cloud is really like saying, I'm too full. Look how big my belly is. And then they kind of... Where is the belly of a know if that's right. Where is the belly of a cloud? It's right in the middle. Now, haze comes from pollution.

Yeah, but it also has to factor in how beautiful the light is. It can be purple. Right, exactly. The light matters here. Purple haze, you've heard of that. For instance, if it's- Which comes from pollution. If it's dark, you know, the sun is not yet really up. It's hazy out.

It's not really hazy because you need light and color for it to be hazy. I don't think you can have, like if it's white, if the fog is white, it's fog. Okay. But can it be foggy and hazy at the exact same time no i don't think so because i think the fog can turn into haze i really do i think that if there's there's other colored lights around lighting up that little baby cloud okay so it's just lit fog right colored fog right colored fog is what we call haze but it's from an external source right the color yes yes because the fog can't actually change fog cannot produce color it's one of the most

commonly known facts yeah that's like the third principle of ergonomics um so but the clouds clouds just don't they don't have colors. That's right. So if they're giving birth, they're not, unless. They go dark gray sometimes. Oh, that is true. We've got a problem with this. Dark gray, I mean, that's like a weak attempt at a color. By the cloud. It's not doing much to look different.

If when fog comes, that is, and it it is a cloud giving birth right what is rain p just wanted to make sure because i always thought that my mom was like no it's not i was like you don't know what you're talking about what's acid rain oh that's when they've had like asparagus. Actually, that's a pretty good segue to this draft because what comes out of you is really dependent upon what goes in you. It's also super important to end this segment. Your bedroom deserves a refresh, and now is the perfect time to elevate the most important room in your home

with Thuma. Thuma practices an intentional less is more design philosophy for the bedroom with clean lines, subtle curves, and lifestyle enhancing details made for how you live. The bed by Thuma is backed with a lifetime warranty, ships right to your door in three easy to maneuver boxes, and takes about five-ish minutes to assemble with no tools required. You can easily build it yourself along with the bed. Thuma offers other bedroom essentials to elevate bedtime, like the nightstand, the side table, and the tray. They're perfect complements to the bed.

They have beautiful, beautiful products at Thuma. I'm checking them out. I really want to get all this stuff and really take a fresh look at my bedroom and i'm thuma is going to be the first place that i stop create that feeling of checking into your favorite boutique hotel suite but at home with the bed by thuma and now go to thuma.co slash ballers and use the code ballers to receive a 25 credit towards your purchase of the bed plus free shipping in the continental u.s that's t-h-u-m-a dot c-o slash ballers enter ballers at checkout for a 25 credit thuma.co slash ballers and enter code ballers the spitballers Draft.

Well, if it's your first time on this show, this is a good template for what you're going to listen to in episodes past. Congratulations for making it this far. Today's draft is foods that push your poop button. Yeah. We've all been there. We've all been there. Now, that does not to say you avoid them oh never right of course not i mean nobody in this entire office makes more choices in this department

to yes then mike yes where he knows he knows what will ravage yes and he puts on these these blinders he puts them on it's not really a blinder it's just it's uh how do i feel right now oh now versus later like what what am i willing to take on like there's there there are penalties to be paid right these things which the iron price yes and it is a really unfortunate situation for my life because my 101 is very easy because it is a really unfortunate situation for my life because my one-on-one is very easy because it is quite possibly my favorite food. Yeah. And it's also the thing that sends everyone to the bathroom.

Does the trick. It's a good old-fashioned burrito. Okay. That's your favorite food. Oh, my gosh. I love burritos. All of them. Chipotle burritos, real authentic Mexican burritosritos fast food burritos you get the triad

of poop button with a burrito you get uh size right it's yes generally which honestly that's that's i think the biggest problem with like the chipotle burrito but you get spice too yeah you get spice and you get beans which can get you as well. But I think that the bad rap is not going against the ingredients, but it's really just you're eating something that is way too big. Shouldn't be. It should not go into your stomach, and then your body is doing its best to work through the gigantic burrito that you just ate. If they called it something different, if they called it a poo wrap, would it change

any of the amount of times you'd order it? Does it still taste the same? It tastes the same. Then no. So you'd just straight up order the poo wrap. Oh my gosh. I think he already knows he is. Yes.

