Spitballers Comedy Podcast - 200: Our 200th Episode and Honey I Blew Up The Draft! - Comedy Podcast

Episode Date: June 27, 2022

The long awaited Episode 200 is here! Come along for the ride as we try out a couple of new segments, play some Liar, Liar, and draft some weapons for a giant battle royale. Make sure you stick around after the draft for a surprise ending! Re-brand Mondays with some comedy! Subscribe and tell your friends about another funny episode of The Spitballers Comedy Podcast! Connect with the Spitballers Comedy Podcast: Become an Official Spitwad: SpitballersPod.com Follow us on Twitter: Twitter.com/SpitballersPod Follow us on IG: Instagram.com/SpitballersPod Subscribe on YouTube: YouTube.com/Spitballers

What happens when three buffoons give life advice, explore unrealistic situations, and give random topics more thought than they probably deserve? It's the Spitballers Podcast with Andy, Mike, and Jason. They said it couldn't be done And yet we did Show 200 In your face, haters So that was a victory lap I mean, I completely made up the haters

But sometimes you need a little motivation, and you just pretend that people are hating. Welcome to Spitballers episode 200, a three-person scat. I really like that Jason's was not a scat. It was just, wow, which was awesome. I mean, it was great. The scat comes from the soul. Yeah.

It worked out. Don't put your labels and definitions on what a man can or cannot do in a scat. Al Borland is here. What's up, Spewads? We have a special episode. And much like episode 100, I'm not sure what's going to happen. I mean, I guess it's like every episode. But I especially don't know what's going to happen on today's.

Because we have segments I've never heard of. We have liar, liar, and what, what a better time to win than episode 200. I think we were brilliant in saving our win. We were roping open. That's right.

Got them right where we want them. Storing up our victory for, for the epic show 200. So we have, would you rather on today's show. We have Man of the People. I don't remember what that is. Liar Liar against Al Borland in or out of the doghouse.

And we are coming back to this idea here because on show 100, we did Honey, I Shrunk the Draft. And we had a battle royale where we were six inches tall, I think. Today we're doing Honey, I Blew Up the Draft. We are all 25-foot giants, and we're going to have another battle. It will be a lot of fun. Thank you for joining us on this episode. The pressure is on.

I mean, Al knows that he has to deliver with the content, or he'll be fired. Yeah, he will not see 201. That's right. Yeah. And we keep – fear is 201. That's right. Yeah. And we keep fear is a big part of our leadership practices. Yeah. It's undefeated.

Yeah. Fear. Fear is undefeated. Look, leaders that lead by fear, they stay in power forever. There is never an uprising to take them out. I will say,

I think I set you guys up for success, but it's really up to you to hit this one out of the park. Yeah. Oh, I don't like hearing that. That's a bad attitude. Let's begin. Would you rather?

Would you rather be magical? Yes. But live on Earth? Or live in a magical land, but be normal. Which sounds very familiar to me. Like, I've seen this question before. I don't know if we've discussed it. But, yeah, do you want to be a muggle living in Hogwarts, basically,

where you don't have any powers? You can't really help. I mean, when things hit the fan, it's wizards with wands that are going to be throwing spells all over the place, and you're going to be sitting there throwing rocks. Apparently, someone hasn't watched Lord of the Rings because Frodo saves the world. Yeah, but that was— Don't get me started on Frodo. The odds were low.

The odds—oh, you're very anti-Frodo? Okay, come on. Let's get mike started on because he's got hairy feet and that hits too close to home no no no no because samwise is an incredible man like that dude absolutely gets it done frodo is just weak the whole time falling into traps he's getting like he's got the ring around the ring oh do you know how much pressure that is this guy is so weak. Everyone has to do everything for

him. They gotta drag him up the mountain. Yeah, because he's dying from the power of the ring. At the end he barely that's barely a W. He was gonna keep that ring. He needed Samwise. He needed his friends to take him over the edge. This is a unique take. I want Mike

coming out with his literary criticism of the book. First of all, Samwise. He needed his friends to take him over the edge. This is a unique take. I want Mike coming out with his literary criticism of the book. First of all, Samwise kind of sucks because he talks too slow, and it makes the movie boring. Well, look, that's his interpretation of the character. I'm just saying Samwise is the hero of that entire series, and Frodo sucks. Someone give this guy a ring so he can relate. All that being said said taking it back

to the question about magic if if this question was who do you want to be in Lord of the Rings it'd be like well Gandalf I mean right and Frodo had a miserable time yes he got the W but he was miserable yeah so like a magical world is cool but I want to be cool so you want to be gandalf like here on earth with no one else isn't that even better than being gandalf in the magical world if you are the magical person and no one else has it then it's actually special like this is my first thought you might be the public enemy number one well you can't let people know you gotta have a secret identity or you really let them know and you become king. And then you lead by fear. Yeah.

I guess it's- Subdue the planet. It depends on how magical you actually are. Is that your campaign slogan? That's my campaign. Subdue. Vote for me. Subdue Earth. My first thought was Encanto, the Disney animated film where everyone has magical powers and then the main character does not.

And you're like, dude, this poor woman, everyone in her family has an incredible magic power. And that would be terrible. If you look and ask the question, if you lived in a magical land but be normal, you're not. If everything else is magical, if you have no magic powers you're not normal you are not the normal one in that world you're so you are not you are the outcast bug

and you have no powers okay terrible so we want to be the wizard and be the only special person i want to know who is the person that does not select wizard like this question asked to a thousand people who's gonna be like be like, yeah, I want to be the loser around all the cool kids. Well, I think the best example of that would be like sort of the Harry Potter thing where like, I guess they all, even though they were muggles, they could learn magic, huh? Can they? I don't know.

Muggles can't learn magic. I mean, muggles can be born with magic. If we want to get into the deep lore, welcome to episode 200. Don't get Jason started on Harry Potter. What about Hermione? No, you can be born a muggle with magic, but you can't be a muggle and then learn magic. You find out that magic is there and go to Hogwarts. You wouldn't want to just hang out in Hogwarts and just watch?

I would definitely want to do that versus this. But if you're saying versus me doing magic. All right. Would you rather your only mode of transportation be a donkey or a giraffe? Which? I mean, one looks cooler. And one's more practical. One is way more practical.

You know what nobody's ever tried to do? They've never tried. People always think the giraffe, it kind of looks like a horse with a long neck, so let's hop up and saddle it up. No one's ever tried to hang a seat from it, like a swing, and ride between the legs.

I don't think you want to be there. I think there's a reason that people have not done this. But maybe the draft would acclimate to that better. Maybe they don't want you on their back. Maybe they want you swinging between the legs. I think you are getting kicked. Yeah, you're getting some knees to the back for sure. You almost had me i

thought you were saying like you were gonna put like a sidecar so you know sidecar that works like a motorcycle's got the side oh that's nice i think i'd rather go sled you know what i mean like straight behind them just pull you know i also don't want to be there well that's true i mean i want i would i would have some distance. The sled would go over the feces. Yours is like one of those dog sled races, but with a giraffe. Yeah, and I say, was it mush? Mush. Is that what they say?

Not to giraffes, but yeah, to dogs. Is it mush or mush? Mush. Mush. Mush. Mush. I don't know. Mush is very different to me.

I think it might be mush. Spell the same. Mush. I don't know. Mush is very different to me. I think it might be mush. Spell the same. Mush. How fast can a giraffe run? Over 100 miles in a single gallop. Because when I'm really thinking about this question, donkey, very practical. Not fast. Giraffes go 37 miles an hour.

That's pretty good. But people have used donkeys historicallykeys 15 miles 15 miles an hour they're low to the ground easier to get aboard i mean like how do you even you have to invent some kind of special ladder just to get up on the such a pain in the you can't train a giraffe to just like get down oh yeah yeah i guess you could get kneel down like an't train a giraffe at all. That's part of the problem. They're not like broken animals. Donkeys have been completely shattered.

They're broken. They have no purpose in this world. They live to carry burdens. Yeah, because someone's like, hey, don't you wish you were a horse? And then they're just sad. And then you can ride them. Yeah, broke him. Is it Jane Goodall that befriended the gorillas? The gor gorillas yeah who's jane goodall oh really yeah she's the lady of the gorillas man

she's very she's been probably on the cover at time before oh there's a real person not like a fictional no no this is a real person who like lived and befriended gorillas and then like would help rehab them and stuff my point is producer show of, how many of you knew who Jane Goodall was? We've got... We've got three hands. Okay, so in a room. So I feel like I'm the only one here. My 10-year-old.

