Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 198: My Eco-Friendly Emissions & The Best Home Inventions - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 13, 2022

On today’s episode, we suck at math. I know - shocker! We also talk about time travel and being stuck listening to boring stories. Then, in a more practical than usual draft, we select the best home inventions in the past 30 years. Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. Womp, womp, womp, womp, waka, waka, tikka! Ooh! I liked it A little something new, a little something spicy Slow walk guitar my friends No that's good You need some variation on these scats sometimes

And you didn't You didn't really falter at any point You didn't lose your confidence The ending was a little new Newish So what instrument should I do next episode? at any point. You didn't lose your confidence. The ending was a little new, newish. Well, so what instrument should I do next episode? I don't know, but here's what I wanted to share with you. Tuba.

Please don't get me started on the tuba players again. For the listeners at home, that was not a real wah guitar. Oh, my gosh. That was. Was that you? That was actually my voice. I didn't think about how clearly misleading that was, because I was watching you. Like, my gosh. That was. Was that you? That was actually my voice. I didn't think about how clearly misleading that was because I was watching you. Like, I knew.

My eyes were closed, and I thought you pulled something out. Yeah, that makes sense. A wah guitar. A wah guitar is what you. Oh, we're off to a good start. All right. Would you rather Jason explains what's the difference on the show today? We're drafting the best home inventions over the last 30 years.

I'll put the wah guitar away. Please do. At spitballerspod on Twitter, instagram.com slash spitbottler. Spitbottlers? Spitbottlers. No, spitballerspod on Instagram. Thank you for joining us. Thank you for telling your friends about the show.

If you want them to enjoy themselves, this is one of the ways to make sure of it. Let them know about our podcast. A lot of people don't even know how to make friends anymore. They're like, it's true. It's very difficult. This is how people have shared experiences around the spitballers. You hit the water cooler and say, hey, did you catch the latest Spitballers? Right.

And they will probably say, of course. They'll say, is that the one with the wah guitar? Well, no, they haven't heard this one yet. Oh, that's true. But they'll say, of course, or they will say, no, please tell me more because that sounds hilarious. That's a good point, Mike. Are we done promoting the show? Yep.

Al? On to the actual show. All right. Would you rather time. Would you rather. Are you wearing peace on your watch right now? Jason just looks so weird. Jason's got an Apple watch.

Yeah. And he was reading a text. I'm not getting away with that. It was like for three minutes. Yeah. What are you doing? It better be the longest. It was just a very very long tweet we're in the middle of a show well it was music playing it was about you guys want me to talk about marcus hollywood brown no no no yeah exactly

if you're reading another chapter in harry potter over there or something look i'm a slow reader okay it was like 15 words all right would rather, number one here, if you could temporarily be transported to the future, would you rather spend one year in 2200? Okay. Or one year in the, okay, sorry, one year in the year 2200 or one month in the year 3200. Okay. You see what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. You go to the future for a year and i'm going by myself sure yeah okay congratulations you got one year in the year

2200 which is and i have to come back almost 80 years from now unless you die there oh right right i mean i guess i guess oh man i mean'd technically be. Now you're opening up a whole situation. Or one month, a hundred or a thousand years later than that. So that's a massive amount of, like there's going to be a tremendous amount of technological advancement between now and 2200. That's 80, 78 years away. And not enough. But you're talking a lot more than that in 3200. Right.

It's only a month. I mean, you do get to spend a year there. Which one are you taking? Now, are we saying that we're ruling out showing up in 3200 and it's just scorched? Correct. This is not the nuclear wasteland that you have to spend a month in. There's nothing there, and it was just a trap.

This is the human civilization thrives in the future. Okay. do you want to go 80 years in the future where you can where sure you can go 80 years into the future and have a year or 180 years in the future and you get a month and and for the sake of the the spirit of this question you're not losing any time at home you just okay you're not losing a year for your family this is about would you rather see the distant future for a short period of time or the not so distant future is it though because exponential right like think about this how different was the world in 1990 very different 30 years ago completely different universe dial up internet yeah i'm not even no internet no internet in 1990 so you're unless you were like you know

you worked at honeywell or something i don't know but 30 years a lot has happened so i i guess the question for me is do i want to spend a whole year is there a year's worth of things to discover 80 years into the future well i don't know that there would be a like time wise spending your time to fill a year seems impossible like to there's got to be cool stuff you'd want to hang out and do yeah but that's almost too much time you got 78 years of movies that have been released jason do you know how much time you need to fill i i could i could watch a lot of movies but i think that they would probably you guys still got netflix really bad to me because you know sensibilities change who knows you know what's funny what's

funny what's not i'm i won't i won't understand any any movies i will be the ultimate old curmudgeon like usually an old person's like 80 years old or whatever i would be you know 240 years old i don't get it well that's not funny that's not gonna be more helpful in the year 3200 which is why i only want a month and then he said tangerine the room erupts in laughter yes what 3200 is where I'm going I mean the shorter amount of time but the more discovery for sure because my hope when I get there is one technology there's one piece of technology that I hope exists when I arrive and I don't think it will exist 80 years from now i i do and i know that this is you're gonna reveal this technology yes but i do think this will

exist 180 years from now and i think this will be what changes the future and that will be teleportation okay i never happen it will happen with it will i'm sorry it will never happen quantum entanglement it's gonna happen people but not sure i am just like the old hoverboards we we got all the way there my my thought process was a little bit different like the the time in the future wasn't a huge part of my decision it's like but if you go to 2200 right there is a chance that we can see that at our like i was like if if medical if things advance there is a slight chance we make it to our 120 yes there is a slight chance that that can happen now i mean people at 120 who knows if we're ever medically advanced enough that you're not just sitting in a chair wishing for the sweet relief of death oh we'll be half robot now you do know that we'd be 216 years old oh i was thinking of

2100 yeah yeah yeah jason was there too trust me i put in 2200 minus 1984 three times before i realized that mistake take the slight chance and just reduce it by 90%. Right. And so. So there's still, I mean, there's a. There's, you know, who knows? Who knows? We could be in the machine by then.

Our kids might see it. How does this math work? You can't handle it. I can't handle it because we're saying it's 80 years from now. And 80 years from now. That's what my brain was doing. But it's not. It's 180.