Okay. So a rose by any other color still smells as sweet. A rose by any other color. That is the phrase. don't look it up that is definitely today it's been special all right jason you are up with um your first pick foods that push this one's pretty easy for me um this is you know it's got a lot of ingredients that really um that really stir things up. Yeah, that's a great way to put it because it stirs things up. Life of the party.

It's going to create a lot of gas, and the gas is really going to help move things along. Propel the, yeah. Propel this forward. I'm talking about a nice bowl of chili. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get the chili, you get all the beans yeah and grounded nasty meat there's never high quality meat and chili um it's kind of the leftovers yeah you don't want to know you know where that meat comes from and then and then you've got you know all the the seasonings you

know the chili powders are you know they move they move things along. Now, you went with chili. Now, for my first pick, I need a ruling because my 101. Beverages count. No. You can drink chili. My number one was going to be a chili cheese dog. Now, that is, there's the cheese, there's the dog. Is that permissible?

I will. Look, I took chili. I feel like I should be allowed to rule on this. Yeah, go for it. I think that's good because a chili cheese dog, you got a whole other thing to work with here. A hot dog by itself can really be a problem. I feel like you took a better pick than me. So chili cheese dog to me has got to be the chicken.

Honestly, if it didn't push that button with such ferocity i think i'd eat these all the time but it really does a number on the old cheese dog is a young man's game you're you're right it is like i remember being a wee lad yeah like at an amusement park and just housing chili cheese dogs jumping on a roller coaster there is and and having absolutely no repercussions i feel very very confident in saying there's no food i've thrown up more than than it doesn't really poop that's a different button yeah it pushes all the buttons my friends there are a bunch of buttons inside and it just says out it does the out button it's the elf in the elevator uh just all of them oh i see what you're saying yeah yeah oh it makes all the stops yeah yeah all right so

oh wait i have another pick yes you do oh this is not a bad draft to have two in a row no are you gonna go with regular hot dog? No. Man, this is tough. I wasn't thinking about the second pick. I guess I will just go with Bob, a big old burger. Oh. A big old burger. It's built to.

Is that a common thing? A big old burger? No, no, no, no, no. Calling it a Bob. No, I just. Okay. You're just trying it out right now. Just spicing it up right here i thought maybe i'd miss something um yeah i just think a big old burger again it's got the it's

got the special qualities of a burrito where no one man should should be consuming this much but and then it's got to have at least two patties i grease i do all. Oh, the grease. Yeah, the grease is going to help lube things up. It's going to grease it. I do find that my number one poop causer is. Number one, number two. Right. My number one, number two is due to volume. I think the way that my body works is that right now I am completely full all the way up to the stomach and so i just

enter i just push it's just pushing that's all it is it's just pushing more out like gogurt this is a gogurt situation you can't put more gogurt in the tube no without it coming out the other side of the tube there's a max capacity and so the go gurt machine is working i love that now when you have the mental picture of that are you seeing the objects that you had previously eaten in their unshoed state in your stomach like you're seeing the full chicken leg in the yeah bone and everything okay um all right so i'm back up now i'm gonna take the one thing that is is different than that all most of my list is is basically gonna be that that go-gurt situation

where i'm pushing the next thing volume volume volume but the one thing that can really get me moving and it's true for almost everybody yeah it's probably the 101 on lists of things to start the timer. Yeah. It's coffee. Yes. Coffee is going to get you cleared out. And, you know, I'm not an I know you two are every morning coffee drinkers. I like coffee.

I really enjoy a good cup, but I'm always rushing in the morning. So I don't always have coffee. But I find that half of the coffees I have are when it's... Yeah, I need to... The Go-Gurt factory's not moving. The Go-Gurt factory's not working. I need to work something out. I'm going to make me a coffee.

It's an intentional button pushing. It's an intentional button push. That's right. So we need to get things going. Yep. And I feel like... Is it effective almost all the time? Yeah, I would say it's...

Yeah, it doesn't take much. So, yeah, I can get going. That factory just needs a little help. It just needs a push. That's like a motivational speaker coming into my factory. Really ramping things up. Going, guys, guys, let's get this production line moving. We could be more efficient.

You can do this. Let's go. Turn that button on. Coffee is the motivational speaker of the digestive system. That is right. Okay, well said. Mike, you are back of the digestive system. That is right. Okay. Well said. Mike, you are back up.