Did you know who Jane Goodall was? No, you're with a 10-year-old. I'm a man of the people. Man of the children. Man of the children. But anyways, my point was going to be we've had these stories where human beings have befriended dolphins, gorillas, monkeys. I think it could happen. We've never had someone that felt really close to a giraffe or kept them in a pen and became best friends with a giraffe.

They're very snooty. Can you break a giraffe? They have a high opinion of themselves, probably because their head is way up there. Yeah. You know how in our society- Taller folks like myself- If you're taller- Are better.

You feel better than everybody else. Are better. Yeah, okay. I mean, I include myself in the tall people. Of course. So I'm just trying to be humble over here. Yeah. We know who Jane Goodall is.

And we're over the magical six foot number yeah we are yeah yeah totally uh and like so i mean imagine a giraffe you're just you are you can see further than everybody else you oh you probably just think you're better you want to reach that leaf up there donkey that's too bad that's probably why you need to ride at their level somehow can you ride by holding on to the neck can you be ride at their level somehow. Can you ride by holding onto the neck? Can you be up at head level? Can they support you? Well, I don't think that that neck can support me.

I'm picturing the giraffe running with his head real low to the ground. It's riding the neck. He's dragging his head on the ground. Help me. Help me. All right. I am going to have to go with the practical donkey i don't want the pro i look they may run faster but he's gonna take me a year to break this thing yeah i oh it's definitely donkey i'll put in the work you'll put in the work i'll put it i mean awesome imagine how incredible it is. All of a sudden, I just come rolling up on a giraffe.

That would be truly incredible. It would be cooler if we were all on horseback and then you rolled up. Well, you're on your donkeys. No, that's true. We're all on our donkeys and you roll up. What's up, guys? But I feel like it would have to be one of those Clydesdale walks, you know, where the giraffe is trained to do the big feet. Oh, the big steps. The big steps. He's walking head high. Would you have to shoe your giraffe? Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. You got to do the big feet. Oh, the big steps. The big steps. He's walking head held high. Would you have to shoe your giraffe?

Oh, for sure. Oh, yeah. You got to protect those hooves. I've never shooed a giraffe. That's going to be, or a horse. All right. We're going to move on. Man of the people al i'm gonna have to hand the baton over to you i don't know what this segment even is wait all right brooks is coming in here what handing us is this a buzzer it is

a buzzer yeah we have buzzers so this game it's a super original concept i want to push the button your team has been hard at work. And what we did. Is this the thing where, like, we push it and someone we don't know dies? No. Somebody already pushed their button over there. I pushed my button. Is that a problem?

No. It's blinking green. We're good. We're really good at this. So your team has been hard at work. We have surveyed 100 people. Oh, it needs to be flat on the desk. That's the key. Yes.

Because otherwise, all the buttons are really in the bottom. I just figured this out. All right. Sorry. Sorry. Go on. You're good. Talk again.

We have surveyed 100 people, and we have asked them a question. We're doing like a feud. No, it's super original concept. No, this is called man of the people. Listen to the rules, guys. Okay. Basically, there are six correct answers, or most popular answers. The person that guesses the most popular answer will get three points.

The person that guesses the second most popular answer will get two points. And if you answer any of the bottom four most popular answers, you will get one point. If your answer is not on the board, you get zero points. Oh, this is incredible. We are going to be doing seven rounds. What? Everyone will get a chance to answer each question, but the person that buzzes in first gets first dibs.

You can tell over there who buzzes first? No. I thought I'd be able to see them on the camera a little bit better, but you guys may have to help me out. If you hit it first, you light up green. Okay. And then once the first person goes, I will disable their buzzer, and the other two will get to buzz it.

Okay. All right. We'll go with you. Jason just closed his laptop to prepare for buzzing. Good for him. But here is the thing that Jason has also done. He's putting the button on top of his closed laptop. So the thing that he is going to hit with force is my laptop.

He's putting it on top of his laptop. I mean, he's under six foot, so it makes sense. He doesn't have the power. He doesn't have the understanding. I'm just trying to stop you from breaking your laptop. I'm also realizing there might have been a slight oversight in the sense that I bet all those figurines are going to end up getting knocked over.

Oh, that's fine. That's okay. Look, this is war. Let's begin with this original game, Man of the People. That's right. All right, The first question. Hand on the table. Name a place you would not want to be seated next to someone with an annoying laugh.

Mike won that one. All right. Airplane. That is the number two answer. Oh, okay. So Mike gets two points. We're on the board. When you see your buzzers go orange, you can reset.

So it's just me and Jason now. Watch your buzzers. Okay. How long does it take them? Ha-ha! So it becomes a speed game after that. Correct. All right.

Annoying laugh. I'm going to go movie theater. That is the number one answer. Oh, that's a good answer. That is three points. Now, Jason, you can give me your answer. He just has to be on the board to get this point, right? Yeah.

I'm not sure that I'm going to be, but I'm going to go with toilet. What? I mean, am I right or am I right? It's a great answer, but it is unfortunately not on the board. What? That is the dumbest answer I've ever heard. That's ridiculous. You want to be in a public restroom

and have an annoying laugh right next to you? Oh, that's what you meant. Public restroom I would have made sense of. I thought you meant at your house. I knew he a public restroom and have an annoying laugh right next to you? Oh, that's what you meant. Public restroom I would have made sense of. I thought you meant at your house. No. I knew he meant public restroom, and it was still stupid. Oh, yeah. So I get three points? So you have three.

Mike has two. Jason is not yet on the board. Oh, I'm coming strong here. All right. These buzzers work well. That is round one. So now we know what we're doing. Round two.

Hands on the table, Jason. Okay. Brooks, myself, Kyle, we surveyed 100 people, and we asked them to name something your spouse might get mad at you for doing too much. Oh, that's easy. Farting. I'm green. I answered because I went green.

Also not on the board. What? That's impossible. That is clearly the number one answer. He's got no points. The Moore household lives under a different set of rules. Yeah. No laughing on the toilet.

No farting around the wife. No toilet. No fart. Who did you ask? This is outstanding. Reset our buzzers. I will be resetting your two buzzers. Watch for them to turn orange.

Andy got it. For doing too much watching television. That is on the board is the number six answer. So you get one point for that. All right, Mike. Here's a layup for you. Don't blow it. I mean, name something your spouse might get mad at you

for doing too much. Sitting on your phone. That is not on the board. Oh. I have never sat on my phone before. Oh, yeah. Fair enough. Was golfing on the board? Oh. I have never sat on my phone before. Oh, yeah. Fair enough. Was golfing on the board?

No, I will read them. Talking. Talking too much? Shut your mouth, spouse. That's the number one answer. Okay. Spending. Okay.

All right. Drinking. Okay. Yeah. Sleeping. Oh, Jason. Yeah, ridiculous. And watching TV.

Okay. Oh, so I snuck on the board at one point. Do I only get one or do I get? You get one. So hold on. Hold on. I just want to go back to this. We surveyed.

We? Yes. Women. No, it was 50-50. Okay. Okay. I thought you were. I'm like, we asked women and they want their men to shut up?

Right. Usually it's like they want more communication. Yeah. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. We're setting the buzz up. Right. Usually it's like they want more communication. Yeah. All right. Okay. All right. Okay. We're setting the buzzers.

Okay. Round three. Name something that young children memorize. Looks like Andy. Oh, I want it. Yeah, you did. Are we making sure that Andy's not cheating over there? He did not have an answer ready.

No, I did. Math problems. Okay. Math problems? That is not on the board no school related facts come on man I cannot confirm nor deny if there's school related oh there's not math problems and that does remind me I will be giving you three seconds when you buzz in to give me an answer if you don't in that time you get zero point can you read the question again, sir? Name something that young children memorize.

Oh, eat it, Mike. Dang it, man. I am green. I'm going to go with scripture. Bible verse. I was surprised that that was not on the board, but it was not. That was one that I expected. We're in round three, and I just want to count up my points roughly. If you surveyed Jason,

the 100 jasons you would have zero wait yeah zero points okay it was just earlier this episode that you claim to be a man of the people correct uh a man of the children we did not survey children that's on us mike what's your uh i'm gonna go uh children memorize song lyrics okay uh not on the board okay so what was the school what was the school one i've been close to giving you nursery rhymes but that's not really song poems uh i was correct in order the answer was alphabet how to spell their name their phone number their address nursery rhymes and the pledge. Okay. I was thinking older kids. If I was going to miss one, that was a good round to do it.