Okay. So we were just wrong with that. But you thought the first is right and the second one's wrong? No, I just knew that. The math is all the same. They couldn't possibly. John O'Rourke. They couldn't possibly.

So we've been saying 80 years this whole time? Yes. Like idiots? The 2,200 is 80 years from now. I blame you. It's not, though. It's 180. Okay, so.

Because 2,100 is 80 years from now. Okay, so we're not making it to either one of these my argument was going to be son of a gun he's right well you think he's right i just thought it was 21 22 right now i had to write it down on the board to make sure that 2022 looked right son of a. I just lost 100 years. You just said that 180 years from now, teleportation would exist. Oh, baby. So you just got your 100 years.

Oh, man. You're going to be sad. Just give it another 1,000 years. What year is this? So my argument was going to be if you could make it there slightly and not really be able to take advantage of the things but know what's coming. Sure. I think that that would feel bad.

So I want to go into 3200 where I have absolutely no chance of making it there with my current body. Yeah. Look, in 3200, maybe it's not apocalyptic. We take that out. The world's not just singed earth. Yes. But it could still be bad. It could still be like one of those-

It could. The movies with the pretty dilapidated, horrible society. Sure, things have gone wrong. Or maybe we are just now the robots to the robots. Yeah. We are their robots? We are their servants. So you end up being a

robot slave yes for a month so you don't want a year so i mean that's that's really why you got to go 3200 is to make sure you don't have a year now you know the year 3200 is over 1 million years from now yes would robots really want human slaves. Only when they evolve enough to become lazy, which would happen. Is that an evolution? That's an evolution. Is that a next step? That's an advancement. 100%.

Because what would happen, genuinely, what would happen with AI is they would continue making their technology and their hardware and software better and better and better until they can basically have a human brain, which would then start the whole cycle over. That's a weakness of our brains. Time will tell. Go to 3200. I'm pretty sure I'm right here. Oh, my goodness.

Okay. Would you rather not shower for a week or five times a day? Oh, that's easy. For a week. Yeah, that's easy. It is easy? Yeah. It's five a day? It's five a day. Oh, that's easy. For a week. Yeah, that's easy. It is easy? Yeah. It's five a day?

It's five a day. It has to be five a day. I think that would become very burdensome. Oh, absolutely. But being a stink bomb for... I want this to be applied to... This is just the rest of your life. This is not just a week.

This is the rest of your life. You're either doing it once a week or five times a day. How much time has to be in between showers? Oh, between them? Yeah, that's a good question. No, I mean, Al can rule on this, but there's got to be, what, like an hour? An hour? Okay.

I think it's less about time and more about what you do. You have to have an activity. Like if I went and wrote a pellet on for 30 minutes and got sweaty, that would count as, okay, now I'm going to go shower. Because you could shower when you wake up, go exercise, shower. That's two knocked out of the park.

You've got to get three more in. You'd have to find a way to have a lunchtime shower. This is a deal breaker depending on where you work. If you don't have a shower at work. You could always probably use a shower after you laugh a little bit. Oh, man, I could take a good shower now. Well, this is part of why I want the five showers a week.

I love showers. That's one of my favorite times of the day. Five times a day. Not only do you forget there's going to be hygienic implications to the over showering side. Dry skin. Well, I mean, you can, it's just saying shower. I don't think you have to do like a full scrub, full shampoo. You've got to wash yourself, Mike. Do you have to exfoliate every time?

No. My skin is bleeding. Because I've had periods, like in the summer in Arizona, it is not uncommon at all to have two showers in a day. It's not uncommon, but five's a lot every day of your life. And you're losing time. I mean, let's just pretend. Not only are you losing time in the time you're showering,

because I know, Mike, you can get through it quick. Yes. But you are now having to accommodate showers. Yeah. You go on vacation. Guess what? You got to shower five times. You know what? vacation. Guess what? You got to shower five times. You know what?

You go to work. You got to shower five times. You come home. You got the burden. Now, the other alternative is untenable because you could have spritz yourself with some like Febreze or something. No, there is. No, you cannot.

There is. I don't know what day it would be. Day four or day five. It would be day three. Maybe day three. But at some point in that week, you would turn a corner where you can't cover it anymore. And so maybe you could survive this system by picking the day of the week that you shower and your social events. And you know what I mean?

Like, hey, I've got a really good you know i shower every friday so friday saturday sunday we have fun on the weekends and then i try to avoid people through the work week you might be able to get away with that not showering is the key to your anti-social dreams mike yeah but you would feel gross would you yeah if a tree smells in the woods and no one's around to smell it no one's around to smell it isn't there some yeah that's a famous thing that tree still feels bad about hygiene yeah it does now here's a somewhat of a tangent off of this but do you like if you were to get rid of all the hair on your body will you smell smell less? Yes. I think so. 100%. So like you shave

all your armpit hair. If you trim your armpit hair, which I do from time to time so it's not just a giant big proof ball. Sure. It will smell. You got two afros under there? I mean if I let it go, it's poofs.

Like clown wigs? If you have the length where your arms are down and it's still peeking out the front, I trim to prevent that. That's not a good look. No, and that hair holds on to smell. And so, yeah, you're going to stink more with hair. Because things can hold on to smell. That's it. they're very strong

when it comes to odor molecules would you rather question coming in from barry on patreon would you rather walk on ice or on hot cement with bare feet has anyone ever walked on ice uh yeah i mean no no i'm i'm asking you With bare feet. Has anyone ever walked on ice? I'm sure it's happened. No, no, no. I'm asking you. No. Not in the human existence. Someone has to have done this.

Probably. You know what? Like the ice age. Right. It might have happened. That's kind of what I was thinking. So the closest I can get to that, I've never taken off my shoes and socks and then walked on ice. Because the only place I would be able to do that is like an ice rink in Arizona, right?