You got your burrito. I did. Coffee would have been my second pick. And then my three and four, I don't know. This is just me. And they are, so I'll just take them both at the same time. They are food that come together, generally speaking. At the same time, they are food that come together.

Generally speaking, I don't know why we have decided that we need to combine multiple poop button pushing foods together. But I will take pizza and I will take hot wings. Okay. Because that's setting a timer for... It's not the 15-minute coffee timer. It's the 2 a 15 minute coffee timer. It's the 2 a.m. timer that I know I'm going to. How spicy? Oh, you got to go hot.

Super hot. You got to go hot. And I know that I will be awoke at some point. Awoken? Yes, awoken. Awaken? At some point during the night. Does that really happen? Oh, yeah. Do you really get awoken. Awaken? At some point during the night. Does that really happen? Oh, yeah.

Do you really get awoken to poop? It just happened to me two nights ago. All right. Yes. Wait, your body doesn't wake you up? That has never happened to me in my life. I don't eat quite like that. Oh, I do.

That's madness, man. I can't imagine a life where you don't have, if you eat certain foods, 8 3 4 a.m you're just your body wakes up and goes yep you gotta go now definitely happened before i mean i feel like when you combine pizza and hot wings you've already got it's like someone trying to blow open a door with an explosive device you already have enough and some other guy comes along and they're like let's put another bomb on there you're like no the door no, the door's going to open all by itself. Sir, we were just trying to open the door, not annihilate it. Not blow the building up.

That's a good comp. So burrito, pizza, hot wings. I mean, that's a trifecta of deliciousness, frankly. Oh, yes. Jason, it's back to you. You have chili, coffee. We prefer another C word. Well, I wasn't't gonna go this way

um but you are right i do have the three c's or i'm about to oh you got a third well yeah because i have two and i should have three so i'm taking chorizo oh yeah just some good old-fashioned spicy greasy yes oh it's so good. Just slide it right through. Just put it right through. This is conveyor belt eating. Yes. There is no digestion happening here.

You don't need to. You don't need. It's just so greased up. The only thing is it's going to increase the temperature on the way out. That's it. So, yeah. Chorizo is so delicious. Oh, gosh. It's's so good a chorizo burrito oh man so good but so so yes i mean it's gonna be a challenge it's gonna be a battle yeah the starting a day with like a chorizo breakfast burrito it's the rest of your day yeah

clear the schedule because i've decided to eat this for breakfast. All right. I have to make my final two picks here. Yep. All right. I think this one might be. I don't know if it's everybody. I don't know if it's just because this food is eaten traditionally in the time that most

people poop, which is mornings. I know a lot of people got morning poop schedules. It's bacon and eggs. Okay. Interesting. For whatever reason, just a big, I wanted to say big old breakfast, but I already did big old burgers, and I can't put it all together. But the breakfast food.

You can't have two bobs. You can't have two bobs. And you guys said you have to draft specific foods, and I feel like bacon and eggs are another thing. When you combine them together, you get the grease, you get some volume. Eggs do something special in the body in general. well i mean come on eggs and gas they're associated with one another are they of course they are egg farts i had you ever had some i had a big helping of um deviled eggs this morning fellas oh yeah well we know what's coming yeah

or what i just wanted to pre-apologize. I was not aware of the egg farts. I mean, deviled eggs. When I make a decision to get deviled eggs, I'm thinking of how farty do I want to be. Interesting. You don't know about egg farts? Well, see, what you don't understand or what you actually do understand

is everything makes me fart. So I don't pay attention to these foods that make other people fart because it's just food. But it's not just food farts. You ever have the food farts? It's not just quantity of the fart. The egg fart smells like an egg fart.

Because you go, oh, that smells like a bad egg. That's fair. And then this last one. And deviled eggs. No, I'm just going to go with. Deviled eggs is a good pick. I'm just going to go with beans. Okay. I'm just going to go with I'm just going to go with beans I mean beans

in all shapes, sizes and forms they were created for this they're a magical fruit so mean old beans mean old beans big old burger and mean old beans so that's my chili cheese dog, big old burger, bacon and eggs

and beans we should be forced to have one day Yeah, so that's my chili cheese dog, big old burger, bacon and eggs and beans. All right. Okay. And you could have a whole day. We should be forced to have one day where we just eat the four objects on the list. Because that will not be just a day. It will go on into the future. Yes. All right.