Wow. We are not good at this game. Let's be, you know what? Let's be better. Let's be a man of the people. I think we're too quick to buzz. Yeah. I think we're not having enough thought to get the right answer.

That's what he says to get us to slow down. That's right. He's like, you guys, let's take a three-second pause. All right. Give us to slow down that's right he's like you guys let's take a three second pause all right give us the next one all right this is round four i believe okay uh name something that is hard to do while listening to music something oh all right we need to give up for the podcasters. Read. Okay. That is the number one answer.

Yeah. That's a good one. Jason got himself back in the game real quick there. That's a really good answer. All right. Keep an eye on your buzzers. Okay. Mike is in first. Watching TV.

That is the number three answer. What? That is hard to do, right? Watch TV and listen to music it's also impossible so you get the uh one point for that so jason that's fine andy you have a shot at one point with any answer yeah i i this is a hard one i'll just say having a conversation you actually had a shot at two points and you got it yeah that is the number two answer all right all right interesting i feel like i can have lots of conversations with music in the background. Yeah, I drive with music on and talk to people.

I don't think we've introduced Kyle to the Spitwads ever, but Kyle is here to keep a score for us. Yeah, Kyle, give us a rundown. Through four rounds, Andy has six, Jason has three, Mike has three. I do plan to blow this lead, just so you guys know. All right. I don't like where this is at right now. Look, a man of the

we're tied with the man of the children we have three rounds left so we're just over halfway all right it's anybody's game call it a comeback all right name a job where employees must get tired arms uh three oh two oh construction that is the number one answer. Oh, baby. I thought you were going to blow it. Jason gets three points. I am back. All right. I will be resetting your buzzers. A job where your arms get tired?

Correct. Water bucket holders. I will say moving company. That is the number two answer. Yeah, buddy. I don't want to high five you. You just did good. Well, I mean, we got the one and two. Yeah, but I'm a guy. I got nothing. Mike, buddy. I don't want to high five you. You just did good. Well, I mean, we got the one and two. Yeah, but

I'm a guy. I got nothing. Mike doesn't. Do we get negative points for not being able to? Mike, I need an answer in three, two. A traffic cop. That is the number four. No, baby. I'm sorry. It's the number five answer. That's right. Same amount

of points. You get one point for that. No, that's good. You got to lift the arms at the point. That's incredible. Same amount of points. You get one point for that. You got to lift the arms at the point. That's incredible. Now, was the airplane guy on there with the batons? No. Oh, okay. That guy probably gets tired arms. Like, construction, it was the first thing I thought of. But then, like, traffic cop was the second thing.

But it was so stupid. But, I mean, like, your arms get heavy after a while man i mean scarecrow people people are not doing that job stop doing that with regular people a long time ago yeah they figured out replacements after wizard of oz they were like yeah it's not good for him well jason's benefiting from being first to tap okay okay. Okay. All right. Also, we got two rounds. Getting the right answers. Two rounds left. Name something that...

I'm going to rephrase that. Thank you. Besides the blade, name something that you'd find on a Swiss army knife. Dang it. Mike. Mike. Scissors. That is the number three answer.

You get one point. Tick tock, tick tock. Wait, we both went green? I got it. Screwdriver. Wait, you're both green? Oh. No.

Mine turned off. Andy asserted dominance. All right. He asserts. Yeah, Jason broke his. Go ahead. I went with screwdriver. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Screwdriver is the number two answer. Oh, no. That was my answer. Okay, so now I'm- Three, two, two. I love this. Toothpick. Toothpick. One. Yeah, no. That was my answer. Okay. So now I'm- Three, two, two. I love this. Toothpick. One.

Yeah. That's on there. It is not on the board, but it is on a Swiss Army knife. It is on a Swiss Army knife. Yes. Can I guess? Just real quick. This is not for points.

Bottle opener. That is the number five. Okay. The number one answer was corkscrew. Oh, yeah. What? Wait. That's what-

I thought that's what he said. No, no, no. He said screwdriver. Screwdriver. Oh, my gosh. Corkscrew was what my actual answer was. Sure it was. No, it really was. Sure Wait, that's what... I thought that's what he said. No, no, no. He said screwdriver. Oh, my gosh. Corkscrew was what my actual answer was. Sure it was. No, it really was.

Sure. No, that's... We super believe you. Dad, comment. I should be in the lead. So, is your buzzer still off? I don't know. But my question here is, when people think of a Swiss Army knife, they really think of

like the corkscrew? Well, yeah, because if you look at it from a distance, the only thing you can see is a bunch of hidden blades that turn into things and a corkscrew. I just got to turn back on. We're good. All right. Thank you, Andy. Okay, so I need a man, a survivalist here. Yeah, I got you.

Other than opening up your survival bottle of wine, what are you doing with that corkscrew? No, you other than opening up you know your survival bottle of wine right what are you doing with that corkscrew no you're only opening up wine that is the entire purpose of the cork well i mean it's more it's a utility uh object for life not just living out in the i don't i know about the corkscrew specifically someone's just yeah that's just for the wine someone give me an example of what you're doing out in the wilderness with a corkscrew. Sometimes trees, you know, they get corked up and you got to open that. You want to tap a tree for maple syrup? Yeah.

Okay. Okay. That's boom. All right. So we got one round left. Kyle, give us those scores one more time. Andy 10, Jason 6, Mike at 5. Okay.

So we're doubling the final round. Yep. That is, that is accurate. The final round is double scored. Well, that's a, that's a bunch of hooey. This is how it always happens. Please be about the toilet. All right. Name an employee you'd find at a fancy hotel, but not at a budget motel. Three. Oh, two, uh, Dorman. That is on the board. It is the number four answer. What? So you get two points because we doubled.

Can I go again? You cannot, but the other two can. What was the? Repeat the question. All right. Concierge. Concierge. That is the number one answer.

Yes. Oh, no. Mike got six points for that one. Oh, no. So Mike has taken the lead. I wanted a repeat of the actual question. I didn't even catch it. It is name an employee you would find at a fancy hotel, but not at a budget motel.

Okay. Masseuse. Oh. That is not on the board. Mike wins! Mike was in last. Bellhop was the answer that could have saved you. What was it?

Bellhop was the number two answer. What are the other answers? In order, concierge, bellhop, valet, door person, room service, chef. Room service. Chef is a weird one. All right, what were the final scores, Kyle? Mike, coming in hot with 11. From the depths.

Andy, 10. Jason, 8. From the depths of certain defeat. I think I proved that I am the real man of the people here. You are. That is a ridiculous scoring system. I'm I proved that I am the real man of the people here. You are. That is a ridiculous scoring system. I'm just going to say that at the end.

Are we moving on? We are going to do some Liar Liar. Oh, yeah. Liar Liar, pants on fire. The idea of successfully defeating Al for the very first time, which, look, having this segment here in Show 200 is a bit of a slap in our faces because... No, it has to be done. Well, I know it has to be done, but it also literally counts the amount of episodes that we have not defeated him in. So now it's being thrown in my face that we have done 200 episodes of this show.

Sure. And that idiot over there has outsmarted us for the duration of its existence. Just if I can interject. No offense. Because you said, I'm not interjecting about the idiot. That part's obviously true. But you said he outsmarted us. And I don't think that's the case.

I think that the three of us have high integrity, have a good morality, a good moral compass. We're not liars. We're not liars like Owl. Owl is just a liar. It's his tongue. Owl, do you have our statistics? Like, how many times have we done this? 40.

No, that's not true. No, it's not true. I have no idea. Okay. Gosh, that'd be too many. All right, we're going to play Liar. Liar, two truths, one lie, three rounds. We have to do it today, fellas. But I don't think we will.

For the people. Round one, fact one, unfrosted Pop-Tarts have more calories than frosted Pop-Tarts. That doesn't make sense. That does not make sense. You put frosting on top of a fully? Tarts. That doesn't make sense. You put frosting on top of a fully... Yeah, this isn't just... They both have

unfrosted Pop-Tarts in them. Yeah. Number two. They sell unfrosted Pop-Tarts? I think they used to when people weren't quite as addicted to sugar. Ruth Wakefield, the inventor of chocolate chip cookies, sold her invention to Nestle in return for a lifetime supply of

chocolate. I want that to be true. I don't know if it is, but I want that to be true. No, no money, please. I just want chocolate. I just love chocolate so much. Fact number three here for round one. Arkansas is the only state that has a legal exception allowing supervised alpacas to visit prison inmates during visitation hours.

