Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 192: Vampire Allergies & The Best Movie Themes - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: April 25, 2022

On this episode, Andy, Mike, and Jason discuss visually impaired driving, airplane atrocities, and what it means to die from old age. Then they draft the ‘Best Movie Themes’. And spoiler - this is a two part draft so make sure to come back next week! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

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Skin them a rink-a-dink-a-dink-a-doo. Yes, sir. I love you. I liked it a lot. Not a complete original, but that's how innovation was great. That's how innovation works, Mike. The best artists are themes. I tried to play that card, and you guys called me a plagiarist. Please keep it down.

You're confusing plagiarism with inspiration. Welcome into the spitballers. Mine goes ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Mike Wright, Jason Moore, Andy Holloway, Al Borland here, Judge Giamatti in the house, I think. I think he's here. Yeah. Welcome into the Spitballers. Episode 192, Would You Rather?

That's a great question. And we are beginning the, I don't know if we've ever done two drafts in a row where it's a part one and a part two. I'm going to say we haven't. We've done enough shows where I've forgotten all of them. We have. Oh, man. I was wrong real quick. We have, but we did not know at the time.

I believe we didn't plan it. Yeah, it was. And it might have been also music related. That makes sense. I think it was television theme songs. Oh, okay. Or sitcoms. I can't recall, but we've done it before.

Catch this. Catch this. We're going to do movie themes today. Way different. But we were getting into the lists and starting to think about this draft. And, well, there's a lot. It's not fair to only draft 12. Because if you're drafting the 12 best, your 12 favorite, let's not call them best,

your 12 favorite movie themes, soundtrack scores, what have you, then what you're really doing is insulting about 50 to 60 other incredible movie themes. So that's what we're doing today. You can find us, spitballerspod.com, support the show. If you do that, if you become an official Spitwad supporter, you get to contribute all of your ideas, and we will take them. We'll be inspired by them. We won't thieve them.

No, no, no. I also, I read. As they say. I read all the names of every Patreon supporter every morning. I wake up, I just read through the names. Do you? Yeah, I just think about you. It's usually toilet time, I just read through the names. Do you? I just think about you. It's usually toilet time and I just read the names.

Thank you for your support. Somebody's name's getting read when the plop happens. Right. All right. Let's get it going. Would you rather? AP Scott from Patreon says, would you rather? AP Scott from Patreon says, Would you rather sit next to someone on a plane who cannot control their extremely potent gas

or someone that has to use their barf bag? Oh, man. Well, this is, I mean, extremely potent. This isn't just potent gas. This is extremely potent. I also think the issue here is usually when someone uses their barf bag, that's more of like a one and done versus if this is a three-hour flight. Right.

You're not just barfing for three hours. You didn't get on the plane if you've got the flu. So do you want the worst smell for a short time Or a pretty bad smell for a long time Well it's not just the smell right You're talking sound Smell visual There's no visual on a fart I hope That's called a problem

Yeah that's totally different Are you a sympathetic puker I am a sympathetic puker And that's the problem That's why I can't go with that one I am pretty solid uh i do have a story related to this for the oh boy barf bag and not the proudest moment of my life was this you no it was not me uh i was not the barfer uh but we were i was on an airplane

with my my wife and my father uh my wife was very pregnant at the time, and we were flying back, and we get on the plane, and we had some smoothies or something, and it was just, it was not sitting right. What color were the smoothies? That part I don't remember. Probably red. Probably green, yeah. Okay, go on. We said a different color.

okay go on we said a different color uh but but yeah and it was like you could the energy of like you could definitely read the aura of like oh we this we got a ticking time bomb situation just please not on the plane and like if you've listened to this show for any length of time like i have i have anxiety i specifically like flight anxiety is the first thing i do in an airplane sit down crank on the ac and i make sure that the barf bag is there i've never had to use it but it's like a peace of mind yeah it's it's a security blanket i have to know that it's there that's what i do with the airbag in my car make sure it's installed correctly every time I get in. But anyway, so we get to that time. Barf time. Yeah, and my wife is scrambling.

And my father, who was kind enough to give me the anxiety, who he also has, we just start, I mean, full backs to my wife. Oh, yes! We are pretending that this is this is not happening so my my wife was like i mean it's like seven seven months pregnant it's just barfing and we're like i don't know this lady hand in front of the eyes back turned turned like I could. Your dad, too? Oh, yeah. We could not. Where was she sitting? In the middle? Yeah.

Oh! She couldn't shut down from both sides. We could not handle what was happening right next to us. We had to pretend that it was not going on. We didn't want a waterfall effect here. Right. You didn't want this to spread. Thank you, Jason.

It's a domino bar. Right. For the best. But yeah, not my proudest moment as a husband. And not hers either, really. No, no, no, no. So you have already sat next to someone on a plane who had to use the barf bag. So ignoring them is the strat.

Yes. And you were able to succeed. You were able to. I was. Okay. He got a bunch of gas right after, though. You got to plug ears. La, la, la ears la la la la la

smelling someone's fart on a plane is the worst i i mean it is especially when it's bad when it's not a one and done when it's when it's like every five ten's coming in like the tide. Yeah, exactly. It's coming in. Okay, I got to reprieve. Oh, here it is again. And you always are wondering, who is it? Who is it? Yes, you are. You're looking around.