Right. But I have many times gone up and played in the snow with inappropriate gear, therefore getting water, snow, ice into my shoes. Okay. water snow ice into my shoes okay so i've done that before and it is extremely unpleasant to have cold feet there is a big difference between being completely unpleasant and ruining your body yes one of these things i don't know what you're saying i think they both ruin your body yeah i mean one is frostbite no i don't think you're gonna get frostbite for i mean if you're saying i gotta stand on the ice for four hours yeah i'm gonna get frostbite but if i'm just walking that was hard words to say if i'm just walking uh you know along ice it's gonna be cold it's

gonna be uncomfortable but it's not going to literally physically destroy it certainly would eventually eventually yeah but when it's hot so it's about is it about the distance you have to travel sure maybe i mean i i we of all i could tell you this in the in in human history the three of us have walked bare feet yeah on too hot of a surface because we live in Arizona. And sometimes you need to, you know, you're going to the pool. Well, you're not wearing shoes. You just go walk to the pool. And all of a sudden you're trying to make it to the pool before your skin stays on the ground while your foot leaves the ground.

Because the foot could stay on the ground in the snow and the ice eventually, like at the distance. You can burn your feet, but you can keep your feet. But if your feet get too cold, you can lose them. If you frostbite, you lose your toes. But this is just saying, would you rather walk on ice or hot cement with bare feet? Right, that's fair. I mean, in general, one of these things, when it's over, when it's over, I'm going to throw some socks up, maybe put my feet up by the fire, and I That's fair. And that's, I mean, in general, one of these things, when it's over, when it's over, I'm

going to throw some socks up, maybe put my feet up by the fire and I'll feel fine. But when my feet are burned, it's like burning your mouth. You eat a slice of your feet. I'm just saying we can all like maybe you listening haven't burned your feet because you don't live in Arizona, but you've eaten a slice of pizza that's too hot. It ruins the rest of your day because the roof of your mouth is now burned. That's what's going to happen to your feet. Can you move at a, is there a speed you can move at?

That's fast enough to really get by on the flaming hot pavement. That is a great question. The answer to that is no for the pavement. I mean, people walk on hot coals with a certain level of speed. That's because there's like the ashes on the coals. It's a parlor trick. But I've gone to get the mail in the heat and there's a certain,

you got to get into the flow, man. You got to get a little cadence. No, I know. You get the cadence. Sides of each feet back and forth. The outside. Back and forth. And you're looking for any sliver of a shadow.

Yes. If there's a little fence, you're walking in the little shadow line. Oh, you bet you are. Yeah. But you can't. Okay. But the question was for ice because I've never done it. If you go fast enough on ice, which then you could fall.

You're going to fall. I've seen people walk very slowly on ice and they still fall. You go fast enough with your penguin walk where you're leaning over your feet. Can you do that and not have them freeze burn? I think basically if you walk on ice for a short period of time, it's really almost no implications. Whereas if you walk on a really, really hot surface with your feet, you're burning them.

Even if you don't feel like you're burning them, sometimes you've burnt them and And you don't know. And you come back and you go, why do my feet hurt so bad like the next day? And it's because they're peeling. I think to even this out, because walking on ice, not going to destroy you. Walking on something too hot, absolutely destroyed. Oh, are we doing like a 100-meter dash versus a mile or something? No, I'm saying that let's say that both of these are just 100 yards,

you know, a football field. But one of them is the slippery ice you've seen videos of. It's wet ice. I have not experienced this, but have you seen the videos where – I know you're laughing at wet ice. All ice is slippery. It's also all wet. No, no, no.

Not all ice is wet? No, it can be frozen solid. If you can put water on ice and all you've got a real real bad if you get it too non-wet you will stick to it yes that's also true and rip your skin off just like the hot but i have never experienced the what i see in videos where where people get in the perpetual slip state where they start to slide, and then they're running their feet, and they're just, it's like a cartoon in real life.

And they are sliding in place until you know they're going to end on their face or their butt. Those are the only two options. They're going to fall. So we're all going with ice. Yeah. Yeah, we're all going with ice. Now, being super cold is very painful if i told you it was like i gotta walk a mile on ice

versus go 100 100 uh meters i'm taking ice no matter what okay well you like being cold yeah you might be able to if you're like running on the cement but then you're running on cement which even when it's then you're running on cement, which even when it's a fine temperature, running on cement is very painful. That should be an Olympic event. Who can go the furthest on boiling hot cement? It would look like the power walking, which is so stupid looking. There's blood and flesh everywhere.

All right. One more? Do we got time for one more, Al? We sure do. blood and flesh everywhere. All right. One more? Do we got time for one more, Al?

We sure do. Would you rather listen to a boring story or tell a story that everyone thought was boring? Oh, man. Have you ever been so pot committed to a boring story that you're telling that in your mind you knew it was funny, but either you've told it wrong or you've just, the delivery, the contents is too inside of a joke

but you're so far into it that you do feel like you need to finish like you can't there's no like social cue for i'm out like no there is there is yeah you get to the point you go ah you just had to be there that's universal that everyone knows the storyteller is admitting that story sucked but was really funny if you happen to be there but you don't want to go with the like uh never mind just quit on this trail that's the only way to get their attention when you're in the middle of a boring story because they they assume something good was going to come, right? There was a point to this story. So that's your...

Is someone at the door? Yeah. No, I've definitely been there where I've... And it's not even like a funny story that I know was funny if you were there always. It's just like I'm saying something, talking about a topic, and realizing this... This is not a story. Why did I speak? a topic and realizing this like i should this is not why did i speak why did my my wife and this is not an insult to her because she will readily admit this is the queen of the boring story like

she tells oh yeah and she'll she will stop halfway through knowing and like admitting out loud though this this story is is boring but i'm going to finish it anyways and i must endure and one of so one of the uh uh one of the what's the right word i'm looking for what are the hard part marmalade no marvel yep you got it one of the difficult parts when you have like a really good memory and you live with someone who does not have a good memory. Oh, you get it more than once? Not only are the stories boring, but you get them multiple times and you have to make this

decision. Do I interrupt and say, you've already told me this story or do you just play along? I do have a line for that. Like you haven't heard. You have a way out? Well, I just have a line for that. Like you haven't heard. You have a way out? Well, I just have like a fluid way. Because I mean, look, everyone's got family members that have told them stories. Because they've only got, like once you get to a certain age, they lock you.

Like the government comes and they say, those are your stories. And those are the only ones you get. Because the rest of your life, you can't make memories. And you only get these stories of when you were, I'm not even going to get into it because I was going to like out somebody. But you kind of try to throw in real quick. You try to say, I think you told me about that one time. If you can remember a detail. If you can say it like that, then they sometimes can dip out.