Okay. Seems like maybe. Just like a nice support animal? I know there's weird legal things on the books for certain states, right? Like the blue laws? And I do feel like if there was a state that allowed a supervised alpaca, like they're like, yeah, we're going to put this into law that it's allowed to happen. It probably might only be one state that chooses to do that yeah like arkansas now maybe

do we have alpacas just like around yeah isn't it an alpaca like it's like a llama okay yeah from arkansas is that what makes an alpaca that is what it's llamas from arkansas the residents of the llama oh my goodness i did not it's like champagne is it birthplace or like as soon as they if they move it's if you cross state lines and 90 days of residency okay you make you have to go through a whole thing you got to get an alpaca license so if you like we live in arizona if i got and if i got an alpaca it'd be a hundred days from now it would be a yeah 90 days i get i get 90 days of having an alpaca that's right and then it would become a llama oh so they also then lose they lose their privileges yeah okay that's good

to know um gotta breed them fast so also so let's let's make a decision here on what we think is the lie because the first one unfrosted pop tarts more calories than frosted on what we think is the lie, because the first one, unfrosted Pop-Tarts, more calories than frosted Pop-Tarts. That's the lie. That just doesn't make any sense, but it's so obvious that it troubles me. Oh, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Wait. I was here this whole time thinking, this is true.

Because the frosting has no calories on them because the flavor comes somewhere else or something? I'm wondering if they're not just frosting over the top of it, but maybe instead of bread on the top, there's frost. You know what I mean? Like delete some of the top pastry. That's possible. Ah, man.

Yeah, that part could be true. You know what? I think that's true. I like the idea that someone, so we this this this lady ruth wakefield invented chocolate chip cookies okay i was i had read that as she invented just chocolate chips and i was like you took chocolate and made it smaller and you're like patent uh excuse me u.s government i have invented the chocolate i have cut a piece of chocolate to this size. Okay, but chocolate chip cookies, that makes more sense.

This is troubling. I guess I'm going to – I think the Ruth Wayfield one's the lie. I guess I'm going to go – we've got to get through this round as a team. We have no choice but to separate. Yeah, I'll take that one as my lie. The problem is if we separate, right? Because I think that's the lie. Oh, I i understand this i think that's the lie as well i think we just gotta none of our strategies have worked yet so there is something to be said about just going with your gut what strategy if we not use it yeah all right we have not yet used

the strategy of identifying the lie oh i've got've got a new strategy. Okay. Google. Distract Jeremy and let me have about 45 seconds to answer this. That's the most Jason Moore thing I've ever heard. Yeah. I am going to lock in the same one with Andy because I. It's what you believe. It's what I believe. And obviously, if that's true, that's sold for a lifetime supply of chocolate then

two of us are out and that will suck yeah um but mike it's your turn to lock one in i don't like the position that i have been put into here yeah sorry because that one that one does not sound it doesn't pass the smell test ruth wakefield invented the chocolate chip cookie and sold it to nestle for chocolate oh my goodness gracious uh i'm gonna go is that a is that a european name wakefield you're asking the wrong person because isn isn't Hershey, wasn't Hershey's like the domestic chocolate leader for a long time? Oh. I don't remember. Hershey's American.

Yeah, but is Nestle American? I don't think so. I thought Nestle was overseas. I think it's. So then determine whether Ruth Wakefield, that name. Does Nestle have, like when it's written correctly, doesn't have one of the accents up top? Yes, it does. Otherwise, it's Nessel.

Nesselson. I'm going to... All right, we'll move it along. I'm going to go with the alpaca one. Oh, no. I'm so afraid it's the Pop-Tarts because it's so... All right, let's hear it. Mike is the lone man left in the race.

Oh. Mike correctly identified the lie as the alpaca. Okay. All right, team. We're off to a bad start. What a depressing beginning to this stupid game. It's less depressing than if you had all three gone out in round one again. Which, Mike, you were kind of close to going to the Ruth.

So Ruth Wakefield's story, that's all real. That is correct. Yeah, you're stupid. Round two. It says in 1939, wakefield sold nestle the rights to reproduce a recipe on its packages uh and which uh to consult on recipes for the company which was said to have provided her free chocolate for life can we figure out if nestle she also got one dollar oh so it was a lie yeah that's all right. No. So. Dang.

Okay. I'm alive. Do we know where Nestle came from? I thought. Is it Swiss? I don't think so. No? I don't know.

Maybe. Round two. Here we go. Somebody else can figure that out. Fact number one. In Queensland, Australia, is it illegal to- It is illegal. Okay.

Thank you. We're asking questions now? In Queensland, Australia, is... It is illegal to own a pet rabbit unless you can prove that you are a magician. Oh, gosh. What? Get out of here. I think that's true.

All right, number two. Campbell's famous alphabet soup does not actually include all the letters from the alphabet because of manufacturing difficulties in producing certain letters. It only contains 24 of the 26. I that i mean for sure you wait a minute you're telling me they can get all the way to 24 there's just two they can't do yeah you can't do what's the difficult is a i no because you can do i capital yeah all right but i and l are like the same thing that ever since the former president's Act of 1958 after leaving office, ex-U.S. presidents are not allowed to drive on any public roads.

I think that's true. So they're all true. Final answer. Oh, that's a way to end it. Okay, how do you prove that you're a magician? At what point in the training, in the journey, are you a magician? Now, is that, can you get licensed? That's what I'm saying.

Do you go to magic school? Is it, I know one trick, so now I'm officially a magician, or I've just declared I want to become a magician, and so now I am? I have a diploma from Hogwarts. This was a Curb Your Enthusiasm episode, was this? No. Yeah, because Larry David wanted to know a trick. And they wouldn't explain it to him because he said, you're not a magician.

He's like, what makes you a magician? And he's just like, you just aren't. You're just not. Maybe you prove it by doing a trick. That's what I'm saying. As long as you know one trick, you're a magician. It's got to be good enough i don't know it's an aura uh i'm going to lock in the alphabet soup is the lie i think that maybe they got to 26 yeah it oh that seems like they're going to say that it's 24 of 26 because the the i and the l are the same so i will i'm going to say that it's 24 of 26 because the I and the L are the same.

So I'm going to lock in the President's Act of 1958. I think that presidents are allowed to drive on public roads. Last great hope, Mike. No pressure. Yeah, I know. I know. I'm between the soup and the magician one. I'm going to lock in.

Oh, gosh. Come on, Mike. Come on, Mike. I'm going to I'm going with the magician one. All right. Is it over? It's over. Oh, I hate you, owl.

So now we're competing with one another yet again. Correct. What is the lie was alphabet soup. Yep. They do produce all the letters of the alphabet. All right. So, great. Round three.

Okay. In 2018, Horace Harper became the only known human being to have swallowed a tape recording of their wedding vows. This resulted in an emergency surgery three weeks later to remove the cassette ribbon. He died on the operating table. Oh, man. Way to get morbid there al was this a purposeful swallowing i guess you don't accidentally i fell over is this fruit by the

foot uh also okay i'll save my thoughts in february of 2017 firefighters saved 18 piglets and two sows sows sows from a barn fire. I thought it was sow. Is it? I think a sow is a baby pig. You corrected me with the wrong thing. Come on, man. So what? Six months later. Mush.

The farmer sent them sausages made from the piglets as a thank you gift. No. Wait, wait, wait, wait. No. Basically, the story is in 2017, firefighters saved 18 piglets and two pig, older pigs, from a barn fire. Six months later, the farmer sent them sausages made from the piglets as a thank you gift. That's like some Black Mirror stuff.

And then the last one, facing a drought in 2019, priests in India married two frogs to gain favor with the god of rain. Two months later, clerics had to divorce the frogs to provide relief from the relentless rain that destroyed more than 9 000 houses in 2019 that one is these are all not fun that 9 000 houses were destroyed all three of these are robustly detailed and i think that was the point of this one and um can i get the definition do we have the pronunciation and definition of sal yeah that's really what's important that's really all like that is what i care about and i am going to lock in the first one as the lie it is a mother pig okay mother pig mother

pig not baby uh because you're trying to convince me that in 2018 where where we still got people named horace that's fair i mean he wasn't born then well i i know but like uh 2018 that's good investigative also who's in 2018 why are we why is there a tape recording why is this not digital in 2018 that That's the lie. Horace is a lie. Yeah. No, I think you guys nailed it. That's clearly the lie. But to tie it, I'm definitely going with the drought. Because in 2019, I just don't think that they're marrying frogs. If there's that big a drought to marry the frogs, I cannot imagine that there then was a rain that destroyed 9,000 houses.