Is it that dude? You're always blaming the dudes because it's a dude. You're worried that someone's going to think it's you. Oh, for sure. If I can smell it. Well, definitely didn't fart recently. I'm the big guy, right? Like, everyone is blaming me.

Wait, do you get typecasts? Oh, I'm sure. Big dudes got big farts. Yeah, exactly. Oh, man. So, we just flew recently. I've never farted before in the plate of my life. I mean, ever.

Did you smell it? Oh, if it had smelled, I would never, I would have shut it down. I don't do smelly farts around other people. How are you going to blame me like I'm the one farting on the plane? Okay, so I was farting on the plane. Yeah, it's called typecasting. I get it. You're probably right, but I won't, I will

never. Big guys, big farts. Look, I get one opportunity for a fart. You get one. If it stinks, I don't care how bad it hurts you're locking that up i'm not i'm not doing that to others now i know i can't fall asleep because you know what's gonna happen oh you worry about that oh i very much worry about that but i was so happy because i was it was it was clean it was pure we were we were fine i farted every 30 seconds for three and a half hours and i'm talking like i don't know where it was coming from it was incredible work my body was doing but nobody knew nobody knew my

tons of root beer floats right before the flight yeah so um getting back to the question now wait real quick real quick yeah we know al borland he's got some sinus issues right like he can't necessarily smell right all the time if you become that person someday in your life. Then I won't even test it. That's what I was going to ask you. Because it's not fair ever to make someone else smell your stinky farts. I mean, you will never smell it at that point. Right. Well, yeah.

And if it never smells to you, then. It's like a tree falling in the forest. No one will ever blame you because you will never react. Ooh. Don't pass the lie detector test. I don't think many people react to their own farts in public. Whoa! See what I did?

Oh, good God. My bad. I think I would rather be around someone who pukes and gets it. I would fully turn the back, Mike. Now, thank you. Now, not necessarily on my wife. You'd be surprised when the action starts happening. My wife wouldn't blame me because she knows that I'd be so on the edge myself.

But I'm going to throw this out there. You said you'd rather have it be over with. That's presuming something. You're not baking in the fact that. It could happen again. And even if it doesn't, you always are waiting for the moment when it could there's an anxiety a barf anxiety the second you see those people just move a little or maybe maybe they think they're done and then they take the snacks that the stewardess offers

oh it's slap and then you're like no don't you do that yeah absolutely not no peanuts for you take the shrimp cocktail um yeah i i but i think I would take the bar for over the fart. Because if it's potent gas and I know I'm smelling someone's innards for hours, no. No. No, no. Not acceptable. Kevin from the website. Would you rather have everything in your life be hot or cold?

It applies to everything. Food, showers, weather. So you're living in a you've gone to a new planet right and this planet it's all hot or it's all cold interesting so there's some great cold things and some great hot things and you don't get you usually don't like to cross it like do you want a real hot meal while it's hot what yeah i mean do you want a cold smoothie when you're already cold? No, that's true.

That's true. If you're cold, you're not looking for ice cream. Yeah, you're looking for the opposite. Andy is, but we are not looking for ice cream when we're cold. You're looking for a hot chocolate. It'll warm me right up. Yeah. Looking for a hot chocolate.

There are certain things that, like weather. I'm a cold over hot. I hate being hot. I it hate it hate it it's pretty much half of my life is just hating the heat and stop wearing polos sure i'll go shirtless thank you great idea start wearing polos um have you ever considered like tank life the shirtless overalls. Oh, I have not. I don't. And only them? Yeah. Maybe I'll try that tomorrow.

Maybe I'll come in tomorrow with some shirtless overalls and see how it works. I guess maybe the denim might be hot. Someone's got to make like a nice. That would be a nip warning. A nice cloth, like a seersucker overalls. Like some corduroy overalls. That would be hot too. Yeah, maybe I'll just do like the- Linen.

You need a linen. Maybe the wrestling outfit is basically that. Yeah, that's basically overall shape, right? It's a little tight. Yes, it is. What were we talking about? I don't know. Oh, the hot or cold.

I know you don't like being hot, right? I hate it. But you're not cold to the point of uncomfortable very often either here in Arizona. So when you've been cold to the point of discomfort, right, is that discomfort greater or worse than the heat? It is way better than the discomfort of heat because when I am freezing, uncomfortable, like I have been too cold before and didn't like it.

One, you can- 1996. You can bundle up a little bit. That's fine. I'm not going to do that, but you could. But here's the big problem. Because you might get too hot. It's all about sweating for me.

I don't- When I'm cold, I am uncomfortable and that's it. When I am hot, I am uncomfortable and I'm sweating you're wet and so that that that that's the deal breaker for me so I think I would go cold I'd have to give up my steaks give up my warm showers which love me a warm shower your shower time would reduce that is true but I don't mind I genuinely don't mind 40 45 minute cold shower no i wouldn't but i i don't mind cold showers i've i think we've brought this up in the past i i can do a cold shower but i thought that was when you were hot oh definitely when i'm hot but even even neutral

you know wake up in the morning i can take there's no neutral it's cold that's okay so i'm you're waking up cold and then you take i'm taking hot everything i mean if i feel like if you have to be one or the other it is probably hot yeah that's my final goodness gracious because of the water well like if it's hot well if it's hot i mean you're drinking hot water that's not refreshing no it is. I'll take cold because I hate hot. I refuse to be on team hot. That would be like going against who I am. Yeah, you're definitely not hot.