It's only a one in five will dip out. The rest will finish no matter what. But you can throw in the, yeah, I thought you told me about that. If you can remember a detail. Yes. Yes. That's deeper into the story. You're he was a navy seal but is but is it socially insulting to that person like do they feel well that's why you got to be excited about it that's why you got to say oh yeah with the yes you know what i mean because if you're like is this the

one with the navy seal oh? Oh, this again? That's not going to go over as well. You've got to be like, oh, yeah, this was a good story that I've heard. So in essence, you are complimenting them on the previous story. Exactly. Now, I have a follow-up question to your situation of good memory, bad memory storyteller. What if they're not telling you the story, but they're telling a story around you but you know the actual correct way that the oh the event oh yeah went and you're hearing all of this stuff that's like oh yeah do you jump in and correct this is not right do you jump in and help and

fix or do you just i swallow your tongue and sit there with your eyes rolling back i'll tell you the real story later this is uh this happens to me all the time it has to it's life if you've got a great memory and they've got a bad memory it's gotta happen so what is it i i feel out the story and it's like does does this particular detail matter that's good that's a good filter to the end of the story if it does i will jump in like the main people in the story if some of them are off do you correct that or it's like but if it if it helps with the punch line of like i'll try and guide the story to the the the actual truth if it's not a big deal i'll just smile and let it go that's good that's good because

not every detail is needed but i'm more curious when it's a very mature way to handle it it's a wrong detail or the whole story's made up i've i've heard wrong details i've heard multiple stories multiple times and the details keep changing and i'm like you're like i remember the original you're playing telephone you've already told this story i gotta tailor my story for my audience you know it's like they wouldn't have liked this part oh my gosh okay um that's funny um that being said getting back to the og question yeah listening to a boring story it sucks but oh it's the word but it's doable doable. I mean, we've all practiced.

I would much rather be the storyteller here, and here's why. Because I don't realize that it's boring. I know I'm going to bore people. Sorry, but I'm not bored. Or self-aware. Well, but eventually you become self-aware. And once you realize that you have told a really boring story, depending on who the storyteller is, it can either erupt into laughter and fun and making fun of the horrible, boring story that did not need to be shared. Or if you end, if you're a listener and the person

finishes their story and it's done, and it was just like, that was really boring. There's nowhere to go. What do you say to the conclusion of the boring story? You go, oh, cool story, bro. Exactly. You're just a jerk. So for me, I know that at the end, we're all going to laugh at me and have a good time and be merry and jolly.

Jason explains in 60 seconds. Well, it's been a while, Jason, and we need your wisdom. So, Al, what are we learning about today? Let's find out. Dr. Jason is here. Oh, boy. Honorary doctorate from Harvard. Jason, you have 60 seconds to explain photosynthesis.

Oh, I mean, that's so easy. This is like third grade. Photosynthesis is the process where trees and plants, anything, it's got to be green. That's something that a lot of people don't know. It's got to be green. And they take in your farts and your CO2, all your emissions, and they're going to convert this into oxygen. So they're going to take, the plants are going to take this photosynthesis process, your emissions and they're going to convert this into oxygen so they're going to take the plants are going to take this photosynthesis your emission process your emissions they they breathe in your

farts and they give you clean air to breathe and in so doing it's like their digestive system which is what the scientists call it um right when the plant right when it comes in from the the the the green part of the plants, which is known as the... Chloroform. Chloroform. Chloroform. I don't know. Yeah, the Clorox part of the plant takes in the bad air, puts out the good air, and it

lives and you live, and that is photosynthesis. So that's a circle of life with the plants. With the plants. That's right. So you can actually benefit the plant if you were to produce an emission near it. That is 100% a fact. I just want to double check with you, Jason. When you have the prefix photo, what?

Green. So I already answered that. If you were listening and paying attention to this lesson, the photo of the photosynthesis is it has nothing to do with like the sun or okay i got this is the color um that you have you ever taken a photo without color mike uh artistically yes black's color okay so no you haven't uh So, I just thought. It's a fact, though.

You don't know anything about science, Mike. All right. Well, I feel like we've learned, and now we'll help you. What's the difference between me and you? Me and you. Well, I feel like I'm ready to share some scientific knowledge. What is the difference between rotten, rancid, and spoiled? Okay.

Well, one of them's a brat. Right. One of them is a band. that's that's rancid terrible and one of them is an apple that's right apple which one is the oh spoiled yeah you get a spoiled brat so rotten and rancid look spoiled is i think something can be spoiled without being rotten and rancid like it's the first step towards rotten and rancid. But spoiled could be as simple as, you know, the milk isn't rotten yet, but it's spoiled.

It's got a little odor. Very nice. Can anything, can a non-liquid be spoiled? I would think so. It's a good question you bring up, Mike, because the way that we use it in the common vernacular is milk. It's the most common. Right.

What else spoils? I mean, you could say that the yogurt spoiled. So dairy. You could. Could you say the cheese is spoiled? Could you say the cheese is spoiled? I don't think cheese can spoil. Can you say that the apple juice is spoiled?

No, it's not rotten. It's not rotten. That goes rancid. You can have rancid apple juice. Apple juice goes bad? Yeah, it can. Yeah, it can. Whoa.

Normally, it just becomes filled with alcohol. Yeah, I thought that's like apple wine. That's what you call it. Oh, cool. We got another can of the rancid apple juice juice box 1987 this is awesome he's buying up all the juice boxes on ebay now i feel like there's a difference here between the smell and the taste essentially right like i feel like if you eat something that is spoiled it is rancid wait what i don't know don't know. I mean, I liked where Mike was going, where like rotten is a hard object.

Rancid might be liquid. Is there a liquid? And spoiled is dairy. And spoiled is dairy. So if it's a hard object, it rots. Like meat rots. Yeah, meat totally rots. And obviously fruit rots.