So I'm locking that one in as the law. All right, let's find out the final answer. You guys saw through me on Horace. Apparently I didn't think through that. That was the lie. Look, if we had just gotten through the second round, Mike, you would have been able to take it home with Horace. Well, the first round for you, Andy, you had the second, third one right.

That's true. What did I go with? Stupid Ruth? Yeah. Gosh dang it. Ruth and her chocolate chip cookies. When in doubt, the alpaca's a lie. I've always said that. I never thought that the day would come that I would hate the inventor of the chocolate chip cookie. Oh.

You're blaming Ruth? But Ruth Wakefield? Yeah. If you're still alive. I'm guessing she's. The Ruth is Luth. Guessing she's not with us anymore. Yeah. Shall we move on? She had a lifetime supply of chocolate, Jason.

It was a short supply. In or out of the doghouse? No idea what this segment is. In. All right, fellas. We're going No idea what this segment is. In. All right, fellas. We're going to play another next segment. Mike wins. We're going to play another little game here.

Do we need our buzzers again? You do not need your buzzers. Again, a very original concept, but it might seem a little bit like something that would rhyme with schmooly wedge shmame. I have asked your wife questions. What? Oh, my gosh. No, you didn't. I did.

And you will see who knows their spouse the best. Oh, no. No. Just for some clarity, how long have each of you been married? 17 years for me. 15. 16? Okay. 15, 16, 17.

So you guys should all know your spouses pretty well. Is that one of the questions? It is not. All right. So if you want to write them down, you can. You can say them out loud, whatever you want to do. The first question I asked your spouse, and we'll just go Andy, Mike, Jason. Oh, good.

I get to be in the doghouse first. Between the two of you, who is more fashionable? I think every answer is worth one point, by the way, Kyle. Between the two of you, who is more fashionable? Hmm. I think. Every answer is worth one point, by the way. Kyle will be keeping score. So this is just between me and her? Yep. So it's 50-50 here.

Correct. And one of them is a compliment. So I think Bree is more fashionable. She also said Bree. That's one point for Andy. All right. Starting off, out of the doghouse. All right. Starting off out of the doghouse. All right.

Jason, oh boy. This is the easiest thing of all time. It's Tiffany. I dress myself like I've got no eyes. Tiffany also said Tiffany. Yeah, because she can see me. One point for Jason. She also has eyes.

I will also take my wife. She said me. I taught Mike fashion. That is 100% true. All right. All right. That was it. Everybody starts off with one point.

I used to dress like Jason. Congratulations. And then. We'll just work. How about this? We'll snake draft it. So Mike, we'll start on you. There you go.

Okay. The next one is what food. Oh, I'm sorry. This, for clarity, this question was asked of her about you. Okay. So what food gives your spouse the most gas? What food? Like what?

So what gives you the most gas? I'll go with Chipotle. Amber said Chipotle. Yeah, baby. No. Man. Jason, what food did Tiffany say gives you the most gas? Oh, boy.

There's only two answers. This could be. It's either everything. Dude, everything was the first thing I thought of. Or broccoli. I'm going to go broccoli. Broccoli? Really?

Tiffany said Chick-fil-A breaded chicken. Oh, that hurts my stomach. That's true. But that doesn't give me gas. Ironically, my answer is broccoli. That's what I think. What? Bree said sugar-free candy.

Oh. Oh, man. All right. Well, me and Jason failed that one. All right. Well, really. Sounds like we're at two seed. Really, our wives failed that one.

Right. Because that was about us. Yeah. We both went with- Jason's in the doghouse. Got it. Listen, if it's not clear already, Jason, I really have problems with broccoli. And it tastes terrible, so I eat it.

What? Broccoli is a... All right. Andy, we're coming to you. No, it's Jason. Jason, snake, snake trap. Yeah. I'm always going to be in the middle here.

Yeah. Oh, okay. We'll just roll back and forth. Between the two of you, who spends the most money? Oh, me by far. She did say Andy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, that's a me, dog. Oh, me by far. She did say Andy. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, that's a me, dog. That is, no doubt. Tiff says she does. Oh! Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. You both do. Congrats.

Dang, come it. All right, Mike. Very disappointed right now. It's easily me. She said Mike. Okay, so Mike has not missed one. Nike collection. Yes right now. It's easily me. She said Mike. Okay, so Mike has not missed one. Nike collection. Yes.

Yeah. Let's see. Is that... Dude. It's them Nikes. I like to spend money. All right, this is another between the two of you. Which one of you is more addicted to their cell phone?

Oh, man. This one's tough. Yeah, okay. This is Mike answering first, right? Correct. Oh. This is the first one where I'm not sure. I will take my wife.

That played out perfectly, because behind the scenes, Amber had a very hard time answering that. She just insisted that her answer was both. Yes. I said it has to be one or the other, and she finally said me. I never admitted this and you never heard it oh but very nice excellent oh man this is really really tough because i feel like she would say me and i would say her i know i have the same thought she's gonna be like oh she's always playing sudoku uh but i'm gonna look play Sudoku. But I'm going to look. Play Sudoku's device?

Look guilty as charged. It's not like you're not on social media. You're on Sudoku? That's right. That is true. Hey, you're exercising your brain. You know, got to work mental sweat. He says no to TikTok and yes to Sudoku.

I'm going to go. Oh, man. If I go all three here, I'm going to be so upset. I'm going to go with my wife. I'm going to go Tiffany., man. If I go over three here, I'm going to be so upset. I'm going to go with my wife. I'm going to go Tiffany. She said it was you. No! Well, 17 years was a good run, but that's over.

All right. So now I have, I feel like the exact same situation. I would say her and she would say me. So that means then I should. Take it from me. I think it's me. I'm going to say me. So that means then I should take it from me. I think it's me. I'm going to say me. She said Andy.

Yeah. Good for you. All right. Kyle, where are we at? Andy has three. Jason one. Mike four. All right.

I can't wait to steal this from Mike at the end. Between the two of you, which is the biggest procrastinator? Oh, man. That's my wife. She said Bree. Yeah. Okay. Okay. is the biggest procrastinator oh man uh that's my wife she said brie yeah okay okay i i the the jason moore part of this game is so delightful it's wonderful this is tough because we are both procrastinating i want to say me I think she would say her. So I'm going to go with. Didn't me and Mike both marry kind of our opposites and you married your same?

That's right. I'm going to go with my wife. She said Tiffany. I'm the smartest man alive. He's on board. It's my wife. Again, you guys are. She said me.

No hesitation necessary. Yes. And Mike hesitated not. All right. Which one of you is the better dancer? Mike? My wife. She said me.

My wife. Ask Mike to dance. Guarantee it's the robot or step touch. Yeah, I mean, this is... Sometimes I do the thing with the wave with the arms. Yeah, i think we can all three answer for all three of us uh my wife is the answer for me no it's me i'm the better dancer that is correct you all got it oh that's true we must be bad she's so bad

we like we've seen uh i gotta ask nathan do you agree with that? Andy's 10-year-old son is here. He says, yeah, mom's a bad dancer. All right. Like, the only proof of concept we need is the Liebman victory dance. Yes. And both, like, Andy's wife does it and Andy's brother-in-law. They both do it where they, like, kind of put their arms out almost like a scarecrow. Yeah.

And then they just shuttle back and forth, and it is so bad. Shuttle is the right word. That's exactly what I was picturing. All right. Which one of you is the better gift giver? Oh, that's... This question's for Andy Curley. This one's finally easy.

Oh, you got an easy one? Oh, yeah. I think I'm the better gift giver. That's what your wife said as well. All righty. I'm on fire. Tiffany is the way better gift giver. She's what your wife said as well. All righty, I'm on fire. Tiffany is the way better gift giver. She is so thoughtful, and she puts things together for people, and I hate gifts.

She said you're better. Oh, no. What is happening? Oh, man. She's going to be very disappointed with me on this episode. So I think maybe you're learning something here, Jay. Yeah, you're pretty good. That you hate gifts.

Gifts, like, that's not your love language. I don't want to receive them. But you're very good at it, apparently. Well, I mean, I like to make people cry when I give a gift. Okay. That's my goal. One way or another. How do you not?

Well, because Tiffany is really a great gift giver. She makes things and builds things for people. So this is just what that question was. He does not make things or build things. We both love each other so much. I'll take my wife. She said you. She said he's a go big or go home kind of guy.