We live in Arizona, which is already going against who I am. Okay. All right. Time for another one? Oh, yeah. Yes. Okay. All right.

Phil from Patreon. Would you rather have to climb through the window every time you go in and out of your house or climb through the window every time you go in and out of your car oh man this is easy is it oh it's so easy one of these i can do as you say he's not picking car mike that's the answer i mean i want to watch it i really do here's the thing i can easily climb in through a car window head first yeah but then you got a problem when you're inside you're inside your car head first you got to do a full somersault i was gonna ask you if you're going in head first are you going would you prefer to go in passenger side and get across that way, but you've got to cross your midline?

Yeah, I think you would. As they call it in the car. It's my car's equator. I have surpassed it. You mean your center console? No, no, no. That's my midline. I couldn't think of the word console at all so i went with

midline yes i would cross the car's midline i do think because if i go in head first if i go in head first i think a somersault is the best way out versus some kind of 180 you're not pulling off a somersault in the car. Well, not in a car. It would be much more difficult. I know you could somersault, but in a car, the room is not there. I think I could do it. No way. I really do.

I really do. I think we'll find out. Yeah. So the house, though. Windows are larger. Right. Yeah, but they could be higher up they're climbing and if you if you see someone jump in the in uh through a car window you go oh that person's door doesn't work true

you see someone jumping through a window of a house that person is burglaring that house but i have i mean it's my neighbors who see me they don't think I'm burglaring my own house they just go that dude's an idiot I don't even I don't I can recognize like one or two of my neighbors not everyone knows their neighbors well that's a you problem Mike or a you solution depending on I was about to say this was strategic and he's accomplished yeah I've done tremendous work in my neighborhood by not knowing anyone but not everyone everyone's going to know who you are. You will, if you always have to go in through the window of your house, in your lifetime, you will have the police called on you at least once.

Even by a passerby? Yes. That will happen. So you could systematize the window thing maybe. It's more elegant. Like out in public, there's more embarrassment, I think, to be had with the car. Yes.

Because you're just seeing more random people. At least someone in your neighborhood can get used to you going in and out. You can, it's my house. You can eventually let everybody know what's going on. And imagine seeing a larger man in a wrestling singlet right climbing in a house window you're not calling the police on that one i am no i would call even if i knew you yeah i would call the police on myself i'd say i'm breaking into my house come find me wrestle me if you can the the problem with the car as well is you know you don't ever

you know you're rushing a lot of times. Like, I'm trying to get out the door. Sure. My kids, I got to go to school. We're running up against the clock. It's like, you know, I'm like running out the door. I don't want to have to, like, do a speed crawl through the window. I got to take my time on that.

If I have to. And what if there's a passenger in the car already? Well, that. They need to get out. Beyond the midline they need to get out beyond the midline or yeah no beyond the midline they're on the they're in the passenger seat can you go feet could you do the feet first if you gave it a real no what if you hooked up a uh one of those cargo bars on the top of your car and you use that to jump up and go yeah you would have to do that because i just realized fellas july trying to climb in the window of a car in Arizona. Oh, you're going to burn yourself.

You have to touch at least something metal at some point, and that part of your body is now fried. You don't do like a running dive through the window? Yeah, that's an option. Tiger roll? Yeah. Jumping in? Yeah, I will be climbing in and getting the police call.

You probably have to do that. Alright, Nicky from YouTube, would you rather be able to see perfect within a three foot radius and everything beyond is blurry or would you rather have everything blurry within three feet and see perfectly beyond? So this is nearsighted, farsighted, but no

correction. Yeah, but into the extreme. Yeah, so you are... You're not reading a book. You will never read a book. Well, you will if you can do it from like you know four feet away i read all my books via audio though so this is this is okay have we talked about that on this show of like what do you actually call that if we have whatever oh we're bringing it up again okay go for it so are you reading the way that i view it is you're not reading but you have read if it's past tense and you could say like oh i've read that book if it's a book that don't you feel a little bit shameful when yes inside not outside you don't tell them but you're like i have read that yeah i don't feel shameful saying that i feel shameful

getting called out on it i say oh i've read I've read that. And they're like, oh. I feel a little shameful inside. Like, I took a shortcut. Like, it was, like, not the real. I read the Cliff Notes is how I feel. Is there a better way? Like, oh, I've consumed that book. Ugh, not that. I think the reality is you just say, oh, I listened to that book.

Oh, that's embarrassing. But that sounds like such a loser. Yeah. Which is, it's not really a problem because when we listen we're driving and i hope you're not reading while you're driving okay that's my preference for the drivers out i always tell people i said yeah i've audio read that book you audio read it i've already read that book i like it you just drop out audio read that book okay yeah so what's the official spitballer stance?