Okay. Yeah, yeah. Okay. Okay. But now to go rancid i actually think to rot it has it has to have been alive it has to have been it has to have been something that was living meat plants you know and it rots and it rots away yeah i mean that's but to be fair like most of what we eat fits that category oh not most of what i eat brother that's that is heavily processed food that are coming out of plastic for me so what does it spoil uh no well no it's not dairy what happens when a what happens when a piece of bread

grows mold what is is it any of these well a piece of bread was never alive so it can't be rotten well it was i mean it was alive so it's i'm just saying can a piece of bread grows mold is there another thing that happened or is it rotten rancid or spoiled is that spoiled bread i'm going rancid going rancid bread man rancid makes me think it's got to be like a real it's got a bite to it yeah well that's why i was going flavor but maybe it's maybe it's deeper that's why I was going flavor, but maybe it's deeper than that. Oh, that's rancid. Yeah, well, that sounds more like a smell. I've got to see how my aunt would exclaim it.

Rancid is definitely the furthest step beyond, right? Like the progression of how rancid. No, rotten is the worst. No way. I think rancid is worse. Rancid is, you know, this is starting to rot. This is rotten. It might be rancid someday.

This is rancid. Oh, yeah. I don't know about that. Well, I mean, two-thirds of doctors agree. I mean, yeah, maybe rancid is a stage of rotten. What's funny is spoiled is a completed state. I mean, you have been spoiled. It is over for you.

Really? You are no longer. You can't eat something that's spoiled. It's been spoiled. There is over for you. Really? You are no longer. You can't eat something that's spoiled. It's been spoiled. There's no redemption for that. No, it is past tense. That is a good point, Andy. I think we've really encapsulated most of the major concepts.

I didn't learn anything that time. What's the difference between a hop, a skip, and a jump? A hop, a skip, and a jump. This is, I i mean playground children could tell you the difference between a hop a skip and a jump i think jump is standing out on its own is that a two foot two foot thing you can jump off of one foot right so then what is it height it's uh yeah i mean is it easy enough to put a rope below you There's a reason they call it jump rope. So if you can put a rope under the jump. But you skip rope.

No, I don't. There's a thing called a skip. Once again, I got to do two-legged hops. There was a thing called a skip. Wait, not a hop. If the rope's going under, it's a jump. As we say, there's a thing called a skip it, right? Well, it's called skipping rope.

Right. No, it's not. It's called jumping rope. No, there is is a jump rope but it used to be called you don't remember that toy where you'd put it on the right leg and it had the counter it was like a skip it and it would annihilate you your shin if you weren't good but i mean i'm just saying you were you were skipping then so it's called a skip it no skip it skipping is they just were being too liberal with the the term skip skip is a is a movement yeah skip is a one one foot and then you switch the foot and then one foot and you switch the foot but how is that not really just a bunch of hops

in a row because a hop is a hop is two feet to two feet it has to be two yes two always it's a tiny jump oh like a rabbit yep you cannot you you can't a rabbit can hop and jump oh yeah oh yeah it doesn't always hop people think rabbits only hop but sometimes they have to jump they have to leap they cannot skip no they don't skip there's no way their legs don't work in opposite they can't go left and then right they don't have individual function no um but a hop is two feet two feet so a skip has to be a cadence yes it has to have a cadence to it a rhythm a cadence uh it's it's great and then a jump just has to be able to clear someone else putting a rope under it if you couldn't put a rope under it there's no way it's

a jump it's impossible i think there's got to be a height i think a jump you got to get you got i mean higher than al borland can go i think i thought of something a jump, you got to get, I mean, higher than Al Borland can go. I think I thought of something. A jump can be just vertical. Sure. You don't have to move. You can just move up and land in the same exact spot. Can you hop like that? I feel like a hop implies there is some forward movement.

You'd hope so. Oh, man. Oh, no, I got it. I got it. No, I like that. I think it. No, I like that. I think that's true. I think a jump can be, you could be jumping up for something directly above your head. You can't be skipping for that.

But you can't hop for something. Now, I will say a skip does need to have a certain speed to it. You cannot. Yes, that's true. You can't go super slow and call it a skip. No, then you're walking. Right. Also.

Go ahead. There's far more functionality with a jump. You can. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jump kick. You ever, you ever far more functionality with a jump. You can jump kick. You ever jump kicked? Yes. You ever been jump kicked? And we had a clarification from Al Borland.

It's a jump rope in American English. It's a skipping rope in British English. Yeah. And we have to trust him because of his memory. All right. What's the difference between yoga and stretching do you know the answer to this yeah is all is it is one of those like all yoga is stretching but not all stretching is yoga yes yeah yes that's true all yoga includes stretching definitely not all stretching includes yoga um you can stretch and and not like break a sweat you could stretch correct and have a good time oh yoga is only about misery

you cannot have a good time with stretching stretching is well i can't stretching is the worst the worst it's because of the time every Every time I've ever stretched, I've done it wrong because you're supposed to. It's like, okay, 30 seconds in this way, and I can get to three seconds. And then I switch to the other leg, and it's like, no, you're supposed to spend 30 seconds on that leg. Well, and part of this is going to be about the music, right? Because there's no such thing as stretching music. You don't put on some nice, relaxing, meditative, calm... There's no atmosphere to stretching.

Stretching is what you do... And there's no cool names for stretching, like Downward Facing Dog. No, you're just Warrior 2. Yeah. These are yoga terms. Go, Jason. These are yoga terms.

Yeah, like... Give us one of your favorites. Warrior one. Very nice. Upward cat. Which, of course, warrior one is. Yeah, it's my favorite. And you show us, show the people. Yeah, if you were to.

If you were to do warrior one, where exactly would your arms. Like if you were watching on YouTube. My arms would be straight up and my front leg would be out, and my rear leg would be back. All right, I think you're kind of right. I guess close. Do you have to be wearing Lululemon for one of these? Or a knockoff.

Certainly. You can have a knockoff. Which are also provided by the same manufacturer, but they're just on... We're not all made of money buying Lululemon. Yeah, if your clothes are baggy, then you're probably stretching. Right. I see. I think that that's one of those.

Now, if you've got a shirt over something that's tight under it, you can wear that at yoga. And do yoga. But if it's just, you know, one layer of loose, you know, oversized clothing, then I don't think you're allowed to do yoga in that. They don't have stretching pants. They have yoga pants. Right. And you don't need a mat to stretch. Oh, it's not required? You do have to have a mat.

One of the most important parts of yoga is a yoga mat. Yeah, you have to buy one from them, from the yoga people. From yoga.com. Oh, my gosh. That's a yoga mat. Yeah, you have to buy one from them, from the yoga people. From yoga.com. Oh, my gosh. That's a good domain. Do you remember doing P90 and there's Yoga Day? And then you'd be like, oh, good. I'm so thankful it's Yoga Day.