Your final pick. I am up, and I've got a final pick. You have to. You have no choice but to complete the poetry and motion. Well, the problem with this poetry is I only have one thing with a C left. And it was a carne asada burrito, which you already took a burrito. That is correct. So I won't pull on Andy over here.

I hope that I give him permission. And then I drive the bus. That's good. So there is a C in the word. It's just not in the beginning. But I'm going to take an Arby's beef and cheddar. Yeah, it's on my list. I mean, let's just get right down to it.

It's on my list. I mean, I have said for now multiple decades, there is a special manufactured chemical that Arby's. Now, I think they put it in everything they got. Oh, yeah. It's in the roast beef. It's in the cheese. It's in the Arby's. Now, I think they put it in everything they got. Oh, yeah. It's in the roast beef. It's in the cheese. It's in the Arby's sauce. It's in the bun.

It's in the highest concentration in the beef and cheddar, which I don't think it's consumable. I don't think we should be consuming it. I love a beef and cheddar. Oh, it tastes delicious. It is one of my absolute favorite things to poop out. But your body. I just. It's a delight.

Your body says when it gets... It goes in and it goes in easy. Deliciously. In fact, I think I could eat a high quantity of those. Like a lot of them. They used to have the five for five deal. Oh, brother. And then the big toilet company said,

you can't do this anymore. We can't. You have to charge more. We can't handle it. You're ruining our product. So, but anyways, yeah, no, that's a good pick. And they have a chemical that is made to, well, it's made for evacuation. Yes.

All right, my last pick. This is very individualized. And I think maybe I'm just going to spread some awareness here of people. After you eat this, just pay attention and realize. Be on your guard. Yeah, maybe it's coming from the food and I don't realize because it is chock full of fiber. It's popcorn.

Really? Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. This thing is fully loaded with fiber, and I remember as a lad going to the movie theater and I would put down a bunch of popcorn. You don't say. But I would get home and it would be bad bull.

Game on. Like there is nothing- Challenge accepted. There is nothing solidified about what is happening after I eat a big old bag of popcorn. So do you avoid popcorn because of that? No. I did back then because it feels like the results were far worse back then.

But yeah, man, popcorn can get people. And then you add in like fake chemical. Oh, yeah. Cheese and stuff. Oh, you betcha. I am an embarrassment when I put that the powder on the popcorn in a quantity that has to be a week or two's worth of sodium intake. So do you do the powder and the liquid butter?

Yes. No, no, no, no. What? I don't do any liquid butter. Okay. Powder only. It's like a dry rub. Okay.

Really? So no? No, no butter. Those are also like, they're so fake and they're so not like. Oh, they're terrible. Now, have you seen the. I like the drug. Have you seen the trick where people put like a straw in the popcorn and then put it up

to the butter machine so that the butter goes down inside the bag? Wow. I have not seen that. I mean, I've seen the workers that layer the butter. Right. Scoop of popcorn, butter, put a scoop of popcorn, butter, put a scoop of popcorn butter put a scoop of popcorn butter if you if you work at a movie i was gonna say that's the single most annoying request i no no if you work at a movie theater please always do this do not even make me request

it oh not gonna happen if i say no i've had it happen like half of the time where they ask you where they say do you want butter? I say yes. And then I go and I watch them layer my butter. Oh, they layer it by default? Yes. And that's a professional. You got profiled.

Well, guilty as charged. Continue to profile me. You got profiled. Oh, man. Layered? Yeah. Do you have to ask? Look at this body.

What did we learn today? I learned that that joke might have been the funniest one ever to Jeremy because I just hear him cackling for way too long back there. He is, I don't think it's coming through the mics. Do they layer your butter, Jeremy? They do now. A couple years ago they didn't. Things have changed.

It's like the moment when you stop getting carded for drinks. You're like, ah. They no longer ask if I want butter. They assume. I learned the stigma stigmata difference today, despite the fact I think Jason learned it as well. No, no, no, no, no.

It's intentional. The world learned the world learned that startled and scared are very different things. You're not scared. No. Never have been, never will be. I'm a brave man. Tell me when you're coming around the corner.

Get a little startled sometimes. Thank you for tuning in, listening, supporting the podcast. Spitballerspod.com. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out Spitballerspod.com. dot com