You do say? I think you have to say that I've always in my time, I've never made the point of clarifying to somebody else that I didn't physically read it. Right. But if you are currently in the middle of the book and that's what you're listening to right now. I'm reading?

You're listening to it. Yeah. So I'm listening to that right now. Agreed. You haven't crossed the finish line of the book to be able to say i've read that but if you've listened to it in its entirety then you've read it i've read it all right back to the back to your blurry life here i don't my initial reaction i don't know what your guys this was was that i have to take the one where i can't see within three feet. You have to. But you can't drive.

But if it's pure blurry within three feet, I mean, you're not on your laptop. You're not on your computer. You're not. You're going to have to hook up your computer to a television, I guess. I mean, you're basically blind within three feet. I think that's almost a better way to think about this question, is blind within three feet or blind beyond three feet. I think that's almost a better way to think about this question. Is blind within three feet or blind beyond three feet? And, you know, you can drive if you have the one where you can see beyond three feet.

Sort of. Yeah, sort of. I mean, you can drive. You can drive, but you can't change the radio station. Can't check your mirrors either. Yeah, if it's within three feet. Oh, I'm going to get some of those extenders. Like how long is a four-foot mirror away from away from you yeah like the ones on the big rigs

like the front of a car is more than three feet away right so you that means you cannot see past the the hood of your car no no i'm doing i'm saying we do the one where you can see farther right then you can still drive yes if you can see past three feet okay okay you just can't you know see the person in your vehicle but or the bugs on your windshield i don't know um yeah i i feel like you you can you know either way you're gonna find workarounds for life but like mike said like laptop computer you can hook it up to a screen that is you know a projector tv projector. I said hook it up to a TV. Oh, gotcha. Yeah, so I'm just saying there are ways around that. You can't read, you can listen to a book.

I can't think of ways around if you can't see distance past three feet, I don't know how to overcome that in any way. So at what amount of feet do you flip? Not three feet. Is it five feet? Is it five feet? Is it 10 feet? Like if everything's 10 feet blur, everything within 10 feet is blurry. You can't have conversations with people like face to face.

Could you just back up a little bit? I need to speak to you for a moment. Yeah, I think 10 feet is the line because either way, then you're not driving. Okay. All right. All right, let's move on. because either way, then you're not driving.

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That's a great question. All right, let's go to Karen from Twitter. If a vampire bites a zombie, does the zombie become a vampire or does the vampire become a zombie? Ooh. Well, the vampire cannot become a zombie. Wouldn't the zombie have to bite the vampire for that to happen? Exactly.

But here's, we got to break it down though. Mike knows more about this domain. That's what I'm thinking about, of like, the reason you turn into the zombie when the zombie bites you is because you get the infection. The virus. The virus has passed through the saliva or whatever, and we've seen in some zombie canon, like, if you get the zombie blood in your mouth or in your eyes, you change as well. the zombie blood in your mouth or in your eyes, you change as well.

So if a vampire bites a zombie, the zombie will turn into a vampire. That's the rules. But the vampire will also turn into a zombie because the vampire will have ingested the virus. Can I ask you some questions? Yes. I know you're an authority on this. Yes. some questions as an yes i know you're an authority on this yes um does something have to be alive to receive the the vampire treatment that's a good question because it's not a living organism

anymore it's a vampire and are you getting blood out of a zombie i mean is this even worth it for the vampire it's coagulated okay but there's the blood is still in there is it good is it tastes nice that it's probably bad. It's like bad blood. It's like expired milk. Okay. But the question for the vampire is, is a vampire alive or dead? Because a vampire is also immortal.

Well, both vampires and zombies are considered undead. Vampires are undead? I'm not a vampire person, so I need some help here. Both vampires and zombies are the undead. Vampires are undead? I'm not a vampire person, so I need some help here. Both vampires and zombies are the undead. Okay. But a vampire is immortal. An immortal undead? What is dead can never die?

I think it depends on the canon. But you can kill a vampire by piercing its heart, which is pumping, right? But a zombie, is its heart pumping? No. See? No. See? No, internal organs have shut off. So in terms of distributing the poison from the vampire,

it's not really pumping it through the body. Yeah, that's a good point. Are zombies resistant to vampires? I think zombies are resistant to vampires. I see what you're saying. Yeah, it's coagulated. It's not spreading. Yeah, I don't think they can become a does a vampire is a vampire a virus no a vampire is not a virus wait a minute

because they because they suck the blood out of you they drain the blood they drain the blood clearly they're putting something in if they're converting you i think that is it a is this like uh is it a poison when you get your kidneys washed? What? Like a dialysis. Dialysis. I couldn't think of the word. You get your kidneys washed. They take them out.

They give them a rub down, put them back in. Ironically, I got to where you were thinking. Incredible. I think that a vampire draining you of the blood is what allows you to. How do you become a vampire? You get your blood drained by the vampire, but I don't think that can happen. Yeah, but that's an outward process. What's going in?

Well, nothing. So it has to go in to convert you. So do vampires not have blood? Vampires have blood. Yeah, they do. They have extra blood. But to turn into a vampire, I have had my blood taken away from me. Yes, but just a little bit of blood.