And then you'd be like, I want to die today. I want you to kill me because I don't want to do yoga for one more second. Yes. For those of you out there who have just sc scoffed at yoga and whatever try it it is so unbelievably hard and unacceptable it's it's ridiculous because you'll be you'll be sitting doing nothing and just dripping sweat because we're not meant really getting after it we're not meant to pose that's what i've decided yoga taught me. We're not meant to pose. That's what I've decided. Yoga taught me that people are not meant to be

in certain positions for a long time. Well, that's where you want to go to Pilates. Now, what is Pilates? Pilates is like yoga with movement. So you get in a pose, and then when you're there, you're testing your body. Really? Yeah.

So you get into Warrior One, but then you shake it up? And then you're like, now move your arms up and down. Really? It's the worst. That's Pilates? It is the hardest thing. I thought it was a bunch of leg kicks. Well, sure.

I mean, it depends on the pose. Is it your arms? Is it your legs? Is it your booty? What are you shaking? It's a lot of shaking. Which one? It's Zumba then.

That's dancing. Zumba's only dancing? Only shaking. If you're, there's no no not one second of a pose in zumba but i will say this genuinely like i i want long ago was an athlete right you were i i played basketball i was in great shape i ran long distances yada yada yada i've never done anything as hard in my life as a pilates class. It was just, you just, it's this combination of it's so physically demanding and you feel so stupid. Coordination issues.

Because I'm doing barely anything. I don't have any big weights that look cool. I'm just like, just squat down a little bit. Maybe lift that leg up. Now move it just a little bit. Maybe lift that leg up. Now move it just a little bit. I can't do it. I come to think of it the most embarrassing time when we used to work out together was not the workouts.

It was the warm-ups where we had to do things that involved coordination while other people watched us. Any kind of coordination with stretching and Jump rope was a problem too. Skip rope. Not in my country, Mike.

Not in my country. This is America. All right, let's draft. The Spitballers Draft All right, well, this kind of fit in with what we talked about today because we talked about going to the future. Now, we thought it was 80 years. It turned out to be 180 years into the future. We talked about going, I guess, 1,180 years into the future.

But this question comes down to inventions, home inventions. And what are the best home inventions over the last 30 years? We're going to kind of, you know, we don't need electricity climbing into this one. We don't need some of the plumbing. Yeah. Which is a great invention. Right. Sure.

Right. But the last 30 years, what do you think has been the most valuable home inventions that now impact our modern life? And, Mike, you get the first pick, so you have a lot to choose from. I don't know if we're going to be even in the same stratosphere of picks on this one. Well, there's a clear one-on-one. Is there? Yeah. Well, I think I'm taking a version of it.

And I will say, I will prefaceface i don't think that my pick stops from other shoot-offs from this i think i think that's perfectly acceptable but i want to specify broadband internet yeah high speed internet yes absolutely because the once you got when you got the internet and you had the aol and you were on the 56k or if you were like my household where our telephone lines couldn't even handle the 56K. I don't know. 28.8. 36. It was abysmal, and yet it was awesome.

And then someone showed you for the first time high-speed internet, and you're like, wait. It feels like you're breaking the law. Wait a minute. This webpage loads faster than five minutes? Tell me about this DSL. It instantly loads? Broadband?

Here's what's funny. Because I put a wireless router on my list. Well, don't give your picks away, man. Well, that would be- Wireless? No. What's funny is I didn't have it on my list either. I made my entire list, and then afterwards I was thinking, all of my things need high-speed internet.

Oh, wait a minute. That's the clear 101. So, Mike, I was really hoping that you did not have that on your list as the second person up here, but unfortunately you are a bright man. That did change things more than anything else because it allowed everything. It's a utility. Yeah. Like plumbing. I mean, try living in your house without high's a utility. Yeah. Like plumbing.

I mean, try living in your house without high-speed internet. Okay. Jason, you are up. That's called camping, Mike. I mean, genuinely, if I was at home and there was no internet, no 5G on my phone, if there was no internet, I would call that camping. I guess it's fine. But I was thinking it had to be a physical object that you had.

Oh, it's definitely. If it's an invention for the home, I thought it had to be a physical object in your house. Okay, high-speed modem. There you go. Perfect. Anyways, go on. All right. So for me, the rest of my list is like all the tier of it doesn't matter.

These are all just good, cool things. That's what it's supposed to be. Yeah. Well, one of them is just so incredibly important. Yeah, I know what you're going to go with. Well, I was saying high-speed internet. I'm going to say the invent of the big screen TV. Yep.

You know what? Flat screen. Yeah, it's iterated over time. But, you know,'s it's yeah it's iterated over over time um but you know we used to have this well he selected 90s big screen he did not select flat screen big chunk he selected the one with the big back angled oh the big triangle i remember buying one of those that was 72 inches was the tv which was monstrous at the time and because of that the whole tv and the stand and everything i mean it was a it was a room in onto itself but you know really the tv is over the last 30 years become you know, become one of the gathering spots in the home. You're going to get together, watch sports, watch the latest soap operas, and you want a big space.

What's your favorite soap opera? Oh, Days of Your Lives? Days of Somebody's Lives. Okay. All right. So you picked flat screen TVs. It was on the list. I've been told,

I've been informed through the grapevine that this is still an acceptable pick. So I will go with Wi-Fi. Yes. I will go with wireless. To me, that's very different than broadband. Wireless technology in the home changed everything. We grew up, even with like your telephone, with the 60 foot cord.