Okay. He likes to spend the money. Yeah, that is true. Established. All right. Shoot. I thought I was going to sweep this thing. 6-3-6. Is that correct, Kyle? Andy, Jason, that is true. Established. All right. Shoot. We're at. I thought I was going to sweep this thing. 636.

Is that correct, Kyle? Andy, Jason, Mike. 636. Oh, no. Great. All right. This question's for Mike. I asked your wife who her celebrity crush is.

Oh. I'll go Justin Timberlake. She said Jason Momoa. Okay. That was the other one. All right. Shoot. I like these specific ones.

They're a real test. Yeah, they are a test. I like that. Man, her celebrity crush. Who's the guy that plays Thor? Hemsworth. It's between Hemsworth and Chris Pratt. I'm going to go Chris Pratt.

Ooh. She said Chris Pratt. She said Chris Pratt. Yeah. She loves me. She loves Chris Pratt. Oh, right. One and the same. So I've got to try to hit this one here to take the lead.

Yeah. I have to go to the archives. I don't know if it's still the case, but I'm going to say Orlando Bloom. She said old school Orlandolando blue nice nicely done all right flip the script real quick now who did uh your spouse say your celebrity crushes oh man i have no idea i think that my wife that to myself there's two answers here there's two answers she's either gonna go old school and say Keira Knightley or she's going to say Margot Robbie. I think she'll stay with the new school

so I'm going to say Margot Robbie. That is correct. Yeah! I think she's going to go old school for me too. Ironically, it would be between Keira Knightley and Natalie Portman. I think she'll say Keira Knightley. She said he will say Keira Knightley, which is so stupid and dated,

and he needs to take some time to find a new one. Oh, my gosh. You did it. And guilty as charged. I have no idea what to say. Clearly, my wife and I really liked Pirates of the Caribbean. Yeah, you did. That's a dad I just figured that out.

That's a momentous occasion. Yeah. I honestly have no idea who to even say. That's what I just figured that out. That's a momentous occasion. Yeah. I have... I honestly have no idea who to even say. Wow, really? Yes. Are you just passing? Well, no.

You've got to reveal your... See, that's why... I'm not joking. You're going to get in trouble no matter what you do. I mean, it's Chris Hemsworth, if we're being totally honest. That guy's awesome. Who would my wife say yeah oh my gosh who have I even made a statement about recently oh you know better than that that's what I'm saying I never verbalized my thoughts I don't even know where to go literally before her answer she said

is he blushing and giggling yet yes yes i i absolutely am you guys are perfect and the only the only incident that incident yeah yeah yeah no where it was like i just the shields were down and i just like i threw out a comment and then the shields were down well like because we were talking about food we had a few drinks no no no not at all it was just because it was so fast um well now i can't think of the the snl fella uh uh pete we were talking about pete davidson and kim kardashian no we this was we were talking about Pete Davidson. Kim Kardashian? No, this was we were talking about Ariana Grande. And I was like, we were talking about, you know, just like, well, how bummed he's got to be. I'm like, yeah, because it's Ariana Grande.

And then she was like, wait, what? Okay, so go with it. So that's the one I have to go with because I have nowhere else to go. I almost want to give you two points, but I'm going to give you one point because she said Chris Hemsworth or Ariana Grande. Yes! Oh my goodness. That just shows it's stuck in her points, but I'm going to give you one point because she said Chris Hemsworth or Ariana Grande. Yes! And you got them both.

My goodness. That just shows it's stuck in her brain, too. That is good. That's good stuff. I am impressed. Alright, we got one more. Final one. It's a two-parter, but yes. And this one is worth let's go with four points.

Oh, gosh. Because it's very specific. You have to come up with the exact word. What one word would you choose to describe your spouse? Well, this is scary. Okay. Oh, my gosh. One word that I would use.

Wait, wait, wait. Us or them? Currently, you are describing them, and then we'll flip the script. Okay. I see. So one word to describe them. One word to describe my spouse. This is really hard because it's like, what's the context?

And it's also the mental game of what do they think we would think to say. And not getting in the doghouse. What would your one word be? Worst. No, there's good words that you can say, but then they might not want that to be the one you think of. Okay. I've got an answer, so I'll hop in here.

The order doesn't really matter. I'm going to say funny. Incorrect. Oh, come on. What's the word that she used? She chose amazing. You know, it's true, but I thought she would. That's why this is worth so many points.

I thought she would think I would go that way. Your wife can be a bunch of great characteristics. If you choose the wrong great characteristic, you're not in in the dog i'll tell you my thought process there were two words that i thought about one was mom i thought just mom might be a good word but i the one i'm going with is fun i'm gonna give it to you she said fun loving oh that's the same yeah yeah absolutely wow that's great that is that's br. That's my wife. That's big time. Nice work. Four points.

I didn't think anybody would get any of these for what it's worth. Those are hard. Yeah, and these are, like Jason said, of like my wife describing herself. Yep. Would be different. It's so different than how I view her. sorry there's a phrase that's not available for this particular program that I don't want to say

I'm frightened go on I'll tell you later I will go oh my gosh sorry I know the word that I want But I can't Hold on I gotta I promise I'm not cheating right now

But I have to actually I don't think you can google these answers Oh my gosh get out of here Savage I'll go with that one That is incorrect it starts with the right letter She said stressed That totally makes sense too Alright let's flip the script I'll go with that one. That is incorrect. It starts with the right letter. She said stressed.

Yeah, that totally makes sense, too. All right. All right, let's flip the script. What one word would your spouse choose to describe you? Four points. Oh, boy. I hope it's a positive word. I know mine.

Okay. I will go with goofy. She said talented. Oh, that's a nice compliment. No points. No points for that one. it's a win-win really okay so i'm i'm back between uh here comes funny funny or amazing she's i'm gonna go amazing i think she said it for both of us she said perfection oh it's so true man wow you two saps it is so perfect true. So perfect. I mean, compared to your score, it's... All right.

Well, thanks, babe. What one word did she use to describe me? I don't... I don't know what word describes... Tall. Gangly. Thank you. You keep giving me ideas, guys.

Good. Loose. In the cage okay um i'm gonna go with funny but i don't know if that's what she did because she might have said type a instead she said empathetic oh that's a much better word for dang it all right kyle break it down andy 12 jason 5 mike 7 all right that was fun that was really fun that bonus really got andy in the big lead i like the Break it down. Andy 12, Jason 5, Mike 7. All right. That was fun. That was really fun.

That bonus really got Andy in the big lead. I like the in or out of the doghouse game that you created. That was from scratch, too. Very nice. Let's draft. The Spitballers Draft. So I said it at the top, but back in show 100, we did a Honey, I Shrunk the Draft and pretended we were entering the heralded battle arena as six-inch tall human beings.

I think we drafted things like a toothpick javelin and things of that nature. So Al Borland had the fun idea of doing Honey, I Blew Up the Draft. We are now 25-foot tall giants. And we're in the battle arena, and we're facing off against one another, and we're grabbing objects that a giant should grab and use in a battle. And, Mike, you have the 101, and you're going to take. Well, if we learned anything from those movies,

we learned that the second one was not just a huge letdown compared to Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. Hopefully. Right. I remember Honey, I Blew Up the Kids. Yeah, it was. It was not a good movie. It was not that good. All right.

But anyways. So I'll go with the first thing that I thought of because of everyone. There's all sorts of different weapons that you need in these types of fights. Yeah, it's three giants just meeting to fight each other. And if we – I feel like I can use this as a whip. Think about how big Mike's head is now as a 25-foot-tall giant. If you 4X this head. Oh, my gosh. Now, does my neck strength 4X?

Because otherwise I got a real giraffe problem. No, you'll be like an atat going over um i'm gonna go i'm gonna take a telephone cable okay yeah i like that the whip i whenever you think of a giant my very first thought went to somehow just tying their legs together to make them fall over that's just the default of how you foil a giant that's how mickey mouse would do it yeah so all right i'm on the clock you've got a telephone cable nice and i'm thinking what do you you know i wanted some kind of as i was putting my list together everything was just like a big blunt object and i wanted some kind of projectile and

i realized there is something here that can give me an advantage because how do you take down a giant whale a whaling harpoon and i now have basically i this is like a a gun now so i am drafting a whale harpoon you're taking a whale harpoon which will look like a like an absolute all right how big are those things it's pretty small yeah it's a pea shooter They're like mounted to ships. Yeah, but you're 4X. Yes, I'm not the size of a ship currently. This is like, have you guys played Mortal Kombat? I'm Scorpion now.