And now you're going to go drink more. Just a little bit of it. But so, okay, a baby vampire. No blood. Like a brand new vampire, they have had my blood taken away from me. Yes, but just a little bit of it. You're going to go drink more. Just a little bit of it. But so, okay, a baby vampire. Like a brand new vampire, they have no blood? Clearly no blood. And that's why they need to go bite more people. Because they need blood. Because they're hungry. That's right. Babies don't have enough blood. But I don't think you can actually

suck blood out of a zombie because the heart's not pumping. I think you could try, but it's not. You're going to get a little bit. You're going to get whatever's in the neck, and that's not enough. No, and it's gross. You can't. It's like sour blood. It just depends on the suction power. Yeah, I don't think you're going to suck blood from the toes through the neck.

So wait, does the zombie become a vampire? We think no. Does the vampire become a zombie? I think no. I think it's noot. I think nothing happens. I think this is an exercise. They should just walk away. Because a vampire. Because the zombie's already dead.

Yeah, and the zombie didn't bite them. No, I'm fine with. The virus still goes, but you're saying that a virus can't affect a vampire because it's already an undead. Right. So these two should just be friends. Yes. Yeah, they settled. They really should team up.

Hold hands. Except zombies aren't intelligent, so they can't. Yeah, they settled. They really should team up. Hold hands. Except zombies aren't intelligent, so they can't. Yeah, no, none of them are. I'll get those ones out of my face. Eduardo from the website, what is the age threshold for someone to be considered to have died of old age? 80. Which is a great- You had an immediate answer?

No, I mean, look, you said 80, right? Mm-hmm, yeah. But if I tell you, what do you let me let me rephrase this do you take issue when you hear that um you know my my uncle died at 79 of old age well yeah because 80 is the threshold right so then do you not believe me um i do you say what was it really is that what what you say? Right, exactly. Because I don't think. Tell the truth.

I know you're grieving right now, but don't be a liar. What was it really? Tell the truth. I'm just, your gramps lied to you. That's all I'm trying to tell you here. I think what happens is nobody dies of old age. Correct. There is an age when people accept all the ailments as normal.

And that age is when they're all thrown into a lump of old age. It's like you get cancer at 96. Old age. Right. You have heart failure at 98. Old age. Because you're supposed to have those things at that age. So basically, if after 80 you die of anything that's not an accident.

Yes. You have died of old age. Yes. I think that's actually true. Although, would you say, I mean. Bear attack. Old age. Well, no.

That's an accident. That's an accident. But if you have a heart attack at 81. That's not an accident for the bear. Listen, if you had a heart attack at 81, do you want people telling their friends he died of old age or he died of a heart attack? What do you want them to say about you? Of old age, for sure. Really?

You prefer that? Yeah, because old age implies peacefully. See, to me it implies you gave up. Really? Dying of old age? Whereas a heart attack is like, I got him. See, I was saying heart attack, weak heart. Yeah.

Really? I think you ate well. No, you ate poorly, depending on perspective. But no, I think that if you die of old age, that means that you died in your sleep. Ooh. Which is the preferred. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to be trying to die in my sleep, by the way, when I'm at a certain age.

Naps all the time. Just nonstop NyQuil? And I'm going to be, I'm the kind of overthinker who i will be every time i lay down for a nap of over the age of 80 here we go i'm gonna be wanting to know i'm gonna ask one question is this where i want to be found so every nap you just like lay out your will right next to you yes and i make sure i'm wearing something that is presentable yeah you're not going to 80 no all right i'm not going to be found in no like oh come on pair of overalls only at 80 i mean that's like the final troll yeah i was gonna say when i'm 80 i might be only sleeping

a la mode someone's gonna find me they're gonna find me like this is your somebody out there wondering how we use all the mode in this way your son has to find you that's to find me like this. Is your son? Somebody out there wondering how we use all the mode in this way. Your son has to find you. Has to find you. Gone. Was tragic. But you hit him with one last good joke. I don't know, man. I think at that age it's probably a bad joke.

Yeah, but I mean, it's good for me. So, Mike, do you agree with the 80 threshold? Or do you think someone can die of old age above 75? I think 80 is probably there. Yeah. That does make sense to me. So, Mike, do you agree with the 80 threshold or do you think someone can die of old age above 75? I think 80 is probably there. Yeah. That does make sense to me. And I'm on board with it. It has to be in your sleep.

But it could be. Will it change over time? Do we hope that it's 85 by the time we die? No, no, no, no, no. We hope that it's 100. We hope that that age is pushed way back by the time we get there. They better improve some things.

I feel like once you hit 100, you're just waiting. Yeah, I mean, you're just already dead. You're like a vampire. You're an undead. The way that we eat, we're not making it to 100. We got to change some things about ourselves. Is it just me or are these vampire movies nobody's ever eaten the elderly? Like, is that bad blood?

Because you don't have a bunch of elderly vampires. I think because, well, you do. You have some. You do? When you're a vampire. Hit the nursing home. It's easy prey. But when you're a vampire, you're creating a lineage.

Are you? Yes, because now everyone you have converted, they are under your family tree. Like a coaching tree in the NFL? Yeah, exactly. The 80-year-old vampire is such an embarrassment. Yeah, it's an embarrassment. He can't even catch up to anyone. But they're immortal at that age.