Oh yeah. The like elastic cord. So you'd walk and and you'd be wrapped up in it or it'd be going all through the house. So I think – go ahead. I had a very – like I remember my first encounter with Wi-Fi because I already had the cable modem. It was high speed. And then someone – I was trying to hook up a PC to my gigantic television that took up half of my room

and someone was telling me well you can get a piece of machinery and just put a little chip essentially in that computer and it has the internet and you're like no way that is that is malarkey it's got to be so slow and you're like no it's actually very very fast you know most of the speed of your direct into the mode you're like no it's actually very very fast you know most of the speed of your direct into the mode i'm like that's this is impossible and then you got it going and it it was it was it was modern magic i could not believe there's no wires in this thing and it is still getting the internet at a high speed all right for the second one i didn't want to go into the category of like like a home invention netflix is not a home invention right that's a technological you know silicon valley invention so for me the

invention that i think revolutionized things that still i mean it's still the the reality of what we have today is the dvr yeah sure so it started with tivo and TV, but the idea even now, all the major providers, you've got the ability to. I mean, I grew up, and if you wanted to watch something that was on, you had to put in a VCR tape and then go to the blue screen and program it for 15 minutes. And maybe you didn't cut it all off, which you probably did, or you recorded over something. Oh, man. DVR changed it so that I didn't have to be around at a certain time you got to watch TV when you wanted to watch it and skip commercials did you uh did your parents were they VCR people they still are okay they oh they still no they still

have a VCR right front and center but I'm saying up yes hooked up to 100 is it still used for recording though uh I do not believe so okay but like I haven't Hooked up to it. 100%. Is it still used for recording, though? I do not believe so, no. Okay, but like I have- How do you even hook that up to a modern TV? Very difficult. Yeah, finding one that has RCA cables or adapters. But I have also the memories of watching my dad go mano y mano with the VCR. It's got the blue screen.

That's it. And the giant font, and he's trying to set up and make sure that it's going to tape at the right time. And then you've got to remember the cable has to be on the right channel. Or you come back to the tape, and you're like, who changed the channel? It's so funny. But yeah, DVR, I think, is my second pick. I love it. All right.

My next pick is something that, man, I don't ever want to go backwards from. Because there's a lot of smart devices, and I'm sure that they're going to be on our list. But for me, almost everything is controlled in my home from room to room. It's an intercom system. It's a lighting system. It's a music system. It's everything. And that's the alexa devices okay

i mean that's the one i use or whatever whatever maybe we generically call it the just your your smart speaker or whatever but um those things i mean they control i i've got every room every room i had home automation on my list yeah so i mean that has changed uh my house i don't ever want to go backwards you think i want to walk to my kids room when i can just say alexa announce and then it just wake up everybody get up out of bed love it love it yeah uh had it on the list uh i am a little surprised this one made it back uh but you know we have you have a bunch of devices that can use the Internet. How about the one we're looking at right now, fellas?

I will take a laptop computer. Is that a home invention? What? I took it off my list on purpose. Really? I didn't think it was a home invention at all. Yeah, because that's literally something you're supposed to be able to leave your home with. But, no, it's a computer that you can move around.

This is why I said I wasn't sure we'd be in the same category, because it's not really... Well, we'll just need a ruling from the judge, because I'll allow whatever he says. I would not consider it a home device. So it's a device for what? I mean, it's a device when it was originally made for companies and corporations before it came home. It wasn't originally invented for the home. Oh, okay. Well, I stand corrected.

I will remove it then. All right, I'm going to go with a device that is still in its infancy. Okay. And I don't think that it ends. Maybe you're not going to call this a home device, but it's in our home. A car. It's in a garage, dude. No, and this over time, I think that this device is going to end up changing the world.

I so hope it's not. Go on. Okay, I'm going with a 3D printer. Oh, no, that's on my list. That's on my list, and it's a great pick. And if you have not encountered a 3D printer of... I'm actually mad you took that pick. I thought it would be a sneaky fourth rounder.

And where the technology of 3D printing, once you see it, and then you let your brain actually start thinking about what is possible with this, and you're like, holy holy crap this is going to change this will change the world eventually once the technology is scaled up okay that's a great pick all right and then i'm going from that one which to uh something that will change the world to something that it doesn't really change the world very much but it makes things way more delicious i'm taking an air fryer man oh it's on my list absolutely do i need an air fryer yes you need so good why are they so great do you have one now

oh yeah i made dinner on it two nights ago because you can do you can do a i mean i don't get it i believe people say like it's basically like a souped up uh uh convention or whatever the convection not a crock pot no no no it's not a crock pot but it like it does everything a microwave can do not as fast as a microwave but way way more delicious it can do it can do a lot of the things that your regular oven can do but faster so you don't just use it to make fries no no no but if you wanted delicious crispy fries there you couldn't just use it to make fries. No, no, no. But if you wanted delicious, crispy fries, you couldn't do that. Which was impossible to do at home.

Can't do it in a microwave? Can't do that in an oven? No, oven, soggy fries. No, the air fryer is like, it's everything Mike just described, but imagine being able to fry things at home. Like you've got a deep fryer. But without oil.

Except it's not unhealthy. Is there oil in it? No, no, it's just air. It's an air that's super well named. But without oil. Except it's not unhealthy. Is there oil in it? No, no. It's just air. It's an air that's super well named. How do you... You would coat... If you were making homemade fries and that, you would coat them with oil. I was going to say, what crisps on it without oil?

Okay. Yes, you put oil on the food. On the food, but not in a bucket. Yes, and you don't have to deal with the dangerous hot oil and grease. Like, where do I get rid of this afterwards? You could put some wings in there. It's a great... Well, and you could use a healthy oil afterwards? You could put some wings in there. It's great. Well, and you could use a healthy oil, like an olive oil instead of the garbage.

That's a good pick. I like the garbage. If this makes the list of best home inventions in the last 30 years and I don't have one, that's a travesty. I was thinking through, like, what do I have in my house that I want that's newer and I really don't want to live without anymore? Right. If you're going to go shopping for one, Andy,

get the one with the rotisserie. But you'll hook me up. I know you'll tell me which one to get and buy it for me. So that's the spirit of the – I mean, that's the core of this draft is what home conveniences exist that you literally would not want anymore. And the one that I will take next was the first one that came to mind, even though it's

not the the the most world-changing the most fun it's certainly not fun but it was it's like oh my gosh i can't go backwards they took this long-term very necessary home device of a vacuum and then they said you know what we can go cordless. A cordless Dyson vacuum. Yeah, right on my list, for sure. I mean, you want to be carrying around this plug, and then plug in, and you can only go so far. There was a small period where the innovation of cordless vacuums did not match the performance of cordless vacuums, where you got it, and you thought you were awesome and it lasted like 20 minutes yeah and then you couldn't vacuum the rest of your house

without charging for another hour but they've gone they've blown past yeah now it's like they're better vacuums that are so easy to clean you remember bags in vacuums you don't zip it yep just awful so yeah okay battery-powered vacuums. All right. Well, I will go with another technological home invention that I think has been very valuable. In fact, I don't know if people can live without them anymore. A video doorbell. Oh, that's a good pick. The video doorbells, they're everywhere.