Get over here. Oh, so you're holding it in one hand and you're treating it like it's like a grappling hook. Yes, a grappling hook slash like, you know, what are those? So, Mike, are we able to swipe our hand in front of our face and just knock that thing out? Probably. Yeah, watch out. It's coming back. Get your throat.

Get over here. All right, so you went with a whaling harpoon. You could swipe it or just step to the side, and then his one-shot gun is done. It is a one-shot gun. No, it comes back. That's the whole point. He's sitting there in the arena just pulling it back. hold on hold on everybody hold on um gotta i love it i

love it uh okay my i have two picks back to back here um so first thing i thought of is i did want something that's kind of like a blunt object but also with a little bit of the telephone cable benefit. So I'm going with a – I'm grabbing a power line out of the ground, and it's still got some of the sparky wires on it. Okay. And then I'm whipping that thing around. Okay. So you're electrocuting yourself.

I'm electrified power. I'm going to be careful. The second thing I thought of on the drive-in. Yeah, you better be grounded, which I'm not sure you're. We'll figure that out. I'm wearing rubber shoes. You better draft those. Right now, all three of us are on the mode.

Wait, these battles have been fully naked? Well, look, the clothes have clearly ripped off. There's not like the big, tall, and giant store. So we're all going to have to draft underpants? That's right. Oh, I'm not. I'm very proud. My second pick here is like, you know, one of the rules of these drafts is you can't

just take a bigger version of something you'd use as a normal man. You can't just say like a giant sword. Right. You know? So I wanted to think of what I could use as a sword, and I'm going to go with a Saguaro cactus sword. Oh. So I'm going to go with a Saguaro cactus sword. Oh. So I'm going to have a cactus sword.

You better get some dragon gloves. Yeah, well, I figure I pull it out of the ground. The bottom of it's not got spikes on it. So I'm going to be able to wield this with one hand, and I'm coming at you with a power line, electrified power pole in one hand, and I'm coming at you with a sword in the other. All right.

Enjoy pulling it out of the ground. Okay. All right. I figure he can do that. Sure. Yeah, I can get it out. Yeah. Giant.

Yeah. Yeah. You've got a lot of little tiny spikes on that. That's nice. That's cute. Yeah, like a bunch of harpoon things. I mean, when I'm a giant, this thing is barely, it's scratchy. That's what it is. It's scratchy. But you want to know what's going to really impale what, I mean, we all know the

best. I would like to know what's going to really impale. The best weapon is of course a spear. Of course. You look for a sword. I look for a spear because I want the most spear weapon of all time. Now we are not boars in this situation. Just letting you know. Yeah, well, you need something bigger, something a little bit thicker. I am taking a church steeple. I am. Okay. I want a point.

I wanted something. I'm going to rip it down, and now I've got basically a. Part of a house. A joust. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that pick. I was trying to think of sharp objects like that. That's a good one.

It's pointy enough. And what's your other thing that you have like a little... Whale harpoon. Yeah, okay. We're not even as big as whales are, and it can get a whale. Do they... Okay, all right. I mean, certain whales.

I'm not sure that Jason knows how big a whale harpoon is, but that's okay. I'm going to Google. That's okay. Well, we've already got a picture of it in there. It's not huge, but Mike, you have two picks back to back all right so so i'm gonna take um i'm gonna take some some transportation here that i don't know if i'm actually or if you're 20 if i I'm 4X as strong, I probably can't pick this thing up. But if I'm four times as large and I need to get around real quick,

perhaps I can just wheel myself around on a flatbed truck. I just stand on it and I scoot around like a roller skates or a skateboard of some type. Oh, man, whale heart boobs. So you have a flatbed truck skateboard. Yes. So you're going to. And what's your other thing that you have in your hand?

You've got a. Telephone cable. Okay. So you're kind of like. This is the closest you're going to get to like a lassoing situation is you're probably swinging this cable around. And you're skateboarding around on this flatbed. And more like a lion tamer is how I'm feeling myself. A gigantic lion tamer.

Oh, I can see that. Are you going to draft a hat? Now, driving that flatbed truck is going to be, I guess you can just use it like a skateboard. Yes. So you put it in neutral. Exactly. I got you. Exactly.

To be fair, a skateboard's not a bad weapon in a fight. You know what I mean? Oh, yeah. You want to pick that skateboard up, slap someone with a skateboard. Are we strong enough to pick up a multi-ton truck? I don't know if you can pick up a full flatbed. I need to look at my list. Just think about how strong you are right now, 4X that.

It does not equal four tons or whatever a truck actually weighs. Yeah, I mean, we're probably not pulling off a steeple. We can have some exaggerations in there. All right, all right, all right. So you've got a flatbed truck, skateboard. I'll take some good old-fashioned steel, all right, all right. So you've got a flatbed truck. And then I'm just going to... Skateboard. I'll take some good old-fashioned steel beams. Yeah.

Steel beams. I mean, you can wield those things. I mean, they're strong enough to hold up a skyscraper, right? Yeah, yes. So they could do some damage. They could do some damage. Back to you, Jason. You know, and the thing is, is like, I feel like what you just grabbed is like a baseball bat, which is good in a fight.

Right. I mean, you're going to... Bam! Ow! I'm going to put my arm up to block baseball bat, which is good in a fight. You know what I mean? You're going to, bam, ow. I'm going to put my arm up to block it. It's going to hurt a lot. But it's not going to cut me. No. It's not a knife or a sword.

Or a harpoon. Or a harpoon, which I did look up, and they're smaller than I thought. I mean, I found like one big one, but most of these things were like handheld. So I got like a little pea shoot. But regardless, it can get a whale. That's all I know. But I wanted something that could cut y'all. I wanted something that I could slice and dice, do a little damage here.

And I am ripping up a simple thing that's on every corner every corner really stretching this out a stop sign oh dude that was because those were in my list like just traffic signs I'm getting the the metal rod yeah you know but oh you're getting the whole thing yeah oh yeah at the end of this now is a yield sign more dangerous than a stop sign? Doesn't have as many sides. Exactly. I want all eight corners. A stop sign has corners.

Yield is round. I see. Okay. You need that jagged stop sign edge. I thought a yield was a triangle. It is, but it's rounded. It's just not a sharp triangle. I see.

Okay. No, very smart. My stop sign's going to give you massive cuts. I, too, wanted something that I was going to cut you with, but also could use as a shield. Okay. So I'm going a little outside the box here. But I'm taking a helicopter, and I'm going to hold it blades out.

So it's spinning in front of me like a shield, and I can come at you with the helicopter going full bore and use that as a shield slash cutting device. You better have that thing in very good control. Because if you just tilt that slightly. Oh, I'm going up? Oh, no. You're getting a haircut.

Yes. It's dangerous. But, I mean, if you saw me coming at you with a. Oh, I'd be terrified. Yeah. So I'm going to go with the helicopter shield. Okay. So I'm calling it.

I'm calling it the helicopter shield. And then I've got to go with the helicopter shield. Okay. So I'm calling it the helicopter shield. And then I've got to make one more pick here. And this is tougher. Just so you know, I got to chime in. I think the diameter of the blades on a helicopter are about 35 feet. So if you're holding that in front of you, you're cutting your head off. You don't understand how I'm holding it. His arms.

I'm holding it. Blades, they're facing. Right, but then they're just going into the ground. You're not tall enough. I'm tall enough. There are helicopters with blades that are not 25 feet tall. Tiny helicopter. Okay, I could be wrong. And you're right. I was picturing it. You were picturing me holding it horizontally.

Yeah, that's dangerous, man. Don't do that. Cut youruring it you were picturing me holding it horizontally yeah that's dangerous man don't do that cut your head off no i'm holding it all right carry on the blades are going forward they basically look like the props on a plane that direction yeah i know i got i was with you which i could have just gone to a prop plane and would have fixed this whole problem um i think i'm i think i'm gonna have to go go with what I think is a version of something I can throw. Okay. So I'm just going to start. I figure as a giant, look, a normal person couldn't pick these up and throw them. But I'm just going to pick up drums of acid and start hurling them at you.