Which is a nightmare. Oh, no. Why did you do this? My hips. They're not doing that to the elderly out of respect. They're like, I don't want you to have to live through this forever. So those elderly above 80 that got vampired, they're seeking zombies to hopefully eat them and make them. Yeah, or just for best friends.

They don't have many. They're also just juggling wood stakes. So wait, if a vampire's immortal, which is what you're saying. Yes. That doesn't mean that they can't be eaten by a zombie entirely, like all of them. Correct. They can be consumed. Now, oh man, now you've got me deep diving.

So can a vampire, because the wooden steak is how you kill a vampire. Yeah, sayonara. But can you cut a vampire's arm off? Sure. Yeah. Absolutely. And it doesn't grow back? No.

I don't think it does. No. But a cut heals faster? I don't know. And we know the sunlight's not very. And the sunlight turns them into ash or into stone. Oh, so many vampire questions. Garlic.

Garlic is a problem. Garlic's more like allergies for them. Yeah. Right. It gives them the sneezes. I wonder if they have like a zyrtec for garlic like a claritin for vampires yeah well these are all very important questions uh okay i think we settled on that one more of these and then we'll get into the draft uh sam the ma'am from patreon says where does the thought go when it's forgotten oh goodness gracious where is above my pay grade where does a thought go when it is forgotten whoa it can a thought truly be forgotten oh yeah it can what

sorry because it's there somewhere right but is it had a thought that you never ever think of again it has officially been forgotten now does that mean it can't be officially forgotten until you pass because you could think of it again and if you ever think of it again then it was never forgotten but but isn't it a fresh thought well not if you remember that i had this thought earlier but isn't that deja vu yeah but that's me that's what i'm saying can a thought really ever go i'm thinking of my brain in this sense that like there's one active thought that can be happening at one moment sure but and then if it's out of the active uh part of the brain is it a

forgotten thought or was it just oh i mean aren't all thoughts always there then even once even once that you haven't forgotten aren't they all there before you think of them i think the reality here is some of that's a good question some of these thoughts deep some of these thoughts are never recorded. It's not that they are forgotten. Once recorded, they can't be forgotten. But you can have a thought, and then it's not important enough to ever put in your hard drive. Long-term storage? Yeah. But if you think it, you thought it.

Well said. Well said. Well said. I don't know if we can get to the bottom of this one. It's a very, yeah. This is, like you said, this is above our pay grade. But if not us, then who? That's also another great question. Educated people.

Oh, sorry. Not a real answer. So where thoughts go when they are forgotten? Is there a place? In your brain? Or? It's like where Bing Bong lives. Exactly.

In Inside Out. Exactly. There's a dump. You've had the times when you're like, oh, I just had a thought, and then you do recall it. Yeah. So where was it? It was where Bing Bong was.

In the movie. Thank you. Which is a very sad place. That's from Inside Out. Yeah. You don't want your thoughts there. So we answered it, and we got there through a Pixar movie. Yeah.

Where Bing Bong lives was an actual... They finally figured it out. Mm-hmm. That was sad. Oh, yeah. Let's not talk about that anymore. I don't think that movie theme is going to make it. All right. That's sad. Oh, yeah. Let's not talk about that anymore. I don't think that movie theme is going to make it.

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The Spitballers Draft. All right, we are drafting the best movie themes. This is part one of two drafts because there are too many incredible movie themes. Now, I want to be honest with the spitballs out there. I really wanted to be able to put all of these movie themes into today's show. As in actually play them for you.

Sure. But we've sought legal counsel. The man. And the man says that that could be a questionable decision. So we're going to be drafting them. And if possible, we might hum them. In unison and in harmony. Correct.

But if we don't know how to do that we may not uh you may have to look them up jason you taking the alto oh yeah sure i can do that i mean i'm more of a baritone but all right i'll jump on the soprano great you know i can't you know i can't pull off alto um all right so mike you have the very first pick. Which I am delighted to have it. Okay. Because I think that there is a clear 101. Really? I do.

I mean, look, we know, if you're listening to this and you know about movie themes, you realize that we will be drafting John Williams music nonstop. Because he just cranks out certified bangers all the time. But one soundtrack, I mean, do I get all the songs

or whatever? You're supposed to think of the main theme of the movie and then if you want stuff coming with it, whatever. Okay, I'm going with Star Wars. Okay. I get it, I get it.

That's what I wondered if that would be the 101. Yeah, I mean, from the opening sequence stuff coming with it whatever okay i'm going with star wars okay that is i get it i get it that's what i wondered if that would be the 101 yeah i mean from the the opening sequence when they hit you with just the yeah the stinger that goes so that comes along and then i'm also just sneaking in uh oh oh you're just grabbing some more movies? That's Star Wars, baby. All right. Oh, my goodness. Yeah. See? Yeah, you're welcome.

See, we couldn't play it, but we got you. We got you. Wait, that wasn't the recording? No, it was. But for the lawyers, I have to say it wasn't. All the lawyers. Yeah, baby. Okay, so when you built it up like that, I thought there was maybe a dark horse that you were going with.