Once you have one, you know who's there. It's a level of security. It's just great. it's a level of security it's just you know great so my list um and then for my last pick only to hurt you oh no no this is gonna be my last one but i know what you're going with it's a bidet yeah baby the best invention of all time i think there's that thing's been around forever oh you think it it's it's before a powered bidet is That thing's been around forever. Oh, you think it's before? A powered bidet is before? Bidets have been around for hundreds of years, but an electric bidet. That's what I mean, an electric bidet.

I mean, you can check on that, but just so everyone is aware, the bidet appears to have been an invention of French furniture makers in the late 17th century. I'm willing to pivot if you'd like me to pivot. No, I have no idea if the new ones where they're all heated and super fancy. I will say this. Gourmet bidet. A vacuum was invented before the last 30 years.

What Dyson did is they took that and they said, that was so stupid. Put a battery in there. And so like Toto, or whoever you like, has taken the long-term 1700 toilet seat bidet and said- Electric bidet it is. You want your seat warmed. You want your water warmed. You want to be air dried.

I'm good with it. It's good. All right. Yeah. All right. It was definitely on my list. So that's, that's my final pick.

I have wifi, a DVR, a video doorbell and an electric. Am I, am I on my last pick? You are. You have a flat screen TV and Alexa or, you know,

something in that vein. And then a cordless vacuum and one final pick or you know something in that vein and then a cordless vacuum and one final pick that stinks i'm i'm uh i got so many things here i like well i can't wait to hear about them all right i am going to go i'm gonna i'm gonna go with this one because it's kind of like what mike was saying it's it's newer it's in its infancy please don't take my last pick because i have no more um well i doubt it this is not a sponsor but it i have to say the brand because it's literally the only one that exists uh okay i know of it mike i know you have this as well but a spin coffee machine oh so a lot of people would say the keurig. The Keurig has changed coffee. Can I change your pick for you so it's a better pick? Perhaps.

Gourmet coffee machines. Just broaden it out because for some people, you're narrowing it down to something that nobody can relate to, like 0.001%, where K-Cup makers are this for people. Gourmet espresso machines, they are this for people. It was on my list, but it was going to be broader. Yeah, but I'm going to be broader yeah but i'm gonna stick with it because the difference is what i actually like which is that it grounds the beans up one cup at a time and that i don't have to pre-grind beans is there other machines

that do that of course there's other machines that do that oh well like thanks for sharing those with us. 50 of them grind. This is not a novel thing what you have with the spin. You just think you do. Some of it is. The spinning is novel. But grinding per cup is not novel. Alright, I will go with... I was just trying to help you. You can stay with your...

No, do the version number. Do the version number that you like. I've had coffee just because I need it from time to time, mostly Keurig. Is this sponsored? No, the last forever. And I didn't know that coffee could be good, could be great, until actually having a gourmet coffee machine where it was like, oh my gosh, this isn't coffee-flavored water, this is coffee.

You love it so much because you went from k-cup swamp water exactly to a spin coffee maker if you had gone if you had gone from k-cup to a nice drip system you would have had the same revelation sure all right mike you are all right excellent because i have one more good pick yeah uh also a technology in its infancy uh that is teleportation no no it's still that's power line that hasn't gone off of the ground floor yet uh but this will also change the world and in 40 we talked about the future this is vr we might just be living there and i will be taking virtual reality i don't know why a lot you won this one yeah i will trade you a spin coffee machine for the vr headset and uh i give the same uh you know uh instructions about

vr that we were talking about of like if you haven't tried a vr headset you don't realize how realistic it actually is when you're watching the videos of the people making fools of themselves because they like they have a headset on and then you see them jump into a wall like there's that you can't possibly do that's fake no it is not genuinely i regret how little i use my vr because uh every time i do it it's so enjoyable it's it, it's so enjoyable. It's so realistic. It's so fun. I love that your picks, your last three, was a sandwich of the incredible futuristic technology of a 3D printer, all the things it can unlock. Yes.

Then an air fryer. And then all the virtual reality. I mean, it's the perfect example of what we're talking about with home inventions. For VR, I remember, Andy, you have told us the story of uh you got super into a ping pong oh yeah it's the best i know exactly what you're saying i've done it too and andy went so you're holding the handles uh to play the game and andy went down went to put his handles onto his virtual table that was not actually there and then just i tried to rest on the table that didn't exist yeah because once you're playing and you're lost in it and you're playing ping pong and then the ball's hard to

reach that's what you would do in real life you'd reach your your left hand on the table and reach further and you just eat it because there ain't no table yes uh so that's a great pick vr is awesome there were a couple other ones that i i had to google like when they were invented and i was way off like i was thinking things like i didn't know how long home jacuzzis were around or garage door openers. That's going way, way back. I have the Nest cameras or home smart cameras and smart thermostats. That's a big one.

Being able to not be home and be able to control like you know all that connected devices stuff smart lights oh that's such a good yeah i had thought of the like the hue bulbs and things like that but i don't use those a ton is it because it's so annoying to set up the toothbrush part of it i feel so losses at the same time oh yeah lots of handbrush same time i feel so old setting those when there's cool technology that I don't want to set up now because that is exactly what the VCR was for our parents. It was like, you do it, son. It's real tedious.

And now I'm like, Caleb, you set up the Wi-Fi lighting. And he does it better than me. Any other glaring omissions, producers? I think you did pretty good. Nice. All righty. That'll do it for today's episode. Oh, no, wait.

Hold on. No, we got it. What did we learn today? This one, I'll give you guys a second to think on your own, but mine was super easy, which is what an air fryer does. Yeah, and I learned that the year 2200 is... Dang it, that was going to be... It's not actually 80 years. It's not 80 years from now at all.

Well, Jason and I learned the same thing today. All right, that'll do it. I also learned that rotten has to have lived. Oh, yes. Yeah, we discovered that. I still think most of your food lived. I hope you're not eating plastics on a regular basis, but that'll do it for today

spitballers. Or at all. Take care. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out spitballerspod.com.