Like drums, like oil drums. But where are you getting the acid? Oh, I've seen Breaking Bad. It's in the warehouse. Just go to the warehouse and get the get the drum of acid you betcha i'm throwing a drum okay full of acid all right my skin will burn off if you if you hit me okay um i this was the last one that i thought of today um it makes me laugh uh it makes me laugh quite a bit uh because it's it's it's just no different will make us laugh i'm taking grenades

wait what yeah i've been looking for it to fight it is different though what's that it's the same as drafting the harpoon man yeah but i mean you're telling me if you throw a grenade at me like a giant, you know, those little, uh, the poppers that you buy for like New Year's Eve. I did think about those. That's what the grenade is to this giant.

You're telling me if you're four times your size that you could take a grenade. Yeah. If better than if I was a quarter, my that size, if this guy can wield a helicopter, then I'm not worried about a grenade. He just threw raisins at us, man.

Oh, no. A bunch of raisins. And you got to hold that little thing in your hand. I think the hard part. You got to pull the pin. Pulling the pin is the hard part. It's never happening. I can't get it.

I mean, a grenade is, you know, you shrink that down. I could get that pin. I might need to use my teeth. It's going to be like trying to get the edge of a sticker. You're going to be in the middle of a battle and never get that pin out. You could shoot the grenade through one of those, like a spit wad. Yeah. If you had a straw, a big straw, you could just shoot it.

I would need like a sewer pipe. Yeah. Yeah, there you go. To be like a spit wad with the grenades. There you go. Very nice. Any other tiny weapons you want to use? I did have bazooka on my list.

Oh, man. All right, Mike, you got a final pick here in this ridiculously ridiculous draft. So I have my main weapon. Let me run it back here while you think about this. So you have a telephone cable. You're skating on a flatbed truck. You've got some steel beams, some blunt objects. That's my offhand weapon.

Jason has a whaling harpoon, church steeple, stop sign, and some grenades, regular sized. Oh, yes, of course. And then I've got a power pole with electric lines on it, a Swarovski cactus sword, a helicopter, and some drums of acid. You better be really strong. You bet I am.

Okay, so I'm going to complete my theme here. I have two weapons. I have some transportation. Are you looking shield? Yes, I'm going to protect my head. Jason, you inspired me. I'm going to get a big bell. Oh, that's a great thing. And that thing is just going to sit on my head and protect me. I'm going to get a big bell. Oh! That's a great thing. And that thing's just going to

sit on my head and protect me. Like an old school helmet. Yes, like all the Liberty Bell. But not that one because it's already broken. You know what, Mike? A fully formed one. You can also pull the bell ringer out of it and you can use it as a

teeny mallet to fight Jason. Well, I know where I'm not throwing the grenade now not at the head although yeah sound could be an issue i do inside the bell i do love i have to bring this up because i found this hysterical andy went in and changed our dock from saguaro cactus to saguaro cactus sword It's important to know how I'm going to wield it. There's no such thing as a Saguaro Cactus Sword. There is today. Okay. I'm not throwing it.

I'm wielding it. All right. That is it for the draft. Al, you said you had something else to add for Show 200? I do, yeah. So one thing that I think is easy to forget when we do this really stupid show that we do is that on the other side of this podcast,

there are some real people. And I reached out to some spitwads and just simply asked them the question to share what this show means to them. So I wanted to share that with you guys right now. Okay. Sit back, relax, and take a listen. Hey, just wanted to give you a big shout out on episode 200. Sit back, relax, and I've listened to all of them. I wanted to congratulate you on a remarkable achievement of getting to 200 episodes of Spitballers.

I've listened to every single one of them, and I can't wait to hear what you guys have in store for the future. Congratulations on 200 episodes. I can't wait for the next 200. Congratulations on episode 200. Guys, keep doing what you're doing and spreading the much needed joy that we all need. Your guys' chemistry is so good between each other that it makes everybody want to be your best friends, including myself. You guys are amazing and your show inspires so many people and brings laughter and joy and just shenanigans to our lives. and just shenanigans to our lives. You could just be having a horrible day,

go in your car, listen to spitball, hear some poop jokes, make your day 12 times better. Your show is just so funny. I look forward to it each and every week. Your show is very special to so many and I just wanted to let you know that. I just want you to know how much I enjoy your podcast. I'm a 69-year-old grandma from Idaho.

What? And sometimes you just make me laugh because you really don't know what you're talking about. You three have been with me over actual hundreds of miles now, and there's nothing quite like a poop joke, a great liar-liar showdown, or an on-air Jason injury to make some of the harder miles that much easier. It's so important to so many people. Listen, I'm a high school teacher, and let me tell you, during the lockdowns of COVID, teaching virtually, not easy.

Getting high school students to participate was a challenge. However, with the help of my personal question of the day activity, which consisted of 100% Spitballers content, it literally made the class enjoyable during that impossible time. Your language is clean and I appreciate that and that it's a good family podcast. We listen to you pretty much every night

before we go to bed. It's become a ritual. The Spitballers have brought my wife and I so much joy and it's been such an enjoyable escape from the chaos that life has thrown our way over the past couple years. My daughter and I listen on the transistor radio each week, and we love the spitballers. Thank you for all the laughs and memories you've brought to my daughter and I.

And then I made the mistake of showing it to my wife, and now I am not allowed to listen to it by myself. You definitely helped me be a more fun and carefree mom. I love that you bring your unique sense of humor in a way that can be shared by the whole family. I've got two daughters and they love listening to you guys. They're always asking if they can listen to a draft. And as a dad, that means a lot to me that I can listen to a podcast that's humorous, but also clean enough so that we can share those laughs together. I love doing that.

I love your podcast so much. It has taken me and my husband from Texas to Vermont on a round trip, road trip. I just wanted to send you my appreciation for bringing me and my son closer together. We listened to the latest episode on the way to and from his graduation yesterday, so I think he's going to continue listening as we send him off to college. So I would just like to thank you for providing something I can share with my son and kind of helping us strengthen our relationship into the future. It has comforted me when I've been stressed. When I have a hard time going through

my divorce, I love to just listen to the show and listen to the great crazy things that you guys come up with. It's been awesome. We listened to you while I was getting ready for my grandfather's funeral. I found you in a dark time myself and you guys lifted me out of that and continue to do so. self and you guys lifted me out of that and continue to do so. I was diagnosed with Parkinson's three years ago and I go to a boxing program to work out three times a week and on my way coming and going I always listen to your podcast. The past few years I've been dealing with some anxiety and depression but you guys offer a much needed break from life for so many people out there. Thank you three for the years and miles of smiles and laughs. I wish you all continued success in all of your endeavors.

I just want to thank you guys for putting out a quality podcast and for all the laughs and for all the debates that you've caused in our home. I owe you a personal heartfelt. Thank you. Thank you for always reminding me to indulge in silliness and fun for silliness and fun's sake. I can't wait to hear the next 200. Thank you so much for all that you do and I hope for another 200 episodes.

Here's to 200 more episodes. Okay, thanks guys. Thanks so much. Thanks for being you. Well, my goodness, Al. I was gonna make our big announcement that this was the last show well that was and now i don't think we can i think we have to keep going oh my god that is such a shame super humbling and awesome to hear the voices of the people on the other side of this ridiculous show. And I mean, I'll say this.

Thank you for listening. Thank you for sharing your stories with us. We certainly are just lucky to get to do this with one another and get the feedback that we do. And I'll say this, too. Just thank you to everybody that do this with one another and get the feedback that we do and i'll say this too just thank you to everybody that makes this show happen thank you to al borland who and and spit wads out there you should know how much pride he takes in preparing this show and getting it ready for us to do and i know you can't tell from the content, but it is true. He does care.

Yes, yes. He is, and Brooks and, you know, Kyle in here today and everybody else at the studio that has participated, Papa Josh suggesting ideas for different segments and people sharing their, you know, all of the spitwads out there that share your ideas with us. 200 shows means 200 drafts, 200. Would you rather segments means a lot of content and ideas have to get created. So thank you so much to everybody that has come up with those. Um,

I'm just kind of taken back by how awesome it was to hear from them. Yeah, it was fantastic. And I love it. The. Be silly just to be silly. Feels good. We all fall into the trap of, oh, I'm a grown-up now. I must be silly. Man, just enjoy the life. Be fun and dumb sometimes. Have fun.

Be happy. Be nice. Everybody poops. Awesome to hear from you guys. I'm about to snot all over my face. Well, I'm going to go have myself a cry. Thank you so, so much for being with us over this last 200. Many more episodes to come.

And I hope you enjoyed the episode. Yeah, spread the joy. Goodbye. Thanks for listening to the Spitballers Podcast. To see what other nonsense the guys are up to, check out SpitballersPod.com.