Oh, nope. Nope. Chalk. Chalk. That's fine. No, so when you built it up like that, I thought there was maybe a dark horse that you were going with. Oh, nope. Nope, chalk. Chalk, that's fine. No, that's where you should. I mean, Star Wars is known everywhere. A lot of this is about iconic. A lot of this is about does it come up in everyday life as a way to almost add a soundtrack to a moment because it's so iconic?

Right, 100%. That song that you just did from Star Wars, we do that constantly during foosball matches. Because it makes everything epic. So I'm trying to pick one that I can recall easily. Because that means it is iconic. It's a memory that has not been forgotten. Unfortunately. Unfortunately.

And unfortunately, I have forgotten all music. On your first pick? No, no, no. Okay. Oh, you're going back to the future. I'm going back to the future because I know there's no chance Andy would let it get back to me. And it is probably the one that I can recall the most. I mean, it's just so classic.

It's clear. I mean, Andy right behind you is a hoverboard and a dog. Andy is very upset with you. He loves Back to the Future, but we all do. Yes. It's clear. I mean, Andy right behind you is a hoverboard and a dog. He is very upset with you. He loves Back to the Future, but we all do. Yes, it is a great theme song. I just slotted that into Andy's first pick. Yeah, so did I. I would never let that happen.

Wow, that shocks me. That's where you went. That was fully intentional so that you didn't get it. Oh, 100%. All right. Fine. Fine. I'll fight fire with fire here.

Oh, no. No, you're not going to do that to me. Of course I will. Oh, come on, man. Of course I will. You don't get it. Oh, don't do it. But I'll make it my second pick.

Yeah. Oh, to disrespect it. Yes. I will go. There's so many. There's so many. I will go with. Okay.

Oh, you're going with the long intro? I'm going Jurassic Park. It's not the main motif. I'm going Jurassic Park for my first pick. It might not be everybody's's but it's just infinite it's my favorite theme of a movie ever it's a fantastic theme and like

the the the reprieval when like after all I mean it's already been played in the movie but like after all the insane dinosaur a dinosaur trademarked no one can own that,

dinosaur, it's happening, the T-Rex is eating everybody, and it's night, and it's raining, and then everything is cleared, and the sun is out, and then that majestic melody is playing. I mean, it's perfection. It is, and so then, yeah, Braveheart. I'm taking Braveheart. You could have just played nice and left me with Back to the Future.

That's not fair. But I'm taking Braveheart because, come on, that music is unbelievable. So as we were going in the office, we're all trying to gather up our lists and our picks. And it really was a tale of like, oh, that one too. And you're adding them on. And Jason was somehow reminded of Braveheart. one too and you're adding him on and jason was somehow reminded of braveheart he wasn't immediately on his list and he like pulls it up and i can see this man on the verge of just a complete breakdown just crying because it's because it's such an emotional song

it's fantastic i hear that music and i am i'm in scotland and i am my heart is breaking for you William it's breaking for yourself now the good news is he doesn't care anymore can we recall it can we recall Braveheart that's too much that was too much dang that's good

alright so I'm out I gotta play the game here yeah cause Mike's coming with two picks here and he's the music man yeah he is

man there's a classic like one of the best of all times and then there's one that is just it's so good and it's so old and it's something that you don't think about until you hear it and then you're like oh man that's unbelievable and i know it's on your list because you told me it was on your list oh how did you know so i think i'm gonna take it but now with all this other music, I can't recall. I'll find it.

All right. Maybe. I'm taking the OG Superman. Yes. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Yes. Yes.

Oh, you said you're a baritone. I lied. Yeah, I went up. I was going soprano. I're a baritone. I lied. I went up. I was going soprano. I was going to give you some trumpets, and you're like, yeah, me too. Oh, man. Oh, man. I mean, that music.

That was my backup pick in case you had taken what I was going to take. But yeah, the Superman, the original Superman. Yes. And the new one, which, whatever, if you want to take that, I think the new one is Zimmer. The new one is great, too, but the old classic John Williams, that is superhero music. I couldn't believe that that was John Williams. I would never have guessed that John Williams did Superman in 1978. He has been alive for a long time.

Yeah. We need to get that man immortal. Yes. Can we get a vampire? Let's clone him, get him a son immediately, raise him up before he dies so he can teach him some music. All right. Fantastic.

Two picks for Mike. Well, my 102 has returned to me. Not surprised. What's interesting about this movie series is, in my heart, I always believe it's one of my favorites of all time. And then you go back and you're like, well, two of them are actually not that great. I know. 100%. 100%.

And there's been a fourth and we pretend that that one doesn't exist. There's only three. But the music is unbelievable. But the music is so good that you think that all the movies are fantastic. And the iconic, so I will be taking Indiana Jones, which by 102 has returned to me. I got to make sure I'm marking what has been taken. All right. So Star Wars, Indiana Jones.

We're off to a very good start. Now, can we recall Indiana Jones here? Oh, yeah, Jones. Yes, I love you, Mikey. And the way that Superman is, that's a superhero song. Indiana Jones, that is adventure. You fire that up, and you are immediately like, oh, I'm out there. I'm looking for a dig site.

Yeah, you're an archaeologist. Yes. I'm afraid of snakes. Which apparently is not nearly as fun as Indiana Jones life. I actually wanted to be grown up. I wanted to be Indiana Jones, and then you find out being an archaeologist is boring, dusty. Where's the booby traps? All right.

Oh, man. This is where a little bit of where the game comes in for me. Because I have a lot that I... And this one will never make it back. So I will take the Harry Potter. Come on. You guys are jerks. Taking Harry Potter.

Wow. Harry Potter and Braveheart. Yes. And that is magic music, ladies and gentlemen. That is. It is. We've got to be the starter on all of these humming for us. It's like when you hit that real dissonant note, and there's just like, because it's

a regular melody until that point, and you're like, oh, there's something not quite right in this Harry Potter. That was my next pick. Oh, I know it was. And Braveheart was my previous pick. Man. Look, let me just say this. This one isn't about me versus you guys. Love your guys.

We're just respecting the music. We're just respecting the music. We did leave you with the Free Willy theme. Oh, well, in that case, I might use my fourth pick on that. But I'm going to go with one of the best of all time. This was actually, even though Harry Potter, I was going to take that next. My last time I was on the clock, I wasn't thinking of Harry Potter yet, which I love more. But the music for Forrest Gump is as classic and made it...

With the piano theme? Yeah. Oh, yes. As I'm doing the trumpet sound. Well, can you make a piano sound easily? No. I'm very good at trumpets. All right, so you're taking Forrest Gump

I could give you Wah Guitar Oh let's have it Thank you We get two shows of this It's amazing Alright I have to take my final two picks You don't have to I'm gonna go with Jaws

I'm taking Jaws Jaws I was so torn on what to do. It's a different type of song. I'll keep going. I had you. Oh, sorry. I had your back. So everybody knows Jaws.

Yes. I didn't have it on my list. It's so tough because it's an iconic. That song is horror. You know something really terrible is going to happen, but it's like. It's like two notes. But it does go into a much bigger production.

It definitely does, but it's on my list. I wasn't sure where it should fit into this draft. All right. But apparently Andy's third pick is the answer. Yeah, that's where he's going to go. This one's really tough because I have the knowledge that there's another draft coming. Yes. And I think that I can take my real true number four in the other draft.

Ooh. That's some ultimate risk. So I think I'm going to gonna go james bond oh wow i think i'm gonna go james bond for my final pick because not only is it just like an iconic give me the trumpets please thank you much better i think james bond i, it spans multiple movies, but they always kind of iterate on it and they build it out. Each movie has their own song, but the James Bond song. The theme.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's got a couple different motifs. It's fantastic. It spreads to video games. It does. So that's where I'll end our first draft. Okay.

That's good. That's good. You got a fighter. I'm going to take a fighter as well. Are you? Yeah. Oh, you're going to fly now. Okay.

I'm going with the Rocky theme music. I mean, you got a movie that was like, you know, came out of nowhere. That one actually has lyrics to it yeah the i've got a couple on my list here that are like more song like yeah it happens it might have been on the radio even right um but yeah i'll take the rocky theme song for the win not for the win because mike's team is unbeatable oh my gosh okay how do we but for a second maybe doubtful brayford says what you you let that get away from you yeah you fool all right uh with my last pick here this this this theme song is interesting because the uh there are well now i guess now there's multiple movies but uh the original came out in the 80s so it's like it's really 80s doubt and then uh this was one of those movies where the sequel actually surpassed the original by a wide margin tell me you're

taking that oh and you just you fire this one up with the drums. Oh, goodness. Yes. Oh, Terminator 2. Yeah, and not many theme songs can you fully recall when you just hear the rhythm. You just hear a percussion rhythm. Oh, that song's so good. Oh, it's so good.

Dang, that song is a sneaky fourth pick. i wasn't sure if i should save that for the i know the next one around but yeah i'll complete it with terminator so mike has a pedestrian group of four picks here star wars indiana jones harry potter and terminator for how good terminator is it's that it's not caring it's wait is that the same i mean i don't remember the first movie so is that the same theme in both? It's not just Terminator 2 In T2 it's orchestrated But the first one It's all synth now

It's like Ninja Turtles Secret of the Ooze Synth music I love it But they really took it to a new place in T2 And Jason went with Back to the Future Instead of Braveheart. Superman, Forrest Gump, and Rocky.

I have Jurassic Park, Braveheart, Jaws, and James Bond. And we have so many disrespected picks that will be coming on our next show. I would say comment, if you're on the YouTube, comment on what songs were missed out. Yeah, and then we'll hit the... Oh, don't worry. There is a lot. lot yeah no doubt about it what did we learn today well this one's easy i i i finally understand that it is not in fact a midline it is a center console um i learned that uh no matter how important your wife is you turn

your back on her in her pregnancy while she throws up. And I've learned that I have a lot to learn about vampires. Because I still don't know if we got to the bottom of that vampire zombie question. I think we did a great job, Mike. Oh, we did a great job, but we just scratched the surface. Yeah, I mean, we're going to need a five-part episode. Start a thesis. Thanks for listening.

Back next Monday. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to Back next Monday. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.